111: My Own Personal Jesus

In this week's episode, Turk questions his faith after a particularly difficult Christmas in the ER. In the real world, Zach and Donald recount the inspirations behind one of the best dream sequences in Scrubs' history.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Does your wife keep track of what you ate? Oh? No, no, no, no, no,
she doesn't keep track of what I That's what I mean. Like,
how do I mean like keep track of what you
ate in terms of like, hey you're eating too much?
I mean like the good shit in our house. She's
watching like, hey, you had the last Eminem packet that's mine. Yeah.
We do fight over Eminem's, the peanut kind. We fight
over candy a lot. My wife and I yo yo, uh.

(00:23):
We should talk about this because a lot of people
don't know. But it was Sinco de Mayo yesterday. Yes,
you were fasting, so you didn't participate in Sinco de Mayo.
What did you do? What did you do? So? Casa
Vega is one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in the
Sherman Oaks area right and you know, nobody can go
to restaurants right now. But they had a little drive

(00:45):
through going on where you can get you know, tacos
and and and beans and rice and and you know
whatever was on the menu, and margaritas and margharita's. How
do they how do they give you the margharita? They
brought it in, they put it in a half gallon.
Picture that does not even a picture. It's like a
half gallon, you know, like we put milk in it.

(01:06):
You know, you get milk and it's a half gallon,
bob jar whatever it is. Yeah, they put it in that. Wow,
and we got three of them. Oh my god, did
you get hammer? We only have one left. You guys
had a party over there. We drank a gallon of
margarita yesterday. Oh my godlish I'm so jealous. I literally

(01:28):
this this this fast thing we're on. It's like all
you eat is this thin soup. It looks like it
looks like gruel, remember that thing that Oliver wanted more of.
That's what it looks like. Yeah, it looks like or
like what they what they'd slop on a pirate ship,
what they'd serve you for dinner. That's what it looks like. Right,
does have like a little bit of celery and like
a little bit of carrot. It looks like cartoonishly watered

(01:51):
down soup. That's what we're allowed to eat. But it's
it's white colored. No, it's the color of whatever flavor
they think it is. It's like tomato is like tomato colored,
but it's just got little specs of crap in it. Wow,
But just you wait, Donald, We're gonna you're gonna check
in when we record on Friday, and you're gonna you're
gonna say, wow, you look even thinner. I want to
I want to fast, but I shall we sing? Shall

(02:12):
we sing? Yeah? Sure? Why not? I'd like to count
in today because I realized I haven't counted it in
a long time. I've been giving it to you. I've
been giving it to Bill Lawrence, our guests, and giving
it to Judy as a present, and and I just
feel feeling left out. Well, Zach, I want you to
give it to me. Go ahead, okay, Dan, hit it.
I like a little you know what. You didn't wait
before you hit it? Dan? You know, I always thought
it was so cool when DJ's on the radio do

(02:35):
the thing they called talk up, like they know exactly
when the words come in, and they'd stop talking right
at I believe DJs call it talking up a song
right right, so they they I'm sure they haven't labeled somewhere,
like the lyrics start at five seconds in or something.
And I always thought it was so smooth. So I'd
like to talk up this song. Go ahead, do it. Okay,

(02:56):
here we go. So I'm not gonna count in, Dan,
I'm just gonna talk it up. Okay, I'm nervous now,
I'm nervous. Now Here we go. Welcome everybody to fake doctors,
real friends. We're so glad you're joining us. And here's
a song written by Junie blues Domphase on a Brown
coming at you. Here's some stories about show we made

(03:19):
about a bunch of does and said, he's stories. So
get around here? Are yato around you here? Hey? Lots
of talk on the social media about you know what

(03:41):
I mean? And uh? And you is it? Is it
that bad? No, it's It's just people just need to
accept it. It's part of your way of speaking. It
is part of mine. I'm just concerned though about those
who are doing it as a drinking game, that that
that we're gonna turn people into alcoholics. I'm up the
I think we should keep the things, but if you
don't don't want to keep the things, we could we
could remove the things. And also I heard, by the way, Dan,

(04:04):
that you missed some I saw on Twitter some people
were like that dings were hilarious, but you guys missed
like four You know what it means, Dan, what was
the total I mean, of the ones you caught, what
was the total nine? That's not a lot for an hour, dude.
By the way, that's when you were trying not to
say it, dude, But but I was also it was

(04:25):
me not it was me using it as slang, though
at that point it wasn't me just saying you know
what I mean. After everything I said, somebody brought to
my attention that you say, you know a lot. I'm
just gonna put it out there. Really, we're trying to
shift the ship on to me. Listen, listen, I do
I listen. We all have. We all if you record

(04:45):
someone for multiple hours, you're gonna hear some of the
things that they say when they speak. I'm sure we
all have our own ticks. Yeah, I'm sure you listening
right now judging us, you probably have some vocal go tos.
The ones that the ones that kind of get on
my nerves are like when people say I mean all

(05:07):
the time before they say anything I mean, it's like no,
I get it, or like I mean, I hear you
say like a lot. We all say like a lot,
I know. But the young folks really use like a lot. Yeah,
that that's the one that gets me. I mean, I mean,
I mean, I'm literally the wrong use of literally is
also a bit of a pet peeve. Really that's abused.

(05:30):
You literally don't like that. I literally literally get annoyed
when people overuse literally. Should we get into the episode, Donald,
let's do it. I love it everyone. I'm right in
and say, holy shit, you are so good in this episode.
I forgot how church centric it was. It is a

(05:53):
Turk episode, and it issode. It's a very Turk episode Donald,
right moments. I'm not just saying this because I love
you so much, but I do, But holy shit, you
are so good in this episode. And I multiple things.
There's the there's we could spend a whole episode of
this podcast on that gospel fantasy. We're going to spend

(06:13):
plenty of time on it, don't get me wrong. But
also you're dramatic acting at the end when you're all upset,
the scene with you and Judy on the roof, you
running to the park, I just thought you did really
really good working. Oh you're a sweetheart, you know. Thank
you first of all. Second of all, this was one
of my this isn't necessarily one of my favorite episodes.
But there's so many really cool things that happened in

(06:35):
this episode that I got to be a part of.
One was obviously the gospel choiet thing. That was a
lot of fun. One of my favorite movies of all
time is Coming to America too, and also Which Way
Is Up? And in Which Way Is Up? Richard Pryor
plays a reverend in a church and in Coming to America.
Arsineo Hall's portrayal of the reverend is amazing as well.

(06:56):
And so if any if I was doing anything in
that scene, I was stealing from the two of them, wow,
because I just get right, let's get right to it.
You are so fucking funny in that, and I well,
I watched it like multiple times just because that scene.
I think it's one of the I honestly, I know
we're just started this, but I think it's one of
the best fantasies in Scrub's history, solely because of your performance.

(07:18):
And I know that you're doing an homage to your
favorite one of our favorite movies, Coming to America, but
you really made it your own. I mean, I just
was dying laughing the Jerry Curl, the swinging of the arms,
the padding of the forehead. We gonna, we gonna what
do you want to cut them open, and then we

(07:40):
gonna stow them right back together. I remember that day
genuinely cracking up, and you were just going for it. Man,
you were you were literally sweating your ass on. That's
hot and you were just being But I wasn't sweating
my ass off. So you kind of used literally in
the way that you hate it. Okay, you're because I've
literally sweating, but my ass didn't fall off. All right, Okay,

(08:03):
there is there is it is. It is literally not
possible in literal sense for someone's ass to be sweat off.
I believe. I believe that's true. Joel, Please look that up.
I had a lot of fun doing that scene, man.
One of the one of the great things was looking
out into the audience also and seeing, you know, how
background really enjoyed themselves, and then also seeing familiar faces

(08:27):
in the background. Colonel Doctor for the first time is
in this episode. Wait, before you're you're jumping around, let's
just stay focused on you. We can't go to Colonel
Doctor is in the background. I know, but yes, okay, sorry,
but I didn't want to go to courl doctor yet
because it is his first appearance in a Scrubs episode,
he shows up in the background of Sarah's scene first.
Also Neil Flynn in the background of this episode clapping, Yes,

(08:50):
that was funny. What about me when I get the
spirit and then you catch in the Holy Ghost? Dude,
that freaked me out. The first time I ever saw that,
I'm gonna be in real life, My first time ever
seen I saw listen. I went to church with my babysitter.
It was like a midnight mass type thing, and we
went to church and we saw, first of all, people

(09:13):
around us are catching the spirit, right, catching the Holy Ghost,
and they're losing it. And I was like, all right,
I'm safe. I'm here with my babysitter. I know she's
not gonna catch the Holy Spirit. Last cut too, she
catches the bad Boy and I was like, yeah, so
how did she start acting like she just out of
out of nowhere? She just started dancing right like you did,

(09:36):
like your character does, like like JD does. She started
dancing and then she started praising God, which is what
you know as a youth when you don't see stuff
like that, Like my grandmother was Piscopalian, so we had
to go to Piscopalian church and stuff like that, and
it wasn't like that, you know what I mean. Even
though it was all black, it wasn't a Baptist church,
you know what I mean. And when you go to
a when you go to a Baptist church, you know

(09:58):
they put it in. That's something that's I'd love to
do that. By the way, Oh, it's amazing that everything.
I would love to have the experience of going to
a church like the one we're representing in this show.
I just think it would be amazing. I've never seen
that in real life, obviously, I've seen it on TV
and on video of people speaking in tongues and and
and no judgments. I'm not I'm whatever works for you.

