Blackisms

Growing up Black, no matter where you're from, it seems like we all had the same experiences. In this episode, the Ellises and the crew talk about the Blackisms we grew up with. Dead Ass. Watch the full video version early on Patreon! Go to https://Patreon.com/EllisEverAfter to see the After Show and more exclusive Ellis Ever After video content. And find us on social media at @EllisEverAfterPodcast, @khadeniam and @iamdevale, @joshua_dwain @_matt.ellis, @tribbzthecool. And if you’re listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
It doesn't matter what island will rock, what continent you from.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Black is black. And I'm fitting approof right now.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
That is absolutely right Because everything that my grandmother and
my mother and my aunts used to get on me
about as a kid, I'm doing to my kids in
the name of cleanliness.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Dead Ass.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Be raw, orse, but most apportly be us.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed. This
is after because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
All right, storytime, Story time, So I'm gonna tell y'all
funny story. Me and my cousin Devonne and my brother Brian.
I'm eight, Davon's nine, Brian is six. We with Auntie.
Auntie comes back from college. She takes us to play
basketball and stuff. So we out with Auntie. We go
play basketball at Nazareth Gym. Right, we come back home

(01:17):
and say Hey, y'all go get a shower, come back,
but dinner right. So us being boys, like we typically,
we all get all towel, we run into the bathroom right,
put on the shower, and we stand there and we
bullshit and we laugh because we think it's funny that
they think we take a showers and we not. I
don't know why we thought that was funny, but it's not.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
So we're sitting there.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
Who's idea was that? First of all?

Speaker 1 (01:38):
First of all, it was it was me collective, no, no, no.
DeVaughn first of all was just like, yo, let me
show you something. And I was like, I just turned
the water on and I turned it off. They think
I took a shower.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Would leader? And then I was bro But but I'm
honest with you.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
I was like, Yo, let's do it. Why I don't know,
but it was just to be due down, you know
what I'm saying. So we stayed in it with the
water running, just waste lord. We turned the water off.
Right the minute we turned the water off, boom bust.
In the bathroom. We're like, yo, Auntie were naked. She's like, oh, y'all,
wasn't getting in the shower. I said, we was just

(02:12):
in the shower. First of all, we're done, we ate right, we.

Speaker 4 (02:15):
All bone dry, but claim we just got out in
the shower, right, and this is her salty behind the ear.
Get your ass in the shower, turn the shower back on,
and said, if I come back in here and y'all
not wet, it's gonna be consequenceous.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
So we was like, I don't want to get beat
with a belt. But so we all ended up getting
in the shower. But it was like, why is that
a thing for all kids to avoid? And why is
it the thing for all black moms, aunts and sisters
to inspect you after?

Speaker 3 (02:51):
Absolutely?

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Because we know you went through that too as Caribbean,
as a Caribbean.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
Absolutely, so that's what we're gonna do now.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
So was it just boys and girls?

Speaker 1 (03:00):
It was everybody getting inspected that we're gonna go take
a break, come back, and I'm gonna ask some of
the Caribbean people and hear my Jamaican masthew.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
Have y'all been through the same blackisms?

Speaker 3 (03:10):
I can get back and bet my last dollar absolute
gonna find all right karaoke time? Oh wait, I had
a heroky song?

Speaker 2 (03:19):
You got one? Let me hear it, Let me hear it,
let me karaoke.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
I lost it. It was I feel like it was
a reggae song about about bathing.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yes, oh my gosh, oh.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
Oh, you're brush your teeth from morning? You know, from morning?

Speaker 5 (03:37):
Was that Red Rad?

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Was it?

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Or was that what's his name from flat Bush?

Speaker 3 (03:42):
I forget who? It was a little vicious AnyWho. Well,
you think of what you were thinking of, Josh, But
the song I was thinking of is pretty much he says,
you're brush your teeth from morning. Mmm, you watch your
fears from morning? And then the something something something. I
think I hear toothbrush calling.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
I think I hear a toolbrush. Colin, I know what
song you're talking about.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Because the reason I love this song was because my
uncle used to tease my eye all the time. Emil
used to sing it, so you used to look at
her sometimes when she wake up in the morning. She'd
be like, you brush your teeth from money? So is he?
And you will put her name in it, and I'd
be like, bro. She used to just laugh. They were
they were super cute when they were young.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Josh will figure it out. Let's take a break, and
when we get back. Yeah, we'll come.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
Back with op no op, right, and Josh'll find figure
out the song that we were talking about.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Have you bushed your teeth from morning?

Speaker 3 (04:26):
Absolutely?

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Absolutely?

Speaker 3 (04:29):
Let me see your nostrils? All right, and we're back.
Let's jump into op or no op. Where's my pedal here?
It is all right? What we got today? Going on trips?

Speaker 6 (04:41):
Okay, I saw something on the internet recently, and I
want to know if y'all have an opinion.

Speaker 7 (04:47):
Or not op or no op? Is a BBL A
deal breaker? He got real quiet?

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Is a b BE able to deal break.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
One? Definitely is? I don't want it. I got this, okay,
the same as Matthew, Josh. I don't want it. If
you're gonna bebl from the Bronx fact, I don't.

Speaker 8 (05:14):
I don't really have a problem with BBA. First off,
I prefer natural. I'll be fine with completely. My wife
is natural. I'm completely fine with that. However, if there
was a situation where she wanted to be b A, I'll
be fine with it. I just know that I will
give my opinion on the appearance of the DBL because
I gotta look at it. I gotta walk with you
with other people looking at it, and I don't want

(05:36):
you to be a distraction.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
You got to be in it.

Speaker 8 (05:39):
I gotta be in it, right. I ain't mad at
being in it. Not in it right, you know what
I'm saying. But yeah, I got real strong opinions about
how the BBL looks.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
I just want the legs to match. Like.

Speaker 1 (05:49):
You can't look like ant life proportion, Like, you can't
walk around looking like a bumblebee cheer legs. Yeah, you
can't have cheers, Yeah, the wisdom, wisdom, truth, ant life,
humble bee, you can't look like that. But if it's
a good BBO and yet your legs are proportion and
you're working out in the midsection matches, I don't see
nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 8 (06:08):
And our purpose is by saying I don't really care
about what anybody does. You can do whatever you want
for your own self and your self esteem and your parents.
If I have an opinion, I will give my opinion
to that BBL and.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
How it looks.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
If asked, gotcha, gotcha? I kind of feel the same way.
My ap is that I'm all for a woman a man,
whoever the person is. Like Josh said, if that makes
you feel better about yourself or if you have certain
insecurities that you feel like you can fix with a
little nip, a little tuck, a little suction, and I say,
go for it.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
You welcome in all BBO allegations this summer.

