310: My Rule of Thumb with Bill Lawrence

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh my god, I've never missed three people more in
my life. In fact, I never missed how many hundreds
of thousands are listening so much. I really missed you all.
We don't call you, don't right, We don't want to
save it for the podcast. I can't be calling you
and wasting gems. By the way, I want to start
off right off the bat by saying, Joelle, I think

(00:21):
you need to be a fucking podcast star because I
listened to your intro to the thing you cut together
for the fans because we couldn't be on, and you
are just so charming. And I mean I know this
from being on the show with you, but I'm saying
when you were alone, you were so charming and charismatic
and your voice was so soothing and Will Pearson our overlord,
and eeheart, I know you're listening. You gotta fucking give

(00:42):
Joelle our own show, even if it's with Donald or not.
But I mean, you're you're a great on air talent. Joel.
Thank you, sir. I appreciate it. It It was my pleasure.
I like getting to talk to the fans exactly. It
was fun. Right, Donald, do you want to chime in?
I didn't listen to the show. This motherfucker. It's the

(01:04):
most classic Donald sentence I've ever heard of my life.
Oh no, I'm glad you kept it real because you
might have fucking lied. I'm gonna be honest with you, guys.
I never listened to the show other than when we
do our I don't either. I don't. I don't. I
don't after we've done listening to it back before we
put it out. I don't listen to it when it
goes live. But you might have listened. You can literally

(01:25):
take four minutes and listen to Joel's intro, which is beautiful.
None of y'all motherfucker's got kids, yo, that'sh it's hard
to do. Oh god, you know what. Kids is the
ultimate excuse. It's so bullshit when you have kids, and
I know, and I know it's hard, but you always
use kids. You always use kids. It's the go to.
But it's put in front of fucking bubble guppies and

(01:46):
listen to Joel and then my and then my kid's
brains are fucking bubble guppied out. No, they can fucking
bubble guppy for five minutes while you fucking respect Joel queen, queen,
the fucking queen. Sorry, I'm the one who made you
on latch. I'm the one who made you on latch
this time. I'm sorry, leg parents. I just wanted to.

(02:06):
I just want to. I just wanted to be out
there with y'all. That was Zach Braft who made you
on latch today. I'm sorry. Now, I'll soothe it, get
it back, get him, get him back on there. It
is there. Oh my god, it's the nastiest way to
get a kid. Why because okay, there it is there.

(02:27):
It is the milk flow, yes, yes, let it in
its Oh man, I missed you, guys. I missed everyone.
I missed all your listeners. I missed everybody. So much
has happened, so much has happened. I don't even order
to begin the I see you. Beds are filling up,

(02:48):
if that's the clearest way for me to tell it
to you. If you live in certain counties in this country,
there are just no ICU beds left, so if you
have a stroke, there's nowhere for them to put you.
I read an article where someplace in leave it as
Arizona could be wrong about that. They're just they're starting
to treat people in the fucking waiting room. Yeah, there's

(03:09):
just no you know, there's no more. This is what
happens when the message that's sent out is a you know,
convoluted message, right, is that the right word? Where it's
kind of all over the place, and you know, wear
a mask, don't wear a mask. It doesn't matter if
you wear a mask. This is what happens. This is
what happens when you have poor leadership, and I know, people,

(03:29):
it's also what happens. This is the first we've reached
an era. As we all know, I'm not stealing anything groundbreaking,
but where where we have two different sets of facts.
I mean, there is obviously a set effects, but people
are are are digesting a completely different facts set and
you can't really it's pretty I mean, Dan Joy, Yeah,

(03:50):
there's facts, there's you can't really maintain a democracy like
that if you don't agree on facts. Well, there's facts
and then there's made up facts. There's facts and then
there's made up facts. And the made up facts are
now being considered just as factual as reg as real facts.
And that's new, and that's new, and I'm sure that
mister Trump will go and start a network Trump network,
as everyone seems to think he will, and I don't.

