Mediocrity Loves Company

The old saying goes, you are the company you keep. So if the people around you aren't growing, how can you grow too? In this episode, the Ellises and the crew talk about how to change the people around you, if you can't change the people around you. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I personally do not believe that this whole mediocrity thing
it's accidental. I believe it was forced upon us.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
That's an interesting take, but I refuse to subscribe to
any level of mediocrity just because it makes somebody else
feel okay. As dead Ass, baby Wow, it.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
All started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight from
the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become Webby
award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
It was about our growth, a place where we could
be vulnerable, be.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Wrong, of course, but most apportly be us.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed. This
because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
So I'm going to take and we went back to
a time where I'm not gonna lie. I was. I
was disappointed, but I was also very very confused. This
is when Jackson was going to public school in Brooklyn.
Oh okay, I'm not going to shout out the public
school name, but we were going to field Day and

(01:18):
as you guys know, I tend to be very competitive.
Jackson was I think first grade so this was his
first field day in the first grade. So you know, hey,
we have been doing our treadmill workouts and stuff like that,
and you know, I'm like, yo, you got to run
through the line. I'm saying, run through the line. You
know what I'm saying. We got to go out here

(01:39):
and compete, right, And me and Kadin show up early
for phild day. We actually did so early that we
actually helped them set up. And this is when things
started to get very interesting. Teacher gets there, they set
up the group. It was about thirty kids, right. They
set up about six lines with five kids in each line,

(02:01):
and they didn't have any like color coordination. All of
the kids had on the same teal shirt and they said, oh,
your mark. Well, the kidsposed to run down and come
back right right, And.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
They were like, oh, it's like a little like yes.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
So I say to the teacher, wait a minute, that
line over there has two more extra kids. She said
to me, don't worry about it, at which time I
was like, what do you mean, don't worry about it?

Speaker 4 (02:32):
She goes, it don't even matter. I said, excuse me,
there's no winners and losers. They're just running and I
got so mad.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
It just became a cardio.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
I was like, wait a minute. So so she said,
the first person in these lines is just going to
go to the back of the line and they'll go.
And then I said, well, what about if they want
to keep going, We'll just let them go and have fun.
I was like, it's feeling.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
I think there's nothing fun about that.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
But it was in that moment that I realized, yeah,
that our generation is doomed and has been doomed for
a very very long time.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
Interesting, we'll unpack.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
All right, karaoke time. Yes, yes, it's so funny. We're
here looking up like songs that had mediocre.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
Vidio curR and and we're like, none of these apply.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
But what came to mind for me is actually one
of my favorite Bob Marley songs. It's called bad Card.
Have you heard it before?

Speaker 1 (03:33):
No?

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Then my good tayad fisty, we fierce ganget, we owe
to the ris. Oh yeah, I forget the word. They say,
I'm in your place and then you draw bodkyod propaganda,
sperad and over my name say you want to bring
another life to shame? Oh man, you just play a

(03:57):
game and then you draw bod Cayod. The reason I
came to mind is just like you know, you're over
there and running your race. You're doing what you want
to do, right, and then people start coming in and
they start talking about all the things that you're trying
to do. Meanwhile, I'm trying to focus on my race,
Like this is my lane and it's my race, and
you have something to say about it because I want

(04:17):
to be great, be mediocre over there by yourself.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Don't don't come in my lane because you don't you
don't need to be here. I'm here for a reasons.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
I don't know if that's what you were saying that
that's how I took it, though I interpreted it that way.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
You know what I'm saying, I feel you.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
You're gonna be tight.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, you can't get me out the race, man, Like
this is I'm meant to be here to execute whatever
my purpose is, whatever the dreams and goals that have
set for myself, or the fact that you've got something
to say because you prefer to live a mediocre life
that had nothing to do with me.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
I feel you, you know I feel you. Anyway, I'm
excited about this conversation because I hear where you're going,
and like we're going into different ways, but it's the
same conversation.

Speaker 5 (05:00):
Watch.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, I'm sure we're tied tied all together with a
nice slow bow on top. And of course we want
to hear from Matt, Josh and Tribble when we come
back after paying these bills. So stick around y'all, all right,
and we're back. Yes, in that field, they had to
veil hot because we come from a school back in
the day, right, small private school, Bethlehem Baptist Academy. Shout

(05:21):
out to them, Yes, now known as trade Wit Field School,
but back when we had field day, like we looked
forward to getting that ribbon.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
As early as nursery four years old, I remember my.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
First race like that. That blue ribbon.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Was like first stopped laughing, Josh as four years old,
I remember my first.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Race in nursery school.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
I remember today nursery. I had on the brown, brown
little shirt with the yellow bottoms because that's what we
wore a nursery. And they lined all of us up,
and Robert Johnson was in my class, and there was
another little kid that he was supposed to be fast,
but I just knew he wasn't faster than me. So
I remember racing and seeing seeing that you know, they
had the ribbon you had to cross, and I remember

(06:02):
running and thinking maybe it's because it was like, you're
kind of traumatic. To me. I was like when I
run through this ribbon, is it gonna break or am
I gonna like fall? But I was just running through
it and I remember running through it and then getting
a blue ribbon afterwards that said first place.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
I was just about to say, and we wonder why
Dakota is the way he is. Have y'all seen the
footage lately of him doing pushing the sled at the park?

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Seriously, I got it, I got it.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
I got it.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
That's that's the coda's favorite. I got it. So that
makes sense why Dakota is.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
The way he is.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
He's nuts because but no, it was the same thing
for me, Like I was over there looking like, okay,
these are who I'm running against, and it was the
same group that we moved up from first to second
to third to fourth, and it's.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
Like, well, who's gonna beat who this year?

Speaker 2 (06:42):
But it was a friendly competition, like nobody was mad,
nobody was upset.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
It was not for me if you beat me in
a race. We was not it was only friends. If
I won. If I lost, you was my arch nemesis
until we raised.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
Again situate a whole year come back and I not lose.
I know, I know.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
So then fast forward to Jackson's field day and we're
just like, so wait, there's everybody gets a participation trophy.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Okay, that's what I was saying.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
That's how it works now, so there's there's no reason
to try to be great. Everybody can just do their
own thing and still be a winner.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Well, and this was this was my issue, right. It
was not only that, it was like so many things
that was happening during the time of early childhood education.
This was our first time having a child. So then,
for example, we were hearing murmurs that you're not allowed
to correct children certain ways. For example, we grew up
with the red pen they put red marks all over
your paper. But now it's like too much. Red marks

(07:37):
are aggressive and makes a child think that they failed. Yeah,
maybe you did if you got red marks and you failed.
But it was it was the no field day. It
was that it was if you had a sporting event,
you couldn't speak. They said speak violently, which means you
raised your voice, Like, no, this is a sporting event,
Like we're supposed to be cheering our kids on but
also correcting them. Like I just felt like watching Jackson

(08:01):
grow through this system which we were, you know, trying
to figure out where we were, it just seemed like
there was no space for parents to correct or teachers
to correct.

