309: My Dirty Secret

On this week's episode, Cox can't express his feeling to Jordan - so he goes to stay with JD. Carla can't take a joke. In the real world, Zach, Donald, and the crew are feeling the quarantine blues. Fortunately, an inspiring fan-calls helps lift everyone's spirit.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yo. Hey, hey, hey, hey there he is. You're so beautiful.
Look at you. I missed your face. I needed you
this week. Did you I need to do this week? Man?
This has been a rough week me too. Man. I
just I was just telling these guys before you got on,
I I were here to do a comedy podcast, and
I promise you we will we will switch to Chipper.

(00:21):
But I can't. I can't help but say I'm feeling
a bit just melancholic about the earth and COVID and yeah,
just everything right. I mean, they just just before he
got on, they say they're gonna probably have to close
down New York City schools again, and they're gonna probably
have to do that. I know, I know it's horrible.
And then we're talking about Trump not not not conceding,

(00:43):
and I just I just feel like a little over COVID.
Like I'm sure everyone listening, I'm just kind of like,
m that's the other thing. Man. You know, our kids
are back at school, and uh, you know this COVID
thing is on the rise. California reached a million a
couple of days ago. Uh COVID cases. Wait, your kids

(01:05):
are going physically a school? Yeah, man, social distancing and
everything masks on spread out they needed for their brains. Man,
I can't keep them home. Oh I know, I know,
I know, I get it, I get it, I get it.
I just I don't know. Man. Hopefully this vaccine, these
vaccines work and we can get the art out of
this fun but even I just want to know that.
I I just want listen, man, if it does hit, man,

(01:29):
I want to be on the list to get that
Regina Ron whatever that shit the president got the Regina
Bron whatever that shit is. I don't know if you're
gonna get the special secret presidential cocktail that he that's
that cocktail? Man, I want that. Yeah, that's that special ship.
It was like from stem cells and costs like a

(01:50):
million dollars. Yeah, exactly what was it? What was the
name of it? Like Regina, I got it right? Oh snap,
look at that. Look get down with the big brain.
Look at the big brain on Donald Anyway, I promised
to cheer up, but I just I was happy to
see all three of your faces because I'm sure, like
a lot of people listening, this is heavy. It's a lot.

(02:10):
So we at least to get we at least are
blessed to live in southern California where the sun is
out and it's beautiful. There's people sitting in the fucking
pouring rain and snow and dark all the time. Right,
it's tough. Yeah, man, this is crazy. Joel ain't talking,
so you know it's Joel. Joelle's feeling it before we start,
Before you came on, before you came on, Joel was

(02:34):
was talking about how she too feels it. We need
to put on some like Coldplay and cuddle in the
corner together. Oh my god. Yeah, And it was my
shrink tells me that when you're feeling down, even though
it's hard, you have to do something that is the
opposite behavior. You need to do something that makes you happy.

(02:55):
You need even if you're like I don't want to
do anything, you gotta go fucking do it. You gotta
go do it. There's not much to do. We're all
lockdown almost again. In your example, you could go play
a round of golf. No you can't because it's locked. Listen,
this is what yet. Probably they haven't. Golf is golf

(03:18):
is now h it's messed up because people are so
you know, how when your favorite sneaker comes out and
you're sitting at the button and you're hitting refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh,
over and over again. That's what it's like with tea
times for municipal courses. Now you're literally like weeks a

(03:40):
week in advance. It used to be if you had
a card, you know, you had an advantage on everyone else.
Now that's out the window. A week in advance, it's
almost impossible to get a tea time at the at
the at the at the time you're looking for. It's horrible, man,
it's horrible golf right now is it's it's ruined in

(04:04):
California unless you get a tea time, unless you got
somebody with the hookup and can get you a municipal
tea time or gotta or gotta got gotta wait, hold on,
let me what. Oh go ahead, I'm gonna tell you.
I think the lawrence can help you because he's got
access to a fancy country club word, because that's what
you need. Man. Unless you got a friend with it's

(04:25):
almost like a It's like you know how people tell
you don't buy your boat have a friend who owns
a boat. Yeah, that's what it's like with golf. Now.
It's so expensive, and it's almost impossible to get that.
If you have somebody that has a membership at a
country club, you are in luck. If they call you
up and they're like, listen, bro, how are you men?

(04:45):
I haven't seen you in a while. It'd be nice
to get out and go play golf with you. None
of my friends have done that. Only one or two
people have done that. You know what I mean calling
out to all my golf buddies. Where y'all at? Man,
if you're listen in the fake Doctor's real friends, I
need some sun shine, I need some air. I'm sick
of this motherfucking closet. I'm sick of living like this.

(05:05):
I want to be happy again. I want to freaking
play some golf with you, even though, look, we might
not even get along. We might even have beef yo.
As a matter of fact, you might hate my guts,
But for five hours, I will be your motherfucker. I
will be your friend. I will be your homie. I'll
be your g Let's get out and play some golf together.

(05:27):
You would me get the tea time. Make it happen now.
Oculus not have a layers community for you? Do you
know how stupid I look in my house with a
fucking pair of goggles on, storms around like I'm playing golf.
Do they have occulus golf? Yes? Yeah, but it's not

(05:49):
the same thing. Donald, you tried it. It's not the
same thing. There's no way, there's no way. There's no way.
And I will treat me now that I know that
it exists, I will try. I feel like this is
a good argument for you to say to Casey for
my mental health, Honey, I need a fucking golf simulator.

(06:11):
My life would be so awesome if a golf simulator
came to the right now, especially with lockdown coming my way.
It's like it's like life is I can see everybody
sees it coming. Are they going to shut down LA
for real? Hell? Yeah, we reached a million with trending. No,
I mean like, I mean no, I'm asking like all, like,

(06:31):
unless you're an essential worker, you're not going You're not
leaving your house. They'll probably do some sort of stay
at home order. They'll probably close bars and restaurants and
gyms again, and they'll probably just leave, you know, essential
business is open. Yeah, probably Like when like when, within
how long you think I think they'll try and do
it around Thanksgiving to keep people from going out for

(06:53):
Black Friday. That's what I think, you guys. And this
podcast is to cheer people. Yeah, well celebrating now we
need hearing them. We need to watch celebrating in the
street didn't help, guys. That shit didn't help. Of course,
that was idiotic. That shit didn't help. What the fuck men? Look, Lakers, Dodgers,

(07:15):
a Joe Biden win, all back to back. La was
getting hurt. That's just that's we got, dude. It was
reg W's and then we just fucking barely ever leave
my property. So I don't blame me, That's all I
want to say. I didn't even get to see Daniel
when he brought by my my my onesie, my my
onesie prototype. Did you see the onesie prototypes? Donald? I

(07:36):
haven't opened up any boxes, right, So you guys, you guys,
here's one bit of good news we're making. We're making
holiday adult onesies with me and Donald's faces on them.
They are glorious. I have to say, um um. The
only problem is my face is too tan and yours
is a little light. So we have the same They

(07:57):
trying to do. What are they trying to do with this.
I'm telling you that they try. They're trying to make you.
They're trying to appeal you to the black community and
appeal me to the white community. And they send us
the onesies and asked to find the heading notes, and
I laughed out loud. My girlfriend was laughing. Her friend
was over, we're all cracking up. It's because it's just
so fucking ridiculous. You're gonna want one. I'm gonna want one.

