The Purpose of Success

What is your purpose? Can you say with certainty what you are here to do? Without talking about your career or what makes you money? The Ellises and the crew talk purpose, passion and living well in this episode. Dead Ass. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is going to sound crazy, but there's no amount
of money in the world you can make that will
fulfill the purpose that God gave you.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Dead asked, and I think as I get older, I
realize now that my success is not indicative upon my
career success Ass.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable, be.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
Raw, or but most importantly be us.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
This is ever after As.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Storytime, I'm going to take y'all back to a moment
that twenty fifteen, okay, twenty fifteen. I was a mentor,
a football coach, a dad, a husband, I was so
many things. I was also thirty one. At the time,
I had booked national commercials. Everything in my career was
just going right, owning businesses. My wife was beautiful.

Speaker 3 (01:16):
Well no, well, I mean this was that times amazing
still amazing. He's still amazing.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
See how they do me, See how they do me.
But like I had, I had everything going for me.
And you know what, the most fulfilling moments in that
time was Grand Street Campus winning the city championship because
I had kids on that team. Majority of those kids
came from single parent households. These were kids who didn't

(01:47):
know if they were going to play football past college,
let alone play football.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
At a high level at high school.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
And we had one hundred percent graduation rate. Not only
did they win the city title, but we had a
bunch of kids get scholarship to go to school. And
one kid in particular, who I don't like to say
his name because he had got so much hate and
vitriol during the time because he was facing some charges,
was able to graduate and go to school and go
to college. And I felt so fulfilled because it seemed

(02:15):
as if my purpose as a human was greater than
anything I could accomplish, Like it had spilled over to
so many other people that I just felt like, this
is what life is about.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
I love that you. You felt like your success in
that moment was indicative on how you affected other people.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Yes, that was like just watching them be successful.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
And I mean the cherry on top was the city championship,
but it wasn't even that.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
It was graduation that year.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
They won in twenty fifteen, graduation for twenty and sixteen.
I watched all of these young men who learning disabilities,
single parent homes, gang violence, all these issues, but with
their cap and gown on and taking pictures.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
With me and my brother Brian and Bruce, and it
was just.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
Like yo, cool man that made them look cool.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Oh man, to this day find the odds man, fuck
it man. Shout out ramel Ashby, shout out Naisha Bates.
Those are the first two people who ever believed in me.
And I'm trying not to get emotional.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Elite prototype athletics baby when I talk about purpose.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Man, those families, those kids, man, they believed in me blindly.
They didn't know who I was, and I believed in
them blindly, and we trusted each other for five years
when I came back in two thousand and ten.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
For five years.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
Still family to this day.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yes, man, I love you, you know you, My girl.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
TJ be here with us all the time. J like
our son.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
People think it's really my son who they started this
whole internet campaign about Deval and his kids from the world,
or you hide the world from his kids.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
Does look exact exactly, but I.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Keep saying the reason why DEVELOPED took to him was
because his personality, his spirit, and he looked like him.
So I was like, Yo, he's like a little mini
me before I have a mini me. You know when
he used to call having my phone still as TJ Muscle.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
J muscle, we make the same faces and Zach's character
For people who don't know, I mirrored uh Zach's character
and his immatureness from t J when he was in
high school. So when you see the faces and the
lips poked out, and those are all things that TJ
used to do when he was going through the ensuring process.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
So I channeled that to play Zach.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
So people when they see me and him interact, it's
like I get to see Zach interact with.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
A grown version of himself. So I love. I love
that whole time in my life.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Your prototype families momen along the way.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Joan, I just literally thought of Joan Kyrie like so
much that Joan and Nisha is godmothers. How close we
become over the years Kasby FaceTime and Joan all the time.
I'm like, you talked to her like unbeknownst to me, Yes,
like I'm talking to Auntie Jones. I love that for
my kids. The relationships continue even in our kids generation.

(05:05):
So it's a beautiful thing to do. And see. All right,
karaoke time, we're talking about success. Yes, outside of career success.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
I'm gonna take this back to this song came out.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
I don't want when this song came out, as in
nineteen ninety something, but the words in the song are
so profound because the first two words are really big
and manifestation because I am whatever you say I am,
and if I wasn't, and why would I say I
am in the paper, the news every day?

Speaker 3 (05:33):
I am. Radios won't even play my jam because I am.
You know this, who my name is? I am Devialed Kadeen,
I am. Those words mean so much.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
Is about purpose and speaking your purpose out here in
the world so that you can fulfill.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
And live in it.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Exactly. I love that, And it's not really I am
whatever you say. I am. I am who I say
I am.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
I am whatever you say I am. Baby.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
All right, y'all, we will be back with op. No Op,
I heard Tripple got some good stuff to talk about today,
So stick around and we'll be right back.

Speaker 3 (06:06):
All right, shall be back. What you got for us ready?

Speaker 2 (06:10):
It's smoking hot.

Speaker 4 (06:11):
Yeah, let's get that paddle ready today. So I learned
about a film. Well, by this time, by the time
this episode comes out, the film has been out. It's
probably streaming by now. But it's called Highest to Lowest.
It's a brand new Spike Lee joint starring Denzel Washington. Now,
these are two of the most prominent black people in Hollywood,

(06:32):
in black culture, and yet this film has gotten little
to no promo behind it.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
So I know for to hear about this for the
first time you heard about it.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
I'm a movie guy, so I've heard about this, but
I do have a theory.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
Okay, well, what was your question? I guess associated with
the trips.

Speaker 5 (06:49):
Well, what do you think that's about.

Speaker 4 (06:51):
Denzel Washington is super famous, Oscar nominated, Spike Lee Oscar nominated, Yes,
profound art.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
There's no director or actor more world renowned than them.

