June 2, 2025 • 62 mins
This week, Karen and Chris insist that actor and comedian Martha Kelly stay in the car to talk about backhanded compliments, pancakes for dinner and more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
we want to be there.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
time and aid termino and gage aid.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
We want to send you off in style. We wanna
welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We scared her. Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need
(00:49):
to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
to ride? Do your need you ride?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
to ride? This is Chris.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Fairbanks and this is KARENL. Gariff.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
We wrapped up a previous recording with our friend Martha Kelly,
and we were all getting in our cars and we
felt kind of incomplete. Yeah, so we asked her to
be on another episode, and she's here everyway Kelly, here
for part two.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Living, laughing and loving.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
All of her teeth are staying from red Wine.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
What a party. I'm so excited to party down again. Yeah,
I can't wait.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I just didn't like the idea of you diving immediately
into traffic, so sad, incomplete, wishing you had said certain things.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
What do you wish you had said?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Martha well, I have some good and bad news. There
are things that I meant to say. The bad news
is I realized it's better I ran out of time
because I just did. I did want to shoot talk
my old twelve step group.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Why not do it?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I realized maybe that isn't the best karma after having
fun recommending dance your style. Also, people graduation videos, people
finding out they got into college videos. Those ones are
so good it makes you get a lump in your throat.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Oh yeah, where the whole family is around a computer.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
And then there was a trend on TikTok a few
weeks ago of people doing that same music and set up.
But it's for finding out stuff that's not important at all,
So they're just doing it all as a joke.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Oh like a urology results or something.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yes, yeah, and just but it was equally the music
makes it Yeah fun anyway.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
It's funny. How much music will I'm like, why am
I crying about this military dad saying his dog again
or what? But a lot of it is the swelling
music from a Pixar movie that they've sampled. Yeah, I'm
a sucker for music.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Music creakes the world go around. Yes, when she loves
control as well.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I had a dream.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
No one cares, but I did have a dream two
nights ago that Missy Eli was doing some kind of
TV show and I was a writer for her, and
she got really mad at me because I couldn't come
up with any jokes.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was like, well, who put me in this position?
Made me get here? She's Missy told you you don't
have her voice. That's rough. It was like, you're not
coming up with anything good.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
And there was another problem I can't remember, but it
was exciting in my dream to have a.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Reason to join the writer's guild. Yeah. I never had
a writing job, but then you immediately get served up.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
What it's like Missy Elliott being like I already did
the garbage bag, saying I need something new.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
She was really mad.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I love that her name in the beginning was Missy
Misdemeanor Elliott, which are crimes that really where the punishment
is a fine, like jaywalking. No felonies, just misdemeanors.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah, I love.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I love that whole era of hip hop and rap.
Oh my gosh, don't panic.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Don't everybody's freaking out? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
So do I I am nostalgic for that era.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yeah, she made great videos and what if That's all
I can think of to talk about for this second.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Episode, The one dream you had, the.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
One dream and going through different Missy Elliott videos and.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
One of which kind of scared me. The one where
they're in the corn is that the one?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
And there's the well, there's one for minute Man where
the way the bell hops robotically move at the end
is a little scary.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Oh that kind of filming where they're skipping a frame.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I find that scary, Like the animation
from a tool video. Yeah yeah, like stop motion video,
but it's a person.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But it's somehow touching your lizard brain of danger and weirdness.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah yeah, speaking of lizards, one time I stayed with
a sibling of a friend in Minneapolis and she had
a pet gecko who she was kind of neglecting, And
so this lizard, his little face was so sad, and
so I cleaned his cage and gave him fresh food
(06:15):
and water, and his whole face changed. And that's how
I feel in the beginning of healthy eating is like
the lizard before he gets excited. Yeah, just like this
healthy eating is like then it's like, who gives a
shit about eating at all?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Just invent a pill so I don't have to eat.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Yeah, I've always wanted that pill that exists.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Oh then once those cravings are gone, it is so weird.
I get really mad because I'm like, so everybody else
feels like this normally, right, like people who aren't.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Sugar sensitive or whatever.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
And then it's like and those are the people that
are like, you can just work out and do this,
and it's like you feel like this normally, So how
the fuck would you know?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Right? Yeah, it is. It's weird.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
But that's part of why I love setting money on
fire by going to Ariwon is because there it's the
first time where I was like, oh, there, there's food
that tastes really good, that's good for you.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Yeah right, and it always costs more.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, it costs a lot, but someone else prepares it, which.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Is the dream.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah, I like a nice like from a place like that.
If you order fruit salad from there, Oh you'll pay,
and you'll pay dearly, but it will be like a dream,
almost like a resort breakfast fruit salad I have found.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Have you ever been to a resort? I think I have.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I kind of want to do a do it yourself
yoga resort, like stay at a in my own in
my own city, honestly, just to get away from my pets.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Just do yoga in the next.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Room, get a wall off part of the house and
do hot yoga every day and then eat gourmet health
food that someone else prepared and do it for a
week and call it a health spa.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Yeah, it's just a room with a lot of plants.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
And the shower's on real hot. Yes, and there are
no pets allowed, and the pets don't have your phone
number either. They can't bargin.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It is really cute that they want to put their
hair on everything in the sense that that's their way
of being, Like, Hey, I live here and we're all
part of a family.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
But that's where the cuteness ends.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Yeah, I don't want.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Their hair on everything.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
And I have child lots on the kitchen cabinets to
keep them out of the cabinets where the dishes are.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Do they try and figure them out?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Well, they used to open all the cabinets and with
the first time I actually had to get a child
locked on my closet in my old burbank apartment because
my cat. Berry would go in and pull all the
clothes off the hangers for every reason, just to pass
the time during the day, truly, just to entertain himself,
and sidelocked the door.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And I do have a video of him.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Pawing at the lock and yowling for like two minutes.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Straight because he wanted to try on your clothes again.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
He said, get that dress off that hangar. Now, I
love that love.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
I love cats trying to try on human clothes. I
just want to live in that world. How many cats
do you have now?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I have two, Gary and Berry.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Yeah, you always have two cats one dog.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
That's kind of your Although when I got Buddy, I
had four cats. I had four cats, and when I
got the fourth one, they were each one was a
hard luck story.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
And when I end up with Frest said this has to.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Stop because there will always be a hard look story.
And then you have ten cats. Yes, four cats is
a lot.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
As someone that did catst they were some of them
were special needs cats, which is no, exactly, I.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Mean nothing, you're talking.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Yes, they needed attention that I did not have the
training to provide.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Oh yeah, Marvin was definitely special needs.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Wait, maybe I'm using the phrase wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
You mean just like special like medicines or something they.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Needed attention that I like, I wasn't. Yeah, I didn't
have the training.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
You're too much of a withholder.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Yes, I was like, wait, I don't just put food
in front of them. What else do I need to do?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Special training lately front to back a couple of times.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
So by special needs I mean special training from the
human to provide to the cats.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
There is a college course you can take called how
to Pet a Cat?
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Well that I could. I think I could teach you
give them a little bit and then take it away
right when they start.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Enjoying it, and then they keep coming back for more.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
A lot of people start to pet cats and they're like, oh,
they like this, I should do it infinitely. And you're
gonna get.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Scratched, You're gonna get bit.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
You just give the cat a little until they're like
I like that, and then stop and then they come
to you for more. It's a delicate dance.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, a lot of cats will will buy if you
put them too long. My current cats, Gary and Barrier
are not like that. By the grace of.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
God, do they lay together and put their heads on
each other.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
They do hug.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
They hug a lot, but they also get mad at
each other a lot. And Macie, thank God, my giant dog.
She will break it up, but sometimes I have to
actively urge her, can you please break it up? And
she'll start yowling or not yewling, like she'll whine and
howl at them and then run over and bank one
(12:13):
of them with her nose.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Oh that's pretty Yeah, that's you. Gotta get a camera on.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
That, guys, you gotta get a camera on this restaurant
over here.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Oh, Muffing can stop us, Oh, Muffin can stop us?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You guys.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Oh, now that song's in my head. Muffin's gonna stop us.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Now, don't sing it.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
I won't. I know we'll get in trouble, but I
am saying, Muffin. All you have to do is change
the lyrics Muffin falls under parody law and.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Then gonna stop us. Muffin can stop us.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
There's a place in Baker's No in Frezzno called griddle
Me This.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I love stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Does the men you have riddles?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
We didn't go in.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
It was right next door to a Red Robin and
we all had a meet up there on the way
to this god forsaken retreat. But I took a picture
of griddle me this.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Did you have pancakes there?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Wait, you didn't go there? Your no?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
And that was in one of my phases where I
wasn't eating bread. But after my not to be sad,
it's this isn't completely sad.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
The part where my mom dies is horribly sad.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
But after she died in twenty sixteen, I went on
a pancake for dinner spree that was delicious.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yes, And I feel like.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Most moms would want you to seek comfort in pancakes
for dinner after they're gone. They would be like, whatever
you need. Yeah, I think so too, and I'm glad
I did it. I used to not have problems with
my sleep, but now I have. I cannot sleep normally
at all.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
But I used to think, why won't people just eat
a bunch of carbs to go to sleep? Because that
truly is And so breakfast for dinner if you want.
If I did a full stack of pancakes, yeah, around seven,
I would be out cold by nine o'clock or nine thirty.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
I wantn't. I'm saying this to myself. Yeah, I need
to do this asap.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Do Do you get up early? Yeah, and you just
have insomnia and can't get to sleep at night.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
That's a bummer.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
It's kind of like a it's a weird thing I
didn't fix during COVID where I would go to sleep normal,
like around eleven, watching TV, fall asleep, and I always
wake up at three am and am so awake, whoops,
just completely awake, And so then I just kind of
do stuff to get it done, and then I go
back to sleep probably around five.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And then have you.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Tried abusing theraflu? That's what I do. I have to
sleep tonight. I have theraflu. Sometimes had a ben a
drill Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Ben and DRYL has helped me fall asleep.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
Really sometimes you just need to.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Sleep, Yeah, sometimes, But I do think I should. I
just I guess I'm saying I'm surprised at myself for
never having tried the pancake solution that I have always said,
why doesn't anyone try this? It's like I blocked it
out of my head.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Maybe can you try it tonight? Do you think that
you might try it tonight? Because it is it's also
kind of pancakes are kind of their own category.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Of wonderful. I agree.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I don't remember the last time I've had them, and
I do enjoy them, it's just always at the beginning
of the day, I'm like, well, I literally will have
to be asleep in forty five minutes.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Right, Yeah, they are really good at sedation. This is
making me think.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Also, well, it's pancakes, but it's also man, I love
Roscoe's chicken waffles, and the idea of having a delicious
piece of fried chicken and a big old waffle together, yeah,
is so brilliant.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I used to not understand it. When I quit drinking,
all of a sudden, there's this sweet tooth that emerged,
and I want nothing more than a waffle now. My
whole life, I didn't care about pancakes and waffles or
cakes or pies, and now it's a dream of them.
They danced like sugar plums, and I there was a
(16:22):
restaurant in my hometown of Missoula that would had. It
was called the hub Cap Stack, and it was a
They were the size of a car's wheel, and it
was like three pancakes and if you finished it, it
was free. And I famously could eat a lot when
I was a teenager and I went in there with
a bunch of my friends and I didn't ma money,
(16:43):
and I ordered it, knowing, well, I'll just eat it
all and then it's free. It says it on the menu.
And I got halfway through and it was like for
medical reasons, I couldn't continue, and I and.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I, did you have a stroke?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No?
