217: My Own Private Practice Guy

On this week's episode, Jordan blocks JD from revealing that Perry is the father of her baby. In the real world, Zach reveals he's jumped the pond, while Donald remembers the rollerblading movies of the 1990s.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, guys, I guess I should use this opportunity to
tell the people. I have to come clean about something. Okay,
I am in the United Kingdom. Ah oh, is that
how your background is different? Wait? What? Wait? You mean

(00:21):
you're not in America right now? No? No, you guys know.
I didn't want to. I didn't want to be dishonest
to our listeners. My girlfriend has a sick older relative
and needed to come back and be by his bedside,
and I wanted to be by her side because no one,
as Donald could attest, was a more loving human being

(00:45):
in the world when our friend Nick was sick than
my girlfriend, and so she rushed here, and then I
rushed here. We both had to quarantine for two weeks.
And so the last couple of shows I didn't want
to talk about in the show because they didn't want
I just didn't want to get into it. But I
just want in case it got out that I happen

(01:05):
to be here. I didn't want to be dishonest to
our listeners that I'm I'm I'm in London. Are you
do you have to wear masks in London? Yes? Um, well,
I'll tell you it's weird. It's sort of a weird hybrid.
They're they're largely open. Everything's kind of open um, but
you wear masks. When you go inside a place like

(01:28):
a restaurant or a store, there's always hand sanitizer when
you first walk in. When you win a restaurant, they
take your temperature. UM. They have very interesting system that
I wish the United States would one day be smart
enough to adopt, and that is, when you go in
a restaurant, you scan a QR code and then it

(01:48):
knows who was in the restaurant at all times. Right,
so if there were to be if there were to
be an outbreak, yeah, they can contact race and say, hey,
you were here at this time. That's really smart. Walking
around the streets, there's not a lot of mask wearing.
UM I wear it and and um Florence wears it.

(02:09):
But it's not nearly as prevalent as as it is UM.
Obviously where we are in Los Angeles, you know they
there's there's spacing in restaurants. A few times we've we've eaten,
we've we've eaten outside, but they do like they skip
every other table. And then sometimes in a restaurant they'll
have like a plexiglass screen between tables. That's sort of

(02:30):
you know, um, some company quickly puts something into production
because it's like it looks like some company is manufacturing them. Dude,
I miss you, man. I'm not gonna lie. Man. I
wish you were here. I made fried chicken the other night.
It was delicious. I saw it on your Instagram. What's
your secret? So here's the thing. I have buddies that
I grew up with that now own restaurants and went

(02:52):
to like culinary school and now are you know chefs
in restaurants and stuff like that. A lot of them,
my brother did the same thing, and some of them
have developed niches. And one of my buddies makes pizza
for a living, brick up and pizza for a living.
And I you know my brother Olamide, whose music we
had on the podcast he hit. He sent me a

(03:16):
uney for my birthday. Somehow he bought it and sent
it to me. He was like, you know, I hope
you have fun. And I was like, well, you know,
and he also works at the restaurant as a bartender
that my buddy that I grew up with owns And
I was like, yo, so maybe he could send me
that pizza dough recipe and he sent it. I was like,

(03:37):
oh okay, So I started making pizza in the UNI.
Then my boy, who has this restaurant in Dallas, saw
the love that my boy got when I posted on
Instagram the pizza, and he's sent me the recipe for
his famous fried chicken that he has in Dallas. And

(04:01):
let me tell you, first of all, the pizza's phenomena.
It was amazing and I can make. I now know
how to make pizza for days. The fried chicken, Oh
my god. First of all, I love fried chicken anyway,
you know what I mean. That's I've always loved fried chicken.
And my wife is a huge Friday like fried chicken

(04:21):
on Fried Chicken Monday. That's a restaurant around the way
to has fried chicken Mondays. We would go every Monday
because she loves fried chicken so much. When she was
pregnant with Wilder, that's all she would want was fried chicken, right,
fried chicken and mashed potatoes. So do you need a
deep fryar? Yeah, no, problem is the deep friar I
had only can accommodate two pieces of chicken, so it

(04:41):
took me up to two and a half hours to
make a god, oh my god. So that's that's that's
that's that's the dilemma. So I gotta figure out a
way to to I don't an air fryer. Someone told
me about an air fryer. Have you tried that? Not?
Not what you do with this chicken. You don't want
to air fry it, man, You want to fry that
bad boy in some oil. That's good. Listen. Air frying

(05:02):
is great for health and for you know, cholesterol purposes
and stuff like that. But to your buddies, it's an
insult to your buddies recipe. It's an insult to chicken period,
Like a chicken. It's like you air fryed me. You're
not gonna fry me and some grease by the way,
did you. We don't have to say what we were
talking about. But Donald was having a disagreement with his

(05:26):
spouse and I texted him in quotes what I thought
he should say to her. And I wondered, if you
tried out what I what I wrote? No, no, no, no no, no,
it's it's it's not a good day to do that, dude.
It's not a good I thought it was kind of funny.
I was kind of trying to be like your cyrano
where I was saying, say this, I appreciate that, but no,

(05:46):
you know, this whole homeschooling, uhh zoom schooling that the
schools are doing right now with all the students, it
really does put a lot of pressure on the parents
to make sure the kids doing their job and you know,
are sitting in front of the zoom and are doing
their lessons and stuff like that. And you know, we're

(06:07):
in our second day and she is, you know, she's
not happy about the fact that her day is. She's
she's a teacher. Also, you know what I mean, we
have Yeah, we have teachers at school, and then you know,
you're supposed to send your kid to school for school
and not have to worry about it. But it's not

(06:28):
like that with this whole zoom school thing. I have
to say, it made me a bit sad when I
saw your kids in their adorable school uniforms, and then
in my brain I was like, oh, they they're not
going to school, so they wear the uniforms when they
sit in front of the computer. Yeah, the school prefers that,
I mean, that's that's I don't know, that that as

(06:50):
as someone who's not apparent and just witnessing it, that
just kind of made me sad. Well, I would prefer
that than them being in their pajamas all day. No, No,
I know, I understand the idea behind it. It's just
these poor kids are are all. I don't know it
just not to be Debbie Downer, but I don't know
what this does to like these kids that are in
such crucial times of their lives where they should be

(07:12):
socializing and and I don't know. I just I will
say that put a little bit of a lump in
my throat. I gotta be honest. I will say this.
My kids right now are into it because they spent
a whole summer social distancing from everyone, you know what
I mean, Like there were very few playdates this summer

(07:33):
because of of COVID. Not to say they we we
didn't meet up with friends and do outside activities where
the kids couldn't you know, where the kids weren't all
up on each other. But social distancing has thrown a
monkey wrench in if you're a kid, it's fucked up.

(07:53):
You know, to be a kid right now when you're
supposed to go out in the summer and run around
with your friends and explore and everything like that, and
you guys can't get close to each other or you
know what I mean. So with this whole zoom thing,
it's really interesting to watch. But my kids are into it.
They have their own space. Like my son goes into
his room and he, you know, gets to chit chat

(08:14):
with his friends on zoom. And why does that work? Though?
Like during the class, so like the teacher is leading
a class, but then like, do they have time where
they can I don't know how does this work when
they like socialize. I know there's a lot of parents
listening to this being like, oh, this guy's clueless. But
I don't know kids, so I have no idea how
it works. How do they do they have time where
they can chit chat with their friends? Oh? Absolutely there,

(08:36):
you know. And the great thing about it is that
you know they have they also have times where the
teachers are like, all right, go outside or go if
you don't have a backyard, go someplace and just clear
your mind and let's not think about school for thirty minutes.
Go and you know, my son will come downstairs and
he'll eat the go outside and shoot hoops or he'll
stay inside, Like can I watch the rest of Team
Titans go? And I'm like, yeah, sure, no problem. Like

(08:59):
there's there's breaks in between where the kids can you know,
get away, and then at lunch time they eat together
in front of the thing, and so they can really
in front of the zoom, so they can. How do
they all talk at the same time. Aren't they all
interrupting each other? Yeah? Sure, but they get to you know,
you get to you get to at least see people
shoot while yeah, you know. And and if you have

(09:22):
enough charisma like most kids do, like most phasons do,
you can command zoom and be like, yo, everybody, shut
the fuck up. Listen, listen, listen, and then the part
and then just like dad, just like his dad, his
dad loves a fart joke. That kid has no shortage

(09:42):
of personality. I can tell you it's a lot of personality.
He's going to be an actor, you know, you know,
they're both gonna be actors. I hope that whatever they do,
I just hope that they're happy when they're older and
they find what it is that they want to do.
That's all I can ask for me as an actor
and knowing and going through all of the things that
I go through, and the anxiety I have about, you know,

(10:05):
jobs and not having jobs. I wouldn't want. I wouldn't
wish that on anyone. I wouldn't mind my kid to
be an actor either. Yeah, when you think about it
and people are like, fucking I could do that job.
You get that. I get this a lot from so
many people. Are you an actor? I could? I could
do it. I could be that. That's easy, man. Anybody
could be an actor. Yeah, you're right, anybody can be
an actor. But do you have the stamina to keep

(10:25):
it up? Dude? You can act all you want, but
do you have the stamina? Do you do? You truly
have the stamina to here? No more than you've ever
heard it in your life. And then when you do here, yes,
to be able to do what's necessary to name. We've
been so blessed and lucky, and not that we didn't
hustle our asses off our whole lives, but we in

(10:47):
addition to hustling our asses off and working at it
and working at it and not giving up, we then
had a beautiful roll of the dice. And I have
had successful careers thus far, I know, and you know
so many people that are fucking brilliant actors and you
just don't know their name and their number didn't come up.