Speaker 3 (06:40):
Oh I'm welcoming the allegations, honey, but I'd be in
the gym squatting My butt is all natural?

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Can you can you confirm that?

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Confirm that all the jiggle there's.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
You know, it's varied in sizes over time, that it's
varied in proportion, you know, small it is getting a
little smaller and tighter since I've been you know, on
my health every now and again.

Speaker 9 (07:04):
That's like my little treat.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
But I did hear that bbls have some women have
a stench? Is that true?

Speaker 5 (07:27):
More bbs than I had.

Speaker 3 (07:28):
But I have heard, I've heard that there's a thing
now where you can tell some women who have had
baby there's like a smell that some men have said
that they've experienced that, but only with women who have
had bb Again, not everybody would a b BL, but
I have heard that's the thing.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
I think, Yeah, if you have a c BL, I
think you need it. But theay, honestly, yeah, if you're
not used to wiping and you don't know. Yeah, I
do have an that.

Speaker 6 (07:54):
I want to preface this by saying the views of
Triple Art do not reflect of everybody on this podcast.
I would say, you can't be transphobic if you have
a BBL. Now that is the deal breaker. Transphobia if
you have a BBL is a dear deal breaker because
a BBL is gender affirming care and the first women

(08:14):
to get them, damn bbl's was the trans girls. So
you out here trying to look like a doll being transphobic.

Speaker 7 (08:21):
That don't make no sense. Babe. Mm that's my op.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
So you can't be transphobic if you get a BBL,
you cannot. You heard it from Triple guys.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
What's the last we got next?

Speaker 3 (08:31):
For our second?

Speaker 6 (08:33):
Well, I didn't officially have an O no op, but
since we're talking about blackisms and we started out talking
about bathing, I used to date uh Caribbean girl and
she always watched her underwear in the shower.

Speaker 7 (08:46):
Yes, y'all do that? Everybody?

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (08:50):
That is to do?

Speaker 2 (08:52):
So?

Speaker 7 (08:52):
Is it is it a he the no ap?

Speaker 6 (08:54):
Do you think that a girl who does not watch
her draws in a shower is filthy.

Speaker 8 (09:00):
No, I don't think she's filthy, but I do think
that I do see where Caribbean women prioritize that sort
of claiming that it's like, you can't be washing your
underwear with the rest of the clothes, so that's why
it's washed separately, and it's washed as soon as I
take it off.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
It's like a thing with like having dirty drawers laying
around co mingling with other clothing and then also just
having whatever remnants from your underwear sitting. Yeah, it's like
maybe you take it off.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Wash and that's not a curby thing. My mom will wash.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Like sometimes you go in the bathroom and you see draws.
I'm like, well, my mom, god draws. But now I
understand it because yeah, because now I have a wife,
I understand. Like Kay will get underwear and.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
She was like, I have to wash these before I
try them on. Well, yeah, I just well I get it.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
Now your badge is open for men. We don't even
be thinking about that. So that is like a black
mom thing too, because my mom used to do that too.
She used to watch it in the bathroom.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
I will say now that I have my own washing
machine though, and we wash our own clothes together for
the you know, I will wash my club my under
her in the washing machine. Now maybe that's the Americanized
version of me, but I definitely was talked by my
grandmother and my mother to wash my underwear inside. My
aunts still do it to this day. It's just like
part of you know, second nature.

Speaker 7 (10:13):
So you wash them in the shower and then you
wash them in the washer.

Speaker 3 (10:16):
Or you just wash them, just watch them in the shower.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
They hang them to try, because most most underweard the
garments are delicated. You can't put in and dry. I
learned this living with so and when I used to
do my parents clothes, like they would be very clear
with you, like, do not dry these things, hang these up,
And I'm like, I.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Don't want to hang up no underwear.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
Man. My grandmother, bless her heart, she washed her underwear
till the very end, honey. And they were about this
big amen. It was I was like, is this a pillowcase?
His grandma's draws? Okay? And she would say, man, baggy them.
She would put those and hang them to try.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
So I didn't mind hanging yours. Your drawers was like this,
like all right, babe, I just I'll just hang this up.
Put this right over here, y'all draw.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
Yeah, they've definitely gotten to be very minimal.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
Only let me ask you a question to all my
Caribbean massive. Did the women in y'all life inspect y'all
where y'all came out the.

Speaker 8 (11:18):
Shower my sister did. She didn't do it regularly, probably
once or twice. I did the same thing as you.
I went to the back after coming from out side alackism.
She sends me to the bathroom to go bathe because
I'm dirty. I go in the bathroo. I'm like, man,
I want to I want to shower, and I just
go in there. I turn the water on. I stand
there and I think I'm slick, and I stand there
for a good time. I'm thinking it's a good amount

(11:39):
of it's probably like really like five minutes, but I'm
thinking it's like ten because I ain't really doing nothing
on my cell phone.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
I got an iPad.

Speaker 5 (11:45):
I'm just standing there.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
Like just being dumb dirty.

Speaker 8 (11:51):
Honestly, think I went as far as like throwing water
all myself.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
I've done that, like like you get the water. You're like,
he did everything but wash up. Right, you waste all
that time.

Speaker 8 (12:02):
And I remember this thing me coming out the shower
and we got to walk past. We walk from the
bathroom through the living room to the bedroom and my
sister's on the couch and she's watching TV. She looks
at me and she gets up. I'm like, what the heck, man,
and she like, you'll be it? And I'm like, yes,
I made What's what's the problem. She's like, no, you didn't.

(12:24):
You did not be it. And then she like took
my my my child that was wrapped around my waist
and she took it and she dragged it on my skin.

Speaker 5 (12:34):
And nothing but charcoal. First off, I didn't know that.
I didn't know you could do that.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
I didn't know it was like dirt. I was gonna say.

Speaker 10 (12:49):
When I stopped doing that is when I realized, after
one day of doing that nonsense, I'm taking I actually
did take a full shot and I looked down at
the water was like.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
Oh yeah, yes.

Speaker 8 (12:58):
And that's the thing we realized as like I didn't
like you. See as a killer, it doesn't happen anymore.
But as a kid when was outside all day, get
and you take a shower in.

Speaker 5 (13:09):
The tub.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
And washed the showers.

