Desire

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ladies and gentlemen, it is important for you to listen
to this message.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Your partner wants to be desired period.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
Fire your ring designer. They go hand in hand, baby,
And that wasn't karaoke.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,
be raw.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Of course, but most importantly be us.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
This is.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
Because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Storytime, I'm gonna take y'all back to a couple months ago.
This was January sixth, known in our house for different
reasons than y'all know.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
January sixth We all know that's the insurrection day.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
But something very special to us.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Yes, but that's when Kanean got the phone call finally
that she was going to be a lead in Divorced Sisters.
And from January sixth, for about the next eight weeks,
I watched her like dedicate herself to something like I haven't.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
January sixth, let me just make sure we get the
timeline right. January sixth I got the call. Yeah, the call, Yeah,
but I didn't book until the end of January. But
because I got the call, I was focused.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, ye was focused.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
So she was focused, and I watched her work the
way she was working in college when we first met.
In college, K was coming off of being a beast
in in high school. At pageants. She was dancer, she
was modeling, also had a three point I don't know
what it was, gjour, but those are the things that

(01:54):
made me fall in love with you.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
Outside of just physical looks.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
It was watching you dedicate yourself to something and I
was like, Yo, that's a woman who was really focused
on something and it was attractive. And then as you
became my wife and you kind of settled and let
me focus on the family, a little bit of that
fire to go out and get your own kind of
like dwindled only because you were balancing. But for the

(02:21):
first time in your life, you was like, I don't
got a balance. If I got this, I gotta focus
on this. And I watched you only focus on yourself
for eight weeks and I'm not gonna lie. The shit
was wild attractive, Like you was working out every day,
sometimes twice a day. You had changed your eating habits,
you made me change my eating habits, and you had
just become like relentlessly focused.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
And I'm not gonna lie. That was a turn on.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
And I didn't realize that I was missing from when
we were eighteen nineteen twenty.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
It was like that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
You fall in love with somebody, and you fall in
love with them through all the seasons, not.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Realizing like that was the original reason.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
Why I fell in love with her, gotcha, And that's
really made me be like wow, like I want to
get back to that, to that not only for me,
I want to get back to that for you.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
Like ye a girlfriend, K.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
That's what it felt like. It felt like my girlfriend K.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Like I was trying to yeah, like whack them mold
like and I was trying to catch you, and I
was like, wait the fuck ish today?

Speaker 2 (03:17):
But you know what I'm saying. It reminded me of
that summer when you were doing pageants and I was trying.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
To catch you, and right, yeah, that was that summer, yeah,
the first summer that we met where Yeah, but.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
That's what brought me to wanting to discuss this, like
your partner wanting to be desired, because I hadn't felt
that in over twenty years, and I've loved you through
all these twenty three but that was a different feeling.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
Well, I guess I can kind of piggyback on your
storytime scene as though after this we're going to go
into the op or no op, but I didn't realize
in that moment what that was doing for you. In
that moment, I actually just felt guilty about investing all
of my time and energy into prepping for this opportunity
where I just felt guilty about, like, damn, I know
right now, not locked in one hundred percent as mom.

(04:02):
That's why I flew your parents out here to help,
you know, while I was filming and prepping or I
wasn't locked in one hundred percent as wife. So I
was like, babe, come visit me, you know, on campus,
if you can just get a couple hours, and so
we could see each other. So I appreciate knowing now
that that was something that actually from your vantage point,
was more of a turn on than it was. Damn,

(04:22):
my wife is missing.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
I'm matter of fact. I'm gonna let that lay right there.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Okay, let's go in too karaoke, and I'm gonna talk
to you how it created what we are in now.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Okay, so we revisit that.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Okay, for karaoke, I'm gonna go to one of your favorites.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Ready, you said you had the song. You've been You've
been taking karaoke over a lot lately.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
I'm just doing karaoke. You a trouble lie, talk about someone.
I always do karaoke.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
You're only doing it now. You're only doing it now
because we said that before.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yo, trible, I asked you to go back to all
two hundred episodes.

Speaker 5 (04:57):
Yeah, I'm gonna do count she's still tallying this.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
I guarantee it's about sixty five thirty.

Speaker 5 (05:02):
I have all the time in the world. I might
do it.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
Guarantee you're gonna get fired. No, Trip, We're not gonna
get fired. But y'all better not get on the freaking
ig talk about Trip. We're gonna get fired if you
don't count it. I want to know I'm convincing.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Let me go. It's one of our favorites. Tell me
it's not easy. Active Okay, pretty girl, let's take it off.

Speaker 6 (05:28):
In this room crazy, no time, no ways, Hey, good?

Speaker 4 (05:35):
Just what to.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
Whoa? We got a lot to try to get it
right girl. Hope you're ready.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
Hope You're ready.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
That's my favorite part.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
I'm pretty sure that's not even that part of the song,
but I jumped to that part because that's my favorite part.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yo, you said, Yo, that was take You Down. That's
a good one.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
Two thousand and seven, that song came out.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
I always am impressed with how you remember years, because
I don't remember what I have a breakfamember morning.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
To be honest, I think I'm autistic sometimes because numbers
just stick in my head. And I remember two thousand
and seven because it was also my second year in Detroit.
That was the first year we were living together on
our own and you had you had graduated from college. Yes,
and it was that song.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
It was Lloyd Lloyd huge, it was huge at that time.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
And American Gangster.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yes, yeah, those those definitely reminded Ryan Lesley.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
That was around that time, Yes, two thousand and seven,
two thousand and eight, Yes, but I remember Chris Brown
came out. Yeah, selection that that's that was nice?

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Was nice, yan Les was nice?

Speaker 7 (06:42):
That was when I was in high school.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Shu manu.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
To like, I'm a grown man trying to high school
biology class.

Speaker 4 (06:58):
Making very ape zero on our box.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
I don't know, bro, are you watching.

Speaker 7 (07:04):
Watch your Mother?

Speaker 2 (07:05):
He just made you?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Did you just make the cut?

Speaker 7 (07:07):
Watch your Mother?

Speaker 2 (07:13):
He just made it.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
Here's my fidget spinner?

Speaker 2 (07:16):
You remember thee Remember that one of our kids had
to finished Jackson?

Speaker 3 (07:22):
Yeah, because it's like a thing at that point where
they had different colors.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
They I never understand that.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
They said the kids used to be distracted in school
and acting crazy, so they gave them fidget spinners.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
That seems like that's the worst thing you can do, Bro.
Make my kids sit down with the board.

Speaker 4 (07:38):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (07:38):
Yeah, all right, Well, as millennials go, pay some bills,
since we're the oldest ones in the room clearly, and
we'll come back and we'll get into op or no opp.
All right, well, before we jump into op or no ops,
so let's go back to your story time real quick.
We can just touch on that.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
So it kind of threw me because right now it's
like it's like I'm in heat for the past two months,
I've been wanting my wife right, and it's been because
I've been seeing you in a different light that I
haven't seen you in in about twenty years. Like once
you started having kids, it was like you focused on

(08:20):
making sure that you was extremely maternal and nurturing and
was focused on them right. And we talked about it
all the time. When you're nurturing kids and growing kids,
your spouse can't always come first, you know what I'm saying.
It's like, it's like, all right, the babies didn't ask
to be here, So since they didn't ask to be.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Here, we have to make sure that they're taken care of.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
But as the kids started to grow, you and I
started to realize, like, hey, the kids can't always come first.
So then finally with the kids being grown and then
being in school, and you had because this is the
first year, it's like everything happened in God's time. The
code has started going to school in August, which actually
gave you the time over the last quarter to be like,
let me focus on myself a little bit, let me breathe,

(09:02):
because it was no kids at home for six or
seven hours. So when I was watching you from January
sixth until about April. It was like, y'all was watching
my girlfriend in college. There was no kids hanging off
for you. There was no mommy, mommy, mommy. It was
like she's in the gym and then she's studying with Leland.
That's how school was. Yeah, and it was very reminiscent.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
But it gave you some time to miss me, I think.
I think that's ultimately what I guess helped a bit
because you missed me a little bit.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
Well, I missed you always. I missed you when you
were having kids like that, missing you wasn't It was
watching you work too.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
You don't be missing me.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
I do miss you.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
It was watching you work.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
But that's what made me realize that your partner wants
to be desired. Yeah, right, Like I think that people
take for granted when you get married or you're with
someone for a long time, like, oh they loved me
for what it is now that person wants to be desired.
And when I watched you get into like the best
shape of your life, and I started to like clamor
for you and want to be with be like yeah,

(10:01):
this is what And I was like that's what I want.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
To I was also very knee deep in developing out
Geneva as a character, So we never, even on the podcast,
spoke about that whole process.