Speaker 4 (16:59):
I had. I'm like, I actually can't stop without well,
the rest of the story is gross. I can't. I
went okay, yeah, yeah, I made room outside. I came
back in and finished them simply to win.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Yes, and isn't get caught.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I know they they didn't have anything in the rules
that said you couldn't go out and vomit in the alley.
So I did that, came back in, finished the rest
and they were free, and they be grudgingly were like, well,
now we have to take your picture. Because people were watching.
It was like, oh, someone said they can do this.
Everyone gathered around. He's gonna do it, and then I was.
(17:39):
I showed signs of stopping and then I just have
to go outside and meditate. Came back in finished. Because
I didn't have any money, I would have had to yeah,
wash the dishes. I don't know. What did they do
on the Andy Griff Show.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Oh, yeah, that is what it would be end on.
I love Lucy.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
If you didn't have money, I had to go and
back and watch dishes. Do you think that ever really
happened in real life?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Ever, it doesn't seem likely because they would have already
hired the dishwashers, so it's like they're not working anything.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Oh how are they working at off?
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Yeah? Plus, some guy off the streets isn't going to
really wash the dishes with care. Now they're gonna have
to be rewashed, right.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I guess that's back when people maybe were being nice
and teaching a lesson. It's supposed to just like, yeah,
throw them in rikers.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Oh you can't finish well, you're gonna have to do
our taxes. I'm not an accountant.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
I went to Alaska. I wanted to talk about going
to Alaska. Was that too drastic of a subject? Change?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Did you do the club at Anchorage? No?
Speaker 4 (18:51):
I was randomly emailed and this guy does shows in
fair Alaska, and he asked me if I was related
to Alaska or that town in some way, and I
jokingly said, I'm related to all Fairbanks because my grandma
(19:13):
told me that when I was a kid, but right
before the show, and when like they were making a
big deal out of me possibly being related to a
guy named Charles W. Fairbanks who named Fairbanks, Alaska. So
I went to Ancestry right before the show, and I
(19:33):
was indeed like all the people my grandmother told me about,
mainly the shady colonialist that first moved to America, where
I imagine them all to be doing nefarious things when
they're colonizing America. Of course they were. But this Jonathan
Fairbanks guy was in on Ancestry, so I was related
(19:59):
to him, and so I when I came to town,
I met the mayor. I got a tour of city hall.
He did have keys to the city, but they were
all out of them. He was gonna give me a
key or a coin.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Oh, because there's so many people getting keys to them.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
He's like, or they didn't order them five years ago,
because no one's getting keys.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Is it teriffs?
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Yes, that's what it is.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
No.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
They wouldn't complain about Trump there. They liked him, but
it was kind of cool that they they were like
because I guess Charles W. Fairbanks never went to Alaska
and they were considering me to be the lineage. It
was just bizarre. I didn't expect it to happen, and
(20:44):
for the mayor to want to meet me.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
And was that last week?
Speaker 4 (20:48):
It was last week?
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Were there giant mosquitoes?
Speaker 4 (20:53):
No, but I heard about them. They said it gets
beautiful there and flowers were about to bloom. But the
mosquito problem is huge there. And that surprised me so
much because I really want I mean, one of the
shows I did was in a town called North Pole, Like,
you really are way up there. The state is not
(21:16):
even as big as a map shows it. It's ridiculously big.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Now, what's the grizzly bear situation? Where you were?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I saw a moose, I saw a bright red fox
and like out of a cartoon, like it looked exactly
like the Robin Hood Fox.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Answer the question?
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Yeah? What was the question?
Speaker 1 (21:39):
What was the grizzly bear situation?
Speaker 4 (21:43):
The well, they exist, but that there also exists in
Montana where I'm from, s A lot of it was lost.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Why won't you tell her? I did you see any good?
Speaker 3 (21:57):
No?
Speaker 4 (21:57):
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
No, one never does have to go into the mountains. Oh,
they're not in town.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
They're not coming down sitting at picnic tables like we
think that would.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Be on the news everywhere. Yeah, but I bet there's
black bears that you could see in the city park
or something interesting.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Now, how have you seen the movie Grizzly Man.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yes, yes, the bears very much turned me off of nature.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
Yeah, it did mean to.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
No thank you to nature.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Also, no thank you to the worldview of the man
who made it. What's his name, Warner Herd Song, Yeah,
no thank.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
You to him either. Oh really is he Well, he's
a bummer.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Oh, he's someone I mean, I'm assuming from his accent
that he's from Eastern Europe, And of course those people
have plenty of reasons to have a dark outlook on life,
but his whole you know, I'm gonna film a guy
who thinks he has friendships with grizzly bears and I
(23:01):
absolutely don't believe he does. And a predictable thing happened
where he got killed by one of them.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Yes, for sure, but I think he was already doing it.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah, like I think.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Because my ex worked on the research when that Grizzly
Man was on Letterman, and so he got he had
to watch all like he basically had to become an
expert on the guy. And I think he was, like,
I think he was just had dedicated his life. He
made he in I think it's in the documentary when
he was like, I will renounce drinking for you and
(23:36):
all Grizzly Bears. Remember when he's like yelling that at
one of the Grizzly Bears.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yes, like he is.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Really he was gonna do it anyway, in my opinion,
but I mean you're not. I'm not arguing about Werner
herz Hug or whatever, but I do think that guy
was a very special kind of He recorded himself like
he was doing it.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
He was doing it, Yeah, yeah, he was doing it
on his own.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And he did think that he had relationships with this bears,
with these bears and in their eyes, it's true Werner
Hertzog's narration saying, there's one part I remembers him going
in all the eyes of all the bears, I saw
nothing but something predator that I fizzled out on that guys.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I'm bombing this second episode. I'm bombing take two. Just
give them a deep breath from and then do it again.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
In all Okay, in all, in all the eyes of
all the bears, I never saw anything but a dumb
animal wanting to bite someone.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
And that's not what he said. Same vibe, same vibe.
You nailed the vibe like I like.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
I like both reads me too.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
I think we're going to send them both to producers
and we'll just see what they're interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
I can't wait for this live action.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
It's in the scenes. Martha.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Will you take that line one more time? And this time,
instead of doing an impression of Werner Herzog, let's just
hear Martha Kelly telling us that fact for truth.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Okay, in all the eyes of all the bears, I
could tell none of them gave a shit.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
No, there it is.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Not one who Timothy treadwell, well, was you drink?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
I didn't know him.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
That was a found Where where did you get One
time Martha presented this VHS tape? What was that tape?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
It was one of them.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I think it was my one of my friends, one
of my stoner friends from after high school. The era
of late eighties early nineties VHS tapes being wild, being
able to find ones, you know, like the Winnebago guy
like that.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Yeah stuff.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
And my friend Paul was an animator and he worked
at Disney and he went to cal Arts is where
it started.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So they would get funny, weird tapes.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And one of them was a guy who had neighbors
that were drunk all the time and arguing, and he
made a video with puppets re enacting the arguments using.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
The audio of the actual recordings.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Yes, it's very very famous tapes. Oh yeah, we used
to listen to that thing all the time, insane.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
I yeah, it's still my favorite.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
I honestly think there's It may have been the same
tape that got that got passed around because we got
that tape with that on it. Then there was like
the video of the orchestra falling through. They set up
a they set up a stage where the scaffolding wasn't
correct and the entire orchestra falls through. It was like
it was a series of we caught this on video,
(27:04):
and it was one video tape of that, but it
would go from bloopers and hilarious to like the worst
thing you've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
My Yeah, it was wild and it was always like
get high. And one friend was going to bring the
VHS tape that was going to be the night's entertainment.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
My friend Laura Milligan, who is the funniest.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
When she would get really drunk, she would insist upon
putting on this documentary about adults who put diapers on
each other, and everyone would bum out and be like Laura, no, no,
and get like really upset because she'd already made people
watch it like three times, and she would be like,
it's come on, it's so funny, and it was like,
it's completely traumatized me.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Not a Depends party, But I want to be a baby?
Will you treat me like a baby? Yes?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Yeah, like sixty five year old men with mustaches acting
like babies and waiting.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
That to me is so disgusting. But a bunch of
friends getting together and wearing diapers until so poops or
peas as a fun thing to do in a boring town.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
That isn't gross to me because you've done it.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Oh yeah multiple times. What you've never had a Depends party?
It's the I grew up in a boring town. Are you?
Don't you believe? What it's the funnest thing to do
is to drink beers with a bunch of friends and
put on a diaper and everyone just peas themselves and
you laugh, and there was girls there too. We all
(28:29):
would do it, true, and everyone knew it was gross.
Everyone knew what we were doing, and we all agreed
that we were laughing just at the idea of doing it.
And then we did do it.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
But did anyone actually ship number two?
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Yeah, and it did kind of ruin the party. Yeah,
what it did, But that was we all knew that
was the goal. At some point, someone needs to do it.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I couldn't attend. I couldn't handle it.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
It's not a spectator sport.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I couldn't handle. And I couldn't participate. I couldn't tolerted.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
I wish I hadn't brought it up, But I just
want to say it's a simpler time.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
You're kind of saying that, like we used to play
quarters at my high school like that, that idea of
depends parties.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
I don't think that's common me because maybe not, is it.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Maybe maybe my friends thought it up.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Maybe your friends are fetishists who are using you and objectifying.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
Oh, no, one was turned on. We all were laughing
in disgust. But we're doing it as a group of friends,
and I am talking about ten people at once.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I think it's like, this is my cynical assessment is
it's It's not cynical for the boys, it's just that's
like a young skateboarding guys almost like the guys in Jackass,
and universally a lot of men when they're young like
to gross each other out and gross themselves out. Yes,
(29:55):
And I think the girls just wanted to be around
c boys and so they.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Well, yeah they were. The girls that were there were
like girlfriends of my friends that were like, I want
to do it too, But you're right because we did
what When Jackass came out, We're like, wait, we already
have done so many of these things other than getting
hurt and you know, sticking things in our butts or
(30:21):
whatever they do, but the jumping off buildings into pools,
all of those things that are in Jackass, we were
doing without trying to get it on camera, just for
the experience, which it's hard to understand now, like everything
needs to be filmed now. And when I watched Jackass,
(30:42):
I'm like, we did all this stuff. We just no
one has a camera. Why were we doing it? I
guess for fun. But I do regret bringing up the
Depends party.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
I'd like to I'm sorry if I did shame you
about it.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
I should be shamed. But it was a long time.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
I just don't like feeling left out. And then when
you say it, like it's this big trend every all
the high school kids did, I'm like, again, I don't
know what's going on.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
I don't think anyone in town other than us was
having a depends party. It was. It was reckless of
me to just say it like that's a common Uh.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
It is so funny that, really, I'm going to say,
because of how young you were, you were still boys,
young boys being like the height of adventure is we're
going to put on diapers until one of us goes
to the bathroom in it.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
Yeah, there's really not a lot to do in a
small town.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
No, I got it. Has anyone been to Shotzi's?
Speaker 3 (31:46):
No?
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Where are we in that little patio center?
Speaker 4 (31:49):
I believe?
Speaker 6 (31:50):
Oh wow, but I've heard of Bakari. I thought I've
heard of Bocardy. Yeah, and drank out of that.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
You're from southern originally, Are you from here or is
it that your parents moved out here?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
No, I'm I grew up in Torrance.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Where Dirk Diggler's from Dirk.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Diggler and a lot of racist cops y'all.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Oh yeah, Sundowntown.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Y'all didn't even know until I was in my early forties,
unfortunately did It was a sundowntown Yeah, an uber, not uber,
a super shuttle I think from the airport in Austin.
The guy told me, because when we were small talking,
asked me where it is from.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
I told me, goes. Oh, yeah, it's a sundowntown.
