Creating Beauty with Brandie Freely

In this tender and soul-stirring episode of Deeply Well, Devi is joined by the luminous Brandie Freely, a writer, transformation doula, and visionary whose work sits beautifully at the intersection of creativity, healing, and spiritual alignment. Brandie’s journey is rooted in helping others return to themselves, guiding women through life’s transitions with honesty, compassion, and a deep reverence for inner truth.

Together, Brandie and Devi explore what it means to live freely and create intentionally while nourishing the parts of us that often go unseen. Brandie, the author of Sundays and Other Musings, shares her path of crafting a life anchored in authenticity and sacred creativity. She’s an intimate moment of self-reflection regarding the realities of aging and the beauty found in a simpler approach to life. It takes courage to slow down, savor ordinary moments, and choose mental and emotional well-being , especially when life feels complex and demanding.

Filled with Brandie’s wisdom and grounded sincerity, this episode is an invitation to soften, reconnect with your inner self, and embrace the transformative power of honoring aging, womanhood, and the beautiful moments of right now; because there is always beauty if we practice giving It our attention.

Connect @DeviBrown

Read: Sundays + Other Musings: Notes On Well-Living

Learn More: BrandieFreely.com

Order: "Living in Wisdom" Now Available!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Take a deep breath in through your nose.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Holds it.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
Now, release slowly again, deep in, helle.

Speaker 4 (00:50):
Hold release, repeating internally to yourself as you connect to
my voice. I am deeply well. I am deeply well.

(01:22):
I am deeply I'm Debbie Brown and this is the
Deeply Well Podcast. Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place

(01:47):
to land in your journey. A podcast for those that
are curious, creative, and ready to expand in higher consciousness
and self care.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
This is where we heal, this is where we but come.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Debbie Brown.
As always, I am so, so so grateful that you're here.
I'm excited for today's conversation. I just feel a certain energy.
I feel like we're going to go some places. I
have a very very special guest, and in this episode,
we're really going to be exploring what it means.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
To live freely, to create.

Speaker 4 (02:26):
Intentionally, and to nourish our inner lives. Our guest today
is writer and visionary whose work is a balm for
the soul, Brandy Freely. Brandy is the author of five books,
including her Latest Sundays and Other Musings, and is the

(02:46):
founder and host of the escapism retreat. Through her powerful
ted X talk The Truth about Living Freely, and over
two decades of writing, teaching, and facilitating, Brandy has touched
thousands with her wisdom. An unassuming powerhouse in the wellness space,
Brandy's words flow like water, nourishing our roots and supporting

(03:07):
our growth. She is a transformation dula, a well living coach, facilitator,
creative director, wife, mother, and sister friend. Today, we are
going to dive into her journey what it means to
craft a life that is rooted in truth and creativity
and all the tools that we can use to cultivate
more freedom and well being in our everyday lives. Let's

(03:30):
welcome to the show, the Luminous Brandy Freely.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Thank you so much, so great to be here, Thank
you for having for being here.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
This is actually our second attempt at doing this show.
We recorded an episode Things that it go as planned,
and so we revisited it a few weeks later, which
I'm so happy because I do feel like that episode
was great. Maybe one day it'll all make sense, so
we'll have like a you know, like a deep cut.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
But yeah, I feel I feel.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Like this is the exact right time you know, I like, Okay,
this is how it was supposed to go. Yeah, just
as simple as that, you know.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
Yeah, we I'm trying to to stay like I'm like,
what did I ask before?

Speaker 1 (04:15):
And what did I wait? Did we already say that?

Speaker 4 (04:18):
Right?

Speaker 1 (04:18):
No?

Speaker 2 (04:19):
Whatever, whatever conversation happens.

Speaker 4 (04:21):
So first and foremost something I want to do is
show everyone, especially if you are watching on YouTube, but
this beautiful book, look at this gorgeous cover, Sundays and
other musings, and you know what I really love is
I feel like we have a similar feeling of what

(04:42):
it is to be soft, yeah, and what it is
to be present.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, I think so too.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
I think that was like the connection, like, oh, you
see the world similarly to me. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:53):
I think we see beauty very similarly and in a
very like nuanced way.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
Yeah mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Simplified yet complex.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
Is what I say. That's good what it is, right,
because it's not that simple, and mainly because you can
miss it if you're not really paying attention. So that's
what makes it not as simple, because it's like, yeah,
you can miss it.

Speaker 4 (05:17):
Yeah, it's like a high observation, yeah, like even catching
the second between the second.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I love that.

Speaker 4 (05:27):
Ye me too, And that's when when I hold your book,
I see the intention of that, and when I open
the pages, I see really the intention of that.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
It's a very.

Speaker 4 (05:37):
Beautiful teaching of I think for some that might find
this that experience beauty or the present moment differently, they
would find this book and be invited into kind of
how to rewire visually, how to take in softness, how
to take in information, how to build the capacity for

(06:00):
or slow reflection.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
Thank you for saying that, because I did really like
the design of it was so important, and it took
a long time, and like there would be moments where
I was like, I just it doesn't feel right. So
then I'd have to sit with it for weeks and
then go back to the design of it. So that
means a lot. And you know, it's back to that
whole thing about beauty. And I just think for me,

(06:23):
like the way I experienced the world, I want it
to be beautiful in every way, every single detail, and
so I try to create that as much as possible.

Speaker 4 (06:33):
You know, tell me more about that, Tell me how
you how do you feel about beauty? How do you
find beauty?

Speaker 1 (06:42):
Yeah, and when did you first discover beauty as a
tool as an ally on the path of healing.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, I mean, you know, and we hear it all
the time. But like even just creating the space at home,
I mean every single I can't even express, but every
single detail for me has to have some kind of
beauty behind it for me to like feel alive. But
that said, like I find beauty in like even in ruin, right,

(07:13):
So like I'm just always I think it's like I
like to say, I'm so grateful for eyes that can
see beauty, so I can find it anywhere. And I
think that is how I cultivate it by always looking
for it. I'm looking to find something beautiful every single day,
every single even I mean as simple as like cooking, baking,

(07:37):
you know what I mean, chopping vegetables, Like what's beautiful
about it? Like the fragrance, you know what I mean?
It changes the experience music, Like I'm a big like
put on some boss of nova that makes things beautiful,
you know what i mean.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
And I'm hearing the layering in that.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, Like you're really like creating like an artist. You know,
You're you're painting a beautiful life and you have to
think about every detail of it. You can't, like I said,
you can't skip over something. You can't miss any parts
of it. But it is a very intentional practice, you know,
because your mind is like wired always like well, what's

(08:18):
where's the beauty? You know, where's the beauty in that?
And just looking for it and then it just starts
popping up because I find that, like you know, as
your eyes are fixed to it, you see it more.
You know, you find it easier. So yeah, and definitely
it's a tool because on like the worst days, you know,

(08:41):
you you're you've practiced it so much, you know how
to find beauty. You can still find You can still
find it because you practiced, you know. So what about you?
Because I know, like we said, we have similar eyes, right,
so like how how's beauty you played a part in
your life?

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Hmm?

Speaker 1 (09:00):
Thank you for asking me that.

Speaker 4 (09:01):
I God, there's this like kind of like just personal
statement that I say to myself or I sometimes like
you know, will put on like my stories, but it's
like make love to your life, make it art.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
And that is like how I feel about every day.
Like I feel like.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
And for those that have been like part of my
journey for a longer stretch. Like my relationship with I've
always been I've always loved beauty and aesthetic like first
of all, like always always to the point where if
I'm in like a room, like even in childhood that
was like messy or didn't make sense, right, Like it

(09:44):
was just filled with things that didn't go together. It
felt so disruptive to my system, Like it was really
hard to be in spaces that don't have intention or
don't which certainly is not always possible, right, Like that
is there's so many layers to that, you know, that
was part of my childhood, right it was kind of like, yeah,

(10:06):
you find things, you get, you know, but.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
It was so disruptive or like if I'd go to like,
you know.