(11:09):
And that's just I learned that early on as a kid.
I would do stuff in the city and do like
fleet free play readings. You know, a play reading is,
you know, the playwright wants to hear the play out loud,
and the castrator gets a few actors to come together
and read the play and no one's getting paid. And
I remember being a child and some of these things,
and I would look watching some genius New York theater

(11:32):
actor do a scene and I'd be like, my jaws
on the floor. This person's like, I've never seen them before.
I've never seen them in a movie, you never seen
them on a TV show, and they're the fucking best
actor I've ever seen. And they're here in the basement
of a church doing this free play reading with me.
And I remember, even a very very young age, being like,
this is crazy, this is scary, like and so from

(11:53):
me my whole career, I always was searching for other
ways to make a living. If my number didn't come up,
you know, I knew i'd be a cinematographer. Obviously i'd
be a filmmaker, or I'd be on the camera crew.
I'd be a first assistant director. I had all sorts
of other plans if I wasn't lucky enough to have
my number come up, because I saw, oh my god,

(12:13):
these people are living hand to mouths and look how
good they are. They're better than almost everyone on TV.
You know, yeah, I you know, I never lived that way.
That's that's that's incredible, man. I said to myself, if
I'm going to do this, I got to go all in.
And from an early age, that's all I thought about
was being an actor. If I had an opportunity to
read something, I would go and do it. And you know,

(12:36):
I was very lucky to have parents who supported me
up until I was twenty three years old. I lived
at home, and even after my big break when shit's
you know, still stalled and wasn't really going, my parents
were there to support me until I was able to
support myself and you know, my jobs. If I hadn't

(12:59):
become an actor, I would have been so fucked because
I chose not to go to college. I chose not
to you know, get a conventional job. I went all
in with the acting. And you know, I've been lucky,
like you said, I like you said, I was very
very lucky. They're both very very lucky to have our
numbers called. I advise people who if you really, if

(13:20):
it is your passion and it really needs to be
like the only thing you want to do with your life,
because it isn't. You know, when you see a successful actor,
you might think they made it look easy, but it's not.
It's not easy by any such imagination. So but if
you're if you're committed to it and it's your passion,
Like my nephew right now is going to school for it.

(13:40):
It's his passion. My advice is to study other things
within the field where you could make a living. Your
side hustle doesn't need to be doing something that has
nothing to do with the industry. So study other crew positions.
If production interests you, that might interest you. Become a writer,

(14:00):
become a learned producing learn learn all sorts of skills
that would at least allow you to stay within the
industry that you you might love. But becoming a successful actor,
um is just such a crazy lottery, you know. I
always say, like, if you're a really really good actor.
You've you've bought a lot of lottery tickets. Yeah, if

(14:22):
you're if you're great looking like Donald's favorite doc partner,
then you've bought more lottery tickets. If you're both, you
have a shit ton of lottery tickets. But it's still
a fucking lottery, right. That doesn't necessarily mean your number,
you know what I mean? Yeah? You know. And since
I've become an actor, I have figured out ways to

(14:42):
get other uh skills sets like stop motion animation. Like so, now,
if let's say it dried up, I know I'm good
enough now as of a stop motion animator to get
a job in the stop motion industry, at least I
think I am. You know what I mean, I think
you are. But what do I know? But I think

(15:02):
you are right. You could also be a line chef
and make fried chicken. Dude, I could make some fried
chicken for you. I could call it my boy and
be like, listen, it ain't going well, let me work
the kitchen. Yeah, and if he says I don't have
room in the kitchen for you, I'll be like, well
I got your recipe. Yeah, but you know what, dog
that shit? Myself and you know what I know about him.

(15:23):
I'm gonna make money, chicken. The thing about you is
that you're a hustler. And if shit hit the fan
and you had to go, I work in McDonald's. If
it should, if shit hit the fan, I would have
worked in with McDonald's dog. I don't give you know what.
You know what in a couple of months, you'd be
the manager of the place, and then maybe in a
couple of years you'd own one, because you fucking hustle,
hustle donald That's what we do. And no, not nope

(15:46):
about six seven stories about show me n stories. Yeah,

(16:10):
we're by, We're back with my own private practice. Jay Moore,
our guests, Jay Moore, Yeah, refracted by uh one of
our favorite directors, Mark Bucklin. I gotta say, Jay Moore,
I haven't seen in a bit. I knew he was
a famous he was a stand up, right, and I
think he may have been on SNL yeah for a

(16:32):
season or two maybe when you look that up for me,
I know that Anthony Michael Hall was on S and
Now for a season or two and they kind of
look alike, right, and um, but he's really good in
this episode, Dude, he's very good in this episode. He's
the perfect example of a guest star that comes on.
And I've said this before, it's intimidating. You're coming into
a well oiled machine. All these people know each other,
they've got a zillion insight jokes, everybody knows it, and

(16:54):
you're the only person and you gotta you gotta get
out of your head and just show up and be
funny because you're the guest star and it's not time
to be like, oh, I'm insecure. I mean, it's like,
you can be insecure all you want in your fucking
dressing room, or when you come to set. You got
to come to play. And this guy's riffing. He's confident.
You know, he made up a lot of that ship.
I could just tell from his vibe. He was just

(17:15):
kind of making it his and it's just really really impressive.
It's a it's a great lesson again in the spirit
of giving actors advice that he got to hit the
ground running if you're a guest star on a show
like this, and he does that. Yeah, I remember when
we were shooting and thinking, oh, this guy's so fucking annoying.
He's always on, he's always on. He's always on, and
then you watch the episode and it's perfect. Look, I

(17:37):
get it, you know what I mean. And then that
became kind of my thing when I'm on set now,
you know what I mean. If it's a comedy and
I need to keep the comedy going, I'm gonna be
on for a bit, you know what I mean. I'm
gonna be on the whole time where work. I don't
think I've ever seen you off unless you're woozy. Unless
I'm woozy. Right, unless I'm woozy, I'm always on. Yeah.
Other than this is one of those lessons right there

(17:59):
where it was like all right, Like even when we cut,
he's joking around with Crewe, he's joking around with actors,
he's you know, he didn't shut down. You know. At
the time, I was like, this is so crazy. This
is annoying me because it's a joke after a joke,
after a joke, after a joke, after a joke, and
then you watch the episode and he's so good, you
know what I mean. He's really good at playing that. Yeah,

(18:19):
Joel said. He was on for two years, ninety three
and ninety five. He's so good at playing that cocky,
confident guy and I we learned that he slept with
um Krista. Yeah, with Jordan, Well not with christ we
should j Jordan, we should. Now he may have slept
with Christa. I have no idea, it's none of my business.
But he definitely stopped at Jordan. Bill just turned to

(18:41):
Christa like, did did wait quick? Let's do let's do
your recap. I don't have my phone because it died,
so Daniel, you're gonna have to time. Donald, Um, I
hope you put all sminngin more effort into this one.
I put some effort into it. This is a this

(19:02):
is a this is a tricky episode also, but I
did put some effort into it. A Ready, Ready, and go.
Elliot's on top of the world for the first time
in our series. Carla's down on the dumps because she's
not feeling sexy. Turke needs competition to get his confidence up.
JD has a new friend who's teaching him how to
combat his anxieties with Cox. The lessons are effective, but

(19:23):
come with a price. Being comfortable with who you are
is very important in life. If you can find a
way to access said comfortability, you stick with it as
long as you don't disrespect and hurt others. Wow? How many?
So wait, say one part again. You said about finding
a way to be yourself without disrespect. Right before you

(19:45):
said disrespecting others, What did you say? Being comfortable with
who you are is very important in life. If you
can find a way to access said comfortability, you stick
with it. Right. So Carla found a way to be
comfortable again, you know what I mean? She the whole episode,
she feels like she's not sexy. Part of it's because

(20:07):
she's wearing an engagement ring. Unfortunately for ladies and men
out there, once you tell everyone in the world I'm
spoken for via engagement ring, people kind of back off,
you know what I mean. And the ones that don't
back off, those are the sleazy scumbags. Do you notice
that some women women wear engagement rings? How does this
ever happen to you? When when you were single, um,

(20:30):
and you see a woman that you that you have
this wearing an engagement ring and you sort of make
some ended off handed comment like oh, um, how long
you've been engaged? And they go, oh, I'm not engaged.
I just I just wear this on this finger. And
sometimes it's because they don't want to be bothered or
hit on. They don't want the attention. Well that right,
candidate for you to be like, oh so what's up.