Speaker 4 (32:37):
I mean sundowntown.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
It means that after dark, the cops would harass any
black people because they didn't think they belong there.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Oh what harass is the nicest way to see?
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Yeah, like usually just try to kill. Yeah, they were.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
It was h Well, thank god that doesn't happen anymore.
Oh booo, it does. I was my sarcastic voice. Oh sorry,
that sounds just like my normal voice.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Sorry, I.
Speaker 4 (33:07):
Thought that was your sarcastic booth.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
But I will say on a silver line. And my
parents grew up in small towns amongst white supremacists before
the Civil Rights movement, and they both rejected that before
moving to California and then moved to California and were
very anti racism. Yeah, there are humans who who don't
(33:34):
embrace the dark side.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
Yes, that's right. Yes. And I look back on all
those friends at the Depens party, and that's one thing
we had in common was friends with parents that were
and continue to this day to be like open minded good.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah, people that your parts your parts good.
Speaker 4 (33:56):
We have two things in common.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
Those two things diers and lightly not as racist parents.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Look at green queen.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
Oh, they're like flowers, but with faces hidden in them.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
They art because weed.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Someone did a video on TikTok and they just did
a it was a video of one of those super
fancy weed stores and they were like, if this is
how wheat stores are going to be now, they have
to clear every person that's still in prison for pot.
They have to get they have to clear all of
those convictions because it clearly that's just not the way
(34:38):
it is anymore. Why there's people still serving time. Yeah,
they should immediately.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Yeah with anything else, if the thing you did is
no longer a crime, you would be exonerated. It's really
I mean, let's get political. That's my favorite thing to
do when I don't have any facts in my head,
but I think they can all agree on that.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
I try to get political on TikTok and then I delete,
I record a three minute long video, and then I'm like, yeah,
I don't know how to talk about things in a
smart way.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
It's so disappointing because I really used to think I
was smart, and once I had a podcast, I was like,
I am like, truly minus five percent into the dumb area.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
It's very disappointing.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
I disagree that you're not smart, but I do think that, No,
it's not about you. It's not no that I get.
I know how that sounded. I meant you you are smart.
I think that that right now politics are more volatile
(35:49):
than they've been in our lifetimes. Yes, and it's delicate
to talk about and you, I think you have to
kind of devote yourself to studying and keeping up on
and like reading everything that's going on yep, and reading
a bunch of books by people who've analyzed that stuff in.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Order to talk about it right. And I don't have time.
I don't have time to.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Vacuum my house most of the time, and it's because
I'm on TikTok trying to make smart videos. And failing
that's right.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
Yeah, we can't do it all.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
We really can't. We shouldn't feel like we have to.
And you're so right about that. Where I remember being
in my early twenties when they were trying to do
like rock the Vote on MTV and Madonna had like
a flag wrapped around her shoulders or whatever. Yeah, I
just remember the whole vibe of the time was like,
that's so dumb, where like not only was no one
(36:47):
political or like very few people politically minded, but if
it was like people actually kind of turned against it. Yeah,
it was just like, that's none of my business. That's
for old people to figure.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Out, right, And now we're realizing it's what old people
are ruining. Oh wait, we shouldn't have put this in
the hands of old people.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Yeah, they don't know. That's scared shit list.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
That's the kind of thing my dad says. So it's
okay for me.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
And it's sad, yeah, because you're not ages.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
No, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
It's just that I've.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Seen multiple times, I've seen transcripts of me speaking, and
it's as if I have a brain injury, the way
I repeat myself and say like and and that, and
I literally like I have some of those habits that
I think only other dumb people have.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Like I was like, not me, it can't be me,
and it's on me.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't know because I listen to your podcasts and
that's not how I hear you.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Yeah, it's because the editors are very good to me.
John Bradley shout out right, only I don't.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
This one's is I edits and then Edson mixes and sorry,
You're like, I do it, I do it. God damn it.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Now that we have Onal's speaking. I went to their
show You Go by Girlish Figure. Yeah. It was so yeah,
so good, really very and I think your first show right.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Well, my first show under that I was.
Speaker 4 (38:29):
I was so impressed. The songs were so good, they're
well written. You were a rock star. You knew what
to do with your arms, which I said you afterwards,
it's very specific, but you were. It was a full
performance and it was really good.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
I was congradulationous.
Speaker 5 (38:49):
I had no idea Chris was coming, and so at
one point I'm just like looking out onto the crowd,
I'm like, is that Chris.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
Was so well?
Speaker 1 (39:00):
I shows up, he reps, that's it.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
I'm realizing why a lot of people maybe didn't make
it to my birthday party. Is the party full? Like
it's it's hard to it's a link that gets emailed whatever.
I suddenly got a text because I was on party
fold because of my birthday party, and I got a
text that day, and that was the first I'd seen
(39:24):
of it, and I'm like, well, of course I'm gonna
I could have easily missed it. So I'm glad I
saw it and I'm glad it went. It was really fun. Yeah, yeah, good, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Yeah, congratulations. Als, I'm so excited for you. I know
that was a big deal.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
And those people you were performing with were the people
you met online, Like.
Speaker 5 (39:44):
I mean, speaking of TikTok, Yeah, my friends shout out
to the band child Seat.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
If people like new wave music, they make new waves.
Speaker 5 (39:53):
I saw they had a song called money, like over
a year ago, and I was like, this is incredible.
It's like this is my new favorite song and I
she followed me back and then you know, flash forward
a year later.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
She asked me to play sax on that song live.
So it was like really cool at the show, Like
I got.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
To play sacks on the song that I like discovered
them on TikTok playing It was just such a cool thing.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
I've met a lot of friends on TikTok.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
Yeah, that's so great. See it's not just everyone in
their phones. It leads to real life relationships on these streets.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
That's right. And when you say it, you're talking about TikTok.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Yes, just all things or everything? Yeah, everything anything.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
It's easy to lock the door and just stare at
your device, which is often what I do.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
But it also brings the world to you.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
Yes, or you can link up with the real world
and go out there. And I'm talking about dating apps.
I'm kidding, I'm not. That's actually not what I was
talking about.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Guys. What if we went to Denny's that has everything?
I love thecakes or Bob's Big Boy. I love a
Bob's Big Boy.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
I just like saying Moon's over my Hammaids, but I
don't enjoy the dish. I've ordered things there because I
like their wordplay, but I don't want no Eggsam, you know.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
Where we can go too, Sorry, because I'm now at
this point now I'm kind of starving.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
But yes, yes, what's that place? Is it Jinkies?
Speaker 3 (41:24):
It's right on the corner, and it's one of those
la diner cafe places that has breakfast, lunch, dinner all
the time.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Mmm, We'll drive by it and people can look at
a menu.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
I will. I'd love it to like it.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
Sorry, I just realized I didn't eat lunch, and I
drink that latte and then now I'm like, right, I
need to eat something.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
Yeah, I do too. I spend entire days where I
forget to eat.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Martha, what's your number one diner order? If you if
we were to go to Denny's right now, what would
your thing be?
Speaker 2 (41:56):
I would probably get a side of crispy bacon and
a side of hash browns, and.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
That might might be it. When I eat bread? What
is that place called Lotta morgana gelato?
Speaker 4 (42:15):
Do what now? Yeah? Bread makes you, uh, your body
work and slow motion.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
It actually has, multiple times has brought me to the
brink of dying and I've had to go to the er.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
No, I was trying to make an absurd joking.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Then I realized that doesn't sound absurd enough, and everyone's
going to be concerned. I'm sorry, I'm no, it's the
it's fine. It's just when I eat bread, that's all
I want to eat, right, But if I was eating bread,
I would get sour doughtosts as well. At a.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Pancakes.
Speaker 4 (42:57):
Yeah, bread I found out makes my hand it's hurt.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Yeah, and my elbows because it's all sugar.
Speaker 4 (43:04):
Yeah, it's just it's both those things.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Yeah, it's Chinky's right there. It might just be breakfast
to lunch.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
Oh jinkies. I'd been there. It's terrific. Talk about wacky salads.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
A wacky salad.
Speaker 4 (43:23):
One time I was there and I had this shirt
that was just I think it was a who was
the Runner? The Nike Prefontaine. I had a shirt that
just had a floating fuzzy mustache on it with that
haircut and the design that shirt, I didn't know. It
looked exactly like the old Stephen grapes. But it was
(43:46):
years before that and possibly now I will admit the
inspiration for that, sure. But I went in there and
this waiter was like, where'd you get that shirt? That's
my logo? And I'm like, what it's not, it's Prefontaine
the Runner. I don't And I looked at his arm
and he added tattoo on his arm up exactly what
(44:07):
was on my shirt. Wow, to where I'm like, wait
a minute, who did that tattoo? I think they used
the art from the shirt. He almost had a mental
breakdown because the tattoo was obviously special to him. Also,
his face had the hair and the mustache. Yeah, it
was a mystery that will never get solved and possibly
(44:29):
shouldn't have been brought up.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Well, we should solve it tonight.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
Let's go to jankies, A perfect place to solve a crime.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Let's become a let's become private detectives together starting tonight.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
Okay, perfect because I used to stop.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Sir, you really did it?
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I love I love a person who has the inner
love of themselves to block traffic at a green light?
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Yes, fully block on Ventura. The boldness of that. Did
you not think it through? Or you just don't care?
I do feel like people really don't care when they
drive anymore?
Speaker 1 (45:09):
Oh wait, Southern.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
California drivers can be pretty wild ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (45:16):
To me, A calm washed over me after experiencing drivers
in Austin, Texas, though I feared for my life every
day there.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Well, do you think it might be how many people
moved there from Southern California?
Speaker 4 (45:31):
I don't know. I felt like people grow much faster there.
It was a death match as far as yielding and anything.
No one would let you in. And then if it
rained there, all of a sudden it was the equivalent
of an icy road and people were sliding everywhere. I
saw way more rex there, and then when I came here,
(45:52):
I'm like, people would let me merge. That was my experience.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Very strange.
Speaker 4 (45:57):
Yeah, I kind of like I'm going to go out
on a limb and say I enjoy drivers here. Okay, conscientious,
they just will take some risks. There's too much confidence.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Maybe too much confidence.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I do find people down where I live think that
it's legal to either hit a pedestrian or drive deliberately
drive into another car if you have the right of way. No,
they seem to think that that's the law. Just kind
of drive into it. If the light's on your side. Yeah,
if the light's on your side and someone turns left
in front of you, hit the accelerator.
Speaker 4 (46:35):
Oh wow, because I know I'm right.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah, it's really wild.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
I've had people honk at me for not turning left
into oncoming traffic.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
Yeah. I guess coming from Montana, where if you're on
the side of the road, just putting money into a
parking meter or something. People will stop because they think
you want to jaywalk right there, Like I forgot that's
how I grew up. Everyone stops, Yeah it is. It
is a good thing, manner man I get in cars.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
Well, just some awareness that the decision you make is
going to impact the people around you, right, yes, Whereas
like that guy, Look, he's not a bad person. We
don't know that very give anyone the better for the doubt.
But he could be on a pill of some kind, right,
and then he was like loops. But then he literally
(47:29):
did stop fifteen cars from going back, right, just from
being an asshole?
Speaker 4 (47:35):
Right, I can. I can put myself in their shoes,
so like, wait, maybe they're just having a bad day
because I can be on pills and quick to anger myself.
Oh yeah, I mean I could be he got it.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
I am.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
I'm not gonna should talk my old group, but I
will tell you since we're talking about people being angry,
I did some group messages calling people fake ass bitches
as I drove home from a spiritual retreat.
Speaker 4 (48:06):
What kind of a group is this?