Speaker 3 (13:14):
Oh my god, Devove, do you remember when we went
on a couple trips. This is when we were back
in college, right, so we were staying at like then.
But the line, the light, the light that lit up
Ramatta in just it was going so it was the
ram So that's that's how far back it was.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
Right.

Speaker 3 (13:36):
We scraped together our low coins to go on this
trip with another couple and we yep, exactly and we
had one room right, double beds.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
They went to take a shower before us, and it
was like, yo, yeah, go ahead, go ahead, because this
was like an intransit stop. We were staying there long.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
You never tell somebody to go to this yo before
you grow.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
Do you remember what that tub looked like when the
two of them came out of it.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
I remember seeing the wash class afterwards because it was
white wash cloths.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
We in the whole town.

Speaker 5 (14:09):
In the washing was great.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
They were grey, y'all.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
And me and Kate walked in.

Speaker 3 (14:13):
It and I was like, I looked down and it
was like the film and the ring. I said, what
the fuck did they have one? Did they peel off
a couple of layers of skin? It was so.

Speaker 5 (14:28):
Bad I'll tell you what though.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
You know they was clean now right now.

Speaker 7 (14:32):
After y'all had drove hours.

Speaker 5 (14:34):
In a car in a car and was outside doing that, it.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Looked like they stopped dropping rolled from New York.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
To Virginia outside all day.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
It's just like a quick little trip we traveled. It
was a travel and a quick pitstop.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
This couple in particular, we we all grew up together,
and he, for example, like he would stay at my house,
me and my brother and we'd be playing video games
until like three four in the morning, and then the
son to be coming up and it's like seven, he's like, yo,
I got to get to work. And he would just
leave and just go to work. And we'd be like, yo,
he ain't brush the TV. He just got up and

(15:11):
went to work. So I think what we saw was
the remnants of a couple of days, because I'm pretty
sure if he did that with us, that was like
a normal thing for him.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
And I was just like you at that point, and
I were like, yeah, we might have to have to
overdraft this account and get another room because.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
We didn't go in that shower. I called my pops, like, yo,
that's that's the good thing. About having father. I would say,
school man, I'm away. We got to get our room.
How much is a room?

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Yeah, it was like gotta put in your account and
we just got a separate room.

Speaker 3 (15:46):
Real quick, Starry Tripper, before you go. I just want
to after Josh told his story, when y'all be in
the shower or in the bathroom and the shower is
running for that five minutes, what I typically hear is
that boys don't want to stop what they're doing to shower.
You're already standing in the bathroom.

Speaker 5 (16:00):
Don't make why not just logic.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
There's no logic. We don't know, we don't know. Show
you were doing.

Speaker 8 (16:07):
It ain't work after work to do all this dry
off and I ain't trying do all that.

Speaker 4 (16:12):
Man.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
I'm gonna tell you what it was for me. This
was the only control I had on my life. When
you were a kid, they tell you to do something
every minute of the day.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
Fuck it.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
I'm in the bathroom not doing nothing untill they come
in there and they tell you got to do that too.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
Now, you were there.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Because I got from early. I always always, man. I
got my ass with for not washing up one time,
my auntie for lying.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
I took a shower. Swear I took a shower.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
And this is the only reason why I started going
in to turn the water on was because I went
in there one time by myself, and I didn't even
turn the water on.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
I just went I was young, I was little.

Speaker 5 (16:50):
You didn't care.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
No.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
I just went in the bathroom, went in there, closed
the door, walk right back out, and you thought you
were the smartest. I did, I swear I did. She
was just like you washed up. Yes, don't lie to me.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
It's just like that too, Yes I did. I didn't.
I did, Auntie, I did. Why you don't believe me?

Speaker 1 (17:07):
And she goes into the bathroom and she goes too
the thing and it's and I'm just looking at it
like I.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
Swell washed up. I don't know what happened. And because
I kept lying, I got wood. You deserved it, brod.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
Jack And it's like it's like generation to generation. Jackson
did the same thing to my mom, and my mom
just laughed it off. Kas will go in there and
shower and not wash his face, like wash every other
part of his body, but his face. Face came out
one time looking super dry. Catch your remnants on the
side of his cheek as you wash your face? Yes, Caz,
did you wash your face?

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Uh?

Speaker 7 (17:43):
Huh what?

Speaker 3 (17:44):
It licked his forehead. He was like, say you salty,
go wash your face. That's the telltale sign. And only
mother could do some ship like that is lick your forehead. Yes,
And every morning before they leave for school, I have
a tub of A and D ointment. I got Q
tips for buggers. I got to make sure the hair

(18:06):
is good. We're always cleaning airs, clipping fingernails like all that.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
Mm hmmm, any of yours?

Speaker 7 (18:14):
Yeah, absolutely, my aunt.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
I'm like, come.

Speaker 5 (18:18):
On, I do that now, bro you do yes?

Speaker 8 (18:21):
If we If we at the school door and I'm
doing my last checks and I look at you and
you ain't got nothing.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
I ain't got nothing on me? What was it do
make you go in to asho get this?

Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yeah, that's another thing. I'm all up in these kids' mouths.
I want to see your tongue, I want to smell
your broath. I'm gonna do the same thing.

Speaker 7 (18:41):
My whole day.

Speaker 6 (18:42):
We used to be waiting in the line to get
dropped off at school and my mom out of nowhere,
like your breaths, thinks.

Speaker 3 (18:50):
Like absolutely, but think about it. You know in your mind,
everybody that you've probably encountered, whether it true childhood or adulthood,
who breaths. Think you know them people by first and
last name. They breathsteak. So you don't want to be
that person who in the mind like people.

Speaker 7 (19:11):
That's what my mom used to say.

Speaker 6 (19:13):
I used to be like like I said, well better
than I said it than somebody that they're gonna.

Speaker 5 (19:18):
Talk about it till this day that's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Okay, I got another blackism for y'all. Well, you always
had got good reports in school. I'm not asking you trouble.
I know you got bad reports in school. I did too.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
What do you don't? Please don't put my trauma night
is the worst night in my life from first grade
to school graduate. So let me ask a question.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
Is it a blackism that report card of open school
night is like like traumatic for me?

Speaker 2 (19:45):
For us because it depends a counterparts.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Well, I won't say just a black black thing, because
my Asian friends had it like me like they Pan.

Speaker 7 (19:59):
Indian family.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
Least my Indian friends, Oh god, they be in there
my white friends just like I swear my boy, my boy,
my boy mark He's the first person I seen cursing
his mom. White boy Mark. He was fat, He's on
his bike and he's always out in kanasis doing whatever
he wants, and she'd be screaming, I'm Marked coming for dinner.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
I'm not fucking great.