(20:51):
And then other times though, they've been like, oh, I
just like wearing a ring on that finger. And I
always thought when that happened, like why are you doing that?
Like you you you your dream Husban might be walking
by and think you're cute and then not even talk
to you because he sees your ring. If you don't
want to be bad, don't want to thank you. I'm tired, right,

(21:11):
thank you? Oh guys, Oh shit, wait, something's happening. Sorry,
what happened? Interrupted in Bill? I don't really have a
song interrupted Bill? Oh yeah, put it much better, Donald,
Oh yeah, it'll be perfect. Um. Look yeah, it's a

(21:33):
little annoying to hear that. My first interrupting Bill segment
was deemed too long. Um. Now, but Donald, so it
was cool with it. Zach, you said it was too long.
It's like a five minute monologue. Oh no, did I
get in the way of you all talking about silver
spoons and Star Wars? I feel horrible. Um. And by
the way, the name of the Jason Bateman spinoff was

(21:54):
it's your move. Anyways, I got a question. One of
the things we did on I'll be quick, Okay. One
of the things we often do on Scrubs when we
were in later seasons we would look back the earlier
seasons to see if we could kind of continue jokes.
And we did a joke with Carla that no one

(22:15):
saw her as attractive now that she had in this episode,
now that she had an engagement ring on and later
on when we brought a guest star on the show
to be a love interest to JD's, we wanted to
imply that she had always been at the hospital, but
JD had just never noticed her. Do you know who
that guestar was and how this joke with Carla relates?

(22:36):
We set it up here. I know who it was,
Donald Who was it? It was Elizabeth Banks character who
JD wound up having a baby with her later on,
if I'm correct, Yes, And I guess she wore an
engagement ring the whole time, so nobody paid attention to her,
is my guess. That sounds good? Wow, you really time
this out well, Dan, You must be good at what

(22:57):
you do, all right, Go ahead? What does he What
does Bill say? Yeah? Zach, I'm guessing you got it.
It was Eizabeth Banks because she was wearing a wedding ring.
I hope that was quick enough. Whatever. Um, miss you guys.
Now I feel bad, miss you, and now I feel bad.

(23:18):
I think I think we hurt his feelings by saying
he was totally hurt Bill Lawrence's feelings. Man, I don't
love him. I'm fine with Bill going on and on
and on and on. It's all right with me, and
I know the fans love it. So we'll just let
him go along, all right, Yeah, just let him go. Bill.
You can go long. You can even do the five
six seven eight. Let me tell you something right now,
that was probably the sneakiest five six seven eight five six.

(23:43):
I'm not doing it. Okay, I'm not doing it anymore.
I'm not um somebody to amuse you that just comes
and does the numbers. So we'll think of a new
gag today. It's just five six seven eight seven. Oh
my god, come on now. People are like, he's definitely out,

(24:10):
But the joke is going to be that I'm not. Oh,
I don't believe it. I somehow don't believe it. Is
there more, takeing dot and no, don't turn it off.

(24:31):
Let h play. That's the whole thing, all right, all right, listen,
I gotta say something. Bill is experiencing something as a
writer he's never experienced, and that is that he has
a hit catchphrase and he doesn't want to give it up.
I don't think he should give it up. As long
as sneaky and funny it works. He finally, in his

(24:53):
career as a writer, probably never imagined he'd have his
own what you're talking about, willis, and he finally has one,
and he keeps trying to be cool guy about it,
being like, nah, I'm not gonna do it anymore over it,
but he can't give it up. It's like crack crack.
He why would right, Well, shit, I've never tried crack,
but I hear that's one of the most addicting things

(25:16):
in the world. Do you know? Do you know what
else is addicting? Have being a catchphrase that that's almost
as addicting. Dude, Listen, that's what I'm talking about has
traveled with me from Scrubs to pretty much everything else
that I've done in life. Once I heard that, people
like that's what I'm talking about, I said that shit,

(25:37):
over and over again, Eagle another one. Eagle's gone on
forever and ever and ever. You can't not post eagle
once that. I'll bet Jalil White is not saying did
I do that? To anybody these days? If they pay
his ass a lot of money, I bet you he'd
be like, did I do that? He'd like, how much
did I do that? How much that I told you? When? When? When?

(25:58):
When once his name was on UM Good Times, JJ Walker,
he was like, I'll do the show, but diano, Mike
costs more, a lot more. And I understand that. He's like,
it's my catch phrase. I'm gonna run with it. Yeah.
I bet you if Gary Coleman, if somebody said, when
God rest is Soul to the late great Gary Kleece
and peace Babe, somebody said Gary, we needed what you're

(26:21):
going what you're talking about willis at this point, or
what you're talking about somebody at this point, he'd be like,
that's gonna cost extra of course, of course, get that money,
make that money, make that money. I bet you, Mike,
if Mike, if you had Mike Jackson on a song
rest is Soul, if you had rest and Peaks, if
you had if you had Mike Jackson on the song,
Michael Jackson on a song, and he said, ay, or schaman,

(26:43):
I bet you that costs more money. I gave you
a chalman, I gave you a shaman. You don't have
to pay a nug to ten thousand. Yeah, well, I
bet a lot of producers I mean not. I'm not
saying DJ klled or Puffy because they're obviously very successful,
but I bet there's other producers who have a little
catch phrases who like really didn't do anything else, but
come on and be like it's me. I'm the produced

(27:06):
the little catch phrase. Whatever their catch phrase is, well
whatever the equivalent of another one is right if you right?
Or take take take it, take it. For the longest
was like yeah major key puppy for the longest was like,
can't stop, won't stop, can't stop, won't stop. To that

(27:29):
we won't stop. I thought I told you that we
won't stop. I thought I told you that we won't stop.
The fact that Zach knows that people is a bit,
you know, because I was asked him how he knows it,
asked him how he knows it? I know it. I
was peeing on all those music videos. I peered in
a lot of rap videos in ninety in the in
the in the in like let's say ninety five to

(27:51):
ninety nine, Wow, when all that ship was going down.
I don't think I've worked on high Williams video, but
I worked on a lot of videos. I wanted to
work Hype Williams video because he was you know, he
was the cool guy. Well Hype, come on man, hypad
whoever was a cinematographer for Hype Williams videos. It was
one of the reason why Hypes was so hyper. I

(28:12):
wonder what hype just here? Just hypead like a monopoly.
Along with a woman names you know who I worked
on a woman who did a lot of them too
was her name is Diane Martell, and I worked on
a bunch of her videos. She did a lot of
She did a lot of videos. Well they don't make
music videos anymore, Well they do, but not like come
on man, music video on the beach with who did that?

(28:39):
But that ain't that ain't a Hype Williams video though.
That's like somebody somebody was like, Hype, we don't have
that budget. Just take the video camera and know the
Hype Williams signature was the wide angle lens in the
tunnel with the fluorescent tubes going down the whole tunnel
and everyone coming up into the into the wide angle
lens and being did you in the face did you
ever see Belly? No? He directed A Belly is a

(29:04):
Hype Williams directed movie. Visually, that shit is amazing visually,
Holy shit, Belly is a classics he directed. I bet
he directed. Um is it worth that? Let mean work?
Get put your thing down? Maybe you reverse, well you

(29:24):
got directed that video. I bet that was Hype Williams
because that was his style. And if it wasn't I Williams,
it's someone who like, if you ever get the chance,
if you ever get the chance, ghost watch Belly. Okay,
that shit visually is one of the dopest movies, especially
hood movies, that you will ever see hood movies. That

(29:44):
shit is fire. And when I say hood movies, I
mean urban, I mean black, I mean fucking about drugs
and fucking That's what I mean. I'm saying that ship
was straight for the hood, you know what I mean.
I've been in a couple of hood classics. I've been
in a bunch of them. By the way, I just
want to remembering Joel, you were saying that there was
a lot of women out there who were like the

(30:06):
early precursors to two songs like what the Wop song?
And it just made me think of that song. She's like,
if you've got a bit, I mean a lot of
it's bleeped, but she's like, she's saying a lot of
crazy shit, that wop song. That Wop song is fired. Dude.
I'm sorry, man, And that video, it's not that I
keep listening. It's not that I keep listening to it.
It's just that I keep visualizing the video from that ship. Dude,

(30:29):
that shit it's really her or you like the visuals, dude?
Come on, come on, man, I the one person that
doesn't like the other than other than all the Republicans
that are out there fucking saying that this shit is
not good for kids. Where she really? I gotta ask
this and then we'll get back to the show. But
did they really mention freaking Cardi B at the republic

(30:52):
National Convention? What's her? Did her name really come up?
Cardi Cardi? Oh, that's what I'm talking about. That's what
I'm talking about. Yo. My catch phrase is in effect
for that. That's what I'm talking about. She ruffled some feathers. Um,
all right, let's talk about basketball. Um. The show opens

(31:13):
with us playing one thirty seven. Um, I go, how
the hell do we lose? We have chat and Chet's
like eight feet tall and he's like sorry man, and
I'm like, chat, you suck. Yeah. Now, I don't know
there's that many times. Only a handful of times JD
is playing basketball. I don't think it's Um. Actually we
play a lot. Actually yeah, because you're all we always

(31:34):
need a fourth Okay. Sorry. Dave Myers was also I
don't mean to minimize Dave Myers contribution. He was also
a huge music video director. He directed work It, which
if you haven't seen, you should go check out. It's
a really cool video for a Missy Elliott song, Work It.
Missy had some great videos. Now Aloma gets into dunking.