Speaker 2 (48:09):
A twelve group? And lissen you know, want the horns,
zum us with the ball?
Speaker 1 (48:17):
How long have you been sober? May I ask that question?
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Is that rude?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
No, it's not rude.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Of twenty one No, two thousand and three, so a
little over twenty one years.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Wow. Nobody more surprised than me.
Speaker 4 (48:31):
Well, I was surprised because I never in my mind,
and a lot of people probably said this. You didn't
think you had a problem. But now that I'm someone
that also quit drinking for my own personal reasons, I'm
sorry that when you called, like your program had you
make amends and you called me, and I was maybe
(48:52):
flippant about it. I don't really so I'd like to
make amends. Well, because I was like, come on, Martha,
you didn't have a problem, because in my mind, someone
with a drinking problem is like driving erratically and screaming
at people.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Well, we did hang out with people.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I won't name the person because I love them to death,
but we did an Austin hang out with drinkers who
would get kicked out of bars for fighting the waitress
and stuff. Yeah, so it's easier. We did hang out
with Joe Rogan in the two thousands.
Speaker 4 (49:25):
Yeah, he was visiting. Yeah, it is true. It was
such a when we moved there. Much like your Nick
Nalty joke, I did not know that I had never smoked.
I didn't drink that much. I moved to Austin, and
all of a sudden, I was like, just it was
so normal to just get after it there.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
Yeah, and it was fun to do it. It was
very really fun to drink every night. But I also
might like the rest of my life was in shambles
because I was drinking every night and then hung over
it every day. So I couldn't do anything, like I
was really low functioning.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
Anything but stand up comedy.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
Right, Yeah, except I did get fired from a couple
of clubs on the road for having been too drunk
at one club and word.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Like drunk on stage. Yeah, since saying I'm how drunk
I was?
Speaker 4 (50:22):
That was what every comic did.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
Anyone did.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
That was my outraged response was like how dare they?
But also like I bombed every show. I had just
broken up with terrible guy comic. He not he's not
terrible at comedy, but he's a terrible guy, And so
that was my like.
Speaker 4 (50:43):
I couldn't that be I don't even know.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
There's so many choices.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
I can't name, can't, but I can, and I won't
name him, but I'll tell you. He quit drinking and
insisted on making amends to me, which I was like,
I'm not mad at you anymore.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
It's totally fine. We don't We're fine.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
He was going to be coming to do stand up
in my area and I was going to go see him.
That's how fine we were. And then he insisted on
making amends in his events. His most of it was
I'm sorry that I pretended to care about you more than.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
I actually did. Oh when we were dating.
Speaker 4 (51:23):
Good lord, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Yeah, And then asked me if I was cock blocking him.
He was living in a city I've never been to,
and asked me if I was bad mouthing him and
stopping him from getting dates with women. And I just
simply was like, this is weird.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
This is one for the history.
Speaker 4 (51:45):
Books that is to be written down with a feather pen.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
It was very, very wild.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
But it's also like, good for me for not ever
accidentally getting pregnant with him. Hey, you know what I mean.
Appreciate the finer things in life. When you're reminded of
what could have happened. That's right, Wow, one must focus
on the positive. Yeah, did not have to have a
child with that person. Yeah, and I'm sorry I brought
(52:14):
everybody down. It is my specialty.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
We're just just finally getting up there.
Speaker 4 (52:21):
Yeah, it's the most backhanded amends that it needs to
be followed immediately by an amends for what's just said.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Yeah, it's really But I also find backhanded compliments are
one of my favorite things. So in a way I
did enjoy reveling and how bad it was.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
It is pretty amazing when people can't. I just think
it's amazing when people can't ever apologize or say they
were wrong. It's just such a like you literally, it's
like if this was the boy Scouts, you are not
getting a badge and you are not moving forward into
your eagle Scout area that you could easily do if
you would just say these three magic words or two.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
Yeah, it is really dumb.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
It's dumb, and it's also but it is funny when
people like. One of my favorite backhanded compliments after a
comedy show on the road was a man coming up
to me on his way to the bathroom while the
headliner was on stage and kind of whispering. I thought
you were really funny, but I couldn't laugh because no
(53:28):
one else was laughing.
Speaker 4 (53:29):
Oh my god, he thought. Oh BN.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
The one I got one time at the Irvine improv
middling for Greg Barrett was this woman who came up
with the nicest look on her face night.
Speaker 1 (53:43):
She goes, I mean, I thought you were funny.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
Right like the world was arguing and she was gonna
be like, I don't want to get into this.
Speaker 4 (53:51):
Yeah, I've gotten that one so many.
Speaker 3 (53:54):
So bad where they're like partially pity you, but now
I have disdained for you, and then I don't know
why I came over to say this to you.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
Is the vibe I always get.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
A lot of people don't know how to apologize, and
even more people don't know how to compliment.
Speaker 4 (54:07):
You know, it's so true, you got to write it
down first, work it through.
Speaker 1 (54:12):
What would you like to hear?
Speaker 2 (54:15):
I wish I could remember more, but this isn't a
backhead handed compliment. But I did get propositioned by an
assistant manager at a comedy club in the Midwest next
to a row of outhouses porta potties, and his pitch
was I could get you feature work. Oh my god,
(54:38):
and I was already bombing as a feature all.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
Over the Midwest. We didn't need his help. Yeah, which
is why I can't.
Speaker 2 (54:48):
Really begrudge the lady who who told the other clubs
to fire me after I was too drunk, because I
was too drunk. But more importantly, I was bombing every
show boy.
Speaker 4 (55:00):
I don't know. I've seen you just melt faces off.
Speaker 1 (55:05):
For real, and it places that matters.
Speaker 4 (55:07):
But I've seen you, yes, people, I've seen people not
get you, and I would get so defensive. I still
am mad at that. Whoever you were opening for the
guy that won the lottery? Yeah, the raging Cajun or ag.
Speaker 1 (55:22):
And Cajun sings anthem.
Speaker 4 (55:25):
Yeah, closer was he would rant about terrorists and then
he sang the national anthem and he was a guy
that got lucky and won the lottery or his wife
did or yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (55:38):
But remember when I confronted him and it became I
got banned after that.
Speaker 1 (55:42):
Yeah that was.
Speaker 4 (55:45):
He get apologized to you, right.
Speaker 2 (55:48):
I think he tried to be like, hey, I was
just kidding and whatever. But my favorite bombing experience, one
of them I have so many, was in sech Ano
featuring from Ria Bamford when I was only a few
months sober, not doing great and the doing like not
totally bombing, but not doing great. But there was a
(56:10):
male heckler and he was simply mad at my setups.
He wasn't even heckling that the punchlines weren't good. One
of my setups was about being a secretary and a
joke about being a secretary night.
Speaker 1 (56:22):
The setup is just saying.
Speaker 2 (56:24):
Like I used to, you know, file papers, and he
his heckle was like, oh poor baby, like he was
just irrationally hated me.
Speaker 4 (56:34):
Oh wow.
Speaker 2 (56:35):
And so then I, because I was nearly sober and
quite emotional, I stopped doing my jokes and it gave
a very earnest speech where I said, sir, I have
been paid to do this and I have to finish
my set and if you don't like it, I don't
know why you don't just leave.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
I can't leave. I'm being paid to do this.
Speaker 4 (56:57):
Oh that's the best.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
But the thing that made it wonderful is uh and
don't think this is the end, because this is the
fake ending.
Speaker 1 (57:06):
It's only the beginning. Applause break.
Speaker 2 (57:10):
In my mind, I was like, I know this is
going to kill the vibe and the whole audience is
going to be uncomfortable because I'm giving a serious, vulnerable talk.
No one wants that at a comedy show. But applause break.
Speaker 4 (57:23):
And in support of you.
Speaker 1 (57:26):
In support of me.
Speaker 2 (57:27):
And after the show that I found out the weight
staff started it because they felt bad for me, and
it's one of my favorite things.
Speaker 1 (57:44):
Someone had to do something. Yeah, we got to save her.
Speaker 2 (57:48):
Some of the my favorite people have worked weighted tables
at comedy clubs. Some of the best people we'll need.
And some of the meanness, I'll be honest. Some of
them hated me in Missouri, wouldn't so much just help
me light a cigarette. Some of those women fake ass bitches.
Speaker 1 (58:05):
Yeah, fake ass bitches.
Speaker 4 (58:06):
But this was at a time you were ahead of
your time because this was when comics would yell their
jokes like there to be like an understated dry comic
was like risky at the time. Yeah, now a lot
of not impossible. Yeah, And if you could just end
(58:28):
up in Middle America at a comedy club where the
last guy was you know, had a catchphrase and would
like scream into the mic, it was it was just
hard to survive back then. Now I'm jealous of comics
that all get to be a version of Martha Kelly,
and that's you. So I meant, you know what, really.
Speaker 1 (58:49):
Nice, Chris.
Speaker 2 (58:50):
I appreciate it, I will say, because I hate to
just gracefully accept a compliment.
Speaker 1 (58:57):
God forbid.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
Mitch Hedberg was selling out every show at this time,
so it wasn't unprecedented to be a low energy.
Speaker 4 (59:07):
Well I remember him coming to Austin. Then the first
time I saw him there, I was excited, and no
one came to see him. But yes, of course the
next time there was a line around the block. But
that was still during the Larry the Cable Guy era.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
Yeah, or the guy who was a musical what was
his name, but he had a song where the chorus
was who put the dick on the Snowman? He was
a country Rodney, Rodney Carrington snowman.
Speaker 1 (59:45):
I don't know. He did music too, Yeah, I do
kind of love What was the answer? Who did it?
I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (59:54):
We got to become private detectives to crack the case.
Speaker 1 (59:58):
That's right, we have to get our licenses.
Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
But can you imagine in a small Wisconsin suburb, the
wildfire spreading of the news that someone had put a
dick on a snowman.
Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
Yeah he was.
Speaker 4 (01:00:17):
He was just being relatable, that's right.
Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
Can I ask this question, because we're ostensibly done, right,
what's people's preference anywhere with a bathroom?
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
Okay? Because I was gonna say, do you want to
go to in and out?
Speaker 3 (01:00:34):
We can get it and then not stay there, or
we can't go somewhere? But I think this Jinkies is closed.
I think it's breakfast lunch. Oh it's not showing up.
Speaker 4 (01:00:44):
Well?
Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Or do you want to go to like a sit
down plates or do you want to just go get
some food and go to my house.
Speaker 4 (01:00:52):
I need to use the restroom.
Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
That's my only So you're not going to help make
a decision.
Speaker 4 (01:00:59):
I can't all those options had at the restroom, Martha.
Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
Do you have a preference if it's not far?
Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
But I think it is now the Bob's Big Boys.
Probably too far. If someone has to pee, that's your
old Yeah, but you.
Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
Can't get there. But it's how far is it? Because
Chris has.
Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
To pee, well, he always has to go into a
kind of fugue state until we get there.
Speaker 4 (01:01:21):
Right, No, you would think.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
What if I told you I had a bit of
depends on my place. What if I told you that
depends party.
Speaker 4 (01:01:31):
Starts now, it would ring the bell for that occasion.
All right, well, maybe I'll do a little sign off
just so we have it.
Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
Great.
Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Wait, let's wait, wait, let's wait till you pee your pants.
Speaker 4 (01:01:49):
I'm going to do it during this sentence you've been
listening to Do you need a ride? D yn? I'm
a where This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
Our senior producer is Analise Nelson.
Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
Mixed by Edson Choy.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.
Speaker 4 (01:02:18):
Theme song by Karen Kilgareff.
Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
podcast That's d y Nar Podcast.
