May 22, 2025 • 44 mins
In this episode of the Dos Amigos Podcast, Wilmer and Freddy sit down with motivational speaker and entrepreneur Lewis Howes. Lewis shares his journey from professional athlete to personal development expert, touching on his books The School of Greatness and The Mask of Masculinity. The conversation explores embracing vulnerability, breaking societal expectations, and building a mindset for lasting success in both life and business.
Brief mention of childhood sexual abuse, please take care of yourself while listening to the episode.
“Dos Amigos” is a comedic and insightful podcast hosted by two friends who’ve journeyed through Hollywood and life together. Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez push through the noise of everyday life and ruminate on a bevy of topics through fun and daring, and occasionally a third amigo joins the mix!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome back to the podcast. Fred Hey, and this is
one moan about drama.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm very excited, very special, very special episode for us.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
We were going to do it in a very refreshing
new start in the show.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
But Freddy, expectively, you know, has started our episode officially,
so because we're talking.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Man, yes, I know he's dropping the jewels. Man, I
gotta get it on camera.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Well as you know, Uh, those Amigos is not technically
a show where you know, it's like you know, it's
not it's not it's not heavy relighting on on the
stories of of our guests.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
We were kind of explored so much of our lives.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
But in the conversation of our lives, yes, certain individuals
have popped up and we're like, I ever had someone
on this show. I had to be Yeah, this man
right here, know and I'm sorry. I want to you know,
I want to introduce Lewis House, one of the most
uh just a prolific voices of inspiration.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You know, what are you going going to?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
How many years now twelve years.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Of twelve years of podcasting?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
You know your lunch? I mean multiple books? How many
books now?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Five?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Five books?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
And uh he he's someone that is very important to me.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
We've we've done a pretty.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Uh, pretty intensive uh we've done our best with the
lives that we've had to stay connected and soultly connected
in the energy.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
We absolutely have to do better to the end person.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
But our lives have taken so many different place, you know,
to so many different places. And I was just excited,
you know, when I was talking New Freddy about about you,
I just wanted to start by saying that, you know,
you started out exploring some of the greatest minds that
have inspired the plan on it have inspired different sectors
(02:02):
of our worlds and interests, from sports to business, to
entertainment to the spiritual world, you know, and all that.
And and I was telling him many years ago that
for me, the more I watched everything he did, the
more I realized that the attention went from some of
the amazing voices that he was carrying on his show
to like, what does he think his perspective perspective because
(02:25):
he's been able to really summerse himself in so many philosophies,
and you know, we're very big in philosophy over here,
you know, so for us was very excited to kind
of explore that and to basically you know, in many ways.
So it's give you, give you your flowers. You know,
you Bob lifted. You've changed so many people's lives. You've
inspired so many people to shade their own selves and
(02:46):
become better versions of themselves. And you have had your
own transformative process too, you know. And I think in
the process of hearing all this wisdom, applying it to
your life and understanding we're all going to make the mistakes,
We're all gonna have an appeal battle with certain things
that you know match or not match other people's journeys.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
You know, it's what you take from it. So I
was excited.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I literally texted him two seconds He says, yes, what time,
and I was like, oh, okay, fine.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Up, and I just uh so, first and foremost, thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
It's a very informal conversation about inspiration and things like that,
but also kind of like our.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Way to, you know, to to say thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You know, I appreciate it for the stuff that you've
done for so many communities.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
And Puppy can go yeah, almost that's the new podcast.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
One thing I appreciate about you, and hopefully we'll get
to connect more for it in the future, buddy, even
though you're so busy doing all the projects that you're
doing and fatherhood, married, all these different things. We unfortunately
we haven't seen each other that frequently, but when we do,
we go really deep, so it feels like a strong
(04:00):
bond and it feels like I just saw you, even
though it was a couple of years ago.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
We text, we call, but it's like seeing each other.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
It just feels like I just saw you because of
that bond that we go deep.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
When we do talk and I do pick.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Up or we left off, it's it's still just as
you know, as as as profound you know, and uh
and you know you you really and I and I
don't say this often at all, and you know, many
fifteen plus episodes so far and you know more, you
haven't really said this, but there's very very few individuals
(04:32):
at at the meeting have stayed with me in such
a philosophical in such an insightful way. And your honesty,
your energy, your way, your heart is open, and we're
going to explore so many of those things today in
this conversation and really understanding you know, the the where
you came from, where you were, you know, and how
you got here because it's so important for us to
(04:55):
really humanize you know, you know that destination.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But anyways, Freddy, you have any and to understand the journey.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Well, but before we started the show, we realized that
we're both too Midwest guys.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
We were just kind of talking about the values Midwest
values and the way that we roll speak.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
To everyone in line.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
It's a very specific thing, yes, yes, that time, Like
you know, you got East Coast people, you got West
Coast people, but there's something very specific about Midwest.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
And when when he said that, I was like, ah, okay, yeah, yeah,
we're speaking the same language. So you were born in Ohio.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Small town, Delaware, Ohio.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yeah, in Delaware, Ohio.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
And so what I lived in the Northwest suburbs for
a summer. Okay, in Chicago, you did.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
I lived in Northwest suburbs. Yeah, where about Arlington Heights Okay?
And I played college football there a few Diman times
where it was a Naperville.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I played a playoff game there. So I've been around Chicago.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I've been to Wrigley games and the bleachers, shirt off,
the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Nice man and so.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Waste of Chicago. Fourth of July, Taste of Chicago, all
that stuff I lived.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
I'm I'm I'm going to start this off by saying,
I'm a fan. Okay, I've watched your stuff in the past,
and I've been really intrigued about your trajectory and where
you started and where you out now. I was just
out right before we got here, I was watching some
of your latest episodes and us being too Midwest. It's
like you all of a sudden interviewing people like a monk,
(06:19):
or like Billy Carson, or.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Like, like, what's that trajectory?
Speaker 5 (06:23):
Like how do you go from being a kid like
me from the Midwest, right with those particular values and
those particular mindsets, right? And you know what I mean
by sure, right to expanding your brain that way and
interviewing people like that.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
I lived with a lot of insecurity and my first
my first core memories. One of my earliest memory, I
think I've told you this, I've told them to my
show many times, was being sexually abused by a man
that I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
So that was where.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
My my brain developed with this is the world, you know,
and this is something that happened to me.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So therefore I'm unlovable.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
I'm abusable, I'm taken for granted, I'm used all these
different things. So that's what like shaped in my brain
when I was eight until I was five. When I
was eight, my brother went to prison for selling drugs
to an undercover cop small town, Ohio. This stuff didn't
happen in like a small kind of middle class, mostly white,
(07:20):
suburban neighborhood, and so I didn't know anyone that went
to prison.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
So my brother's eleven years older than me.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I was eight, he was nineteen, and it was an
undercover cop that caught him asking him for LSD and
he was like just kind of like buying a little
weed back in the day in college. He was like,
I don't know how to get it, but they kept
pushing it, and so he was like, well, let me
go ask someone and ask someone and then found it out.
So he went to prison, sentenced six to twenty five
(07:47):
years because it was the war against drugs back in
the early nineties, and he got off for four and
a half in good behavior. But it marked my brain,
in my family's brains, and the emotions, the stress, the fear,
the drama, the guilt, shame, all that stuff was mixed up,
and my parents. They loved us kids. I was the
youngest of four, but they didn't love each other, so
(08:09):
they didn't show love. So I was telling you before,
I was like, I never saw myself getting married because
I never felt safe emotionally in a relationship. So that's
then there's multiple instances where I just never felt enough.
I was in the bottom of my class all through school,
so I just felt very insecure for most of my
childhood and very emotionally. My nervous system was always kind
(08:32):
of in fire or flight. Yeah, and that just shaped
a belief system in me, and that belief system, whatever
we have, shapes and influences our behaviors. So I behaved
in a way that was very anxious. I behaved in
a way where I clinged on to people. I would
change who I was to please people because I wanted
(08:53):
to feel safe and secure, and I chased things to
seek approval. I chased you know, being good in sports,
making money, girls, whatever it was, because my belief system was, Okay,
you're not good enough, you're unlovable, and people take advantage
of you.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
So my behavior has just matched my beliefs. That's what
we all do.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
Our beliefs influence our behaviors, and our beliefs are formed
on our the meaning we give our memories. So the
memories I had for twenty five years, I imagined myself
being sexually abused.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
In a bathroom by a guy that I didn't know.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
It was just kind of like a movie playing that
I would just try to block and then focus on
something else, but it was always coming up, and that
interpretation of the event, the memory created a sense of
fear within my body. My nervous system was emotionally charged
and not heightened. And again that interpretation. Until I mend
(09:51):
or heal that memory, that's going to live inside of
me and it's going to shape my beliefs, what's going
to influence my behaviors, which is going to create.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
My environment in my reality.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
You have stuff from childhood, if you've healed it or
you haven't, it shaped you from being married to the
person you're married to, from moving to LA for whatever
reason you moved to LA, and maybe it was because
you had a dream, or maybe it's because you felt
you need to prove something. Either way, it shaped you
getting here. And it doesn't mean it's right or wrong,
good or bad. It's just that's the result of our environment.