(31:55):
I think I remember there being a stunt double because
I know Aloma wasn't doing all that right, and she's
like doing she's definitely doing a dribbling part for a second,
but then there's cut to her legs and some woman's
doing like through the legs stuff, and then some woman
hits a trampoline and does something like a major dunk.
That's not a loma, it could be, and then she

(32:15):
lands and she goes, y'all got hockey? Yeah, you know,
I'm gonna be honest with you ahead. There are on
a lot of black people who play hockey in the
NHL right now. It's growing. But are there more than
Are there more than two? Yeah? Absolutely more than two.
There's more than a handful. There's more than ten. Um

(32:38):
Joel's on it. My brother, My brother played hockey. We
grew up in House Kitchen, New York, and that's a
big hockey part of Manhattan. Would he play street hockey
like on rollerblades. He would play on rollerblades and he
would play ice hockey. Shout out to all the cats
from fifty second Street, you know cats that living seven
forty seven Clinton, that that whole area. These cats all

(33:02):
played hockey. A lot of them were white, but there
were a lot of black kids that played hockey too
because of our neighborhood. You know, Ruler Blades would have
been a really horrible stock to be involved with because
they've just completely disappeared from the world. They're making a comeback.
They did they're currently making a comeback. You see a

(33:23):
lot of the ig Ruler girls, a lot of it's
a lot of like girls at skate parks pulling mad
cool stunts or wouldn't fly as hell. Yeah, I was
about to say, I think I think skateboarding really took
a you know, skateboarding was popular and then it died down,
and now it's made such a huge comeback. Like skateboarding
so huge, but not rollerblading. Dude, Remember rollerblades were everywhere.

(33:47):
But I think I think now you can't any break, right.
I think when people took a break from skateboarding, they
got into rollerblades, and then that kind of went away
also because it was like, all right, I don't know, man,
I feel you could be in such good shape if
you're a good rollerblader, you know what I mean. And
maybe they were getting hit by cars or something like that.
I don't know what it is. You know, that's not it.

(34:08):
That's not it. Like I'm looking at it like this,
if you roll I grew up in a city and
in Manhattan, right, and everybody in the early nineties was rollerblading. Everybody.
They made a movie about it. A dude, I went
to high school with was the star of the movie,
Seth Green and Jack Black. They were in the movie.
What's the movie called? Rollerblade? The movie maybe something like

(34:31):
that roller buddies blades like blades, right something I'm talking about.
You're talking about Brink? Are you? Is Jack Black and Brink? Well? No,
but it's like the most famous rollerblading movie. It's the
one Airborne Airborne. That's yeah, it's the one at the
end of the movie they go down a hill as

(34:52):
a rollerblade race or something. Rollerblades became so popular they
made a rollerblading movie. I went to high school with
the star of that movie, and he would roller blade
all around from school. Like when when the movie came out,
I was like, it's only perfect that Shane's in this
movie because this dude used to roller blade all the
time when we were in school. That's all he did,
you know what I mean? Anyway, My point is it

(35:15):
got really hot, and then all of a sudden, I
think skateboarding made a comeback. Man like Tony Hawk and
the Jackass guys and all that shit. I think that
became way more popular again and rollerblading had to take
a back seat. Yeah. Well I just I'm surprised that
they're completely gone. Like if you walk down the street,
you just will not see anyone. And it was so

(35:36):
and I went when I went to Northwestern, it was
there were so many on the campus, so many people
doing it, and the probably all had great legs too,
like their casts were probably like now you would do
a double take. Now you would do a double take
if you saw someone, you know. Yeah, I just think
it's bizarre when something was that popular and then for
no reason. It's not like it became like no longer

(35:57):
a good mode of transportation, no longer good exercise. It
just disappeared entirely. But here's the thing about the hockey.
The hockey thing. Some of the best hockey players obviously
have always been white, right, some of the best basketball
players in the history of basketball, we're white also, you
know what I mean. So to say y'all have hockey,

(36:20):
it's kind of bullshit. Because the NBA, regardless of how
you may look at like, for an African American male
to get out of the hood, you gotta and if
it's not through education, it's through sports. And so football
and basketball, yes, are a very good way to make it, right,
But there's a bunch of people that don't make it right.

(36:41):
White dudes play basketball too. One of the best basketball
players in the league right now is Luca don Chicken
and he's not even from America, you know what I mean.
And he's white. I can't say that about hockey. I
can't say, ooh, one of the top five hockey players
in the league is black. You'll never you can't say
that shit because it's not true. Well, I can tell

(37:03):
you from from my own personal knowledge, not reading Joel's message,
that three percent of NHL is non white, and there
are twenty six black players in the NHL. I would
have I wouldn't have thought it was that high. So
you were right, Donald, it's increasing. At least. Let's move on. Okay,
Let's talk about how Sarah is unable to talk about

(37:27):
her poos in front of her boyfriend, Nurse Flowers. She
says that she calls it a twosie in front of
him and in front of patients. When I admonish her
for being a doctor, she says that she says, dukie right.
Let me ask you a question, Yeah, how long did
it take before your girlfriend was willing to dukie? In

(37:51):
the same house. I don't like to not just just
just not talk about it. I don't. I mean, it's
a don't ask, don't tell situation. It's implied. Sometimes it's like,
I'm gonna go have some private time right now. I
know you're married, So you're like, she's like brushing her
teeth and you're taking a dump. Well, I'm brushing my

(38:13):
teeth and she's taking it. Remember that in that Scrubs
episode that actually is funny and I think this was
my joke, is that you and Judy are in the
bathtub taking a romantic bath, and then the camera pulls
back to reveal that I'm on the toilet pooing, and
I'm like, sorry about the twosy guys, and I spread this.

(38:36):
I have no recollection of that, but that's allow. The
joke was somehow that we have to all live together
and you guys are getting over it and like the music,
it shows like candles, lid and shit, and then the
camera Dolly's back to reveal me in the foreground on
the just flushing, going sorry about the twosy guys. That
is hilarious. Dude. Let's talk about how Elliott is like

(38:59):
on top of the world. Old. This is the first
time we've ever seen her character so happy. Man, Ye,
Like she's never this happy. And she has a moment
where she falls back into it where you know, Carlo
says something about not being sexy and Elliott thinks he's
talking about herself, talking about her. But this is it's
a refreshing moment, you know what I mean. Like, it's

(39:21):
really good to see Elliott having having a good time
in life. Her patients love her, She's happily in a relationship.
The one thing that she has a problem with is
taking a crap and pissing. Yeah, you know, when he's
around and she can't pee in front of him. I thought, well,
she makes him turn up the music when she's when
she's going pee because she doesn't want him to hear

(39:43):
the urine splashing in the Yeah, I understand that. I
definitely worry when um when um, I do wonder worry
when everyone's around, Um if if my poo can be heard,
So I'll I'll go on my phone and play like
some some Taylor Swift or something, just to blast I
sit out so no one can hear any any action
in the toilet. I don't mind. I don't I don't

(40:05):
mind a healthy stream. I'm gonna be honest with you.
If I'm going pee and it's a healthy stream, I
want everybody to hear it. I'm not talking about I'm
talking about it's like a stream. I'm talking about kerk plumps.
Like Dan put a kirk plump sound effect here. I'm
talking about. No, no, no, no, please Dan, no please
Dan No, just a kurnump. Fuck you, Zach, no way, dude,

(40:25):
no turn grossy No, I'm not talking about it. I'm
not talking about a fart noise. I'm talking about the
kur plump into the into the water. That is disgusting.
Let's move on, all right. I'm sorry fans, You'll just
have to imagine your own kirk plump sound effect. I guess, gross,

(40:47):
what's your favorite um expression for for pooping? Taking a shit?
Mine's growing a tail? Oh wow, Welcome America. I've never

(41:09):
heard welcome. That is so fuss. That was worth the
price of admission. Oh now, Sah does a very sexy dance.
Uh uh sorry, it's been things one hundred eight degrees,
but yeah, what a transition. That's how you know I'm
a professional broadcaster. Joel from growing a tail to a
sexy dance Zach Braf's transitions rock. So this man has

(41:33):
an arcalepsy and it's triggered by being turned on, which
I have to believe must be a real thing. And um,
Sarah wants to prove that she can turn him on.
And she goes in there and she's really flirting with him,
and then she goes all out and bends over it
and sticks her tush in his face. That was something
that we used to play. Though we used to do

(41:55):
that Oops I Dropped something, and Sarah obviously was the
queen of Oops I dropped something. And this was Oops
I dropped something in the show. Yes, I think it's
safe to say that Sarah is skilled at playing Oops
I dropped something. Oops I dropped something is It's one
of my favorite games ever that we've ever come up
with while making the show, because dudes could do it too.

