October 23, 2025 • 16 mins
In this bonus episode, sparked by Bree and Rex’s talk of hiring a sex surrogate...
Teri recalls losing her virginity, and you’ll never guess where it went down!
Emerson shares her secrets on how to please when your partner has needs.
Plus, DIY vibrators and the sex therapy that could save your relationship!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Terry, I'm Andrea, and I'm Emerson And this
is our x y Z bonus episode of desperately Devoted Congratulations.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You made it to the bonus.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
We like to pick out something that felt like we
should pay it a little bit more attention. A theme
that came up in this week's episode that we want
to discuss a little bit more that might have been
a little bit juicy.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
And in this X y Z we are talking about
sexual surrogacy.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And is it a thing?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
What the hell is that?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Even?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Wait?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Does that mean?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Because I needed a sexual surrogate to explain to me
what a sexual surrogate is.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
But basically this, this is a real job where people
come in and teach couples that need help with their
sexuality together how to do it. And so it makes
me how to do it right?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
How to do it right?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
How to do it well?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I feel like I've just lowered my voice for this
for this bonus sexy juicy episode. But in this episode,
it was Bri and Rex that or exploring the idea
of if they needed help to improve their sex life. So,
I mean, somebody start, how has everybody whoever needed help
(01:11):
with their sex life?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
In this room.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Gotten it well, I think, I mean, thanks mom for
kicking that.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Question over way.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Is this even legal to have this conversation with your
own child.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
It's great. I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
It's great. I'm sorry, we'll find out.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I think it's important to have an open line of
dialogue with If you have that kind of relationship with
your mom, which you guys do. You know, you have
a lot of respect for each other, and you probably
feel like safe spaces for one another. And I always
appreciated my mom was very open minded with me with
having conversations. I think it's different. I hear my sisters,
my older sister's perspectives, and I think she got increasingly
(01:49):
open minded. And I was the I benefited from being.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
The youngest, and my mom never said anything. I mean,
honestly like it.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
You have any idea what happen when you lost your virginity?
How did you learn that? No?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
In fact, I think I didn't know what a condom was.
In fact, I think the first time I was going
to have sex as a high school student in my parents' house,
in their waterbed.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I love that you went to their bedroom. Well, it's
a bold move.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Yeah, I don't know what, Emerson.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It was a waterbed, it was.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Yes, But I was looking for a condom because I had,
you know, I guess i'd been told from I don't know,
high school that you should have a condom, but I
didn't know what they were or what they looked like.
And so I was looking in my parents' drawers like
to see if there was anything. And still to this day,
I've never told this story to anyone. I found this
thing that was like a white like almost like a
(02:45):
band aid, like a like a like but like thicker
than a band aid, but like about like I'm putting
my two fingers like. It was like maybe three or
four inches long, and it looked like and came in plastic,
you know, like you would unwrap it. And I had it.
I had that you. I had it in my head
that maybe you put it over the tip of the
penis like to keep the like you guys, this is
(03:06):
out inexperienced sex. So of course I didn't use that.
And no, I didn't get a condom, so I didn't
use one.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Oh my god, yeah, he didn't bring a condom. No,
you invited him into your parents' waterbud and he didn't
bring a condom.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I don't remember parable. I just know that I'm lucky
I got out alive.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
That's all lucky. I'm here today to talk about any
of it.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
If we're really going to examine my sexual history, it's
just you know, yeah, it's filled with error.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Did you feel comfortable? Did you have conversations growing up
Emerson freely openly about sex and being curious about sex,
or did you feel any shame about talking about it
or embarrassment?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
You know, I mean a combination of both of those things.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I think.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
I feel like I did grow up generally between both
my mom and dad, like in pretty sex positive, like
households that you know, didn't attach a lot of shame
to you know, even when even when you think about,
you know, parents who are uncomfortable, like sitting through a
sex scene in a movie with their kids, I feel
(04:17):
like I always felt slightly more like that wasn't something
that was horrible or abnormal, or like you couldn't, you know,
do if that came up in a movie or something.
