May 19, 2025 • 57 mins
This week, Chris and Karen welcome actor and comedian Martha Kelly to talk about divorcée clubs, dog bedevilments and more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
we want to be there.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
time and a termino and gage.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We scared her? Was it fine? Mal porn? Do you
(00:49):
need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you
need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you
need to ride? Do your need you ride?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
This is Karen Kilgara.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
We almost got taken out by a FedEx man who's late.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
The second I was like, how about a little bit
of air head on collision with.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
The FedEx guy?
Speaker 4 (01:29):
That was a perfect If they were ever going to
update the driver's ad video, that would have been the scenario.
That's the new red bouncing ball.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm the bad one. How are you my friend?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
Yeah? We have the clubs and colleges across the starting
to put your ears together for Martha Kelly? Ah, Hi,
Do you like how I almost just didn't introduce you.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I thought maybe you guys were going to do a
little small talk before you introduced.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of podcasts do that, even Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I hate when people do it, and I hate the
people who do it.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
I wish terrible things on them, like you're just put
on pause while they pretend to have an experience without you.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
It's the height of inhumanity.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Man's inhumanity to man.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
And sometimes it lasts like a half hour.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I'm only kidding about hating the people who do it,
But it is funny that that is a weird thing
that happens on some podcasts.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
Yeah, and they always warn you we're going to talk
for a little bit and then we'll introduce you.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
We're gonna get some business out of the way. Uh
here on, do you need a ride promo code?
Speaker 4 (02:42):
And then I try, well, aren't they going to wonder
who's the third laugher for the first twenty minutes? Like right?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Because I will always laugh if I'm there, but I'm
supposed to be silent.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I'll still laugh at their jokes.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Oh yeah, if you tell me not to laugh, I
become the hardest laugher known.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
He'd become Joaquin Phoenix is the joker, a screaming loud laugh,
the best Laugher, the best joker. This's your favorite joker, Martha.
I have to say thank you so much. That's not
the rules.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The sweet fellow who passed whose name escapes me, Keith
Heath Ledger.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Oh yeah, here's the scariest to me. The other ones
have all just been more buffoonery. But he was legit scary.
He was so good.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Yeah yeah, what uh? And that was Everyone realized how
good he was with that role. But he wasn't even
around when that movie came out, right, I think.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think he passed before it came out, but after
they finished shooting Wild.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
So many Australian depths that make me.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Sad that the car Cadole Hunter and.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Michael Hutchins from in excess.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Oh yeah, yeah, that sucked.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Lydia Newton John another grade.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
It's sadder when Australians die. It just is factually it is.
Andy Gibb a heartbreak. God, that was a heartbreak.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
We lost him very young.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, and I think he was a gentle soul. I
think all the Beg's brothers were gentle souls, even though
two of them didn't get along.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I learned from a documentary about them.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
I think I saw that documentary.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I love that documentary with my dad. It was good.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It's really good, and it's really touching. And I still
don't know why Robin and Barry didn't like each other
or was it? Was it Maurice and Barry Now I
can't remember Maurice Gibbs.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
That style of singing was just so their own, so
specific and beard and their own like kind of like
how Queen is where You're like, how is this working?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah, And I didn't know until that documentary that they
wrote a bunch of songs for people when they're when
people turned on disco for racist and homophobic reasons, which
I didn't understand because I was in like sixth grade
when it happened. Yeah, but when that happened, they and
they stopped being able to sell records. They just wrote
songs for other people and were successful that way. Yeah,
(05:28):
which is pretty amazing because a lot of people, like myself,
the first sign of discouragement, I throw in the towel.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
You need to persevere like a GiB. I gotta be
one of the brothers GiB yeap.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
We must be more like Maurice in our day to
day with the hair and the beard and the high
high voice.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Just a great selection of hair, those gibs.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, a real variety pack. Yeah, those guys are amazing.
Such good songs inarguable.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Nights on Broadways when, in my opinion, one of the
best songs. I don't really understand what it's about, but
it's one of the best songs.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Has that one got?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Blaming it All on the nights on Broadway? Do you
want me to try to sing a little a little bit?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I did.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, this is gonna be terrible, but I'm only doing
it because I'm trying to impress Karen and Chrisen On
a lease.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
We'll probably have to cut it out, so so just
go for it. Okay, I can't do the high pitch. No,
I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I was gonna try, and then I realized, Yeah, well
you can't sing like that, No one, I can't sing
that high.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Yeah, I get I get into trouble. Is it that?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Like?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, I can do it in a low register, like.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Blaming it All on the nights on Broadway, singing that.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Sweet song like they do it much higher, But I
liked your country twang to it.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You guys can you give me a record.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Yeah, would you like to make a country album?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I would love to. Hey, I'm no Beyonce, but I
might be a Shaboozy.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Hey, there's a lot of wiggle room in there.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Let's get you in there.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
I actually love Shaboozi and I love Beyonce's country album.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
I love Beyonce's country album too.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
I don't think i've heard it.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
It's good. You probably have anything.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
I've heard. Yeah, that one song, but that's a whole album.
I haven't sat down and listened to the album, which
I haven't done with anyone in a long.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Time since seventy three.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Listen to a whole album. Yes, had a listening party,
invited friends over, bought a new needle.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Was it for Pink Floyd's The Wall Right?
Speaker 4 (07:53):
For shooting up push play on the VCR first? And
that you're supposed to watch a Wizard of Oz with
Pink Floyd's The Wall Right? Doesn't that fit?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
The Dark Side of the Moon is the one that fits. Yep,
But I did that at a theater in Austin. They
had it and it wasn't that exciting, Like there were
parts that The part that lined up the most was
the song money right when they come into oz when
she comes out of her house and it's technic color.
(08:25):
That was kind of cool, but it wasn't the way
my stoner friends described it. My friends who did acid.
I was always too scared to do acid. But people
I knew who did it were like totally fits.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Man, Yeah, you can do that with anything. I remember
listening to my own music while MTV was on, and
I'd be listening to depeche Mode or something and Metallica
enter Sandman. The video would be on and anything winds
up in moments. Yeah, but again, I was a kid
in my basement on a lot of acid.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Were you on acid?
Speaker 4 (09:01):
Oh? Boy? I mean when you have your own basement
to yourself, you do all the acid. It was citric.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
No, oh, you just had a bunch of oranges.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Yes, it squeezed them into my eye.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Was it cold as hell in that basement in Montana?
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Yes? Always. I had a heated waterbed and it was
the only place to get away.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
I would warm my body and the waterbed had half
the water needed in it for a person to not
grow up with terrible posture, and it like incubated me.
So my back has a perfect waterbed back. I'm not
blaming my parents, but I think it's why I don't
have good posture.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
You have lifelong waterbed back.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
I grew. I was a growing boy laying in a
water bed with my butt touching the bottom.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Now, why didn't it have enough water?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I think because my cat had come in and make
biscuits and poked little holes. I'd often wake up wet.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Oh, Chris, this is terrible.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yes, that's a that is CPS calling time it is.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Yeah, he slept in a wet water for three years.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I don't think it's too late to get my dad
in big trouble.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Now it's time for him to go down. Do you
ever go to Arawan, either of you?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
For collagen smoothies, for any looks, any kind of recent
Last week is the first time I went there, and
I'm addicted.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Are you really? Yeah? What did you like about it?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I get a smoothie that has strawberry banana, blueberry, spinach,
whey protein, and orange juice, and.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
It's so good.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
That does sound good?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And then they have a bunch of wacky salads that
I somehow like.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Do they weigh them?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (11:05):
And see that I've gotten pretty good at the because
if you go into it, like I just want a
cardboard box of cottage cheese, it's gonna cost you thirty
five dollars because it's heavy, so you have to get
it's a perfect You have to think what's the best
high dollar item that's lightweight? Yeah, and you pack it
(11:27):
in there. It's easier if you weigh go through the
weigh food option of buying, like salad fixings, it's shapered
than buying the actual salad. Like I just dam a
bunch of lettuce in there and bring it home. I
got five dollars lettuce. It would have been seven.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Well that's not a wacky salad at all.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
No, it's far from whacky and not even what I wanted.
I just go based on lightweight, and I never get
what I want.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I always getting nervous around salad bar.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
It reminds me of kind of like New York City,
where it's like that's a very you know, you're a
young professional on the go and it's a whole thing,
and I'm always like, I'm not supposed to have this.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
It's funny that that's what because it just reminds me
of sizzler salad bars.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
I love Sizzler salad bar.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
That's good, it is, except there's always a little tub
of chocolate pudding with racing stripes of ranch because someone
crossed ladled Yeah, you don't care, no, no, But air
one is very isn't it a high dollar place?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
It's super expensive.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And the one, the first one I went to was
in Studio City and I can't honestly remember the clientele
that well. But in Venice, I've been to that one
a couple times, and last time I went to one
in Hollywood and it is a lot of young Instagram
looking people, right yeah, but at least in Venice they
were friendly. Like one young Instagram looking girl spontaneously involved
(13:02):
me in her decision about what cookie.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
To buy for the ground.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I you know, I didn't see if she was recording,
but I was. But she looked like an Instagram you know,
like tall, thin, long haired, center part fashionable clothing people,
not my people, but nice.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
But you are describing yourself right.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Now, medium hair, not fashionable clothes, short.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
She does sound like an influencer down the middle.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I'm influencing.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I want to become a influencer of divorced moms whose
kids have gone off to college who have decided they're
going to start living life for themselves.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
What if it comes out that you've never had a divorce.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Oh, never had a divorce, don't have kids. But I
have that energy of someone who's like, you know what,
there's still time for me to be a problem for
other people.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
You can lead those people. I believe it. I see that.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Yeah, I do that a lot too. Where you're at
you just start talking to someone and involve them in
a very specific decision about and it's not flirtatious. It's
just surprising someone with human interaction. Yeah, sometimes people dismiss it,
but the other times people enjoy it, and you all't
(14:27):
expect that from a super young person, they kind of
state to themselves. So I like that Instagram girl too.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Yeah, I like it.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I like when la people are surprisingly friendly and not
too cool for school.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Will you do a little re enactment where you play
both yourself and the girl involved in you, just to
give us a sense.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Of what it was like.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Okay, I'm gonna do me and my regular voice, and
I'm gonna do her slightly higher, so you know that.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
Differ, and I'll just be a silent stockboy. Arrangement in
the background. I'm not gonna say anything.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Great, No, why don't you improvise something near the end? Okay,
once we get the sense of what she's trying to, you.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Know, like to get the last word.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Okay, great, Okay. I walk up.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm about to get in line. I see her. I
stand behind her. Then she turns it, looks and looks
at me, and I said, are you I'm not here
we go?
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Are you in line?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
No, I'm just trying to decide which one of these
cookies to get. They are really good. Oh, they look
really good. I can't have them, or i'd have them
every day. Yeah, don't start. Don't start eating them, because
you will want them every day. I just can't decide. Well,
have a great day.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
You know what you could decide on. Sorry, I was strouty.