(42:17):
I would do ooops I dropped something. Also, Oops I
dropped my ass? Are you kidding me? Oops? I dropped something?
Is amazing. People gotta get out of the way when
you oops or dropped something, because they're like, look out
when Donald plays oops I dropped something, you hear beep
beep something. People have to get out of the way.

(42:42):
Speaking of Cardi B, and oops, I dropped something. That
Wop video is amazing again, you're bringing Wow. There's a
lot of oops. I dropped something in that video. Dude.
I only watched it once. I didn't want to get
caught watching it multiple times. I can't get in trouble
for watching a fucking video. Dude, Get out of here. Dude,
I'm married. Look if you're If you're married and you're

(43:04):
in a relationship, anybody out there, everyone out there, And
I want to take a poll on this. Is it
wrong to watch a music video of a bunch of
women dancing provocatively if you're married? Is that? I think not.
I think not once, and I think the second time.
You can go, baby, how crazy is this? But I
think if she comes in the room and you're like

(43:25):
and she sees the like, you're on your twentieth time.
Some women might be like, bro, chill with the fucking
Wop video. But it's not like any of these dudes
like Cardi B or Mega Stallion. Hold up, it's not
like Meg the Stallion and Cardi B are giving back.
You know what I mean? If I'm looking at Cardi
B and Mega Stallion and the other fine young ladies

(43:47):
in this music video. It's not like they're looking at
me saying, oh yeah, I want me some Donald Fazon.
You know what I mean. And my wife knows that shit.
I told you guys this. My wife tells me all
the time, motherfucker. They don't want you. They don't want you,
even when I'm looking at my best, even when I've

(44:07):
worked out for six months straight and the abs are
on fleek. My wife's like, they don't want you. Oh
she's just trying to. She's just trying to get in
your head. By the way, I don't true though. They
don't want me. They don't want me. I'm married Cardi B.
If I was Cardie B, I would put my wop
all over you. Oh my god, oh my god, I

(44:29):
just oh my, you would be covered, gracious, you would
be covered in wap. It will be raining wap. Oh
my gosh, Oh my god. They can take a shower. Now,
let's go to break. Let's go to break. Booby right back,

(44:54):
you look like I do right, and I do declare
you know, like you know, when like a newborn calf
comes out and it's all like wet my mom ask,
that's what you'd look like. That's that's that's that's what
you'd looked like after I was done with you. And

(45:23):
we are back with James Paw do you say your
last name? Dude, Chris with James Paul Gres. We are
back with James Paul trying to mess up the Oprah
intro if you have to Oprah never paused and said,
how do you say your last name? And he's like,
she has Cruise. I'm sure use well, I mean, James

(45:48):
Paul Gress is not Tom Cruise yet, James, James yet,
you will be one day, we believe James shirt. Dude,
that's a dope shirt that says Hank Freud. It's nice.
That's dope. Nice. And I see you have something related
to my face on on behind you. What's that about? Um,

(46:09):
that's it's it's your doctor akula photo. Oh nice. I'm glad.
It's not like to do list kill James. Where are
you calling from, sir? Uh? Cleveland, Ohio? Well, my favorite

(46:29):
one of my favorite cities, Cleveland, Ohio. I love. Donald's
gonna ask you about restaurants. He's gonna ask you about restaurants.
I'm not gonna ask about restaurants. We've already had conversations
about the restaurants. But dude, have you been the Slimon's. No, No,
you've never been to Slimon's and you're from Cleveland. Maybe
you're saying it wrong, Donald, Maybe it's something right, Jamie,

(46:54):
are you still there by the way while he works
out his tech problem? Do you we skip something that's
very crucial in this episode when I say thanks a
latte to Jay Moore? Nah, thanks, And then you didn't
get that. You didn't get the joke my character. You
didn't get the joke. And also we spoke about how

(47:14):
poorly some people hold coffee cups when they're supposed to
be full in television shows. And I want to apologize.
This was a horrible I'm holding it with two fingers
and it looks like there's nothing in there at all. Yeah,
So I apologize to the fans for horrible coffee acting. James,
are you back? I'm back? Right. So you're in Cleveland

(47:36):
and you haven't had Slimon's. So well, you were saying
Simon's before I said slide, but the L slide. I
didn't hear the L. I thought you were saying, Simons,
have you had Slimon's before? I've had it. I haven't
gone there. My wife has gone there and brought me
food from there. That's the biggest sandwich I've ever had
in my life. It's so delicious. You're kind of like

(47:57):
Homer Simpson down you like dream of old sandwiches you had?
Not only do I dream of old sandwiches I have.
I love donuts. Speaking of donuts, everybody keeps asking me
about the donut machine. Yeah, you returned the machine. I've
returned it. I returned the donut machine because that shit
was way too big and that would have taken a
lot of oil one to freaking make these donuts. So

(48:18):
I apologize to everybody who had dreams of me doing
Donnie's donuts and stuff like that. One guy, just like
a branding situation, I could not do it. I'm sorry.
I apologize to everyone. James, I am sorry. I aloud
you have put in could you your new your new
hobby of tried chicken? Could you have put that in
the donut machine and just maybe that would have helped

(48:40):
you make all the chicken you want to make. When
I look back at it now, that probably would have
been a great idea, but I don't know how long.
It's like it's like the Crispy Cream conveyor belt, so
it goes through and it's it's all timed out perfectly.
So no, I probably could have, but I don't know
how cooked the chicken would have been. Beyont. It's not
about the donut machine. It's not about the machine. Rush up.

(49:01):
Have you gone on the internet and looked up how
much a commercial deep friars yet? Be honest, I'm gonna
be honest with you, because that chicken was so good. Yes,
I have. Not only not only that, not only that,
but the way he reached out. UNI reached out to me. Suh, Yeah,
they did after they saw the pizza that I posted.

(49:24):
And we're in conversation right now, so shout out to
NY Pizza Ovens. We're gonna talk about you guys for
a hot second, because yes, absolutely I want the pro Yeah.
By the way, I'm gonna shout out UNI myself and Wen.
They are not sponsored by us. We get no kickback,
but we can both tell you that this is a

(49:44):
really cool thing. By the way, you can't get one
right now because they're so back back back order, but
you could probably get one by Christmas. It's a great present.
They're not that crazy expensive for what it is. I
think they're like there might be like three four hundred bucks,
but it's it's an outdoor pizza oven. You either next
to a propane tank or you can do it with
wood and charcoal if you want. But this is like

(50:05):
this like made me and flows summer. I mean, she
just started getting so into it, and then we got
all our friends into it, and we, like Donald's now obsessed.
So definitely it's a great Christmas present if you can
get in now before they're before they're all sold out,
because I imagine it'll be impossible to get one for Christmas.
But if you the good friends at Uney, we're not

(50:26):
going to keep giving you free promotion unless you step
up production. I think they're made in Sweden or Switzerland
or something. I don't know, but it was delicious. Look, man,
he was one of the it's one of the best
home cooking products that I have. But we're not talking
about all of that stuff right now. We're here with James. Yes, James, James.
If the good people at Duney really would step it up,

(50:47):
we could be doing shit like and James, for being
a great caller, We're sending you an Uoney pizza oven
for your backyard. I'm just happy to be on the
podcast with you guys. I didn't have it all right. Sorry,
this was gonna happen for me. You didn't think it
was to happen every single day for I want to say,
like three months. Wow, that persistent started. July first is

(51:14):
when I caught up to the most current podcast, and
that's when I started. And it was just one email
for the first two days, and then it turned into
two emails a day, and then it just kind of
got out of control. I went back and counted it's total.
It's one hundred and sixty six emails since July first. Wow.
What was the bad guy's name in Romancing the Stone
that was chasing after Joan Wilder and uh, Michael Douglas's character.

(51:36):
I'm looking it up. I crack up every time because
he was so persistent, right, and even the even the
dude who has the mule, the drug dealer who has
the mule and is driving the uh the mule, hef
a the car. It's like a Bronco or some shit.
Like that, and he looks back, he goes, Wow, this
guy is very persistent. That's you, Jamie, that's you. I

(52:01):
even I tweeted all three of you a video where
I do a JD thinking in his head thing about
me never getting on the podcast. Oh my gosh. Wow.
Well you know what, listen all to all of our
listeners out there who have aspirations of dreams and dreams
of being on Fake Doctor's real friends. Take Jamie's for

(52:23):
Joel's Joel's. Yeah, all rights, go hard, go hard at Joel,
and she might let something slip through. That's all, you know.
The real lesson is, however hard you thought you were
going at something, somebody else was going harder. There, there

(52:43):
it is, there, it is there, it is You know
what I'm saying is James. Yes, okay, James, Um, that
is quite an intro. What is your question? You've been
very persistent. Um. I hope that you have one after
all this time. I do. I actually I wanted to
try and the turt to my JD on here. His
name is Ben, but he's at work. He couldn't show up,

(53:05):
so I have a question from me and one from him.
But I wanted to ask if you guys could do
a quick shout out to my brother in law Mike
and my best friend Ben, because they would have also
loved to have been on your Mike, Ben, Jamie wanted
us to shout you out, so we're gonna do it. Yeah,
I don't know your last name. Good, don't worry about it.