And I mean when I was really little, before any
feelings of sexuality really start to emerge, I feel like
I lived in a very naked positive house. I was like,
(04:38):
definitely the kid running around naked all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
My parents actually did rend this song.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Oh my god, I think I started at it and
beautiful and full of inspiration.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
So we we lived in New York at the time,
and she was like a little toddler and and she
would run around and we would sing that. I think
I made that.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I'm pretty sure what a banger.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, pretty sure that came from me, and I do
I still sing that to myself. And I have to say,
I think that level of openness just around like body
and you know, asking.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Questions of like what is a vagina? Like what is
a penie?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:15):
I feel like those things were always talked about. That said,
I do think when I started to explore feel like
more sexual feelings, you know when you're a preteen or
whatever and you're like having your first kiss or whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I did feel a little.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Bit uncomfortable talking about that at home, not because anyone
said you can't talk about that, but because I think
it's a I empathize with the tightrope it is to
walk as a parent of what do you normalize and
how do you want to protect, you know, your kid
from things you think that they're doing too soon.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
It's totally a balance.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Yeah, it's totally abalance if someone's too hyped, Like if
someone if my mom or my dad was like too positive,
I would shut down for sure. I'd be like, this
is mortifying. I don't but it's a if they were
they if they were totally closed door on it, then
I would I would hate that, right, So I do
think there's a balance.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Does do you remember I know, Okay, In our episode
of Desperately Devoted, I talked about a memory of being
in my early twenties and having a friend at some
big party out in Malibu, being on the sand at
a table and teaching a bunch of girls how to
give a blowjob on a beer bottle.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
And how many men were standing next to the table
watching this down.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
No, I don't have a recollection of any men being around,
but maybe that I think I was just with girls.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Actually, we were filming it for this site called only.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Fans, which didn't exist then, so we were not anyway,
And I think that made us think about, oh, there's
a there's a broader conversation here, but do you recall
how you learned how to have sex? Other than the
book that I bought you when you turned eighteen.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Yes, which I had had sex before that book arrived.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
What's the book?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
The book?
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Okay, the book my mom got me when I was eighteen,
which I think was like a year going off to college.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
You know what. Empowered?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Be empowered, you're beautiful, naked and inspired or whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, full of inspiration. The book was called The Art of.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Sexual Ecstasy, and honestly it was a very like Comma
Sutra inspired a book. I think it's highly ambitious. I
did not really crack that book open in earnest until
I was in my twenties and like kind of out
of college, although I think I definitely leafed through it
a bit. I think it's very vulnerable to you know,
(07:36):
pull out a textbook when you're with a partner and go,
do you want to try page you know, sixty nine, and.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
It's why that one spring that one?
Speaker 4 (07:46):
You don't need it really a book for that one's
pretty self explanatory. They're much more complex positions in the book.
I think another book that I have found actually like
just recently in my life that is less although it
(08:07):
does get into I think more and it's very hetero.
It's much more it was written at a time it's
much more focused on male and female relationships, but I
think it can apply to all types of relationships. Is
a book called Passionate Marriage, which makes a really interesting
argument for the idea that real intimacy and ultimately super
(08:28):
free and invigorating sex comes from emotional intimacy first. And
I think that is something that we don't teach. I
feel like we teach the mechanics maybe of this is
how you give a blowjob, this is how you know
(08:48):
you have penetrative.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Sex, this is what a condom looks like.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
I remember, not a band aid.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
I remember googling, like in like reading a Cosmo art
about like how I actually remember this when I was
dating men, googling a Cosmo article about how to give
a woman head because I wanted to be able to
more clearly ask for what I wanted from a guy
going down on me. And then that article has been
(09:18):
immensely helpful in other ways now in my life dating women.