(10:20):
That's amazing. I like you said, as a child, I
was always like, oh my God, what is what is happening? Right?
And it was so shocking to see someone reacting like that,
to get touched by the spirit of God. I like
the idea that JD you know, got the spirit when
you were such a good minister, that it just came
to him, right, the music got into him and and
and scripted or I just improved that. I don't recall,

(10:42):
do you remember, I don't know if it was scripted.
I think I think you might have improved it to
be I think I just thought I said to Bill, like,
oh my god, I should get the spirit. I think
that's funny. Yeah, amazing, amazing, man, A great scene. The
choir was. The choir was amazing. Although they although we
do we do have two of them that that spy
the lens and wave at the camera around eight sixteen.
I don't know if you caught that they got They

(11:04):
may have caught the spirit too and decided to wave
to the lens. But uh, but they were. They were amazing.
And by the way, why mistaken or did you? Or
did you when you were just riffing. One of the
things that was you were so great when when they
would when you would be in your element and they
would just tell you to go. Whether that could be
the dance, the famous dance you did that that everyone
always talks about, or or so many things, but in

(11:26):
this moment when you were just riffing and being that preacher,
I mean, you just got lost in it and it
was so amazing to watch you do that. But I
remember that when you can what's the name of the song?
We sing in yer, remember the song? And they kept
it in and that was so funny. It was supposed
to be something like quah, let us let us you know,

(11:47):
uh let us uh bless the congregation with the song
you know, Christ the Lord, right, right, And I remember
getting down back quile what's the name of a song
was singing? But you stayed in character. It was still funny.
You know. It was such a good lesson early on
in Scrubs that if if we stayed in character, a

(12:09):
lot of that stuff could if it was funny, would
stay in right. And and that was a perfect example
of of you doing that and Bill going in the
edit room like, oh, that's funny, that's staying yeah. Yeah.
So so this whole episode, it was written by Debford
hum that's right, who also wrote the musical episode. Right,
was the one of the main writers on the musical episode,

(12:30):
and I think actually participated in running a lot of
lyrics for the famous musical episode. That's right. And Jeff
Melman was the director, and I just learned a little
trivia that he directed some of the sitcom You did
the xes, Yeah, I did, I did. I do not
put two and two together. I did not remember that.

(12:51):
Do you remember? Do you remember it? I do know
Jeff Melman has, but now that you have said that,
he only directed one episode of Scrubs and it was
twenty years ago, So you're okay for not remembering that,
But I don't know if you put two and two together.
They also directed your sitcom The X. I think we
even talked about him directing an episode of Scrubs when
he directed the episode of The Exes. Anyway, and Kristin Johnston,

(13:11):
who you did The Exes with, I bought her house.
That's where I live. Yeah. Not only that, but you
guys also did Twelfth Night together. We did Twelfth Night
together in Central Park at the Dela Court and you
and that's when she said, Hey, I want to move
out of la I'm over it. Do you have any interest?
And I was just at the time when I was

(13:31):
starting to think about buying my first house. And what's
funny is that she was quite an entertainer. She threw
a lot of bashes at the house, and so over
the years when I've told people that I bought the
house from her, they're always like, ooh, I've been so
fucked up in your house. Wow. Wow. Well she's now
sober and she's written a wonderful book called Guts on

(13:53):
the market right now. And if you guys are listening
and want a good read in the voice of christ
and Johnson. She also does the audio book, check it out.
It's very, very, very revealing, and she's very open about
her addiction. And yeah, get and when you're I've read
the book and it's amazing and you should get it.
And when you're hearing about some of her partying, just

(14:15):
know it was happening in mind. Yo. Somebody got mad, dude,
you oh man, somebody got mad that I ruined that
joke or that not the joke, the bit of trivia.
I know on one of the last episodes, I said
I'm gonna I was gonna do a trivia for Donald
involving the Breakfast Club, and he ruined it and some
guy and some guy wrote on Twitter I was legit

(14:37):
excited for a bit of trivia and Donald did indeed
ruin it. We gotta filter in some more trivia to
this show. Absolutely so okay, dev Ford, him, Jeff Melman,
It's a great episode. I gotta say, you know, They're
not all this good. This was a darn good one.
And first thing I wrote down was Nurse Tisdale at
thirty five seconds in Yes, which is a oma to

(15:01):
film fast Times a Ridgemond High. Now, some of you
younger folk might not know that movie. You should watch
it because it's a seminole eighties film. And I remember
watching it at someone's house, far too young to be
watching it, Like I should not have been watching that
movie at the age I was, And I remember feeling like,
don't move because I don't want any adult to notice

(15:21):
that I'm here and I'm watching this and I probably
shouldn't be watching Phoebe Kates reveal her bosoms. Yeah, you
remember when you saw that movie. I do remember when
I saw that movie. And you know, the one thing
that stuck out from that movie for me was Sean
Pinn totally awesome and his Jeff Spoccoli. Yeah, a little

(15:42):
bit of trivia for you. Do you know who wrote
that movie? Yes, it was Amy Heckerling, No Cameron Crowe.
Amy Heckerling directed it, absolutely, okay. Amy Heckerling, who wrote
and directed Clueless, wrote and directed Clueless. Yes, so it's
six degrees of Donald Fazon is what your six degrees
of Donald Fazon. Forrest Whittakers also in that movie. He

(16:02):
directed Waiting to Exhale and I was in it, and
I remember going on the audition for Waiting to Exhale
at the same time I was shooting Clueless, the movie,
and I was, you know, Forrest and I had a
little conversation about his experience with Amy and the reason
why I got Waiting to Xer because I'm sure there
were a bunch of people who auditioned for it. But
Forrest told me, he was like, you know, I went

(16:22):
with you because you know you're working with Amy, and
Amy gave me my start, and it was something there
was a form of nostalgia and for me. So I
got to be in Waiting Exhale with Whitney, Houston, Angel Labassett, Lauretta,
Divine Lee, liber Sean, I got to oh Man, I
got to meet several actors, from Michael Beach to one
of my favorite all time performers, Gregory Hines. That's what

(16:46):
I've never seen the movie. I've got to be honest
with you, but you've never seen Waiting to Exhale. No,
but I'm gonna write it down because we're looking for
quarantine movies. And I do love your work. You should
watch way in exhale. It's a lot of fun. It's
if you have a good pardon it or should I
need to just fast forward to your scenes. No, you
should watch the movie. The movie is actually very entertaining.
It's it's it's and the soundtrack is amazing. By the way,

(17:07):
Holy cow, baby face, you put your foot in it
when you made that one. I don't know what that means.
It just means he puts them, he puts them. He did.
He put a little strowsy on it. You know, he's
still doing this thing. Oh, I just haven't heard about
him his name in the public lexicon in a long time. Anyway,
we digress. Let's get back here, all right, we digress.

