2023: My Hard Truths with Jillian Turecki

On this week's episode, Zach and Donald talk to relationship expert Jillian Turecki who delivers some hard truths and impactful quotes to singles seeking a lasting relationship. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Left you a little something before the show started.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Daniel, Oh, that's lovely. I can't wait to hear it. Hi, everybody,
how are you very well yourself? You don't have Joel today,
She's no Joel.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Who am I going to talk about Ahsoka with? I
thought today was the day, Daniel.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
You really have to raise the bar today. You have
to be all things Joel and all things Daniel. Oh goodness,
what a high bar. But I will do my best,
I promise. Do you feel confident speaking for the lgbt
Q community.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
You have already failed, Daniel as.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Joel sounds like no, sounds like no. Daniel Donald, you're
finally I think this is our first podcast since you're
allowed to talk about whatever bullshit Star Wars ship you
want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Well, first of all, eat these bulls.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Eat these balls, Zach.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
It is first of all, there's that. But second, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
What do you love Ahsoka?

Speaker 1 (01:02):
I do love Ahsoka. I'm not gonna lie. I loved
it so much that I still watch it now. I've
watched every episode except for the first two. The first
two is backstory. I didn't need to necessarily know what
everybody else did. But I'm one who kept up with rebels.
I didn't know that Sabine and Ahsoka were, you know,

(01:25):
training as Padawan and master master in Padawan. But you know,
I didn't need all of the we've got a map
to find as a story. Fuck that shit, let's get
right into it. Let's go get this boy.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
Could someone watch this show if there don't know Star Wars,
all the different chapters and lore.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
If you like Star Wars, this is the show for you.
If you're somebody that's like, I don't give a shit
either way, this isn't for you. But what I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Saying, if I haven't watched everything, and I'm like, okay,
I'm gonna try Ahsoka, I don't know the whole everything
that's happened.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
I don't necessarily think these people exist. This person that
you're talking about right now, well, it's me exist.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
It's me. I don't watch all the time. There's I
know Vader, sorry spoilers, I know Vader was Luke Skywalker's father.

Speaker 1 (02:14):
Okay, what else? Do you know? What?

Speaker 2 (02:17):
I know that they can they have powers, and they
can make like like a storm tuber. Go, these aren't
the droids I'm looking for, right?

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Do you know about any systems that you want to
talk about.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
The Dagaba system there, I see. We were in Vegas
this weekend and I was asking Donald what is the
way I was trying to ask him some trivia. I said,
which planet has the most Star Wars action taking place
on it? What was your tattooing?

Speaker 1 (02:45):
It's in everything?

Speaker 2 (02:46):
And then I asked him if they ever revisit the
one of the Ewoks because I like that planet. It
was very pretty indoor And you said, no, they don't
go back to Endoor. Well, you know what, these are
the questions I was asking as you walk to the in.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
The Rise of Skywalker, the planet that they're on, where
the death Star is in the water, that's in the
that's in the same system as Indoor. Obviously, because I'm.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
So proud of your knowledge. It's in the same system.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Right, Well, it's I don't know if that was indoor,
but it's definitely in the same system.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Because I just like saying Digabo system.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
I know you love that word a little. The Dega system.
And my jetpack is out of juice.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Donald and I went to F one in Vegas. It
was a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Were allowed to talk about the things that we witnessed
this weekend cars.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Who we met? Would that be a secret? Who we met?
Who did you meet? Do you want do you want
me to be the one to tell them?

Speaker 1 (03:47):
You tell this?

Speaker 2 (03:47):
I want to make Daniel jealous. Tell I'm already John.
I saw the Instagram stories.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
I was like, of course, tell you tell the story
of who we met. You tell the story you you
already met the person, and then who we ran into well,
and then who he ran to the time.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
I'm friends with Jared Land, who created the Red Camera.
This man is a brilliant mind. And for those who
don't know, the Red camera is one of the most
common cinema digital cinema cameras that's that's used. Some directors
swear by it, like like David Fincher for example, and
it's a it's a brilliant camera. I own a low end,

(04:24):
small version of it called the Red Kimodo, and there's
all different levels of the Red It's really amazing camera. Anyway,
I'm lucky enough to be friendly with Jared Land, who
created And he was at F one and he said,
come by, We're in this suite and I knew who
he was with, and I said, Donald, come with me,
I have a little surprise for you. And Donald was
coming back from the bathroom. He's like, what are you doing?

(04:44):
I said, just follow me, oh man. And we went
to this suite and it was in a really good
location for watching it.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
It was like pod racing, man for real, for real.
That ship I got there right away. When the when
they take off the first lap is some bullshit. I
guess it's the pole position. Let's get into position.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Oh, I think it's a heating up the tires. Donald, they.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Whatever that ship is.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
You didn't like that. You didn't like the formation.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
That was exciting.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
It's meant to be exciting. It's not the start of
the race. It's not the start of the race.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
But the start of a race right away. Accident boom
right away?

Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah, right away.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
I felt bad for that guy.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
We were at the start and the finish. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
We were right above where they do all the you know,
where they where they pull into what do you call it,
the pit stop? We were right above the pits, which
leads me to the end my next story. So we
walk and we go to the suite and we come
around bend and my friend Jared is very tall and
he's in a pink hoodie. So I see him and

(05:56):
he's let's.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
Talk about how we First they wouldn't let us into
the suite first.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Oh yeah, because he was like, he was like, just
come here and just get in. I go, am I
gonna get it. It's like the owner's suite. He's like,
he's like, you guys are famous. She'll be fine. I'm like, well,
I don't know if that's gonna work. So at first
we walk up and because we had a we were
there with T mobiles, we had T mobile IDs and
they were like no, no, no, you can't get in here.
And I was like, was also sponsoring the race, right,
but anyway, So so then another woman who worked there

(06:23):
came up and she did recognize Donald and I and
she was like told the other woman like, no, no, they're fine,
they're fine. She said, who are you looking for? I said,
I'm looking for my friend. Uh. He's in a He
just told me that he's in like a hot pink hoodie.
And I was like okay. So she helps us look him.
We can't find and we're looking around. Go outside. We
come around to Bend and there in the corner waiting
for Donald and I is David Fincher and Brad Pitt? What, Yeah,

(06:49):
watching the race? Ready to watch with Donald and me?
It was cool, right, Donald, Donald? Donald. I was worried
because on the way there Donald's and like, if Brad
Pitt's really there, I might ask for a selfie. And
I go, no, I did not say that. You did
say that. You said you may have been kidding. You
may have been kidding when you're like, I'm asked for
a selfie for Casey, and I go, I didn't say that,

(07:12):
You're right, And I go, I go, don't you dare
ask for a selfie. That's gonna be embarrassing. I was like,
and then you held it together. You didn't ask for
a selfie.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
I kept it together very well. Actually I was on
my best behavior.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
So then we come around the bend. There they are
and Donald.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yeah, there's a good time in my life where where
Zach and I met someone where we were like, holy shit,
he looks just like he does in the movies and stuff.
And it was when we met Benjamin Bratt. And this
is back in the early days of Scrubs. I think
this is season one, and we got invited to a party.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
But this was really cooler. No offense to Benjamin Bratt.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Ben but love you, bro. But even though I called
you Emilia once accidentally, I love you, bro.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Friend of the show. Uh No, it was cool man
and and and Brad is just as handsome in person
as I met him a long time ago. But he's
he was.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
So looks like he does in the movies.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Man, he does.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
The wife was like my wife. When I told Casey
about it, she was like, he's handsome many.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
And by the way, he looked so cool, like he
wasn't like, you know, it wasn't in a hoodie. He
had like a fucking fit on. He looked cool.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah. Then and Finchered also, man, that was awesome.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
And Fincher was awesome and he and I got to
tell him I loved his new movie, which I did.
I recommend seeing The Killer. It's really cracked on Netflix.
And uh and then Donald and I just acted cool,
like we were chilling with the three of them for
a little bit, right, Donald, we held it together.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
We did we talked shit, you know, we found out
why they were there and what they were doing.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
And yeah, you know, it was cool.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
It was it was really awesome.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
And then Zack's like, yo, look man, we're going out tonight.
And this is around what's around midnight?

Speaker 2 (08:59):
It was probably around eleven eleven thirty midnight.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, And I'm like, I want to gamble, bro let's
go play. Let's go play the tables. He's like, nah,
let's go out. And we're hanging out with Common, We're
hanging out with the head of t Mobile. We're in
the suite with all of our people.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
You know, it's cool that you missed Donald was Ryan
Klugman's there.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
Uh, Clugman's there, Entrepreneur's there, like, all of our people
are there. We're like amongst our family, right, like our crew.
And I'm like and Zach's like, they're like, let's go here.
And Zach's like, no, we're gonna go here. And I'm like, dude,
but with the posse, and he's like, no, we're gonna
go here.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
And he's insistent, Well, like we were gonna go We're
in Vegas, right, and we had already I had already
been crushed at Blackjack. Like I don't know Donald, if
you want or not, but I got fucking crushed.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
I didn't win anything. Yeah, I know what I want.
I want to know, I want a nice little guccio.
That's wheah I want.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Well, I got crushed at Blackjack, so I was like,
let's go to one party and we went. It was
so crowded, so we'd like stayed for like twenty five minutes.
It was so packed. It was uncomfortable. But we had fun. Man,
we had a good time, didn't we. And and you know,
F one is awesome, but it really the funny thing.
And I'm know I'm not the only one who says
this is it's cool to go watch them go but

(10:17):
you really have to watch it on TV. Everyone's in
the suite watching it on TV.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah. Yeah, Well I liked watching them go by to
zip zipping by, watching the car zip by in front
of a monitor with Brad Pitt and and and Fincher, Yeah,
and Jared Land. That was the dopest part. Yeah, that
was cool of anything. And and I didn't mind them
just zipping by for that brief.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
Well, what's also cool is that Brad is in I
call him Brad now, Brad is in that F one movie.
So he was like saying, like insider shit because he
knows it all because he's you know, making an F
one movie that was Wow, that's say cool, you know what?