But I think it is interesting to name. I think
there's much more research done on naming the mechanics of
things that can feel good or do feel good, or
this is how you do it, but I think not
a lot. And I'm enjoying this book Passionate Marriage right now,
there's not a lot of emphasis put on sex really
(09:40):
as an outcome of merging emotional intimacy and starting with
even if it's like talking through your sexual fantasies, not
even touching each other, just being in an intimate setting
and being vulnerable enough to say what really turns you
on or what you would like and letting that conversation
(10:02):
evolve into a desire to be close to someone you
have a deep emotional connection with, and then that segueing
into sex with orgasm even like an additional outcome after that.
I think we're so orgasm centric, so much so, and
it's so you know, great, but like not at all
the main act.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I think of sex, and I feel like I'm still.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Well, I only have a relationship with a machine at
this point, it is the main act and it is
all that matters.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Wait, let's talk.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
About that a little bit, because I do think that,
you know, we're focusing a lot on partnered sex, but
I think that often people's first experiences by themselves, you know,
they're exploring their sexual side with masturbating, with masturbating. Yeah,
and so when you mentioned a machine, is that, yeah, mubating.
It's also not a pleasant word, like can we I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Do I've had I've had disturbating it's your Yeah, I've
had many vibrators of the many years. But I have
one that I've had for many many years, like too
many years, loyal and I'm loyal to this one.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
They still make it.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
No, it's from Sharper Image and it actually has a plug.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Like Sharper Image.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah, you know the store with.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
The back stuff. Yeah, and they made like vibrators.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Well no, they made like shoulder massages that were in
the shape of something you liked.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Why vibrators, But I.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Think everyone used them for that. I don't think people
use them for back massaging.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, No, they were. They they people pretended to buy
them for their shoulders and then they used them on
other parts. But the thing that's funny about it is
like most vibrators these days are all like come, they
charge in a USB and they and they you know,
they have batteries or whatever. Mine still has a plug
like I'm I'm tethered to the electric outlet by with
(11:48):
my with my uh hot so hot.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
So this is a bad idea for us to be
doing this bonus episode.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
And not only am I tethered to the electric outlet.
I you know, after I've I've enjoyed the part of
it that I need to enjoy, then the whole point
of masturbating for me anyway, is to have the release
that makes you allowed to relax, you know, like you're
in that sort of that that bliss that everybody blissed
(12:17):
out place. But I am so afraid that I might
like drop dead in the middle of the night that
I have to then get up and take the vibrator
across the room and hide it in a drawer, because
I don't want to be found dead with an electric
plug vibrator.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
It looks like it's just a back massager.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Also, I have to say, I think that's what anybody
would think I was doing.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I think that's an iconic way to go, Like, I
hope that's not how you go. But I do think
that if one discovered someone some lady and she's there
with her vibrator and they're like, and now that's how
she died, I'd go kudos, Okay for.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Maybe I won't get up and put it in.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
The drawer anymore.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I want to say, I want to add to.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
This conversation because how do you get off Andrew?
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Well, that's not where I was going to go with that,
but I was going to say that I don't have
that many interesting stories that I feel like, are that
scandalous about growing up as a teen in Hollywood? Because
I was pretty tame, right, I tried to be a
pretty good girl. But I will say the first vibrator
that I ever saw owned had was given to me
(13:20):
at a gifting suite while you were doing Desperate house
while I was doing Desperate Housewives, was.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
One of those platinum ones, those like kind of they.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Just look like they gave you the good ship.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
This was just like me.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Because I do want to say this. I so these
these gifting suites are things that happen around award season
usually where you can go to these rooms at a
hotel or a conference space and then they fill you
up with bags of free stuff and you take pictures
with it and it helps them promote you know, their products,
and then you get free stuff for being on a
(13:57):
show that is popular. It's kind of a weird them,
but anyway, I went to one of these gifting suites,
sometimes they gave you things in bags where you didn't
even see them necessarily, So this was one of those times.
I got home and I was unpacking the gifting suite
bag and there was this little item and I didn't
know what it was, you know, because like I said,
(14:19):
it didn't look like a penis or anything. It was
just like this little pink thing, and and I was
looking at it and I was like, huh, what is this?