(08:19):
We're all gonna wear them. But I said, my only
note is like Donald and I, our skin tones are
quite different in real life, but here they're a little
too close. We look like we're cousins or something. So
we just need some We needed to see some onesie
skin tone adjustment. And I think it'll be my perfection.
You have the both of them. You have them right now.
I don't have them in my office here, but I

(08:39):
have them in my home. And do they look cozy? Oh,
it's it's very cozy. They're much very inside. Yeah, much soft.
You should have seen what they wanted to send. First off, guys,
first of all, listen, this is how much we care
we put about the merch that we're giving y'all. Y'all
complained one time. We're trying to make it so you

(09:00):
never complain, did you see me by the way I did.
Funny was Conan talking about our washcloth. That was great.
I love that you tried to dance around him washing
his asshole. Well, I know that I know from experience
that he doesn't like comedy to go to blue as
they say. He keeps it pretty clean. And I've been

(09:21):
on the show many many times. Conan loves me, and
I love Conan. I've done the show many many times,
and I remember from years past that if a story
ever goes a little too to scatological or dirty, he
doesn't like it. So that's why I was like, I
wasn't like being like we talk on this show, like, no,
you got to dig in your asshole with the washcloth,
because so I was. I was giving him the pige
version right. Well, yeah, I would have loved if you

(09:45):
would have said one time it would be and you
could wash your ass with me. That would have been
enough for me. Yes, it probably would probably would have
been fine with that. I was tiptoeing around. I was
also tiptoeing around the African American Caucasian conversation because that's
how it came up on the show. But I have
core wanted to be as politically as correct as possible.
But I think I did a pretty good job. I
thought you were amazing. You were great. It was a

(10:05):
great segment. You were very funny. Said he was gonna
put our ornament on his tree. Yeah, I love that,
Thank you. Conan. Please take a picture. And he said
he was gonna put the washcloth on the tree after
he used it on his ass. Well, that would be
great too, that would that would Just take a picture
of it, take a picture and put it on social
media and show all of your fans that you're down

(10:28):
with the fake Doctors'll be amazed, all right, should we?
I think if you sing the song, if we if
we both sing our song, it might um put us
all in a happier mood. So Donald, let's transform, transformers,
transform auto bunts, transform and roll stories about shore We

(10:51):
made nurses stories. Yea, all right, listen. I just the

(11:13):
other day said, oh, sorry, your recap, go to your recap?
Do you really want to go to the recap? This
episode is really difficult for me because a great episode.
Let's just peoplong. Someone on Twitter did a graph of
how long your recaps are and how close they are
to thirty seven seconds? Did you guys see that? This
is how people? How into this show people are? They

(11:34):
do like they with their free time, they do like
graphs like this. How how often Donald is, how many
of all his recaps? How close he's to thirty seven seconds?
But let's see? Are you ready? I didn't I want
to say that I don't think this episode is that great.
There's some funny stuff in it, but it's a little
bit of a mad one to me. But maybe it's
just because I'm in an ass mood. All Are you ready? Yeah? Go?

(11:56):
Cox and Jordan need a break from the baby, Carla
wants a break from sex. Sex makes Elliott uncomfortable, and
the janitor thinks he's found a new VIC. Part of
me really didn't want to talk about this episode's meaning
because it's about sex, and if you know me, you
know how I can go on a tirade and on
and on and on about sex. But I'll just leave

(12:17):
it at this. We all need it, some more than others,
but no matter what, everyone should get it the way
they like it. M that's a good T shirt, ding ding.
Everybody should get it the way they like it. Thirty
one seconds, Donald, you're back to your original form um. Yeah,
it's about sex. There's a lot of sex in this episode,
or at least talk about sex. There's not a lot

(12:38):
of showing of sex. Well, Jordan and Cox do it
at the end. Yeah, Now, Carlola says. Carla says she
wants to not have sex for how long? Six months?
So they get married till till till the wedding night,
till after they said I do well, how what was
the length on that? Was it like six months? I
don't recall, but it's definitely some time. Six months is

(13:01):
a very long Well you want to do that? I
don't even believe a woman would want to do that.
Like she's just paid. She's just trying to pave the
way for when she says I do, she's gonna be
like okay, and no more sex now, because that's how
it goes. Maybe Carla doesn't have much of a libido
and she's just trying to be like look Broum, Yeah, no,
no doubt. Yeah, absolutely, she's trying to make it so

(13:24):
that Turk gets used to having to wait six months
till the next time he has sex again. So like
they'll do it on the wedding night and then he'll
be like the next day, he'll be like, hey, baby,
we marry, let's get it on. And she'd be like, Yo,
you know what, maybe we should wait a little bit more.
Just think of how great it was the night that
last night. And Turk's like, it was great last night,
and she was like, let's just wait a little bit.

(13:44):
They say when you get married Donald that the sex
decreases substantially. Um, I don't know if you have thoughts
on that. You know what, I'm never gonna throw my
wife under the bus in any way, shape and shape
or form. I get it plenty. I'm very you're satisfied.
I well, we all know I'm never satisfied because we

(14:06):
don't know that. I'm right. I can. I want it
forever and ever and ever and ever. My wife is fine.
We've talked about it on the show several times. You've
even drawn attention to her Instagram because of it, so
I've been she gained some followers after I gave her
that shout out. I'm sure, and that's the exact way
she wants to gain followers, but she wants people to

(14:27):
be like dad, I'm sure people are like, damn, where's
that fans? Only? Yeah? Oh, I think it's only only fans.
I think if your wife I tried to open it
only fans, you're allowed to object and say, honey, no,
you're not allowed to having only fans. Why not? There's
so many women out there with only fans. You'd be
okay with your wife having an only fans. The whole

(14:48):
point is that she does, like like naughty shit on
there to get money. All right, I'll say this, I'll say, right,
I'll say this, what's the other stuff? What do you
I'm not mad at any body. I'm not mad at
anybody who is doing that to make money. You know. No,
I'm not either. But I will say if my wife

(15:09):
was like, hey, babe, so I think I'm gonna start
an only fans and like show my taint, I'd be
like no. But if she doesn't sure her face, no,
I don't want my money. If no, I wouldn't be
comfortable with my wife showing her her bits, even with

(15:32):
her head not showing why you? I think, like, Joel,
help me out here. I can't. I'm sorry, I don't
you know if my partners are the sex work and
that's how they make their money. Like, that's what I'm
trying to say. Okay, if I choose, if I choose
to date a sex working person, Okay, and then let's
say in that analogy, sure I can't fucking fuck with

(15:55):
their money in their life, and I chose that. I'm
saying the scenario where Casey comes, He's like, hey, babes,
So I thought we could make a little money on
the side if every Friday night I go on only
fans and open my ass cheeks. These proposals are amazing.
I would be like, right, my eyes would first of all,

(16:16):
my eyes would get cartoonishly big, like, and then I
try to find a way to benagle it back away
from only fans and be like, Okay, well maybe we
should start someplace. That's a very big leap. Right, Let's
start small. Let's start small, honey, Let's start just you

(16:36):
and me. It's only me, right, you can make up
and you can you can just get whatever website you want,
but it's called on me, right exactly. We'll put it on.
We'll get a camera set up, we'll get a chip
and I'll you know however you want to do it.
But there's oh man, yeah, I think I'd have problems

(16:59):
with with that. But um, I call you black Whale
for the first time. You had just said that. I
didn't remember that this was one of your nicknames, and
I was right. And oh interesting bit of trivia on
this episode. It was clearly shot out of order from
the order of the episodes. I learned on scrubs Wiki.