Speaker 5 (20:23):
He was like, what what do?

Speaker 7 (20:24):
He said, fuck you mom, bitch, you bit you ho
you bitch? You the bitch you say?

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
He never called his mama bitch, but he did say
fuck you, mam, and she she the fuck you Mark.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Going back, I thought, I thought about it.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
I thought about crazy.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, I did.

Speaker 7 (20:48):
I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
I thought about disobeying my mom one time, but I
never in my life thought about cursing at my mom.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
But she told me one time to clean up my
room Saturday. Saturday.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
I went outside to me being defied. This our first
time were living in Come. See, I'm outside with my
friends half and I'm black but I'm white. What I'm saying, Wow,
this is me?

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah, excuse me? Yes? Did you clean this room? Like
I said, looked at my friends, it's my room. What
I'm coming. That's exactly how it happened.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
Bro, I swear I thought about it, and in a
minute I said this my room, and she said, I
knew I friend cleaned all that ship.

Speaker 8 (21:31):
If you got a second guest, asking your mom's like
talking back to your moms.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
You you shouldn't have done it the first place.

Speaker 5 (21:36):
That part, I don't.

Speaker 2 (21:37):
I don't play with Karen Karen. I don't play with Karen,
but I'd rather play with Troy before I play with
Karen Troy. Would you know? Like what my mother not
saying nothing?

Speaker 1 (21:49):
The minute she looks she's looking at you and she going,
this is the tight face, and then it's ye.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
My mother will slap you. And he's five to one.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
So the other thing to say was to come to
us and then be like, don't look down at me.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
What am I supposed to do? Box your teeth on
your cheek? Did stand at the stairs?

Speaker 3 (22:16):
Your throat? I got that so many times? Is that
a Jamaican is a absolutely don't suck?

Speaker 5 (22:24):
Absolutely what what? What? What you're gonna? I'm not I'm
not even flexing on you right right flexing. I'm just
watch you think.

Speaker 6 (22:36):
About Yeah, that's the black mom is because my mom
used to say that ship, bro, don't hit me, you
want to hit me, I'm like I.

Speaker 5 (22:47):
Am don't no, don't block that block disrespectful is.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
Coming at you.

Speaker 7 (22:54):
You're just like.

Speaker 10 (22:57):
That happened to me one time I blocked my mother.
She tried to hit me high school and she swung
and she hit the cheer. Came home from school, my
mother had a brace on her finger. To you, you
caused me to break my finger.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, I knowed hit that. You trying to hit me.
You did cause it though.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
You probably watch my grandmother, my grandmother Nana love her.
If you ever tried to block a movie was disrespectful
and if you ever tried to move or block her.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
First thing to say, what you you're trying to hit me? No,
I'm trying not to get it. He trying to hit me, trying.

Speaker 5 (23:34):
I'm now here comes my big army ground.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
He's trying to hit your grandpa. I'm not gonna hear it.
And he don't even want to hit you.

Speaker 8 (23:46):
He just know he better do it or he gonna
get hit too.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
My grandfathers didn't want to hit us so bad. What
she would call us, just how he would hit us.
He'd be holding us and this would be the belt.
He'd be going like this. Did not tell you, and
we started to get hit to it. So the minute
we got like he don't want to do this, and then.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Be able to leave the room, he's like.

Speaker 11 (24:10):
Okay, my grandfather used to look out for here's another
blacks with corporal punishment.

Speaker 5 (24:21):
Uh, go grab the belt.

Speaker 7 (24:24):
Don't pick a switch to make us go pick our
own switch.

Speaker 3 (24:29):
That was really a thing, the belt thing I got.
I never got beat as a kid because I was good.

Speaker 8 (24:35):
My wife tells me she used to go pick her
switch from outside and her mom used to call a lollipop,
so she was.

Speaker 5 (24:40):
Playing psychological game, get lollipop, you know what I mean.

Speaker 8 (24:45):
Pap used to tell me to go get the belt,
and we had like a place where we had all
the belts were my father And then you go get
the smaller belt.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
Try again, try again, my friend, that is the blackest
thing about.

Speaker 10 (24:57):
The one he wanted in his back pocket, the belt.

Speaker 8 (25:01):
Yeah, you go pick the wrong one.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
So I'm gonna show you a lesson.

Speaker 8 (25:09):
Yeah that's fund did your dad's had the belt with
the thick belt that got has the belt holes all
through it.

Speaker 7 (25:18):
To the end.

Speaker 5 (25:19):
Yes, it gets more dynamic.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
My father needed that because my father was about four
hundred pounds at one point and that only belt he had.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
Was the belts always the end.

Speaker 5 (25:28):
The worst dads get quality belt.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
Sleep my belt.

Speaker 5 (25:32):
My belts like they.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
Bend and shape.

Speaker 3 (25:34):
Dad got the quality feather, the real leather.

Speaker 6 (25:40):
These flip flops they was they had a white strap
over the top and they had like a tan soule
and it was leather. And that motherfucker had that good
bounce BACKO.

Speaker 7 (25:52):
Got a heavy, heavy, thin song and.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
Perfect and the wrist to Yeah, I'm saying, that's.

Speaker 7 (25:58):
Take that motherfucker you.

Speaker 3 (26:01):
Chocolate right, I'm like, damn American, did you guys have
this is? It's just saying that my mother would say
all the time.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
If you lie, you will cheat.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
If you cheat, you will steal.

Speaker 9 (26:14):
If you.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
Jail and don't call me.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
I never got that, you know that I never got
my mother like sheat you still you still you go
to jail.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
If you go to jail, don't call me nobody.

Speaker 3 (26:29):
As simple as did you brus your teeth game before
we left the house and be like, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Kind of text me that, man, I I gotta use that.

Speaker 3 (26:35):
Yeah, man, I was just jail before.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
I've just never got I don't think I sived this.
I used to hear that, And I used to hear
this one all the time. I know, I used to
hear this one. You know, well, you're gonna call somebody
for me, fine, calling for me. I go to jail
and get some rest.

Speaker 3 (26:53):
I'm like, what listen, Sharon and Karen, my mother used
to say that. Yeah, she was just like, call them,
call the police for me. Go ahead, go to jail.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
I don't do this no more. I give up. Do
whatever you want to do. Y'all want to run the streets,
run the streets. But if you lie, you still, if
you're still, you go to jail. Don't call me. Okay,
if you think.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Someone else, your little friends do this, you think you
call them me, call the jail on me. I get
some rest, Okay, Troy, I'm done. Then she go upstairs
for five minutes, come back down and start screaming all
over me and my brothers be sitting.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
There like that's the worst thing. They used to spend
the block. You feel like you heard what they had
to say, and then they go upstairs or they go
downstairs and you think, god damn, they shut up. They
come back up and they spend the block.