And I touched it and it started vibrating, and then
I realized what it was, and I.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Oh, come on, you.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Too young? Too young.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I was so embarrassed by myself, going like what do
I do with this thing? And do I how do
I get rid of it? And and you know, I
kept thinking like did I poseiler? Yeah, that was your
that was your Season one rap gift, don't you remember, Terry. No,
But I didn't know what to do with it. And
then I was horrified that me I might like I
forgot that somehow I posed with it, because you know
(14:58):
how you have to like sometimes pose with the shampoo
that they give you or this or that that, And
I was like, did I pose with this weird thing?
But no, I don't think I ever did. It never
got out there, and but you know, that's kind of
a weird side of growing up in Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Crazy. I'm so sad you didn't use it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I'm sad you didn't keep it until a time where
you arrived at a point in your life where you
would have wanted to keep it. I think that was
Is that like the hot bunny or what's the hot?
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Like the little the rabbit? The rabbit? No, it didn't
have an interesting shape at all. There was nothing exciting
about it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
It was just crazy.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It was just crazy that they didn't realize they were
giving that to a miner.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That's insane.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I know, I'm you know, have the things that miners
were slipped at these parties. It's probably not that bad,
you know, in hindsight, Like people tried to serve me
alcohol all the time, things like that, and I would
have to, at my own discretion be like, yeah, no,
I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I keep telling everybody it's so amazing that she turned
out to be such a lovely human being. It is
hard to be raised as a child actor in Hollywood.
So okay, well I'm just going to say I loved
our first X y Z episode, and I find that
that you and I were I'm happy to go down
this awkward road with you. I think we're going to
learn a lot here we go.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Let's link arms and skip down the road of uncomfortable conversations.
You can't wait because I'm so desperately devoted to you, listeners.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I'm going to do this with my mother. God help
us all.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
We're blushing, but we're happy.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
We're blushing and happy and we hope that we hope
you enjoyed it. So we'll see you next week.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Thanks for coming to our Blowness episode, I mean bonus episode,
our Blowness episode.
Hi, I'm Terry, I'm Andrea, and I'm Emerson And this
is our x y Z bonus episode of desperately Devoted Congratulations.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You made it to the bonus.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
We like to pick out something that felt like we
should pay it a little bit more attention. A theme
that came up in this week's episode that we want
to discuss a little bit more that might have been
a little bit juicy.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
And in this X y Z we are talking about
sexual surrogacy.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And is it a thing?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
What the hell is that?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Even?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Wait?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Does that mean?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Because I needed a sexual surrogate to explain to me
what a sexual surrogate is.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
But basically this, this is a real job where people
come in and teach couples that need help with their
sexuality together how to do it. And so it makes
me how to do it right?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
How to do it right?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
How to do it well?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I feel like I've just lowered my voice for this
for this bonus sexy juicy episode. But in this episode,
it was Bri and Rex that or exploring the idea
of if they needed help to improve their sex life. So,
I mean, somebody start, how has everybody whoever needed help
(01:11):
with their sex life?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
In this room.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Gotten it well, I think, I mean, thanks mom for
kicking that.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Question over way.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Is this even legal to have this conversation with your
own child.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
It's great. I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
It's great. I'm sorry, we'll find out.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I think it's important to have an open line of
dialogue with If you have that kind of relationship with
your mom, which you guys do. You know, you have
a lot of respect for each other, and you probably
feel like safe spaces for one another. And I always
appreciated my mom was very open minded with me with
having conversations. I think it's different. I hear my sisters,
my older sister's perspectives, and I think she got increasingly
(01:49):
open minded. And I was the I benefited from being.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
The youngest, and my mom never said anything. I mean,
honestly like it.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
You have any idea what happen when you lost your virginity?
How did you learn that? No?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
In fact, I think I didn't know what a condom was.