(04:12):
None of this is going away. I mean, he's just
gonna He's gonna he's getting people that voted for him.
Now he's gonna be Rupert Murdoch. He's going to be
his own Roupert Mark. So anyway, good for listen, listen.
It's all about making money for the guy anyway, and
for all of his followers and all of his constituents
and all of these people who are falling in line.
You know, hey, I get it. You have a leader

(04:33):
that you want to follow, and you feel like he's
going to take you to the promised Land. But I'm
gonna tell you something right now, at the end of
the day, who do you think he cares about more
you or himself. Let's just be honest. He's playing golf
every day. I mean, I mean, I know people are dying.
I put this on Twitter. I was like saying, like, thinking,

(04:56):
everyone in your life, even the most selfish person you know,
even the most narcissistic, fucked up person you know, can
you think in anyone you know or even tangentially know
that if they were president and two thousand people were
dying a day of a pandemic, would go play golf. No,
it's still hard to believe, like we saw it happened,
and it's still impossible to believe that someone could have

(05:19):
still a little care for so many lives being lost,
and like you can easily, it's still baffling to me.
There's so many testimony. You guys have very eloquently stated
the testimonials about what it was like watching somebody go
through this. I read about a woman in Georgia whose
father and aunt died of COVID days apart, and like
what her struggle was, or just like how do we

(05:39):
honor their wishes? And but also we keep this personal.
It's just awful, like it's the evidence is everywhere, And
then to hear the doctors specifically coming back to discuss
like it's awful to see patients who were like I
didn't think it was real, gasping for their last breath,
like not, no, not even I didn't think it was real,
for the gasping for their last breaths, and still not believing,

(06:02):
still calling it, still insisting it's a hoax. This is
this is bad, bad messaging, this is bad leadership, And
at the end of his run. It just seems like
he's like, because I lost fuck it all, you know
what I mean. Uh, and that's unfortunate, you know what

(06:23):
I mean. It seemed to be like, I mean, the
attitude of playing golf seems to me like I'm out
of ideas. Will wait for the vaccine. The problem is
is that that vaccine making a difference and being so
everywhere for everyone isn't going to be until the end
of next year. Yeah, but that doesn't that doesn't mean
people can't get it. There'll be a lot of people
who can get it. This will be distributed really fast.

(06:45):
Sah Welllon Joel, correct me if I'm wrong. But what
I've read is, of course frontline workers and seniors and
people more susceptible first, But the average Joe who's not
in that in those categories, what are they talking Summer
danial something like that. Yeah, there's there's tears that you
can check out of when I was to be getting

(07:06):
their releases and stuff. But I agree, But but a
healthy male in his forties is probably summer. Yeah, yeah,
probably a few months away most definitely. I less you
got that money. Unless you got that money, I was
gonna say, I mean, unfortunately, money always talks. But also
I think the bigger problem is going to be getting
people to take it at all. Is going to be
the people. You know, there are people who don't believe

(07:26):
it's real and will therefore not take the vaccine. Don't
necessarily approve everything, Like some of the ship that should
be approved, the FDA doesn't necessarily approve. Not that means
it shouldn't have been approved, right, but well, I mean,
I think marijuana should be approved by the FDA so
that we are wait for what though for what for nausea,

(07:47):
for insomnia, for pain relief, If we're going there, I
think that's the mental health because the thing is, if
we're just talking about smoking weed, and to borrow a
line from a favorite documentaries, the crude combustion of a
plant substance inhaled into our lungs, Like, if that's what
we're talking about, then no where are they going to

(08:07):
approve that, because that's bad for you on the surface,
inhaling smoke. But so but so are all of these
other things. But by the way, I'm sorry to break
it to you and the people I know who smoke
a whole lot more weed than I do. The FDA.
You're not gonna like what the FDA SAIDs. They're probably
gonna come out and say, by the way, it does
affect memory laws, by the way, and it doesn't suck
up your lungs and it and it can't cause cancer,

(08:27):
no doubt. But hold on, But so do all of
these other pills. So does oxycotton. All of these things
are freaking major fucking drug problems in America right now.
We can't sit here and tell me that because I
smoke weed and I go, I'm gonna I might Oh
my god, there's a possibility that I and it's it's
a real possibility. There's a possibility I could get cancer.

