Operation SDB

IYKYK! The Ellises have spoken: 4 whole boys is plenty! And to solidify their word, Devale went the extra step to make it permanent. In this episode, the Ellises share the intimate details of Devale's vasectomy journey. Dead Ass. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I got neutered. You did, and listen. If there was
ever a time for me to rob on some balls,
now's the time. How's the time, dead balls? Hey, I'm

(00:21):
Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know us
from posting funny videos without boys and reading each other
publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you
need therby most days. Wow. And one more important thing
to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast
to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

(00:43):
things most folks don't want to talk about through the
lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the
term that we say every day. So when we say
dead asks, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth. We're about to take phillo
talk to a whole level. Dead ass starts right now.

(01:07):
I'm gonna just let you know exactly what happened. All right.
Went to the doctor. Case said, I want you to
take an appointment, go see about getting to a sector me.
I said, fine, I went to go see this doctor.
He said to me, sir, there are plenty options. One

(01:28):
you can go to sleep. I said so, because I'm
not staying awake for this. He said, do you want
to hear the other options? Said, let me hear the
other options. He said, well, you can get a local
anesthesia with a needle. So I said, you're gonna put
a needle by my nuts. He goes, you won't really
feel anything. You may smell a little bit of burning.

(01:49):
So I said, oh, so you want to put a
needle by my nuts and you want me to smell
my nuts burning. I said, if you don't put me
to sleep, I'm gonna go to sleep when I see
that needle, all right, So he said, fine, you want
the anesthesia. Yes, wake up on the morning of my surgery,
and KaDee and I are late. We overslept. I thought

(02:11):
this was aside from God, Okay, I can't do this.
They don't want me to do this. The Lord don't
want me to not like a regular we were like
we slept the extra like hour. We were supposed to
be there at seven forty five. We woke up at
seven thirty and the place about forty minutes away. So

(02:32):
now I'm just like, everything's going wrong in the morning time,
something like I don't even know. So I started telling
myself reasons why I shouldn't get this done. So I said,
you know, when i'm an email, lm K and if
they say it's too late, then I mean, this is
the reason why. So I sent the email said hey,
me and my wife on our way. I feel like
before I could even present, I got an email back

(02:52):
saying it's okay, take your time. I said, damn, okay,
just drive drive. It was raining that morning. I feel
like I was crying. It was, and I had gotten
the night before. I was going through the mail and
I saw something for the Nutcracker. I was like, oh,
I'm not going to ask about if you want to
go you got jokes. I'm just saying, maybe we can
name that episode this episode that let me finish my story?

(03:15):
Yo about Yo, I'm so mad right now? We get there,
we get to the doctor, right, And the funny thing
is when we get to the doctors, like all you
see is a bunch of guys with like hoodies on
and they're just walking out with their head down and
their wife is in the car, and it's like it's
like that's exactly what it looks like. It's literally what
it was. So I walk in there and on my

(03:36):
paperwork out on my chest, up my head hell high.
They put the I V in my arm and when
I want the same T shirt this T shirt I
got on and says create dope humans. The irony of
that T shirt. I have a T shirt on that
right now that says create dope humans. And I can't
do it no more that we did. We did, so
I should. It should have a d on it created

(03:58):
dope humans because us in the past. But I went
to sleep and then when I woke up, my nuts
was finished. I was right there. He was right there,
hold in your hand, holding my hand. Should have been
holding my nuts. She was talking man ship too. Coming
out of anesthesia. I was wouldn't be any other way,

(04:21):
pastor peace like you used to do. Said pass like
you used to do, used to do, used to do
because triple are gonna get mad, bath like you do,

(04:41):
the peas like it used to you. So yo, y'all,
have y'all ever seen Canna's happy in her life? Guys,
I'm not laughing at the fact that you had the
sext to me. It's just like the theatrics around everything,
because you know, nothing can't have for normally for us
it's always coming with chips and giggles. Facts. There was
nothing giggling about this man. My nuts heard it for

(05:02):
a little bit. But it's fine. We'll take a break.
I'm gonna get the piece. I'll shout out to Martin
for y'all who know, Martin is probably my favorite comedian
of all time, somebody who I admired as an artist.
A lot of his comedy, his physical attributes is a
lot of things that I do now just my second
nature because I watched so much Martin growing up. It's

(05:23):
almost like like he's my Michael Jackson to Chris Brown,
and Chris Brown looks at Michael Jackson's like, that's that's
my north star. Martin to me is my north star.
So past the pieces from the episode where they were
having the Thanksgiving competition and Jane ain't do nothing but
snapped them scraggly as peggs. That's a great episode that

(05:46):
Martin Lawrence all r y'all, we'll be back. All right, now,
we're back. So let's break down why I decided to
have the v sector me. Okay, so everyone that's like,
come on, man, y'all got one morning you come on, man.
The girl's out there, she's nowhere nowhere. I am the girl.

(06:08):
I'm the girl. I'm the only girl. It's the beginning
and middle. I am the one said. You're the queen.
You're the queen that rain Rain Supreme, Supreme. But yeah,
so in the beginning, you said, you know, made this
appointment for me, and I went, let's just be clear
that this wasn't just something that I came up with.
It was like because it was funny. Devout had an appointment,
initially a couple of months ago for a consultation. So

(06:30):
in talking when he agreed that you know, okay, I'm
gonna go ahead and get this pasectomy, I said, all right,
I want to find you the best doctor to do
it out here in Atlanta. So um, he had to
be able to do what a reversal? No no, no, no,
put me to sleep. I'll put you to sleep. And
I say reversal just because I just feel like if
somebody is is this is a specialty vasectomies and reversals,
I at least know that he knows it from back,

(06:52):
sideways and all that good stuff. No plans to reverse it,
but you never know, right, So um, I ended up
making an appointment for him just based on scheduling, because
to quickly devout doesn't even look at the calendar. I
loved at the calendar, so I said, all right, he
looks like he's free this day. And I think something
ended up coming up work related, and you weren't able
to make that meeting. And they called to the confession

(07:12):
appointment the day before you're filming, and um, she called
and she's like, hey, you don't just want to confirm
the appointment and he's just like, ah, yeah, I'm not
gonna be able to make that appointment anymore. And I
just thought about because she kind of laughed. She laughed, Oh,
your wife made this appointment. So I can imagine how
many men get cold feet deciding like, you know what,
I kind of want to do this, and then my

(07:32):
wife makes this appointment, or the wife takes the liberty
of making the appointment, and then he's just like, yeah,
now I'm not coming to that. How often that happened?
That's I mean, we well, we know a couple of
friends of ours who told us verbade him that the
wife made the appointment and he just didn't go. But
I just want to put this out there for your feminists,
all you women at being my comments, you know that's

