April 17, 2025 • 45 mins
The guys discuss life as a father and how their upbringing informs their relationship with their kids. Wilmer makes a special announcement and talks about how his daughter got her name. Freddy gets into how the year he became a father was the most pivotal year of his life. The guys talk about the balance between discipline and love, and joke a little about the famous Chancleta (is the I love New York one or the Vegas one worse?). A toast to all the dads!
“Dos Amigos” is a comedic and insightful podcast hosted by two friends who’ve journeyed through Hollywood and life together. Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez push through the noise of everyday life and ruminate on a bevy of topics through fun and daring, and occasionally a third amigo joins the mix!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
We're gonna start with little toast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Ah, what's the toast to today?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I like to toast the fatherhood because we are both fathers.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I am Wilmer Valderama, I'm Freddie Rodrigan. Welcome through those egos.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Yes, your podcast from us to you. We're happy to
be uh back here at the speakeasy.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Yes, and uh, you know, like two puppies we are
drinking what.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
By the way, Wilmer made his coffee. He has a
pretty sophistic as as as the speakeasy. He's pretty sophisticated.
You got to see his coffee system upstairs, you know,
equally as sophistication.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I think I started overdoing it when I when I
I asked my mom, like I was talking to my
mom about her life and blah blah blah. And remember
I told you guys a couple of episodes ago, I
talked about like my grandfather was a coffee a coffee roaster,
coffee cultivator, coffee farmer.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
And I was like, whoa, it's in my blood. So
like I trippled down on the coffee and.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Every day it was like, oh, but it's like me,
It's like I'm a dolphin right, I can swim underwater.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Like it's like I should drink a lot of coffee. Yeah,
so easy on.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
The dark roaster with there everyone, because yeah, it could
definitely give you some anxiety, like having.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Like a like a like a really dark cigar.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
You don't know what you're getting into until like three
puffs in and you're like, what's happening And I'm like
really drunk?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
You know?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
And have you always been in the coffee?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I yes, I guess I was.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I was a very younger age, but I never you
know what it is. I drank his ceremonially. I never
drink it because I was like, oh, I'm low energy.
I needed and I think I got so accustomed to
it now that I feel like, oh, man, like I
really need a coffee when I'm gonna work.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
As soon as like two pm hits me.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, I eat a coffee. You know, Like how many
do you have a day?
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
The three three three?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Even when you're not working.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Three.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
No, when I'm not working, I forget it completely. Yes,
but it's I think I'm on set and I walk
by it and I'm like a little warm coffee or
something will be kind of nice and comforting while you're
in between scenes or whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
But he speaking of comforting fatherhood. Fatherhood is comforting. You
is someone you is someone that I really respect and admire.
You've said some really beautiful, wonderful things about fatherhood to me,
especially at the beginning, you know, when thea Kanda was
(02:41):
so young, and we reconnect on those things, and you know,
we would have dinner and we talk about fatherhood and
you have had quite.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
A run at it.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Yeah, so I have more questions than answers in this podcast.
I for me, it's about like getting in the mind
of racing strong, beautiful, thoughtful man, which your kids, you know,
happened to be, and also in partnership with your beautiful wife,
who is just another savage I concur you know, she's
(03:11):
one of the most incredible people ever.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
So it's no surprise that your kids are that that
are awesome, you know. But when that tell me, do
you mind sharing with all of us the moment you
were like the moment you found out you were going
to be a father.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I was nineteen years old. I was living in Chicago,
and I was going through this this sabbatical year where
I was done with high school, and I was expected
to go to college right after high school, and I didn't.
I convince my dad to let me have a year
to just sort of pound the pavement and see if
I could make something out of acting. And nothing was happening,
(03:52):
and I was going to go back to school, and
three things happened in my life that were pivotal. One
was I got my first movie, so I had the
opportunity to go pro. The second thing was I was
going to get an offer to perform at the Goodman Theater,
which was our Broadway and it was an opportunity and
a lifelong dream for me to achieve something. The third
(04:15):
thing that happened was my girlfriend at the time, who
was my wife now of almost thirty years, became pregnant.
So I had these three major things happened in my life.
And I was a kid. I was nineteen years old.
I was still living at my parents' house, and I
had some decisions to make because you could imagine, but
(04:39):
I remember hurt telling me, and I don't know if
it was because of how I grew up. There was
never a question about whether we were going to keep
it or not. I was like, okay, so we're going
to do this, We're going to have it. I remember
going to my parents and they weren't disappointed. I just
(05:00):
remember my father looking at me and in his own words, saying, well,
now now you've got to be responsible. M That's it.
It wasn't like, are you going to keep it?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Are you not?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Are you going to do this? Are you? He was
just like, now you're carrying on the family name, the
family legacy, and now you have to be responsible because
that's the thing that has been passed down from generation
to generation with him, our family.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
What did you think he meant when you say, when
he said responsible, how did you translate that?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
At nineteen?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I thought he meant responsible in the way that he
was responsible as it came to parenting myself and my brothers.
And so now was my turn. Now he was passing
the baton of responsibility to me, and I understood right away,
and I, you know, I just sort of took to
(05:54):
it right away. I wasn't. I don't know why. Maybe
it was naive, you know, iveta or ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, right.
I just said, all right, we're gonna do this, you know,
And I went off to go do my first two movies,
and I came back and Elsie gave birth to our
(06:14):
first child, Gean Carlo, and.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Three and a half years later with her family. At
the time, she was living with.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Her family too. Yeah, you know it wasn't planned, right,
That's how God works, right, sure that In many ways
it's interesting too. I'm sorry, no, no's what's that saying?
You make plans and God laughs. I think I'm saying, like, yes,
but it wasn't planned. It just happened, and we accepted
the responsibility.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
It's so interesting too because you think about the word serendipity, right, yeah,
and you also think about what it meant in that
moment that you both were at home with capable parents,
young enough parents to say, you know, we're gonna hold
you down here, you know what I mean. We're gonna
(07:02):
hold you down, you know what I mean, And like,
we're gonna we're gonna keep holding you up, you know,
and so so in many ways, the fact that she
was still with her family and you're still with your family,
you had this extended support.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
You know. Have you ever wondered what I FuG you
had to be on your own? No, I'm never really
sorry about it. You know, my family was always there.
My parents were always there. Her parents were actually in
Puerto Rico. She was living with her sister, which caused
uh because her parents no, no, no, Elsie was her sister,
(07:42):
her sister. Glad Soldier said, yeah, yeah, a couple of
years old, and she has an older so her sister
was responsible for her. She was living with her sister,
and then all of a sudden she was pregnant.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
You know, like, what does your future husband do?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
I haven't seen him in anything, I mean not yet,
Kentucky chick.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
No.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
But here's the thing. My my, my, my cousin, my
first cousin, married Elsie, my wife's sister, and that's kind
of how we met. We met at the wedding about
four or five years prior to that, so they knew her.
Her family knew my family, you know. So it's not
(08:26):
like I was some deadbeat off the street, like they
knew our family. So I think that was maybe some
of the cushion or the buffer for the news was like, Okay, well,
at least we know the guy. We know the guy,
we know his family. He comes from a responsible family.
So obviously the news was not well received. I don't
think anybody.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Who I mean, at that point, you wonder kids who
a little bit more runway to do what they got
to do. But in retrospect, you were still using the
runway to build, you know, So it's not like it
derailed you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
It's like in so many ways, I feel like early
parenthood can really be kind of like, you know, a
challenge to kind of navigate as you're trying to get
to your next thing, or or as you're matured into adulthood.
You're trying to figure out what am I as an adult?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Right?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
What does responsibility mean? Now?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
They have a kid at this early age and I
got to start making money?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, yeah, And sometimes having a child derails people's plans, right,
because sometimes you need the freedom of life in order
to take chances at your dreams. And when you're only
responsible for yourself financially, which makes it a lot easier
for you to take those chances. All of a sudden,
I was responsible at nineteen years old for two other people,
(09:47):
you know. But I'll tell you, and I don't mean
to get spiritual here, man, but it was God's grace
man all the way, because like the timing of me
getting those movies when my wife became pregnant was like
it was a one in a million chants. You know.
If I wouldn't have landed those two movies because I
(10:09):
was having a child, I probably would have stayed in Chicago.
Maybe I would have been doing theater. Maybe I would
have given up my dream completely. I mean, I don't know.
I had a responsibility before me that I had to
step up and and and provide for, you know. But
but it all happened at the same time, which led
me to believe that it was the big man's plan.
(10:29):
That's the way it was meant to be right, and
so you know. So then we had the child, who
got married and both came out to la at twenty
twenty one with a child, and it was probably why
I remember we had this conversation because we've known each
other so long and we're at dinner. I think the
time we went with Jay. We're talking about hanging out
(10:52):
in the early two thousands or the nineties, when we
were like, oh, you remember this place or this club
or whatever, and.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
You're like, no, no, remember it.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I don't know. I don't remember it because I was
at home, like playing with hot wheels on the floor.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Wow, you guys are more primitively. Yeah, I'd like to
ask you a question because I know how it felt
like to me. No, no, you're right right, please no, No.