These avocados are thirty off skin.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I'm sorry. I should have improvised to make it more interesting.
And I should have known. No, I wanted you might
have been hoping I would intuitively know to do that.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Then is the transcript of your life. I don't want
you dressing it up for me. I want to know
now I don't have to go to Airline, because I
know that's what it's like, and I don't want that.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I mean, it's like they have all this organic health
food that somehow much of it is delicious, but they
also have really good looking baked goods. And I wish
that I didn't have to insert it into every conversation
with friends and strangers that I don'tate sugar. I wish
I could let people live their lives in peace.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
Yeah, people take it really personally. If you don't have
sugar or you don't drink booze. I just try and
make up another reason. I da Venice, Yeah, exactly to
keep my throat dry. Today Sugar makes me hyper. They're
at the Airwan location in Venice, which was walkably very
(16:54):
close to my house. It used to be like a
surf shop and they had some skateboard stuff, so I'd
go in there and browse mm hmm, and like most
stories like that, I would like leave without buying anything,
and then I'd feel terrible. So I'd either pull my
pockets inside out so I clearly didn't have money, or
I just too many times go wow, nice store, I'll
(17:14):
sure be bad. It's that awkward thing. So I walked
in there and all of a sudden there was a
grocery store. But the grocery are so expensive. I had
to do the same as if it were expensive surfboards.
I was like, yeah, you have really fresh produce. That's
not the reason I'm leaving. It's because of this, and
(17:35):
then put both pockets inside out, let them flap and
then they feel bad and they feel bad.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
It is crazy expensive. But if I could, if I
like won the lottery, I would go to Ariwan.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
For every meal. What else do you like there?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
They have a salad that I don't love, quinwan garbonzo beans.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But what they do.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
It is wacky and there's but they also in that
same salad they have cucumbers, bell peppers, and radishes, all
of which I love and would never prepare at home
for myself. Really in a salad, right, and it's really delicious.
And then they have a Brussels sprouts and kale caesar
(18:23):
salad that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Oh I want that now.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
It's so really good. If you're doing no sugar, then
you have to eat.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I mean that's your very Airwan diet person now, kind
of like I still.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Did that question make sense? Are you a air one?
Kind of person out.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I mean, it's the first moment of excitement I've had
in the ten days since I gave up flour and Fritos.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Chips, corn chips.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I was having fri Dos and chocolate and peanut butter
show free protein bars as meals, right, saying to myself,
better than what I used to do, And yeah, it is,
but it.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
And it also sounds really good. It is really good.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
The thing is, in October I found out that I
have like i'd have a CT scan because I had, like,
for three weeks, had an upset stomach. And the good
news is there's nothing serious. But I do have like
a little bit of blaque build up in one heart
valve or something not super serious. And then like a
(19:34):
little thing on one of the my adrenal blands, like
a little benign I'm gonna call it a tombor no
one else did.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
But it's better for attention. Get it up there.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
It gives me a chance to do my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.
Oh on, my dad's love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
But the treatment for both those things is fat diet.
And I was like, this feels personal and I can't
so from October until ten days ago. I was like, Okay,
I'm fine with letting go of sugar, but I'll be
damned if you get my.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Claws off of high saturated fat foods.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Look at those cute goth kids, they're the gotheist.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I like loose goths.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Yeah, I love a goth with curly hair. I could
have done it.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
You could still do it.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Join my women divorces whose last kid just left for
college movement?
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Did you guys see? I'm not here to talk about
Saturday Night Live sketches that they put on Instagram, but
they did a reggae song about a goth kid on
vacation when Jack Black was on, and it is the catchy.
I still have the song in my head. I watched
it so many times. It's memorized.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
That's so funny.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
It's just a it's like a Jamaican goth song, and
then it just gradually the featured subject is this goth
kid on vacation, and it's so funny. I just I'm
not gonna describe the jokes because that might be funny.
(21:22):
I just want to mention that it exists and everyone
should watch it. And I've been thinking and since that,
i've been wearing a lot of black. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I'm gonna look it up when I get home.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
You'll love it. You'll love it. I loved it and
you'll so you'll love it.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
I already love it.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
Okay, good, even though I didn't mention any of the
funny parts.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
I just love it because I'm picturing you saying, legalize it.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
It is right up my alley. I watched it in
a way. I did watch it in a way that
I was jealous that that wasn't because I was like,
what are some uh in appropriating reggae music things a
white person would sing about? And I just had some puns.
(22:14):
But if my whole song was about being a fair
skinned person on vacation, it could have been great. It's
just a better version of what I kind of wanted
to do. More time was put into it, and I
watched it, and I'm like, that's what I should have done.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
That's how you do it, that's how you do it.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
That's how you do it. That was the name of
a live talk show Martha and I did together.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
That's how you do it.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
That's how you do.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I know for real, And it was it was a
joke that no one but also understood right because.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
It was I think we were quoting one of Ryan
Light's friends or something.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I'll tell Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
We're gonna ba So what is your version of the
story of how we named the show That's how you
do it?
Speaker 2 (23:01):
So we were we were playing pool, and I think
it was Ryan Light and some of his friends, and
somebody was being kind of arrogant about their pool playing
and you were imitating that style, and so you were
taking shots on the pool table that were terrible, and
after each one you'd go, that's.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
How you did it.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
So we named the show that, and no one else
but us knew that story. So it just sounded like
we thought we were hot.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
Shit. That's so funny, very funny, because in my mind
there's a little feisty firecracker Texas girl that said it.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Maybe I don't, I know, I like version, and I
do remember that you were doing an imitation of a
guy who thinks he's great at pool, who's terrible at it.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
It's my favorite impression. Do something terrible and then go yeah, yeah,
that's it. That's it right there, and the balls rolling
across the floor. Oh, we had so much fun.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
That was really fun.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I saw Leon from Leon and Andy from Austin last night.
First time I went to a comedy show just to
hang out in two and a half years. First time
I've gone to a social thing in two and a
half years. So kidding, Yeah, I mean, I'm not kidding.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
So no, I where did you go?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Akbar?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
How was it?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
Well?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
I only hung out before this show and then didn't
go into the room with the comedy show and Irish Goodbye,
a combination of an hour being about my limit of
being able to not run for the.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Exits of social anxiety. Yeah yet.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
And I haven't done stand up in two and a
half years, so it's like, I'm a little afraid it
would make me wistful. But me and my friend, oh,
that's kind of cute.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I was going to get to the kids.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Fireman that's our one of our favorite professions in this car, get.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
To work at lazy Bastards.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, my cousin Stephen was a fireman, and it was
Stephen like hot guy.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Shouldn't say it first, cousin, but let's be real, do
you want to play.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Well, he's a.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Hot guy and uh dueling Banjos, Me and my cousin,
my hot cousin, but also my friend Vic from my
old group of sober people, was a retired fireman. He's
one of He's in his mid to late sixties. One
(25:44):
of the most attractive men I've ever met my whole life. Wow,
because fire there's something about fireman.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
It's the mustache. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
Well, my my brother in law was actually in a
hot fireman calendar.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
That's pretty You gotta be pretty hot to be in
the top tier of fireman, you really do.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
He made Yeah, it was cute. Remember ever seeing it.
Maybe it was too explicit.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I had a fireman dad, So all this is disgusting.
Speaker 4 (26:15):
I'm sorry, you're just putting your We've just been talking
about your dad being hot this whole time in your ears.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It just is not hot to me. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Glistening abs, Well, but they January.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Here's the like when they stand around when it's like
the younger guys. My sister and I, this would happen
all the time. If we went into the city, we
got to park our car. My dad's firehouse was in Chinatown,
so we could go park in their driveway and then.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Go do stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
And what if there were a fire no, No, there's goodway.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
It's all one thing.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
It's like the trucks go in first and then everybody's hondas,
so just a driveway on the side. And the guys
that would come out and help every one of them
was more devastating the last. It's the weirdest, like it
is an energy of I'm going to help you no
matter what. Yeah, and don't worry about it because I
got it. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
When when I moved into the house in Lamita, Vic
came over with some other friends from the group that
day and he hooked up he with another guy, hung
my TV on the wall unasked for and hooked up
my cable.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
And lit my water heater. Love that man, Yeah, I was.
And I felt like if I could just have borrow
somewhat because he's married, if I could just borrow a
handsome husband for things like.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
This, you just start be pretty happy. Poor Man's copyright Martha.
That's the ten million dollar idea handsome husband borrowing hands Yes,
handsome husband's to come over and like do shit that
because you don't want to get on a ladder and shit.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yeah, and you're afraid of every type physical and emotional intimacy.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
So it's just like, what God this, I bet it
would be.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Nice because also it would be like a registry so
that they are not you don't have to worry that
a strange man's in your house with a wrench. Yes,
so it's almost like safety, but you're kind of instead
of underlining or like no, it's just hot husbands were
just objectifying.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Just hot husbands coming over making you feel like maybe
I would have liked being married, but you don't have
to find out any of the bad parts, right right.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
Yeah, that reminds me. When Sampancake was on, he said
he had like a tender date or a grinder date
that came over and then he had him fix his printer.
So I laughed about that for a long time.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
It's so funny.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
Yeah, I want to be a fireman that comes over
and puts your cat in a.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Tree, because cats, they do, they do.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
And and this is another Fairbanks break coincidence, Fairbanks special
our whole friendship. There would be weird coincidences between me
and you, Chris. And one of my favorite books as
a kid was called Throw a Kiss, Harry, and it's
(29:20):
about a kitten who gets stuck in a tree.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
A fireman rescues him. The cat mom.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Encourages Harry to either kiss the fireman or blow a
kiss to say thank you because Harry also, Harry is
in love with the fireman who rescued him, but he's
too shy. And then as the fireman drives away on
the last page, Harry does blow a kiss.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
And I just.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Found the book on Amazon after years of wanting to
find it again.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
It's out of print, and you did it. I did.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I haven't bought it yet, but isn't that an amazing
story for a podcast?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
I built it up too much?
Speaker 4 (29:58):
I liked it. Were you do you know about my
sister finding my out of print childhood favorite book?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
No I don't.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
I thought that's why because you were justcuse you.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Mentioned kittens and trees environments.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
There was a book called The Hat, uh, And it's
just a magic hat that lands on a homeless veteran's
head and all these things start happening. A baby carriage
is on fire because some flirtatious man ashes his cigar
into it and it catches on fire and goes down
these stairs. Oh yeah, it's dramatic stuff. And the hat
(30:35):
flies off his head and scoops up water and pours
it onto the carriage, and the guy gets an award.
