May 15, 2025 • 45 mins
Temperatures are climbing in here! Radio and podcast host and NY Times best-selling author, Tinx, has just dropped her anticipated debut fiction novel, "Hotter in the Hamptons!” It’s a romance for a new generation, sizzling with sexual tension!
TikTok’s “big sister” joins Sophia to talk all about her steamy new tale — including addressing the ghostwriting drama — her novel getting the TV treatment, and what she learned in her 20s that she wants all young women to know!
Plus, dating red flags, learning boundaries as a content creator, and her work in progress!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress high
Whip Smarties. Today, we are joined by TikTok's big sister,
(00:21):
you know her as Tanks, none other than Christina Najar.
She is a New York Times best selling author. She
is a podcast and radio host, and it's really her
wit and candor that have established her as a resounding
voice for women. She is engaging and empathetic and not
afraid to change her mind. We all got to know
her with her satirical rich Mom content five years ago,
(00:45):
and her takes on pop culture, theories on sex, dating
and relationships, and honest reviews and recommendations of everything from
food and restaurants to beauty, fashion and lifestyle products have
placed her squarely in the cultural zeitgeist. Tinks has a
devoted fan base and everyone is incredibly excited for her
(01:05):
new novel, Hotter in the Hamptons, which is available now
and is being adapted for television. Next, let's dive in
with Tanks. Okay, girl, Well, before we get into you
(01:28):
know where we are and what we're all up to
these days. I actually really like to kind of go
a little back in time with people, and I'm always
really curious if you could hang out with your younger self,
you know, when you were nine or ten years old,
do you think you would see a kind of connection
(01:52):
to who you were becoming when you were a little
kid and who you are right now?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Hundred percent?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I think I think you can definitely see the roots
of who I am. I think I would be so
excited if I knew that this was my life when
I was like vibe, I would be like.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah, oh my god, I made it.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
But yeah, I think you know who we are as
kids kind of us in our most pure form in
a way that's like who we are before the worlds
with us and tells us that we can't do things
and gives us doubt and insecurities. And I don't know,
kids are so pure in that way. They're just like
their personalities are so defined even though they're young.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
No. Yeah, so it's a really interesting thought.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
What about you.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Do you feel like you would see the roots of yourself?
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Absolutely? And I think to your point, you know, the
the becoming and the sort of life paths and other
people's influence and all sorts of things that I think
I don't want to say, like took me off my
path necessarily, but definitely I feel like I went through
all sorts of stages and phases trying to figure out
(02:56):
what was really for me. And I think to your point,
when when you're really young, and I think, especially like
feisty little girls, you kind of know yourself and then
you get they told a lot about who you're not
supposed to be or what you're not supposed to be.
And I think, I think there's a really interesting thing
(03:17):
as you evolve where in a way you you sort
of also unlearn a lot to get back to sort
of core self. Where did you grow up?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I grew up in London?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
You did, Yeah, I grew up in London, and then
I moved to the States when I was nineteen to
go to college.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
But I think, like what you're saying is so interesting.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
It's like you're pure in yourself and then the world
like changes you because you're like, oh, I need to
be this, I need to try this, I need to
be insecure, I need to do that. And then right
around for me, like in my early thirties was when
I was started to like be like, oh, I need
to unlearn all that stuff and go back to who
I really am, and I just think it's so interesting,
like so many women have.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I think most women have.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
This evolution of like real learning who you really are,
because twenties is all about like like trying on different hats,
like you know, oh, maybe I'll hang with these people, like, oh,
am I like a cool girl?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Or am I like this girl?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Or whatever?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And then New York thirties, you're like, I actually just
need to go back to who I am. And it's
like it's kind of amazing. I love it. I'm into
thirties so far.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Oh I like that. That makes me really happy to hear.
I loved turning thirty, I think especially because you know,
for me and some of my closest friends, we just
spent nine years on a show where, by the way,
we repeated high school, so right, it's a emotional holdback, yeah,
and then we were sort of stuck there and all
(04:41):
the discovery so many of our friends did in their
twenties we didn't really get to do. So in this
really interesting way, I felt like I was discovering a
lot in my thirties. And then also it felt like
the task of the first half of my thirties was unlearning,
like very devout good girl behavior at work, like no,
(05:04):
I don't always need to make everything easier for everyone
else totally. And then, weirdly, the second half of my thirties,
I think I had to confront that I didn't even
know how to do that for my own life. And
then at forty, like the first year that I was forty,
everything shifted and I went, oh, okay, I get it,
now this is my time.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I love that. Do you do like what kind of
self work do you do?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Or like what kind of like how how do you
best like get to know yourself? And like do all
these things like do you new therapy, journaling?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I mean everything you know artists' way. I I found
a great, great therapist who I really like. And I
think finding the right therapist for you is kind of
like finding the right partner for you.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Agree one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
It's like there's relationships you've been in that have been great,
they serve a reason, they take you through a season.
You can love people and then move on from them.
And I think interestingly like therapy can be a lot
like that too, where it takes a while to get
from just enjoying hanging out with someone to get to
a really constructive place where you know that your life
(06:13):
is better because of their presence.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
One hundred percent. I know, finding a good therapist is
like it's so key, it's so crucial.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Has it been that for you too? What's what's Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I have like an amazing therapist that I worked with
for like five years, and I've been doing my job
for five years. So I started like being online five
years ago, and it was so crucial to have someone
who could like support me during this like weird job
that I have where it's like, you know, it's not
normal to get so much feedback on yourself, Like I
think that's not like a normal human experience. And so
(06:46):
for anyone who is in the public eye, you know,
the regular public eye or on the internet, like it's
just a bizarre experience to hear so much about yourself
back to you, and you need someone to really help
you weather that and help you process and be like, no,
it's not normal, Like it's actually really strange, Like it's
really strange that you get thousands of comments about your
(07:07):
appearance or this or that or like it's bizarre. So
my therapist is amazing, and I've been with her for
five years, and you know, to your point, she really
like does make me a better person. And I just
so appreciate the work we do together. And I journal
as well.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I actually am. I've done the Artist's way before, but
I didn't I didn't do it properly.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
So I'm planning to do it this summer really just
like take time and like really really use it. I
feel very ready and very called to do it right now,
So I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I do too. It's really interesting because I have a
friend of mine gave it to me literally ten years ago. Yeah,
and I think it's your time. And I've carried this
weathered copy around in my backpack on like every trip,
to every set, to every everything. And I got about
halfway through it last summer and went, Okay, I don't
(08:00):
actually have the time I want to devote to this,
to finishing it. And in a weird way, I think
I also had to get to a point in my
life where I could be okay with that, where I
could put a book down halfway and be like, I'll
revisit this when I have a beat. It's important to me.
I'll come back to it. I used to have a
real kind of all or nothing like perfectionist tendency, which
(08:20):
is terrible because perfectionism just sets you up to fail
all the time.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Its perfect doesn't exist.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
So to unlearn a little bit of that has been
really interesting too, did it. I wonder for you this
shift into online life because I'm thinking about when we
met at our mutual friend's house at that barbecue. I
feel like it was kind of in the first year
or maybe that you were doing this thing, and I
think about your history, you know, going to Stanford getting
(08:48):
a masters at Parsons, Like you you had goals that
you were pursuing in a more traditional light, and then
you stepped into this very non traditional space. And to
your point, that comes with a flood of information about
yourself that is not healthy. And you've talked about the
(09:09):
anxiety of I guess the byproduct of the anxiety that
comes with that. Like, why do you think the shift happened?
What led you to say, Oh, I've gotten this kind
of an education, but now I'm going to live with
it in this non traditional fashion. How did you kind
(09:30):
of make sense of what you thought you were going
to do versus what you actually do now and how
it's shifted your.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Life honestly, don't even think I was aware of it
when it was happening. I just like was thrust into
the online world and I loved it. It's like very alluring,
Like obviously, especially at the beginning, you're like, oh my god,
like the validation feels so good and you feel so popular,
and you know, you think this is incredible, like everyone
thinks I'm funny whatever. And then so I wasn't like
(09:58):
super cognizant of where I thought I was going to
be and like what I'm doing now. But I will
say I think that a lot of who I thought
I was going to be has helped me in this job.
Like I worked in corporate America, Like I know how
to send an email, I know how to do a
PowerPoint presentation, Like all that stuff has become useful in
(10:19):
a way in this world. And that's truly how I
try to just operate anyway, Like even if you have
an experience where you're like, oh I didn't like this,
or like this was a bad job, or this was
this or that, like you always can take something from it,
and it's always building to who you are going to become.
And that's like giving me a lot of peace throughout
(10:39):
my life.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So I try to think about that.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Allen, Yeah, I like that. How do you? I guess
I'm curious about this because I know what it is
to have a lot of people think they know a
lot about you, and your online life is so fractional
to who you are as a human. And I have
the weird thing where there are people who who know
or think they know me, Sophia, and then there are
(11:03):
people who will see me and be like Brock or
Aaron right, like they like, yell a character name at me. Yeah,
but you are Christina and you're also Tinks. But Tinks
is you ish?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It's so weird?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Does it feel like a character? Is it a nickname
that came from a friend that now blew up the persona?