(08:47):
There's a possibility that I could lose my memory. But
there's a possibility when you take all of these other
drugs that you can do so many other things as well.
I don't understand how that's okay. These I just think
that these are kind of we're moving into slightly different
conversations here. We're talking about addiction and the opioid crisis
in America and I think and across the world for
that matter. Like, I think that's a slightly different conversation

(09:09):
than the effectiveness and the efficacy of like the FDA
and vaccines and stuff like that. Like you know, you
know why Donald changed the subject because he smokes too
much pot. Hey talking to quite a huge pot smoker
over here. And I would love nothing more than for
cannabis to be legalized recreationally across the country on a
federal level, to get to expunge all of the records

(09:31):
of these petty criminal drug charges that have kept people
in jail for years and years and years. But it
would take No, it wouldn't because it wouldn't know it's
just on recreations, just recreational cannabis, and then it's just expunge. Okay, yes, exactly,
a federal law needs to pass, and that's something on
Joe Biden's thing. But like if we're just talking about

(09:51):
like dangerous or something like that, like alcohol kills more people,
the marijuana hasn't killed anybody like that, you can't you
can't say you gotta be no doubt, you gotta be
clear about it when you say that shit. So okay,
So marijuana spokes of THHC has never killed it, But

(10:15):
that doesn't mean somebody smoking marijuana didn't have their senses
about them and stepped outside and got home. That's different.
They got hit by a car. The car killed them. Well, well,
well they're not being able to process what's going on.
Also to put stepped into Okay, well then then anger
is a drug, just like marijuana, because people who are angry, Sugar,

(10:38):
I mean like this is a slippery slope. I'm just
gonna sus. Marijuana has not killed a single person. All right,
everybody comes. Ever, we're so passionate because we haven't seen
each other that we have so much to say. I know,
it's great, and I want to let the audience in
a little surprise that in fifteen minutes the Bill Lawrence
he's gonna join us for the rest of the episode.
He had to come and join late, but he was

(10:59):
he missed us as well and wanted to join. And
I said, yes, yes, Bill excited. Donald, I'm very excited.
Did you watch Ted last night? I told you watched
Ted last song? Dude, you turn me to watch Ted
Lasso at like ten pm last night? I told you
should start it out of respect for our friends. How
to fuck? Am? I listen? Man? Okay, big Donald, I'm
sorry you haven't seen Ted Lasso. No, no, I've watched

(11:21):
it three times. It's so good, very little television. I'm
gonna watch the season finale. I promise you, I'm gonna say,
oh God, oh my god, he's gonna do the fucking asshole.
I'm gonna watcher. I'm gonna talk about serious final I'm really,
I'm furious, Like I gotta tell you, I'm gonna talk

(11:41):
about this when Bill comes on. So I'll wait, but
I just gonna say real quickly, and I'll and we'll
go back to other ship. But because I want to
save it for Bill. But I cried my eyes out
at that finale. It's so heart warm me. It's so
good you guys. Episode two. I agree everyone. I agree
Episode two is the best because I directed it. But
other ones are good too. But the last thing I

(12:02):
want to say about, oh I broke my toe, I
should probably announce my motorcycle. I had a bit of
a had a motorcycle accident. Motorcycle accident, well, I wasn't
going fast at all. But a woman in a family,
or at least a husband and wife and a child,
well I'm not gonna blame them. A driver took a

(12:25):
giant corner in the Hollywood Hills. She took it with
just basically in what would be my lane. If I
was a car, it would have been a head on collision.
She just was coming around a blind corner on what
was her what was her left side and my right side.
Fortunately I wasn't in a car because it would have

(12:45):
been a head on. I was in a motorcycle, so
I could skid off to the right. I was, we
weren't going fast, I was only five miles an hour,
but I but in skidding off to the right, lost
my balance, jumped, had to jump off to the right,
and the entire bike fell on my right foot. I
and this woman's like, sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't cry,

(13:06):
but fuck it hurt and it really got huge. And
then I went to the orthopedes who said, the the
middle bone of my big toe is. He said, I'm
not going to even tell you the medical word for it,
but it means smashed. So I got it. There's not
much you can do for a broken toe except where
this thing. I have this thing. It looks like, yeah.

