Intentional Family Time

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Contrary to what many people may believe about life, family
is the most important thing you will ever have. Period.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
Who are the contrarians in this day and age.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
A lot of people, a lot of people don't even
find traditional family of any value anymore.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Well, I am so in love with my family, and
after this past summer, I think I've fallen even deeper.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Dead Ass.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Weiby Award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Be wraw or but most apportly be us.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
But as we know, life keeps evolving, and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed. This
is ever after, because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Story time, I'm gonna take y'all back to about a
year and a half ago. The code was about two.
He wasn't saying many words. He was just pointing at
things and getting frustrated and looking at things. And he
had a little bit of a speech impediment because he
couldn't say the teas, so he said right so or
he couldn't say the he said so rather than saying Cairo,

(01:23):
he say Tyro Jackson and tadd So Kadeena and I
were little concerned, and I remember Mimi was just like,
you know, we shouldn't get him checked to see if
he has a learning disability, and in the very beginning
with your speech toy, because we wouldn't know about the
learning disability but the speech. And in the beginning, I
was like, man, like, is it COVID? Like what could

(01:45):
it have been that made him so different? So he
started doing speech therapy and the first thing he scored
on part with where he was supposed to be for
his age, and we were like, okay, you know, but
the doctor did say that he had some delays in
certain areas. So she was playing games and I was
watching her play the games with him and how he interacted,
and then it clicked to me. I was like, he

(02:06):
doesn't have a speech impediment or a speech delay. He
just needs his parents.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
He needs some one on one time.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
He does. And from then it's been a whole change
for all four of the boys.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Now the little boy won't shut up, tell all the
business everybody business all right, and I love that for well,
I don't know if I love that for us, but
you know I love it so karaoke time. So I
was like, oh, do we do like a family song?
Yet like some of my family, I'm like thinking of
all like a family. I mean, it's a family all that,

(02:39):
and we're like, nah, we've done those before. But I said,
you know, in honor of our boys and having awesome
summer with them, this was their song of the summer
with Dad. I don't got all the lyrics down now yet.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
I don't know if I want to, you don't want to.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
I don't want to get all the lyrics down. However,
I let them rock because them and Dad was feeling
the song.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
So no way, all right, I'm gonna leend your parents
that don't judge me. Okay, Ballerinas doing pirou wets inside
of my snow globe shopping spreeze and so whole. You
had to see it, stripper shaking nests and watching the
dough blow as trumpets and rose goals, yellow.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
Dominance look like bb.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Bitches fly from Bitches fly from DC Yo my province
to Wakiki. Don't ask me while my son's just singing
this song, but that was our song. We bonded to that. Yeah,
all right, shout out to the Clips.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
That was their thing. I let them rock because they
were in their books this summer too. Absolutely balance, you
know what I'm saying. Balance.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
But we connected because the Clips came out with a
new album. But I remember when the Clips came out
with Grinding back in two thousand and two thousand and two.
So we just went back through the whole catalog and
spent time listening to the Clips the same way we
do Biggie and Tupac and Nas and whole. So, you know,
it's a little bit the music is a little crazy
for an eight year old to be singing at my
bitches flying private from DC to Waikiki. But he was

(04:00):
learning about words. Play was word place.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
It's all about rhyming.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
That's what we're working on.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
That's how we justify it. They will put on their
praise and worship soundtracks as well.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
What's that song that he listens to? They do the
whole day?

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Oh there's a whole I need you now more than
they ever. Won't you put my heart? That's a gay?

Speaker 4 (04:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
I searched the world to my Hey, yeah, there is
just to find out your waist bed going now. So yes, balance,
we got Jesus and we got clips. Sounds about right.
All right, y'all, let's go pay some bills. We'll be
back with Op or no Op stick around.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
All right, So we're back. Before we get to Op
or no Op, I do want to just talk to
the parents a little bit about why this was important
to us, especially with the speech delay. Kadeen and I
had to do some self reflecting, right, and we was like,
you know what, we move into this house in twenty
twenty one, you immediately got pregnant. At at the same time,
we were career chasing like crazy. You were going to

(05:04):
every event, every speaking event. We had book signings, we
had tours, we had podcasts. I was filming like crazy
coming off of COVID, so we were just working NonStop.
We moved your parents in and Dakota was spending a
lot of time with your parents, which no knock to
our parents because we wouldn't be able to do any
of the things we could do without your parents living here.

(05:27):
But when we look back at it, we was like,
your dad doesn't talk much, you know, and your mom
spends most of her time doing other things around the house,
so no one was interacting with Dakota, and the only
time they interacted with him was when he was pointing
to say or do something, and they had their own
little grandparent language where Dakota didn't even have to speak.
Your parents knew what he wanted.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Oh for sure. He would just point to something, or
he would go to his brothers and they, I guess,
were able to kind of figure out what he needed.
And I mean, let's face it, he had a bunch
of people talking. He was probably like, y'all niggas talk
too much, Like there's no reason for me to have
to intervene here because y'all doing all the talking, and
I get what I want anyway, you know. So that
was interesting to see how that intentional time with him

(06:09):
one on one, whether it was de Val or me
or even just when we brought it to my mom
and dad's attention. We weren't quite ready to put him
in school yet because we typically like for them to
be speaking a bit before you put them in school.
But yeah, it was interesting to see the minute we
locked in. He did work with his therapist for a
little bit, so shout out to Gihi. She was awesome.
She was only with him from I want to say

(06:31):
March till August.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
I'm about to say it wasn't done with a couple
of months.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
Oh yeah, it wasn't a long time before she graduated
him out and she's like, he's going to be fine,
And I said, I really honestly think that he just
had a bunch of agents and representatives that were speaking
for him, and now forget it, He's going to be heard.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
He also needed someone to be deliberate with using your words.
For example, Kadeena and I were very deliberate about Okay,
if you want a cup, I'm not going to just
get it because you're crying and pointing at the cup.
What is it that you want? Dakota, Yeah, And he
had to learn how to say it, and once he
had to rely on himself to use his words, it
became a commonplace for him, right, And it was just

(07:07):
good to see him go through the transition. But it
was also a reminder to us as parents, like, even
though you have help and you have your village, that's
not their job. It's not our parents' job to raise
our kids. Absolutely, we chose that, Like I told my parents,
they hear off our guilty pleasures, and it was very pleasurable.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Oh very much.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
I'm going to enjoy the pleasure, right.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
I think sometimes into like mom or Dad, get well,
you're like, damn, I realized how this could have been
a detriment to my child. Yeah, And it's not because
it was intentional at all, but it was because, man,
it was an oversight. You think you're spending time if
you're in the same room, or you maybe watching a
show together, or you're playing together, but not really locking
in making that eye contact. It's very different when you

(07:48):
take that approach.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Being intentional is important for sure.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
All Right, y'all? Op or no? What's up? Matt, Triple Josh?
How y'all feel today?

Speaker 5 (07:56):
Chilling? Chilling?

Speaker 2 (07:58):
All right, good stuff.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
I'm sorry we've been we've been filming podcasts. Me, Matt
and Josh worked out for the last two days and
I ain't gonna lie y'all. Last night I went to
take a child with like what nine thirty. I told
them everybody was in the kitchen. I was like, y'all,
gonn go take a shower and be right back.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Literally, me and Josh were out there talking, waiting for
the bell.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
I woke up fully closed. It was one o'clock. I
woke up. Everybody was sleep, the house was dark, and
I had my clothes on. She was knocked out in
the bed, scarring next to me. I was like, damn,
I left Josh because we supposed come back downstairs, and
I was like, fuck me in my bad. I came
downstairs this morning. I was like, my bad, bro.

Speaker 6 (08:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
I got into the bed and I kind of sat
there for a little bit because I'm like, there's no
way he's going to sleep with no ass night. So
I was like sitting there and I was waiting, and.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
I was waiting no ass, but I was not, you know,
I was sleeping. If I want to sleep, like you
gotta be tired to fall asleep knowing you want ass.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Like right, that's like the first for you that's never happened.
I'm happy you didn't wake my ass up. That was
the thing, because I was like, damn it, moment she's
going to wake me up.

Speaker 6 (09:04):
Tapping on the shoulder, He's up.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
The next morning, he was like, yo, I was definitely.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Feeling you up. I was trying to see if there
was any movement there was no movie. It was I
did everything. I slid. I slipped my finger from the
shoulder blade all the way down. Typically you get a
little arch back poked back. I swear. I was like, well,
let me just turn over. This is on me, this

(09:35):
is on me.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
I'm t I ken't pick it up on my shoulder,
wait to see if he was gonna wake up. And
then nothing happened. So I even held my peace so
long at one point because I was like.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
If I move, you gonna wake up. You see the
stuff y'all willing to do to hold the kitty back,
just like you're willing to mess your bladder up to
hold that back to kitty. For me, that's crazy. But
you know what I got it, I got to eat.
It wouldn't money. And I'm just saying board josh my

(10:05):
full chime.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Hey, it's just been the marathon of events back to
School podcast. Yeah, the summer is officially over, so.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
I don't say it's over until like October. Yeah, I
mean was September. It's still some of the minutes.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
It's just waking up at six am with the kids
for school. That's for me, the end of the summer.
But it is We've still got some time to enjoy.

Speaker 3 (10:23):
September twenty first, that's summer's over.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
September twenty first. Yeah, that's we got a month and
still I'm taking the events.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
I'm with you, bro.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Chiro's birthday is usually like the last like pool day
of the years.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah, no, end of summer.

