Hot 360

What does it take to be hot all around? The Ellises and the crew define Hot 360. Dead Ass. Watch the full video version early on Patreon! Go to https://Patreon.com/EllisEverAfter to see the After Show and more exclusive Ellis Ever After video content. And find us on social media at @EllisEverAfterPodcast, @khadeeniam and @iamdevale, @joshua_dwain @_matt.ellis, @tribbzthecool. And if you’re listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
At forty one and about to be forty two years old,
what I consider to be hot.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
It's not the same as what I considered twenty years ago.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
I was about to say, once you've lived enough life,
you realize things that once made you hot, it's ice cold.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh oh, that's an interesting take.

Speaker 4 (00:20):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (00:21):
Three.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,
be raw.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Of course, but most apportly be us.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
This is a severer after dead.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
Ass, because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
All right, story time, I'm gonna take y'all back to
February of this year, February two and three. Oh man,
February two thousand and three. I met this young lady
named Kadeen. That was all right, I was.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Saying that, okay, yeah, I was about nineteen.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
She had just moved into her dorm at Hafstra and
of course I was attracted to her beautiful, long hair,
fat booty, you know what I'm saying, slim ways Patrick.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
I was attracted to all of that, right, but there
was this.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
One thing in particular that really like made me look
at you like, wow, she's different.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
Well, two things actually. The first thing was when you
made your room.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
I remember when you came to you made your room
in your room had like a little rug, had a
little sense you had.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
You had you know before they was doing the dorm
room makeovers and whatnot because them dorm rooms nowadays.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
It's crazy. Are like shout out to y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
Like, yeah, y'all doing that. But I was ahead of
the time.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
But this is what really did it for me. It
was your care for things that mattered to me.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
Right.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Number one, I needed to register for classes at a
certain time because I played football, so those classes had
limited space.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
So you was like, yo, I know what to do.
You set up two laptops.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
You put the first two classes and you copy and
paste it and put the link for the codes.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
The codes.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
In a minute, it went to twelve pm twelve A.
You hit it, bang bang, and then you switched in
another one ban bang. You was like, Yo, babe, I
got all your classes.

Speaker 6 (02:25):
Yo.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
That was like a rush for me trying to get
the classes that we needed with the right professors. Hell.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yah, it was your attention to detail as a woman
that really made me say, like, Yo, there's something very
very different about you outside of all of the physical things.
The attention to detail, especially when it came to me
that really like warmed my heart and was like.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
You know what, that's hot? Yeah. And I got other
stories too.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
You remember the letter you wrote waking up at three
in the morning to make breakfast, Like, there were so many.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
Things that you did that really made me be like
that was hot.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Get a good run, elis we did, we are, we're
having a great We're having a great having you're having
a great I'm not sure when this is going air,
but October third of this year is gonna be twenty
three years is I beg baby?

Speaker 6 (03:13):
All right?

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Karaoke time time. It's funny you you literally thought of
the same word, same song that I thought of because
of the word.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Hot twenty three years.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
Ready to go, Let's.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Go, It's hot.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
So hot in here?

Speaker 7 (03:34):
Oh mine's boot things shis things doing this sum turn
to sing?

Speaker 2 (03:45):
Oh and I'm like, no, I mean things, I don't
know the worst of this song. I'm a singer.

Speaker 7 (03:51):
This's to.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
Let's just go straight to the corn.

Speaker 4 (03:56):
Your clothes can't intil hot.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
I want to take my clothes off.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
The time when we was.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Getting that was definitely around us.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Came thousand and four. That was like was he went diamond.
That's when he was going.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
Downtown Street in the range drove up boom.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
You know, people didn't know he was talking about busting guns.
Really yes, because.

Speaker 4 (04:25):
He sweeper and it goes boom boom.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
I'm ready to let it go, like he was talking about.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
This is one thing people need to realize, right because
Nelly came out he had the band aid and the
jerseys and all this other stuff, and they thought it.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Was all cute, cute.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
He from Saint Louis, right, Saint Louis at one point was,
if not the murder capital, was close to being the
murder capital. And he was talking about the same things
we go through in our hus but he just made
it catchy, which is kind of not gonna say, kind
of dope. But he was telling his story in his way,
in a creative way, and in a creative way commercial
way to but shout out to Nelly.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
All right, Hot three six.

Speaker 3 (05:05):
All right, y'all, let's go pay some bills around and
come back and toss it to triple for op or
no op, And this is your topic today, Handram yep,
Jero came up with this one, so I'm curious to
see what you got to say. Hot three sixty will
be back, y'all. All right, and we're back. Let's jump
right into op or no op. Everybody got their paddles,

(05:26):
we're your pedals.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yet I like that we'll be surprising us now because
the opp no op don't be on here, so I
can't even read it, which is good like that.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
I like that it's like a natural, like what we
got today, like that we got.

Speaker 6 (05:41):
But I've been waiting my whole life for this moment.

Speaker 8 (05:44):
Oh last year, okay, and that last year is the
time when I came up with this idea for Hot
three sixty the day and so I want to know
if you guys think this is a good idea. Okay,
So we talked about this on the after show one time.
But now for the non Patreon listeners and watchers, you

(06:07):
gotta hear this.

Speaker 6 (06:08):
It's the best.

Speaker 8 (06:09):
It's the best idea that I've ever come up with,
So I decided to use the entire OPERAOV segment for this.

Speaker 6 (06:15):
Okay, Hot three sixty.

Speaker 8 (06:17):
Originally the idea was for a dating show for me,
because I mean, my my love life is pretty comical already,
they might as well be entertained.

Speaker 6 (06:29):
So yeah, exactly.

Speaker 8 (06:31):
Exactly, and that's exactly how I explain it. I'm Flavor
Flavor in this scenario, and there's contestants and they're already
physically attractive, because I do think that in order to
be attracted to somebody, you gotta first be physically attracted
to them.

Speaker 6 (06:48):
And I like hot girls, So everybody's super.

Speaker 8 (06:52):
Hot and the the game and during the show there's
a segment a series of challenges to figure out if
these win are hot three sixty, which means hot all
around in other ways. So here's some example challenges. Okay,
there's a game night with all the girls in the
house to see if you're a sore loser or can

(07:12):
you have fun even when you're losing.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Hot three sixty, So you automatically set it up to
where they're going to be losing, to see how they were.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
How they absolutely.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
I actually like that.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
But they're all hot though they are all so even
if she pounting, she's still hot.

Speaker 8 (07:28):
No, that's really unattractive today.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
I like the thing is I like that.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
That's why I actually like the idea about the show,
because it's not about the physical. It's about all the
things people don't talk about. They'll watch the show because
it's a bunch of physically attractive women, But when you
get down to the nitty gritty, we're actually breaking down
to see if these women are healed in other ways
outside of them just being attractive. I actually like that

(07:53):
they should be a hot three sixty for gods too.
What's look Josh is dating?

Speaker 9 (07:59):
What jo face looks crazy? I make I stand down,
stand stand up.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
It was just a joke.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
The reason why I brought brought it up is because
it was Trible's idea. Because Triple loves women. They think
it's all about finding if women a hot three sixty.
My point is is that this can be attached to
anybody for any number of guests to see if the
people they are dating are hot or are you just
this person who objectifies who are you trying to date
and only like them?

Speaker 2 (08:31):
For being hot. They're sixty. That's why I like the idea.
I think it's dope.

Speaker 3 (08:35):
I think it's dope. Did you copyright this yet?

Speaker 6 (08:36):
Troops?

Speaker 2 (08:37):
I should will be you should?

Speaker 6 (08:40):
Yeah, the air this will be a copyright idea. This
is my ip. So if you try to steal my idea,
I'm coming after you, period.