(13:31):
I put on my Instagram. I was like, these new
yeasis are fire, but that sucks. I have to ice
it and and do that ship. But by the way,
I want to just say. The last thing about the
drug conversation is they tried to give me not oxy
but something like it. And I was like, I was like, no,
I'll take talent on and he's like, oh, I'll write

(13:53):
you the script, and you know, I was like, no,
I don't want it. I don't even want it my house.
And I'm telling you people who are listening, I'm advised
he was a fake doctor. Unless you are in fucking real,
holy shit pain, do not take these drugs they are
giving to you. They are fucking addictive and once you're on,
you're stuck. You're done. So a fucking advil and ice

(14:15):
and actually adult is wrong for this, he said. He
said extra strength talent all and will help it better.
And we if you're a pot smoker, but do not
unless you are in oh my god, I cannot survive pain.
Do not fucking take these drugs. They are addictive and
they will fuck you up. Read a book called Dope Sick.
Michael Kidd is making a movie What does adderall do?

(14:36):
Adderalls for attention deficit disorders. That's when you why is
everybody taking ad Because if you don't have add. It
does the opposite, and it's like speed. So if you
have ADD, it helps you focus. If you don't have ADD,
it's like cocaine, it makes you fucking like a right,
let me get this straight. So all of these people
that are doing adderall are pretty much doing cocaine. Yeah, speed, right, guys. Yeah,

(15:00):
essentially it listen if you helps it concentrate. Yeah, people
look at it was like yeah, well yeah, well it's
all right. I had a couple of late nights in college.
I'm not gonna things happen people, I mean college. What
was that ship that Mike Jackson was on proper fall? No,

(15:21):
that's that's very different and also awful. That was it
that's used the dude, they used that surgery to put
you under, that's what. But he was getting injected to
go to sleep at night. No, he was that what
it was. Jeez, yeah, that's some of these things like
I want that regeneration. I'm not gonna lie to you man,
like you don't need the getener it means you're as fuck.

(15:45):
Wait a question for you, guys. But they if you
take the regenera on, it helps against the COVID two
though doesn't like before you get COVID two though, doesn't
it because you're just pumping anybodies into your body? No,
I don't know who's that on News Max. I don't know.
I don't know. I think I saw somebody talk about it. Yeah,
that's really helped for these days. All right, listen, I
have a question for you guys, totally off topic. Let's
say I'm buying my girlfriend a Christmas present on Craigslist

(16:09):
from San Francisco and it's pricey, but it's awesome. I
wouldn't do it, No, listen, how do I do it
such that I don't get ripped off? What's what's the
what's the equivalent of like escrow in this situation. I
saw that Team Mom where she tried to buy that

(16:30):
car on on Craigslist and she lost the money. Man,
I would I'm just saying, Man, I don't know about craigslist,
Daniel Joel, Do you have any they have a rating?
Can you see like how they've sold before and they've
completed the transactions and such? List I really leave a
lot up to the description, like however much work someone's

(16:51):
willing to put into them trying to sell you something?
What if I give them what if I negotiate with
the fellas such that I go, you're gonna get X
amount to ship it to me, and when it arrives,
I'll give you the why amount. But then you're then
you're sketchy, though you know, how does it work? And
that's the thing I would stick. I'm going to freaking