(07:54):
team k. Kay did not make me get of a
sect to me. All right, So gentlemen, don't don't feel
like we took an l because the valve way and
just gotta affect me because Kay said, no, I gotta
affecting me on my own to protect my wife. Okay,
I'm gonna tell you why. All right. There's a number
of things. Number One, everyone knows that Codeine and I

(08:15):
love each other immensely, multiple times a week, consistently physically. Okay,
we have a lot of sex. Okay, we We've talked
about this a lot on the podcast. Anybody who sees
this out always to someone. God, you're always touching each other.
It's just that's why we have four kids. Yeah, we
just we always be on top of each other. And

(08:37):
there are some things that have changed in Codeine's health
that became alarming to me. In particular. Number one, after
we had casts or Dakota, we talked about this. She
suffered from postpartum pre clam show, which means more than likely,
if she gets pregnant again, she's probably gonna have full
pre clamp show while she's pregnant, which is a life
of death situation and it's extremely uncomfortable for a mom

(08:59):
to go through pregnant PAMP very high risk. And for
those of you who don't know, if you haven't listened
to that episode where I spoke in detail about my
emergency room behind a couple of vergency room videos now
that we've been talking about, um, but yeah, this one
in particular was just scary for me because I will say,
and I think I might have admitted this on an
episode that I was toying with the idea of one more.

(09:19):
You know, five is my favorite number, so I was like, okay,
And to be very honest, um, I had such beautiful
experiences pregnant. UM. I also feel like we were in
a position and we are in a position in the
space where we're just like, you know what, maybe I
could do just one more and if we had five boys, okay,
or if not we had a girl, cool to um.

(09:39):
But then this was really what put the kabash the
nail in the coffee for me, was that postpartum preclampion
episode because having to now say, oh, man, like having
a fifth child and then having full blown preclamption and
then running the risk of low birth weight serian section
after having all natural births. It was just way too many,
way out the pros and the cons. It just didn't
make sense for us. We're officially so we were we

(10:02):
were we had decided that we were officially having done
having children. And at that point Codine said, she's gonna
get on birth control until excuse me, until we could
figure out when I could get the v sector me.
Because Kennina and I had already planned. I know, I
made a lot of jokes on social media because we
do believe in in making things making people laugh that
I said I would never get a v sectum me

(10:23):
or every time she talked about it, I would scream
and grabbed my nuts and fall on the floor. Um.
But it was just it was jokes. But we had
already decided that once we were done having kids, I
was going to have a vasectomy because it's the easiest
way to get contraception. So Codeine got on birth control
because we hadn't planned the vasector me yet. And even
though she did the copper I u D before she

(10:46):
did birth control, the hormonal birth control, her hair fell out,
she gained weight, she was moving it was too much,
so we decided to go with the para good i
u D. But with the i U D, she started
having her period every three weeks and they were extremely heavy.
Was led to her having let her having low iron
and started to develop anemia. So we like dang, So
now you know we we didn't use the hormones, we

(11:06):
use the copper, and this is happening with the copper.
So it's like there's always a side effect with birth control.
And it also lowered her libido just having something in
her like us having sex. We couldn't have sex to
where we want to have sex because she could feel
it and she would feel tender or I could feel it.
And the last time we had the i u D
was when it it got knocked out right before it

(11:29):
was after the cast after cast after cast was on
its way out. So it was kind of like, all right,
now is the time, I guess because he was already
kind of coming out. But for us, the whole i
u D just never worked with us, like it just
it just seemed like it wasn't the safest bet for us.
Our body didn't respond well to which she also had
issues with the copper and has to see a doctor

(11:50):
about that. So it was like, you know what, in
order to protect my wife, in order for us to
have the sex life we want to have, because Kadin
is always a better sex partner when she's not on
any type of contraception, I need to get a sectomy.
So it wasn't a devow versus Kadeine. Let's see who wins,
because it seems like everyone likes to make it a
man versus woman things. It's like, he got a sectimy,

(12:12):
so the woman one. I made this decision on my
own to have a vasectomy. Yeah, because usually the argument
is like, well, the woman did all the work, she
had all the kids, so this is the one thing
you could do, blah blah blah blah blah. But I
do also understand, like that's a sensitive topic for men,
Like we didn't just regard the fact that some men
just don't want that as an option, like they don't
like you know, and even when you talk about how
you felt physically after the procedure, like give him a

(12:34):
little insight on that, because I know too that's an
uncomfortable feeling naturally for you guys as well. So I'm
gonna be honest I spoke to all my boys who
have had vasectomies. Now here's the truth. There are a
lot more men who have had vasectomies who are not
talking about it. Is another another dead ass podcast, a
very taboo topic that people don't talk about. But then
you speak to your homeboys like you have sex. A

(12:54):
couple of years ago, I have a sected me after
my last child and it's like, wow, there are a
lot of men walking around with vasectomies. And asked them why.
They all said the same thing. They said, well, number one,
my sex life got better after I had to a
sector ME because my wife felt more normal that she
didn't have to take any birth control pills and didn't
have an I U D. Additionally, they just knew that
they were done. So even when you do take a contraception,

(13:16):
you can still have a baby, but of a sector
me is the safest way to not have any more kids.
So I asked him what the recovery was like, and
it was like, it's very simple. You know, you keep
the peace because they're smallertle round piece. They form, you know,
to the sack right, they keep it cool down there,
keep the swelling down. You take the medication for two days.
You don't lift anything heavy, you don't run, you don't jump,

(13:37):
and well I did all of the next the next
podcast you'll hear why I had to do all of
those things right, We had in detail, but we had
an emergency room visit. I had to pick up Cairo
and carry him to the emergency room. Then Jackson had
a football game the very next day. Then Cairo had
a football game the day after that. Did I want

(13:58):
one thing I gonna do with coach? And I had
to coach my boys because that's that's what I do.
So I was out there on my feet so on,
but I didn't do any major lifting. I kept the
peas nearby. UM. I took my antibiotics all the way through,
and then by the third day I was able to
walk super super small. Um I didn't. It didn't require much.