The question is is were you in town when she
get birth?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Yeah, So what happened the moment you held your child?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Like I always talk about it, like something uploads that's
been in there and it only triggers when you have
a kid, that you have something. There's another version of
inside of you that only on locks and engages and
uploads the moment you hold your child, Like, what what
was it?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
What was that feeling? What woke up in you? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I don't know about you, and I want to hear
this from you as well if this happened to you.
But a few things happen. One is I felt a
love that I've never felt before. It's a different kind
of love. You ever watch nature videos. You ever see
sort of the wolf pack?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah, yes, and you see like the mama wolf with
her cubs and she sees someone approaching and in an
instant she's ready to die. She's ready to attack you
and die for those cubs. That natural instinct inside of
you all of a sudden wakes up and you look
at this child, and you're just like, I'm ready. I'm
(12:30):
I'm ready to.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Kill somebody for you, right, yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
And so that natural animalistic instinct that think kicks in
for me, it did, and the same amount of love
kicked in. Uh. And and and the sort of maybe genetic, primitive,
sort of caveman instinct to go out and hunt and
bring back the meat to the cave kicks in.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Where are you going into the woods bring a buffalo home?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
But only I was thick. Don't worry about it, you know.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Did you feel the same way when you're when you're yeah,
you know, And I've described Okay, we'll go go from
the beginning though. How you you know your wife is magnificent. Yes,
by the way, thank you, Yes, your family is so beautiful.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
How was that? I mean, how how old were you? When?
How old were you when you had your first child?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Let's see, I think I was forty, you're forty. She
just turned forward a little different than me. Yeah, a
little bit, a little.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Bit, a little bit.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I had to run it a running start at it, right, And.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I would say, yeah, I would say I think it
was in my late thirties, yeah, right, And I met Amanda,
and I knew she was going to be an incredible mother,
you know, and.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Your instinct just told you.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, I just told me, you know, and I think
a family is probably wanted with each other, right, So
so you know, so we were like, it's time.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
And then as soon as if I out she was pregnant.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
I mean the same thing, right, I was just like,
all right, I think I'm gonna keep a knife in
the back of my pocket at all times.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
You know, there will be a tank full of gas
in the car at all times, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Like there's just like this level of readiness that would
just effortlessly, like I had to check a list of
boxes and like what I had.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
To have ready.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You know.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
I remember when she was born and I and I
held the Kando and I thought to myself, Oh, that's
what they mean by you being able to lift the car. Yeah,
Like if I had to, I would lift I will
lift the car and I would.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Flip it over.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
You're like, there's just something that happens inside of you, right,
and all of that In the same coin, I would
say that there was this profound feeling of belonging in
a feel purpose to what else can I build now
for her? How much bigger can I build the world
(15:07):
that she lives around so she can inherit, you know,
better shots than I ever did, Right, Like, I started getting.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Too philosophical about it.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
I started thinking about the big pictures and how am
I going to move the needle forward? And how farther
along I'm going to take the torch so by the
time she inherit as the torch, she doesn't have to
climb as Steve or she doesn't have to you know,
you know, run as long, you know, to kind of
get there.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You think you got that from your pop?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
You think so?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
He did that for me?
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Right?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I mean I think I would say that my dad
sacrifice everything, my mom sacrificed everything to give us a.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Better shot that they did.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
And I will never forget one thing that my dad said,
which was Mi Joe came to America to work. I
need you to get the education that I never had. Yeah,
and by the way, you know that meant I got
high school diploma. Right And you know I said the
bar very low as you could.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Said the very low you did a Lebron, you went,
you went pro.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, you know, I got scouted very quickly, awful high school.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
You know, I wash, you know, and so so so.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
But I think to your point, you know, he had
passed down this sense of your next, you know. And
I think in many ways I took the job of
the men of the house or the father figure of
the house very quickly in my early twenties, as soon
as I was being the bread winner of the house.
I think that's why I feel like, you know, my family,
(16:47):
you know, was as a later evolution because I had
dedicated myself making sure my parents had everything that they
never had, right, you know, and my sister have the
safety that you know, we grew up kind of not having,
right like that, that to me felt like the first
phase of manhood, right you know. And once I had
(17:09):
achieved that everybody has everything they need, I felt like
then I put myself next.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Necessity is the mother of all invention, right, So because
of the necessity, Yeah, it drove you to invent you
in your company, you as a product, right.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
And I think to your point, not until I feel
that job was done. And I mean, look, we're individuals.
We have to put ourselves last, right, because that's just
and culturally it's kind of how it works.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Right.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
So as soon as I felt I had achieved the
safety and the wealth being of my family, my mom
and my dad, I felt like then I was next.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And it's like, I don't know if it's healthy.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I don't know if it is not healthy, but I
think it is kind of a mentality. Like you your
first job is to make sure the house and your
mom and your parents and everybody have what they need,
and then you move on to yourself, right, Like you
put yourself at the end of that list.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
And I think I had achieved it.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
And you know, I was always longing to be a parent,
you know, so, but that that's one thing I remember.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
As soon as I held my child, as soon as
I hell Nicano.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I felt that the purpose I had self proclaimed for
myself have become one of, uh, you know, what's next
for her, which, in retrospect turn into what's next for
this generation?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
What are we creating? What are we leaving behind? It
made me dream and I was a big dreamer, but
it made me dream a little bigger for sure.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Wow. But she needs a partner in crime.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Though, Yes, yes, yes, yes, you know, and I would
say this Amanda is you know, some of you may
know Amanda is expecting Hell, heyco another maybe. And we
were very, very very excited for Nicano.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I'm very excited for ourselves.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
But the big question was like when you know, like
when I mean and we we were just letting.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
It happen and all that stuff. And but I.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Think one of the things that I felt like we
did pretty good for ourselves, this isn't just in our case,
was that we we waited enough time that we could
really enjoy the condo and all her little faces before
we introduced a second child.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Yeah, and this next child came at her she just
turned four.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Yeah, you know, so to me, she'll be signed as
a little bit help her. You know, she's so much
more aware. She's actually excited about the Arina.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah. That's a good fan. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You know, usually the rule of thumb is like finish
wiping one but before you.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Started the other one.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, I kind of forgot about that person. Now we're
bringing it back in you know gif you wiping butt, bro?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
I know, morning, And you know what was wonderful about
having my sons are older now and there.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
You're still wiping their busy, still waving the correct h.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You know. I remember when my oldest son turned nineteen,
you know, it was his birthday he had he had
a balloon and a cake and all that. I remember
looking at him. I was like, I was exactly your
age when I had you. And his eyes were.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Like I was like, wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I was. I think about that. Could you have a
child right now at your age?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
What was their answer? It's like absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You know, they were like, dude, I'm just like that.
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
They don't make him like you anymore.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You know, he's like absolutely not. My other son when
he turned twenty three, I was like, I was exactly
your age when I had you. How do you feel
about that? You know? But it really makes them think.
It puts things into.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Perspective, you know, also a real perspective for you and
you and your lady, Like what you guys. I wouldn't
say you gave up, but I would say what you
had to become at a time where they're still becoming.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah, we were kids, you know, we were so you know,
people always say I must be so cool, like you
had kids a young age. Yeah, there are aspects of
it that's cool. You know, we're like empty nesters now
we can we're still young enough where we can travel
and do what we do. But you know, at that age,
you're still a kid yourself. You know, Thank god, we
(21:13):
had pretty decent upbringings and had pretty good moral compasses
and codes and integrity and stuff that was just inherent
that we can pass down. But other than that, you're
still a kid yourself. You know, you're still growing up yourself.
You're still making mistakes yourself. So you know, you know
(21:34):
when you say, wow, I was forty, I'm like, well, dude,
you're like mature now, and so you're able to bestow
all this wisdom and patience, and you have patience for
kids that age. And I mean, will you have less
energy than you would when you're like twenty.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Well, I don't know, We'll see. I mean I still
feel like with tons of energy. Yeah, but I do
do a lot during the day. Like I think if
I did less, I broah more energy. You know, Like
I'm working out for thirty you know, I'm going to
sit at seven and I'm done by like six thirty
seven PM. I come home to a couple of emails,
a couple of reads. Yeah, you know, and then and
then I got a clock in with my daughter, you know,
(22:10):
So like that there there is something like very physical
that happens when you putting yourself through that kind of
regiment during the day. But I definitely am getting better
at just creating that space and creating the thing.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
But so so I haven't talked about.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
What a man is having, right, so I will say
to you that I am having a boy. So we're
having a boy, and we couldn't be more excited to
have the pair.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Right, because.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
There is a name I can't I'm going to let
her announce that.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
She letting me name Nakano, and she went along with
the name and had a very controversial because people were like,
what this doesn't sound. I named it after a warrior
from a land and where her mom and her dad
had not just only fallen in love and said I
love you for the first time when she became a possibility.
