June 29, 2023 • 28 mins
This episode is all about the link between mental and sexual health. Amara and Producer Alex explore how one's mental state can nfluence and shape the quality of sexual experiences shared between partners.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to your show, my show exactly, Amada. This
is your girl, Amada la Negra. Thank you so much
for tuning in. This is the production of iHeart. Thank
you for being my friend, for being my listener, for
being my family. The same ding in every episode, you guys,
make sure to give me those five stars. And if
(00:22):
you don't, don't forget to give me those five stars.
Subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform and
tell everybody, Tell your cousin, tell your friend, tell your dmana,
tell Lavecina. Have you checked out exactly? I'm out of
the podcast on iHeart. Thanks so much through that podcast network. Well, no,
you should, because the show is delate and she'd be
talking some real, real stuff. I love the fact that
(00:44):
every show it keeps getting better and we have so
many different conversations that are actually really impactful and do
make a difference. Some are just for fun, some are informative,
some are educational, and some are just real. Like today, today,
I want to talk about something, you know. I think
that we've always we've spoken so many in so many
occasions about mental health, and we've also spoken about sex,
(01:07):
but we haven't spoken about it all together.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
In one.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I want to bring in my producer, my friend. He
puts up with all my craziness. Alex Io, alex how
you doing.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I'm well, how are you? Amadam super excited to be
on today, Like you mentioned man like. We have spoken
a lot about mental health, you know, and how to
prepare for ourselves to get better at that topic. Right,
We've also spoken about sex. Yeah, because we love it.
So today we're going to comebin into two.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Oh no, I will Yeah, I guess, I guess it
really does love sex. But I feel like also a
lot of people we don't talk about those that don't
have a good relationship with sex, which is a lot
of people, even though we live in a society where
we're overly sexualized and sex does sell, and you know,
there's there's all this talk about being sensual and sexy
and sex and dating and men and women and marriage
(01:58):
and everything that's related to the couple aspects of it.
But there's a lot of people that don't necessarily have
a positive, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Outlook on sex.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Yeah, that's one hundred percent today's topic. You hit the
nail on the head because they kind of coincide with
each other. You you mentioned something on the top of
the show just now that's really important. It's the fact
that there has been people with different traumas or different
levels of discomfort or whatever the case may be on
their end that could really impact a sexual well being.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I really think that society does put a lot of
pressure on men and women when it comes to the
whole sex thing. I'm not gonna lie, and I'm saying
from the aspect of you know, there's a lot of
women that can be very degrading to men, and that
can put a lot of insecurity in a man.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
That affects a man's confidence.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
It affects the way that he sees himself, It affects
his mental health, It affects the way that he interacts
with other women, It affects his dating life, the way
that he even goes out and communicates and socialize with women.
That effects the same way that women that don't feel
secure about their bodies, whether they see themselves as being
fat or too skinny, or my boobs are not high enough,
(03:09):
or my butt or my arms or this.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We'll find a thousand.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Excuses to make us feel insecure about ourselves. Obviously, you know,
we live in a world where everything is monetized, and
we have the beauty industry that monetizes off women's insecurities
and we cover it up with makeup, and we do surgeries,
and we do this, and we do that, and all.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
These are the things. All these are the things.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
And I'm talking about the physical aspect because unconsciously or unconsciously,
the physical aspect affects your mental health. If you don't
feel that you can find the right partner because of
the way that you look and that's the only body
that you have. If you don't feel confident when you're
naked in front of someone, if you don't feel confident
in having sex with someone, all that affects your mental
(03:53):
health because now you start to doubt yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Now your securities come.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Now you start to be more aggressive, no, or you
may start being more timid, or you may say. There's
so many things that you can talk about when it
comes to sex and mental health that I don't really
think people put enough, you know, light on it.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
What do you think in today's society, we we try
to preach and practice mental health habits, you know, try
to find inner peace, trying to find what really could
possibly not I don't want to say fixed, because there's no,
there's not that's not the correct term. But how can
something help you, you know, mentally and get you out
(04:31):
of a funk. There's so many programs out there to
help too. But one of the things I want to
ask you about right now, anything that has to do
or the impacts on mental health. Does that mess up
in individual sexual desire and arousal levels, like you know,
does it? Does that? The mental health impact moves its
(04:52):
way from your head down to your nether regions.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Basically, yeah, of course I agree one thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
And you know, you know, listen, nobody, nobody talks about it.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And I feel like con I'm glad that we're having
this conversation because in many occasions, a lot of women
and men feel as if they have issues. Because if
your brain does not connect with your body parts, nothing
is gonna move, nothing is gonna get juicy, nothing is
gonna happen if you're not you know, a task, if
(05:24):
you're not together. So I'll say this much. I used
to be in a relationship, ladies. I used to be
in a relationship where I was, you know, the breadwinner.
I was the one who's really more empowered in the relationship.
I loved many aspects of him. I love many things
that he did for me, but financially he wasn't doing it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
He was not bringing in nothing.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And I didn't have a problem holding him down for
a little bit. I'm gonna hold you down. I'm gonna
have your back, YadA, YadA, YadA, so you can get
on your feet. Thought equal. I want to be a
good woman, and hoh, my man. I wanted to do
the whole fairy like, oh, we met each other, you know,
when you were broke, and then we built together.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Right.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
But for some reason, when a woman doesn't see as
a man as a provider for in many occasions, especially
if you come from a more traditional, you know, background,
or more traditional way of being raised, When you're not
being seen as a provider for some reason, there's a
disconnect between my head and my vagina.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
The desert.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Nothing is happening. If I'm just that about all the
bills I got to pay. We can't go out to dinner.