Speaker 5 (10:40):
In Georgia. Really, it'll get cool and then it gets
really hot.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
To get it, it falls October about Yeah, October through
the beginning of November typically hot, and then forty five
you're like, what happened exactly?

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Coldon flu season? Child lord?

Speaker 3 (10:57):
Yeah, by die my second allergy season to worse.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
True, rag weed be outside like a mug. I've never
seen a rag We actually looked and seeing.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
There's the tumble weed with that we cousin.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
I've seen.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
It has nothing to do with the gonja weed because
that nobody here allergic to.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
The fact we are not allergic to that.

Speaker 6 (11:19):
I actually think I am allergic to weed.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Really.

Speaker 6 (11:23):
Yeah, it gives me like g r D having like burbs.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Really have you ever heard of that? Yeah? It could be.
You know, you never know. People's bodies be sensitive different things, bro,
And if you ain't welcome with you. Don't don't do it, bro.

Speaker 6 (11:35):
I know I still do it like an idiot.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
It's like that person that's lacks and tolerance, like to
take this back to everyone.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
Medications to you guys. Effects of that too, man might No, No,
do not listen to Josh. Don't listen to Josh man effects.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
We're still here.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
There's different types of yo.

Speaker 3 (11:55):
I'm not sure I'm talking WoT her. She might as
well do it.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
She's still do it anyway, man, Yeah, I mean you
still do it.

Speaker 6 (12:00):
Yeah. I was sick and I instead of taking medicine,
I ate a gummy and I was like, this is it.
I'm about to die.

Speaker 5 (12:08):
You felt so much better.

Speaker 6 (12:09):
No, I felt worse.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
No, you definitely because you were like, I'm going to
die exactly?

Speaker 1 (12:15):
Is it.

Speaker 7 (12:17):
Time?

Speaker 2 (12:17):
But my paddle, I hear that.

Speaker 6 (12:21):
All right. So there's two stories that I want to
talk about.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
Okay.

Speaker 6 (12:24):
One, so we've talked a bit about the locker rooms
and uh, white guys being weird in the locker rooms.
But there's a black football player for the Raiders, Christian Wilkins,
who was released from his thirty five million dollar contracts
for kissing one of his teammates on the forehead.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
Uh.

Speaker 6 (12:44):
And it wasn't even in the locker room. It was
in the team meeting room.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
That's that was that. I know the story. I know
the stories. First of all. Christian Wilkins was he he
was up for thirty five million dollars. All he had
to do was go through some certain workouts in order
to get the completion. But he didn't do the workouts,
which had him be labeled conduct detrimental. So they were
looking for a reason to cut him because he wasn't
in shape for those workouts.

Speaker 5 (13:09):
Was unty or mandatory workouts?

Speaker 1 (13:11):
No, these were I mean he was coming off injury
and hear the NFL, when you are injured, right, you
are required to go to treatments. If you don't go
to treatments to get yourself back, you're not gonna just
sit here and be injured. So that happened. But on
top of that, he kissed the teammate on the top
of the forehead and the teammate said he felt uncomfortable
and the timing of it when he got released was
that was the story. But that's not the reason why

(13:32):
he got cut. He got cut for conduct detrimental. That
was just a cherry on top because it's like, and
you're making people feel uncomfortable in the locker room.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
So that's context around. Why can you think of anything
or any reason why you would have wanted to kiss
one of your teammates on the forehead.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
Me, no, but.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
Dude play around.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
Dudes play around a lot in the locker room. Like
it's it's it's a very different environment and it's hard
for the general public to understand. Right. It's just like coaches,
coaches screen even curse and holler at kids in the
locker room all the time, and parents be like, I
would never, I would never. Yet you wouldn't because you're
not an athlete. But the culture there is a little
bit different. So a coach screaming and cursing and hollering,

(14:11):
or another player picking a player up or kissing him
in the forehead and a playful manner is something that
happens in the locker room. This guy didn't appreciate it,
so he complained to hr. I believe he did, actually,
and once he made a formal complaint. It was just
another thing on top of what happened with Christian Wilkins.
But I don't think it was just the kids. It
could have been probably some bullying thing or something. He

(14:32):
felt like. He was just like, you keep doing the
most and you not playing. So that's that's what I.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
You're not even trying to make the team.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Better exactly, and dude not making the team better kissing
another dude.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
Yes, he probably didn't find that funny. Well, I mean
I don't.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
But there are things that happen in the locker room
that people would be like, why, Like why would you
like snapping people with towels, toweling people like making people
carry stuff. It's hazing. There's stuff that you're not supposed
to say or do, but.

Speaker 8 (14:59):
You do it and then be a very juvenile environment
is very It's a lot of.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Times it is very juvenal.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
I remember you saying that in college, but I just
figured it was the age, you know, not thinking that.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
I mean, it is the age. But in un the NFL,
you got kids at are twenty years old who their
only life experience is seven on seven high school environment
locker rooms, college environment locker room. Now you're a twenty
year old in a professional environment, Like it's still the
same young mindset. And the thing is some people don't
like it. For example, if you are twenty eight to

(15:30):
thirty five year old dad and this is your livelihood
and the guy who is supposed to help you win,
to help your livelihood is playing around and then wants
to kiss you on the forehead, that's not funny. That's
a guy who is you know what I'm saying, who's grown,
who has real world problems. Yeah, so it could be that.

Speaker 6 (15:44):
So that's my question. In the locker room, do you
think that players are now going to have more responsibility
to holding each other accountable for that type of behavior?
Because I know that stuff like this is like part
for the course, it seems like for men in the
locker rooms, but women in the last decade or so
have been vocal about what we feel is inappropriate behavior

(16:07):
in the workplace for men or from people in general.
And so now it seems like this situation is just
one moment where a man was to step up in
a way that traditionally men don't. So do you think
that there's a trajectory forward? Do you have an opinion
about whether whether players just start to speak up when
they feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
I think if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you should
step up. I mean, we went through this in college
at Hofstra. They used to have a racist Thursdays where
everybody would just say racist jokes to each other. And
you know me, you know me, and it wasn't a
thing where I was going to go tell I was
going to let you know the facts. And my biggest
thing was educating you know why this ain't funny to me.

(16:46):
I remember the joke that got me pissed. Right, I'm
not going to say the person's name because he's still
a Person's a young dude, white boy from Pennsylvania. But
he was like, what do black people call mta? And
I was like, I don't know, and he said trees, right,
the monkeys going from tree to tree. Like it wasn't
a funny joke, but on top of it, it just

(17:08):
it was very very racist. So you know, he tried
to smirk and laugh, and I was like, you know
why that's not funny, And then I started to give
him like an educational course of why it's not funny
to me, and then it took all of the air
out of the racist Thursday. And then they were just
like it was supposed to be funny to vow. I said, yeah,
but it wasn't funny to me, So now I'm not

(17:29):
gonna make it funny for y'all. And it stopped, but
I wasn't gonna tell. But I also wasn't going to
stand for it. And I think it is a time
where if you feel uncomfortable about something, you could be uncomfortable.
But there were black guys who participated with them, and
they did that on their own time. And I also
didn't tell on them when they did it, because to me,
if y'all think that's funny and y'all want to do that,

(17:51):
do that the same way they played grab ass in
the locker room. Sometimes they pinched each other's nipples. They
did that. That's not a game I play. But I'm
not gonna tell on y'all if y'all want to do that,
you know what I'm saying, Like I just I'm on
my business in the locker room. And if it's not
a thing where it's conduct detrimental, where you're bullying someone
or hurting someone, then you have it, you know. I

(18:12):
imagine that in the locker room like these ten. I wish, honestly,
but I honestly wish y'all was in the locker room
to see something and stuff. Plus they knew that I
was in love with my girl and I had pictures
of my girl in the locker in the NFL, and
they would do stuff like that. I I was wild

(18:37):
compared to them, Like they were just like, look, we
got pictures when we got engaged, pictures up and they
did stuff like that.

Speaker 5 (18:42):
K bid.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
It was just like, I'm not Kadean. It was funny
to me though, Like I'm gonna be honest. Ship like
that to me, Like everything isn't offensive thing I've been
I've been popped with a towel. I've had to pop
me on my butt with a towel, Like I never
felt like my God, now now I got to defend
my man, you know what I'm saying, Like it's not

(19:03):
like that. You also got to know who you're doing
it with. You if you're gonna kiss a dude on
the forehead, he gonna report it to you. That's not
your guy. That's got to be kissing on the forehead.
Because I've been kissed on the ford by dude. You know.
He was like my freaking bodyguard. He used to do
it all the time, and not just in the locker room.
He'd come in the room. He was my roommate for summertime,
and it'd be me and Kay in the room laying

(19:24):
on the bed, and he would come in the room.
He'd be like, what's up, guys, come in and just
kissed me on the forehead.

Speaker 5 (19:29):
That's why.

Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yes, yeah, both of us would be like laying in
the bed and he would just like rolling falling the
bed in between us.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
You know, he wouldn't do it and he wasn't there,
but he would do it if it was me and
there was a bunch of other dudes there. If it
was me, Terry Blau like he's trying to be funny.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
He was funny guy.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
And he came from an old boys school, Cardinal Hayes
in the Bronx. And he was also my protector because
when another dude tried to like punk me as a freshman,
punched him in the face. Wow, straight punched him. And
if that's part of the reason why he's not at
Hotra no more. But he was a protector and that
his way of showing camaraderie was like almost like I'm
his little brother, like got you. He took care of me.