Speaker 4 (10:14):
Parts of the city that, because of systemic oppression, don't
get as much help or as much you know, funding
to have like parks or things like, I could sense
it on such like a deep core level that something
really important was missing from my experience. And then right,

(10:36):
and then when I would have the opportunity at young well,
my mom has always had an eye.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
For beauty too. She's tort too.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
Yeah, my mom is like very connected to at the
core of her very connected to beauty. So I did
get that sense because my mom like loved the arts
and you know just.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
Like yeah, theater, and so her beauty was and that.

Speaker 4 (11:00):
It was more in like like taking me to place
or bringing me giving me access to see you know,
just artists create. But I would say like I got
so much exposure to beauty and intention through people that
were placed in my life, Like my godparents always lived
in the Hancock Park area, which is for those that

(11:23):
know LA, it's a really special part of LA. It's
classic Lay. There's a lot of those you know, Spanish
revival homes from the twenties with the terracotta roofs and
you know, the green lining around the windows, and there
was a lot of art deco and just that's something
I love about LA, like you can find architectural beauty.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
So when I would go in their space, I would.

Speaker 4 (11:47):
See you know, like beautiful like garden, or I would
see Buginbia, which is like very striking for me. And yeah,
little pieces of arts picked up in their travels and
that shaped my style so much, like there are just
so many things I do just like them in my

(12:07):
home and the way that I style things. But then
I would say I realized beauty was an ally. I've
always also been repelled by like manipulative beauty. I think
that's the way I would say it, Like the way
beauty and trend is sold to us, you know, in
our generation, especially in like the nineties and the early odds,

(12:30):
and like we had such hard standards. But as I
got older, my relationship to beauty really shifted.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
When I'd be in like moments.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
Of deep pain and deep darkness and literally it's like
it was the gulp of air, you know. And I
at those times called it finding tiny joys. I like,
find your tiny joy just like a little bit, like
do more with less, just a little bit, find a
taste of it, you know. But on my artist times,
when I look back, even at younger ages, I drive

(13:03):
straight to the beach, you know, like if a breakup
happened or something, you know, I'd get in my little
jeep and I would just be lying for the ocean
and just sit and watch it. Or I take myself
to a museum. But yeah, it's the moments with like flowers,
like gardens, like noticing a bee pollinating a flower, or yeah,

(13:25):
the sway of a tree, the brief, you know, greeting
of a wind chime, a couple of houses over when
the wind blows, Like my ears find it every time,
like my eyes Like it's like I can hear ants,
like that's how I can find beauty, and it really
helped me not just survive, but like I think, want

(13:46):
to be here, you know, and some of the harder times,
like want to stay here, you know, And I think
and I would love to get in this with you
because I find that we kind of talk even last
time coming into an out of the podcast studio or
this time getting ready to walk in, like we're kind
of in the nuance of daily life of what it

(14:07):
is to be someone in the world that offers tools,
that offers pieces of ourselves.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
In certain ways that you know, intend to.

Speaker 4 (14:21):
Help and healing, but then also just being like human women,
right and mothers and people that are as confused by
the world as everyone else. And you know, it's like
days like this that I feel so grateful for beauty practice,
because when everything falls apart, I cannot save the world.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
I can't, I can't know. I can I can do
what I can, I can try.

Speaker 4 (14:49):
I can serve in the capacities that I'm able, but
I can't change all of it.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
And that's hard. It's hard, very hard, because you can
clearly see how it could be so simple. Yeah, you know,
but it's not. And that's hard. So I understand that fully.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Deeply.

Speaker 3 (15:16):
Well.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
One of the things that we were kind of talking
in our mystery episode was kind of around burnout, right,
and like, and I know, you just got back from
your sabbatical where you got to.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Be nourished by the land and nature and you know.

Speaker 4 (15:35):
The people who were the first to love you. Yeah,
and so just kind of I'd love to hear you
speak to that, you know, what it is to the
weight sometimes of holding space and growing community and then
also how you meet those needs when you are feeling,
you know, kind of on the edge.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, I mean you spoke to like, you know, the
people who first loved me going home. First of all,
the privilege to go home, to be able to go
home and have a place called home, and to have
parents there and brothers, you know, and family to hold me.

(16:16):
I recognize what a privilege and what a blessing. And
then I think to just the call and the pool
to know that I need to go home, you know,
what I'm saying, and I did, and you know, burn out. Absolutely,
I felt it. And I also realized that a lot
of people in the space that we're in feel it

(16:40):
as well. And I think because you know, we've shown
up as much as we can in as many ways
as we possibly can to poor and poor and typically
I'm replenished by the pouring, like it's this thing where
like as I'm pouring, it's like God is refilling me.
And I I think this time it was like all

(17:02):
of the pouring, but there was this extra like drain
coming from the world, so it was honestly it is.
It has been too much for me. Yeah, it has
just been too much to try and hold space and

(17:22):
to pour from a cup, a cup that is empty.
And I am not a glass half empty kind of
girl at all, Like never have been. I'm like you,
like I've always been drawn to beauty and like.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
Beauty innately optimistic.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yes, innately optimistic, And I can find some good. Yeah,
like I can find it, you know what I mean.
But I think it has been hard to locate it
in this world today. And yeah, I think I was
like really on the brink of like losing my mind
a little bit, because I don't know how to be

(17:59):
in that space of like heaviness for that long, like
it was lasting for a really really long time, and
I couldn't I couldn't find my way out. So I
went home, and I think I tapped back into the
kind of beauty that has always fixed me, which is
just like good old country living, like you know, shoes

(18:21):
off in the grass, like hammocks in between trees, swatting
off mosquitoes. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Like hearing
my mom and dad as as they are, they're a
little wild, they're funny, you know, but just their voices.
I needed it. I needed to return to that simple living.

(18:44):
And it came at a cost, literally, like I wasn't
making money. Like if I'm not and that's the thing, right,
if I'm not pouring and I'm not doing the thing,
then i'm as an entrepreneur, like if we're not working,
then you know, we're not making money. And I did.
I had to sacrifice that, and I felt like it

(19:06):
was worth it to take my soft summer sabbatical and
refeel and replenish. And I will say that I'm not
fixed because I came right back home and then the
world was still heavy, yeah, and I was like, no,
you know, but just trying to make room to hold
it and to be okay. And I think what I'm
coming to realize now is that it's okay. And we

(19:28):
say this all the time, and we know this, it's
okay to not be okay, but like even for extended
periods of time, Like, I don't think I'm gonna be
okay for a while, and so I'm gonna have to
find ways to keep hope and to keep my dreams
and to still find the beauty and to still find

(19:49):
those simple joys and to continue to pour into others
and say, hey, let me help you find it if
you're having a hard time too. Like I think this
is the time really to lean into this thing that
I'm really good at, which is finding beauty and help
other people find it because it's just heavy right now.
And I think I can look around at like, you know,

(20:11):
my peers in this space, and they're all saying the
same thing. And I think it's because we need to
allow ourselves, not just people in this space, but all
of us. We need to allow ourselves to not be okay, yeah,
and just accept that it's it's not okay right now,
It's not it doesn't feel okay. But I can still

(20:32):
take a drive to the beach. I can still go
sit by the water. I can still look up and
see a god wink and say thank you God. I
can still be grateful. I can still find some good
because I have to.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, I mean there's no other choice. I have to.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
I was about to lose my mind for sure, like
and I've never been that close to it. But I
was like, oh, it's and I always say, no one's
exempt from losing our like I don't care how good
you are at like recentering and like you know what
I mean, but we are all disclose to really like
losing our minds. And I felt myself get in there

(21:15):
and I was like, okay, let me let me stop,
let me stop, no money whatever, Like I have a home,
I can go home. I'm going to go home, you know,
and spend I spent like two months back and forth,
but like mainly mostly at home. Yeah, what do you.