(17:19):
I looked at scrubs Wiki also because I was confused.
I was like, am I watching the write episode right now?
And I went to scrubs Wicky and looked at this
was your first time in scrubs wiki. Yeah, but I
but I was. I was looking at it. What was
what was the purpose of it? It wasn't it was
because it was out of order, but it was something
else that came up in the show. Well whatever, for

(17:40):
whatever reason it was, I was on scrubs Wiki checking
out why. So just a little bit. It doesn't track
because I JD mentions he hasn't had sex and so long,
and he's all sort of down and he's alone, and
also Elliot's on is on the come up again and
it's happy and Shawn's back in town, right, and Seawan
is supposed to be away, um and he's just mysterious.

(18:00):
He shows up, so it's out of order. There was
there was some reason they changed the order of the
whole thing. Right. My sideburns are very long. Just thought
i'd throw that out there. I have like Elvis level sideburns.
Let's start. This is directed by Chris Kotch and written
by Matt Tarsis. Yes, Matt Tarsis um a very very
special man in my life. Also, Barry Boswick is on

(18:22):
in the episode, which is really interesting for me right
now because my kids are watching Teen Beach movie. My
daughter is, and he's he's like the grandfather in that
and it's a musical thing by Disney, and so watching that,

(18:42):
I'm I was sitting there, I was like, how do
I know this guy? Where do I know this guy?
He's been so many things, so many things, He's in everything.
But I was like, I know this guy, Like I
personally know this guy. Where do I know this guy from?
And then this came one and I was like, ah,
and he's hilarious and you know, he was on Spin City.
I think he's the fourth or fifth member of the

(19:03):
cast at this point in the Scrubs run to come
from Bill's first show, Spin City to be a guest star.
And you know, he's been in a zillion things, and
he was a Broadway star as well, and I think,
if I'm not mistaken, he was the star of the
Rocky Hard Picture Show. Correct, Joel, can you double check

(19:25):
that for me? Yeah, but he is hilarious. I thought
I didn't think this episode was that great to be
to be honest, but I did laugh every time Barry
Boswick kind of line. And one of my favorite things
is when you know he's supposed to be playing this
like episcopalian or waspy, serious sort of Connecticut guy. And
the hardest I love when he goes his wife, tells

(19:47):
his wife to leave the room and no, no, sorry,
I started taking nothing's going to be happening with your penis.
He goes, hey, don't you talk like that in front
of my wife lead of the room, And I go, well, certain,
and I start to talk and he goes go like,
I mean, it's just just so simple, but it's so
funny to me. Yes, he plays Brad Majors in The
Rocky Heart Picture Show. There you go, I that's another

(20:11):
great soundtrack, man, great sound at the late night double
feature pictures show. Uh uh uh, that's it is fire.
You don't know that. I've never gone to one of
those things. Daniel and Jewel, you need me as two

(20:31):
people who have done I am never, I never once.
But it was a total total blast. Oh I would
love to do that one day. Did they smoke Reefer?
I mean yes, yeah, I bet they. I think that
goes without saying it. That's like the one thing that
you know, you go to one of those things and
it's like a forty second street movie theater back in

(20:51):
the day, you're definitely gonna smell the reefer. And I
went to one that was entirely drag queens. Whole everybody
in the show drag queens. It was X. It was
amazing and it was out like underneath the stars are
so pretty and everybody calls the cost dude, I love
fandom guys. It was yeah. Oh you saw like a
play of it. Have you ever gone to like the act?
Know what they do is they donald They showed the

(21:13):
movie and fans go so crazy that they get up
on stage and they act out scenes and they haven't
they say a toast and people throw toast, and there's
like all this stuff that you do right, you bring
no I know that when I was a kid. Okay,
this is a very interesting story. And I hope I
get the teacher's name right, because if I get the
teacher's name wrong and the person didn't do this, they

(21:35):
could get in trouble. But this was back in the day,
mister Thatcher, I think it was seventh grade, six or
seventh grade, he played the record the Rocky Horror Picture
Show for us, right, it was a record and it

(21:55):
was very long, actually it was. We had to do
it in two I remember it was like two or
three periods, and it was I'm not sure if it
was English. I think it was English anyway, So we
did it three It took three days to do it,
and he played it on the record and he played
it with the crowd going along with the movie. So

(22:19):
the movies playing the record's playing the movie right and then,
but it's also playing like somebody recorded a session of
the Rocky Hard Picture Show. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah?
And I just thought, I remember thinking this is really
inappropriate for us in seventh grade inappropriate for seventh grade probably,

(22:42):
and I remember thinking, oh, well, there's no way I'm
gonna ever see this. But I lived in New York
and so as a kid, when you would ride the
train home, you would see all of these people coming
from the show that night, you know what I mean,
or you know, at midnight and you're out late, and
you'd see a bunch of people. And then they stopped

(23:04):
doing it. I remember it shut down and everything. I
don't know how did we get on Rocky Hard Picture Show. Well, well,
because we learned that our guest star played Brad Majors
in the original film. Let's get back to the show. Elliott.
I did not know that we did this. I was
very shocked that Elliott goes to give a woman a
pelvic exam and the woman has an orgasm. Now, I
just can't believe that that could be a real thing.

(23:27):
It just doesn't seem to me. And again, I want
to remind everyone that I don't currently have a vagina,
but I feel that if a doctor was in there
examining her, it would not lead me to orgasm. Okay,

(23:47):
does anyone have any comment? It would be shocking if
it did. I don't know vagina is very different. Not
allaginas are the same. You know, I'm about to say,
there's got to be somebody out there I likes that
shits got it right. So what you're saying is, it's
just like the one from Little shapaharas the dentist played
by Steve Martin who scares all of his patients and

(24:09):
then Bill Murray comes in and loves the pain. And
you are something special, you are something so under this
analogy that you're using, you think that there's probably, of course,
because there's a zillion kinks and a zillion people into everything,
there's probably a woman out there who who who does
get off on on having a pelvic exam? Yes, well, Elliott,

(24:32):
I think there are, and I think there are a
bunch of men that get off on getting fingers in
their butthole too. Well, No, that that we know, because
that's a that's a thing. But you're saying, um, you're
saying when they have their prostate, that'd be kind of
embarrassing if you're if you're a straight man and you're
and they're doing the prostate exam and you got um