(20:08):
Sometimes I would be out in the square, just out
it's not the locker room, it's not the room. And
then somebody just picks me up and just puts me
over their shoulder, YO, and they'd be like your pick man,
put me the fuck down.

Speaker 7 (20:19):
Bro.

Speaker 8 (20:20):
You could switch the locker room and hostra with the
penitentiary and the yard.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
There you go, listen, there you go.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
I know capas ain't talking. I know ain't talking.

Speaker 7 (20:33):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
You want to talk about fraternities pocket y'all don't have
a locker room, but y'all do some of the wildest
stuff in fraternity. They'm not kissing nobody, no fraternity, bro,
niggas is not doing that.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
They're not doing that.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
You want to hear some of the stuff.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
I don't know what they did.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Not my chapter, completely different chapters, different lines, all that.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
Completely not I'm allowed to defend locker rooms. I know
this for a fact. We would fuck y'all up athletes,
But anybody's trying fight, man.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
We love hers, man, We're not fighters.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
I know y'all love it, Josh. I ain't gonna lie
that shit kind of dope. I'm not even gonna lie.
If if I could work a cane like that, I
would be walking around with that ship all the time.
Was a Kappa he Nigga's cool, bro, he cool.

Speaker 2 (21:29):
Instead of doing that with a straight barn and Jim exactly.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
You know what I'm saying with forty fives on your
shot period?

Speaker 2 (21:37):
What she got that ext trip?

Speaker 6 (21:39):
So I think this is my first time talking about
my sister on the show Beyonce Giselle. It's called I'm like,
I was thinking the same. Never mentioned my blood sister before,
but we are related. So there's that she took her kids,
my nieces on tour whether this summer, which I thought

(22:02):
was cool. She got to spend the summer with her kids,
agreed and put them to work. And I was curious
because I know they getting paid. And there's one at
there's one outlet that said that Blue Ivy is making
forty thousand dollars per show on tour, which is probably
more than what the rest of the dancers made. So

(22:24):
I want to know if you y'all spend some time
with your kids this summer. We're talking about that today,
if you had to go on tour or if you
were filming a movie, there's no kids. I paid and
paid our kids.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, yes, our kids are our kids are paid for
being Ellis's essentially. I mean, we've were doing social media content,
We've built our brand. We've built our brand pretty much
around our families. So our kids are definitely getting paid
for absolutely their time, their services, their likeness. But we
also take into consideration the fact that there are things
that they don't want to do, so now that they're

(22:58):
getting older, you know, we're mindful of that. But they
are on payroll like anybody else would be. I think
that Beyonce is doing their absolute right thing. It's also
I'm hoping too they're having a conversation with Blue and
Roomy and you know, the kids about what that means
for them in terms of like having their own money
and how to manage it and how to save. And
you know there's going to be a completely different kind
of conversation. You're gonna get forty thousand dollars per show,

(23:20):
you know, versus maybe what you know other kids will
be making on their jobs or being paid by their parents.
But you know, there's a lesson in it.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
I think it's I think it's twofold. The one thing
is you get a great tax right off when you
get to pay your kids, plus you can put the
funds in an IRA, put in a four to one k,
put it on accounts that yield high interest because they're
so young, right, and then by the time they become eighteen,
they can take it out and have it tax free.
So there's two parts. You can help your child build
wealth from a young age, but you also get tax breaks.

(23:49):
So for us, it was important that we do both
and we explain to them. But I think what caset
is also more important. Jackson, kyrol Kasndakoda have been integral
in helping us build his brand. People don't only just
love Devo or Kadeen or Devaling Kadeen. They love the
idea of the family, which requires that the kids get
in front of the camera and sometimes they have to perform.
We ask questions, do you feel like making this video?

(24:11):
And sometimes they're just like no. So if it's no,
the answers no. But then Jackson's old enough to say
what does this video mean and why? And he was like,
all right, I get it, I'll do it. So at
this point, you're working and you should be compensated because
if you're not compensated, you're being exploited by your parents.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
So today be clear I mean people like Devalan, Kadeen
and the othersis, but they got favorite kids. Like I'll
run into people or you'll see in the comments like, oh,
Kaz is my favorite. I know I'm not supposed to
have a favorite, But do y'all want to go on
record saying who your favorite kid is?

Speaker 3 (24:40):
I said all the time, man is my favorite?

Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah, boom, I know who your favorite?

Speaker 6 (24:44):
All right, Matt, we know, but yeah, I would have
to say is the first with yeah, you always say
his name first whenever you cover.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
You don't need to know that.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
I think my favorite rotates like it's never just one kid.
It's like depending on the moment, Like it rotates, like
you're my favorite right now because of whatever reason.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
You know, I don't think I have a favorite, Like
all of them are just they're so unique, they're so different.
They all have their own great place. Jackson is the
apple of my eye because he was the firstborn. Like,
there is no Cairo Kaz the Coda without Jackson, so
that's his place. Cairo was so exceptional as a young

(25:30):
child that it made it easier for us to have
more kids, so he honds his own place. Kaz looked
just like me, like, how could I not love you?
You look just like me? And then the code is
the baby, like he's my last. So I really can't
think of a favorite. I can't. There's a reason why
all of them. When I see them, I just smile
a teary eye and then want to punch him in

(25:50):
the chest. That's just me, that's the balance. I kiss
him on their forehead, then punch him in the chest,
tell him get out my face, I said, I love you.

Speaker 8 (26:00):
Can you imagine I know Kay talked about uh Beyonce
possibly talking to her kids about how to manage money
and all that. Can you imagine Beyonce telling her kids
that money don't grow on trees while she walk by
the money tree in her house, the money literally growing
on the tree in her house.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
But you know what, I can what the pivot would
be with that They get to see their mom buzzed
her out, Oh yes, and work so hard, like she
puts her all into everything. So you're not just seeing
the praise that she gets and that the fame and
the stardom. You're seeing her build out an entire production
from the ground yep, from from the music to how

(26:37):
the music then translates to a show. So I'm sure
that they're getting the bird's eye of you, or actually
like the in the depth you of like how everything
has come to fruition, which I think is invaluable.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
I think this may be a different perspective, but I'm
willing to share it. I told my kids like that,
y'all know, y'all don't ever have to worry about money, right,
So since you don't ever have to worry about money,
what's your purpose in life? Because we have to start
teaching our kids about different things rather than just go
get a job and work. So if you have children
who will never have to just get a job, you know,

(27:09):
we've created trust funds for our kids. They've already earned
enough money by themselves that when they turn eighteen, they'll
have seven figures to go off and do what they
want to do. So in that way, you can't treat
them like a kid that has to go out and
get a job. But you also have to teach them
the value of that money. Yeah. Right, So with Jackson,
for example, he has his account, his expense account that
he has, and I'm like, how much money are you

(27:30):
saving every month from the allowance that you get? He's
super frugal. And it's funny when you have a kid
who has access to pretty much everything. He'll be like, ah, no,
I want my account to have a certain amount at
the end of every month, so I'm just not going
to get these things so that I can reach it.
And what I'm teaching him is that money has a
different type of value. He spends most of his money
on gifts for his brothers and his friends. Yeah, You're like,

(27:54):
you know how many parents call me. It's just like,
Jackson got so and so and embroidered what was the jersey?

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Pat jersey a full.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
Like embroidered Pat mahomes And they was like, did you
know that he spent it? I said, listen, he has
his own money. You know, he's friends with your child.
And they were like, but we can't get him nothing
like that. He didn't for it. He did it because
he values your son's friendship. And that's just the type
of person.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Jackson, right, And he does it without expecting anything in return.
He see some packages come sometimes and I'm like, oh,
it's for Jackson. I wonder what he got, and I'll
open it and it'll be like body wash by Jackson.
I could have gotten you body wash. He was like, well,
I like this brand. I was running low, so that's
one less thing for you to have to think about.
I was like, all right, that's cool.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
So yeah, and teaching him to pay it forward, oh
for sure. If you have an abundance, what are you
going to do with it? You're gonna go out there
and you try to make more money. Our thing is
we have the family trust. So since we have the
family trust, it's like, Okay, how much money are you
going to put in the family trust so that your
offspring can continue to live the life you live? And
now that you have that, what are you going to
do to pay it forward? Do you need all money? Jackson?

(29:00):
Not really. I was like, you have properties that are
going to be in your name, right, yeah, so if
you don't have anything to say for what are you
looking to do? So now his mindset isn't so much
about how can I get the money? It's like, how
could I make humanity better because I have this abundance.
So I could definitely see, you know, knowing how jay

(29:21):
Z and Beyonce are so big on community, I could
see them having those conversations with their kids being like, yeah,
you might have made forty thousand dollars a show. How
many shows did they do over twenty.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah, I mean for Cowboy Carter, she did definitely Foreign
Atlanta alone, I forget total.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
So if it's twenty five shows, she made over a
million dollars, right, So when you have a thirteen year
old who made over a million dollars and it's reported
this way, as a parent, you have a responsibility to say,
what are you going to do with this a million dollars?
You know what I'm saying. So I can definitely see
them having that that conversation because I mean, Jay Z
is known for his business act, his business act, but
also what he does for social justice, you know. I

(29:59):
mean he's spent minus millions and millions of dollars on
Bell reform till people get out of prison who was
being held up, you know, without exposing it. He just
did it. So you know, they having those and.

