Devale's Surprise

His birthday might have passed, but the party don't stop! In this episode, the Ellises talk about what it took to surprise Devale with a late birthday party, and the growth they realized they've made in the process. Dead Ass.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
They got me, that's all I got.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Listen.

Speaker 3 (00:07):
My SoundBite is trying to surprise someone who wants to
be aim control of everything at all.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Times is almost an impossible feat.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Yeah, but we did it, deadass.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Yes, sir, we are.

Speaker 4 (00:44):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 4 (00:51):
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
is a term that we say every day. So when
we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Dead Ass starts right now.

Speaker 5 (01:11):
Story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back to April
two thousand and nine.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Oh that's a long time ago.

Speaker 5 (01:20):
Yeah yeah wa wait, dang, went dang. It was my
twenty fifth birthday. So it's my twenty fifth birthday. Kadeen
was just like, babe, I got some things for you.
I hope you excited twenty fifth birthday. You know, She's man,
I'm all excited, right.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
So I was.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
Hyped because you know I love a birthday.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
So yep, birthday comes, she said, you ready. I'm like, yeah.
She takes me to go see Platinos and.

Speaker 5 (01:46):
Call of greenstose platinos in Callagreen. So IM just like, oh,
this must be the first part of the birthday celebration.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
No, actually, you were like, who wants to go see
platinos and caligreens? That was for you.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
That wasn't a gift for me.

Speaker 5 (02:00):
I was gonna get to that, but you cut me
off because that's what I was thinking, because when I
went to see it, I was like, this is something
she wants to see, so you know, like this is
must be for her. But I was like, you know what,
my first part of my birthday, I ain't gonna be mad.
We go to see Plantinos and call of Greens. We
go home and we go to sleep, and I was like.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
That was it.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
I don't remember. All I know is I was pissed.

Speaker 5 (02:27):
I was like extremely pissed because I was like, yo,
how was my twenty fifth birthday?

Speaker 1 (02:31):
She gonna take me to see something that she wanted
to see.

Speaker 5 (02:33):
So I was like, you know what, I'm a romain calm,
but I was like bubbling with fury on the inside.
So then next day I'm in my parents' house and
she's like, hey, babe, we're gonna no. We didn't go
out to eat. Because this is why I no, remember
we didn't go out to eat. He was like, hey,
bab We're gonna go out to eat, and I was like,
finals go out to eat? But I was already pissed

(02:55):
because I was like, yo, like I ain't getting no gift.
I ain't getting no All I get is plant to
Nose and Call of Greens, which actually was a very
good play, by the way. But I'm getting dressed in
my parents' house. She got me an outfit. She had
got me a neon green sweater.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Vess lime green sweater vest that.

Speaker 5 (03:14):
This is two thousand and nine, had a short sleeve
button up with a bow tie. Now I'm not a
bow tie type of guy, so I was like, the
fuck is going on around here?

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Man?

Speaker 5 (03:24):
Like she got me dressed up with a bow tie,
like I'm about to be selling bean pods being dressing
my parents' house. Man, it was cute, but at the
time I was just mad because I didn't know what
was going on. Kadeen, Kadeen, y'all. Remember how y'all she
say that I always be the one going off. Let
the record show.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
You here coughing and sniffing in my.

Speaker 5 (03:46):
Now, don't deflex, don't deflect. You see how she deflects, yo,
She don't like to take accountability. Joint just went off
in the middle of the podcast. No, you didn't say
my bad you said you over here coughing. Then it
got nothing to do with your podcast over here. You
ain't got nothing to do with your laptop going off.
Go ahead, So now we're back to storytime. I'm getting

(04:07):
dressed in my parents' house. I got an attitude. K
I got an attitude? Who caught for now? Who caught
for now?

Speaker 3 (04:14):
You're making me choke?

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Ahead, can't know.

Speaker 5 (04:16):
When I got an attitude? So she's like, did I
just get dressed? Did I just get dressed? And I'm
just like I'm getting dressed, Like why you rushing me?
Like I was really starting to get heated, like while
you rushing me man to go to this dinner where
he went to see plantinos and college greens.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
I ate yesterday at that freaking that showed that you
have me go see.

Speaker 5 (04:31):
So I get dressed, I got my bow tie on,
get ready to go down the stairs. And Kate can
tell I got an attitude, and I can tell that
she got an attitude because I got an attitude, just.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
Like, come on, my dress was cute too.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Your dress was fire. It was fire.

Speaker 5 (04:47):
That was another thing too. I was like, dang, man,
you're dress better than my outfit. It's my birthday, like
it's my birthday, while your outfit got to be outshine in.

Speaker 3 (04:55):
My peoples and oranges. I just knew who I was
walking alongside, so I had to be ready.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
I know he was flying. You had like a little too, too,
was ruffles. It was short.

Speaker 5 (05:03):
All I seen it was legs plunged and you had
it was like a corset type. It was really plunged.
So I get down the stairs. I'm looking at her
and I ain't gonna lie. I looked at her legs
was all shining and stuff, and I kind of got
a little bit happy because I'm like damn, what's you fine?

Speaker 1 (05:15):
But then I was back to being pissed.

Speaker 5 (05:17):
Then she opens the door and there are six models
in front of my parents' house.

Speaker 3 (05:22):
Baby had a casting call.

Speaker 5 (05:24):
Okay, six models, three head on my jersey and three
head on Stephen Bonwei's jersey.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
And then Bow comes out of the limbo with his
hands out like yo.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
And immediately I was like, yo, this is like an idiot.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
I did. I did, But this is nothing this this
this is your problem.

Speaker 5 (05:39):
This ain't my problem, because all you had to do
was tell me that something was going on.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
You knew something was going on clearly because.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
It was a surprise.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
I was trying to.

Speaker 3 (05:49):
I vowed that I would never try to surprise you.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
You told me that I'm never.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
Trying to surprise. This was the hardest thing to do
because it was all weekend.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
You were trying to keep the surprise.

Speaker 3 (05:58):
So I mean, and then it's not just me trying
to keep the surprises.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
Everybody. Well, you know what, we'll come back and talk
about that.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
Let's take a quick break because I'm already starting to
get hot thinking about how I felt in that.

Speaker 5 (06:07):
Moment, and in honor of my birthday party yesterday, which
is what we had.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Kay is going to sing her favorite song she likes
to sing right now.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Second birthday. That was like maybe that was like your
fourth birthday celebration.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
Most of my fourth fortieth birthday celebration.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yeah for sure.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Okay, ready, yes, as simple as this surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.

Speaker 5 (06:33):
She got me off, got got them, I got y'all
see the clips.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
My face looked like I had no.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Idea Patreon folks, y'all will get to see that it
went off without a hitch.