We can't even go to the movies. You gotta be
using Q poons all the time. We can't looking for
the disc When there's financial issues, that messes my mental health,
and my mental health affects my vagina, so this.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Is a dominant effect.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I'm glad you brought you know, you hit the nail
on the head again. I'm glad you brought that up
because you know, we're talking about the psychological factors that
negatively impact your sexual experience and your pleasure. Boom, you
hit the number one that we've had that I've looked up,
and that is stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety can
very much interfere with sexual arisal and enjoyment. Like you
(07:13):
just mentioned worries, work pressure, financial concerns or relationship issues,
and financial.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
To me is one of the biggest ones.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I know so many amazing couples who have literally not
been able to survive, you know, having financial issues. It
doesn't matter how much they loved each other, how much
they support each other. When there is financial issues, there's
no sex drive right when you're super tired, because let's
just say now that you have financial issues. Now you
(07:41):
may need to get an extra part time job, you
might need to get a side gig.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Now you're so exhausted.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Now you're so tired that the last thing you want
to do is go home and have to balance it
for a whole half an hour on someone when you
just want to lay down and go to sleep.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So I know that finances affect a lot of a
lot of the sex drive and the mental health and
everything else. I also know as well that sometimes when
we get upset and we are in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
We can be very cruel with our words.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
And sometimes you have to be careful ladies, men as well.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
When you are with your significant other and you get.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Upset, then talk with all what you say, because the
things that you say you can't take him back right.
Sometimes you want to hit below the belt just just
to hurt this person, even though you may love them,
but you just wanted them to feel it. That affects
mental health, and that mental health means his dingline ain't.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Gonna go up, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And by the way, I know that we've spoken about
this before, but have you ever faked it because you
feel pressured to have to go?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, either that you're stressed or you feel pressure to
accomplish the mission.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Like my mind is not here right now because there's
so many other things I'm thinking about, or I just
I'm not I'm not here mentally right now, But I
want to please.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
My significant other or I know that I should.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
It's the right thing to You don't want to hurt
their feelings by just saying, hey, I don't want to
do this right because now that you're implementing some thought
into their head that maybe it's them, there's something wrong
with them, and you know, they immediately start questioning. It's
like a vicious circle. And you know it's important because
you know, mental health and sexual health are two very
important things in our lives right as humans. Sexual encounters
(09:22):
with your significant other reduces stress. It can help reduce
your stress levels. You need those mood boosting chemicals in
your brain to kind of, you know, get you up
and going and kind of clear your mind. Man, It's
(09:42):
just it's hard because you also mentioned body image issues, yeah,
and people are just seeing like these gorgeous bodies everywhere
and whatever, and that could essentially lead you down a
path of thinking wrong about yourself. That ruins your mental
health issues. That in turn ruins yourselx true health issues
because you're not getting yourself out there with your significant
(10:03):
other because you have all these stresses of what you
should look like, and you know, basically perform.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, But then I also feel that amongst each other,
we shouldn't be so hard on each other because we
can be very cruel to one another. You know, there's
a lot of men that I've seen them be like, oh,
you know, your boobs look a certain type of way,
or I don't like that, or your butt looks like this,
or your stomach your stomach turns me off. Or your
stretch marks, you know, turn me off, or this and that.
(10:29):
And let me clarify this as well, for those women
that have made beautiful children out of your body, because
you are amazing blessing, and for those men that have
been with these women that you, right, were part of
the reason why her body, she gave her whole body
up right, this body transformation to create another human being
which is now your child. Right, Let's be more loving
(10:51):
and more caring and more nurturing and more careful with
our words and the way that we present our feelings
are the things that we like or dislike, because it
can be very damaging. You know, to a woman, it
could be very damaging because you can't change it. Right,
You want to have your children and you love that,
but you can't change affect and now your skin may
be saggy. You can't change affect. And now your booze
(11:12):
may not be a sperky. You can't change affect. And
now you may have stretch mans. You can't change many things, right,
Or for those men that at one point because I
used to date, Oh my gosh, once upon a time
I did a guy that was like almost four hundred
pounds and then he lost the weight. So when he
lost the weights, there was a lot of you know,
a lot of extra skin, and there was a lot
(11:33):
of stretch marks.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
There was a lot of everything.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Right, I am the type of person that I like
people for who they are. I like people for their charisma,
their personality, the way that they treat me, if they're.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Funny, if they're social.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I'm looking more at all those things more than I
really am looking at the physical part, no matter how
much I say it. Especially being on these reality TV shows,
people get so caught up on the beauty aspect of
this person is fine, this person is high. This person yeah,
but this person may be an asshole. This person may
be a jerk. This person may not be a good person.
(12:07):
This person can be many other things. You know, God
knows I'm.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
A different type of person. And when I was dating him.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
For a really long time, he was very self conscious
about being naked in front of me because he felt
like I was going to be extremely judgmental, you know,
And I was like, I don't care about that. You
can fix that somewhat if you wanted to. You can
go get surgery if you really wanted to. But away
from that, if I had to be in a desert
with someone for years to come, I'd rather be.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
With you than anybody else because of who you are.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
And I think that we've lost that because we're so
caught up in the physical part.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Personally.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I was one of those kids that growing up, my
mom just loved to feed me and love for everybody
to see me all chunky man, gleen O, Lita, get whatever.
And that also made me feel bad later on in
life because once I started getting into high school and
I was still chunky, I feel like, now I'm straining
like boys, and I want the boys to like me back.
And then she would do things like, you know, you're
(13:05):
never gonna be able to date anybody. Who's who's gonna
want to fat girlfriend?