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Like?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
How do you? It's so funny.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I feel like Tinks is like I feel like I
am Tinks, Like I really do feel like it. But
you know, it's also like it's online persona, like it's
not really who I am. And so it is interesting
when people think that they know like all about me,
and I mean you have the same thing. It's like
it must be even crazier for you because you're like
exactly some people think they know who you are. Some
(11:48):
people literally think that you're a character that they have
so much emotional attachment to that they feel like deeply
connected to you. And you're like, that was not me.
That was a projection of a character that I like
was the vessel for Like, that's got to be really shrippy.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I think all of these relationships that we have are
so interesting, and it's like, at the end of the day,
it is beautiful to connect with people over whether it's
a character or something online, but it's just it's just
shades of reality. You know, it's different, different pinpoints of reality,
different points of your personality, and you know, I don't know,
(12:24):
it's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, it is kind of a trip. And I think
especially no matter how open or private you choose to
be online, you can try to be your most authentic self.
You can try to be vulnerable where you find it appropriate.
You can try to be the most honest about things,
and people are still going to receive you as they
(12:49):
receive you, not as you are, and that is a
really interesting thing. I mean, how to have to balance
other people's expectations when you're just you and they're just them,
but suddenly there's two million or five million or ten
million of them and you're still just you. Yeah, how
do you kind of toe the line, you know, being
(13:13):
an online girly and maintaining a sense of privacy because
you know, you talk about dating, you talk about your life.
How do you figure out what to share and what
to hold.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
I've scaled back a lot on talking about like my
like I try to talk about dating in a general
concept and not like my own experience as much now,
because I definitely was at a point where I was
kind of dating and I was telling my followers like too.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Much like I was.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I would be on a date and I would be
literally thinking like, oh, I'm going to tell the girls
about this tomorrow, like, and that's no way to live.
I had to set that boundary, like, which is a
shame because it's the best content and people love it
and it would always go viral and whatever. It was
so fun, but it just ultimately made me feel confused
about what was me and like what was the story
that I was telling? And that's not healthy, like, you know,
(14:04):
And I think it's a trap that a lot of
content creators fall into, where they're like they'll do things
so that they can talk about it in content, and
I was just like, I need to keep this for myself,
Like I'm going through the you know, I'm going on
dates with people, and maybe I spend time with people whatever,
But like I'll tell my followers once it's past, you know,
(14:27):
once it's in the past, and it's it's just a story.
But I think that the active telling, like during when
you're seeing someone was just was too intense and it
was too confusing, and it just it gets it gets
to be confusing. I would I would think like, wait,
do I really like this person or am I just
going on a date with them so that I can
like do a podcast about it the next day.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Like that's no way to live. And it's just like you,
I think.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
You have to set boundaries with yourself and be like
what am I willing to do for views? And you know,
it's always evolving, and I'm really glad that I kind
of like hold back and I love sharing my life,
like I really do love sharing it with my community,
but there's also just certain things where I'm like, you know,
I don't need to share everything. Like I was literally
(15:10):
in the gynecologist yesterday and I was like going to
do like a whole thing about.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I don't know, like that.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
That's another really big gray area for me because I
have the privilege of like having health care, and I
have certain you know, endo and pcos and things that
so many women suffer from, and I know that a
fraction of my followers have the same, like not a
lot of people have access to good health care. And
(15:36):
so that's a gray area for me because I want
to inspire women who follow me to go and be
their own advocates and you know, ask questions about their
birth control and ask questions about why they have pain
and all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
But it's also just difficult because it's like it's such a.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Sensitive thing and I'm not a doctor and I never
want to give medical advice and you know, but it's
like I also know I have this platform and I
want to inspire theomen and be like no, like ask
your dog again, like if you feel this or whatever.
So that's another area where I'm like, damn, am I
really on the internet talking about my IUD again? But
I hope that that helps, you know, Like that's an
area where I don't mind it to overshare a little
(16:12):
bit because it could inspire someone to go and ask
again or find a better solution for their health issue
or whatnot. So it's hard, but you kind of have
to just like set your boundaries and do your best.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I totally feel that. And it's tricky too, you know,
I don't I've thought about this for myself where it's
like I don't only want to reflect on something when
I feel like I've really buttoned it up, you know,
where I've really settled in it, and then I can
talk about it. It's like, sometimes I think it's really
healthy to say I don't know yet, I don't have
(16:49):
the answer, I'm figuring this out. But then there's the
inverse where if you do that, if you don't have
the exact right sound bite or you don't you know,
seem a hundred percent confident, people are like, oh, look
at this person. They're in a struggle. They backed out
of an answer.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
They and it's sometimes you.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Just don't know yet.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Yeah, sometimes you don't, and also sometimes you change your mind,
like you know, like some sometimes they're like, oh, well.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
In twenty twenty one, you said that.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
I was like, yeah, that was four years ago, Like
are you saying you never change your mind when you
get new information like that's badshit, Like yeah, and that's
it's it's it's it's really tough, Like I always like
feel so oh my god. Like just to use the
birth control example again, I was like, because people want
to know and I get it because it's like a
thing that women talk about all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
I'm like, Okay, I had an audi. I really liked it,
and then I took it out and people were like,
but you said you liked it, why did you take
it out? Like da da da dad?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And I'm like, dude, Like, we're all changing all the time,
our bodies, our minds, everything, and you just kind of
have to like you're can be inspired by people that
you see, but you don't have to like follow exactly
what they say. You kind of kind of just use
it as an inspiration. But yeah, it's it's tricky.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
And now a word from our sponsors that I really
enjoy it and I think you will too. I also think,
I mean, even what we were talking about when we
first jumped on, things are also shifting in ways that
we have to figure out how to address. Like there
(18:18):
are people who have been in my life who I
have respected who've like, in the year twenty twenty five,
gone a little cuckoo and turned into people who I
watch like lie on the internet because now they're selling
you stuff with the lie and I'm like, yeah, I'm
super embarrassed that I talked about how inspiring I thought
this person was five years ago. But now they're like
(18:40):
hawking snake oil and you know, making money doing it,
and I'm like icky, And so I think, I think
your example of reminding people that you're allowed to change
your mind is important.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
You can always change your mind.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
It's like the smartest people that I know are people
that like change their mind. It's like strong opinions, loose held,
like that's what I say, and that's what I like.
If you give me new information, I'm happy to say,
you know what I was wrong or Okay, yeah that's
sounds totally.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Right, or like whatever.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I think we all need to be more nimble, and
I think we all need to be like get in
the habit of doing that more.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I think with the Internet, people.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Really like to be like what you said, like or
you used to and it's like, dude, we should be
encouraging people to constantly be increasing their information and flow
and being like oh yeah, like I see that differently,
or I do see your point.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I'm gonna change my mind, or actually I don't put
that person.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Anymore because of X Y Z like normalize it, normalize it,
like we can't be we can't be doing this. And honestly,
like I have to say, I think that I think
the left and I'm I'm you know, would call myself
definitely on the left, Like I think that the left
could actually be a lot better about that in general.
Instead of being like no, no, no more arguing amongst ourselves,
(19:54):
I'm like, we got bigger goals.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
We got we got way bigger goals. We have to
really like eyes in the prize now. And that's something
I think about all the time, Like I'm.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Just like, you know, if someone I don't know, I
just think, got to stay nimble, got to stay open minded.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, it's like you know what it makes me think
of for us, you know, the there's that like don't
panic art that you see everywhere where, like all the
little fish are being chased by the giant fish. Yeah,
all the little fish make and even bigger fish and
go after like the one. I'm like, guys, we have
to stop like little fish fighting and make the to
get the big fish because like are you paying attention
(20:31):
to like logging and they're legalizing chemicals like arsenic like
in the air. Yeah, we have to stop with some
of the semantics and.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Some of that.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And I know we're like on the internet like getting
on each other's asking like well you said this, and
I think technically we should say this. And I'm like, dude,
we actually have like like alarm bells should be ringing,
like this is a weird and weir in crisis.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
And I think that we.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Can stop fighting amongst ourselves about like whatever in the
TikTok comments and we should all be banding together.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Yeah, I'm like, because the billionaires are trying to poison
our water and build bunkers and we still need tap water,
so like, let's.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Also Meticans don't fight amongst themselves, like I honestly like,
I honestly admire them. I think it's one of their
greatest strengths is that they never fight with each other.
You never see that, like even if they have disagreements,
that they're never like publicly like talking bad about each other,
like having squabbles.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
They are united and boid does it show well?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And they unite in like a crazy way, in a
crazy way like when I when I when I see
certain things happen and I go, oh, well, that's going
to be the end of this for someone like you know,
Roy Moore, a pedophile running for office, and the Republicans
were like, yeah, but he's a conservative civil vote for him.