Speaker 5 (06:47):
Which is like surprising because you had so many moving
parts and so many things going.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
Man, listen, it was almost a hitch.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Though. What we're going to explain that after we pay
some bills. So let's do that and come back, and
we're going to recap how Deval and I had to guys.
You guys are gonna you're gonna see the growth in
us with the way this whole day panned out.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Okay, So let's take a break and we'll come back.

Speaker 5 (07:15):
So we back, guys, and before we get started with this,
I do have to say both of us has matured
a lot over the past fifteen years since my twenty
fifth birthday because Kadeena and I argued that day and
my parents' bathroom.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
We argued like it was. It was a back and
forth fest, and.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
It was you were over me.

Speaker 5 (07:31):
I was over you, and I don't know how we
survived at it was it was them legs.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Once I seen you in that outfit, I was.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
Going a you know what gets me through those surprise moments,
just knowing that when it finally like pans out, how
happy you're going to be in that moment and how
you're gonna feel stupid forgiving me a hard time.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
You said that.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
She almost told me though on my twenty fifth a
couple of times, because we argued the night.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
Before after plan to know some colleague after Platinos and Calagreens,
we did. So the thing is, I wasn't trying to
be like thoughtless with the whole platinous and calagree things.
So I do enjoy, you know, theater. I enjoyed Broadway
and stuff like that. But Deval had expressed to me,
which he did when we first started dating, and at
this point now he's in the league, you know, at
some point knowing that he will retire, and he was

(08:19):
thinking about doing more acting type gigs and auditioning. So
I thought that this would be great motivation and just
you know, inspiration for him to see people performing doing
things that he wants to do.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
So that's why twenty fifth birthday, that's what I wanted
to see.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
I mean I did, indeed, indeed you did, you did.
But yeah, that was the mindset behind the play. I'm like, oh,
this is something different, because of course I couldn't. The
surprise really would have been ruined if I did nothing,
and I was just waiting for the weekend to have
the party, thanks, you know.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
So so yeah, this is.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
Something that I was planning along with my friend Tiffany,
and we had everything, I mean down to a casting
call for models. We had a seamstress. I had to
get a bunch of his jerseys. Each girl had a
different style design for the jerseys. We had this big
section up in tash Lounge Lounge in the city. We
had the entire top floor, you know, Limo took us in,

(09:14):
We had cake.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
It was it was it was so many people a
good time.

Speaker 5 (09:19):
That the whole party spilled out into all of Taj
and we took.

Speaker 3 (09:22):
Over all of Taj literally like literally literally.

Speaker 5 (09:25):
And that sparked my promoting career, because after I started
promoting parties in the city, I was like, I could
do this. I don't know if y'all do this, But
there was a time when I first retired and I
came back to Brooklyn that I was promoting parties for
like three years.

Speaker 3 (09:37):
That's the fact.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
In the city, I was doing everything and make some money.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
A true Jamaican look at good thing. You got to
do a citizenship now. But it was after that day
that I said I would never try to surprise it
out again because of the stress that it took so
so many times that I was just about to tell him,
and it was either Tiffany or my sister or my brother,
like hey, no, like you've come this far, you cannot

(10:01):
below the surprise. And I'm like, y'all don't know, y'all
don't know what it's like dealing with this dude in
my ass, like literally, so I just yeah, it was
just too much.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
And then from that moment on, I vowed.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
However, Deval of course, as you know, uh turned twenty
five for the fifteenth time this year, and like we've
expressed before, there have been so many birthdays that Deval,
at least in the past five years, we have not
been able to celebrate or at least the way and
the capacity and magnitude that I like to celebrate birthdays.

Speaker 5 (10:29):
Because you like to celebrate and your family love surprises. Yes,
they will surprise you for anything since Tuesday schools over look,
we got them like it's Tuesday and they don't care
about that.

Speaker 3 (10:38):
We do and it ends up being a thing though, right,
That's how we show our love. So so yeah, for
the past couple of years, you were either filming and
in Toronto, we were in Ottawa. You were all over
doing the things that you love, which is always a
good thing, right. I'm happy that these are coming into fruition.
So yeah, missing birthdays and stuff. One year, it was
COVID that we all had. We were supposed to be
going to Jamaica for your I think it was your

(10:58):
thirty seventh birthday or something. Thing.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
We had Egypt planned for your thirty fifth.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
We had to cancel that because you had a big
audition that fell literally in between the middle of the trip.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
We got COVID one year.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Yeah, COVID one year. So yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
I just felt like Deval needed to be celebrated since
his birthdays were pretty much a wash for the past
five years. So that being said, I was not joking
when I said I was going to be celebrating you
all here.

Speaker 5 (11:26):
You know what got me though, It is the middle
of May. I'm not even thinking about my birthday no more.
That's what made it so perfect, made it so that's.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
So true, and that was actually the upper hand that
I had. I'm like, this is probably the farthest thing
from his mind. So here was my mindset, as we know,
and if you saw I'm patrion, you guys saw that
we went to Jamaica for the vowle's birthday, spent a
whole week out there. We had things planned, we had downtime.
It was literally like the most perfect trip with closest

(11:54):
immediate family, couple friends.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
Right.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
However, there were a lot of people that you have
not been able to celebrate with and people who couldn't
make the trip, and we just didn't have the capacity
for that many people. And since we've been new to
Atlanta for the past three years, we have you know,
either made friends or made family, I like to say,
with some people who are super close to us down here,
or just people that we know from New York that
are now down here. So I felt that we needed

(12:19):
to do something down in Atlanta with some of our
local people. And the issue I was running into was
finding the perfect time to do it, because after we
got back from Jamaica, I know that we were going
away to Saint Vincent for a couple of days, and
you were prepping to film Season eight of Sisters. So
that being said, I did not want to interfere with

(12:40):
filming and everyone prepping for it. But I did say,
this is the perfect time because a couple of the
castmates I would want to invite will be in town.
You know, it might be a good way to decompress
once it's done. Yes, Brian, Cheat and Crystal yet so
Crystal's local, but I know Brian and Cheetah would be
in town from LA.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
So I'm like, what do I do? So I hit
Crystal up.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
You know, back in April, it was like the end
of March, and I was like, Sis, I'm trying to
plan for an Atlanta party for Devo. I said, just like,
maybe a nice private dinner somewhere. I said, what do
you think should I do it before you guys film
or after?

Speaker 2 (13:14):
So I know she was super busy.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
She didn't get back to me right away, but something
in my gut was saying, you know, it could even
just do it after, because I didn't want to be
responsible for people hanging out late, you know, drinking and
partying for Devo's birthday and then getting to set and
things fall apart because they knew everybody was at DeVos
help right now. Purposely, okay, purposely, this is all here
from yesterday. I mean, I did wash my face and

(13:37):
brush my teeth, chail, but listen, we didn't listen. Now
I had to get it together. That's not nope, I'm
still here drinking my coffee, y'all. So let's say a
time was had. A time was had. So I decided
to move the date because I initially had it planned
pre filming. I said, let me do it for post filming,
and then I hit up all of the key people

(13:58):
who I wanted to be there, people who I'm knew
would probably be leaving to head back to their respective
hometowns after, like, hey, do you mind sticking around until
May nineteenth? I would like to do something for Deval.
So so got to planning with that, which was pretty smooth.
But now at this point, it was just a matter
of keeping the secret from you for as long as possible.