(17:28):
Nurse Tisdale. Um, she's coming down doing a homage to
Fast Times at ridge Mont High. By the way, if
you haven't seen Fast Times at Rige Mond High, you
should because it perfectly I think encapsulates a period of
time in the eighties. And uh, and it's a really
really I mean it was written by Cameron Crowe. I
mean it's a great movie. Um, fifty eight seconds Snoop

(17:48):
you know, showing up. Snoop's in a lot of this episode.
Snoop Dogg. In turn, Snoop Dogg was in a lot
of this show. I know. It's funny. If you guys
start looking at the background, you'll not Snoop Dogg real
Snoop dog Snoop dog if you'll see if you guys look,
if you guys look at these episodes closely, you'll see
that basically they're just they're just moving around the same
twenty background folks. And there's times where it's like there'll

(18:10):
be one scene and Snoops in the background, and then
then we're upstairs and Stoops in the background. I'm like, guys,
come on, well he worked a lot and then yeah,
but now we're starting to introduce new characters, so you'll see, ye.
Doctor one fifty one a momentous moment. Colonel Doctor first
appearance in the background, as Bill told us on the
last episode, named because everyone thought he looked like um

(18:33):
Colonel Sanders the Kentucky Fried Chicken commercials. And is he
still alive or did he pass I believe he passed away.
I believes where he was an older fellow when we're
doing this twenty years ago. By the way, someone clarified
for me on the social media interwebs that the Beard
Fusse film I was trying to remember was Girl with

(18:54):
the Dragon tattoo. I knew it was a Fincher, so
I was right about it being Fincher. It's Girl with
the Dragon. Had to um, Daniel Craig is on a
plane and the camera sort of just dollis past a
close up of Beard Fusse. So thank you for the
for the listener who helped me out with that. All right,
we're gonna go to break, We'll be right back, and

(19:22):
we're back. Hey listen. I occasionally Season one would go
out partying with you during the week. Yes, I was occasionally, Yes,
I was feeling myself. I had never had a dollar
in my pocket, let alone, um, some hit television show
and you and I. I can't I mean, it's forty

(19:44):
five years old. You can't imagine you would ever do this.
But in our twenties we would occasionally go out the
nights of filming. Occasionally, I remember we would say things like,
all right, look, just want to do one shot? How
about just one I'm sure everybody out there can relate
to your friend going, how about just one? Yeah, We're
gonna do one shot hard hard, six o'clock in the morning.

(20:07):
If we're gone by midnight, we could be home by
one and it will still have a good five hours asleep.
Right hard cut to like at six in the morning,
we're in Orlando Jones is swimming. Oh my god, it
wasn't even six. It was like four forty five, right,
And it was the night. You had to be at
work at six and I had to Did you have
to go in or just me? You didn't have to
go in, and I had to go in, but I
didn't have to be in until like, oh man, this

(20:29):
was this is This is if you looked at a
graph of me being irresponsible at work. This was the
high point because I think I was in Orlando Jones's
pool hammered at four forty five, and that day I
had to shoot this Fawnzie fantasy at three forty one
that starts at three forty one. So when you see
that Fawnsie thing, not only am I hung over, I'm

(20:49):
still buzzed, right right, I'm still buzzed from partying with
Orlando Jones dude to this day. That's still one of
the most epic nights. I mean, we've had some pretty
epic nights, but well, because he was so young and
fresh in the game, and I hadn't met that many stars,
and and I was just like, I can't believe are
we going to Orlando Jones's house yet. Yeah, he was

(21:10):
fresh off of doing uh he had he had already
said goodbye to the seven up commercials, and now he
had the movie that had just come out with him
and David Duchovny and Sean William Scott called Evolution or
something like that, and we were all hanging out. I
don't know, but I was in any star. I was excited.
I was as excited. I felt like, I'm living the

(21:30):
Hollywood dream. I'm not waiting tables anymore. I'm partying with
Orlando Jones and Donald phays On in a pod and
Deonte Gordon Donald's Donald stand in slash our friend and uh.
And then I went and did this fantasy. So I
was just watching it because I remember that being in pain,
and it's it's a very funny fantasy. So I'm i'm, i'm.

(21:52):
I was grateful this many years later, I didn't ruin
a moment for the fans, because that's a funny fantasy.
It's hilarious. He's not gonna make it then you come
in jebox. But those of you who are too young
to remember, the Fawns who I'm spoofing here could pretty
much had magical powers. I mean it happened. It came
to jukeboxes and women. Yes, the maybe in the beginning

(22:13):
he was just jukeboxing. But then like as I recall
later in later episodes of Happy Days, he would literally
he could like work magic because snap and women out
of nowhere would show up. Yeah, Fawns. He had to
move out of Milwaukee because he had dated every woman
in Milwaukee. That was that was a subplot. He had
He had been on a date with every single woman
in Milwaukee and he could, so he had to go
out of city for that right on. Such a funny

(22:36):
scene though, such a funny scene. And that's how you
you know we all believe in miracles. Well that's how
that's what starts off your really cool arc about testing
your faith and and so was it dropped from you
You mentioned earlier that it was was your was churks
religiousness dropped from here on out? Like did it ever
come up? Did you stop wearing that cross? The cross?

(22:58):
You never see this cross ever before? But in this
sood because you're supposed be religious, the crosses in every
every shot. Well, we we shot it in another episode also,
but the cross is was it was after this you
don't see the cross anymore, Um, I believe, And we
don't talk about Turk's faith really anymore, which is bizarre
because at the end of the episode your faith is restored.

(23:18):
I mean, you literally have a sign from God. Did
you go save a pregnant woman in the park? Right? Like?
I just knew she was in the park? Yeah, how
did you just know? Did you even know? Does Turk
even know Sarah's storyline about her having a pregnant woman?
I think the I think the whole hospital knows about
it because she's escaped and everybody's on the lookout. Okay,

(23:38):
so you're on the roof, by the way, How funny
is it the judy trying to cheer you up, wants
to bang on the roof of the hospital. I know,
I thought that was a funny plot line, Like here, baby,
I'll cheer you up. Let's have sex on this gravelly
dirty rooftop. Yeah, I look back at that. I look
back at that and like, Turk, what were you thinking?
I love us, I love us, I love I'm wanting

(23:59):
it going be so gross And you're like, oh, what
was Turk thinking? I mean, like, I don't know. I
think having sex in like really awkward places is always
so like such a thing you only see in movies, Like,
have you had sex and awkward places before? Well, I'm

(24:19):
not gonna go too into my sex life for everybody,
but I do. I think I have hooked up on
the beach with with with someone and thought this looks
way better in the movies. There's like sand in my creases. Yeah. No,
I have never had sex and really any awkward. There
you go. We're giving the exclusive here on fake Doctor's
Real Friends Donald Phazon never having sex in an awkward place,

(24:42):
Like I know people that have done it in some
crazy places. I'm like, there's people who are into that.
They're like they like they think of it like notches
on their belt, like we you're not gonna believe where
we bang the hospital roof. Yeah, Turk and Carla, aren't
that couple? What about those people who bran rag about
having sex on air in airplane bathrooms. I always thought

(25:02):
that would be humiliating to come out of the bathroom
and everyone's looking at you and so obvious what you did.
It's not. Well, the thing is not a lot of
people have the opportunity to have sex over a mile
above the earth, right, And so I get the allure. Yeah,
you do get the allure. Yeah, I get the allure,

(25:23):
but I'm not really I'm not jealous of it. Like
you just said, I can't picture you doing that. It
doesn't sound like a very Donald phase on thing to do.
I mean, you never know, so you might. I mean
if it's a private jet, oh, a private jet doesn't count.
I'm talking about a commercial airplane. Like yeah, no, no no, no, no, no,
no no, especially now after what we're going through right

(25:44):
now with this whole quarantine thing. I'm all, before the quarantine,
you would definitely bang in a bathroom. Before the quarantine.
I think a lot of people would be like, yeah,
that's a possibility. But I think after the quarantine thing,
it's like there's a little too much of germs, and
I can't picture Casey Cobb being like, there's no way,
it's absolutely not. I would be like, babe, let's do it,
and she'd look at me like I was stupid. Should
come home, buddy, my own buddy. That's funny, all right.

(26:06):
So the parks called Miller Park. I couldn't help but
think that might be for Krista Miller. Okay, right, yeah, sure,
the parks called Miller Park. I mean, Bill said he's
not great at naming shit. So speaking of Christa Miller,
she's back. She's back, and she looks beautiful and she's
funny as shit. And six thirty three is the first

(26:26):
time I say banana hammock? Nelson, what is a banana hammock?
Is it the thing that Rob that Rob aka Todd
wears the tiny Yes, yes, and and and it's called
a banana hammock because obviously it's like laying your banana
in a Hanna hammock. Okay, now I guess there are

(26:47):
people men that wear these for real strippers. Yeah, I
mean I think if you're comfortable, if you don't have
problems with your thighs rubbing together, banana hammocks are very comfortable.
They do you would could you ever consider? Would you
ever consider? No? Because before you answer, if you knew
you weren't going to be photographed by a Papa rots So,

(27:08):
by the way, singular of Papa Rozzi is Papa Rozzo.
I don't know if you knew that, Okay, if you
knew that you weren't going to be photographed and it
would just be you on the beach and wherever Brazil,
would you would you rock one of those? If I
had no worry about anyone ever seeing me in this, yeah,
then why not go nude? Right? No, I'm talking about
you're still on a beach, people are like around, No,