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Do you know I got a question for you? For
that then, so that that stuff that happened to you
in the past, has that affected your mental health being
now in the future. Has that coincided with any type
of year of your sexual health where you think that
you need to cover up, the lights need to be off, Like,
has that happened to you? Or are you broken free
(13:30):
from that? And you're just like, I am.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Not broken free from it? And I also think is
because one social media. We live in a filtered world
right where we use filters, where we use for the
most part, especially women, where we use photoshop, where we
use phase tune, where we use all these damn you
know filters to to change and try to perfect who
we are.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
I work in an industry where women.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Consistently, literally after giving birth in less than like three months,
are in in a surgery table trying to get sucked
out and tucked in and ribs out and boobs in
and implantsed, you know, and then they expect you to
look that way. I also live in a world where
the man that see me on social media or all
(14:12):
these other crap, they expect me to be exactly what
they see or this fantasy without understanding that in many occasions, yes,
I am that person, but also understand that that is
part of my job and that is my image, and
that is.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Amada at work, not Amada at home. Right. They expect
you to be like perfect.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
It's like if you did a Victoria's Secret Model, you
expect to be with the Victoria's Secret Model.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You don't know how she looks what she asks at home.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
She may be looking like a crackhead, no lashes, no
hair extensions, you know, a sundre, and you would be like, oh,
I would never. But people like the fantasy when you
meet someone that's caught up and you are blase blase
when the lights are on. You may not be looking
at that because obviously women we look at all the
things that supposedly men don't. But I'm like, oh my god,
(15:05):
my armpits look a little dark. I should probably put
some cream there.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And that alone, like you just mentioned, is a mental
health problem on the partner. On the other person too,
because they are mentally thinking and you got to be
this certain way all the time, or this is who
you are, or maybe they just get too caught up
into it. That affects a male psyche in sexual health
as well, because now this is this fake persona that
(15:31):
they have in their head that they must always go after, right,
They forget about the real person and they forget about
the whole aspect of Hey, that person is not always
you know this, and that goes along with like people
who watch a lot of they say a lot of points.
I kind of think that this is just this is
just that's that's a mental health problem that affects your
(15:52):
sexual health as well, because now you have this fantasy
of that of how women should be and women to
men as well, you know, And.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
You know you're right because I'm not going to put
his name out there, but he knows who he is
when he hears this. But recently I was dating I
don't know if I was, and I don't know what
the hell's going on. Anyways, there's this man that was
telling me that he likes his women to all have surgery.
And I was like, oh ready, he's like every woman
I've dated all have surgery, and if they didn't have,
(16:20):
I always encouraged him to get surgery. And I was like, really,
he's like yeah, because I personally like the hard boobs
right up like close to the chin, the small waist,
the big butt, like, he likes that really fake body.
And he's like, I like that. I like my women
to look fake. And I'm like, you like them blow
you know, blow dolls looking like And I was like,
(16:41):
why do you see here? Comes like me trying to
get deep intoday? So what caused you to like this?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And he was like, I don't know, I've always liked this.
I was like, do you watch a lot of porn?
That was the first thing that came into my mind.
He was like, when I was younger.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I was like, well, maybe unconsciously, without you even realizing,
the amount of porn that you watch created this illusion,
this stigma of what a woman should look like, and
that is what turns you on.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
And that is not the truth. I'm not saying you
can't find you a woman like that.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Because he was telling me, oh, you need to get
your boobs done and do this and do that. I
was like, wait, what, I don't mind doing it, but
it shouldn't be something that I have to do in
order for you to like me. But then that's how
your mental health is set up. You know, you're mentally
you got so caught up into the pornal thing. And
he had like a whole list of things you have
to sound like this, you have to do certain things,
you have to do the porn, hot dog boop things
(17:36):
where you do this.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I was like, oh no, this goes really far.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
And I also going back to men, we are now
finding men that if you're doing it for you, amen,
but not because you're mentally in a space where you
feel as if you have to. We find out that
the beauty industry is now sucking men in as well
with we knew the skin products and all that before,
but now there's so many more men now getting life bulb,
(18:10):
getting their apps, sticks, getting all these things, which is fine.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I love it. I live for it. What is the
next trend?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Because every couple of years, we first had the big boobs,
we then had the natural boobs. We first had the
resnatch ways. We now have the really big lips, you know,
Then we had you know, I don't know, the big butts.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Now is the natural? It's too much.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
It's like, when do you become normal and accept who
you are as a person and embrace that and be
accepted and taken for being who you are and just
loved that personally, When it comes to my sex and
mental health. I have some things that haven't been able
to overcome, and I've spoken about it in the past,
and unfortunately, no matter how much therapy you take, no
(18:54):
matter how much you do yoga you feel that you've
overcome it, you always get flashbacks.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So you always get you could.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Be fine, and I'm sure that you can relate, Alex,
because you know you were at war at one point
and you could be fine. But there will always be
certain moments where flashback you know, like you know, and
it's happened to me, even when I've had sex where
all of a sudden everything is great, and then I
won't say it to the person, but if they're being
very aggressive or if they're doing certain things, I may
(19:21):
have a flashback of like you know. And there's certain
things you just can't repair no matter how much you try.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
We all have to learn how to cope with our
experiences in life, how to overcome them the best of
our abilities.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Seek help. It's okay to seek help and just figure
out how to do it.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
But you know, just me being really vulnerable and being
exactly a mada, that was one of the most you know,
traumatizing moments of my life, and I been carrying that
with me and I'm sure that from here to the
day that I die, this man doesn't know that his
action him trying to satisfy himself. You know, he doesn't
know that what he did to me affected this young
(20:05):
girl who now is a woman who now is a
mother for the rest of my life. And that messed
up my sex, you know, the way that I perceive sex,
and it messed it up my mental health. I'm okay.
I don't feel like I'm damaged. Like you know, I'm
not the first woman to have gone through it and
you move on, but it does affect I just wanted
to put that out there because if there's any listeners
(20:25):
out there that have been through similar experiences or have
been through something, I just want you to know that
been there, done that you're not alone. There's ways to
find help, there's ways to overcome it and move forward
in life.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
And it doesn't mean that you're broken.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It doesn't mean that just because you know your mental
health is not at one hundred percent, it doesn't mean
that you can't get there. You know, and don't feel
that you can't get back into your sex drive. You
can't get back in tune with your body. You can't
like not repress, reset and start again because you can.