Speaker 8 (30:08):
Them kids get definitely get a matter of class. He
talks about the paintings that's in his daughter's names that's
worth millions of dollars. They're not walking by that painting
every day. They're like, yo, this joint just hit eight
million this year. Like she knows, oh for sure.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
And that's that's what we have to start doing with
all of our children, right Like I feel like sometimes
we get caught up in the struggle of blackness, that
we hold the struggle of blackness higher than anything else.
But what about the ability to go through the struggle
and now your children don't have to struggle and wearing
that as a badge of honor. Like if I'm jay Z,

(30:43):
it's like, Yo, that painting is worth eight million? Know
everything about that painting? Why because now you can give
that to your children, or you can flip it and
now each one of your children get a painting from
that eight million, just so that they can learn. And
that's also a part of blackness too. I have something
to pass down to my children.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
Which we never really had before ever, Like did we
find value? You think about how many you know people
that you know are into art or you know little
things that would be like wow, I didn't think about
how this investment over years can accrue a certain amount
of wealth. We never had access to those kinds of
things before. And we were talking recently about just even
growing up in Brooklyn and what it looked like for us,
like the things that we thought were normal should not

(31:21):
have been the norm, right, you know, like having to
you know, watch yourself on the bus and on the
train because you never know, you had to run from
people trying to jump people down the block, and it
was just a lot. It was so chaotic, and that
to us was like normal. So early on when we
were parenting Jackson did that was like very adamant about, Oh,
he has to be tough because you know, growing up

(31:41):
in the streets of Brooklyn, this is what I had
to deal with. And it's like, should that even still
be the topic of conversation? Are we aspiring to move
out of our circumstances to circumstances that are a bit
softer because we don't have to, you know, live in
these circumstances like we did when we were younger.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
No, you're absolutely right. Like my whole approach things, it's
so different even with my boys, for example, with Jackson,
or somebody get your face, you snuffed them, don't let
nobody come in your space. Don't It was just very
grind me and gritty because that's how we grew up,
you know, grow up in fly Bush. If someone gets
in your space, don't give them a chance to do
something first, so you take them out. And if someone
ice grilling you, you what the fuck you looking at?
Like that was what I was teaching Jackson, because that's

(32:19):
where we still lived. Now it's more like you're in
a space where someone may be staring you. Try to
assess like they could be staring you because they know
who you are and they may want to have something
kind to say, so you being super aggressive off jump
is unnecessary. You know, if you're in a situation someone
evades your space, it's okay to back up, be like, yo,
can you you give me some space a little bit,

(32:41):
you know, rather than jump into conclusions, just yo, can
give me some space a little bit, and teaching them
how to be diplomatic but also be slow to respond,
where in Brooklyn you can't be slow to respond.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
Right, Yes, I still know your environment, like you're not
walking around here through this world like a space guy.
They're not aware of your surround having your spidy senses on.
But it's not the same as it used to be
when we were growing up. And you always hope that
at least each generation you can take your children out
of the circumstances that you had to deal with. So
that's part of intentional parenting, which we're talking about today.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Speaking of intentional parents, we did something very very intentional
on the track trip that we really want to talk about.
We sat down with all of our boys and we say, Yo,
each of y'all are going to get five minutes to
just tell us how you feel about anything going on
in the day or your life.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
So we started with Jackson because for the track meet
that we went to in Jacksonville, it was just Jackson
and Cairo, so Kats and Koda with my parents and yeah,
where did you come up with that? I meant to
ask you. I forgot to ask you in that moment,
like what made you think to have that conversation with Jackson?
Initially it was.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
Self reflection, like I just realized as a parent, I
spent so much more time talking to my kids about
what to expect that I realized that I never asked
them how they felt about anything, and I just was
like talking and talking, and it was, you know, third
day in a row track, thirday in run, I'm talking, talking, talking.
I'm just like, is he getting it right? So then
I asked him and I was like, Yo, Jack's you

(34:06):
know what's your plan for tomorrow? And like a good
trained West Indian Southern black child, he knew all of
the things to say in order to get the conversation over.
Wake up early, when the lock in, when to work hard,
whatever happens happens, I'm gonna have fun. Man, you you
are a fucking robout. My guy, Like, that's your whole day.

(34:28):
I just told you have five minutes and in five
seconds you told me everything I said. I want you
to sit down and think about what you want to
do with your whole day tomorrow and then the rest
of your life.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
Think about how you feel and what happened.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Hey crying started crying and I was like, why are
you crying? I don't know what to say. I don't
want to say the wrong thing.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
And I was like wow, and then he said, I
just don't know, Like I'm an Ellis like I just
have to be perfect you and are like perfect and
I have to live up to that. And I'm the
oldest and we were like, oh my god. This poor
thing has been carrying this pressure because he feels as
though his parents are so perfect that this is a

(35:14):
standard for him. And it kind of broke my heart
a little bit, because I'm like, man, I didn't think
that that's what he received from us trying to just
tell him things as parents like parenting. To me, Deval
and I just thought that we're parenting, we're telling them,
telling him and all the boys the things that they
needed are necessary to be good human beings. And we

(35:35):
didn't realize that, Wow, sometimes the conversations may just be
all sports related and we're not just talking about him
as a person, or maybe I'm just always about academics
and not just getting to learn my son as a person.
What do you like? What don't you like? What can
mom do better as a mom? Is there anything that
I can work on? Like these are like that spiral

(35:56):
into this conversation with him, and we were like Jack,
you think Devali, Daddy and I walked out of here
just perfect. First of all, we're not, you know, we
failed so many times individually as children, as adolescents, we
failed together, we failed parents as parents, we failed publicly,
like we've done a lot of that, But I didn't
know that in his fourteen year old mind. I guess

(36:18):
the pedestal that he has us on his parents, which
are the same things I had my parents on as
a child. We just wanted to kind of come down
from that and be like, Jack, you don't have to
aspire to this level of perfection that is non existent.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
They also check me too, because I was like, every
time I told to you, cry, what's the problem. And
then I realized after having that conversation, he just didn't
want to say the wrong thing because he thought he
was gonna get in trouble, and that fear made him
nervous and it made him anxious. And then his eyes
were well up and he was like, I don't know
why I get like this, And I realized, you get
like this because of me.

Speaker 4 (36:51):
Bro his conditioned to automatically.

Speaker 3 (36:56):
It's tens up.

Speaker 8 (36:57):
It's what it sounds like as my daughter does it too.
It's telling you the answers that she thinks she want
to want to hear. Ye, and I'm like, yo, you
can't read my mind, man, Just talk. Just tell me
what it is, because I don't want to hear what
you think I want you to say.

Speaker 6 (37:13):
That's a really good point. I used to cry too,
like at teacher parent conferences. I wasn't a bad kid.
I used to talk a lot, but I think that's
probably what it was. I would immediately break down because
I know that whatever's going to be said is not
what you want to hear. It's going to be something different,
something I can't predict. I don't really have an answer
for it because I'm just a kid that's just doing

(37:34):
shit right and nobody's really asking me questions either.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
That's the thing. So literally trouble what we came down
to because we did it with Kiro too, and I
was like, yo, Kiro, tough, let's.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Say next day. Yeah, we did it at dinner with Cairo.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
It literally happened like this because you know, Kiro, shit
out all right, You're gonna do the same thing we
did with Jackson yesterday. Robie, you have three minutes, that's
what you want to do with your day? And he said,
and I was like, Yo, it's cool. And what we
also changed was we didn't shame them. Yeah crying. It

(38:10):
was in front of all of his brothers, and we
was like, yo, what you crying?

Speaker 2 (38:13):
That was kas in front of all of his brothers.
Kiro were just at dinner together. It was the four
of us. But with Cairo was interesting because once he
once he started crying. But then he was just like,
I just love you guys so much. I love my brothers,
and I loved my life.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
It feels much.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
Feels so much like as tough as his little exterior is,
that little muscleman, he is probably the most sensitive child.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
Do you remember what happened? Jackson was just like, Bro,
it's okay. I cried too, And then we watched Kyro
go like this, yeah, well in that case, I want
to go to the NFL. And then he just started
rambling on about all the things and he's like, Daddy,
how much time I have left? And I was like
just go.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yep, but like I want to be an actor, I
want to sing. I wanted us to learn about Jesus yep.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
And he just was talking and he I feel like
it was like a load of like a load, but
I can say anything, nothing's wrong.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yeah, no one's judging me. It doesn't have to come
out perfectly either. And we just like reassured him the
whole way through. And it was nice to see Jackson
in that moment as the older brother be like, Bro,
like it happens like I went through this, and then
Jackson we reversed it in that night as a Jacks,
do you have anything else you want to say? And
Jackson was like, yeah, well how much time I got
And then it was like the conversation kept going.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
The next day, Jackson had completely switched. Cairo was good.
We came home and you're right. We did it with
Dakoda with Cass here, Caz started crying for he didn't
know what to say at all, and that's when we
realized with Kas, like, Yo, Kaz is seven years old.
He's been in this house mainly with his grandparents who
don't ever ask him anything. They tell him what to do.