(27:29):
then no, I would not rock one. If people are around,
then no, I would never. I sometimes think it would
be fun to wear a speedo like you know. Um again,
I don't want to wear it and have people look
at me and judge, you know, everything going on. But
I think I just think sometimes when I see people
wearing them, I go, I think that might feel nice
have a speedo on be out and about. Yeah. I don't,

(27:51):
I don't know, I don't, I don't. I'd prefer to.
I have issues with like chafing with my thighs and
stuff like that because we don't have a thigh gap. Yeah,
I got quads and I got some thigh gap I
think I might have a thigh gap. Let me see. Yeah,
I have a little thigh gap. I don't have a
thigh gap. My my, my, my inner thigh touch. Yeah,

(28:14):
they clap, they clap. That's the worst. Oh, you want
to talk about feeling uh, feeling uh running with the
chafe after a while and then having the burn in between.
You can't jog because of your thighs. I can jog
if I put on something like compression shorts, but I
can't wear like. I can't wear tidy whities, like I

(28:35):
don't wear tighty whities because even just walking is an
issue with tighty whities. Yeah. I don't wear tidy whities
anymore either, but I used to be quite loyal to them. Yeah,
the janitor is for no reason that ninety punched in
the balls by a little girl and m Both the
little girl and the mom acknowledge the janitor, So m Bill,

(28:59):
since you hold fast to the idea that the janitor
only reacted with j D in season one and may
have been a figment of his imagination, why is it
that a little girl randomly punches Neil in the balls
and he reacts. Yeah, when the janitor got hitting the
balls by that girl, like the nine and a half

(29:20):
minute mark. You want me to explain how the janitor
can only interact with j D if this actually happened,
that's easy, Um five six, Stop fucking guy, Um the
old school PSA. Yes, great, hilarious, so funny, very funny

(29:43):
and very clever. Yeah, I mean really and and just
well executed. Kudos to Jeff Melman, the director and deb
for writing it. I thought that was just really clever,
really well executed. Those those sort of spoofing, those nineteen
fifties you know, what do you call them instructional videos? Yes,
But then afterward, after the fantasy was over, we did

(30:04):
it again where the person who did the voice over
for the fantasy is now in the room with you, right,
and he brings up like communism as though he's still
back in the fifties, right, and then looks he's looking
off into the distance, I guess, into nowhere, and then
you look at him to see what he's looking at, right,
and then you exit that direction. I think he was

(30:25):
trying to be one of those like, you know, picture
like a nineteen fifties announcer guy who's like looking off
into the distance, and thus we will fight communism and so,
and then he's sort of frozen like that. And then
but it was sort of a JD sort of headlook.
So then I kind of did a look to him
like are you doing my thing? Or what are you
looking at? And then I try to look where he
was going. But that's pulling out of a fantasy and

(30:46):
still being yes, you know, it's rather example of that's
not something that happened too often. No, this is like
then the second time it happened. Well, we talked about
the guy who was frozen after at the orderly, who
was frozen after everybody else was frozen. It's not something
I think Bill. I think he said that he started
phasing that out, but I thought it was clever, very clever.
Same here, um, I UM, I have a couple of things.

(31:12):
We shaved the baby, I laughed out loud. I laughed
out loud. I shaved the baby, shaved in a haircut.
Two yeah, I laughed out loud. That was JD's jad's
um improvisation for solving the problem. We shaved the baby.
You shaved the baby, yep, shaved the baby, shave and

(31:34):
a haircut. Long pause. Two bits Bill told me um
early on that one of the things he loved about
Michael J. Fox working on Spin City was that Michael J.
And everybody, when you think about this, when you hear this,
you'll think about family ties. And some of the amazing
timing he had was that he knew how long he

(31:57):
could milk a pause before that punchline. Like Michael J.
Fox was fucking genius at you know, I'll just use
this example, how long he could have the audience, especially
if the audience got ahead of it, right, he knew
that you still, I mean, it's even better with a
sitcom live audience, but he knew that shaven a haircut,

(32:18):
you know, like he could he could just milk it.
Even if the audience started and a sitcom started giggling
because they were ahead of it. He could just milk that.
And Bill said, and I think I think that landed
in my head in some of my scrubs timings because
I wanted to impress him like Michael J. Fox. But um,
but I but I I always think of that when

(32:38):
you watch some of Michael J. Fox's amazing timing, how
how he could just he just was a master of
how long to hold it, like even let the audience
get ahead of it. It's fine, and then say and
it would be so much more gratifying, right, I mean,
Michael J. Fox is you know, one of our our
best when it comes to Family Ties. Did you watch
Family Ties? Of course I watched Family Ties. He was

(32:59):
amazing in that. And also Back to the Future, you know,
the first. I talk about Back to the Future a
lot because it's one of my favorite movies, but the
first Back to the Future. I know there's some plot
holes in it that a lot of people can't get over,
but to me, that movie is almost flawless, you know
what I mean. As far as time travel stories are
so difficult to do, you know what I mean? And

(33:20):
or I shouldn't say it difficult to do. I should
say they're just doing a time travel story. It's been
done so many times before, and so you have to
be pretty creative to make it feel like, oh, this
is oh you know, people say another time travel story.
But if it's as good as Back to the Future was,
you accept it and you're willing to go on the ride.

(33:43):
Otherwise it's like some cheese shit, and you you know,
theory gets in the way of a lot of stuff.
And they just it's just one of those movies that
you know, you make a it's just it's in my opinion,
it's one. It's a perfect movie. And wasn't it amazing
that a movie you could turn out that good? And
it was a film that they started over because they

(34:04):
recast the lead, right yeah, well yeah, yeah, yeah, I
mean you mentioned this, you mentioned this before, but for
those of you who didn't hear that or didn't know
it was originally Eric Stoltz, I don't know how long
they shot. You read the book. Do you remember they
shot half of the movie, So they shot all of
the stuff that credible. They shot half of the fucking movie. Yeah,
so they shot everything in the fifties. What they talk

(34:24):
about They talk about the movie like, you know, Michael J.
Fox is very athletic. It's the name of this book.
Do you remember. For people don't remember it, dude tweeted,
But they shot half the movie and they said, you know,
Michael J. Fox is very athletic. But they said Eric
Stolts on a skateboard was magic. He just seemed way
more at home on a skateboard than it was a skateboard. Yeah,

(34:46):
right then, Michael J. Fox did, and you know the
rock and roll side of things. They say in the book.
You know, Eric Stoltz had that, you know, has that
very much grun rock appeal to him, you know what
I mean. And Jay Fox is you know, he is
he is what he is. He's you know, when you
look at him, you're not like, yo, that dude is

(35:09):
just Licksen's to rock all it. Even even if he
does you know what I mean, he doesn't have that
look to him. And they said, Eric did, it just
didn't work out. Yeah, I mean, how humbling can you
imagine your I mean, thank god. Eric Stoltz went on
to have this incredible career and holy shit in Mask
if you haven't. And that's the thing. So they talk
about that in the book. The reason why he was
put in the movie was because he had Mask, the

(35:31):
Mask coming out, you know what I mean, And so
they were banking on him getting nominated for an Academy
Award for that movie, but then being in this blockbuster
action adventure time travel movie. The name of the book
is Back to the Future. I got to click on
The Ultimate Visual History. Yes, Back to the Future, The
Ultimate Visual History by Michael Klasterin Yeah, so if you're

(35:55):
a fan of the movie, uh like as much as
Donald is, you might want to check that out because
it sounds fascinating. I'm always fascinating these production stories where
someone's recast or they start over. I mean, I don't
know if it's true, so don't hold me to this.
But I heard that American Beauty, which is one of
my favorite movies, they shot like, not not as much
as this, but they shot like a week of and

(36:15):
and um, and the director said to the producers, I
I didn't get the tone quite right. You know, the
tone of American media is so specific. And as the
as the rumor I heard goes, he said, I just
didn't quite nail it. I need to I need to
scrap that week and start over. And and the DreamWorks producers,
including Spielberg and the other fellows, let him do it.