And then these these criminals are in a cabin and
there's a standoff with these police, and the hat lands
on the chimney and smokes out the cabin and they
get arrested and he gets like he becomes this man
(30:57):
about town that becomes fancy and then gets married and
he's had a fancy car. And the hat blows off
to change someone else's life. And in the illustration you
can see someone in the water is like drowning, and
the hat is in my mind, it was going to
go change that man's life. And it was just this
magic hat that the man had one foot too, And
(31:21):
the first thing he got was a shiny gold wheel
for his foot, so it was like scooting around town
in his new top hat. It was a gritty French
child's book, child's book, and I loved it so much.
They had to buy two of them. Because I was
young enough to where I would eat the book, you
(31:41):
know how kids be eating books. I would chew the
binder then, and my sister found one, yeah and ordered
it for me. It was very thoughtful gift.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Very sweet. Yeah, nice, I thought you were going to
say that.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
In the background, the guy drowning and you find out
the hat is drowning the man, Ye find out he's
evil at them.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
Under It really took a turn for the worst that's had. No,
it doesn't tell you. It's almost like it to be continued,
but you have to be interested enough in the drawing
to find the little guy. It's very small.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
That's really cool.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Yeah, that was a cool book.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
That sounds like a great book.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
Yeah. I want to buy the rights to it and
make it a animated film.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
They already did it. It's called Harry Potter.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Oh, I'm the Secret of the Top Hat.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Sorry.
Speaker 4 (32:30):
Oh damn.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
I have a book that I would like to describe
to you guys, because I'll never find it and I've
looked for it for like twenty to thirty years.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
And it's literally a book about a little.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
Girl who lives by the seashore with her parents and
they live in this two story I think, two story
house and she's like, life is great, but then her
parents tell her she can't do something, and so she's like,
I wish I didn't have parents. And then the next
day she wakes up and they're gone, and then she's
just by herself in this house on the seashore.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Anyone ever heard of this book?
Speaker 4 (33:06):
No?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Is it an anxiety inducing book? Or is it fun
for her to.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Not have parents?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
It's anxiety inducing and it's weird. It's one of those
weird seventies children's picture books where you're kind of like,
why did I get brought through this emotional journey?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Like what's this for?
Speaker 4 (33:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Aah?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
So she's like, at first, she's super happy that she's alone.
She's like, I can do whatever I want, eat seaweed
for dinner or whatever. And then of course night three
and she's losing her fucking mind and they're just not
coming back.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
And I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
I'm sure they come back, but like I remember just
reading it at school and being like, holy shit, yeah,
very upset.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
The seventies were the beginning of people trying to realize
that children had feelings, but they for sure didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Fully grasp it.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
No, But I was thinking last night about the wild
West of being a kid in the seventies and how
it was like, good luck to you. Your parents were like, yeah,
you can go play outside and be back at this
time and whatever else happens is none of our business. Yeah,
and how neglectful that is. But coming from their generation,
(34:13):
like my dad started working jobs when he was like toens,
so to them, yeah, it seemed like we're giving you
a great life. You get to go do whatever you
want instead of working in a mill.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Yeah, yeah, totally true.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
No, it was, and it was pretty great in some ways,
but then just yeah, my thing is like when I
was like twenty four, I remember writing in the car
with my sister's friend Adrian and her little kids, and
she was driving them all around the town we grew
up in, dropping them off at like soccer practice and
picking them up from places, and it was like I
was getting angrier and angrier because no one ever would
(34:50):
give us a ride anywhere when I was growing up,
So it'd be like, hey, can we go to the
Royal Rink and be like, of course not, and just
watching these fucking kids get chauffeured and like a mom,
that's about it, Like I brought you a snack so
that you don't have a nerver spread down after soccer practice,
and I was just like.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I hate all of you, like almost pride in the.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
Car jealous of children.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
It was like, yeah, we would spend a couple of
weeks at my grandmother's house in East Texas, way out
in the country, and my parents wouldn't take us, like
to the next town over to go swimming. It was
just like, you're you selfish asshole for even asking, yes,
we are here to visit your grandmother.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Shut up.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Yes, it was insane to be I remember asking my
dad one weekend because we weren't doing anything. It was
like Saturday, I'm like, hey, can we go to Calscaate,
like the roller rank fifteen minutes away?
Speaker 1 (35:44):
And she was like, what the hell are you talking about?
Where we're just what do you mean?
Speaker 4 (35:50):
You mean?
Speaker 3 (35:50):
It just a fun suggestion of like not to whatever
whatever we're all doing right now.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
He was chewing on nuts and they were flying out
when yelled at.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
This is why firemen aren't sexy to me. I had
one harass me my entire life. What the hell?
Speaker 3 (36:08):
Because my dad had a paper route for when he
was seven years old. So he's like, yeah, no, one
never rest never rests.
Speaker 4 (36:16):
Yeah, maybe do Yeah, I think that you're right. That's
why I just ended up in a lot of door
salesman like doorder door salesman jobs at age fifteen. Yeah,
because that was what was normal for my dad. Yeah,
but it's very dangerous door smid for a teenagers. Insanity,
(36:37):
Oh yeah, I was very young. Coupon books, knives, no
chocolate bars. I was in and it was always let's
go to the neighborhoods. They don't have a lot of
money because they need coupon books the most, and so
I'd just be in mobile home parks. You're not supposed
to call them trailer parks.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Oh yeah, there's a lot. There's several in my neighborhood
in Lomita, no brag.
Speaker 4 (37:03):
Really manufactured homes.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yeah, there's like but they're not they're small. They're not
like the fancy double wide mobile homes. They're small momo homes,
and they're like Lomita's the kind of little city where
it's like a couple of blocks will be single family
homes and it's fine, like safety wise, it's fine, and
(37:25):
then two blocks away there's mobile home park, and then
around the corner there's people entrepreneurs selling things that might
not be legal.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I my feeling is that's none of my business.
That's the way to do it. I'm not here to
snitch on anyone.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
I like to call a drug dealer an illegal goods entrepreneur.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
A self starter, but I mean it's it's safe.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
My flab didn't start a fire. I'm a self starter.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Well, so many people that have to.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
If you want to buy a house, getting a mobile
home is a great idea, not a mobile home.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Manufactured home. Yeah, I only remember because of Jimmy Winkfield's
or Jimmy Roulette. I can't remember which. Namy was going
by this comic that Martha and I started with in Austin.
He had a joke about going shopping with his wife
for a trailer. He said, yeah, we're here to look
at one of your trailers, and the guy said, I'm sorry,
(38:29):
these are manufactured homes. Well, today must be my lucky
day because you manufactured these to look just like trailers,
which member that.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Yes, I love Jimmy Roulette.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Are you amazed at how many from that era? How
many jokes do you still have in your memory from Yeah, comics,
I don't know anyone's current material.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Yeah, I I I do miss the early Austin days.
Even when I moved back in two thousand and eight
and then again in twenty fifteen, there were always like
a new crop of really great comics.
Speaker 4 (39:08):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Then now it's like kind of Row comedies dominating.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Yes, that's what I've heard.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
So you can't win them all, I guess.
Speaker 4 (39:18):
No, I guess. And that is why you kept going
back to Austin, right because it, yeah, felt like a
comfortable place to get back into stand up. Yeah, yeah,
that I can see that.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
But I think I'm gonna I think me and Carrie Lendo,
who's an Austin comic who lives out here.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Now, she's great, We're gonna go. She is really funny.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
I think we're going to go to open mics and
then not too distant future and then I'm gone. If
I start going, then I'll start writing again, is my hope.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Yeah, and you will invigorate the community.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I hope that I don't just bring everybody down the
way I seem to.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
The pets in my household, the people.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
I spend the most time, they don't get it. They're
actually I think that they bring me down, if I'm
being honest.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
What's the setup in your household right now?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Two cats and one dog.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
I love them so much, I am tired of cleaning
up after them, and really understand how excited my mom
was when we all flew the coop for a while.
I flew back into the coop repeatedly as an adult,
but she made the house really nice when we all
finally moved out, and I in retrospect, I'm happy that
(40:33):
she had that time, because my pets seem to love
messing it up the moment I clean it.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
Yeah, but your pets now are much better behaved than now.
No flak against Buddy and the cats of yesteryear, but
it's almost seemed like a psychiatric hospital behavior of shit everywhere.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Well, Buddy.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Had some behavioral issues that I believe were one hundred
percent due to me not being the right kind of person.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
He needed a real alpha.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Person, not not someone to be hard on him, but
someone who had that energy, which I didn't because he
then was always trying to.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
He was unpredictable. He might like a dog, he might
attack it.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
Or he might lunge at a passing motorcycle.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
While with him, he might lunge at a motorcycle. He
would bark like crazy at our neighbors if they were
in the front yard and he saw them through the window,
but if they came insiet, he loved them.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Yeah, it was a sweet dog. I loved that dog.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
The dog was nearsighted, maybe kind of a scary shape
from a distance.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
And then I was like, oh, hi.
Speaker 4 (41:44):
I thought I just wanted him to wear glasses for
a static reason.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Now he needed them really badly.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I do have a picture of him wearing my glasses
and sitting at my computer.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
I think it was he finally calm after years of
nervous anxiety.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
He would the thing about Buddy for all of his bedevilments.
He would let me put a wig on him and
take a picture, and he would let me put glasses
on him and take a picture.
Speaker 4 (42:12):
He knew when it was dressed up time.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
He was so good about wigs and glasses. And none
of my other dogs have been willing to pose in
wigs and glasses.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
You know Brandy posey, right, Martha, Yeah, she dog says
for me sometimes, one of the only people I would
trust to do it. And she the first time she
did it, put Blossom in a little a little doggy
Adidas tracksuit, and Blossom looked like so mad and so
depressed and it was so she goes. She took a
(42:42):
picture and said to me, Goes, sorry, I won't ever
do this again. And I was like, oh my god.
She was like absolutely, like, oh like hated it. Blossoms
so funny.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
I sometimes I can't not interpret that. Dogs hate that,
and yet people are just making them doing.
Speaker 4 (43:00):
Yeah. Yeah, some dogs like it.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I mean some dogs like it, that's true. I don't.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
I wouldn't ever put clothes on any I put a
T shirt on Rosie one time, and I have a
picture of it, and you can tell she would be
cussing me out if she could talk.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Yeah, And so I took it off right after the picture,
and then I never did it again.
Speaker 4 (43:21):
Well, you know how dogs sometimes late at night they
start slopping and chomping on down by their hind legs. Yeah,
and they got a hot spot or something.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:32):
Yeah, if you put them in pajamas, they don't do
that anymore.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Right.
Speaker 4 (43:37):
Yeah, that's that's the That's what I've found. It's the
best use for pajamas, like a medicinal.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Medicinal pajamas, you can't just cover the inside with the
Vicks vapor road See what happens.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Here's your menthol flannel. Did I just I'm sorry? But
is that a good I bit my lip? I'm that
was the sound of my voice changing because the tooth
was piercing me inside of my lips.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
I'm sorry, you're apologizing to us as blood comes down.