(39:54):
Cairo tells him what to do right and for him
or does it for him, And now at seven, we're
asking him his opinion on things and he's looking like
like what like an opinion? Like I just do what
Cairo says, And that's when we realized, like, man, we
need to sit them all down and let them talk
about what they want to do and not shame them.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Yeah, and that's yeah, that's part of the intentionality that
we saw helped this summer. Yeah, but it also just
locking in in this kind of way with them allowed
us to also see some things in each of them
that were like, Okay, we need to help him correct this.
For example, with Kaz, because he moved here with us
from California and been with my mom the entire time. Cairo,

(40:33):
who takes so much pride in being the older brother,
you know, he'll come in, like first day of school
last year they were at a new school. Kiro's like, here,
let me take your backpack, let me take your jacket.
I'm hanging up for you. And his teacher has to say, hey,
let me let me see Kaz do it. Yeah, I
think Kaz can do it. Let him do it. And
then Kaz, a little apprehensive, was like when to put
his backpack up and all that. So we realized how

(40:54):
much of a detriment it's been for Cairo to be
so close to him, because Kaz, essentially we'll look at
us some days and be like, what are I gonna do?
I'm like, Kaz, brush your teeth, wash your face, come down.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
I mean, you know you hurt me in there just
now with him. And this is another thing people don't understand.
I'm very old school. It is the way I am. Right.
My kids all say they want to play sports, I'm
going to coach you now, like like a coach is
going to coach you, So I scream at them. I'm
on him about details. I use certain words that are
curse words that get their attention, because Kaz sometimes becomes

(41:27):
a space to that. He spent the last seven eight
years of his life waiting for Cairo. So I'm telling
all of them to do things, and he's just not focused.
He's just do da da da. And then when it's
his turn, he messes it up or rushes through it
and it takes me being like yo, pay attention, like
what the fuck? And then he's like then he's knocking
it out and they're like yo, how does he do
that so easy? And I'm like, you see right, And

(41:49):
it's like that that little bit of energy to where
he realized there's a consequence, because case too. If there's
no consequence for Kaz, he gon on, he gonna cast Yes.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
The teacher said he was the story.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
He was doing the math problem, couldn't figure it out,
just stopped in the middle of it, put his book.
That is me, I'm not doing this. I did that
on my math regions.

Speaker 5 (42:14):
Finished the whole first.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
If he had a phone hem on Instagram.

Speaker 4 (42:17):
The mas reasons I finished the whole first part, I
tak wait, I'm not getting the reaches the poem anyway.
I already felt Spanish. I left the class, I handed
in the paper, got the results back. I had a
perfect score in the first part and failed because I
didn't do the second part.

Speaker 5 (42:31):
There was no consequence. So here, y'all take this.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Man to cust your ass out so bad that.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
Man is the homeworks.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
I've never failed. I've never failed the regions. Now, luckie bucks,
it wasn't.

Speaker 5 (42:50):
It wasn't important reasions. Let's clarify that for reasons.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
That's how I felt about homework. There was one classman,
I ain't do no homework. I ain't no homework. I
got one hundred and everything and got an eighty five
in the class.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
And my mom was hissed, telling me fifteen percent is homework.
And I said, Mom, I got one hundred on everything.
Why do I need to do this? Like? Why? She
was like And to this day I didn't understand it
until I had kids. Because your attention to detail or
lack of attention to detail, and one aspect of your
life will show yourself in another another one when you

(43:23):
need it. And I realized that with football things that
you know. Sometimes I would just let shit rock and
I go over this with Jackson man caught nine punts
in a row? Was the last punt. I'm not really focused.
I bobble it. Yeah, that's the one they paying attention to,
and he not paying it And I'm just like, fuck,
why I caught nine? Why do you care about the
tenth one?

Speaker 3 (43:42):
And that's the difference between good and great, right is
to find you find details.

Speaker 4 (43:47):
Yeah, but I had a whole great game and in
the fourth quarter you dropped that punt when we need it.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
Yeah, that's why I'm not in an NFL no more.

Speaker 6 (43:53):
And the pressure you started learning how to do everything.
Like my friend yesterday, I was talking to my friend,
was her bird and her son was being irritated. She like,
he over here playing with the damn tape measure. You know,
they just moved and I'm like, it's probably his first
time picking up the tape measure, Like that is interesting
as hell to him. And it's the same thing with

(44:14):
like communication, with like focus, with like you're not doing something,
now here's a consequence. Now I'm learning that I have
to focus in this scenario. This is my first time
ever doing that and ever facing that consequence, and it's
important to do that. I feel like you're gonna fuck
your kids up either way. Absolutely, So they could either
be fucked up and focused or fucked up in like that.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
That's what I'm at now. Yeah, for sure, you're not
gonna be aloof You're gonna be fucked up with focus.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
Yeah. And then you kind of as a parent, who
sometimes I realize this because I've done it. You take
for granted that one kid will absorb something or get
something easily because another kid got it easily. Yeah, and
you didn't realize like, oh wait a second, you a
may learn differently, You may have different requirements, you may
need you know, you just have a different attention span.
You just a different person altogether. So something that makes

(45:00):
came may have come easily to Jackson, and we realized, Okay,
Cairo needs a little bit of work with this, or
it came easily to Cairo. It's like, well, kaz Ne
is a whole different approach. Like we had to learn
how the style step with each child because they all
learn differently, they accept communication and criticism differently, and that's
something we locked in this summer with them, especially with
like Kaz and reading for example. You know the Coda

(45:22):
has a little attitude, like his.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Little a little listen, he gonna get one of these
at one.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
Coda's little face and the way he cuts his eyes
sometimes like he is my child attitude with me.

Speaker 6 (45:40):
So I've seen it.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
I know, I know exactly when it happened, and I
know Josh had a question, but you know when it happened.
The minute we said you are we actually said, you
know this is not Mimi's house. You understand this right,
you have to use your words. The minute we started
making him use his words rather than him pointing, he
started doing this brouh It was that. I never forget
the moment. I'm like he rolled his eyes and then

(46:04):
walked away because he didn't even want to say cup.
He said, fuck it, I don't even want the cup
no more? It right, just because you want me to
say it. And he would say stuff like this, fine,
I don't want it no more? Wow, bro, I don't
want to. I don't You'll still doing You're like, fine, mom,
what you're watching one?

Speaker 5 (46:26):
Because you know you're not supposed to You're not supposed
to be watching.

Speaker 2 (46:29):
Right exactly, And it's hilarious to see. I forgot one
time that I was telling him to do something and
he just closed his eyes like he's got to fake sleeping.
I was like, you you're gonna fake sleep, You're gonna
fake sleep, and he was like.

Speaker 1 (46:43):
Making noise that eyes. He got an attitude. Who's your question, Josh?
Is it that? Yeah? About the video?

Speaker 6 (46:55):
This freaking video is living ring free in my head
with the color in the freaking nerve gun. Because he
had all this attitude with the Valt like car got
it to his brothers.

Speaker 1 (47:07):
He ain't have no nothing. Then he backed up, like
that's the video.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
I say, he's a lover, not a fighter.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
Yo.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Josh is never gonna let the code living down. That
he was the only one boy.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
Oh yeah, yeah, that was a proof though.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
He did not mean he had the opportunity. He didn't.
He didn't. He didn't even know how to pull a
gun out. He went over there and said.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
He had to Jack twy words.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
Jason didn' Jason pulled the gun out, looked at it.
He was like, you must look at it.

Speaker 6 (47:44):
He didn't even pointed at him, He just looked at
it like this, would you.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Please? This is when I realized though, that they be
bothering my youngest son. It was in that moment and
Jackson pulled that gun out and to go to it
like this, this trauma, what do you be doing? This
is another reason why you got to be deliberate, right,
check this story out. The last four days, we're like, yo, Dakota,

(48:10):
go to the bathroom. No, No, I'm scared. I'm scared.
I'm like scared to go to the bathroom. Right, So
I turned the light and I'm like go, and he's
still hesitant, right, so I push him in the bathroom
and ultimately he goes. He comes back the next day,
goes by. He's in the back calling her name, may
a man. So then I walked back there and I'm

(48:30):
getting ready to go, hid like the fuck you screaming
your mother's name for she wanted to go this And
he's standing there, lights on, but he won't come out
the bathroom. And then I said, wait a minute, what.

Speaker 5 (48:41):
Did they do to you?

Speaker 1 (48:42):
Your brother's be scaring you.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
I'm like, what are you scared of? Come onster?

Speaker 1 (48:49):
And I'm my older brother, so I know I used
to do it to my brother. I used to do
it and.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
They would like lock him in the closet or close
the door.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
They didn't do that to Dakota, but they'll do stuff
like They'll all be downstairs in the boy cave and
I'll call them, like, yo, everybody come upstairs. What they do,
turn the lights off, everybody run upstairs. So now he's left.
So then he gets up there and he's nervous. They're
waiting in the back corridor. So then as soon as
he gets to the door to jump out, and he
runs upstairs. The monsters. So I know because I used

(49:18):
to do that. So now I got to play dad.
So I bring him out. Right, He's got his towel
on you. He nervous. I said, come here, you see
your brothers. Watch this. Your brothers will never ever against
scare you, because I'm gonna slap this shit out of them,
right Jackson. Jackson's like, yep, yep, I'm not I'm not good.
Are you good? And then I said, right, Cairo Kyro

(49:39):
upstairs like yeah, man, nothing from me. I'd be trying
to help him. It don't beat me, Cairo. He's like,
all right, I just I do it once in a while.
But after that moment of me having to be the
hard ass dad and threatening all the brothers. Now, he fine,
but it's just if you're not aware about what your
kids are going through in the house. Because here I was,

(49:59):
I was about to jump on him, right, why are
you screaming him up? While? And it would have been
all on him. And he's three years old. His brothers
are scaring him, and now I've turned his trauma into
something that he has to learn how to deal with
with them scaring each other.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
But he got his lick back though, because one night
he wants to sleep in Kiro's bed with him and
they woke him in the morning. Carrol was just like,
my bed's wet, and Dakota, who was just like, my
pants are wet. I said, I said, what happened? Because
the colda doesn't he doesn't have accidents since he was
botty training, he's been good. And he was like, I
peep myself. So I said, you see, you scared him

(50:33):
so much that he wouldn't even get up to go
to use the bathroom. Overnight's not gonna take your sheets
off your bed and we'll put them in the washing machine.
And Carol was like all right.

