December 29, 2024 • 22 mins
This special "Best Of Episode Part II" features some of our favorite moments from 2024! If you missed these highlighted episodes and want to dive deeper, listen to the full episodes here from The Deeply Well Podcast:
Clip 1: Healing With Chinese Medicine - Dr Sheila Marie Campbell
Clip 2: Finding Enlightenment with Shaka Senghor
Clip 3: Walking with Grief with Sah D'Simone
Clip 4: Growth Has Its Own Pace with Devi Brown
Connect: @DeviBrown
Learn More and visit the Merch Shop: DeviBrown.com
Subscribe: Devi Brown’s YouTube Channel
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Piece of the plant is Charlamagne to God here and
as we come close to closing out this year, I
just want to say thank you for tuning it into
the Black Effect podcast Network. There have been so many
great moments over the past year. Take a listen to
some of those captivating moments in this special best of
episode episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I am deeply Wow. I'm Debbie Brown and this is
the Deeply Well Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Today.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
My guest is doctor Sheila Marie Campbell.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Chinese medicine doctors study just as much Western medicine as
they study Eastern medicine, but they practice, meaning they treat
with lifestyle modification. So somebody might come in and they
just need lifestyle modification. It's like, Okay, you have this deficiency,
so you need to add that food. Nutrition is always
the first line of defense within Chinese medicine. And then
(00:56):
there's going to be cheek cultivations, which is like your
cultivating your energy, which is something that nowadays, I mean,
you talk about this all the time, and I love
that you're so into cultivating your energy and who you're
allowing in your space and boundaries. That's all part of
Chinese medicine. And so when we're needling different people. We're
basically reinforcing their energetic boundary with their own body, with
(01:20):
their own world, with the way that their body is
interfacing with the world. And then when you take it
even further, when you're going because I like to blend
theories a little bit, so now we're going to go
chemistry and Chinese medicine, where it's like, if you understand,
we're all chemical beings interacting with the universe. We have
and we even say it when you're attracted to somebody,
you say, I have chemistry with that person. So what
(01:42):
I'm thinking about all the time is how do you
have deeper chemistry with the universe than people? And that's
how you're going to build stability, like real stability, because
you can't just walk around the world.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, I'll go back.
Can we sit in that first sei, Yeah, of course,
let's open that thing up. Yeah, I have more chemistry
with the universe. Can you expand there? That is gorgeous?
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
So when you break down what is the human body
made of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen like hydrogen, you're chemical. You're
a chemical being. And so when you're having chemistry or
reactivity to somebody. It's your chemistry reacting to someone else's chemistry.
And so even attraction attraction is a chemical reaction, it's
(02:33):
just a positive one. And then we have non attraction
or lack of attraction that's a negative energy, or we
perceive it as negative. But really, what I like to
think of it is if you can really really ground
your energy, you're not going to just react to every
little bubble that pops into your space. Yeah, And so
that's like when you're building a relationship or you're building
(02:54):
a cosmic foundation with the universe. You're building a relationship
with the Sun, you're building a relationship with the moon.
So we're building a relationship with the earth that we're
walking on. And what I love about the Taoist practices
is there's chi movements or energy movements for every single
one of those. There's energy movements for connecting to the Earth,
(03:16):
there's energy movements for connecting to the Sun, for connecting
to the moon. And part of like Taoist rituals one
oh one is when you wake up, you connect to
the sun, and when your workday is done, you change
all of your clothes and then you connect with the moon,
and so it's really teaching you how to be in
a harmony with the universe and be in balance with
the universe. And that's even something that I teach in breakups,
(03:38):
where it's like if you're so chemically connected to somebody,
like you should be connected to the sun that way,
like you should be harnessing the sun that way. And
then it's like all of the additives are just kind
of like having dessert or like when you feel so
connected to the universe, it's like that's your potatoes for
me at least, Like I'm a stake girl, so it's
(03:58):
like that's like that's your sustenance to life. And I
love the solar power and like what we're doing nowadays
because it's just like when even if you think about
all the solar panels that are going on the house
that are like harnessing the energy of the sun, or
the electric cars that are getting solar power from the
house that are driving, and we should be doing that
every day. We should be harnessing the energy of the sun.