Speaker 4 (08:47):
Because I'm still.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
That would be hilarious if Matt came out with a
data show call hot three sixty, just with everything exactly
the same.

Speaker 6 (09:00):
So that would be that would be some hatership, that
would be that.

Speaker 4 (09:04):
Would be on you, that's business, that would be.

Speaker 10 (09:06):
On you, the world your idea, and it ain't yet.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
He got a different different woman was also lesbian.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
And am sure she looks like a grimmle too. What
does a gribble look like? Oh my god, grimbling?

Speaker 1 (09:27):
I actually my oppos I think it actually would be
a really good show. Think about the shows on Netflix
now Love is Blind. All of these shows are actually
talking about the different aspects of relationships and people have
a catch.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
But here's my thing, what would would be the catch?

Speaker 3 (09:42):
Like?

Speaker 1 (09:43):
What if how about this? They're all hot but you
can't even see them? Wow, you have to date them?

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Through a wall.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Situation about them, through everything other than how they look.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
You already know they hot.

Speaker 10 (10:01):
You can see all of them in the beginning, so
she knows that they're all hot.

Speaker 4 (10:05):
But I know who you're talking to. You don't know
who she's talking to.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
That's crazy. That's what you got to see them.

Speaker 4 (10:13):
Literally right developing mat show right now.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
Matter of fact, this is actually good that she I
think she should see. You want to know why this
is what I think she should see if she does
see them, Now we get to break down Triple because
we know which girls are good for her and which
aren't based on watching the show.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
So now we get to see how she makes her decisions.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
And it doesn't matter if the girl is chaotic, because
if she's so hot and Triple keeps picking her because
she's right, then we see like it only matters, like.

Speaker 4 (10:46):
That's what that is.

Speaker 8 (10:51):
Here's the catch, though, They also get to judge if
I'm hot three sixty. So when I go at the
end to pick who I want to pick, whoever won
the challenges, they have the opportunity to say, I don't
like how you did this thing.

Speaker 6 (11:03):
Oh I don't think you're hot three sixty, So they have.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
So if you go to pick a certain young woman,
she has the option to be like, you know what,
I'm actually off this trip, not really feeling you like that.

Speaker 4 (11:14):
Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 8 (11:15):
That would hurt my feelings so bad, which is what
I'm kind of dating for. Anyway, it seems like at
this point for her feeling.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Her feeling well, well, I have a question though, because
I mean, we're all heading towards the fourth floor. Some
of us are already here.

Speaker 3 (11:31):
I'm already established, I moved years, I am comfortable. Well, dang,
I'm mad.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
When y'all consider it hot? Like what what do y'all
consider hot? Because it changes? Me and Matt were talking
about No, me and Josh talking about this last night,
and I believe yeah, Like, there's so many different variables
to hotness, right, and you're what you consider to be
hot changes annually or seasonally.

Speaker 3 (11:56):
And I wonder if that makes it difficult for people
who are in committed really and shifts, because what if
the person that was hot for you once is not
hot to you anymore?

Speaker 2 (12:04):
So let's get how does that work?

Speaker 3 (12:08):
Sounds like we're in a conundrum, it is.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
So let me ask you a question, baby, what things
outside of looks now at over forty uh huh over.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
Forty saying it's okay, I'm proud.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
Okay, you'll be forty two.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
Yeah, I will be.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
And what things now matter more in your three sixty
room that didn't matter before or you found out now
that you're in a committed relationship for this long time?

Speaker 3 (12:31):
Yeah, yeah, one thing that I absolutely love to see.
And I think this is not just something that you've exhibited,
but I like to see it in men in general,
as I'm like having friends and parents who are some married,
so I'm looking to be married again. A man with
a plan like a man Yeah, a man who has

(12:52):
ambition and who is drive and has a vision, who
wants to work with someone to build. That's super attract
And it's funny because yeah, I could have said that
that's something I wanted early on with you and I,
but when you're kind of in it in your twenties,
you're not really sure where things are going to go.
But here in hindsight, I see the value in that
and having somebody with a plan also stability. Stability that

(13:17):
maybe a portion or like a byproduct of a plan,
but I definitely value you know, a guy who can
provide some level of stability and protection for me. What
else I'm trying to think outside of like the physical things,
someone who's okay with just calm, like calm and quiet peace.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
That was the number one thing me and Josh.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Said, peace like just value, like we can just be
at peace with each other, with our life, with the process,
with the journey, knowing that okay, at least we're locked
in together and we're doing this together. So that sense
of like calm in a crazy world is definitely in valuable.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Now, that was a change for both me and Josh.
We talked about it last night. It was like, what
was you thinking? The first thing as a man, and
we both was just like peace finding finding a young
lady that is healed and knows herself well enough that
she doesn't always choose the hard way when things can
be easy. For example, when we were in our twenties,

(14:22):
and I'll speak for myself, when you're in your twenties
and you see that girl and she's pretty and she
got everything, y'all get into a little fight and she
a little feisty.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
You're like, y'all like that, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Like the little fight, a little tussle. You know we're
gonna make up later. Now at forty you're like, man,
why do we got a tussle?

Speaker 2 (14:38):
You know I don't.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
We don't have to raise our voices in this conversation,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
At all, you reach a.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
Point where that's not not only is it not hot,
it's not even attracted, right, Like when you're out somewhere
and you see, Like for me, if I see a
beautiful woman and there's somewhere in the restaurant, she could
be with her friends or with someone, and then she's
getting loud and fire crist in the in the past
and my twenties, I'd have been like, yeah, you know,

(15:04):
I want to.

Speaker 2 (15:05):
I want to. Now it's like.

Speaker 4 (15:10):
It's like you.

Speaker 10 (15:10):
Realize you detoxified yourself, true, right, because that.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Was always bading a fire crack.

Speaker 4 (15:16):
Was always a bad thing.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
It's a good point.

Speaker 10 (15:18):
And it's you that's changing yourself too. You know, that's
me growing up and becoming better. It really has nothing
to do with the young lady. Is everything that that's
a good.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
Point, meaning it's something that once did it for you. You'll
become self award enough to know now that this is not.

Speaker 10 (15:33):
For mefications actually prematurity.

Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, it's a safe to say you detoxified yourself is
because think about it, that's what we saw growing up
and we aspired to his love.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
Right.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
I grew up and I loved Baby Boy. I watched
that movie so many times. So when I watched them fight,
I just thought that was a natural part of the
love progression.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah, people are gonna.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Fight y'all young, and then when you get older, you
realize that you don't have to do that in or
you know, this another thing we said we value other
than just being healed, learning how to communicate effectively. It's
so hot, right, Like for me, a young woman who
can sit down and say exactly what they want, what

(16:13):
they need, what they require, not be off put, but
also take criticism or take my opinion and not be
offended that my opinion may be different than hers.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
That's attractive to me.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Oh we can have a conversation and no one can
get offended and no one will be.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
Put Oh my god, like that to me is attracted.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Maybe we had to work on that, because now I
was gonna say, maybe we had to work on that
because I was not always that girl.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
That was theah communication was wanting.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
To communicate, and not for lack of like wanting to
just like see eye to eye with you or at
least to come to some sort of like agreement or understanding.
It was just like I didn't know how to.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
Neither one of us knew how to. That wasn't even
just a youth thing.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
It's just older now working on myself and knowing now
how I can better communicate. It's important to me that
my partner also knows to communicate, you know, like that's
also part of the healing and the peace part of it. Like,
just tell me exactly what you want, what you need,
what you require. We don't have to play the games.
You don't have to throw out a little fish and
rod and see if I can catch the hook. No,

(17:13):
tell me directly what it is you want out of life.
Like that to me is hot if you can eloquently
express that.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (17:19):
Direct, It's tough to be direct, especially if you feel
slided in a way, like if you're on the you're
teeter tidy ring on conflict. A lot of people will
instead of saying what's upsetting them, they'll, you know, start
being petty, start being mean to you.