Speaker 8 (50:40):
Yeah, he was like all right, and he did it
on day bed.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
And I'm gonna tell you how smart our kids are,
right Jackson Jackson. It was four nights in the row
in the apartment, we in the bed, We wake up
in the middle of the bed, it's wet.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Oh yeah. When he was like three years on.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
The age, and I'm like, yo, why you keep peeing
in our bed? Bro, like you was in your bed,
Why come in here and pee? Until I realized he's
scared to go into that bathroom because when you flush
the toilet and laugh, it's like it's the old school
apartment where it's the pre World War two. The bathroom
is like oh. So I went in there with him

(51:16):
and I was like, yo, go pee, and he was like, so.
Then he pee and I was like, flush the toilet
he was like and I was like, yo, don't leave
pee or poop in the toilet, like we don't do that. Man.
He hit that toilet and ran so fast to my arms,
and I realized, you was scared, bro, You wasn't just
peeing in the bed, right. And I think that's an
important part of you know, being deliberate as a parent,

(51:38):
understanding your kids' traumas. Because you said something that was
very important me, and you backed it up right when
you talked about just spending time so you can learn them,
and then you talked about how they all learned differently.
One mistake I know I made is I expected all
my kids to learn the way I learned, and when
they didn't learn like me, I would shame them for
not understanding it the way I understood it. Now I

(52:00):
sit down and I break everything down to them in
the way they need it. Kaz needed to be syllable
after syllable. He needs it to be disciplined. Thrown in there. Cairo,
he just needs to see it, make it fun, making
a game. Jackson syllable by syllable. It needs to be disciplined, Dakota.
He just got to see it one time. And I'm
learning now, like I can't just make all of my

(52:21):
parenting advice around one simple format.

Speaker 6 (52:25):
Yeah, because I'm sure that, like as your children, you
think that they are going to be many versions of you.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
You think that you're.

Speaker 6 (52:30):
Teaching them how to learn, or even you're kind of
giving them their personality because they're around you, they see
what you do, and they're just picking up and absorbing
the way that you are. But that they come with
a lot of their own settings. They got like factory
setting and just kind of you.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
It ain't you all like all of you?

Speaker 1 (52:52):
Yeah, exactly, and it's parts of us. What I learned
about our kids is that Jackson and Kaz has her personality.
They don't mind being by themselves and they don't mind
being quiet. They also don't like conflict. So sometimes I
like it was wrong with you, you know, like I'm like,
you a boy like me, you're supposed to be, and

(53:12):
they just like, nothing's wrong. I'm just chilling, and I'm like, dang,
you just like your mother. But I thought because they're
little versions of me, they would have my same attitude.
Then you got Dakota and Cairo. They jumping beans, they
jumping around the house every five seconds, they doing something.
Daty can we go outside? Dy can go in the pool.
And then I'll be like, yo, okay, y'all calm down,
like you don't see your brothers just sitting And I'm like,
I can't do that. I can't compare you to your

(53:34):
brother and say you not doing this, because that's right.
I have to accept the fact that the things that
I like and don't like about myself. You're going to
have both of them. The things that I like and
don't like about your mom, You're going to have both
of those too, So I have to learn how to
manage them.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Yeah, giving our kids a little grace. I don't think
people give our kids grace because they're living life too
for the first time, just like that, you know, So
they're trying to figure things out. And I would hope
that they have the same grace with me when the
roles reverse and then I don't know shit about AI
and all these textions. I'm going to be the mom
that's like, Jackson, can you reset my phone about somebody you.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Are right now?

Speaker 3 (54:12):
Yesterday it was like, I don't.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
What says this? Do not this therapy?

Speaker 3 (54:19):
Please disturb me?

Speaker 1 (54:20):
I want to know that is you.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
I was like, personal, Josh, what's personal? Meaning? Personal? Meaning?
Like they in my personal because you know, Apple and
y'all be in my business, I mean.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
Business all personality.

Speaker 6 (54:36):
I don't want my person my business.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Man, Josh.

Speaker 8 (54:42):
What thing I want to talk about is being intentional.
So last week, uh, my wife checked me on spending
time with our daughter.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
So we go on.

Speaker 8 (54:51):
Vacation, and when I vacation, I vacation. Bro, Like, I
want to sit in the hammock. I want to sit
in the in the chair, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
I want to be in the sun.

Speaker 8 (54:59):
I want to be in shade on my fingers and saying,
but I don't really care about doing much else. My daughter,
on the other hand, inner city Brooklyn kid, she see
your pool, yeah right, she see like water slides year.
But I want to chill. I just started reading books.
I'm trying to read my book. But then I'm putting
all the pressure on my wife. Right, So that's one thing.

(55:19):
She was like, Yo, yesterday it's cool. Today I am done.

Speaker 5 (55:29):
Right.

Speaker 8 (55:30):
So I realized, like I had to I had to
be intentional with that. But on the flip side of
the second part of conversation with she was like, yo,
you really got to date. You gotta take her on
dates too, And it's something that I'm not really as
intentional about in the dating part. And I say, you do, okay,
I'll take her to the movies. This is nothing we

(55:51):
will see in the movies. We'll watch the movies, you
will do whatever.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
But I'm not like, Okay, let's go to Broadway and
see something different. You know what I'm saying that she's
never really seen before. You know what I'm saying because
she watches movies all the time. That's not really a date.
You watch it at home.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
You can't really interact either, Yes.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
And why you can't really like we're not expounding on, Like,
let me ask a question. Yeah, it could be different
if you had a son. The only reason why I
asked is because I had to have the same conversation
with Kay with the boys, because yeah, I know that
your sons, but you need to interact with them. And
she was just like, like, what you mean, I don't
play sports.

Speaker 8 (56:23):
You think it's different, because I think it's definitely different
because I put a lot of the onus on her
mom to do a lot of the stuff that she
wants to do, as opposed to I see, I'm interactive
with her on the stuff that I want to do, right,
I can't do much about true stuff that I want
to do.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
Because I'm the same with them. I'm like going to
pull you in the kitchen. I'm going to do those
things because I'm like that's the stuff I feel like
I should be interacting and teaching you.

Speaker 8 (56:48):
Yeah, and then the stuff that she want to do.
I'm just like, your mom could like do that, but
my wife is like, nah, the stuff that she wants
to do, you have to also be involved in that too.
Because I realized I don't. I'll have to ask her,
like what you want to do? You know what I'm saying,
as supposed to like speak to her, as opposed to
know it. I'll take her to like or I sit
down with her and watch a whole joint on YouTube

(57:09):
about drawing, because I know I like joint. I like
she like. I like that she does it too. But
the stuff that she does that I don't care for,
I don't do that.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
So my mom.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
I got to give a big, big shout out to
my mom.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
My mom used to make us go on dates where
she would take us. We would have to go to
a restaurant. She would drive, but I would have to
stand on the outside of the street open the door.
We would sit down and she would I would have
to talk to her about stuff. And I never understood
it until I became someone's boyfriend. And now we're going
out to do stuff, and I know what it's like

(57:43):
to be a woman because my mom made me do this.
I watched her do this with Jackson. They went and
traveled from here flying private from DC to and whatever.
When they went to DC to watch and I watched
some of the footage that Jackson got on his phone
and he's walking outside of his mom and he's holding
it up. He always gets the door. They ordered room servicing,

(58:06):
and I'm like, yo, you're learning how to date because
you're like, you have to take your mom on a date.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
I think it's dope being on the receiving end of
it when we started dating, you know, the receiving it. Anyway,
at the receiving end of it dating you you didn't
miss a beat like he didn't. You really just didn't
disappoint when it came to dating because you were like
such a gentleman. You know. One time, one time Jackson
went to get in the car and I stood outside
the driver's door and I just stood there. Jackson inside

(58:33):
the car, he plugging his phone up and I'm just
standing outside the car. And then he looks and he's like,
bad mom, because I'm not going to open the door.
And the val literally says to me, He's like, you
have me and four sons.

Speaker 8 (58:45):
That's in on both sides, Like I showed you, I
taught you, and now application I'm not even going to
tell you, like you got to figure it out.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Yeah, I asked you too. Because as a father two boys,
I am concerned with how people are raising their daughters
the same way I'm raising my sons to be chivalrousts
and to care for women. I hope that there are
men and women out there raising their daughters to do
the same for young men, because it's not supposed to
go one way. It acquires both you know what I'm meaning,

(59:15):
and to hear that you know you are doing that.
And Anika is saying like, yo, you got to date
her and stuff. That makes me feel good because that
means there's going to be another young lady out there
who is going to value the time spent her father
and value those small things. Oh my dad said that
this is what men like. And then she wants to
be a wife because she may not want to be
a but if she does want to be a wife,

(59:37):
at least I know or someone else knows that, Hey,
she's prepared the same way my boys who said they
want to be husbands. This is what it is, bro.

Speaker 8 (59:45):
Yeah, I hope that's I hope that's the by product
that comes off it. I think for me, like the
most important thing is the fact that I got time
spent with my daughter and she has tom spent with me.
Like I don't even I'm not even thinking about these
little niggas because they gonna come, right. I just hope
like those that being intentional with her. The byproducts of that,
absolutely is are all those things.

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
But I mean, she.

Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
Won't she won't take no disrespect from no one with
I can tell you that. Listen, I've seen you see
it on the street. You you see, you see it.