In fact, I think the first time I was going
to have sex as a high school student in my parents' house,
in their waterbed.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I love that you went to their bedroom. Well, it's
a bold move.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Yeah, I don't know what, Emerson.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It was a waterbed, it was.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Yes, But I was looking for a condom because I had,
you know, I guess i'd been told from I don't know,
high school that you should have a condom, but I
didn't know what they were or what they looked like.
And so I was looking in my parents' drawers like
to see if there was anything. And still to this day,
I've never told this story to anyone. I found this
thing that was like a white like almost like a
(02:45):
band aid, like a like a like but like thicker
than a band aid, but like about like I'm putting
my two fingers like. It was like maybe three or
four inches long, and it looked like and came in plastic,
you know, like you would unwrap it. And I had it.
I had that you. I had it in my head
that maybe you put it over the tip of the
penis like to keep the like you guys, this is
(03:06):
out inexperienced sex. So of course I didn't use that.
And no, I didn't get a condom, so I didn't
use one.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Oh my god, yeah, he didn't bring a condom. No,
you invited him into your parents' waterbud and he didn't
bring a condom.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I don't remember parable. I just know that I'm lucky
I got out alive.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
That's all lucky. I'm here today to talk about any
of it.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
If we're really going to examine my sexual history, it's
just you know, yeah, it's filled with error.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Did you feel comfortable? Did you have conversations growing up
Emerson freely openly about sex and being curious about sex,
or did you feel any shame about talking about it
or embarrassment?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
You know, I mean a combination of both of those things.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I think.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
I feel like I did grow up generally between both
my mom and dad, like in pretty sex positive, like
households that you know, didn't attach a lot of shame
to you know, even when even when you think about,
you know, parents who are uncomfortable, like sitting through a
sex scene in a movie with their kids, I feel
(04:17):
like I always felt slightly more like that wasn't something
that was horrible or abnormal, or like you couldn't, you know,
do if that came up in a movie or something.
And I mean when I was really little, before any
feelings of sexuality really start to emerge, I feel like
I lived in a very naked positive house. I was like,
(04:38):
definitely the kid running around naked all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
My parents actually did rend this song.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Oh my god, I think I started at it and
beautiful and full of inspiration.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
So we we lived in New York at the time,
and she was like a little toddler and and she
would run around and we would sing that. I think
I made that.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I'm pretty sure what a banger.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, pretty sure that came from me, and I do
I still sing that to myself. And I have to say,
I think that level of openness just around like body
and you know, asking.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Questions of like what is a vagina? Like what is
a penie?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:15):
I feel like those things were always talked about. That said,
I do think when I started to explore feel like
more sexual feelings, you know when you're a preteen or
whatever and you're like having your first kiss or whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I did feel a little.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Bit uncomfortable talking about that at home, not because anyone
said you can't talk about that, but because I think
it's a I empathize with the tightrope it is to
walk as a parent of what do you normalize and
how do you want to protect, you know, your kid
from things you think that they're doing too soon.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
It's totally a balance.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Yeah, it's totally abalance if someone's too hyped, Like if
someone if my mom or my dad was like too positive,
I would shut down for sure. I'd be like, this
is mortifying. I don't but it's a if they were
they if they were totally closed door on it, then
I would I would hate that, right, So I do
think there's a balance.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Does do you remember I know, Okay, In our episode
of Desperately Devoted, I talked about a memory of being
in my early twenties and having a friend at some
big party out in Malibu, being on the sand at
a table and teaching a bunch of girls how to
give a blowjob on a beer bottle.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
And how many men were standing next to the table
watching this down.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
No, I don't have a recollection of any men being around,
but maybe that I think I was just with girls.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Actually, we were filming it for this site called only.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Fans, which didn't exist then, so we were not anyway,
And I think that made us think about, oh, there's
a there's a broader conversation here, but do you recall
how you learned how to have sex? Other than the
book that I bought you when you turned eighteen.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Yes, which I had had sex before that book arrived.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
What's the book?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
The book?