(17:13):
Amazon before I go to No. This was this is
a very special thing that I had to search for
and found on Craigslist San Francisco. I mean, you know,
I don't. I would say. I would say, get a
third third party who has some you know, muscle or
someone with them to muscle. Do you mean like a
like a bodybuilder guy. I mean I would be like
a bodybuilder. But like I'll put it to this way.
If I was going to go get something on Craigslist,

(17:35):
no matter what it was, I'm bringing a friend. And
Donald has Donald has himself called me stocky, and like
I could fux somebody up and I still would bring
a friend with me no matter where I got to
pick anything. I'm right, But they murdered people on this ship.
Though I'm not they murdered people on this ship. There
must be some app We'll look it up and by
the way I'm saying. If you're not going to solve

(17:57):
this conundrum and you're listening, please email Joe. What's our
email again, it's scrubs. iHeart at gmail dot com. Email
us at scrubs iHeart at gmail dot com and tell
Joel how how you best recommend I deal with this conundrum? Actually,
I actually, you know what, it's funny that we're talking
about this because I know somebody who might be able

(18:17):
to help with this exact problem. Oh sorry, yeah, arrived,
Ladies and gentlemen. What's that headbands? He's got a headbead band.
He's got his Rambo headband on. He looks like if
Rambo had a pink headband. Oh wait, go out. And

(18:38):
then when I come in, I go full on tennis
star from the eighties and nice, Yeah you look you look.
I mean you look really cool. By the way, I'm
not laughing because it's not true. I'm laughing because to
say it, I'm very tight. Pink headband. I'm gonna I'm
gonna blow you up for one second because I just

(19:00):
before we're gonna move on to a lot of other things.
We haven't seen each other in two weeks, so we're
just rambling. Oh cool. Hey guys, By the way, I
missed you both. I love you both, love you too.
I was confessing to these guys, but I stopped because
I knew you were coming on that I saved the
finale of ted Lasso because I was enjoying the show.
I'm I'm happy to be a part of it, and

(19:21):
I and I was really enjoying it. And I saved
the finale for just a few nights ago, and I sobbed.
And Bill, I'm not talking when tears streamed down your face.
I'm talking when you start to make an audible noise.
You people listening to know what I'm talking about. When
you're like and you're like, why tears are one thing, dude,

(19:42):
you don't need to make audible noises. It was so beautiful, dude,
And I really, really, really am. I hope it's okay
to say proud because I don't mean to connote. I mean,
it's weird because you're my mentor, but I'm so proud
of you. Oh kay you. By the way, it's not
it's my favorite thing. Is is my which is? I
think I annoy you guys, all four of you, by

(20:02):
calling this my podcast Hey, Joel, Hey down, I call
this my podcast. I get a little secret anger every
time somebody uh tweets to you and me about Ted
Lasso Zack. I love it. I like listen, Bill, I'm
just gonna put this out there. When you do the
rewatch podcast for Ted Lasso? Could I be the host

(20:24):
for that? Twenty years Donald, you'll be you'll be sixty,
that will be sixty six. My first topic is, Look,
I know Zachie had to work, so you guys had
to have a week down right, And so next time
Donald and I host and we make it a episode

(20:44):
slash talk about zach episode, It's gonna be delicious. I
love my My concern is that the fans will like
it more and then I'll be out of a hobby.
They won't I'll be respected. I need my hobby. Bill,
And if you're extra charming as you can and be,
the fans are gonna be like, whoa, that was fucking
way better? Bring back Bill, correct man? Bill. The chance

(21:07):
that you know I can dial it up and down
depending on the seat. Yeah, could you give little five
charm Bill instead of little ten charm when you do this? Yeah?
Good to see you, all right? We should probably we've
been doing We've done twenty four minutes without mentioning Strup,
so we should probably get into five six seven he
ses about show we made about a bunch of docs

(21:33):
and nurses can stories. So gat around here, yato around here,
Welcome to the show. We know you were upset. We