(23:09):
So we named there after a warrior from that because
I also said to myself two things, One she has
a story to tell and two, when she's on her
first date with somebody and somebody asked me, what's your
name means she can say, uh, it's a female Sammarai'
chop your head off? Yes, yes, please add with honor. Yeah,
(23:30):
please approach me with honor.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
So, yeah, so that that stuff was was important to
us for the name, you know, But the next name,
I'm gonna let her announce it.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
But yeah, we're I'm excited. I'm buying it.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I'm buying Will Junior.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Imagine love to me, Will Jennier for sure.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
But I say, father of two boys, what advice would
you have for someone like me?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Who? Man? What advice? Wow? I mean I can go
down along laundry list. You know, they're they they emulate
their fathers, right, they emulate their even even your daughter
emulates aspects of you and aspects of your mom. And
so never think that they're not watching. They're always watching,
(24:18):
right and uh uh, And so you can say whatever,
you can teach them verbally, lessons or what have you,
but they're always watching, right, And so you know, if
you're gonna look, we're not perfect, right, well human means,
but but but be mindful that they're always watching. And
so you can say whatever you want. Your words can
(24:39):
say that, but your actions will speak louder.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
That's that's beautiful right there.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
That's really I mean, I I reflect on my my
own father when you said that, because because yeah, my
dad was a man is thank the Lord, I still
haven't with me. It's a man of honor, right respect.
He's so kind, he's so given. Yeah, he is a clown.
(25:04):
He's like as much of a nediot as I am.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
And I haven't hung out with him like that. He's
he's always he's he's pretty shy when he's around me.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yeah, yeah, I mean like he you know, he's obviously
a little more comfortable with one or.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Two in you know what I mean. But you know,
once you get him going, man, he's.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Like he's just all jokes. He's all jokes. My mom
is the police, but he is.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
She was a disciplinarian of the circus.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, and so I'm kind of the circus for Nakano.
Amanda is like the very soft and patient and arts
and crafts and adventure mom.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
You know who's going to be the disciplinarian.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
And now I think it's probably gonna be me.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Yeah, I mean, but I'm gonna I'm gonna be a
clown first, most likely, because that's my pattern now you know,
but you know, but it can switch really quickly, you know,
if you know for perspective, for perspective that are you
doing the chunklate chuncolate that yes, yeah, never never never
hand never had never a hand only chocolate, multi.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Generation of proven tactic.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
You know, it's it's very soft, but it is dramatic,
it's threatening. It's dramatic, like you know, the you can
you can have a chunklatea flight like a ninja star
across the room and and when he misses you, you
know that he had potential to so something in grains
and you kind of change your tune, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
So so for for those who don't know, a chunkolatea
is a sandal, usually a what do you call this
when we're an open not open toe like they're like, yeah,
they're like a sand sandal. And when you would act
up as a kid, your mom would take this.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
It's quite literally a beach sandal, one of those like
you where with the with like your swimming trunks, like
moms wear those all day at home. That's like the
universal mom footwear, you know, and every household and so
it's very accessible, easy to take off and it actually
takes flight in a very aggressive way.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
It takes Ninja star aspects to it, you know, I.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Mean if it wasn't because it comes from uh you know,
with this high like this really loud greens and blues
and oranges, you would never see it coming.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
You never see it coming.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And usually moms get those chuncolate dos from whatever whatever
place they visited. So my mom would have chuncolate dos
that would say Puerto Rico on it Live New.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
York with I Love New York chucolate. That are the
ones that hit the worst. Those are a lot.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Of those specifically stificate for some recent and hard Yes, yeah, she.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Would have Puerto Rico with like Moroccas on the on
the throng part right here. But it was but it
was always met with, like with a threatening manner.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Like yeah you better.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I never wanted to get hit with the Las Vegas.
I love Las Vegas and Clinton because it came with
Ryan Stones and they scratch, they come, they leave Mark.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, and now we haven't even talked about the belt.
Oh man, when do you introduce the symbolism of the belt?
Speaker 4 (28:09):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Because not even in on this generally, well, my now,
this generation don't know. They don't know why you will
take a belt off, Like nobody really can fathom what
a belt could be all it was for other than
like to hold your pants up.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
What would you you were about to say, what were
your dad?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Well the symbolism of taking the taking the belt.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Maybe they're looking in the eye, sound.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Right right, just out of all the hoops, you know,
and in the hand like my dad never swing, He
never hit me with the belt, just thatck click click,
It's like, okay, he's some words.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Oh yeah, it's the imagery is on my life and
the imagery and some threatening words behind it was.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
My mom was not shy of making that to fly. Yeah,
you know, she made content.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
But my dad just you know, I would say this
to a lot of that that's one of the things
that my dad did.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
My dad never hit us, and I think it's why
it was so scary.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Yeah, that's the reason why I was so scary because
I never knew what it would feel like because there at
some point, and I think any son knows this now
that at some point your mom she's the disciplinary, right,
so she's the wine, like with the broomstick or whatever
you gotta do.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But at some point the stops hurting, right for a
young boy.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
Right, So at that point, how many of you at
home have pretended that it hurts just to get your mommy.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
To stop, like mommy, no, no, and then she stops.
She goes, Okay, if she stopped, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Your mom loses muscle mass.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Yes it doesn't, but yeah, just the thread of the
belt is was was that symbol the symbol of you know, discipline?
Speaker 2 (29:52):
That's so I take it you're not going to be
that when your son is born.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
No, I mean, look, I I here's the thing. I
think that will he ever get a chunklata from Amanda?
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Probably?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Probably she will get a chunklator She's half Mexican, so
you know it's.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
In her.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
For me.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I you know, I think there is a level of
communication that you know that we have to practice really
early on with kids, you know, And the most important
thing to me is is understand consequences. Yeah, consequences as
a practice is what probably will prevent to any type
of violence at home, you know. And you know you
(30:31):
start there, but I think, look, I think it looks
are very important.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Oh oh watch out, you know, that's that's it.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
You don't.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Oh, you don't want that.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
You don't you don't want that, because what follows is like, Correa,
you know what I mean? Yeah, but yeah, I mean
I guess that's that's that's interesting.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Did you did you have like with your boys?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
It was there a point in their life where you
were like, I mean, do I have to get physical
for them to understand me?
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Because I feel like they seem like really nice nice?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Yeah, not not really maybe a few times no, no,
And this A lot of this credit goes to Elsie,
my wife. You know, she's she she she talked to them,
you know, she's not afraid to get in there and
have our long conversations and and a lot of it
is just like I feel like kids at that age
(31:29):
just want to be heard, you know. They want to
feel like you're not talking down to them. They want
to feel yeah, you know, and trust me. A lot
of times it came down to that. But a lot
of it was her listening to them and and really
trying to understand their perspective and us trying to communicate
(31:50):
our perspective. And so there was just a lot of
talking in the house. She would take them to school
and they would have long conversations in the car about that,
talking a lot with them till this day. You know,
it's funny because they're older now, and I say to them, look,
I'm still your dad, right, Like, obviously I can't send
you on a time out or I can't punish you.
(32:11):
So now I'm just your closest advisor, right, because there's
nobody in this world who cares more for you than
me or your mom. Right, So every every word that
comes out of your mouth that pertains to advice is
for your well being. Right. So I'm your closest advisor.
(32:34):
And so that's ultimately what you become to.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Them, you know.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
And I kind of at a very younger age, we
were talking to her, you know, we weren't. We weren't
like go here, go there, do that. And I think
Amanda has done a beautiful job of saying like things
like you know, honey, you you can walk yourself into
the bathroom, you can stand up and do your business,
(33:07):
and you can do it. You can really do it.
And she's like, are you sure, mommy, I think I
want you to come with me. She goes, well, stand
at the door with you. So she like really rations
and at some point she starts doing these things independently,
so so and I kind of has her level of
of you know, communication has has really really grown, and
(33:27):
I think a lot of it has to do with
Amanda is very good at talking to her. Yeah, Amanda
doesn't yell at her, doesn't scream, doesn't anything, just like
she just talks to her like, Hey, I need to
do your hair because no, Mammy, I don't want to.
I need to do your hair because you you know,
you have such a pretty dress and you're going to
go to school, and what you do right before you
go to school, we go outside, you do your hair
(33:48):
very pretty, so so it goes with your outfit and.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
She goes, okay, then I want princess hair.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
And then therefore they're saying, you know, it's like this
this flow, you know, yeah, which feels really cool.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
But yeah, I think our general generation was more like
the tough generation, right, like, you know, dads and moms
took no no mess, right, so it's like you acted up.