Speaker 6 (17:34):
I don't like that.

Speaker 8 (17:34):
I like for somebody to be like, hey, I don't
like that you just did that, and they don't, you know,
cause you got to learn how to trust yourself that
you're picking the right person to get what you want
out of your relationship, and to trust that your partner
is going to hear you and respond to you in
a way that's loving too.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
Who does sound like oh, you can't say it on him?

Speaker 1 (17:53):
One of my prototype kids who's in college as a girlfriend,
and he calls me once a monight, coach de Vallum
dealing with this.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
I'm dealing with that.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
So I told him last year. I think this is
literally what I told him.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
I said that.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Young lady has her own things going on in her life, right,
she has to focus on you keep chasing after her.
It's gonna come a point where, because y'all lives are
not working in synergy, where y'all gonna clash.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Right. He calls me two days ago, I'm over there,
she being petty.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
She being petty with her car, with her car. I said, what,
she's being petty with her car? Yeah, because I got
practice and she got practice. You hear yourself, sir, I
can somebody.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
Even be petty with their own car. You have no
entitlement to that car.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
Bro, He's like, you need a car.

Speaker 2 (18:51):
Bro's so what am I supposed to do? He's supposed
to be a team.

Speaker 1 (18:54):
I said, well, first of all, I told you two
years ago or a year ago, she has her own
thing going with you. If your own thing's going, you
need to focus. Unless y'all things work in synergy. For example,
we work together. She wasn't an athlete, right, and I could.

Speaker 2 (19:11):
I was like, yo, let me borrow your car.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Kay was like here or Kay would change her plans
because she could in order to give me her car.
This young lady's an athlete too. She can't change her plans, bro. Like,
and the fact that you are even coming to her
with this, it's super inconsiderate.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
And it's also just like very childish.

Speaker 6 (19:32):
Bro.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
You're not bringing no peace to her.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
And I said, and she's not bringing no peace to
you because y'all can't figure it out. But that's a
perfect example. Now, this girl who was so hot to
him because she won't get her car when he wants it.
So this actually goes back to what Josh was talking
about how things can change and how you can detoxify yourself.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
Right.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
What he thought was hot, She's an athlete. He's an athlete.
This is gonna work.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Right, immediately became unhot to him when he could.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
And get exactly what he wanted out of his version
of the life he wanted to create for himself.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
Is that just selfishness?

Speaker 2 (20:06):
It is selfishness. But let's be real, right, you only
get one life. Right.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
The first thing I said was communication, Tell me exactly
what you want, need, and require for me, so I
can decide if that's something I want.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
To try to contribute to. Right.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
He should have been as honest too to say, hey,
I need to borrow your car. Right, If you say
that at the beginning, and you say, yo, this is
what I need and require, and y'all can come to terms.

Speaker 4 (20:31):
Cool.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
But when it's like, yo, we both athletes, we can
work together, but secretly it's like I'm gonna need them
car four days a week.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
And then now it's like for her to run. See
what I'm saying, It is a ref flight.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Well, because he wasn't being honest at all, right, absolutely
a red flag for her. And that's what I told him, like, yo,
you call her petty for not giving you her car,
the cornyest thing ever, it's like the corn is thing.
But what it also showed him is that like dating
an athlete for him is not hot.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
That's what I'm saying. It was hot then y'o she
an athlete too.

Speaker 8 (21:03):
Like me.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
And then the minute things ain't working like this ain't cool.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
You know how often we see that with people, Right,
I want someone who's justice driven is me. I want
someone who's justice vocal as me. I want someone justice committee.
Until that person can't do what you need for you
done because they're working on themselves, then it's like it was.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Hot from far.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
Well, didn't you have a moment like that with us?
Because you said, the main thing that attracted you to
me non physically was the fact that I had ambition,
that I was you know, competitive, that I was doing
all the things right. Yes, so you realized after a
while when I got busy, maybe I wouldn't be able
to be there for you as much as you needed.

(21:45):
And then reverse when I then kind of took a
step back, for example, moved to Michigan so that I
would take some time off after grad school and didn't
necessarily have that ambition anymore. Did you lose a little
bit of attraction to me because you were like you
weren't You're not the person that y'all.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
Can never lose a traction. Let me just make that.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Clear, not the physical but just the drive perspective you
were like, because at one point you did say, damn K,
like you don't. You don't seem to want the same
things that you wanted when I met you, And I'm like, well,
I don't necessarily have to do that right now. And also,
you need this. You need me to be here for
you in this moment.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Absolutely, And that that goes to what we talked about before, like.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
Things change seasonally.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
At one point I was like, yo, I think I
need K to be here, right And then you were
there all the time, and I was like, man, I
liked K.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
Better when K was had something to do. Yeah, when
she was like.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Running after something, right, and when you were running after something,
it was just like, hey, man, where's my baby? Then
you come home, we have a bunch of kids, and
then you get tired of being home, and I'm enjoying
you being home, But then you go out and you
start working and I'm like.

Speaker 3 (22:51):
Dang, that was us this year to go to film.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
That's the seasonal part of what you think is hot
changes depending upon where you are in your life, and
that's why sometimes you how to give you a partner grace.
But also, like Josh saying, detoxify yourself. Find out from
you what do you need so that you can share that.
Like Matt just said, you kind of a fuck boy
if you don't want to tell somebody what you need
and require upfront and you're trying to get it on

(23:15):
the low, and then you call that person petty for
not giving you what you never expressed you needed from
the very beginning.

Speaker 2 (23:22):
That's very childish, you know that? Is it is?

Speaker 3 (23:25):
Yeah, he just had to say I need your car
from Jump. That's one of the c.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
And he needed to detoxify his soul and so that
he knows that that's something that you need to tell people.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
Does detoxification come with age, Josh.

Speaker 4 (23:37):
Hell yeah, it's maturity absolutely.

Speaker 10 (23:40):
I think you realize at a certain age that some
things that you liked just ain't it no more, and
it's childish. There's a great, great court in the Bible.
When I was young I'm about to preach I was young,
I did young things. No, man, I put away childish things. Yes,

(24:02):
you know what I mean. So I think it's important
to realize that you are now a man in your
age dictates that you do certain things differently than when
you were a child. Same thing is when you're in
a relationships, and when you're a relationship, the things that
you wanted and served you when you were a child,
they should no longer serve you to that extent as

(24:22):
a man.

Speaker 4 (24:23):
That's just my opinion.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
That's deep, but that is very true though. So here's
what we did learn about Hoigh three sixty. Right, as
you mature and you detoxify yourself from the things that
you think you want, then what you think is hot changes.

Speaker 10 (24:37):
But no, I don't know if if you think you
want the things that you wanted right and the things
that you actually because you needed those things, and then
sometimes you need those things to realize that you actually.

Speaker 4 (24:48):
Don't need those things later on in life.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
So how about the things you want that are not
good for you?

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Once you detoxify yourself, then you start to realize and
I no longer want them things because they're not good
for me.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
Thought they were good or maybe they were good in
that moment.

Speaker 4 (25:01):
They were good in that moment.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
I say that when they're ever good though, Like you say,
you're arguing with a chicken, y'all fighting, but you you
think this is what love is.

Speaker 2 (25:09):
That was never good?

Speaker 8 (25:11):
Yeah, good for you, And I think can't learn unless
you go through it, you know.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
Sometimes yeah, you might be like, yeah, I like that
makeup joint. You know what I'm saying, Salmon, just argue
so we can do that.