(04:20):
There's so much energy from the sun coming every single day,
and even if people live in a place that you
don't see the sunlight every day, the sun is still
up every single day, and you can harness the energy
that it's emitting even if you're not physically in contact.
I believe that we've talked about this too, Like watching
the sunrise and watching the sunset, there's just the magical
(04:44):
color shower we get from the sun. And I think
so even with the technology that's happening in the world
with power from the sun, that's such an old Chinese
medicine practice of harnessing the energy of the sun. That
is a practice that my teachers would say, if you can't,
(05:05):
I mean, the chi forms are complicated, and to practice
tai chi and to practice chigong, it's a lifelong study.
And so there's like if you can't remember, or you
don't want to do it, or you're too lazy or
whatever it is, just make sure you connect to the
sun every day, and make make sure you connect to
the moon at night, and then do at least one
(05:25):
form of cleansing the channels and the meridians. Because the
thing is is there's a lot of different types of
energy around, whether it's energy from the city that you're
in or energy from people, and it's your body is
constantly filtering energy and you could feel really bad about
yourself and it has nothing to do with you. And
(05:46):
so you have to learn at least one form of
how to cleanse your energy.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Shaka sing.
Speaker 5 (05:56):
You know, people there must story sometime they're like, you know,
I can't imagine myself going through you what you've gone through.
I mean I cann't imagine it either until I was
there and being able to explore that internal world, which
I found that you know, when you think about Mandela
and you think about Malcolm, is that that was something
(06:18):
that they both had in common, is the exploration of
their own worlds and asking questions. One of the one
of the things I got really into philosophy while I
was in solitary. I was always curious about, you know,
how how does the mind work? And I remember reading
the Apology and Socrates said the unexamined life isn't worth living.
(06:41):
And when I began to examine my life, I began
to journal and write down like what happened to me?
You know, I started to ask these vario essential questions.
How did I go from an honor Roll scholarship student
with James of being a doctor and an artist who
serving on my most promising years in prison, and that
led to me just really being honest about what had happened.
(07:05):
The level of trauma that my body has experienced and
that has been through it's probably unimaginable the most people,
the brutality of the street culture that I lived in.
You know, most people can't even comprehend the magnitude of
the suffering that happens in that space because so much
of it is glorified. And so for me, it's that
(07:27):
internal journey that I'm always inviting people on to go on.
It's like the journey of self is beautiful, it's powerful,
and you unearthed so many things about yourself that you
didn't even believe was possible. And it all ties back to,
you know, what you were saying earlier about the traumatic
(07:48):
way that our lives play out up until the moment
where people are confronted with our innate power. You know,
struggle has been our dane from birth, right like we
know we know the mother's story of giving birth, you know,
we can you know viscerally experience, you know, a woman
(08:08):
pushing the child out through sheer labor and you know,
exhausting and pain and all the things we don't know
the child's story because they can't articulate it, you know,
other than with a crime. But when you think about
what that struggle is to get out of the womb,
doctors pulling on your head, i'mas pushing you from outside.
(08:30):
So we come into this world through struggle, I mean,
even through conception. You know, there's a war for sperm
to reach the egg. It's not like an easy chill pathway.
It's like, you know, I got to get there, you know,
And and so that's ordained. It's in us, you know,
to navigate adversity, to overcome obstacles, to overcome barriers to
(08:53):
entry into this thing that we call the world. And
so when you recognize that that is cellular that's in ourselves,
in our DNA, and you attached to that through that
internal journey, and you recognize like, I was born through struggle,
you know, and I fought to be here. You know,
every human being that's on this earth right now fought
(09:17):
to be here. And I think when we begin to
honor that, we actually begin to learn how to fight
in the best interests of our own health, well being, salvation,
our humanity. But when you take that for granted, it's
easy to extinguish that. And what happens is when you
come up against the force that is making you, forcing
(09:39):
you to confront your unwillingness or inability to recognize what
your humanist is, you have to extinguish that flame. And
so you know what Pop represented was, here's what it
means to be human as it exists in this world
from a black male perspective. And that's threatening and that's challenging.