Speaker 5 (08:10):
Now that's not fun, broch.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
Which creates mediocre people that I can't control that, And
that's my whole purpose, Like my whole point, My whole
point is that they're doing this on purpose so that
you have these low adults who just grew up in mediocrity,
because if you really think about it, mediocrity leads to
so many messed up parts of your life. Right, for example,

(08:34):
everybody gets a participation in trophy, everybody graduates. It doesn't
matter how hard you work, we all get the same thing.
What does that tell people? Why work hard? If we're
all gonna get the same thing, why work hard? But
then you see someone else working hard, and this comes
to your point, Now you ostracize the few people who
maybe want to work hard. They get ostracized by the groups.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
Are you label them?

Speaker 6 (08:56):
Right?

Speaker 2 (08:57):
We label them the one person that be going too hard,
doing too much.

Speaker 3 (09:01):
You've heard that before.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Sometimes, I'm sure, because we all over here at some
point have tried to be you know, achievers, overachievers. We're
trying to do our best and we've been Yeah, an extra.
I've heard before that people say me and if I
want to be A listers so bad and it's just like, baby,
I do.

Speaker 7 (09:16):
So what's the problem if you want to?

Speaker 3 (09:17):
And if I want that, what's the what's your problem
with that?

Speaker 1 (09:20):
You got a problem with a list?

Speaker 3 (09:23):
I want to be never never been on a D
list my whole life.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Well, yes you have, hey, yo, really after after dark
after you.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Don't always find a way to massage that in there.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
But seriously, like a A list is the list for me, honey, Okay?
And I was always I was getting a's. I was
on the head Master's list. Like that's just a letter
that's followed me my whole life, honey, So why would
not be any different?

Speaker 1 (09:49):
But you know what's funny, even your mom, right, your
mom pushed the standard on you. Absolutely was always.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
Excellence, excellence, that's it.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
But think about how they are size your mom. Oh
for sure, everyone said your mom was a stage mom.
She was doing too much.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
Absolutely, even in her job, they were just like she's
she's a bit, she's this, she's that, but it's like
she got the job done and in an excellent way.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Absolutely, What other way is there to go?

Speaker 2 (10:15):
But anyway, let's go to the op and no op
before we get back into the of the show, because
we can definitely go on and.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
On and on.

Speaker 8 (10:21):
You want to push d because you want to definitely
talk about mediocrity.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Now I do want to talk about mediocrity, but I
do want to do op no app because I think it's.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Funny for sure, and then we can spiral back into
talking about it.

Speaker 9 (10:33):
Definitely. Going on the news this week, Cardi B is
on trial. Have y'all been.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Seeing those clips I have? I'm gonna be honest with you.

Speaker 6 (10:44):
Cardi B is one of the funniest people on the planet, absolutely,
and this trial she's in it's kind of ridiculous. It
seems like she didn't settle lawsuit where a security guard
at a Beverly Hills doctor's office was kind of following
her around and taking videos and Cardi B was pregnant
and going off on this lady, and so the lady

(11:05):
alleges that Carti assaulted her, scratched her with her long nails,
and is trying to get twenty four million dollars. So
Gardy went on the stand this week to testify in
her defense, and she had some really funny things to say.
They asked the defense lawyer asked if Cardi B called
the security guard fat, and she said no, I was

(11:28):
calling her a.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
Bitch, which one is worse.

Speaker 4 (11:32):
And then he.

Speaker 9 (11:34):
Was like, well, do you think she's fat? And he
said she was like, well.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
She was came out like this.

Speaker 6 (11:42):
She said she's security heavy, security guard heavy. She looks
like she could protect a building. Those were some of
my best moments for a couple of.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
Sound that she had.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
She's a meme, She's a meme. At this point is
oh my god, it's all over the interday.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
I didn't hear this, worried about this. My only op
that Cardi funny, Cardi B don't given the fuck, like
she told.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
My op is that if she's somebody that I want
to put on the stand, I know I'm gonna get
the truth from her. Like I don't even think she's
capable of lying about anything, because she's just so dead
ass about everything that She's just like this is the truth,
Like I'm not gonna mince words.

Speaker 6 (12:27):
Dead ass of the week, that's Cardi B. Because she yes,
she is absolutely dead ass. And I my only is
I don't know why people keep fucking with her.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
She's pulled up on people.

Speaker 6 (12:38):
Yeah, she's going to fight. She's about that life and
she's gonna go to courts. She's gonna go all the
way to court. She's not settling, no lasses, and.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
She looks good doing it.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
Like the baby was laid, Okay, nails were done, here
was laid all the things.

Speaker 5 (12:53):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Cardi B is like my spirit of animal. Her level
of not giving the fuckness is like yeah it be
wig no wig, teeth done, no teeth done. And she's
smiling and laughing the whole time, like you can't knock
or riddle her.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
I love that you really can't. I do love that
you really can't.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
All a mediocre folk how they feel about that? They
probably wish that they had the balls to be like that.

Speaker 9 (13:18):
I'm sure.

Speaker 5 (13:20):
That's right.

Speaker 6 (13:21):
Speaking of mediocre, I had saw a clip of Oprah
and Kao, my two homegirls. I don't know if you
know them. Yeah, so Oprah was saying that you cannot
be friends with anybody who is jealous of you. And
I was thinking about this today because we're talking about
does mediocre mediocrity love company. When you have people in

(13:45):
your circle who are okay with being stagnant, do they
try to keep you at their level? So her point was,
you can't ever be friends with somebody who is even
a little bit jealous of you, because they'll never let
you be great. And and that kind of goes hand
in hand with you know, if you have friends that
are not dedicated to their own growth, if you're always

(14:06):
trying to convince somebody you know, to do better, or
if they're looking at you and counting your pockets and
the things that you have and they're really not happy
for you. They wish they had it, but they don't
have the work ethic behind it. Do you have an
op or no op on whether you think that's true.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
I got an op on that I watched it for
ten plus years when I was training kids. There's always
there's always a group that comes in that wants to
try it out right, But then there's always the one
or two kids that are really dedicated to the work
required to being successful, and for the most part, they'll
all keep coming together because that one or two kids

(14:43):
really want to keep doing it, so they'll all do it.
They don't all put in the same work, but they come.
And then I watch as the one or two kids
start to get scholarship offers and things start to get happen.
How his group of friends start to slowly turn on
him and all of a sudden, he's not as good
as he think he is. He worked too hard, And
I'm just like, wow, y'all wire all coming to do

(15:04):
this together. But the simple fact that you didn't have
the success that you wanted to have because you weren't
willing to put in the work that you had to
put in. Now you're upset at him. And it was funny.
I was talking to k about this. Right, I feel
like mediocrity is a huge part of gender wars, and
I'm gonna tell you why. Right, The same type of

(15:25):
person who's not willing to put in the work to
get what they feel they deserve out of life will
often put that the other person needs to put more
work in. Right, We watch it all the time. Or
you have a problem with the other perpose and having
higher standards. So imagine you're a man or woman and
you're dating a member of the opposite sex. You're not
willing to put in the work that is required to

(15:49):
keep the person you want, so you constantly get disappointed
because that person is not interested in you. So what
do you do? You blame the gender. Bitches ain't shit,
niggas ain't shit. It all comes back to the fact
that if you're not willing to do for yourself, you
find fault in people who are. And it's the same
thing as misery loving company. The same way. You and

(16:11):
your friend both came in the gym to work out,
but they get better results because they eat a little
bit better. So now you slowly start shaming them for things.
We watch it all the time with women who do
that to each other. Two women start a journey, right,
a weight loss journey. One puts a little bit more
work than I do to know what the other one
is a little bit more upset. Right, we watch men
do the same thing. Do make a little bit more

(16:32):
money than his friend. He went to school for it,
and now the friend is a little bit upset, or
ak you better than me because you make more money.
That's part of misery, loving company, or they got.