Speaker 10 (25:21):
There's a lot of people like you said, like you said,
remember you said Baby Boy was sort of like this
sort of thing that you liked or not that you like,
but the toxic environment. Probably what you liked about it
was the aftermath, like arguing and then the makeup after
it is what drove you like. I love that passion

(25:43):
of making up after an argument. It's not the argument.
Nobody likes to argue, right, it is what comes out
of it, connection, closeness, the the the that comes in
after that. Maybe that's part of the attraction that you like.
It's not necessarily the rod to get there, but the
final outcome is what I see will be the benefit

(26:04):
out of it, because I'll be honest with you. Makeup
sex is probably the craziest sex that you ever have
with getting aggression out.

Speaker 1 (26:13):
And yes, absolutely, no, you're right, absolutely, I actually knows
someone who like her.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
Standard for staying with this one person was the fact
that he was always getting into like fights with people.
They would go out and he was like tough, and
then sometimes she had to jump in and then they
like got off on like going home and talking about
the fight they just had like collectively, and then that
spiral into him now like yeah, and literally that spiral

(26:44):
into him then having like several babies, but several women,
and I get mad right so that she could get
mask she's pulling up on other women and it's like
a whole thing, and it's like they're devising plans. And
then now she's she's like in coahoots with the other
girl to catch him with another girl, and I'm just like,
you like this, you have to like this. But then

(27:06):
you fast forward. She finds a guy because she's like,
you know what, I can't do this anymore. So she
finds a guy who's doting over her, taking care of
her and her child at her back, and call walking
the Straight and Narrow has a plan, and what she
said the nigga boring.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
That's why I was saying, there's nothing good that can
come out of it. You ain't got no gun shadow.

Speaker 3 (27:30):
She literally would pick apart, like look at the way
he's standing. You see how his foot is facing this way.
I was like, like you start to then picking He
was given hot about ninety because there was just certain
things that she's and I said, is that what we're
really like? You literally were in gun battles and that

(27:55):
turned you on? But then she fast forward. Here we
are about twenty five years since that, and now she's
with you know, a little more stable, Yeah, a little
more boring.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
But I mean we all need to grow up and mature, right, Like,
is there an age really where you decide, like, you
know what, now this is the point where I'm done maturing.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
No, I'm hoping.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
I honestly hope five to ten years from now, I
listen to these podcasts and go back and be like them,
I've grown from then, because I've sued the podcast from
before and be like I've grown from then. So I
don't ever want to get stuck and just be like
I've matured, I've meet my maximum maturity.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
I'm plateau. You don't want that.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
I respect older men now like well, I always respect.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
You understand them. I think I understand older women.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Because I say, like, people can tell you about life,
but when you've lived four, five, six decades, seven decades,
you have a perspective because you've seen so many things,
so many times, and sometimes you stay quiet because you
like them. Young people never gonna get it. But when
an older person going to speak on something, I'm going
to listen.

Speaker 3 (29:02):
It's true, I am, It's absolutely true. I see. It's
almost like a sense of like peace or calm that
I noticed with the generation before us, and even just
people in our generation now as we're like getting into
our forties or people a little older than me, there's
definitely this sense of like, I don't give a fuck.
It is what it is. I'm not trying to convince you.

(29:24):
This is who I am. And that's why there's been
I was reading an article recently that there's been like
an influx of people either delaying getting married or remarrying
well into their fifties and sixties because at that point
they feel like they are who they are. And if
you meet someone and have a genuine connection at that
phase in life, It's like, oh, we can ride off
into the sunset together because I'm accepting you for who

(29:46):
you are, fully and holy, and you're probably done a
couple Hot through sixty, you know, hot through sixty. You
know what I want to say, hot through sixty sessions
in order to get to where you are now. So
I completely understand.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
But you know what I'm realizing Listener's talk about this
being hot three sixty is more about knowing yourself.

Speaker 4 (30:06):
Yeah, the same thing, because all we keep coming back.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Is to yourself.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
You can blame someone else for not being hot, but
it's like, is it really them more than you?

Speaker 10 (30:18):
I mean, the foundation is probably yourself, yeah, right, and
everything that you desire, But damn it, I can't control
if you don't look good.

Speaker 4 (30:25):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Ask a question. Here's here's here's a here's a question.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
Would y'all say someone else is hot three fifty, right,
which means they got everything, they just not attracted.

Speaker 3 (30:39):
That's not well yeah, but then there's not it's not hot.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
Just how much does you cannot be attractive to get
to the three hundreds.

Speaker 6 (30:47):
So you be attracted to them? Like they don't have
to mean, they don't have to be attractive to everybody.
But I got to be attracted to you.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
That's what I'm not I'm not talking because this is
this is another thing. Attractiveness is not monolithic. What I'm
saying to you, trouble is, she got everything, but she's
not attractive to you. No other people could think she's attractive,
but to you, you not even I'm in agreement with you,
but I'm in agreement with you.

Speaker 8 (31:23):
But you know what, I have dated somebody who I
don't think is attractive, but I maybe thought she was
attractive at the time.

Speaker 6 (31:33):
And I do think that sometimes attractiveness.

Speaker 8 (31:35):
Does grow from, you know, companionship and liking somebody if
you if you really take the chance to get to
another So I won't I won't say a hard no.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
So like growing on you type of things. Someone who
may be like okay, because if.

Speaker 6 (31:48):
They have all the traits, you're gonna start looking cute.

Speaker 8 (31:51):
Like if you're being hella considerate, if you're fun to
be around, you make me laugh, you smell good, you
listen still a mess?

Speaker 3 (32:00):
Like why is that a hardy?

Speaker 4 (32:04):
So y'all see my wife?

Speaker 10 (32:05):
Sorry, One thing I want to say, is attractiveness isn't
always physical appearance. That's the number one right, that's that's attractive.
Isn't always physical parents Now, I will say I personally
cannot be with someone who is not at least physically attractive.

(32:26):
That's probably like the first thing, like I'm looking at you,
and I gotta like what I see in order to
do anything.

Speaker 4 (32:33):
But and I've tried it too.

Speaker 10 (32:35):
I've tried going out with girls and even if they
had their body like their body is nice and like
their face isn't just it's not good.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
I've tried.

Speaker 10 (32:44):
And I walk behind you, I'm like, damn, you look good.
Then I get to the front and I look at you.
I'm like, Jesus, you know look good. So I know
I cannot do it without the physical attraction. But there
are things when like when women go through like pregnancy,
and physical appearance isn't what it was before. I still
think that there are there are attractive qualities that will

(33:06):
draw you to the person. And even if you're you're
you were afore when I met you and you're twelve now,
I still can be physically attractive to you. And I
don't think the physicalness and it looks matter as much
as me being and why I was attracted to.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
Universe this, this is my thing. I don't think attractiveness
is universal. I don't think there's one thing we can say,
this is attractive, this ain't attractive. Right, But what I'm
saying is is when someone chooses someone that they're attracted to,
right right?

Speaker 2 (33:36):
What if?

Speaker 1 (33:36):
What if that person has everything that we said but
the only thing, just that only thing, because we're talking
about hot three sixty and it's just mean. I feel
like saying no if they have minds saying I can't
what I would say?

Speaker 8 (33:53):
May I would say maybe I think it's it. Somebody
can grow on me if they treat me well.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Maybe it's like we can go to the gun range
or something, we can go bumper cars.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
But gender specific?

Speaker 6 (34:09):
Do you think I was gonna say?

Speaker 8 (34:11):
I think it might be easier as a woman who
dates women, because you know, the how you date each other,
it's a little bit different. Like this person, this ugly girl,
might be very considerate. She might take me on nice dates.
She might be paying my bills or something where I'm like, wow,
you can the way you just send me that zeale.

(34:32):
You know what I'm saying payment for my rent.

Speaker 7 (34:34):
That was.