Speaker 4 (21:33):
I think that the part of me that's like also
a sister friend, Like I'm like, no, you have mics
in front of you, So I want to be like,
what is going what's going on?

Speaker 2 (21:45):
Yeah, but you can ask.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
If you feel that it's helpful and relevant for anyone listening,
Like what are some of the themes that you're feeling?

Speaker 3 (21:58):
Hm?

Speaker 2 (21:59):
Oh so many? Because also I turned forty last year, so.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
Welcome to the fourth floor.

Speaker 4 (22:07):
You know.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
So that's a thing.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
That's a thing.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
That's a thing because you just like it's like you
switch lenses. It's like, oh, take off my thirty something
lenses and put on my forty something ones now and yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
You know what I'm saying, just like that.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah, so good. Yeah, Like you know, so I'm seeing
things differently, and so there's that, There is hormonal shifts.
There's I have chronic pain. Yeah, I you know, struggle
with diet and things because I've been a little skinny
many my whole life, and then all of a sudden,

(22:45):
I'm actually forty pounds heavier than I should be for
my body type. Yeah, and so there's what comes with
that and how that feels in my gut. Right, So
I don't feel good?

Speaker 4 (22:58):
Yeah right, my mom, I'll say you fine, like you're gorgeous, amazing,
thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
I hear you, I feel you and yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah, so there's that, and there's there's the So I'll
say it like this, I am a very much I'm
a loner, big time, like I love my solitude. Yeah,
and I also am a big well how can I
I'm gonna make up a word, but a big liver,

(23:28):
like I want to live and experience all the things,
like I want to feel all the things, and I
want to do all the things. I think that at forty,
I've been married for eight years California. I've been living
here for about eight years. I have two children, and
I feel like my youth is slipping away. Not in

(23:52):
this way where I'm like pressured about time or it's
not that, but it's just facts, yeah, right, like this
is like the last of my youth, this fortieth decade. Right,
And then I'm fifty, and I pray to God like
I still feel good, look good, you know what I'm saying.
But you're fifty going into sixty, and I love all
my girlfriends that are in their fifties are living it up, right,

(24:15):
So I look forward to that. But I just know
that this is just like this is facts, like the
timeline is going on, and so there is a like
I grieve I think versions of me that I may
never get to be, you know what I'm saying. So
there's that and like so like I'm probably not going

(24:38):
to get to do that, like or I miss that
opportunity that for me is like a big thing, right,
So so in this like about to lose my mind stuff,
it's like the world, it's my world. It is you know,

(24:59):
who am am I becoming? And also who am I unbecoming?
Like what are the things that that have been? Like
this is how I'm wired, This is what I've always
believed or was taught to believe, and like what if
it doesn't it's not me. So I think of myself
as unbecoming really overbecoming, because most of it is me

(25:23):
figuring out what is not me, what I don't want,
And a lot of my life I've done it by
the book as much as I can, with my little
adventurous rebel spirit in tow like I've tried to do
it by the book, and then there's always that side
of me that's like, but what about the adventure of it?

(25:44):
Like are you missing the adventure? Like what do you
really want? And I'm constantly considering and reconsidering what I
want and so right now, there's not a settling like
feeling in my spirit. I'm like part of me wants
to pay up my bags and move to anywhere else.

(26:06):
But I have to consider my children and I'm married,
and so that part is like a tug o war
because I'm still just me, you know, I'm just Brandy,
and I have to consider all these things that I
signed up for, like I did it. I said yes,
and I do and it was a great decision. And
I'm married to an amazing person and I'm still me right,

(26:31):
and so I have these pulls and pushes and I
just want to do right and I want to be
an example for my daughter and my son. So it's
like again, it's just holding all of this, especially when
you have just an inkling of good sense, like you
know that you can't just run around doing whatever you
want to do. And sometimes that can feel for me

(26:55):
like like I'm stuck. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,
So that's me trying to say it in a way
that hopefully does not you know.

Speaker 4 (27:05):
I mean, I feel yeah, I thank you for the
fullness of that answer and the complexity and the layers
of it, because I think that is so incredibly relatable
to so many people listening right now, to millions upon
millions of women, you know, and.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
It's like it's.

Speaker 4 (27:27):
There is a heaviness to it, there is some confusion
about it, there is you know, yeah, just a beholding
of all of it at once, and it's like that
is also part of the intended path of what aging.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
Brings us as well.

Speaker 4 (27:45):
And it's interesting because it's all it's all true right
in so many ways, and so we are grappling, especially
on milestone years or milestone decades, we are grappling with
the past, present, and the future all at once. And
I think especially if we are doing a lot and
raising children, it's like it is coming in and you're saying,

(28:09):
oh wow, Like I'm seeing all of this and I'm
also now having to do because this is my belief
right and I don't maybe if I looked up, I'll
spend time later looking at studies on this, if any exists.
But the way it's come to me, the way I'm
experiencing it is you're also like sunsetting certain core memories,

(28:31):
Like I feel like there is this rewiring and adjustment
happening inside where the things you might have spent your
life thinking about up until forty, you're retiring many of
those thoughts, many of those beliefs, goals, core memories, kind
of like in the movie Inside Out, when you know

(28:51):
they go into the memory abyss where there's just all
these memories that aren't necessary to grab, to have at
the forefront, to have access too. So I think that's
some of what's happening. And then now we're kind of
calibrating to think about the last ten years. For this
ten years, you know what I mean, Like up until forty,

(29:13):
you are thinking so much about your childhood all the time.
It starts in your thirties, like you start thinking about
what it meant, what it didn't mean, what needs to
be healed and processed, you know, what you've been pushing
down under the surface. And then you're thinking about present moment,

(29:33):
career and all of the kind of faster moves you
need to make in that decade. And then I think
you hit forty and you're done. You've already thought your
childhood to death. You know, It's like you've already gotten
to the cores. And so then you start thinking about, well,
what did I look? What was my twenties like like

(29:53):
it's the first time you really think about the significance
of the decisions you made or didn't make in your twenties,
so true and the beginning of your thirties right, And
a lot of it is related to purpose. How did
I set myself up? What did I want to be?
Did I become that? But it's not, you know, necessarily

(30:13):
because any of it is right or true or necessary
or that's what you should have done.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
It's just now, this is where the room is.

Speaker 4 (30:21):
You have space to review all of it, but you're
reviewing all of it while you're also in the midst
of such a centerpiece of the lived experience, like that age.
It really opens up the next trajectory, fully, it does,
and it's a new way of being with yourself because

(30:42):
you know, for many of us, and I hope this
for all of us, but you're in a state where
ideally you know who you are, ideally right, ideally ideally
and that there's still some settling in with that. But
you know, for some, for those my experience, it's like

(31:05):
you know what you're made of. Yeah, for sure, you
have a clear understanding, hopefully of like how.