Speaker 3 (10:57):
You know what being there does show you when the
cars are just zipping by. When you watch it on TV,
it really makes it seem like people are closer than
they are. But when you're watching the race live, you're
really like, wow, Max for Staffing is really far.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Ahead of everybody.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
Yeah, just like zips by, and then fifteen seconds later
someone else zips by.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
It's like oh wow, yeah on TV. On TV, it
seems like they're or they're closer, I guess, but it's
not that it's not that far away. Like when you say,
like he's that much ahead, it's like tenths of a second. Though,
it's like bim, don't, don't go, bil't.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
But you have no context when you're there. If you're
just watching, you have no context of what's happening like
you need. Actually, when we went to with Fincher and
Pitt and Jared, they had the perfect setup because they
were outside on on you know, of the suite on
a ledge. But then they just had a monitor right
there so you could you could easily watch both. It's

(11:54):
most people go out and like check it out for
a second and then you go in the suite and
watch it on TV, because otherwise you have no idea
what's going on. It was cool.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
I had the perfect setup and it was right in
front of the pit intended that's what you hear.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
Literally anyway, I was trying to say Donald the night
before you came, Ryan Tedder sang in the suite and
he did this medley of his songs and I had
no idea how many fucking hits he's written?

Speaker 1 (12:26):
Too late to apologize?

Speaker 2 (12:29):
Do you know that he wrote Halo for.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Wow? I did not know that. Remember these walls Tumbling?

Speaker 2 (12:40):
And he wrote a song he wrote one of A
Dell's mega hits. He wrote, I mean he wrote so
many A Miley hits, like he's got so many guns.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
What's the one he had for top Gun? That was
a hot one? Yeah, one that was hot for the summer.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
And he wrote as it was as it was. It
was the guy's a hit machine and it's just to
say yeah. And he was really super sweet. And you
know what he said to me, what do you say?

Speaker 1 (13:13):
You mean?

Speaker 2 (13:13):
The best soundtrack of all time? Ah Art degree, so
Art degree. I liked him even more after he said that.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
I'm going to say he made the best mixtape of
all time.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
Why do you gotta fucking well it is? I mean,
I don't know I'm about to defend that. Yeah, it's
a mixtape.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
Compliment you could give it. That was the dopest mixtape ever.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
All right, Well, today on the show list of.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
What type of music you listen to, you find something
on there. Not a lot of hip hop, not a
lot of hip hop, actually no hip hop.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
But hey, no, you know, we had the surge in
general and talking about loneliness, and I thought it was
a good segue into having someone on to talk about relationships,
because a healthy relationship can be one of the things
to contribute to you getting out of your loneliness, one
getting out of their loneliness. I have thoughts, Yeah, you're
gonna have lots of thoughts. But this woman, Jillian Tareki,

(14:07):
has a podcast and she's really incredible person, and we
asked her to be on and she said yes right away,
and I think she's gonna give us some insightful things
on relationships, both if you're in a relationship and like
Donald Faison and Daniel Goodman is that your last name? Nelton?
And also those people out there who are looking to

(14:28):
be in a healthy relationship. I recommend following her on
Instagram because she she drops a lot of knowledge, lots
of good quotes, and lots of good little sound bites.
And I found that, you know, I have a friend
who's going through a tough time with dating, and I
just I found that I was sending her so many
of these quotes, and I said, I should we should
try and have this woman on because she just really

(14:50):
says some very insightful things about dating. So we're lucky
that she's here. Daniel, is she here?

Speaker 1 (14:55):
She is here?

Speaker 2 (14:56):
Okay, how about we accounted.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Stories that show?

Speaker 2 (15:03):
We made about a bunch of.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
He said, he's the stories next.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
Ye, Daniel. Do you feel that you're being your full
Joel at this moment so far on the show. I
made sure you guys count in so so far? Yes, Okay, Hey,

(15:37):
how are you guys? So nice to meet you.

Speaker 4 (15:41):
Nice to meet you too.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
Thank you for coming on our show. I really appreciate it.
I was just saying before you came in the room
that I have a friend who's going through a really
tricky dating time and I have just been blasting her
with your quotes on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
You're just so I love the way you phrase things.
And we just had the Surgeon General on a couple
weeks ago and he was talking about loneliness and I
thought a good segue after loneliness would be to have
been a relationship expert on because I just think some
of the things that you say your videos, they're just really,
really helpful, and I'm just so glad that you said

(16:21):
yes to joining us.

Speaker 4 (16:22):
Well, I appreciate the compliments and the kind words, and
I appreciate the invitation.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
So it's a big.

Speaker 4 (16:29):
Giant love fest.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Can I play one of your audio clips to start
us off? Do you mind if I do that?

Speaker 4 (16:35):
Oh my god, Yeah, that's all right.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Everyone should follow Jillian Tareki on Instagram and here's one
of her pinned top videos. Let's see if I can
manage the audio of this.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Well enough.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
Relationships rarely end because of a lack of love. They
more commonly end because of a lack of connection. And
it's in the absence of connection that people's motivation to
meet each other's needs fates. And what causes this lack
of connection. Well, it's not so common that it's a

(17:08):
big thing, a big event that causes the rupture in
a relationship. What's much more common is these little things
that get stacked up over time. It's the little micro
rejections that happen in a given day or over weeks, months,
and years. It's the consistently always looking down at your

(17:31):
phone when your partner is trying to tell you a
story or vice versa. It's the not the one time
you didn't care about their feelings, it's the several times
you didn't care about their feelings. It's not the one
time that they didn't listen to us. It's the consistent
times that we've tried to share something with them and

(17:53):
they didn't listen. It's these little micro rejections that stacked
over time that really hurts the most and causes the
most disconnection.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
I thought that was great, it's true, So tell us
about that. It's so darn hard out there. Let's just
use that as a jumping off point.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
It's darn hard in here too, man, it's right there.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Of course, love is so vulnerable, whether you're in a
relationship or you're not. But I just want to use
that that that video quote of you as a jumping
off point. Tell us about that. So it's what you're
kind of saying there to me, is that relationships and
or fall apart, not because necessarily some major thing happened,

(18:39):
although of course that does, but a sort of micro
erosions of the relationship.

Speaker 4 (18:44):
Can you speak exactly. Yeah, that's a good way to
put it.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
What were you saying before we before we go forward?
But then, aren't all relationships doomed to fail? Because don't
we in some ways settle for certain things in people
that were like that that I can live with that,
But then over as time, as time goes on, doesn't that.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
But Jillian's going to tell us that we have to
do we have to communicate and do repairs in our
relations I don't.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
Think really all relationships are doomed to fail. I mean,
if you go into a relationship with that belief, yes,
your relationship is doomed to fail. But the truth is,
I mean think about your own lives and you know,
I'm sure that you all you both have been in
many relationships. I'm assuming maybe not but a few.

Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yeah, one, no, many, many, many, both of us have
been many. But just for context, Donald is very happily
married and I'm single, So you have both you have
both sides.

Speaker 4 (19:39):
Okay, great, So just look back at your past. Have
you ever broken up with someone or a relationship ended
regardless of who initiated it, and you still love the person?

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yes, of course.

Speaker 4 (19:55):
So yeah, So it's really it's rarely like people rare
end their relationships because they don't love each other anymore.
They really end it because they don't feel connected to
each other. And it's the lack of connection that leads
to also a lack of passion. So it's not just

(20:15):
it's yes, so it's part of attraction, but it's it's
like when we don't feel connected to each other, we
don't feel as motivated to do the things that we
did in the beginning of the relationship. We don't feel
as motivated to show up, we don't feel as motivated
to communicate, we don't even feel as motivated to have sex.

(20:36):
I mean maybe, but not often. Like that goes downhill too,
and that is just a symptom of the fact that
there isn't a connection. And the thing is that everyone's
primary aim in a relationship has to be how can
we remain connected through all the vicissitudes of life and

(21:00):
all the craziness and all the what and it could
be ruptures that are in the actual relationship itself, or
just the fact that life fucking happens. Sorry, I'm sorry, I.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Have a putty curt like that curve.

Speaker 4 (21:15):
Like a truck driver. You know that life happens, right,
And so how do we stay connected through that? And
oftentimes we will feel disconnected from ourselves. We're going through
our own shit when we're feeling disconnected from self, and
we're bringing that to the relationship. So it really is

(21:37):
it's not about a lack of love, it's how do
we stay connected and being aware of the fact that, like,
it is really easy to reject the person who you
love unconsciously. So it's like every time you look at
your phone when they're actually trying to connect with you,

(21:57):
there's a rejection there. And look, sometimes we're going to
do that. Our phones are very addictive, but we don't
want to make a habit of it. Or it's just like,
you know, a really common thing is we get stressed out.
And when we get stressed out, we get in our heads.
And the more we live in our heads, the more
we are emotionally unavailable to our partner. And then a

(22:18):
really common scenario is one person's in their head a lot,
and the other person's like, what's wrong? And then the
person who's in their head is like starting to get defensive,
like why do you keep asking me what's wrong? Because
we get protective of our own bullshit, We get protective
of our own stress, we get protective of being in
our heads all the time, when really, what this person

(22:40):
is doing, what your partner's doing, what your lover is doing,
is trying to connect with you. And so it does
take a tremendous amount of self awareness to make a
relationship thrive. And I think that it is incumbent upon
all of us to rise to that challenge because that
is what helps us grow.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Is the secret sauce communication.