Speaker 6 (34:37):
But a woman probably maybe wouldn't do that for men.

Speaker 4 (34:39):
So it be that women do that all the time.

Speaker 6 (34:42):
I said, maybe, maybe, maybe, I don't even.

Speaker 4 (34:44):
Think you need to put maybe in that women do
that all the time.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Taking care of dudes. That's what they're complaining about. And
probably he let him stay in my house.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
Example, What's Homeboys were about it.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
About this the other night like that, seriously, we talked
about this the other night and I was just like, Yo,
there is a thing going around for people.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
It isn't gender.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Specific, but there are people who know that they can
fuck their way through life, right. And it's just like women,
men and women. If I fuck this person, they'll let
me stay at their house. If I fuck this person,
they'll let me drive their car. Right, And then in
their mind it's a barter, like Yo, I'm doing this
for you, right. But even that person may not even

(35:23):
find the other person attractive. They're just doing it because
they want something. My thing is like, if you're building
your life out, it can't be transactional what you do
for me, right, there has to be a deeper connection, right,
Like for me, it's not just about attractiveness. There's also
a physiological connection. There are some beautiful women.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Who I've been around who just don't like do it
for me, Like.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
They're gorgeous, they're beautiful women, but I don't know if
it's a smell, if it's an or if it's an essence,
I'm just not attractive.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
It's also like sex and sex appeal, right, So you
look at somebody and it's just like, man, this man,
for example, may not in the face, you know, be
a ten for me, but there's something sexy about him. Yeah,
And then you have some people who are like super attractive,
but then it's just like you have the sex appeal
of a potato, you know. So yeah, it's one of

(36:13):
those things, but it's very specific to the person.

Speaker 8 (36:15):
That's what I was gonna say too, Like the way
that somebody carries themselves it makes a lot of a
difference too, Like if I if you're unattractive to me, like,
you can't be unattracted to yourself, because then that's going
to affect the way that you carry yourself. Like if
you think you're fine, you got a great personality. I'm
more attracted to somebody's personality than I am their looks
maybe and the way they carry their self their sex appeals.

Speaker 3 (36:38):
So maybe maybe we might be changing your mind over here,
trid Well, we.

Speaker 6 (36:42):
All have to see the person you're talking about, yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:45):
Because confidence has so much to do with it. We
know somebody who by most people's standards, I'm sure if
they saw him be like, oh not really, you know,
he was a little on the shorter side, you know,
but his personality and his confidence. And then the women he.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
Used to pull, Oh my god, you.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
Know exactly what I'm talking about, right, And I was
just like, but how and then and then I'm looking
at the women and I'm questioning them, Like girl used.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
To pull them.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
He used to pull them because of proximity. Right, We
used to all be around at the time, we were
all in the NFL.

Speaker 3 (37:22):
And so if those women are coming to like your
sections and but he was like the loudest of the bunch,
and he was the smallest in the bunch. And it
was like the girls love.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
They are And some girls are not attracted to, like
you said, physical appearance, They're attracted to orr They attracted.

Speaker 4 (37:39):
To the ability.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
Yeah, like his brotto, Like it was just a presence
that he had and I was like, he can have
all the persons he wants, and I still wouldn't give
me the time of day.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
But two, like is it gender specific?

Speaker 1 (37:50):
Because even Trouble was just like, you know what, if
you can do something for me that may show me
that you're attracted, right, like if you're gonna pay this rent,
I might be for dudes. Sometimes I can't even say
it's not for dude sometimes because dudes be laying down
with chicks who are sometimes I be and I'd be like, yo,
why would you lay down with her? And I'm like, oh,
I see, I see you drive a car like But

(38:12):
that never lasts though ever.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
That's the thing.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
When you don't have that spark, that means it's just transaction, right,
So so it can't last if there isn't that initial
like baby.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
And I'm gonna tell you that spark and that physical
attraction has saved the Valini several times of twenty three years,
because there were moments where he and I were literally
on the brink of you know what, I am about
to do all this? And then I looked at him
and he looked at me, and I was like, all right,
well more time, yea one more time, one time for
the road and then here we are still.

Speaker 4 (38:46):
You know, so.

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Hey call it shallow colla what it is, but it's
it's just something. He's just my person. He does it
for me, like I would hope that everybody finds their
person that does it for them, so that way, in
the midst of the storm, at least you have that
to help get you through some of them difficult times.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Got another question, is there something someone can have, a
quality that someone can have that it don't matter what's
going on, that quality is the reason why you stay
or that quality is the reason why I know what
the reason why you go, or you know.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
What I was thinking, hot three sixty. What is a
quality that's like this quality is keeping me here?

Speaker 3 (39:25):
M not physical per se. It could be physic physical,
it could be.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Physical, it could be anything. I know what honor is.

Speaker 6 (39:34):
I think it would be the way they communicate.

Speaker 8 (39:38):
I'm a huge personality person and if you're dedicated to
your own healing and you know how to communicate, I
like that and we can talk through it brings whatever
is going on.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah, I like that. I like that one. I like
that one a lot.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
Trying to think, but my one thing would be that one.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
I guess it's because it's similar to what mine would
be because mine was loyalty like the mine is. It
doesn't matter what me and Kay are going through. I
know we can sit down and figure it out together.
That to me can trump everything. Like That's why I
always thought Kay was attractive, even even when she was
pregnant postpartum, she had gained how much way you again

(40:17):
with Jackson.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
I was my heaviest Dakota. Actually I was like one
eighty one right, Ye.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
None of that ever mattered to me, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
Like it was the fact that we could sit down
and figure anything out together that always made her attractive
because I felt like I had somebody who got me
regardless of what I'm going through, and there was no
look that can you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
I remember when Ky was losing all her hair.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
Because she had just had baby back to back and
her hair was standing up in here and she was like,
development you look at my hair, And to.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
Be honest, it didn't matter to me, Like I you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
You know how things changing any person physically. I love
Kadeen because she has this long, full hair that goes
over down to her back, and they had to come
a point where she was like, Babe, I might have
to cut.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
That shit.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
All I'm almost there again.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
But that was something for me when I was young. Yeah,
but I was like, I could never be with a
woman who had short hair. That was a thing that
until you meet that person that is hot three sixties,
short hair gain weight.

Speaker 10 (41:16):
And that's why I said attraction is not necessarily physical.
Art time not physical, but looks, you know what I'm saying.
There's there's deeper things that you like, love about a
person that would consider them hot.

Speaker 4 (41:28):
To be sixty.

Speaker 6 (41:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
That mutual respect too. I think that's what kind of
surfaces for me. It's like, regardless of what's happening, what's
going on, what we're dealing with in that moment, respect
is big for me, Like knowing that regardless of anything,
you still see me as a person, you value me
as a human, you value me as your partner, and
you're not going to attempt to disrespect me in the
midst of everything.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
I guess that kind of goes hand in hand with
loyalty to two. Yeah, Like, yeah, those are big for me.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
Work ethic.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
I watch you get on that treadmill and run when
you don't feel like I watch you go out and
work when you didn't want to. You know, like like
watching someone work hard for the things they want in life.
To me is like that is a that gets you
a high five hundred. You know what I'm saying seriously,
because you got to my partner, like, we got to
be in life together. And if you got somebody who

(42:19):
every time you turn around, that person's just like.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
I feel like life sucks. It's like you're not even
trying to work.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
I like the work ethic to me is another one
loyalty communication work ethic. We're getting down to some some
good ones to build a high three sixty. We're gonna
find trouble a nice young lay communication, loyalty work ethics.

Speaker 10 (42:39):
You gotta be hot, I was mentioning earlier, active listening.
I think one of the most attractive things is a
person that can be your proxy when you're not there
and literally everything I told you, you're you've understood it,
and you're able to regurgitate that or or communicate that

(43:01):
to anyone else that you know that you might need to.
So for me personally, like, just like listening to me
makes me know that you are or actively actively listening
to me and being able to identify what my issue
is or my feelings or my desires or whatever.