And I was like, what the fuck? Like what And
(21:48):
by the way, I don't think that's good banding together
at all. I think that's actually really terrifying.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
No, but it's like, but it just it does illustrate
like how hard they ride for each other, and I
think that's a huge key to success. Like even when
Pete Hagscept literally chatted war group plans like yes, they
were like, well, who hasn't done that? And I'm like
if someone on the left that everybody else would be
like bring them at the stake, like kick them out,
Like no, And I'm like, to your point, it's not good,
(22:16):
but it's effective.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yeah. Well, And it's like the thing that was never
lost on me was that it was the tech people
from the George Bush White House that gave Hillary Clinton
the server. They were like, oh, this is the only
way you're going to be able to do your work
also from home. We'll come set it up for you.
And then and then the Republicans turned it into this big,
like this radical leftist scandal, and I was like, no, no,
(22:41):
this is what this is, like bipartisan technological information sharing,
and you can critique it, but to act like it
was like some step things she did when Bush's guy
literally did it for her, what are you talking about?
And then they're on signal and I'm like, okay, okay,
so really nothing matters. But they stick together to your.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Place, they stick together, they stay together. It's a clear goal.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
It's singular goal, and it's stay in power, and they're
doing a really good job of it.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And I would like to see less like less left
on left crime.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
I'm like, let's just totally agree.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
It's like, do you want to be right or do
you want to win? You know, like the kind of thing.
I'm like, well, and it's past for.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Me even like right or win. It's like do you
want to be the most right or do you want
to lose the planet. It's like I feel like we're
in an endgame. I'm like, guys, if we don't figure out
how to be the Avengers, like, yeah, the universe blows.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Up, so I know, I know it's scary. It's scary times,
it's scary.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
It's also I think important for us to have conversations
like this. I think it's important for us. I really
do think it matters for people who care and who
care to be informed, who are willing to operate with
a science mind to say, I do agree that science
is real. Truth is truth, like the air should be lean,
(24:03):
and I always want to learn more. I always want
to intake more. I always want to challenge myself to
expand my purview. I think that that requires I mean,
I know, at least for me, it requires a certain
amount of maturity. I think I was much more like
Damn the man burn it down person in my twenties
than I am now. I've really learned to value, you know,
(24:27):
patience and pragmatism, and I can have hard conversations that
are not do or die. Yeah, like in this moment
for you, and you know that might be for me
getting into my early forties, in this sort of mid
thirties moment for you when you look at the girls,
you know, as you talk about being tech talk's older sister, Like,
(24:49):
when you look at these girls who look up to
you in their twenties, are there are there lessons like this,
you know, patience, willingness, whatever it may be. Are there
lessons you really wish you could pass down to them
that you've had to learn as you've entered a new decade, I.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Think one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
And I try to like share as much as possible,
and some of them, you know, you really just have
to kind of go through it, like some of it
is just life experience and you need to just kind
of do it.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
But I always say, like I wasted.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
So much time in my twenties, like worried about body
image stuff, and I think that's one of the ones
where it's tricky. But if I could just impress upon
the younger girls like to not let it be the
main thing in their life and like we all have
our struggles, we're all on a journey. One hundred percent.
It's terrible for women. But I just feel like if
I had wasted a few less hours like being so
(25:43):
mean to myself and just like how much it held
me back, Like I think just literally switching self talk
to being from negative to positive, like genuinely will change
your life. And I so I hope that, you know,
listening to me, they can kind of try to do
it a little earlier. I mean, I think dating like
not seeking validation from other people, not losing yourself in
(26:05):
relationships like so important, and you know, my twenties, I
was just seeking validation. I just wanted validation. I didn't
I wasn't even like, oh does this person like me?
Like am I having a good time? Like do I
feel seen? It was just like I need to like
have this validation if this person liking me back, and
you know.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
So I try as much as possible to share my.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Experiences and and and just like you know, encourage them
to think about things and to think about themselves more kindly.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
And yeah, that's what I want.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I mean I kind of also wish I had had
when I was like in my twenties. I wish I'd
had an influencer who was like single, because I felt
like everybody online was in a relationship and I was like, oh,
I'm such a freak, like it's only me, and so
I don't know, maybe I'm like hopefully if they're single,
they can see that you don't die. If you're single,
it's you can have fun, you can have a full life,
(26:58):
and it's actually like a beautiful state of life, and
you should everyone should be grateful for all those stages.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Totally. I also think it's so I don't know. I mean,
I know, we sort of split. I won't say a generation,
but we split a decade, you and I And I
feel like in my twenties, all women were ever encouraged
to ask essentially boiled down to the unasked question, which
(27:25):
was am I being chosen?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Not?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
What do I choose? What do I like? What makes
me feel good? What makes me feel secure? How am
I being treated? It was like what can I do?
And how can I and where can I live? Yeah,
And it was this It was really sort of toxic.
And it's interesting, you know, I've had to come to
terms even with how the pressure that I don't even
(27:49):
know that I was conscious of about wanting to be
a parent and what forty men and all of these
things sort of made me not self interrogate certain things
in ways. Yeah, getting into something that I thought was
one thing and then I realized was not, And like
(28:10):
it was a weird moment for me to sit and
go Oh, I had such a good time spending years
of my thirties being single and I had no pressure
about it. And then I almost feel like that thing
from back then crept back in and I didn't even
see it coming.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, so we've got to talk about this stuff.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Yeah, that's so real. I know, some of the best
years are the single ones, and you've just got to
enjoy it for what it is and like push the
pressure outrage against it because it's just not useful or
helpful at all.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Yeah. Do you think that attitudes like that are changing
in what you see at least with your audience online,
because you know, you talk about the I'm talking about
that pressure, you're talking about body image for example. There
are so many ways we've been sort of consciously or
(29:03):
subconsciously encouraged to make ourselves a little smaller or a
little more self conscious. Do you think it's changing.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
I wish that I could say it was.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
I think like the society we live on is a patriarchy,
and it like thrives off of keeping women down. And
I honestly, sadly think that a lot of the aggression
we're seeing towards women now is a reaction is a
direct reaction to like the Me Too movement, Like I
think that that was a big power moment for women
where we were able to band together and like really
(29:36):
start talking about something that has plagued women since the
dawn of time and something that's extremely difficult and extremely
hard to talk about.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
We've found a way. And my personal opinion is that.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
A lot of like the war on women's health care,
the war on abortion, the war on women right now
is kind of a direct reaction to women banning together
and being like, oh, no, actually.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
You can't do this anymore. We're going to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
I feel like with women, we fight so hard and
we still can only make incremental progress because the odds
are really stacked against us. And right now, I think
like with this current administration, it just feels very aggressive
towards women, and it feels like women are sometimes not
(30:24):
even people in their eyes. Like you know, when I
were always reading the thing about like, oh they're going
to pay women, Maybe they'll pay women five thousand dollars,
like it's an incentive to have a child, and it's
like that's insulting because the hospital built to actually birth
the baby is more than five thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
So that's that's actually insulting.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Like if you actually thought of women as people, you
would address that the fact that there's no universal healthcare,
you would address the fact that there's no manatory paid
like you would address you know, like you would even
address all the problems we have with kids, guns in schools,
et cetera. But they they're not thinking about women as people.
(31:05):
They're thinking about them as a tool to get to
their economic goal.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Well, they're thinking about us as breeders. And the unfortunate
thing is and they really gave it away in that
Dobbs decision when they said they want to ensure a
domestic supply of infants. And then you find out that
there's tech companies that are pitching, you know, oh, Texas
is a great place to build your company because look
at our birth rates, you're going to have a big
(31:30):
labor force.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
It's like, it's honestly weird. It's like, don't does it
not bother you? Like as a fellow human being? Like
does it not bother everyone?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
That?
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Like that's how they're thinking. Like it creeps me out.
I'm like, oh, what, I don't know. That doesn't really
doesn't put me in the mood to have a child,
but whatever.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Yeah, So I don't know. It's just like I think
it's getting better in the sense that I think women
are super aware of like what's happening to them and
what's going on. It doesn't make it any easier, you
know what I mean. It doesn't make it any easier
in the day to day.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
And so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Like the stats are saying women are thriving, that we're
going to college more, more, more single women own homes
in the US over thirty than single men, Like women
are outperforming men in every vertical, But like, why doesn't
it feel better?
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Why doesn't it feel better?
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Because the fact that we are, the fact that, as
you said, we've gained any measure of power, is why
we're being attacked and trying to be relegated to second
class citizens again because they don't like it. And it's
like you forget that it's not a this or that
and us or them. It's if we get paid better,
(32:42):
the GDP of the country goes up, everyone gets paid better,
everyone does better. It doesn't have to be this sort
of totalitarian dogg eat dog energy Like that's so patriarchal.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
It is, Yeah, I know, and that's like not what
women want. They seem like a matriarchy, and like I
know that, I know we don't. We don't want to
like and all men.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
We just want to like get paid fairly and like
not be like have life be so hard, Like it's not,
I don't know, it's it's you know, I'm so proud
of women for all that we've done, for those stats
that you hear, like it's it's really incredible about how
women are just in so many verticals, like really making
incredible advancements.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I just wish that it, you know, felt like more.