(10:00):
And some of those challenges existed within him. He hadn't
quite reconciled, you know, and so it shows up in
these external ways. And you know, you think about Malcolm
and the person who pulled that trigger. What did Malcolm represent,
you know, to that person when it comes to having
to extinguish that beautiful humanity, that complex humanity that challenged
(10:23):
us to think differently and to fight for our human rights,
which is just basic dignity, you know, the things we're
still fighting for today and we're figuring out today, and
you know, sadly we're still confronted with people who want
to extinguish that that that flame. You know, they do
it in a very much more sophisticated way now. But
(10:46):
you know, my my push is for as humans, if
we start to collectively go inward and recognize our connectivity
to every human being that we encounter, like, we can
win the war.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
You know.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
We're losing battles right now, but we can win a war,
you know, but we have to be willing to acknowledge
and reconcile that. You know, this journey was ordained for us.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Today's episode is featuring the Saudi simon, Why.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Did I do it? What happened?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So?
Speaker 6 (11:21):
Mom died December twenty fifth of twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
January February March.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
I was incomplete this enchantment with humanity. Simultaneously, I had
my training started, so I was training one hundred people
and how to be somatic activated healers. So I had
to immediately lock in a part of me and deliver
this training to these people. Had paid good money to
(11:49):
learn this method and to teach this method right, and
looking back, that was a life affirming choice. That was
a life giving choice because it anchored me in service.
It anchored me here. And then a few like genetic
vated Mars and then April came around, and I remember
feeling the sensitized of to my grief. I remember questioning
(12:14):
did my mom ever live? Did she ever love me?
And I did I even have a life with her?
It was so the sensitized and I was and I
was losing sight of the grief to such a degreed
that I started to question if I even have had
a mother?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 6 (12:34):
It's on the verge of a little like insanity a
little bit. But that's what grief can can kind of
pull you towards, you know, And I said.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Do you know what you're saying is especially in a
role like that of and you. The two of you
had such a beautiful relationship, so much love filled the
room when the two of you were together. So that
was such a blessed experience to have with a mother.
But what I'm hearing is too, when you lose your
(13:04):
first god, your first home, right, your mother, that is
calling into question all the roles that you play. Every
really brings in the what am I? And what am I?
If she doesn't exist?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Exactly?
Speaker 6 (13:20):
All of it, literally, all of that it was and
the it became such a it was so heavy to
carry the idea and it still is of living through
life without that anchor, without that figure in my life.
You know, so all of this to say that I
started to be desensitized to the grief and I started
(13:41):
to take on more work, do more things, and I
was like, hmm, this is not I think I'm I
think I've lost the plot, like I should not be
high performance SAT right now. Something is off. And that's
when I realized that what was off was not enough
(14:02):
space for the grief to emerge, not enough space for
the grief to break me down, not enough time to
fall apart, and fall apart so gracefully that no one
who would hear me my mother just died would flinch
or say I'm so sorry for your lost thoughts in prayer,
or they would do the immediate thing. She's in a
(14:23):
better place, she's your ancestor now she has angel wings,
now she's watching over you.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
At least she's not in pain.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
You know, all the well intended things that we say
during grief which are tremendously.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Hurtful, it's for that person's comfort.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
Exactly, because they're so deeply uncomfortable with how you are
feeling that they want to name something, say something that
in their mind could potentially resolve or fix you out
of suffering so they feel better without understanding that suffering
ceases and passes and changes with presents. So I needed
(15:01):
a concerted amount of time to fall apart, and to
fall apart in such a graceful way that I wouldn't
have anyone, even the well intended friends and community and strangers,
because so many people follow my work, running to fans
all the time, and they would always want to say
something so sweet and so kind, and it would always
(15:25):
like tug at me at my experience with the grief.
So going on this walk was the specific amount of time.