Speaker 8 (01:00:16):
You can see a young woman and you could be like,
there is no for other figure in that young woman's life,
and it's not her fault. A lot of times it's
probably not the child's fault, although the ladies fault. But
I'm my biggest fear is like seeing my daughter or
somebody seeing my daughter through the eyes that I'm seeing

(01:00:37):
people on the streets.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
So I know how you feel because I was the
same way a prototype. Think about all of the young
kids we mentored, and I was like, your mom, don't
even realize like how she's creating a demon, but how
she speaks to you like this is what I used
to think that and I used to tell her, Kay
all the time, do not be the woman that raises
the same type of boys that you don't like to

(01:00:58):
see out in the street, because if you on them
and you screaming and hollering and there's no affection, and
there's no like teaching about how to treat a young
man or teaching them how to.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
Treat you, they to carry themselves.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
They can go out there and get mistreated by somebody
else's daughter. So it is it's both, you know, both things,
and I think it's it's important that we talked. Matt
was talking about that with his I.

Speaker 4 (01:01:19):
Said, for the moment of truth. I'll explain it. In
the moment of truth. It don't make sense, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:01:23):
But sounds good. Well, Shout out to the dads and
moms who are out there intentionally parenting. You know who
always comes to mind when I think about conversations like
this care game. Shout out to my brow daughters. And
he's always making sure that he posts content about that.
And I know it's not just for content purposes. He's
just that kind of guy. So it's nice to see
like people making those investments in their children, and we're

(01:01:44):
seeing more of those stories on social media. So if
you see a dad or a mom out there intentionally
parenting their son and daughter, watch the video like it.
Engage your algorithm can see more of that, you know
what I'm saying. All Right, y'all, let's go pay some bills.
If we're going to come back into our listener letter
for the day, they tuned.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
All right, guys, we're back.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
We are bad do it today. Go for it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
Dear Ellis's and the podcast crew. I'm a longtime listener
and viewer of your show for years. Your work has
been a source of inspiration and encouragement to me, and
I deeply appreciate the positive influence you've had on my life. Well,
thank you so much. I'm writing to you today with
a heartfelt question about a challenge my husband and I
are facing. We've been together for sixteen years, married for eleven,

(01:02:39):
and have three wonderful children. While our relationship is undeniably
strong and worth fighting for, we've encountered persistent difficulties in
communication and parenting styles. We often struggle to see eye
to eye, particularly regarding discipline and expectations for our children.
He tends to be stricter than I am, which sometimes
lead to conflict and friction within our family dynamic. I'm
hoping you could share some insights based on your own experiences.

(01:03:02):
How do you navigate different approaches to parenting within your
own relationships? What strategies have you found most effective and
fostering open and constructive communication with your partners. Any advice
you could offer on bridging the communication gap between us
and finding more harmonious parenting styles would be invaluable. Congratulations
again to k on the success of her show. I'm
a huge fan.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
Thank you so much, to the world to the word
your blood clots. It just came out. It just came out.
She didn't see an episode episode recent. I was like, well,
we're up to episode eight currently. Hopefully by the time
this year is we'll be back from our mid season break.
But that was in one of the that No, it

(01:03:44):
was an episode. It was maybe episode five six, It
was I'm at five, But the clip's been going around.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
She had on peach tights.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
That's what I might have an episode like, I definitely said, yeah,
So as you learn more about Geneva, she might have
she may or may not have some creebing upbringing or
something we'll see. But yeah, thank you for writing in
about this. Deval and I I think when we, I
mean we always knew we wanted to have children, So
in terms of how to raise the children, I think

(01:04:13):
we aligned a lot, but there were also differences on
the approaches right, And I think that with parenting we
had to put our egos aside. You know, more than
anything within our marriage or anything, but with parenting, we
had to put our egos aside because sometimes your spouse
may see something or see the way it falls or
impacts your child from AAdvantage point that you can't see.

(01:04:34):
So for example, us raising four boys, I've never been
a young man. I've never been a boy. So Deval
would sometimes and I wouldn't say check me, but he
would softly give me some words of encouragement and say, hey,
I don't think that approach is going to work. Like,
I just know what it's like to be a young man.
I know what it's like to be a boy, and
you know you don't want to be the nagging mom,
So maybe try this approach or like develop your own

(01:04:56):
way of offering feedback to the children or critiquing them
so they don't take it, you know, in a different
kind of way. Yeah, so you have to be receptive
first off, by putting the ego aside and saying, you
know what, maybe I need to listen to my spouse
because they're seeing it from a different vantage point than
I'm delivering it. It's again intent versus impact.

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
You know, I agree with you on thousand percent one
thing I always did. Kadeen always said, Yo, I'm going
to let you leave when it comes to discipline reaction
with the boys because you were a young boy, so
I'll let you lead that. But even though she's letting
me lead that, I often check in with her and
be like, hey, do you think I handled that correctly?
Always i'll see how they respond, and I know they're
going to be honest with their mom about something I said,

(01:05:36):
what do you think Sometimes she's like, you know, I
think you could have let off a little bit on
the gas. Or sometimes she's like, no, that one needed that,
and I think you need to double down on that
because I've so so told him the same thing three
or four times. The conversation happens with us and the kids,
but it always happens with us. Yeah, before and after
so before we go into a conversation with the child,
I like to let her know what my plan is,

(01:05:57):
because there's been times where I didn't let her know
when she was caught off. Are the time where I
let Jackson challenge me and we got into the little playfight.
She had no clue what was going on and was afraid.
But then I explained her afterwards and she was like, well,
that would have been good to know. This is something
that Tribble said that I think is so like, so profound.
Kids are learning every single day, right, A kid has

(01:06:18):
to learn. For example, I'm teaching jack Kaz how to
read right and we sit down and he's just like yeah,
So he's reading it and he's like dot cattle and
I'm like keep reading. I said, wait, stop, do you
know what cataly is? No? And I said, why would
you know what cattale is? You're seven years old, you
grew up in the city, you wouldn't know. So he
has to learn every word. It's the same thing with parenting.

(01:06:38):
She's learning how to parent. I'm learning how.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
To parents in real time.

Speaker 1 (01:06:41):
And if you give your partner grace on something that
they've never done before, it won't never be an argument.
It'll just be what did you see there? I saw this,
and we just continue to give each other grace and
figure it out and don't be afraid to mess up
and go back to your children and say my bad,
because I'm kay will also tell me like, I think
you went a little hard. And I got to be like,

(01:07:02):
all right, Jackson, I was wrong for that. I apologized.
I should have never done that. I spoke to mommy.
This way they understand that this isn't just a dictatorship,
you know, like we're all learning.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
So for sure, like for example, just we're on vacation
and I had some game cards. They were at the arcade,
and I also had de vous debit card with the
game cards, so we were closing out the tab and whatnot.
I had given Jackson the game cards, and what I
thought at the time was also devoused debit card. But
I think also the mom and me knew let me
not give my fourteen year old his father's debit card

(01:07:33):
because he might just drop it, you know, lose it something.
So I must have had the debit card still in
my hand. So we get to the arcade and Jackson,
I'm like, Jackson, where's dad's card and he's like, you
only gave me this, and I'm like, are you sure?
I had all them together and I handed them to
you and he's like, this is all I have. So
it's like, shit, where is it? So we're backtracking, we're
trying to find it. Then we end up finding it
on the floor where I was tying the coda's shoe.

(01:07:56):
So I'm like, shit, I must have had it in
my hand and put it down. But the tone was
that Jackson lost the car.

Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
The tone she came with was like Jackson and Jackson,
I gave.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
You the cards, and I was like, shit, I probably
put the car down, didn't even realize it. And then
I went to him and I said jack I said,
that's my bad, Like I didn't even realize I might
have had a card in my hand. I put it down.
I'm sorry if it came across like I was trying
to blame you, but you know, I just didn't want
you to lose that's card. So probably that's why I
held it. And he was like, it's no no deal, mom,
it's nothing. It blew over his shoulder.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
But I'm pretty sure none of us have ever gotten
apology from your parents, especially in time, and you see
what I'm saying, especially.

Speaker 2 (01:08:32):
In real time, we do it.

Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
We do that now that that's the thing, Like, you
know what, I messed up the number the argument that
we had, me and you was beefing. We wasn't beefing.
I was beefing with you. It's one of the Patreon
episode episodes about the Juices with j and my volume
got raised and I was in a bad mood. I said, Yo,
first thing I'm gonna do when the kids wake up
is I'm going to apologize to them, because they should
never hear me raise their voice, especially to their mom,

(01:08:56):
Like that's not that's not something I want them to
go to sleep and think that that's okay. So I
apologize to her. I woke up, I woke them up.
I apologized to them, and in front of me too.
Yeah yeah, I apologize to them in front of hers,
so that they know you don't do things in public
but then apologize in private support. And I did that
to them. The first thing they said was like that's cool, man,
Like you know you're human. You give us grace. So

(01:09:19):
I think that helps, especially with all discipline for all
kids and families. So Hopefully this helps them understand that
the conversation is ongoing. But you got to drop an ego.
There's no right or wrong.

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
Yeah, and Devala had said to me recently, he was like,
you know, I think I tend to be more of
the strict parent in general. So I said, you think so,
I said, I feel like I'm strict with you know,
certain things too. And we realize that within parenting there's
going to be a good cop and a bad cop
in a lot of scenarios. At least we try to
do that because it's like, you know, if one person
is going to be the disciplinarian and strict in that moment,
you do want to kind of have somebody to reinforce

(01:09:49):
and just say, you know what, your dad, You know
your dad, you know he meant it like this, and
I'm sure it's you know, it's always coming from a
place of love, even though I used to hate that
as a kid. It's like, don't don't beat me and
then be like, I did it because I love you.
But it's more so like just letting them know that
we understand they have feelings. Their feelings are valid.