I don't know, I felt felt like nicer.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yeah, I mean I wish it felt like we weren't
in quicksand all the time.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Oh, such a good way to put it. That's right.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, that's kind of it for me.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
And now a word from our wonderful sponsors. I want
to I want to pivot to some joy because you
know your book is out. Yes, it's so exciting you
by the way, you wrote a story about women, like
(34:07):
when you think about becoming an author, that's a big deal.
What was the what was the impetus for this Where
did the story come from? Why did you decide you
wanted to write a book? Why did you want it
to be fiction instead of your story? Like, how did
this come to fruition? How did you take literary power?
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I wanted to do something that was purely creative.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
I like, I think that, you know, sharing my life
online is like it's always about me, and I'm a
bit sick of myself, to be honest with you, And
I just like wanted to do something that was like
a story. I've always loved storytelling and stories and and
you know, I used to write these little characters on
my Instagram and I was just like, well what if
I kept going and like finish the church story?
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So I wanted to do something that was fun. You know.
I also think you really need escapism right now.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
I wanted it to be light and glamorous and sexy,
and I wanted you to be able to like drink
rose and read it in one sitting one summer's day
and just like have a glimmer into the world of
influencing in the Hampton's and like just glamorous, fun, sexiness.
So yeah, it's I wanted to do it because.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
I was inspired to do it, and that's like the
purest thing.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
You know, Well, were you drawing on real life experience,
Like have you spent a lot of time in that space?
Where did this sort of story begin.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
I've spent a lot of time in the Hampton's. Honestly,
a lot of it was like inspired by my followers.
Certain questions they would ask me kind of sparked my creativity.
And you know, I made the main character an influencer
because that's the knowledge I have.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
But she's not me.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
It's you know, there might be some easter eggs in there,
there might be a few characters based on real life people,
but she's not me. I just wanted to do like
a creative story, something that was separate from me, and
something that just felt like escapism, like summer escapism.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, okay, And obviously I have to I have to
ask about some of the online you know, narrative about it,
because the novel is it is it's glamorous, it's luxurious,
it's spicy, so sappok. There's been a ton of you know,
(36:29):
conversation and chatter about what's appropriate there and what's not
because you're not a queer woman, but you had a
queer collaborator Gabrielle. But then people were saying, you know,
she wasn't credited properly, And then you were like, but
she's in the acknowledgments, like can you catch us up
what happened here?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
Why do you think it took off that way?
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I don't know. I like, I had the best experience,
Like I think it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Like I'm not a lesbian, so I I don't have
that lived experience, and I wanted to get it right.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I wanted to nail.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
It, and I thought, I think it's also the right
thing to do to like hire a queer voices and
you know, collaborate when needed. And it was an amazing experience.
She's an amazing writer and we had a great time
working on it together. So I don't I'm not really
sure why the narrative like took off like this. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Do you maybe think it's about what certain people think,
Like you were saying what the right term should have been,
like you acknowledge her as a collaborator. Other people said
you can't deny a ghostwriter, and you're like, how is
someone a ghostwriter if they're literally printed as a collaborator. Yeah,
do you feel like it's an x's and o's thing.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
I don't know, Like I think, like when you hear
the word ghostwriter, it sounds like someone just wrote the
book and like a celebrity slaps their name.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
On it, and that's not what this is. So I think, like,
I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
Know, I think we're matter, but like she's literally the
first person acknowledged in the credit, in the acknowledgments, like right, so,
so I think like And also a lot of the
people who are commenting on it haven't read it yet,
so I think maybe when they read it, they might
see more of like what it is and what it's not.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
I feel, so yeah, so we'll see obviously.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
You guys, you know you can't help a grin when
you talk about her. You had a great experience working
with her. What is it like to work with a collaborator?
And I ask, because it's something I think a lot about.
I love writing, but I you know, I'm more of
a classically or you know, partially collegiately trained journalist, like
(38:40):
an op ed or an essay is really my space. Yeah,
when I think about some ideas that I you know,
I am toying with and I'm like, maybe it would
be really fun to write something with someone because I've
never written a book before. What was it like to
sit down with someone? What does collaboration look like? Are
you walking around the city like recording your conversations? Are
(39:02):
you zooming? How is it to learn that with somebody
like her?
Speaker 3 (39:07):
I mean, it's amazing, Like it was my first time
writing fiction, so I feel like I learned so much
from her. She's an incredible writer, and it was it
was a great experience. Like I'm a really collaborative person.
I like to learn all the time, and yeah, it was.
It was great, Like I don't I don't know why,
as is with online, like everything gets twisted into something
that it's not Like it was an incredible experience and
(39:31):
I'm so glad that I did it.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Yeah, well, and that's why I'm I'm like, what is
it like to collaborate with someone rather than you know
what everybody else wants to dissect it into, like were
you guys in the same city or were you were
you doing more phone calls like across the country? You know,
how do you how do you get into the cadence
of a creative project.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
Like that we like, I mean we worked together so
closely and like it would take on different forms. We
were in the same city, but you know, we would
talk all the time and it was very like very
back and forth, like constant communication, constant working, constant talking.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
And yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
That's really exciting. And the book has barely been in
the world and it's already been announced that it's going
to be a show the Fosters sisters are doing.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Is so excited.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
What is What does it feel like now that the
book is coming out? Obviously you've had a while since
it's been finished, and now you're going to start to
develop it for the screen. Do you feel like, because
of how much time you've had with the book, you're
really ready for that. Does that also feel like a
completely new adventure and you're ready to learn how that works? Like?
(40:49):
Where are you in that process?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I'm so excited to be an executive producer.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
The Fosters are so smart and so incredible, and I
am so excited to roll my sleeps up and get
to work. And we started working on it, you know,
start talking to writers, So I can't wait. It's going
to be a new skill more learning, and I'm just
so excited.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
That's really cool. Will you? Will you start trying to
identify like a showrunner first and then go from there.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
We're talking to writers right now, so someone who will
be able to adapt it for the screen. So that's
just an incredible experience. Meeting all these super talented people
and just hearing their ideas about how to best adapt
it for TV is like so cool.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Yeah, I love that. Do you have kind of a
dream cast in your mind or does it feel like
I do? You do?
Speaker 2 (41:38):
But it's on my phone? But it's like, I'm not
saying who it is because I want to manifest I
don't want to drinx it. But yeah, I have people
that I would really love to be involved, so we'll see.
I think if anyone can do it, it's the Fosters.
They're so smart.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
I love this for you guys. It's really exciting when
you think about the book, when you think about Hotter
in the Hamptons, although I guess book show either is
there an immediate craziest Hampton story that's yours or someone
else's that comes to mind?
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Oh my gosh, I have a crazy Hampton story, but
I signed an Nda so I can't talk about it.
Oh and I but yeah, Like, I'm so inspired by
the Hamptons.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
I've spent a lot of time there and it just
is one of those places.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
It's very crazy, always happens, it's always romantic, it's always
like wild.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And so that was all like big and.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Spell for the book as well, just that it's a
place where, like truly anything can happen.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, it's the kind of place that feels like a
character in and of itself.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Just like New York and sexon City. It's like exactly,
it's one of the characters. So I'm excited for people
to get immersed in that world.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
I love it. I can't wait. Okay, I have a
few and they can be rapid or not if you prefer.
But since you are TikTok's big sister, we have a
couple of large, sort of feme questions that we need
your advice on. First of which, what do you think
is the biggest dating red flag.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
When they don't ask you questions about yourself? Oh?
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Yes, and when people are rude.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
To God, that's unacceptable.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
What's your first date deal breaker? Is it being rude
to servers and arrest.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Rude to server, rude to anyone, just like bad energy. Yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Absolutely. Do you think it's ever okay to ghost someone?
We actually got that question a lot in advance of this.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
I think it's okay if you've never met them in person,
like if you're talking on an app, like, I think
it's okay to just it's fine if you've never met
them before.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
But yes, exactly, exactly okay.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Do you think you can ever come back from getting
the eck?
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Yeah? I think it's possible if you really like them.
I think it's solvable for sure too. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
If it's small, I think you get over it. You're like,
oh I can look past this.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Mmm. Interesting. I don't think I've ever gotten over it
because it takes me a little while. You get there, Yeah,
I get there. It's like it's it's like a stick
of work in it. It's definitely done.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
We talked about this a little bit, but more in
terms of your online community. But for you, if you
could give your twenty two year old self one piece
of advice, what do you think.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
It would be?
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Stop worrying so much. It's really not it's really okay.
And you're very young, and you don't need to have
everything figured out.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Yeah, I like that a lot. And lastly, not a
rapid fire question, but what when you sort of look
out at the year ahead of you right now and
all the things you're working on and the place you
are in your life, what feels like you're work in progress?