Speaker 4 (43:22):
That is beyond attractive to me.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
You know what's become attractive to me, And it's because
I've self corrected and I guess I detoxified myself accountability.
It has become so attractive to me, and I have
been more recently trying to not just take accountability but
then implement the change is necessary to make sure that
I'm doing the things that I need to get done

(43:45):
for you. And that has made me. I have been
doing this try because I've tried in the past, and
then have it been consistent.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
That's fair, You've been doing it right.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
But more recently, I'm just like, man, this is like
a seconds behind being accountable saying you know what, I
haven't been showing up the way I should in certain
areas or whatever the case may be, and it's like,
you know what, I'm going to make this change, and
I'm going to show you that I can do it
because I want to do it, not because you asked.
And that's been something more recently for me that I've
been finding to be so attractive. It's like taking accountability

(44:18):
for you know, the things that I might have let
go or the things that maybe I wasn't showing up
one hundred percent in and being more mindful about it.
And it's actually kind of put me in a better
place of like structure and discipline. And it was a
challenge for me to be able to show up not
just for you, but for myself, for my kids in
this space of a challenge, you know, I think growing

(44:40):
up there is always this pressure. And it could just
be the firstborn, firstborn daughter, being the oldest, knowing how
strong of a woman my mom is, so that she
was trying to of course raise strong women, right and
my sister and I that this pursuit of this level
of perfection that I felt like I was never going
to attain every aspect of my life kind of just

(45:02):
allowed me. I think it allowed me, or it gave
me permission to be like, you know what, I can
kind of not give one hundred percent because it may
not turn out perfect anyway. And once I realized that
there really is not this level of perfection that I
need to aspire towards, is about really just doing just
getting it done right, and I realized how procrastination also

(45:24):
was impeding my progress.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
Wait, one question, do you feel like having to be
perfect or feel like you had to be perfect?

Speaker 2 (45:31):
Was the reason why you avoided accountability?

Speaker 1 (45:33):
Because if you take accountability now I'm no longer perfect
and the game is over it.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
Absolutely, that's nuts. Yeah, that was the revelation I had
recently for myself, and I think that's why I was
able to self correct now and self correct in areas
that in the past I might have problems with. But
now I'm like, Wow, the.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
Reason that was it all along, I say that's nuts
is because I see Jackson, Matt, you'll be down here, right.
I asked Jackson all the time, why did you make
that decision? He'll just stay at me, and I'm like,
I'm not trying to I'm not trying to prove you wrong.
I want to know why you made a decisions. We
could talk about it, and then he'll finally come around
to talk about it, and I'm just like, well, why

(46:10):
did you just say that? And He's like, because I
knew if I did, I did something wrong. And then
I'm like and then what, like, you're fourteen. Mm. Then
he was just like, I just want to be perfect
like you and mom. And I'm like, Dad, y'all sound
like the same exactly.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
And here I am. I don't think we put that
kind of pressure on him as parents, because I know
how it was a detriment to me growing up or
even in my adulthood. But it's funny that I think
him just seeing us now that he's old enough to
witness his parents doing great things and having progress in
life that he didn't realize at one point, like this
wasn't the case, Like we had to work through, we
had to fail. We're still failing and figuring things out. Yeah,

(46:45):
but you can see how intimidating it is for a
fourteen year old. So I would never want to put
that kind of pressure on him, and I don't think
we did, per se. Maybe it was just a pressure
that he's put on himself based off of the standard
he's seen his parents set.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
Yeah, I could take a little bit of accountability that
I did put pressure on Jack. Yeah, I didn't know better.
When I didn't know, I didn't know how it was
gonna affect him.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Seeing now how.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
I'm a lot like your mom, putting that pressure on
him can create the same thing as that.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
You're absolutely right, mom, You're almost like because you or
my mom have a lot of that, those similar traits.

Speaker 2 (47:16):
Yeah, but first born. Yeah, both have responsibility of all him. Yeah,
that's why I said, you know, I did toxify it.
When you just that, it really hit me. I'm not joking.

Speaker 4 (47:30):
I was going to ask when did you come to that? Revelation?
Was that? I was going to ask when did you
come to that? When did you see that?

Speaker 1 (47:34):
When she just said, you know, it was just the
you know, I felt like I had to be perfect,
And I'm like, I feel like I'm talking to Jackson
right now. And then it hit me, Wow, your mom
made you feel like you had to be perfect. So
in order to be perfect, I'm avoiding accountability because the
minute I say I did something wrong or admit that
I did something wrong, I'm no longer no longer perfect.

(47:55):
And then I had asked Jackson during track season, Remember,
I was like, why you feel like you got to
be perfect? It's the same conversation. And then I realized, shoot,
I'm mean me because I have things I want for
my children, so I push them in a way where
it almost feels shameful if you don't push yourself the
way I'm pushing you.

Speaker 3 (48:12):
And it's only coming from a place of as a parent,
you kind of can foresee the road to right and
you just want to do everything that you can, not
to coddle them, but to also direct them right. That's
our job as parents. So my mom meant no malice
at all in any of it, and she did because
of the way she was and raised me and my
sisters specifically, we are the women who we are today
because of it. So I'm grateful for that. But then

(48:33):
in the back of my mind, I'm always just like, man,
the progress that I probably could have had I didn't
have because I was just so afraid to even try.
Sometimes it's just like I don't really want that because
I was afraid of not being perfect at it.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Well, in dedoctifying, you realize that and you've made changes,
and I ain't gonna lie it is. It is definitely attractive, bro,
when you come and use like you know not when
you come and it's a very different conversation when you
be like, you know what, babe, I handled that wrong.
I should do this, I should have did this. That
was my mistake. Let me this is my favorite thing.

(49:07):
Let me make that up to you. That's something that
we've never you used to never say. They used to
always be like, I didn't.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
Do it wrong, right, I would find why.

Speaker 1 (49:16):
That's when you Yep, that is very attractive to And
that goes back to active listening.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
Josh Man, you know what you need to do. You
need to coach Trouble through high three sixty expert.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
You did come up with a lot of good points.
I ain't even come up with a lot of one.

Speaker 3 (49:33):
Listen, we can be part of the commuter.

Speaker 6 (49:38):
Yeah, my legs are smooth. Thank you very much.

Speaker 10 (49:41):
I was actually talking to Trouble because I know she
can hit everything with.

Speaker 4 (49:45):
The headphones on.

Speaker 3 (49:47):
Hey, we can all play a part in the show, Triple.
Just let us know where you need us. You know
what I'm saying, You.

Speaker 8 (49:51):
Know what, I really be in love like every two
and a half weeks. You know what I'm saying. Right now,
it's not working O.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
In Atlanta this I know you love it Atlanta.

Speaker 8 (50:02):
It's some beautiful Oh my god, I got like twelve
numbers this past weekend.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Did you to what did you go to the Chris
Brown concert?

Speaker 2 (50:10):
No? Man, you you tripping. It was the capital of
the world.

Speaker 4 (50:17):
They got twelve numbers and it was black double at
the christ twelve numbers life.

Speaker 8 (50:24):
So Atlanta has two Pride festivals. One is just Black
Pride and one is regular Pride. So it was Black
Pride weekend.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
Oh dope.

Speaker 8 (50:31):
So all the black girls were at the girl events.
And these are girls who like girls. You know, I've
I've had my sheriff straight girls who would be at
the Chris Brown concert.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
But exactly.

Speaker 8 (50:44):
Right now I'm looking for and Atlanta is full of
real gay girls who are sexy.