Speaker 4 (23:06):
Yeah, I mean that's a huge secret sauce is communication.
But the other secret sauce, which is just as important
as accountability, I would say.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
That that really is Wait, speak more to that, how
do you how do you mean?

Speaker 4 (23:21):
Because we have to be responsible and accountable for the
amount of dysfunction that we bring to our relationship. So
people like to play the blame game, and if we're
feeling disconnected, we like to create a story about how
it's the other person's fault and how it's not our fault,

(23:42):
and there is like there is a magic. It's like
the person the people who are so free with their apology,
not in a people pleasing way, but just really like,
oh my god, I got to own the fact that
I just hurt you. I got to own the fact
that I've been in my head. I've got to the
fact that, like, I haven't been as great of a

(24:03):
partner to you as I really should be this week.
Those are the people who do very well in relationships.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Wow, I like that.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
Taking responsibility.

Speaker 4 (24:11):
It's very important. That is the secret sauce.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
It's hard for a lot of people to do that too.

Speaker 4 (24:18):
It's exactly, it's hard.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
It's usually a one way street when it comes to that. Yes,
it's rare that that's a two way street. Someone has
to be reminded or someone has to be told, hey,
you know, it's kind of lopsided. From my personal point
of view, it's kind of lopsided, and then all of
a sudden, somebody realizes, oh shit, maybe it was lopsided. Yeah.
And also, what I've noticed is that sometimes it's you know,

(24:45):
when it is lopsided, it's because someone else feels like
the community. It feels the exact same way the other person,
does you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (24:55):
Yes, Yeah, they feel I don't know, betrayed or just
unheard or unseen, all of those.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
Things, you know what I mean? And yes, it's two
people with the same uh, with the same conversation, but
for some reason there's a barrier in between and they
can't get through it. It's the crazy.

Speaker 4 (25:15):
Yeah, that barrier is called the ego.

Speaker 1 (25:18):
There it is the right.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
But yeah, what happens if you're you feel like you're
in the relationship, but you're the one who's always taking
responsibility for everything.

Speaker 4 (25:26):
You know, that's a problem.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Yeah, you would say when you're like, when you feel like,
in order to end the argument, I'm I he or
she is always the one who's like, Okay, I just
want this argument you over. I'm sorry, I take responsibility
and they feel like gosh, and the only way out
of this is if I take responsibility.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
That's a problem. Then it then it warrants a conversation.
It warrants a conversation. Look, the important conversations and the
hard conversations that happen that have to happen between two
people who are either in a relationship or plan to
sleep with each other, or who are sleeping with each other, Like,
you have to have these difficult convers I mean, most
people who are just sleeping with each other don't have

(26:08):
the hard conversations. Most people who are in full blown
relationships and marriages don't have the important conversations. But you
have to be willing to have these conversations. They're not easy,
they're hard. I know I would rather not have them.
But you have to just suck it up and put on,
you know, your grown up pants whatever and show up
and lead with love and vulnerability. And you would say

(26:29):
something like, hey, I love you. Sometimes I feel like
I'm the only one taking responsibility and it's starting to
make me feel unloved, unseen, unheard, whatever. Get the vulnerability out.
And if that person is just defensive, then you have
what you would call a deeper problem in the relationship

(26:50):
that would need to be addressed, maybe with the third party.
I don't know, but these are the things.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
You know.

Speaker 4 (26:57):
How a couple deals with conflict, yeah, really determines the
quality of their relationship. Like that's it.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah, and you know what you're so one would be
so wise to figure that out early right, I tell people,
Oh yeah, I think a lot of people you know,
get involved. You know, my friends that I see, and
of course I'm sure myself and relationships is you get
so you're so high on the newness of it and
the excitement of it and the titillation of it and

(27:26):
the lust of it that you just go, oh, the
tough conversations, fuck it, fucking fucking I'll deal with that.
And then all of a sudden you're in something and
you're stucked, and you're fucked because you never you never
said how are we going to communicate? How are we
going to argue? How are we going to That's why.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
Those are the relationships that end very very quickly.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
Well they don't, but I disagree, Okay, oh yeah, no,
I hear what you're saying about the one your marriage scenario.
But I also think there's people who just get stuck
in something and then they're just kind of buried and
they don't know how to. They don't know how to, like,
how do I have the conversation now? Like I guess
we could try couples therapy if the person's open to it,
but they they you know, it's almost like there should

(28:11):
be and it's you know, it's funny. We had a
sex therapist on and she was talking about these guides
that people, you know, the stuff you never knew about
sex and that you should know about you know, about
men and women and other stuff, and it's and it's like,
I didn't know there's there's there's books about it, but
there should be a thing you go through, like, Okay,
let's go through this checklist. This is how we're going
to argue. This is how we're going to communicate. This

(28:32):
is how we're going to bring up the cringiest thing
that we don't want to talk about, because you don't.
If you don't do that, then you're then you're you're
you're in too deep and it's so much harder, right Yeah, I.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Mean what you're describing as foundation, I've definitely been in
situations before where you're in really deep and because of
all that lust and you know that tittle is tittlization,
what is it?

Speaker 2 (28:57):
Because it has titty in it?

Speaker 4 (28:57):
But exactly it's a good one. All the stuff, Like,
so there's two things that lust and stuff in the
beginning is I mean, we know why it's addictive. It's
incredibly it's incredibly fun. It reminds us that we're alive.
And then you throw in the fact that maybe you

(29:18):
may feel a little bored or unfulfilled in life, or
maybe a little bit lonely, and then someone comes into
your life and then all of a sudden, you're reminded
that you still have a beating pulse. You're reminded of
something inside of you that reminds you of when you
were fifteen years old, and that aliveness is what we
are all seeking on a conscious and unconscious level, and

(29:39):
this person brought it to you. But the truth remains
that part of at least my message is that if
you're dating, you have to really make sure that you're
not a teenager dating. So when you are really enthusiastic
about someone, you've got to process that enthusiasm and you
have to go slow, don't play house with the stranger

(30:01):
and start to like and you have to build a foundation.
And that's the foundation. So yes to what to your point,
a lot of people will go really quickly, and then
they'll realize, oh my god, we have no foundation because
we're fighting, and our fights like we have nothing to
return to. There's no security, there's no safe haven. To

(30:22):
return to. But we're so attached to each other and
we don't know where to go from there, and it's
very hard to move to to look back and and
not and then have to build a foundation when you're
already a year into the relationship. It's hard. Yeah, well
a lot of those relationships fail.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, I agree, man, I was just about to say that.
I said, it sounds like I want to say it
sounds like you're just describing a failed relationship. You know
what I mean? Anytime you am.

Speaker 4 (30:51):
Yeah, that's straight up, but maybe a really important lesson.
So you know, it's however which way you look at it,
So it's a relationship that's not gonna last, but it's
is it a failure? Well one way it is. In
another way, hopefully it's a really valuable lesson.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Okay, We're gonna take a quick break and we come back.
I want you to tell us because I'm sure lots
of people are listening and they go, Okay, I I
what do I do next time? How do I start
the conversation? I like someone, I'm so turned on by them.
It's fun, but I've fucked it up so many times.
What do I do this time? All right, we'll be
right back and we're back.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
We're all right.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
So for those who agree with everything you said and
are sitting listening to this, going mm hmm, amen and preach,
what do you say?

Speaker 1 (31:46):
All right?

Speaker 2 (31:47):
Someone listen. They're starting something new, they really like the person,
the sex is great, like they want to continue, you know,
progressing with it. What do they do to build that
foundation or community?

Speaker 4 (32:00):
Municate? Communicate and go slow? So let me let me
describe a little bit more what I mean by that.
So too many people are willing to get naked with
strangers but not have important conversations.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
I love that. That's so true.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
There's two things that she said that are so true.
Playing house with the stranger, getting naked with the stranger. Yeah, no,
within within weeks, within days of days meeting ways, listen, listen,
I'm not gonna lie. I met someone at a club
and within that, within two days after that, it seemed

(32:37):
like we were living together and we're having sex without condoms,
like just doing crazy dumb ship like you must go.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
I know you said that. Really landing with me is
that as humans were so more readily ready to be
physically intimate than we are to be intimate with our hearts. Yes,
And it's and our vulnerability.

Speaker 4 (33:04):
And our vulnerability which is interesting to me because look,
obviously there are people who can more easily detached emotionally
from intercourse than there are others. But the reality is,
if you're a man, you're a woman, you get attached
after sex. You don't get attached after sex. There is

(33:24):
a reality that we cannot deny, which is that sex
complicates feelings.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
It does.

Speaker 4 (33:30):
It adds a dimension that complicates things. And I think
that people really get into trouble when they bring sex
to the table and they haven't had the conversations about, hey,
what are our expectations around this, because a lot of
people will have sex and their expectation is now we're
in a relationship where someone else is like, no, you know.