The belt came out right away, and so there was
a lot of discipline and then I felt like after
that came sort of this this kind of love new
age generation and they disrespect to that generation either or
(34:21):
that parenting style. But but then there was a lack
of of of discipline and accountability and all the stuff
that came with that. I'm I'm I'm more of I
think that there should be a healthy balance between the two.
Healthy balance of discipline in whatever form suits your family.
(34:42):
With love. But there has to be love, man. Love.
Love is the key component. Kids feel love. You know,
what's what's that saying? Uh, you don't remember what someone says,
but you remember how they make you feel, right and
that and that applies to parenthood as well. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
And by the way, the sense of humor. Oh yeah,
you know, you gotta have a sense of humor.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
You gotta tell them it's okay to laugh, it's okay
to be silly, it's okay to yeah. I mean, I
feel like that's one thing that I think an account
has really benefit from. She is such a little you know,
such a little payasa bro. Like she's coming into the
house and she's just making the voices, and like she
had like old Lady day at school and she got
old old lady where all the kids got dressed like
(35:22):
their you know, grandparents.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Ah and uh, and she was just like super committed
and like she was like such a little clown.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
But I feel like that's such a great exercise for
them to play all these different characters.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
She like, it's on tapping all these different things. What
about what she was.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Playing you the other day? Oh yeah remember that?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Yes, for the viewers.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I come into Warmer's office and the condo has a
gun or no, what was that?
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It was like it was a nerve. There's a nerve? No, no,
actually it launched little planes. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And she was running around saying and.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Cis sheen on the floor? Hints up now?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
And I was like, dude, she's doing you.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
And I was like, yeah, we play characters all the time.
She she's like such a little act.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
But she's emulating her father, Like she saw you do
that on TV and now she's doing it, Which goes
to my point, Right, it's not what you say, is
it's your actions? Is what they see you do? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I think this is super helpful.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
You know, when we think about this multi generational inheritance
and how we pass down you know, fatherhood. You know,
what is fatherhood look like for your kids? What is
it going to look like for their kids? You know,
how do they carry on with these traditions. I think
our culture has so much that really works, you know
when it comes to the hard working trade, you know,
(36:47):
the sharing, the celebratory trades, like we know how to celebrate,
we know how to work hard, and we're big lovers man,
you know. And I think as long as the music
keeps playing at home, there's gonna be some kind of
harmony and some kind of energetic therapeutic, you know, energy
at home.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yeah, you have, I guess uh. And and we'll end
this by saying, you know you it's going to be
a tough one. Well, I guess it's tough every general.
Every generation comes with its own things, right and and
like you're you know, the counter is four is she for?
And then you have your new child and so you're
you're dealing with a whole other plethora of like social media,
(37:27):
Like social media didn't exist when my my kids were young,
you know, so, and.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
How quickly changes, right, like every five or ten years
or something different. So imagine when it kind of turns fourteen,
why would be the social media platform? Then what is
the content that's kind of sweeping kids attention?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
You?
Speaker 4 (37:44):
Like?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
That kind of stuff is something that we're gonna have
to kind of adjust and and kind of evolve with.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I think that you have to be cognizant that that
that that you're human and and that happens, and that
there are times where you're on your phone a little
too much when your kid is trying to talk to you.
You're so driven to attain certain heights in your career
that sometimes that takes precedence, right, and and and that's
(38:13):
all normal in the path. I think what's important is
that you're aware, right, and that you're aware and that
and that there's a constant self check in that because
it goes by really really fast. Man, you know, counts
four now, she'll be fourteen, then she'll be twenty four,
then she'll be thirty four. All of a sudden you'll
(38:35):
be a granddad, you know. And he goes by like this,
And so it's just important that every single day you
realize that it's going that's going pretty damn fast and
h and and be aware of her presence and how
much time you're giving her, right and and if and
if days there are going to be days where you slip,
where you don't have the right balance, and that's okay too,
(38:57):
and you're human and you have to forgive yourself and
you have to just check it and then keep moving on.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
That's powerful.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yeah, that's really helpful because I have a lot of
on my plate myself, and I think the finding of
the balance is something that Amanda and I really really
working on. You know, we love taking little trips here
and there and all that stuff. You know, the bandwidth
for that. Sometimes when the seasonal areas, when I'm locked
in on a show and we're in production for other things,
(39:25):
you know, it makes it a little more difficult. But
one way that I've balanced that is by you know,
allowing and creating a space at work where they can
come and visit, you know. And I know that a
lot of careers don't empower that, but if you do
have a lunch hour and your family is down to
show up to your work, you have a lot of
(39:45):
lunch with you, that's an easy way to do it,
right or like you know, you the family wants to
you know, you're about to get off work and everyone
wants to go meet at a restaurant and let's go
have Korean barbecue like that kind of stuff. It like
closes your day and allows you to have something to
remember tomorrow and then the next day and the next
day because you have things to look forward to. I've
been I'm lucky enough during my lunch, you know, Aman
(40:07):
then I kind of would just pop in, you know,
and I'll just have lunch with them instead of by
myself and my trailer, you know, waiting for you know, the.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Lunch to be over.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
So that's the kind of balance, you know, that you
kind of want to find, especially because our jobs are
incredibly demanding, yeah, and they're now realistic. The amount of
hours that we work during the day nobody knows about, right,
Nobody has any sympathy for the amount of work that
it takes to creatively tell the story and most importantly,
the focus that it comes with with that and the
toll that it takes on you and and you know,
(40:38):
nobody has sympathy for that either, right, which is fine,
you know, like none of us are asking for it, right,
But I think at the end of the day, when
it comes to our personal lives and the humanity that
we have to continue to be connected to if we're
going to be good performers, we have to make space
for that too. And you know, if there is a
Friday off, you know, then like maybe you use a
(40:58):
little bit of the morning for your meetings and stuff
like that, and then maybe use the afternoon to go
on a little road trip to Sunday. Like that's the
kind of stuff that I feel like we really got
to put the foot down on and and I'm trying
to you know, listen, I don't have the you know,
I'm not you know, I don't have the perfect balance
for that, but we're definitely trying to really practice it.
(41:20):
But it's a great reminder also for all of us,
no matter what professional work career, you're so focus on
being good at the job you have so you can
hold that space and hold that job because it provides
you know, this this stability and this safety for your family.
Let's never forget why you get up in the morning
in the first place.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
You know why you do it all for.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
You can work so much and achieve so much, but
the reason why you do it is because you're also
trying to share that you know, that's safety with your
family and also you got to enjoy them. Last advice
I was giving before I become a father, he goes,
just make sure you enjoy your family. Just enjoy your family, Yeah,
as much as you possibly can enjoy it, tap into it.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
There's nothing like, oh, I.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
Haven't seen my boys, or I haven't had a girl's
night or like in a long time whatever, which I
know that that feels like something that's fulfilling because it's
escape and it's also a little bit of like an
outburst of you know, energy, and that's very important to
make time for. I would say it's also just equally
as critical to just enjoy the time you out of
your family.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
You know, That's that was one of the best things
I've ever heard. Just enjoy them.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
Yeah, enjoy your family. You know, you're not just taking
care of them.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
You're there so you can enjoy them, you know.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Yeah, yeah, and you're bonding. You know that that's important
to continually build that bond, whether it's through the holidays,
whether it's through family trips, whether it's just through like
dinner on a Sunday. You know, us as humans have
to continue I.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Mean, look, and it's the little things.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
It's a little things, man, right, They're always going to
be your your child. But but like it's there are
people who are parent and child who have no bond
and no communication and no synergy and no nothing. You know,
and you're human. You have to continually work at trying
to build that. Sometimes people forget that you have to
(43:12):
put the effort to do that. They think it's instantaneous
because you're related.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
Right, Well, this is great and I as a great
reminder for both of us we continue to stay busy
and doing our careers. But you've done it beautiful. You
have a beautiful family. So I had all those questions.
Thank you for answering all those and you know, another
beautiful conversation with you, man, And thank you to everyone
who tuned in hope you found a little healing, a
(43:37):
little direction, other inspiration, you know. And for those soon
to be parents for the first time, congratulations.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Nothing changes, It all just evolves. Some people tell you
everything's gonna change.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Don't let anybody tell you the horror stories first, and
then tell you but you're gonna be fine. That's not
and like this and this and this, and you don't
do this anymore, done at all, but you're going to
be fine. Like no, you're gonna be fine because you're
just evolvement into the next face of your life.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
That being said, I'm Wilmer Valdorama, Freddy Rodriguez.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Thank you for tuning in to Fatherhood and see you
guys in the next episode of Dose Aveagos.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Dose Amigos is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's
Michael through That podcast network, hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez
and Wilmer Valdorama.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burlson and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valdorama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson
and Leo Klem at w V Sound.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
This episode was shot and edited it by Ryan Posts
and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Devenport and Hello Boy.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Our cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed
by Deny Holtzkall and.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Thank you for being there third Amigo today. I appreciate
you guys. Always listening to Dose Amigos.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
More pod cast from my Heart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
See you next week.