Speaker 1 (01:10:05):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:10:05):
We don't always have all the answers. We're also growing
with them. And Jackson had something said something to de
Voe one time that I think was super profound for
his age, and he was just like, yo, like, this
is your first time being a dad too. He said,
this is your first time being a parent the same
way it's my first time being a kid. So you know,
sometimes we got to give our kids a little bit
more credit.

Speaker 1 (01:10:24):
For being a little bit more absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
You know, mature than we would think they would be
for their age. So good luck to y'all. All right,
if you want to be featured on the show as
a listener, letter email us. We have the Ellis Advice
at gmail dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
That's t h E E L l I S A
d v I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:10:44):
All right, time for the moment of truth. Let's start
with Matt, because I know Matt had a point that
he wanted to make for moment of truth that would
probably segue us out there.

Speaker 4 (01:10:51):
Two quick points. Okay, I don't think it balls down
to be if you have a son or daughter. I
think the main factor is being in cential. My dad
died when I was nineteen. A lot of my memories
of my dad are only disciplining me. So a lot
of times, yeah, I'll talk about him, and everybody thinks
it's just negative. But I didn't spend a lot of

(01:11:13):
time with my dad. It was always disciplined because he's
at work or my mom got take me someone. But
another impact he did have was I remember he had
a cleaning company. I went with him to go do
some cleaning stuff and he paid me after. He taught
me the value of working for yourself. That one small
moment when I became an entrepreneur. I remember that. Yeah,
it was like, oh, I remember the feeling I could

(01:11:33):
work for myself, I could get my own cool. That
type of impact he had on me. But if you're
only disciplining your kids, you're not going to have that
type of impact. And you don't want to you don't
want to pass, and then your kids only have that
type of memory of memory. You want to have a
full rounded memory.

Speaker 2 (01:11:49):
Got it. That's dope, that dope, But think about it,
that little moment where you were it literally changed the trajectory.

Speaker 4 (01:11:55):
I remember vivid cleaning Carver. He had me scrubbing and
drying and I'm I'm there working hard, like I'm one
of the workers, and he taught me.

Speaker 5 (01:12:02):
He was like, you worked really hard. Today, I'm paying
you what you work.

Speaker 1 (01:12:05):
That's dopey.

Speaker 4 (01:12:05):
Tell me the guy working hard, you don't got to
rely on anybody. But he's still working the nine to
five job. But he taught me that in that moment,
years down the line, that ended up becoming an entrepreneur.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
Right. And then he's also helping you out because when
you become a father, you know, like, I want to
have a balance between seeing the discipline ay, but also
creating memories, good fun memories that.

Speaker 4 (01:12:25):
Are memories that you want to do too. A lot
of the stuff that I used to do with him,
with stuff that he wanted to do.

Speaker 5 (01:12:31):
You don't only want to do that.

Speaker 4 (01:12:32):
You want to find out what your kids are into
so that you can bond with them on that. I'm
a big movie buff because my father used to like
watching movies, so I sit down and go watch.

Speaker 5 (01:12:42):
Movies with him.

Speaker 2 (01:12:43):
Yeah, that's exactly it.

Speaker 1 (01:12:45):
That's so true. I didn't realize dads do that.

Speaker 5 (01:12:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:12:47):
Yeah, we typically working, but like Josh said, I'm not working.
I want to do nothing. So if I'm gonna do something,
I'm gonna do something. I want to do because I
gotta work all day. I get that.

Speaker 2 (01:12:56):
Let me tell you that. That was trucking them kids
around to in the Lazy River and up the slides
and down and everything. At some points I was like, Mommy,
can take you to the same I like you.

Speaker 8 (01:13:03):
For the last three days, I was, man. We was
playing all the motorsports all that.

Speaker 7 (01:13:08):
Man.

Speaker 8 (01:13:09):
I actually enjoyed it after a while because I was
in the sun, it was like shaded. After I got out,
I was like, I like this. So we were just
playing around. We met other families like with her and
all that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:19):
So yeah, she was a little social butterfly too.

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
So yeah, well now there's another story.

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
But she's ready.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
All right.

Speaker 2 (01:13:25):
You know we girls from you a month of changes.
I understand.

Speaker 1 (01:13:30):
I got four wake up on vacation. You know, I
like to sleep, wake up early because Jackson got a
lift and run. So we go lift and run together
and then we come back. Kaz and Kyle, Daddy, we
want to do the slides. I gotta go walk up
the slides with them. Then we come back. Daddy, can
we go on to the Lazy River? Now? I got
the colda in the Lazy River. Kadeen and the lazy river.
They get to be lazy. I got to push the

(01:13:51):
things together swim.

Speaker 2 (01:13:55):
So he's just been like jumping Daddy, jump up, and
he's liked and jumping in.

Speaker 8 (01:13:59):
The water activities. Man, y'all need a vacation at one
pool in it.

Speaker 4 (01:14:04):
Honestly didn't count all that as a blessing though. I
never traveled with my father. I've been all over America
with my mother, and my mother used to take me
and my brother on trips every day. She was adamant,
y'all are not staying in this house in the summer,
because I'm not staying in this house to the summer.

Speaker 5 (01:14:17):
I work hard all year. I'm gonna spend one week.

Speaker 1 (01:14:19):
Yep, it was one week.

Speaker 4 (01:14:21):
We're gonna go on vacation. My father said, I got
a mortgage to pay, I'm going to work.

Speaker 1 (01:14:25):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (01:14:26):
I've never traveled with my father other than one trip.
It was the counter on a road trip for a funeral.
That's the only time I know about your Yeah, y'all,
y'all are doing great. Keep being intentional, h thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:14:37):
Thanks. That means a lot, though, because you know something
you know Josh too. Sometimes you feel like you're failing right,
yeah enough parents. If you if you feeling like you
like you're feeling, that's probably because you're a good parent.
Because we being here some days like I don't know
if I'm doing enough. I think I need to be
here more. And then people like, how are you gonna
make money if you hear anymore? My dad said the
same thing to me, because remember he looked at us

(01:14:57):
and I looked exhausted, and I was like, I'm just
trying to be everything. Pops is like, bro, you're doing.

Speaker 5 (01:15:02):
Yeah job, give yourself, give yourself grace.

Speaker 1 (01:15:05):
Yeah. I told the class all the time about that
they be they be beating himself up over the stuff
they can't do for their kids. I'd be like, yo,
you good man, Like why didn't get his clothes yet?
He'll look great and whatever he has? Yo, juste parents,
and you're doing the same thing now I am. That
means you're doing good.

Speaker 2 (01:15:23):
What's your moment of true? Trips?

Speaker 6 (01:15:26):
What's my moment of truth?

Speaker 1 (01:15:29):
You don't got kids. I don't got if you want
to have kids. But I was a kid and.

Speaker 6 (01:15:35):
I spent a lot of time with my dad. My
dad was intentional about the time we spent together and
I was thinking about what Josh was saying about seeing
your other young women where you can tell they don't
have a father figure in their life. And I often
see women who grow up looking for male attention. When
you have a good dad, you have a man's attention already,

(01:15:58):
and that makes a difference on how you want to
appear to that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:02):
Man is seen very profound. That is very I agree
with all of them. I don't got nothing else to say.
Just spend time with your kids, man, Love them, get
to get to learn them, get to know them.

Speaker 2 (01:16:13):
That's my SoundBite. I love my family so much. Man.
I'm actually so sad they're going back to school.

Speaker 1 (01:16:18):
You've been sad for two weeks.

Speaker 2 (01:16:19):
I've actually really been sad that she had all the time.
Huh yes, when she'd be okay, yeah else, friends, that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:35):
Second day of waking up at six thirty, she's gonna
be like, I'm over this, man, let's go.

Speaker 2 (01:16:39):
It's getting up early. Part for me. I'll be like,
oh God, for school for you. In school for me
is what it feels like.

Speaker 6 (01:16:45):
But one hundred emails to the teacher.

Speaker 2 (01:16:47):
Deep how many emails I've already gotten.

Speaker 1 (01:16:52):
She just said that all of.

Speaker 2 (01:16:54):
Their sports because they're all in sports, all of the
other extracurricular stuff, all the teachers. Jackson has like six
or seven teachers, So I'm gonna email us from everybody,
ye man, ridiculous. So yeah, trying to stay organized, all right, y'all.
Be sure to find us on Patreon if you have
not then done that already, you can see the after
show as well as exclusive Ellis ever After content and

(01:17:15):
family content. You can find us on social media at
Ellis ever After. I'm Kadeen, I.

Speaker 1 (01:17:20):
Am and I'm i am Davao, and I'm Matt Underscore
Up and I'm a body.

Speaker 3 (01:17:32):
Josh josh Or underscored Duaene on Instagram.

Speaker 6 (01:17:35):
And I'm at Trims the Cool t R I b
b Z the Cool on Everything.

Speaker 1 (01:17:41):
And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to wait, review,
and subscribe and download Bad Dead Ass.

Speaker 6 (01:17:51):
Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
by Kadeen and Devaal Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
production by Joshua Dwane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by Lashn.

Speaker 7 (01:18:07):
Rowe Kip The has.

Speaker 5 (01:19:14):
Gif had.

Speaker 1 (01:19:19):
Differ has

Speaker 4 (01:19:24):
To tip the hass

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