Speaker 8 (16:43):
The golden ticket. Your friend got the golden ticket even
though he's talented, you know what I'm.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
Saying, and he won't do the work.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
It had to be something else. It had to be
to be a relationship. And I'm always mindful of it's true.

Speaker 7 (16:56):
That's talking about what happened to me.

Speaker 10 (16:59):
He's talking about it happened with me, like somebody was
talking about me behind my back. I went on it.
I actually went on Instagram line. Somebody was talking and
then in the comments we saw, yeah, Matt had the
golden ticket.

Speaker 7 (17:09):
What how I got to go to the ticket? I
just worked hard?

Speaker 1 (17:11):
Oh, because oh, oh, I get it. I get it
because you had success.

Speaker 10 (17:17):
Because I had an opportunity, and I took advantage of
my opportunity.

Speaker 7 (17:19):
For working hard.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
You had the golden ticket, but they had the same.

Speaker 5 (17:22):
They had the same opportunity.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
Though that's a perfect example that right, there is a
perfect right.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
You simply executed your opportunity. But how did you even
get the opportunity to begin with? Because you were working hard,
you received.

Speaker 8 (17:32):
Josh gave two people opportunities. Matt ticket, mantage of it,
and the next one did it that Matt all of
a sudden had a golden opportunity of golden nugget, golden ticket,
golden ticket because that person didn't work hard enough.

Speaker 3 (17:43):
That's a perfect Are you friends with that person to
this day?

Speaker 5 (17:46):
Oh? Yeah, absolutely friends.

Speaker 8 (17:49):
He's the degrees of friendships obviously, right, I'm still cool
with that person.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
I understand what their mindset is, but you know it's.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Not the.

Speaker 3 (18:01):
Business.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Yo. I don't think that, first of all, all friends
have to get along for me to be friends.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
One.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
I also don't think that you have to not be
friends with someone because their mindset is different to me.
That's also a mediocre mindset. Just because you disagree with
me doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I don't
take all disagreement as an attack on your.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Sult because friendships are not conditional for you in that sense,
whereas what can you do for me or how can
you give me this golden ticket?

Speaker 3 (18:26):
Essentially you like somebody for who they are.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
Right.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
The friendships are relationships that we choose to get into.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
You don't have to be in them, you know.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
But that mindset that they talk about is why I
say like mediocrity is like eating us up because it
affects you in so many different ways business and relationships.
Like we talked to the gender role thing, like it's
all based on the fact that are you willing to
work as hard for yourself as you're trying to put
on everyone else around you? And when you're not willing
to do that because we've been fed mediocrity. At the

(18:55):
same time, you can't blame people, right if you tell
kids everybody gets trophy, all adults in their life are
not allowed to correct them, from teachers to parents, those
kids are going to grow up to be adults at
some point. Here they are, here, we are you know,
like the these are the adults we have now. And
it's like at some point people have to say you
wake up. If you want more out of life, you

(19:16):
have to go get it.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
You have to and be mindful to to Gale's point,
what myp was going to be, be mindful of people who
mask you know, uh, just and truth right that will say,
you know, for example, like oh, like you didn't have
to do all that, or damn that that outfit a
little crazy, like just even trying to joke and make it,

(19:38):
you know.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
I'm Jackson about it.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
Yeah, I told Jackson, little slights, little jazz.

Speaker 9 (19:43):
They always said.

Speaker 6 (19:45):
People say, oh, your little thing, your little business.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
Oh for sure.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
So I told Jackson that as he's getting older and
he's making those friendships, which is interesting to see the
space that he's in with friendships because he's not like
a kind of kid we were just talking about, like
he's not with any particular group. He's kind of had
his solid core two or three guys and gets along
with everybody.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
I watched Jacks though, right, Jax has relationships with different people,
Like he has his one friend, don't play no sports.
He's just like a brainiac. Them two went to the movies.
You know what I'm saying, to go chill. Got another
friend that's all they do is sports. Then his other
homeboy they in robotics. It's like Jackson likes to be
around people who have like high achievers. Yes, like if

(20:30):
we're going to do something, let's all do it at
the same rate. And he also likes people who compete,
like his homeboy, they're competing to be valedictorian. His other homeboy,
he's competing with him to be the best in robotics.

Speaker 7 (20:41):
I like that he definitely get that from y'all because
that's how you.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
Yeah, that is how I am. Definitely like that and
think of us. I love competing, but his was the
craziest part. And I don't think anyone will ever say this.
I like losing because lesson I learned when you when
you around people that you always win. Right, where's the challenge?

Speaker 5 (21:02):
Right?

Speaker 1 (21:03):
It's only when I'm around people who have made me
think something and I'm like, oh, shoot, right, you know,
like dang, and then it's like dang, I'm sitting It
makes me feel like I'm sitting in a mediocre spot.
If I thought I had everything figured out, well.

Speaker 2 (21:14):
They say that, right, if you're the smartest in the room,
needs a changing room.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like I love to be challenged, even
like even having a podcast, someone has a different thought.
Come to the comments and say the thought. Let's talk
about it like your thought. And one thing I do
hate when people come and say no disrespect. You don't
have to leave with no disrespect. You don't have to

(21:37):
say no, it's just what's your thought because your thought
may open my mind.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
Don't take this the wrong way.

Speaker 7 (21:44):
Disrespect implies disrespect people.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
Right right Exactly, it means I'm about to say it,
but I don't want you to take it.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
But also like when you, for example, you've said it
before when we do post for even our podcast clips, right,
the whole point of posting these clips is to have
engagement for people to be in the comments and to
talk about things, to maybe possibly learn something take away
a little tidbit. But we're not giving our opinions trying
to persuade you to think the way we think.

Speaker 3 (22:11):
It's simply just us sharing.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
What we think about it, and then you can take
or leave whatever you want, you know, and a lot
of did anybody read the book let them Let them theory?

Speaker 9 (22:21):
Or have you heard it?

Speaker 3 (22:22):
You've heard about it?

Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, right, So the essentially what it's saying is that
you know what people feel, believe, think, you just let
them even their opinions about you, because the only thing
that you can control is now once you let them,
let me make them so, make them go on, and
now let me either distance myself, put up a boundary,
whatever is required in order for you to just enagle

(22:45):
that relationship or realize, hey, it could also be a
comment coming from a complete stranger. They're commenting based off
of how they feel and then you let them be right,
because then I don't have to consume that.