(14:21):
Cut to the day of the party, right, So that day,
our friend Jay's daughter had a pool party in the morning.
The whole family's invited. Of course, my sister came into
town because she came here to decompress for a couple
of days after her graduation, so we were all supposed
to go to this pool party. So the morning of

(14:42):
the pool party, dev I was like, yo, what time
me trying to leave? He has an audition to film,
so we're trying to figure out the logistics of how
the day we're going even.

Speaker 5 (14:49):
It started before that was Friday, because Friday was Cheetoh's birthday,
and the reason that is for us to go out
Sunday was to celebrate Cheeto's birthday. Because Crystal wasn't gonna
be able to go Friday, right, so we were all there.
We wrapped on Friday. Cheeto's birthday was legitimately Friday Friday,
so we were like, yo, let's all go out Friday night.
Chrystal was like, Nah, I can't do Friday night because

(15:10):
I got the key art shoot on Saturday morning.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
I don't want to be out late. So I was like, bet,
let's do something Sunday before Cheeto leaves.

Speaker 5 (15:16):
Because Cheeto, and this is the crazy part, Cheeto will
rush his ass back to La in a heartbeat, and
so will Brian. Yes, so at first I was kind
of like Cheeto sticking around in land.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
I was like, why he's sticking around the land.

Speaker 5 (15:27):
But oh well, I guess he want to chill with
us because we all here, so I ain't think nothing
of it. We booked this party, which I didn't know
was for me on Sunday. Yes, and Cheeto and I
had made plans because Cheeto came Thursday to do an
audition one day and I said, yo, I got an
audition this weekend.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
Yo, come by Saturday. Let's get this audition done.

Speaker 5 (15:49):
So he's like, cool, comes by me Friday, we go out,
have a good time, Happy birthday, Cheeto.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
Boom.

Speaker 5 (15:55):
Saturday they come by. We don't do the audition. So
now it's Sunday.

Speaker 3 (15:58):
Didn't we do the audition for Saturday or we were
just chilling. We were just having a good time.

Speaker 5 (16:02):
To be honest, I ain't want to do the audition
at that point, Like I don't get a lot of
time to spend with everybody. So I was like, I
didn't want to sit there and do the audition in
that moment, and this is where I talk about growth.
We did a whole Patreon episode of me being upset
because when I want to do an audition, I gotta
get it done. In that moment, yes, I looked around
and realized that everybody was having a good time, and

(16:22):
I didn't want to stop everybody from having a good time.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
So I did the audition. I said, I'll do the
audition tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
I wish you knew that was your mindset, because I
would have encouraged you to do it on the Saturday instead.

Speaker 5 (16:34):
If you would have did it, I would have done
it on Saturday because Sunday. I was like, okay, Jay's
daughter got the party, we can do it. Then I
was like, Cheeto can come by Sunday afternoon. I had
up Cheatoh. I was like, yo, you're free. He was
just like, man, I gotta go to this brunch with
my homegirl. And at first I was like, nigga, I
did your fucking audition. Like now you telling me you

(16:54):
got a homegirl, You're gonna go to you?

Speaker 3 (16:57):
That's what he said to throw you off.

Speaker 5 (16:58):
Yes, he said, on me off because he knew he
had to get ready and if he would have time
out here to do it and then been like, I
gotta rush, rushing me to leave.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
To get ready.

Speaker 5 (17:06):
Right because remember Jay's girl, Jay's Daughter's party was from
one to five. Right, if he would have came here
at five for us to do the audition, when would
he have had time to get back to six thirty
for the party.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
So Cheeto had said to me, he was like, hey,
Deval has this audition to do. He said, I could
come on Sunday early and do it and just dress
with y'all one time and then go together. So I
said that's also possible too. But remember we ended up
hanging out really late Saturday night and then you had
we had Jay's daughter's birthday party. So I said, Cheeto,
if you come early, he's going to be a Jay's
daughter's birthday party and he's not gonna want to not

(17:38):
go to that. So he's like, okay, shit, all right,
So I'll tell him something else why I can't come,
So that way do lying.

Speaker 5 (17:45):
But the funny thing is this is growth on my
part because in the past I would have been pissed
and I wouldn't have been talking to Cheeto.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yes, that's the first thing.

Speaker 5 (17:53):
And then in that Jay Jay is like my little brother, right,
So his oldest daughter came up here from New York.
So when k was just like, oh, I'm gonna go
shopping with Sakari, at first, I was like, yo, like
how we as a family going to this pool party?
How you not gonna come with us? You just gonna
send me with all of the kids. So I was
also kind of like, yo, like what's the deal with that?

(18:15):
But maturity is that Sakari is here, She's not here often.
They're probably gonna go shopping and do sister stuff. I'll
just take the kids and I'm not even gonna stress
about it because I seriously was thinking, like why would
Kay not want to go to this party? But I
was like, you know what, right, let me just she
probably needs some time with sister. So I'm gonna just
fall back and that's what I did.

Speaker 3 (18:36):
So on the back end for me, I hit Jay
and I was like, Jay, you're still doing scholars party
on a Saturday. He said, Now we have to move
with the Sunday because of the weather. I said, bruh.
That's when I'm having devoursed dinner.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
He's like, what time?

Speaker 3 (18:48):
I said six thirty. He's like, all right, shit, I'm
gonna move scholar party up. I'm gonna do one to five.
So we got time to do everything.

Speaker 5 (18:55):
Now, I see why they was rushing everybody out at
five o'clock and telling me to leave. Jay was Gil
was five, everybody got get out of the house. I'm like,
why are you rushing? Like it's an airbnb, They're not
gonna come. It ain't like they got security or whatever.
He was like, nah d everybody got to be out.
I ain't trying to pay extra in this.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
I'm like, that's exactly.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
I pay the extra, dude. And he was like, nah,
I don't want you have to pay extra.

Speaker 5 (19:13):
And I'm like, why is this nigga kicking me out
the like he literally kicked all of us out the
party case.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
I told that. I said, Jay, you know he's gonna
stick around and he's gonna want to talk and he's
gonna want to talk and mix and mingle. I said,
please get him out of there by five o'clock. And
Ja was like, sis, I got you because I said Jay,
I understand, you got family, you got a party. If
y'all gotta stay, that's cool. He said, you know, I'm
not missing d dinner, Like what, I'm gonna figure it
out me and be gonna figure it out. And they
sure did.