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
My gosh, myself. I'm always We're all always works in progress,
like we all are. We're never done and it's just
more about like enjoying the journey and enjoying working on yourself.
And yeah, we're never done working on ourselves. I'm the
work in progress, I guess always
Hey everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress high
Whip Smarties. Today, we are joined by TikTok's big sister,
(00:21):
you know her as Tanks, none other than Christina Najar.
She is a New York Times best selling author. She
is a podcast and radio host, and it's really her
wit and candor that have established her as a resounding
voice for women. She is engaging and empathetic and not
afraid to change her mind. We all got to know
her with her satirical rich Mom content five years ago,
(00:45):
and her takes on pop culture, theories on sex, dating
and relationships, and honest reviews and recommendations of everything from
food and restaurants to beauty, fashion and lifestyle products have
placed her squarely in the cultural zeitgeist. Tinks has a
devoted fan base and everyone is incredibly excited for her
(01:05):
new novel, Hotter in the Hamptons, which is available now
and is being adapted for television. Next, let's dive in
with Tanks. Okay, girl, Well, before we get into you
(01:28):
know where we are and what we're all up to
these days. I actually really like to kind of go
a little back in time with people, and I'm always
really curious if you could hang out with your younger self,
you know, when you were nine or ten years old,
do you think you would see a kind of connection
(01:52):
to who you were becoming when you were a little
kid and who you are right now?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Hundred percent?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I think I think you can definitely see the roots
of who I am. I think I would be so
excited if I knew that this was my life when
I was like vibe, I would be like.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah, oh my god, I made it.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
But yeah, I think you know who we are as
kids kind of us in our most pure form in
a way that's like who we are before the worlds
with us and tells us that we can't do things
and gives us doubt and insecurities. And I don't know,
kids are so pure in that way. They're just like
their personalities are so defined even though they're young.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
No. Yeah, so it's a really interesting thought.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
What about you.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Do you feel like you would see the roots of yourself?
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Absolutely? And I think to your point, you know, the
the becoming and the sort of life paths and other
people's influence and all sorts of things that I think
I don't want to say, like took me off my
path necessarily, but definitely I feel like I went through
all sorts of stages and phases trying to figure out
(02:56):
what was really for me. And I think to your point,
when when you're really young, and I think, especially like
feisty little girls, you kind of know yourself and then
you get they told a lot about who you're not
supposed to be or what you're not supposed to be.
And I think, I think there's a really interesting thing
(03:17):
as you evolve where in a way you you sort
of also unlearn a lot to get back to sort
of core self. Where did you grow up?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I grew up in London?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
You did, Yeah, I grew up in London, and then
I moved to the States when I was nineteen to
go to college.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
But I think, like what you're saying is so interesting.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
It's like you're pure in yourself and then the world
like changes you because you're like, oh, I need to
be this, I need to try this, I need to
be insecure, I need to do that. And then right
around for me, like in my early thirties was when
I was started to like be like, oh, I need
to unlearn all that stuff and go back to who
I really am, and I just think it's so interesting,
like so many women have.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I think most women have.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
This evolution of like real learning who you really are,
because twenties is all about like like trying on different hats,
like you know, oh, maybe I'll hang with these people, like, oh,
am I like a cool girl?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Or am I like this girl?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Or whatever?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And then New York thirties, you're like, I actually just
need to go back to who I am. And it's
like it's kind of amazing. I love it. I'm into
thirties so far.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Oh I like that. That makes me really happy to hear.
I loved turning thirty, I think especially because you know,
for me and some of my closest friends, we just
spent nine years on a show where, by the way,
we repeated high school, so right, it's a emotional holdback, yeah,
and then we were sort of stuck there and all
(04:41):
the discovery so many of our friends did in their
twenties we didn't really get to do. So in this
really interesting way, I felt like I was discovering a
lot in my thirties. And then also it felt like
the task of the first half of my thirties was unlearning,
like very devout good girl behavior at work, like no,
(05:04):
I don't always need to make everything easier for everyone
else totally. And then, weirdly, the second half of my thirties,
I think I had to confront that I didn't even
know how to do that for my own life. And
then at forty, like the first year that I was forty,
everything shifted and I went, oh, okay, I get it,
now this is my time.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I love that. Do you do like what kind of
self work do you do?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Or like what kind of like how how do you
best like get to know yourself? And like do all
these things like do you new therapy, journaling?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I mean everything you know artists' way. I I found
a great, great therapist who I really like. And I
think finding the right therapist for you is kind of
like finding the right partner for you.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Agree one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
It's like there's relationships you've been in that have been great,
they serve a reason, they take you through a season.
You can love people and then move on from them.
And I think interestingly like therapy can be a lot
like that too, where it takes a while to get
from just enjoying hanging out with someone to get to
a really constructive place where you know that your life
(06:13):
is better because of their presence.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
One hundred percent. I know, finding a good therapist is
like it's so key, it's so crucial.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Has it been that for you too? What's what's Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I have like an amazing therapist that I worked with
for like five years, and I've been doing my job
for five years. So I started like being online five
years ago, and it was so crucial to have someone
who could like support me during this like weird job
that I have where it's like, you know, it's not
normal to get so much feedback on yourself, Like I
think that's not like a normal human experience. And so
(06:46):
for anyone who is in the public eye, you know,
the regular public eye or on the internet, like it's
just a bizarre experience to hear so much about yourself
back to you, and you need someone to really help
you weather that and help you process and be like, no,
it's not normal, Like it's actually really strange, Like it's
really strange that you get thousands of comments about your
(07:07):
appearance or this or that or like it's bizarre. So
my therapist is amazing, and I've been with her for
five years, and you know, to your point, she really
like does make me a better person. And I just
so appreciate the work we do together. And I journal
as well.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I actually am. I've done the Artist's way before, but
I didn't I didn't do it properly.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
So I'm planning to do it this summer really just
like take time and like really really use it. I
feel very ready and very called to do it right now,
So I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I do too. It's really interesting because I have a
friend of mine gave it to me literally ten years ago. Yeah,
and I think it's your time. And I've carried this
weathered copy around in my backpack on like every trip,
to every set, to every everything. And I got about
halfway through it last summer and went, Okay, I don't
(08:00):
actually have the time I want to devote to this,
to finishing it. And in a weird way, I think
I also had to get to a point in my
life where I could be okay with that, where I
could put a book down halfway and be like, I'll
revisit this when I have a beat. It's important to me.
I'll come back to it. I used to have a
real kind of all or nothing like perfectionist tendency, which
(08:20):
is terrible because perfectionism just sets you up to fail
all the time.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Its perfect doesn't exist.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
So to unlearn a little bit of that has been
really interesting too, did it. I wonder for you this
shift into online life because I'm thinking about when we
met at our mutual friend's house at that barbecue. I
feel like it was kind of in the first year
or maybe that you were doing this thing, and I
think about your history, you know, going to Stanford getting
(08:48):
a masters at Parsons, Like you you had goals that
you were pursuing in a more traditional light, and then
you stepped into this very non traditional space. And to
your point, that comes with a flood of information about
yourself that is not healthy. And you've talked about the
(09:09):
anxiety of I guess the byproduct of the anxiety that
comes with that. Like, why do you think the shift happened?
What led you to say, Oh, I've gotten this kind
of an education, but now I'm going to live with
it in this non traditional fashion. How did you kind
(09:30):
of make sense of what you thought you were going
to do versus what you actually do now and how
it's shifted your.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Life honestly, don't even think I was aware of it
when it was happening. I just like was thrust into
the online world and I loved it. It's like very alluring,
Like obviously, especially at the beginning, you're like, oh my god,
like the validation feels so good and you feel so popular,
and you know, you think this is incredible, like everyone
thinks I'm funny whatever. And then so I wasn't like
(09:58):
super cognizant of where I thought I was going to
be and like what I'm doing now. But I will
say I think that a lot of who I thought
I was going to be has helped me in this job.
Like I worked in corporate America, Like I know how
to send an email, I know how to do a
PowerPoint presentation, Like all that stuff has become useful in
(10:19):
a way in this world. And that's truly how I
try to just operate anyway, Like even if you have
an experience where you're like, oh I didn't like this,
or like this was a bad job, or this was
this or that, like you always can take something from it,
and it's always building to who you are going to become.
And that's like giving me a lot of peace throughout
(10:39):
my life.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So I try to think about that.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Allen, Yeah, I like that. How do you? I guess
I'm curious about this because I know what it is
to have a lot of people think they know a
lot about you, and your online life is so fractional
to who you are as a human. And I have
the weird thing where there are people who who know
or think they know me, Sophia, and then there are
(11:03):
people who will see me and be like Brock or
Aaron right, like they like, yell a character name at me. Yeah,
but you are Christina and you're also Tinks. But Tinks
is you ish?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It's so weird?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Does it feel like a character? Is it a nickname
that came from a friend that now blew up the persona?