Speaker 9 (22:56):
I don't be trying to let them nothing. I'll be
trying to let them get cussed out.

Speaker 6 (23:03):
Comment yeah little sometimes, but I give myself a limit.
I'll respond to a couple and then after it's been
up for twenty four hours, I'm not responding anymore.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Absolutely, because there's a lot of mediocrity in the comments. Yeah,
I'll tell you that, a lot of for sure, for sure.

Speaker 3 (23:19):
And we don't do all this social media.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
That's the whole world, is really the whole world. You
can't even take it, that's Realius, No, you can't, like
you can't.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
You just what you have to do is stop giving
people the power over you. You got to stop expecting
things from people.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
So this brings me back to remember the very very beginning.
Why I think mediocrity was forced on us. I think
it was just a way to fatten us up for
the slaughter, right, Like, it's easier to control a group
of people if they only aspire to be mediocre, right,
if they aspire to follow each other, Right, if they

(23:55):
just aspire to have nothing, Like remember when we grew up,
you know, too cool for school, like all the cool
kids failed, all the cool kids was doing drugs? Like
who pushed that narrative that being mediocre and not trying
hard was cool? And I noticed it's so easy to
change your mindset. When I was doing Prototype for the
ten years, we had a know nobody can be a

(24:17):
part of Prototype if you had under eighty GPA. And
my thing was I wanted to change the standard so
that people knew when you walked in here you were
part of the cool kids who got good grades. And
it was funny how the mindset changed right when we
had a whole class of people. In twenty fifteen, the
whole team that won the city title was supposed to
be a bunch of hood thug kids all graduated and
went to college, and then it became a thing in Prototype,

(24:39):
whereas if you got below at eighty, you got laughed at.
So it shows you how simple it is to change
a whole, entire group's mindset to not push for mediocrity,
and what you can achieve when you change your whole group.
The reason why they're trying to fatten us for the
slaughter is because we're dangerous if we're not being mediocre.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
So true do you realize that people love a struggle story,
and you will root for somebody when they're on their
way up, and you'll root for them while they're doing
all the things that may be somewhat attainable in your eyes.
And as they continue to progress and move forward and
they finally reach a level that might be in your
mind out of reach, yp then it becomes I don't

(25:22):
know if I really fuck with them anymore. Oh, they're
losing their authenticity. I liked it better when they were
in the Brooklyn apartment. You like to the struggle a
little bit better. I don't know who they think they are.
Like those comments starting to come through now, and it's
just like, man, here we are essentially trying to do
the best we can, to work hard for our goals

(25:42):
and our dreams, to set our family up for the
legacy that we want for them. But in turn, we
lose people and we lose support because at this point
they don't want to see us doing well.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Well. What I say is, we don't lose support. We
don't lose support because the support to gain to grow.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Right, But the thing is everybody isn't along for the
entire journey, right, Some people were only along for that
part of the journey then they go somewhere else. I'm
fine with that. We have continued to grow because we've
grown in abundance. It's just when people announce their exit,
it makes you feel like, you know, like, why announce
your egnent? Why announce your exit? I realize that people

(26:19):
are going to announce their exit because that's all they have. Yeah,
that's it. You can't take it.

Speaker 3 (26:24):
That's the power, that's what they have. They made their right,
got it?

Speaker 1 (26:28):
You like you like that in that moment, this is
all I have to let them know that something didn't
hit me right way.

Speaker 3 (26:34):
They've lost me, right.

Speaker 1 (26:35):
And that's okay, right, because you got to look at
everybody around you, right, there's nobody that has that has
aspired to do something that everyone else hasn't done, that
hasn't lost people along the.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
Way, oh for sure, and being exactly who they are.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
You know, Josh, Matt and Triple y'all have been working
with us for how many years now, and I feel
like I feel like you guys can attest to the
fact that we are still at heart the same people, right,
if anything, that we still want everybody to win we're
trying to bring everybody along with us, you know, working hard.
But like to your point, some people are just okay
with that portion of the journey.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Yeah, And the thing is that if that journey or
that part of our journey spoke to them in that
moment and this part of the journey doesn't, that's okay too.

Speaker 6 (27:15):
Right.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Maybe they can't relate because they haven't reached this part yet,
but then once they've reached this part, then maybe they
can relate. Like, I have no problems with that. Like,
there's certain people's lives that I've followed, or celebrities or
people that I've looked at that I'm like, I can't
relate to this. So in that moment that I can't
relate to, but then something else comes up and I
definitely can relate to.

Speaker 3 (27:35):
That for sure.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
I just feel like that's what it is, So I
really don't take it personal.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
Right, Yeah, you're absolutely right, And to your point, we
feel the same way about other people. We just don't
feel the need to necessarily announce it. But you take
it and you leave.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
It right, and you just don't you can't say to yourself, well,
I'm not going to keep trying harder to get more
from my family or to do more for myself because
other people seem uncomfortable. Yeah, that's part of feeding into
the mediocrity of it. Think about it. You know how
when you when you're younger. We've heard this before. The
young person in the class don't get as good of

(28:10):
grades because they don't want to stand out too much
because they get made fun up for being a door
coord Have you ever heard it's like you can't keep
dimming your light because other people feel uncomfortable that you
shine in either they gonna put sunglasses on or they
just gonna watch you walk away blind because you got
to keep shining. That's how you got to do it.
Because you're shine may blind somebody else, but may need

(28:31):
be everything someone else needs to see in that moment.
So dimming your life may not only be hurting yourself,
it could be hurting other people who want to see
that message. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
That's a good point.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
I do have a question though. My question is for
everybody though, Like as much as we're talking about keeping
good company, right, can we all be be honest and
say how comfortable you are about receiving the truth If
you're being stagged and a friend telling you I see

(29:02):
you being stagnant. The reason why I say this is
because it's easy to say to people, be more open
to receiving this information and stuff like that, don't be mediocre.
But then when someone tries to correct us, it's hard
for us to take. Yeah, how comfortable are y'all when
it comes to receiving that.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
I know I always was never comfortable with it.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
I think for me it was just a matter of
lacking accountability and in my mind feeling like I'm doing
my best in this moment. So because I feel like
I'm doing my best, there's no room for improvement. But then,
for example, you as a friend, as a husband's spouse,
have had moments where you're like, hey, like you're not
even maxing your potential right now, You're just coasting. And
sometimes you have to hear that from somebody whose opinion

(29:43):
you value, because it can't just come from anybody but you.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
For example, for me, is someone who's actually living that life.

Speaker 6 (29:50):
Right.

Speaker 3 (29:50):
You're always aspiring to be greater, to do more, to advance.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
So if I'm getting that note from a friend who
hadn't done shit with their business.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
Either, or whatever it is.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
It's hard to take that criticism versus from somebody who
was actually doing it and walking the walk that I
know I was going.

Speaker 10 (30:05):
To pick it back and say the same exact thing.
It always depends on who's coming from because if you
if you're not even doing half of what you're trying
to do, why are you particularly.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
That is a good point.