(14:18):
Like to be honest, I was. I remember going to
sleep and then waking up and thinking like that, how
must have asleep for so long? And it was only
like forty minutes. Yeah, I think from start to finish,
but the actual procedure once you're under fifteen minutes, because
I remember me too, was super tired that morning and
I could see like the couples walking in out and
then the guys would be let go and it was
literally like a row of cars and they were all

(14:39):
I'm just assuming the women, the spouses whatever, all of
them were sitting in the driver's seat just kind of
waiting for them to come out. And then the nurse
comes out with the couple and yeah, you see him
kind of limp into the car and wife helps him in.
It was like literally like like the discharge of a
woman who had a baby. You know, it was the reverse.
It was the reverse of it. It was. It's just

(15:00):
so funny to see. What's funny to me is that
I'm coaching right all of the parents and coach, you
gotta limp, you got an ankle, and this is me. Yeah, man,
it's an old football injury. Because now my masculinity, my
masculinity is being questioned because I can't tell people that
had to affected me out allow who I don't know,
So I'm just going to super mato mode. It's like, yeah,
you know, I played in the NFL four years at

(15:21):
a couple of knee injuries that forced me to limp,
plus the sciatica from all the tackling. I never tackled anybody.
I played receiver all the tackling on my back. So
that's why I'm limping. Yeah, yeah, that's that's what happened
to me while my nut is swollen because I shouldn't be.
You should not be on your feet. Bro At every
time the value to tell me go sit down, get
some risks. You just had a baby. You just had
a baby. Now the roles have reversed, and he's just like, Hey,

(15:43):
I know my body. I know my body. I've been
an elite athlete my whole life. Like wolverine. Yes, that's
what I called myself, or call myself wolverine because I
heal faster than most humans. So um, well for me, um,
one thing that stands out for us as were like
closing the chapter in our lives of having children, um,

(16:04):
knowing that we're done. I had a split second moment
where I was and I said it to you. I
was like, I feel like I was like mourning the
loss of children. We never had like something so final
about the vasectom me. It's almost like a yeah, it's
like a woman tying her tubes or something and then
knowing that you're done. And I feel like I kind
of was forced into the decision being made for myself. Um,

(16:27):
my body made the decision after and I kind of
struggled with that for a little bit, and for for
lack of wanting to sound ungrateful like I'm super grateful
that I have for healthy, beautiful boys, my body was
able to do everything that it needed to do to
bring them earthside. Um. I did have a split second
where I felt like that choice was taken away from

(16:48):
me because I wasn't the one to say I'm done.
You know, it's like the one up between like my body.
And at that point, I said, you know what, King,
You're just sitting here. You were praying and asking for
signs like do you have one more? And then this
truly says to you, girl, stop enough. You are more
than content with your boys. You are a boy mom
through and through sitting at these football games and the

(17:11):
way I've been carrying on like this this life for me,
and then I suffer through not to sound me, but
I suffer through like the cheerleading, you know, halftime shows,
and I'm just like, man, this really wouldn't have been
my life because I sure as I do not want
to be on nobody's fifty yard line. You know, I'm
a boy mom through and through, and I'm thankful for that.
But I did have a moment where I kind of

(17:31):
felt like, Lord, I'm not being selfish, and I'm grateful,
but you know, I just wish I was the one
to make the choice, and he was like, Sis, I
made the choice for you. I was, except I was
accepting of that, and I was okay with that. That's
why it made it that much easier for me to
support you through this process, um and also to just
looking at how greatly I know it's already um affecting

(17:53):
you know, our men mental when it comes to our
sex life and us trying to say, all right, we're
done with kids. I know that I'm not going to
have to go through the whole gamut of getting pregnant,
being pregnant, postpartum, recovering, then you know, the post postpartum process. Gentlemen,
My my wife disclosed something to me a couple of

(18:13):
years ago that I never I never even thought about,
and I was just like, yo, why why is sex
like to you sometimes so daunting? And she was like,
you know, if I'm not on birth control, my concern
sometimes being if if I get pregnant, and I was like, yo,
you know, I never really thought because in my mind
as a man sometimes like if you get pregning, you're pregnant.

(18:34):
We married, we're making money, we're doing good. But I'm
not thinking like that. Your body literally has to go
through that for ten months and then another ten months
of recovery after that. That's a long time for a
woman to put all of her life on the hole
getting her body back do all that other stuff. And
I started to realize that, you know, as a young man,
you don't think about it, but then when your wife
is honest and say, it's hard for me to get

(18:56):
excited about sex because I have to also worry am
I going to get pregnant this time? I think everybody's
been there where they're just like on their period, watch
like shot Hope on Flow show up this time because
he was a little reckless. You know, everyone, I'm sure
it has been in a position like that, UM, And
it doesn't allow you to fully just be in those
moments sometimes when there's like something in the back of

(19:18):
your mind that you're concerned or anxious or worried about UM.
But it was necessary for me. I feel like now
that we both decided, all right, we're done. Um, the
timeline kind of went like this. So on a Tuesday,
after getting some blood work results back two weeks prior
that showed that my hemoglobin was now low and it
was a direct impact of having the i u D.

(19:38):
And the doctor confirmed that. When I went to see
her on this Tuesday, UM, I said, Sis, I'm about
to take this i u D out. So she laughed
and she said, oh, did how we get the vasectomy?
And I said, he's going on Thursday? And she said, oh,
you know it's not instantaneous, right, I said, I know.
So what I'm gonna need you to do is give

(19:59):
me thing just to make sure that I'm protected for
this temporary moment about six eight weeks, because sperm count
will decrease gradually after a vasectomy. But doctors recommend having
your urologists test the specimen once or six weeks and
then again at a week. Right, and they're get they're
they're giving more or less twenty to ejaculations. Yeah, so

(20:20):
you got work to do between. We got work to do,
but in the meantime. But in the meantime, you probably
might have twenty in less than eight weeks. I'm sure
anything we break down the man three to four songs
we times a week in eight weeks, yeah, that'll put
you at two and those eight weeks exactly. So um,

(20:45):
I said, please, like, what are my options because the
last thing I really wanted to do is put another
form of contraceptive into my body. But I also just
know how de valid I are, And I said, you
know what, you know we're supposed to be going on
a little trip soon. Yeah, I said, let me make
sure that I take that into account. So she recommended
to me the mini pill because it's not estrogen and

(21:07):
progessed your own. It's just progess her own. And if
you take at the same time every day, it's percent
effective and at least will hold me over and make
sure that I'm good until you're good. And for me,
it was just the onus that I wanted to take
on myself to say, Okay, Devout is taking this step
for me. The reciprocity in the relationship was Kadin had

(21:28):
the four children. Great now Devout is taking this step
to make sure that now I can rid my body
of any toxins that I can then pour into him
sexually the way he needs me to, because I'll just
feel like myself again. I just have not felt like
myself well sexually in a long time. I will say this, though,
you already have poured more into our sex life over

(21:49):
the last couple of years, even dealing with all of
that stuff, which was also another reason why for me
was easy to make that decision, right because we you know,
you know, we have a book coming out Shameless Plug
We Over Me Robs February seven, pre artist available now.
But Conin is constantly thinking about me, right, and I'm
constantly thinking about her. So when I look at the

(22:09):
way our lives have gone, and we've talked so much
about sex and the issues we've had with sex, so
that get to the point now where we have such
a better sex life, it was just only made sense
for me to do what I can do in my
part to make our sex life even better, you know
what I'm saying. So a lot of times men feel
like that if you get a sect me, you lost,