(33:53):
And I think that that's really, really incredibly important. So
to answer your question, is like someone who just moved
quickly all the time in the past and they want
to do things differently, go slow. Wait, I really believe
and this is this is has zero to do with morality.
Everyone can do with their bodies what they want to.
But for the people who have had the kind of

(34:14):
crash and burned relationship before, and they've gotten hurt before,
and they want to do things differently, like they really
do wait to have sex and have the important conversations
about expectations, about boundaries, about about feelings and about you know,
where you want things to go. I think this is
what I want to impart so badly on people. It's

(34:38):
so incredibly important. You can only good things can come
out of that, and a lot of bad things can
come out of doing the alternative.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
You also have the person's attention, because the other person
in the who might not be initiating this, wants probably
to have sex with you, and and so you've got
their ears, you know what I mean. I can be like, hey,
I'm attracted you to you know, blah blah blah, but

(35:11):
I'm not doing that anymore without without getting to know someone.
So what let's let's have just let's have a little
bit of a chat about what you expect from this
and and what.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
All this stuff would have been helpful as a youth,
you know what I mean, this conversation, all of these
conversations when I first moved to Hollywood, when I first
was starting to have sex, all of these things would
have been you know, what I mean, hindsight is definitely
twenty twenty when it comes to how you take care
of yourself and other people's feelings and emotions, and you.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
Know, and that's not to say that you that there's
anything wrong with having casual sex if that's what's on
the what's on the program, but but what sounds like
what you're saying is at least acknowledged that, right.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
I think there has to be acknowledge. I think there
has to be a discussion about expectations and look, you know,
I'm all for we're responsible for ourselves. But you know,
I have just worked with so many people, and there
are so many people out there who are in these
I remember I was like, I was interviewed for a
podcast and the first question was, like they asked me,

(36:19):
is are you in a relationship? Are you single? Or
is it complicated? And my answer was I would never
be in something complicated in the past when I was younger,
but in today the last several years of my life,
like I would not, And I want to help people
not be in something complicated because it takes I've seen

(36:40):
people completely fuck up their lives being with the wrong person,
being with someone who who doesn't treat them well being
in the it's complicated scenario.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
And so.

Speaker 4 (36:54):
I think that if you are someone who wants just
casual sex, that's fine, but you have to be really
honest about it. And I do think and this is
this would be an interesting thing. I'd love to know
both of your opinions on this. Is if you know
that you want casual sex and then you meet someone
who you know they want more, but they're telling you no, no,

(37:17):
it's okay because they don't want to lose you. You
can tell you could so easily tell yourself the story
while they're responsible for them and they've told me that
they're okay with it, but deep down you know that
they are compromising themselves in some way emotionally by staying
in a physical relationship with you. At what point does

(37:40):
it become your responsibility to be like, you know what,
I really like you, but we can't see each other anymore.

Speaker 1 (37:46):
Yeah, that's true, Okay, I think right away. I think
the moment that as.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
A girl can't be no no no, no no no,
you can't be answering as a married guy with you
got to answer as when you were single.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
And no, that's impossible man, Come on, man, I was
led by my penis.

Speaker 4 (38:08):
I wasn't led by my right I know exactly exactly.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
But I'm saying you got to give you as a
married man of all these years.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Now is going to be like, why do you give
both perspectives as a married man as someone If if
my wife came to me and said, I want to
see other people in but it does. I don't want
it to be public, but I want to have an
open relationship. But I still love what we have going on,

(38:37):
but physically I'm not getting what I need or you know,
whatever it is, and she would see in my face,
I'd be like, fuck that hurts. Uh, this is what
you want for real?

Speaker 5 (38:54):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (38:54):
Yeah? You know I love you too, obviously, and you
know yeah shit fuck yeah, you know what because of
our love, go for it. You know. Wow, it's a lot.
That's heavy, but you know what, I love you. And
she couldn't tell that I'm fucked up right there, and

(39:16):
she just lets it go at that moment in time.
She doesn't love me, and she was bullshitting and she
just wants to go out and have casual sex with someone,
and I need to ask.

Speaker 4 (39:27):
She definitely didn't love you. If she just wanted to
have casual sex with you anyway.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
Well, no, what someone else I'm talking about?

Speaker 4 (39:33):
Right?

Speaker 1 (39:34):
You know what I mean? She wants to go and
have casual sex with someone else, she's already she's probably
already done it already. Yeah yeah, felt guilty and now
it's like, oh shit, yeah right, she's been out of
the relationship for a while, and I've been oblivious to
it right now. In my single days, if I went

(39:55):
to a young lady and was like, listen, we've been
dating for a few months. I go to the club
with you every night, so you see what's out there too.
I really do enjoy I really do enjoy our relationship.
I enjoy the conversations we have. I am being led

(40:18):
by my penis right now, though, and I need to
have so much sex it's impossible for me to just
I don't think you can handle where I'm at right now.
And she was like, yes, I can. I can. I
swear I can. Just don't leave me, just stay. We
can do this. I can. I can. I promise you
I can. I probably be like, okay, right right.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
I think a lot of people those are funny extreme
Donald examples, but on a more day to day thing.
What you're saying is, if you're having casual sex with someone,
the odds are that one person in that relationship wants
something more and at a certain point you're you're not

(41:04):
being a good person by allowing it to continue, Right, I.

Speaker 4 (41:10):
Think it's about defining what integrity means for you and
really defining the kind of person that you want to
be and having your values and your principles. Uh, penetrate
I use that word deliberately based on our conversation, but
penetrate every every aspect of your life. So you I
think you just have to ask yourself, like, am I

(41:33):
into in? Am I behaving and acting out in integrity?
By staying in this relationship that is that is clearly
not balanced Like I'm running, I'm running the show. They
clearly want more and it's it's imbalanced. And yes, it's

(41:54):
the balance. The scale is tipping towards my favor. But
am I is this who I I want to be
is a kind?

Speaker 2 (42:01):
It's not kind.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
I don't believe it is or mature. I think it's
just a maturity, that's what it is. Yeah, it's a
maturity thing.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
That's why it's the answer is, if you're young, you're
not living off of your mind, going off your hormones
and the dope through your body and stuff like that.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
It's hard, but there are a lot of middle aged people,
you know, people over the age of thirty five who
really should know better, who are still doing that. And
I think that at least part of the work that
I do is just trying to wake people up to
ask themselves questions so that they can show up as
just people who they can be proud of.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
I know, listen, I want to just you just led
me to one of your banger quotes that I love
because you guys need to follow follow Jillian Tareki t
U r e c k I on Instagram because you
have so many amazing quotes. And not to diss you,
but sometimes I'm like, oh, who said that? Where did
she get that from? And it's her?

Speaker 4 (43:05):
Yeah, it's all original content.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
No, you're great. You see really say things. I've sent
so many of your things to people that need to
hear it. Here's what I liked, and it was once
you decide that you're available, ready to let love in
and committed to building a meaningful relationship with someone, you
will no longer pursue the attention of someone who isn't
available to you.

Speaker 4 (43:27):
That is true, That is very true.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
How do we get out of that cycle of pursuing people?
You know, there's a classic line in any Hall where
he's scandal noted, but he's quoting we stole that from
p Holmes.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
He's quoting Groucho Marks, I believe. But the line in
any Hall scandal noted is I would never want to
be a part of any club that would have someone
like me as a member.

Speaker 4 (43:55):
Yes, I know that quote.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Well, so how do we get out of that trap
of of It's like, it's like when someone likes us
for like, oh, what's wrong with them? I have to
go after the person that doesn't want me. That's so unhealthy,
But it also feels such a part of the human condition.

Speaker 4 (44:13):
So there's a couple of things here. One is there's
a self esteem issue if you are if one is
constantly pursuing people who they have to chase, yeah, because
it's very different than And then there's also an ego thing,
which I think is something that men feel more, which is,

(44:33):
you know, I'm going to chase this woman and I'm
going to get her, you know, I'm going to woo her,
and I'm going to be the hero, and so I
think that's that's different. I think pursuing someone is different
than chasing someone. When you're chasing someone, they're running away
from you, and you're not reading the room and chasing,
you know, like pursuing something like there's it's really an attractive,

(44:56):
sexy thing when you're pursuing someone and they're open to
you pursuing right, They're receptive, and that's the dance. That's
the courtship.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
I know that courtship very well. That's how my wife
got me. She did the push you away, but come here.
It's a very confusing thing. But if you're open to
playing that dance, it's like a tango. If you're open
to the pool yes, and the pushing, the pull. If
you're open to it, it's less fine.

Speaker 4 (45:25):
It's very fun, but it's a fine line between it
being fun and being just like hell right and not
really going run anywhere and then starting to feel like,
I mean, at some point you just have to like
grow up and be like, this person is playing games,
they're playing hard to get and I think, you know,
I tell because women have this this conditioned belief if

(45:48):
I play hard to get, then my value goes up.
It's like, no, you just have to be harder to get.
Meaning if you know your value and you're then you're
just not giving your heart. And this goes This is
not just women, but women have been conditioned to believe
that you have to play hard to get. But everyone
has to know their value enough that they're not just

(46:10):
going to give their heart to anyone who's available to them.
So the distinction between chasing chasing is the person is
really not giving you anything. Maybe they're giving you a
little bit of crumbs, but they are not receptive to
you and they're just you know, like the movie said,
like they're just not that into you, and you keep

(46:31):
chasing them. So why do we do that? So that
definitely comes from low self esteem. It definitely comes from
the ego trying to you know, we play this game
with ourselves. If I just got this person to love me,
then I'm validated, then I'm significant, or if I could
be you know, a lot of people will go for

(46:52):
the very troubled person. They'll go for the person with
a really big problem, like a drug problem, for example,
and they think and their pattern is and this is unconscious.
If I can be the reason for this person's change,
then I am worthy. And a lot of people think,

(47:13):
you know, and this is deeper stuff. They believe unconsciously
that they don't really even deserve the love that they
really want or it wasn't modeled for them, Like they
don't even in their belief system. Nowhere is there? Yeah,
Like it doesn't actually have to be so hard. When
you like someone and you choose someone, they should be

(47:33):
choosing you back. And that's how it goes. But for
the person who's not attracted to someone who's emotionally unavailable,
they got a little work to do on themselves. They
have to ask themselves. They're really hard questions, like why
am I? Why is this amazing creature before me? Who
wants me? I don't want them. I want the person

(47:55):
who's like, not actually that amazing, but I've projected this
whole idea onto them, and I want them. You got
a little work to do, Yeah, what is that?

Speaker 2 (48:04):
So you're saying, just just just extrapolate on that a
little bit more, because you're saying that's a self esteem issue.
So are you implying that the person is lusting or
wanting for someone who doesn't want them and has made
up a story in their head that they're that person.