We're gonna start with little toast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Ah, what's the toast to today?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I like to toast the fatherhood because we are both fathers.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I am Wilmer Valderama, I'm Freddie Rodrigan. Welcome through those egos.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Yes, your podcast from us to you. We're happy to
be uh back here at the speakeasy.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Yes, and uh, you know, like two puppies we are
drinking what.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
By the way, Wilmer made his coffee. He has a
pretty sophistic as as as the speakeasy. He's pretty sophisticated.
You got to see his coffee system upstairs, you know,
equally as sophistication.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I think I started overdoing it when I when I
I asked my mom, like I was talking to my
mom about her life and blah blah blah. And remember
I told you guys a couple of episodes ago, I
talked about like my grandfather was a coffee a coffee roaster,
coffee cultivator, coffee farmer.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
And I was like, whoa, it's in my blood. So
like I trippled down on the coffee and.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Every day it was like, oh, but it's like me,
It's like I'm a dolphin right, I can swim underwater.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Like it's like I should drink a lot of coffee. Yeah,
so easy on.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
The dark roaster with there everyone, because yeah, it could
definitely give you some anxiety, like having.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Like a like a like a really dark cigar.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
You don't know what you're getting into until like three
puffs in and you're like, what's happening And I'm like
really drunk?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
You know?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
And have you always been in the coffee?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I yes, I guess I was.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I was a very younger age, but I never you
know what it is. I drank his ceremonially. I never
drink it because I was like, oh, I'm low energy.
I needed and I think I got so accustomed to
it now that I feel like, oh, man, like I
really need a coffee when I'm gonna work.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
As soon as like two pm hits me.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, I eat a coffee. You know, Like how many
do you have a day?
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
The three three three?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Even when you're not working.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Three.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
No, when I'm not working, I forget it completely. Yes,
but it's I think I'm on set and I walk
by it and I'm like a little warm coffee or
something will be kind of nice and comforting while you're
in between scenes or whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
But he speaking of comforting fatherhood. Fatherhood is comforting. You
is someone you is someone that I really respect and admire.
You've said some really beautiful, wonderful things about fatherhood to me,
especially at the beginning, you know, when thea Kanda was
(02:41):
so young, and we reconnect on those things, and you know,
we would have dinner and we talk about fatherhood and
you have had quite.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
A run at it.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Yeah, so I have more questions than answers in this podcast.
I for me, it's about like getting in the mind
of racing strong, beautiful, thoughtful man, which your kids, you know,
happened to be, and also in partnership with your beautiful wife,
who is just another savage I concur you know, she's
(03:11):
one of the most incredible people ever.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
So it's no surprise that your kids are that that
are awesome, you know. But when that tell me, do
you mind sharing with all of us the moment you
were like the moment you found out you were going
to be a father.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I was nineteen years old. I was living in Chicago,
and I was going through this this sabbatical year where
I was done with high school, and I was expected
to go to college right after high school, and I didn't.
I convince my dad to let me have a year
to just sort of pound the pavement and see if
I could make something out of acting. And nothing was happening,
(03:52):
and I was going to go back to school, and
three things happened in my life that were pivotal. One
was I got my first movie, so I had the
opportunity to go pro. The second thing was I was
going to get an offer to perform at the Goodman Theater,
which was our Broadway and it was an opportunity and
a lifelong dream for me to achieve something. The third
(04:15):
thing that happened was my girlfriend at the time, who
was my wife now of almost thirty years, became pregnant.
So I had these three major things happened in my life.
And I was a kid. I was nineteen years old.
I was still living at my parents' house, and I
had some decisions to make because you could imagine, but
(04:39):
I remember hurt telling me, and I don't know if
it was because of how I grew up. There was
never a question about whether we were going to keep
it or not. I was like, okay, so we're going
to do this, We're going to have it. I remember
going to my parents and they weren't disappointed. I just
(05:00):
remember my father looking at me and in his own words, saying, well,
now now you've got to be responsible. M That's it.
It wasn't like, are you going to keep it?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Are you not?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Are you going to do this? Are you? He was
just like, now you're carrying on the family name, the
family legacy, and now you have to be responsible because
that's the thing that has been passed down from generation
to generation with him, our family.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
What did you think he meant when you say, when
he said responsible, how did you translate that?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
At nineteen?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I thought he meant responsible in the way that he
was responsible as it came to parenting myself and my brothers.
And so now was my turn. Now he was passing
the baton of responsibility to me, and I understood right away,
and I, you know, I just sort of took to
(05:54):
it right away. I wasn't. I don't know why. Maybe
it was naive, you know, iveta or ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, right.
I just said, all right, we're gonna do this, you know,
And I went off to go do my first two movies,
and I came back and Elsie gave birth to our
(06:14):
first child, Gean Carlo, and.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Three and a half years later with her family. At
the time, she was living with.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Her family too. Yeah, you know it wasn't planned, right,
That's how God works, right, sure that In many ways
it's interesting too. I'm sorry, no, no's what's that saying?
You make plans and God laughs. I think I'm saying, like, yes,
but it wasn't planned. It just happened, and we accepted
the responsibility.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
It's so interesting too because you think about the word serendipity, right, yeah,
and you also think about what it meant in that
moment that you both were at home with capable parents,
young enough parents to say, you know, we're gonna hold
you down here, you know what I mean. We're gonna
(07:02):
hold you down, you know what I mean, And like,
we're gonna we're gonna keep holding you up, you know,
and so so in many ways, the fact that she
was still with her family and you're still with your family,
you had this extended support.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
You know. Have you ever wondered what I FuG you
had to be on your own? No, I'm never really
sorry about it. You know, my family was always there.
My parents were always there. Her parents were actually in
Puerto Rico. She was living with her sister, which caused
uh because her parents no, no, no, Elsie was her sister,
(07:42):
her sister. Glad Soldier said, yeah, yeah, a couple of
years old, and she has an older so her sister
was responsible for her. She was living with her sister,
and then all of a sudden she was pregnant.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
You know, like, what does your future husband do?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
I haven't seen him in anything, I mean not yet,
Kentucky chick.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
No.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
But here's the thing. My my, my, my cousin, my
first cousin, married Elsie, my wife's sister, and that's kind
of how we met. We met at the wedding about
four or five years prior to that, so they knew her.
Her family knew my family, you know. So it's not
(08:26):
like I was some deadbeat off the street, like they
knew our family. So I think that was maybe some
of the cushion or the buffer for the news was like, Okay, well,
at least we know the guy. We know the guy,
we know his family. He comes from a responsible family.
So obviously the news was not well received. I don't
think anybody.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Who I mean, at that point, you wonder kids who
a little bit more runway to do what they got
to do. But in retrospect, you were still using the
runway to build, you know, So it's not like it
derailed you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
It's like in so many ways, I feel like early
parenthood can really be kind of like, you know, a
challenge to kind of navigate as you're trying to get
to your next thing, or or as you're matured into adulthood.
You're trying to figure out what am I as an adult?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Right?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
What does responsibility mean? Now?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
They have a kid at this early age and I
got to start making money?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, yeah, And sometimes having a child derails people's plans, right,
because sometimes you need the freedom of life in order
to take chances at your dreams. And when you're only
responsible for yourself financially, which makes it a lot easier
for you to take those chances. All of a sudden,
I was responsible at nineteen years old for two other people,
(09:47):
you know. But I'll tell you, and I don't mean
to get spiritual here, man, but it was God's grace
man all the way, because like the timing of me
getting those movies when my wife became pregnant was like
it was a one in a million chants. You know.
If I wouldn't have landed those two movies because I
(10:09):
was having a child, I probably would have stayed in Chicago.
Maybe I would have been doing theater. Maybe I would
have given up my dream completely. I mean, I don't know.
I had a responsibility before me that I had to
step up and and and provide for, you know. But
but it all happened at the same time, which led
me to believe that it was the big man's plan.
(10:29):
That's the way it was meant to be right, and
so you know. So then we had the child, who
got married and both came out to la at twenty
twenty one with a child, and it was probably why
I remember we had this conversation because we've known each
other so long and we're at dinner. I think the
time we went with Jay. We're talking about hanging out
(10:52):
in the early two thousands or the nineties, when we
were like, oh, you remember this place or this club
or whatever, and.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
You're like, no, no, remember it.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I don't know. I don't remember it because I was
at home, like playing with hot wheels on the floor.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Wow, you guys are more primitively. Yeah, I'd like to
ask you a question because I know how it felt
like to me. No, no, you're right right, please no, No.