(36:36):
That's interesting because Spielberg's very much involved in Back to
the Future as so maybe he's the kind of producer
that if you're lets with Sam Mende, sorry Sam Mendi's
first film, and I love American Beauty, please see that
if you haven't. But I again, it might be Hollywood lore,
But I heard that that that they sort of started
over again on that one. So these stories where where
some movie is so incredible, it has such an impact,

(36:58):
and then there's there's something that happened where they happens
all the time some you know, some Star Wars movie.
They did that with some of the Star Wars movies,
like Rogue one. Apparently there's a whole you know, they
shot almost all of Rogue one and went back and
reshot a lot of the stuff in it. Really, yeah,
same thing with the same thing with Solo. You remember,

(37:18):
you know, of course that's changing, that's changing the directors.
That's that's seven crazy. Yeah, but there's a whole cut.
There's a whole movie. According to Lore, there's a whole
movie that they made that you can actually take all
of the special effects and all of the things that
they did in the actual Solo movie and you can
put it into what they shot and it's a completely

(37:40):
different movie, but it still all fits. What do you
think happen? They were obviously my guesses, they were just
doing their hilarious improv comedic thing. And then Kathleen Kennedy
that's her name, did she just not like that style?
She's saying that's not Star wars. No, I don't know
if it was her. I don't know if it was
I don't know if it was the writer of the
movie who's gone on to write some incredible movies. Uh,

(38:02):
Jonathan Kasden. It's Jonathan, but his dad wrote Raiders the
Lost Ark. Yeah. Lawrence Kasten, Yeah, he wrote Raised in the
the Lost Ark The Empire strikes Back and they both
teamed up to right solo. I don't know what happened.
I'd love to know that story. We could reach out
to them and they want to be on the podcast,
and right here they want to talk about I don't
think even if we were to get Chris and Phil
on the podcast, I don't think they're gonna out there whole.

(38:24):
So let's ask Jonathan Kaston and Lawrence Caston. All right,
they'll never do it. I don't think how cool would
it be if I could go and cut two and
then they said it. You know, as the podcast gets
bigger and bigger, maybe we'll be able to get like
really fancy guests like and now Lawrence Kasten. Um. Yeah.

(38:48):
I always wondered what happened with that, because I don't
know why you'd hire Christen Phil if not to do
what they do so well, which was to make it funny.
And it seems to me, not as someone who's just
dialed into the Star Wars universe as you. But when
I think of Han Solo, I think, oh, let's give
him some some jokes. Let's have him be quippy and funny.
And it seemed like a perfect marriage. But it would

(39:08):
be a real interesting it'd be very interesting to see that.
You know that sidefects and I love Solo, you know
what I mean. There are a lot of people out
there that really like that movie, and I'm one of
those people. Um, it's a fun Star Wars movie. So
then Ron Howard came in, and you know, he's an
amazing director himself, right, you know, it's one of my
favorite Ron Howard movies is Parenthood the movie if you

(39:30):
have great cast, great movie. He went on. They went
on to make a very popular TV show, starting My
Doppelgang or Dak Shephard. I'm gonna say something right now,
that movie has one of my favorite actors. I am
a huge fan of Rick moranis Yeah, has been. He's amazing. Yeah,
he's on his way. I guess he's he's agreed to
do another project. I don't know what it is, but
he's honey, I shrunk the kids. Maybe he's coming back

(39:52):
for that. That would be so awesome. I know they're
redoing that with Josh Gadd and I think of that
he might be joining him. So well's nodding, so that
means yeah. Rick Morani's tragically lost his wife at the
height of his career, so he quit to raise his children,
and now his children are growing and he's coming back,
and I'm so excited. God, he's so talented. I'm so

(40:13):
I'm so happy he's coming back because he's a funny,
funny man. All right, let's get back to the show.
Let's get back to the show. Donald one of my
favorite fantasies. Uh, and I still use it to this day.
I ain't buying it. Trying to sell somebody the book
on the kid getting hit, the baby with prenatal lice. Yeah,
and Christa says what it says, I'm buying it at

(40:36):
the funny that's funny, that's funny. And you passed something
that I wanted to say still about shaving the baby's head.
That was funny. Oh when when Johnny sees mad that
I didn't correctly tape over them. By the way, for
those of you are young, that's that's a VHS recorder.
So there used to be these giant tapes called VHS tapes. Um,
but I was laughing, and when Johnny SE's yelling at
me because I fucked up the tape, and I go,

(40:58):
I was there, I could you know, jot down some
of my feelings and impressions? It's I could I could
you know, hot down some of my feelings and impressions? Like,
I was good, What am I gonna do? Like write down? Like?
And then the head emerged. Um, let's talk about Johnny

(41:21):
c McGinley as the Grinch. That was really funny. He
nailed that, Yes he did. Yeah. And the words that
he's saying are those words from doctor Seus's nurse. I
think they're supposed to be doctor Susy, but they're not
real sus But they're not real Seuss words. Yeah. But
they did a great job on his hair and makeup.
I thought he looked really cool and he was. It
was funny looking. I wonder how long he was in

(41:42):
hair and makeup for I could I could tell from
from being on the show that was hours and hours
and hours. He had hair like green hair glued to
his face and stuff. Yeah, Sinner Man by Nina Simone,
which is they really must have rolled out the bucks
for it to pay for Nina Simone on this episode.
As you run to the to Miller Park, to Miller Park,
you know that that was what I was talking about

(42:02):
when we were talking about the platform shoes, and they
made Deontay do all of the things that you saw
me do in that episode in like twelve inch platform shoes. However,
sure how much shorter he is than me? Eight inch? Whatever?
Why are you running? Why are you running like a
cartoon character? Do you notice that? It's like this really
dramatic moment and then you're taking corners. You know how

(42:25):
when cartoon people run, they're like skid at the corners
and they have to like like catch you're doing that?
Ship Well, it's all It all comes from Michael J.
Fox Man speaking. We spoke about him earlier. It really
is true, man, Mike. Michael J. Fox had some of
the best running moments in the history of running in

(42:45):
teen Wolf when he's running through the halls and the
guys mopping and he's like it's slippery, that way and
Mike runs through and then slides all the way through camera,
run the way through the hallway and then comes running back.
But as he's coming back, he's trying to keep his
balance on the slippery floor. So you're saying that moment
you're running, and this was inspiring everything everything, I you know, everything,

(43:06):
I've done. Everything I do, I do it for you,
I do it for Michael J. F Well, no, but
every there's a you know, whether it's a run or
a walk or you know, a facial expression. A lot
of these come from my favorite actors, So like Harrison Ford,
Denzel Washington, Sydney Portier, Michael J. Fox, Rick Moranis, Robin Williams,

(43:29):
Bill Murray. You know, all of these people did something
that I saw and I was like, I'm gonna I'm
gonna try and dot I wrote down in nineteen eighteen,
Turk runs like a cartoon character. Right, that all came
from me trying to run like Michael J. Fox. Yeah,
So Turke gets a sign. He's on the roof again, Right,
You're on the roof again. Yeah, and you're just up

(43:49):
there having a moment and you have a come to
Jesus moment if you will that there's a pregnant woman
about to give birth in the park, and you run
and you run like a cartoon character to Nina Simone's
Center Man beautiful song and uh, and then you run
to the park and you deliver a baby. Now that
Turk probably hasn't delivered that many babies. Well, he's a surgeon,

(44:11):
but he's not. Yeah, he's probably done a fair amount.
I imagine that he's he's not a guy, no, but
I know him. Oh, I want to go to something
that Joel, the speaking of guy knows we're jumping around.
But in the very beginning the episode, Kelso is is
being sexist and saying to Sarah that she's going to
become a guy in college ob gyn and then Joel
found this thing. According to an article by the American

(44:33):
Medical Association the Breakdown of Specialties dominated by women in
twenty nineteen, eighty three point four percent of ob GYNs
are women. Wow, and seventy two percent of pediatricians are women.
Am I reading that right? Joe So? Which was well,

(44:54):
I mean I was offended by Kelso. I was like,
fuck this guy. And then Joel handing me the and uh,
you know, I guess, but I understand that, like I
I was your was your have your ob gyn's been
been female? Or male? Uh? First one was a guy?
I was asking Donald Joel, but please, oh my god, Joel,

(45:19):
this question, like for his wife got laughing so hard.
Jobel got so lost in the episode, she started answering,
you're totally asking. Wait, Joel, sorry, I want I want
you to answer. Don't get me wrong, but you go
furtist and then we'll call on Donald. Donald has had
eleven thousand children, So I wanted to know what go

(45:39):
for you, Joel? Have your ob g y n's been
uh mostly let's say mostly? Yeah? Three women, one guy?
How about you? Donald's my life, Casey's is a male?
M h and and and your other other baby mamas?
Do you remember you don't remember? It's okay not to remember.
I don't. I feel like if I was giving birth
and I had a vagina, i'd want a woman. But

(45:59):
maybe I'm maybe that's ridiculous to say, I just what's
my gut response? Okay, Well, here's a here's here's a
good survey. We should, we should do and we won't
and we won't. Use uh that as an example. Let's
use massaging as an example. Okay, yeah, yeah, because that's
pretty intimate and it's harmless. And what do you get
a man or a woman? Exactly? What do you get
a man? I always get a woman. Same here, Joel