Speaker 5 (19:38):
All of the revelations coming back now that we've like
now that I'm going through the day because when he
kicked me out the party with all my kids, right,
kick this out. We came home, I was like, yo,
I'm gonna do this audition now, and then us said
before you was like, you want to do it now
or you can do it later after we come back
from Jo's party. And the first thing I said was
I don't want to go out there and drink and

(19:58):
have a good time and then come.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
Back and then have to settle think about that. Yeah,
let's get it done, which I knew. I knew recommending
doing it after the birthday party wasn't a thing. And
I'm like, oh, but isn't it not due till Monday
evening or Monday afternoon? But I said, you know what,
if I pushed too much, he's gonna get annoyed exactly,
And yep, so that's me knowing like if I make
too many suggestions. That's against what he's wanting to do.

(20:20):
He's going to get annoyed, and I need to just
like hold my corner right. So it's rolling in. About
five thirty, he told me I had to stop for gas.
We're supposed to leave the house at six thirty. I
told people get there for six thirty six forty five,
because my plan was to arrive with him at seven.
So I figured, if people have at least thirty minutes together,
do valet get into the room so that when you

(20:42):
don't see somebody in transit, because that's the worst part
about his surprise is if you see somebody on the way.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
Well that's it.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
But we had some personal people who weren't cast related.
So I'm like, if you see, for example, my friend
Bianka walking and you'd be like, yeah, you'd been like like, oh, okay,
what's going on? Why y'all here? Exactly, So it's it's
so then at this point, now it's five thirty, he's
on his way home.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
He doesn't get home till five point fifty.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
Then yea man's is holsing out the Coda's car seat
because the Coda got cooped poop in the car seat
because it's pamper like leaked or whatever. So he's hosing
it and then he's like, who put the holes like this?

Speaker 1 (21:21):
So he's slowly.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
Taking his time to fix the hose, and I know
the OCD in him. He doesn't like for it to
be unkept outside, so he's trying to and he has
his backpack on his back. The back cap keeps sliding
off his shoulder. I'm standing there looking at him, and
I was like, babe, I can have dad do this
or whatever, and he's just like, nah, I got it.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
I said give me your backpack.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
Then at least no, no, no, no, no. This is what happened.

Speaker 5 (21:43):
You were staring at me right, and I felt you
staring at me, and I was just like, she must
really want to get to this party for Cheeto. That's
the first thing I thought that she must really want
to get this party for let me no, no, So
I was just like, I was like, let me move
this thing real quick, and you're staring at me, and
I'm like, is everything all right? And then you were
just like I can do that. And then I was
just like, now she wanted to fix the holes. The
holes been fucked up all this time, I was like,

(22:04):
you know what, hold my bag. I had to give
you something to do to get off my back.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I said, give me your back. I could just do this.

Speaker 5 (22:10):
Yeah, But now that I think about it, the only
reason why you were staring at me is to get
me there on time.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
Yes, And I kept looking at you like, babe, I'm
ready to do the audition. So I did my makeup.
I hear everything was done. I literally just had to
throw my clothes on once I was done with the audition. Now,
the audition that he did had four different scenes, so
I'm like, oh, what do you have to redo? Which scene?
He said all four? I was like, it's five point fifty.
He still has to shower. And I also have Triple

(22:36):
and TJ here trying to make an exit by six o'clock.
And I didn't want them to see or didn't want
him to see them leaving and be like where they're going?
So it was just so many moving parts that want
to I'm trying to text everybody. I'm texting our assistant,
trying to keep them abreast of things. I'm like, y'all know, Christal,
I say, you know your boy got a one track mind.
He has to redo this audition, and there's no way

(22:57):
I'm leaving until he gets it done.

Speaker 5 (22:58):
And sit tight, my manager. I did all four. I
get ready to go upstairs. I send the first one
to my managers, like, yo, it's just the type of
energy you're thinking that I should need for this character.
And he goes, I think it should go a little higher.
So I faced timecast said can't I borrow you real second?
And I could hear the frustration in her voice. So

(23:20):
when she came down to stairs, it's everything all right
and everything.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
I just put my shoes on too, So I'm like,
I don't feel like walking through you know, I don't
like my shoot, no shoes in my house. Got my
shoes on, which is like thigh high boots. I'm like,
I can't pull them off to go downstairs. So I
tiptoe downstairs and he's just like, I got to redo
the first scene.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
I'm like, and she came in.

Speaker 5 (23:37):
I grabbed some ass when she came in, because she
had on some short shorts and some taboo trying. She's looking,
but the thing is you was looking real annoyed, And
all I kept thinking was why the fuck is she
so hype to get to this party from Chee on
birthday was Friday. We already celebrated to your birthday Friday.
I got them a champagne thing. Think said happy birthday, cheeses,
Like we did all of this already. Why is she

(23:58):
This is what's going through my mind.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
I know it is. And all I'm thinking is like
cod and like control yourself because you're gonna piss him
off and he's liable to say, fuck Cheeto's party. I'm
not going anywhere you can go if you want to go,
yeah out because that would have been the next thing,
because that's where things have gone before. There's been times
where we've had places to go, things to do. Perfect example,
Black Love, big argument before Black Love came to interview us.

(24:20):
I'm like, I'm not doing the fucking interview. You can
talk about black love by yourself. And they walk in
the door and it's like, but they're at our house.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
He was crying, I want to do Black Clove. I
want to talk about black love right now.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
You don't want to do it.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
But they were coming to our house, so we had
nowhere to go.

Speaker 5 (24:34):
I said, we're going to do this interview because these
people flew all the way from LA to Brooklyn to
do this interview. We can't stop them from doing an
interview three minutes before they come. But you just put
your shit together, get it together now and fine. But
after this, I'm not talking about black love no more
like fine, I don't asked about black.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
Love, very black love. I feeling very black.

Speaker 5 (24:52):
But it's been That's the whole point of the story
is that fifteen years ago, this would have been an argument.
I probably wouldn't have went, and you would have had
to tell me to vow the parties for you, and
then I would have felt sheepish. Yes, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
But I was two seconds away from that yesterday too,
to be honest. The biggest thing about it, but I
wasn't giving you attitude, so you weren't giving me an attitude.
You were just moving slowly because I was like, once
the auditions were done, now right, I'm like, babe, don't
worry about it.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
I'll drive.