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Like?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
How do you? It's so funny.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I feel like Tinks is like I feel like I
am Tinks, Like I really do feel like it. But
you know, it's also like it's online persona, like it's
not really who I am. And so it is interesting
when people think that they know like all about me,
and I mean you have the same thing. It's like
it must be even crazier for you because you're like
exactly some people think they know who you are. Some
(11:48):
people literally think that you're a character that they have
so much emotional attachment to that they feel like deeply
connected to you. And you're like, that was not me.
That was a projection of a character that I like
was the vessel for Like, that's got to be really shrippy.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I think all of these relationships that we have are
so interesting, and it's like, at the end of the day,
it is beautiful to connect with people over whether it's
a character or something online, but it's just it's just
shades of reality. You know, it's different, different pinpoints of reality,
different points of your personality, and you know, I don't know,
(12:24):
it's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, it is kind of a trip. And I think
especially no matter how open or private you choose to
be online, you can try to be your most authentic self.
You can try to be vulnerable where you find it appropriate.
You can try to be the most honest about things,
and people are still going to receive you as they
(12:49):
receive you, not as you are, and that is a
really interesting thing. I mean, how to have to balance
other people's expectations when you're just you and they're just them,
but suddenly there's two million or five million or ten
million of them and you're still just you. Yeah, how
do you kind of toe the line, you know, being
(13:13):
an online girly and maintaining a sense of privacy because
you know, you talk about dating, you talk about your life.
How do you figure out what to share and what
to hold.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
I've scaled back a lot on talking about like my
like I try to talk about dating in a general
concept and not like my own experience as much now,
because I definitely was at a point where I was
kind of dating and I was telling my followers like too.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Much like I was.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I would be on a date and I would be
literally thinking like, oh, I'm going to tell the girls
about this tomorrow, like, and that's no way to live.
I had to set that boundary, like, which is a
shame because it's the best content and people love it
and it would always go viral and whatever. It was
so fun, but it just ultimately made me feel confused
about what was me and like what was the story
that I was telling? And that's not healthy, like, you know,
(14:04):
And I think it's a trap that a lot of
content creators fall into, where they're like they'll do things
so that they can talk about it in content, and
I was just like, I need to keep this for myself,
Like I'm going through the you know, I'm going on
dates with people, and maybe I spend time with people whatever,
But like I'll tell my followers once it's past, you know,
(14:27):
once it's in the past, and it's it's just a story.
But I think that the active telling, like during when
you're seeing someone was just was too intense and it
was too confusing, and it just it gets it gets
to be confusing. I would I would think like, wait,
do I really like this person or am I just
going on a date with them so that I can
like do a podcast about it the next day.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Like that's no way to live. And it's just like you,
I think.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
You have to set boundaries with yourself and be like
what am I willing to do for views? And you know,
it's always evolving, and I'm really glad that I kind
of like hold back and I love sharing my life,
like I really do love sharing it with my community,
but there's also just certain things where I'm like, you know,
I don't need to share everything. Like I was literally
(15:10):
in the gynecologist yesterday and I was like going to
do like a whole thing about.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I don't know, like that.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
That's another really big gray area for me because I
have the privilege of like having health care, and I
have certain you know, endo and pcos and things that
so many women suffer from, and I know that a
fraction of my followers have the same, like not a
lot of people have access to good health care. And
(15:36):
so that's a gray area for me because I want
to inspire women who follow me to go and be
their own advocates and you know, ask questions about their
birth control and ask questions about why they have pain
and all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
But it's also just difficult because it's like it's such a.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Sensitive thing and I'm not a doctor and I never
want to give medical advice and you know, but it's
like I also know I have this platform and I
want to inspire theomen and be like no, like ask
your dog again, like if you feel this or whatever.
So that's another area where I'm like, damn, am I
really on the internet talking about my IUD again? But
I hope that that helps, you know, Like that's an
area where I don't mind it to overshare a little
(16:12):
bit because it could inspire someone to go and ask
again or find a better solution for their health issue
or whatnot. So it's hard, but you kind of have
to just like set your boundaries and do your best.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I totally feel that. And it's tricky too, you know,
I don't I've thought about this for myself where it's
like I don't only want to reflect on something when
I feel like I've really buttoned it up, you know,
where I've really settled in it, and then I can
talk about it. It's like, sometimes I think it's really
healthy to say I don't know yet, I don't have
(16:49):
the answer, I'm figuring this out. But then there's the
inverse where if you do that, if you don't have
the exact right sound bite or you don't you know,
seem a hundred percent confident, people are like, oh, look
at this person. They're in a struggle. They backed out
of an answer.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
They and it's sometimes you.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Just don't know yet.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Yeah, sometimes you don't, and also sometimes you change your mind,
like you know, like some sometimes they're like, oh, well.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
In twenty twenty one, you said that.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
I was like, yeah, that was four years ago, Like
are you saying you never change your mind when you
get new information like that's badshit, Like yeah, and that's
it's it's it's it's really tough, Like I always like
feel so oh my god. Like just to use the
birth control example again, I was like, because people want
to know and I get it because it's like a
thing that women talk about all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
I'm like, Okay, I had an audi. I really liked it,
and then I took it out and people were like,
but you said you liked it, why did you take
it out? Like da da da dad?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And I'm like, dude, Like, we're all changing all the time,
our bodies, our minds, everything, and you just kind of
have to like you're can be inspired by people that
you see, but you don't have to like follow exactly
what they say. You kind of kind of just use
it as an inspiration. But yeah, it's it's tricky.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
And now a word from our sponsors that I really
enjoy it and I think you will too. I also think,
I mean, even what we were talking about when we
first jumped on, things are also shifting in ways that
we have to figure out how to address. Like there
(18:18):
are people who have been in my life who I
have respected who've like, in the year twenty twenty five,
gone a little cuckoo and turned into people who I
watch like lie on the internet because now they're selling
you stuff with the lie and I'm like, yeah, I'm
super embarrassed that I talked about how inspiring I thought
this person was five years ago. But now they're like
(18:40):
hawking snake oil and you know, making money doing it,
and I'm like icky, And so I think, I think
your example of reminding people that you're allowed to change
your mind is important.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
You can always change your mind.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
It's like the smartest people that I know are people
that like change their mind. It's like strong opinions, loose held,
like that's what I say, and that's what I like.
If you give me new information, I'm happy to say,
you know what I was wrong or Okay, yeah that's
sounds totally.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Right, or like whatever.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I think we all need to be more nimble, and
I think we all need to be like get in
the habit of doing that more.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I think with the Internet, people.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Really like to be like what you said, like or
you used to and it's like, dude, we should be
encouraging people to constantly be increasing their information and flow
and being like oh yeah, like I see that differently,
or I do see your point.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I'm gonna change my mind, or actually I don't put
that person.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Anymore because of X Y Z like normalize it, normalize it,
like we can't be we can't be doing this. And honestly,
like I have to say, I think that I think
the left and I'm I'm you know, would call myself
definitely on the left, Like I think that the left
could actually be a lot better about that in general.
Instead of being like no, no, no more arguing amongst ourselves,
(19:54):
I'm like, we got bigger goals.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
We got we got way bigger goals. We have to
really like eyes in the prize now. And that's something
I think about all the time, Like I'm.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Just like, you know, if someone I don't know, I
just think, got to stay nimble, got to stay open minded.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, it's like you know what it makes me think
of for us, you know, the there's that like don't
panic art that you see everywhere where, like all the
little fish are being chased by the giant fish. Yeah,
all the little fish make and even bigger fish and
go after like the one. I'm like, guys, we have
to stop like little fish fighting and make the to
get the big fish because like are you paying attention
(20:31):
to like logging and they're legalizing chemicals like arsenic like
in the air. Yeah, we have to stop with some
of the semantics and.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Some of that.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And I know we're like on the internet like getting
on each other's asking like well you said this, and
I think technically we should say this. And I'm like, dude,
we actually have like like alarm bells should be ringing,
like this is a weird and weir in crisis.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
And I think that we.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Can stop fighting amongst ourselves about like whatever in the
TikTok comments and we should all be banding together.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Yeah, I'm like, because the billionaires are trying to poison
our water and build bunkers and we still need tap water,
so like, let's.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Also Meticans don't fight amongst themselves, like I honestly like,
I honestly admire them. I think it's one of their
greatest strengths is that they never fight with each other.
You never see that, like even if they have disagreements,
that they're never like publicly like talking bad about each other,
like having squabbles.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
They are united and boid does it show well?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And they unite in like a crazy way, in a
crazy way like when I when I when I see
certain things happen and I go, oh, well, that's going
to be the end of this for someone like you know,
Roy Moore, a pedophile running for office, and the Republicans
were like, yeah, but he's a conservative civil vote for him.