(46:21):
the strongest hands, who has the strongest hands? So you choose,
You say who's got the best hands. So when they
say manner of female, male or female, you say strongest hands. Absolutely.
Oh the end. I thought it was funny that Sarah
was You're holding Jooty like in front of you, but
Sarah's holding me in front of her, right in front
of the Christmas tree. Yes, yes, funny. I also there

(46:44):
was one other part that we should talk about, and
that's uh, when Cox and Jordan are fighting each other
about the haircut, shaving and everything like that, and then
you jump in the middle and then they automatically turn
on j D. And that's a lesson that I've learned
at ay, that I learned at a young age. I
guess JD was never you know, I didn't have friends

(47:06):
that had brothers or sisters or anything like that. But
never get involved in a couple is fighting. You stay
out of it, unless unless they invite you into the argument.
Stay away because that thing will turn on you so quick.
It's hard sometimes because you want to weigh in but
you can't. But you can't. You gotta keep it to yourself.
You gotta keep it to yourself. I had friends growing up,

(47:26):
the Rogers brothers, there was four of them, right, and
they would you know, when they fought, they would fight viciously,
punching and grabbing and choking, and you know, they would
beat each other up and you'd be like, you guys
are brothers, stop it, and you'd get in the middle
of it, and then their anger all of a sudden
went from them wanting to kick each other's ass to
now them kicking your ass. And two on one ain't fun, dude,

(47:48):
or three on one, four on one ain't fun, man,
and it would be it would be I would So
when JD did that to Jordan and Cox, I was like,
that's the dumb that's a rookie mistake. That's the dumbest
move ever. Never get involved in couples arguing, right right,
I well, I I definitely try and stay out. But
in your head you're thinking like you're you're judging, and

(48:11):
you're saying, like, aren't you also happy when you're out
in public and you see a couple of fighting and
you're like, yes, it's not me. Yeah, absolutely absolutely. That's
the one thing that my wife and I tried not
to do. It's always like to wait, wait till we
get home, wait till we Oh, really you do the
wait till we get home? Well, I don't do that.
That's what she does to me. Really, we can talk
when we get home, go right and I know, right

(48:33):
there and there, I'm not going to I'm not going
to sleep tonight. And then you have to drive home
and just like in silence, yeah, and then we walk
in and it's on. And my wife's the type of
person that's like, I don't like going to ben mad. Well,
at least she has it out, you know. I I
think that's way better to have it out, even if
it's like impassioned, rather than just sitting on it. I

(48:53):
hate that and U and I don't think you should
go to sleep mad either. I think that's a good
a good habit to have. Trying. Dude, I've been I've
been damn near sleeping where I'm just in huh, where
I'm passed out, my eyes are closed and I'm just
agreeing now right, just so I could go to sleep
the Path of Least Resistance and She'll be like, so
what did I say? And I'd be like, oh, gosh,

(49:15):
there you go. See you are listening. I was listening.
Don't go to been angry. Everybody that's here from fake
Doctor's real friends. Oh, one last thing I've forgotten. Let's
ask Bill about this. Also, go ahead, before we're gonna
go to We're gonna get Bill two this week. Okay,
go ahead, Yeah, okay, So there was an alternate ending

(49:36):
to this episode, right, but that's that's so dark. Note
so dark. It was so dark to end the Christmas episode.
I wasn't even to bring it up because we were
being so giddy and it's a bit it's a bit dark,
but okay, go for it. Yeah, there was a dark
ending to this episode, and I'm sure that I don't
think it wasn't was it an ending or it was
a subplot that was woven through. I think it was
a subplot. It might have been let's ask Bill, Bill.

(49:57):
I know at the end of this episode, there was
a moment in between Jordan and Uh we almost forgot
about the call. There was a moment with Jordan and
uh and Cox where they said something different when they
were looking at the baby when they finally went to
visit the baby, and there was no there was a subplot.

(50:18):
Do you want me to tell you what it is
and then have Bill talk about it? Sure, it was
a subplot that they when they were together, had lost
a child and um, so that was some of the
dramatic undertones of of of them and dealing with their
friends having a new baby, and that's why they didn't
want to go to the room, right. And I believe
or the or the nursery where you see kids, and

(50:40):
I believe that Bill had an argument with the network
about cutting that out. So Bill tell us about that
and what your struggle with the network was, please, you know,
it's interesting. I don't remember specifically the struggle with the
Jordan Cox losing a baby thing. But the one thing
that we were always dealing with early on in Scrub

(51:01):
was that we would pitch the network stories that weren't
specifically comedies, you know, and it didn't sound like, Hey,
three patients come in and one of the three of
them are going to die, but they all three die. Hey,
Doctor Cox used to be married to someone they lost
a baby. Hey, we're gonna introduce a super big movie
star guest star who seems really funny in jovial, but

(51:22):
he's gonna have Lukemian then come back next year and
die from it. So we always met resistance. Thank you, Bill.
Let's take a break. We'll be right back after these
fine words, now, Joelle, I believe we have a caller

(51:45):
or two. Hi, guys, how are you doing? Brian good?
How are you Bryan O'Malley? Oh my god, Brian, you
got to record that somehow? You good? I am recording
it actually, And you know what, Brian, that can be
your your new ring tone, Donald giving you an opera?
Oh mav and why oh man? That is definitely gonna happen.

(52:06):
Speaking of ring tones, I digress for a moment. The
good people at I Heeart are putting together the ability
for for folks to have our theme song be your
ring tone. We're working on it, and that's in the
works because I've gotten been getting a lot of love
on the social media for our theme song, especially Wilder's version,
and um, Wilder's version will not that's not going to

(52:28):
be available for Wilder's version will not be available for
ring tone. Although I did her. A lot of people
say that should be the new version forget your version,
but those people are wrong. Um, but pretty bright. What's
your drinking? Man? What are you drinking? Brian? Uh? This
is beer? Okay? What kind of beer you got there?
It's like a hazy I pa juicy eight percent. I
like stuff that's strong. Okay, Well I got myself a

(52:50):
little margarita. Is that just like lime juice? Tequila? I
don't know what they use at Casa Vega the rest
in my neighborhood that they that you're still drinking out
of your your gallons there? We have so many. Yeah,
oh that's awesome. Um, Hi guys, where do you live in?
What's happening in? Brian? Introduce your your girlfriend, wife, friend?

(53:10):
This is my partner. This is uh doctor Ellen, a
grief doc. Hi doc? And uh we live in Evanston. Oh,
I went to Northwestern right, Yeah, so we we we
both worked that here actually too. Um. She works at
a hospital here and I own a small business on
Central Street, you know, right down from the stadium. Um

(53:31):
and so yeah, we just um we do that. And
Ellen is uh eight and yeah, almost nine months pregnant Emma. Congratulations,
congratulations you guys know what you're having a boy? Nice?
Is there a person? But yeah, a person? Good congratulations guys. Yeah,
way to go guys. Yeah, so we're you know, it's

(53:53):
definitely uh anxiety causing you know, I, I, we neither
of us have had kids before. Um. I used to
be a teacher. But it's not quite the same when
you know you can send them home at like three
o'clock and just be done with them. Um. So now
it's like they're here for good. Okay, Brian, I'm gonna
give you a little bit of you're talking to the
right man, Brian Donald many kids, Okay, that's right, Yeah,

(54:15):
something like that. He doesn't even remember something like that, right,
that's that's great. That's a great story. How many kids
you got? Something like nine? Six that I know about.
So the first year, Brian, there's not much you can do,
that's the honest to goodness truth, except be supportive. Change diapers.

(54:38):
But there's not much you can do because the baby.
You can say, can't you say, honey, can I get
you anything? Absolutely better? Say that you have to, right, Yeah,
that's being supportive. So there's not much you can do
the first year. It's after that where you are you
are hands on and in it to win it, or
she's going to leave you. Yeah, yes, yeah, Brian, write

(54:59):
that down. Yes, yes, she is basically keeping us comfortable.
So I'm not gonna play with that at all. Right, well,
I'm so, I'm so happy for you. That's exciting and
thank you. And what do you do? You have any
names in mind, like Zach or Donald? Yeah, I wanted
Jennifer Dylan or something like that. That'll work. It's a boy.