Speaker 4 (07:05):
Two No, So yeah, what's your opinion on why studios
haven't tried to promote this movie? It has a theatrical
release and then it's gonna go to streaming about three
weeks later.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
So I have a theory. I could be wrong, but
it's the Beyonce Lemonade theory. Remember Beyonce dropped the album
in the middle of the night and nobody knew what
was happening, and it was the biggest craze because everybody's like,
what is this? Remember the Lemonade album dropped like that.
K woke up in the middle of night, three in
the morning. Oh my god, I was like, what happened.
She's like, Beyonce dropping the album and then she immediately started

(07:37):
playing it in the middle of the night, And I
wonder if Because Denzel is coming off of a huge
press tour, right, He did a huge press tour for
gladiat Or two, and then on top of that, he
did a huge press tour for the Othello. So for
the first six months of the year he's been on
press talking about projects. He also said during those press
tours that he was going to retire ever since. He

(07:57):
said that every movie that he's gonna be in is
gonna to.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Be what huge huge of course, so if you're a studio.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
You're like, you know, what we typically spend about one
hundred million dollars on budget for marketing.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
What if we try something different and.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
We say, we have Denzel and Spike Lee, Let's see
how much we can sell without marketing. That's what I'm
thinking the theory is because I can't see for no
reason why any studio wouldn't put money behind pushing Denzel.
Because when we were producing Othello, that's what we did.
We had a certain amount of dollars that we put
towards the marketing marketing for Othello. So that's the only

(08:34):
thing I can think of. Maybe the Beyonce lemonade effect,
and maybe they catch people off guard. The only other
thing was what Josh said is going to streaming in
four weeks, and they might feel like, hey, people gonna
watch it on streaming. Regardless, it was already sold to
a streaming company, so we don't really have to market it.
Maybe that's it.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
I don't know when is the projected to come out?
The fifteenth, the fifteenth of September.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Fifteenth of August, August, it comes out in September.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Huh.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
There's so muchnversation about like theatrical releases being dead, and
so I can see studios trying to figure out different
ways to make theatrical releases pop. And I don't think
there's anything more profitable than Black Outrage and the marketing
that I've seen around this this film has been black
film buffs and reviewers going online to be outraged, like

(09:23):
there's no marketing behind this movie, and this is what
the movie is, and it's starring Denzel and that's how
I heard about its Black Outrage.

Speaker 5 (09:30):
I have no idea, so.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
We don't even know what the premise is. So there's
a trailer that dropped or anything. There is a trailer,
So I mean, you might be right. People are trying
to reinvent the wheel now when it comes to ways
to market and even just ways to produce your own content.
Just as actors no longer are we just submitting tapes
and self tapes. Everyone's taking the reins and saying, this
is what I'm going to do in order to give
myself the opportunity if it's not going to be given

(09:52):
to me. So I can see them taking different approaches
and trying to save money because Denzel's gonna draw an audience,
Spike Lee's gonna draw an audience. So a powerhouse like
that together. I feel like once the word of mouth,
which tends to be the most powerful powerful word of
mouth is the most powerful form of marketing anyway, very true,
then maybe it'll be a success.

Speaker 6 (10:12):
The last movie shot together was Inside Man eighteen years ago,
So people are going to go watch it.

Speaker 3 (10:16):
I think what you just said was, I think you
hit the nail on the head.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
Black outrage is gonna make it marketable on yourself, and
if you think about it as perfect, people typically double
whatever the budget was for production for marketing, So if
the budget for this was fifty sixty million, they probably like,
why would we spend fifty sixty million if we could
just get black people upset and they're gonna go rush.

Speaker 6 (10:35):
To see it?

Speaker 3 (10:36):
Just so wrong, that kind of makes sense, It really does.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Hey, Yeah, I wouldn't doubt it.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Our centers they put a lot of money into marketing
list and it worked. I mean, Michael b and Ryan
Coogler was on every podcast, and it works.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
People went out and saw that movie.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
But people also went out to see it just because
it was black eyed Pea, it was black own, it
was black directed, it was starring black people. Absolutely, so
that also shows the power of black dollars.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
We saw it super early on. I think it when
it was early released. This saw it, and then us
just putting our review essentially online. It got like over
a million views. Think about it. If even ten percent
of those people went to go see the film, then
that's one hundred thousand people that when you see the film.
Just the strength of us giving our opinion.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Yeah, I know, we should have got some percentage of that.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Your mic. You know, we're trying to get people, trying
to get you on. We're just trying to reason.

Speaker 3 (11:27):
Because of me. Nobody knew who Google was to I
said his name, you got a gate keep nobody about.
I should told nobody about Michael B Jordan. It was
like Michael trying to play basketball again. I was like, no,
Michael B Jordan's But no, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
That's the only thing I could think of because there's
no other reason not to market that film. That's the
Film's gonna do numbers for sure, And I.

Speaker 4 (11:49):
Think black moviegoers are not gonna let Denzel and Spike
Lee fail.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
So oh we movies, Yeah, we'll be there. We should
make it a group trip.

Speaker 5 (11:57):
Yeah, you know, we kill our game.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
I'm not Falling Falling for Kaden's group Trip Pipe Dream.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
Put on Blast.

Speaker 5 (12:13):
It's not just.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
The team because you know, as we lose members and stuff,
how to make sure that it's a solid team that
we're gonna invest in taking out.

Speaker 5 (12:27):
The country.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
Has no idea this is happening and sees all of this.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Wow, they don't do it without me. Let we'll see
a movie first, So shout out to Miss Rachel.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
We're talking about success outside of your career. I think
Miss Rachel has been a y'all kids, like, well, does.

Speaker 5 (12:52):
Dakota watch.

Speaker 3 (12:55):
He used to watch?

Speaker 5 (12:56):
He did so just just quickly. She's been talking about.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
Against speaking out against violence against children in Gaza and
says that that is more important than any of the
success she has as one of the biggest YouTube creators
online right now. So shout out to Miss Rachel for
really putting herself on the line that way. There's another
movie that's coming out. We don't know much about it,
but there have been some fan theories online that Monkey

(13:23):
Paul has been validating.

Speaker 5 (13:24):
It's called him.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
Have you seen it with Marlon wa Football movie?

Speaker 4 (13:28):
Yes, I'm very excited to see this movie because it
looks like it's going to be you know, horror, a
little more drama than what Marlon is doing. But I
know that Marlon is just hilarious, so there's probably gonna
be a little slapstick comedy, little ridiculousness.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
I think because I watched an interview he did what
he said this was, this was something that had to
stretch him.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
Pause.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, but he had to step outside of what people
wanted to see him as. And I think because of that,
he won't do any slapstick.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
That's what I think.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
I agree. I think I've seen a couple of clips
of him lately and I'm just like, wow, he's I'm
used to seeing him be goofy, and I was like, oh,
this is a different side of Marlin. And it could
just be that him wanting to change the temperature of
what his career looked like, or it could be him
getting older and saying I want to be taken more
seriously in these realms. But it's been particularly hard for
me to see, for example, somebody who I've seen in
a comedy space then transition over to like drama. For Yeah,

(14:17):
it's hard Jim Carry, for example, it's hard Ace Venture
or Pet Detective came on the other day and I
was watching it with the boys, and that movie is
freaking hilarious. That was just like, nowhere in the script direction,
I'm sure it said that he should be scaling the
side of this wall to get around the building to
climb through a window and doing it with such such theatric.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
They said, they just said action, and he was doing
whatever Jim.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Carry But they had a film come out after that,
which was not after but maybe twenty three years of
twenty three, and I just I was just like, this,
this is not the Jim carry on.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
Chris Rock did spiral.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
It bombed because people like to see, you know, Chris
Rock do comedy. Martin was in a movie that was
in like a little horror and nobody went to see it.
It is hard to see people in that box.