(48:25):
When they get them will make them a better person
and they don't feel whole without them.

Speaker 4 (48:30):
Well, there's a few things. So there's one thing, which
is what you're saying, is that you know a lot
of people we fall in love with our unconscious projections,
you know, like a really immature which you know, I've
been this, so it's not it's not to miss anyone.
But an immature approach to love is you meet someone
and you project an entire ideal onto them. You're like,

(48:51):
this is the one. She's great, he's great, you know,
my life is going to be so amazing, and still
instead of actually seeing the actual person who's in front
of you. And that's really immature, and that's what a
lot of people do. And then there's the a lot
of people who will chase the unavailable. There is this
sort of and and even be repelled by like the

(49:14):
amazing person who is available. There's an unconscious narrative that
says what's wrong with them that they would be into me.
They literally think there's something wrong with the person who's
actually into them, and they will be repelled by that person.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
Got a little work to do, That's that's Yeah, it's deep,
it is deep.

Speaker 4 (49:39):
But it's over You can overcome it with work, you
really can.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
But that's the thing, it's work. And a lot of
people don't necessarily want to work on relationships, not at
a young age at least. It's way easier to be like,
you know what, I'm good.

Speaker 4 (49:53):
But people want to be out of pain.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
Yeah, we're talking to people. We're talking to lots of people.
But I think we want to address the person who
is over that and does want to overcome that. And
Jillian is going to solve all of their problems the
second they get back from this commercial break right back.

(50:15):
And so what kind of work does that person do Jillian?
They want to find love, they don't they You keep
saying it's a self esteem issue. Obviously, I imagine this
would help with a therapist, but maybe some people can't
afford therapy. They can afford self help books maybe, but
we also have better help. As a sponsor, you can consider,

(50:38):
But what work do they need to do? If you're
if you're having that self esteem issue?

Speaker 4 (50:45):
Well, so if you're someone who consistently goes for the
people who reject you and you're not open to the
people who actually want to love you. Then it starts
with asking yourself, It starts with curiosity. I think that
people need to just, first and foremost become self aware.
And so the first step, really honestly is just being

(51:07):
aware of your pattern. Oh that's my pattern, Like what
is that all about? And then getting really curious about
it about what you know. One thing that you could
do is think about all your past excees that may
or the people even if they weren't even totally your exes,
but all the people you've chased in the past, whether

(51:29):
they turned out to be relationships or not. What do
they all have in common? What do they all have
in common? What is is there a certain quality in
them that you are really attracted to? Because and I'm
sure that the two of you can attest to this,
we cannot deny the influence that Hollywood has had on

(51:51):
our conditioning when it comes to dating and relationships. It's
like Hollywood tells us how love is supposed to be,
or we'll have you know, will have a crush on
an actor or an actress and We'll think that's the
person that I want, you know, and then and then
we get we get very stubborn about it. We have

(52:12):
our blinders on and we think I want this person.
I got to get this person again, the projection of
the ideal. So there's a conglomerate influence. As it could
be that you didn't get the love and the attention
that you deserved when you were a child, But it
starts with asking yourself these questions.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
Yeah, there's another version of that. I am well aware
that Hollywood has made me very, very attractive to women,
and that the level of because before I became famous,
the people that were attracted to me were not necessarily
the people that are attracted to me now. Like my

(52:51):
I did move it, Like I remember going to clubs
and wanting to dance with young women and those young
women would be like, now I get the fuck out
of here. Clueless came out, and then all of a sudden,
those women wanted to dance with me and wanted to
do more things with me. So I'm well aware of
the glow up that Hollywood gives you when you know

(53:11):
it wasn't the ugly duckling thing. I'm well aware of
how how you know when you're perceived to have a
little bit of money, or you're perceived to be a
little bit cooler, or if Stacy Dash played your TV
or your your your movie girlfriend. I get how that
can freaking make a bunch of people be like, Oh,
he's kind of cute. Yeah, that shit is That shit

(53:34):
is real. That's the other version of it though, too,
You know what I mean. It's like, all right, what
if you're out there and you're successful, you have a
lot of things going for you, and you run into
there's games in Hollywood, there's you know what I mean,
This is.

Speaker 4 (53:50):
The time I'm gonna tell you exactly what I'm gonna
tell to this. So to the celebrity or the rising
celebrity who's single and is looking for someone, go for
the person who actually would does not want to date
an actor celebrity, and go for that person who's extremely
skeptical about dating you because of your celebrity.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
Yeah, Donald, for when you're back out there on the market.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
I'll never be back there on the market, I hope.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
Listen, you just said the case he's shopping around for
booty calls.

Speaker 4 (54:24):
So is your wife a celebrity?

Speaker 1 (54:27):
My wife was a celebrity at once.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Well, she's kind of a celebrity.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
Okay, my wife was a celebrity at one point, and
she claims that she's not anymore. I still think she is.

Speaker 4 (54:37):
Oh, well, of course she'll always be a celebrity in
your eyes, but so or you can go for another celebrity.
But if you're going to go for a non celebrity,
go for the one who's just like, yeah, I don't know,
like the fact that you are famous might be a
problem for me.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
All right, let's get off fame because most of our
listeners are not famous.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
Are not famous, I'm going to let's just talk about
Brad Pitt listens to our fucking other than Brad Pitt
and David Fincher. Who Okay, let's let's not let's not Harry.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Can I drop another Jillian Tureki quote that I like, Sure, Okay,
you want a relationship. You meet someone you feel connected
to and compatible with. They tell you they think you're great,
but they can't be in a relationship. Right now, you say, okay,
I understand, you still continue to date them. This is

(55:26):
what self abandonment looks like.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
How are you in a relationship with someone who says
they don't want to relate, I don't understand how that works.

Speaker 4 (55:34):
So there's this term that is frequently used in the
zeitgeist right now, and I kind of love it because
I think that it describes things pretty well. It's called
a situationship. And remember earlier I said about being in
something complicated, and these are This is usually a relation relationship.
I put this in quotes between two people where it's
very imbalanced. Basically, one person wants more and the other

(55:56):
person wants less. But because they're not communicating, and because
you know, they're not able to let go of whatever
attachment they have to each other, they continue on.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
They're in a situationship.

Speaker 4 (56:12):
And that really is to recover from that is pretty hardcore,
because then you really are a compromised. Look, here's the thing.
The fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, the fear
of not being enough, the low self esteem stuff. These
are all things that we all grapple with. That's all
part of the human condition. But when it really takes over,

(56:34):
when it becomes part of our narrative, maybe that is
something from childhood. Maybe that's something that happened because of
something that happened later in life, what you start to
and if you can be tricky, because you can have
a lot of you can have a lot of confidence
in certain areas of your life, but when it comes
to love, you see it go down. But the reality
is is that this is when people are gambling away

(56:57):
their principles, their boundaries, values, just so that they can
either be in a relationship because they feel really lonely,
coupled with the belief system that there's no one else
better out there, and then they stay in something because well,
it's better than being alone, or you know, it's better
than nothing.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
Or they're eventually going to change their minds, or they're.

Speaker 4 (57:20):
Exactly or they're eventually going to change their mind And
that is the biggest lie ever.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
Yeah, they're not going to change their relationship for a
decade over yeah, or I can change them. Yeah, they're
not going to change.

Speaker 4 (57:35):
No, they're not. And you shouldn't be with someone with
whom you think that, with whom you believe they should change.
You have to love people for who they are. I
think that the I think it's a fair expectation if
you are someone who values growth, that you be in
a relationship with someone who values growth as well, who's
going to take a look at their own stuff, who's

(57:57):
going to get help, who's going to want to be
a better person. And and you can't shame. You can't
get into a relationship with someone and fundamentally want to
change who they are. You either love them all or
you shouldn't be with them.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
Yeah, by the way, I think that that's a crucial thing,
right there is is not projecting onto someone who you
think they're going to be. That's your meeting and talking
with who they are and that and and and you
choose that or don't choose that, But don't get into

(58:33):
something where wow, they're great. Here, I'm gonna it's gonna
lead me to another Jillian quote. Uh, it dovetails perfectly
with this one, which I love. When you fall in
love with someone's potential instead of where they legitimately are.
Now you'll become their coach, their therapist, their healer, and
ultimately their parent. You don't want this, and they don't

(58:56):
want it either. Yeah, don't preach.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Hm.

Speaker 4 (59:03):
It's a really common pattern.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
That's fucking really a good one because I think so
many people listening are going right now, whether.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
They're checking themselves, or they're or they're the or they're
the person that dad. They're just checking yourself right now.
That's what when you go, you're checking yourself right then
and there.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
Right. So, if you're starting something new, if you're if
you're let's say you're listening and you're in something new,
or or thinking about getting out of something, I think
that's really important to look at, like, assume this person's
not going to change.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
Do you want this?

Speaker 2 (59:48):
You're not signing up to be someone's coach therapist. They
don't want that. You don't want that exactly.

Speaker 4 (59:55):
It's a really common pattern where people will date projects
instead of people, and there's a lot that goes into that.
One is if someone if you can change them. Okay,
so let's say, like I said earlier, if you have

(01:00:16):
a habit of dating someone who dating people who always
have like a really big problem, you get a lot
of significance being the sane one in the relationship, and
so you can be like the healer or the coach,
and then that boosts your ego because you're like, well,
I'm the person who knows what's up they're not. And

(01:00:40):
not only that, if you don't feel enough as you are.
You will get into relationships where you fulfill a role
that might be very similar from childhood, like being the fixer, pleaser, helper, healer, coach,
and you think this is how I'm needed. Because if

(01:01:02):
you don't believe that you could really be loved for
who you are, you will figure out a way to
be needed in a relationship and it becomes a thing
where two people sort of find each other, the broken
bird and the healer whatever, the fixer, and they sort
of build a relationship based on this dynamic, but neither

(01:01:24):
one really ends up feeling very fulfilled.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
Yeah, those relationships into yes, or they last forever. No,
they last in a really really long time. And then
when they break up and everything like that, everybody everybody's like,
you two were miserable for so long.