(24:55):
fully hard. I wonder if that ever happened. Well, no,
if you went to orgasm too. Yeah. Yeah, and the
doctor's like and the doctor's like, bro, I'm just I
have to feel you have to do a quip prostituting.
You just came all over my Short's happened. It's it's
had to have happened before. It's hard to I'm just surprised, Someway,

(25:19):
could I miss the Willie talk button? Now's sake, stop
talking about your Willie? Sorry? Yeah, deb, Sorry, Deep, sorry, Deep,
I'm sorry if that got a little graphic. I was
just surprised that on an NBC primetime comedy we did
a joke about Sarah making a woman come from a
pelvic exam, but we did so there you get it.
And then I had been an awesome pred fall by

(25:41):
Sarah right after that, very nice proud fall by Sarah.
And then I have the fantasy where my picturing of it,
of course she's like a twenty five year old model,
not the gal that Sarah actually did it too. Mike Schwartz,
who's we've spoken about before, who's one of our favorite
of any writers, who plays Lloyd the Delivery Guy, makes

(26:03):
his first appearance. It's character is beginning to form, though
this is like second or third appearance. But this comes
after the joke. Yeah, but let me double check with
your mom. That didn't make you laugh? Was there laugh
out loud at that? That was funny? Carla's bossy and
can't take jokes at her expense. That's the storyline for Carla. Well,

(26:26):
that's what everyone assumes, is that she can't take jokes
at her expense, but she could take it as long
as it's from people that she cares about, right, But
she seems to not like it so much so that
when she comes home upset and breaks the sex the
sex what do you call it? Lockdown? Yeah? Whatever? It is.
The But I just don't know why anyone would want

(26:50):
to do that to someone, you know what I mean,
why anyone would want to just be like, yo, you
know what, we're gonna shut it down for six months.
Because here's the thing. I think you're coming at it
from a point. If someone we've already established has a
an infinite libido, I think there are plenty of people
who were like, yeah, sex is great, Um, it's fun
every now and then. No, I don't want to do

(27:13):
it all the time. So I think I'm imagining Carla
was like I love Turk. I love sex with Turk.
But imagine how sexy it will be if we really
hold out for a long ass time and don't have sex. Now, Turk,
who we can assume it's a smidgen like Donald is
quite disappointed at that idea. Yeah, absolutely, But this comes after.

(27:34):
This comes after he tells the janitor, who's now looking
for a new victim because j D has stood up
to him and said, dude, you're recycling all year old,
you're old pranks now and your little jokes on me. Fine,
janitor is now looking for a new victim. Yeah, and
it turns on Turk. Finally, finally there's a Turk v.

(27:55):
Turk v the janitor. This is like the first time,
isn't this the first time you guys have had anything?
This is the first time these two gomano imano and
turn because you took a basketball a shot at the
trash can with a piece of paper. Yeah, but well
that's not why, it's that's not what that's what kind
of start. That's that was like the icebreaker of high

(28:17):
I'm Turk and the janitor being like, who are you again? Right?
What really does it is? Turk saying to him, I'm untouchable.
You can't do anything to me. There's nothing that you
can possibly do that'll mess up my day. But he
doesn't end up doesn't delivering on that. Sure he does.
Why because he plays that song in the loop hallway.

(28:39):
He plays, um, we don't have to take up uh huh.
I mean that's his only room. That's how he pranks you.
I mean that's pretty lame prank. Maybe there was something
more too. I thought it was building and maybe it
got cut. Maybe it got cut. I don't like, well,

(29:00):
you know, you can't. You can't introduce that the janitor
will now fuck with Turk and have the only thing
be like we don't have to take off clothes on.
But it comes right after Turk finds out that he's
not going to have sex anymore. And if you can
see how important it is to Turk throughout the show
as he's talking about it, she just said no. She
was like right there in my face, looked me dead

(29:21):
my eyes and said to me, I don't want to
do it anymore. It hurt me so bad. Oh my god.
You know he's going on and on its JD goes
into the fantasy, so you know, I think it does
sting when it does when when the janitor does it.
But yeah, you're right, that is kind of it's not
it's not as climactic as some of the pranks that

(29:42):
he's playing out. I felt like there was a missing
scene or something. There's this old expression in writing, like
if you introduce a gun in the first act, it
better go off by the end of the movie. And
I felt like you introduced like the janitor will now
take on Turk, And it was like, nothing really ever happened.
He just played a song that piss you off. But yeah,
maybe something. I cut very funny line when Kelso says

(30:06):
to uh Sarah chalk um, you need to be able
to say penis or vagina or anal and Sarah says,
anal's not a dirty word, sir, And he goes tell
that to my wife. So now you know that Kelso
has been turned down for anal sex with his multiple

(30:28):
time too. Yes, so much so that she's like, it's
a bad word. It's a bad word, honey, it's a
bad word. So if you want it, I don't know
why that's not on Scrubs Wiki. In this episode, we
learned that Kelso is not having anal sex with his wife.
How about when I say, how about wait, well, let's
go back though we forgot something. How about the janitor

(30:50):
thinking that he was a mermaid because of the fumes
in the air ducks and having to give wishes to
imaginary fisherman. Yeah, because he's in the air ducks. Um
like die hard right? Um? Uptown girl got me through
high school? Is this something that j D says? And

(31:12):
Elliott says swing shwo so Elliott? And then and then
Carla takes out a playboy to try and make this
is so so silly. The woman's a fucking doctor and
Carla's got her look into playboy, being like, you need
to look at this and save vagina. And she's like,
she can't do it. She's so uncomfortable. Oh that's what.

(31:34):
She goes. It has a tear drop tattoo on it.
And she goes, what does she say? She goes, it
looks sad, sad. She goes, she has a she has
a tattoo of a tear drop on her bajingo? Is
it sad? That's a tough one, man? What that's a

(31:54):
tough one? Oh gosh, what vagina tattoos? Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, um,
I don't. I don't far be it for me to
tell anyone to what to do with their vagina. But
I if I had one. Again, this is the second
time I'm theorizing. But this is the second time I'm
pontificating on it. If I had a vagina, I wouldn't
tattoo mine. That's just me that one looks sad because

(32:17):
of a tear drop. How much would you have to
be paid be paid to tattoo your penis? Oh? Not
very much? Oh really? Yeah, like two million, three million,
I'll do it. Not very much. That's three million dollars.
That's a lot of money. Yeah, well some people, some people.

(32:39):
Some people would be like, fuck you. I'm not doing
it for three million dollars. I am of the elk.
That would be like, yeah, three million dollars not big
at the tattoo. I'm saying. I bet you could do
it for less if I came over your house with
no way one hundred grand cash and in no one
hundred dollar bills in a super no way. I think
and and and and you're and you're gonna tattoo my penis.

(33:00):
I'm not gonna do it. No, I'll have doctor Wu
do it a very fancy tattoo artist. It'd be probably
an honor for him to hold that eel that that
touched me. I kind of felt that inside when you
said that. But how he said to hold it like this,
like a like a big gat Like it's not even
close to that, all right? But no, I just are

(33:22):
you telling our fans, our listeners all across the world
that if I showed up with a hundred grand in
cash and said, Donald, doctor Woo is here to tattoo
your penis, you'd say, no, how big is the tattoo? Man,
I'm not a big fan of It's just like my
head like this, like with a smile. No, absolutely not
worry more money, more money, No, we should go to break.