Speaker 4 (01:02:29):
For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Thank you, Oh You're welcome.
Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
we want to be there.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
time and aid termino and gage aid.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
We want to send you off in style. We wanna
welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We scared her. Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need
(00:49):
to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
to ride? Do your need you ride?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
to ride? This is Chris.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Fairbanks and this is KARENL. Gariff.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
We wrapped up a previous recording with our friend Martha Kelly,
and we were all getting in our cars and we
felt kind of incomplete. Yeah, so we asked her to
be on another episode, and she's here everyway Kelly, here
for part two.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Living, laughing and loving.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
All of her teeth are staying from red Wine.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
What a party. I'm so excited to party down again. Yeah,
I can't wait.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I just didn't like the idea of you diving immediately
into traffic, so sad, incomplete, wishing you had said certain things.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
What do you wish you had said?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Martha well, I have some good and bad news. There
are things that I meant to say. The bad news
is I realized it's better I ran out of time
because I just did. I did want to shoot talk
my old twelve step group.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Why not do it?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I realized maybe that isn't the best karma after having
fun recommending dance your style. Also, people graduation videos, people
finding out they got into college videos. Those ones are
so good it makes you get a lump in your throat.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Oh yeah, where the whole family is around a computer.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
And then there was a trend on TikTok a few
weeks ago of people doing that same music and set up.
But it's for finding out stuff that's not important at all,
So they're just doing it all as a joke.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Oh like a urology results or something.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yes, yeah, and just but it was equally the music
makes it Yeah fun anyway.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
It's funny. How much music will I'm like, why am
I crying about this military dad saying his dog again
or what? But a lot of it is the swelling
music from a Pixar movie that they've sampled. Yeah, I'm
a sucker for music.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Music creakes the world go around. Yes, when she loves
control as well.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I had a dream.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
No one cares, but I did have a dream two
nights ago that Missy Eli was doing some kind of
TV show and I was a writer for her, and
she got really mad at me because I couldn't come
up with any jokes.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was like, well, who put me in this position?
Made me get here? She's Missy told you you don't
have her voice. That's rough. It was like, you're not
coming up with anything good.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
And there was another problem I can't remember, but it
was exciting in my dream to have a.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Reason to join the writer's guild. Yeah. I never had
a writing job, but then you immediately get served up.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
What it's like Missy Elliott being like I already did
the garbage bag, saying I need something new.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
She was really mad.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I love that her name in the beginning was Missy
Misdemeanor Elliott, which are crimes that really where the punishment
is a fine, like jaywalking. No felonies, just misdemeanors.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah, I love.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I love that whole era of hip hop and rap.
Oh my gosh, don't panic.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Don't everybody's freaking out? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
So do I I am nostalgic for that era.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yeah, she made great videos and what if That's all
I can think of to talk about for this second.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Episode, The one dream you had, the.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
One dream and going through different Missy Elliott videos and.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
One of which kind of scared me. The one where
they're in the corn is that the one?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
And there's the well, there's one for minute Man where
the way the bell hops robotically move at the end
is a little scary.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Oh that kind of filming where they're skipping a frame.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I find that scary, Like the animation
from a tool video. Yeah yeah, like stop motion video,
but it's a person.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But it's somehow touching your lizard brain of danger and weirdness.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah yeah, speaking of lizards, one time I stayed with
a sibling of a friend in Minneapolis and she had
a pet gecko who she was kind of neglecting, And
so this lizard, his little face was so sad, and
so I cleaned his cage and gave him fresh food
(06:15):
and water, and his whole face changed. And that's how
I feel in the beginning of healthy eating is like
the lizard before he gets excited. Yeah, just like this
healthy eating is like then it's like, who gives a
shit about eating at all?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Just invent a pill so I don't have to eat.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Yeah, I've always wanted that pill that exists.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Oh then once those cravings are gone, it is so weird.
I get really mad because I'm like, so everybody else
feels like this normally, right, like people who aren't.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Sugar sensitive or whatever.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
And then it's like and those are the people that
are like, you can just work out and do this,
and it's like you feel like this normally, So how
the fuck would you know?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Right? Yeah, it is. It's weird.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
But that's part of why I love setting money on
fire by going to Ariwon is because there it's the
first time where I was like, oh, there, there's food
that tastes really good, that's good for you.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Yeah right, and it always costs more.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, it costs a lot, but someone else prepares it, which.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Is the dream.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah, I like a nice like from a place like that.
If you order fruit salad from there, Oh you'll pay,
and you'll pay dearly, but it will be like a dream,
almost like a resort breakfast fruit salad I have found.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Have you ever been to a resort? I think I have.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I kind of want to do a do it yourself
yoga resort, like stay at a in my own in
my own city, honestly, just to get away from my pets.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Just do yoga in the next.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Room, get a wall off part of the house and
do hot yoga every day and then eat gourmet health
food that someone else prepared and do it for a
week and call it a health spa.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Yeah, it's just a room with a lot of plants.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
And the shower's on real hot. Yes, and there are
no pets allowed, and the pets don't have your phone
number either. They can't bargin.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It is really cute that they want to put their
hair on everything in the sense that that's their way
of being, Like, Hey, I live here and we're all
part of a family.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
But that's where the cuteness ends.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Yeah, I don't want.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Their hair on everything.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
And I have child lots on the kitchen cabinets to
keep them out of the cabinets where the dishes are.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Do they try and figure them out?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Well, they used to open all the cabinets and with
the first time I actually had to get a child
locked on my closet in my old burbank apartment because
my cat. Berry would go in and pull all the
clothes off the hangers for every reason, just to pass
the time during the day, truly, just to entertain himself,
and sidelocked the door.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And I do have a video of him.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Pawing at the lock and yowling for like two minutes.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Straight because he wanted to try on your clothes again.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
He said, get that dress off that hangar. Now, I
love that love.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
I love cats trying to try on human clothes. I
just want to live in that world. How many cats
do you have now?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I have two, Gary and Berry.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Yeah, you always have two cats one dog.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
That's kind of your Although when I got Buddy, I
had four cats. I had four cats, and when I
got the fourth one, they were each one was a
hard luck story.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
And when I end up with Frest said this has to.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Stop because there will always be a hard look story.
And then you have ten cats. Yes, four cats is
a lot.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
As someone that did catst they were some of them
were special needs cats, which is no, exactly, I.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Mean nothing, you're talking.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Yes, they needed attention that I did not have the
training to provide.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Oh yeah, Marvin was definitely special needs.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Wait, maybe I'm using the phrase wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
You mean just like special like medicines or something they.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Needed attention that I like, I wasn't. Yeah, I didn't
have the training.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
You're too much of a withholder.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Yes, I was like, wait, I don't just put food
in front of them. What else do I need to do?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Special training lately front to back a couple of times.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
So by special needs I mean special training from the
human to provide to the cats.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
There is a college course you can take called how
to Pet a Cat?
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Well that I could. I think I could teach you
give them a little bit and then take it away
right when they start.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Enjoying it, and then they keep coming back for more.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
A lot of people start to pet cats and they're like, oh,
they like this, I should do it infinitely. And you're
gonna get.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Scratched, You're gonna get bit.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
You just give the cat a little until they're like
I like that, and then stop and then they come
to you for more. It's a delicate dance.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, a lot of cats will will buy if you
put them too long. My current cats, Gary and Barrier
are not like that. By the grace of.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
God, do they lay together and put their heads on
each other.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
They do hug.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
They hug a lot, but they also get mad at
each other a lot. And Macie, thank God, my giant dog.
She will break it up, but sometimes I have to
actively urge her, can you please break it up? And
she'll start yowling or not yewling, like she'll whine and
howl at them and then run over and bank one
(12:13):
of them with her nose.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Oh that's pretty Yeah, that's you. Gotta get a camera on.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
That, guys, you gotta get a camera on this restaurant
over here.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Oh, Muffing can stop us, Oh, Muffin can stop us?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You guys.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Oh, now that song's in my head. Muffin's gonna stop us.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Now, don't sing it.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
I won't. I know we'll get in trouble, but I
am saying, Muffin. All you have to do is change
the lyrics Muffin falls under parody law and.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Then gonna stop us. Muffin can stop us.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
There's a place in Baker's No in Frezzno called griddle
Me This.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I love stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Does the men you have riddles?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
We didn't go in.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
It was right next door to a Red Robin and
we all had a meet up there on the way
to this god forsaken retreat. But I took a picture
of griddle me this.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Did you have pancakes there?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Wait, you didn't go there? Your no?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
And that was in one of my phases where I
wasn't eating bread. But after my not to be sad,
it's this isn't completely sad.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
The part where my mom dies is horribly sad.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
But after she died in twenty sixteen, I went on
a pancake for dinner spree that was delicious.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yes, And I feel like.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Most moms would want you to seek comfort in pancakes
for dinner after they're gone. They would be like, whatever
you need. Yeah, I think so too, and I'm glad
I did it. I used to not have problems with
my sleep, but now I have. I cannot sleep normally
at all.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
But I used to think, why won't people just eat
a bunch of carbs to go to sleep? Because that
truly is And so breakfast for dinner if you want.
If I did a full stack of pancakes, yeah, around seven,
I would be out cold by nine o'clock or nine thirty.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
I wantn't. I'm saying this to myself. Yeah, I need
to do this asap.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Do Do you get up early? Yeah, and you just
have insomnia and can't get to sleep at night.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
That's a bummer.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
It's kind of like a it's a weird thing I
didn't fix during COVID where I would go to sleep normal,
like around eleven, watching TV, fall asleep, and I always
wake up at three am and am so awake, whoops,
just completely awake, And so then I just kind of
do stuff to get it done, and then I go
back to sleep probably around five.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And then have you.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Tried abusing theraflu? That's what I do. I have to
sleep tonight. I have theraflu. Sometimes had a ben a
drill Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Ben and DRYL has helped me fall asleep.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
Really sometimes you just need to.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Sleep, Yeah, sometimes, But I do think I should. I
just I guess I'm saying I'm surprised at myself for
never having tried the pancake solution that I have always said,
why doesn't anyone try this? It's like I blocked it
out of my head.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Maybe can you try it tonight? Do you think that
you might try it tonight? Because it is it's also
kind of pancakes are kind of their own category.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Of wonderful. I agree.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I don't remember the last time I've had them, and
I do enjoy them, it's just always at the beginning
of the day, I'm like, well, I literally will have
to be asleep in forty five minutes.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Right, Yeah, they are really good at sedation. This is
making me think.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Also, well, it's pancakes, but it's also man, I love
Roscoe's chicken waffles, and the idea of having a delicious
piece of fried chicken and a big old waffle together, yeah,
is so brilliant.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I used to not understand it. When I quit drinking,
all of a sudden, there's this sweet tooth that emerged,
and I want nothing more than a waffle now. My
whole life, I didn't care about pancakes and waffles or
cakes or pies, and now it's a dream of them.
They danced like sugar plums, and I there was a
(16:22):
restaurant in my hometown of Missoula that would had. It
was called the hub Cap Stack, and it was a
They were the size of a car's wheel, and it
was like three pancakes and if you finished it, it
was free. And I famously could eat a lot when
I was a teenager and I went in there with
a bunch of my friends and I didn't ma money,
(16:43):
and I ordered it, knowing, well, I'll just eat it
all and then it's free. It says it on the menu.
And I got halfway through and it was like for
medical reasons, I couldn't continue, and I and.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I, did you have a stroke?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No?
Speaker 4 (16:59):
I had. I'm like, I actually can't stop without well,
the rest of the story is gross. I can't. I
went okay, yeah, yeah, I made room outside. I came
back in and finished them simply to win.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Yes, and isn't get caught.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I know they they didn't have anything in the rules
that said you couldn't go out and vomit in the alley.