Speaker 4 (44:14):
I really am sorry, lip. Yeah, I'm so many inventions.
I wish we should have a patent cleric as a guest.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
We really should.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
You're great right now, Martha, though I'm not saying this episode.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Oh no, I hear you. You want to.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
You wish you had booked someone who can give you
a paton for your medicine.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
In the future. But you are a notary, right.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
I'm a notary public and I'm a comptroller.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Those are my favorite people to vote for whatever they're doing.
Usually there's only one choice.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
I don't understand why there's a comptroller and a controller.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
I don't know the difference.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
The controller is cu empty and they slay And that's
a new thing. They just started doing that. That's new
for the kids.
Speaker 4 (45:06):
Good, good one, good one.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I love to provide information about politics.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
I bet you could go through all of Ceti Hall
and ask everyone who worked there what a comptroller does,
and they wouldn't know.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Yeah, I don't know, and I'm not I could google
it and I won't.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
No, No, I'm trying not to do that.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
It's all none of our business.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
I think. Yes, yes, if.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
They want us to know, they'll start talking about it.
Someone will. But put it on TikTok for me. Yeah,
I love and hate TikTok. I love it so much,
and you're so funny on it, Martha. Thanks, Karen, I
really are.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I routinely get discouraged and mostly I get like somewhere
between one hundred and fifty and three hundred likes. And
the only I like every time I make a video
and it doesn't go viral, which is every time I
make a video, I go, well, not.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Cut out for it. I guess I should quit.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
And then I'm like, yeah, but there's bots who reply
to everything with I love you, queen, And then I
feel like, you know what, I need it?
Speaker 1 (46:20):
They do love you. That's real. You've earned that.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
There's some bots I think that are doing it, just
positive bots, just bots.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
Who are like, I love you, Queen, your gorgeous queen.
Speaker 4 (46:32):
I thought the Telegraph. I thought robots weren't supposed to
have emotions.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
And also they're usually real negative, like would someone by
positive bots.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I think that TikTok does it to keep you addicted,
or to keep me addicted anymore.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Take what if they're just compliments because you're really funny
and famous.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
I reject that idea, but I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Periodically, the TikTok algorithm will suggest, oh, here's a video
of someone recording domestic abuse.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Do you want to watch that?
Speaker 4 (47:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (47:12):
No, I don't TikTok. You have to hit not interested.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Yeah, And then but periodically they come back in and go,
what about what about someone yelling at their kid?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Do you want to watch that? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (47:24):
I know my phone does that too. My phone wants
me to watch where they block off a corner and
drift side in a cargo in circles until someone gets
hit and flies and on paper. I don't like that,
but I guess I do like it because I just
(47:46):
said stop sending them to me.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Well, I have that relationship with videos of white, the
white and the lady. They call them Karen's, which I
don't like. I know, you don't care that the that's
what they call them Karen But I also was like
wanting to give a disclaimer, but anyway.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
You can, you can.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
When they when they have those videos of like a
Karen yelling at somebody, I don't want to see it,
but I still watch it because I guess I do.
I'm always hoping that she'll go, wait, like this is
what I do when I'm an unreasonable bitch. Right after
I'm a bitch, I go, hey, wait a minute, I'm
(48:26):
being a dumb bitch.
Speaker 4 (48:27):
Those are the videos, much like police chasing someone, or
it's in three parts, and so when you go to
that page, well, it's like I didn't want to see
that woman yelling at a kid on a skateboard, but
now I got to find out how it ended. Yes, right,
And so you're searching for part two of this goddamn video,
(48:48):
and they're taking that as a yes, please send me more.
I'm like, I don't want to be part of these
mysteries every day. I just need to solve this one.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
You just want to come up and do you want
to see you want the If your heart's going to
drop from the Karen attack, then you need to watch
Karen get put down exactly. I think that's very important
and if people do it two part or three parter
boxome No, because you have to teach the algorithm.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
You don't like that.
Speaker 4 (49:12):
Yeah, well it's weird because now I do. It's like
when someone says you want to try this drug and
then you try it once hesitantly and it dictates the
rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Oh well, can I tell you one of those videos
I saw that I think we all would want to
see again and again.
Speaker 4 (49:31):
Yes, it's someone falling.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
Yes, it's a lady labeled the Karen middle aged lady
and a man is fishing. First of all, she's not
law enforcement, but she starts telling him he can't fish there,
that it's you know, not loud, and he's like, I
don't care, and she starts yelling at him, and then
(49:58):
she charges and she runs at him to try and
knock him down, but i've he bounces off of him
and falls down herself and then blames him for it.
But to see someone try to line backer someone who's
(50:20):
minding their own business and then line back themselves, it's
so funny.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Especially those people where they're just like out of their minds.
Speaker 4 (50:31):
Yeah yeah, and willing to get physical.
Speaker 2 (50:34):
Yeah, Like, I don't think I could get physical with
anyone unless it was self defense or defense literal someone's
about to get hurt. Yeah, if I don't physically intervene.
But if it's just someone i'm really mad at, I
can't imagine running charging a stranger.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
It's so also in this day and age, the idea
that anybody would do any kind of like and this
is a message directly, do you Chris Fairbanks. It's so
everyone is so litigious, Like the second your're you put
your chest towards somebody and like touch them with your fingertip.
That's ten thousand dollars, right, people know, Yeah, you can't
(51:16):
do you can't do that, Like you can't do it?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Yeah, well this touch them. This lady was like, I
can do it. Watch what I can do. And what
I can do is I can bounce off you and
fall down.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
And then get fired from her job because someone will.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
Recognize her into a vat of grapes. And then she goes,
that's a everyone.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
Needs to revisit. Oh no, no, stop. I think she
says stop, stop, stop, but she's talking to the pain
she's experiencing. That's the best part of that one. Oh
no more, stop stop stop And then they go back
to the newspeople, who a laugh because it was a
(52:04):
physical surprise and they're like, oh, oh it really looks
like I am. But they are she might be hurt there,
she might be yeah, okay, and they work with her.
She knows. They laughed at her, yes, and.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
She was.
Speaker 4 (52:24):
She was trying to comedically step on the grapes.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
She was trying to beat.
Speaker 3 (52:29):
She was like beating the person by cheating, which is like,
so it's the immediate come upance where she's like, I'm
gonna go first.
Speaker 4 (52:36):
Maybe. Yeah. She was also making fun of this person's
grape job. Oh god, oh so good. It's the best.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
So good, guys.
Speaker 4 (52:50):
I if you go to my computer and you're looking
for nefarious things I've googled, all that's gonna come come
up is news bloopers.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
The best.
Speaker 4 (53:00):
That's all I want to see.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
So funny.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Every once in a while it's a light actually it's
striking someone falling from above or someone onliving themselves on air.
But for the most part, no, it's hilarious. Not interested words.
I'm not either until my phone shows it to me
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Like, okay, you're not a victim here. You have to
take action.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
I do love news bloopers, and I love people slipping
and sliding and on ice, usually falling coming out or
people just coming out on their front porch and for
no reason a man.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Oh yeah, there's one.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
Where a man steps down from his front porch and
loses his balance and just goes running sideways and fulls
and the people in the comments are like, it took
that man seventy two years to hit the ground.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
Yeah, that's my favorite comment. Its yeah, took the van
seventy two years to dot dot dot.
Speaker 2 (54:05):
I love I do love TikTok comments. I love seeing
how many people are funny. Yeah, they're so funny.
Speaker 4 (54:11):
Yeah, just and and then I'll go to their page
and find out, Yeah, that guy's just a Department of
Sanitation guy that should be righting jay Leno jokes? How
old am i? Jay Leno jokes?
Speaker 3 (54:24):
Did you ever see the one where it's the two
drunk ladies at the door and then one start one
falls over and farts, and then the other one starts
laughing so hard that then she she like just almost
like spontaneously falls over, like immediately loses her own balance.
Speaker 4 (54:38):
Wait does she fart to No?
Speaker 1 (54:40):
Just the first, just the mom.
Speaker 3 (54:42):
I think it's like a mom and daughter who are
like coming back from a wedding and they're like a
little drunk and then they just like everybody falls down
by Okay.
Speaker 4 (54:49):
The other thing I google is mom and daughter fart videos.
Speaker 3 (54:53):
Come on, Sorry, we don't want to look in that file.
Speaker 4 (54:57):
Well, then you don't want to be entertained.
Speaker 3 (54:59):
I yes, in your fae, Martha. I wish we could
go on forever, but I have to pee so bad
that we have to show.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
It was so fun to do this. Thanks you guys
for having me. Do you plug anything else or talk
about anything else.
Speaker 4 (55:18):
Or come on again in the future. Yes, I'm getting
ahead of myself.
Speaker 2 (55:23):
I'll come back tomorrow, and I know I'm anything my
own to plug, but I will say, in these dark times,
if you need something to make you feel really happy
happy in addition to news bloopers and people slipping and falling,
if you go on TikTok and search, dance your style,
which is a breakdancing competition. The way that the good
(55:45):
feeling you will get from those videos, I can't even
describe it.
Speaker 4 (55:49):
Really dance your style.
Speaker 2 (55:50):
Yeah, because it's breakdancers just doing what however, they dance
and the crowd is always jumping up and cheering, and
it makes you really happy to be a person.
Speaker 4 (56:00):
Well, yeah, I know that you're a big fan of
break dancers because we had a crew. I think they're
called a crew. Yeah, that's how you do it. And
I was blown away. I don't know where you found
those kids, but they all, like twenty kids came and
danced on stage at the Bad Dog Comedy or was
it Mad.
Speaker 1 (56:20):
Dog, Bad Dog?
Speaker 4 (56:22):
It was Mad or bad same dog, really, and I
was blown away, like kids running and sliding on the
top of their heads and like things I didn't know
where possible.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
It's the best. I will what's it called again, dance
your style?
Speaker 4 (56:39):
Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
Speaker 1 (56:40):
That's the one that seems like a competition.
Speaker 3 (56:42):
Sometimes there's really little kids and everyone wears like a
very big T shirt.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
Yes, I love that. Yeah, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (56:49):
And yeah, so if you don't mind, I'll also pee
and then just take frank with me if that's okay.
Speaker 4 (56:56):
That's fine. It's it's so good to see you and
my old friend you too.
Speaker 1 (57:01):
You're you guys are the bus.
Speaker 4 (57:06):
Yeah, all of us. You've been listening to Do You
Need a Ride? D y n A R. Okay, everyone go.
Speaker 1 (57:13):
Peace stole my line I did I did?
Speaker 4 (57:16):
Didn't I have I ever done? That was like ar.
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (57:30):
Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.
Speaker 4 (57:33):
Mixed by Edson Troy.
Speaker 3 (57:35):
Our talent booker is Patrick Cotner.
Speaker 4 (57:37):
Theme song by Karen Kilgarreth.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 3 (57:41):
Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.