Speaker 3 (50:51):
So there you go. At least you were within your
It's like we said before on a previous episode, go
to places like minded.

Speaker 10 (51:02):
I'm probably because a few episodes ago you said you
only like first times.

Speaker 6 (51:07):
I did that.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
Show.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
Well, on that note, let's go pay some bills and
we're going to come back for the listener letters segment.
Stay tuned, y'all. All right, we're back with our listener letter.

(51:47):
I'm going to dive in. Hey, Candeve, I want to
start off by saying thank you both for all that
you share and sacrifice, and I pray God continues to
cover blessed and heal you both continually.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
Thank you. I received that.

Speaker 3 (51:58):
I am single. I do not have any kids yet,
but I want them. I do not have a potential
spouse yet. I'm currently earning my doctorate and will be
done in January. My friends say that when I'm in school,
I only focus on school and I don't date. It
wasn't until my thirties that I realized dating is difficult
for me. I want to go out to the correct
spaces so that I can date, but it's extremely comforting

(52:19):
staying at home and not getting hurt again or dealing
with having to sift through potential men. I prefer to
just meet my husband and be done. But reality, I
was not raised being taught how to date. I was
raised in strict homes. I was told that I couldn't
date in high school and college, so the concept of
dating was studying was studied instead of or learn experience.

(52:44):
I bought my first home in Atlanta, leaving my hometown
of Birmingham. What advice would you give on how to
break my comfortability in dating? First of all, you moved
to Atlanta, honey, I don't know what the prospects are
like here in Atlanta For straight women looking for straight men. However,
breaking comfortability and dating to be a lot of dating
questions lately. So what are we saying? Do you know

(53:07):
what you want for your hot three sixties?

Speaker 1 (53:09):
I'll say this, this is something that we don't talk
about enough. But we're talking about a generation of twenty
year olds and thirty year olds who had to deal
with mass incarceration. Right, So we're dealing with a lot
of black homes who don't have the father in the home.
That's a fact, like that's something that we had to
deal with from the eighties up until now.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
It's twenty twenty fives. That's forty years, right.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
So a lot of people that we're talking to come
from single parent homes. And when you come from a
single parent home, you don't watch men and women interact
every day. So when people are asking me about dating advice,
it's because they don't really know, you know what I'm saying.
And I think that we as a community of people
have to start talking about the courting process.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
The courting process was a thing.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
I know, it seems kind of obsolete now.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
At someone's house asked their parents if you could take
them on the date, take them out on the day.
The day is not transactional where something's required on every
first date, it was like, let me just get to
know you and let's see what happens. It's like all
of that first part of dating has just been removed.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
Yeah, it seems that people are just in it for
getting something out of it.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
Sex off the first date or a lifestyle.

Speaker 11 (54:17):
That's why I call on Instagram a data because you
you presumably know so much about a person already just
by scanning their timeline, and then you go on a
day and you want so much more. Meanwhile, you don't
know this person at all.

Speaker 6 (54:27):
Very true. I think men and women are always very
comfortable with each other either.

Speaker 8 (54:33):
So it's hard to go sit across from a man
at at dinner table and actually have a good conversation
or enjoy their company doing anything. So that could be
a reason why it's hard to day you're not even
used to spending time with the opposite sex and you're
like kind of awkward even about getting.

Speaker 3 (54:48):
To the Yeah, or is it even just being in
physically being present with somebody, because I think we're all
hiding behind phones nowadays, right, So just even the idea
of getting out into spaces where you're interacting with someone
in like a live, real time space. It seems like, well,
that's scary for some people because people are weird a
But then also we're so accustomed to just doing everything

(55:10):
digitally that I just think interactions in general have become
awkward for people.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
Well, I think interactions are awkward because we've sensationalized the
exceptions and the anomalies.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
Right, the only things you see on social media is.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
If something crazy happens, it goes on social media and
gets reposted to where the exception.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
Or the anomaly becomes the norm.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
And to be honest, that's not the fact. Like what
you see on social media is not the norm. It's
an anomaly. It's an exception. So imagine you're a young
person and your idea of what dating is is all
of these exceptions, right, a woman getting flown to Dubai, right,
a man that takes a woman on this wild trip somewhere,
or even worse, a lady gets abducted somewhere. It's like,

(55:52):
all of these wild, crazy things is what you see
is dating. It's fearful for people, you know, it gives
you anxiety. I don't think dating has to be that extreme.
I think it's something very simple, like.

Speaker 3 (56:03):
A bit more casual.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
I like you, you like me. You want to get a
cup of coffee, That's simple.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
People were like turning down coffee dates, looking at coffee
and Bundy right saying, like, go for coffee. I don't
want to go for coffee. But it's like Fania, as
a man, I can see why you don't want to
spend necessarily two in three hundred dollars on a date
at some fine dine in restaurant. Did you see the
video of the girl that was eating the steak and
the guy got up been left in the middle of
the date because of how she was eating her steak.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
He recorded her. She she stabbed.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
Essentially and picked it and was biting it.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
And was biting it like me like this, and he
left and she said, hey, you've gone to the bathroom
for a long time. Mm hm, you know what I'm saying.
When do you plan on coming back? And he said never.
You picked up the steak, Like what do you say,
some sort of gorilla or something. You picked up the steak.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
Like it's some sort of like animal trying to eat
this steak. And she was just like I can't believe
you did.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
A real man would have told me how to eat
the steak. You gotta come back and from now. I
would have said, a real man that she's leaving. I
would have said I'm leaving now. I would have probably
covered the tibe. You know what, thank you, yeah, time,
but I'm interested. Dude was just like, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 3 (57:13):
Yeah, he paid for his half, and then she's like, oh,
I don't have money to pay for my half.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
You need to come back and pay for my hand,
my hand.

Speaker 4 (57:18):
It was still abnormal though. I don't get I don't.
I don't fault him for walking out. That's picking up
a steak.

Speaker 3 (57:23):
It's crazy in a restaurant.

Speaker 10 (57:25):
Yeah, anyway, if you can't go get a couple of
coffee with me, we don't.

Speaker 3 (57:29):
We don't exactly because what are we doing here? The
coffee is the easiest and the cheapest way to say,
you know what, there's a vibe, there isn't and too.

Speaker 8 (57:36):
I think you got to think about your exchanging your
time for this meal. So if you go on a
coffee day, that's potentially something that's really quick, or it
can extend into something else. Right right after thirty minutes
you'd be like, okay, well.

Speaker 3 (57:48):
It was yes, true, you got to get through appetizer. Man, course,
you know what, spend.

Speaker 4 (57:55):
Four hundred dollars people are to not like you.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
We're hearing these things on social media. Once again, that's
an exception. That's not a real place. There are a
lot of real dates happening that we don't see because
it's boring.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
But the exceptions like that one we see and everyone
thinks that's all dated.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
I do want to say this, because we talked about
this before, the percentages of how many people say that
they don't want to get married versus want to get married.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
I want to throw this out. It don't fucking.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
Matter, right, if you're looking to get married and you
want to marry one person, If half the population says
they don't want to get married, so fucking what. So
let that half of the population not be married, then
go do what they want to do and find the
other half that want to get married and focus on
that half.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
And I really want to lead that charge on what
we need to focus on here now.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
Right, Okay, So if people don't want to get married,
if some men don't like women, some women don't.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
Like men, y'all have at it.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
We're talking about the men who love and adore women
and the women who love and the door men or
men who love and adore men and women who love
and adore women who want to be in monogamous relationships.
That's who we're talking to. Those people need to get
together and go on the coffee date that could be
like a big party.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
Is that what they used to do with speed dating?
Is it that to be like pretty much write down
on your name tag, like you know, single, looking to
be married? Do want kids? Like you put a pretty
much a whole resume on, and then you just mingle
with people who you can see. Okay, our color coordination matches.
I want this and you want that.