Speaker 3 (25:18):
You can sit in the passenger seat and you can
upload your auditions. But I need Wi Fi. I'm like,
I have a hotspot on my phone and I saw
you look at me, and you were like, with this
Wi Fi here and I was like, okay, the whole
time that my mother and my sister are looking at
me with big eyes, like it's almost at this point,
it was like seven o'clock.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
We were supposed to be there at seven o'clock. He
hasn't showered, not.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
Dressed, like nothing, just we're still at home.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
But I'm like Batman thirty minutes ago.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
I'm like Batman.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
So I'm just messaging everyone like I'm so sorry, mixing mingle,
I apologize for the delay by the time Devo uploads
the last audition. I then, while Deval is uploading the
last audition, hit our manager up and I was like,
you're totally ruining his surprise party right now. I have
people at a venue since six thirty. And he was like,

(26:08):
oh my god, I'm so sorry. He said it wasn't
even due until tomorrow night. And I'm like, I know,
I know, but you know how Daval is one track
mine and he's like, yeah, he's a he's a consummate professional,
like he's that. So I said, yes, he definitely is.
But of course I was telling him this. I was
joking with him, like he had to know the joke here,
Like the joke here is that bro. Any other time

(26:28):
you submit an audition, it's good to go right. You
never have to redo him. And the one time you
got to redo it and redo it twice is when
I'm planning a surprise birthday party for you with twenty
seven of our closest friends.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
Down here at the venue waiting.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
But the good part about it is that everyone there,
for the most part, kind of sort of knew each other,
so they were mixing, mixing and mingling. Deval finally takes
his shower. He's dressed and ready literally in like ten minutes,
which is a good thing. It happens to be a
naturally beautiful planning that they had to do here, you know,
to hear coming in now, so we don't fillers or whatnot. No, nope,

(27:08):
because Tiff was at the.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
Party, could you imagine that you.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Bruh, typically be like, man, I'm book bruh. Figure it out.

Speaker 5 (27:15):
We jumped in the Porsche. I was doing a buck
forty because she was rushing me so much. Now she's
on the highway holding on to the sites.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
He knows that I'm like fast driving.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
Yeah, yeah, we got there in fourteen minutes.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah, we got there really quickly. And then now everyone
was there, with the exception of J and V because
they were coming from their daughter's birthday party. So I'm
hitting them because he told me the time he was
going to be leaving the house and he's like, I'm
gonna be a little late, and I said, okay, how late.
So he's texted me simultaneously while you're driving, he's like,
I'm nine minutes out.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
I'm like, we're forming this out. Do not if you
see the Porsche, just.

Speaker 3 (27:47):
Don't come in. You're gonna have to wait until after.
And he was like, oh damn, can you stall? I said,
what I'm not doing is stalling any longer. It's going
on almost an hour and a half and change that
these people have been waiting for us to get there,
so I can't stole no longer. I got to get inside,
and baby, when you see the video, I let the
value the way. Typically I walk.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
Ahead of him, but I let the valley the way.

Speaker 5 (28:08):
I always walk like that because I kept holding the door,
and every time I kept like I get out the car,
I go to hold the door and youk ahead, and
I'm like okay, like like what is happening? Like I
really did not know what was going on. And I'm
just like, come on, baby.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
I walk on the door. I stepped to the side
and I'm like, ahead, you leave the way, it's over there.
And then the hostess said that the thing she didn't
look she looked confused. I didn't want her to say nothing, Oh,
were you here for your party? So I just bypassed her.
I'm like, we know where we're going, and I said,
I think it's throw those curtains over there. And man,
I text our assistant at the time and I was like, hey,
we're like walking in right now, and everybody had their

(28:41):
phones out. Janelle sent me a really great video because
she was right there to capture the vale walking through
like do do do do? Regular old days celebrating Cheeto
and it was your party.

Speaker 5 (28:53):
Yeah, I'm just still speechless. And you cry, I did,
I said, I said, I'm my crying. And at first
I didn't cry. It was when the speech is right
the speeches started, I started crying because you know, after
forty years of life, you know, you spent forty years
as a man, not for nothing. Most men don't ever
feel appreciated, and they definitely don't don't get the appreciation

(29:14):
that I got yesterday. You know, I get a ton
of appreciation from you all the time, and my kids.

Speaker 3 (29:18):
I feel like it's never enough on my end.

Speaker 5 (29:20):
So now yesterday I felt I felt full pause by
all the love I got from everybody, My friends, my
closest friends. Yeah, my friends who become family, Our coworkers
and partners in creativity who become family.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
Literally like literally everybody.

Speaker 5 (29:38):
Whole podcasts grew like seeing Josh. It was a perfect
triple everybody, and the.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Time was perfect. I'm glad I pushed it.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
It was perfect.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
Were recording this week, so I hit Josh and triple
both up and I'm like, hey, y'all, I'm doing the
dinner on Sunday. So they changed their flights to get
there early. Just so happened. Balau was in town and
he extended his trip.

Speaker 5 (29:57):
That remember I was here Saturday, yes, and just straight
left and I was like, the fuck do you think
it just leaves like he was in the house, and
then he took him in Phoenix and they just left
and I'm just like, just bounce out.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
I'm like, all right, he's gonna have to see me
at some point.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
And he saw because he knew so at that point
he said, all right, Sis, I'm gonna extend my trip
and I'm gonna bring Ashley down. So he brought his
wife down and they were able to attend. So it
just it just ended up being such a beautiful night.
It was, which is some great people, and thank you,
and I'm just proud of us for the growth, fighting.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yes for the growth.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
And y'all can attest this because whoever's been listening to
us since season one, I'm sure y'all are getting completely
different Padeens and DeVos. Okay, because we are. We're just
not the same people that we were. This podcast has
evolved so much for us, and we'd like to tell
stories like this, like sometimes when we're coming up with topics, Okay,
like we can talk about some current event stuff and whatever,

(30:58):
but we just want to give y'all kind of like
the behind the scenes of what happens sometimes with how
we can navigate the growth that we've had as a
married couple. No for real, you know, through a real
life situation that happened, like literally the entire weekend was
like such a juggle, that such a juggle or.

Speaker 5 (31:18):
Your moment of truth, let's take a break, real quick,
because I want to hear your thoughts for your moment
of truth.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
That's why I cut you off. I really want to
hear your thoughts with moment the truth or.

Speaker 5 (31:25):
Why this story in the two thousand and nine story
was so important, because from my perspective, I know why
it's like yesterday was so important for me, and which
is why I wanted to do this podcast. So let's
take a quick breakka, Let's go, you know, getting some
ads real quick.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
We come back, we'll do these listening letters and they
we'll get the moment for sure.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
And actually it's real quick.

Speaker 3 (31:42):
Before we take a great break, I have to acknowledge
me and Zacari shopping skills because the shopping that I
had to go do was to get an outfit for you.
And Deval was also like, damn, y'all went and bought
me an outfit to wed the Cheeto's birthday party. I'm like,
do you like Cheeto?

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Ya?

Speaker 3 (31:55):
You keep asking about why we do all this stuff
for Cheeto because like, that's your friend. I was like,
I happened to find an outfit that I thought was
cute just thinking of you.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
So Kari came out dressed up this whole tight dress.
I'm like, where are we going?

Speaker 5 (32:09):
I'm like, what is happening right now? Like this this
is they got full makeup on and they rushing me.
I'm like, I'm like, something's going on. I didn't know
what was happening.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
I was really confused.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
All right, let's really take a break now and we'll
come back.