And I just wanted to put that out there.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
I'm glad you share that because it's very important. I
think for anyone who's listening to this episode or you know,
just you speak in general, that they know that there's
always a way to get help. And you've just you
have put that out there. To kind of wrap up
today's episode, I wanted to kind of talk about how
(21:20):
individuals and couples alike to promote an open and honest
communication about, you know, the mental health and sexual wellbeing
of their relationships. And I'll read these really quickly and
you tell me your opinions on it amount. The first
one that I have here is create a safe and
non judgmental environment, right, established a safe and non jundgmental
(21:42):
space where both partners can feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, concerns,
and desires. And you have spoken about this before, and
you said it earlier on today that that should be
something that you know, you should be open and honest
with each other. The second one I have here is
initiate conversations. You just said that just now you initiated
a conversation with the listeners and myself. Your thoughts on
initiating conversations.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I think it's important to just have those moments. You know,
one day when you're with your significant other, you guys
could just be having wine, chilling or a moment where
you know that you're both at peace and just start
that conversation of like, babe, you know, I'd like to
know have you ever been through anything in your past?
Or let me tell you about me and figure out
ways where you both can connect and just be open,
(22:24):
vulnerable and talk about your sexual experiences.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I think is the best way to actually connect the
proper way.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I love that. And active listening yep, correct. So you
got to have someone that should be able to listen
to you, whether it's a professional that you go seek,
or a family member or a friend, or like us
right now we're talking, I'm listening to you and actively
listening to what you're telling me. Use the I statement.
This is a big one when discussing like the sensitive topics.
Use I to express your own feelings. You did that
(22:51):
the minute we started talking about your personal experience. You
immediately said I, you know that approach helps avoid sounding
like your blaming anyone because you kind of just like
you made it easier to talk about it. Right, You're
not just immediately going, well this a'm an Afro bubba. No,
you said I you acknowledge that, you know, you want
(23:12):
to let this out correct.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Correct, correct, And that's that's just how I feel. And
I think that is also important to when you're talking
to somebody else, you want them to know where you're
coming from, what's your point of view, how do you feel?
It's not about blaming anybody, It's not about how talk
about from your point of view.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
You know, you want the other person to put themselves
in your shoes.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I love that we could practice empathy and emotional support, right,
we show empathy and other emotional support to our partners
when discussing mental health and sexual well being. You know
it'll validate their experience. You could acknowledge their feelings. I
believe that that's a big one, whether it's an individual
speaking to someone else or you know, friendly conversation between
(23:53):
you and your partners. I think that's that's a big one.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
The last one is wait, well, I want to I
want to speak about amongst that because at some point
when I told my mother about it later on years
down the line, my mom was angry at me, and
I felt like, hello, wait, what this is not how this.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Was supposed to turn out. She was angry at me,
and she made it about her. She turned it into her.
Why didn't you tell me?
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Why didn't you You didn't trust me to tell me.
You know, I've been a good mother, I was a
good example.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
What And you can't do that.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
When somebody's telling you about their traumas and what they've
been through, you want to listen as much as possible.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
You want to be as supportive as possible.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
You want to understand what traumas they went through, how
that experience was for them.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Don't make it about you. Don't force them. Why didn't
you call the cops? What in your tone and delivery
is very important? So don't sound angry.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I love that. So to add on to that, guys,
remember that promoting open communication requires a lot of patience, understanding,
and ongoing efforts. Yes, you know, it's a journey of
mutual growth and support and and you know by creating
safe spaces for this type of dialogue, couples and individuals
can strengthen their bond and promote overall relationship satisfaction, which
(25:09):
is what this topic was about. You know, mental health,
sexual health, how they combine, and you know how to
get satisfaction out of it.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Listen, Alex, if there's anything that my listeners can take
with them you know today after this episode is listen.
Mental health is a real thing, and I know that
we've spoken about it in many occasion individually, but sex
and mental health is a thing.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Don't feel like you're the only one.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
We all have our different levels of mental health when
it comes to sex. We all have different perspectives when
it comes to sex, the way that we see our bodies,
the way that we see others. Don't be so hard
on yourself either. Learn to love the body that you're
in because it's the only body that you'll have for
the rest of your life. And if you ever do anything,
do it because you want to, not because you feel
pressured by your significant other, not because you're trying to
(25:53):
please your significant other.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
You do it for you.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Whether you want to modify your body, whether you want
to go to the gym, whether you want to turn
on the lights or turn them off.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Learn to embrace you. Communication is keen.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Learn to be vocal in a way that is understanding
to others. The way that you feel that, the ways
that it is that you like to be treated, the
ways that you like to be touched, the way.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
That you like to be catered.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Communication is important because you can't expect women.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
We do that a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
You should know, no, you should talk so that the
other person can understand.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
You know, there's a lot to it.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
But if you ever have to seek for help, don't
feel as if there's anything wrong with you.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to maybe you.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Might want to have a little glass of wine before
you start to loosen up. That's okay too. I feel
like sometimes we're just so hard on each other. You know,
we have to be more and more loving to each
other because everybody's been through something in life. You know,
everybody is fighting their own demons. Just be more nurturing,
be more loving, be more caring, and learn to communicate.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I have loved this episode.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I have loved this topic because I think it was
a very important conversation to have. It was exactly Amada,
it was exactly Alex, and I'm so grateful to have
you here.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Thank you, and I love when you get to share
with the audience something that they could relate to and
they can connect to. So you know, my heat's off
to you.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Amen to that, and guys, thank you all for being
part of exactly Amata.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Make sure to find me on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Catch my show by searching for Microda podcast on YouTube
and clicking on exactly Amada. Follow me on Instagram at
Amara la Ligra aln amdaa Ligra aln. I use more
Instagram than I use Twitter and everything else. It's my
actually my favorite social media platform. Remember that this has
been a production of Ihearts microdda podcast network. For more
(27:48):
podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
This is your girl, Amara
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Anigra and you just heard exact Ashley commanded the two
stop tamp Tump
Welcome back to your show, my show exactly, Amada. This
is your girl, Amada la Negra. Thank you so much
for tuning in. This is the production of iHeart. Thank
you for being my friend, for being my listener, for
being my family. The same ding in every episode, you guys,
make sure to give me those five stars. And if
(00:22):
you don't, don't forget to give me those five stars.
Subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform and
tell everybody, Tell your cousin, tell your friend, tell your dmana,
tell Lavecina. Have you checked out exactly? I'm out of
the podcast on iHeart. Thanks so much through that podcast network. Well, no,
you should, because the show is delate and she'd be
talking some real, real stuff. I love the fact that
(00:44):
every show it keeps getting better and we have so
many different conversations that are actually really impactful and do
make a difference. Some are just for fun, some are informative,
some are educational, and some are just real. Like today, today,
I want to talk about something, you know. I think
that we've always we've spoken so many in so many
occasions about mental health, and we've also spoken about sex,
(01:07):
but we haven't spoken about it all together.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
In one.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I want to bring in my producer, my friend. He
puts up with all my craziness. Alex Io, alex how
you doing.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I'm well, how are you? Amadam super excited to be
on today, Like you mentioned man like. We have spoken
a lot about mental health, you know, and how to
prepare for ourselves to get better at that topic. Right,
We've also spoken about sex. Yeah, because we love it.
So today we're going to comebin into two.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Oh no, I will Yeah, I guess, I guess it
really does love sex. But I feel like also a
lot of people we don't talk about those that don't
have a good relationship with sex, which is a lot
of people, even though we live in a society where
we're overly sexualized and sex does sell, and you know,
there's there's all this talk about being sensual and sexy
and sex and dating and men and women and marriage
(01:58):
and everything that's related to the couple aspects of it.
But there's a lot of people that don't necessarily have
a positive, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Outlook on sex.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Yeah, that's one hundred percent today's topic. You hit the
nail on the head because they kind of coincide with
each other. You you mentioned something on the top of
the show just now that's really important. It's the fact
that there has been people with different traumas or different
levels of discomfort or whatever the case may be on
their end that could really impact a sexual well being.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I really think that society does put a lot of
pressure on men and women when it comes to the
whole sex thing. I'm not gonna lie, and I'm saying
from the aspect of you know, there's a lot of
women that can be very degrading to men, and that
can put a lot of insecurity in a man.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
That affects a man's confidence.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
It affects the way that he sees himself, It affects
his mental health, It affects the way that he interacts
with other women, It affects his dating life, the way
that he even goes out and communicates and socialize with women.
That effects the same way that women that don't feel
secure about their bodies, whether they see themselves as being
fat or too skinny, or my boobs are not high enough,
(03:09):
or my butt or my arms or this.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We'll find a thousand.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Excuses to make us feel insecure about ourselves. Obviously, you know,
we live in a world where everything is monetized, and
we have the beauty industry that monetizes off women's insecurities
and we cover it up with makeup, and we do surgeries,
and we do this, and we do that, and all.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
These are the things. All these are the things.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
And I'm talking about the physical aspect because unconsciously or unconsciously,
the physical aspect affects your mental health. If you don't
feel that you can find the right partner because of
the way that you look and that's the only body
that you have. If you don't feel confident when you're
naked in front of someone, if you don't feel confident
in having sex with someone, all that affects your mental
(03:53):
health because now you start to doubt yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Now your securities come.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Now you start to be more aggressive, no, or you
may start being more timid, or you may say. There's
so many things that you can talk about when it
comes to sex and mental health that I don't really
think people put enough, you know, light on it.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
What do you think in today's society, we we try
to preach and practice mental health habits, you know, try
to find inner peace, trying to find what really could
possibly not I don't want to say fixed, because there's no,
there's not that's not the correct term. But how can
something help you, you know, mentally and get you out
(04:31):
of a funk. There's so many programs out there to
help too. But one of the things I want to
ask you about right now, anything that has to do
or the impacts on mental health. Does that mess up
in individual sexual desire and arousal levels, like you know,
does it? Does that? The mental health impact moves its
(04:52):
way from your head down to your nether regions.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Basically, yeah, of course I agree one thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
And you know, you know, listen, nobody, nobody talks about it.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And I feel like con I'm glad that we're having
this conversation because in many occasions, a lot of women
and men feel as if they have issues. Because if
your brain does not connect with your body parts, nothing
is gonna move, nothing is gonna get juicy, nothing is
gonna happen if you're not you know, a task, if
(05:24):
you're not together. So I'll say this much. I used
to be in a relationship, ladies. I used to be
in a relationship where I was, you know, the breadwinner.
I was the one who's really more empowered in the relationship.
I loved many aspects of him. I love many things
that he did for me, but financially he wasn't doing it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
He was not bringing in nothing.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And I didn't have a problem holding him down for
a little bit. I'm gonna hold you down. I'm gonna
have your back, YadA, YadA, YadA, so you can get
on your feet. Thought equal. I want to be a
good woman, and hoh, my man. I wanted to do
the whole fairy like, oh, we met each other, you know,
when you were broke, and then we built together.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Right.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
But for some reason, when a woman doesn't see as
a man as a provider for in many occasions, especially
if you come from a more traditional, you know, background,
or more traditional way of being raised, When you're not
being seen as a provider for some reason, there's a
disconnect between my head and my vagina.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
The desert.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Nothing is happening. If I'm just that about all the
bills I got to pay. We can't go out to dinner.