Speaker 4 (57:48):
For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (57:51):
Thank you, Oh You're welcome
Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
we want to be there.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
time and a termino and gage.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We scared her? Was it fine? Mal porn? Do you
(00:49):
need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you
need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you
need to ride? Do your need you ride?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
This is Karen Kilgara.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
We almost got taken out by a FedEx man who's late.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
The second I was like, how about a little bit
of air head on collision with.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
The FedEx guy?
Speaker 4 (01:29):
That was a perfect If they were ever going to
update the driver's ad video, that would have been the scenario.
That's the new red bouncing ball.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm the bad one. How are you my friend?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
Yeah? We have the clubs and colleges across the starting
to put your ears together for Martha Kelly? Ah, Hi,
Do you like how I almost just didn't introduce you.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I thought maybe you guys were going to do a
little small talk before you introduced.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of podcasts do that, even Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I hate when people do it, and I hate the
people who do it.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
I wish terrible things on them, like you're just put
on pause while they pretend to have an experience without you.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
It's the height of inhumanity.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Man's inhumanity to man.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
And sometimes it lasts like a half hour.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I'm only kidding about hating the people who do it,
But it is funny that that is a weird thing
that happens on some podcasts.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
Yeah, and they always warn you we're going to talk
for a little bit and then we'll introduce you.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
We're gonna get some business out of the way. Uh
here on, do you need a ride promo code?
Speaker 4 (02:42):
And then I try, well, aren't they going to wonder
who's the third laugher for the first twenty minutes? Like right?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Because I will always laugh if I'm there, but I'm
supposed to be silent.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I'll still laugh at their jokes.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Oh yeah, if you tell me not to laugh, I
become the hardest laugher known.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
He'd become Joaquin Phoenix is the joker, a screaming loud laugh,
the best Laugher, the best joker. This's your favorite joker, Martha.
I have to say thank you so much. That's not
the rules.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The sweet fellow who passed whose name escapes me, Keith
Heath Ledger.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Oh yeah, here's the scariest to me. The other ones
have all just been more buffoonery. But he was legit scary.
He was so good.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Yeah yeah, what uh? And that was Everyone realized how
good he was with that role. But he wasn't even
around when that movie came out, right, I think.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think he passed before it came out, but after
they finished shooting Wild.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
So many Australian depths that make me.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Sad that the car Cadole Hunter and.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Michael Hutchins from in excess.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Oh yeah, yeah, that sucked.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Lydia Newton John another grade.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
It's sadder when Australians die. It just is factually it is.
Andy Gibb a heartbreak. God, that was a heartbreak.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
We lost him very young.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, and I think he was a gentle soul. I
think all the Beg's brothers were gentle souls, even though
two of them didn't get along.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I learned from a documentary about them.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
I think I saw that documentary.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I love that documentary with my dad. It was good.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It's really good, and it's really touching. And I still
don't know why Robin and Barry didn't like each other
or was it? Was it Maurice and Barry Now I
can't remember Maurice Gibbs.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
That style of singing was just so their own, so
specific and beard and their own like kind of like
how Queen is where You're like, how is this working?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah, And I didn't know until that documentary that they
wrote a bunch of songs for people when they're when
people turned on disco for racist and homophobic reasons, which
I didn't understand because I was in like sixth grade
when it happened. Yeah, but when that happened, they and
they stopped being able to sell records. They just wrote
songs for other people and were successful that way. Yeah,
(05:28):
which is pretty amazing because a lot of people, like myself,
the first sign of discouragement, I throw in the towel.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
You need to persevere like a GiB. I gotta be
one of the brothers GiB yeap.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
We must be more like Maurice in our day to
day with the hair and the beard and the high
high voice.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Just a great selection of hair, those gibs.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, a real variety pack. Yeah, those guys are amazing.
Such good songs inarguable.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Nights on Broadways when, in my opinion, one of the
best songs. I don't really understand what it's about, but
it's one of the best songs.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Has that one got?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Blaming it All on the nights on Broadway? Do you
want me to try to sing a little a little bit?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I did.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, this is gonna be terrible, but I'm only doing
it because I'm trying to impress Karen and Chrisen On
a lease.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
We'll probably have to cut it out, so so just
go for it. Okay, I can't do the high pitch. No,
I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I was gonna try, and then I realized, Yeah, well
you can't sing like that, No one, I can't sing
that high.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Yeah, I get I get into trouble. Is it that?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Like?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, I can do it in a low register, like.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Blaming it All on the nights on Broadway, singing that.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Sweet song like they do it much higher, But I
liked your country twang to it.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You guys can you give me a record.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Yeah, would you like to make a country album?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I would love to. Hey, I'm no Beyonce, but I
might be a Shaboozy.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Hey, there's a lot of wiggle room in there.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Let's get you in there.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
I actually love Shaboozi and I love Beyonce's country album.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
I love Beyonce's country album too.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
I don't think i've heard it.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
It's good. You probably have anything.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
I've heard. Yeah, that one song, but that's a whole album.
I haven't sat down and listened to the album, which
I haven't done with anyone in a long.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Time since seventy three.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Listen to a whole album. Yes, had a listening party,
invited friends over, bought a new needle.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Was it for Pink Floyd's The Wall Right?
Speaker 4 (07:53):
For shooting up push play on the VCR first? And
that you're supposed to watch a Wizard of Oz with
Pink Floyd's The Wall Right? Doesn't that fit?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
The Dark Side of the Moon is the one that fits. Yep,
But I did that at a theater in Austin. They
had it and it wasn't that exciting, Like there were
parts that The part that lined up the most was
the song money right when they come into oz when
she comes out of her house and it's technic color.
(08:25):
That was kind of cool, but it wasn't the way
my stoner friends described it. My friends who did acid.
I was always too scared to do acid. But people
I knew who did it were like totally fits.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Man, Yeah, you can do that with anything. I remember
listening to my own music while MTV was on, and
I'd be listening to depeche Mode or something and Metallica
enter Sandman. The video would be on and anything winds
up in moments. Yeah, but again, I was a kid
in my basement on a lot of acid.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Were you on acid?
Speaker 4 (09:01):
Oh? Boy? I mean when you have your own basement
to yourself, you do all the acid. It was citric.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
No, oh, you just had a bunch of oranges.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Yes, it squeezed them into my eye.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Was it cold as hell in that basement in Montana?
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Yes? Always. I had a heated waterbed and it was
the only place to get away.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
I would warm my body and the waterbed had half
the water needed in it for a person to not
grow up with terrible posture, and it like incubated me.
So my back has a perfect waterbed back. I'm not
blaming my parents, but I think it's why I don't
have good posture.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
You have lifelong waterbed back.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
I grew. I was a growing boy laying in a
water bed with my butt touching the bottom.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Now, why didn't it have enough water?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I think because my cat had come in and make
biscuits and poked little holes. I'd often wake up wet.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Oh, Chris, this is terrible.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yes, that's a that is CPS calling time it is.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Yeah, he slept in a wet water for three years.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I don't think it's too late to get my dad
in big trouble.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Now it's time for him to go down. Do you
ever go to Arawan, either of you?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
For collagen smoothies, for any looks, any kind of recent
Last week is the first time I went there, and
I'm addicted.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Are you really? Yeah? What did you like about it?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I get a smoothie that has strawberry banana, blueberry, spinach,
whey protein, and orange juice, and.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
It's so good.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
That does sound good?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And then they have a bunch of wacky salads that
I somehow like.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Do they weigh them?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (11:05):
And see that I've gotten pretty good at the because
if you go into it, like I just want a
cardboard box of cottage cheese, it's gonna cost you thirty
five dollars because it's heavy, so you have to get
it's a perfect You have to think what's the best
high dollar item that's lightweight? Yeah, and you pack it
(11:27):
in there. It's easier if you weigh go through the
weigh food option of buying, like salad fixings, it's shapered
than buying the actual salad. Like I just dam a
bunch of lettuce in there and bring it home. I
got five dollars lettuce. It would have been seven.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Well that's not a wacky salad at all.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
No, it's far from whacky and not even what I wanted.
I just go based on lightweight, and I never get
what I want.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I always getting nervous around salad bar.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
It reminds me of kind of like New York City,
where it's like that's a very you know, you're a
young professional on the go and it's a whole thing,
and I'm always like, I'm not supposed to have this.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
It's funny that that's what because it just reminds me
of sizzler salad bars.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
I love Sizzler salad bar.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
That's good, it is, except there's always a little tub
of chocolate pudding with racing stripes of ranch because someone
crossed ladled Yeah, you don't care, no, no, But air
one is very isn't it a high dollar place?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
It's super expensive.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And the one, the first one I went to was
in Studio City and I can't honestly remember the clientele
that well. But in Venice, I've been to that one
a couple times, and last time I went to one
in Hollywood and it is a lot of young Instagram
looking people, right yeah, but at least in Venice they
were friendly. Like one young Instagram looking girl spontaneously involved
(13:02):
me in her decision about what cookie.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
To buy for the ground.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I you know, I didn't see if she was recording,
but I was. But she looked like an Instagram you know,
like tall, thin, long haired, center part fashionable clothing people,
not my people, but nice.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
But you are describing yourself right.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Now, medium hair, not fashionable clothes, short.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
She does sound like an influencer down the middle.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I'm influencing.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I want to become a influencer of divorced moms whose
kids have gone off to college who have decided they're
going to start living life for themselves.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
What if it comes out that you've never had a divorce.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Oh, never had a divorce, don't have kids. But I
have that energy of someone who's like, you know what,
there's still time for me to be a problem for
other people.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
You can lead those people. I believe it. I see that.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Yeah, I do that a lot too. Where you're at
you just start talking to someone and involve them in
a very specific decision about and it's not flirtatious. It's
just surprising someone with human interaction. Yeah, sometimes people dismiss it,
but the other times people enjoy it, and you all't
(14:27):
expect that from a super young person, they kind of
state to themselves. So I like that Instagram girl too.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Yeah, I like it.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I like when la people are surprisingly friendly and not
too cool for school.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Will you do a little re enactment where you play
both yourself and the girl involved in you, just to
give us a sense.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Of what it was like.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Okay, I'm gonna do me and my regular voice, and
I'm gonna do her slightly higher, so you know that.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
Differ, and I'll just be a silent stockboy. Arrangement in
the background. I'm not gonna say anything.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Great, No, why don't you improvise something near the end? Okay,
once we get the sense of what she's trying to, you.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Know, like to get the last word.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Okay, great, Okay. I walk up.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm about to get in line. I see her. I
stand behind her. Then she turns it, looks and looks
at me, and I said, are you I'm not here
we go?
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Are you in line?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
No, I'm just trying to decide which one of these
cookies to get. They are really good. Oh, they look
really good. I can't have them, or i'd have them
every day. Yeah, don't start. Don't start eating them, because
you will want them every day. I just can't decide. Well,
have a great day.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
You know what you could decide on. Sorry, I was strouty.