Speaker 7 (27:38):
And another thing.

Speaker 8 (27:42):
I used to avoid conversations. I used to avoid conversations
knowing I got in trouble. If I got in trouble
at school, and I know they called my parents do
that week like that that day, I go to bed
as soon as I come home from school. It's not
gonna work. But I just couldn't deal with I feel
trauma and anxiety that I have for the three hours

(28:03):
before my mom comes home.

Speaker 6 (28:04):
Or if you were out and your mom promised you
ass whooping when you got home. I never took a
bath so fast in my pajamas, like good night. She
was like, hell, nine, get your ass that guy give
you a whooping. No, only the boys got whipped, Like.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
You want to give you something to cry for.

Speaker 7 (28:32):
And that's the cry.

Speaker 6 (28:33):
You can't even because I can't even fucking breathe right now.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
Stream in this house tonight.

Speaker 7 (28:41):
I don't know what.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Traumatic right now traumatic.

Speaker 7 (28:50):
Just describing this.

Speaker 6 (28:51):
I always think about how traumatic this is, and I
can't imagine myself hitting a kid. But I do think
some kids need the ass. Agree if they need a
whooping every day, I agree.

Speaker 10 (29:02):
Going back to the school thing, I understood. I got
some of the beings they called from school one time.
I got in first and I turned off the answer machine,
thinking to lead the message. My father gets home late
round six, seven o'clock at night, but he's the first
one to leave at six in the morning. There's answer
machine on. Before he leaves, there's a message blinking rest plate,
Matthew didn't have homework, and Matthew's talking in closet.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
You this message from school yesterday? Why nobody here? That's
from oh that Joe was waiting for him in the morning.
So I got woken up in the morning with a nice.

Speaker 5 (29:39):
You got a well rest your dad?

Speaker 2 (29:42):
Yeah, man, he got.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
All his exact way to start the day.

Speaker 5 (29:45):
He's like ready to start the day.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
But in hindsight, I deserve that. Of course you did.
You did that wrong.

Speaker 5 (29:50):
And then trying to cover it up.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
Yeah, the cover up the crime.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
How do you guys cover up not taking out the
meat to the frost.

Speaker 5 (29:59):
I just to take the meeting.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
You can't cover that, and you forget to take the
meat out, and then she's all her way home and
the ship is not defrosted.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
I got a running under the hot water as fast
as you can. But that's not gonna work.

Speaker 10 (30:11):
It's not gonna work. We gonna work either. But shout
out to the girl I just saw post this online. Parents,
Why you ain't take it out before you went to work.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
That's a good defraud.

Speaker 7 (30:21):
You can't even defrost meet that fan?

Speaker 2 (30:23):
You can?

Speaker 3 (30:23):
You can't.

Speaker 5 (30:24):
You you were relying your sustenance on a freaking ten
year old.

Speaker 7 (30:28):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
You got bigger. Yes, Yes, that's what it is.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
Yes, taking out the meat to defrost things.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
I got one who had went to church, who had
to go to bed at different time on Saturday nights
because you.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
Weren't allowed to sleep in church.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
It was Friday night, Friday nights, Saturday nights in my grandparents' house,
you had to be in bed, right, and if they
hear you making any noise in your ass, work right.

Speaker 2 (30:52):
So it's like nine thirty in the summertime.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
It's me and my cousins, we all laughing, joking, my
grandfather coming there and Charles Ellen, yeah, boy.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Stopped that laughing like a piece of rock. I don't listen,
like as strong as I can be.

Speaker 3 (31:12):
You.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
My grandfather came in with the belt so fast.

Speaker 1 (31:16):
What I was like, Yo, we got beat for being
kids that having fun and loving beat.

Speaker 3 (31:24):
All of us the night before like a piece of rock.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
Like, yeah, we went through a lot of kids. Milendia
has been through a lot though. Man and Matt too,
even though he's.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
Not clearly by my beating, so you could tell him
you got beat. Fact, we don't be beating. Yeah, because
it's the biggest one.

Speaker 5 (31:45):
What's that You got McDonald's money.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Oh yeah, that's the blackest thing. I said that to
my mom. I couldn't wait to say that.

Speaker 7 (31:54):
And then you gotta go home and eat meat loaf
and green beer.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Oh my god, how about your all time you he
can make a burger just like McDonald's and.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
The George Foreman girl and the white wonder bread.

Speaker 6 (32:10):
Oh my, goat this mole or just that that sentence.
I can I can make you that you ain't getting
that ship.

Speaker 5 (32:15):
I make that you never seen Its like a needle,
is right?

Speaker 2 (32:22):
Do it right now? I do it right now. I
don't care. I don't care.

Speaker 3 (32:27):
There was nothing like craving McDonald's and then your parents
driving past it. You was gonna get it and you
had to go home and eat what was cooked.

Speaker 8 (32:33):
But it's the best thing because when you get it,
you appreciate it. Man, we was getting McDonald's ever day.
It wouldn't be the same.

Speaker 3 (32:38):
Wouldn't be the same. It was a delicacy for us.
We used to get it like every now and again.
It was really not It was like an event.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Fast food was a delicacy back then. Now it's becoming
the norm. It's just a different generation. Like our kids
don't eat fast food as much as other kids do
it on Fridays. We only had it on Wednesday. Yes,
And we could get a burger from Dairy Queen one
day a week in the summer time.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
Yeah, you might get pizza, you might.

Speaker 10 (33:00):
Get we get a cheeseburger special from Kennedy Fried Chicken.

Speaker 3 (33:05):
Did you guys have spaghetti at least one time a week,
one night a week.

Speaker 2 (33:09):
Every other week.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
It was dedicated every Tuesday, And I totally understand.

Speaker 6 (33:14):
I still have spaghetti one night a week. Ch we
weren't allowed to eat because made.

Speaker 5 (33:24):
We made macaccinogie.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
But we didn't do it every month. Though we didn't
do it.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
We had we had oh grandparents was Wednesdays there we
had spaghetti Wednesdays.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
Every Wednesday. Friday was either Chinese food or pizza.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Monday, my father made pork chops Tuesday with smothered chicken.
Thursday would be the leftover from whatever we had those
three days. That was like in my house, it was
smothered chicken, pork chop uh, spaghetti leftover, and then fast
food was a rotation, rotation yea, and my father. My
father did most of the cooking except for Wednesday. Wednesdays
my mother cooked on Wednesday.