(10:34):
You were talking about this before we started rolling. I
was like, how are all the projects going? And you're like,
it's good, but and you said, oh, I have to
notice even just saying it's good, it's not where I
want it to be.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
But I'm reflecting that.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I'm just responding that it's good because I have an
expectation that the amount of effort I put in should
be getting me a certain type of result based on
a comparison of what I've already had before, based on
where I'm out of my career and how successful I am,
or how people perceive me.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I'm just making this no.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
But it's actually because you're right that question triggered the.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
This friend is doing this and it looks effortless and
he's everywhere she's.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Well, I don't. Definitely.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
That's one thing that I feel really healthy about is
I've never compared myself to somebody else's success. But to
your point, is I am comparing the success based on
the image of what I feel that would be. And
I think for entrepreneurs and people's way them vision, but
am vision is is.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Very hard to have a feel.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
We got there right, right, and I think the uh
so when you ask the question, one of the things
to your point, and very very intuitive by the way,
that's louis housing if.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
You're tuning in right now.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
The it's is the ability to say, Okay, if I'm
going to be honest, I'm not going to give someone
that I respect and admire and love so much the
answer is like.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Everything's doing really good, really great.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I'm just gonna be like, it's good.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
You know, there is just a couple of imbalances, right,
and I have to recognize those imbalances in order for
me to more efficient about the next go around exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And so that's like, so that's why.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
And to your point, it does bring up things from
the past, like where have I felt that I have
not done enough?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And now I'm doing all of it and more and
it's still not enough.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Right.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
So yeah, but it's but it's bringing up those negative imbalances.
Is that projecting bad energy.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Is what specifically projecting bad energy is.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
You know, we talk about manifestation and we talk about
projecting good energy. I mean, it's it's not like lying,
but it's like and this is it is me digging
more into like what I've been seeing you do lately
is is wie. We're being honest about what's not positive?
Is that a good or a bad thing? Because by
you projecting that it's bad, you are then projecting that
(13:01):
bad energy, So.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Is that bad?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
A lot of my yeah, a lot of my thinking
is more around not is what is right or wrong,
good or bad?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Because that's a very judgmental way of thinking.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
And again even that is not right or wrong, good
or bad, But it's not saying is what he's saying
good or bad? By reflecting that way, I'm thinking more,
is it serving him in this moment?
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Is that way of responding thinking serving him?
Speaker 4 (13:27):
And it sounds like he's being authentic and in alignment
with how he's feeling, so saying it's good.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
It's not where I wanted to be, but it's good.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
It's serving because it's in alignment with who he is
right now, just being honest. Now, some people in his
position might be saying, I am the effort I'm putting
out there is getting a certain type of results.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Sure do, I wish it was bigger. I had a
book that just came out.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Sure do I wish I had tens of thousands more
copies sold, of course, and I can still be grateful
for the impact that I'm making with you out of
sales that I've had and the success that the Scott
and the people that came out of whatever it is.
It's like the amount of people that are watching on TV.
Sure we want it to be the number one show,
but it's the number three show or whatever it is.
But still, man, I'm living my dreams. I live in
(14:13):
a beautiful home. My daughter is a sleeping another room.
I got my friends and family here. I'm having a
conversation with dos Amigos so popp BEGINNINGO.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
And I'm healthy. I get to even though I wake
up at five am. I get to train every single day.
What a blessing.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
So I think it's perspective and it doesn't mean we
can't be striving for more. But it's just striving for
more because I'm not good enough, or I'm beating myself up,
or I need to prove something wrong to the bullies
that picked on me all through middle school or whatever,
or the person who abused me or whatever it is.
For so much in my life, I was driven to
(14:54):
prove people wrong and to show people why I'm lovable,
and it was just an unconscious like thing. It wasn't
like I was consciously like, I'm gonna do this every
single day and work my asshole, you know, and train
and show up and do these things because of those
four kids have made fun of me.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
It wasn't like was.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
There a moment, a conversation or an instance where you saw, oh,
I just cracked it and now I'm looking within and
that's enough, Like is there you know, especially when you're
saying like I'm seeking approval, I'm seeking you know, I'm
going in my mind, I'm still going against the bully's Like,
is there a moment that cracked the ice and you
were like, oh, I think I can follow that correct.
Speaker 5 (15:33):
Because you were saying it's unconscious, So when when does
it become conscious? When do you go, oh, man, I'm
a I don't know, as people please you're the right
terminology or like.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Percent people pleaser yeah, or people prove her. It was
like trying to prove people wrong or please people to
like fit in right. So it was a combination of
all the mixed up emotions and all the traumas, right,
I think there was there was a number of different
moments in my journey over the last ten twelve years
of the healing journey, because it's not a moment. There's
(16:01):
a moment of AHA, but there's usually a process of
integration and then a follow through once you get the
aha of your nervous system feeling relaxed when it's emotionally
or psychologically triggered in the future, so we can be
we're tested every day.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
You know. It's like the traffic I'm here.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
If I had anger inside of me, I would have
been enraged, because I haven't inside of me still any
in a little trigger, it's going to come out of me,
but it's peaceful and I know I'm coming to see him,
so I'm not upset about it. There was a moment
four years ago where I was going through a challenging
time and a breakup, where I was in a relationship
trying to figure out how to navigate it, trying to
(16:42):
figure out how.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
To make it work, and it wasn't working. For like
a year year and a half.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
We started doing therapy individually and together, and we weren't
getting breakthroughs. It was like six to eight hour sessions
on the weekends and no breakthrough and I felt like
I had changed and transformed and reinvented and people pleased
to my limit. And that had been a pattern of
mine in intimacy with multiple relationships, and it all stems
(17:08):
from a belief around these core wounds from my parents
getting divorced but just never really should have been together
in the first place, and having these kind of psychological
emotional wounds that I had from previous relationships.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Not saying that I was perfect or anything, just my
own beliefs.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
And there was a moment where I had this chest
pain for years that would come and go and it
was almost felt like someone was strangling me. I don't
know if you ever held this just some life. It
was almost like I couldn't speak, like someone had their
arm around my throat. It was like a weight of
ball in my chest that would come and go in relationships.
And this was here during this couple year relationship. And
(17:51):
at one point in a therapy session, it's like my
coach said something to me. After six months of going
through processing, she says something to me, and it was
like I finally got it, and I never felt this
before in my life, but this pain, it was a
ball of pain in my chest it's almost like it
(18:12):
exploded internally. It felt like a rush of fluid throughout
my whole body. I thought I did something to hurt
myself because it was a rush of fluid throughout my body.
I didn't know what it was and I had to
really stop in the session. But I haven't felt that
pain since. Wow, it's been four years, and I felt
more peace within my body, and I feel like that's
(18:34):
my nervous system feeling like the adult version of me
finally said.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
To the young version of me, I got you.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
I'm not going to allow anyone to cross boundaries anymore.
And it's like the littlest boundaries to the biggest boundaries.
And it doesn't mean I need to react and be
this big tough guy to create a boundary. It's just
learning to say no, or learning to say I can't
show up for you and do this, or just saying no,
I can't promote whatever. It is just learning to say
(19:06):
no and being okay with people reacting how they want
to react.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
And can you share what the therapist said to you.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
That made you.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I think I'm trying to remember the exact thing, but
I was exercise it. There was multiple exercises, but there
was there was a moment where I was like, I
just want to be done with this relationship.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I was just like, I just want to be done,
and we were doing.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Sessions and I remember saying like, I think I want
to end it right now, and she said, you can
do whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
I'm not advising you what to do.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
But if you haven't felt peace within you and you
just run away from the situation without creating that peace
and safety within you, you're likely to reattract a similar
experience and you're eventually going.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
To have to find a way to create peace within you.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
So I recommend being in the relationship and creating the
boundaries in the real relationship. Then you'll know when the
right time is if you're meant to be together or not.
She wasn't trying to tell me what to do, and
classic coach right, it's I'm giving.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
You the answers.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
And then so maybe a few weeks after that, I
was creating all these boundaries in the relationship, and then
I've talked to you about this stuff before and then
getting the explosive reactions that I was used to and
just saying I don't need to do anything I don't
need to change who I am. Give me the silent
(20:31):
treatment for three days. I'm not going to go in
and fix it. I'm going to create MySpace and say
I'm here to talk when you're ready to talk. All
these different things, like I was creating these boundaries for
the next few weeks to where I was like, oh,
I'm I'm okay even if this person doesn't love me,
because I'm learning to love myself. And intimacy was a
challenging thing for me just because I didn't have the
(20:53):
model or the tools on how to do that, because
my belief system was shaped in a way that was
very like just unstable, wasn't in alignment, and so I
was always seeking love and then people please to keep
the love because I.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Didn't want them to be upset at me.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Anytime you're upset to me, I was like, ah, don't
leave me or don't be mad at me.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
So that I would cross my own boundary, I would
not be there for me.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
And so the little boy inside of me was screaming
at me through ezema, through your chest pain, through feeling stranged,
like I'm not using my voice.
Speaker 5 (21:30):
So so the boundary you felt it was all me
your decision to to.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Make a boundary, boundaries you over and over again, and
then she said something to me because I was just like,
I just want peace in my life.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
And she looked at me and she said, you are peace.
You have to you have to own peace.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
You can't you can't create, you can't give in to something.
To have peace. You have to be piece, be peace.