Speaker 1 (10:11):
Maybe we need to do a yeah process.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
Yeah, but I was also building out a character simultaneously,
and because I was so locked in and I was
literally studying with my coach three four or five hours
a day, at some point I couldn't. I think you
couldn't differentiate, nor could I who you were dealing with.
Was it Kadeen or Geneva, Because as actors, it tends
to be sometimes muddied water, especially when you're going through

(10:38):
the yeah the process of just like, am I turning
off Geneva or is my mind still going as Geneva?
So a couple of times so I would be like,
is this k Facts I'm I talking to right now?
You know, because when he's Zach and he's preparing to
go to film, it's the same thing. Sometimes he's a
little short, he's moody, and I'm just like, Okay, I
know what his process is. So I don't take it

(11:00):
to heart because I'm like, oh, he's prepping, you know.
So I guess that's the benefit of two actors being
in a relationship understand it because it's like we know
what it is. Yeah, we know what's required.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
Even even Matt has said to me a couple of times,
like I could tell when you're about to go film
because I just have like a different energy.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
You know, no, I have no.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
First of all, when you're getting ready to go film,
there's that anxiety if I got things to do, so.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
You're always short because of that.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
But then when you're building out a character, it's like
the things that and it is important for people to
understand about artists. You have to have your emotions on
your sleeve and relating to respond to whatever's going to
happen in the scene. When you're preparing your instrument for
that weeks out, that tends to be what happens at
home sometimes. So now your partner or your kids are
someone that you're working with says something that triggers what

(11:46):
you're working on for your character, and you respond that
way that happens like that is a real thing. That's
why you hear some people say, yeah, these actors are
like crazy, like their's schizophrenic. It's a real thing. But
watching you just be so dedicated to something raised my
desire for you. But I also saw how my desire
for you, like it raising for you, put you in overdrive.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
And now it's just like, ye'ah, I want more of that,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
And I think that we as a collective should discuss
how we lived through a time where.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
Letting yourself go was just seemed to be okay.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
Like, oh, COVID was a COVID was a big thing.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
I didn't even I didn't even think about that. We
live we you know, millennials. You lucky, you're a millennial.
We lived through a.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
Lot with COVID, though it was kind of like a
collective we gave ourselves permission to let ourselves go because
nobody knew what was happening. Nobody knew what was going on.
It was just like, all right, well, we're just surviving
day to day with this unknown. The only person who
was just like, I don't care what's going on. I'm

(12:54):
gonna be working out every day was de Velt.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Nothing else to.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
Do, and then we all kind of started doing it. Yeah,
but the whole household and there was nothing else to do.

Speaker 8 (13:01):
When we were in Calabasas, Like Matt didn't have to
do anything because he was doing.

Speaker 4 (13:06):
He was doing school at home during uh COVID you was?

Speaker 2 (13:11):
You was just seven? Chin, he's getting home school.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
Oh my god. Well, let's spiral oper so we can
tie it.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
Back from now on. Matt's gonna be a toddler. You
got your bed, Matt the toddler man younger than me.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
No trouble, groom, don't try to deflect what why was
gonna snatch though?

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Trible? The heat is on me, triple younger than.

Speaker 5 (13:43):
He tried to give me.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
I'm cutting it out, cutting out.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
His wife younger. I'm twenty twenty two, sliding.

Speaker 7 (13:52):
His wife already blocked up from back.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, wait to take ahead, Matt, lot you she's really did.

Speaker 6 (14:02):
I ain't seen none of her content in a minute.
I don't even worry about it. I was working out
during COVID too, actually, and so much so that I
posted a picture of my bare ass on Instagram all
my stories what because it looked amazing?

Speaker 1 (14:23):
Okay, Oh, I asked, if you want to put your
bears out shaved that bitch?

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Okay? I bet on Instagram?

Speaker 5 (14:35):
My butt is not here?

Speaker 6 (14:37):
Okay, all right, making sure, Okay. So this is something
people have been talking about on the internet. Recently, so
there was a guy named Telvin Osborne who was killed
by his white girlfriend. He was shot and at first
she told police that they were in argument and he

(14:59):
came at her the knife, and then all of a sudden,
it was that she was looking at her gun and
it went off. And so recently she was just acquitted
because they said it was an accident. Now here's where
the oup comes in.

Speaker 5 (15:16):
Delvin Osborne.

Speaker 6 (15:17):
When this news came out, uh, some comments that he
made online about black women resurface. And during this uh,
when the aquittal news came out, those comments resurfaced again.
So one of the comments that he made on Twitter,
he said, I'll fuck a dog before I fuck a
black bitch. It gotta be a white dog though, And
so people are like, hm, anyway.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
Karma working yourself out. It so operno.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Foolishness that is unanimous.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
No, and I'm not condoning any kind I'm not condoning violence.
But it's just like it's hard for me to to have,
you know, our feelings, like I just sir, yeah, I
really have no Op.

Speaker 8 (16:10):
It's unfortunate that he's passed away. Yeah, but should have
made those comments, bro, because you.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
Know, one thing about comments, They are always going to resurface,
like people are going to dig up receipts, So the
comments section, the receipts, the screenshots are very unforgiving.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
I feel bad for his parents, you know, because he's
a black man. I'm pretty sure his mom is black,
you know, I don't know. His mom may be white,
but his mom might not be around, might not be around.

Speaker 5 (16:37):
I think other people in his family also are like
anti black in the way that he is.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
My thing is, no one deserves to die for their opinion.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
But also we don't have to care, you know what
I'm saying, Like, no one is saying like he deserves
to die. But at the same time, if you don't
care for black women, you don't care for black people,
don't expect black people to care to.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Then have sympathy, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Like that's just how it feel about.

Speaker 5 (16:59):
All right. It on quite quickly, so recently on Poor Minds.
I love Poor Minds. It's a guilty pleasure.

Speaker 6 (17:06):
Andrea and lexp shout out to y'all, that's gonna be
a great episode. But recently they posted a clip from
an episode and Drea said, you cannot be a bad
bitch if you stank behind the ear.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
So I wouldn't know for no ap on that.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
It's just that I agree the whole stink behind the
ear situation, no man or woman should, no adult like
is the consensus at least here with us. The fact
that was like a staple when we learned how to
wash ourselves.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
Yeah, my mother didn't play with that. My aunt Aunt
Monique shout out to Aunt Monique. She would do this
and be like, go back in the shower, go back
in the shower, back, come on. We got to ask
ourselves why when we was little kids, while we just
hated getting in the shower, it was like a pet
peeve bro.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
I'm gonna go wash up. You was outside for eight
I was playing every sport and on the man.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
I mean that's always too sometime, just like we have
the shower now and it's just like why not.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
It just takes you away from what you're doing, That's
what it is.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
But to get back to to Drea though, if I
go to hug a girl and she's beautiful and I.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Go to give her a hug, and it's like.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
I can't. I can't then say you a bad bitch. Yeah,
you just bad bitch.

Speaker 4 (18:35):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (18:37):
Have you had that experience triuble where you went to,
you know, either be intimate with a girl or get
closed or whisper sweet, nothing's in her ear? And then
you choked off the stage.

Speaker 6 (18:46):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (18:46):
Actually really yeah?

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Man, She laughed and looked away. I don't even want
to hear this story anymore.

Speaker 6 (18:54):
I had a girl come visit me from out of town,
and she didn't shower when she got in, and then
she didn't shower before we went on the date, and then.

Speaker 5 (19:07):
She didn't shower when we got back.

Speaker 6 (19:09):
When we got back, it's time to fuck now, Like.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
All right, because if you go shower, people might fall.

Speaker 6 (19:16):
Asleep some some women, Like I had a woman be like, hey,
can I take a shower?

Speaker 2 (19:21):
You know?

Speaker 6 (19:22):
When we got back to my house. I'm like, yeah, absolutely,
you know what you smell like? I don't get all right,
you got it. You have a moment to make an impression,
all right. This girl really didn't care. And you've done
a lot of things throughout the day, you've eaten. The

(19:43):
only way to really get the poop off you is
to take a shower.

Speaker 4 (19:46):
You can't.

Speaker 5 (19:47):
So that was that was funky, but.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
I finished, But did you still smash?