Speaker 1 (31:16):
Life moves for you. You have a lot of historical proof. Yeah,
that a lot of historical proof.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
That's the thing that's big. Yeah, because I think about
even just the way I trust God. You know what
I'm saying. I mean, like, for instance, with this summer sabbatical,
knowing I wasn't making any money, It'll be fine. Yeah,
it'll be fine because historically, when I look back over
my life, the years have shown me, have taught me

(31:43):
it will be just fine. I have proof of it,
you know what I mean, Like, I will be just fine.
It literally will be just fine.

Speaker 4 (31:51):
It's like that to me is always one of the
biggest saving graces that I trust. Like, even if I'm
in moments of confusion or hardship, I'm always like, at
my core, I say.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
My name to myself and then.

Speaker 4 (32:04):
I say, but what is historically true about your life?
What is historically true about the.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
Way God uses you? Yes? And then it's like you
have all the proof you need, all the proof.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
So move like that.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
Yeah, move like it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
And I think too, going into my forties, I want
to move like that. I want to move sure and slow.
You know what I'm saying, Like, I if I'm being
honest and I love what I get to do. I
wish I could just do it for free when it
feels good, yeah, and then just guarden the rest of
the time, and like you know, and right, and do

(32:41):
you know what I'm saying, which see.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
What you have done for others?

Speaker 2 (32:45):
Right, Like that is good?

Speaker 1 (32:46):
That is ready to delete all social media.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
I don't want to do it anymore. Oh I'm struggling.

Speaker 4 (32:52):
Serve as I can and then garden and raise my child.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Yes, that's that's And so there's the tug, yeah, because
you know, I'm I don't want to strive. I don't
want to strive. And so there's a part of me
that's like, Brandy, you could be doing whatever, right, you
could be doing all these things. And so then you
know that part that little person that talks to you
over here is like, well why aren't you you know?

(33:19):
And then like the self doubt creeps in whatever, And
then the other side is like, but do you even
want that? Do you want to do that? Like what
do you really really want for yourself? And so like
there's just all this pushing and pulling and I think
coming into my forties and being like wait a minute,
like let me, actually, I don't know I need to
think about this because I don't feel like the same

(33:40):
person who thought I wanted all these whatever. I don't
feel like that anymore. And so now what do I
do with that? Like how do I move now?

Speaker 4 (33:49):
And you know what's so interesting in what you're saying,
like what I'm hearing in it is like in this moment,
we have to make space for the fact that, yes,
indeed there is a surrendering, right like, yes, indeed there
is a shedding, right like there are certain things that

(34:10):
we may have held as valuable and thought would always
exist about ourselves, about our bodies, about everything, And there
is a shed and it's not because it's wrong or bad,
but it's we are there is an evolutionary juncture in
the road where there are shifts mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually,

(34:33):
and you are being recalibrated and replaced in your own life.
And there is a grief to that, you know, and
there is a there is a getting used to that.
But that is, of course, if we are lucky enough
to continue to be alive. That will come for every

(34:55):
single living creature that has ever touched foot or p
on earth, you know. And there is a deep Yeah,
a deep observation and noticing of that, right like where
sexiness changes, right, where beauty changes form where we had

(35:18):
mastered the art of beauty, and now things about us
are changing until you're learning new ways of even being beautiful,
of being with yourself and your body, of which is
which is such.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
A what a what a rich experience?

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (35:32):
You know, life is so I mean, I can't the
only word that comes to mind is rich because and
I guess only when you're paying attention. Yeah, right, like
you again, you can miss it, you really can. But
it becomes beautiful when you think about it as like,
oh I just hit another fork in the road. How cool,
how neat? How amazing is that I can go this way,

(35:55):
I can go that way?

Speaker 4 (35:57):
You know?

Speaker 2 (35:57):
What a blessing to be alive, to get to decide,
you know, And so even though it can be this
thing that feels heavy in the moment, but you still
get to live this life where you get to go
this way or that way, and you get to decide this,
and you get to decide who's in your life. Who's
the choices. There's still these choices and all I don't

(36:19):
I don't to me, that's.

Speaker 4 (36:20):
Now that is like so interesting, right, because the fear,
it feels like, is that now there's a limitation and
choice where like when you're young, that is a freedom
you take for granted and then hopefully you realize what's
happening and you use it. But it's an endless amount
of choices and possibility, right, But when you do as

(36:41):
you age, you lock into things that become pieces of
your life, and that limits choice exactly. And so there
is a grief that's how many choices one has access, that's.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
It, Yes, And there's a grief there, right that we
have to somewhat because what I've been thinking about it is, okay,
so I'm forty, and then I'm fifty, then I'm sixty
years at some point, like I can imagine being sixty
or seventy, the choices feel even less because they actually are,
if we're being honest, they are, and they're different, They're
different and very different. Yeah, and so we have to

(37:16):
find a way, like you said, we've got to sit
with it and hold it because yeah, yeah, so I
think that's that's.

Speaker 4 (37:22):
Yeah, and even as and that I think there's big
ways that that happens, right, because now also there are
things that happen that you don't choose, right, there are
for especially health related body related.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Absolutely.

Speaker 4 (37:37):
You know, something we did expand on in our Mystery
episode was that both of us live with chronic pain
and navigating what it is to do that right for
your whole life and to be an optimist and to
be you know, someone that is people that are profoundly
into self work and self actualization and the part that

(37:59):
that kind of pain and you know, to kind of
weave that back into where we are with.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
Choice, It's like, you do have less choices right.

Speaker 4 (38:13):
In your health and in what goes on with it,
and you don't if you need a surgery, if something
doesn't work in the same way anymore, if now you
can't do certain things because your body can't tolerate it,
or you have to do more things you don't necessarily
want to do because you need it, and yeah, there is, yeah, there,
I think there is a very there is a burdening

(38:35):
that happens as and we're still very young. We're so young, right,
burdening that happens at every new decade, and a removal
of access to certain choices and certain possibilities. It does
change form, but we have to make peace that you're
now in a different category of choices and the choices

(38:58):
you make are within a certain structure.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
You know what's good about it though, because I'm thinking
about it as you're talking. This is so good. This
idea of the choices are the thing is and you
talk to older women and things like that, but it's
like things are so simplified for them. It's like as
they get more and more simple, you're okay with less choices,
do you know what I'm saying. So maybe that's the
beauty and.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
You're grateful for the space and the east.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Right and the because you don't want to have.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
My grind when I had Hella choices.

Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yeah, so malnourished and exhausted and poorly treated.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
You know, this is interesting.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
That's good for me right now because I'm like, girl,
actually it's okay, you know, like you don't really want
to have all those choices, you know what I mean.
Simplify it down a little bit. I mean, yeah, I
got to sit with this and think on this.

Speaker 4 (39:49):
This is and it's interesting and I think I there's
so much value and just paying attention to other women
in your life or within the mainstream that you see
that you know who everyone kind of becomes or how
they experience it at different ages. I think it's interesting,

(40:11):
especially as we talk about beauty. This is so fascinating,
Like I think there are so many different pathways women
take with how they relate to their personal beauty or
not right Like, at certain ages, I think there's some
women that decide they don't want to participate with it anymore,
and there is like maybe even.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
A rejection of it.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
So you do physically kind of see them showing up
very differently, and depending on what else is present for
some women, that might also be like a depression and
a not kind of caring about the physical self anymore.
At certain ages, then I think you also see like

(40:54):
and this meant might be just my projection, but you
see some women that.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Kind of.