We can't even go to the movies. You gotta be
using Q poons all the time. We can't looking for
the disc When there's financial issues, that messes my mental health,
and my mental health affects my vagina, so this.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Is a dominant effect.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I'm glad you brought you know, you hit the nail
on the head again. I'm glad you brought that up
because you know, we're talking about the psychological factors that
negatively impact your sexual experience and your pleasure. Boom, you
hit the number one that we've had that I've looked up,
and that is stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety can
very much interfere with sexual arisal and enjoyment. Like you
(07:13):
just mentioned worries, work pressure, financial concerns or relationship issues,
and financial.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
To me is one of the biggest ones.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I know so many amazing couples who have literally not
been able to survive, you know, having financial issues. It
doesn't matter how much they loved each other, how much
they support each other. When there is financial issues, there's
no sex drive right when you're super tired, because let's
just say now that you have financial issues. Now you
(07:41):
may need to get an extra part time job, you
might need to get a side gig.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Now you're so exhausted.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Now you're so tired that the last thing you want
to do is go home and have to balance it
for a whole half an hour on someone when you
just want to lay down and go to sleep.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So I know that finances affect a lot of a
lot of the sex drive and the mental health and
everything else. I also know as well that sometimes when
we get upset and we are in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
We can be very cruel with our words.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
And sometimes you have to be careful ladies, men as well.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
When you are with your significant other and you get.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Upset, then talk with all what you say, because the
things that you say you can't take him back right.
Sometimes you want to hit below the belt just just
to hurt this person, even though you may love them,
but you just wanted them to feel it. That affects
mental health, and that mental health means his dingline ain't.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Gonna go up, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And by the way, I know that we've spoken about
this before, but have you ever faked it because you
feel pressured to have to go?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, either that you're stressed or you feel pressure to
accomplish the mission.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Like my mind is not here right now because there's
so many other things I'm thinking about, or I just
I'm not I'm not here mentally right now, But I
want to please.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
My significant other or I know that I should.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
It's the right thing to You don't want to hurt
their feelings by just saying, hey, I don't want to
do this right because now that you're implementing some thought
into their head that maybe it's them, there's something wrong
with them, and you know, they immediately start questioning. It's
like a vicious circle. And you know it's important because
you know, mental health and sexual health are two very
important things in our lives right as humans. Sexual encounters
(09:22):
with your significant other reduces stress. It can help reduce
your stress levels. You need those mood boosting chemicals in
your brain to kind of, you know, get you up
and going and kind of clear your mind. Man, It's
(09:42):
just it's hard because you also mentioned body image issues, yeah,
and people are just seeing like these gorgeous bodies everywhere
and whatever, and that could essentially lead you down a
path of thinking wrong about yourself. That ruins your mental
health issues. That in turn ruins yourselx true health issues
because you're not getting yourself out there with your significant
(10:03):
other because you have all these stresses of what you
should look like, and you know, basically perform.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, But then I also feel that amongst each other,
we shouldn't be so hard on each other because we
can be very cruel to one another. You know, there's
a lot of men that I've seen them be like, oh,
you know, your boobs look a certain type of way,
or I don't like that, or your butt looks like this,
or your stomach your stomach turns me off. Or your
stretch marks, you know, turn me off, or this and that.
(10:29):
And let me clarify this as well, for those women
that have made beautiful children out of your body, because
you are amazing blessing, and for those men that have
been with these women that you, right, were part of
the reason why her body, she gave her whole body
up right, this body transformation to create another human being
which is now your child. Right, Let's be more loving
(10:51):
and more caring and more nurturing and more careful with
our words and the way that we present our feelings
are the things that we like or dislike, because it
can be very damaging. You know, to a woman, it
could be very damaging because you can't change it. Right,
You want to have your children and you love that,
but you can't change affect and now your skin may
be saggy. You can't change affect. And now your booze
(11:12):
may not be a sperky. You can't change affect. And
now you may have stretch mans. You can't change many things, right,
Or for those men that at one point because I
used to date, Oh my gosh, once upon a time
I did a guy that was like almost four hundred
pounds and then he lost the weight. So when he
lost the weights, there was a lot of you know,
a lot of extra skin, and there was a lot
(11:33):
of stretch marks.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
There was a lot of everything.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Right, I am the type of person that I like
people for who they are. I like people for their charisma,
their personality, the way that they treat me, if they're.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Funny, if they're social.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I'm looking more at all those things more than I
really am looking at the physical part, no matter how
much I say it. Especially being on these reality TV shows,
people get so caught up on the beauty aspect of
this person is fine, this person is high. This person yeah,
but this person may be an asshole. This person may
be a jerk. This person may not be a good person.
(12:07):
This person can be many other things. You know, God
knows I'm.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
A different type of person. And when I was dating him.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
For a really long time, he was very self conscious
about being naked in front of me because he felt
like I was going to be extremely judgmental, you know,
And I was like, I don't care about that. You
can fix that somewhat if you wanted to. You can
go get surgery if you really wanted to. But away
from that, if I had to be in a desert
with someone for years to come, I'd rather be.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
With you than anybody else because of who you are.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
And I think that we've lost that because we're so
caught up in the physical part.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Personally.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I was one of those kids that growing up, my
mom just loved to feed me and love for everybody
to see me all chunky man, gleen O, Lita, get whatever.
And that also made me feel bad later on in
life because once I started getting into high school and
I was still chunky, I feel like, now I'm straining
like boys, and I want the boys to like me back.
And then she would do things like, you know, you're
(13:05):
never gonna be able to date anybody. Who's who's gonna
want to fat girlfriend?