Speaker 5 (19:52):
I smashed?

Speaker 2 (19:54):
I did.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
And the moisture behind the ears, yeah she an't.

Speaker 6 (20:00):
She had moist ears, not the under the arms she had.

Speaker 5 (20:05):
I mean she didn't shower that at all that day.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
Well you still took it down, trouble. Why not?

Speaker 5 (20:10):

Speaker 6 (20:13):
You know what I'm saying, like seasoned, ain't nothing wrong
with a little funk everything.

Speaker 2 (20:19):
From Sinners, remember the young boy and Sinners when Shorty
walked all the way to the remember that, yup, yup.

Speaker 4 (20:33):
You You you.

Speaker 6 (20:34):
Got to let the coucie marinate sometimes. You know what
I'm saying, A little marination. Ain't ain't nothing but a
little sauce, little season.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
No, I can't agree with that, bro.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
But it was it was.

Speaker 4 (20:48):
Shower bath.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
What do you want to call it? Not judging, but
gotta take a shower, bro.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
If she's gonna climb up here, she climbing up here
off that delta flight.

Speaker 7 (21:04):
Success.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
Can you imagine the close quarters? And no, that's the
first I think that's like customary, the first thing we
do when we get off the fight and come through
the door. It's like you strip off your clothes, go
right into the shower.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
Sure, yo, don't paint on play.

Speaker 4 (21:22):
Yo, No, I want.

Speaker 8 (21:27):
Will say listen, if I see your ankles, it's gonna
be a problem.

Speaker 4 (21:33):
But if you don't want to, babe, it's like your
mama better season.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
She tastes like curry, this is so wrong.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
We sorry.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
Yeah, So as we spiral into desire.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
We're gonna spiral it to desire all that.

Speaker 3 (22:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (22:06):
So that's why I kind of picked that opera a lot,
because we're talking about desire today and what makes a
bad bitch really?

Speaker 5 (22:13):
What makes you want your partner?

Speaker 2 (22:16):
What?

Speaker 6 (22:17):
What do we think like keeping yourself up is when
it comes to romance, relationships, sex, what is it?

Speaker 1 (22:24):
Me and Matt were talking about this working out and
especially for dudes, because of course, desire goes both ways, right.
A lot of women think that men just we want
you to just want us just sexually, and that's not
the case. Like we talked about this a couple of
weeks ago. I was like, yo, k be focused on
everything moving through the day and at the end of

(22:45):
the day, she gonna make sure, Like yo, I'm gonna
make sure that val Get is fifteen twenty minutes and
then the next day she was the matter. I'm like, Okay,
we had sex, but that's not what I want it,
like I wanted to Like that's been our new thing
is like I want to be desired, Like I don't
want to just be honed and me make sure my
husband have sex because we've gotten past that. Like before sex,

(23:07):
we talk about sexual time and it was an issue
of how we was going to make sure this can
handled and stuff. But now it's like we just don't
want sex just that from our wife. Like I want
to be desired. I want you to know the things
that I want to do. I want you to know
the things that I like. Let's let's for example, you
know I like films. You go choose a film that
you typically wouldn't want to see, but you know I
want to see.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
You get the IMAX tickets.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
And yeah, you know it's like, Yo, she desires me
enough that where she's interested in the same things I'm
interested in. Maybe you don't like it, but she took
interest in knowing that I like it, and men need
to do the same thing for women, Like just desiring
your women don't mean that, YO, make sure she stays
in safe so you can have sex. It's like, what
does your wife like to do? Does she like to travel?

(23:50):
Does she like to crochet? Like, what are things that
she likes to do that you can be a part
of during that time during the day with me. Well,
you just told me the other day that you want
me to start learning how to cook right and and
do other things. And I'm actively working on that.

Speaker 3 (24:05):
Just just for the record, but.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
I wanted to give a random example.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
So it's not always about us, but the things that
you say that you want me to try to do,
even though I don't like doing it, I've been taking.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Steps because I know that that's how you feel that. Yeah,
I got the apron sugar on this small thing now.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
But you know what I'm saying, Like y'all both married,
you know what it is as a husband, Like it
isn't always just about at the end of the day,
we gotta have sex. We want to be desired for
being people like humans like I Like I found out
now that I like to.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Do interior design and I'm interested in that.

Speaker 6 (24:42):
You know, as men do you find that it maybe
comes naturally or something that women do is to like
romance you in that way.

Speaker 5 (24:53):
I know it's something that Kadeen does.

Speaker 6 (24:54):
And y'all really been married since, you know, for a
long time, so maybe you don't have experience with us
their women back is.

Speaker 7 (25:02):
Not an explain that again.

Speaker 5 (25:05):
Like do women romance? You have you been romance by women?

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Process?

Speaker 5 (25:10):
Is it something that comes naturally like.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
In the beginning, I feel like like in the beginning,
I feel like Kay romance to me, like like she
would ride to school, make my bed up, leave notes,
like leave like handwritten notes.

Speaker 3 (25:21):
Yeah, speaking of which, I think black love asks for
some like handwritten notes we have.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
I have some. I have a whole shoe.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
But I used to write letters to this like okay,
I mean pouring my heart out in letters to him.
So that's my Now. If I do leave for a
trip or I go somewhere or whatever, I got those two,
I still will leave him little notes. And I mean, granted,
don't got time for four page letters know anymore, but
I'll leave him a letter because I know that that's
nostalgic of when I used to have to leave to
go back home and we were in college.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
But but that's romantic, like men like romance.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Too, Like I saw a joke yesterday, and there was
like men get to be two things, angry and fine. Right,
it's like a man walks on my I forgot the
comedian because I really don't want to take his joke
as if it's mine, because I understand that. But he
it was so funny. He was like a man walk
in the house, just like, why the fuck you do that?
Didn't I tell you about.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Angry?

Speaker 1 (26:11):
And then he go back and his wife was just like,
I'll leave my side, throw him a beer. He'll be fine.
Then he comes back inside, babe, Okay, He's like, I'm fine.
Why are you asking me? Didn't I tell you I'm fine?
You're asking men? Men only get to be that. And
I gotta find a comedian because the joke was a
liar's but it was very true.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
It's very very true.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
But that's how men really feel sometimes. It's like I
want to be desired, you know, I want you to
romance me a little bit. I want it to be
more thoughtful than just bending over and giving me some pussy,
like we don't always just want that.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
I will receive that, and I will absolutely by the way, Bill,
thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
Shout out Bill, than of Bill, because that made me
laugh out loud, but it also spoke to my soul
shout out.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
To my boy.

Speaker 3 (26:53):
I think it's sometimes difficult as women, Like if I'm
I can speak to my experience trying to romance man, right,
I think it's a little easier sometimes for men to
romance to women. You can do flowers, you can do
the balloons like girls like the grandature, like the theatrics
of the thought that goes into something like flowers and balloons.

(27:14):
I usually get stuck with what do I do to
romance in a grand gesture something for my spouse, And
it's hard because I can't. It's not just any one
little like thing that I can do to make it
look big, because that tends to be what women look for.
So how do you as guys like what to you
would be a grand gesture of romance? So for Devaleni,

(27:35):
sometimes just type babe, I know we've been busy. I
booked a trip for us to go away so we
can have some time together. Or it's like yo, you know,
going to dinner, get stale, go into a movie, gets
de see.

Speaker 8 (27:45):
I don't think it needs to be grand thank you
job right, it's the gesture, Yes, or maybe a series
of gestures that makes it romantic.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Right.

Speaker 8 (27:54):
For example, it doesn't need I don't need rose petals
on the floor. Now, if you got like maybe like
twelve roses that you want to sprinkle that.

Speaker 4 (28:02):
From the door to the bed. Fine, it don't got.

Speaker 8 (28:04):
To be like a whole row of like a billion pedals, right,
It's just a gesture.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
It is one like red piece of lingerie.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Like.

Speaker 8 (28:14):
It's small, it's subtle. It's a candle. It's the room.
It's dark, like, that's what it is. It's the movie.
It's I get into the room and it's Netflix on
and we got a movie that's planned out and it's
not me and you plan it.

Speaker 4 (28:24):
What do you want to see?

Speaker 2 (28:25):
Babe?

Speaker 8 (28:25):
It is small, don't ask me, Just just do something
different something.