And she just kept saying, over and over again, you
are piece.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
There's something there's something so empowering about saying I'm gonna
meet you. I'm just not gonna meet you there, right right,
most oftentimes we shake the inability for us to to
act within our strengths. And when we perform or try
(22:23):
to make reason within our weaknesses, that's where you open
the door for control. Somebody can really control those emotions
because they know they can get you up in that frequency.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
So, in many friendships in the past, you know, you
could tell that certain friendships of mine in the past.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
They wanted me to meet them here.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
You know, they wanted to bring me up to this
level of frequency in which frankly, I didn't feel effective,
I didn't feel strong, I didn't have clarity, right, So
I so whatever would come out of my mouth, just
could not solve it or could not enhance it or
make it feel better.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
So what you're saying makes so much, and he tracks
so much. But what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You know, because in order for us to achieve, build,
or create or just find that piece within us, Yes,
you have to really understand where do you stand in
strength and cultivate that because that's where you can tell
that little.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Boy, hey, yeah, I got it, you got you.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
So it was the first time where I felt like
the adult was in the room, which was me, Like
I showed up as my adult self within my own body,
and I said, I got you.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Whether this girl.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
Likes me or not, whether she gives me the silent
treatment or not, whether we're together or not, like you're good.
And I never knew I was going to be good
with just me. So it was a lot of just
healing the kind of wounded parts of me that never
got healed. You break your arm and you never heal it.
It's going to hurt every time you touch it. You know,
(23:54):
it's gonna the wind blows, it's going to hurt your arm.
It's like imagine the emotional and psychology wounds that we have,
especially like you know, immigrants haven't even stronger wounds of
just like I need to prove, I need to accelerate,
I need to like do it for my parents.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I need to get all these things. It's like men
deeper levels for it.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
It was crazy, but by the way for it. For
what's crazy for immigrants is that they may be not
even a point in their lifetime where they can sit
with their wounds and say, I'm going to heal that.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
You know, the time you don't have the time, you.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Have the time or maybe or maybe schools, you know,
or maybe not even understand the concept of healing.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Because your parents not even talking about that.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
No, never, I didn't even understand the concept of healing.
Just in the last like two three years, like like
when did you as we were back to like the
Midwest and us, right like like, at what point did
you go healing is like a thing?
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Right, Well, it wasn't until I moved out of here.
Speaker 5 (24:54):
And I have to like heal these wounds in order
for me to grow into and to It.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Wasn't I got here.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
But really it wasn't until I had breakdown after breakdown
after breakdown in my life about twelve years ago, and
a relationship was going bad, a business partnership was going bad,
and I was I was living in West Hollywood, and
I was playing basketball a lot in the mean streets
of West Hollywood, and I just started getting I just
started getting in fights all the time to pick up basketball.
(25:21):
But this is like, essentially in Beverly Hills. It's not
like we're freaking comptent or something, you know, It's like we're.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Do you think that in those moments you were trying
to release something you didn't know what has.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
So much anger inside of me?
Speaker 4 (25:32):
And here's an analogy I've been talking about lately. Have
you guys ever heard of someone named Wayne Dyer? You
ever heard of this guy. He's written a lot of books.
He's since passed, but he was used to be a
big spiritual personal development guy and he has sold a
ton of books, all these things.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Me and Martha watch a lot of his content now.
But he passed away I think seven years ago.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
Anyways, he used to give a speech with a great analogy,
and when he would go on stage, he would take
an orange out with him on stage and he'd say,
look at this orange. When you squeeze this orange. What
type of juice comes out of an orange? And you'd
ask people what comes orange juice? So if you squeeze
this orange, Freddy, does apple juice come out?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
Does it? Does apple just come out of an orange?
It doesn't. Does grape juice come out of it?
Speaker 1 (26:18):
No? No?
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Does watermelon juice come out of an orange? No?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
No it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
No, orange juice does. Because that's what's inside. And so
when we as humans are applied pressure in life, when
there's an audition and we've got to get ready for
we get it or we don't get it. When there's
someone calling me names, when there's traffic and someone cuts
us off. Whatever, whatever comes out of us is what's
(26:46):
inside of us. So if there's anger and resentment and
jealousy and frustration when I'm applied pressure, that emotion is
going to come out of me. If I'm filled with
peace and love and harmony in alignment because I've done
the healing work, then if I get the audition, I
don't get the audition.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
I have a huge success. The show's number one. It's
my bombs.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
Sure, maybe I'm a little saddered, just it's not bypassing
my emotions. But anger is not inside of me. If
I've healed more, and okay, I have a little disappointment,
But then I'm like, you know what, did I give
my best? Did I show up my best today? That's
what's inside of me, That's what should come out. So
what I got in all these relationships and fights and
(27:29):
I would just get triggered so easily. Now I had
a lot of love and joy inside of me as well,
So when good things happened, I was like the passion guy,
fun guy. But you trigger that broken arm that wound
inside of me. Boom, you hit that button. It's like,
let's go and defend myself. And that came from feeling
abused and taking advantage of and all that stuff, needing
(27:49):
to like defend myself.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
So at some point you said, I want to explore more? Right,
and how was school for grade news? Because you've built
an empire out of the search for greatness?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
How how did that idea started?
Speaker 4 (28:13):
It started because I was broken during this time and
I was like, I need answers. Let me go find
the smartest people I know and start having these conversations.
And I was already having these conversations and these kind
of mentors or coaches were helping me, and I was
just like, people need to hear.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
This, And did you feel like there was a correlation
between what they were all saying.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I mean early the early days, I was more still
driven by like how do I be successful?
Speaker 3 (28:40):
How do I be number one? How do you be
the best?
Speaker 4 (28:42):
It was like learning from champions of sport or industry
on like getting to the top. So I still driven
to be number one, But then I was like, oh,
being number one doesn't mean you're going to be happy, right,
Look at Wilmer.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I'm scared.
Speaker 6 (29:00):
Kidding you know, right, he's place doctor met podcast and
hit TV show, and it's just it's going okay for me,
(29:23):
it's very good.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
No, So it's it was a journey of like, let
me learn about how to first be the best I
can be to destroy people?
Speaker 3 (29:31):
That was like the initial thought.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Interesting, I mean, like be the best of my industry
and be number one and be looked at it as
like cool or whatever. And you mean in competition, how
can everyone talk about me all the time?
Speaker 3 (29:46):
How can everyone talk make me look good?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
You know?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Because I was wounded.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
I came from a place of not having friends, being
in the bottom of my class, being picked on, picked
the last, sexually abused, all these things to Okay, I'm
gonna prove people wrong. Let me become the best version
of me to prove people wrong and run away from
the pain.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
So I didn't face the pain for twenty five years.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
So I was building a version of me to run
away from pain, run away from bullying, sexual abuse, sadness,
whatever it might be. And you can only run for
so long until it catches up to you. Yeah, you
can only chase success for so long. That thing is
gonna keep coming out. There's a storm that's just trailing it.
(30:32):
And I felt the storm constantly, like just touching the.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Back of my neck.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
And then the storm hit and it broke in every
relationship in my life at one point. And that's where
I was like, something, I'm the common denominator of all
these relationships and moments in life where I'm reacting. I
can't blame everyone else anymore. I'm realizing it's me now.
And that was a reflection moment where I said, let
me do something.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I think it was also a combination of.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
The confret you have in certain personalities, or did you
really take all the blame yourself because that's a pattern, right,
We all have patterns, and I think you have to
want to appreciate that there is something you got to
fix or you know, restructure.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
And the other one is that you have a pattern in.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Exposing yourself to situations and environments in which triggers that
other broken self of yourself.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Yes, and no, I think you know, when we learn
to love and accept ourselves and create the true boundaries
we need, Like we can still have people in our
lives and create a boundary, we don't have to eliminate
them fully necessarily. There might be friends or family members
where we're creating boundaries. With some people we might need
to remove ourselves from completely or for out of alignment.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
But I've learned that, Like, you know, my mom.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
Triggers the crap out of me still, but I've learned
to accept her more and not get triggered as much
and just be like, Okay, that's just who she is,
And I've learned to heal that relationship better as opposed
to feeling like she's always trying to babe.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Me as a forty two year old man. You know,
it's like a grown man, stop babying me. But now
I'm just like, Okay, it's my mom. I'm gonna accept
I'm gonna accept it, and I'm gonna.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Love her for who she is as opposed to it
like really like triggering me, you know. So it's it's
learning how to create acceptance and boundaries at the same
time and and really caring less about what people think.
And I have a few you know, I care about
what my wife thinks. But I'm also I create boundaries, right.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
You know.
Speaker 4 (32:29):
It's because I spoke up for the first time when
we started a relationship, and I was just like, this
is what I'm willing to do, and this is what
I'm not willing to do.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
This is this is my this is I was like,
no surprise is yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
I was like, this is everything about me, And here's
what I believe my role should be in this relationship.
And I'm gonna step in one hundred percent into this role.
I'm not going fifty percent over here, fifty here. I'm
gonna be one hundred percent this and this is what
I can agree to.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Now.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
I don't think I would have if I got married
in my twenties. There's no way to be stayed married.