Speaker 5 (32:33):
All right, we're back. These are too long listening letters.
We'll see how long the response is. You want me
to read this, let's go. All right, Hello, Kadeen and Devow.
My name is Teresa and I absolutely love your podcast.
Thank you so much. I really hope to meet you
both someday. I have been listening to your podcasts in
Nigeria and it just thank you. The Niget, the green
and the.

Speaker 3 (32:52):
Yellow Green and yes me and she yes, what's the
name that your Nigerian name.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
On my Nigerian name is? I forgot the first?

Speaker 5 (33:05):
He said, keep uh devide, keep devid, but it's Ellis
wal court up elischop here you guys.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
But it is truly inspiring to me.

Speaker 5 (33:17):
I am twenty one years old and currently I'm in
my first year in medical school.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
Congratulations.

Speaker 5 (33:21):
It's a four year program and I have a boyfriend
who's fifteen years older than me. We were just talking
about this in the car. He's a doctor and doing
pretty well. He's truly amazing and would do anything to
make me happy and comfortable. He constantly expresses his affection
for me. He's he's a talk and do it kind
of guy. Plus, our communication and understanding of each other
is what I love about our relationship, and I feel

(33:42):
safe to say he has what I need in a partner.
We talk about settling down while I'm in medical school,
but the problem we have is timing. Everyone around me
tells me to focus on my education, which I do,
but I struggle to see if that's even the right
time for me to even think of settling down. And
at the same time, I am afraid of missing out
on someone who I feel is right for me. My
parents are typical traditional African parents who want their daughter

(34:05):
to be done with her education before taking Talking about marriage,
I told my mom about it and she was not
in support because she was in a similar boat with
my dad, and she expressed how it was difficult for
her to point in their marriage because my father looked
down on her. Sometimes she was afraid he is some
she was afraid he is someone who would do the same.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
Our parents were the same way.

Speaker 5 (34:24):
They all talk about their own experience, and don't I
understand that one thousand percent At this point, I'm asking
God for a sign or something.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
You are both wonderful parents.

Speaker 5 (34:33):
Thank you so much for that compliment, and I would
love for you to give me some advice on if
you if you think I should proceed or if I
am going about this the wrong way and just being
ahead of myself.

Speaker 1 (34:43):
Thank you for your time and looking forward to your response.

Speaker 3 (34:46):
Oh congrats, We were literally just talking about this these
age gaps with you know's.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
This is literally literally what she was talking about.

Speaker 5 (34:59):
This is my first thing perspective, that's my first perspective.
We often tell young women, well, we often look at
guys who are thirty six and a twenty one year
old and they're just like, yo, you grooming her, You
grooming her. This is manipulative, This is wrong. Blah blah
blah blah blah. What I don't understand is we also
say to men, you know you guys take longer to mature.

(35:21):
So since you know that, right, if you have a
young daughter, would you want your daughter to date someone
who knows who they are in life thirty six de
little bit about what he wants, want marriage and want kids?
Or would you want your twenty one year old to
be with a twenty one year old man who has
no clue what he wants in life. He's frivolous with
his money and his dick and could give for a
whole bunch of other issues.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
Like being older.

Speaker 5 (35:42):
Now I'm seeing the world differently, and I'm a little
concerned that we're asking young girls to be with young
guys and to figure things out when they're not mature
enough to understand. But then when there's an older gentleman
who knows what he wants and sees a young girl
and can help her with these things, we look down
on that as well.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
So what's the end answer, right, you know what I'm saying.
I honestly don't have the right.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
I know we were talking about this too, and I
kind of was stumped the same way too. I felt
the same way you did. Like, for example, us we
met at eighteen, well started dating at eighteen in college,
and it wasn't the easiest, like trying to grow with
somebody through this, Like we really do feel like sometimes
the anomaly in a lot of situations because we look
at our peers, our counterparts, people around us, younger even,
and we're like, we wouldn't even recommend to them to

(36:25):
do what we did, know because I think it took
a very special kind of connection and relationship to be
able to grow and to go and grow through these things.
So yeah, I get very like, you know, stumped when
I see a situation like this, because, like you said,
or she's saying, he's thirty six, he's a doctor as well,
doing pretty well, he's amazing, he takes care of her,

(36:47):
he makes sure that she's okay. But I'm also just
thinking from a social perspective or just from the maturity perspective,
what does a twenty one year old and a thirty
six year old have in common?

Speaker 5 (36:58):
Well, and this is this is where where I challenge
that we're going to do a podcast about this perspective
and perception versus reality.

Speaker 1 (37:07):
What we think a.

Speaker 5 (37:08):
Twenty one year old is is based on the perspective
we get from social media and TV. But whose idea
of what a twenty one year old is is that
that we're watching That's not the majority? Right in the
real world, there are plenty of mature twenty one year olds,
for example, you at twenty one.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
That's a good point, were extremely mature.

Speaker 3 (37:29):
I knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted.
Did I know how I was going to get there?
Per se? Not really? But I was figuring it out. Yes,
I had a plan, you know. I was just looking
enough to meet somebody who also had a plan, right,
and who cared about my plan too, you know.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
But that's and that's what I think to answer her
question was we have to stop putting projecting our ideas
of what a twenty one year old person needs and
let that person decide because ultimately it's their life and
they have to live it.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
Right.

Speaker 5 (37:59):
She's in med school, she met a doctor, Apparently she's
used good enough discernment to this point, right, Why put
her on the timeline that you think didn't even work
for you? You know what I'm saying, Like, why put
her on that timeline? Why not let her live her
own life and figure it out, Because if she does
everything for her husband is messed up, But if she

(38:19):
does everything for all parents, it's messed up.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (38:22):
There's no right answer unless you're doing everything for yourself.
So if it was my daughter, I would say listen.
As a father, I have to meet this gentleman. I
have to use my discernment. Well, if I'm going to
and I know this sounds like very old school, but
if I'm going to hand over the livelihood and the
well being of my child to you, I have to

(38:45):
know who you are as a man.

Speaker 2 (38:47):
Especially old school, I think that's just a caring parent,
you know.

Speaker 5 (38:50):
Yeah, but this is also perception versus reality. You say
things like that and automatically people just like what you
mean handover.

Speaker 1 (38:57):
She ain't an object.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
She and it's just like this preface by saying, well,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (39:02):
And the bottom line is if you do something to
my child, the first person they're gonna come to for
protection is me me. So as as the father, I'm
gonna want to speak to that man to say, Yo, yes,
I'm handing my daughter over to you to love and
protect and to honor and for you to be of
service to her.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Don't fuck this up because I will kill you. You
know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Like serious, she has to deal with us. But that's
exactly why we don't have any daughters.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
However, our sons are gonna be the same thing absolute
because they're not gonna be walking up in here with
just any and anybody either, you know what I'm saying.
But also to what we have to do as parents,
we have to learn how because I mean, we're so
conditioned as parents, and this is one of those things
that your parents that you don't know until you become
a parent, absolutely that you can foresee certain things about
to happen with your kids or you know, the things
that you've had to struggle with. So to avoid that

(39:49):
for your children, you feel like you need to try
to control what the situation looks like for them. So
for example, her mom saying, well, when I got married,
your dad looked down on me because I didn't have
my own or you know, these are things that are
very real for her mom. So her mom doesn't want
her to experience the same thing.