Speaker 4 (28:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (28:29):
And I'm not talking to my wife. I'm not talking
to my wife. I'm talking in general. I'm talking in general.
Women need to understand that we want to be deep,
you know. No, I'm just saying the whole premise is
it doesn't need to be grand, it doesn't need the
first thing, we're simple. I would say that we are

(28:51):
we are simple, like we're complex beings, but in our core.

Speaker 4 (28:57):
We just want the things we want and we like
what we say is we we.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
That's that's the issue.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
It's like she'll say, I don't know what to get
the guy or grand gesture for the guy, and that's like,
I've told you for twenty years exactly what I want,
but that's not grand.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
That's the problem. You want grand.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
Yes, men don't need a grand trip with If a
guy says, hey, babe, I like when you put your
hair in the bun and you put on that that
red longest rad with the one candle, a lot of
times the women be like, you want me to put
that bun all.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
The time with the red thing?

Speaker 3 (29:33):
What you ah?

Speaker 2 (29:33):
And that's what a lot of women don't realize.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
It's not about what you that's definitelyect because it's the
same thing for men.

Speaker 1 (29:39):
Men will be like, you want me to do a
grand es to all the time, and women are like yes,
and we like, it's the same thing. You want flowers
and diamonds and trips all the time, and women be
like yes, So we say yes.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
And when we say we.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Want something small all the time, y'all say it's getting stale,
and y'all expect us to change to what y'all want
to give us, and then we don't want to do that.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
So yess because as women, we like grand gestures. If
I don't have a grand gesture in return, I feel.

Speaker 4 (30:04):
I feel inadequate.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
Exactly.

Speaker 8 (30:07):
For example, I think even our like love languages. For example,
that might be a part of it. My legal language
might be giving or receiving gifts. We might have the
same love language, but we probably have the different intensity.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
Right.

Speaker 8 (30:20):
My gift might might be something small. Your gift might
be something very, very expensive and valuable.

Speaker 4 (30:25):
Right.

Speaker 8 (30:26):
So I just think it's just an understanding what we want.
When we say simple, I mean simple, just.

Speaker 4 (30:33):
Get it done.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
I don't. I don't.

Speaker 4 (30:35):
I don't need to give you feedback on what it is.

Speaker 8 (30:37):
I just I just want to get done and you
will accept it as it is because you listened to me.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yeah, I just want you to expound on this, because
this was a roadblock we fell into. You said before,
I don't want to have a discussion about what we're
going to do if you're doing something for me, Yes,
Can you explain how it takes away the whole romanticism
when a woman says to you, just tell me what
it is right before and then I'm gonna do it.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
It's like, that's not romantic.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
The romantic is the thought I want to be desired,
which means I want you to think about what does
my husband really want in this moment. And I'm not
talking about sex. I'm talking about it's my birthday. You
know that this new Tom Cruise movie came out and
they only have certain amount of seats. The fact that
I don't have to say to you, Kaden, this would
have been nice of you did that, and you just

(31:24):
did that. I know it's small to you, but to me,
it's like she thought about me without having to say it.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
When I have to constantly say.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
Why don't you do this, why don't you do this,
Why don't you do this, It's like I'm dating myself
and now all the romance is coming away from it,
and it's like I've been having to say that and
now it's just like, oh, you always got to say it.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
It's like, yeah, I gotta say it, because you won't
do it if.

Speaker 4 (31:46):
You just do it.

Speaker 8 (31:47):
At the end of it, you just wanted to be
desired in the first place, so it takes out what
you're saying. Is I don't want to give you. I
don't want to help you make me feel desired.

Speaker 4 (31:58):
Yes, right, we.

Speaker 8 (31:59):
Can talk about out what it takes to get you
get for me to feel like I'm desired in general,
But when it comes down to it and you're actually
doing the deed for me to give you input in
terms of how I'm being desired or what I want
to feel like, or you romanticizing me, it takes away
from it.

Speaker 3 (32:14):
From the whole thing. So essentially we're saying is that
women need to get out of their head about what
it is they feel like. Your man is gonna want That's.

Speaker 4 (32:22):
What you're saying.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
I was gonna say with Josh. We're not saying what
women need to do.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
Like.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
What we're not going to do is man's plain. What
we're saying is what we like.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Yes, And the thing is we can talk about social conditioning.
As young boys, we're told from young make sure you
know what that young woman likes. Make sure it's like
we've been conditioned from young to be able to see
what y'all need and desire.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
At least good men on every man ain't.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
So let me not say every man, but good men
when they find a woman it's like, Okay, she likes
that she desires, I'm gonna make sure I can provide that.
I don't see a lot of young women being told
how to cater to a man. It's often being told opposite.
You don't cater to a man. You focus on yourself
and let him cater to you. But what happens is
that becomes one sided in a relationship because now he's

(33:09):
constantly catering to you because it's happy wife, happy life, and.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
It's not like, well, what are you doing for him? Well,
he and man, he'll be fine.

Speaker 4 (33:17):
I wouldn't say for all things. I mean, I didn't say, oh.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
I think that's why I'm saying we can't generalize.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
Yeah, I think it's millennial. As a millennial woman, and
I can only speak to my experience. I was not taught,
I guess by women older than me who had already
been in relationships and marriages. With the exception of like
one person, I think it was my aunt's who's the
value and the need to be of service and cater

(33:45):
to your husband. A lot of time, the narrative was
you got to make sure that you're taking care of yourself.
You have to make sure that you're an independent woman,
and that that was what was instilled in me even
my mom. My mom was very much like you need
to be a contry cottributing member of the relationship. Like
it wasn't a lot of focus put on this is
what you need to do in order to keep your

(34:07):
husband happy or to be you know, what your husband needs.
Now that can be very general because everyone's husband requires
something different, but that just was not the conversation when
I was growing up. But what I did observe, and
I think the reason why I was able to early
on know how to take care of you was what
witness sing my grandmother. You know, she's from the school
of very old school, where you know, she would cook

(34:29):
for my grandfather and before anybody could eat, his plate
was taken out, it was put to the side because
when he came home from work, she was heating up
the food for him. They would sit together, they would
eat and all that. So I think you're right in
that there really is not a lot of focus placed
on telling women how to then cater to your man.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
I understand what you're saying, and I do think that
socioeconomics played a role in that. Right, If you think
about your grandmother's generation. Absolutely, that was during the time
when women weren't working right. So women their job in
Jamaica back tone was to take care of the home.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
That's what they did.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
Because your grandfather was traveling to Canada, traveling, he was worse.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
Sending money home and she had to manage that in
the household.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
But think about the next generation, right generation was our
mom generation because socio economics changed and women now had
to be in the workplace, and it's happening even more now.
Kadean pulled up annual incomes I mean average incomes for
median households in New York. In order Todd to be
middle class in New York, you have to make one

(35:31):
hundred and eighty seven thousand dollars. So if you just
think about that, right, one hundred and eighty seven thousand dollars,
you need dual incomes. So the training and the teaching
for young women from those times was yo, you have
to be a contributing factor. Make sure you bringing That's
why to me, it's not a blame. People understand where
we've come from through history, through socio economics, and like WHOA,

(35:54):
there was a whole generation of women who had to
help in the household, but then also had to go earn.
So what do you tell your daughters. Then you're like, yo,
you got to go earn. Go put you know, put
your big panties on, go to college, get a degree.
And then you have a whole generation of those women
who were taught that's what they needed to do because
that's what we needed. And now you have households where
people are making a lot more money one family and

(36:16):
they're like, well, I'm looking for a woman that will
cater to me. But there's been a generation of women
out of necessity had to be earned.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
I'm tired, but they both get home, we both are working,
and we both are tied. I was so tickled when
your grandmother, Nana, bless her heart, when when I first
started dating and everything and we were talking about you know,
she was like, oh, what do you want to do
but work? And I'm talking about school and work and whatnot,
and she was just like, I don't know what it
is with y'all new age women that want to work.
Never day in my life to that, I said, I

(36:46):
wanted to work nowhere, so y'all can continue doing that
and do whatever it is y'all.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
Want to do.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
Y'all want to work, y'all want to work. See how
that works out for you? And I laugh now because
here we are fast forward what twenty three years in
and now there's a contingent of women seen on social
media that was just like, who was the person that
asked for women to have the right to work? Because
this shit is still I want the soft life. I
want to be home. I don't want to work.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
That was literally my grandmother.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
Yeah, my grandmother said I have worked because I had to.
I never wanted to work. The miniature grandfather told me
I could stay home. My father told me this story.
He said, my grandfather was in South Carolina setting up
the factory so that they could move down there. He
was working with another manager who was a woman. My
grandmother found out that it was a woman he was

(37:35):
working with. She quit that day, moved down, never went back.
He said, what, I don't got to work he down there?
Hell no, quit never went back. From that moment, my
grandmother lived the soft life. My grandfather bought her cars,
bought her house, made sure she was home. She took
care of the kids and the grandkids. But in her
mind because she had to work her whole life.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
She was like, I'm not trying to do that corporate shit.
I'm just not.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
And I think we as a collection of people have
to start looking at socioeconomics before we start pinn and
blame against each other. Understand what the women that you're
dating have gone through in their lives.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
Understand that people.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
For example, because Kadeen and I have argued so much
about affection in our relationship and have debated about sex,
I've looked at her family life.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
I said, her mom, her grandmother was.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
This way, which is what I fell in love with,
but her mom isn't. And I was like, her mom
did move to America at seventeen and had to build
a life on her own, So how could that woman
teach this woman to be a nurturer when she was
the breadwinner and had to I understand it.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
So now it's like a reprogramming for both of us.
It's like, this is.