So I did that, came back in, finished the rest
and they were free, and they be grudgingly were like, well,
now we have to take your picture. Because people were watching.
It was like, oh, someone said they can do this.
Everyone gathered around. He's gonna do it, and then I was.
(17:39):
I showed signs of stopping and then I just have
to go outside and meditate. Came back in finished. Because
I didn't have any money, I would have had to yeah,
wash the dishes. I don't know. What did they do
on the Andy Griff Show.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Oh, yeah, that is what it would be end on.
I love Lucy.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
If you didn't have money, I had to go and
back and watch dishes. Do you think that ever really
happened in real life?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Ever, it doesn't seem likely because they would have already
hired the dishwashers, so it's like they're not working anything.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Oh how are they working at off?
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Yeah? Plus, some guy off the streets isn't going to
really wash the dishes with care. Now they're gonna have
to be rewashed, right.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I guess that's back when people maybe were being nice
and teaching a lesson. It's supposed to just like, yeah,
throw them in rikers.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Oh you can't finish well, you're gonna have to do
our taxes. I'm not an accountant.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
I went to Alaska. I wanted to talk about going
to Alaska. Was that too drastic of a subject? Change?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Did you do the club at Anchorage? No?
Speaker 4 (18:51):
I was randomly emailed and this guy does shows in
fair Alaska, and he asked me if I was related
to Alaska or that town in some way, and I
jokingly said, I'm related to all Fairbanks because my grandma
(19:13):
told me that when I was a kid, but right
before the show, and when like they were making a
big deal out of me possibly being related to a
guy named Charles W. Fairbanks who named Fairbanks, Alaska. So
I went to Ancestry right before the show, and I
(19:33):
was indeed like all the people my grandmother told me about,
mainly the shady colonialist that first moved to America, where
I imagine them all to be doing nefarious things when
they're colonizing America. Of course they were. But this Jonathan
Fairbanks guy was in on Ancestry, so I was related
(19:59):
to him, and so I when I came to town,
I met the mayor. I got a tour of city hall.
He did have keys to the city, but they were
all out of them. He was gonna give me a
key or a coin.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Oh, because there's so many people getting keys to them.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
He's like, or they didn't order them five years ago,
because no one's getting keys.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Is it teriffs?
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Yes, that's what it is.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
No.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
They wouldn't complain about Trump there. They liked him, but
it was kind of cool that they they were like
because I guess Charles W. Fairbanks never went to Alaska
and they were considering me to be the lineage. It
was just bizarre. I didn't expect it to happen, and
(20:44):
for the mayor to want to meet me.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
And was that last week?
Speaker 4 (20:48):
It was last week?
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Were there giant mosquitoes?
Speaker 4 (20:53):
No, but I heard about them. They said it gets
beautiful there and flowers were about to bloom. But the
mosquito problem is huge there. And that surprised me so
much because I really want I mean, one of the
shows I did was in a town called North Pole, Like,
you really are way up there. The state is not
(21:16):
even as big as a map shows it. It's ridiculously big.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Now, what's the grizzly bear situation? Where you were?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I saw a moose, I saw a bright red fox
and like out of a cartoon, like it looked exactly
like the Robin Hood Fox.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Answer the question?
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Yeah? What was the question?
Speaker 1 (21:39):
What was the grizzly bear situation?
Speaker 4 (21:43):
The well, they exist, but that there also exists in
Montana where I'm from, s A lot of it was lost.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Why won't you tell her? I did you see any good?
Speaker 3 (21:57):
No?
Speaker 4 (21:57):
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
No, one never does have to go into the mountains. Oh,
they're not in town.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
They're not coming down sitting at picnic tables like we
think that would.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Be on the news everywhere. Yeah, but I bet there's
black bears that you could see in the city park
or something interesting.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Now, how have you seen the movie Grizzly Man.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yes, yes, the bears very much turned me off of nature.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
Yeah, it did mean to.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
No thank you to nature.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Also, no thank you to the worldview of the man
who made it. What's his name, Warner Herd Song, Yeah,
no thank.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
You to him either. Oh really is he Well, he's
a bummer.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Oh, he's someone I mean, I'm assuming from his accent
that he's from Eastern Europe, And of course those people
have plenty of reasons to have a dark outlook on life,
but his whole you know, I'm gonna film a guy
who thinks he has friendships with grizzly bears and I
(23:01):
absolutely don't believe he does. And a predictable thing happened
where he got killed by one of them.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Yes, for sure, but I think he was already doing it.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah, like I think.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Because my ex worked on the research when that Grizzly
Man was on Letterman, and so he got he had
to watch all like he basically had to become an
expert on the guy. And I think he was, like,
I think he was just had dedicated his life. He
made he in I think it's in the documentary when
he was like, I will renounce drinking for you and
(23:36):
all Grizzly Bears. Remember when he's like yelling that at
one of the Grizzly Bears.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yes, like he is.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Really he was gonna do it anyway, in my opinion,
but I mean you're not. I'm not arguing about Werner
herz Hug or whatever, but I do think that guy
was a very special kind of He recorded himself like
he was doing it.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
He was doing it, Yeah, yeah, he was doing it
on his own.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And he did think that he had relationships with this bears,
with these bears and in their eyes, it's true Werner
Hertzog's narration saying, there's one part I remembers him going
in all the eyes of all the bears, I saw
nothing but something predator that I fizzled out on that guys.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I'm bombing this second episode. I'm bombing take two. Just
give them a deep breath from and then do it again.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
In all Okay, in all, in all the eyes of
all the bears, I never saw anything but a dumb
animal wanting to bite someone.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
And that's not what he said. Same vibe, same vibe.
You nailed the vibe like I like.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
I like both reads me too.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
I think we're going to send them both to producers
and we'll just see what they're interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
I can't wait for this live action.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
It's in the scenes. Martha.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Will you take that line one more time? And this time,
instead of doing an impression of Werner Herzog, let's just
hear Martha Kelly telling us that fact for truth.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Okay, in all the eyes of all the bears, I
could tell none of them gave a shit.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
No, there it is.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Not one who Timothy treadwell, well, was you drink?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
I didn't know him.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
That was a found Where where did you get One
time Martha presented this VHS tape? What was that tape?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
It was one of them.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I think it was my one of my friends, one
of my stoner friends from after high school. The era
of late eighties early nineties VHS tapes being wild, being
able to find ones, you know, like the Winnebago guy
like that.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Yeah stuff.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
And my friend Paul was an animator and he worked
at Disney and he went to cal Arts is where
it started.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So they would get funny, weird tapes.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And one of them was a guy who had neighbors
that were drunk all the time and arguing, and he
made a video with puppets re enacting the arguments using.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
The audio of the actual recordings.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Yes, it's very very famous tapes. Oh yeah, we used
to listen to that thing all the time, insane.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
I yeah, it's still my favorite.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
I honestly think there's It may have been the same
tape that got that got passed around because we got
that tape with that on it. Then there was like
the video of the orchestra falling through. They set up
a they set up a stage where the scaffolding wasn't
correct and the entire orchestra falls through. It was like
it was a series of we caught this on video,
(27:04):
and it was one video tape of that, but it
would go from bloopers and hilarious to like the worst
thing you've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
My Yeah, it was wild and it was always like
get high. And one friend was going to bring the
VHS tape that was going to be the night's entertainment.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
My friend Laura Milligan, who is the funniest.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
When she would get really drunk, she would insist upon
putting on this documentary about adults who put diapers on
each other, and everyone would bum out and be like Laura, no, no,
and get like really upset because she'd already made people
watch it like three times, and she would be like,
it's come on, it's so funny, and it was like,
it's completely traumatized me.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Not a Depends party, But I want to be a baby?
Will you treat me like a baby? Yes?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Yeah, like sixty five year old men with mustaches acting
like babies and waiting.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
That to me is so disgusting. But a bunch of
friends getting together and wearing diapers until so poops or
peas as a fun thing to do in a boring town.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
That isn't gross to me because you've done it.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Oh yeah multiple times. What you've never had a Depends party?
It's the I grew up in a boring town. Are you?
Don't you believe? What it's the funnest thing to do
is to drink beers with a bunch of friends and
put on a diaper and everyone just peas themselves and
you laugh, and there was girls there too. We all
(28:29):
would do it, true, and everyone knew it was gross.
Everyone knew what we were doing, and we all agreed
that we were laughing just at the idea of doing it.
And then we did do it.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
But did anyone actually ship number two?
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Yeah, and it did kind of ruin the party. Yeah,
what it did, But that was we all knew that
was the goal. At some point, someone needs to do it.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I couldn't attend. I couldn't handle it.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
It's not a spectator sport.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I couldn't handle. And I couldn't participate. I couldn't tolerted.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
I wish I hadn't brought it up, But I just
want to say it's a simpler time.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
You're kind of saying that, like we used to play
quarters at my high school like that, that idea of
depends parties.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
I don't think that's common me because maybe not, is it.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Maybe maybe my friends thought it up.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Maybe your friends are fetishists who are using you and objectifying.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
Oh, no, one was turned on. We all were laughing
in disgust. But we're doing it as a group of friends,
and I am talking about ten people at once.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I think it's like, this is my cynical assessment is
it's It's not cynical for the boys, it's just that's
like a young skateboarding guys almost like the guys in Jackass,
and universally a lot of men when they're young like
to gross each other out and gross themselves out. Yes,
(29:55):
And I think the girls just wanted to be around
c boys and so they.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Well, yeah they were. The girls that were there were
like girlfriends of my friends that were like, I want
to do it too, But you're right because we did
what When Jackass came out, We're like, wait, we already
have done so many of these things other than getting
hurt and you know, sticking things in our butts or
(30:21):
whatever they do, but the jumping off buildings into pools,
all of those things that are in Jackass, we were
doing without trying to get it on camera, just for
the experience, which it's hard to understand now, like everything
needs to be filmed now. And when I watched Jackass,
(30:42):
I'm like, we did all this stuff. We just no
one has a camera. Why were we doing it? I
guess for fun. But I do regret bringing up the
Depends party.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
I'd like to I'm sorry if I did shame you
about it.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
I should be shamed. But it was a long time.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
I just don't like feeling left out. And then when
you say it, like it's this big trend every all
the high school kids did, I'm like, again, I don't
know what's going on.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
I don't think anyone in town other than us was
having a depends party. It was. It was reckless of
me to just say it like that's a common Uh.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
It is so funny that, really, I'm going to say,
because of how young you were, you were still boys,
young boys being like the height of adventure is we're
going to put on diapers until one of us goes
to the bathroom in it.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
Yeah, there's really not a lot to do in a
small town.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
No, I got it. Has anyone been to Shotzi's?
Speaker 3 (31:46):
No?
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Where are we in that little patio center?
Speaker 4 (31:49):
I believe?
Speaker 6 (31:50):
Oh wow, but I've heard of Bakari. I thought I've
heard of Bocardy. Yeah, and drank out of that.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
You're from southern originally, Are you from here or is
it that your parents moved out here?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
No, I'm I grew up in Torrance.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Where Dirk Diggler's from Dirk.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Diggler and a lot of racist cops y'all.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Oh yeah, Sundowntown.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Y'all didn't even know until I was in my early forties,
unfortunately did It was a sundowntown Yeah, an uber, not uber,
a super shuttle I think from the airport in Austin.
The guy told me, because when we were small talking,
asked me where it is from.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
I told me, goes. Oh, yeah, it's a sundowntown.
Speaker 4 (32:37):
I mean sundowntown.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
It means that after dark, the cops would harass any
black people because they didn't think they belong there.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Oh what harass is the nicest way to see?