It was like seven failed relationships and lots of therapy
that got me to place of like creating boundaries and
to be able to speak up and say, these are
the agreements that I want to create with you, This
is where my values are, and can we agree on
(33:22):
these things. Those agreements, in my mind, create alignment where
we both have an expectation based on shared values and alignment,
and that alignment.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Gives me peace.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
I told you this was like when I came in here,
I was like, I feel peaceful because I'm in alignment.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
I have harmony.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
But it was a year of having uncomfortable conversation after
conversation to make sure we're in alignment. So it wasn't
just hoping we saw eye to eye. It was like, oh, no,
we need to see eyd eye hear it. If not,
we need to make an agreement because we don't have
an agreement, that means we are in disagreement. You're automatically
you're automatically in disagreement if you do not speak about
(34:04):
a shared agreement.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Do you feel that therapy gave you those tools?
Speaker 4 (34:09):
I'm because I think two people alone only have a
certain amount of tools to do everything. You know, it's
hard to do everything in an intimate relationship on your own.
It doesn't mean you always need a third party, but
I think when you can't do it on your own,
I think it's important to have a third party that
you both agree with. And when we started dating, within
(34:33):
the first three months of just dating non exclusively, I said,
I'm not getting into a committed relationship again unless the
person I'm committing to will start the relationship in therapy.
And that was that was the big move. What do
you mean like a couple the couple's therapy.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
And it was the big move because I was soon
in the dates within.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
Six months of dating, because I was like, I don't
want to go down another two year relationship and then
break up in therapy.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
I was like, let's start in therapy.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
So what you say is like, hey, we're going to
go into therapy. Let's get the tools we need, accept.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
And make sure we're in alignment. Otherwise let's move on.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
Like I don't want to be in a two three
four year relationship because we care about each other and
we're good people and we'd try to make it work, but.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
It's not working.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
Like, let's figure this out in the first year if
we have a shot, and that gave me a lot
of peace because it was the first time I felt
like I had a partner willing to invest in personal
growth as well because I was always doing it. And
all the girls that I dated before never wanted to
do therapy together. When things were getting rough, they resisted it,
And I was like, why.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Do you think girls would die for this? You know,
do you think they were resisting it?
Speaker 4 (35:39):
I chose women out of a wound, and I chose
I think I chose nothing against these women, but I
don't know any woman that wouldn't die for their man
to wish they would go to therapy with them if
something struggled. But none of the women I chose ever
wanted to go because then they would have to face
their own They would have to face around stuff, accountability
(35:59):
to accountability. And I was choosing these women based on
my own wounds. And again doesn't mean they're right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
You were choosing them to fit the way you were
molded to be at that moment exactly.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
And had I created, you know, had courageous conversations early on,
I probably would never have been with any of these women.
But I was more bonded by chemicals, by chemical pleasure
rather than spiritual connection because I wasn't having those conscious
conversations early on. There was intimacy and deep conversation, but
(36:32):
if they didn't like something that I was saying, this
is my vision or my value, I would kind of
be like changed to make sure they liked me.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
So I was I'd be like, Okay.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
I won't do this if you don't want to do that,
if that makes you uneasy, I'll just do what you
want me to do. Because I was more chemically bonded
rather than are we spiritually aligned? And that's why I
feel peace because there's better alignments and better agreements, and
if you don't have a greets, you're in disagreement.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
That doesn't feel good. That's out of alignment.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
You said earlier that a lot of your books and
what you do is based.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
On the concept of healing.
Speaker 5 (37:12):
Yes, right, And as we were just talking about like immigrants,
for example, you just said that earlier.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
You're like, can you imagine.
Speaker 5 (37:20):
What immigrants are going through and the trauma that they're facing,
and the and the healing that needs to happen right
in them? How did you come to the conclusion that
you needed to just heal like what was like, how
did that concept even come into your brain?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I as first you think about like how do
I fix myself? You don't think like, oh, I got
to heal, right, that that healing is even a concept.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
Here's why, because all three of us are driven guys. Right,
we want to succeed. We want to be able to provide,
We want to be able to make money. We want
to be acknowledged for our skills and our talents. Right,
you want to you want to do a good job,
and you don't want it to just be good. You
want it to be you know, the top. Right, you
want to you know your effort is acknowledged. Right, you
(38:07):
want to be We all but no, seriously, we all
want them though, we all we all want we all
want to be successful in whatever we're doing.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
However that looks like for us, whatever that that success
was like.
Speaker 4 (38:24):
The challenge is when I accomp when I became a millionaire,
when I was on the USA national team for an
Olympic sport, when I had the beautiful girlfriend, when I
had you know, people recognizing me, I still didn't love
and accept myself.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
So I was chasing the success, the money, the rewards,
the awards.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
To feel good, and I still wasn't feeling good. Momentarily,
I was like, okay, like that feels good. They're acknowledging
me or whatever. I have money, but I still had
a lot of sadness. So I was like, what's the
point of making this money or succeeding or being on
magazine covers if I don't feel whole? And so for me,
as I was studying greatness from all these individuals and
(39:06):
studying how to manifest and how to create the life
we want, I was realizing that without feeling whole, all
the success is nice, but it doesn't fulfill me because
I am still not whole. So what is the point
of the success or the awards or the girl whatever
(39:27):
if it still does not fulfill me?
Speaker 1 (39:29):
And if you're not fulfilled, then you cannot enjoy those
achievements because.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
Then you're still like I need more. Right, I have
this much money, it's not making me feel good. Let
me go for more. I still feel like I'm in scarcity.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Scarcity comes from a lack of wholeness out of alignment.
We live in an emotional scarcity. Our nervous system feels disaligned,
and so we feel stressed, anxious, not enough. I needed
to be doing more. And it doesn't mean we can't
work really hard at our craft every day and we're
(40:03):
out of alignment or something. It doesn't mean we just
sit around and do nothing. I'm still a believer in
giving full energy, full effort, mastering your craft, being the
best you can be, excelling to be the top, whatever
that looks like for you.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
But not the top.
Speaker 4 (40:19):
Were the results giving us the benefit I'll give you.
I'll give you a quick example that's recent for me
with this book launch that I had. I just got
married six weeks ago, right, and then I decided to
do a wedding experience and then a book launch and
a book tour within like the same month, which was crazy.
I don't recommend it. And I remember thinking to myself
(40:41):
during the book launch and the tour, I was like,
I don't know if I'm going to hit the New
York Times bestseller list as an author. That's kind of
like the mark of success, right, And I'd been on
it twice before with other books.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
But I was like, did I do enough? Did I
do enough marketing? Do I do enough touring? Did I
do enough press?
Speaker 4 (41:01):
All these different things, and I was literally at the
place where I was just like, I did enough for
me to make an impact on people, and I did
the best I could with the season of life I'm
at and it's not worth getting sick over gaining weight,
over feeling exhausted.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
It's not worth that for some list. And I was like,
I'm at peace, even if if it happens or not.
Speaker 4 (41:24):
And if you hit the list in two books before
and then you don't hit it again, Normally I'd be like, ah,
I need to do it, because how is I gonna
look what if no one shows up, or what if
no one comes to my tour? What if I'm not
on the list and I have to promote I didn't
make it.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
What's that going to make me feel?
Speaker 4 (41:39):
But I was set so much peace, Like the day
of the list coming out, I was like, I don't
actually think it's gonna happen, and I'm okay with it.
And it happened, and I was like that's cool too,
And I was like, the awards are nice, but making
an impact and doing something that I feel is meaningful
for me, like I grew in the process of creating
this art for me, and that is the real win
(42:02):
at this level. So the whole key to manifesting what
you want, the whole key to having the ultimate success
is creating a sense of wholeness and alignment within you. First,
not needing the thing to fulfill me and feeling better
about me, but feeling good about me because I'm in
(42:24):
the act. And you guys have probably heard this a
million times. It's like, it's the daily pursuit, not the
results that should bring us joy. Now, the success is
always a nice bonus. The list, the number one show,
the money is a great bonus because it's a sense
of acknowledgment in your industry. But as you guys know,
(42:46):
like this, I'm adjacent to the entertainment world. I'm like
in it, but not really. It's like there's got to
be a lot of pressure for actors and producers and
writers of like. Oh, but it's so subjective and it's
like a little committee with the New York Times list.
It's a committee of people I don't know who they are,
who knows how they actually decide.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah, and it's a weird numbers game in a certain
amount of time, exactly. It's not even like the life
of the Book.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
It's not just like that week.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
Yeah, that week, You're like, well, what if like the
press was delayed, what if like that article didn't go wide?
You know, like there's so much stuff that really plays
a factor and with how you're performing that week anyways,
you know, yeah, a lot of stuff was coming up
as you were bringing up and speaking of your book.
I want to actually talk a bit about your book
because I know it definitely wasn't easy for me to
(43:35):
make a book, and I will say this guy's had multiples.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
What I really want to do is really break down
what this book really means. You know.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
This is part one of the two part conversation with
my brother Lewis House. So this is part one, see
you guys are part two. This is Those Amigos and
my brother An. I'm Freddie Rodriguez and I'll see you
in the next one.
Speaker 5 (43:59):
Those Amigos production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Michael through
That podcast network, hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez and Wilmer Valdorama.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burlson and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Speaker 5 (44:12):
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson,
and Leo Klem at WV Sound.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
This episode was shot and edited it by Ryan Posts
and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Devenport and Halo boy Our.