(21:54):
were off for two weeks. I'm so sorry. My my
instagram is I love where we off for two weeks.
We weren't off for two weeks. Sorry, the last week
we missed a week? So what does that mean? Did
we You mean we didn't put a new show me,
there was a gap. There's a gap between there was
one week gap, but there was a show. We did

(22:15):
put a show out, though, just a clip show. It's
very it's very. Bill will tell you it's pretty baldy
to put out a clip show your third season, but
we did it. Especially. But let me say something, Let
me let me say something. Let me quickly say something
in our defense. A lot of people who do these

(22:36):
bank episodes. Okay, now we could do that. We could
bank five of them and never have never missed. But
I quite enjoy this show being somewhat current. I like
that we can talk. I mean we we We usually
record on a Friday and aired on a Tuesday. This
week we're recording on a Wednesday because it's the holiday.
But I and I think the fans. I assume the

(22:56):
fans like that that we can talk about at least somewhat.
I don't want air episodes that we recorded a month ago. No,
but look as as as the guy that owns and
pays all of your salaries for my podcast, you know
I will say I don't like it when if we
can make it so, we don't drop a week, even
if it means me guest hosting or you got it,

(23:18):
got it, as long as you promise, if if you're
willing to, if you're really willing to do that, Bill,
you're a very busy milling, you're willing. He wants to
fucking take over the fucking bills. Podcasting is not a joke.
It's my podcast. I love it. Donald, after all this time,

(23:39):
you don't know him well enough to know the bills
podcasting is not merely a joke. You just gotta be cool.
That's my favorite. It's my favorite thing to do with
all of our TV writer friends. If anybody starts telling
me their idea for a show or a show they're
working on a pilot they're doing. I usually wait like

(24:00):
twenty minutes, I go, you know, by telling me I
now own about a third of this real I feel
like I have that contract somewhere. If you just take it,
tell me about it, then it's mine. That's how it works. Yes,
it's not hi, everybody. So now we're gonna talk about
the TV show Scrubs. Donald, do you have your recap reating?

(24:23):
This is a great episode and there's a big fun
trivia about this episode that Bill is the perfect person
to have on to talk about. Oh yeah, and by
the way, it makes me really happy. Don't mention it yet, Bill,
I'm teasing, and I'm doing what's called in the podcast
radio world. I'm teasing something. Yes, Well, come all back

(24:43):
right after. If you're doing a TV all right, here
comes Mike Timer, Ready, Donald, and go. Tara Reid is
back and she's covered in toilet paper and it is hot.
Kelso is trying to convince Ted the lawyer to kill himself.
Cox may not like Turk, but he damn sure respects him.
And Carla and Elliott need a man hoo. How people

(25:06):
view us as important for so many wrong reasons. We're
always worried about how we're perceived. I'll say this to that,
what I eat don't make you shit, So why worry
what I eat? So why worry you? Were You were
right on the thirty second mark with it. You had
seven seconds to expound on that. But I thought that

(25:28):
was well said. It was incredibly well like teacher quote.
I mean, that's something I heard jay Z say once
and I was like, that's a great line. What you know.
I was going to make it, but it was jay Z.
I'd take that on a teacha hova. I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what I can't do and get away
with it is quote jay Z without seeming like an idiot.

(25:49):
That's true. You can do it on really, let me
try it right now. Okay, what I eat don't make
you ship. And that's something I've always thought about. I
think that's good that everybody I didn't sound right coming
out of him. It didn't sound right. Well he could
talk about this well, you could say, I think if
you're if you're a white guy, you have to be
like and as jay Z once said, what I eat
don't fall. So I think I'm doing age is part

(26:11):
of it. I'm just too old, you know, to be quoting.
I'm about to say. You guys are the same age,
aren't you. Yeah, he's got to be pushing five. Oh
now right, he's close to it. When is your birthday?
It's coming up? Yeah, after Christmas. Bill, if the world
weren't ending, I would give you the biggest birthday hug. Actually, Bill,
you're in my we've potted, we've we've become pod buddies,