I didn't know that thirty two days was going to
I was gonna be the perfect amount of time. To
be honest, I just knew I needed to walk with
the grief. I knew that walking does so well for
me as a meditative practice, as a spiritual practice, as
(15:49):
an opportunity to just be with a feeling, be with
an experience. And I had downloaded all these playlists and
these podcasts and these books that I wanted to listen to,
and I really realized that I was saturated with enormous
amounts of information inside of me that I didn't need
to add music.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
I didn't need to add a podcast. I didn't need
to add a book in order.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
For me to distract myself from the overload of information
that was being poured into me by the grief. So
I just walked with this experience, and I just walked
with the unpleasantness of the grief, and at some point
(16:33):
I started to really make friends with grief that hey,
this is a friend that will be with me for
the rest of my life because I think the I
think En LaMonte says, it's like you start to limp
and you just realize that the limp is part of
your new way of walking.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
In this episode, I really want to dive into some
thoughts I've been having around the timelines for Sometimes our
cycles of growth and learning can feel glacial. Other times
it feels as if we are being hurled into a
new self at full speed. Healing can happen in a decade,
(17:16):
or it can happen in the blink of an eye.
I've found that our openness and willingness to receive and
accept determine the timeframe. As I looked back on these
various versions of myself in the last you know, really
(17:36):
kind of twenty working years of my life, I could
also see, you know who I was, who I wasn't
who I was becoming, who I was trying to be,
who I thought I was. You know, all the different
ways that we try ourselves on over and over and
(17:56):
over again, and all the ways that if we're aware
of ourselves, we kind of fight ourselves over and over
and over again. And so to that thought, the pace
of growth, you know, spending some time with really identifying
for yourself what are some of those patterns in your life?
(18:20):
And we have so many, right you have your deeper
grooved patterns, which are some of those behaviors, some of
those ways of being that really affect your life and
the quality of relationship you're able to have with others
in all the different spectors of your life. And then
we have those other kind of smaller patterns which may
you know, kind of be around how we show up
(18:43):
for ourselves or not, how we you know, make certain
kinds of choices or not. But it really is so
interesting once you get into a practice with whatever your
patterns are, the sooner you can identify them and really
just observe them without judgment, coming into an acceptance of them,
(19:04):
the sooner you can work and participate with the energy.
I feel like sometimes all healing ass of us is
for our participation. It just wants us to turn on
that creator switch and really commit to the fact that
life is happening and we are at play with it.
(19:25):
We are in a dance with it. Sometimes the song
is sad, Sometimes the song is best. Sometimes the song
is a slow instrumental. Sometimes the song is really exciting.
Sometimes it's a love song. You know, but we're all
(19:46):
dancing to whatever rhythm is currently present, and it's just
so important to acknowledge and accept that so you can
participate with it. That is the ent higher point of
being here. And when I say here, I mean earth,
When I say here, I mean in your human body,
(20:07):
having your spiritual experience. When I say here, I mean living, alive, existing,
we are alive to create within creation. It's choices, it's participation.
And so when we kind of get into that groove
(20:30):
with ourselves and with our patterns and with the way
life moves through us, we then get the opportunity to say,
how long do I want to suffer? Or how long
do I want to be stuck? Or how long do
I want to stand still in whatever this current moment is.
(20:51):
Answer is always different for each of us. Whatever the
you know, kind of catalyzing experience we're after, and that
experience it's different for each of us, but the timeline
can change. And the timeline is based on choice, it's
based on action, it's based on acceptance, It's based on surrender.
(21:12):
The formula is surrender and acceptance. You know. I think
the question that's always going through the internet, and most
definitely the question I get asked a lot, is what's
the hack? What's the growth hack? You know, what's the
hack for healing? There's no hack, but there is a formula.
(21:35):
And the formula is surrender. It's acceptance and its participation.
And I think when we have some of those patterns
that we realize are our thing that we find ourselves
back in or you know, even if it's not a pattern,
(21:57):
if it's just a limiting belief, or if it's a
barrier that we're ready to take down, you know, something
that is stopping us from being more of ourselves or
you know, answering our unique call, whatever that is. When
(22:17):
we recognize it, and we all have many, our participation
decides whether or not we want to keep kind of
looping around that experience for ten years, or if we
want to kind of knock it out in an afternoon
(22:37):
or a week even, you know that is possibles.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Once again, thank you for tuning into the blackfect Podcast Network.