Speaker 10 (30:14):
So at least try to be doing effort to better yourself,
and I'm open to listening.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
That is a good point.

Speaker 9 (30:21):
I think it depends on also how well the person
knows you, because you know, everybody has their reasons for
why they do what they do, why they don't do
what they do, or like what, you know what, it's
stopping them from being greater than they are. And so
if it's somebody like my best friend is somebody that
I talk about a lot about personal growth and career

(30:42):
growth and stuff like that, and she's always honest with
me about you know what she thinks you know, where
she thinks I am. But she's always also honest with
me about what she thinks I'm great at. You know
what I'm saying, And she gives me real information about
how she thinks that I can improve to be better
at what I'm great at. And it's not just like

(31:03):
you ain't doing shit, you mediocre, you know what I'm saying,
It's like, Wow, you are so amazing at this, and
I feel like you are fearful or you know what I'm.

Speaker 3 (31:11):
Saying, right, and like you know, yeah, you're.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
Idea, Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 (31:15):
I think it definitely depends on how well somebody knows you,
because it is very It's a vulnerable conversation to have
with somebody else, and you got to be able to
go there with them and allow them to be able.

Speaker 9 (31:26):
To receive you know what I'm saying your response to
that too.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
And I think with a friend, or with most friendships
at least, I would hope that within my friendships that
you can have those honest conversations and not feel like
someone is attacking you. But let's face it, we're not
always going to have the discipline needed or the motivation
needed to do the things we need to do. And
we know the difference between discipline and motivation. Sometimes you
need somebody to light a fire under your tail and say,
you know what, I know that you're capable of this,

(31:52):
do it.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
I had to have this fuck.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
Recently with a friend of mine who's been putting something off,
forever putting something off, but also simultaneously complaining about where
they are in their life. And it's like, you're continuous
continuing to complain, but you're not doing anything that's within
your power to correct that. So then what are we
talking about here? And it was almost like I don't
want to hear it again. It's like a tough love.
I don't want to hear about this conversation again unless

(32:14):
you have something that you've moved forward with.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
So guess what she's moving forward with her stuff.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
You know, And everybody kind of has to have their
own moment of revelation where they're just like, man, I'm
tired of living in this space of mediocrity.

Speaker 3 (32:26):
I need to buckle down and get it done.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
See. I'm glad you had you talked about the moment
on that revelation because I wanted to share my revelation
of when I realized that sometimes mediocuity isn't even only
what you think you're doing is what you're actually doing.
So I learned early in my life that I don't
like taking stuff. I didn't like taking advice from people
because I one, just like to figure stuff out on

(32:50):
my own. I like to learn. But number two, I
always felt so picked apart by my parents growing up
that I just took everything and I got defensive like
my mom and dad's attitude. This year attitue too, So
I always just felt like I didn't have a right
to think. So anytime someone tried to take away my
right to think about something on my opinion, I felt attacked.
And it wasn't until football when I learned that the

(33:11):
eye and the sky don't lie. I'm busting my ass
giving one hundred percent. And then coach says, yo, Devo,
you know, do you know why you got pulled? And
my first thing was I pulled because you rather have
somebody else in right. I was getting ready to get defensive,
and he said, no, how long? How far you have
to run for a crawl route? I said twelve yards?
He said how far did you run in the crawlerd

(33:32):
I said twelve yards. He said, you want to watch
the film. I said, I know, I ran twelve yards.
I ran eight yards, and in my mind I thought
that I was running twelve yards, so I legitimately thought
I was giving like one hundred percent effort the right way,
and it wasn't until I seen it and I was like, oh, shoot,
like that and in my mind I was like, that's
the shittiest curl, right. I wouldn't throw that route either.

(33:56):
But then what it taught me was you have to
be open to receiving information from people because you don't even.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Know sometimes how it comes across.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
Right, You don't know. You know.

Speaker 7 (34:05):
It shouldn't always be from a friend either.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
That's and that was my It can't always be for first,
I had to take this from Approach, who at the
time I couldn't stand, I really couldn't stand, but.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
Also was making decisions over your livelihood.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
So it's just like shit, at this point, I'm gonna
have to suck it up because I have no other choice.

Speaker 3 (34:21):
But ultimately, the eye and the skuy don't lie, right,
That's what you say, and that's how you.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Get out of mediocoity, being willing to be open to
hearing it, and then it just being like all right,
let me take inventory. And then when you can see it,
it's something like, oh shit, that person was right, and
it's like, all right, I can I can at least
trust that that person is trying even if even if
I trust that they don't like me, if we are
lungs and synergies and we both have to go forward together,

(34:45):
and I can trust that they're gonna put me in
a situation to grow or be better, and I think
we all have to start taking heed to that. You
may get some advice from somebody you don't like or
don't trust either, right, but if you know what can
help you take it. You know what I'm saying, don't just
sit in mediocrity because I'm not listening to that person.
You know, like we're all gonna have to learn how

(35:05):
to use discernment once again to pick apart that information.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
Do you believe that? Sorry, Josh, go ahead, all right,
thank you.

Speaker 8 (35:12):
I think a big part of it is also just
being able to self reflect, right, Like, you know, you
hearing yourself about yourself. You might not be willing to
change anything. It might not be anything you want to hear,
or you just might be completely completely defensive over it.

Speaker 5 (35:28):
Having the.

Speaker 8 (35:30):
Mindset of fortitude to self reflect on your own self
is where the real change comes in. Because you could
tell me something that to kingdom come. You can tell
me about myself till you know like, yo, Josh, you
ain't doing this, you ain't doing this, Like you can
do this, you can do that, but if I'm not
looking internally at myself to say like and I think

(35:51):
that's where the defensive comes in a lot of time
when you're telling people self. One, they're not prepared to
hear it. Second is unsolicited. I didn't ask you to
tell me.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Nigga, right right.

Speaker 8 (36:01):
And then three, it's like, if I can take the
time to like look at myself, I'll take you back
to a conversation we had, the three of us we
had in La at the b ET Awards, and I
said something about Matt about what he did, and you say, yeah,
that's funny that you said this about Matt when you
do that all the time, right, And I was like yeah, yeah,

(36:22):
And I was like at that time, I was focused
on what Matt did.

Speaker 5 (36:27):
Right.

Speaker 8 (36:27):
It was like, Matt, you're wrong for this whatever, or
you can look at it a different way. And Matt
just like, yeah, I didn't mean it that way, but yeah,
I see what you're saying. And then when you came
to me, I was just like, Nigga, we ain't talking
about me, but it's not solicited.

Speaker 5 (36:42):
I got to ask for it.

Speaker 8 (36:44):
But the truth is, like, after Matt stays quiet, you're
going we're going back and forth, and Matt stays quiet,
and I look at Matt and like, Matt's quiet.

Speaker 5 (36:55):
I'm wrong.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
I know that because.