(33:49):
I'm sorry, guys, we're so silly because we're drying it.
We're trying to just get the it's got a commercial.
We'll be right back. Sorry for you and her back
were bad. How about how Elliott has this horrible memory

(34:10):
of Orgey her mom. The reason that she's so uptight
sexually is that her mom was banging the pool guy
in the potting shed. Yeah, Marky Post is back on
the show. Markie posts back, and she says, Jorge, we
need to see you in the potting shed right right
right after she says after she says, don't ever let
a boy put his whizzy winkle in your Pajinko is

(34:33):
whizzy Winkle, And she says something like, my mom was
always yelling at that. My mom was always yelling at
Jorge in that potting shed, but she never fired him,
even after he kidnapped her and brought her to Akapoco
or something like for friends. So stupid said, this was

(34:56):
a funny episode and we're laughing our ass off right now.
Ri just put it out there. But I did put
it out there. Maybe maybe my negative mood may of
I didn't think it's there. I think the Barry boss
wook was funny, and I think that Sarah's trying to
avoid using genitalia terms is funny. There's a great cowboy

(35:17):
switch when Judy repels down the building and then breaks
through the window. That was awesome. I think that was
even a not only a switch, that was a cut
Judy run in and and then pop up type thing. No,
I think no stunt woman comes through the window and
then Judy pops up from the table. I'm telling you,
I think there was a cut in there. I'm just

(35:38):
gonna put it out there. This is something that maybe
we should ask Bill about. No, we can go back
and look and see if there's a cut. There's no cut. No,
I don't mean there's a I don't mean there's a cut. Like,
I don't mean there's It's like the lightsabers in Star
Wars back in the day with Obi Wan Kenobi when
they show him turn on a lightsaber, or when Luke
turned on a lightsaber and they had to cut and
then somebody runs in and hold pose. Then somebody runs

(36:01):
in and screws in the lightsaber. Yeah, I don't out.
I really do believe it's that you're making me scroll
the episode to find it because I think you're wrong.
I think I'm right, but well, because I'm proud of
a dope cowboy switch when we pulled them off, and
I think we did, I mean, it wouldn't. I don't
think that was proplicated. How Judy hiding under the table,
It's not like it's that advanced to do it. Well,

(36:22):
there's not that much room for her to be able
to do that, especially with somebody jumping through a glass.
It's my point. Well, I can't find it. So if
you're watching this and you care, I don't think there's
a cut point in there. And I think our stunt
team did a fantastic job there. It's a little not
a cut point, that little blink, that little yeah you're
saying they said everyone freeze and then put Judy in. No,

(36:45):
that's not how we roll that scrub. I'm just I
love you, man. I don't want to fight, all right.
I'm wearing a Onesie when Cox comes over, which is
just for no reason, but I guess j D is
a big fan of onesies as we know. And um,
I actually liked it. It was a beautiful onesie. I

(37:06):
would have warned that I'd wear that right now. But
I speaking of onesies, Yeah, will the Onesies be available
for the Christmas season? They're gonna be ail Yeah, Joel,
when are they going to be available? Now that we've reproved,
Now that we've reproved the now that I've given notes
m now that now that we have your approval, we
should be fast tracking. I think our goal was to

(37:27):
give them out for the holiday season. They have to
be and you know, we need to order a lot,
because when our fans go to buy stuff, they're gone.
I think these need to be ready to you know,
if you order them, then we can make them for you.
I think we need to jump to that on that
get on the phone right now, No, dude, because people
are gonna want these. I'm gonna buy probably ten for
my family. These are gonna go fast, right, That's what

(37:49):
I'm saying. We should make it so if you want them,
you can get them, right. I don't all our shit
sells out so fast. You know how hard it was
to get cone in a washcloth? We had to, like really,
it was an event. Joel was like Joel's full time
job became get conan O'Brien a washbark. I love it,
you know what. I love this And you know why

(38:10):
I love this. I love this because that makes our
stuff like supreme. It's it's one of one of an
not one of a con but there's one of certain
only certain amountains. So yeah, this time, you know what
you're right for the onesie for this Christmas holiday. The
onesie is a limited edition. How many should we make?
Like five? And we're gonna only and we're gonna hit
that hit that refreshed button to get it please, Well,

(38:32):
how many should we make? Five hundred? Sure, we could
probably do that. Five hundred team is good. I feel
like five hundred people would want these onesies. They look stellar,
They're super comfortable. It's cold. You guys aren't leaving your
houses and changing clothes anyway, really, so this is perfect.
It's perfect. It's very cozy. It's very cozy, and Donald
and I are both all over your body. I wish

(38:54):
you not a poop flap though it doesn't have any
You know what's crazy, it's not many onesies do. Only
the old like Western ones that you know, the dude
that stalks like there's some lives in the in the
near the ad house, that guy, um all right, well
the ones he's are coming to a website near you.

(39:15):
You just gotta wait till Joel makes it happen. Oh,
So I thought it was weird at the end where
JD is like everyone's having sex, You're having sex, Cox
is having sex. And then I'm babysitting and I'm like,
come on, cinemax, and so I turned the baby around
so he's not looking at the screen, and I'm like

(39:35):
showing him a toy while I watch Cinemax and then
you're like, hello Cinemax. Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's there's
a lot of weird things about it, like Cox comes
over to the apartment and stays with us for the night,
and because you told me, yeah, Like there's a lot
of weird things in this it's not our best, everybody,
I don't think. I don't hold on. I'm not gonna

(39:56):
say it's not our best. I think it's. I think
it's a very fine episode and has a lot of
very funny but it's one of those episodes that you
could just put on at any time and say this
is Scrub, Like if you needed to give somebody a
definition of what Scrubs is, I think this is a
perfect example. But I agree this is not it's not
it's not the funniest laughs, and it's not there's no heart. Really,

(40:18):
you know, we were known for our wearing our heart
on our sleeve. I think, well, we're known for having
really good special episodes. If that's what you mean. No,
but I mean a great episode of Scrubs makes you
laugh a lot. There's some silly fantasies, and then and
then and then at the end somehow breaks your heart
a bit, and they don't all have to do that up.
But I think, but, but, but I think the majority

(40:38):
of the episodes are more like this, and I think
the ones that stand out are like the ones you're
talking about. All Right, I want to talk about something
that is controversial. I'm shocking that people are very upset
that baby Yoda is eating fish eggs, frog eggs, but
they're unfertilized. Every one of you mofos that have eggs
for breakfast, there are unfertilized eggs. Right, everyone's all upset.

(41:02):
But Joel you said to me on Twitter that they
thought it's that people are thinking that baby Yoda might
be turning to the dark side. So okay, So I
had some people DM me and they were like, there's
two conversations happening. There's a group of Star Wars fans
who were like, yo, is this you know, a pretensive
dark side? Baby Yoda is the child going dark side?