(53:26):
So any Mike and Been out there can take this
as a shout out. Obviously. It's just all the Mikes
and Ben's out there are listen. If your name is
Mike or Ben, I love you, I love you. No wait, wait, Zach,
I love them more. WHOA Okay, so this could be
your This could be your own personal ring tone. Mike, Ben,

(53:47):
I love you, I love you more. Okay, all right
now go ahead. James ask us a question. The one
that I had was every time I watched the point
where j he finally admits that he put the quarter
in the work at the end of that exchange, I
feel like there that there was at the beginnings of
a friendship between him and the janitor, rather than them
still being enemies. And I wondered if, if if Neil

(54:13):
Flynn was up to it, if you guys would actually
record just sometime after that that point, j D and
the Janitor are just getting along and getting into trouble
together because I feel like, rather than trying to get
j D in trouble, the janitor would still do his
crazy stop and now he would invite him along for it. Well,
here's the thing. After season eight, Neil got another show

(54:35):
and went on to do a television a very big
popular television show called The Middle. And there was a
moment in season nine, the first episode where he came
back for one episode two in the whole JD Janitor thing,
where he's like, he comes to work and he's like, so,

(54:58):
where's JD. And I'm like, he's gone, he doesn't work
here anymore. And the janitor is like, well, you know what, then,
I'm not working here anymore. That's pretty much a joke,
and he leaves, and so there was closure. I like
to think that that would have happened too. I think
the Janitor and JD do become friendship. I had something
for you, James that's gonna help you out with your fantasy,

(55:19):
and that is that when I was promoting alex Inc.
One of the most popular shows to ever go only
ten episodes ever, Neil was did you guys get ten? Yeah,
we did ten, ten magical episodes, one of the most
popular episode, one of the most popular shows ever to
get ten Yeah, I think it is. If you look

(55:39):
at the Guinness Book World records, it's the show that
only went ten episodes that was the most popular in
the most amount of people's hearts. Yeah. Those people didn't
necessarily watch the show, but they were rooting for it
in their hearts. Well, you know what, the most popular
show to ever get twelve episodes was right that thing

(56:01):
you did in Jersey Emergence. Emergence was one of those
shows that I'm gonna tell you something right now. ABC
knew they had gold, it's just the people didn't. A
lot of shows get canceled that are good. I'm not
saying I'm joking about alex Sync. I don't think that
it was fully working. But there's plenty of shows I like,
and I'm sure lots of listeners that are like, why

(56:23):
why did you cancel that? I mean, I mean, I'm
not saying Scrubs because we did nine years depending on
what you believe, but I'm so much shows that go
like two or three seasons and they're done, but I
wanted to say that when we were when I was
promoting the show James, Neil was kind enough to do
some promotional stuff for me because we knew the fans
would would love it, and we did one of those
things where we tell dad jokes to each other and

(56:45):
we try and make each other laugh. So it's on YouTube,
you can go check it out. It's like Neil and
I sitting across from each other, obviously not in character
as Jad and the Janitor, and we're trading dad jokes
and the ideas like they're so bad. Sometimes you just
got to laugh because you're so stupid, and we're trying,
like you're trying not to laugh at the dad joke. Yeah,

(57:07):
I've seen a bunch of those. I don't know how
I missed. You're the woman. You Well, you go check
it out if you Yeah, if you go look up
that he was nice enough to do that with me.
So that's sort of like the one example I can
think of right now of like me and Neil being
friends in real life. I really like Neil a lot.
He's he's such a wonderful funny man. Are just our
paths don't cross a ton and irl as the kids say.

(57:31):
I also wanted to tell you about about a year
and a half ago. I was going to the doctor's office.
I had to go into the hospital to get some
some papers, and on my way in there happened to
be a janitor working there and he was pulling rocks
out of the track for the door because they have
gotten stuck, and I just I couldn't help myself. At first.

(57:53):
I went inside and I said, if he still might
come out, I'm gonna do it. He was still there,
and so I went ahead and said, maybe somebody put
a penny in there, and um, I don't know that
he got the reference, but he did look at me,
look at me like he wanted to kill me, and
I felt like perfect response. I'm so bummed that that
guy didn't know the door joke. How could you be
a janitor at a hospital fixing the track of an

(58:16):
electric door and not know that joke. I mean, I
just feel like that should come with the job. And
I did it because when I was in college, I
um my teacher canceled, stopped class early and said someone
had to go to a coronation, and in my head
I thought I should stand up and sing the song
from Frozen where she gets she gets up inside it's
coronation Day, and I didn't do it. And my wife

(58:39):
has never forgiven me for not taking that opportunity because
I'll never get it again. So now every time that
would have been amazing. Every time I get a chance
to reference a show, whether thousand plate but I feel
all all right, James, do you have another question for us? Yeah,

(58:59):
my my best friend Ben I asked um why Doctor
Acula wasn't more fleshed out because he thought it was.
It was really awesome, and he would have loved to
see more episodes that centered around that because you know,
doctor Cox actually kind of liked it, and you know
the janitor knew about it and the stuff. You know,
it really is a fan favorite. James. It's something that
Donald and I get asked all the time when when

(59:20):
you guys gonna make Doctor Acula. I one day, I
don't know if I had had jazz lettuce or what,
but I wrote like an elaborate paragraph to Bill Lawrence
about like a funny take on what a Scrubs movie
would be, and it included a section on unincorporating uh, Donald,
and I'm making Doctor Accula. Um, I can tell you
that people really loved it. Um. So if we ever

(59:42):
do a Scrubs movie or thing, I think we have
to find a way that it's a part of it, right, Donald, Definitely,
I think I truly believe that the Scrubs movie should
just be Doctor Accula, where it has all of the
characters from Scrubs portraying characters in Doctor Accula. Obviously, Doctor.
I think that would be amazing. The question is whose

(01:00:03):
Doctor Accula? Is it gonna be? Jd or is it
gonna be Turkey? Right? Speaking of speaking of retro shows,
James Zach Joel Daniel, have you guys watched Cobra Kai. No,
that's the Karate Kids show, Daniel. I'm surprised, Daniel. You
seem like a retro kind of Fellah, thank you. I

(01:00:24):
was too busy playing video games. I watch Here's David
is so good, you guys, if you get a chance
and you want to feel nostalgia, Cobra Kai is so
much fun. It's just as fun as the Karate Kid,

(01:00:46):
the original Karate Kid. If you get a chance. All
of the stars are in it too. Please. They're teasing
that she might show up for season three. Not only
did she go to my high school, but she was
one of my early crushes. Like my wife looks like
Elizabeth Shoe. Dude, she was everybody's crush. Well then I

(01:01:07):
have a Then then I had a crush on Casey
Cobb when I was a You know who else was
my crush when I was a kid? You know who
else was my crush? What you McCall? Its sister? Uh,
the one that's married to Ryan Reynolds. Isn't Blake Lively
her older sister? What did? She's an actress? Yes, one
of my biggest when I was a kid. That was
my one of We're that we're gonna need her name

(01:01:28):
because I don't know that I know her work or
Betty the Redhead. Oh boy, hold on, now she's got
to go look for what she looked like when she
was young. Come on, Donald, you're making you well do
all the work. I don't know her name. All I
knew her was all I knew. How did you know her?
She was like in a bunch of things? She was
she was. She was always like the guest star on things,

(01:01:51):
never really to starve it, but she was my oh
my god like I would have dreams about her. Three
Ryan Reynolds. We're trying to get Ryan Reynolds to come
on for the finale. I know people have asked for it. Um,
Donald and I love him, but we not um like

(01:02:13):
day to day friends with him. So if anyone's listening
and knows Ryan Reynolds, tell him to come on the podcast.
I have a really embarrassing Ryan and Reynolds story too.
Oh God, maybe he's not gonna come on because you
did something embarrassing because you're bad with celebrities. Dude, I'm
so bad with celebrities. So, oh no, what did you do?
Ryan Reynolds? Do you want to hear this story? James? Yes,
James wants to hear it. So one night, Zach takes

(01:02:36):
me out to this Hollywood, the swanky Hollywood party, right
it was Jeffrey Katson Burke's party, as a matter of fact.
And I remember we get there and George Clooney makes
a joke like to Zach, he goes, I don't bring
Noah Whalley to these parties. Why are you bringing? Why
are you bringing Donald Fhames on? That's a good joke,
And I was like, and I remember thinking You're like,
I'm no Noah Wiley, sir, No, I love Noah while

(01:02:59):
Noah Wiley is a very good actor. But I remember
thinking that was kind of rude. Anyway, We're in the
party and I managed to he's a great actor. I
didn't mean to. I was just doing a joke. I
think I remember getting so fucking drunk at this party. Boy, Like,
I felt like I felt like somebody might have even

(01:03:19):
slipped me something. So that's yeah, right, you fucking slipped
yourself something. So that's my excuse. I think somebody was
trying to get at me and trying and trying to
do something. Would you do to Ryan Reynolds, This is
crucial if he'll come on the show. Was talking to
a bunch of people, right, He's talking to like three
other people, and I come up to him. I was
like Ryan, oh no, and he looks at me. He goes,