Speaker 8 (36:57):
Because Matt will defend, Matt wills step in and say
something about me if it's warranted. But then when I
look at it, and I'm like, if Matt's quiet, and
I'm I'm now getting angry, right, I'm feeling it's a
visceral feeling to hear something about yourself, about it about
yourself in a way where somebody is trying to explain

(37:19):
something to you and you didn't ask for it, and
you're not in the to get feedback. Sometimes you have
to be in this like accepting sort of like absolutely,
it doesn't matter if you trust them.

Speaker 5 (37:30):
I can trust.

Speaker 11 (37:31):
You about this trying to eat my burger, right, And
I just think I think it has to do a
lot to do with the mediocrity.

Speaker 8 (37:41):
Well, combating mediocrity has to do with self reflection. I
think that's the biggest thing.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
And now check this out. Everything you just said made
the most amount of sense. And we grew up during
the time where corporal punishment was allowed. So imagine we
still have to self regulate our emotions when we hear
something about ourselves.

Speaker 5 (38:00):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Just imagine a generation of kids who are told from
young your parents can't correct you, your teachers can't correct you.
So you grow up your whole time being a child
thinking I can say what I want at home and
say what I want. And oh, those young people are
now adults because those were the kids that I like,
those were Jackson's age kids and they started before that.

Speaker 2 (38:21):
Right, So we're noticing people in like their twenties now
can't do like basic things, you know what I'm saying,
Like it's hard to even find good help nowadays with
anything because that entire generation they've been fed this level
of they're entitled to certain things, certain wages, not having
to put the work in going above and beyond.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
What's that take initiative? We don't even know how to
spell it.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Let's chat GPT it Like that's literally where we are
with things now. But you know what I was thinking
right before Josh mentioned the self reflection, is there just
a place for people who are mediocre because everyone can't
be yes, the overachiever. We need to be shamed those
people for saying, you know what, you're okay with just
living an average life because that's just what you want

(39:06):
out of life. Because I know how we sometimes, for example,
even just with our siblings or our friends, we're like, yo,
we know that you can do all these things, but
it's like do they even want all those things or
so just imparting what we feel can happen if they
were to apply themselves.

Speaker 8 (39:23):
In the capitalist In a capitalist uh environment and economy,
you need people to be mediocre because those are your
consumers the right.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
You can't have everybody, can't be.

Speaker 8 (39:36):
A boss of a bill gates of freaking you need
to have those people and also those people make uh.
I would say most of your workforce will be those
people for the most part. It's not like mediocrity in
a global sense is a bad thing. It's just it's

(39:58):
it's just a standard. I wouldn't say it's like there's
there's a there's a part of med mediocrity where we're
like it's a bad thing in terms of like how
you're not trying to attain anything.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
If you have the potential to be better correct correct.

Speaker 8 (40:14):
And most people do have the potential it's just that
I'm comfortable being mediocre.

Speaker 7 (40:20):
It goes back to what you're saying. They literally train
you for that.

Speaker 10 (40:25):
Because you're going to be the consumer for me, and
I'm gonna make lots of money.

Speaker 6 (40:29):
Just like now we have everybody getting their information from
TikTok because they don't want to read anything, and so
people's reading comprehension skills are down to a level where
you're voting on a feeling.

Speaker 9 (40:42):
You're voting on the fact that you're.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
A biggot and we are the algorithm.

Speaker 6 (40:47):
When it's actually a class war and you're gonna get
slaughtered with the rest of us because you wouldn't open
a fucking book or a newspaper.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
That's a fact though, it's an absolute, And that goes
back to my point why I say this is why
they're doing it on purpose. Like think about it when
we were before we were growing up. You go back
to gym classes in the fifties and sixties, there were
physical exams that people had to take.

Speaker 10 (41:09):
Sixties, I had to do the military testing on nine.
You had to do that overne They had that for
a long while, then they got rid of it.

Speaker 8 (41:15):
I think, well, you went to private school they got
they got rid of it, and I think in Obama administration,
I think that's where those.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
Gymis with Then the obesity for kids, When was that movement,
because you know during the Obama administration, I think started simultaneously.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
I want to say prior to that, but well, I
know that they took Jim out of They took Jim
out of the schools when we was heading towards middle
school because I remember going into ANDREWS. Hudy Junior High
School and we no longer had gym. We had recinch
during lunch if it was cold outside, but we didn't
have gym anymore, which was like a crazy thing. And
that was like nineteen ninety eight.

Speaker 9 (41:49):
Yeah, I'm from Ohio. We always had gym.

Speaker 6 (41:51):
We had to learn how to swim, we had to
play tennis, basketball, we had to live weights, we had
to run a mile.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Look at that.

Speaker 8 (41:59):
Three Lives and all those all those programs in the
fifties and sixties. I still had it until I was
junior high school. You had to push ups, you had
to do all this crazy stuff. You had to learn
electric slide in junior high school because it was about
physical movement.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
You couldn't be laxed, but you're taking all of the
things that challenge people out of school. Yeah, because now now,
and I'm not knocking Montessori, but now there's there's no
more grades. Oh, we don't grade the kids. We let
them free plays that you may work for some kids
at some part of the day, but at some point

(42:37):
there has to be a standard to where we know
that there's some level OFDMIA being reached, you know, and
it just seems like it becomes more and more free.

Speaker 8 (42:45):
I sit thought behind that though, taking out grades. Is
it because they don't want kids to compete against each other?

Speaker 9 (42:51):
Well, Montossori, they never really had grade grading system.

Speaker 6 (42:54):
So you can get a U for unsatisfactory, as for satisfactory,
or E for excellent.

Speaker 9 (42:59):
So it never really was a grade.

Speaker 6 (43:00):
It was just that you had to do a certain
level of work and you had to be at a
certain level of knowledge through each grade.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
I guess meeting a certain mouse stone, a courtance like
your age. Right, So if they're like dissecting fine motor
skills and things like that, they're going to give you
activities where they can assess that. But other than that,
there's not like the force I would say behind, like
you need to write your name, you need to be
reading by this age. Even when I had a parent
teacher conference with Dakota, he's three going on four, and
I'm just like, are they going to be reading in

(43:28):
this class?

Speaker 3 (43:29):
Site words?

Speaker 2 (43:30):
And she was kind of like, well, we don't really
push that on them now, and you know it'll come,
And for I was just like, well, we didn't push
it at home, so he's gonna.

Speaker 3 (43:38):
Come in here and knowing a lot of stuff. Anyway, Yeah,
it comes over here like doing.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
All the things like but to you, to you guys's point,
it's just very much like a kind of Laisz fear thing.
And they try to spiral it and say that it's
on mental health and not wanting people to feel inferior, or.