See you Are twenty twenty five from more great moments
from your favorite podcast
Piece of the plant is Charlamagne to God here and
as we come close to closing out this year, I
just want to say thank you for tuning it into
the Black Effect podcast Network. There have been so many
great moments over the past year. Take a listen to
some of those captivating moments in this special best of
episode episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I am deeply Wow. I'm Debbie Brown and this is
the Deeply Well Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Today.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
My guest is doctor Sheila Marie Campbell.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Chinese medicine doctors study just as much Western medicine as
they study Eastern medicine, but they practice, meaning they treat
with lifestyle modification. So somebody might come in and they
just need lifestyle modification. It's like, Okay, you have this deficiency,
so you need to add that food. Nutrition is always
the first line of defense within Chinese medicine. And then
(00:56):
there's going to be cheek cultivations, which is like your
cultivating your energy, which is something that nowadays, I mean,
you talk about this all the time, and I love
that you're so into cultivating your energy and who you're
allowing in your space and boundaries. That's all part of
Chinese medicine. And so when we're needling different people. We're
basically reinforcing their energetic boundary with their own body, with
(01:20):
their own world, with the way that their body is
interfacing with the world. And then when you take it
even further, when you're going because I like to blend
theories a little bit, so now we're going to go
chemistry and Chinese medicine, where it's like, if you understand,
we're all chemical beings interacting with the universe. We have
and we even say it when you're attracted to somebody,
you say, I have chemistry with that person. So what
(01:42):
I'm thinking about all the time is how do you
have deeper chemistry with the universe than people? And that's
how you're going to build stability, like real stability, because
you can't just walk around the world.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, I'll go back.
Can we sit in that first sei, Yeah, of course,
let's open that thing up. Yeah, I have more chemistry
with the universe. Can you expand there? That is gorgeous?
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
So when you break down what is the human body
made of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen like hydrogen, you're chemical. You're
a chemical being. And so when you're having chemistry or
reactivity to somebody. It's your chemistry reacting to someone else's chemistry.
And so even attraction attraction is a chemical reaction, it's
(02:33):
just a positive one. And then we have non attraction
or lack of attraction that's a negative energy, or we
perceive it as negative. But really, what I like to
think of it is if you can really really ground
your energy, you're not going to just react to every
little bubble that pops into your space. Yeah, And so
that's like when you're building a relationship or you're building
(02:54):
a cosmic foundation with the universe. You're building a relationship
with the Sun, you're building a relationship with the moon.
So we're building a relationship with the earth that we're
walking on. And what I love about the Taoist practices
is there's chi movements or energy movements for every single
one of those. There's energy movements for connecting to the Earth,
(03:16):
there's energy movements for connecting to the Sun, for connecting
to the moon. And part of like Taoist rituals one
oh one is when you wake up, you connect to
the sun, and when your workday is done, you change
all of your clothes and then you connect with the moon,
and so it's really teaching you how to be in
a harmony with the universe and be in balance with
the universe. And that's even something that I teach in breakups,
(03:38):
where it's like if you're so chemically connected to somebody,
like you should be connected to the sun that way,
like you should be harnessing the sun that way. And
then it's like all of the additives are just kind
of like having dessert or like when you feel so
connected to the universe, it's like that's your potatoes for
me at least, Like I'm a stake girl, so it's
(03:58):
like that's like that's your sustenance to life. And I
love the solar power and like what we're doing nowadays
because it's just like when even if you think about
all the solar panels that are going on the house
that are like harnessing the energy of the sun, or
the electric cars that are getting solar power from the
house that are driving, and we should be doing that
every day. We should be harnessing the energy of the sun.
(04:20):
There's so much energy from the sun coming every single day,
and even if people live in a place that you
don't see the sunlight every day, the sun is still
up every single day, and you can harness the energy
that it's emitting even if you're not physically in contact.