(01:03:40):
oh God, Donald, and I go, Ryan, give me a hug.
He's like, I don't want to hug Donald. No, I'm
not gonna give you a hug. I was like, Ryan,
give me a fucking hug, and he's like, no, I'm
not gonna hug you. I was like, then I'm gonna
take it. And I grabbed Ryan Reynolds and I start
humping his leg like a dom My god, he's not
coming on the fucking show. He'll never come on the show. Dude,

(01:04:01):
He's not gonna come on the show. You did the
thing that dogs do to people. Started humping on his
leg and then I pushed him away and I was like,
I'm through, and I walk away. And then he looks
at the people that he's talking to like, you know, sorry,
oh my, And then I realized in my drunken stupor

(01:04:22):
at that moment, I'm like, oh shit, I just made
an ass out of myself, and I walked away and stuff.
You really gotta pace yourself when you're at parties, don't.
I can't help it. I get excited when I see
people who I admire. Ryan, You're one of them, and
also because I've known you for a really long time.
All right, listen, Ryan, I don't know that you're listening,

(01:04:44):
or maybe maybe you're Ryan's best friend from high school
and you love the podcast. Tell him that Donald is
sorry for drunkenly humping his leg at a party. I'm
so apologized. I apologize, and the fans would love it
if you'd come on for the season finale of season
and two, which is coming upon us another season soon,
Joel James, do you want to say something to get

(01:05:06):
Ryan on here? James, Yeah, James, is or anything you
could say that I'm imagine you're a Ryan fan. Anything
you have that could maybe lure him back into the fold.
I was surprised when I when I caught him doing
uh I can't remember the name of the game, but
it's similar to candy Crush. That's an app, just a
simple game you can play. You don't have to pay
for it to play it. And I thought, what's he
doing doing little app commercials like this? I think feel

(01:05:28):
like if he can do that, then uh, why he
could do the podcast because that's way below what you
guys are. It's just a little It's it's like, I
can't be crush dam but they probably paid him. Yeah,
but see see they're probably paying him silly money. We
we can't pay him silly money. We can just pay
him with love you James. I don't like James. I
don't know. Maybe that would work out, James. I don't

(01:05:49):
know if you know this, but Ryan Reynolds just made
a crap ton of money selling booze. So yes, he
made a lot of money that but but but I'll
tell you what we can promise you, Ryan, a signed
Turk Funco Pop. Yeah, and and and if you are
nostalgic and want to go back and remember that moment
when I humped your leg, you could use the Turk
Funcle Pop as me and just let it. Or we

(01:06:12):
could buy it. We could buy a dead Pool Funco
Pop and then take the Turk Funk Pop and make
it hump it just saying every single one of his
movies from this point forward. If oh, there you go,
there you go right pretty good? Ryan thundersupplause. Dan thundersupplause.
There it is. James is gonna watch every one of

(01:06:33):
your movies, even bring Lancer, Ryan. James has promised to
watch every movie you've ever done. And if you come
on the podcast and Donald is sorry for for the
leg situation, I'm sorry for hopping your leg. You didn't
you didn't finish. You didn't finish, did you, Donald? No?
I did well, yeah, well well I said, I said,
I did say after I'm finished with you and pushed,

(01:06:56):
oh this is not going well. I wish you would
have told me the story, because I've been trying through
back channels, through agents and publicists to no avail. And
for all I know, he's going Donald phase on the
guy who tried to buck my knee at a party. No,
oh God, so embarrassed. All right, well, James, we're gonna

(01:07:17):
segue with this theme song that Daniel's going to play
to a new segment called fix Your Life. And I
hope you have something where Donald and I can can
fix your life because we're very good at this. It's
America's favorite segment on any podcast ever. I just read
that online. James, It's time to fix your lie. All right, James,

(01:07:39):
what do you got for us? All right? I was
trying to think of it last night because I forgot
all about it until I was invented unable to sleep
because I got the email, was freaking out. But I
guess I'll bring up the fact that my three year
old son has decided that hooping is just not for
him anymore, and so he's just not gonna do it,

(01:08:00):
and so it's literally every three days we have to
have him on like a laxative regimen. And then the
doctors have told us to give him these little baby animas,
which is a very horrible experience for everyone involved. And
I wondered if you guys had any advice that you

(01:08:21):
could give on a better way to try and encourage him.
I will say this, uh, you know, as a father
who has experienced moments like this where a child has decided,
you know what, I don't want to pooh anymore. Uh.
You gotta make it exciting, okay, and figure out a
way to me make going to the bathroom not a

(01:08:44):
chore but something fun. Like when I was a kid,
I hated to brush my teeth, and my you know,
parents figured out a way to make it so that
I would want to brush my teeth, and they got
me an electric toothbrush and it was you know, you know,
it's Darth Vader toothbrush. So now I'm brushing my teeth
pretending I'm Darth Vader and stuff like that. My advice

(01:09:08):
to you is to figure out a way to make
going to the bathroom a game. Whether it be and
I'm sure your pediatrician probably told you this. Maybe there's
rewards for sticks. I used to I would do anything
for stickers when I was a kid. Right, Maybe there's
a reward for every time you go to the bathroom
and pooh, like you get his favorite I totally, totally,

(01:09:30):
I totally understand because kids get crazy like that, and
all kidding aside, they do get crazy like that, and
there's a moment in time when they're like, I don't
want to do this anymore. But if you can figure
out a way to make it so that it's a
game and that it's fun and that it only works
when they're in the bathroom though, the only time you
can play the game is when you're in the bathroom

(01:09:51):
and you're sitting on the toilet, maybe things will turn around.
I gotta tell you that I loved stickers and if
you when I was a kid, and I still love stickers,
by the way, but when I was a kid, if
you got if you find out whatever his favorite thing
to watch is, you can probably get a sticker for
that on the interwebs, and and just be like, every
time you poop, you get one of these, Oh, and
look at this amazing one. I know you want. You

(01:10:13):
don't get it until you poop, and then you and
then and you put the stickers on a chart also
if it and it's crazy because nobody wants to ever
be like you know, I have to bribe my kid
to go to the bathroom. But if it adds up
to something, you know what I mean, like a certain
amount of stickers equals an ice cream trip, or a
certain amount of stickers equals whatever it is he likes,

(01:10:36):
I think you might find a little bit of success
in that. Um, take it from me. I've had plenty
of children, and a few of them have had this dilemma,
and so you go. So you're not alone, James Donald's
many children have refused to poop over the years. And
we have a new term for it that I'm not

(01:10:57):
sure you were on the call for. It's also very natural,
and so don't think of it as you know, this
is a you know, this is a this is a
problem because eventually you won't have to deal with this anymore.
But we have a new we have a new term
for it too, James. It's called growing a tale. So
you can tell him, come on, buddy, time to grow

(01:11:17):
a tale. Anyway, James, you're welcome. We just fixed your lie. Yeah,
you're welcome. I'm gonna try those I didn't even think
about him, but no, he sincerely in all honesty. That
is a real that is a real thing that you
can try. Make it a game, make it a make

(01:11:40):
it a an experience that is fun because it's uh
it can you know it's it's it's stressful to have
to pooh, especially when you're a child, and he could
be afraid of the toilet, he could be afraid of
what comes out of the toilet. I don't know. I'm
not a doctor in real life. I'm a fake doctor,
but I'd like to have it's stressful to pooh old
phase on on a mug. Well, I don't know this too.

(01:12:03):
Any adult knows this. It's stressful to pooh if you
don't poo, I think it's stressful to pooh. It's nice, absolutely, dude.
If you don't pooh in one or two days, you're
fucking stressed out, Like why am I not pooing? How
come I'm not pooing? It's a stress should probably get
off the pooh because there's probably some people eating a
salad right now. M James, we gotta go. But thank
you so much. I'm glad you finally broke Joel down

(01:12:24):
and got on the show. Can I can I tell
you one more thing? Before before we go, absolutely, because
this is the big thing that the email that was
responded to that got me on here. Um. First of all,
I owe it to my wife that I even ever
watched Scrubs because I didn't. Uh. I was younger when
it came out, and so I didn't watch it as
it came out, and she watched it when I was
at work, and she showed me the guy love song

(01:12:46):
one day, and so it was me and my best
friend and that's what hooked me onto it. And then
I've been watching it on repeat ever since. Um. But
my father passed away in twenty seventeen from stomach cancer
and I at that point I had seen the series
through once and I'd watched it halfway through. But then
when his complications got worse, I stopped watching TV and
I stopped doing anything fun. I just was trying to

(01:13:09):
pay attention to what was going on with him and
hope it wasn't get better. And it was like around
six months after he passed I started watching the show
again to try and feel normal again. I was having
a really bad day. When I got to the last episode,
I considered the Zach watching the last Fantasy, the last
episode and whatever happens after that, it's just a weird

(01:13:30):
fever dream of some sort. But I was watching that
and for some reason, I was I was really depressed.
I couldn't get myself to just do what I had
to do, you know, for my family and my kids.
I just kept thinking about him, and I didn't want
to to function. I didn't even I didn't even want
that feeling. And for some reason, as soon as JP