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Okay, the book my mom got me when I was eighteen,
which I think was like a year going off to college.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
You know what. Empowered?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Be empowered, you're beautiful, naked and inspired or whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, full of inspiration. The book was called The Art of.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Sexual Ecstasy, and honestly it was a very like Comma
Sutra inspired a book. I think it's highly ambitious. I
did not really crack that book open in earnest until
I was in my twenties and like kind of out
of college, although I think I definitely leafed through it
a bit. I think it's very vulnerable to you know,
(07:36):
pull out a textbook when you're with a partner and go,
do you want to try page you know, sixty nine, and.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
It's why that one spring that one?
Speaker 4 (07:46):
You don't need it really a book for that one's
pretty self explanatory. They're much more complex positions in the book.
I think another book that I have found actually like
just recently in my life that is less although it
(08:07):
does get into I think more and it's very hetero.
It's much more it was written at a time it's
much more focused on male and female relationships, but I
think it can apply to all types of relationships. Is
a book called Passionate Marriage, which makes a really interesting
argument for the idea that real intimacy and ultimately super
(08:28):
free and invigorating sex comes from emotional intimacy first. And
I think that is something that we don't teach. I
feel like we teach the mechanics maybe of this is
how you give a blowjob, this is how you know
(08:48):
you have penetrative.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Sex, this is what a condom looks like.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
I remember, not a band aid.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
I remember googling, like in like reading a Cosmo art
about like how I actually remember this when I was
dating men, googling a Cosmo article about how to give
a woman head because I wanted to be able to
more clearly ask for what I wanted from a guy
going down on me. And then that article has been
(09:18):
immensely helpful in other ways now in my life dating women.
But I think it is interesting to name. I think
there's much more research done on naming the mechanics of
things that can feel good or do feel good, or
this is how you do it, but I think not
a lot. And I'm enjoying this book Passionate Marriage right now,
there's not a lot of emphasis put on sex really
(09:40):
as an outcome of merging emotional intimacy and starting with
even if it's like talking through your sexual fantasies, not
even touching each other, just being in an intimate setting
and being vulnerable enough to say what really turns you
on or what you would like and letting that conversation
(10:02):
evolve into a desire to be close to someone you
have a deep emotional connection with, and then that segueing
into sex with orgasm even like an additional outcome after that.
I think we're so orgasm centric, so much so, and
it's so you know, great, but like not at all
the main act.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I think of sex, and I feel like I'm still.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Well, I only have a relationship with a machine at
this point, it is the main act and it is
all that matters.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Wait, let's talk.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
About that a little bit, because I do think that,
you know, we're focusing a lot on partnered sex, but
I think that often people's first experiences by themselves, you know,
they're exploring their sexual side with masturbating, with masturbating. Yeah,
and so when you mentioned a machine, is that, yeah, mubating.
It's also not a pleasant word, like can we I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Do I've had I've had disturbating it's your Yeah, I've
had many vibrators of the many years. But I have
one that I've had for many many years, like too
many years, loyal and I'm loyal to this one.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
They still make it.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
No, it's from Sharper Image and it actually has a plug.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Like Sharper Image.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah, you know the store with.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
The back stuff. Yeah, and they made like vibrators.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Well no, they made like shoulder massages that were in
the shape of something you liked.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Why vibrators, But I.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Think everyone used them for that. I don't think people
use them for back massaging.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, No, they were. They they people pretended to buy
them for their shoulders and then they used them on
other parts. But the thing that's funny about it is
like most vibrators these days are all like come, they
charge in a USB and they and they you know,
they have batteries or whatever. Mine still has a plug
like I'm I'm tethered to the electric outlet by with
(11:48):
my with my uh hot so hot.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
So this is a bad idea for us to be
doing this bonus episode.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
And not only am I tethered to the electric outlet.