Speaker 1 (38:43):
What you've been taught, this is what I've been taught.
Let's reprogram ourselves to be what we need to be
for each other.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
Do you know what I learned about my mother which
gave me a lot more empathy towards her and her experience.
She did that out of necessity, right, This was the
need for her to show up for herself and for
her family to build this light. But when I look
at her now, I realize, when you really look at her,
she really just desires a soft life. Like she said,

(39:13):
I only showed up as you know, the strong woman
who worked all the hours and you know, hustled because
I had to. You know, had she been in a
situation where it's like, Okay, she met my dad and
they were both hustling together, my dad was just very
content with like we have the basics and we're good.
My mom was like, no, but I want more. I
think it. Had she my father had the same mentality

(39:33):
where they were both hustling together, then she had the
opportunity to kind of just sit back and say, Okay,
he got it, so I could chill and not have
to hustle as hard. She really would have been more
content that way.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
I think she would have too. And then I also
say to myself, how can a woman who grew up
like that train and nurture you to just be a
soft life woman If that's not what she's that's not.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
What she experienced. That's why said I give her empathy.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Yeah, And that's like how that's why when people ask me,
you know, when you and Kadeen have been talking about
the same things for so long, how were you able
to be so patient? It's just like, have you even
listened to your partner talk about what they've been through?
If you listen to what they've been through, you understand
that they're not trying to do anything.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
To hurt you. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
They really just trying to live life the best way
they know how. And I think that's why when it
comes to being desirable or also desiring your partner, to
learn about your partner's life, cause then you learn how
and why they experienced desire the way they want to.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
Right.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
I learned about k and I learned about Miss Jay
and I was like, yo, Mimi really had a hard life, Like,
let's just put everything aside. I think I told the story.
I don't know if I told it on the podcast.
She was seventeen years old when she moved here. She
was staying with her parents' friends and she worked at
Burger King. She worked the night shift.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
She eight got home after twelve.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
The people that was there, thought that she was out gallivant,
and that made her sleep.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
On the apartment hallway floor with the door closed.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
She's knocking on the door and they're in there, and
no one's answering the door.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
How can a woman that's lived through that, who grown.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
Put herself through school teach her daughter to just look
for a soft life.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
It just don't even make sense.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
I don't think she even knew that that was a thing.
Like now we have these aspirational lifestyle shows where you
see women living this soft like and the kick back
and their husband earns a ton of money and they
can just chill. That was never my mother's reality, nor
was that something she aspired to, because she just did
not come from that.

Speaker 4 (41:26):
Like your ancest has never experienced a soft life, right.

Speaker 3 (41:31):
There was never a soft life. And I see how
she like even just in terms of like keeping things
and having things to herself and hoarding things. It's like this,
what's the what's the word I'm looking for? Scarcity mindset?
The scarcity mindset is something that I'm like, man, it's
but particularly Caribbeans have been passed down because it's like
whatever you came up here in your suitcase with you.

Speaker 4 (41:53):
Got all that.

Speaker 3 (41:53):
That's all you got until you were able to earn more.

Speaker 5 (41:56):
Your family dynamics.

Speaker 6 (41:57):
When it comes to romance, it also teaches you what
parts of yourself you can feel safe showing or giving
to somebody else. Like for me particularly, I think that
expressing love. I learned how to express love through receiving
love from somebody who didn't have to love me. So
my dad got married when I was fourteen, and my

(42:21):
step mom when I went away to college, literally every
calendar holiday she would send me a package and it
will always have some of my favorite candy, a gift
card or cash, yeah, and just some random useful item
and a lot of my favorite color is pink, so
a lot of stuff was pink, just on a card.

(42:43):
And my dad would always write the same thing in
a card, keep your eyes on the prize.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
And yeah.

Speaker 6 (42:52):
And that gesture meant the world to me, because you know,
my parents aren't very over overtly affectionate, and they didn't
think to do that, and I know my step mom
was just like actively thinking to do this, so that
I knew that they were thinking about me, and they
cared about me, and they wanted to make sure that
I was taken care of even though I was away

(43:13):
from home. And so because of that, Like now my
love language is gifts, Like I know how good it
made me feel and how loved it made me feel
to get a little gift that was thoughtful to know
that somebody was thinking of me.

Speaker 5 (43:24):
So that's the way that I show affection in romance.

Speaker 6 (43:28):
But some people don't even want to try that because
they don't even feel safe enough to give to somebody
else to like you know what I'm saying. They feel
like somebody needs to love them as they are in
order for them to love them back. You know what
I'm saying, Like somebody that may have abandonment issues that
as an absent parent or work, they don't they don't

(43:51):
want to put the work in because they're afraid of
being vulnerable in that way, because what if it doesn't work.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
That's fair, Yes, that's super fair.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Do you think love languages were establishing us because of
the way we receive love as children or do you
think that that's something that became a thing as we
became romantically involved with people.

Speaker 7 (44:06):
I think as children because I never saw my parents
being like overly affectionate sane, and I think that plays
into how I am now, and I'm trying to change
that same.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
Absolutely That's why I'm the opposite, well not the opposite affection.
I watched my hid my mom start off affectionate when
I was young, and then as they got older, the
affection just like went away. It dwindled, and then I
have like my own issues. I know we talk about me,
me and pop, but I have my own issues. And
I watch with my parents. You know, my mom wasn't
affectionate with my dad. I watched my dad like chase

(44:39):
after my mom and do all these things for her,
and then she would get him, like for Christmas, she
would get him a pack of underwear, and he would
get her like a bracelet or like buy her car.
And I watched my father be like disappointed and like
he'll have like a tantrument. He would like throw the
shit down, and everybody's like, what's the matter, and he's
just like, yo, like I went all out for you,
I should get a pack of underwear. And my mother
will be like, well you need underwear like whatever, like

(45:01):
and I'm just like I watched that growing up, so
it gave me a complex and I was like, yo, diviow,
you're not going to be forgotten because I always watched
my father be forgotten.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
And it was just like, we.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Have a lot of our issues because I project what
I saw in my household, and if I feel like
it's happening here, yeah, it triggers me.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
And I'm like, yo, I don't want to be forgotten.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
And I realized, like the same way she has her
triggers from her parents, I got my own triggers.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 6 (45:26):
I think as a as a very young child, I
was very, very affectionate. I always wanted to sleep in
the bed. I kissed my parents on the lips till
I was like thirteen. But I think growing up my
mom started to get a little more harder and like
kind of reject me when I wanted to like hold
on to her. So now as an adult, I kind
of reserve affection for people that I know for sure

(45:50):
want to be affectionate with me. So a lot of
times I reserve affection for romantic relationships.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
Only I noticed that because when.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
You seem a little uncomfortable and you notice, but I
hug you on purpose all the time because I want
I do it.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
Every time you come in to leave, I always be like, come.

Speaker 3 (46:05):
In, and it's not the titties.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
It's not it's not. I mean, I don't mind titties.
I never mind titties. The fact that you have titties
makes it easy to hug you. But it's because I
do notice that you. I'm like, why you're so awkward?
But now I understand why my mom, my mom was.
I used to do the same thing.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
Oh my gosh, when she first moved in. Remember I
used to be like, love you, me and me, and
she'd be like, and I'd be like, your mother can't
take this.