(01:13:51):
said it's never good to live in the past too long,
it hit me a lot harder for some reason, and
it actually started to break me out of it. And
then when I listened to the Book of Love and
watched that scene, I just thought, like my dad had
told me before he passed, to live my life and
to find a way to be okay with what's happening
and then let him go go and all that stuff.
And that was the moment I was able to do that,

(01:14:12):
because it was like I've I've always been a dreamer
like that, where I kind of imagine what my life
will be, and so watching them scene again, um brought
me back to that part of me, and I was
able to pull myself out of the depression. And I
owe it to that show. Because of that, especially that
moment really just became so much more powerful. And ever
since then, I've just kept watching it on repeat over

(01:14:33):
and over again, just like getting ready for that moment again.
And if it feels better every time I I see it,
um like, I love it so much. I dedicated all
three of my kids have a song dedicated specifically to them,
and my son got the Book of Love as his
song as a result. Well, James, I love you guys.
You guys are great love for James. We'd love you

(01:14:54):
for saying that you gave me, he gave me, he
gave me full. I'm still waiting to wait yesterday morning
and realize now this is real. This is real. But
in all but in all seriousness, James, that means a
lot to us. You know, we did this. Whenever we
do anything, Donald and I, our hope is that, uh,
you know, whether it's Scrubs, which we're talking about now,

(01:15:15):
or any other project we do, we hope your hope
is that you will somehow, um make someone laugh or
move someone in some way. We could not have fathomed
the the the difference that that this show would make
in some people's lives, and to hear that right from you.
It is very meaningful to us. Please don't think for
a second that that doesn't really really make us feel good.

(01:15:36):
Um Uh, it gave me full body goose bumps when
you said that. So thank you from the bottom of
our hearts. Thank you very much. I love you, James.
I love you, brother, I love you. Stay safe and
um and we'll we'll see you when we see you,
all right, all right, bye, buddy than James. Oh, what

(01:15:56):
a sweet guy, What a sweet guy. Wow, let's take
a break. We'll be right back after these fine words.
Let's segue into something a little more chipper that Elliott
meets the janitor. Elliott finally meets the janitor, which is thrilling,

(01:16:18):
and he pretends he's a very nice guy. Yeah, he
does not want Elliott to know. Now his crush hasn't
really developed yet. He develops a bit of a thing
for her. I think this is the beginning of it.
This is the beginning, um. And she doesn't call him
janitor yet. That's so funny when she calls him janitor um.
Now on Scrubs Wiki, they said there's some misinformation about

(01:16:41):
miss pac man Um in this game. Um. First of all,
someone claims that I think it was Kelso claims he
got forty one million points. That's not possible. The top
score ever on Miss pac Man was nine, nine hundred
and ninety. I believe it was done by Ai Microsoft computer.

(01:17:03):
And then it turns over after that, it goes back
to zero after that, and then also Miss pac Man
does not store initials, so you could never have known
that it was doctor k M. Well it's pac Man.
It's not Miss pac Man. It is Miss pac Man.
Oh is it talks about? Yeah? How crazy is it
that Todd wants to fuck Miss pac Man? Yeah? Rob

(01:17:26):
is Todd is turned on by by anything and everything,
including Miss pac Man. Yeah. The one thing that doesn't
turn to Todd on is a married woman. Though he says,
eat those dots, you naughty girl. That's what Rob says
to That's what the Todd says. Rob does all right,
Well Rob probably does too, but that's what the Todd.

(01:17:48):
That is a funny bit though, when when Carl has
got her engagement ring finger on, every time she puts
it on, he's like just talking. He goes, he's just
you know, doctor business, takes it off and he starts
being totally inappropriate, totally inappropriate, and then he likes he
literally she has it off and he goes boobies and
she puts it on. He goes charts once again. Rob

(01:18:10):
Maschio very funny. Yeah, Rob's funny in this. There's a
moment at fourteen fifteen when the when the elevator Kelsel's
banging on the on the elevator door in a flashback
and when it opens, that's a lot of our crew.
John Inwood, our cinematographer, is in there, Andy are a gaffer,
Sean Or Keigrit, Paul Padrera, our first a d and
Bobby forrest Or our Dolly group are like, I don't

(01:18:34):
know if no one called for background performers that day,
but our crew filled the elevator. That's awesome. This wasn't
my first time on a golf course, but this was
my first time hitting a golf ball and it doing
what I wanted it to do in real life. And
this isn't where the where I got bit by the bug,
but I remember thinking when you and I and Josh

(01:18:55):
went to play golf that one time at Bill's birthday
party in the snow, which was freaking amazing. I remember
thinking oh, I know how to hit a golf ball
because I did it once and this was the episode
that I did it, and I remember when watching this thinking, wow,
that's really cool. Second, uh, why did security want to

(01:19:18):
kick me off of a golf course? Like? Why am
I all of a sudden a riff rap? Why did
the black security guard come up to the other black purse?
Was he like hold up, now, you're not supposed to
be here. The black security guard rolls up to the
only black guy on the course and it's like, are
you supposed to be here? And then kelslo to fuck
with you? He's like no, and then he tackles you,

(01:19:38):
and then he tackles me. Him and his other cohort
tackle me. Where was that course? Was that wits it?
I don't know. That was not withs it. I don't
know what course that was. That would be great if
scrubs Wicky new, But you know scrubs Wiki didn't want
to do it. You don't diss him. He's he's a
nice guy. Judy. Judy is uh sexiest fucking this episode

(01:20:01):
when she standing over dude and it's trying very sexual, yeah,
trying to put the the the energy out there for
him to pass out, so he'll pass out, so as
NARCOLEPSI will kick in. She's very sexy in that moment
and the fact that he's like, you remind me of
my sister. Yeah is, and then herd thing is I'm

(01:20:24):
not your sister, and then he passes out, and then
she uses turks. She uses turks catchphrase. Now that's what
I'm talking about. Um, yeah, that was funny. And then
in the end it ends with the janitor claiming that
the boy next to him is his son, um and
that and I've embarrassed him in front of his son.

(01:20:44):
We quickly quickly learned that that's not his son, it's
a random child standing in the hallway. But so begins
the janitor pretending to be a nice person in front
of Elliott, the lie that he's he's a nice man,
just so he could maybe one day and marry her.
That would have been a better ending than me. You
should have end up with the janitor. That would be No,

(01:21:07):
that would have been oh my god. That First of all,
all the fans of the show would be like, what
the fuck? What the fans want? Two things? They want
to be They want to be, uh, they want to
be surprised, but they also want what they want, you know, right,
That's always the thing with the with the will there
won't day thing. People are like, I don't don't do that.

(01:21:28):
Everyone does that, and then they're like, why didn't you
do that? Right, Yeah, I'm gonna just put it out
there and it's a Star Wars reference. But that's the
whole thing that happened with the last three movies. Everybody
was like, I'm so sick of the traditional Star Wars?
Why are we having the traditional Star Wars? And then
Ryan Bryan Johnson puts out The Last Jedi and everybody's like,

(01:21:52):
wait a second, man, you've gone off course. Why aren't
you doing the traditional Star Wars? And then Jaj comes
back and try to give everybody a traditional Star Wars
type and everybody's like, oh my god, you're ruined it.
Why didn't you stick to what it was? Why didn't
we stick to what we established? And so just putting
it out there, it's hard to please everybody. Donald, it

(01:22:13):
is impossible to please everyone. If you're out there listening,
just know something, it's very hard to please everyone. Dan
all right, everybody, I think that's the show. The answer
to your trivia about Blake Lively. Sister is Robin Lively. Uh, Donald,

(01:22:33):
that's a woman. You had a crush. I had the
biggest crush on Robin Lively. Oh, Robin, God if Robin,
if you're listening, could you ask your brother in law
to please forgive Donald's Yeah, forgive me, come on his
leg if anything. Look your husband, Robin. He and I
were we did Clueless, the television show together back in

(01:22:53):
the day. I believe he played a foreign exchange student.
It would be great to reconnect with him. And way
that could happen is if Ryan does the podcast. So
we'll plug his gin. Well, not that he needs our
help because he sold it for a billion dollars, but
we'll still plug it. We'll plug it, we'll we'll talk
about it. Ye'll talk about it on the show. Don't
say it yet, don't see it until get right. Yeah,

(01:23:17):
he's got a All right, guys, thank you so much
for listening. As always, don't forget to subscribe. Follow Daniel
and Joel on the socials. Please follow Donald. He really
really needs the self esteem. But listen, there's been a low.
There's been like, uh, there's been a a a a
it's going a little bit too slow right now. I

(01:23:37):
need everybody to pick up the pace. Let's pick up
the pace and follow friends, follow me, Tell your friends
you know who needs help. On Instagram, Donald Fazon, his
numbers aren't where they should be. From Sunny California, Oh
my god. On that note, from Sunny California and from
Rainy as a bob six seven eight stories about shore

(01:24:03):
we made about a bunch of docs and nurses and
a Chanda who loved him. I said, here's the stories.
Never you all should go, so gather around you. Here
are gather around you. Here are sc free Why shore
winds at the time? No, mm hmmmm.