Speaker 4 (41:04):
Decide to hunker down even more and say, no, I'm
gonna dress and look like I'm twenty till I get
out of here, and I want to be received like
I'm twenty as well, like I want, you know, the
men in the room to have eyes on me, and
I want and there is and sometimes you know the
way that I've witnessed that it is a lack of

(41:27):
self actualizing, so there's a lack of wisdom to draw from.
So there is this deep like kind of digging your
feet in the sand around not letting go of that
singular piece of your identity, which is usually like a
desire to be sexy or to still get the same
level of attention. And I think that's a grieving that's

(41:47):
going to come for every woman too. It's like the
attention is gonna shift, and that's.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Not for the young girls in the you know, and.

Speaker 4 (41:54):
Just yet we're in different ecosystems, right, and so it's like, yeah,
how do you still love your life without some of
those little thrilling moments, right or those those little piece
those little fuels that have surrounded your physicality. Then I
think there's women that and this is where I think

(42:17):
I would like to be.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
This is my intention.

Speaker 4 (42:20):
But the women that are kind of blending, allowing their
beauty to evolve and what they see is beautiful about them, right,
And it doesn't have to be about like breasts or
hips or ass or sex or you know, like lots
of makeup or outfits. Like sometimes it's about the way

(42:45):
you know yourself.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
And your curves or the way a curl.

Speaker 4 (42:48):
Falls, or you know, certain certain more mystique things about
yourself and so you lean into that in a lot
of elegance and creativity.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
And that's that's where I want to be too. And
I'm looking at you and I'm looking at me, and
it's like denim and a te and you.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
Know what I'm saying, well, please jewelry.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yeah, it's just a it's a it's a more simplified approach.
And really the beauty is in the living, and it's
in like, you know, the way I see the world.
It's the wisdom that I'm collecting. You know, that's the
beauty I want. And as a former skinny mini, you know,
I am embracing.

Speaker 4 (43:29):
I don't never know that life has not been my life,
so God bless you, but.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
But I mean and honestly, growing up as a skinny mini,
like you know, your your body image is messed up too,
because everybody's like, you're so skinny, You're so skinny. So
that being my identity forever and now being the size
I am, most people would see me and be like, oh,
you you know, it looks normal or whatever. I'm like, yeah,

(43:55):
in my mind, I feel away a different person, a
different a very different person. But in my I'm embracing
I like being a fluffy like you know what I mean.
I like the softness that I like it and so
thank you. So it's like, yes, it's embracing the age.
It's embracing the wisdom, like I'm more grateful for the

(44:18):
wisdom and I would rather hold on to that than
like not having ringhold truly here or you know what
I'm saying, I would rather keep that.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
I'm so excited to be an elder, like I can't
even I've been waiting my whole life for this.

Speaker 4 (44:32):
Yeah, I have been waiting, my it's so it's so funny. Also,
I want to acknowledge that those kind of three archetypes
I listed, or not all of them, like there's so
many more, but you know, moving on. When I was
like younger, and people would ask me like who do
you want to be? Like what do you want to
be in the future? At every age and I only

(44:55):
realized this lately. At every age, I envisioned myself as
woman with long white hair with a circle of younger
people around me sharing interesting stories. That's wild, And people
would be like, what do you want to be who
do you want to be? And for me, it was
never about one thing, like I never saw my.

Speaker 1 (45:15):
Life that way ever.

Speaker 4 (45:16):
Ever, it was I always like would respond and say, like,
I just know I'm going to have so many stories
to tell about my life and my experiences. Listen, and
like that was my answer from like ten, like childhood,
and the visualization I always got and I still get
the same visualization now is just me being an elder,

(45:39):
me being a wise woman and just you know, no
makeup on my face, long white hair, and just talking
and conversing with people about life.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
So funny you say that, because I know my girlfriends
are listening. They're like, that's the same thing. Brandy's like
that's wow, that's me. Like I want to be And
I imagine a porch and a rocking chair, right, that's
the setting I see, and yeah, that's what I would
love to do. And like, let me go show you
how to plant these plants and you know what I'm saying,
and I get our hands in some dirt. But yeah,

(46:10):
I same And I always think, and this is the
part of me that I want to live, like I
want to have the experiences because I always think when
I'm a seventy five year old woman like, yeah, am
I gonna regret that thing? Probably not? Yeah, probably I'm
gonna be like, oh that was that was fun. That
was a good experience. Like, I truly want to lean

(46:30):
into the things, into the living. And I think because
I want to be that seventy five year old woman
who lives so I can talk to those young girls
and be like, let me tell you, you know, so
that they can know like you're gonna be fine. Yeah,
you're gonna make it through. You're gonna get to this
space too. So yeah, I relate to that.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (46:51):
I feel like I've been yeah, playing with it now too,
Like I'm letting my grades come in where they are
and I'm just like, let's.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
See what this all looks like.

Speaker 4 (46:59):
Let's take a peek. I might change it. I might not,
but like, I'm just like taking it in for now and.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
We'll see deeply.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
Well.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
One of the things.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
We were talking about before we walked in was the
invisible loads, right, and I think like now, kind of
socially and certainly, there's just so many really profound like
thought pieces and articles and research that are.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
Showing and kind of quantifying the.

Speaker 4 (47:39):
Emotional loads we all carry, right the invisible loads, the things.

Speaker 1 (47:44):
That are going on underneath the surface.

Speaker 4 (47:46):
And there's been some things coming out about, you know,
for women, especially stay at home moms, like how much
work you actually are doing every day all day.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:57):
But I think something we were talking about was like,
when you are someone that gives and pores, you know,
the world does not know. I think, how many other
things are going on in your life?

Speaker 1 (48:13):
Like you have as many things.

Speaker 4 (48:15):
Going on in your life as everyone else and more
because if you are in the role of kind of
the wise person in your ecosystem or the healer, or
you actually see clients or you guide retreats and you're
in person with people and their processes.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
It is it's a lot.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
It's glorious, so grateful, and it's quite a lot. And
you have to also pack in a lot of time
to kind of recover from those experiences and literally tend
to your physicality and your body. And a lot of
us deal with chronic pain or autoimmune or have various things.
And I was thinking today when we were talking, because

(48:55):
school just started.

Speaker 1 (48:56):
It's back to school this week. Are yours back in school?

Speaker 2 (48:59):
Yet they start next week? And next week.

Speaker 4 (49:02):
Okay, yeah, this is very early, y'all. To be back
in school in August is insane to me. But so
you know, my little one went back to school on
Monday and he started second grade.

Speaker 1 (49:13):
And like, I love our community, like we.

Speaker 4 (49:16):
Have the just such a special like school community. But
something I realized, because I decided to kind of after
I got back from the book tour, was really take
it easier in my July and August so that I
could have a lot of time to just really be
in summer with my boy. So we'd start every morning

(49:36):
slowly and like he'd come lay in bed with me.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
We have slow breakfasts, we.

Speaker 4 (49:41):
You know, take long walks, and my nervous system changed completely.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
I'll bet it did.

Speaker 4 (49:47):
So now you start back at school, I'm thirty thirty
five minutes in traffic NonStop to drop them off. And
then the second you get to school, you're surrounded by
at least a couple hundred other human beings before eight
o'clock that you're talking to, you know, and then you
have all the other kind of loads. If your child

(50:08):
is active, like I'm in a bunch of like different
groups within the school. I've signed up to volunteer to
help to He has basketball, he has karate, he has art,
he is swimming, and I was like, oh my god,
Like the day he started school, my life opened up
to now being in regular communication with at least one

(50:31):
hundred additional people for the next nine months. I love
all of it. I'm grateful for all of it. Like
this is my dream, Like literally, this is my dream
for me and my child.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
And as an.