These avocados are thirty off skin.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I'm sorry. I should have improvised to make it more interesting.
And I should have known. No, I wanted you might
have been hoping I would intuitively know to do that.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Then is the transcript of your life. I don't want
you dressing it up for me. I want to know
now I don't have to go to Airline, because I
know that's what it's like, and I don't want that.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I mean, it's like they have all this organic health
food that somehow much of it is delicious, but they
also have really good looking baked goods. And I wish
that I didn't have to insert it into every conversation
with friends and strangers that I don'tate sugar. I wish
I could let people live their lives in peace.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
Yeah, people take it really personally. If you don't have
sugar or you don't drink booze. I just try and
make up another reason. I da Venice, Yeah, exactly to
keep my throat dry. Today Sugar makes me hyper. They're
at the Airwan location in Venice, which was walkably very
(16:54):
close to my house. It used to be like a
surf shop and they had some skateboard stuff, so I'd
go in there and browse mm hmm, and like most
stories like that, I would like leave without buying anything,
and then I'd feel terrible. So I'd either pull my
pockets inside out so I clearly didn't have money, or
I just too many times go wow, nice store, I'll
(17:14):
sure be bad. It's that awkward thing. So I walked
in there and all of a sudden there was a
grocery store. But the grocery are so expensive. I had
to do the same as if it were expensive surfboards.
I was like, yeah, you have really fresh produce. That's
not the reason I'm leaving. It's because of this, and
(17:35):
then put both pockets inside out, let them flap and
then they feel bad and they feel bad.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
It is crazy expensive. But if I could, if I
like won the lottery, I would go to Ariwan.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
For every meal. What else do you like there?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
They have a salad that I don't love, quinwan garbonzo beans.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But what they do.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
It is wacky and there's but they also in that
same salad they have cucumbers, bell peppers, and radishes, all
of which I love and would never prepare at home
for myself. Really in a salad, right, and it's really delicious.
And then they have a Brussels sprouts and kale caesar
(18:23):
salad that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Oh I want that now.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
It's so really good. If you're doing no sugar, then
you have to eat.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I mean that's your very Airwan diet person now, kind
of like I still.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Did that question make sense? Are you a air one?
Kind of person out.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I mean, it's the first moment of excitement I've had
in the ten days since I gave up flour and Fritos.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Chips, corn chips.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I was having fri Dos and chocolate and peanut butter
show free protein bars as meals, right, saying to myself,
better than what I used to do, And yeah, it is,
but it.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
And it also sounds really good. It is really good.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
The thing is, in October I found out that I
have like i'd have a CT scan because I had, like,
for three weeks, had an upset stomach. And the good
news is there's nothing serious. But I do have like
a little bit of blaque build up in one heart
valve or something not super serious. And then like a
(19:34):
little thing on one of the my adrenal blands, like
a little benign I'm gonna call it a tombor no
one else did.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
But it's better for attention. Get it up there.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
It gives me a chance to do my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.
Oh on, my dad's love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
But the treatment for both those things is fat diet.
And I was like, this feels personal and I can't
so from October until ten days ago. I was like, Okay,
I'm fine with letting go of sugar, but I'll be
damned if you get my.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Claws off of high saturated fat foods.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Look at those cute goth kids, they're the gotheist.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I like loose goths.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Yeah, I love a goth with curly hair. I could
have done it.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
You could still do it.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Join my women divorces whose last kid just left for
college movement?
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Did you guys see? I'm not here to talk about
Saturday Night Live sketches that they put on Instagram, but
they did a reggae song about a goth kid on
vacation when Jack Black was on, and it is the catchy.
I still have the song in my head. I watched
it so many times. It's memorized.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
That's so funny.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
It's just a it's like a Jamaican goth song, and
then it just gradually the featured subject is this goth
kid on vacation, and it's so funny. I just I'm
not gonna describe the jokes because that might be funny.
(21:22):
I just want to mention that it exists and everyone
should watch it. And I've been thinking and since that,
i've been wearing a lot of black. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I'm gonna look it up when I get home.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
You'll love it. You'll love it. I loved it and
you'll so you'll love it.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
I already love it.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
Okay, good, even though I didn't mention any of the
funny parts.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
I just love it because I'm picturing you saying, legalize it.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
It is right up my alley. I watched it in
a way. I did watch it in a way that
I was jealous that that wasn't because I was like,
what are some uh in appropriating reggae music things a
white person would sing about? And I just had some puns.
(22:14):
But if my whole song was about being a fair
skinned person on vacation, it could have been great. It's
just a better version of what I kind of wanted
to do. More time was put into it, and I
watched it, and I'm like, that's what I should have done.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
That's how you do it, that's how you do it.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
That's how you do it. That was the name of
a live talk show Martha and I did together.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
That's how you do it.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
That's how you do.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I know for real, And it was it was a
joke that no one but also understood right because.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
It was I think we were quoting one of Ryan
Light's friends or something.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I'll tell Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
We're gonna ba So what is your version of the
story of how we named the show That's how you
do it?
Speaker 2 (23:01):
So we were we were playing pool, and I think
it was Ryan Light and some of his friends, and
somebody was being kind of arrogant about their pool playing
and you were imitating that style, and so you were
taking shots on the pool table that were terrible, and
after each one you'd go, that's.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
How you did it.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
So we named the show that, and no one else
but us knew that story. So it just sounded like
we thought we were hot.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
Shit. That's so funny, very funny, because in my mind
there's a little feisty firecracker Texas girl that said it.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Maybe I don't, I know, I like version, and I
do remember that you were doing an imitation of a
guy who thinks he's great at pool, who's terrible at it.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
It's my favorite impression. Do something terrible and then go yeah, yeah,
that's it. That's it right there, and the balls rolling
across the floor. Oh, we had so much fun.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
That was really fun.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I saw Leon from Leon and Andy from Austin last night.
First time I went to a comedy show just to
hang out in two and a half years. First time
I've gone to a social thing in two and a
half years. So kidding, Yeah, I mean, I'm not kidding.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
So no, I where did you go?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Akbar?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
How was it?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
Well?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
I only hung out before this show and then didn't
go into the room with the comedy show and Irish Goodbye,
a combination of an hour being about my limit of
being able to not run for the.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Exits of social anxiety. Yeah yet.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
And I haven't done stand up in two and a
half years, so it's like, I'm a little afraid it
would make me wistful. But me and my friend, oh,
that's kind of cute.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I was going to get to the kids.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Fireman that's our one of our favorite professions in this car, get.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
To work at lazy Bastards.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, my cousin Stephen was a fireman, and it was
Stephen like hot guy.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Shouldn't say it first, cousin, but let's be real, do
you want to play.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Well, he's a.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Hot guy and uh dueling Banjos, Me and my cousin,
my hot cousin, but also my friend Vic from my
old group of sober people, was a retired fireman. He's
one of He's in his mid to late sixties. One
(25:44):
of the most attractive men I've ever met my whole life. Wow,
because fire there's something about fireman.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
It's the mustache. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
Well, my my brother in law was actually in a
hot fireman calendar.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
That's pretty You gotta be pretty hot to be in
the top tier of fireman, you really do.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
He made Yeah, it was cute. Remember ever seeing it.
Maybe it was too explicit.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I had a fireman dad, So all this is disgusting.
Speaker 4 (26:15):
I'm sorry, you're just putting your We've just been talking
about your dad being hot this whole time in your ears.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It just is not hot to me. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Glistening abs, Well, but they January.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Here's the like when they stand around when it's like
the younger guys. My sister and I, this would happen
all the time. If we went into the city, we
got to park our car. My dad's firehouse was in Chinatown,
so we could go park in their driveway and then.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Go do stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
And what if there were a fire no, No, there's goodway.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
It's all one thing.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
It's like the trucks go in first and then everybody's hondas,
so just a driveway on the side. And the guys
that would come out and help every one of them
was more devastating the last. It's the weirdest, like it
is an energy of I'm going to help you no
matter what. Yeah, and don't worry about it because I
got it. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
When when I moved into the house in Lamita, Vic
came over with some other friends from the group that
day and he hooked up he with another guy, hung
my TV on the wall unasked for and hooked up
my cable.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
And lit my water heater. Love that man, Yeah, I was.
And I felt like if I could just have borrow
somewhat because he's married, if I could just borrow a
handsome husband for things like.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
This, you just start be pretty happy. Poor Man's copyright Martha.
That's the ten million dollar idea handsome husband borrowing hands Yes,
handsome husband's to come over and like do shit that
because you don't want to get on a ladder and shit.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yeah, and you're afraid of every type physical and emotional intimacy.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
So it's just like, what God this, I bet it
would be.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Nice because also it would be like a registry so
that they are not you don't have to worry that
a strange man's in your house with a wrench. Yes,
so it's almost like safety, but you're kind of instead
of underlining or like no, it's just hot husbands were
just objectifying.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Just hot husbands coming over making you feel like maybe
I would have liked being married, but you don't have
to find out any of the bad parts, right right.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
Yeah, that reminds me. When Sampancake was on, he said
he had like a tender date or a grinder date
that came over and then he had him fix his printer.
So I laughed about that for a long time.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
It's so funny.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
Yeah, I want to be a fireman that comes over
and puts your cat in a.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Tree, because cats, they do, they do.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
And and this is another Fairbanks break coincidence, Fairbanks special
our whole friendship. There would be weird coincidences between me
and you, Chris. And one of my favorite books as
a kid was called Throw a Kiss, Harry, and it's
(29:20):
about a kitten who gets stuck in a tree.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
A fireman rescues him. The cat mom.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Encourages Harry to either kiss the fireman or blow a
kiss to say thank you because Harry also, Harry is
in love with the fireman who rescued him, but he's
too shy. And then as the fireman drives away on
the last page, Harry does blow a kiss.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
And I just.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Found the book on Amazon after years of wanting to
find it again.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
It's out of print, and you did it. I did.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I haven't bought it yet, but isn't that an amazing
story for a podcast?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
I built it up too much?
Speaker 4 (29:58):
I liked it. Were you do you know about my
sister finding my out of print childhood favorite book?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
No I don't.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
I thought that's why because you were justcuse you.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Mentioned kittens and trees environments.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
There was a book called The Hat, uh, And it's
just a magic hat that lands on a homeless veteran's
head and all these things start happening. A baby carriage
is on fire because some flirtatious man ashes his cigar
into it and it catches on fire and goes down
these stairs. Oh yeah, it's dramatic stuff. And the hat
(30:35):
flies off his head and scoops up water and pours
it onto the carriage, and the guy gets an award.
And then these these criminals are in a cabin and
there's a standoff with these police, and the hat lands
on the chimney and smokes out the cabin and they
get arrested and he gets like he becomes this man
(30:57):
about town that becomes fancy and then gets married and
he's had a fancy car. And the hat blows off
to change someone else's life. And in the illustration you
can see someone in the water is like drowning, and
the hat is in my mind, it was going to
go change that man's life. And it was just this
magic hat that the man had one foot too, And
(31:21):
the first thing he got was a shiny gold wheel
for his foot, so it was like scooting around town
in his new top hat. It was a gritty French
child's book, child's book, and I loved it so much.