(55:20):
So we went with We're gonna even Gabriel and Colin.
Gabe beautiful. I love it, beautiful, beautiful name. Gabe. Finn O'Malley. Oh,
Finn's a good name too, now, Finn from Star Wars
or just Finn because everything is Star Wars. Donald, sometimes
it can be I couldn't huh, Honestly, I would think
it more Huck Finn from Mark Twain to be okay,

(55:42):
Oh yeah, there's that fin too, literary Donald, come on,
here's that fin too. Brian, go ahead with your question
for the legendary Donald Fason and it's for both of you. Yeah,
it definitely relates to what we were talking about. But um,
I was curious of which character between you and Donald
and maybe doctor Cox, do you think it was like

(56:04):
the best dad overall? And then kind of a follow up,
but like, what do you think their kids would be
like now, like fifteen twenty years later? Wow? Wow, good question. Well,
I do think both characters were very excited about their children,
and and I think we saw from a flash forward
as I recall that don't they end up getting married?
They do and we and we lose it. That was likesode.

(56:28):
I think I faint. Uh as I recall I did this,
I wiped my I fanned my eyes and fainted. Yeah,
that's a gift I see all the time. Um, I
don't know. I think we'd be great parents because um,
you know, we're both characters were again not afraid of
showing emotion, not afraid of being affectionate. Um I my

(56:50):
father was very a very affectionate man and gave me
hugs and kissed me and and um, and I always
thought that that was and I love that he did that.
And I think that both Turk and j D would
be very involved. They're the kind of fathers that would
want to be all over not one of those people's like,
all right, you to the woman, you handle it. I'll

(57:13):
I'll coach sports one day. That was That was not
my experience. But I think Turk and j D co
parented too, you know what I mean. I think they
helped each other out as far as raising their kids went.
You know, they say it takes a village to raise
a child, and I think their little village. I think

(57:35):
the hospital or you know, wherever they wound up when
the show ended. I'm I believe they still lived in
the same proximity of each other. I think there it
was a communal raising of the children, even even uh,
I think, yeah, I think j D. I uh and uh?

(57:56):
What was what was Elizabeth Bank's character's name, Kim? Was
it Kim him? You didn't know Zach, you didn't know.
I was waiting for Brian. I was waiting for Brian.
I was about I was like this, I was like
about to say, I was like pretending that my mouth
was opening, and then Brian said, yeah, Kim Donald, I
was waiting for Zach. Sorry. So my baby mama, my

(58:19):
baby mama. Right. So I think both kids, the one
that he that JD had with Kim and the one
that he had with Elliott uh and then Turk's kids
as well. I think they they were raised together and
they grew up together. I think in one of the
episode you try to like, I think they got you
were trying to set them up, right, like it was
one of the series finales. Maybe that we were trying

(58:39):
to set the kids up. Yeah, weren't they like they
met or something and now they remember. I remember doing
an episode in the park where we're dolls, like dumbs.
Do you have another question? I mean one of my
other questions was just, you know, advice for being a dad.
But you you kind of already covered that. You got this, dude,

(59:01):
you got Yeah. I mean, it's listen, my advice, and
I'm gonna be honest with you. My advice. Aint shit,
I'm gonna keep it one hundred with you. You know.
It's it's how you two decide to do the thing.
You know what I mean my advice I can all
I can say is just just show as much love
as you can to your boy. That's so important. I
like what Zach was saying too. I mean me and

(59:22):
Ellen were joking, but I was like, I think, like
the fact that JD was a sensey. You know, like
being sensitive is like an important thing to impart in
kids early, especially boys I think nowadays, and so I
think that's one of our you know, our big focuses
for him and just let them be whoever they are.
You know. A testament to my father was he wasn't
he was so into sports, my dad, but he wasn't

(59:43):
trying to make me a job. He wasn't. Unfortunately, he
was also into theater, which which was what I took
to But um, but I mean, just like my advice,
and again, I have no kids, so don't listen to me.
I have dogs, and I can highly recommend create training.
I try that, but um with the kid. Yeah, well
that's what I always say to Donald when I when
I say to when I'm with Donald and his kids
are misbehaving, I'm like, why don't you just put him

(01:00:05):
in the crate? Dude? That works great for my puppy.
My daughter looked at me and she was like, you're
gonna put me in the crate? Yeah right now, She's like,
but I'm not a dog. But I mean, just let them. Well.
One of the things I one of the things I
really cherished about my relationship with my father was that
he was so accepting of whoever his kids were. And
I you know, you're obviously it's nature nurture. You're going

(01:00:28):
to be shaping a part of who they are, of
course too. But but let them show you who they
are and then and then and then celebrate that and
let that flourish. Again, that's coming from someone with no children,
but it is coming from someone who had a great
dad and and and was really appreciative that he was
like that, Well, can I ask one more thing sort
of related? But did you guys You know I didn't

(01:00:49):
like look up biographies. Did you guys have siblings? Yes?
I have several siblings. I have four brothers, two uh
that I grew up with and two that I did
not grow up with. But we were a big family.
I think that's why I have such a big family.
Now I feel like it's the more the marrier. Yeah,
I have two. I have three. Sorry, let me start again.

(01:01:14):
I had four children total in my family, and I'm sorry,
I'm struggling with this. Just to be honest, I lost
my sister two years ago, so I'm like literally trying
to Sorry, it's okay, but I'm trying to answer this
question honestly, and it's like I'm having to recount. There
were four children in my family, and then my parents
got divorced and remarried and I gained three stepsisters, so
two stepsisters on one side, one step sister on the

(01:01:35):
other side, so we were we're a huge family. And
and yeah, so I also think you guys should have
more So sorry, sorry guys, but you're gonna have to
have more kids so they can. Well, that's what I
would think, because we only have the one, and that's
probably gonna be it. Um, so you know, I'm the
whole only child, especially nowadays when I don't even know
when he'll be able to hang out with other kids,

(01:01:55):
you know, or if he'll be able to go to
preschool or stuff like that daycare. I think you got
it some years before you be worried about that. So
vaccines or will be infended and we can all go
back to a new normal, right sometime within a year
or two. Yeah, awesome? Is the keg still open in Evanston?

(01:02:18):
The bar? No, that's where we used to go and
try and sneak in with our fake IDs. Yeah, we're
we're like, that's probably what's the name of your what's
the name of your place? It's called Beer on Central.
It's not very inventive because if we're on I want
us to do an ad for it. Right now, we're
gonna do an ad for it. Donald. But I'm in Evanston, Illinois,
and I want a beer. You know where I go?

(01:02:39):
Where do you go, Zach? I go to Beer on Central.
Beer on Central is Oh, yes, Oh it's a place,
and it's in Evanston. And if you're gonna buy beer,
it's the best place to buy beer. It's called Beer
on Central. Is it on Central? It's on Central. It's
called Beer on Central. And you know a lot of
Northwestern students are always looking for a place to buy beer. Yeah.

(01:03:00):
Do you sell kegs, Brian? We don't, but I mean
after this I can. Yes, Brian is gonna change his
whole business model to offer kegs to all you can. Yes,
this is worth millions of dollars in free advertising. Yeah. No,
this is insane. So Donald's Central Beer on Central. The
next time I'm in Evanston, Illinois, I am going to
check out Beer on Central. Yeah. And you know what, Donald,

(01:03:23):
You know what, Donald, I might even just go to
Evanston to buy beer from Beer on Central. Yeah, you
know what if you do, just tell him, Brian O'Malley sentia,
I will what's a beer that you's the only one there?
So be like Brian everything, Brian. For for those of
people who are listening, who like who like beer, can

(01:03:45):
you recommend one of your microbrew or fancy beers that
people should try that you highly recommend? Um, you know
right now? Like what's really popular is like I was
drinking earlier, these like hazy I pas there tend to
be like kind of strong, are very juicy, not bitter,
very popular. This one's from Saint Aaron. They're great, hot butcher.

(01:04:05):
There's a bunch of really cool ones in the city,
so so so Saint Aaron is the brand. This one. Yeah,
that's what I'm having now is a Saint Aaron. Can
I get that in anywhere? Can I get that in
Los Angeles? No? Like right now, we only do local stuff.
Only doing that's even cool. One of the other things
I like about beer on Central Donald what it's all
it's all local beer. Oh you're talking about beer on Central. Yeah.