And I was like, what the fuck? Like what And
(21:48):
by the way, I don't think that's good banding together
at all. I think that's actually really terrifying.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
No, but it's like, but it just it does illustrate
like how hard they ride for each other, and I
think that's a huge key to success. Like even when
Pete Hagscept literally chatted war group plans like yes, they
were like, well, who hasn't done that? And I'm like
if someone on the left that everybody else would be
like bring them at the stake, like kick them out,
Like no, And I'm like, to your point, it's not good,
(22:16):
but it's effective.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yeah. Well, And it's like the thing that was never
lost on me was that it was the tech people
from the George Bush White House that gave Hillary Clinton
the server. They were like, oh, this is the only
way you're going to be able to do your work
also from home. We'll come set it up for you.
And then and then the Republicans turned it into this big,
like this radical leftist scandal, and I was like, no, no,
(22:41):
this is what this is, like bipartisan technological information sharing,
and you can critique it, but to act like it
was like some step things she did when Bush's guy
literally did it for her, what are you talking about?
And then they're on signal and I'm like, okay, okay,
so really nothing matters. But they stick together to your.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Place, they stick together, they stay together. It's a clear goal.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
It's singular goal, and it's stay in power, and they're
doing a really good job of it.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And I would like to see less like less left
on left crime.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
I'm like, let's just totally agree.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
It's like, do you want to be right or do
you want to win? You know, like the kind of thing.
I'm like, well, and it's past for.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Me even like right or win. It's like do you
want to be the most right or do you want
to lose the planet. It's like I feel like we're
in an endgame. I'm like, guys, if we don't figure out
how to be the Avengers, like, yeah, the universe blows.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Up, so I know, I know it's scary. It's scary times,
it's scary.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
It's also I think important for us to have conversations
like this. I think it's important for us. I really
do think it matters for people who care and who
care to be informed, who are willing to operate with
a science mind to say, I do agree that science
is real. Truth is truth, like the air should be lean,
(24:03):
and I always want to learn more. I always want
to intake more. I always want to challenge myself to
expand my purview. I think that that requires I mean,
I know, at least for me, it requires a certain
amount of maturity. I think I was much more like
Damn the man burn it down person in my twenties
than I am now. I've really learned to value, you know,
(24:27):
patience and pragmatism, and I can have hard conversations that
are not do or die. Yeah, like in this moment
for you, and you know that might be for me
getting into my early forties, in this sort of mid
thirties moment for you when you look at the girls,
you know, as you talk about being tech talk's older sister, Like,
(24:49):
when you look at these girls who look up to
you in their twenties, are there are there lessons like this,
you know, patience, willingness, whatever it may be. Are there
lessons you really wish you could pass down to them
that you've had to learn as you've entered a new decade, I.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Think one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
And I try to like share as much as possible,
and some of them, you know, you really just have
to kind of go through it, like some of it
is just life experience and you need to just kind
of do it.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
But I always say, like I wasted.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
So much time in my twenties, like worried about body
image stuff, and I think that's one of the ones
where it's tricky. But if I could just impress upon
the younger girls like to not let it be the
main thing in their life and like we all have
our struggles, we're all on a journey. One hundred percent.
It's terrible for women. But I just feel like if
I had wasted a few less hours like being so
(25:43):
mean to myself and just like how much it held
me back, Like I think just literally switching self talk
to being from negative to positive, like genuinely will change
your life. And I so I hope that, you know,
listening to me, they can kind of try to do
it a little earlier. I mean, I think dating like
not seeking validation from other people, not losing yourself in
(26:05):
relationships like so important, and you know, my twenties, I
was just seeking validation. I just wanted validation. I didn't
I wasn't even like, oh does this person like me?
Like am I having a good time? Like do I
feel seen? It was just like I need to like
have this validation if this person liking me back, and
you know.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
So I try as much as possible to share my.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Experiences and and and just like you know, encourage them
to think about things and to think about themselves more kindly.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
And yeah, that's what I want.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I mean I kind of also wish I had had
when I was like in my twenties. I wish I'd
had an influencer who was like single, because I felt
like everybody online was in a relationship and I was like, oh,
I'm such a freak, like it's only me, and so
I don't know, maybe I'm like hopefully if they're single,
they can see that you don't die. If you're single,
it's you can have fun, you can have a full life,
(26:58):
and it's actually like a beautiful state of life, and
you should everyone should be grateful for all those stages.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Totally. I also think it's so I don't know. I mean,
I know, we sort of split. I won't say a generation,
but we split a decade, you and I And I
feel like in my twenties, all women were ever encouraged
to ask essentially boiled down to the unasked question, which
(27:25):
was am I being chosen?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Not?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
What do I choose? What do I like? What makes
me feel good? What makes me feel secure? How am
I being treated? It was like what can I do?
And how can I and where can I live? Yeah,
And it was this It was really sort of toxic.
And it's interesting, you know, I've had to come to
terms even with how the pressure that I don't even
(27:49):
know that I was conscious of about wanting to be
a parent and what forty men and all of these
things sort of made me not self interrogate certain things
in ways. Yeah, getting into something that I thought was
one thing and then I realized was not, And like
(28:10):
it was a weird moment for me to sit and
go Oh, I had such a good time spending years
of my thirties being single and I had no pressure
about it. And then I almost feel like that thing
from back then crept back in and I didn't even
see it coming.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, so we've got to talk about this stuff.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Yeah, that's so real. I know, some of the best
years are the single ones, and you've just got to
enjoy it for what it is and like push the
pressure outrage against it because it's just not useful or
helpful at all.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Yeah. Do you think that attitudes like that are changing
in what you see at least with your audience online,
because you know, you talk about the I'm talking about
that pressure, you're talking about body image for example. There
are so many ways we've been sort of consciously or
(29:03):
subconsciously encouraged to make ourselves a little smaller or a
little more self conscious. Do you think it's changing.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
I wish that I could say it was.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
I think like the society we live on is a patriarchy,
and it like thrives off of keeping women down. And
I honestly, sadly think that a lot of the aggression
we're seeing towards women now is a reaction is a
direct reaction to like the Me Too movement, Like I
think that that was a big power moment for women
where we were able to band together and like really
(29:36):
start talking about something that has plagued women since the
dawn of time and something that's extremely difficult and extremely
hard to talk about.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
We've found a way. And my personal opinion is that.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
A lot of like the war on women's health care,
the war on abortion, the war on women right now
is kind of a direct reaction to women banning together
and being like, oh, no, actually.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
You can't do this anymore. We're going to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
I feel like with women, we fight so hard and
we still can only make incremental progress because the odds
are really stacked against us. And right now, I think
like with this current administration, it just feels very aggressive
towards women, and it feels like women are sometimes not
(30:24):
even people in their eyes. Like you know, when I
were always reading the thing about like, oh they're going
to pay women, Maybe they'll pay women five thousand dollars,
like it's an incentive to have a child, and it's
like that's insulting because the hospital built to actually birth
the baby is more than five thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
So that's that's actually insulting.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Like if you actually thought of women as people, you
would address that the fact that there's no universal healthcare,
you would address the fact that there's no manatory paid
like you would address you know, like you would even
address all the problems we have with kids, guns in schools,
et cetera. But they they're not thinking about women as people.
(31:05):
They're thinking about them as a tool to get to
their economic goal.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Well, they're thinking about us as breeders. And the unfortunate
thing is and they really gave it away in that
Dobbs decision when they said they want to ensure a
domestic supply of infants. And then you find out that
there's tech companies that are pitching, you know, oh, Texas
is a great place to build your company because look
at our birth rates, you're going to have a big
(31:30):
labor force.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
It's like, it's honestly weird. It's like, don't does it
not bother you? Like as a fellow human being? Like
does it not bother everyone?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
That?
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Like that's how they're thinking. Like it creeps me out.
I'm like, oh, what, I don't know. That doesn't really
doesn't put me in the mood to have a child,
but whatever.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Yeah, So I don't know. It's just like I think
it's getting better in the sense that I think women
are super aware of like what's happening to them and
what's going on. It doesn't make it any easier, you
know what I mean. It doesn't make it any easier
in the day to day.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
And so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Like the stats are saying women are thriving, that we're
going to college more, more, more single women own homes
in the US over thirty than single men, Like women
are outperforming men in every vertical, But like, why doesn't
it feel better?
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Why doesn't it feel better?
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Because the fact that we are, the fact that, as
you said, we've gained any measure of power, is why
we're being attacked and trying to be relegated to second
class citizens again because they don't like it. And it's
like you forget that it's not a this or that
and us or them. It's if we get paid better,
(32:42):
the GDP of the country goes up, everyone gets paid better,
everyone does better. It doesn't have to be this sort
of totalitarian dogg eat dog energy Like that's so patriarchal.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
It is, Yeah, I know, and that's like not what
women want. They seem like a matriarchy, and like I
know that, I know we don't. We don't want to
like and all men.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
We just want to like get paid fairly and like
not be like have life be so hard, Like it's not,
I don't know, it's it's you know, I'm so proud
of women for all that we've done, for those stats
that you hear, like it's it's really incredible about how
women are just in so many verticals, like really making
incredible advancements.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I just wish that it, you know, felt like more.