(22:30):
or women don't feel like what you Your man gotta
a sect me, you won? You once sweet hard It's like, no,
we both win when we make decisions for each other.
You know what I'm saying, because right now it was
about to be pussy on demand nuts heal up. You
know what I'm saying. We don't got to worry about
none of that stuff. Um, we don't have to work,
first of all. And I don't want to say this

(22:51):
and sound negatively, right, but when you have to consistently
worry about when you're gonna have a child or not,
that's hard to get into a mode sexually. And Kadina
and I don't like condoms, right. This is not a
thing where it's like, oh, well, why don't you just
wear a condom? Or Devout don't like wearing condoms because
they don't like wearing condoms neither. Well, she don't like
what I wear condoms either. So for us, it's like,

(23:13):
let's do what we can to make sure that we
have the most vibrant sex life and we can swing
from the chandeliers and I have to focus on it.
But we love our children. It's just a thing too.
Where As a man, your wife goes into a heavy
period every three weeks, you wake up and she's like, dang,
I'm bled through. And she said she should send me
pictures that she felt uncomfortable, like it would just be

(23:34):
so much blood and I'm like, that's not healthy. It
really just isn't healthy to have a foreign object in
your body causing you to lose blood at a faster
rate than what is naturally supposed to happen. And then
all of the things happened to your body. It was
just like no, like I gotta do this. Yeah, And
it's crazy, like you talk about men not talking about
vasectomies often. I was, just, for example, away on a

(23:55):
batch threat weekend for a friend of mine who's getting married,
and you know, women kind of get together and it's
crazy how at our age the conversations is so different
than we were in our twenties because this is my
friend's second marriage. But um, you know, speaking to another
young lady who was just like had to have it
his direct to me because after she has five children,
and she said, after five children, her uterus just never
went back down to size and she just naturally bleeds

(24:17):
more now because her universe is kind of like stretching out,
you know, a par of leggings for example, and eventually
it's never gonna go back down. You know, it's smaller,
but it's still not the same as it was pre
babies or after one baby. So in general, she just
had to have it his direct to me because after
taking out her power guard because of all the then
her uter is just being bigger. She was just losing
more blood because of that, and had to have his

(24:39):
direct to me. So those conversations are being had, and
particularly amongst black men and women, if we talk more
about it, yeah, and more often. I think our generation
is making sure that we're having those. It shouldn't even
be uncomfortable conversation, but they kind of can start that way.
But if you have you know, you feel comfortable in
certain circles to speak about it, it can really be helpful.
It's it's difficult from in because oftentimes we feel emasculated.

(25:03):
You know what. It was just like, oh, you have
affected me. Why your wife made you get a sect me?
Because the thing where it's like no man volunteers to
have a a secting me, right, So you had to
do it because it was something your wife wanted you
to do. That's the thought process behind it. And I'm
here to speak on that not being the case because
I can tell you right now, if I told Aden
that I didn't want to have a a secting me.

(25:24):
She probably would have found no, she definitely would have
found another way for us to use protection so that
we can continue our sex life the way it was.
But for me, it was just it was it was me.
I empowered myself to be like, no, if I can
do this little procedure, and I did ask questions. I said,
this is my not gonna be the same, it's the
consistency gonna be the same. Am I gonna lose testosterone?

(25:45):
You know? And I was just like watery, I didn't
want I didn't want watery nut Like, no, I know
you don't, even though it help you hydrate. I was
thinking like it was it's the most elementary thought in mindset.
But when you don't ask questions, you don't get answered.

(26:07):
So I asked my boys, I asked the doctor. He
sat down with me for about forty five minutes and
explained everything would be exactly the same, and I felt
comfortable making a decision. Um, it is a finite feeling,
Like I look at my four boys and I'm like,
that's it. I'm not going to have any more children.
But let me tell you that the best part about

(26:27):
this past weekend, I had to refectory. We had the issue,
you know, at the emergency room, and we'll talk about
that on the next podcast. But then on the Saturday,
Jackson went out, had eight yards, Russian almost returned to kick,
had a touchdown, had two pp us, and I'm like,
that's my I created that, you know. Then Cairo the
following day has six touchdowns, you know, capture four flags

(26:51):
and flag football and they won their game. And it's like,
I have so much to be thankful for and grateful
with the children I have. I can't sit here and
think about the children I may possibly would have had
if I never had the vasecting me. You know what
I'm saying, Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think it was pretty
When I look back on it, it's kind of foolish
of me to be like, oh my god, I'm just

(27:12):
like both of us, but yeah, we were both kind
of just like, oh my god, there's these kids out
there that we're not going to have, you know. But
you know, but I think it was just us embracing
the final feeling in that moment, you know, we just
both had to just say, Okay, this is really it,
because we just love our kids. So much, and I'm like, shoot,
if I could, I probably would have like ten kids.

(27:34):
You know what I'm saying, because we love them so
much and they're such a light in our life. But
how would you say you were feeling mentally? Like before
and after you did like a mental prep that you
feel like you had to have going into it. I mean,
you have mental forward to through the roof. So I
wasn't as worried about you, but mentally I wasn't well.
Once I make a decision about things and then I

(27:54):
do my research, there's never a lot of back and forth.
Once you make a decision, you you follow through with
the decision that you deal with of a consequences happened afterwards.
I'm not the type of person that goes back and forth.
So I just felt comfortable. I felt confident. Plus, um,
it was just it was the commitment that you made
to me for four children, three of them natural, two

(28:16):
at home, after having a child and almost losing you.
It was like, you made your commitment, right, I gotta
make my commitment. And then on top of that, you've
been making such a great commitment sexually to make sure
that we are good in our space, and it was
just like I can't wait to give you that that
freedom of your mind to where it was like, let's

(28:38):
go have fun and I don't have to worry about anything.
I don't have to worry about taking a pill. I
don't have to worry about checking for strings afterwards. You
don't have to say, babe, calm down. I can feel
like I felt like this is going to open us
up sexually in a completely different way because I remember
when you took the well when it got knocked out
the first time, and it was like, well, let's try

(28:59):
to have a fourth baby. I remember how free you
were sexually then because we were trying to have a
baby and you were freaking off. It was like yeah,
So it was like there was no limitations. I felt
like it right. So so I have a question for you,
like what what made you get to that point? And
we haven't talked about sex in a while. We typically

(29:20):
do our second episode every year as a sex episode,
and we talked a lot about our problems with sex,
and I feel like we got to a point over
the last I think three years where sex hasn't been
the problem. So we haven't really had that many sex episodes.
How did you get to the point where you were like,
I think I figured out what what I need to
do or what you needed to do, right, And this

(29:42):
is like you mean prevoseective. Yeah, I just, to be
quite honest, I just got tired of us being in
the same space, knowing that there were so many things
that I could control to make things better for us
that I just was neglecting to do, and then we
would end up in these you know, bad and forth
discussions about the same ship, and there was just no change.