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Do you know I got a question for you? For
that then, so that that stuff that happened to you
in the past, has that affected your mental health being
now in the future. Has that coincided with any type
of year of your sexual health where you think that
you need to cover up, the lights need to be off, Like,
has that happened to you? Or are you broken free
(13:30):
from that? And you're just like, I am.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Not broken free from it? And I also think is
because one social media. We live in a filtered world
right where we use filters, where we use for the
most part, especially women, where we use photoshop, where we
use phase tune, where we use all these damn you
know filters to to change and try to perfect who
we are.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
I work in an industry where women.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Consistently, literally after giving birth in less than like three months,
are in in a surgery table trying to get sucked
out and tucked in and ribs out and boobs in
and implantsed, you know, and then they expect you to
look that way. I also live in a world where
the man that see me on social media or all
(14:12):
these other crap, they expect me to be exactly what
they see or this fantasy without understanding that in many occasions, yes,
I am that person, but also understand that that is
part of my job and that is my image, and
that is.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Amada at work, not Amada at home. Right. They expect
you to be like perfect.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
It's like if you did a Victoria's Secret Model, you
expect to be with the Victoria's Secret Model.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You don't know how she looks what she asks at home.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
She may be looking like a crackhead, no lashes, no
hair extensions, you know, a sundre, and you would be like, oh,
I would never. But people like the fantasy when you
meet someone that's caught up and you are blase blase
when the lights are on. You may not be looking
at that because obviously women we look at all the
things that supposedly men don't. But I'm like, oh my god,
(15:05):
my armpits look a little dark. I should probably put
some cream there.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And that alone, like you just mentioned, is a mental
health problem on the partner. On the other person too,
because they are mentally thinking and you got to be
this certain way all the time, or this is who
you are, or maybe they just get too caught up
into it. That affects a male psyche in sexual health
as well, because now this is this fake persona that
(15:31):
they have in their head that they must always go after, right,
They forget about the real person and they forget about
the whole aspect of Hey, that person is not always
you know this, and that goes along with like people
who watch a lot of they say a lot of points.
I kind of think that this is just this is
just that's that's a mental health problem that affects your
(15:52):
sexual health as well, because now you have this fantasy
of that of how women should be and women to
men as well, you know, And.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
You know you're right because I'm not going to put
his name out there, but he knows who he is
when he hears this. But recently I was dating I
don't know if I was, and I don't know what
the hell's going on. Anyways, there's this man that was
telling me that he likes his women to all have surgery.
And I was like, oh ready, he's like every woman
I've dated all have surgery, and if they didn't have,
(16:20):
I always encouraged him to get surgery. And I was like, really,
he's like yeah, because I personally like the hard boobs
right up like close to the chin, the small waist,
the big butt, like, he likes that really fake body.
And he's like, I like that. I like my women
to look fake. And I'm like, you like them blow
you know, blow dolls looking like And I was like,
(16:41):
why do you see here? Comes like me trying to
get deep intoday? So what caused you to like this?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And he was like, I don't know, I've always liked this.
I was like, do you watch a lot of porn?
That was the first thing that came into my mind.
He was like, when I was younger.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I was like, well, maybe unconsciously, without you even realizing,
the amount of porn that you watch created this illusion,
this stigma of what a woman should look like, and
that is what turns you on.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
And that is not the truth. I'm not saying you
can't find you a woman like that.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Because he was telling me, oh, you need to get
your boobs done and do this and do that. I
was like, wait, what, I don't mind doing it, but
it shouldn't be something that I have to do in
order for you to like me. But then that's how
your mental health is set up. You know, you're mentally
you got so caught up into the pornal thing. And
he had like a whole list of things you have
to sound like this, you have to do certain things,
you have to do the porn, hot dog boop things
(17:36):
where you do this.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I was like, oh no, this goes really far.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
And I also going back to men, we are now
finding men that if you're doing it for you, amen,
but not because you're mentally in a space where you
feel as if you have to. We find out that
the beauty industry is now sucking men in as well
with we knew the skin products and all that before,
but now there's so many more men now getting life bulb,
(18:10):
getting their apps, sticks, getting all these things, which is fine.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I love it. I live for it. What is the
next trend?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Because every couple of years, we first had the big boobs,
we then had the natural boobs. We first had the
resnatch ways. We now have the really big lips, you know,
Then we had you know, I don't know, the big butts.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Now is the natural? It's too much.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
It's like, when do you become normal and accept who
you are as a person and embrace that and be
accepted and taken for being who you are and just
loved that personally, When it comes to my sex and
mental health. I have some things that haven't been able
to overcome, and I've spoken about it in the past,
and unfortunately, no matter how much therapy you take, no
(18:54):
matter how much you do yoga you feel that you've
overcome it, you always get flashbacks.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So you always get you could.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Be fine, and I'm sure that you can relate, Alex,
because you know you were at war at one point
and you could be fine. But there will always be
certain moments where flashback you know, like you know, and
it's happened to me, even when I've had sex where
all of a sudden everything is great, and then I
won't say it to the person, but if they're being
very aggressive or if they're doing certain things, I may
(19:21):
have a flashback of like you know. And there's certain
things you just can't repair no matter how much you try.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
We all have to learn how to cope with our
experiences in life, how to overcome them the best of
our abilities.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Seek help. It's okay to seek help and just figure
out how to do it.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
But you know, just me being really vulnerable and being
exactly a mada, that was one of the most you know,
traumatizing moments of my life, and I been carrying that
with me and I'm sure that from here to the
day that I die, this man doesn't know that his
action him trying to satisfy himself. You know, he doesn't
know that what he did to me affected this young
(20:05):
girl who now is a woman who now is a
mother for the rest of my life. And that messed
up my sex, you know, the way that I perceive sex,
and it messed it up my mental health. I'm okay.
I don't feel like I'm damaged. Like you know, I'm
not the first woman to have gone through it and
you move on, but it does affect I just wanted
to put that out there because if there's any listeners
(20:25):
out there that have been through similar experiences or have
been through something, I just want you to know that
been there, done that you're not alone. There's ways to
find help, there's ways to overcome it and move forward
in life.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
And it doesn't mean that you're broken.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It doesn't mean that just because you know your mental
health is not at one hundred percent, it doesn't mean
that you can't get there. You know, and don't feel
that you can't get back into your sex drive. You
can't get back in tune with your body. You can't
like not repress, reset and start again because you can.