Speaker 9 (43:57):
It encourages it independence and yeah, interdependen. It's like collaborative work. Yeah,
but not competition. They're not focused on competition. They're focused
more on collaboration. And Montessori and.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
I agree, when you're three four, maybe even into second
grade grades grades shouldn't matter. You know, we're going into
second grades. But I think once you get put that
third grade, it's true the fifth grade we have to
start testing kids. That's just my opinion, you know what.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
You're actually right because when I went for parent teacher
conference at the top of the year, Chiro's teacher, he's
going in the third grades. She's like, this is where
it kind of gets real, like this is what we're doing,
book reports, this is where we're doing all the things.
And then I noticed with cats is class in the
second grade, it's a lot of group things, figuring out
things through groups. So there's a collaborative, you know, way
of learning, which I.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
Think is important because we have to also teach kids
community right, Like the way you do that is through
the Montessori method, which my point is like you do
need a little bit of both. But we can't eliminate
all standards because we're worried about people feeling bad. This
is a fact and people may not like it. Those
who work harder deserve more. It's a fact. If we're

(45:03):
all in the class, or we're all doing something, and
I'm doing twice as much work to gather and do
all this other stuff, I deserve my fear shared. Plus
some I don't think it's fair that I have to
work my hardest, But then everybody gets even and the
person that sits back and chills gets the same amount.
And we should teach people that early. So if they understand,
let me carry my own weight, you know, let me

(45:24):
have pride in being able to contribute. And my contribution
may not be the same as Kadeen's. Right, my contribution
may not be the same as Mats. Matt's bigger than me,
he may lift more than me. Right, Kadeen may be
able to swift that she can move faster than me.
But there's a way that we can all find a
way to contribute. And then who's teaching. Yeah, what's your strength?
Focus on that? Now we know your strength. Let's not

(45:46):
be mediocre at your strength. Gi you know what I'm saying,
Like that would be my thing.

Speaker 5 (45:51):
Interesting, don't be mediocre at your strength.

Speaker 3 (45:54):
There you come on.

Speaker 7 (45:57):
The fact that you have to say that if you
work harder, you deserve more.

Speaker 9 (46:00):
Well, you do, because we don't we live in a.

Speaker 7 (46:02):
You shouldn't have to say that though we.

Speaker 9 (46:04):
Live in a fake meritocracy where we are hard.

Speaker 6 (46:07):
This this society is a fake meritocracy where we think
billionaires worked hard for what they have and they didn't.
The workers work work the hardest and they don't have
the most, but when you believe that, you continue to
run the rat race. So it is kind of like
it it's a double edged sword in a way. Like
I understand what you're saying. When you are working on yourself,
working on your goals, you should work as hard as

(46:28):
you can to get the most out of life that
you can, but you got to also be real that's
a possibility that that's not going to happen.

Speaker 9 (46:35):
You can get so far, you know.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
There's definitely a possibility that you can work your hardest
and still not get it. But my thing is you're
never going to be able to put that on me right, right,
Like say, if I work my hardest down and get it,
I know I got something because work hard. And what
I'm not gonna ever do or don't accept is someone
who don't work hard but then complaints for what they
don't have, because you know, there's two sides that, right.

(47:01):
It's like, okay, so you're not working hard for anything,
there's no standard, you just want to just sit here.
But then all the other people who are working hard,
you just point out all of their flaws. It's like
that that do we're not trying to hear that either. Dude,
you know what I'm saying. You gotta work. I think
all of us as people have to learn to work,
especially at your strengths. Push that.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
All right, Well, let's go push these bills because they
ain't gonna go nowhere, and we'll be back with our
listener letter of the day.

Speaker 3 (47:27):
So stick around, y'all. All right, y'all, were back with
our listener letter of the day.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
Dear Ellis's and the crew, I'm a new listener and
I'm hooked on your podcast.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
Welcome, Welcome. We happy to have you.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
So glad that you didn't quit after dead ass. I'd
love your advice on dating as a woman in her
thirties who hopes for marriage and kids with a god
free man who isn't intimidating by my career as a doctor.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
I'm in my twenties.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
I dated without wait. In my twenties, I dated without
much intention. I avoided being alone, staying in relationships that
weren't right, and let my faith fade. Then residency hit hard,
COVID burnout, a breakup, caring for my grandmother until she passed.
I almost quit medicine. But that season is when God
brought me back to him and showed me my place

(48:25):
in medicine to help patients like her.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
That's awesome.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
So I stayed and now I love my job. After
two years of healing, I started dating again. But wow,
it's been tough, especially around faith. I've had moments of
impatience and even bitterness. But I longed for a Christ's
centered marriage like the one the one you model. I
actually found my podcast, your podcast in a funny way.
After a disappointing date. I cheered myself up with meet

(48:51):
me next Christmas. I want to shout out baby. So
two clip saw the clips, saw clips of you two
and thought, yes, that's my goal. I don't want to
settle for anything less.

Speaker 3 (49:01):
So here's my question.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
How can I keep hope, enjoy alive while dating with
intention without slipping into impatience or compromising my faith and values.
You guys are amazing. Thank you for writing it. Yeah, girl,
well it seems like you're doing all the right things.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
But I just heard.

Speaker 2 (49:18):
I mean, I'm not in the dating pool now, so
it's really hard sometimes for me to answer those dating questions.
But from what I've gathered, you know, from friends, my sister,
even being single, Like, there's not much out there, man,
and I think, if anything, you need to show up
as your true self to see if you can be
able to attract people in those spaces. I'm wondering where
you're dating, where you're going? I don't even know where
do people go to date? Now?

Speaker 3 (49:38):
Does anyone know? Anybody know? Everyone here is married except.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
Where people.

Speaker 9 (49:47):
Find?

Speaker 3 (49:48):
Yeah, like, what's the dating scene looking like? Now?

Speaker 2 (49:51):
You know?

Speaker 3 (49:51):
I just I don't know. I'm so out the loop.

Speaker 6 (49:53):
I'm not an app girly, but I know some of
the girls are using apps. Facebook dating is a popular
one now here and just popular.

Speaker 9 (50:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (50:02):
Really yeah? Directly linked to Facebook?

Speaker 9 (50:05):
Yeah, I think it is. I think it's directly linked
to Facebook.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Interesting.

Speaker 9 (50:08):
I wouldn't go that route.

Speaker 6 (50:09):
I always tell people to go where you like to
be and see who else is in there. That's how
you find like minded individuals. That's how you find people
that like to do the same things that you do.
You already are starting at a level of uh compatibility.
If you do that and you get to read somebody's
real energy in person, see if they know how to

(50:30):
have a conversation with you. I mean seeing these girls
post about like finding a date on an app, and
then the first time he texts her, the first time
he's supposed to go out, he starts acting like a
fucking nutcase. That's why I'm not on apps because I
think everybody not everybody, but I think people on apps
are socially awkward, and I don't like that. I want

(50:51):
to see somebody, feel somebody's energy the first time we meet.
That that that's what I'm attracted to. So go where
you like to go and see who the hell is
in there?

Speaker 2 (51:00):
Yeah, I feel like I would do mutual friends.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
I would rock with with Triple Slage, mainly because like
there's too much with absent I. I want to go
and meet some You can't catfish me if I met
you in person. You know what I'm saying. But but
I do think people need to understand they can't. You
know what You're right?

Speaker 3 (51:19):
Wait, person, have you had it?