(30:04):
And I think in part it was me just knowing
like ship, like, Okay, we may potentially have another kid,
so it's just like that that just looming over my
head knowing to also to like I was still on
some sort of birth control, so that was looming over
my head. But I also felt like, man like de
Val just deserves to enjoy me, and we deserve to
enjoy each other in a space where we just don't
have any limitations, that we can just do whatever we

(30:27):
want to each other sexually and not have to feel
the repercussions of having to worry. I mean, you've busted
your tail to make sure that I was in a
space where I'm comfortable in this house, like we don't
have anything to worry about. You've taken so much worry
and so much of my everyday um concerns off of
my plate. That I was just like, I just have
to do my part, and I could be better able

(30:48):
at doing my part if I am fully just green
again you know nothing in my body, um, and if
you're willing to do this for our family and for
us and for our relationship and for our sex life.
And you found out the benefits to of just Prostate
Health Act after um that ship, Like, now is the
time for us to really just turn up, Like all

(31:09):
of those things that I've been promising you and and
just not fulfilling, Now is the time to do it
because we have a space to do it. You're saying,
there's just a moment of accountability, like they really was,
And this is this is this is going to sound crazy,
but I do think that this is important for people
to hear. Like, if you want a woman to be
open sexually, you have to try to remove as much
stress from her life as possible. Right, it's hard for

(31:30):
a woman to you guys are built different than us.
When I'm stressed, and when a man is stressed, we
look for a release, right, So it's like, then I
want to fuck right. For women, when you're stressed, it's
not the same, it's not the same thing. You're not
thinking about having a sexual release. For man, it is.
So I felt like, for me, if I remove as
many of the stresses away from you, you know, having

(31:50):
your mom and dad here to help us, making sure
you don't have to work full time. Of course, everybody
can't provide that for that woman, but I felt like
for me, being able to provide that would put you
in a a sense of peace so that you can
be open absolutely. And that's another reason why it was
difficult for me to continue to have excuses. Like I
was tired of just having excuses. I'm like, my husband's

(32:11):
doing everything in his power to make sure that i'm good.
Like I can't complain about being tired, because why I
have help with kids, like you know, and those things,
just like human things happen and we get tired. I'm
just like, enough with the excuses. I need to make
sure that my husband is taken care of if he
wants to be monogamous with me, And that's the same
thing I'm requesting from him. I have to make sure

(32:31):
that I'm doing my part, and I wasn't doing my part.
I can admit that I wasn't. Um well, that's that's
I mean, that's that's honest to say. Though you know
how many women won't say that I just wasn't doing
my part because it's easy for because we we see
it all the time on social media. People listen on podcasts,
the first thing they will say was, what she gave
you three whole boys at the time, we had three
whole boys, or Caneine is tired. And even when you

(32:53):
you know, even when people would say, well, de Val
is a very active father, Becaunin doesn't have to work
full time, like why she's so tired? They were still like,
but now she don't have to and it's like no.
At some point, as a woman, if you require monogamy,
there's a responsibility to take care of your partner's sexual needs.
But that's how I felt with the vasectomy. If I'm

(33:14):
requiring you to be monogamous, I have to take care
of your sexual health, right so we literally, in this moment,
we're taking care of you to each other. You see
what I'm saying. That's the biggest thing. It's like you
were like, you know what, I have to do better
to take care of my husband, And I said, you know,
I gotta get a sectomy, because if it's going to
help take care of my wife's sexual health, she's not
bleeding consistently, she don't have periods too often, she don't
have to worry about something far in her body. I

(33:36):
have to be accountable. So what's funny how couples, when
they start to use accountability as a way to be
better for their partner, can grow together. As opposed to
looking the place you see what I'm saying, As opposed
to you saying de value not doing this and me
saying what, Kadine, you weren't doing that, we just said,
you know what, I'm responsible to do this. And now
look at where we are for sure, And I just

(33:57):
I got tired of trying to find reasons, to find,
you know, excuses to not be what you needed for me,
for what what you needed me to be for you.
I should say, um, that just gets exhausting. And at
this point I'm just like yo, I just I feel
like we were putting in an uncomfortable space for a while.
And now you know how you're in that uncomfortable space
and you feel like it's going to be some growth
from it. I just feel like there are a lot

(34:19):
of aspects of my life where I've been feeling really
uncomfortable lately. Um, And that kind of probably be a
whole another episode, but um, and I've been very to
cut you off. Can you just give an example. I
just want to hear it, like, I just want to
hear yeah, Like, I've just been feeling very uncomfortable, very uneasy,
very anxious about a lot of areas in my life

(34:41):
where you are, where I am, purpose where I'm going.
And I think what triggered this for me is this
knowing that we're done with children. It's almost as if
I'm stepping into another phase of life. I'm trying to
regain who Codein is. I'm trying to reclaim who Codein is.
I'm trying to rediscuss for who Kardine is, because with
each child, with each year that passes, I felt really unrecognizable,

(35:06):
like I didn't recognize myself, let me tell you, And
it's hard for me to show up for you and
I don't even know what the funk I am. I'm
going to tell you why that one. That's profound. Right
as a man, I've never in my life I thought
about kids stopping or starting any point of my life. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying. That's that's and and and
hearing you say that, it's kind of kind of like

(35:27):
ding light bulb. Even now, even though we talk often,
right because when we when we have these podcasts, it
still is a way for discovery. But I'm hearing you
say with every aspect of your life, you had to think, Okay,
I gotta I'm gonna have a child, so this is
gonna stop, and I'm gonna have to start this over.
As a man, I've never had to think about that.
It was over having a child. I'm gonna just go

(35:48):
harder while my wife is going through this to make sure.
But I never have to stop anything. That downtime fox
with you because you're like, shoot, I was on my
way to doing this, but now I'm gonna have to stop, reset,
get my body that do this, do the third And
it's just like with each child, there's more responsibility. There's
one more person that you have to take into account.
There's one more person to have to care for, and
that ship is exhausting, and then you know, we talked

(36:10):
about women losing themselves in in motherhood and in relationships
and stuff like that. But for me, it was more
than that. It was just like I just really was
feeling like I need this is a growth period for me,
so I really need to investigate how can I take
accountability for the different ways I've shown up or not
shown up? And not just my relationship with you, but

(36:30):
as a mom, as a sister, as a friend, as
a as a you know client, for example, to my manager,
like how am I not being productive enough? Um? How
how am I not you know, walking in the path
that I know is for me? And sometimes I don't
even know what that path is because I had to rediscover.
So I'm going through that phase right now. But accountability