Speaker 5 (40:05):
Yeah, but we have to stop doing that. That was
a choice that your husband made.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
So parents have to find a way to speak about
their experiences so that of course it's something that may
be on the forefront of their child's mind, but also
not feeling like history is just doomed and it's going
to repeat itself because it happened to you. The whole
point of sharing these stories and being transparent as a
parent with your child is to tell them, guys, this
is what I've experienced. If there's a way that you

(40:32):
can avoid this by doing X, Y Z and making
the proper decisions, then that's what I want for you.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Not for you to just do as I say, absolutely, because.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
That tends to drive a wedge even more, especially when
you're in love with somebody child. Because we were in love,
Daval and I, we were in love.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
We still this morning, and I was just feeling on her.

Speaker 5 (40:56):
Because we loved each other so much that we felt
like our love could defeat anything and out.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
My mom was just like, y'all taking this too serious.

Speaker 5 (41:03):
Y'all need to relax. Your mom said the same thing.
And we didn't listen. You know, we didn't listen. We
did what we wanted to do, and for us, it
worked out well. But I will also say this that
parents have to learn that the greatest way to increase
your child's self esteem is to give them confidence.

Speaker 1 (41:22):
And the only way to give them confidence is.

Speaker 5 (41:24):
For them to learn how to problem solve on their
own because when kids young kids, especially when I learned
this with Jackson over the last two years, when your
kids get used to you jumping in to tell them
how to do things or how to speak to someone,
speak to someone the first.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Time, you're not allowed, you're not there to do it.

Speaker 5 (41:42):
Now they don't feel confident, and now their self esteem
drops because I remember Jackson kept saying like, I don't
know why I feel this way. I don't know why
I get nervous before a game. I don't know why
I have anxiety. And I realized he got anxiety because
he's used to me always being there, and then when
I can't be there to help them do something, he
didn't know how to deal. So it took time for

(42:04):
him of failing and failing and failing to figure it out. Hey,
I failed and my dad ain't here, But I picked
myself up and I figured it out. Now his confidence
is so strong to where he's just like, nah, I
got this. I'm like, you're not nervous, you know. He's like, nah,
god is you know? If I mess up? My mess up?
But I'll figure it out. He likes to figure things
out out now, and not for nothing. It's the same
thing with your children and relationships. All you can do

(42:26):
is give them the information that you have, teach them
how to use discernment, use your discernment around who you
have around your children.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
But you can't stop them from making decisions.

Speaker 5 (42:35):
And if you continue to stop them from making decisions,
when they get to this point in life, they won't
know how to do it.

Speaker 3 (42:40):
They won't know how to do it.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
They won't, they won't.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
We've seen so many cases of that, so many cases
of that. So good luck to you. I love that
you are immersed in your schooling first your medical school,
a four year program. That's awesome, ma'am. I mean I say,
I'm a big proponent of follow your heart, but also
use your brain. And you seem like you're a smart girl,
and you know you're going to work it out. And

(43:04):
timing that's another thing she mentioned here. Timing. The timing
may not be right now for a full commitment, but
right the way and see how it goes.

Speaker 5 (43:12):
Let me ask a question though, as far as timing,
what's perfect timing.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
I'm thinking timing in terms of her focusing on education
and trying to finish that. I think she could do
them simultaneously. I don't think she has to stop the relationship.

Speaker 5 (43:24):
Let me ask a question, what if her doctor boyfriend
is helping her through the process, wouldn't it be the
best time? Because we helped each other through the college
process where everyone else thought we were going to be
a distraction. He taught me how to read my dar
you know, we helped each other with papers, were studying
and stuff at night together. Every relationship isn't a distraction

(43:45):
towards your career.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
It doesn't have to be.

Speaker 5 (43:47):
And that's what I think people need to understand, is
that just because someone is in love or is focusing
on love as well as a career, doesn't.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
Mean it's in poor timing or in poor taste.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
That's true. When I'm thinking of timing, I'm thinking of
just as a woman, the timeline that you have in
your head for like when's the right time to marry
or when's the right time to have a child. So
timing in this sense, where the perspective I was coming from,
was just like it may not be the right time
for a full commitment, But if you guys are rocking
out with each other, you say, he's expressive, he communicates
they understand each other, then it's perfect timing for what

(44:18):
you both need for this space in life and you
can see where it goes as you guys grow.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
Because he's talking about marriage, but my thing is.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
Our future commitment.

Speaker 5 (44:27):
Yeah, what's wrong with You've been fully committed to me
since you were eighteen and your life has turned out fine.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (44:34):
That you've had to delay certain dreams to have children, Yes,
but you didn't have to deny those dreams. And at
no point that I ever looked down on you and
say you're less than a woman because you don't haven't
accomplished this in a career space.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (44:50):
I think that what her mom has been through has
been traumatic to her mom, and she doesn't want that
for her daughter. I get that, but she also has
to understand that you picked the man that did that
to you. You you know, and this I'm not trying to
knock her dad, but I'm just saying that doesn't mean
that every man, or every Nigerian man, or every man
who was a doctor was going to put you down.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
Because because of that, you don't have as much as
he has.

Speaker 5 (45:11):
Right, you know what I'm saying, like, that's not And
I tell my boys the same way when they talk about, yeah,
these women be out here. If you don't make X
amount of dollars, they be putting you down. I said, no,
the women you choose to hang out with put you down.
Because general that's not every woman.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
That's not generalized. Maybe you're discernment with picking and that's
men and women because you have they have the same
story the niggas, It ain't this they and that you
need to have more discernment with who you're choosing to
engage with.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
So that's that.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
Well, good luck to you, Sis Teresa, doctor Teresa.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
In the middle, it's going to be doctor Teresa for you.

Speaker 3 (45:42):
Good for you. Awesome, all right, So I think we
should say this next listening that are for the next
podcast only because you know, for the sake of time,
we still want to do our owning the truth and
end out the podcast episode.

Speaker 5 (45:53):
And I'm still so guys, we're doing these podcasts in
between me running for fittings and going out to do
the the whole show and prepping for the show. So yes,
you know you're not gonna hear me as much, but
you know what, you will hear is a day with
Ka you will hear? Okay, I'm excited.