Speaker 7 (33:59):
Wow, something my dad didn't cook.

Speaker 6 (34:01):
So I ate a lot of fast food, or I
ate at my grandma's house before my dad got married.
If I wasn't at my mom's house. So I've had
every or it was either burging Wendy's McDonald's or red lobster, red.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Man, blackism. Where did you'll go? Graduation? Where you go
for birthday?

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Red with the graduation and we knew it was new
to allerg Oh, red lobster, We're still going.

Speaker 2 (34:34):
Parents wanted my dad had the same meal every time
we went again. I'm getting ultimate feast that was mine.

Speaker 3 (34:41):
Another blackism is putting on the end of everything red lobsters.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Every us, one of us did. I just red because
you wanted over here. I was like.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Speaking of all the things that we had to day
this magic.

Speaker 6 (34:59):
Yeah, yeah, my dad still goes to real Lobster for
his birthday every year.

Speaker 7 (35:04):
All this day day, Preacher's Day.

Speaker 6 (35:08):
You know what I'm saying, Whatever President's Day, he'd be
up in real Lobster.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
You know what's funny, man, I don't I think about
blackisms and even the ones that were traumatic for us,
getting beat up and.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
All that stuff.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
I wouldn't change anything, Like I am exactly who I
am because my parents was being exactly who they needed
to be in that moment we coming off the eighties
crack epidemic. Think about what our parents were fighting against
during that time, right, they all had kids around middle
of the eighties, late eighties, early nineties that was coming
off the crack epidemic, So they was trying to hold

(35:43):
their kids. So sometimes you got to do that a
little bit more aggressively, like no, you're not doing that well.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
The blackisms too. When I think about it, ultimately, it
boils down to the care that we were taking in ourselves,
the pride in ourselves. You know, you think about our
parents and our grandparents generation. All they wanted to do
was be seen as human beings who were put together,
who were civilized, you know, who were clean, who you know,
ey hearn their clothes and even going out to restaurants,

(36:08):
it was like a production. You had to dress nicely
and you had to go out and do graduating. Dress
up for church was the same thing. It was like
a taking pride in oneself that we've.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
Taught absolutely right.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
A huge blackism was pride in how you dressed, like
we were going to show these and we would be
the only people in there with hard bottomed shoes on
their slacks.

Speaker 6 (36:27):
Man, I used to be pissed every Metrio day, every
picture day they taking a picture from hero I wouldn't
have on a shirt with a big ass lace bib
on it, a skirt some opaque stuck and the opaque joints,
some damn pat leather shoes.

Speaker 7 (36:41):
I would be so fucking mad. Can't you just put
a shirt on?

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yo?

Speaker 7 (36:46):
Like this is crazy?

Speaker 1 (36:47):
So funny you say that because when I started, we
went to an all black school when we was growing up.
Then when I transitioned to public school in New York,
I went to school with a whole bunch of other kids,
and I did notice that the black kids dressed one
way during the regular school day, but then picture day
we dressed up other cultures treated picture day like this
is how they dressed any other day. But I noticed

(37:08):
the black ism, like we get dressed the fuck like
it looked like Easter.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
For all of the black kids. Yes, we do. And
that's why if you.

Speaker 8 (37:18):
Get like an engagement session from like right now, like
Black Americans or black in general proms, Yes, it's supposed to.
I got to get decked out. But then you might
look at somebody in the Midwest, it might be a
button down and some jeans.

Speaker 7 (37:34):
A black person he shot fired.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
I'm just saying I've seen proms all over the country, Chicago, Florida,
New York, because it just happened these past couple of weeks.
All these kids is pulling up with Lamborghinis, full tuxy,
some of them not even going to college, but they dressed.

Speaker 7 (37:54):
There was a girl with his address that was made
of money.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
I seen that all one hundred dollar bills. You are broke.

Speaker 6 (38:02):
Yes, yes, the black Mega productions.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
But the truth is, though it comes from that scarcity mindset.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
Our parents and our parents' parents grew up at a
time where black people didn't have much, and the things
that they did have people often tried to take from
them right, So I understand that mentali especially with my grandmother.
My grandmother it was Meta von Brian and my sister Tory,
Tory her hair is like mine. It's coarse, but when
you brush it out, it's healthy. She brushed my sister's

(38:32):
hair every morning, parted it, and manicured it every morning.
Told my sister, when you go outside this house, you
better look respectable because if you don't, it is a
reflection of us, and I'm not having it, and.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
I look like, why you always be on us?

Speaker 1 (38:45):
And she told me, like, Yo, when I was growing up,
black people didn't have much, so what we had we
took care of it, and we taught our kids to
take care of it. And they raised us with an
iron fist. Because same thing my grandmother said when I
was growing up, if you looked at in the wrong way,
your little ass would be hanging up from a tree
and nobody would care. So what kind of made me
understand why they came with with such heavy discipline, because

(39:12):
it was life or death for them always, you know
what I'm saying, Even in how you dress.

Speaker 7 (39:16):
Yeah, we had a.

Speaker 6 (39:20):
Shelf full of toys that had never been opened and
would never be opened because my mama was like, y'all
so damn destructive, y'all gonna tear these damn toys up.

Speaker 7 (39:35):
We never got to play with those.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
At them.

Speaker 6 (39:39):
Yeah, probably we probably got off her Christmas or my
dad bought them or something.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
Then she was.

Speaker 6 (39:46):
No board games and ship. We'd be just looking at
them like I wish I could play candy Land. I
don't know what it's like.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
Trying to cabinet all limits until yeah, cabin yes we did. Okay,
yes we didn't, and we still don't. Can't playing around it.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
You can't.

Speaker 8 (40:10):
Don't even open My mother till this day we'll be like,
don't mess around.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
She called a breakfront. Do mess around?

Speaker 8 (40:17):
Breakfront that's gonna break was terrorized my entire childhood. I
am forty two years ago right now. I still can't
mess around like my little cousins, my daughter, whoever is
at her house.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
You mess around with her break front?

Speaker 8 (40:36):
Is she using anything in there? No, that she going
in and dust it out, nover that she does? She
care about every single thing in there. Absolutely, that's crazy.
I remember as a kid. I remember as a kid
there was a family on our block. There's a Haitian family.
And we saw the we saw one of the guys.
There was a bunch of them that lived in this apartment,

(40:56):
and we saw like the eldest brother like out of
the house and like run down the block and always
like younger siblings and sister like.