(41:23):
And then apparently there was some other, like fringe group
of people talking about how this was controversial and I
missed that conversation. I don't know what all of that
was about, but me and my crew were like yo,
what does this mean? Like, what's happening with the child?
Because we've seen him. Do you know he's choked out
some people, he could stopped some fires, like before we go,
before we go further, Danil, before we go further, hit

(41:46):
the spoiler button for everybody so that they know we're
getting into spoiler spoiler Warner, Oh yeah, sorry, spoilers, but everyone,
I mean, I don't know. Yeah, you're absolutely right about that, Joel,
your your crew is right to wonder those things. I
feel like and now that we've come to have you

(42:08):
guys seen the latest episode. No, don't talk about that fire.
Oh so good. Listen, Dallas Howard can direct direct. All right,
let's not do any spoilers. Don't get into it. Don't
get into it. Don't let's not get into it. But
we can't talk about We're allowed to talk about the
one I saw and I just thought he's a kid.

(42:29):
He doesn't know any better. He's hungry. Everybody, calm down,
they're unfertilized eggs. Well, it's not just that, it's also
what they're showing too. In the beginning of the episode,
they're you know, dipping through the desert on the speeder bike.
You know, he gets ambushed. He beats everybody up except
this one guy has the knife on the kid. He
convinces the guy to take the treasure that's on the

(42:51):
bike and leave the kid. The guy goes for the
treasure and it's running away with it and he kills
the guy in cold blood. Get out of it. This
slight kills him just you know what, and not even
not even kills him. Quick kills him. Slow takes us
takes him, takes him up into the sky. So the
guy's like, oh God, why did I grab this? And

(43:12):
then falls to his way plumbers. What's wrong with that?
He stole the kid. The kid's watching all of that.
If you have children, the last thing you want to
do is put your kids into that one. Right, Well,
no doubt he's he's down. He's grooming this kid. He's
grooming this kid to be vicious. He's grooming this kid

(43:36):
to be merciless. All this kid sees is war and
fighting and everything like that, and that affects the force,
and it's gonna turn this kid to the dark side.
On this path, this kid is gonna develop fear. This
kid's gonna he already has too much. I think he's
a cute kill No, this is what turned anakin to

(43:57):
Darth Vader. Dude, don't turn don't turn this into a right,
don't start this shit? All right? Is the guest share Joel? Yes,
let's all cool off and invite the guest in because
I know Donald's gonna get really worked up about Mandalorian.
Do we want to go to break first? Oh? Yes,
well go on a quick break and when we come
back an exciting guest. Hello, Oh my god, babies. Well

(44:33):
now on latch, Stephanie, welcome to the program. Oh this
is surreal. Weh Hi. This is us um Zach. That's
Daniel and Joel, and that's Donald Fason right there. Hello,
how are you all? Um? How are you? We're really good?
You're doing that spin bike? Is that a peloton? It's not.
It is a cheaper version, but I use a peloton

(44:54):
app All right, Well, good listen. We don't We're just
happy you're getting it because me and Don all they're
getting it. We were trying to get that peloton deal.
Going peloton winside Beyonce. Yeah. I don't know why you
would choose Beyonce over Donald and I, but I guess
Beyonce is the news folk spokesperson for Peloton. I don't

(45:15):
know why we can't also, um, what is the best?
What is the Beyonce aspect of it? I guess they're
specific beyon the hours of amazing music you could do,
pump it out to you. Plus she donated. Um, basically,
she's paying for a bunch of historically black colleges to
have access to the Peloton Acts, so like their students
can use their student email to log in for free

(45:36):
and get access to like healthy services. So, and let's
be honest, Cody and Beyonce together is hilarious and fun.
And Cody's gay, right, Cody's gay. He's talked about his partner. Okay, yeah,
good see. I didn't know, thank you, Stephanie. I didn't

(45:57):
know if Cody was gay or not. And I obviously
don't give a but I was just trying to guess
because he's you know, it was it was a little
hard to tell. But then, yeah, I thought he mentioned
his partner Donald. You didn't know he was gay. I
thought you were being facetious, oh, because he's so gay?
All right? But I really like him. He's my my

(46:17):
new favorite. He's my favorite dude, he's so, he's my
favorite man. He's had totally and he's hard and he
works you hard. For those of you out there who
have Peloton bikes or Peloton apps and work out with
with uh the Peloton crew, check out Cody. He's a
lot of fun. And also Leanne Haynesby because I like
her because she's British and she says, all right, that

(46:38):
section's done and dusted. All right, Stephanie, our spinning buddy,
how are you tell us where you are? I'm in Toronto, Ontario? Okay,
Toronto can my favorite six Yeah? Donald loves that. Doctor
Stephanie Oh with an incredible story and kind of ask.

(47:02):
So I thought maybe we could start with a is
that how you prefer to be called? Do you prefer
to call you doctor? Stephanie? Um, I'm a PhD, not
m D. So clarify I a psychologist. We still respect that.
My my, my mom is a psychologist. We respect it. Yeah,
so I'm like mom, Uh yeah, different topic, but yes,

(47:25):
do you do like a clinical in a sense you
see people in your home? Or I used to m
I actually stopped just before COVID. I do research now,
so I'm a child psychologist um and I actually ran
a big study in the summer on COVID and teens
and mental health just to see how they were doing.
And I guess I wanted to to advocate for Team

(47:48):
Mental Health with Oh my god, you picked the perfect
the right place, pick you picked the perfect day, because
go ahead and check. No, I'm just I'm I'm Joel
is always. You're an amazing producer. You didn't even know
that we'd all be feeling melancholic today, but you weren't
on the call earlier, Stephanie. We're just talking about feeling
the blues. And to be honest, on a very serious note,

(48:09):
I saw that the suicide rate is skyrocketing, and so
there are those of us who are down and feeling it,
and then there are of course those who are on
another level, and that's terrifying, And so what do we
do to help, Stephanie. I mean, I feel like I
just tweeted out the other day a suicide hotline number
because that was kind of going viral when when those

(48:32):
numbers came out. But those of us who who feel
it on our own, you know, our own level and
our feeling melancholic, I almost feel like I could feel
better if I was proactively trying to help people who
are suicidal in some way. So what we're seeing, at

(48:54):
least with the teens is that relationships are like the
most protective that we can use. So and it's so hard,
right because you can't be in person, so all of
our relationships our online, which is so tough. Um. But
like with with teens, with kids, I mean, parents are
key man like it's the attack that we call the

(49:17):
attachment relationships. So it's the parents ability to regulate their kids.
So the more regulated a parent can stay, the more
regulated the kid will be. So it's keeping your fake
it though, right, I mean a little bit. It must
be hard for parents who are really suffering and they
they sort of have to fake it in front of
their kids, right. Yeah, it's so so tough, and I think, um,

(49:41):
empathy is such a powerful, powerful tool that we could use.
So I always joke because I do a lot of
work with teenagers. That's my that's my group, and I
and I always say to the parents, you know, try
to respond with some variant of that sucks. Don't try
to fix it, just understand where they're coming from. And
it's amazing how powerful that is, and parents come back

(50:04):
to me and say, you know, oh my god, they
told me so much. I had no idea what was
going on. I had no idea what was happening. I
go get my wife real quick so she can hear
some of this conversation. It's your show, dude, your love
to do whatever you want now, Stephanie. I'm sure there's