(36:53):
heads help. And that's something that has been an issue
for my family, my immediate family, like just growing, Like
no one wants to be accountable for any thing, because
there's this pursuit of perfection that we have to be
everything to everyone and to be that perfect person. And
when you don't feel like you're on that path and
you're not doing it the way that you should be
doing it, you know it becomes to be a lot

(37:13):
and you want to, you know, to put you want
to do the drake, you know, but then it's just like, wait,
how can I reclaim my life? And it starts with
me being accountable in so many different aspects. So it
was a lot of tough moments for me being like, damn,
I I can't expect this from my son. For example,
if I'm not leading by that example, or are seeing

(37:34):
us seeing something that my son exhibits, that's something in
myself that I don't like, or something that I'm trying
to work on, or something that's handered. Yeah, it's handered
me from progress. And it's just like damn kitting. Now
you have to get to the root of why you
can't be an example to your son, because what I
would hate for is one of my sons to come
to me one day and say, well, Mom, you say
this is that in the third but you don't do that,

(37:57):
And I just don't want to be that parent. I
don't want to be that person. So having kids and
watching your kids exhibit behavior that it's similar to you
showed you where you needed to be more accountable, and
that led you to being more accountable as a wife
in every aspect of life and I'm still working on it.
So having kids made you a better wife, because having

(38:17):
kids definitely made me a better father. For I'm not
even gonna like our attention to detail now, like ship
life is crazy, scheduled to hectic and stuff like that,
But I was meant to be a mom and wife
like I know that. So the crazy part is we
had this conversation and remember that it was the saying
I just came up what it was even saying. But
pretty much, what's harder than being accountable and what's harder

(38:40):
then watching yourself watching all your insecurities happen, is watching
your children exhibit the same insecurities you have because you
projected it on them. That to me is what tried
to what made me want to be a better husband,
because I said, my sons have to watch me. I
don't want my sons to have the fears I have

(39:01):
or exhibit the bad behavior that I have that I
know I have, so I have to move better so
that they can move better and live better. So it
kind of forced me to be more accountable. And I'm
hearing you say this now because Kadina and I do
talk a lot about each other, but sometimes we have
these conversations mid podcasts that was like, wow, we haven't
talked about that, and even even you saying now, like
you just realize you just needed to be a better wife.

(39:23):
You don't hear a lot of women say that, And
I'm gonna honestly say that as a man. You may
get some I may get some flat for it, but
I don't give a fuck. We live in a time
now where everyone is looking to point the finger at
someone else. So to hear a woman say, now, I
just realized I needed to just be better and not
give any excuses, And to say you got tired of

(39:43):
hearing your own excuses and hearing wise is like because
you saw your sons and if they make an excuse
that you wouldn't want to hear, You'd be like, damn
where they get that from? Because honestly, it just wasn't
making sense anymore. Like I couldn't even justify half the
ship what I was saying, Like, think about it. When
we've had these discussions, sometimes you're just sitting there, You're like,
why are you why aren't you saying anything? And I'm
just like, bro, like I'm excused out, like, I like,

(40:03):
what more can I say in this moment? And ship?
It might be even selfish on my part. I got
just tired of talking about the same ship over and over,
and I'm like, why are you talking about this? Because
you know what you're supposed to do. That's why we're
having this conversation again, you know. And one thing device
gonna do is hold me accountable, and that's what I need. Um.
So yeah, I've kind of just employed that in different
aspects of my life now. So I'm interested to see

(40:26):
how Candeine unfolds over the next couple of months and
years because I feel like who I'm meant to be
um now that I have my children and told and
I have my husband, and you know, my career hasn't
even seen the heights or the potential that it has.
You just get. It's in part because I just self
that self sabotaging away because I'm like, I know I'm

(40:46):
gonna have to stop and come back. I know I'm
gonna have to stop and come back, but then no
one's stopping it now. That's and to be honest, that's
why I was excited about this vasectomy, you know, to
watch you unfold and now I'm excited to unfold them legs.
Period and I ain't got to worry about nine coming
out period. And then I mean, the most I worry
about is a period. But it's not gonna be as

(41:06):
bad as it's been, because who wants to have a
period every like for every one to twenty two days
as long as hell? And oh it's just embarrassing moments
like nobody gets time for that at all. So, um,
two more facts about vasecto music case you're considering it
or wondering. Doctors say that vasectomys should be considered permanent,
but there's always ways to reverse them. So if you
decide you want to change your mind and go back,

(41:29):
go back, ain't nobody going back in. You cut me
one time, one time and another that's it. You ain't
cutting two times. And if the reversal is within ten
years of the vasectomy, the success rate is about sixty,
but after fifteen years it can drop to half. About
decide within ten years if you have a vasectomy, you
want to get it reversed. All right, y'all think this

(41:51):
is a good little spot, um to take a break.
But before we go into a break, um, One of
the questions on the rundown was have we shared this
information with friends and family and what do they think
about the choice. You were on the fence about sharing
whether or not you do you know why you were
debating it, um I was. I was on defense about
sharing it because I feel like when you become a
public figure, right, people use your experiences as an example

(42:15):
as to why other people should follow right, And I
made my decision for my own personal reasons. I would
never want anyone else to say to another guy, well,
you should do it because Devou did it. You know
what I'm saying the same way, the same way when
we talk about the sex episodes and you talk about
some of the things that you do for me sexually.
I don't ever want a man to try to gaslight

(42:37):
their wife and be like, well, Codean does this. You
know what I'm saying, Like like I I get approached
from men all the time when we're at the airpoint,
like why you'd be saying all that night about your wife?
All the time my wife was saying, how come you
don't talk to me about this. I don't ever want
anyone to use, especially something as serious as if a
sect to me or use me as an example as well.
Devo did it, so you should do it. So I

(42:58):
was kind of on the edge on the order about sharing,
but I felt comfortable sharing because I felt like it
would be important for men to hear my reasons and
also to hear the advantages of how it helped us,
both sexually but also spiritually, because now spiritually you don't
have to worry about what if I get pregnant. You
can focus on where you want to take your life

(43:20):
as an individual, right and and people don't realize that
when you have someone that oh and I never realized that,
when you have someone that's like, okay, I can start this,
but saying if if we have another baby, then that's
gonna set me back two years. I don't ever have
to think about that. You know how hard that is
for someone spiritually to restart over and over again, very trying.