Speaker 5 (41:05):
Ran down was like where you're going, know my young mind.

Speaker 8 (41:10):
In my mind, the only thing that I can imagine
that he did that was bad enough that would warned
him to run down a block.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
And everyone screaming for him to come home.

Speaker 5 (41:19):
Is that he broke that Lady Bakro.

Speaker 8 (41:24):
I thought he broke that breakfront, and he was good
because that's how I would have been if I had
done anything in that house to break that thing.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
It's the biggest thing in the house.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
Man, and they value it so much. My grandmother again,
bless her heart, she passed last year, and that was
like one thing. As she was declining, she was like, KK,
you know, I'm leaving the breakfront and the table and
chair set for you. You know, I said, leaving.

Speaker 7 (41:47):
It for what where?

Speaker 5 (41:50):
I think you could sell the stuff in there.

Speaker 8 (41:51):
I think if you ever needed money, I think that's
what the That's what I think because I was hoping.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
I was all that ship to my house. It's china
with the function, right, but also girl like, nobody wants
break friends anymore, and china cabinets and china.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
That was value valuable to me.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
Being able to attain something like that was huge.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Let me ask the question, were y'all able to walk by?
Were you able to walk by the breakfronts?

Speaker 2 (42:16):
Yeah? We had no choice.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
My grandmother, you could not walk in her living room.
She had a kitchen and a den, and the living
room was through the middle, and then it was the bedrooms, right, Yes,
and she'd better see you passing through if she ever
came in that living room and you had stopped for
longer than a second and a half.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
What you're doing in there? Thank you for breaking my stuff.
I stopped to look at the fucking china, lady.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
Fine, that's how crazy my grandmother was about that day.

Speaker 8 (42:51):
I think if my mom had the space, she would
be just like that. I think she had an extra
room to just put her valuables in it.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
You better not be in there, my grandmother didn't. No games.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
I love to let our kids run in this house.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yes you do, Yes, we do.

Speaker 3 (43:05):
Our kids do what they bounce the ball, they be
on the school.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
They different type of black man, these kids in here. No,
it's frustrated, frustrating.

Speaker 6 (43:14):
He a't able to sit in the house and hear
the ball bouncing inside number one on the Yeah, that
can't help regulate.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
Kids want to beat the biggest man.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
They be bouncing that ball.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
I'd be like, how about this, you say, my house,
how about this? They can ride the scooter through the house.
I'll be yeah, watch our dad. I'll be like, yo, Well, yeah,
I got TV kids.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
Good, that's what that is. TV.

Speaker 8 (43:39):
That's how I got the kids that I used to
watch on TV. Like man, never get Yes.

Speaker 5 (43:45):
I got White Mark kids.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
White Markets is my kids. Now.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
I wish my kids would try to curse me and
k I'd have four kids are like white Man imber, He.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
Said, White Markets, those are the kids. When I was
a kid, I saw White Mark and.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
Was like, I said, I wish them kids would try
to curse.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Y'all have to be three boys. One tried. He but
I do love that for them. No, I told my
boys to be free, be free.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
They be back there jumping off the thing and jumping
in the pool and screaming because you know what, I
used to hate to go into the pool with my grandparents,
and she.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Said, don't run, don't smile, be quiet. I'm like, we're
at the pool.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
Everybody else is running around screaming, and if we run
by and screaming, she look at us, You're.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Like a jumps. Oh. She would call my grandfather hit me,
hit me. Ain't trying to drown his brother in the pool. No,
I'm not. We're just playing.

Speaker 8 (44:38):
It is probably it is probably liberating for them. I mean,
they probably don't know what the liberation that they have,
but it is. It is good scene and be able
to be freeing operating that space because you don't know
what that like unlocks.

Speaker 5 (44:50):
You know, for me, it's like trauma, Like it probably
is trauma.

Speaker 8 (44:55):
That's probably like enabled me to like navigate in spaces
and under staying with my parents has been through.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
But your kids, man them niggas. They live.

Speaker 5 (45:03):
They live in a good life, I think.

Speaker 3 (45:05):
Because they have the freedom to do it at home.
When they are in public, they know how to do
and they just chilling. See kids cut loose.

Speaker 5 (45:12):
Yes, that duality they have is great.

Speaker 3 (45:14):
Yes, because whenever we go out, people are like, how
can you get your voice to just fall in line
and they're so cheap. I remember they want at home
the house.

Speaker 6 (45:21):
Yeah, we went to like Dave and Busters for Jackson's
Basketball Awards ceremony, like somewhere that's like the most fun
place for kids to be. And when it was time
to go, somebody said kiro cast that was right there.

Speaker 5 (45:35):
Ellis Yeah.

Speaker 12 (45:38):
I was like wow, all them Wow, And third time
calling them there might be a situation where like with us,
we were just we had to be such a way
when we were at home that you know, when you
get outside, you just bug out absolutely, whereas they don't.

Speaker 8 (45:52):
They don't need to bug out because they can bug
out all they want.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Absolutely when they go outside.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
Like let me just that was the mindset that It
was the mindset when me and Ka talked about it
and we first got this house and they were dribbling
the ball and stuff like that, and at first we
were like yo, chill stop and then we were like, yo,
this this is their house as much as it is
our house.

Speaker 7 (46:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
And if you can't enjoy the space that you live
in and spend most of your time, where else can
you enjoy it?

Speaker 2 (46:17):
So I was like, yo, let them do what they want.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
They'd be spilling stuff the coder right on the wall sometimes,
and I'm like, I ain't tripping because when we go
out and I say, yo, do not write on that wall,
do not jump on that couch, They like, all right.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
Well I do it when I get home, so they
get the duality. Does it makes sense talking about all
right stuff?

Speaker 3 (46:34):
He part of my left. All right, y'all, let's go
ahead and take a quick break and we'll get back
into our listener letter portion of the day. Be right back.

(46:56):
All right, we're back. What you got for us today?

Speaker 2 (46:57):
Baby, I got this listener letter. It's not a long one, okay. Hey,
Kadeen and Duvala.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
I just want to say that I appreciate your vulnerability
and truth and allowing us listeners to have a perspective
into your lives. Well, thank you so much. I am
new to your podcast and have been watching from the
beginning and have gained so many valuable tips already with
just finishing season one. Hopefully I catch up at some
point lol. But I'm a twenty four year old female
from South Carolina. I graduated with the BS in biology

(47:24):
and I aspire to be a nurse practitioner slash midwife.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Okay, that's what's up.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
I often get overwhelmed with life because I feel like
I could be doing so much more.