Speaker 2 (46:29):
Watch this, I believe.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
And I'd be like, I love you, hugger and I
love you and me and she'd be like, but you know,
it takes you got to get for them to realize.

Speaker 3 (46:38):
My brother and sister and I was just in New
York when I was doing pressed and I went by
the house and he would like. I got to the
house and I was like, hey, guys, interesting comes in
for a hug and me and a carr hugg and
we're like, that's so awkward. And we were like, guys,
do you realize, like we don't hug each other. And
I was like, can we like start hugging at least
more like we're not touching Philly at all. The family

(46:58):
is not, We're not I love you, I love you.
And then I saw when I became a part of
da Vos family, they literally will hug everybody when they enter,
and they will hug everybody when they leave, and it's like, bye,
I love you, love you, And I'm like, oh, so
I'm happy that I was able to adopt that because
we do it with our boys now, like our boys
run and hug and kiss and I love you to

(47:19):
everybody all the time, you know. And I did not
experience that. And it's so cringe between the three of us,
my brother and my sister and I because it's just
like we don't ug ever.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
But this is important for people to understand about desire
and relationships. People just think desire is sexual, right, and
it's not people desire to be loved or.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
Just not even only romantic relationships right. Fact, it's a
desire within familial It's not.

Speaker 8 (47:44):
Desire to be loved. It's designer to feel loved like
you know that you know that they love you, like
you know your family loves you.

Speaker 4 (47:52):
You know your spouse loves you. It's the feeling of it.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
Yo, you'd be.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
Saying some deep shit pause, but then you don't like
to talk. That's why Troup will be telling your ass
to get up in the fucking mic, Josh, because that's
the truth. Though it's not the desire to be loved.
I want to feel loved and you say that to
me all the time. Case says to me when we
have our conversations. You know I love you, DVI. I
just have to do a better job of showing you
because you deserve to be shown. And when she says it,

(48:18):
I'll be like, what the fuck is that?

Speaker 3 (48:19):
And in a way that he receives it, not I
want to show it to him, but in a way
that he absorbs it and he's like, wow, I actually
feel this. Like it's just not enough for me to
be like, I love you because I know I do
how to feel it.

Speaker 6 (48:30):
So how do you tell your partner that you want
a different expression of romance from them? Because in this
situation where like I'm a very I'm a romantic person.
I like to romance. I love to give gifts. I
love giving thoughtful gifts. But I gave someone a gift

(48:53):
for Valentine's Day. It was really great, and they gave
me flowers, but they didn't give me a card.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
And I know that.

Speaker 6 (48:59):
I know that they were like, oh, I had the card,
but I didn't have time to fill it out. Now,
they did come from out of town to visit me
for Valentine's Day, and I'm like, so on the airplane
you didn't have time. On the Uber ride to my apartment,
you didn't have time.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
So now you're thinking about this.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
Is this is what you said to her, This.

Speaker 6 (49:21):
Is this is what I'm thinking, just because I don't
know how to express this because I just feel ungrateful.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
So so his I'll give you a perfect example. Right,
this was last night, right, me and Kadino argue about sex.
No more, it don't happen. She's just like, what you
want me to wear tonight? I was like, yo, you
you figure it out because.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
I had got to a point like you.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
It was like I'm tired of asking for something particularly
and I'm not getting it. So I say, you figure
it out. So she knows that I don't like to
go in to bed and just start having sex. She
knows that I liked the whole heels and things.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
But last night she was tired. She put on her nighty,
just got in the bed.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
It wasn't an it was long, it was low purple number.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
But it was everything it is. But this is what
women do. Like when I'm out saying women, when.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
I hear ninety, I think of what my mother. It
wasn't a man it was it was.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
It wasn't, It wasn't it wasn't a nighty. It was
like negligent.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
It was a neglige, but it wasn't the complete thing
that I had asked the whole thing, and she just
gave me what she wanted. So what I did this morning,
I said, Yo, you see how when I ask for things,
you tell me to ask and I'm specific, but you
don't deliver. These are the things that get me frustrated
because then it makes me feel like you.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
Don't care enough about me, the details, the details. And
then she's like, well I didn't have time. I said,
I was out front. You could have did it.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
Then you could have did this, And then I started
listening when she could have did it, And sometimes she
gets frustrated. But I have to let the person. Know, like,
if we're going to be accountable, let's be accountable. You
can't just say anything and expect me to.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
Say, Okay, you couldn't fill out the card. You traveled
six hours and you.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
Had no like you know, like to me, it's kind
of like them like you really that hurts the fact
that you could say that to me and expect that
I'm going to just accept that.

Speaker 3 (51:03):
And any issue. Last night wasn't time. I didn't feel
like I didn't have time. I had time because you
were in the front with Roger waiting for him to
get picked up. I took it edible, and typically when
I do, because I'll be trying to be, you know,
in a good mood, and once it starts to hit,
it set in and I'm like waiting for him to
come back. I have no concept of time, so he
could have been ten minutes or he could have been
thirty minutes. But because I'm already like lifted, I don't

(51:24):
be knowing half the time. So I try to balance
between being you know, under the influence, but then also
like making sure I'm delivering on what he wants. So
and I have a bag because I want to die.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
She did have food in the bed. Yeah, it was mad.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
It was R's cake pieces in the bed. You know what, I'm.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
This is why it don't be like arguments though, right like,
this is why because it's funny a little bit, right, Like,
she still was thoughtful enough to make sure, like, yo,
I got to take care of my husband.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
I'm gonna put this on. Was it everything that I
asked for?

Speaker 4 (52:06):
No?

Speaker 1 (52:07):
But at the same time, I could also tell her
politely without it being a thing. And I also don't
gotta hey, babe, not just like yo. Remember when we
said this and you said you didn't do it, and
she was like, you know what, You're right? Then I
was like, but this is the ship that hurts my
feelings because now I feel like I don't matter nothing,
you know.

Speaker 8 (52:22):
I think it goes back to what Triple was saying
with old girl Valentine's Day.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Look at them I'm listening to.

Speaker 8 (52:34):
Yeah for Valentine's Day because she gave her a gift.
She received the gift. It was just the card. So like,
I think, did you ever mention it to her?

Speaker 4 (52:42):
You just say that.

Speaker 6 (52:44):
I said, you know, I really love cards. Cards go
a long way for me, Like gifts. I don't care
about gifts, but cards like thoughtful words that that means
something to me. And then that's when she told me
that she had a card but she didn't bother to
wright in it.

Speaker 1 (53:01):
Well, it's important that you also give leeway and grace
for her to make an adjustment.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
If you're correct here, so you have to say it.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
And then once you say it, if she's like, bet
next time, I know, so the next time a car
comes and it's like, oh, she listened.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
But then at the next time, if there's no card,
then it's just like you paying me.

Speaker 4 (53:21):
Get that card. Yeah, that car next time?

Speaker 1 (53:25):
The there is no next time. You broke up with
her right after the card thing.

Speaker 5 (53:29):
No, she broke up with me right after the card thing.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
Actually so, but you know what she just showed you.
She has her own things she needs to deal with.
And then not that you dodge the bullet. But this
is what the dating process is. You date people you
see if y'all have synergies, and if you do have synergies,
then it's like we keep going. But then once you
realize that you know what, this person isn't really my
cup of tea, you move on. You just can't keep

(53:52):
holding on to the fact that you know I've wasted
time with that person.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
You really didn't.

Speaker 4 (53:57):
I don't think I.

Speaker 5 (53:57):
Waste the time.

Speaker 6 (53:59):
My thing is like I just am like, when do
you or do you? I guess compromise, like you know
what I'm saying, because I felt bad being like, well,
she did come, she did bring flowers.

Speaker 1 (54:10):
But I think life is a compromise because you can't
mind read. I don't know everything that Kadeen and her
family have been through. She doesn't know everything that I've
been through. So what it takes is you meeting you,
going through some life experiences and realizing like, oh, you
handle things like this. I handle things like this. For example,

(54:31):
Kate just sent me that the meme. The girl said,
I told my husband on his way home to get detergent.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
So when he came home with there, he came home
with dish soap.

Speaker 4 (54:43):
Right.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
She was first pissed, and then it was just like,
let me not be pissed. Let me ask him, Hey,
what's detergent?

Speaker 2 (54:53):
She said.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
He said, oh, what you watch dishes with, and then
she was like, okay, so then what do you watch
clothes with?

Speaker 2 (55:00):
He said, washing powder?