I don't know, I felt felt like nicer.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yeah, I mean I wish it felt like we weren't
in quicksand all the time.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Oh, such a good way to put it. That's right.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, that's kind of it for me.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
And now a word from our wonderful sponsors. I want
to I want to pivot to some joy because you
know your book is out. Yes, it's so exciting you
by the way, you wrote a story about women, like
(34:07):
when you think about becoming an author, that's a big deal.
What was the what was the impetus for this Where
did the story come from? Why did you decide you
wanted to write a book? Why did you want it
to be fiction instead of your story? Like, how did
this come to fruition? How did you take literary power?
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I wanted to do something that was purely creative.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
I like, I think that, you know, sharing my life
online is like it's always about me, and I'm a
bit sick of myself, to be honest with you, And
I just like wanted to do something that was like
a story. I've always loved storytelling and stories and and
you know, I used to write these little characters on
my Instagram and I was just like, well what if
I kept going and like finish the church story?
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So I wanted to do something that was fun. You know.
I also think you really need escapism right now.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
I wanted it to be light and glamorous and sexy,
and I wanted you to be able to like drink
rose and read it in one sitting one summer's day
and just like have a glimmer into the world of
influencing in the Hampton's and like just glamorous, fun, sexiness.
So yeah, it's I wanted to do it because.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
I was inspired to do it, and that's like the
purest thing.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
You know, Well, were you drawing on real life experience,
Like have you spent a lot of time in that space?
Where did this sort of story begin.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
I've spent a lot of time in the Hampton's. Honestly,
a lot of it was like inspired by my followers.
Certain questions they would ask me kind of sparked my creativity.
And you know, I made the main character an influencer
because that's the knowledge I have.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
But she's not me.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
It's you know, there might be some easter eggs in there,
there might be a few characters based on real life people,
but she's not me. I just wanted to do like
a creative story, something that was separate from me, and
something that just felt like escapism, like summer escapism.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, okay, And obviously I have to I have to
ask about some of the online you know, narrative about it,
because the novel is it is it's glamorous, it's luxurious,
it's spicy, so sappok. There's been a ton of you know,
(36:29):
conversation and chatter about what's appropriate there and what's not
because you're not a queer woman, but you had a
queer collaborator Gabrielle. But then people were saying, you know,
she wasn't credited properly, And then you were like, but
she's in the acknowledgments, like can you catch us up
what happened here?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
Why do you think it took off that way?
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I don't know. I like, I had the best experience,
Like I think it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Like I'm not a lesbian, so I I don't have
that lived experience, and I wanted to get it right.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I wanted to nail.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
It, and I thought, I think it's also the right
thing to do to like hire a queer voices and
you know, collaborate when needed. And it was an amazing experience.
She's an amazing writer and we had a great time
working on it together. So I don't I'm not really
sure why the narrative like took off like this. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Do you maybe think it's about what certain people think,
Like you were saying what the right term should have been,
like you acknowledge her as a collaborator. Other people said
you can't deny a ghostwriter, and you're like, how is
someone a ghostwriter if they're literally printed as a collaborator. Yeah,
do you feel like it's an x's and o's thing.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
I don't know, Like I think, like when you hear
the word ghostwriter, it sounds like someone just wrote the
book and like a celebrity slaps their name.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
On it, and that's not what this is. So I think, like,
I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
Know, I think we're matter, but like she's literally the
first person acknowledged in the credit, in the acknowledgments, like right, so,
so I think like And also a lot of the
people who are commenting on it haven't read it yet,
so I think maybe when they read it, they might
see more of like what it is and what it's not.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
I feel, so yeah, so we'll see obviously.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
You guys, you know you can't help a grin when
you talk about her. You had a great experience working
with her. What is it like to work with a collaborator?
And I ask, because it's something I think a lot about.
I love writing, but I you know, I'm more of
a classically or you know, partially collegiately trained journalist, like
(38:40):
an op ed or an essay is really my space. Yeah,
when I think about some ideas that I you know,
I am toying with and I'm like, maybe it would
be really fun to write something with someone because I've
never written a book before. What was it like to
sit down with someone? What does collaboration look like? Are
you walking around the city like recording your conversations? Are
(39:02):
you zooming? How is it to learn that with somebody
like her?
Speaker 3 (39:07):
I mean, it's amazing, Like it was my first time
writing fiction, so I feel like I learned so much
from her. She's an incredible writer, and it was it
was a great experience. Like I'm a really collaborative person.
I like to learn all the time, and yeah, it was.
It was great, Like I don't I don't know why,
as is with online, like everything gets twisted into something
that it's not Like it was an incredible experience and
(39:31):
I'm so glad that I did it.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Yeah, well, and that's why I'm I'm like, what is
it like to collaborate with someone rather than you know
what everybody else wants to dissect it into, like were
you guys in the same city or were you were
you doing more phone calls like across the country? You know,
how do you how do you get into the cadence
of a creative project.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
Like that we like, I mean we worked together so
closely and like it would take on different forms. We
were in the same city, but you know, we would
talk all the time and it was very like very
back and forth, like constant communication, constant working, constant talking.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
And yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
That's really exciting. And the book has barely been in
the world and it's already been announced that it's going
to be a show the Fosters sisters are doing.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Is so excited.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
What is What does it feel like now that the
book is coming out? Obviously you've had a while since
it's been finished, and now you're going to start to
develop it for the screen. Do you feel like, because
of how much time you've had with the book, you're
really ready for that. Does that also feel like a
completely new adventure and you're ready to learn how that works? Like?
(40:49):
Where are you in that process?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I'm so excited to be an executive producer.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
The Fosters are so smart and so incredible, and I
am so excited to roll my sleeps up and get
to work. And we started working on it, you know,
start talking to writers, So I can't wait. It's going
to be a new skill more learning, and I'm just
so excited.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
That's really cool. Will you? Will you start trying to
identify like a showrunner first and then go from there.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
We're talking to writers right now, so someone who will
be able to adapt it for the screen. So that's
just an incredible experience. Meeting all these super talented people
and just hearing their ideas about how to best adapt
it for TV is like so cool.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Yeah, I love that. Do you have kind of a
dream cast in your mind or does it feel like
I do? You do?
Speaker 2 (41:38):
But it's on my phone? But it's like, I'm not
saying who it is because I want to manifest I
don't want to drinx it. But yeah, I have people
that I would really love to be involved, so we'll see.
I think if anyone can do it, it's the Fosters.
They're so smart.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
I love this for you guys. It's really exciting when
you think about the book, when you think about Hotter
in the Hamptons, although I guess book show either is
there an immediate craziest Hampton story that's yours or someone
else's that comes to mind?
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Oh my gosh, I have a crazy Hampton story, but
I signed an Nda so I can't talk about it.
Oh and I but yeah, Like, I'm so inspired by
the Hamptons.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
I've spent a lot of time there and it just
is one of those places.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
It's very crazy, always happens, it's always romantic, it's always
like wild.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And so that was all like big and.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Spell for the book as well, just that it's a
place where, like truly anything can happen.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, it's the kind of place that feels like a
character in and of itself.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Just like New York and sexon City. It's like exactly,
it's one of the characters. So I'm excited for people
to get immersed in that world.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
I love it. I can't wait. Okay, I have a
few and they can be rapid or not if you prefer.
But since you are TikTok's big sister, we have a
couple of large, sort of feme questions that we need
your advice on. First of which, what do you think
is the biggest dating red flag.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
When they don't ask you questions about yourself? Oh?
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Yes, and when people are rude.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
To God, that's unacceptable.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
What's your first date deal breaker? Is it being rude
to servers and arrest.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Rude to server, rude to anyone, just like bad energy. Yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Absolutely. Do you think it's ever okay to ghost someone?
We actually got that question a lot in advance of this.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
I think it's okay if you've never met them in person,
like if you're talking on an app, like, I think
it's okay to just it's fine if you've never met
them before.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
But yes, exactly, exactly okay.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Do you think you can ever come back from getting
the eck?
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Yeah? I think it's possible if you really like them.
I think it's solvable for sure too. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
If it's small, I think you get over it. You're like,
oh I can look past this.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Mmm. Interesting. I don't think I've ever gotten over it
because it takes me a little while. You get there, Yeah,
I get there. It's like it's it's like a stick
of work in it. It's definitely done.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
We talked about this a little bit, but more in
terms of your online community. But for you, if you
could give your twenty two year old self one piece
of advice, what do you think.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
It would be?
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Stop worrying so much. It's really not it's really okay.
And you're very young, and you don't need to have
everything figured out.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Yeah, I like that a lot. And lastly, not a
rapid fire question, but what when you sort of look
out at the year ahead of you right now and
all the things you're working on and the place you
are in your life, what feels like you're work in progress?
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
My gosh, myself. I'm always We're all always works in progress,
like we all are. We're never done and it's just
more about like enjoying the journey and enjoying working on yourself.
And yeah, we're never done working on ourselves. I'm the
work in progress, I guess always
Hosts And Creators
Bethany Joy Lenz
Sophia Bush
Robert Buckley
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