Speaker 5 (15:02):
You know.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Who told me that Tyler I was doing Zack and
Zach had became so comedic, and he was just like,
if you keep playing Zach so comedic, you'll never come
back from that.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
It's like, you can't be a leading man once you're
a goofball.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
And then I was just like, well, Will Smith played
a goofball in a fresh Prince.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
He said, well, Will Smith started that when he was nineteen.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
But then there was also the scene where Will Smith
lost his dad and you got a chance to see.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
Will Smith be emotional, and I was like, oh, you're right.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
So he was like he was a goofball, but he
was also very emotional and I think the same thing,
like it's gonna be hard. But did y'all watch The
Sixth Sense? Not six cents? Oh yeah, not sixth Sense,
Senseless or The Sixth Man.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
Marlon Wayins.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
Marlon Wayns was very good as an emotional character in
the Sixth Man. He was opposite Kadem Hardison where they
were brothers who went to go play at Washington State
and they were A and K and they called ak
away kadeem hardest and had died of a heart attack.
He had to come back as a six man. Marlon
was really good at that in an emotional space, and
he was also good playing speaking of fresh Prince in

(16:12):
bel Air. He played Will's dad in the new season
of bel Air, which was very emotional, which we got
a chance to see Marlon do those things.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
So you know, I think I think it'll be easy. Yeah,
you gotta go check it out. He's Marla. Wayne was
extremely talented.

Speaker 7 (16:27):
It's hard though, because his last stand up press tour
he did, He's on Shack's podcast and he told Shack
he wanted to be in a gooey gooey and then
he ended up himself to simulate Yeah, yo, Marlon Is.

Speaker 3 (16:40):
It was hilarious.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
I mean, he's just extreme talent to do both successfully.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Like I can show you somebody who has talent. Nobody
can tell me Jamie Fox is not there and you
talk about he was Wanda Bill.

Speaker 3 (17:00):
Jamie Fox for he was. He was a complete, the
whole Jamie FOXX. And then plays Ray. Yeah, and it's like.

Speaker 7 (17:07):
And then drops a freaking album not not only plays Ray,
but plays Ray that you think this is Ray Charles, Yes.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Oh for sure, Yes, oh for sure.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
I'm not putting limits on any artists. You never know.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
Listen, I'm supporting everybody. Hi, I'm going to the movies
and I'm seeing there black streaming everybody. All that.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
All right, So, not to make a hard transition, but
I do have some questions for y'all that I didn't
want to come on now.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Well, hard transition, that's baby.

Speaker 6 (17:34):
What's up.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
I didn't want to give y'all any time to think
about it, and I want to hear these answers. Okay, okay,
I'm gonna start with, Josh, what's your purpose in life?
You can't mention being a father, and you can't mention
what you do for a living.

Speaker 7 (17:50):
Go It's hard to say, but I know one of
my purpose in life is I've always felt that people
need to see God through me and through what I
do with my abilities, one being a life that I
live so funny in high school, none of I noticed
about me. I've never talked about this, but I used

(18:10):
to go on the train to preach and I was
compelled to like just share, share like a like a word.
It wasn't like it wasn't like a ministering. And I
would do this before not high school bugging. This was
after college when all my way to work in Manhattan.
I used to do this on the train. Most terrifying
thing I ever did, but I wanted to. I realized,

(18:33):
like you on the train in New York City and
you see the stresses that people have. They're on the
train early in the morning, they're leaving late at night.
And I felt like at that time it was to
just pray for somebody on the train, pray for the
train card, just give a good word. So I've always
known and felt like my purpose, or at least part

(18:54):
of my purpose, is that people see God through the
things that I do and the life that I live.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Perfect. I don't want to give them too much time,
trouble Go.

Speaker 5 (19:02):
I think my purpose is to use my personality, my humor,
my ability to be social and relate to different people,
to illuminate people's idea of what the world is, to
expand people's idea of what the world is.

Speaker 6 (19:16):
Perfect Matt Goh, not to sure, but I think part
of it is showing people I travel a lot, so
seeing bringing my perspective of traveling to different places around
the world and showing that where you are is not
It comes back to a quote the World's Book, and
if you only know your neighborhood and stuff, you only

(19:38):
know one chapter. So I feel like my purpose is
to bring more of what's around the world the rest
of the book to other people.

Speaker 3 (19:45):
Perfect, kay Go.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
I just want people who ever encounter or have an
interaction with me, whether it's a brief interaction or an
extended period of time, just be kind for people. To
experience kindness and just generosity through me and my spirit.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
So the reason why I ask the question is because
I want y'all. Notice the first thing I asked, y'all,
nobody said I know. Everybody said I think, which means
you don't know what your purpose is. That's most of
the reasons why people are lost in the world. And
that's why when people think about marriages their purpose and
when that doesn't work, because you still get married and
you have kids, you still struggle with that. People have

(20:22):
exemplary careers and it's going on and you still find
a person in that because people don't really spend time
with the person that matters the most, which is themselves,
which is why I sang that song I am remember
when I was nineteen. Each day I work to build
a legacy, not to be defined by my greatness, but
by the masses. I inspire to be greater than myself.

(20:43):
That has been my purpose since I was nineteen, And
because of that, every time my life went in a
direction where I didn't expect it, from football to active,
from acting to this, I knew what my purpose was,
so I never got lost in what am I doing?

Speaker 2 (20:56):
Has your purpose shifted? From that state of mind that
you had at nineteen no to.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
This day, it's still the very same thing. Now how
you reach your purpose.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
For example, what Josh said he wanted people to see
God through him?

Speaker 3 (21:10):
What does that look like?

Speaker 1 (21:11):
You don't know until God gives you the tools to
see him, right, I didn't know how I was going
to inspire people to be better than themselves. And I
noticed that that inspiration can come from person to person
in different ways. I may inspire Josh in a different
way that I inspire you, but that doesn't mean it
takes away from my purpose because I'm not doing it
in a way I see it for myself. I've learned
to sit in what I'm doing and find that whatever

(21:34):
I'm doing, there's a purpose for what I really have
going on out here in the world to do that.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
So at nineteen, coming up with that mission statement, you
had no idea that social media was going to be
a way that you impact the masses, no clue. But
here you are years later, and you've been impacting the
masses through social media.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
And what did I always wanted to do in my life?