Speaker 4 (50:48):
Ambiavert who also works NonStop and as a single mom.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
You're like, oh my god, it's a lot and no
one sees it.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Yeah, no they don't. And it's true for all of us.
And I think we do it almost on autopilot because
we have to. And I think that's the part that
we have to like turn like, no, I'm not going
to do this on autopilot. I'm going to be aware
of the hundred people, like you said, and I'm gonna

(51:18):
like walk in that awareness so that if it starts
to feel like too much, I know that I need
to like pull back, go recharge as opposed to like
getting it. And I'm telling I'm saying this like to myself,
like okay, because I'm starting back in a couple of
weeks with my kids as well, like, let's not turn
this school year into this big auto pilot party where

(51:38):
I'm just dropping I'm doing drop offs, I'm doing this,
I'm doing that.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Birthday parties, the birthday parties.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
Yeah, yeah, and so kind of trying to practice awareness
and presence even in those little moments and remembering like
my son's only going to be in first grade one time.
My daughter, she's a sophomore in high school this year.
I have three solid years of her being in my
home under my care guaranteed, you know. So yeah, I

(52:05):
think it's that because there's this invisible load. I think
we also, like you said, are pouring in these careers
where we love the work we get to do, but
in many ways we are taking on a lot of
other people's loads too in addition to ours. And grateful
for the work, you know, but it is a lot. Yeah,

(52:26):
it's a lot.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
And it's not actually physically feasible.

Speaker 4 (52:29):
Right because I know, like one area of my life
that dips is me on social media, like because I
don't actually enjoy it, Like it's the thing that for
me is the easiest to kind of like go of.
But I understand and I hear and have heard feedback
that that's challenging for people that are in community, want

(52:50):
to be in community with me, even listeners of this show,
like it's challenging to not have the same kind of
interaction that may happen with other people or in other
spaces on other shows. But it's like there literally just
isn't the time right, And so it's like, I can't

(53:11):
do everything I've.

Speaker 1 (53:12):
Just described, stay alive, live with.

Speaker 4 (53:15):
Chronic pain, have joined my heart and listen to God
and have this space to hear God and be able
to read every DM I get right or respond to
everything like I can't. I can't, And I know it's
counterintuitive to this specific time, but that's an additional like

(53:37):
thousands of people that you are corresponding with that you
don't actually know that.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
It's just like it's it is a.

Speaker 4 (53:46):
Tremendous amount of additional work in addition to the actual
work that you're giving and doing that even allowed people
to find you in the first place. It's picking up
extra jobs and I just that is not what I'm
called to and I can't and I have to. And
granted that means you know, you may not be able

(54:08):
to scale in certain ways or have success in certain
metrics or certain visibility and to be just so fully,
completely honest from the depths of my heart. I am
so clear about that. Yeah, And that is more than
okay for me, Like that is that is my intention then,

(54:28):
because that's it's either that or have all of the joy,
the space, the clarity, the presence that my son deserves
to have with me that you know, my my family,
my friendships, like it.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
I can't do both.

Speaker 4 (54:47):
I can't do both well and I want to do
things well in my life, and so I have to choose,
and I do.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Yeah, And I think that's it's so important because and
I say that all the time because you know, people
are like, you can do it all and you don't.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
Have to choose.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Like you know too, it's like, okay, okay, see how that.
Go ahead and do it all and see how that
works out for.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
You because you can't do the same you can't.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
Do it at the same time. And that's what I
always say. You can do it all, yes, but do
one thing and then check that off and then move
to the next thing, or like in different seasons, focus
on you know, when my.

Speaker 4 (55:23):
Son's in college, I'm gonna have a lot of time
that might be where I'm able to like answer ten
years worth of d go all the way back, right,
But like, yeah, now it's it's not possible.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
Yeah, And you get to choose because for me, I
like to create on social media, like I like to
you know, share my words and that that's enjoyable for me.
But then like when I have to keep up with
like metrics and how.

Speaker 4 (55:48):
To do it and algorithm and can am I getting
enough likes? Or like life is so stressful as it is,
I absolutely refuse to add stress about a social media
network to my life.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
I refuse.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
I can't do it, Like I can't sign up for it.
It's wild, and especially when you really know what it's
doing to us anywhere, Like yeah, so I am like
showing up there, and to your point, like I don't
get to do what I do if I don't show
up there. Yeah, that's the part, right, And so I'm
like right now.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
Like it's, yeah, what am I going to do? This
is the conundrum?

Speaker 4 (56:25):
Right, And I think and I think we are all
engineering so many new frontiers right that that just were
not on the table in our childhood at all, Like
social media started via Facebook when I was a sophomore
in college. Right, So, like, this is not how we
grew up thinking anything would be, most especially work, because

(56:49):
there was a divide prior to my adult life. There
was a turning work off once you got home. And
that is the that what is the evolutionary path that
I was trained to believe I was on. So it
is challenging to now say there is never an off,
and you also have to not just serve with your work,

(57:10):
but now serve in a bigger capacity when people like
your work. Yep.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
And it's like it's that it's hard.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
It's hard. And I think we see a lot of
people going back to nine to fives because I want
to get home and I want to turn it off. Yeah,
like after five. I remember when I taught for eleven years.
I talk English, and I remember getting home and turning
on Oprah. Yes, sometimes I miss that life channel seven.
Oh my god, man, listen, like I missed that so

(57:39):
much sometimes, Like and I was not the teacher that
brought stuff home, Like if it didn't get work done
in my work hours, then I mean, god, sweet, Like
you know what I'm saying. I'm home, I'm home. So
but now, yeah, it's twenty four to seven, you know,
and some of the habits of like waking up and
getting right to it, and I'm like trying to break

(58:00):
that so bad because especially with the state of the world,
I open my phone and it's some bad news And
now my day started that way, like you know what
I'm saying. And so I do miss the old days
in that way. And I know, like you had you
said you got a landline.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
Oh yes, girl, I'm.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Looking like I'm like, okay.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
No, that's been a game changer.

Speaker 4 (58:20):
So in my house, for anyone that doesn't know, I
got landline phones, I have like three spread throughout my house.
Got a home phone number, only a few people have it.
And I got clocks like I actually I was at
the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and in the
gift shop that's where I find so many treasures, oh the.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
Best, Oh my god god, museum gift shops, and I.

Speaker 4 (58:43):
Saw these clocks that they had in there, and so
I got all these clocks and I put one in
every room in my house so that I don't have
to use my phone, I don't have to look at
I also always wear a watch, but I don't have
to use my phone to see what time it is,
and then I'm tricked into using it, and.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Then I can really be off because.

Speaker 4 (59:03):
If my family, my best friends, and my son's school
can reach me, it's fine, Everything's okay.

Speaker 1 (59:10):
And I set up a voicemail. I put a song
on my voicemail.

Speaker 4 (59:13):
No, yes, I did it, like so old school Grace Jones,
Leaven Rose.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
I love it.

Speaker 4 (59:20):
But yeah, like I doing that has been really special
and substantial. It's really had an effect. And I think
for me in this season, I'm really trying to reclaim
my natural life.

Speaker 1 (59:32):
Like if social media.

Speaker 4 (59:33):
Hadn't been invented, right, like, if everything about life didn't
turn into interacting with the internet at all times.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
How would I feel like?

Speaker 4 (59:43):
And I because I still have memories of that were
the last generation too, and I'm so grateful because I
have about twenty years of memories of that. I have
really been looking to savor it and to like really purposefully.

Speaker 1 (59:58):
I also bought two radios.