(50:28):
a lot of people listening who would think, oh, yeah,
you know, my kid gets down. They're a normal teenager.
But they would be surprised to learn that maybe behind
their backs, the kid is a lot more down than
they know. So what are the what are the warning
signs that anyone listening might might and what can they
do to just to to to to just make sure
that they're clear with their kids at So I think

(50:49):
that's a great point. And actually, we we did our
survey in the summer. We look at parents reports and youth,
and the youth reported actually over fifty percent of the
kids said that they or at it like a clinical
level of depression, which is huge, absolutely huge. And then
the parents actually reported that their kids were more oppositional

(51:11):
and had behavior problems. So it seems to be coming
out as like an oppositional argumentative, that kind of irritative
personality rather than say more depressed, down moody. You can
come out in a variety of ways, and that's where
I think the empathy comes in of just like trying

(51:33):
to understand where they're coming from. If they come in
and they're screaming, you know, screw you, get out of
my life, just be like, wow, you sound really mad,
Like what's going on? You know it? Parents very quickly
go to let me solve it, let me fix it,
or they go to like let me fix the behavior

(51:53):
in the moment, but realizing that that behavior, there's something
going on underneath that behavior can help the parent understand,
you know, what's going on for their kids. And we know,
like in therapists, we have what we call it the
common factors. So you talked about CBT on a previous
cognitive behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yesh, I've just mentioned

(52:14):
that's been helpful to me. Yeah, And we've got that,
we've got like the more traditional top therapy. They found
when they actually tested all the different types of therapy,
it's actually the relationship between the therapist and the client
that matters the most. So the skills and The tools
definitely help. But you can read tools in a in

(52:36):
a textbook, or you can readtort to a book or online.
But it's that relationship that really matters. Yeah, I mean,
I'm sure there's so many people listening now, either as
an as an adult or people who are parents, who
who are worried about this, because I mean that this
is Casey Donald's wife and they've been they've been, they've
been talking about how they they were excited. Casey Donald

(52:58):
is talking about even though COVID scary wanted your kids
to be back in school for their own mental health
because they had such cabin fever and they were going
a little nutty. Yeah. Yeah, it was really bad. Yeah,
at the beginning, nice to meet you. In the beginning
of COVID, when all the schools got shut down in March,
within like a month, our oldest started showing signs of anxiety.

(53:23):
And we always knew he was a he was a
kid that internalized things. You know, if there was a
hurricane on the news, we had to talk about hurricanes
for like a week and where they were and all
that stuff. And he developed ticks from just stress and anxiety,
and it freaked us out. Because we were in a

(53:43):
complete lockdown and we thought, you know, gosh, we need
a neurologist, we need all these things. And it turns
out it was just stress and anxiety. And these little kids,
if they don't have the support, like what you were saying,
just the relationship alone, you know, and the outlet to
get it all out, it just builds and builds and
finds its way out any way. It can also that

(54:07):
running these kids is so important also, like exercise, exercise,
you know, putting them you know, when we were kids,
we ran until we couldn't run anymore. And kids aren't
doing that right now because they're stuck inside and or
or you know, there's only a little bit of time
that they are able to spend outside, like an hour

(54:28):
an hour and a half. And that's not enough for
any you know, that's enough for us because we're adults
and that's what we put in as you know, as
we get older. But for kids, you need way more
than that. I remember running until the lights went out,
the street lights, you know what I mean, until the
street lights came on, or you know what I mean.
I remember, you know, playing for ever and ever and

(54:49):
ever and jumping forever and ever and ever, and that
definitely relaxes your mind and eases your mind. And kids
don't have that right now. That's very unfortunate stuff to
parents who are sorry, I'm who I can't I don't
have a headphones on, should have UM. Still, what do
you say to parents who say they want to seek
out some counseling, UM, they might be worried about the

(55:11):
cost of it, that kind of thing. Can you can
you give our listeners some tips as to like how
they might seek out help if they're worried about there,
if they like to find some help for their child.
We have a few of the apps. We've advertised them here.
We advertised better Help, which I always helped people and
Joell I forgot the name of the other one, but

(55:33):
Space Talk Space. I don't know if they do children
or not UM. And I also don't know if if
that's affordable for for for a lot of people. So
do you have any advice on that's It's a fantastic point.
I was actually thinking about that because I don't want
to say, oh, get therapy to everyone, because I know
we're expensive. So some of the mindfulness apps that can

(55:54):
keep the parents calm, like That was as I was
talking about before. If parents can keep themselves calm kind
of regulated, that then helps their kids. Um. So some
of the mindfulness apps that i've I've used Calm Stop Frethink.
It's been renamed Headspace. Mind Shift is another one. Um.

(56:15):
What I typically say is that because they have all
different voices, and some people like some voices and don't
like others, I say, do the free trials and try
the ones to see what you like, and if you
can't afford to pay for that, then check out on
the YouTube. YouTube's got a lot of like progressive muscle
relaxations or deep breathing, and they'll run through you know,

(56:37):
all of those things. You might get stuck with the
same ones over and over again, but progressive muscle relaxation
is a great place to start because it's very physical.
It's very easy for people to do. Um, and it's
amazing how much tension we hold in our bodies. Hey,
none of this has anything to do with staring into
a monitor or anything like that. It's all listening stuff, right.

(56:59):
Uh yeah, So all of the apps I'm talking about
are all like listening. Um. I mean the YouTube, you
could put it on a kind of close your phone
and just listen to it. Um, it wouldn't be watching anything.
I mean, there's also just basic things that we could
be taking care of. You guys. Mentioned exercise is a
big one. I actually have a colleague of mine that's
looking at that in our survey. UM, exercising with your kids,

(57:21):
get out of our family, family hikes, family walks, UM,
play games together. Then we're building the relationship and we're exercising. UM.
And then maybe during one of those walks you could say,
I mean, you know, you know again, I'm just making
this up. You're the doctor, but I would I would
think you could say something like, you know, if there's

(57:43):
anything going on with you, I want you to know
you can always talk to me. And if you're if
you're if I'm noticing you're a little down, or if
you know, I don't want you to ever withhold anything
for me, even if you think of I would be upset,
I won't be upset. I mean, just to get your
kid talking to you, right, so they're not holding holding anything.
Uh yeah, And I think modeling too, being like, yeah,
I get it, I'm anxious too, like, but we can

(58:05):
do this. We can do this together. So it's like
acknowledging that we're stressed out, we're all stressed out by this,
but then also kind of empowering and being like yeah,
especially with the stress when you were talking C. C.
Call Um, So when you're talking about the anxiety messaging

(58:28):
to your kids, things like, yeah, of course you're of
course you're anxious. Of course you'd be concerned about the
hurricanes or um. But you know we're safe here and
I've got you and you can do this. You're strong.
My mom would say to me something that I always
thought of when I was a kid. She'd go, if
you weren't worried about that, there'd be something wrong with you,
you know. And I always I always really like that,