Speaker 4 (01:01:42):
So miserable yea, yeah, And you know, look, I mean, hm,
I don't know. Some relationships. It's like, here's the reality.
The truth is there is some relationship that we could
look at from the outside looking in and say, oh

(01:02:03):
my god, I wouldn't I don't want that relationship, But
for some reason it works for them. It works for them.
It's not something that you would ever choose. So it's
kind of mysterious. But you know, I think at the
end of the day and all roads of our conversation
lead to this, who you choose matters. Yes, Like, there's

(01:02:25):
two things. It's who we are in a relationship, how
we show up, and who we choose. Those are the
two things.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
Yeah, Because let's be honest. I'm sorry this is going
to be generic, but do people really change that much?

Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
Well? This is a pretty deep This is a deeper
philosophical conversation than you might think. On the one hand,
we're always changing, we're always evolving, and on the other hand,
there's a lot of people who don't change much at all.

Speaker 2 (01:02:57):
I don't mean to say that people can evolve and
work on themselves and get better, of course I believe
in that, But I'm saying you really need to choose
the person for who they are when you meet them.
Because in the macro that's here's another quote. It's not yours,
but it's one I like to The same red flags
you ignore in the beginning will be the same reason

(01:03:19):
that's you. Yes, God, you're fucking amazing. This one didn't
even have your name on it, and I loved it
all right, I take it back. Here's another one from
Jillian the same by the way, people are fucking stealing
your quotes, the same red flags you ignore in the
beginning will be the same reason it all ends.

Speaker 4 (01:03:36):
Yeah, I don't. I think my words were a little
bit different. But the reason, the same red flags that
you ignore in the beginning will be the reason why
the relationship ends.

Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
So I mean that says it all kind of like
it does. You have to choose. You have to choose
what you want, not a project, not someone you're going
to change it at all, and assume they're not going
to change.

Speaker 4 (01:03:58):
Yes, And and because I think that we can hold
two truths at the same time. If you're going to
be in a marriage or a relationship that's going to
span many, many years and decades, you also have to
get comfortable with the different versions of who that person
will become. There is a beautiful quote, this is not mine,

(01:04:21):
and I'm the author of the quote, is escaping me,
which is tragic, but it's not mine, but it's But
it says to love someone long term is to attend
one thousand funerals of the person they used to be.
And so I think that it's it's both. Yes, you

(01:04:41):
have to when you're dating if you can't say this
person could never change, and that is okay with me,
Heidi preed. Yeah, so thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:55):
So I know that quote.

Speaker 2 (01:04:57):
Well, actually it's a beautiful life them in the chat
Donald and try to act like you know it's true.

Speaker 4 (01:05:05):
Yeah. So I think that on the one hand, we're
going to go through, you know, many different variations of
who we are. But yeah, I think that for those
who are dating and are think are considering taking their
relationship to a more committed stage, you have to ask yourself,

(01:05:26):
if this person were never to change, do I accept them?

Speaker 2 (01:05:29):
Holy yes, And don't take on don't and and don't
take on a project that's going to involve trying to
turn them into something that they're not.

Speaker 4 (01:05:43):
Yeah, that's it's a lot of people do that. A
lot of people do that. Yeah, And a lot of
people try to change each other all the.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Time, and that ends in tears always. Jillian, this has.

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
Been very important. Let's talk about it. We can. How
important is sex and relationships and what is sex in
a relationship after a relationship has been when sex is
when sex is still fun and you still enjoyed and
everything like that. But at some point sex becomes an
appointment depending on what your relationship is, and that's not

(01:06:19):
always fun at some point. In some points, it's not
as spontaneous, it's not as exciting to me, Yes, that's
the word I'm looking for. It's not as exciting as
it used to be, and stuff like that. But you
still want to do it, and you still want to fulfill,
and you still want to give, and you still want
to you know what I mean? In relationships how important?

(01:06:40):
Like I feel it's very important. That's me personally. Well,
my wife feels it's very important as well, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 4 (01:06:51):
That's good that you're on the same page.

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
But you know that, but that's but there's that also,
what is the same page? How do you get on this?
You know what I mean? Like when I want it necessarily,
when I want it isn't necessarily when she wants it,
you know what I mean? Like, I just heard this
for the first time, sex and tell me if this
is you. Also, when you get in a relationship from

(01:07:14):
your spouse, it's not that they're saying no to you.
They're saying no, I don't want it necessarily at this
time or that type of sex right now.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
Okay, so you just ask her like forty questions.

Speaker 1 (01:07:27):
But listen, listen, I had I've been holding it in.
I've been trying. I've been waiting to ask this question.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
You've been waiting to ask a sex question. All right,
go ahead, Jillian.

Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
So it depends on the couple, right, Like three times
a week for one couple could be a lot, and
for another couple it's not enough. So it really depends
on the couple, not everyone. Sex doesn't carry the same
meaning for everyone. Again, it depends on the couple. I

(01:07:59):
think that though overall sex is a very important part
of a relationship, I think it needs to be discussed.
I think it needs to be given freely. And I
think that look, the sex in the first six months
of a relationship is obviously not the same sex six

(01:08:20):
years in, but in some ways it could be better.
Like you could do workshops together about like really connecting
emotionally and eye gazing and do There's so many like
fun erotic things that you can do. I think that
people get bogged down with stress and they stop doing

(01:08:44):
the things that they did in the beginning of the relationship,
and a really important part of relationship that I think
goes hand in hand with sex is playfulness and like
continuing to be playful. And what gets in the way
of playfulness our stress.

Speaker 1 (01:09:03):
It's giving playfulness.

Speaker 4 (01:09:05):
Yeah, or you can learn from your kids about what
play really is and adopt that into your lives. Sure,
I understand that it gets difficult with kids, but you
just have to make it a priority. You have to
make connecting a priority, and and you have and like, honestly,
there's so many women who have affairs. There's more women
who have affairs who cheat on their husbands.

Speaker 1 (01:09:26):
In the other I was going to say this too.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
Really I didn't know that.

Speaker 4 (01:09:31):
But this is important. What is the woman missing She's
missing the romance.

Speaker 1 (01:09:35):
Right whatever, But that's important.

Speaker 4 (01:09:38):
But this is hard you ask a question about.

Speaker 1 (01:09:41):
But I know, he's a tool, he's a fucking dickhead.
All of a sudden, you fucking asshole, I'm going to
ruin you. You're dead, you're over. But but at the
same time, she could have been doing it the whole
time behind his back.

Speaker 4 (01:09:54):
Yeah, I know there's a lot of infidelity. Yeah, there's
a lot of infidelity, But you know, I I think
that for play is really really important. I think staying
connected is really important. I mean, these are the things
that kind of build up sexual energy. And I think
that it's important. If it's a man and a woman
who are in a relationship together, there has to be

(01:10:16):
communication because what is going to satisfy the man is
not necessarily what's going to satisfy the women. Most women
want the romance, they want they want to feel connected.
You know, they can't just very few women can consistently
just do the deed and feel fulfilled by that. So
it's all a conversation. But yeah, I think sex is

(01:10:37):
a very important part of a relationship, and I think
it's something that you have to pay attention to when
you're in a long term relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:10:44):
I think it's that's where a lot of work has
to be done also in relationships, also the communication about
what you have because that evolves. Also that's not the
only thing that evolved. You know, people's desires and wants
evolve and you have to be open to hearing it
and you have to be open to saying what you

(01:11:05):
want also, and uh, you know, I think I think
I think that's just as important. That's what I was
trying to say I I I believe. I believe communication
in all aspects of your relationship. If that's the if
your relationships, the universe, the planets are little pockets of
communication that need to continuously be uh visited.

Speaker 4 (01:11:33):
Hundred.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
I want to just end with one quote. I don't
know if this is yours, but I like this what
a lot, and I want to know your thoughts on it.
The best piece of dating advice I've ever received is this,
If they like you, you'll know, If they don't, you'll
be confused. Honestly, it's all you need to know. Yes,

(01:11:55):
not my quote, but that's pretty great, right, don't you
think that's good advice?

Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
Yeah? If I think you'll like you, you'll know.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
Yeah, if you're confused, if you're if you're listening to
this right now and there's a person you're pursuing, or
you're hanging out with, or you're hooked up a few
times and you and in the text conversation and you're confused,
that's all you need to know, right, I mean, that's
all you.

Speaker 4 (01:12:18):
Need to know. But I would always I always encourage
people to communicate. I always say, you know, if you're confused,
bring up, say hey, I'm confused, like, are you into me?
Are you into this? Because it does it would seems
so as though.

Speaker 2 (01:12:30):
You're not right before you before you go, I'm out
communicate because I think that there's so many people. I
mean obviously young kids.

Speaker 1 (01:12:39):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:12:40):
I used to think that like only kids and twenty
somethings and teenagers played games. That shit happens till you die.
I assumed, because I mean, my stepmother's dating in her
eighties and she'll tell me about games people are playing.
No way, really, Yeah, you know they're just not being
they're not communicating.

Speaker 1 (01:12:57):
Clear games are, but don't all games? Aren't all games
played for sex? Though? Isn't that with that?

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
No, No, I'm talking I'm not talking about sex. I'm
talking about you're pursuing someone and when they if they
like you, there they'll communicate and and you'll know if
they if there's games being played, and there's and you're
confused what Jillian is saying, Step one, openly communicate. I'm confused,
are you into this or not? But then if it continues,

(01:13:23):
you have all the knowledge you need.