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Yeah, like usually just try to kill. Yeah, they were.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
It was h Well, thank god that doesn't happen anymore.
Oh booo, it does. I was my sarcastic voice. Oh sorry,
that sounds just like my normal voice.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Sorry, I.
Speaker 4 (33:07):
Thought that was your sarcastic booth.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
But I will say on a silver line. And my
parents grew up in small towns amongst white supremacists before
the Civil Rights movement, and they both rejected that before
moving to California and then moved to California and were
very anti racism. Yeah, there are humans who who don't
(33:34):
embrace the dark side.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
Yes, that's right. Yes. And I look back on all
those friends at the Depens party, and that's one thing
we had in common was friends with parents that were
and continue to this day to be like open minded good.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah, people that your parts your parts good.
Speaker 4 (33:56):
We have two things in common.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
Those two things diers and lightly not as racist parents.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Look at green queen.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
Oh, they're like flowers, but with faces hidden in them.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
They art because weed.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Someone did a video on TikTok and they just did
a it was a video of one of those super
fancy weed stores and they were like, if this is
how wheat stores are going to be now, they have
to clear every person that's still in prison for pot.
They have to get they have to clear all of
those convictions because it clearly that's just not the way
(34:38):
it is anymore. Why there's people still serving time. Yeah,
they should immediately.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Yeah with anything else, if the thing you did is
no longer a crime, you would be exonerated. It's really
I mean, let's get political. That's my favorite thing to
do when I don't have any facts in my head,
but I think they can all agree on that.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
I try to get political on TikTok and then I delete,
I record a three minute long video, and then I'm like, yeah,
I don't know how to talk about things in a
smart way.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
It's so disappointing because I really used to think I
was smart, and once I had a podcast, I was like,
I am like, truly minus five percent into the dumb area.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
It's very disappointing.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
I disagree that you're not smart, but I do think that, No,
it's not about you. It's not no that I get.
I know how that sounded. I meant you you are smart.
I think that that right now politics are more volatile
(35:49):
than they've been in our lifetimes. Yes, and it's delicate
to talk about and you, I think you have to
kind of devote yourself to studying and keeping up on
and like reading everything that's going on yep, and reading
a bunch of books by people who've analyzed that stuff in.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Order to talk about it right. And I don't have time.
I don't have time to.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Vacuum my house most of the time, and it's because
I'm on TikTok trying to make smart videos. And failing
that's right.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
Yeah, we can't do it all.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
We really can't. We shouldn't feel like we have to.
And you're so right about that. Where I remember being
in my early twenties when they were trying to do
like rock the Vote on MTV and Madonna had like
a flag wrapped around her shoulders or whatever. Yeah, I
just remember the whole vibe of the time was like,
that's so dumb, where like not only was no one
(36:47):
political or like very few people politically minded, but if
it was like people actually kind of turned against it. Yeah,
it was just like, that's none of my business. That's
for old people to figure.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Out, right, And now we're realizing it's what old people
are ruining. Oh wait, we shouldn't have put this in
the hands of old people.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Yeah, they don't know. That's scared shit list.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
That's the kind of thing my dad says. So it's
okay for me.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
And it's sad, yeah, because you're not ages.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
No, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
It's just that I've.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Seen multiple times, I've seen transcripts of me speaking, and
it's as if I have a brain injury, the way
I repeat myself and say like and and that, and
I literally like I have some of those habits that
I think only other dumb people have.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Like I was like, not me, it can't be me,
and it's on me.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't know because I listen to your podcasts and
that's not how I hear you.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Yeah, it's because the editors are very good to me.
John Bradley shout out right, only I don't.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
This one's is I edits and then Edson mixes and sorry,
You're like, I do it, I do it. God damn it.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Now that we have Onal's speaking. I went to their
show You Go by Girlish Figure. Yeah. It was so yeah,
so good, really very and I think your first show right.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Well, my first show under that I was.
Speaker 4 (38:29):
I was so impressed. The songs were so good, they're
well written. You were a rock star. You knew what
to do with your arms, which I said you afterwards,
it's very specific, but you were. It was a full
performance and it was really good.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
I was congradulationous.
Speaker 5 (38:49):
I had no idea Chris was coming, and so at
one point I'm just like looking out onto the crowd,
I'm like, is that Chris.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
Was so well?
Speaker 1 (39:00):
I shows up, he reps, that's it.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
I'm realizing why a lot of people maybe didn't make
it to my birthday party. Is the party full? Like
it's it's hard to it's a link that gets emailed whatever.
I suddenly got a text because I was on party
fold because of my birthday party, and I got a
text that day, and that was the first I'd seen
(39:24):
of it, and I'm like, well, of course I'm gonna
I could have easily missed it. So I'm glad I
saw it and I'm glad it went. It was really fun. Yeah, yeah, good, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Yeah, congratulations. Als, I'm so excited for you. I know
that was a big deal.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
And those people you were performing with were the people
you met online, Like.
Speaker 5 (39:44):
I mean, speaking of TikTok, Yeah, my friends shout out
to the band child Seat.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
If people like new wave music, they make new waves.
Speaker 5 (39:53):
I saw they had a song called money, like over
a year ago, and I was like, this is incredible.
It's like this is my new favorite song and I
she followed me back and then you know, flash forward
a year later.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
She asked me to play sax on that song live.
So it was like really cool at the show, Like
I got.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
To play sacks on the song that I like discovered
them on TikTok playing It was just such a cool thing.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
I've met a lot of friends on TikTok.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
Yeah, that's so great. See it's not just everyone in
their phones. It leads to real life relationships on these streets.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
That's right. And when you say it, you're talking about TikTok.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Yes, just all things or everything? Yeah, everything anything.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
It's easy to lock the door and just stare at
your device, which is often what I do.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
But it also brings the world to you.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
Yes, or you can link up with the real world
and go out there. And I'm talking about dating apps.
I'm kidding, I'm not. That's actually not what I was
talking about.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Guys. What if we went to Denny's that has everything?
I love thecakes or Bob's Big Boy. I love a
Bob's Big Boy.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
I just like saying Moon's over my Hammaids, but I
don't enjoy the dish. I've ordered things there because I
like their wordplay, but I don't want no Eggsam, you know.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
Where we can go too, Sorry, because I'm now at
this point now I'm kind of starving.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
But yes, yes, what's that place? Is it Jinkies?
Speaker 3 (41:24):
It's right on the corner, and it's one of those
la diner cafe places that has breakfast, lunch, dinner all
the time.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Mmm, We'll drive by it and people can look at
a menu.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
I will. I'd love it to like it.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
Sorry, I just realized I didn't eat lunch, and I
drink that latte and then now I'm like, right, I
need to eat something.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
Yeah, I do too. I spend entire days where I
forget to eat.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Martha, what's your number one diner order? If you if
we were to go to Denny's right now, what would
your thing be?
Speaker 2 (41:56):
I would probably get a side of crispy bacon and
a side of hash browns, and.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
That might might be it. When I eat bread? What
is that place called Lotta morgana gelato?
Speaker 4 (42:15):
Do what now? Yeah? Bread makes you, uh, your body
work and slow motion.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
It actually has, multiple times has brought me to the
brink of dying and I've had to go to the er.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
No, I was trying to make an absurd joking.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Then I realized that doesn't sound absurd enough, and everyone's
going to be concerned. I'm sorry, I'm no, it's the
it's fine. It's just when I eat bread, that's all
I want to eat, right, But if I was eating bread,
I would get sour doughtosts as well. At a.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Pancakes.
Speaker 4 (42:57):
Yeah, bread I found out makes my hand it's hurt.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Yeah, and my elbows because it's all sugar.
Speaker 4 (43:04):
Yeah, it's just it's both those things.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Yeah, it's Chinky's right there. It might just be breakfast
to lunch.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
Oh jinkies. I'd been there. It's terrific. Talk about wacky salads.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
A wacky salad.
Speaker 4 (43:23):
One time I was there and I had this shirt
that was just I think it was a who was
the Runner? The Nike Prefontaine. I had a shirt that
just had a floating fuzzy mustache on it with that
haircut and the design that shirt, I didn't know. It
looked exactly like the old Stephen grapes. But it was
(43:46):
years before that and possibly now I will admit the
inspiration for that, sure. But I went in there and
this waiter was like, where'd you get that shirt? That's
my logo? And I'm like, what it's not, it's Prefontaine
the Runner. I don't And I looked at his arm
and he added tattoo on his arm up exactly what
(44:07):
was on my shirt. Wow, to where I'm like, wait
a minute, who did that tattoo? I think they used
the art from the shirt. He almost had a mental
breakdown because the tattoo was obviously special to him. Also,
his face had the hair and the mustache. Yeah, it
was a mystery that will never get solved and possibly
(44:29):
shouldn't have been brought up.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Well, we should solve it tonight.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
Let's go to jankies, A perfect place to solve a crime.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Let's become a let's become private detectives together starting tonight.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
Okay, perfect because I used to stop.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Sir, you really did it?
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I love I love a person who has the inner
love of themselves to block traffic at a green light?
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Yes, fully block on Ventura. The boldness of that. Did
you not think it through? Or you just don't care?
I do feel like people really don't care when they
drive anymore?
Speaker 1 (45:09):
Oh wait, Southern.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
California drivers can be pretty wild ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (45:16):
To me, A calm washed over me after experiencing drivers
in Austin, Texas, though I feared for my life every
day there.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Well, do you think it might be how many people
moved there from Southern California?
Speaker 4 (45:31):
I don't know. I felt like people grow much faster there.
It was a death match as far as yielding and anything.
No one would let you in. And then if it
rained there, all of a sudden it was the equivalent
of an icy road and people were sliding everywhere. I
saw way more rex there, and then when I came here,
(45:52):
I'm like, people would let me merge. That was my experience.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Very strange.
Speaker 4 (45:57):
Yeah, I kind of like I'm going to go out
on a limb and say I enjoy drivers here. Okay, conscientious,
they just will take some risks. There's too much confidence.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Maybe too much confidence.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I do find people down where I live think that
it's legal to either hit a pedestrian or drive deliberately
drive into another car if you have the right of way. No,
they seem to think that that's the law. Just kind
of drive into it. If the light's on your side. Yeah,
if the light's on your side and someone turns left
in front of you, hit the accelerator.
Speaker 4 (46:35):
Oh wow, because I know I'm right.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah, it's really wild.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
I've had people honk at me for not turning left
into oncoming traffic.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
Yeah. I guess coming from Montana, where if you're on
the side of the road, just putting money into a
parking meter or something. People will stop because they think
you want to jaywalk right there, Like I forgot that's
how I grew up. Everyone stops, Yeah it is. It
is a good thing, manner man I get in cars.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
Well, just some awareness that the decision you make is
going to impact the people around you, right, yes, Whereas
like that guy, Look, he's not a bad person. We
don't know that very give anyone the better for the doubt.
But he could be on a pill of some kind, right,
and then he was like loops. But then he literally
(47:29):
did stop fifteen cars from going back, right, just from
being an asshole?
Speaker 4 (47:35):
Right, I can. I can put myself in their shoes,
so like, wait, maybe they're just having a bad day
because I can be on pills and quick to anger myself.
Oh yeah, I mean I could be he got it.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
I am.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
I'm not gonna should talk my old group, but I
will tell you since we're talking about people being angry,
I did some group messages calling people fake ass bitches
as I drove home from a spiritual retreat.
Speaker 4 (48:06):
What kind of a group is this?
Speaker 2 (48:09):
A twelve group? And lissen you know, want the horns,
zum us with the ball?