Speaker 5 (44:27):
Cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed by
Deny Holtzklau And.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Thank you for being at Third Amigo today. I appreciate
you guys always listening to those amigos.
Speaker 5 (44:36):
For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the I Heart
Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
See you next week.
Welcome back to the podcast. Fred Hey, and this is
one moan about drama.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm very excited, very special, very special episode for us.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
We were going to do it in a very refreshing
new start in the show.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
But Freddy, expectively, you know, has started our episode officially,
so because we're talking.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Man, yes, I know he's dropping the jewels. Man, I
gotta get it on camera.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Well as you know, Uh, those Amigos is not technically
a show where you know, it's like you know, it's
not it's not it's not heavy relighting on on the
stories of of our guests.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
We were kind of explored so much of our lives.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
But in the conversation of our lives, yes, certain individuals
have popped up and we're like, I ever had someone
on this show. I had to be Yeah, this man
right here, know and I'm sorry. I want to you know,
I want to introduce Lewis House, one of the most
uh just a prolific voices of inspiration.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You know, what are you going going to?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
How many years now twelve years.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Of twelve years of podcasting?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
You know your lunch? I mean multiple books? How many
books now?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Five?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Five books?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
And uh he he's someone that is very important to me.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
We've we've done a pretty.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Uh, pretty intensive uh we've done our best with the
lives that we've had to stay connected and soultly connected
in the energy.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
We absolutely have to do better to the end person.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
But our lives have taken so many different place, you know,
to so many different places. And I was just excited,
you know, when I was talking New Freddy about about you,
I just wanted to start by saying that, you know,
you started out exploring some of the greatest minds that
have inspired the plan on it have inspired different sectors
(02:02):
of our worlds and interests, from sports to business, to
entertainment to the spiritual world, you know, and all that.
And and I was telling him many years ago that
for me, the more I watched everything he did, the
more I realized that the attention went from some of
the amazing voices that he was carrying on his show
to like, what does he think his perspective perspective because
(02:25):
he's been able to really summerse himself in so many philosophies,
and you know, we're very big in philosophy over here,
you know, so for us was very excited to kind
of explore that and to basically you know, in many ways.
So it's give you, give you your flowers. You know,
you Bob lifted. You've changed so many people's lives. You've
inspired so many people to shade their own selves and
(02:46):
become better versions of themselves. And you have had your
own transformative process too, you know. And I think in
the process of hearing all this wisdom, applying it to
your life and understanding we're all going to make the mistakes,
We're all gonna have an appeal battle with certain things
that you know match or not match other people's journeys.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
You know, it's what you take from it. So I
was excited.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I literally texted him two seconds He says, yes, what time,
and I was like, oh, okay, fine.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Up, and I just uh so, first and foremost, thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
It's a very informal conversation about inspiration and things like that,
but also kind of like our.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Way to, you know, to to say thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You know, I appreciate it for the stuff that you've
done for so many communities.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
And Puppy can go yeah, almost that's the new podcast.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
One thing I appreciate about you, and hopefully we'll get
to connect more for it in the future, buddy, even
though you're so busy doing all the projects that you're
doing and fatherhood, married, all these different things. We unfortunately
we haven't seen each other that frequently, but when we do,
we go really deep, so it feels like a strong
(04:00):
bond and it feels like I just saw you, even
though it was a couple of years ago.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
We text, we call, but it's like seeing each other.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
It just feels like I just saw you because of
that bond that we go deep.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
When we do talk and I do pick.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Up or we left off, it's it's still just as
you know, as as as profound you know, and uh
and you know you you really and I and I
don't say this often at all, and you know, many
fifteen plus episodes so far and you know more, you
haven't really said this, but there's very very few individuals
(04:32):
at at the meeting have stayed with me in such
a philosophical in such an insightful way. And your honesty,
your energy, your way, your heart is open, and we're
going to explore so many of those things today in
this conversation and really understanding you know, the the where
you came from, where you were, you know, and how
you got here because it's so important for us to
(04:55):
really humanize you know, you know that destination.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But anyways, Freddy, you have any and to understand the journey.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Well, but before we started the show, we realized that
we're both too Midwest guys.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
We were just kind of talking about the values Midwest
values and the way that we roll speak.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
To everyone in line.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
It's a very specific thing, yes, yes, that time, Like
you know, you got East Coast people, you got West
Coast people, but there's something very specific about Midwest.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
And when when he said that, I was like, ah, okay, yeah, yeah,
we're speaking the same language. So you were born in Ohio.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Small town, Delaware, Ohio.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yeah, in Delaware, Ohio.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
And so what I lived in the Northwest suburbs for
a summer. Okay, in Chicago, you did.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
I lived in Northwest suburbs. Yeah, where about Arlington Heights Okay?
And I played college football there a few Diman times
where it was a Naperville.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I played a playoff game there. So I've been around Chicago.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I've been to Wrigley games and the bleachers, shirt off,
the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Nice man and so.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Waste of Chicago. Fourth of July, Taste of Chicago, all
that stuff I lived.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
I'm I'm I'm going to start this off by saying,
I'm a fan. Okay, I've watched your stuff in the past,
and I've been really intrigued about your trajectory and where
you started and where you out now. I was just
out right before we got here, I was watching some
of your latest episodes and us being too Midwest. It's
like you all of a sudden interviewing people like a monk,
(06:19):
or like Billy Carson, or.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Like, like, what's that trajectory?
Speaker 5 (06:23):
Like how do you go from being a kid like
me from the Midwest, right with those particular values and
those particular mindsets, right? And you know what I mean
by sure, right to expanding your brain that way and
interviewing people like that.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
I lived with a lot of insecurity and my first
my first core memories. One of my earliest memory, I
think I've told you this, I've told them to my
show many times, was being sexually abused by a man
that I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
So that was where.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
My my brain developed with this is the world, you know,
and this is something that happened to me.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So therefore I'm unlovable.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
I'm abusable, I'm taken for granted, I'm used all these
different things. So that's what like shaped in my brain
when I was eight until I was five. When I
was eight, my brother went to prison for selling drugs
to an undercover cop small town, Ohio. This stuff didn't
happen in like a small kind of middle class, mostly white,
(07:20):
suburban neighborhood, and so I didn't know anyone that went
to prison.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
So my brother's eleven years older than me.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I was eight, he was nineteen, and it was an
undercover cop that caught him asking him for LSD and
he was like just kind of like buying a little
weed back in the day in college. He was like,
I don't know how to get it, but they kept
pushing it, and so he was like, well, let me
go ask someone and ask someone and then found it out.
So he went to prison, sentenced six to twenty five
(07:47):
years because it was the war against drugs back in
the early nineties, and he got off for four and
a half in good behavior. But it marked my brain,
in my family's brains, and the emotions, the stress, the fear,
the drama, the guilt, shame, all that stuff was mixed up,
and my parents. They loved us kids. I was the
youngest of four, but they didn't love each other, so
(08:09):
they didn't show love. So I was telling you before,
I was like, I never saw myself getting married because
I never felt safe emotionally in a relationship. So that's
then there's multiple instances where I just never felt enough.
I was in the bottom of my class all through school,
so I just felt very insecure for most of my
childhood and very emotionally. My nervous system was always kind
(08:32):
of in fire or flight. Yeah, and that just shaped
a belief system in me, and that belief system, whatever
we have, shapes and influences our behaviors. So I behaved
in a way that was very anxious. I behaved in
a way where I clinged on to people. I would
change who I was to please people because I wanted
(08:53):
to feel safe and secure, and I chased things to
seek approval. I chased you know, being good in sports,
making money, girls, whatever it was, because my belief system was, Okay,
you're not good enough, you're unlovable, and people take advantage
of you.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
So my behavior has just matched my beliefs. That's what
we all do.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
Our beliefs influence our behaviors, and our beliefs are formed
on our the meaning we give our memories. So the
memories I had for twenty five years, I imagined myself
being sexually abused.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
In a bathroom by a guy that I didn't know.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
It was just kind of like a movie playing that
I would just try to block and then focus on
something else, but it was always coming up, and that
interpretation of the event, the memory created a sense of
fear within my body. My nervous system was emotionally charged
and not heightened. And again that interpretation. Until I mend
(09:51):
or heal that memory, that's going to live inside of
me and it's going to shape my beliefs, what's going
to influence my behaviors, which is going to create.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
My environment in my reality.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
You have stuff from childhood, if you've healed it or
you haven't, it shaped you from being married to the
person you're married to, from moving to LA for whatever
reason you moved to LA, and maybe it was because
you had a dream, or maybe it's because you felt
you need to prove something. Either way, it shaped you
getting here. And it doesn't mean it's right or wrong,
good or bad. It's just that's the result of our environment.