Speaker 1 (21:56):
I always say you always said that she wanted to
help the people, and always do, though, was when I
was five I watched Boys in the Hood. I wanted
to act. I knew that I wanted to act, but
I learned throughout early parts of my life that that
wasn't my purpose. My purpose is not acting. Purpose can
be a vehicle for me to show people what God

(22:17):
looks like, like what Josh talked about, or show people
kindness of what you talked about, or travel the world
and show them like what Matt talked about.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
Right, But that's not necessarily what my purpose is.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Right, So it's not wrapped up in your career choices,
not wrapped up in your day to day things that
you have to do to sustain your life. But instead
the purpose is the overarching goal. And how you get
there really depends on because.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
You wake up every day, right, and if you sit
and think to yourself and like you meditate and you say,
I know my purpose is to inspire people. But I'm
not on TV today, I'm not filming anything. I lost
my purpose.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
You see what I'm saying. You can't live like that.
My purpose was to be a or dad, but I'm
not married.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
I don't have right where your kids grow up and
your kids go on and they live their own life,
and it's like, was your purpose all wrapped up in
being everything for your children? And then what happens when
your children going to live their life. I've seen a
couple of adults like that now who in their older
years are like Man lost because the thing that they
attached their purpose to is either no longer there there

(23:23):
you know, say that your spouse passes on, and you're like, Man,
I was supposed to be the best wife for the
rest of my life, and now you no longer have
your spouse or your children are going. That makes a
lot of.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
Sense, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
And the reason why I wanted to ask the question
quickly and get the response because I didn't want you
to have to think too much or listen to someone else,
because whenever I do this in the group, the first
person that answers everyone else's answer typically.

Speaker 3 (23:45):
Resembles a little bit of that.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
You know what I'm saying, because like now, I'm thinking
about it, and then when you said about it, you
probably never really sat down and thought to yourself, what
is my purpose?

Speaker 6 (23:58):
It's funny, literally, when you ask me access that I
remembered you you mentioned in early recording and I was
driving this week. I had no music plan, just thinking
what is my purpose? And within five minutes I changed
topics in my head. I don't think I.

Speaker 3 (24:11):
Really know you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (24:13):
But how would you go about helping somebody find it?

Speaker 1 (24:14):
So now, and this is what I really wanted to
talk to y'all about, like finding success outside of just
your job or your spouse or your relationships. We as
people have to get used to doing this sitting silent, being.

Speaker 6 (24:27):
Still be present with yourself and be that's it.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Be present, because your purpose comes out when you're not
thinking about anything else, when you sit there and you
just sit and you silent, and it may not come
for a day.

Speaker 3 (24:42):
You may sit there and be.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
Like, this is stupid. I can't think of anything else.
I can't and that's fine. That's because you still haven't
reached that point where your body can then go into
a place of calm and relaxation. Typically, your body, when
you try to think of nothing, thinks of all the
things subconsciously that you will want to think about. You
have to learn how to medic.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
Yeah, and when you say, I am right, I noticed
that everyone has spoken about their purpose and it was
predicated upon impacting other people? Is that what you think
your purpose always is it has to impact others? Or
are you concerned about how your purpose is going to
affect you?

Speaker 6 (25:18):
It's a good question.

Speaker 3 (25:19):
Now are you asking me to just a.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
General like for anyone c because I'm not sure. When
I think about it, I'm like, well, how do I
still also self sustain and not try, for example, to
be kind to other people with that being a detriment
to me?

Speaker 3 (25:31):
Do you know what that is I'm thinking about? I
am what you're doing.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
You're doing the process of discovering your purpose. No one
else can answer that question for you. And this is
how I reach the space to be able to say
how I feel. And no matter how people take it
or what comes from it, that's.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
Just what it is.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Because if I've said something or I've done something, I've
gone through the process of saying, you know what, this
is truly how I feel. I'm not saying this because
I want to make people feel the way. This is
how I feel about it. So how you think about
what I say has nothing to do with me changing
what I say. I just said how I felt, and
you have to be comfortable with dealing with that. The

(26:09):
problem with this world is that we automatically assume that
everything that we do has to include everybody else.

Speaker 6 (26:15):
That's what we're programmed to because even when you ask
that question, what's your purpose, most people are answering the question,
what's my purpose for the world?

Speaker 3 (26:22):
Right?

Speaker 6 (26:22):
What am I going to give it back to the world.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
I think that goes back to what Josh said his
purpose was, because I feel like, I don't know why
this is making me emotional thinking about this seriously, but
I'm thinking like being kind, for example, to people. We
don't see enough of that nowadays, right, And I feel
like God in this moment is speaking to me, and
he's saying, but that's the reason I gave you that purpose. Like,

(26:48):
my purpose is directly attached to God and his planning
for my life. So in being more christ Like and
being more like God, I feel like He placed that
purpose on my heart because he wants me to impact
people in that way, you know what I'm saying. So
it makes it easier for me, regardless of what I
have going on, to just be kind to people and

(27:08):
feel like, man, you never know what people are encountering
when you see them you know, when I was filming
on set divorces Is with TP Right, he prayed every
morning before we started filming, and he said, you come
to this space with three hundred other people. You have
no idea what people are bringing to work that day.

(27:30):
You have no idea what happened to them on the
way to work or last night, or they're thinking about
what they have to do when they leave work. So
just be kind, you know. And I really genuinely feel
like when I think about my purpose, although we feel
like it needs to be wrapped up, and I am
God through me is impacting others because that's the way
he wants it to be.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
And can't nobody take that from UK. And that's the thing,
there's nobody else can validate your purpose. You know your
purpose right the same way your purpose may be kindness.
Nothing in me tells me that I have to be
kind to everybody, Nothing in me says that. Everything in
me says that I have to try to help that
person be a better version of themselves, which means if

(28:11):
it's get cussed out, if it's telling you the truth
about yourself, or if it's being kind some people to
be a better version themselves, just needs you to be kind.
Nothing in me says that my purpose is wrapped up
in anything you said. And I'm not gonna judge myself
because my purpose doesn't sound like yours. And what happens
is is we go and we try to find our purpose,

(28:32):
and if my purpose doesn't sound profound enough or doesn't
sound like what other people are going to applaud, we
then change what we want our purpose to be to
applaud for everyone else. And then you end up on
a rabbit hole of doing all of those things, and
then you your forties and it's like, I've been doing
this and I don't know my purpose is I just
did this because I though people were gonna applaud it,
and now people ain't applauding it, or people are applauding it,

(28:54):
and I still feel like crap.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
And that's why people don't know their purpose.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
Yes, you have to sit with yourself. I have.

Speaker 5 (29:00):
I've thought about my purpose a lot.

Speaker 4 (29:01):
I have.

Speaker 5 (29:04):
Thought about it a lot.