And I just wanted to put that out there.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
I'm glad you share that because it's very important. I
think for anyone who's listening to this episode or you know,
just you speak in general, that they know that there's
always a way to get help. And you've just you
have put that out there. To kind of wrap up
today's episode, I wanted to kind of talk about how
(21:20):
individuals and couples alike to promote an open and honest
communication about, you know, the mental health and sexual wellbeing
of their relationships. And I'll read these really quickly and
you tell me your opinions on it amount. The first
one that I have here is create a safe and
non judgmental environment, right, established a safe and non jundgmental
(21:42):
space where both partners can feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, concerns,
and desires. And you have spoken about this before, and
you said it earlier on today that that should be
something that you know, you should be open and honest
with each other. The second one I have here is
initiate conversations. You just said that just now you initiated
a conversation with the listeners and myself. Your thoughts on
initiating conversations.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I think it's important to just have those moments. You know,
one day when you're with your significant other, you guys
could just be having wine, chilling or a moment where
you know that you're both at peace and just start
that conversation of like, babe, you know, I'd like to
know have you ever been through anything in your past?
Or let me tell you about me and figure out
ways where you both can connect and just be open,
(22:24):
vulnerable and talk about your sexual experiences.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I think is the best way to actually connect the
proper way.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I love that. And active listening yep, correct. So you
got to have someone that should be able to listen
to you, whether it's a professional that you go seek,
or a family member or a friend, or like us
right now we're talking, I'm listening to you and actively
listening to what you're telling me. Use the I statement.
This is a big one when discussing like the sensitive topics.
Use I to express your own feelings. You did that
(22:51):
the minute we started talking about your personal experience. You
immediately said I, you know that approach helps avoid sounding
like your blaming anyone because you kind of just like
you made it easier to talk about it. Right, You're
not just immediately going, well this a'm an Afro bubba. No,
you said I you acknowledge that, you know, you want
(23:12):
to let this out correct.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Correct, correct, And that's that's just how I feel. And
I think that is also important to when you're talking
to somebody else, you want them to know where you're
coming from, what's your point of view, how do you feel?
It's not about blaming anybody, It's not about how talk
about from your point of view.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
You know, you want the other person to put themselves
in your shoes.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I love that we could practice empathy and emotional support, right,
we show empathy and other emotional support to our partners
when discussing mental health and sexual well being. You know
it'll validate their experience. You could acknowledge their feelings. I
believe that that's a big one, whether it's an individual
speaking to someone else or you know, friendly conversation between
(23:53):
you and your partners. I think that's that's a big one.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
The last one is wait, well, I want to I
want to speak about amongst that because at some point
when I told my mother about it later on years
down the line, my mom was angry at me, and
I felt like, hello, wait, what this is not how this.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Was supposed to turn out. She was angry at me,
and she made it about her. She turned it into her.
Why didn't you tell me?
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Why didn't you You didn't trust me to tell me.
You know, I've been a good mother, I was a
good example.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
What And you can't do that.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
When somebody's telling you about their traumas and what they've
been through, you want to listen as much as possible.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
You want to be as supportive as possible.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
You want to understand what traumas they went through, how
that experience was for them.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Don't make it about you. Don't force them. Why didn't
you call the cops? What in your tone and delivery
is very important? So don't sound angry.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I love that. So to add on to that, guys,
remember that promoting open communication requires a lot of patience, understanding,
and ongoing efforts. Yes, you know, it's a journey of
mutual growth and support and and you know by creating
safe spaces for this type of dialogue, couples and individuals
can strengthen their bond and promote overall relationship satisfaction, which
(25:09):
is what this topic was about. You know, mental health,
sexual health, how they combine, and you know how to
get satisfaction out of it.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Listen, Alex, if there's anything that my listeners can take
with them you know today after this episode is listen.
Mental health is a real thing, and I know that
we've spoken about it in many occasion individually, but sex
and mental health is a thing.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Don't feel like you're the only one.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
We all have our different levels of mental health when
it comes to sex. We all have different perspectives when
it comes to sex, the way that we see our bodies,
the way that we see others. Don't be so hard
on yourself either. Learn to love the body that you're
in because it's the only body that you'll have for
the rest of your life. And if you ever do anything,
do it because you want to, not because you feel
pressured by your significant other, not because you're trying to
(25:53):
please your significant other.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
You do it for you.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Whether you want to modify your body, whether you want
to go to the gym, whether you want to turn
on the lights or turn them off.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Learn to embrace you. Communication is keen.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Learn to be vocal in a way that is understanding
to others. The way that you feel that, the ways
that it is that you like to be treated, the
ways that you like to be touched, the way.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
That you like to be catered.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Communication is important because you can't expect women.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
We do that a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
You should know, no, you should talk so that the
other person can understand.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
You know, there's a lot to it.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
But if you ever have to seek for help, don't
feel as if there's anything wrong with you.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to maybe you.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Might want to have a little glass of wine before
you start to loosen up. That's okay too. I feel
like sometimes we're just so hard on each other. You know,
we have to be more and more loving to each
other because everybody's been through something in life. You know,
everybody is fighting their own demons. Just be more nurturing,
be more loving, be more caring, and learn to communicate.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I have loved this episode.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I have loved this topic because I think it was
a very important conversation to have. It was exactly Amada,
it was exactly Alex, and I'm so grateful to have
you here.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Thank you, and I love when you get to share
with the audience something that they could relate to and
they can connect to. So you know, my heat's off
to you.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Amen to that, and guys, thank you all for being
part of exactly Amata.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Make sure to find me on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Catch my show by searching for Microda podcast on YouTube
and clicking on exactly Amada. Follow me on Instagram at
Amara la Ligra aln amdaa Ligra aln. I use more
Instagram than I use Twitter and everything else. It's my
actually my favorite social media platform. Remember that this has
been a production of Ihearts microdda podcast network. For more
(27:48):
podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
This is your girl, Amara
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Anigra and you just heard exact Ashley commanded the two
stop tamp Tump
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