(10:34):
You were talking about this before we started rolling. I
was like, how are all the projects going? And you're like,
it's good, but and you said, oh, I have to
notice even just saying it's good, it's not where I
want it to be.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
But I'm reflecting that.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I'm just responding that it's good because I have an
expectation that the amount of effort I put in should
be getting me a certain type of result based on
a comparison of what I've already had before, based on
where I'm out of my career and how successful I am,
or how people perceive me.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I'm just making this no.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
But it's actually because you're right that question triggered the.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
This friend is doing this and it looks effortless and
he's everywhere she's.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Well, I don't. Definitely.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
That's one thing that I feel really healthy about is
I've never compared myself to somebody else's success. But to
your point, is I am comparing the success based on
the image of what I feel that would be. And
I think for entrepreneurs and people's way them vision, but
am vision is is.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Very hard to have a feel.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
We got there right, right, and I think the uh
so when you ask the question, one of the things
to your point, and very very intuitive by the way,
that's louis housing if.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
You're tuning in right now.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
The it's is the ability to say, Okay, if I'm
going to be honest, I'm not going to give someone
that I respect and admire and love so much the
answer is like.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Everything's doing really good, really great.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I'm just gonna be like, it's good.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
You know, there is just a couple of imbalances, right,
and I have to recognize those imbalances in order for
me to more efficient about the next go around exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And so that's like, so that's why.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
And to your point, it does bring up things from
the past, like where have I felt that I have
not done enough?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And now I'm doing all of it and more and
it's still not enough.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Right.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
So yeah, but it's but it's bringing up those negative imbalances.
Is that projecting bad energy.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Is what specifically projecting bad energy is.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
You know, we talk about manifestation and we talk about
projecting good energy. I mean, it's it's not like lying,
but it's like and this is it is me digging
more into like what I've been seeing you do lately
is is wie. We're being honest about what's not positive?
Is that a good or a bad thing? Because by
you projecting that it's bad, you are then projecting that
(13:01):
bad energy, So.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Is that bad?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
A lot of my yeah, a lot of my thinking
is more around not is what is right or wrong,
good or bad?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Because that's a very judgmental way of thinking.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
And again even that is not right or wrong, good
or bad, But it's not saying is what he's saying
good or bad? By reflecting that way, I'm thinking more,
is it serving him in this moment?
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Is that way of responding thinking serving him?
Speaker 4 (13:27):
And it sounds like he's being authentic and in alignment
with how he's feeling, so saying it's good.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
It's not where I wanted to be, but it's good.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
It's serving because it's in alignment with who he is
right now, just being honest. Now, some people in his
position might be saying, I am the effort I'm putting
out there is getting a certain type of results.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Sure do, I wish it was bigger. I had a
book that just came out.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Sure do I wish I had tens of thousands more
copies sold, of course, and I can still be grateful
for the impact that I'm making with you out of
sales that I've had and the success that the Scott
and the people that came out of whatever it is.
It's like the amount of people that are watching on TV.
Sure we want it to be the number one show,
but it's the number three show or whatever it is.
But still, man, I'm living my dreams. I live in
(14:13):
a beautiful home. My daughter is a sleeping another room.
I got my friends and family here. I'm having a
conversation with dos Amigos so popp BEGINNINGO.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
And I'm healthy. I get to even though I wake
up at five am. I get to train every single day.
What a blessing.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
So I think it's perspective and it doesn't mean we
can't be striving for more. But it's just striving for
more because I'm not good enough, or I'm beating myself up,
or I need to prove something wrong to the bullies
that picked on me all through middle school or whatever,
or the person who abused me or whatever it is.
For so much in my life, I was driven to
(14:54):
prove people wrong and to show people why I'm lovable,
and it was just an unconscious like thing. It wasn't
like I was consciously like, I'm gonna do this every
single day and work my asshole, you know, and train
and show up and do these things because of those
four kids have made fun of me.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
It wasn't like was.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
There a moment, a conversation or an instance where you saw, oh,
I just cracked it and now I'm looking within and
that's enough, Like is there you know, especially when you're
saying like I'm seeking approval, I'm seeking you know, I'm
going in my mind, I'm still going against the bully's Like,
is there a moment that cracked the ice and you
were like, oh, I think I can follow that correct.
Speaker 5 (15:33):
Because you were saying it's unconscious, So when when does
it become conscious? When do you go, oh, man, I'm
a I don't know, as people please you're the right
terminology or like.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Percent people pleaser yeah, or people prove her. It was
like trying to prove people wrong or please people to
like fit in right. So it was a combination of
all the mixed up emotions and all the traumas, right,
I think there was there was a number of different
moments in my journey over the last ten twelve years
of the healing journey, because it's not a moment. There's
(16:01):
a moment of AHA, but there's usually a process of
integration and then a follow through once you get the
aha of your nervous system feeling relaxed when it's emotionally
or psychologically triggered in the future, so we can be
we're tested every day.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
You know. It's like the traffic I'm here.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
If I had anger inside of me, I would have
been enraged, because I haven't inside of me still any
in a little trigger, it's going to come out of me,
but it's peaceful and I know I'm coming to see him,
so I'm not upset about it. There was a moment
four years ago where I was going through a challenging
time and a breakup, where I was in a relationship
trying to figure out how to navigate it, trying to
(16:42):
figure out how.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
To make it work, and it wasn't working. For like
a year year and a half.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
We started doing therapy individually and together, and we weren't
getting breakthroughs. It was like six to eight hour sessions
on the weekends and no breakthrough and I felt like
I had changed and transformed and reinvented and people pleased
to my limit. And that had been a pattern of
mine in intimacy with multiple relationships, and it all stems
(17:08):
from a belief around these core wounds from my parents
getting divorced but just never really should have been together
in the first place, and having these kind of psychological
emotional wounds that I had from previous relationships.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Not saying that I was perfect or anything, just my
own beliefs.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
And there was a moment where I had this chest
pain for years that would come and go and it
was almost felt like someone was strangling me. I don't
know if you ever held this just some life. It
was almost like I couldn't speak, like someone had their
arm around my throat. It was like a weight of
ball in my chest that would come and go in relationships.
And this was here during this couple year relationship. And
(17:51):
at one point in a therapy session, it's like my
coach said something to me. After six months of going
through processing, she says something to me, and it was
like I finally got it, and I never felt this
before in my life, but this pain, it was a
ball of pain in my chest it's almost like it
(18:12):
exploded internally. It felt like a rush of fluid throughout
my whole body. I thought I did something to hurt
myself because it was a rush of fluid throughout my body.
I didn't know what it was and I had to
really stop in the session. But I haven't felt that
pain since. Wow, it's been four years, and I felt
more peace within my body, and I feel like that's
(18:34):
my nervous system feeling like the adult version of me
finally said.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
To the young version of me, I got you.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
I'm not going to allow anyone to cross boundaries anymore.
And it's like the littlest boundaries to the biggest boundaries.
And it doesn't mean I need to react and be
this big tough guy to create a boundary. It's just
learning to say no, or learning to say I can't
show up for you and do this, or just saying no,
I can't promote whatever. It is just learning to say
(19:06):
no and being okay with people reacting how they want
to react.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
And can you share what the therapist said to you.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
That made you.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I think I'm trying to remember the exact thing, but
I was exercise it. There was multiple exercises, but there
was there was a moment where I was like, I
just want to be done with this relationship.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I was just like, I just want to be done,
and we were doing.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Sessions and I remember saying like, I think I want
to end it right now, and she said, you can
do whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
I'm not advising you what to do.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
But if you haven't felt peace within you and you
just run away from the situation without creating that peace
and safety within you, you're likely to reattract a similar
experience and you're eventually going.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
To have to find a way to create peace within you.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
So I recommend being in the relationship and creating the
boundaries in the real relationship. Then you'll know when the
right time is if you're meant to be together or not.
She wasn't trying to tell me what to do, and
classic coach right, it's I'm giving.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
You the answers.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
And then so maybe a few weeks after that, I
was creating all these boundaries in the relationship, and then
I've talked to you about this stuff before and then
getting the explosive reactions that I was used to and
just saying I don't need to do anything I don't
need to change who I am. Give me the silent
(20:31):
treatment for three days. I'm not going to go in
and fix it. I'm going to create MySpace and say
I'm here to talk when you're ready to talk. All
these different things, like I was creating these boundaries for
the next few weeks to where I was like, oh,
I'm I'm okay even if this person doesn't love me,
because I'm learning to love myself. And intimacy was a
challenging thing for me just because I didn't have the
(20:53):
model or the tools on how to do that, because
my belief system was shaped in a way that was
very like just unstable, wasn't in alignment, and so I
was always seeking love and then people please to keep
the love because I.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Didn't want them to be upset at me.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Anytime you're upset to me, I was like, ah, don't
leave me or don't be mad at me.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
So that I would cross my own boundary, I would
not be there for me.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
And so the little boy inside of me was screaming
at me through ezema, through your chest pain, through feeling stranged,
like I'm not using my voice.
Speaker 5 (21:30):
So so the boundary you felt it was all me
your decision to to.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Make a boundary, boundaries you over and over again, and
then she said something to me because I was just like,
I just want peace in my life.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
And she looked at me and she said, you are peace.
You have to you have to own peace.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
You can't you can't create, you can't give in to something.
To have peace. You have to be piece, be peace.