Speaker 1 (51:22):
Have you ever read? Ever watched the movie I'm Gonna
Get You Sucker. No, Well, there's there's a scene where
she's beautiful. She's beautiful right, She's beautiful right, and he
takes her back to enjoy a night, and by the
time we see her at the end of the night.
She then took off her eyelids, her eyeballs, eyebrow cat

(51:46):
fish and this dude's walking around with three sixty waves
and the beer and if you throw that pool, you're
gonna come out with an egg and that big gonna
be running down his neck. So you know you can't
cat person.

Speaker 3 (52:00):
That makes sense.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
Like if you enjoy karaoke, for example, go to freaking
karaoke bars and clubs and whatnot, and you can see
who you bump into.

Speaker 6 (52:08):
You don't you want to find somebody that's not intimidated
by your career as a doctor, Maybe go to a
professional conference or something like that where there's people on
your level in your career field or in another professional field.

Speaker 3 (52:19):
I never thought about career conferences, But that's actually a
good one.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
That is really you could tell.

Speaker 3 (52:22):
It's a really good way outside.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
How many doctor conferences been too.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
Surgeon?

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Any room with a day, I believe colleges.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
Brushing sound.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
No, this is this is a serious though. What I'm
about to say. I think people really need to understand
when they say dating with intentionality, right, you're looking for
the one, the one one person out of billions of people,
which means you have to kiss a lot of frauds.
So you can't get disappointed when you've gone on a
couple of dates and it's two weeks into this journey

(53:08):
and you've been on three dates, and now it's like
the world is coming to an end. You're looking for
the one, right, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, So hey,
listen to trouble. Go to some conferences, go to some
different places. I prefer to meet people in person. But
don't get you know, Hey, you may go on one
hundred and fifty dates. That don't mean you sleep with everybody.
But you may go on dates. Hey have a coffee,

(53:29):
you know, may go have a dinner, may go to
the museum, you know, But just understand it's going to
take a lot of dates to meet the one, all right,
So don't get discouraged. I honestly believe every person has
a one. You know what I'm saying, has that person
that is their person. You just take time to find them,
and anything that's worth finding it takes time.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
So and keep being exactly who you are. When I say,
show up with your true.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
Self, like, don't dim You're like, don't dim your achievements,
don't dim who you are because you're trying to like
fit into because then you're gonna end up in the
wrong pool of people.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
And then what ca was a doctor?

Speaker 9 (54:00):
Man?

Speaker 1 (54:01):
I'd love it, I say, put them scrubs on. You
know what time it is? You know what? You know
what time it is? All right?

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Some scrubs stirs from an audition she put.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
Join with the back, Jos, Josh, how would you put
me in the back this joint? Why you were supposed
to know you supposed to be that one? Would you
bring that into imagination? Josh?

Speaker 2 (54:29):
Why?

Speaker 1 (54:30):
Man? Why?

Speaker 5 (54:31):
People?

Speaker 1 (54:32):
Why?

Speaker 2 (54:32):
Why?

Speaker 1 (54:33):
Why?

Speaker 5 (54:34):
Every episode y'all get a little bit more about me.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
I'm sorry, Josh, every episode.

Speaker 3 (54:42):
Oh my goodness. Goodluck to you.

Speaker 5 (54:43):
Sis.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
It seems like you're on the right path. And whoever
that person is for you, I'm sure you'll find all
right if you want to be featured as a listener.
Letter keep writing in from last time I checked, trip
But has the email box been overflowing?

Speaker 9 (54:58):
Not really, y'all need to write in a lot more
than now.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
Advice.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
Hello, you know, stay anonymous, you know what I'm saying.
But at least we're gonna give you a you know,
I want to say We're gonna give you all the
right answers, but we're gonna give you some perspective, you know,
So write in if you want to be a listener
letter letter. It is the uh v LS Advice at
gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (55:18):
That's the mamail address t H.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
E E L L I S A d V I
C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
All right, time for the moment of truth. Today we're
talking about mediocre and does a love company? Josh, I
think you had a little one line or blurb for
your moment of truth.

Speaker 5 (55:34):
Oh yeah, copying and paste that from Devel.

Speaker 3 (55:37):
That bad cant.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Don't be mediocre. I almost forgot. I don't know what
it was. It wasn't until just now I remember that
it was don't be medioocre at what you great at? MMM, Like,
don't just sit in that. Find out what's great for
you and just create a high standard for yourself and
don't let any adios knock you off of trying to
achieve that standard. I don't care how much they talk

(56:04):
about you.

Speaker 6 (56:04):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
If that's what you know you great at, go get it, absolutely.

Speaker 10 (56:08):
Mind simple, don't be whatless, don't be whatless.

Speaker 3 (56:15):
I love that it's such a thing I would.

Speaker 8 (56:17):
Say to my point earlier on try not to be
mediocre on your own. Don't wait for nobody else to
tell you that you be a mediocre. And if I
think the point went out earlier, if you're the smartest
person in.

Speaker 5 (56:30):
The room, then you in the wrong room.

Speaker 8 (56:32):
I'm trying to uh live that, So I encourage you
to do to say nope.

Speaker 6 (56:39):
I think learning how to take feedback from people you
respect will help you level up every time.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
I love that.

Speaker 7 (56:47):
Respect and don't respect.

Speaker 3 (56:48):
Mm from peopa from people.

Speaker 9 (56:52):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
And I think I can round it out by just saying,
let people believe what they want to believe about you.
If you want to be great, go ahead and be great,
and whatever that looks like for you, continue on that path.
Because what you don't want to allow is the noise
from folks who aren't doing the very same thing that
you want to do, or not even doing it with
themselves in their own lives, to have that kind of

(57:15):
pressure or even that kind of control over your thought
and over your life. So let people be, and then
you should do your own thing.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
I like that.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
Let them period, let them be, let them be, let
them be, honey, all right, y'all.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
If you have not yet joined us on Patreon, what's
up Patreon gang, love.

Speaker 3 (57:33):
To see y'all here.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
We have so much exclusive Ellis family content as well
as the after show for Ellis ever After, so be
sure to join us on Patreon and you can find
us on social media. We are on Instagram and we
are on TikTok as Ellis ever After. Correct, yes, yeah,
and then you can find me at Kadeen I.

Speaker 7 (57:50):
Am and I am Devo, I'm under Score, Mad DOCGT.

Speaker 5 (57:53):
Ellis and now I'm Joshua Underscore Duwayne.

Speaker 9 (57:56):
I'm at Trips, the Cool t Ribbz, the Cool on Everything.

Speaker 1 (58:01):
And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,
review and subscribe.

Speaker 3 (58:06):
And we're officially in hoodie season, y'all.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
So we have I think the last batch of our
dead Ass merch here. Well that whatever is gone vintage
collectors items, so we have some T shirts left. We
have a couple of hoodies and some hats, so don't
delay getting your dead Ass merch because then we will
be rolling out very shortly. Ellis Never After Merch. All right,

(58:30):
stick around, y'all, We love you. Thanks again, dead Ass.

Speaker 6 (58:35):
Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
Production by Joshua Dwayne and Matthew Ellis, video editing by
Lashan Rowe.

Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
If it had