Speaker 4 (01:13:25):
Yeah, you got to be out. Never chase, never ever
ever chase No, and never change yourself creepy.

Speaker 2 (01:13:35):
Like what she said. I like what she said. If
you're chasing, If you're chasing, they're running away.

Speaker 1 (01:13:40):
From the running, then they're running. The definition of chasing
is that you're the person that you are trying to
get to is trying to.

Speaker 4 (01:13:48):
Try to get away exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:13:51):
It's confusing though, because that person running away will still
turn around a couple of times and give you like
a little kiss and.

Speaker 4 (01:13:58):
Then But if you know who you are and you're
so clear in your center and you're so clear about
what you want, that game, if when it's really played,
you're going to be like, yeah, I'm bored. I'm bored
because in order for the for the the the dance
to be fun, you gotta be like you got to

(01:14:19):
be getting something. You got to be getting something, otherwise
you're not creating anything. I know.

Speaker 2 (01:14:24):
But I think that there's part of that game is
that the person doesn't just ghost you ers and just disappeared.
They throw little breadcrumbs that are confusing.

Speaker 4 (01:14:33):
Walk away from that, walk away from that, because they
walk away everyone.

Speaker 2 (01:14:38):
You hear that Ji is telling you, this is a
message of intervention for you that need to hear.

Speaker 1 (01:14:42):
Walk away the tent will become very clear though if
they if they were throwing bread crumbs, they'll say, but could.

Speaker 2 (01:14:52):
Be more bullshit games bro that the same thing.

Speaker 4 (01:14:56):
But we all do though. It's like, let's get close. No, no, no,
not too close. Let's get close, not too close. And
I think that this is something that a lot of
us do, and it's it's it's we have to become
aware of it. Never accept crumbs and convince yourself it's
a meal.

Speaker 1 (01:15:12):
Yes, preach you walk away at the end. They might
even present the meal. They might even be like, wait,
hold on, I was trying to lead it. It is no,
and here's the pie.

Speaker 2 (01:15:23):
But that's just games, so they can keep you in
their fucking stable, in their QUI.

Speaker 4 (01:15:26):
Yeah, it's very very true.

Speaker 1 (01:15:29):
Sometimes it's all right to be a hoe. All right, listen, how.

Speaker 2 (01:15:34):
Did you get to somebody's how did you get to
that conclusion? And therefore it's okay to be a hoe?
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
Because sometime listen, sometimes listen, I'm all about I'm all
about enjoying yourself and experiencing your life and everything like
that and getting out there. I feel I feel in
your youth or in your I don't. I don't judge
anybody when it comes to how you are sexually. But

(01:16:05):
when it comes to the mind and it comes to
the brain and playing games with that, I have a
real hard time with That's that's trust issues and I'll
be ready to fight somebody right. Yeah, when it comes
to the sexual games, please play on player.

Speaker 4 (01:16:22):
No.

Speaker 2 (01:16:22):
But what Jillian is saying is just communicating. There's nothing
wrong with casual sex. If everyone's down with the program
and there's communication, of course, go nuts. But it's when
you start misleading people and not being authentic and not
having integrity that.

Speaker 4 (01:16:38):
Or lying to yourself, lying to yourself saying it's okay
when it's really not. Because you're desperate.

Speaker 1 (01:16:45):
Yeah, and recognizing that you're desperate. That's something that a
lot of people can't do.

Speaker 4 (01:16:51):
Also, it's very taboo, and I think that, you know,
I want to I try to tell people, you know,
we have to. Everyone has felt desperate before. Everyone desperate
And what is it desperate for love?

Speaker 1 (01:17:06):
Attention?

Speaker 4 (01:17:07):
Connection, touch?

Speaker 2 (01:17:11):
Yeah, it spooning, to be heard, to be heard.

Speaker 4 (01:17:16):
But when our desire for love is stronger than our
self respect, that's when we really will betray ourselves and.

Speaker 1 (01:17:23):
That's when we look foolish, We look like freaking the joker.
What was that that picture of Joaquin Phoenix in the
suit with the with the with the with the clown
face on. It's the meme that's out there and at
top of it is like when she said she'll be
ready in fifteen minutes and it's already been two hours
and you're still waiting and he's the clown soon.

Speaker 2 (01:17:46):
All right, Jillian, this has been amazing. Tell our listeners
how they find you and you're name of your podcasts?

Speaker 4 (01:17:53):
Yeah, so my podcast is Jillian on Love. You can
get it, you know, basically anywhere Apple, Spotify, and my
name Jillian tarekis. You can find me Instagram, Jillian Tareki, TikTok, Twitter, threads,
you know, my website Jilliantreki dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
All right, great, thank you. You're so helpful and and
I love your quotes. I think they really you know,
sometimes you stumble across a good quote and it's everything
you need to hear that day, and so thank you
for sharing that with the world.

Speaker 4 (01:18:21):
I appreciate that very much. Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:18:23):
All right, Thanks, I appreciate you for being on the show.

Speaker 2 (01:18:26):
Yeah, me too, Thank you so much.

Speaker 4 (01:18:29):
Thank you guys.

Speaker 2 (01:18:30):
That was great. By the way, it was what I
heard was amazing. She just she just really drops knowledge
that people need to hear, and I certainly need to hear.

Speaker 1 (01:18:40):
Let's take a break.

Speaker 2 (01:18:41):
We'll be right back after these fine words.

Speaker 1 (01:18:46):
That This segment of Fake Doctor's Real Friends is brought
to you by T Mobile five G Home Internet, protecting
you from exploding bills with the price locked guarantee. Visit
T Mobile slash Zach to check availability.

Speaker 2 (01:19:04):
One day they'll make a Donald one for you. All right, Joelle,
go ahead with the letter that you have.

Speaker 5 (01:19:10):
Hi, Joelle, I hope that you are doing wonderfully. I
would like to express my appreciation for Fake Doctors Real
Friends and share an idea for the next iteration of
Fake Doctor's podcast. Thank you to Daniel, Zach and Donald
for bringing fans of the podcast immeasurable joy since twenty twenty.
Donald's legendary voice, even while yelling Zach's passion, your infectious
laugh and animals humility helped me endure some of the

(01:19:30):
hardest days and nights with my teenage son, who has
a chronic pain condition. My partner and I both work
and care for our two boys, full time, every day, always.
We are one hundred percent dedicated to our boys, but
there is very little time for ourselves individuals or as
a couple. Scrubs continues to be my favorite comedy and
it is a delightful listen to stories and interviews with
cast members. Bill Lawrence's friendly quote takeovers of the podcast

(01:19:52):
are so hilarious. Sometimes I cannot believe how hard I
am laughing while listening. I just really appreciate you all.
I imagine you have an amazing idea for what happens
after the rewatch of season eight is complete. Yes, my
idea is six degrees of Scrubs or something along those lines.
The idea centers around the notion that we are all
connected by six degrees of people. Zecond Donald could interview

(01:20:13):
really anyone family, friends, doctors, actors, performers, directors, musicians, producers,
crew artists within six degrees of Scrubs that could explain
the connection and jump in the interview. For instance, Terren
Kellum played Jimmy the overly touchy Orderly. Terren guested on
How I Met Your Mother with Jason Siegel, who starred
in Forgetting Sarah Marshall with Kristen Bell. So Christy can

(01:20:34):
be your guest on six Degrees of Scrubs with Doctor
Friends with z econ Donald's best switches to you all
with appreciation.

Speaker 1 (01:20:40):
Laura se I like this because then it could even
be like, you know, the person who fixed my leg
slash his You know, he's one of the biggest surgeons
in California, in the world. Actually, Neil Alatrosh he did.
He did my knee, he does he did Kobe's me,

(01:21:01):
he did every Lebron, he did everybody. You know what
I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:21:03):
So what you're saying is this gives us a reason
to have Lebron on the show because we're two degrees
from Lebron exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:21:09):
You see what I'm saying. Yes, that's how it works.

Speaker 2 (01:21:12):
That is a good idea. That is a good idea.

Speaker 1 (01:21:15):
I like that.

Speaker 2 (01:21:16):
I also love what we're doing. I mean, we're we're
having interesting people on of all types.

Speaker 1 (01:21:22):
Sometimes that's all the same thing though, the surge in general.
I'm sure we can find the.

Speaker 2 (01:21:26):
Sixth bombs so we can get Obama. He's two degrees
from Obama.

Speaker 1 (01:21:30):
You know what I mean. I'm sure we can find
the dots that connected. That's such a great idea. What's
her name? La, Laura, Laura C.

Speaker 2 (01:21:40):
Thank you love your idea, great idea, Thank you, Laura C.
I mean, well, well we will pursue that. I just
saw Tarran, by the way, in Spam a Lot, Dude, he's.

Speaker 1 (01:21:50):
He's in that with Jimmy Schmagoula. Jimmy Schmagoula, I see
you in Spam a Lot baby doing it big.

Speaker 2 (01:21:56):
And Michael Yuri and Chris Fitzgerald and lots of people.
It's very funny. If you're in New York. I recommend it.
They're not in the both Michael Yuri and Tarn Aren't
it very long because Michael's going back to the hit
show Shrinking. But go check out Spam a Lot.

Speaker 1 (01:22:14):
Yeah, with my good buddy Jimmy Schmagoula. Me and him
have known each other since we were kids.

Speaker 2 (01:22:20):
All right, and Jimmy Schmagoula great.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
Ya.