I believe that we've talked about this too, Like watching
the sunrise and watching the sunset, there's just the magical
(04:44):
color shower we get from the sun. And I think
so even with the technology that's happening in the world
with power from the sun, that's such an old Chinese
medicine practice of harnessing the energy of the sun. That
is a practice that my teachers would say, if you can't,
(05:05):
I mean, the chi forms are complicated, and to practice
tai chi and to practice chigong, it's a lifelong study.
And so there's like if you can't remember, or you
don't want to do it, or you're too lazy or
whatever it is, just make sure you connect to the
sun every day, and make make sure you connect to
the moon at night, and then do at least one
(05:25):
form of cleansing the channels and the meridians. Because the
thing is is there's a lot of different types of
energy around, whether it's energy from the city that you're
in or energy from people, and it's your body is
constantly filtering energy and you could feel really bad about
yourself and it has nothing to do with you. And
(05:46):
so you have to learn at least one form of
how to cleanse your energy.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Shaka sing.
Speaker 5 (05:56):
You know, people there must story sometime they're like, you know,
I can't imagine myself going through you what you've gone through.
I mean I cann't imagine it either until I was
there and being able to explore that internal world, which
I found that you know, when you think about Mandela
and you think about Malcolm, is that that was something
(06:18):
that they both had in common, is the exploration of
their own worlds and asking questions. One of the one
of the things I got really into philosophy while I
was in solitary. I was always curious about, you know,
how how does the mind work? And I remember reading
the Apology and Socrates said the unexamined life isn't worth living.
(06:41):
And when I began to examine my life, I began
to journal and write down like what happened to me?
You know, I started to ask these vario essential questions.
How did I go from an honor Roll scholarship student
with James of being a doctor and an artist who
serving on my most promising years in prison, and that
led to me just really being honest about what had happened.
(07:05):
The level of trauma that my body has experienced and
that has been through it's probably unimaginable the most people,
the brutality of the street culture that I lived in.
You know, most people can't even comprehend the magnitude of
the suffering that happens in that space because so much
of it is glorified. And so for me, it's that
(07:27):
internal journey that I'm always inviting people on to go on.
It's like the journey of self is beautiful, it's powerful,
and you unearthed so many things about yourself that you
didn't even believe was possible. And it all ties back to,
you know, what you were saying earlier about the traumatic
(07:48):
way that our lives play out up until the moment
where people are confronted with our innate power. You know,
struggle has been our dane from birth, right like we
know we know the mother's story of giving birth, you know,
we can you know viscerally experience, you know, a woman
(08:08):
pushing the child out through sheer labor and you know,
exhausting and pain and all the things we don't know
the child's story because they can't articulate it, you know,
other than with a crime. But when you think about
what that struggle is to get out of the womb,
doctors pulling on your head, i'mas pushing you from outside.
(08:30):
So we come into this world through struggle, I mean,
even through conception. You know, there's a war for sperm
to reach the egg. It's not like an easy chill pathway.
It's like, you know, I got to get there, you know,
And and so that's ordained. It's in us, you know,
to navigate adversity, to overcome obstacles, to overcome barriers to
(08:53):
entry into this thing that we call the world. And
so when you recognize that that is cellular that's in ourselves,
in our DNA, and you attached to that through that
internal journey, and you recognize like, I was born through struggle,
you know, and I fought to be here. You know,
every human being that's on this earth right now fought
(09:17):
to be here. And I think when we begin to
honor that, we actually begin to learn how to fight
in the best interests of our own health, well being, salvation,
our humanity. But when you take that for granted, it's
easy to extinguish that. And what happens is when you
come up against the force that is making you, forcing
(09:39):
you to confront your unwillingness or inability to recognize what
your humanist is, you have to extinguish that flame. And
so you know what Pop represented was, here's what it
means to be human as it exists in this world
from a black male perspective. And that's threatening and that's challenging.