Speaker 4 (29:05):
I've read a bunch of books, I've done a bunch
of like searching and validating and affirming, and just like
I do believe that I know what my purpose is.

Speaker 5 (29:14):
And one thing that I came up with.

Speaker 4 (29:16):
I think this was like in college, is that our
purpose comes from our gifts, and our gifts are things
that God gives us freely, things that we don't have
to ask for, things we don't have to work for.
There's certain things about us that we can remember back
to our earliest point. Like the first thing that I
can remember is me literally doing stand up for my family.

Speaker 5 (29:39):
I've been doing it since I was three years old
for no reason.

Speaker 4 (29:42):
Just it started as mimicking, and then I would put
my own stories into it, and then people would start
asking me to do it, and then you know what
I'm saying, and it just evolved. And even no matter
how far I got from this thing, it's not even
about doing stand up. It's about the ability to be
able to talk to anybody in a certain way, to
be able to relate to people in a certain way,

(30:02):
and to be able to be able to relay information
to people in a certain way where people want to
hear from you. They don't expect to hear it from you,
and they want to hear it and they want to
hear more. But I think that it's those things when
we think about what is the thing about me that
I it's just seems innate, like I just have to
get ability as that is directly, I think, tied to

(30:27):
what your mission is and what your purpose is because
you have that thing, because it's meant for you to
use it right and the way that you were freely
giving it is how you're supposed to freely give it.

Speaker 6 (30:40):
What if you have multiple gifts, though, do you.

Speaker 5 (30:42):
Think that it's a gift or you think that it's
a talent?

Speaker 6 (30:45):
Gifts?

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Okay, and well, technically all a talent is is a
gift that you've applied a skill to nurture.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
That's all talent is.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
There are no talented people who didn't have a gift first.
So if you see someone as talented as then that
was a gift God gave them. I'm glad you brought
that up because our purpose is directly related to our gifts.
But we often ignore our gifts or our parents tell
us to ignore our gifts because society isn't going to
accept that you're going to do that gift as an occupation.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
That's true, you know what, I'm trying to develop that
gift into a talent that can then become lucrative. It's like,
what's the point in trying to even nurture that?

Speaker 3 (31:22):
Right, that's a fact.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
I think if you look at the trajectory of my life, right,
I've always been a teacher. When I retired from the NFL,
I went back into mentoring, doing development for kids.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
Not necessarily because I want them to be better athletes,
but be better men.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
Then from being better men, I had a bunch of
young volleyball girls, softball girls, track girls.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Then become better women, become better people.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
Then I transition from there and now while I'm on
social media talking about being a father, and I'm once
again trying to say, how about we all become better people?

Speaker 2 (31:54):
And then you have four sons.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
You see what I'm saying. It's like God has given
me gifts. Sometimes my gift is speed. I got to
use my speed in this way to be an example,
to show them that I can play ball, to show
those young kids that I can do something. God gave
me an inate ability to tell stories and make it relatable.
Like you, So what do I do? I don't run
from it. I just put it on social media. People
say like, oh, you should need to charge people for that.
I let them spread it for free. While spreading it

(32:18):
for free, the gift that God gave me, I started
to get compensated. You notice that God is providing a
way for me to share my gifts with people by
giving me opportunities that never ever asked me.

Speaker 4 (32:27):
Yes, that's it right there. Like see, you'll see when
you are using your gifts. When you're aligned and what
your purpose is, things will happen extremely easy for you.
I did this this it's called tontric meditation, and the
purpose is, like you meditate and you're supposed to basically
go to a place like you're supposed to.

Speaker 5 (32:48):
See things in your mind.

Speaker 4 (32:49):
And the purpose of this meditation specifically was she said
that everybody is born with a purpose. And you know,
your purpose may be x, y or z, but sometimes
and you're her purpose is shown through like your aura.
So when people can see your aura or they can,
you know, energetically feel your aura, things start to happen

(33:09):
for you easily because your our is shining. But sometimes
things will happen that will cloud your aura. If things
don't seem to be happening for you easily, you have
to kind of figure out what is it that's clouding
your aura. And she compared it to like if a
piece of coal was burning and there's black smoke coming
off of it and that's like blocking your aura. And
so you got to figure out So the purpose of

(33:31):
this specific meditation we had to like she like walked
us through and she would say, like what color do
you see?

Speaker 5 (33:37):
What do you see in this room?

Speaker 4 (33:38):
And she was like, when once we get to a
certain point, you're gonna see what's blocking your aura and
you'll innately know what to do about it. And so,
like you were saying, like, sometimes we have to sit
with ourselves to say, like there's something that's deep inside
me that I desire that I know that I deserve,
even that I know that I would be good at that,
I know that I would thrive at I could see
myself aligning in this way. And maybe even sometimes you've

(34:02):
seen glimpses of things happening super easy for you and
you're like, damn, why can't I get back to there?
And you have to like take the time to figure
out what is it that's blocking that?

Speaker 5 (34:11):
What is yeah? After that, how do you realign?

Speaker 4 (34:14):
Because we are just humans having a human experience, you know,
we're we're really like celestial beings having a human experience,
and sometimes we got to get that human shit out
of the way so that we can really live as
divinely as we're supposed to.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
It's true because pos people walking around here too. That's
impacting your area. Yeah, and it's cloud.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
In the judgment, we were going to say, what do
I say? I get all the time, visions, visions since
I was a kid. I would get visions ever since
I was a kid, and it's scary. At times You're like,
why do I see this? I've never saw this before?

Speaker 3 (34:51):
But why am I seeing this?

Speaker 1 (34:53):
And a lot of times we block the fact that
that's something sent from you that's greater than you, and
you block it. It's something you don't want to be
a of. But realistically, that's what you should be following.
Some people call it the Holy Spirit, some people call
it meditation. But what we have to stop doing is
running from those visions we see that come from a
divine place and chasing what everyone else is saying. Right,

(35:13):
you know, what was the worst thing that ever happened
to people who are chasing their purpose with social media?
Because if you say something and other people don't agree
with it, and you get attacked for it. You're like,
I don't want to feel this feeling of being attacked.
So then they just run from that, right, same thing
in your family. You say you want to do something

(35:34):
career wise, and your family says, why would you do that?
You're not going to make no money. You get scared
and like, all right, well, let me go do something else.
So now you're a doctor and you make nine hundred
thousand dollars a year and you smoke, you do cocaine.
And I'm only saying this because one of our friends
is a neurologist and he was like, bro, it's dark
here in the medical profession.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
I was like, what you mean.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
He said, it's a bunch of people who are doing
this because their parents told them they had to. And
now they work for hospitals who have quotas. And with
these quotas, you can't even worry about the humans you're
supposed to be treating.