They had to buy two of them. Because I was
young enough to where I would eat the book, you
(31:41):
know how kids be eating books. I would chew the
binder then, and my sister found one, yeah and ordered
it for me. It was very thoughtful gift.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Very sweet. Yeah, nice, I thought you were going to
say that.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
In the background, the guy drowning and you find out
the hat is drowning the man, Ye find out he's
evil at them.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
Under It really took a turn for the worst that's had. No,
it doesn't tell you. It's almost like it to be continued,
but you have to be interested enough in the drawing
to find the little guy. It's very small.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
That's really cool.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Yeah, that was a cool book.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
That sounds like a great book.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
Yeah. I want to buy the rights to it and
make it a animated film.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
They already did it. It's called Harry Potter.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Oh, I'm the Secret of the Top Hat.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Sorry.
Speaker 4 (32:30):
Oh damn.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
I have a book that I would like to describe
to you guys, because I'll never find it and I've
looked for it for like twenty to thirty years.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
And it's literally a book about a little.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
Girl who lives by the seashore with her parents and
they live in this two story I think, two story
house and she's like, life is great, but then her
parents tell her she can't do something, and so she's like,
I wish I didn't have parents. And then the next
day she wakes up and they're gone, and then she's
just by herself in this house on the seashore.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Anyone ever heard of this book?
Speaker 4 (33:06):
No?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Is it an anxiety inducing book? Or is it fun
for her to.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Not have parents?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
It's anxiety inducing and it's weird. It's one of those
weird seventies children's picture books where you're kind of like,
why did I get brought through this emotional journey?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Like what's this for?
Speaker 4 (33:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Aah?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
So she's like, at first, she's super happy that she's alone.
She's like, I can do whatever I want, eat seaweed
for dinner or whatever. And then of course night three
and she's losing her fucking mind and they're just not
coming back.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
And I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
I'm sure they come back, but like I remember just
reading it at school and being like, holy shit, yeah,
very upset.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
The seventies were the beginning of people trying to realize
that children had feelings, but they for sure didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Fully grasp it.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
No, But I was thinking last night about the wild
West of being a kid in the seventies and how
it was like, good luck to you. Your parents were like, yeah,
you can go play outside and be back at this
time and whatever else happens is none of our business. Yeah,
and how neglectful that is. But coming from their generation,
(34:13):
like my dad started working jobs when he was like toens,
so to them, yeah, it seemed like we're giving you
a great life. You get to go do whatever you
want instead of working in a mill.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Yeah, yeah, totally true.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
No, it was, and it was pretty great in some ways,
but then just yeah, my thing is like when I
was like twenty four, I remember writing in the car
with my sister's friend Adrian and her little kids, and
she was driving them all around the town we grew
up in, dropping them off at like soccer practice and
picking them up from places, and it was like I
was getting angrier and angrier because no one ever would
(34:50):
give us a ride anywhere when I was growing up,
So it'd be like, hey, can we go to the
Royal Rink and be like, of course not, and just
watching these fucking kids get chauffeured and like a mom,
that's about it, Like I brought you a snack so
that you don't have a nerver spread down after soccer practice,
and I was just like.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I hate all of you, like almost pride in the.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
Car jealous of children.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
It was like, yeah, we would spend a couple of
weeks at my grandmother's house in East Texas, way out
in the country, and my parents wouldn't take us, like
to the next town over to go swimming. It was
just like, you're you selfish asshole for even asking, yes,
we are here to visit your grandmother.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Shut up.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Yes, it was insane to be I remember asking my
dad one weekend because we weren't doing anything. It was
like Saturday, I'm like, hey, can we go to Calscaate,
like the roller rank fifteen minutes away?
Speaker 1 (35:44):
And she was like, what the hell are you talking about?
Where we're just what do you mean?
Speaker 4 (35:50):
You mean?
Speaker 3 (35:50):
It just a fun suggestion of like not to whatever
whatever we're all doing right now.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
He was chewing on nuts and they were flying out
when yelled at.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
This is why firemen aren't sexy to me. I had
one harass me my entire life. What the hell?
Speaker 3 (36:08):
Because my dad had a paper route for when he
was seven years old. So he's like, yeah, no, one
never rest never rests.
Speaker 4 (36:16):
Yeah, maybe do Yeah, I think that you're right. That's
why I just ended up in a lot of door
salesman like doorder door salesman jobs at age fifteen. Yeah,
because that was what was normal for my dad. Yeah,
but it's very dangerous door smid for a teenagers. Insanity,
(36:37):
Oh yeah, I was very young. Coupon books, knives, no
chocolate bars. I was in and it was always let's
go to the neighborhoods. They don't have a lot of
money because they need coupon books the most, and so
I'd just be in mobile home parks. You're not supposed
to call them trailer parks.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Oh yeah, there's a lot. There's several in my neighborhood
in Lomita, no brag.
Speaker 4 (37:03):
Really manufactured homes.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yeah, there's like but they're not they're small. They're not
like the fancy double wide mobile homes. They're small momo homes,
and they're like Lomita's the kind of little city where
it's like a couple of blocks will be single family
homes and it's fine, like safety wise, it's fine, and
(37:25):
then two blocks away there's mobile home park, and then
around the corner there's people entrepreneurs selling things that might
not be legal.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I my feeling is that's none of my business.
That's the way to do it. I'm not here to
snitch on anyone.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
I like to call a drug dealer an illegal goods entrepreneur.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
A self starter, but I mean it's it's safe.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
My flab didn't start a fire. I'm a self starter.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Well, so many people that have to.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
If you want to buy a house, getting a mobile
home is a great idea, not a mobile home.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Manufactured home. Yeah, I only remember because of Jimmy Winkfield's
or Jimmy Roulette. I can't remember which. Namy was going
by this comic that Martha and I started with in Austin.
He had a joke about going shopping with his wife
for a trailer. He said, yeah, we're here to look
at one of your trailers, and the guy said, I'm sorry,
(38:29):
these are manufactured homes. Well, today must be my lucky
day because you manufactured these to look just like trailers,
which member that.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Yes, I love Jimmy Roulette.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Are you amazed at how many from that era? How
many jokes do you still have in your memory from Yeah, comics,
I don't know anyone's current material.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Yeah, I I I do miss the early Austin days.
Even when I moved back in two thousand and eight
and then again in twenty fifteen, there were always like
a new crop of really great comics.
Speaker 4 (39:08):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Then now it's like kind of Row comedies dominating.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Yes, that's what I've heard.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
So you can't win them all, I guess.
Speaker 4 (39:18):
No, I guess. And that is why you kept going
back to Austin, right because it, yeah, felt like a
comfortable place to get back into stand up. Yeah, yeah,
that I can see that.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
But I think I'm gonna I think me and Carrie Lendo,
who's an Austin comic who lives out here.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Now, she's great, We're gonna go. She is really funny.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
I think we're going to go to open mics and
then not too distant future and then I'm gone. If
I start going, then I'll start writing again, is my hope.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Yeah, and you will invigorate the community.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I hope that I don't just bring everybody down the
way I seem to.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
The pets in my household, the people.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
I spend the most time, they don't get it. They're
actually I think that they bring me down, if I'm
being honest.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
What's the setup in your household right now?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Two cats and one dog.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
I love them so much, I am tired of cleaning
up after them, and really understand how excited my mom
was when we all flew the coop for a while.
I flew back into the coop repeatedly as an adult,
but she made the house really nice when we all
finally moved out, and I in retrospect, I'm happy that
(40:33):
she had that time, because my pets seem to love
messing it up the moment I clean it.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
Yeah, but your pets now are much better behaved than now.
No flak against Buddy and the cats of yesteryear, but
it's almost seemed like a psychiatric hospital behavior of shit everywhere.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Well, Buddy.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Had some behavioral issues that I believe were one hundred
percent due to me not being the right kind of person.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
He needed a real alpha.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Person, not not someone to be hard on him, but
someone who had that energy, which I didn't because he
then was always trying to.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
He was unpredictable. He might like a dog, he might
attack it.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
Or he might lunge at a passing motorcycle.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
While with him, he might lunge at a motorcycle. He
would bark like crazy at our neighbors if they were
in the front yard and he saw them through the window,
but if they came insiet, he loved them.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Yeah, it was a sweet dog. I loved that dog.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
The dog was nearsighted, maybe kind of a scary shape
from a distance.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
And then I was like, oh, hi.
Speaker 4 (41:44):
I thought I just wanted him to wear glasses for
a static reason.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Now he needed them really badly.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I do have a picture of him wearing my glasses
and sitting at my computer.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
I think it was he finally calm after years of
nervous anxiety.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
He would the thing about Buddy for all of his bedevilments.
He would let me put a wig on him and
take a picture, and he would let me put glasses
on him and take a picture.
Speaker 4 (42:12):
He knew when it was dressed up time.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
He was so good about wigs and glasses. And none
of my other dogs have been willing to pose in
wigs and glasses.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
You know Brandy posey, right, Martha, Yeah, she dog says
for me sometimes, one of the only people I would
trust to do it. And she the first time she
did it, put Blossom in a little a little doggy
Adidas tracksuit, and Blossom looked like so mad and so
depressed and it was so she goes. She took a
(42:42):
picture and said to me, Goes, sorry, I won't ever
do this again. And I was like, oh my god.
She was like absolutely, like, oh like hated it. Blossoms
so funny.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
I sometimes I can't not interpret that. Dogs hate that,
and yet people are just making them doing.
Speaker 4 (43:00):
Yeah. Yeah, some dogs like it.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I mean some dogs like it, that's true. I don't.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
I wouldn't ever put clothes on any I put a
T shirt on Rosie one time, and I have a
picture of it, and you can tell she would be
cussing me out if she could talk.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Yeah, And so I took it off right after the picture,
and then I never did it again.
Speaker 4 (43:21):
Well, you know how dogs sometimes late at night they
start slopping and chomping on down by their hind legs. Yeah,
and they got a hot spot or something.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:32):
Yeah, if you put them in pajamas, they don't do
that anymore.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Right.
Speaker 4 (43:37):
Yeah, that's that's the That's what I've found. It's the
best use for pajamas, like a medicinal.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Medicinal pajamas, you can't just cover the inside with the
Vicks vapor road See what happens.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Here's your menthol flannel. Did I just I'm sorry? But
is that a good I bit my lip? I'm that
was the sound of my voice changing because the tooth
was piercing me inside of my lips.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
I'm sorry, you're apologizing to us as blood comes down.
Speaker 4 (44:14):
I really am sorry, lip. Yeah, I'm so many inventions.