The question is is were you in town when she
get birth?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Yeah, So what happened the moment you held your child?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Like I always talk about it, like something uploads that's
been in there and it only triggers when you have
a kid, that you have something. There's another version of
inside of you that only on locks and engages and
uploads the moment you hold your child, Like, what what
was it?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
What was that feeling? What woke up in you? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I don't know about you, and I want to hear
this from you as well if this happened to you.
But a few things happen. One is I felt a
love that I've never felt before. It's a different kind
of love. You ever watch nature videos. You ever see
sort of the wolf pack?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah, yes, and you see like the mama wolf with
her cubs and she sees someone approaching and in an
instant she's ready to die. She's ready to attack you
and die for those cubs. That natural instinct inside of
you all of a sudden wakes up and you look
at this child, and you're just like, I'm ready. I'm
(12:30):
I'm ready to.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Kill somebody for you, right, yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
And so that natural animalistic instinct that think kicks in
for me, it did, and the same amount of love
kicked in. Uh. And and and the sort of maybe genetic, primitive,
sort of caveman instinct to go out and hunt and
bring back the meat to the cave kicks in.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Where are you going into the woods bring a buffalo home?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
But only I was thick. Don't worry about it, you know.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Did you feel the same way when you're when you're yeah,
you know, And I've described Okay, we'll go go from
the beginning though. How you you know your wife is magnificent. Yes,
by the way, thank you, Yes, your family is so beautiful.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
How was that? I mean, how how old were you? When?
How old were you when you had your first child?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Let's see, I think I was forty, you're forty. She
just turned forward a little different than me. Yeah, a
little bit, a little.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Bit, a little bit.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I had to run it a running start at it, right, And.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I would say, yeah, I would say I think it
was in my late thirties, yeah, right, And I met Amanda,
and I knew she was going to be an incredible mother,
you know, and.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Your instinct just told you.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, I just told me, you know, and I think
a family is probably wanted with each other, right, So
so you know, so we were like, it's time.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
And then as soon as if I out she was pregnant.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
I mean the same thing, right, I was just like,
all right, I think I'm gonna keep a knife in
the back of my pocket at all times.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
You know, there will be a tank full of gas
in the car at all times, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Like there's just like this level of readiness that would
just effortlessly, like I had to check a list of
boxes and like what I had.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
To have ready.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You know.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
I remember when she was born and I and I
held the Kando and I thought to myself, Oh, that's
what they mean by you being able to lift the car. Yeah,
Like if I had to, I would lift I will
lift the car and I would.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Flip it over.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
You're like, there's just something that happens inside of you, right,
and all of that In the same coin, I would
say that there was this profound feeling of belonging in
a feel purpose to what else can I build now
for her? How much bigger can I build the world
(15:07):
that she lives around so she can inherit, you know,
better shots than I ever did, Right, Like, I started getting.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Too philosophical about it.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
I started thinking about the big pictures and how am
I going to move the needle forward? And how farther
along I'm going to take the torch so by the
time she inherit as the torch, she doesn't have to
climb as Steve or she doesn't have to you know,
you know, run as long, you know, to kind of
get there.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You think you got that from your pop?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
You think so?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
He did that for me?
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Right?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I mean I think I would say that my dad
sacrifice everything, my mom sacrificed everything to give us a.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Better shot that they did.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
And I will never forget one thing that my dad said,
which was Mi Joe came to America to work. I
need you to get the education that I never had. Yeah,
and by the way, you know that meant I got
high school diploma. Right And you know I said the
bar very low as you could.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Said the very low you did a Lebron, you went,
you went pro.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, you know, I got scouted very quickly, awful high school.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
You know, I wash, you know, and so so so.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
But I think to your point, you know, he had
passed down this sense of your next, you know. And
I think in many ways I took the job of
the men of the house or the father figure of
the house very quickly in my early twenties, as soon
as I was being the bread winner of the house.
I think that's why I feel like, you know, my family,
(16:47):
you know, was as a later evolution because I had
dedicated myself making sure my parents had everything that they
never had, right, you know, and my sister have the
safety that you know, we grew up kind of not having,
right like that, that to me felt like the first
phase of manhood, right you know. And once I had
(17:09):
achieved that everybody has everything they need, I felt like
then I put myself next.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Necessity is the mother of all invention, right, So because
of the necessity, Yeah, it drove you to invent you
in your company, you as a product, right.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
And I think to your point, not until I feel
that job was done. And I mean, look, we're individuals.
We have to put ourselves last, right, because that's just
and culturally it's kind of how it works.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Right.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
So as soon as I felt I had achieved the
safety and the wealth being of my family, my mom
and my dad, I felt like then I was next.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And it's like, I don't know if it's healthy.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I don't know if it is not healthy, but I
think it is kind of a mentality. Like you your
first job is to make sure the house and your
mom and your parents and everybody have what they need,
and then you move on to yourself, right, Like you
put yourself at the end of that list.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
And I think I had achieved it.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
And you know, I was always longing to be a parent,
you know, so, but that that's one thing I remember.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
As soon as I held my child, as soon as
I hell Nicano.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I felt that the purpose I had self proclaimed for
myself have become one of, uh, you know, what's next
for her, which, in retrospect turn into what's next for
this generation?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
What are we creating? What are we leaving behind? It
made me dream and I was a big dreamer, but
it made me dream a little bigger for sure.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Wow. But she needs a partner in crime.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Though, Yes, yes, yes, yes, you know, and I would
say this Amanda is you know, some of you may
know Amanda is expecting Hell, heyco another maybe. And we
were very, very very excited for Nicano.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I'm very excited for ourselves.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
But the big question was like when you know, like
when I mean and we we were just letting.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
It happen and all that stuff. And but I.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Think one of the things that I felt like we
did pretty good for ourselves, this isn't just in our case,
was that we we waited enough time that we could
really enjoy the condo and all her little faces before
we introduced a second child.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Yeah, and this next child came at her she just
turned four.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Yeah, you know, so to me, she'll be signed as
a little bit help her. You know, she's so much
more aware. She's actually excited about the Arina.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah. That's a good fan. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You know, usually the rule of thumb is like finish
wiping one but before you.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Started the other one.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, I kind of forgot about that person. Now we're
bringing it back in you know gif you wiping butt, bro?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
I know, morning, And you know what was wonderful about
having my sons are older now and there.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
You're still wiping their busy, still waving the correct h.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You know. I remember when my oldest son turned nineteen,
you know, it was his birthday he had he had
a balloon and a cake and all that. I remember
looking at him. I was like, I was exactly your
age when I had you. And his eyes were.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Like I was like, wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I was. I think about that. Could you have a
child right now at your age?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
What was their answer? It's like absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You know, they were like, dude, I'm just like that.
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
They don't make him like you anymore.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You know, he's like absolutely not. My other son when
he turned twenty three, I was like, I was exactly
your age when I had you. How do you feel
about that? You know? But it really makes them think.
It puts things into.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Perspective, you know, also a real perspective for you and
you and your lady, Like what you guys. I wouldn't
say you gave up, but I would say what you
had to become at a time where they're still becoming.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah, we were kids, you know, we were so you know,
people always say I must be so cool, like you
had kids a young age. Yeah, there are aspects of
it that's cool. You know, we're like empty nesters now
we can we're still young enough where we can travel
and do what we do. But you know, at that age,
you're still a kid yourself. You know, Thank god, we
(21:13):
had pretty decent upbringings and had pretty good moral compasses
and codes and integrity and stuff that was just inherent
that we can pass down. But other than that, you're
still a kid yourself. You know, you're still growing up yourself.
You're still making mistakes yourself. So you know, you know
(21:34):
when you say, wow, I was forty, I'm like, well, dude,
you're like mature now, and so you're able to bestow
all this wisdom and patience, and you have patience for
kids that age. And I mean, will you have less
energy than you would when you're like twenty.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Well, I don't know, We'll see. I mean I still
feel like with tons of energy. Yeah, but I do
do a lot during the day. Like I think if
I did less, I broah more energy. You know, Like
I'm working out for thirty you know, I'm going to
sit at seven and I'm done by like six thirty
seven PM. I come home to a couple of emails,
a couple of reads. Yeah, you know, and then and
then I got a clock in with my daughter, you know,
(22:10):
So like that there there is something like very physical
that happens when you putting yourself through that kind of
regiment during the day. But I definitely am getting better
at just creating that space and creating the thing.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
But so so I haven't talked about.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
What a man is having, right, so I will say
to you that I am having a boy. So we're
having a boy, and we couldn't be more excited to
have the pair.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Right, because.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
There is a name I can't I'm going to let
her announce that.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
She letting me name Nakano, and she went along with
the name and had a very controversial because people were like,
what this doesn't sound. I named it after a warrior
from a land and where her mom and her dad
had not just only fallen in love and said I
love you for the first time when she became a possibility.