Speaker 3 (36:06):
You have to meet the quota.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
And you realize you have no purpose here other than
serving the industri what do you call it?

Speaker 3 (36:11):
The medical industrial complex?

Speaker 1 (36:13):
And he said doctors are taking medication and drugs to
just numb themselves from these people.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
Who are supposed to care for you. Yeah, which is crazy.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
I'm like, yo, can you imagine if people just stop
for a minute and say, hey, son, don't worry about
how're gonna make money?

Speaker 3 (36:29):
What are you feeling daughter? What do you what do
you want to do?

Speaker 5 (36:32):
Well?

Speaker 1 (36:33):
I don't really want to be a mom. Cool, you
don't got to be a mom. I don't even want
to be married. You don't have to be married. What
is your body, your spirit telling you that you want
to do? And we nurture those those visions right in
TV they call it X men. You x men, you
got vision, you got special powers. All of those things
were little messages from God that if you start to

(36:54):
dull people's natural gifts down and make them alienated because
they're different, all they're going to do is just conform
with everybody else and be at right.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
But imagine if everybody locked into whatever their vision their
purpose is for their life and really was in tune
with that, then we can be a very effective contributing
member to society, absolutely, because you would be performing within
your purpose, which is probably the highest level of what
you need in order to sustain life and coexist together.

Speaker 3 (37:25):
Yeah, you know that's literally it Yeah.

Speaker 4 (37:27):
Yeah, And I think it's really important to have these
types of conversations with the people that you're around, with
your community, because a lot of times you can learn
about who you are and even learn about what your
purpose is by listening to the people around you, where
people will just see something in you and you'll be like,
there's sometimes I meet people that I don't know and
they'll say something that somebody that I've known for twenty

(37:49):
years has said, you know, and you're like, damn, Okay,
this must be a true thing, because sometimes like we can't,
we don't see ourselves as clearly as as somebody else might,
somebody with a pure heart at least.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
Sometimes that's their purpose exactly.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
Their purpose is to show you exactly what you should
be doing.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
That's that's just a fact. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Are there any non career goals you guys have set
for yourself now that we're talking about purpose? Is there
anything like this juncture in life? You're like, you know what,
aside from career, aside from feeling this is what I
want strictly from myself as as we develop who I am.

Speaker 3 (38:21):
Uh, goals you want for myself?

Speaker 7 (38:28):
Yeah, I mean I want I want more knowledge I
want to read more. I want to I was just
telling Mat the other day, I'm gonna start jiu jitsu
this fall. I just want to do more than things
that I want to do for myself. I feel like
I just do do, do, do do, and I'm just
doing all the things that I work related. It's just

(38:48):
it's taxing. And when I when I look back at
like the past few years, like what have you been
doing for yourself? And it's absolutely nothing. And that's okay
for then, but that when the moment it clicks to
me like yo, you probably should just do this or
you should do that. I'm gonna do it. I'm not
gonna waste the time and like talk yeah, man, just

(39:10):
like take action, like just just just do it. And
I've been trying new things all year. We did some
social classes early in the year. We just like doing
different things. And I just want to take all the
things I said, Man, I want to do it, selling classes,
all that stuff I'm trying to get done, Matt.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
True.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
Right now, I'm working on just being a healthier version
of myself physically. I think I get caught up and
I'm a very social person. I love to have fun
and I love hanging out with my friends. I love
my friends so much. They're so cool and cute and stuff.
But you know, when we get together, a lot of

(39:52):
times it's like, let's go party, Let's have a drink,
let's you know.

Speaker 5 (39:55):
So I'm trying.

Speaker 4 (39:55):
I'm challenging myself to have fun in other ways and
to do other things or my body besides just like
be social.

Speaker 6 (40:04):
I don't really have that much thinking about outside of
work and family right now because I've done a lot
of sitting with myself, Like I've traveled the world by myself.
A lot of people don't spend time with thisself, So
I've done that already in my life at a younger stage.
So I feel like a lot of the stuff I
wanted to change I've worked on and instill working on,
like having more patients, things like that. But a lot

(40:25):
of the stuff for me is wrapped up into work.
For me, like I take a lot of pictures. If
I didn't do it for work, I would still be
taking those pictures. Yeah, So I don't know trick in
that area.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
You asked a really good question, and that's part of
sitting down and thinking. I like, Josh, I want to
perfect my being. I want to be an optimal, optimal
physical shape. I want to be able to move in
every plane of movement. I can move linear, sagital, transverse plane.

(40:57):
I want to be as strong as I can. I
want my oxygen level to be high. I also want
to be in a different plane mentally. I know for
a fact that we only lose a use a small
percentage of our brain.

Speaker 6 (41:09):
I want to se part of that much.

Speaker 7 (41:10):
Is that?

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yes, I want to access my brain more. So I
read more, I play a lot more games. I also
want to travel. I don't believe anything I see on
TV or on social media anymore. I don't believe none
of it. It's all for entertainment. It's all for for
ways to get people to have that herd mentality to
all follow.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
I want to go see.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
I want to go travel the world and see what
it's like in the Middle East, what it's like in Asia.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
What I just want to see.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
I don't want to listen to anyone else's ideas of
what those places are like.

Speaker 5 (41:42):
Well, Kadeen says she's going to take us on a trip.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
See what you started, You see what you started? Now, Well,
you have to be able to answer this question.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
That no, seriously. I think I joked before in a
previous podcast about taking no long time to reply to
text messages with my friends and whatnot. And though sometimes
it's necessary because we do have all the things to
juggle between life and career and whatnot, family, I want
to just be more intentional about like somebody crosses my mind,
I'm going to reach out like that human connection, building
those relationships. And I feel like I'm feeling it more

(42:14):
lately because I have a couple people in my life
who are battling or if they're not battling, they know
someone who is battling a terminal illness. And it just
had me thinking, like, man, these memories that I can
be creating while I have the time, or even if
it's just shooting someone to text message to say hey,
you were on my mind I was thinking about you.
Doesn't have to be a long joining our conversation. But again,
that's my purpose to exact kindness or to let someone know,

(42:36):
you know, what someone's thinking about me in this moment
or damn, like that text message just made me smile
because life was lifing at this moment. You know, life
is fleeting, man, I'm seeing it left the right every
day the older I get talking to my godfather. The
other day, I text him out of nowhere and he
was so happy to hear from me, and I hadn't
text him in a minut because I didn't even have
his number. I was like, oh, my God, didn't have
your number. Got his number and he's just like, hey,

(42:58):
you know, we had a rough year. About thirteen family
members have passed or friends since the top of the year,
and it just got me to thinking, like, damn, I
got to do a better job of like actually living
in moments with people who I care about. But that's
even just strangers.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
What you just described, though, is purpose. How often do
you feel that it's a text this person and then
you find a reason not to So you've just abandoned
the purpose just because you had to find something else
that you thought was more productive in that moment. Yep,
That's that's what living in your purpose is. It's like,
I don't have to find a reason to do something else.
If God is sending me a message to do this,

(43:33):
let me sit and do that while I have the time.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
To do it.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
Yeah, I definitely if I text my I have friends
who are bad texterers, and I'll text them, they don't
text back.