(58:50):
like if I was stressed, it's yeah, you know my
mom my mom My mom's a child psychologists as well,
but she m she would say that, she'd go, I
go out, you know, I'm worried about this, and she go, honey,
if you weren't, I get it, I hear you. If
you weren't worried about that, I think there was something
wrong with you. That's really stressful. You know that that
level of empathy was really always made me feel good. Yeah,

(59:11):
and also journaling. I got into journaling as a as
a kid. If if you, if you can convince your
kid to write down the things they're worried about. And
you know, I know this would be hard to get
some some kids to do this, but maybe you have
a kid that that's open to it, to journal, to sketch,
to draw, to sort of brain drain out there. We
used to call it a brain drain in college writing exercise,

(59:31):
but like brain drain out whatever's on your mind, your feelings,
your anxieties, your worries, and that I think for me
that was a good exercise. Yeah. And help them connect
to friends on the phone, on internet, whatever you can do,
help them connect, because it's our relationships or what's going
to get us through this. It's true. And back to
what you were saying about the parents, you know, the

(59:52):
energy we give off because at the beginning when all
this went down, and these guys on here can can
confirm that dam Old was paranoid, rightfully so, but to
the point where we couldn't go out the house. We couldn't,
we couldn't get in the car, we couldn't, we couldn't
do anything. And I kept telling him I was like,
you have to calm down in front of these kids

(01:00:14):
because they're looking to you for reassurance. That Donald's the
one running around me like hurricanes, Yeah, we hadn't. You
don't need to worry about no hurricane. Hurricanes and the
last thing you need to worry about that colvidn get us.
Well we had. We had also the earthquake, you know.
I said, oh wow, guys, how cool was that? Did

(01:00:35):
you feel it? That's the woman glock Donald okay running.
He was like, get in the doors. What are you doing.
Casey's like the parent like when the kid falls and
you're supposed to be like yay instead of like scream
and then Donald's like, no, I god, you fell. So
I agreed, calm down, everybody. I'm horrible when it comes

(01:00:56):
to I'm horrible when it comes to he's a flight.
I'm not a flight. I'm the fight. Um, I feel Stephanie,
it would be real irresponsible. Um if we didn't for
a second time, there's no way we could fix her life. Man. No,
we're not gonna fix else. No, no, no, this is
the first episode where you fixed our lives. Ye came
up for the free advice. Man. She fixed, Casey, Casey

(01:01:17):
and donand are like trying to get in on our
free therapy here. That's for our listeners. I feel like
we should mention a suicide hotline for people that are
in the most extreme of situations. Um, is it is
there one that you is there only one? Is there
one that you recommend? Doctor? So we can make sure
we at least provide the number to people. Yeah, so

(01:01:38):
I don't have one number because I actually thought about this.
Doesn't have a website up because I was like, well,
I should have one for the US and for Canada
and for and there's a whole bunch I actually found.
If you look on Wikipedia, they have a list of
crisis suicide lines and it gives you a line for
every almost every country or yeah, okay, yeah, that's true

(01:01:59):
because we have we have of listeners all around the world,
and we listen. We care about you, and we know
how hard it is. And but God forbid, you are
far enough along where this has even crossed your mind.
We want to make sure that you call someone because
there's people who've dedicated their lives to helping you. The
National Prevention Suicide Prevention Line. It looks like that we

(01:02:21):
have here in the United States is one eight hundred
two seven three talk. That's one one hundred two seventy
three eight two five five. But as Stephanie said, you
might be in a different country and you might be
listening to this anywhere. Apparently you can find all that
by looking it up on Wikipedia or I'm sure googling it.
For kids in Canada, kids Help Phone dot c A

(01:02:43):
is a great resource. So you said out slower one
more time. Kids Help Phone dot CA in Canada is
a really great resource for kids. I couldn't find one
that was similar in the US. I'm sure there is
another one. Well, I'm sure if you're a concerned parent
and this is uh something you want to look into,
a little googling, well, I'm sure help you. And I'm

(01:03:04):
sure we can always put something up in the uh yeah,
Joel will put a link up in the show notes. So, um,
this episode is a little more serious on both the
front and the back end, just because, let's be honest,
we're trying to make you laugh, but sometimes we we
have to admit that we're a little down ourselves. Um,
it's a hard time, and I think I think in

(01:03:27):
the spirit of empathy, it's really great and powerful to
let everyone know that, Hey, I'm I'm with you, I'm
feeling it. I'm where we feel it too. Shout out
to Joe Well for h for feeling the vibe. Uh,
because absolutely, you know, coming into this, I was definitely

(01:03:47):
you know, and I feel like for me it worked
today because I definitely needed a distraction from what's going on,
and this took took me away wonderfully. And I tried
to bring my wife in on it, you know, so
she could you know, talk about things also, like this
was a great episode. It was like a warm bath. Yeah,
it was wonderful. I felt like I was in a

(01:04:08):
warm bath with all of you listeners. I hope everybody
else feels that way too. You know, it's not I'm
sure someone's going to be like this is supposed to
be funny, right, I'm sure you know. Well, don't add
me with that, Please don't send that at me. Um. Wait,
we have some good news though, to end on a smile.
Guess what, Stephanie, Because you're not only a helpful PhD

(01:04:31):
and helping children, not only are are you our spin buddy,
but we are going to give you the main prize
you can get on this show a big ass palette
of GT's kombucha. Who applause? Do you like much? We
hope you like. I've never tried it. Oh, well you're

(01:04:53):
about to be trying a lot of it. Well you're
gonna about to try a lot of it. Hopefully it
makes it over the border. Joel does know how to
get gets kombucha intogether amazing. They will love it. We
love gets kombucha. It's delicious. I'm drinking this one right now,
Guava goddess as I sit here and talk to you. Delicious, tasty,

(01:05:14):
it's delicious. I really yeah. They go fast around here,
these gteas kombucha Um. To our listeners, we love you.
Stay stay healthy, take care of yourself, self care, do
things that will be good for your soul. Okay, very
quickly plug my study website just in case anyone's interested,
because they're actually relaunching next week for a for the fall.

(01:05:36):
It's called Teens at Home during COVID and the website
is at www dot teens at Home during COVID dot com,
So any teens in Canada can participate. And yes, and
that's a mental health study that you are doing. Yes,
thank you so much, funning to do that. We please, please,
we want we want people to to to help you

(01:05:59):
help them. So there we go. We are all in
this together. We are all in this together, and we
are here for you and we love you and uh
and for God's sakes, we're making you onesies okay, and
they're cozy too, and they come in all shapes inside. Yes,
and the and the skin tint dilemma will be solved.

(01:06:20):
Zach will look white. I promise you. I will look that.
Are wondering, I promise you. I can't get that one
if Zack's not white, don't worry. I'm just nervous after
all this black face controversy, that the onesie arrives and
it looks like I'm wearing black face. But then I'm

(01:06:40):
worried that people will be like, man, they're trying to
make you look white on your onesies. Man, you look
you look great. They just made me look tan and
we just look like we're like brothers. But we are brothers,
all right. We love you all. And here we go
five six seven, A lot of bunch of doctor nurses

(01:07:01):
and Canada who loved me. Here I said, He's just
stories nephew. All should know. So gather around you here,
I gather around you here, I s free watch your
winds and then mm hmmmm