Speaker 3 (46:11):
Stick around. Stick around. So you know, when I don't
have Devel alongside me, I may have a person or
to pop in every now and again and we can
do some chit chat and stuff, because we're still going
to always give you the dead Ass podcast experience with
a little twist. So yeah, let's go into well. First off,
if you want to be featured as a listener letter
in the future, be sure to email us at dead

(46:33):
Ass Advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 5 (46:35):
That's D E A D A S S A D
V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
All right, moment in truth time. So, in telling the
story of Devao's surprise fortieth birthday dinner here in Atlanta,
the overarching topic for us was avoiding what could have
been an argument because of the growth that we've both
had in knowing how to anticipate what the other would feel,

(47:03):
think or say, but also trying to practice strange but yes,
grace and patience regardless of what the situation may be.
So in this circumstance, it was devout surprise party, but
it's something that we've been doing more recently in general,
I feel like, so, do you have a moment of
truth for the overarching topic of the show?

Speaker 5 (47:25):
Yeah, My moment of truth is that I'm proud of us,
like truthfully, because yesterday could have been a catastrophe. It
could have been a screaming, arguing, you know, thing that
we've done in the past, and it would have been
that we end up getting to the dinner and then
we're upset at each other. Yes, and you know what
I'm saying. And we've been there so.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
Many times, so many times, y'all, and.

Speaker 5 (47:46):
We see so many married couples, like we we go
out with married couples and when.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
We get there, we see the tension and we're like, oh,
they was arguing.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
In you can tell let me tell you. That's one
thing with married couples.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
We can tell you, as a married couple, what was
happening prior to.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
Like you said earlier in the episode.

Speaker 5 (48:01):
Though, listening to the podcast, because I've gone back and
listened to certain episodes.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
And I hear the growth And that's why.

Speaker 5 (48:09):
I like listening to us, because I was like, man,
that's what we sounded like that back then.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
That's how we felt back then.

Speaker 5 (48:16):
It doesn't change how I felt back then or how
you felt, because I'm like, we really felt like that
back then. But also the fact that people can watch
us and say, you know what, this is how they
sound now, but if you listen to them five years ago,
we're not in a bad space, you know, because some
couples feel like, well, we don't get along all the time,
and we don't do this, And I can honestly say
we don't get along all the time. Neither, And we

(48:37):
didn't get along all the time. We are And a
lot of dead ass podcasts in the very beginning was
us venting our perspectives to you guys, and then hearing
the other's perspective. And now it's a lot more of
not venting our perspectives and being upset. It's no more
battle of the sexist. It's more like, oh, I understand
you know. So my moment of truth is if you're

(49:00):
in a relationship right now and you're starting out, and
I'm not talking about year one, if you're year five,
you're still starting out. Don't be upset at yourself if
you don't feel you are where you want to be
in the long run, because you got the rest of
your life to build the type of camaraderie with your
partner to be able to trust, love, and empower each other,
but also give empathy in times like we had, because.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
Yesterday could have easily been real talk.

Speaker 5 (49:26):
Why the fuck you keep rushing me? You know, I
got to do my audition. I was trying not to
be an asshole. Why we already we already celebrated Cheeto.
This is important for me. This, you know, this is
how we get money, and this is my passion and
you not, you know, you disrespected my passion and then
Kadeen could have easily been the value taking so long,
why you're doing this?

Speaker 1 (49:44):
You know, we gotta be there and it didn't become that.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
It didn't become that.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
And I'm proud of us.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
I am so alright, I really am proud of you.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Listen, I'm telling y'all my moment of truth that was
great and that I share the same sentiments with everything
that you've said. My moment of truth is kind of
like a personal for us, and it's that this has
really become a space for us. And I'm talking about
this dead ass podcast space where we joke about this
being therapy for us, but it legitimately is that like

(50:14):
we may not see a therapist regularly, you or I
or as a couple, but we literally sit here and
talk through But what we also do is implement the
things that we know can change the other's outcome.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Right, So I know for a fact that if I say.

Speaker 3 (50:31):
Certain things in a certain way, it's just going to
set you off.

Speaker 1 (50:35):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
And it's choosing to say, you know what, I'm going
to temper the way I feel in this moment because
it's not even worth it. Like it's literally a space
of battle picking in marriage that you're like, you know what,
this is not even worth the argument in this moment,
or you know, I know what this means to devour
in this space. So though I know I have all

(50:57):
of this stuff going on, and selfishly, I know that
it's going to be an amazing thing. This is important
to him in this moment, So let me be of
support to him so he can effectively put forth a
good product. And I feel like deep down inside and
it could just be me or maybe because I've already

(51:17):
claimed this for you, but I almost feel like that
party last night was like a preemptive celebration for you
because I can see you booking that role that you
auditioned for because you redid the audition till it was
perfect and you felt good about it, and our manager
felt good about it, to the point where when you
get that role and you booked that role, this is

(51:39):
the story that we're going to be telling around. Do
you know what happened when we did the audition for this?
Like I feel like every actor has like a story
about a big role or a big break that they've had,
and it's like you'll never guess, like what was happening.
So people were just like I was homeless in my car,
I didn't have a shirt. I found a shirt, I
found a backdrop, I did the audition, I submitted it,
and then I got big you know gig. Yeah, so

(52:01):
almost I just claimed that for you, babe, like you
worked so incredibly hard, and in that moment, I knew
that you weren't just doing any old thing. You were
doing something that was going to help to escalate, we
hope and pray your career. So I'm putting out there
already that that role is yours. I know it's a
role that would be great for you, and I'm so

(52:23):
happy that you felt the love in the room. I
think that that was just the icing on the cake
for the evening. We had an amazing almost about five hours. Everybody,
nobody wanted to leave. Everybody was just hanging out there.
It was fun and we just had a really really
great time celebrating you. But I, you know, to round
things up, I just want you to continue to feel

(52:43):
the love and appreciation that not only I have for you,
but the people around you. With your huge heart, people
who you always help. I think that's all about ever
does is think about how he can help somebody else.
The minute something comes his way that's going to be
a benefit to him. The next breath is how we
can benefit somebody else around him. So we love you.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
Got to pay it forward.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
We love you, We thank you. DeVos will always be
paying it forward.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
We live in abundance and God provides for us others.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
That's all. Believe that that that's our tithing.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
Yes, that's that's my belief. You can you cannot change
my mind on.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
That, neither me. So I'm glad that we agree on that.
All right, y'all be sure to follow us on Patreon.
That's where you're going to see this whole birthday party.
For the yesterday Okay, Matt was there of course, catching
all the good, the good good, So y'all are going
to get that on Patreon, So if you have not
subscribed yet, be sure to do that and you'll also
get exclusive dead Ass podcast video content there and some

(53:38):
Ellis Family content All day K A day weeight K.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
It's about to get the ball rolling, y'all.

Speaker 3 (53:44):
And you can also find us on social media at
dead Ass the Podcast, I'm at Kajina I am and I.

Speaker 5 (53:49):
Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be
sure to rate, review, and subscribe.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
Dead Ass y'all.

Speaker 4 (53:57):
Got dead Ass is a production of Eye Hard Media
podcast Network and is produced by Donor, Pinya and Trible.
Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the
Podcast and never miss a Thing