Speaker 5 (43:43):
I'll text them again. The next day, I call them,
they don't call me back. I'll call them again the
next day. You know, we'll talk eventually.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
I feel you. I feel you.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
Yeah. But I think that's super important, and it's nice
when I meet people in public. You know. It could
be people who follow us on social media or the
podcast or fans of the show, and they're like, man,
You're like, so much better to experience a person than online.
And I think, yes, it's the human connection, but it
also I like I lead with kindness. I at least
try to. You know, sometimes it's gonna be five o'clock
in the morning in the airport and I might, you know,

(44:13):
be a little tired, but I just I'm super mindful
about the interaction that I have with people because it
just maybe that one time that can change someone's life
or motivate them or make them feel good because they
needed that in that moment. And that's something that always
resonates me, and it made me think even more like
that's a huge part of my purpose.

Speaker 4 (44:30):
It's so funny too, because you you two always say
Kadeen doesn't like people, and I just every time you
say that, I'd be like.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Lying, I don't like people. Yeah, my social you know,
social battery is different, and in order to have that
impact on people, you need to recharge yourself. So if
I'm going to be pouring into people who I come
in contact with all the time, I need to recharge
as well too. So I think it's more so my
social battery that struggles, not with that, especially being in

(44:58):
a public you know, setting listen.

Speaker 3 (45:00):
Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
Sometimes your purpose be like stay away from them niggas
like I'm not going to.

Speaker 6 (45:06):
Is that purpose or intuition to me.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Tells you like, these people right here are not for you, bro.
You you may be able to get some money with them.
You may be able to do you may like hanging
out with them when they tell me, now this is
not it, it's not it, And.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
Then you can kindly be like, you know what this
is the conversation stop, you know, and you create that
that boundary. Agree this is a good I mean, ya
got me feeling some kind of way with this conversation.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
You should I love that.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
Think about your purpose, you feel if you think about
your purpose, don't make you feel a way, it's not
your purpose, you know what I'm saying, Like, there's no
way for.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Sure we need to I want to implore everyone listening
and watching to you know, consider that take some time
to yourself and really just delve into what your actual
reason is. You know, outside of all the noise.

Speaker 4 (45:58):
Does anybody have any like any tools or resources that
you've used to help you, to help guide you to
finding your purpose.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
To me meditation, The more time that I stay off
of devices and my mind isn't being led to think something,
the easier it is for me to fall into that
state of I'm listening to myself, you know, wake even
before you go to sleep or when you first wake up,
sitting with yourself away from these things. Like the worst
time that you can on look for your purpose to
try to meditate is after watching something, or waking up

(46:27):
and checking something.

Speaker 6 (46:28):
Or being around people. Yes, be with yourself. Go go
out to lunch by yourself, go to the movies by yourself,
find out what you like.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
Yeah, I was gonna say, stillness for me, that's help,
Like stop trying to like do all the busy stuff
and just sometimes if I have to make a decision.
If you know I'm on the crossroads about something I'm unsure,
I just kind of still release it to God and
be like, it's gonna pop up. He's gonna tell me
what to do.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
Don't put a time limit on it, true, right, because
you do in thirty minutes, I don't see nothing.

Speaker 3 (46:58):
I'm done. It's like you meditated for thirty minutes.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
You thought God was going to tell your whole life
purpose in thirty minutes. Sometimes it takes days. Sometimes you
sitting there for weeks and you just like, I don't
hear it. Yeah, we grew up saying you know, I
listened to preachers say you know, God, talk to me.
I'm listening to hear your voice. That's no different than
saying I'm waiting to hear with my purpose.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
Right.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
People call it God, some people call it manifestation, intuition.
You got to listen to what's in you. It says
the Bible says God made all of us in his image, right,
which means all of us are Gods. People don't like
to say that because they'll say, oh, you blasphems. No,
God made all of us in his image, so we
are all God. God exists in all of us. You

(47:38):
need to start listening to the person that exists within you,
because as much as you may love that person that
says to cross from you. My vision, of my idea
is for Kadeen's life, ain't God's vision. So I can't
even tell Okay what her vision is. She got listen
to the only person and that's inside of her. So
don't put no time limit on it. Man, meditate, learn
to listen and be patient and be still. God will

(47:58):
speak to you.

Speaker 4 (47:59):
I want to say in addition to that, because meditation
is very it's a it's something you have to learn
to do. You got to learn how to let your
thoughts pass through you when you're meditating. So I would say, too,
if you want to spend time with yourself and use
the prompt. If money was not not an object, what
would you do? What would you do in today? What
would you do in a month, What would you do
in three months? What would you do in a year?

(48:21):
What would you do over your lifetime? Like money was
not an object? And I think that will help you
to like just lay down the burden of capitalism and
the rat race, yes, and to really just strip yourself
of all the material things that you think that you
know life is really about, and really figure out who

(48:41):
you are inside and what matters to you.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
I like that good stuff.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
All right, y'all, We're gonna pay some bills because maybe
that's the rat race that will not go away, at
least for now. So we're gonna do that, and we're
gonna come back with our listener letter for the show.

Speaker 8 (48:55):
So stick around.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
All right, we're back now.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
Hey, let's dive in. You're gonna read today, Baby, I
got you, bab go for.

Speaker 3 (49:15):
It, Hey, Kadeen devoured Triple Matt and Josh.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
A few months ago, I walked away from an on
and off relationship that wasn't serving me.

Speaker 3 (49:21):
And my goal to be married.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
Two weeks ago, I met someone who has been intentional
about getting to know me.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
The chemistry is strong and we seem to be aligned
in many ways. The problem is from what he has
shared with me. His last relationship moved very quickly where
it seemed they were aligned, but quickly blew up and ended,
And this is his first time putting himself back out
there since then. Although I've known this guy for a
short period of time, I have no doubt at all
that he is someone that I want to be with.