(01:04:29):
One of the things that one of my favorite things
about beer on Central in Evanston, Illinois. Is that it's
all all stocked with local breweries. That sounds delicious. I
like IPA a lot, by the way, and this is
going to sound really lame in Hollywood, but I'm gluten free,
and uh, there are some really good gluten free IPA beers. Yeah,

(01:04:50):
we have some too. There's one called Omission. I'll give
a shout out too. And there's one I think called Glutenberg,
not Steve Gutenberg, Glutenberg Glutenberg. Yeah, there have gluten in
the title. So there you go. I'm giving those beers
a shout out, and they should advertise with us, because
we're giving such a wonderful advertisement to beer from you guys.
Out of box, you know, give me an address. No, no, no, no,

(01:05:11):
I'm not giving you my address. Give me a po box.
We don't want to take your your wares. We don't
want to take your wares. We want you to you
need to make that money for this baby. That's right,
She's right. Really. So that being said, if you're ever
in Evanston, Illinois, the place to go for a great

(01:05:32):
local beer. Yeah, beer on Central, Beer on Central. Everybody
beer on Central. And listen, guys, thanks for coming on
thanks for the good questions, thanks for telling us about
Beer on Central, and um, have fun and I's Illinois.
I spent I spent four years there and had a
great time, although it's too fucking cold for human beings.
Ladies and gentlemen. Big round of applause for Brian o'maly

(01:05:56):
and Beer on Central. Wow, you give you give beer
on Central? The oper treatment? Yeah, why not? What's what's
the name of your partner? Again? Ellen and doctor Ellen agreed,
thank you. You're blowing out the mixer here, Donald, I'm
not Oprah. Oprah doesn't go that loud. Sure, she has

(01:06:19):
them the mixer at the Oprah shows, like here she
goes and he's fucking reagular. She's about to do it
and over the button. You can just see the mixer
in the back of the Opra show going, oh shit,
she's gonna yell, I'm getting this finger over. I hope
Dan does that when you're when you're saying a load
of guests, all right, bye, guys, thank you so much,

(01:06:40):
thank you so much. Healthy, congratulations you thanks, thank you. Wow. Donald?
What what nice folks? Donald? And Um and I gotta
tell you, Um, I'm gonna I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm
gonna frequent beer on Central next time you're in Evanston, Illinois.
Do you drink beer? You't only drink beer anymore, do you.
I'm a huge a drinker. I just you know, it's

(01:07:02):
so fine. I find yeah, I find that. Uh it's
a little heavy for me. That's the only thing. It
just feels like shit when you're working out and trying
to stay thin and then you have a fucking big
as thick beer and you're like, I might as well
have a milkshake, right, I like hard liquor. Yeah, I know,
I like, oh, I know, Oh you're an asshole like tequila? Well, no,
I I you know. I it was sinco de mayo yesterday.

(01:07:25):
So and the last time I had to kill it
was the last thing that I had in the in
the in the cupboard. But what I truly like, I
like a good bourbon or Scotch. What about Corvassier? No,
what is what is corvasia? I don't it's a it's
a drink. It's a it's a it's a brown liquor. Um.
You know, for a while I was coasa, she's looking

(01:07:46):
I was a Hennessy drinker for a while, you know,
or ian Ja. I liked ian j back in the day.
I don't know what any of these drinks are. You
don't know what Hennessey is. I've heard of Hennessey, but
I don't think I've ever tried. I don't know what Hanna,
You've had an incredible Hulk before, and you don't know
what Hennessey. Do you remember the incredible Hulk? Oh? Well,
used to play poker and you would make a Oh
it's cogniac, she says. We used to play poker and

(01:08:09):
you would make a drink called the Hulks. Was that
a real drink or you made it up? I didn't
make that up. But when you mixed Tennessee and not
Alasa but hypnotic, Hennessey and hypnotic mixed together, sounds horrible. Oh,
but it would turn Hulk green and you would only
need one. It was so sweet, right, But you'd only

(01:08:30):
need one to knock you on your ass. And we
would play poker and the crew would come over, you know,
Calvin would come over, Ethan would come over. You would
come over, and we drink that all night and freaking
be hammered until like four o'clock, five o'clock in the morning. Yeah,
playing poker. Have you ever had a cement mixer? What

(01:08:51):
the heck is that? It's fucking nasty. It's two different things.
You guys can google it if you want to puke.
I remember doing this on my twenty first birthday and
I puked. Um. But it's two different alcohols you put
in your mouth and they solidify when they react with
each other, and it feels like a cementy oatmeal thing
that's disgusted. It's so bross. It's like it's the kind

(01:09:14):
of thing that college kids do shots of, like Yager Moister.
Do you ever do shots a Yeager Moister? Yeah? I'm
proud to say that at forty five years old, I
can't drink like that anymore, nor do I want to hangover.
It's like four days. Yeah, you know, I've learned a
little thing. You remember we did that thing in Scrubs. Yeah,
pd we did that thing in Scrubs that it's become
so relevant in my life. I don't know what episode
it was, but we went around the table of all

(01:09:37):
the different ages of women. Who was the was Mandy
the young? It was many more, and then Sarah and
then Judy and then Christa, and they were all hungover,
and the camera went around and showed all the different
levels of how it hangover affects different ages. Yes, and
then by the time it got to Christa, she had
sunglasses on and was asleep and just blacked out yeah,

(01:10:01):
with a smile on her face. I think of that
fantasy over, not fantasy. I think of that moment all
the time, because, man, a hangover at forty five is
not a hangover at twenty five. No, it's not. Listen,
I miss you, do you? It's always so nice to
touch base with you. Do you really miss me? Man?
If if the world were open, I'd have you over.

(01:10:22):
We'd we'd we'd sit by the pool. We'd have we'd
have a Margarita. I would I bring my picture of
Margarita to do you bring your picture over. I'm supposed
to write today, but I would. I would scrap writing
and just join you by the pool for Margarita's. That's
what would happen today. You're working right now, huh I am,
I'm writing. Look do you want to see I'll show you.
Look at this. This is just showing that shit ain't
fucking around. This is the first draft. Wow, you're for

(01:10:45):
real about it? He just pulled out a two finger
that's about an inch of Yeah, it's way too long
right now. A typical screen a typical screenplay for those
of you not in the know, it is roughly one
hundred and twenty pages, because they say roughly a script
works out to a page a minute, and you don't
want your movie typically to exceed one hundred and twenty

(01:11:06):
minutes um. And this first draft is one hundred and
forty four pages, so there'll be lots of cutting to
to occur. But it's happening. Donald, The wheels are turning
good for you. Yeah, for you. Aren't you going to
ask what you usually ask when I write a screenplay
and any black people in it? There are black people
in it, and there might even be a part for you,
a good part, or you just gonna throw me a

(01:11:26):
little bone. You'll probably have to audition. When I gave
Donald my first draft of Garden State, he said said
to me, I really want you to read my script.
It was my first screenplay. He was my new best friend,
and I said, I'd really like you to read this,
And he said, are there any black people in it?
And I said, um, there's there's one or two. One

(01:11:48):
you're not right for because he's he's an African man
that's been adopted by Natalie Portman's family, and the other
is um is being played. At the time you had
given to part to most deaf. Is what you said
to me? No, I didn't, Yeah, you did, really method
it was method It was always method man. It was okay,
so then it was method man at the time you said,

(01:12:10):
you said yeah, And then the other part I gave
to method Man. And I knew right then and there
that I would never read that script. And so Donald
Donald in protest because I had given the role to
to method man. Um never read the script. It's a
great movie, though, thank you, thanks very very very well received. Also,
thank you, and and you're in you know I could

(01:12:32):
thank you. Oh Dan's given thumbs up. And Donald, I mean,
I didn't make the same mistake twice. And I made
sure to put you in wish I was here. Yeah,
and I was very happy to be in that movie
as well. Great movie, Mandy, but Timken, holy cow. Yeah,
and you were very funny in that movie. You only
had Mandy Tenken. Let's let's get Mandy Buttemken, Josh Gad
Holy cow. Yeah, Kate Hudson, Holy cow. Yeah. There's some

(01:12:56):
great performance. And though we just great performance, funny and
sh in the movie, let's give a shout out to
the film Wish I Was Here, which you can you
can see. I think it's on Netflix. You know how
I know it's on Netflix at least in the United States?
Is uh Joey King, who's plays My Daughter, has become
so faw. Joey King steals the movie and has become
so famous that Netflix has redone the poster, so it's

(01:13:16):
just Joey King's face. Even if you don't watch the movie,
do me a favor and go to your Netflix and
look up Wish I Was Here, and you will see
it's a picture of Joey King's head because she has
become such a big star, and particularly on Netflix with
with with Kissing Booth, which was like one of their
most watch movies ever. And I just thought it was
funny that Netflix was like, no, we don't need Kate Hudson,

(01:13:39):
Zach Ralph, Josh God, maybe Potancic on the plush are
just a shot of Joey's head, but much deserved she's
a superstar that she has a superstar. Thank you so
much for listening to fake doctor's real friends. I'm your
co host, Zach Braff, along with my friend Donald fayze
On here to make you laugh, here to make a
smile with a touch of nostalgia about sure we made

(01:14:03):
about a bunch of docs and nurses and a janitor
who learned him. I said, he's the stories natur all
should know. So Gato