And she just kept saying, over and over again, you
are piece.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
There's something there's something so empowering about saying I'm gonna
meet you. I'm just not gonna meet you there, right right,
most oftentimes we shake the inability for us to to
act within our strengths. And when we perform or try
(22:23):
to make reason within our weaknesses, that's where you open
the door for control. Somebody can really control those emotions
because they know they can get you up in that frequency.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
So, in many friendships in the past, you know, you
could tell that certain friendships of mine in the past.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
They wanted me to meet them here.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
You know, they wanted to bring me up to this
level of frequency in which frankly, I didn't feel effective,
I didn't feel strong, I didn't have clarity, right, So
I so whatever would come out of my mouth, just
could not solve it or could not enhance it or
make it feel better.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
So what you're saying makes so much, and he tracks
so much. But what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You know, because in order for us to achieve, build,
or create or just find that piece within us, Yes,
you have to really understand where do you stand in
strength and cultivate that because that's where you can tell
that little.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Boy, hey, yeah, I got it, you got you.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
So it was the first time where I felt like
the adult was in the room, which was me, Like
I showed up as my adult self within my own body,
and I said, I got you.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Whether this girl.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
Likes me or not, whether she gives me the silent
treatment or not, whether we're together or not, like you're good.
And I never knew I was going to be good
with just me. So it was a lot of just
healing the kind of wounded parts of me that never
got healed. You break your arm and you never heal it.
It's going to hurt every time you touch it. You know,
(23:54):
it's gonna the wind blows, it's going to hurt your arm.
It's like imagine the emotional and psychology wounds that we have,
especially like you know, immigrants haven't even stronger wounds of
just like I need to prove, I need to accelerate,
I need to like do it for my parents.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I need to get all these things. It's like men
deeper levels for it.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
It was crazy, but by the way for it. For
what's crazy for immigrants is that they may be not
even a point in their lifetime where they can sit
with their wounds and say, I'm going to heal that.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
You know, the time you don't have the time, you.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Have the time or maybe or maybe schools, you know,
or maybe not even understand the concept of healing.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Because your parents not even talking about that.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
No, never, I didn't even understand the concept of healing.
Just in the last like two three years, like like
when did you as we were back to like the
Midwest and us, right like like, at what point did
you go healing is like a thing?
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Right, Well, it wasn't until I moved out of here.
Speaker 5 (24:54):
And I have to like heal these wounds in order
for me to grow into and to It.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Wasn't I got here.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
But really it wasn't until I had breakdown after breakdown
after breakdown in my life about twelve years ago, and
a relationship was going bad, a business partnership was going bad,
and I was I was living in West Hollywood, and
I was playing basketball a lot in the mean streets
of West Hollywood, and I just started getting I just
started getting in fights all the time to pick up basketball.
(25:21):
But this is like, essentially in Beverly Hills. It's not
like we're freaking comptent or something, you know, It's like we're.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Do you think that in those moments you were trying
to release something you didn't know what has.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
So much anger inside of me?
Speaker 4 (25:32):
And here's an analogy I've been talking about lately. Have
you guys ever heard of someone named Wayne Dyer? You
ever heard of this guy. He's written a lot of books.
He's since passed, but he was used to be a
big spiritual personal development guy and he has sold a
ton of books, all these things.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Me and Martha watch a lot of his content now.
But he passed away I think seven years ago.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
Anyways, he used to give a speech with a great analogy,
and when he would go on stage, he would take
an orange out with him on stage and he'd say,
look at this orange. When you squeeze this orange. What
type of juice comes out of an orange? And you'd
ask people what comes orange juice? So if you squeeze
this orange, Freddy, does apple juice come out?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
Does it? Does apple just come out of an orange?
It doesn't. Does grape juice come out of it?
Speaker 1 (26:18):
No? No?
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Does watermelon juice come out of an orange? No?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
No it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
No, orange juice does. Because that's what's inside. And so
when we as humans are applied pressure in life, when
there's an audition and we've got to get ready for
we get it or we don't get it. When there's
someone calling me names, when there's traffic and someone cuts
us off. Whatever, whatever comes out of us is what's
(26:46):
inside of us. So if there's anger and resentment and
jealousy and frustration when I'm applied pressure, that emotion is
going to come out of me. If I'm filled with
peace and love and harmony in alignment because I've done
the healing work, then if I get the audition, I
don't get the audition.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
I have a huge success. The show's number one. It's
my bombs.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
Sure, maybe I'm a little saddered, just it's not bypassing
my emotions. But anger is not inside of me. If
I've healed more, and okay, I have a little disappointment,
But then I'm like, you know what, did I give
my best? Did I show up my best today? That's
what's inside of me, That's what should come out. So
what I got in all these relationships and fights and
(27:29):
I would just get triggered so easily. Now I had
a lot of love and joy inside of me as well,
So when good things happened, I was like the passion guy,
fun guy. But you trigger that broken arm that wound
inside of me. Boom, you hit that button. It's like,
let's go and defend myself. And that came from feeling
abused and taking advantage of and all that stuff, needing
(27:49):
to like defend myself.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
So at some point you said, I want to explore more? Right,
and how was school for grade news? Because you've built
an empire out of the search for greatness?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
How how did that idea started?
Speaker 4 (28:13):
It started because I was broken during this time and
I was like, I need answers. Let me go find
the smartest people I know and start having these conversations.
And I was already having these conversations and these kind
of mentors or coaches were helping me, and I was
just like, people need to hear.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
This, And did you feel like there was a correlation
between what they were all saying.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I mean early the early days, I was more still
driven by like how do I be successful?
Speaker 3 (28:40):
How do I be number one? How do you be
the best?
Speaker 4 (28:42):
It was like learning from champions of sport or industry
on like getting to the top. So I still driven
to be number one, But then I was like, oh,
being number one doesn't mean you're going to be happy, right,
Look at Wilmer.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I'm scared.
Speaker 6 (29:00):
Kidding you know, right, he's place doctor met podcast and
hit TV show, and it's just it's going okay for me,
(29:23):
it's very good.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
No, So it's it was a journey of like, let
me learn about how to first be the best I
can be to destroy people?
Speaker 3 (29:31):
That was like the initial thought.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Interesting, I mean, like be the best of my industry
and be number one and be looked at it as
like cool or whatever. And you mean in competition, how
can everyone talk about me all the time?
Speaker 3 (29:46):
How can everyone talk make me look good?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
You know?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Because I was wounded.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
I came from a place of not having friends, being
in the bottom of my class, being picked on, picked
the last, sexually abused, all these things to Okay, I'm
gonna prove people wrong. Let me become the best version
of me to prove people wrong and run away from
the pain.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
So I didn't face the pain for twenty five years.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
So I was building a version of me to run
away from pain, run away from bullying, sexual abuse, sadness,
whatever it might be. And you can only run for
so long until it catches up to you. Yeah, you
can only chase success for so long. That thing is
gonna keep coming out. There's a storm that's just trailing it.
(30:32):
And I felt the storm constantly, like just touching the.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Back of my neck.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
And then the storm hit and it broke in every
relationship in my life at one point. And that's where
I was like, something, I'm the common denominator of all
these relationships and moments in life where I'm reacting. I
can't blame everyone else anymore. I'm realizing it's me now.
And that was a reflection moment where I said, let
me do something.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I think it was also a combination of.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
The confret you have in certain personalities, or did you
really take all the blame yourself because that's a pattern, right,
We all have patterns, and I think you have to
want to appreciate that there is something you got to
fix or you know, restructure.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
And the other one is that you have a pattern in.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Exposing yourself to situations and environments in which triggers that
other broken self of yourself.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Yes, and no, I think you know, when we learn
to love and accept ourselves and create the true boundaries
we need, Like we can still have people in our
lives and create a boundary, we don't have to eliminate
them fully necessarily. There might be friends or family members
where we're creating boundaries. With some people we might need
to remove ourselves from completely or for out of alignment.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
But I've learned that, Like, you know, my mom.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
Triggers the crap out of me still, but I've learned
to accept her more and not get triggered as much
and just be like, Okay, that's just who she is,
And I've learned to heal that relationship better as opposed
to feeling like she's always trying to babe.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Me as a forty two year old man. You know,
it's like a grown man, stop babying me. But now
I'm just like, Okay, it's my mom. I'm gonna accept
I'm gonna accept it, and I'm gonna.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Love her for who she is as opposed to it
like really like triggering me, you know. So it's it's
learning how to create acceptance and boundaries at the same
time and and really caring less about what people think.
And I have a few you know, I care about
what my wife thinks. But I'm also I create boundaries, right.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
You know.
Speaker 4 (32:29):
It's because I spoke up for the first time when
we started a relationship, and I was just like, this
is what I'm willing to do, and this is what
I'm not willing to do.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
This is this is my this is I was like,
no surprise is yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
I was like, this is everything about me, And here's
what I believe my role should be in this relationship.
And I'm gonna step in one hundred percent into this role.
I'm not going fifty percent over here, fifty here. I'm
gonna be one hundred percent this and this is what
I can agree to.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Now.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
I don't think I would have if I got married
in my twenties. There's no way to be stayed married.
It was like seven failed relationships and lots of therapy
that got me to place of like creating boundaries and
to be able to speak up and say, these are
the agreements that I want to create with you, This
is where my values are, and can we agree on
(33:22):
these things. Those agreements, in my mind, create alignment where
we both have an expectation based on shared values and alignment,
and that alignment.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Gives me peace.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
I told you this was like when I came in here,
I was like, I feel peaceful because I'm in alignment.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
I have harmony.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
But it was a year of having uncomfortable conversation after
conversation to make sure we're in alignment. So it wasn't
just hoping we saw eye to eye. It was like, oh, no,
we need to see eyd eye hear it. If not,
we need to make an agreement because we don't have
an agreement, that means we are in disagreement. You're automatically
you're automatically in disagreement if you do not speak about
(34:04):
a shared agreement.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Do you feel that therapy gave you those tools?