Speaker 2 (01:22:23):
Thank you for your letter and please continue to write
his letters you might be chosen to be read on
this very podcast. And Joelle, thank you for booking Gillian Tareki.
She was perfect. Thanks to Mobile. If you're over exploding
internet bills, visit t mobile dot com slash Zach and

(01:22:43):
find out how new and existing customers get T Mobile's
price lock guarantee for home Internet. You know, I do
have to give T Mobile a genuine shout out right now, please, yes,
Oh my gosh, I'll tell you something. The weekend, bro Oh,

(01:23:04):
T Mobile solved something. And it's always annoyed me on
it whenever I'm on an airline, and now it's been
two airlines in a row, both American and Alaska, and
you're trying to get on the Wi Fi and it's
always I never remember my password and the shit never
works and it's always a fee. Yeah, and then it's
just it's always annoying. Team Mobile has this new thing

(01:23:26):
on lots of airlines, including Daniel can look up which ones.
But I just flew. I fly American all the time,
and I just flew Alaska. And literally, if you're a
T mobile customer, the second you get on the plane,
all you do is put in your T Mobile phone
number and then Wi Fi's on. It's free. I mean,
I said to the guys when we saw them this weekend,
I go, that is such a smart thing to do,

(01:23:46):
because you've taken something that's so annoying a little pestery,
annoying thing, and you've solved it instantly and it makes
customers like me very happy.

Speaker 5 (01:23:54):
Your airlines are Alaska, American, Delta, and United.

Speaker 2 (01:23:58):
There you go, all those airlines. If you're a team
old customer, you just go on and put in your
phone number and it's free and that's all you have
to do.

Speaker 1 (01:24:05):
So there you go.

Speaker 2 (01:24:06):
There's a team.

Speaker 1 (01:24:07):
I was also saying. I was also saying, how wonderful
the weekend was. You know, we had such a great time,
and the race was sponsored by T Mobile and Heineken.
I just want to shout out Team Mobile for one
bring Zach and I down there, but also bringing calming
down in making it so. I had the opportunity to
meet Brad Pitt and David Fincher.

Speaker 2 (01:24:28):
You know what I mean, Like we were one day,
we're one degree away from Brad Pitt. Now he can
come on the show thanks to the new rules of
the show. Yeah, joy, you missed that up top they
met David Fincher and Brad Pitt.

Speaker 1 (01:24:39):
What Yeah, yeah, just this.

Speaker 2 (01:24:41):
Weekend happen when you come late to the show.

Speaker 1 (01:24:43):
You this weekend alone in Vegas. I don't know if
you could hear it in my voice. But I am
the high drated.

Speaker 2 (01:24:53):
And you didn't get that.

Speaker 1 (01:24:53):
Hammered no, and I didn't get that. I kept it
together because I rolled with a sober lad nowadays, you
know what I mean. And so I can't get two
shit faced because the last thing I would want is
to have to have my friend carry me out of
a club because I'm too wasted.

Speaker 2 (01:25:09):
It's nice to wake up in Vegas completely with no hangover.
It's not something I did until this age. Facts nice.

Speaker 1 (01:25:17):
You know what else is nice in Vegas? Winning? It
doesn't happen often.

Speaker 2 (01:25:21):
Oh, we were getting crushed. We were at this table
and this dude had, this dealer had such a winning streak.
I was just like, I'd never seen anything. If this
dude had was betting his own money, he would have
just like bought a new house. He was on fire.
And Donald and I are just sitting there with that,
but just never heads one.

Speaker 1 (01:25:40):
You get twenty, he got twenty one, You get twenty one,
he got twenty one. Yeah, you got nineteen, he got twenty,
You get eighteen. Guess what he got nineteen? Yeah you could.

Speaker 2 (01:25:51):
We couldn't win. Head couldn't beat him, and he never
took a break. I was like, aren't you due for
a break?

Speaker 1 (01:25:58):
And it's not me. It's the box. It's not me,
it's the computer in the box.

Speaker 2 (01:26:03):
What's happening in that box? Let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 (01:26:07):
One. Why did we change the odds?

Speaker 2 (01:26:10):
Yeah, by the way, the black check, unless you're betting
in a certain room over a certain amount, it doesn't
pay out what it used to.

Speaker 1 (01:26:16):
Why don't really odds changed?

Speaker 2 (01:26:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:26:18):
What is it? What is it?

Speaker 2 (01:26:19):
Donald? I don't understand the wording of it. It's like
five to six now, Oh, it used to be three
to two? Is that correct?

Speaker 1 (01:26:27):
Two to three?

Speaker 2 (01:26:28):
I don't know how to I don't know what even
that means. It doesn't pay out what it used to
pay out.

Speaker 3 (01:26:31):
Yeah, it means it means if you bet five, it
pays six when it used to be you pay two
that it gives you three.

Speaker 1 (01:26:37):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:26:38):
Well, they just suddenly changed that. They just changed that,
by the way, I didn't even know that, but they
decided they found a way to make more money and
then just changed that. They just changed that rule of
you have to be in a certain room. I think
it was betting over three hundred a hand to get
the better odds. That's crazy. Well, they got they got
to pay for that sphere somehow, so they do.

Speaker 1 (01:26:57):
All of the owners of the casinos have to pay
for that spear.

Speaker 2 (01:27:00):
But the sphere is I heard some insane figure like
the sphere would have to sell out every night for
like thirty five years to make its money back.

Speaker 1 (01:27:09):
Damn what you know what they should do?

Speaker 2 (01:27:11):
I don't know if that's true, but google it, like
the sphere is. The sphere is amazing and it's so cool.
It's crazy. But I think it costs way more money
than they ever thought it would because this is just
anecdotally I heard. I don't know if it's true, So
Joe take it for what it's worth. Joe can google it.
But they they didn't account for the heat of Vegas,
so all of those sensors, all of the LEDs on

(01:27:33):
the outside have to be cooled all the time, and
so I think the cost got so astronomical that the
thing is never going to recoup what it costs.

Speaker 1 (01:27:45):
That's what I was, Yes, sir, speaking of spheres, The
answer is yes. Can we talk about Ahsoka?

Speaker 5 (01:27:52):
Now, oh, we were not talking about saying I thought
you're talking about Beyonce coming to the sphere. I was like,
I'm getting my money ready.

Speaker 1 (01:27:59):
Well, shoot, I'm talking about the volume. I'm talking about
how it was not used that much in Ahsoka because
they went on location. I'm talking about lightsaber battles with
Balen's skull and Shin I'm talking about I'm talking about Ahsoka,

(01:28:22):
Tano and Sabine Wren. Yeah, spoiler alert, can she use
the force?

Speaker 2 (01:28:31):
I'm talking about four listeners care about this. We should, that's.

Speaker 1 (01:28:35):
Bullshit, But there's a whole bunch of people right now
who have been waiting to find out what me and
Joel think.

Speaker 5 (01:28:42):
If we can keep it under two minutes, we'll keep
very tight. I'll say Episode five legendary love seeing Ahsoka
back with her guy fighting.

Speaker 1 (01:28:52):
Episode three and on baby from the one, the one
where we flyed and we fly now, oh my god,
when they're flying with the pergo, oh my god, Oh
my god. The soundtrack, Oh my goodness.

Speaker 5 (01:29:10):
Gracious Heaven kind of really showed up this thing.

Speaker 1 (01:29:14):
If you're a Star Wars fan, this show is for you.
If you're not a Star Wars fan, you know, I
don't care. I really don't care. If you have problems
with it, or if it doesn't mess, if you're upset
about it, I don't care. But that ship was fire,
hit hit.

Speaker 5 (01:29:30):
I really enjoyed the majority of that show.

Speaker 1 (01:29:33):
She's a majority.

Speaker 2 (01:29:34):
That's our Star Wars. Round up, everybody. I'm so glad
that we had it. Apparently it's fire. Apparently they don't
use the volume that much. They go to location.

Speaker 1 (01:29:49):
Good recaps.

Speaker 2 (01:29:53):
God, the volume got canceled real quick. That was like
the it's like the backlash to the backlash to the
thing that just begun.

Speaker 1 (01:30:00):
No, I don't think it's gotten canceled yet. I think no.

Speaker 2 (01:30:02):
I mean, it's just funny, like it happened and it
was so cool and everyone's like, ohly shit, this is revolutionary,
and everyone's like, oh, not another show in the volume.

Speaker 5 (01:30:09):
That just I think committing an entire series to the
volume is going to end.

Speaker 2 (01:30:15):
I think start using let be used for special things.
Yeah yeah, all right, fans, listeners, we love you, thanks
for tuning in, And we're gonna start talking about Scrubs again.

Speaker 5 (01:30:25):
Yay.

Speaker 1 (01:30:26):
I'm really soon. You might get one this week, how
about that, you'll get one next week.

Speaker 2 (01:30:30):
No, you're gonna get it next week.

Speaker 1 (01:30:32):
Oh you don't want to do it. I thought we
were going to do a special Thanksgiving drop.

Speaker 2 (01:30:35):
No, no one's going to listen on Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 (01:30:37):
Bro, how much do you want to bet they do?
I bet they won't. Very low listening, Yeah, because you
guys don't know nothing about analytics like me.

Speaker 2 (01:30:48):
I think Jambel and Dale will probably know more about it.

Speaker 1 (01:30:50):
Guys, you know very little about analytics.

Speaker 2 (01:30:52):
I don't think you've ever seen have you ever seen
a podcast listening graph? Donald?

Speaker 1 (01:30:57):
Oh, my gosh, all the time in my mo indad,
in my mind, I have I have seen a graph
in my mind and we're all the ways on.

Speaker 2 (01:31:06):
We're always on top, all right on my graph, Daniel,
since you were were Joel today, we're gonna let you
count out because what you we're gonna get you. We wanna,
we wanna do something about honoring you. You honor you,
You you honor me, so you truly do honor me.

Speaker 1 (01:31:24):
Thank you. Seven stories not show we made about a
bunch of talks and nurses. Sana I said, he's a
story next as no so ganda around you here YadA,

(01:31:44):
here me show