(23:09):
So we named there after a warrior from that because
I also said to myself two things, One she has
a story to tell and two, when she's on her
first date with somebody and somebody asked me, what's your
name means she can say, uh, it's a female Sammarai'
chop your head off? Yes, yes, please add with honor. Yeah,
(23:30):
please approach me with honor.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
So, yeah, so that that stuff was was important to
us for the name, you know, But the next name,
I'm gonna let her announce it.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
But yeah, we're I'm excited. I'm buying it.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I'm buying Will Junior.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Imagine love to me, Will Jennier for sure.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
But I say, father of two boys, what advice would
you have for someone like me?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Who? Man? What advice? Wow? I mean I can go
down along laundry list. You know, they're they they emulate
their fathers, right, they emulate their even even your daughter
emulates aspects of you and aspects of your mom. And
so never think that they're not watching. They're always watching,
(24:18):
right and uh uh, And so you can say whatever,
you can teach them verbally, lessons or what have you,
but they're always watching, right, And so you know, if
you're gonna look, we're not perfect, right, well human means,
but but but be mindful that they're always watching. And
so you can say whatever you want. Your words can
(24:39):
say that, but your actions will speak louder.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
That's that's beautiful right there.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
That's really I mean, I I reflect on my my
own father when you said that, because because yeah, my
dad was a man is thank the Lord, I still
haven't with me. It's a man of honor, right respect.
He's so kind, he's so given. Yeah, he is a clown.
(25:04):
He's like as much of a nediot as I am.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
And I haven't hung out with him like that. He's
he's always he's he's pretty shy when he's around me.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yeah, yeah, I mean like he you know, he's obviously
a little more comfortable with one or.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Two in you know what I mean. But you know,
once you get him going, man, he's.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Like he's just all jokes. He's all jokes. My mom
is the police, but he is.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
She was a disciplinarian of the circus.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, and so I'm kind of the circus for Nakano.
Amanda is like the very soft and patient and arts
and crafts and adventure mom.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
You know who's going to be the disciplinarian.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
And now I think it's probably gonna be me.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Yeah, I mean, but I'm gonna I'm gonna be a
clown first, most likely, because that's my pattern now you know,
but you know, but it can switch really quickly, you know,
if you know for perspective, for perspective that are you
doing the chunklate chuncolate that yes, yeah, never never never
hand never had never a hand only chocolate, multi.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Generation of proven tactic.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
You know, it's it's very soft, but it is dramatic,
it's threatening. It's dramatic, like you know, the you can
you can have a chunklatea flight like a ninja star
across the room and and when he misses you, you
know that he had potential to so something in grains
and you kind of change your tune, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
So so for for those who don't know, a chunkolatea
is a sandal, usually a what do you call this
when we're an open not open toe like they're like, yeah,
they're like a sand sandal. And when you would act
up as a kid, your mom would take this.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
It's quite literally a beach sandal, one of those like
you where with the with like your swimming trunks, like
moms wear those all day at home. That's like the
universal mom footwear, you know, and every household and so
it's very accessible, easy to take off and it actually
takes flight in a very aggressive way.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
It takes Ninja star aspects to it, you know, I.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Mean if it wasn't because it comes from uh you know,
with this high like this really loud greens and blues
and oranges, you would never see it coming.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
You never see it coming.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And usually moms get those chuncolate dos from whatever whatever
place they visited. So my mom would have chuncolate dos
that would say Puerto Rico on it Live New.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
York with I Love New York chucolate. That are the
ones that hit the worst. Those are a lot.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Of those specifically stificate for some recent and hard Yes, yeah, she.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Would have Puerto Rico with like Moroccas on the on
the throng part right here. But it was but it
was always met with, like with a threatening manner.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Like yeah you better.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I never wanted to get hit with the Las Vegas.
I love Las Vegas and Clinton because it came with
Ryan Stones and they scratch, they come, they leave Mark.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, and now we haven't even talked about the belt.
Oh man, when do you introduce the symbolism of the belt?
Speaker 4 (28:09):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Because not even in on this generally, well, my now,
this generation don't know. They don't know why you will
take a belt off, Like nobody really can fathom what
a belt could be all it was for other than
like to hold your pants up.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
What would you you were about to say, what were
your dad?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Well the symbolism of taking the taking the belt.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Maybe they're looking in the eye, sound.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Right right, just out of all the hoops, you know,
and in the hand like my dad never swing, He
never hit me with the belt, just thatck click click,
It's like, okay, he's some words.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Oh yeah, it's the imagery is on my life and
the imagery and some threatening words behind it was.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
My mom was not shy of making that to fly. Yeah,
you know, she made content.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
But my dad just you know, I would say this
to a lot of that that's one of the things
that my dad did.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
My dad never hit us, and I think it's why
it was so scary.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Yeah, that's the reason why I was so scary because
I never knew what it would feel like because there at
some point, and I think any son knows this now
that at some point your mom she's the disciplinary, right,
so she's the wine, like with the broomstick or whatever
you gotta do.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But at some point the stops hurting, right for a
young boy.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
Right, So at that point, how many of you at
home have pretended that it hurts just to get your mommy.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
To stop, like mommy, no, no, and then she stops.
She goes, Okay, if she stopped, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Your mom loses muscle mass.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Yes it doesn't, but yeah, just the thread of the
belt is was was that symbol the symbol of you know, discipline?
Speaker 2 (29:52):
That's so I take it you're not going to be
that when your son is born.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
No, I mean, look, I I here's the thing. I
think that will he ever get a chunklata from Amanda?
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Probably?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Probably she will get a chunklator She's half Mexican, so
you know it's.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
In her.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
For me.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I you know, I think there is a level of
communication that you know that we have to practice really
early on with kids, you know, And the most important
thing to me is is understand consequences. Yeah, consequences as
a practice is what probably will prevent to any type
of violence at home, you know. And you know you
(30:31):
start there, but I think, look, I think it looks
are very important.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Oh oh watch out, you know, that's that's it.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
You don't.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Oh, you don't want that.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
You don't you don't want that, because what follows is like, Correa,
you know what I mean? Yeah, but yeah, I mean
I guess that's that's that's interesting.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Did you did you have like with your boys?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
It was there a point in their life where you
were like, I mean, do I have to get physical
for them to understand me?
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Because I feel like they seem like really nice nice?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Yeah, not not really maybe a few times no, no,
And this A lot of this credit goes to Elsie,
my wife. You know, she's she she she talked to them,
you know, she's not afraid to get in there and
have our long conversations and and a lot of it
is just like I feel like kids at that age
(31:29):
just want to be heard, you know. They want to
feel like you're not talking down to them. They want
to feel yeah, you know, and trust me. A lot
of times it came down to that. But a lot
of it was her listening to them and and really
trying to understand their perspective and us trying to communicate
(31:50):
our perspective. And so there was just a lot of
talking in the house. She would take them to school
and they would have long conversations in the car about that,
talking a lot with them till this day. You know,
it's funny because they're older now, and I say to them, look,
I'm still your dad, right, Like, obviously I can't send
you on a time out or I can't punish you.
(32:11):
So now I'm just your closest advisor, right, because there's
nobody in this world who cares more for you than
me or your mom. Right, So every every word that
comes out of your mouth that pertains to advice is
for your well being. Right. So I'm your closest advisor.
(32:34):
And so that's ultimately what you become to.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Them, you know.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
And I kind of at a very younger age, we
were talking to her, you know, we weren't. We weren't
like go here, go there, do that. And I think
Amanda has done a beautiful job of saying like things
like you know, honey, you you can walk yourself into
the bathroom, you can stand up and do your business,
(33:07):
and you can do it. You can really do it.
And she's like, are you sure, mommy, I think I
want you to come with me. She goes, well, stand
at the door with you. So she like really rations
and at some point she starts doing these things independently,
so so and I kind of has her level of
of you know, communication has has really really grown, and
(33:27):
I think a lot of it has to do with
Amanda is very good at talking to her. Yeah, Amanda
doesn't yell at her, doesn't scream, doesn't anything, just like
she just talks to her like, Hey, I need to
do your hair because no, Mammy, I don't want to.
I need to do your hair because you you know,
you have such a pretty dress and you're going to
go to school, and what you do right before you
go to school, we go outside, you do your hair
(33:48):
very pretty, so so it goes with your outfit and.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
She goes, okay, then I want princess hair.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
And then therefore they're saying, you know, it's like this
this flow, you know, yeah, which feels really cool.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
But yeah, I think our general generation was more like
the tough generation, right, like, you know, dads and moms
took no no mess, right, so it's like you acted up.
The belt came out right away, and so there was
a lot of discipline and then I felt like after
that came sort of this this kind of love new
age generation and they disrespect to that generation either or
(34:21):
that parenting style. But but then there was a lack
of of of discipline and accountability and all the stuff
that came with that. I'm I'm I'm more of I
think that there should be a healthy balance between the two.