Speaker 4 (34:09):
I'm because I think two people alone only have a
certain amount of tools to do everything. You know, it's
hard to do everything in an intimate relationship on your own.
It doesn't mean you always need a third party, but
I think when you can't do it on your own,
I think it's important to have a third party that
you both agree with. And when we started dating, within
(34:33):
the first three months of just dating non exclusively, I said,
I'm not getting into a committed relationship again unless the
person I'm committing to will start the relationship in therapy.
And that was that was the big move. What do
you mean like a couple the couple's therapy.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
And it was the big move because I was soon
in the dates within.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
Six months of dating, because I was like, I don't
want to go down another two year relationship and then
break up in therapy.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
I was like, let's start in therapy.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
So what you say is like, hey, we're going to
go into therapy. Let's get the tools we need, accept.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
And make sure we're in alignment. Otherwise let's move on.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
Like I don't want to be in a two three
four year relationship because we care about each other and
we're good people and we'd try to make it work, but.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
It's not working.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
Like, let's figure this out in the first year if
we have a shot, and that gave me a lot
of peace because it was the first time I felt
like I had a partner willing to invest in personal
growth as well because I was always doing it. And
all the girls that I dated before never wanted to
do therapy together. When things were getting rough, they resisted it,
And I was like, why.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Do you think girls would die for this? You know,
do you think they were resisting it?
Speaker 4 (35:39):
I chose women out of a wound, and I chose
I think I chose nothing against these women, but I
don't know any woman that wouldn't die for their man
to wish they would go to therapy with them if
something struggled. But none of the women I chose ever
wanted to go because then they would have to face
their own They would have to face around stuff, accountability
(35:59):
to accountability. And I was choosing these women based on
my own wounds. And again doesn't mean they're right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
You were choosing them to fit the way you were
molded to be at that moment exactly.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
And had I created, you know, had courageous conversations early on,
I probably would never have been with any of these women.
But I was more bonded by chemicals, by chemical pleasure
rather than spiritual connection because I wasn't having those conscious
conversations early on. There was intimacy and deep conversation, but
(36:32):
if they didn't like something that I was saying, this
is my vision or my value, I would kind of
be like changed to make sure they liked me.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
So I was I'd be like, Okay.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
I won't do this if you don't want to do that,
if that makes you uneasy, I'll just do what you
want me to do. Because I was more chemically bonded
rather than are we spiritually aligned? And that's why I
feel peace because there's better alignments and better agreements, and
if you don't have a greets, you're in disagreement.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
That doesn't feel good. That's out of alignment.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
You said earlier that a lot of your books and
what you do is based.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
On the concept of healing.
Speaker 5 (37:12):
Yes, right, And as we were just talking about like immigrants,
for example, you just said that earlier.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
You're like, can you imagine.
Speaker 5 (37:20):
What immigrants are going through and the trauma that they're facing,
and the and the healing that needs to happen right
in them? How did you come to the conclusion that
you needed to just heal like what was like, how
did that concept even come into your brain?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I as first you think about like how do
I fix myself? You don't think like, oh, I got
to heal, right, that that healing is even a concept.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
Here's why, because all three of us are driven guys. Right,
we want to succeed. We want to be able to provide,
We want to be able to make money. We want
to be acknowledged for our skills and our talents. Right,
you want to you want to do a good job,
and you don't want it to just be good. You
want it to be you know, the top. Right, you
want to you know your effort is acknowledged. Right, you
(38:07):
want to be We all but no, seriously, we all
want them though, we all we all want we all
want to be successful in whatever we're doing.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
However that looks like for us, whatever that that success
was like.
Speaker 4 (38:24):
The challenge is when I accomp when I became a millionaire,
when I was on the USA national team for an
Olympic sport, when I had the beautiful girlfriend, when I
had you know, people recognizing me, I still didn't love
and accept myself.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
So I was chasing the success, the money, the rewards,
the awards.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
To feel good, and I still wasn't feeling good. Momentarily,
I was like, okay, like that feels good. They're acknowledging
me or whatever. I have money, but I still had
a lot of sadness. So I was like, what's the
point of making this money or succeeding or being on
magazine covers if I don't feel whole? And so for me,
as I was studying greatness from all these individuals and
(39:06):
studying how to manifest and how to create the life
we want, I was realizing that without feeling whole, all
the success is nice, but it doesn't fulfill me because
I am still not whole. So what is the point
of the success or the awards or the girl whatever
(39:27):
if it still does not fulfill me?
Speaker 1 (39:29):
And if you're not fulfilled, then you cannot enjoy those
achievements because.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
Then you're still like I need more. Right, I have
this much money, it's not making me feel good. Let
me go for more. I still feel like I'm in scarcity.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Scarcity comes from a lack of wholeness out of alignment.
We live in an emotional scarcity. Our nervous system feels disaligned,
and so we feel stressed, anxious, not enough. I needed
to be doing more. And it doesn't mean we can't
work really hard at our craft every day and we're
(40:03):
out of alignment or something. It doesn't mean we just
sit around and do nothing. I'm still a believer in
giving full energy, full effort, mastering your craft, being the
best you can be, excelling to be the top, whatever
that looks like for you.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
But not the top.
Speaker 4 (40:19):
Were the results giving us the benefit I'll give you.
I'll give you a quick example that's recent for me
with this book launch that I had. I just got
married six weeks ago, right, and then I decided to
do a wedding experience and then a book launch and
a book tour within like the same month, which was crazy.
I don't recommend it. And I remember thinking to myself
(40:41):
during the book launch and the tour, I was like,
I don't know if I'm going to hit the New
York Times bestseller list as an author. That's kind of
like the mark of success, right, And I'd been on
it twice before with other books.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
But I was like, did I do enough? Did I
do enough marketing? Do I do enough touring? Did I
do enough press?
Speaker 4 (41:01):
All these different things, and I was literally at the
place where I was just like, I did enough for
me to make an impact on people, and I did
the best I could with the season of life I'm
at and it's not worth getting sick over gaining weight,
over feeling exhausted.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
It's not worth that for some list. And I was like,
I'm at peace, even if if it happens or not.
Speaker 4 (41:24):
And if you hit the list in two books before
and then you don't hit it again, Normally I'd be like, ah,
I need to do it, because how is I gonna
look what if no one shows up, or what if
no one comes to my tour? What if I'm not
on the list and I have to promote I didn't
make it.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
What's that going to make me feel?
Speaker 4 (41:39):
But I was set so much peace, Like the day
of the list coming out, I was like, I don't
actually think it's gonna happen, and I'm okay with it.
And it happened, and I was like that's cool too,
And I was like, the awards are nice, but making
an impact and doing something that I feel is meaningful
for me, like I grew in the process of creating
this art for me, and that is the real win
(42:02):
at this level. So the whole key to manifesting what
you want, the whole key to having the ultimate success
is creating a sense of wholeness and alignment within you. First,
not needing the thing to fulfill me and feeling better
about me, but feeling good about me because I'm in
(42:24):
the act. And you guys have probably heard this a
million times. It's like, it's the daily pursuit, not the
results that should bring us joy. Now, the success is
always a nice bonus. The list, the number one show,
the money is a great bonus because it's a sense
of acknowledgment in your industry. But as you guys know,
(42:46):
like this, I'm adjacent to the entertainment world. I'm like
in it, but not really. It's like there's got to
be a lot of pressure for actors and producers and
writers of like. Oh, but it's so subjective and it's
like a little committee with the New York Times list.
It's a committee of people I don't know who they are,
who knows how they actually decide.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah, and it's a weird numbers game in a certain
amount of time, exactly. It's not even like the life
of the Book.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
It's not just like that week.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
Yeah, that week, You're like, well, what if like the
press was delayed, what if like that article didn't go wide?
You know, like there's so much stuff that really plays
a factor and with how you're performing that week anyways,
you know, yeah, a lot of stuff was coming up
as you were bringing up and speaking of your book.
I want to actually talk a bit about your book
because I know it definitely wasn't easy for me to
(43:35):
make a book, and I will say this guy's had multiples.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
What I really want to do is really break down
what this book really means. You know.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
This is part one of the two part conversation with
my brother Lewis House. So this is part one, see
you guys are part two. This is Those Amigos and
my brother An. I'm Freddie Rodriguez and I'll see you
in the next one.
Speaker 5 (43:59):
Those Amigos production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Michael through
That podcast network, hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez and Wilmer Valdorama.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burlson and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Speaker 5 (44:12):
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson,
and Leo Klem at WV Sound.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
This episode was shot and edited it by Ryan Posts
and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Devenport and Halo boy Our.
Speaker 5 (44:27):
Cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed by
Deny Holtzklau And.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Thank you for being at Third Amigo today. I appreciate
you guys always listening to those amigos.
Speaker 5 (44:36):
For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the I Heart
Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
See you next week.
Hosts And Creators
Wilmer Valderrama
Freddy Rodriguez
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