(43:40):
So for me it was just like, I want to
share this with gentlemen if they're considering it to hear
other reasons other than you know what I'm saying, Well,
your wife had kids, is your turn, because that's typically
what you always here. Your wife had babies, she had
a baby. You can have a procedure. Yeah, it's like
that's that can never be an excuse, especially with the
divorce rates being so high. You want to You never

(44:00):
want to do something so permanent, right, and then what
if it don't work out, because then he gonna be like,
I gotta for you. You ain't going nowhere, And it's
like no one wants to hear that, right, So it's like,
make sure you make your own reasons. You've heard my reasons.
You know. I had my own personal reasons sexually. I
also had my own reasons for doing it for my
wife health wise, so it was like, just create more

(44:22):
peace in my home. So that's why I chose to share,
and I hope it helps someone else create more peace
in their home. Yeah, for sure. I know. There's also
like an age range where they like, for example, if
a woman is tying her tubes, like the doctors just
won't tie your tubes before. I think it's like thirty
five because sometimes you may be going through a rough patch.
You like that because I can't, and then you just
independent in a situation where you're just like ship like
I wish I could have the baby right now, and

(44:44):
which I've heard that some versions of the tube relegation
is um reversible. Yeah, but I don't know what their
rates are for that in terms of effectiveness. Okay, all right,
now it's a good time to take a little break.
We have to list of letters that we always like
to dive into you. So let's go pay some bills
and we will come right back. All right, I'll go first.

(45:15):
You know, I'm saying, since I had second you know
what I'm saying, I'm gonna keep throwing at it every time.
You know how cage you're throw to me. I had
three whole boys. That's gonna be my saying. Now every
time fo whole boys, every time she asked me about something,
I'm gonna be like, you can get me a bear.
I'm thirsty Thursday. I'll just throw it out there whatever
I can. I'm going first today because because I'm a

(45:38):
milk it to skim milk it. You know, you see
how she's so nasty now, like now that she skim milk,
that's what you call my nut. Now it ain't whole
milky skim milk. That's hilarious. Well, I'm watching my figure,
So calorie count, you just let everybody know you swallow. Hey,
it depends on the day. It's funny to be that
this mast everyone's like spit sile spce like it depends

(46:01):
on what they wants. Yeah, yeah, she nasty. This is
why had to get a refected me. If I ain't
get a sect. Should be pregnant every other everyally year
should be pregnant because the other year before that she'd
be having a baby. But um, let me go to
listen to letters. So I'm writing in to find out
how you guys decided you were officially done having kids.
I just turned thirty years old and I have an

(46:22):
eleven year old son. I've been with my fiance for
two and a half years, dating for three and a
half years. He has two daughters, thirteen and eleven years old,
from previous relationships. Now that our families are officially blended,
we have been considering the vasectorm me process. The closer
we get to our wedding date, I am secretly struggling
to decide if I really don't want any more kids.
The thought of not having a child with my husband

(46:43):
seems strange to me. That's where we were to um
when we were dating. When we were dating, I got
pregnant and decided to terminate the pregnancy out of fear
a child would accelerate our relationship faster than I was ready.
When we officially got together, I wanted another child, but
I didn't. Oh, he wanted another Excuse me, he want
another child, but I didn't. Then when I thought I

(47:03):
wanted another child, he didn't. We got on the same
page for the last year and have agreed we are
both fulfilled with the children we do have. But now
I'm back to wondering if we are making the right choice.
Thank you for the help. I think the fact that
you wish you wash you ain't going back and forth
probably means that you're not done. I wouldn't have a
vasect to me if you wish you were. Yeah, I
wouldn't do it either. Um. That's how Deval and I

(47:23):
were for between three and four. Actually, it was kind
of like, all right, we're both one of three kids.
Three fields normal, three fields natural, But was kind of
like yeah, but I kind of envisioned like four kids,
and I was like okay, And then somebody gave me
the example of just like, well, if they're doubling up
on the roller coaster, somebody's gonna be right themselves. You know,
it was just a little funny things like that, But
I knew deep down that I was not finished. I

(47:45):
knew deep down. So it's literally a gut feeling that
you feel, and it's kind of like definitive UM, at
least for women who have spoken to and like I
expressed in this podcast episode, I felt that the decision
was kind of made for me when I was praying
for UM. I'm praying for a sign and and God
gave me that. So if you haven't gotten your signances,
this might be your sign actually that you're not done.

(48:06):
And I can see that one. And even if you
have your own child, you know, outside of your your spouse,
and then he has his own children, like wanting that
to bond together, having that one child together might be
the thing that you need. So I would agree for
for him, for example, if he says that he's done
having kids, because there are some men who like I,
don't want any more kids. It's not just women. If

(48:27):
you're a man who just decided you don't want to
have any more kids, I think you should speak to
your spouse about it before you have a v sectomy.
I would never go and just have a va sectomy
without telling my spouse. But if you're if you're a man,
and you decide you don't want to have more kids,
you want to have ava sector me. It's your body,
it's your choice, the same way a woman can decide
whether she wants to terminate a pregnancy or not, whether
she wants to be on birth control or not. If

(48:47):
he wants to have a vasectomy, and you guys collectively
decide that that's the way you want to go do that,
But it has to be a collective decision Codeina and
I also talk about I don't even talk about it
in the book, but I'm telling you y'all gotta read it.
When y'all read the book, you're going to learn a
lot about us and the decisions we had to make
when we were dating, especially as as uh teenagers, self

(49:09):
decisions and self decisions were made. Were here to talk
about it, right about it? Yes, be in constant communication
with each other, and don't make a finite decision like
a vasectomy until you're sure absolutely all right, Hey they're
getting a deville. Let me say, I adore you guys,
thank you. I don't have any married people in my life,
so I get insight on relationships and it's been truly

(49:30):
helpful to me. So thank you all for being so honest.
I'm a thirty year old single woman with a ten
year old daughter for context, I have a great paying
job and I'm finishing my degree in political science. I
am finally at the age in position where I'm ready
to actually date and settle down. So that has started
my dating process with a purpose journey. I must say,
the dating pool is trash, y'all. So we've been hearing um.

(49:53):
I really want to find the parents of these men
and ask them what the hell this is. I have
a list of qualities I look for, and I'm MutS say.
Devo has shown me the way men should carry themselves.
I want to be clear, I'm not looking for a
Devo or comparing every man to Devo. But I listened
to what Devo says about men and how they operate
and base my list off of that. I look for

(50:14):
men that you can handle. Listen some big as us
to fail over, hey, baby, um. I look for men
that can handle themselves in the multitude of settings. One
that has consistent work, work or consistent source of income.
M A man that has plans for the future, men
that can effectively communicate and that have the potential to

(50:36):
lead as some of the main thing. I updated a
few men over the past two years, and they've all
lacked one or more of these qualities that I desire.
We may have great chemistry, but I can't see any
long term plans with these men. I'll normally say, Okay,
we are semi young, so we have we are all
still growing. But by the second X on my list,

(50:57):
I'm running for the hills. Am expectations too high for
a man? Or should I stick to the things that
I require and keep searching the dating pool for what
I want? I feel if I shortened my list, I
may be settling because I get older. I'm getting older
and these eggs will be dust soon. Um please let
me know what you guys think. Love all It's p S.
When I saw the opening for the team of the

(51:18):
first time, I got teary eyed. I've been on this
journey with you all for years and I'm just so
proud of Devot and all his accomplishments. You guys a family,
and I love to see all in Thank you, sis,
thank you so much. Thanks to celebrate and Devot because
it's the team, and that show was all him. People
like to celebrate Devot and I together, but that was all.
They congratulate me for the team, and I'm like, congratulate him.