(10:00):
And some of those challenges existed within him. He hadn't
quite reconciled, you know, and so it shows up in
these external ways. And you know, you think about Malcolm
and the person who pulled that trigger. What did Malcolm represent,
you know, to that person when it comes to having
to extinguish that beautiful humanity, that complex humanity that challenged
(10:23):
us to think differently and to fight for our human rights,
which is just basic dignity, you know, the things we're
still fighting for today and we're figuring out today, and
you know, sadly we're still confronted with people who want
to extinguish that that that flame. You know, they do
it in a very much more sophisticated way now. But
(10:46):
you know, my my push is for as humans, if
we start to collectively go inward and recognize our connectivity
to every human being that we encounter, like, we can
win the war.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
You know.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
We're losing battles right now, but we can win a war,
you know, but we have to be willing to acknowledge
and reconcile that. You know, this journey was ordained for us.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Today's episode is featuring the Saudi simon, Why.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Did I do it? What happened?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So?
Speaker 6 (11:21):
Mom died December twenty fifth of twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
January February March.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
I was incomplete this enchantment with humanity. Simultaneously, I had
my training started, so I was training one hundred people
and how to be somatic activated healers. So I had
to immediately lock in a part of me and deliver
this training to these people. Had paid good money to
(11:49):
learn this method and to teach this method right, and
looking back, that was a life affirming choice. That was
a life giving choice because it anchored me in service.
It anchored me here. And then a few like genetic
vated Mars and then April came around, and I remember
feeling the sensitized of to my grief. I remember questioning
(12:14):
did my mom ever live? Did she ever love me?
And I did I even have a life with her?
It was so the sensitized and I was and I
was losing sight of the grief to such a degreed
that I started to question if I even have had
a mother?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 6 (12:34):
It's on the verge of a little like insanity a
little bit. But that's what grief can can kind of
pull you towards, you know, And I said.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Do you know what you're saying is especially in a
role like that of and you. The two of you
had such a beautiful relationship, so much love filled the
room when the two of you were together. So that
was such a blessed experience to have with a mother.
But what I'm hearing is too, when you lose your
(13:04):
first god, your first home, right, your mother, that is
calling into question all the roles that you play. Every
really brings in the what am I? And what am I?
If she doesn't exist?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Exactly?
Speaker 6 (13:20):
All of it, literally, all of that it was and
the it became such a it was so heavy to
carry the idea and it still is of living through
life without that anchor, without that figure in my life.
You know, so all of this to say that I
started to be desensitized to the grief and I started
(13:41):
to take on more work, do more things, and I
was like, hmm, this is not I think I'm I
think I've lost the plot, like I should not be
high performance SAT right now. Something is off. And that's
when I realized that what was off was not enough
(14:02):
space for the grief to emerge, not enough space for
the grief to break me down, not enough time to
fall apart, and fall apart so gracefully that no one
who would hear me my mother just died would flinch
or say I'm so sorry for your lost thoughts in prayer,
or they would do the immediate thing. She's in a
(14:23):
better place, she's your ancestor now she has angel wings,
now she's watching over you.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
At least she's not in pain.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
You know, all the well intended things that we say
during grief which are tremendously.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Hurtful, it's for that person's comfort.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
Exactly, because they're so deeply uncomfortable with how you are
feeling that they want to name something, say something that
in their mind could potentially resolve or fix you out
of suffering so they feel better without understanding that suffering
ceases and passes and changes with presents. So I needed
(15:01):
a concerted amount of time to fall apart, and to
fall apart in such a graceful way that I wouldn't
have anyone, even the well intended friends and community and strangers,
because so many people follow my work, running to fans
all the time, and they would always want to say
something so sweet and so kind, and it would always
(15:25):
like tug at me at my experience with the grief.
So going on this walk was the specific amount of time.