I you know, after I've I've enjoyed the part of
it that I need to enjoy, then the whole point
of masturbating for me anyway, is to have the release
that makes you allowed to relax, you know, like you're
in that sort of that that bliss that everybody blissed
(12:17):
out place. But I am so afraid that I might
like drop dead in the middle of the night that
I have to then get up and take the vibrator
across the room and hide it in a drawer, because
I don't want to be found dead with an electric
plug vibrator.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
It looks like it's just a back massager.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Also, I have to say, I think that's what anybody
would think I was doing.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I think that's an iconic way to go, Like, I
hope that's not how you go. But I do think
that if one discovered someone some lady and she's there
with her vibrator and they're like, and now that's how
she died, I'd go kudos, Okay for.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Maybe I won't get up and put it in.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
The drawer anymore.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I want to say, I want to add to.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
This conversation because how do you get off Andrew?
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Well, that's not where I was going to go with that,
but I was going to say that I don't have
that many interesting stories that I feel like, are that
scandalous about growing up as a teen in Hollywood? Because
I was pretty tame, right, I tried to be a
pretty good girl. But I will say the first vibrator
that I ever saw owned had was given to me
(13:20):
at a gifting suite while you were doing Desperate house
while I was doing Desperate Housewives, was.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
One of those platinum ones, those like kind of they.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Just look like they gave you the good ship.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
This was just like me.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Because I do want to say this. I so these
these gifting suites are things that happen around award season
usually where you can go to these rooms at a
hotel or a conference space and then they fill you
up with bags of free stuff and you take pictures
with it and it helps them promote you know, their products,
and then you get free stuff for being on a
(13:57):
show that is popular. It's kind of a weird them,
but anyway, I went to one of these gifting suites,
sometimes they gave you things in bags where you didn't
even see them necessarily, So this was one of those times.
I got home and I was unpacking the gifting suite
bag and there was this little item and I didn't
know what it was, you know, because like I said,
(14:19):
it didn't look like a penis or anything. It was
just like this little pink thing, and and I was
looking at it and I was like, huh, what is this?
And I touched it and it started vibrating, and then
I realized what it was, and I.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Oh, come on, you.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Too young? Too young.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I was so embarrassed by myself, going like what do
I do with this thing? And do I how do
I get rid of it? And and you know, I
kept thinking like did I poseiler? Yeah, that was your
that was your Season one rap gift, don't you remember, Terry. No,
But I didn't know what to do with it. And
then I was horrified that me I might like I
forgot that somehow I posed with it, because you know
(14:58):
how you have to like sometimes pose with the shampoo
that they give you or this or that that, And
I was like, did I pose with this weird thing?
But no, I don't think I ever did. It never
got out there, and but you know, that's kind of
a weird side of growing up in Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Crazy. I'm so sad you didn't use it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I'm sad you didn't keep it until a time where
you arrived at a point in your life where you
would have wanted to keep it. I think that was
Is that like the hot bunny or what's the hot?
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Like the little the rabbit? The rabbit? No, it didn't
have an interesting shape at all. There was nothing exciting
about it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
It was just crazy.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It was just crazy that they didn't realize they were
giving that to a miner.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That's insane.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I know, I'm you know, have the things that miners
were slipped at these parties. It's probably not that bad,
you know, in hindsight, Like people tried to serve me
alcohol all the time, things like that, and I would
have to, at my own discretion be like, yeah, no,
I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I keep telling everybody it's so amazing that she turned
out to be such a lovely human being. It is
hard to be raised as a child actor in Hollywood.
So okay, well I'm just going to say I loved
our first X y Z episode, and I find that
that you and I were I'm happy to go down
this awkward road with you. I think we're going to
learn a lot here we go.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Let's link arms and skip down the road of uncomfortable conversations.
You can't wait because I'm so desperately devoted to you, listeners.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I'm going to do this with my mother. God help
us all.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
We're blushing, but we're happy.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
We're blushing and happy and we hope that we hope
you enjoyed it. So we'll see you next week.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Thanks for coming to our Blowness episode, I mean bonus episode,
our Blowness episode.
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