(51:39):
That was all him. So um so thank you for
that sis. Alright, so Devot, don't I don't settle, Listen,
I don't ever. I will never in my life tell
anybody this is too long. No, you know what I wanted.
I wanted a beautiful woman with a sense of humor,
with a fat ass, with a pig face, with long

(52:01):
hair that's funny. And that's what I got, and and
and and when I think about my life, I didn't
settle for anything in any aspect of my life. When
they came to sports, when it came to academia, when
they came to building my businesses, when it came to
my TV career, I just never settled. So when people say,
should I settle off? My list too long? I say no, No.

(52:22):
If you looked at my list for all the things
I wanted my life, not just my woman, but where
I want to live, how I want to live, how
many kids I wanted, what I wanted to do with
my life. I've never settled. The idea of settling, to me,
is a recipe for disaster because the minute you settle,
and you settle with that person, when you're not getting
the things that you really desired, you're gonna have resentment

(52:42):
towards that person. And it's not fair to that person
that you settled with them. And you know what I'm saying.
You settled with them, and I was like, you're not
anything I ever wanted. Well, you chose that, motherfucker. Don't settle.
Work your ass off and be deliberate about what you
want until you get it, period for sure. And since
just make sure that when you have your list of
things that you're looking for with a man, that you're
bringing something to the table as well too, because a

(53:05):
lot of times, okay, one thing we're good for is
a list. This be good for a list. We're doing
all these things that we know that we want this
man to have. And you know you want that build
a beer man, But since do you have the qualities
that can match someone who you're trying to pull. Make
sure that you are deliberate about that as well too,
because it can be a problem. Okay, no, no, no,

(53:27):
you're right, I'm looking at you know, I'm looking at
you know. You're actually right because when I said I
don't settle and I have my list, right, and I
thought about all the things I wanted in a woman,
I definitely said, is the woman that I desire? Does
the woman that I desire desire me? And if if
I feel like they don't desire me, I have to
build myself up to be desirable for the type of

(53:50):
woman that I want. So you just really touched on something.
If you have a list, make sure you have a
list of your own, and then you can put yourself
in that category be deserving of that. So you definitely
touched and I didn't touch on that. That was always
big on settling. But you're absolutely right, right, No, absolutely,
I mean I agree to like, don't settle at all
for sure. But in addition to that, just make sure

(54:10):
that because sometimes you fall into these traps or whatever,
at least her seeing with dating is that you keep
talking about you know, many shiped women ship because of
the type of what we spoke about. This the type
of person that you're attracting or the type of person
that you're you know you're ending up with. It. There's
a similar pattern of these people having the same qualities.
It's probably because you list sucked up or because you
know you're looking at the wrong pool of people. So, UM,

(54:33):
good luck to use this. I'm sure that he's out
there and in the meantime, says, freeze your eggs. That's
one piece of advice I have for you. Like that
was something else that we spoke about the second marriage
back to rette party, is that we're in an age
group where women are talking about ship. I'm still single,
I'm thirty something years old, and you know, I'm considering
wanted to have children. How is that going to happen
for me? And then my sister now working in fertility UM,

(54:54):
she has been giving a lot of insight to the
friends of mine about what the procedures are. If you
are one to have children but not quite ready yet
or don't have a partner, UM, consider freezing your eggs.
At least they'll be UM in a good space, viable eggs,
so when you're ready, you can make that happen for yourself.
So good luck to you. S s all right. If
you want to be featured as one of our listener letters,

(55:15):
email us at dead as Advice at gmail. Dot com.
That's d E A d A S S A D
V I C E at gmail dot com. Alright, time
for moment of truth. We're talking to vows vasectomy. What's
the today's episode going to be called? So we can't
just call it Devows episode, DeVos e sectomy. We can
call it these nuts of the Nutcracker. I think it's

(55:38):
super cute too. That's not it's not going to be
the name. Well, fine, Um, do you have a moment
of truth now that you've been the one to experience
this process and this journey? Um, what do you have
to say? My My moment of truth in this whole
process is that I've reached the point where I realized
that the greater good of my family is more important
than my needs and my wants. No, I never wanted

(56:01):
to get a vasectomy. I was afraid of the pain.
I was afraid of being emasculated because I could no
longer having kids. But when I look at our family
in totality, and I look at how it can help
you health wise, UM, putting the limit on how many
kids we have so that I can give a certain
amount of attention to all the kids, but also help
you spiritually feel like you don't have to worry about

(56:22):
what's going to be next if you have another child.
It was so worth it, And if I had to
do it again the same way, I definitely would do
it again. I love that. I guess my moment of
truth is like a thank you to you, UM for
just seeing me, you know, in this space, because all
of the vasectomy had nothing really to do with me,
because I'm not physically going through it. UM, thank you
for seeing that I was in a space where I

(56:44):
needed help and for the betterment of my health, for
the betterment of our relationship, our sex life, and just
our life in general. Because we're at the age now
we're concerned about each other's health and how we're able
to prolong this life together UM from a from a
health standpoint, UM, from a mental standpoint UM. And we
just want to continue to grow into whatever greatness we

(57:06):
have for each other. And I feel like we're at
a space now where we can just finally say, once
you get that last test eight weeks from now, ejaculations,
we're gonna get on that soon as soon as you can.
But I just I'm just excited to see where this
next level of life is going to go for us because,
like I said, I feel like I've been super uncomfortable
lately with myself and UM, growth is inevitable when I'm

(57:31):
in a space like this, and I'm just happy that
I can do it alongside you. Let's fighting back. Here's
this episode. I love I love you. You know that
there's no other way to warm your girls, hurt getting
your It's just I don't know about that. I don't
know how we took that turn there, but I say
that in jest. But now I love you, and I

(57:51):
thank you for always considering me and for seeing me um,
and I thank you for doing this because you do
that for me. I feel like you deserve to enjoy
what's left of our lives together along one and a
happy sex sex sexually. I want to say we can
explore each other in different ways now would be great.
I'm looking forward to that. I can't wait. Let's see

(58:14):
what season ten and living in twil Alright, y'all be
sure to follow us on the podcast page. It's dead
as the podcast and you can find me at Cadena.
I am and I am devout. And if you're listening
to Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe.
Dead Ass Baby dead Ass is a production of I

(58:37):
Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia
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as the Podcast and Never miss a Thing