Speaker 1 (48:17):
How long have you been sober? May I ask that question?
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Is that rude?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
No, it's not rude.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Of twenty one No, two thousand and three, so a
little over twenty one years.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Wow. Nobody more surprised than me.
Speaker 4 (48:31):
Well, I was surprised because I never in my mind,
and a lot of people probably said this. You didn't
think you had a problem. But now that I'm someone
that also quit drinking for my own personal reasons, I'm
sorry that when you called, like your program had you
make amends and you called me, and I was maybe
(48:52):
flippant about it. I don't really so I'd like to
make amends. Well, because I was like, come on, Martha,
you didn't have a problem, because in my mind, someone
with a drinking problem is like driving erratically and screaming
at people.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Well, we did hang out with people.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I won't name the person because I love them to death,
but we did an Austin hang out with drinkers who
would get kicked out of bars for fighting the waitress
and stuff. Yeah, so it's easier. We did hang out
with Joe Rogan in the two thousands.
Speaker 4 (49:25):
Yeah, he was visiting. Yeah, it is true. It was
such a when we moved there. Much like your Nick
Nalty joke, I did not know that I had never smoked.
I didn't drink that much. I moved to Austin, and
all of a sudden, I was like, just it was
so normal to just get after it there.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
Yeah, and it was fun to do it. It was
very really fun to drink every night. But I also
might like the rest of my life was in shambles
because I was drinking every night and then hung over
it every day. So I couldn't do anything, like I
was really low functioning.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
Anything but stand up comedy.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
Right, Yeah, except I did get fired from a couple
of clubs on the road for having been too drunk
at one club and word.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Like drunk on stage. Yeah, since saying I'm how drunk
I was?
Speaker 4 (50:22):
That was what every comic did.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
Anyone did.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
That was my outraged response was like how dare they?
But also like I bombed every show. I had just
broken up with terrible guy comic. He not he's not
terrible at comedy, but he's a terrible guy, And so
that was my like.
Speaker 4 (50:43):
I couldn't that be I don't even know.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
There's so many choices.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
I can't name, can't, but I can, and I won't
name him, but I'll tell you. He quit drinking and
insisted on making amends to me, which I was like,
I'm not mad at you anymore.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
It's totally fine. We don't We're fine.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
He was going to be coming to do stand up
in my area and I was going to go see him.
That's how fine we were. And then he insisted on
making amends in his events. His most of it was
I'm sorry that I pretended to care about you more than.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
I actually did. Oh when we were dating.
Speaker 4 (51:23):
Good lord, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Yeah, And then asked me if I was cock blocking him.
He was living in a city I've never been to,
and asked me if I was bad mouthing him and
stopping him from getting dates with women. And I just
simply was like, this is weird.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
This is one for the history.
Speaker 4 (51:45):
Books that is to be written down with a feather pen.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
It was very, very wild.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
But it's also like, good for me for not ever
accidentally getting pregnant with him. Hey, you know what I mean.
Appreciate the finer things in life. When you're reminded of
what could have happened. That's right, Wow, one must focus
on the positive. Yeah, did not have to have a
child with that person. Yeah, and I'm sorry I brought
(52:14):
everybody down. It is my specialty.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
We're just just finally getting up there.
Speaker 4 (52:21):
Yeah, it's the most backhanded amends that it needs to
be followed immediately by an amends for what's just said.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Yeah, it's really But I also find backhanded compliments are
one of my favorite things. So in a way I
did enjoy reveling and how bad it was.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
It is pretty amazing when people can't. I just think
it's amazing when people can't ever apologize or say they
were wrong. It's just such a like you literally, it's
like if this was the boy Scouts, you are not
getting a badge and you are not moving forward into
your eagle Scout area that you could easily do if
you would just say these three magic words or two.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
Yeah, it is really dumb.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
It's dumb, and it's also but it is funny when
people like. One of my favorite backhanded compliments after a
comedy show on the road was a man coming up
to me on his way to the bathroom while the
headliner was on stage and kind of whispering. I thought
you were really funny, but I couldn't laugh because no
(53:28):
one else was laughing.
Speaker 4 (53:29):
Oh my god, he thought. Oh BN.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
The one I got one time at the Irvine improv
middling for Greg Barrett was this woman who came up
with the nicest look on her face night.
Speaker 1 (53:43):
She goes, I mean, I thought you were funny.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
Right like the world was arguing and she was gonna
be like, I don't want to get into this.
Speaker 4 (53:51):
Yeah, I've gotten that one so many.
Speaker 3 (53:54):
So bad where they're like partially pity you, but now
I have disdained for you, and then I don't know
why I came over to say this to you.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
Is the vibe I always get.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
A lot of people don't know how to apologize, and
even more people don't know how to compliment.
Speaker 4 (54:07):
You know, it's so true, you got to write it
down first, work it through.
Speaker 1 (54:12):
What would you like to hear?
Speaker 2 (54:15):
I wish I could remember more, but this isn't a
backhead handed compliment. But I did get propositioned by an
assistant manager at a comedy club in the Midwest next
to a row of outhouses porta potties, and his pitch
was I could get you feature work. Oh my god,
(54:38):
and I was already bombing as a feature all.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
Over the Midwest. We didn't need his help. Yeah, which
is why I can't.
Speaker 2 (54:48):
Really begrudge the lady who who told the other clubs
to fire me after I was too drunk, because I
was too drunk. But more importantly, I was bombing every
show boy.
Speaker 4 (55:00):
I don't know. I've seen you just melt faces off.
Speaker 1 (55:05):
For real, and it places that matters.
Speaker 4 (55:07):
But I've seen you, yes, people, I've seen people not
get you, and I would get so defensive. I still
am mad at that. Whoever you were opening for the
guy that won the lottery? Yeah, the raging Cajun or ag.
Speaker 1 (55:22):
And Cajun sings anthem.
Speaker 4 (55:25):
Yeah, closer was he would rant about terrorists and then
he sang the national anthem and he was a guy
that got lucky and won the lottery or his wife
did or yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (55:38):
But remember when I confronted him and it became I
got banned after that.
Speaker 1 (55:42):
Yeah that was.
Speaker 4 (55:45):
He get apologized to you, right.
Speaker 2 (55:48):
I think he tried to be like, hey, I was
just kidding and whatever. But my favorite bombing experience, one
of them I have so many, was in sech Ano
featuring from Ria Bamford when I was only a few
months sober, not doing great and the doing like not
totally bombing, but not doing great. But there was a
(56:10):
male heckler and he was simply mad at my setups.
He wasn't even heckling that the punchlines weren't good. One
of my setups was about being a secretary and a
joke about being a secretary night.
Speaker 1 (56:22):
The setup is just saying.
Speaker 2 (56:24):
Like I used to, you know, file papers, and he
his heckle was like, oh poor baby, like he was
just irrationally hated me.
Speaker 4 (56:34):
Oh wow.
Speaker 2 (56:35):
And so then I, because I was nearly sober and
quite emotional, I stopped doing my jokes and it gave
a very earnest speech where I said, sir, I have
been paid to do this and I have to finish
my set and if you don't like it, I don't
know why you don't just leave.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
I can't leave. I'm being paid to do this.
Speaker 4 (56:57):
Oh that's the best.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
But the thing that made it wonderful is uh and
don't think this is the end, because this is the
fake ending.
Speaker 1 (57:06):
It's only the beginning. Applause break.
Speaker 2 (57:10):
In my mind, I was like, I know this is
going to kill the vibe and the whole audience is
going to be uncomfortable because I'm giving a serious, vulnerable talk.
No one wants that at a comedy show. But applause break.
Speaker 4 (57:23):
And in support of you.
Speaker 1 (57:26):
In support of me.
Speaker 2 (57:27):
And after the show that I found out the weight
staff started it because they felt bad for me, and
it's one of my favorite things.
Speaker 1 (57:44):
Someone had to do something. Yeah, we got to save her.
Speaker 2 (57:48):
Some of the my favorite people have worked weighted tables
at comedy clubs. Some of the best people we'll need.
And some of the meanness, I'll be honest. Some of
them hated me in Missouri, wouldn't so much just help
me light a cigarette. Some of those women fake ass bitches.
Speaker 1 (58:05):
Yeah, fake ass bitches.
Speaker 4 (58:06):
But this was at a time you were ahead of
your time because this was when comics would yell their
jokes like there to be like an understated dry comic
was like risky at the time. Yeah, now a lot
of not impossible. Yeah, And if you could just end
(58:28):
up in Middle America at a comedy club where the
last guy was you know, had a catchphrase and would
like scream into the mic, it was it was just
hard to survive back then. Now I'm jealous of comics
that all get to be a version of Martha Kelly,
and that's you. So I meant, you know what, really.
Speaker 1 (58:49):
Nice, Chris.
Speaker 2 (58:50):
I appreciate it, I will say, because I hate to
just gracefully accept a compliment.
Speaker 1 (58:57):
God forbid.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
Mitch Hedberg was selling out every show at this time,
so it wasn't unprecedented to be a low energy.
Speaker 4 (59:07):
Well I remember him coming to Austin. Then the first
time I saw him there, I was excited, and no
one came to see him. But yes, of course the
next time there was a line around the block. But
that was still during the Larry the Cable Guy era.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
Yeah, or the guy who was a musical what was
his name, but he had a song where the chorus
was who put the dick on the Snowman? He was
a country Rodney, Rodney Carrington snowman.
Speaker 1 (59:45):
I don't know. He did music too, Yeah, I do
kind of love What was the answer? Who did it?
I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (59:54):
We got to become private detectives to crack the case.
Speaker 1 (59:58):
That's right, we have to get our licenses.
Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
But can you imagine in a small Wisconsin suburb, the
wildfire spreading of the news that someone had put a
dick on a snowman.
Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
Yeah he was.
Speaker 4 (01:00:17):
He was just being relatable, that's right.
Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
Can I ask this question, because we're ostensibly done, right,
what's people's preference anywhere with a bathroom?
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
Okay? Because I was gonna say, do you want to
go to in and out?
Speaker 3 (01:00:34):
We can get it and then not stay there, or
we can't go somewhere? But I think this Jinkies is closed.
I think it's breakfast lunch. Oh it's not showing up.
Speaker 4 (01:00:44):
Well?
Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Or do you want to go to like a sit
down plates or do you want to just go get
some food and go to my house.
Speaker 4 (01:00:52):
I need to use the restroom.
Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
That's my only So you're not going to help make
a decision.
Speaker 4 (01:00:59):
I can't all those options had at the restroom, Martha.
Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
Do you have a preference if it's not far?
Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
But I think it is now the Bob's Big Boys.
Probably too far. If someone has to pee, that's your
old Yeah, but you.
Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
Can't get there. But it's how far is it? Because
Chris has.
Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
To pee, well, he always has to go into a
kind of fugue state until we get there.
Speaker 4 (01:01:21):
Right, No, you would think.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
What if I told you I had a bit of
depends on my place. What if I told you that
depends party.
Speaker 4 (01:01:31):
Starts now, it would ring the bell for that occasion.
All right, well, maybe I'll do a little sign off
just so we have it.
Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
Great.
Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Wait, let's wait, wait, let's wait till you pee your pants.
Speaker 4 (01:01:49):
I'm going to do it during this sentence you've been
listening to Do you need a ride? D yn? I'm
a where This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
Our senior producer is Analise Nelson.
Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
Mixed by Edson Choy.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.
Speaker 4 (01:02:18):
Theme song by Karen Kilgareff.
Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
podcast That's d y Nar Podcast.
Speaker 4 (01:02:29):
For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Thank you, Oh You're welcome.
Hosts And Creators
Karen Kilgariff
Chris Fairbanks
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