Speaker 4 (01:00:00):
So I have one radio downstairs one radio upstairs, and
I just have it running on like a classical or
old school or talp case or w here in la
station and it's just on in the background, and I
don't have to choose it. Like that's what I love
about the radio, versus throwing on a playlist, which I
do too. Y'all know how I feel about selection. But

(01:00:22):
I don't have to make any choices when the radio's on.
I don't have to interact with my phone. I don't
have to choose the playlist. I don't have to put
another one on, keep.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
Going back and hidden next or whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
It's not about what I control in any way.

Speaker 4 (01:00:34):
I don't even know if a song I like is
gonna come on right, Like I don't know when it's
going a commercial. I needed those levels of natural surprise
to come into my life, of like, and it's honestly
like really been now that i'm thinking about it, Like
it's really been kind of life changing to my body

(01:00:56):
and my nervous system.

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
My son and I we don't use screen.

Speaker 4 (01:01:00):
I just pop on the radio in the background, really
low and like it's a companion to whatever else you're
doing in the house and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
So good, like I, yeah, I would love to make
that switch. And because I think we wouldn't, like, our
friends had to call us, and that's how we knew
what was going on. So we're having that interaction. We're talking,
oh my god, you didn't know nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:01:24):
You didn't know anything. You didn't know what I don't
have so much?

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
We know too much, Oh my god, which which causes
us to judge, to compare. Right, it's messy and.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
It's too much.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
We're feeling too much and we're all over the place
in our nervous systems are a wreck, like yeah, and
it's like we have to we have to stop and
take control of it. And we can, right, we can,
like just like you did, get a landline, get a radio,
introduce that. And I love like antiques and stuff anyway,
you know what I mean, Like, oh, give me a

(01:02:02):
relic baby, Oh my gosh. So you know what I mean.
But getting back to that old squad, do feel so
blessed to have had some of that? Yeah, you know
what I mean a lot of that growing up. I
tell my daughter because she you know, this generation wants
to wear headphones. Yeah every day all day. Take them
off like yes, so the other way.

Speaker 4 (01:02:22):
And they're beautiful to have when you need to come
back in and have kind of I'm back in my body.
I'm in my own kind of space.

Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
Feeling. Yeah, but it can also like really isolate.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
It isolates, And so we had a conversation. She was
not happy with me. I was like, they are not
allowed in the car if it's just me and you,
we're not on a long road trip, leave them. If
we're going in a grocery store, yeah, take them off
because you're not even having to yes, And like if
someone walks up to you, you know, you're not even looking
at them. It's like you're living in your own ways.
So she doesn't realize it because this is how is natural,

(01:02:55):
this is her natural life. And so yeah, we're pushing
pum like, no, you don't understand. You don't even know
how to look someone in the eye and smile with
your eyes because you're in your own little world in
your headphones. Take them off.

Speaker 4 (01:03:08):
These are going to be skills that are so rare
and necessary as humanity changes forms, Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
Because it's changing and we can't do anything about it, right,
Like it's changing form. But what we can do is
like and still, this guy the other day was like
just teaching your child the difference between fact and opinion,
like some of the things that we take so like wow,
you know, like they're not growing up with that. They're
not that's not a part of their So yeah, yeah,

(01:03:37):
I think that that gift of having a little bit
of both the old school and the new school, I
think I think we're favored in that way our generations.

Speaker 4 (01:03:46):
Yeah, and it's important to remember and honestly, it's important
to teach, like through role modeling and behavior like this.
I know this seems these seem like the only paths
and way to live right now, but there are.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
Other ways like that are always available.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
Yeah, and it can tap into and because yeah, you're
gonna need to know. And I always think, like I
just pray my child knows that there's she can believe
in something. There's something greater than all this stuff that's
being fed to her, right, Yeah, that she can anchor
and send to herself inside of herself and her own beliefs,
not the influences. It's so loud in the world, you

(01:04:26):
know what I mean, Like, can she sit still with
herself and hear from herself and hear from God? You
know what I mean? So, yeah, that's that's stuff I
sit with. That's some of that that invisible load.

Speaker 4 (01:04:37):
Yeah, you know, right, because when you want to parent.
Well you're thinking, oh so deeply about your children and
all the layers.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Oh, it's heavy, and those are the parts where in Okay,
So this this conversation where women are like not wanting
to have children anymore. And I have to admit that
I've been a person who has said, you know what,
if I could do it all again, I probably wouldn't, right,
like because and not because it's so hard to parent,
because I love them so much. It hurts that part,
right But now, and I'm so glad I can say

(01:05:09):
this here. I think that I was wrong because my
kids are with me for eighteen to twenty years. If
I look at the whole, like if I live eighty years,
that was nothing flies, It flies, and I got to
love someone so much that it hurts. Yeah, I wouldn't
take that back, you know what I mean? So yeah,

(01:05:30):
I mean, but you do you love them? You think
about everything, uh, you think about everything you say, do,
how you move, and it is a load. It's a load.
But it's again it's like, oh, but what a beautiful,
rich experience that we get to live and have.

Speaker 4 (01:05:48):
It's a very thick added layer to the lived experience.
And now it really really is it's like, yeah, even
like thinking of like you know when you do have
to travel for work, right and and kind of wrestling
with the guilt of it, wrestling with but also the
need for it and sometimes the freedom in it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
The freedom. Yeah, And I think it's a good example
for our children. I was thinking about this driving here
because they were like, where are you going, mommy, And
I was like, I'm going to work. So that's all long.
I'm going to work because every day is something different. Yeah,
I just work. Yeah, I'm going to work. But I
think for my daughter, I don't feel I like going
and living my life and her witnessing that because that

(01:06:33):
is all I want for.

Speaker 4 (01:06:34):
Her, and that teaches her how to be a woman, right, Like,
not through theory, not through talking at her, Like she
is witnessing woman. She's witnessing and it's going to be
so like everything the way you interact with people, the
way you negotiate a deal, the way you pick your
outfit and shopping, the she's like the way he's glued
in you hear all of it. She is like she's

(01:06:56):
watching it all. She's picking up and so I'm like, great,
because I always say I want you to go live
like overseas, like go study abroad and like live your
life freely, and so yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (01:07:06):
Was such a beautiful, amazing daughter.

Speaker 2 (01:07:08):
Thank you so much. I appreciate that. It's a it's
an experience, you know, raising a daughter, and so I,
you know, I just want her to know that she
can choose. She has all these choices that she can make.
Right now, she's fifteen, so she's got all the choices,
you know, as ours are like closing in, she's like
wide open. And I just want her to know that

(01:07:30):
she has all those choices. I never want to limit her.
So I think for me, when I when the guilt,
it doesn't really creep in as much really anymore when
I leave my children, because also know how to live
and survive on your own, Because what if something were
to happen to mommy, God forbid. You know what I'm saying.
I want to know that you can be okay without me,

(01:07:50):
and I want to know that you can make Yeah. Yeah,
so I'm not that mom that's like, don't I don't
want to do all the things on my lie. I
want to live my life and I want them to
live their life. And I think that it's healthy and
when I'm with them, like it's all cuddles all day,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (01:08:10):
So yeah, yeah, it's so thank you for this very
nuanced and robust conversation about womanhood and about motherhood and
about rest and about beauty.

Speaker 1 (01:08:23):
Because these are the layers.

Speaker 4 (01:08:24):
And I think, you know, especially for those that are
on the path of self actualizing and also those that
are on the teacher path, it's like, it's not just
the work that you do on yourself, right, and I
think so many of us have spent so many years
doing the work on ourselves, right, But then it's the

(01:08:46):
layers of embodiment which come in these really beautiful thin sheets,
layer by layer. It's kind of like for anybody that
knows this reference, which this might be way too ancient,
but like if you ever at the nail shop and
you like a silk wrap instead of a crylic and
what that looked like for them to lay down a
piece of that silk and add the layer by layer

(01:09:07):
and then it turns in Yeah, oh, that's probably so
old of a reference, but it reminds me of my
beautiful auntie. Yeah, but it really is, you know, once
you get some of those bigger mountains.

Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
Out of you.

Speaker 4 (01:09:20):
You know, once you've made peace with some of those
you know, mythical creatures that have been roaring inside of you,
you get to a new level of what the quote
unquote work is, and it is that slow, nuanced deepening
and embodying and observing and just getting into the fibers

(01:09:45):
of what you've become.

Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
Yeah, that's beautiful, that's beautifully said. And again like just
what a blessing to get there? Yeah, you know what
I mean. I'm so grateful. I was driving here today,
as tired as I've been, exhausted, sad, heavy, I was
driving here and that stretched between the Getty and mulholland yes,

(01:10:09):
there were tears. I was like, thank you God, thank
you God, because look at this blue sky and these
mountains and this green Like.

Speaker 1 (01:10:19):
How lucky am I?

Speaker 3 (01:10:20):
How?

Speaker 2 (01:10:21):
Oh my god, Oh my god, How lucky am I?
How blessed? How fortunate? You know, even with the heaviness
of the world, that I get to be alive at all?
Do you know what I'm saying right now, right now
and with my mind intact, like you know what I'm saying, God?

Speaker 4 (01:10:41):
Yeah, Like, honestly, honestly, that is such after everything so
many of us have been through, especially in these last
five years, and the chaos that could be the next ten,
it's like to have your mind, to have your emotion
regulation intact, is miraculous, Like it is such a gift.

Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
Yeah, and even bigger your heart. If we can keep
our hearts soft and open and if they don't harden
in this hard world, that is that's that's a miracle,
you know. And and so yeah, to feel that feeling.
When I was in that stretch of that drive, I
was like, yes, I'm still soft, I'm still here, I'm

(01:11:28):
still aware, I'm still so grateful in spite of all
of it, how complex it all is. I'm so grateful
to have my mind and my heart intact, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:11:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, ah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:44):
Well, thank you so much for joining me today, Thank
you for having me.

Speaker 2 (01:11:49):
Yeah. I love being here. This is great. Yeah. The energy,
your energy, your space, it's beautiful, your backyard. Listen, I'm like, oh.

Speaker 4 (01:11:59):
Just.

Speaker 1 (01:12:01):
Oh, keeps me saying it's dreamy.

Speaker 4 (01:12:05):
Take up gardening everyone, okay please. And also something I
think I want to say to everyone listening is don't
take for granted the freedom we have in this moment
and the access we have. We don't actually know what
the world is going to look like tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (01:12:22):
Right, and.

Speaker 4 (01:12:24):
Freedom changes, yes, right, And we are not exchanges, We
are not exempt. And we are learning that by some
of the things that are changing that we thought were unchangeable. Yep, right,
some of the laws, some of the ways that the
government goes about doing things right, Like, there are things
that when we were in our social studies classes and
our history is class is learning about checks and balances

(01:12:47):
and everything else.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
Where are they?

Speaker 1 (01:12:49):
We don't know nor what.

Speaker 4 (01:12:54):
Our lives are going to look like, so we can't
take for granted. And I know it's hard to hold.
I know it's hard to look around and to hear
the things in my God to see the things and yeah,
it's hard to see and hold all of that and
also say I'm going to make time for beauty, I'm
going to take a nice walk, or I'm going to

(01:13:14):
do something special for myself. I know sometimes it feels
wrong and impossible or you know, just not the right
choice to do those fair, unfair, that's so good, unfair,
But push yourself because we don't know long term what
access we're gonna have to what, So get this in Like,

(01:13:37):
I am savoring the goodness of my life right now.

Speaker 2 (01:13:39):
Yes, please please please please.

Speaker 1 (01:13:42):
And I'm gonna have it while it's here.

Speaker 2 (01:13:44):
Yes, please savor it. Please notice while we can. Yeah,
all the beauty that there is and all the possibility
that's still present. Use discernment, make wise choices, make generous choices,
but fuel up, fuel up, and made that fuel hold us, yeah,

(01:14:07):
and keep us for the future that we can't see
and don't know. But I pray it holds us and
keeps us. We gotta literally stock up on the beauty.

Speaker 4 (01:14:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, share it, share it, share it,
build community, now, get connected.

Speaker 2 (01:14:23):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:14:25):
Please check out Brandy's new book Sundays and other musings
available where you get your books, so beautiful. Thank you
so much, and please let everyone know how they can
best connect with you.

Speaker 2 (01:14:37):
You know what. Instagram houses all the things Brandy Freely
on Instagram and Brandy Freely on all the other things
and dot coms and you know, yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:14:48):
It'll all be in the show notes of this episode.
And Brandy of course not only has this book, but
has her amazing Escapism retreat.

Speaker 1 (01:14:56):
So if you are.

Speaker 4 (01:14:56):
Feeling called to that there will be so much more
information on how you can connect with the depth of
this writing, with the depth of this work, and really
cultivate your own beauty practice.

Speaker 2 (01:15:08):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:15:09):
Do you have any final thought or share a soul
work for everyone listening?

Speaker 2 (01:15:13):
M You know what, just this practice that we're talking about.
Go out and find something beautiful and make it a
practice every day, even when it doesn't feel fair to
do so, you know, do it anyway and stock up
on the beauty, look for the good. Yeah, I think

(01:15:33):
even for myself. Yeah, you know, just noticing it and
being okay and telling myself it's okay to still dream.
So it's okay to believe that maybe it can work
out and it can all be okay and it can
all be beautiful. It's okay to have that hope.

Speaker 3 (01:15:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:15:49):
Why not?

Speaker 2 (01:15:49):
Why not have that?

Speaker 1 (01:15:50):
What is the what's the alternative?

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:15:53):
Whatever happens is going to happen.

Speaker 4 (01:15:55):
But I'm not going to like participate in my suffering
and my own suffering.

Speaker 2 (01:15:59):
No, I don't have to give up my hope and
hand it over and say okay, you win. You know,
I don't have to do that. So hold on to
that hope and find some beauty in it. Yeah yeah, yeah,
thank you, Thank you, Debbie, Thank you for having me.

Speaker 4 (01:16:15):
So good, so good until next episode. Thank you everyone
so much for listening. If you have a chance and
you connected with this episode, especially share with a friend.
Who do you think could be served by this? If
it is possible in your time space, please leave a
rating and type up a review for the show for

(01:16:35):
Deeply Well. If you're listening on Apple, drop a comment.
If you are watching on YouTube, hello, and if you
have gotten my new book, Living in Wisdom, please leave
a review and give me some stars. Much love everyone,
Thank you for listening, and we'll be back next week. Now.

Speaker 1 (01:16:54):
Mis stays.

Speaker 4 (01:16:57):
The content presented on Deeply Well solely for educational and
informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement for
personalized medical or mental health guidance, and does not constitute
a provider patient relationship. As always, it is advisable to
consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any

(01:17:18):
specific concerns or questions that you may have. Connect with
me on social at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram,
or you can go to my website Debbie Brown dot com.
And if you're listening to the show on Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 1 (01:17:33):
Don't forget.

Speaker 4 (01:17:33):
Please rate, review, and subscribe and send this episode to
a friend. Deeply Well is a production of iHeartRadio and
The Black Effect Network. It's produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins,
and me Debbie Brown. The Beautiful Soundbath You heard That's
by Jarrelyn Glass from Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

(01:17:56):
visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.