Speaker 1 (55:02):
She said, note it next time, I'm just going to
say washing powder when a lot of people I told
this dumb mass to bring home, and then it was
just a small little oh, you think like this.

Speaker 2 (55:18):
I think like this.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
A lot of people in relationships should just do the
same thing, especially in the beginning. Let me find out
how they say that, how they word this, how they
moved this way. And then as y'all start to learn
each other, is it worth me to just say washing powder?

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Okay, it's worth it.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
When I saw it in that sense, it of devide
I said, this is a mature marriage. You can tell
if somebody who's like tuned in and just say, okay,
first of all, you're gonna pick your battles. Is this
a battle that I really want to fight right now?
Or is it something that I can say?

Speaker 5 (55:45):
You know what?

Speaker 3 (55:46):
There might have just been a difference triple. When you
talked about the crash out episode, right, and you talked
about knowing how your body feels before you have a
crash out moment and trying to take note of that,
I think the same can be said for this conversation.
It's like knowing what your triggers are because of your

(56:06):
family history and because of how you were raised and
not crashing out because of the trigger that has been
jumped on, but saying, you know what, I know that
this is about to trigger me. So this is a
me moment. Let me not take this out on my spouse.
Let me try to explain what's that as it pertains
to just desire on what you're looking for. Like for example,

(56:28):
Deval has said several times, because of my mom and
dad's relationship, I realize, damn, I don't want this to
be my reality. So let me say something now before
it becomes that. So he's become very aware of what
his triggers are based off of his family, you know,
up bringing, or just whatever his experiences are, so he's
been able to kind of temper those so we can

(56:48):
have a conversation and it's not just a fad as
out moments.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
I realize it ain't her, that's the problem, you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
When you realize like it's really not her, it's you,
So just tell her how you feel about what happening.
And then when you tell her, and kudos to my wife.
In the past, I would tell her she would try
to defend, deflec defend, deflect, but now she listens and
she's just like, Okay, what exactly is it? And I
tell her and she's like, all right, I'll try to
see if I can correct it. But realistically, it's realizing

(57:17):
that she knows that I want to be desired. She's
just trying to work and figure out how can I
continue to give him the desire he wants.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
And I do the same thing.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
I realized during pregnancy she didn't want to be desired
the same way she was when she wasn't pregnant, and
it took me a minute.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
I used to do all these.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Videos about her being you know, she was a little
bit bigger at that time, and me still loving her
and doing all this stuff because I wanted her to
feel desired that way, until she realized, like, I don't
need to feel desired like that when I'm going through that,
and I was like, oh shit, like damn, and that
was I was doing something for me, thinking I'm helping
her and then not realizing that She's like, no, I
just really want to get back in.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
Fucking shape and get back to myself. I'm tired of
being like this.

Speaker 7 (57:57):
But I think it goes back to what you were
saying before, like, nobody's in my regrating you have to
My mother literally told me my wife that on our
wedding card, the bottom of it said, yes, nobody's a
minderer to make sure you talk to each other.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
Right, But I understand that's a fact though.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
I get why she wrote it now, it definitely is true.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
Married men are having these conversations not only about we
wanting sex or we wanting to be desired, but it's
like what can we do to help our partners when
we have desires? And you know, like we are having
these conversations, and I know they say men don't talk
about ship.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
That is not true.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
The three of us and Jay will get down here
but live like, we all will get down here and
talk and be like, yo, what is it you going through?
And one thing we did notice is like, yo, we
all want to be desired like we do, and we
don't want to be desired for just sex, like we
all hate that. Oh you're gonna wait till the end
of the night and then just be like, hey, I
gave you some booty.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
That's not the type of desire. Yeah, I don't want
no tire.

Speaker 9 (58:53):
Booty is booty regardless, and I'll be like, I don't
even want this, but you know I'm not even gonna
smile in this, and I'll be like, man, you're so stupid.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
One of the questions we started with at the top
of the show was like letting yourself go in the relationship.
So letting yourself go doesn't always have to be physical.
Hunt anything go that you know your spouse is looking
to do.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
Yeah, this is what I'll say. I noticed you let
go of your ambition a little bit. Yeah, you let
you let that go.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
You let go of your ambition.

Speaker 1 (59:35):
And when I'm when I mean ambition, I don't mean
ambition for working on your ambition to be the best
at what it is you do. You was a pageant winner,
magnum cum laude, and then once you got pregnant.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
I guess hormones does change that. It was like I'm
chilling for a little bit, you know.

Speaker 3 (59:52):
Which is by the day.

Speaker 7 (59:53):
I feel like that's maturity hearing somebody tell their wife that,
I feel like you lost your ambition a little bit,
because I feel like most marriages that don't land well
or dependent on situation just right.

Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Because I could have been and probably like ten years ago,
i'd have been like, so what do you know? So
now I'm in adequate because you didn't because I don't
do this that, and I just had four kids for
you own that. Yeah, and you know right, and I
know exactly what he means. But that's why, going back
to your story time January sixth, I got the call
that I have a potential opportunity and then you're like, oh, shoot,

(01:00:23):
this is something that sparked that in you again, which
is the ambition that I know you have in you,
but your focus has just been elsewhere. I spent fifteen
years of my life, yeah, having children, getting back, having
more children, getting back, and dedicating to my family. So
was my ambition at the time, not maybe at the
top of my priority list. No, my ambition was to
be a great mom and to be a great wife.

(01:00:46):
And when I now feel like I'm in the space
where I can transition because I've got the wife mom
thing kind of down, you know, I'm still working on myself,
but now I can get back into my career.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Watching you chase your goals is great, Like watching you
chase something that's outside of this house is what was
what turned me on at eighteen. So seeing that again
it's like, yeah, I like that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:08):
All right, Well, let's go pay some bills and we
will get back into listener letters. Y'all stick around.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
Yo, We back with listening to letters.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
Kadean's favorite part of the show, Yes still is let's
check this.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Out, hey, Kadeen and Duval and the rest of the fam.
I am in a bit of a dilemma.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
My husband and I have been married for almost six years,
we have three children, and for some reason, I'm not
sexually attracted to him anymore. I'm thinking that the problem
is that I don't think that I'm physically attractive anymore.
But there's also things that I just don't like about
him anymore. For instance, he still smokes weed and it
makes his breath stink. That's that the mommy knows, you know,
when you get pregnant. Ye, the things you used to

(01:01:55):
like you don't like no more.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
True.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
His breath stink and his body stink, and that comes
out of his nose. I hate it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
I have a long list, but not enough time to discuss,
enough money to therapy. She goes, that's crazy, She says,
I have a long list, but not enough time to discuss,
and not enough money to afford therapy, which was something
we tried to do a year or two ago.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
So do y'all think I'm going through a severe case
of postpartum? Yes? Or is my marriage in shamboos?

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Please help.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Also, I am very strong in my faith in God,
but I often feel alone and forget what my purpose
is since I'm left alone with these crazy kids postpartum
by myself at night while my husband works a job
that barely pays the bills, and I work all day
with high school kids who could care less about theater.
I'm glad she's saying, which is the subject that I teach.

(01:02:47):
I'm going through it if y'all couldn't tell, lol. I
love y'all, like y'all, my cousins that I only saw
at weddings and funerals, and every other family you and you, well, we.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Love you too.

Speaker 3 (01:02:57):
Yeah. It's part of them. It's it's the it's the
rat race. Remember how we talked about just being tired,
like it just seems like you are over everything. You
tired of everything, You tired of his nose ear, You're
tired of them, the stupid ass high school kids. I
know what she means, my nose air I get it.

(01:03:17):
But no, no, you say, I will tell you. If
it did, I would tell you. But yeah, you have
these high school kids that don't probably don't give a
damn about anything, and then you're with your children as well.
So it's like, when do you clock out and actually
have time to decompress for yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
You don't. This is what's happened.

Speaker 3 (01:03:34):
You don't.

Speaker 1 (01:03:34):
This is what's happening. She has a partner, they're supposed
to build this life together. She feels like she's taking
on the brunt of everything. She said that he works
a job at night that doesn't make enough money to
pay the bills, which means her job pays the bills.
This means she's the breadwinner as your teacher. And she's
a teacher, and she has three children, which at night,
when her husband is gone, she has the kids all

(01:03:56):
by herself. So she wakes up, probably gets the kids
ready for school, goals, deal with kids all day, comes home,
deals with the kids when they come home from school,
and goes to sleep, never gets to to see no reprieve.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
Plus, she said they've been married six years, have three children.

Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
I wonder if they had the three children within the
within the six years because if so, that was back
to back to.

Speaker 1 (01:04:14):
Back, which you know you like him enough to have
three children, right, So I do think that she still
likes him. But I think that women don't understand the
same way men didn't understand that. Physiologically, your body changes
when you have children, when you get pregnant and you
start to smell different things that you used to like
and you don't like.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
It's not that person. Your body is changing.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
So maybe you should tell him, like, hey, ever since
we started having kids, because it was the.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
Same thing with Kay. Certain things k liked.

Speaker 1 (01:04:39):
Remember we did the podcast the Light, Green Light, Light,
Yellow Light. Certain things just aren't the same no more.
And I've learned with women when they go through the
physiological changes, it takes two years after the last child
to get back to who you really were.

Speaker 3 (01:04:54):
And you're never really back to who you were. You're
like version of yourself you are.

Speaker 2 (01:04:57):
And I think that's what she's dealing with.

Speaker 3 (01:04:58):
Your fifth rate who I am? Okay, it's Kadeen that
you met, Kadeen after Jackson, after Kiro, aftercasts, after Coda
and whoever the fuck I am now?

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
Person?

Speaker 6 (01:05:08):
You know what gives me the ick in romance that
I feel like she's probably experiencing when I'm telling my
partner like that I'm stressed out or you know, I
feel like I don't have time for myself and my
partner has the means and the opportunity to help to
try to make my life easier, and they don't. And

(01:05:30):
I'm frustrated, and You're getting from me what you want,
but I'm not getting from you what I need. I
just start to point out every little thing that is
disgusting about you, and I start to hate your fucking guts.

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
Did you?

Speaker 4 (01:05:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (01:05:44):
I mean, I mean I feel I think I think
too sometimes being like a hyper independent adult or you know,
or just like a working woman in general, it's like,
I'm not necessarily even sure what I need from you,
or that it's your responsibility to take care of it.
I'm but I know that I'm stressed, and I know that, Like,
if it's dinner time and I feel like I'm stressed

(01:06:05):
at work, I'm not feeling well, I'm busy. It would
be nice if you made plans for dinner, or you
cook dinner instead of waiting for me to cook for you. Yeah,
I shouldn't have to, I shouldn't have to say that.

Speaker 5 (01:06:15):

Speaker 4 (01:06:16):
I think ultimately what it is.

Speaker 5 (01:06:17):
It's being thoughtful.

Speaker 6 (01:06:18):
Like the lack of thoughtfulness is just so unattractive to me.

Speaker 8 (01:06:23):
And I think that dealing with that makes you resent
them over time. Ultimately, what I feel like is leading
to his resentment. And she sounds like she resentes. She
resents her husband he's breastak she's not, she's not attracted
to him, and he's not doing as much as he
can do.

Speaker 4 (01:06:39):
She just she resents that.

Speaker 7 (01:06:41):
Man.

Speaker 8 (01:06:42):
I agree, yeah, And I think to come back that
is like figure out why you resent him, Like, what's
the ultimate reason why you're in resentment with him? Because
once you resent somebody, nothing they do is going to
be it's going to make you happy.

Speaker 1 (01:06:56):
We know what to underlying resentment happens because lack I
consider lack of consideration, lack of thoughtfulness. One person is like,
we know it's never going to be fifty to fifty,
but if it's eighty twenty one sided all the time,
that's how resentment grows.

Speaker 6 (01:07:10):
And just because I feel like I shouldn't have to
tell you what I need, I actually do Like communication
is absolutely needed if your partner's not doing what you
need them to do. And you figure out what it's
what is making you resent them, then now it's your
responsibility to let them know and give them an opportunity
to show up for you the way you need them to.

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
That is a fact.

Speaker 4 (01:07:28):
And then she has no time for herself either, she
do on top.

Speaker 2 (01:07:31):
Of that, that's the biggest thing.

Speaker 1 (01:07:33):
Imagine you wake up, well, imagine after having kids, you
wake up got to take care of other people kids,
go back home and take care of your kids by yourself,
because your partner's at work.

Speaker 2 (01:07:43):
And while he's at work.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
He's not even bringing enough enough, bringing enough money to
reprieve you from the bills.

Speaker 2 (01:07:48):
Like she got.

Speaker 4 (01:07:49):
Everything on my mind, she's carrying a heavy burden.

Speaker 3 (01:07:52):
So that heavy burden will make something like nose aar
stinking being a biggest issue. It is at that point,
but the resentment has both so much that it's just
like the littlest thing, it's gonna pitch you the FuG off.

Speaker 1 (01:08:02):
Also, I gotta say this, you know, what's the one
thing for health that people need to start prioritizing that
we don't sleep?

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
Sleep Sleep sleep.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
Is well water Definitely, because your body's made up of
seventy five percent water.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
But sleep is your body's maxim juvenation period. That's the only.

Speaker 1 (01:08:23):
Time you get to go back to who you were
when you started today. So imagine you spent months and
months and months never recovering from the day before. There
comes a point where everything stinks. At that point, like
you know what I'm saying, At that point, freaking the sunlight.
You hate sunlight because you're just exhausted. Exhaustion is a
real thing. It affects your mental You can't see clearly.

(01:08:45):
You hate everything, you smell everything. People really need to
start prioritizing sleep. Team No sleep was a millennial thing.

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
We not on that. I get my sleep facts.

Speaker 8 (01:08:57):
One thing I'm saying is she says that her faith
in God is strong, but she feels alone and she
feels like she has no purpose. I think I mean
for you, sweetheart, like the fact that you find your
purpose in God, and to find that, the fact that
you are strong in your faith in God. I think
you should continue to find your purpose in Him. Lean
on Him for whatever whatever is, whatever you're dealing with

(01:09:19):
in your marriage, Lean on God for to guide you.
If He was in the center of your marriage, lead
him to guide you through what you're going through, and
like Develle said, find time for sleep prior to tize
yourself and figure.

Speaker 4 (01:09:30):
Out why you are resenting your husband.

Speaker 5 (01:09:34):
I'll be forgetting. Josh is a deacon, he.

Speaker 4 (01:09:49):
Said, marriage I.

Speaker 8 (01:09:54):
Appreciate I'm not sure to appreciate it, but I mean
I know I know what I would want and what
I would do.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
All right, y'all, if you want to be featured as
a listener letter, email us at the Ellis Advice at
gmail dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
That's t H E E L L I S A
d V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
All right, moment of true time. We're talking vire and designer.
What you got, y'all?

Speaker 7 (01:10:18):
What's a little bit? Nobody is a mind reader?

Speaker 3 (01:10:23):
Come on now, spoken like the true miss Edna.

Speaker 2 (01:10:27):
We love that.

Speaker 8 (01:10:29):
We all want to be desired. I would say, from
my perspective, men are simple and just listen to us.

Speaker 2 (01:10:36):
That's all I.

Speaker 3 (01:10:36):
Got got it.

Speaker 6 (01:10:39):
Romance is about how you make your partner feel and
your partner wants to feel love.

Speaker 1 (01:10:48):
I'm going to piggyback off that it's not enough that
your partner knows that you love them.

Speaker 2 (01:10:53):
They have to feel that.

Speaker 3 (01:10:55):
You love them, and don't over complicate things. If you're
partartner is expressive and says exactly what they want, just
do it. Don't try to reinvent the wheel, don't try
to give them the grand gesture if that's not what
they're asking for. Sometimes the smaller, more thoughtful things are
really what counts. That was cute. We left everything concise today, y'all,

(01:11:15):
But the moment of truth. I love that, all right, y'all.
If you have not yet, please subscribe to our Patreon
because that's where you have all the good stuff. Okay,
that's where the after show is exclusive Ellis ever After content,
as well as more Ellis Family content. You can follow
us on Instagram at Ellis ever After and then I'm Kadeen,
I am and i am Deval.

Speaker 7 (01:11:35):
I'm Underscore mad Dog Ellis A.

Speaker 4 (01:11:37):
Double click on my flicks at Joshua Underscore, Dwayne.

Speaker 6 (01:11:39):
I'm at Trims, the Cool Tribbz, the Cool on Everything.

Speaker 1 (01:11:44):
And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,
review a subscribe on three y'all one two three Baby.

Speaker 6 (01:11:54):
Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
by Dean and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by
Lashawn Rowe.

Speaker 10 (01:13:00):
If had the gift, has gift, has

Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
To

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