(49:47):
We recently spoke about dating other people while both of
us have other people on the sidelines.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
We both stated that it's not serious with them. I
personally am no longer interested in the other guys I
was dating before I met him, and I have little
interest and trying to start something with anyone else. So
my question is, how do I manage these beginning stages
of building a strong foundation without moving too fast and
scaring him off? Knowing I am certain, What are some
tips for engaging with him? And also how can I

(50:14):
manage my own anxiety about him potentially choosing the other
person he's talking to over moving forward with me? Sincerely,
a loyal listener, Can I jump in their trips because
this is.

Speaker 4 (50:26):
A common scenario with all the time lesbians, especially because
women can bond so quickly and I'll be in love
in two weeks. I'm in love right now. Yeah, women
can just bond so quickly and see something in you that,
like you know, isn't necessarily the whole picture. So I
would say, one, let's get acquainted with the term infatuation,

(50:52):
because that's what it is. You're infatuated with somebody you're
spending a lot of time with that's ask you a
lot of questions, You're getting to know them. It feels
really good and it should feel good, but you're not
certain because you really don't know this person, and it's
better to I think. I think i'd be saying, if
you're gonna go fast, go deep, Yes.

Speaker 5 (51:12):
I'm all for it. I love in the relationship. I
will move to a new city.

Speaker 4 (51:17):
I would be like, what do you think about getting
married after knowing somebody for three weeks?

Speaker 5 (51:21):
But just give it time, don't.

Speaker 4 (51:25):
Worry about being scary, be your full self, let him
be his full self, and the picture, the whole picture
will unfold.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yeah. I was gonna say, it's good to be who
you are and be clear about what your expectations are,
your intentions are, take a stance. I think it's great
to know what you want and to be able to
vocalize that without feeling like you're going to be judged
for it, but then also allowing him the latitude in
the space to make his own decisions, because the question

(51:53):
about managing your own anxiety about him potentially choosing another person,
like if the other person's for him, the other person's
going to be for him, and you can't have anxiety
around that. You have to just know fully that you're
going to be with who are supposed to be with.
You can't control what's going to happen with him and
how he interacts with other women, So you need to
focus on what you can focus on control, which is yourself.

(52:14):
And I think just being honest.

Speaker 1 (52:17):
I think that was great advice, to be honest, being honest,
being forward, with being direct, being patient, and letting the
chips forward they may. You can't control your way to
someone else's heart.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
You don't want to.

Speaker 4 (52:28):
That's another thing too, that should let you know that
you're not certain, because it's like do you want to
be with this person or do you not want to
be alone? Because if you know for certain that you
want this person in your life, it shouldn't really matter
in what capacity they are there, So if they were
to you someone else romantically, you would still have a
bond with them, right.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
That, No, that is true.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
You have to you have to accept people for who
they are and how they want to show up in
your life. Yes, you trying to control how they show
up in your life is a you problem.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
Yes, absolutely, and that's where her anxiety comes from. Anxiety
comes from lack of control.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
Lack of control. And I like that him saying the
problem was that he moved too quickly last time and
that everything kind of came to a head too quickly.
So now he's using discernment to say, I'm going to
take my time.

Speaker 5 (53:14):
This is she wrote in But he she was saying
that he he U.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
Yeah. I was saying for him to know that that's
what happened in his previous relationship and it came to
a head too quickly, and now he's like, I'm taking
my time. Allowed him to take his time, Yeah, that
would be deliberate, and you can respect that versus for
one thing to fly into another thing.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
No choice to respect it for sure, for sure.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
All Right, I hope that helped you. Thanks so much
for being a loyal listener to all Right, you want
to be featured in a listener letter, let us know,
write into us at the Ellis Advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
That's t h E E L L I S A
d V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
All right, time for the moment of truth. Today we're
talking about non career success. We're talking about purpose. What
that means to us a really awesome them I think,
insightful and deep conversation. Anyone wants to lead us out
with their moment of.

Speaker 6 (54:05):
Truth, take the time to go find out what your purposes.

Speaker 2 (54:09):
Yeah, take the time, make the time. Yeah that's great.

Speaker 7 (54:13):
Don't devel. Don't tell Devel what you think your purpose is.
You're gonna say, nine niggas. Now I really got a
moment of truth. I think this this this podcast was
for me. You know, defining those uh, defining defining purposes
is integral to like how you want to move beyond success. Right,

(54:36):
success is something that uh, you're taught to chase and
taught to aspire to. But no one really talks about
purpose as much outside of a spiritual sort of setting.
So for me, it was just like, you'll get back
into redefining what your purpose is and know for sure
so that when you're speaking about your purpose you can
speak with the surety.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Mm hm.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
I love it?

Speaker 2 (54:58):
And are you such a Jamaican a girl always saying
like cukomba and vegetable and and milk?

Speaker 5 (55:12):
What you got drims? I had it, but Josh, crazy.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
Fuck, I'll go real quickly you think about. You got it? Okay,
go ahead.

Speaker 4 (55:27):
When things feel easy, pay attention when things feel like
they're coming to you easy, when things feel aligned, when
things feel like they're just falling into place, pay attention
to what you're doing.

Speaker 5 (55:38):
HM, gifts, those are your gifts.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 8 (55:42):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
I was going to say, when you're thinking of your purpose,
think about the things you know. So, like Deval said,
we all lad with I think my purpose is think
about what you know. I know this. I am who
I say I am now who everybody else says you're
to be.

Speaker 3 (56:01):
I like that. Mine is simple.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Your purpose cannot be defined by man made social constructs
like careers and titles like USB and father like those
can't be your purpose. Your purpose can only be defined
by your relationship with your creator.

Speaker 3 (56:15):
Whether you call them God a lie, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
Your purpose can only be defined by your conversations with yourself,
and you have to get comfortable having those conversations with yourself.

Speaker 3 (56:24):
We can't even tell you what that looks like.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
That's a fact, all right, y'all. What we can tell
you to do, though, is to find us on Patreon,
because we love it.

Speaker 5 (56:32):
Over there.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
We're having all the fun, the after shows of family content.
That is your purpose right now is to make sure
that you follow us there so you can see all
the content that we have put together for you, and
you can also find us on social media. We are
on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis ever After. I'm Kadeen,
I am and I am Devo.

Speaker 6 (56:51):
I'm underscore Matus, but I'm gonna go see if I
can find an I am account your.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
Money, baby, Let's get money.

Speaker 7 (56:57):
And I am josh Dwayne without the eye. I am
in front of Josha.

Speaker 4 (57:01):
Dwayne, and I am Trips, the Cool, t RIBBZ, the
Cool on Everything.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to download, rate, review,
download again, subscribe, then.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
Download and then rate, pop size and then download.

Speaker 4 (57:23):
Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by
Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video, Production
by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis. Video editing by Lashan Broe.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
B Tokona.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
Bad Tokona

Speaker 8 (59:15):
Bad Togana