Healthy balance of discipline in whatever form suits your family.
(34:42):
With love. But there has to be love, man. Love.
Love is the key component. Kids feel love. You know,
what's what's that saying? Uh, you don't remember what someone says,
but you remember how they make you feel, right and
that and that applies to parenthood as well. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
And by the way, the sense of humor. Oh yeah,
you know, you gotta have a sense of humor.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
You gotta tell them it's okay to laugh, it's okay
to be silly, it's okay to yeah. I mean, I
feel like that's one thing that I think an account
has really benefit from. She is such a little you know,
such a little payasa bro. Like she's coming into the
house and she's just making the voices, and like she
had like old Lady day at school and she got
old old lady where all the kids got dressed like
(35:22):
their you know, grandparents.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Ah and uh, and she was just like super committed
and like she was like such a little clown.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
But I feel like that's such a great exercise for
them to play all these different characters.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
She like, it's on tapping all these different things. What
about what she was.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Playing you the other day? Oh yeah remember that?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Yes, for the viewers.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I come into Warmer's office and the condo has a
gun or no, what was that?
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It was like it was a nerve. There's a nerve? No, no,
actually it launched little planes. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And she was running around saying and.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Cis sheen on the floor? Hints up now?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
And I was like, dude, she's doing you.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
And I was like, yeah, we play characters all the time.
She she's like such a little act.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
But she's emulating her father, Like she saw you do
that on TV and now she's doing it, Which goes
to my point, Right, it's not what you say, is
it's your actions? Is what they see you do? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I think this is super helpful.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
You know, when we think about this multi generational inheritance
and how we pass down you know, fatherhood. You know,
what is fatherhood look like for your kids? What is
it going to look like for their kids? You know,
how do they carry on with these traditions. I think
our culture has so much that really works, you know
when it comes to the hard working trade, you know,
(36:47):
the sharing, the celebratory trades, like we know how to celebrate,
we know how to work hard, and we're big lovers man,
you know. And I think as long as the music
keeps playing at home, there's gonna be some kind of
harmony and some kind of energetic therapeutic, you know, energy
at home.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yeah, you have, I guess uh. And and we'll end
this by saying, you know you it's going to be
a tough one. Well, I guess it's tough every general.
Every generation comes with its own things, right and and
like you're you know, the counter is four is she for?
And then you have your new child and so you're
you're dealing with a whole other plethora of like social media,
(37:27):
Like social media didn't exist when my my kids were young,
you know, so, and.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
How quickly changes, right, like every five or ten years
or something different. So imagine when it kind of turns fourteen,
why would be the social media platform? Then what is
the content that's kind of sweeping kids attention?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
You?
Speaker 4 (37:44):
Like?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
That kind of stuff is something that we're gonna have
to kind of adjust and and kind of evolve with.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I think that you have to be cognizant that that
that that you're human and and that happens, and that
there are times where you're on your phone a little
too much when your kid is trying to talk to you.
You're so driven to attain certain heights in your career
that sometimes that takes precedence, right, and and and that's
(38:13):
all normal in the path. I think what's important is
that you're aware, right, and that you're aware and that
and that there's a constant self check in that because
it goes by really really fast. Man, you know, counts
four now, she'll be fourteen, then she'll be twenty four,
then she'll be thirty four. All of a sudden you'll
(38:35):
be a granddad, you know. And he goes by like this,
And so it's just important that every single day you
realize that it's going that's going pretty damn fast and
h and and be aware of her presence and how
much time you're giving her, right and and if and
if days there are going to be days where you slip,
where you don't have the right balance, and that's okay too,
(38:57):
and you're human and you have to forgive yourself and
you have to just check it and then keep moving on.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
That's powerful.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yeah, that's really helpful because I have a lot of
on my plate myself, and I think the finding of
the balance is something that Amanda and I really really
working on. You know, we love taking little trips here
and there and all that stuff. You know, the bandwidth
for that. Sometimes when the seasonal areas, when I'm locked
in on a show and we're in production for other things,
(39:25):
you know, it makes it a little more difficult. But
one way that I've balanced that is by you know,
allowing and creating a space at work where they can
come and visit, you know. And I know that a
lot of careers don't empower that, but if you do
have a lunch hour and your family is down to
show up to your work, you have a lot of
(39:45):
lunch with you, that's an easy way to do it,
right or like you know, you the family wants to
you know, you're about to get off work and everyone
wants to go meet at a restaurant and let's go
have Korean barbecue like that kind of stuff. It like
closes your day and allows you to have something to
remember tomorrow and then the next day and the next
day because you have things to look forward to. I've
been I'm lucky enough during my lunch, you know, Aman
(40:07):
then I kind of would just pop in, you know,
and I'll just have lunch with them instead of by
myself and my trailer, you know, waiting for you know, the.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Lunch to be over.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
So that's the kind of balance, you know, that you
kind of want to find, especially because our jobs are
incredibly demanding, yeah, and they're now realistic. The amount of
hours that we work during the day nobody knows about, right,
Nobody has any sympathy for the amount of work that
it takes to creatively tell the story and most importantly,
the focus that it comes with with that and the
toll that it takes on you and and you know,
(40:38):
nobody has sympathy for that either, right, which is fine,
you know, like none of us are asking for it, right,
But I think at the end of the day, when
it comes to our personal lives and the humanity that
we have to continue to be connected to if we're
going to be good performers, we have to make space
for that too. And you know, if there is a
Friday off, you know, then like maybe you use a
(40:58):
little bit of the morning for your meetings and stuff
like that, and then maybe use the afternoon to go
on a little road trip to Sunday. Like that's the
kind of stuff that I feel like we really got
to put the foot down on and and I'm trying
to you know, listen, I don't have the you know,
I'm not you know, I don't have the perfect balance
for that, but we're definitely trying to really practice it.
(41:20):
But it's a great reminder also for all of us,
no matter what professional work career, you're so focus on
being good at the job you have so you can
hold that space and hold that job because it provides
you know, this this stability and this safety for your family.
Let's never forget why you get up in the morning
in the first place.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
You know why you do it all for.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
You can work so much and achieve so much, but
the reason why you do it is because you're also
trying to share that you know, that's safety with your
family and also you got to enjoy them. Last advice
I was giving before I become a father, he goes,
just make sure you enjoy your family. Just enjoy your family, Yeah,
as much as you possibly can enjoy it, tap into it.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
There's nothing like, oh, I.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
Haven't seen my boys, or I haven't had a girl's
night or like in a long time whatever, which I
know that that feels like something that's fulfilling because it's
escape and it's also a little bit of like an
outburst of you know, energy, and that's very important to
make time for. I would say it's also just equally
as critical to just enjoy the time you out of
your family.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
You know, That's that was one of the best things
I've ever heard. Just enjoy them.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
Yeah, enjoy your family. You know, you're not just taking
care of them.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
You're there so you can enjoy them, you know.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Yeah, yeah, and you're bonding. You know that that's important
to continually build that bond, whether it's through the holidays,
whether it's through family trips, whether it's just through like
dinner on a Sunday. You know, us as humans have
to continue I.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Mean, look, and it's the little things.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
It's a little things, man, right, They're always going to
be your your child. But but like it's there are
people who are parent and child who have no bond
and no communication and no synergy and no nothing. You know,
and you're human. You have to continually work at trying
to build that. Sometimes people forget that you have to
(43:12):
put the effort to do that. They think it's instantaneous
because you're related.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
Right, Well, this is great and I as a great
reminder for both of us we continue to stay busy
and doing our careers. But you've done it beautiful. You
have a beautiful family. So I had all those questions.
Thank you for answering all those and you know, another
beautiful conversation with you, man, And thank you to everyone
who tuned in hope you found a little healing, a
(43:37):
little direction, other inspiration, you know. And for those soon
to be parents for the first time, congratulations.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Nothing changes, It all just evolves. Some people tell you
everything's gonna change.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Don't let anybody tell you the horror stories first, and
then tell you but you're gonna be fine. That's not
and like this and this and this, and you don't
do this anymore, done at all, but you're going to
be fine. Like no, you're gonna be fine because you're
just evolvement into the next face of your life.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
That being said, I'm Wilmer Valdorama, Freddy Rodriguez.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Thank you for tuning in to Fatherhood and see you
guys in the next episode of Dose Aveagos.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Dose Amigos is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's
Michael through That podcast network, hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez
and Wilmer Valdorama.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burlson and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valdorama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson
and Leo Klem at w V Sound.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
This episode was shot and edited it by Ryan Posts
and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Devenport and Hello Boy.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Our cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed
by Deny Holtzkall and.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Thank you for being there third Amigo today. I appreciate
you guys. Always listening to Dose Amigos.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
More pod cast from my Heart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
See you next week.
Hosts And Creators
Wilmer Valderrama
Freddy Rodriguez
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