Speaker 11 (59:27):
Yeah, I was terrified as speed diding because of watching TV, Like,
I don't know what I'm gonna sit down and stay
to all these women?

Speaker 8 (59:32):
Uh huh. That's what I was going to suggest for
this listener letter. Find a speed dating event just to
get comfortable sitting across from somebody and having an awkward conversation.

Speaker 6 (59:44):
And they also give you so many.

Speaker 8 (59:46):
Like guidelines to record what you like and what you
don't like, and then that'll give you a chance to
get comfortable with what you're looking for in a partner
and how to look for that and the people you
go on dates with.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
I don't mind that. I think that makes the most sense.

Speaker 1 (01:00:02):
How do you get better at communicating other than communicating?
Get used to putting yourself out there. Hey, there's billions
of people in the world. All right, we know half
of these people don't want to get married. There's eight
billion people in the world, so there's four billion people
who want to get married. I can find one, you
know what I'm saying, And it may mean that I

(01:00:22):
may have to go through a couple of ducklings. All right, Hey,
I'm interested in this. You're not interested in that. Cool,
enjoy your time. I'm enjoying my time.

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
It don't got to be a back and forth.

Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
It don't want to be a convincing thing. Like we're
not out there to try to convince somebody to think
something else. No, that's not.

Speaker 11 (01:00:36):
How You're not choosing your husband and wife on the
first date. Both the process, but also I see something
in here that I said. But I'm extremely comfortable staying
at home and not getting hurt again. Sounds like they
may may have not have healed from yes prior pay
Yes got to be a step one.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Yes for fear, it's to detaxify like that's but those
so she has to detoxify that her parents.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
You can't date in high school, you can't date in college.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
I'm pretty sure that they probably fed her with a
lot of fear that led to some of those. You know,
absolutely that anxiety, to which mine made it difficult for
her to start dating when.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
She did start dating.

Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
It can go one of both ways, because my parents
were super strengthening and allow me to date and you know,
high school and whatnot. But I'm going to college, honey,
and them to be outside. You know, it's I guess
it just depends on your take on it, because you
know I took it and I got back clearly you
did because I was, I was, I was giving it up.

Speaker 6 (01:01:33):
All right.

Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
Good luck to you as you get out there in
that Dayton space. You know, we hope and pray that
you find exactly what you're looking for. All right, y'all,
we're looking for yall to write in for listener letters.
We enjoy hearing from you. And if you haven't been
featured yet and you want to be featured. Of course,
it's all anonymous and all that. Unless you want us
to shout you out, email us at the Ellis Advice

(01:01:53):
at gmail dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
That's th h E E L L I S A
d V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
All right, time for the moment of truth. We're talking
Hot three sixty today. Lots of really great revelations. I
think you know, realizing that Hot three sixty might be
a detoxification of self and how that evolves over time. Sorry,
I start day simple.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
I'm steal from Josh's thing.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
Hot three sixty starts with the whole time like that
was my dam I'm like, did I say that?

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
That's I was just trying to recap, but Deval just stole.

Speaker 2 (01:02:28):
Don't want to go first, baby? It was good though,
the detoxification from stealth. That's how you start with Hot
three sixty.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
You find out what your issues are, you learn how
to heal first, and then you look for someone who
you think is hot based on healing first. But if
you haven't healed, all the things you think are hot,
you may not want them later on once you heal.
So yep, heal first, baby.

Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
Who's up next? Moment the truth the Josh go last.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Everybody still.

Speaker 4 (01:02:58):
Actively listen.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
I like the Josh came up with that one by yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:03:05):
Now, yo, stupid?

Speaker 10 (01:03:10):
All right, My my moment of truth is when I
was a boy, I did boyish things. Man, I do
things that only men do. And I can do that
because there was a point in the episode that I
brought up. I can't remember what it was, but just
go with that. Just don't do boyish things if you

(01:03:31):
were man.

Speaker 11 (01:03:33):
Like that first Josh one and three, I like that.

Speaker 6 (01:03:39):
I'm gonna refer to Josh as my pastor.

Speaker 10 (01:03:41):
Now, and the actual scripture is when I was a child,
not when I was a boy a child.

Speaker 8 (01:03:47):
I'm gonna look directly into the camera for this one.
If you want to marry me, hit me up on Instagram.
Taking Insta proposals at this point doesn't really matter.

Speaker 6 (01:03:59):
You got a job, are you sexy? Are you kind?

Speaker 2 (01:04:02):
That's it?

Speaker 3 (01:04:02):
I love that exactly. Is amazing. And I'll be here
to sift through Trible's d M. So you got to
get through me first to get to Triple.

Speaker 6 (01:04:15):
Who was the who was?

Speaker 8 (01:04:16):
Like you know how on The Bachelor they got the
dude in the suit that like, yeah, tells everybody that's cold.

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
Then I will be in a gown three sixty babies.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
You could find a nice guy that would I know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
You going to ask about tea every time?

Speaker 8 (01:04:36):
Every time another woman breaks my heart, I'd be like,
if I could just find a man that I could
boss around, I will.

Speaker 3 (01:04:47):
Be I'm sure that's something there.

Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
That's all we do is husbands right there, we all.

Speaker 5 (01:05:02):
Be sitting there outside smoking. What your wife got you doing?
Checklar group therapy for yall, balcony therapy.

Speaker 6 (01:05:14):
Check.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
I know it is.

Speaker 3 (01:05:15):
That's why I never step foot out there. When y'all
be out there, I'm like, you know, and let them
have their time that they had their little communal, honey.

Speaker 1 (01:05:21):
They put the calendar up in the kitchen, bro and
I was like, what's this and it was like a
calendar for everything.

Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
I was like, oh, what's these colors? There was like
that's your color? You read said, wait, that's the ship
for me to do? I didn't know, and it ca
was hate your button dropped down.

Speaker 3 (01:05:38):
Yell, you gotta go up and show that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:41):
Wives gonna do is boss husbands around and we're gonna sit.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
There like it's not boss It's just that you know,
you're aware of the moving parts of this family, and
essentially we have eight people in this house with eight
different moving parts, and I need to close a couple
of tabs in my brain, honey. So the calendar is there.
Don't ask me no questions. Period.

Speaker 4 (01:05:57):
I can't even get mad because calendar period. Tell the
bell to do this. That's literally josh my cross dirty period.

Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
I am going to voice and voice exclamation point bold.

Speaker 4 (01:06:13):
Didn't I tell you take that ship upstairs?

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
Quote end quote?

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
That is me? He accountable.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
That is me because I'd be like, why don't you
just call people? So I don't want to talk to nobody.
I send them to.

Speaker 6 (01:06:28):
Listen.

Speaker 3 (01:06:29):
Listen at your lead. All right, y'all, be sure to
find us on Patreon if you have not done so already.
We love it over here with our gang. You get
exclusive ls ever After content as well as family content.
You can find us on social media also at lls
ever After on Instagram and TikTok. And I'm Kadiene, I Am.

Speaker 10 (01:06:45):
And I Am I'm on the Score Ellis and I'm
Joshua Underscore Dwayne, I'm at Trips the Cool t R
I B B.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
Z that's cool on everything, And if you're listening on
Apple podcast, be sure to rate.

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
Review and subscribe and download. Make sure you down aloadle
bit the fact.

Speaker 3 (01:07:02):
Baby, and don't forget to get the rest of your
dead ass merch. I think we have a couple things left. Yes,
they're going like hotcakes, y'all. It's hoodie season, all right,
Rack up dead ass.

Speaker 8 (01:07:13):
Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
by Kadeen and deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by
Lashawan Rowe

Speaker 7 (01:09:04):
Talk Talk