I wish we should have a patent cleric as a guest.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
We really should.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
You're great right now, Martha, though I'm not saying this episode.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Oh no, I hear you. You want to.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
You wish you had booked someone who can give you
a paton for your medicine.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
In the future. But you are a notary, right.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
I'm a notary public and I'm a comptroller.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Those are my favorite people to vote for whatever they're doing.
Usually there's only one choice.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
I don't understand why there's a comptroller and a controller.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
I don't know the difference.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
The controller is cu empty and they slay And that's
a new thing. They just started doing that. That's new
for the kids.
Speaker 4 (45:06):
Good, good one, good one.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I love to provide information about politics.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
I bet you could go through all of Ceti Hall
and ask everyone who worked there what a comptroller does,
and they wouldn't know.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Yeah, I don't know, and I'm not I could google
it and I won't.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
No, No, I'm trying not to do that.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
It's all none of our business.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
I think. Yes, yes, if.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
They want us to know, they'll start talking about it.
Someone will. But put it on TikTok for me. Yeah,
I love and hate TikTok. I love it so much,
and you're so funny on it, Martha. Thanks, Karen, I
really are.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I routinely get discouraged and mostly I get like somewhere
between one hundred and fifty and three hundred likes. And
the only I like every time I make a video
and it doesn't go viral, which is every time I
make a video, I go, well, not.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Cut out for it. I guess I should quit.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
And then I'm like, yeah, but there's bots who reply
to everything with I love you, queen, And then I
feel like, you know what, I need it?
Speaker 1 (46:20):
They do love you. That's real. You've earned that.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
There's some bots I think that are doing it, just
positive bots, just bots.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
Who are like, I love you, Queen, your gorgeous queen.
Speaker 4 (46:32):
I thought the Telegraph. I thought robots weren't supposed to
have emotions.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
And also they're usually real negative, like would someone by
positive bots.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I think that TikTok does it to keep you addicted,
or to keep me addicted anymore.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Take what if they're just compliments because you're really funny
and famous.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
I reject that idea, but I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Periodically, the TikTok algorithm will suggest, oh, here's a video
of someone recording domestic abuse.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Do you want to watch that?
Speaker 4 (47:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (47:12):
No, I don't TikTok. You have to hit not interested.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Yeah, And then but periodically they come back in and go,
what about what about someone yelling at their kid?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Do you want to watch that? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (47:24):
I know my phone does that too. My phone wants
me to watch where they block off a corner and
drift side in a cargo in circles until someone gets
hit and flies and on paper. I don't like that,
but I guess I do like it because I just
(47:46):
said stop sending them to me.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Well, I have that relationship with videos of white, the
white and the lady. They call them Karen's, which I
don't like. I know, you don't care that the that's
what they call them Karen But I also was like
wanting to give a disclaimer, but anyway.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
You can, you can.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
When they when they have those videos of like a
Karen yelling at somebody, I don't want to see it,
but I still watch it because I guess I do.
I'm always hoping that she'll go, wait, like this is
what I do when I'm an unreasonable bitch. Right after
I'm a bitch, I go, hey, wait a minute, I'm
(48:26):
being a dumb bitch.
Speaker 4 (48:27):
Those are the videos, much like police chasing someone, or
it's in three parts, and so when you go to
that page, well, it's like I didn't want to see
that woman yelling at a kid on a skateboard, but
now I got to find out how it ended. Yes, right,
And so you're searching for part two of this goddamn video,
(48:48):
and they're taking that as a yes, please send me more.
I'm like, I don't want to be part of these
mysteries every day. I just need to solve this one.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
You just want to come up and do you want
to see you want the If your heart's going to
drop from the Karen attack, then you need to watch
Karen get put down exactly. I think that's very important
and if people do it two part or three parter
boxome No, because you have to teach the algorithm.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
You don't like that.
Speaker 4 (49:12):
Yeah, well it's weird because now I do. It's like
when someone says you want to try this drug and
then you try it once hesitantly and it dictates the
rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Oh well, can I tell you one of those videos
I saw that I think we all would want to
see again and again.
Speaker 4 (49:31):
Yes, it's someone falling.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
Yes, it's a lady labeled the Karen middle aged lady
and a man is fishing. First of all, she's not
law enforcement, but she starts telling him he can't fish there,
that it's you know, not loud, and he's like, I
don't care, and she starts yelling at him, and then
(49:58):
she charges and she runs at him to try and
knock him down, but i've he bounces off of him
and falls down herself and then blames him for it.
But to see someone try to line backer someone who's
(50:20):
minding their own business and then line back themselves, it's
so funny.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Especially those people where they're just like out of their minds.
Speaker 4 (50:31):
Yeah yeah, and willing to get physical.
Speaker 2 (50:34):
Yeah, Like, I don't think I could get physical with
anyone unless it was self defense or defense literal someone's
about to get hurt. Yeah, if I don't physically intervene.
But if it's just someone i'm really mad at, I
can't imagine running charging a stranger.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
It's so also in this day and age, the idea
that anybody would do any kind of like and this
is a message directly, do you Chris Fairbanks. It's so
everyone is so litigious, Like the second your're you put
your chest towards somebody and like touch them with your fingertip.
That's ten thousand dollars, right, people know, Yeah, you can't
(51:16):
do you can't do that, Like you can't do it?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Yeah, well this touch them. This lady was like, I
can do it. Watch what I can do. And what
I can do is I can bounce off you and
fall down.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
And then get fired from her job because someone will.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
Recognize her into a vat of grapes. And then she goes,
that's a everyone.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
Needs to revisit. Oh no, no, stop. I think she
says stop, stop, stop, but she's talking to the pain
she's experiencing. That's the best part of that one. Oh
no more, stop stop stop And then they go back
to the newspeople, who a laugh because it was a
(52:04):
physical surprise and they're like, oh, oh it really looks
like I am. But they are she might be hurt there,
she might be yeah, okay, and they work with her.
She knows. They laughed at her, yes, and.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
She was.
Speaker 4 (52:24):
She was trying to comedically step on the grapes.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
She was trying to beat.
Speaker 3 (52:29):
She was like beating the person by cheating, which is like,
so it's the immediate come upance where she's like, I'm
gonna go first.
Speaker 4 (52:36):
Maybe. Yeah. She was also making fun of this person's
grape job. Oh god, oh so good. It's the best.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
So good, guys.
Speaker 4 (52:50):
I if you go to my computer and you're looking
for nefarious things I've googled, all that's gonna come come
up is news bloopers.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
The best.
Speaker 4 (53:00):
That's all I want to see.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
So funny.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Every once in a while it's a light actually it's
striking someone falling from above or someone onliving themselves on air.
But for the most part, no, it's hilarious. Not interested words.
I'm not either until my phone shows it to me
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Like, okay, you're not a victim here. You have to
take action.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
I do love news bloopers, and I love people slipping
and sliding and on ice, usually falling coming out or
people just coming out on their front porch and for
no reason a man.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Oh yeah, there's one.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
Where a man steps down from his front porch and
loses his balance and just goes running sideways and fulls
and the people in the comments are like, it took
that man seventy two years to hit the ground.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
Yeah, that's my favorite comment. Its yeah, took the van
seventy two years to dot dot dot.
Speaker 2 (54:05):
I love I do love TikTok comments. I love seeing
how many people are funny. Yeah, they're so funny.
Speaker 4 (54:11):
Yeah, just and and then I'll go to their page
and find out, Yeah, that guy's just a Department of
Sanitation guy that should be righting jay Leno jokes? How
old am i? Jay Leno jokes?
Speaker 3 (54:24):
Did you ever see the one where it's the two
drunk ladies at the door and then one start one
falls over and farts, and then the other one starts
laughing so hard that then she she like just almost
like spontaneously falls over, like immediately loses her own balance.
Speaker 4 (54:38):
Wait does she fart to No?
Speaker 1 (54:40):
Just the first, just the mom.
Speaker 3 (54:42):
I think it's like a mom and daughter who are
like coming back from a wedding and they're like a
little drunk and then they just like everybody falls down
by Okay.
Speaker 4 (54:49):
The other thing I google is mom and daughter fart videos.
Speaker 3 (54:53):
Come on, Sorry, we don't want to look in that file.
Speaker 4 (54:57):
Well, then you don't want to be entertained.
Speaker 3 (54:59):
I yes, in your fae, Martha. I wish we could
go on forever, but I have to pee so bad
that we have to show.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
It was so fun to do this. Thanks you guys
for having me. Do you plug anything else or talk
about anything else.
Speaker 4 (55:18):
Or come on again in the future. Yes, I'm getting
ahead of myself.
Speaker 2 (55:23):
I'll come back tomorrow, and I know I'm anything my
own to plug, but I will say, in these dark times,
if you need something to make you feel really happy
happy in addition to news bloopers and people slipping and falling,
if you go on TikTok and search, dance your style,
which is a breakdancing competition. The way that the good
(55:45):
feeling you will get from those videos, I can't even
describe it.
Speaker 4 (55:49):
Really dance your style.
Speaker 2 (55:50):
Yeah, because it's breakdancers just doing what however, they dance
and the crowd is always jumping up and cheering, and
it makes you really happy to be a person.
Speaker 4 (56:00):
Well, yeah, I know that you're a big fan of
break dancers because we had a crew. I think they're
called a crew. Yeah, that's how you do it. And
I was blown away. I don't know where you found
those kids, but they all, like twenty kids came and
danced on stage at the Bad Dog Comedy or was
it Mad.
Speaker 1 (56:20):
Dog, Bad Dog?
Speaker 4 (56:22):
It was Mad or bad same dog, really, and I
was blown away, like kids running and sliding on the
top of their heads and like things I didn't know
where possible.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
It's the best. I will what's it called again, dance
your style?
Speaker 4 (56:39):
Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
Speaker 1 (56:40):
That's the one that seems like a competition.
Speaker 3 (56:42):
Sometimes there's really little kids and everyone wears like a
very big T shirt.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
Yes, I love that. Yeah, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (56:49):
And yeah, so if you don't mind, I'll also pee
and then just take frank with me if that's okay.
Speaker 4 (56:56):
That's fine. It's it's so good to see you and
my old friend you too.
Speaker 1 (57:01):
You're you guys are the bus.
Speaker 4 (57:06):
Yeah, all of us. You've been listening to Do You
Need a Ride? D y n A R. Okay, everyone go.
Speaker 1 (57:13):
Peace stole my line I did I did?
Speaker 4 (57:16):
Didn't I have I ever done? That was like ar.
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (57:30):
Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.
Speaker 4 (57:33):
Mixed by Edson Troy.
Speaker 3 (57:35):
Our talent booker is Patrick Cotner.
Speaker 4 (57:37):
Theme song by Karen Kilgarreth.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 3 (57:41):
Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.
Speaker 4 (57:48):
For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (57:51):
Thank you, Oh You're welcome
Hosts And Creators
Karen Kilgariff
Chris Fairbanks
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