Speaker 2 (47:31):
What advice do you have for this time period of
my life? My advice is to stop looking at social media.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
So many twenty four and twenty five year olds saying
that they feel like they should be doing so much
more simply because they're spending time watching other people lie
about doing them the most most twenty four year olds
aren't doing anything.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
Why. That's the part of life where you build, you're.

Speaker 1 (47:54):
Doing yo, you graduated, you got your BS, you focus
on being a nurse practition and where you're doing everything
that's amazing.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
Joy embrace it, love it.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Enjoy the journey. My sister just graduated with her nurse
practitioner license in women's health and men betree and all that. Well,
she's not doing midle free, but you are. I mean,
that's a great plan. The thing I envy about some
of y'all twenty something year olds, well A is that
the fact that you guys are so ambitious, and I
think just seeing other people who you feel like maybe
are having the lifestyle that you want, You're like, man,

(48:24):
I should be doing that so keep that fire under
your tip, keep that ambition, keep that drive, but also
know to pace yourself like this is something that you
slowly work towards. And I envy the fact that there's
some twenty something year roles that know exactly what they
want to do with their life and they're working towards it,
because some people are well into their thirties and forties
and still trying to figure that shit out. So just
stay step fast. If you know that this is your

(48:46):
passion and this is what you want to do, just
keep doing it. You're doing fine, You're doing fine.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Yeah, she says she feels stuck. You're not stuck. She
just takes time.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
And that's one because we felt stuck in our twenties too,
And trust.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
Me, we're not saying it like in our twenties we
had it figured out.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
He did it.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Twenty four.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
I felt stuck. Forty one, I feel stuck. And you
know what people say to me at forty one, bro,
take time. You're still at this part of your career.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
So right, so even with all we've attained and things
that we've done, there's still more to do. You're never
gonna stop feeling like that in life. Especially when you
are somebody who is gold driven and ambitious. Any two
cents over there, Josh Matt Tripple.

Speaker 6 (49:20):
Yeah, having goals and ambition ruined my life, so I
would not recommend that shit very tooll.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
You just go off for bus.

Speaker 2 (49:27):
It wasn't real health the fuck out?

Speaker 3 (49:29):
Man.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
No, No, I think you said everything.

Speaker 3 (49:33):
That's good. That's good, all right, y'all. If you want
to be featured as a listener letter, be sure to
email us at the Ellis Advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
That's t h e E l l I s A
d v I s E e A Gmail.

Speaker 3 (49:47):
Your teeth look really good. I inspect him to listen.
You don't just inspect your children, You got to inspect
your spouses too.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
You can't let you can't leave a house, crazy wife.
You always beet, come in, come in, let me see.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Baby, because it's a reflection. Does anybody else agree that
if you or your child leaves the house and your
spouse leaves the house, typically they'd be like, damn, your
mother didn't check for this, so your wife didn't check
for that. Or someone comes to your house and the
house is a mess, it's like, well she ain't you know?
It always typically cleanliness, right, or you look homeless, it
look like nobody loved you. Yeah, we don't want to

(50:18):
have that. All right, Thank y'all so much for joining
us today. Oh wait, moment of truth forgot that moment
of truth on black? Is my truth be from minding
my moment of truth is? I love being black? Man?
I just love being black and all of the isms
I love black and all of the joy, all of

(50:39):
our inside jokes that like nobody else will get like.
I just love being black. That's my moment of truth.

Speaker 1 (50:46):
That's my truth and every everything that comes with being black,
everything that we've been through. It may sound crazy, but
from slavery all the way through mass incarcerations and everything,
I embrace all of it. It's part of who we are.
It's part of what we've been through, is part of
our story. I'm not gonna let the whitewashing of American
history make me feel like that part of my blackness
needs to be hidden. We' donet been through everything, and

(51:08):
we conquered it. So I love it, baby, I love us,
I love you, I love it, y'all, and I love
myself y'all.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
No, please don't my grandfather.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
Rect of bees Cop. He was the sweetest guy. I
love him. I'm missing so much.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
All right, y'all.

Speaker 3 (51:25):
If you're not following us yet on Patreon, be sure
to subscribe so you can get more Ellis After Ellis
ever After content, as well as the After Show and
exclusive Ellis Family content. You can find us on Instagram
at Ellis ever After and I am Kadeen, I am.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
And I am devale A.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
Y'all watching Divorced Sisters too. I don't know when this
is watching my show. I should have been dropping it
in all episodes. But you know, take this ride with
Geneva real quick and see where she gotta go with Geneva.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
I get all the rods with Geneva. Don't listen to
what she's saying.

Speaker 3 (51:58):
Sorry, man, tell him where to find you.

Speaker 10 (52:00):
You can find me at Matt letsp Photo dot com.
You can check out that prince shop buy some Princeville all.

Speaker 8 (52:05):
You can find me at airing envy dot com.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
What's up? Copy?

Speaker 8 (52:10):
And I wasn't copy? She mentioned Geneva and Geneva's wearing
airing out.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
Pick it up?

Speaker 3 (52:16):
All the guys.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Uh that uh that showed divorce systerm.

Speaker 3 (52:19):
So please check out that show Divorces, the show Respect.

Speaker 5 (52:24):
She's wearing Airring Envy all throughout the show Divorces, so
check out airing Envy and on Instagram airing Underscore Envy.

Speaker 6 (52:32):
I'm also wearing earring m V talk about it. Congratulations, man,
you got some photos up on the Prince Shop. Amen,
because we just brushed over that. Like Matt didn't say
he was gonna do it.

Speaker 12 (52:44):
Talk about it coming, be talking about that bad because
it's y'all's damn fault that I'm miserable.

Speaker 2 (52:51):
I'm not you. They're not gonna text me, You're gonna
get fired.

Speaker 6 (52:59):
You can find me at tribs the Cool on Everything,
And if you don't care about my health and mental health,
you can book with me at tribscool dot com.

Speaker 7 (53:10):
I gotta pay this rent somehow, b b L.

Speaker 5 (53:14):
It's in the name.

Speaker 4 (53:16):
And if you're listening to Apple Podcast, be sure to rate,
review and subscribe.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
Three to one.

Speaker 6 (53:25):
Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
Production by Joshua Duwaye and Matthew Ellis. Video editing by
Lashan Rothe

Speaker 1 (55:00):
Sagonagona, Togona,