I didn't know that thirty two days was going to
I was gonna be the perfect amount of time. To
be honest, I just knew I needed to walk with
the grief. I knew that walking does so well for
me as a meditative practice, as a spiritual practice, as
(15:49):
an opportunity to just be with a feeling, be with
an experience. And I had downloaded all these playlists and
these podcasts and these books that I wanted to listen to,
and I really realized that I was saturated with enormous
amounts of information inside of me that I didn't need
to add music.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
I didn't need to add a podcast. I didn't need
to add a book in order.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
For me to distract myself from the overload of information
that was being poured into me by the grief. So
I just walked with this experience, and I just walked
with the unpleasantness of the grief, and at some point
(16:33):
I started to really make friends with grief that hey,
this is a friend that will be with me for
the rest of my life because I think the I
think En LaMonte says, it's like you start to limp
and you just realize that the limp is part of
your new way of walking.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
In this episode, I really want to dive into some
thoughts I've been having around the timelines for Sometimes our
cycles of growth and learning can feel glacial. Other times
it feels as if we are being hurled into a
new self at full speed. Healing can happen in a decade,
(17:16):
or it can happen in the blink of an eye.
I've found that our openness and willingness to receive and
accept determine the timeframe. As I looked back on these
various versions of myself in the last you know, really
(17:36):
kind of twenty working years of my life, I could
also see, you know who I was, who I wasn't
who I was becoming, who I was trying to be,
who I thought I was. You know, all the different
ways that we try ourselves on over and over and
(17:56):
over again, and all the ways that if we're aware
of ourselves, we kind of fight ourselves over and over
and over again. And so to that thought, the pace
of growth, you know, spending some time with really identifying
for yourself what are some of those patterns in your life?
(18:20):
And we have so many, right you have your deeper
grooved patterns, which are some of those behaviors, some of
those ways of being that really affect your life and
the quality of relationship you're able to have with others
in all the different spectors of your life. And then
we have those other kind of smaller patterns which may
you know, kind of be around how we show up
(18:43):
for ourselves or not, how we you know, make certain
kinds of choices or not. But it really is so
interesting once you get into a practice with whatever your
patterns are, the sooner you can identify them and really
just observe them without judgment, coming into an acceptance of them,
(19:04):
the sooner you can work and participate with the energy.
I feel like sometimes all healing ass of us is
for our participation. It just wants us to turn on
that creator switch and really commit to the fact that
life is happening and we are at play with it.
(19:25):
We are in a dance with it. Sometimes the song
is sad, Sometimes the song is best. Sometimes the song
is a slow instrumental. Sometimes the song is really exciting.
Sometimes it's a love song. You know, but we're all
(19:46):
dancing to whatever rhythm is currently present, and it's just
so important to acknowledge and accept that so you can
participate with it. That is the ent higher point of
being here. And when I say here, I mean earth,
When I say here, I mean in your human body,
(20:07):
having your spiritual experience. When I say here, I mean living, alive, existing,
we are alive to create within creation. It's choices, it's participation.
And so when we kind of get into that groove
(20:30):
with ourselves and with our patterns and with the way
life moves through us, we then get the opportunity to say,
how long do I want to suffer? Or how long
do I want to be stuck? Or how long do
I want to stand still in whatever this current moment is.
(20:51):
Answer is always different for each of us. Whatever the
you know, kind of catalyzing experience we're after, and that
experience it's different for each of us, but the timeline
can change. And the timeline is based on choice, it's
based on action, it's based on acceptance, It's based on surrender.
(21:12):
The formula is surrender and acceptance. You know. I think
the question that's always going through the internet, and most
definitely the question I get asked a lot, is what's
the hack? What's the growth hack? You know, what's the
hack for healing? There's no hack, but there is a formula.
(21:35):
And the formula is surrender. It's acceptance and its participation.
And I think when we have some of those patterns
that we realize are our thing that we find ourselves
back in or you know, even if it's not a pattern,
(21:57):
if it's just a limiting belief, or if it's a
barrier that we're ready to take down, you know, something
that is stopping us from being more of ourselves or
you know, answering our unique call, whatever that is. When
(22:17):
we recognize it, and we all have many, our participation
decides whether or not we want to keep kind of
looping around that experience for ten years, or if we
want to kind of knock it out in an afternoon
(22:37):
or a week even, you know that is possibles.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Once again, thank you for tuning into the blackfect Podcast Network.
See you Are twenty twenty five from more great moments
from your favorite podcast
Host
Devi Brown
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