(26:33):
so I can see you. At least I'm gonna come in.
We'll find a way, man, we'll find a way to
hug the twenty six. Sorry, it's the twenty six. You're
not Jesus. You're Jesus's Day, your day after Jesus. Yeah,
well yeah, all right, I'll say to me, I take
offense of that, you know, Jesus. Bill Janey back Janey
Bachan is the writer on this one, with the very

(26:55):
talented Craig zisc as the director. And it's the Christmas episode,
which is sort of a proposed because we're getting into
the holiday season. Bill, let's start open. Yeah, well, there's Christmas.
I don't know if it's the Christmas episode, but there's
Christmas decorations everywhere. Yeah, I think it's the closest episode
we had Aaron to Christmas. I don't think we did
a Christmas episode this year. So Bill, tell everyone what

(27:17):
they very unique. Only once, I believe in eight and
a half or nine seasons did this occur. Tell everybody
what occurred. Oh so this is fascinating, man, because the look,
it's an it's an old argument that's kind of gone
away thanks to streaming. But what television network television specifically
considered appropriate with sensors and with standards and practices was

(27:41):
so weird. Especially you know, the age old argument was violence,
you know versus uh, sexual cond you know, you kill
anybody on TV, but don't have anybody you know, taking
someone shirt off or something like that is crazy. And
this episode in particular drove me insane because it was

(28:02):
before medicinal marijuana was crazy, crazy, widespread, And the episode
was originally written that Elliott and Carla are trying to
help a cancerous woman who is on the way out
and just having such a hard time with the pain
and the discomfort. It was them out and about trying

(28:25):
to get her marijuana because they knew medically that would
alleviate a ship ton of her symptoms, and we handed
that script in and said, you can't there this. You can't,
unfortunately for you on NBC, even though it's for altruistic reasons.
You can't have a physician and a nurse driving around

(28:47):
trying to find someone they can buy pot off of.
Pause one moment there, Bill, as I recall, you handed
it in, but we had begun shooting you. We shot
a scene or two of its. Yeah, but you know
that just makes me look like some do it? All right,
So what Zack story. One of the parts of Zach
story is Bill sometimes didn't hand in the script until
after we started shooting. Yeah, yeah, but you did. Yeah,

(29:11):
the subject says, Bill, Well, you had you had the
power and clout to be able to do shit like
that in the day. But this was the one chance.
This is the one opportunity where they were like yeah,
but no, yeah, so say they said we wouldn't air it,
And partly because it was an easy fix, and partly
because I found it so hypocritical, I said, all right, well,

(29:32):
because we need the story to storre work structurally, we'll
just have the woman that's dying be a virgin and
we'll have Elliott and Carla go look for a man
horse so she can get laid. And they're like, oh,
that's fine. I love that you were being facetious. And
they were like, all right, but do that so they

(29:53):
can't go even though it's proven by you know, so
many medical studies. And now, as you guys know, we
use uh, you know, different products, CBD, etcetera for any pain,
but this was this was whatever, this was yea, even
back then it was considered an amazing treatment for the
side effects for chemo, you know, and for uh, for

(30:16):
nausea and for all that stuff. So I'm I'm like,
doctors can't go get a patient that's dying marijuana, but
they can go to anywhere and get her a man horse,
or she can have sex in the hospital. Yeah, that
sounds funny. I'm like, all, but it is funny. Way
it was funny. That is funny. It's a very it's
a very funny episode Bill with a lot of memorable quotes,

(30:38):
including the first ever what has two thumbs and doesn't
give a crap bob bob job by the way, never ever,
And that's an old joke and the only reason that
joke feels new. Is it has never ever been delivered
better than Ken J. Jenkins delivered man just and by
the way, you know it's next version. It's sequel, which
you guys will get to, is what has two thumbs

(31:01):
and still doesn't give a crap? Instead Bob Kelso? How
you do? And it's Bob Kelso. I thought we had met.
You know, I had never heard this joke until this
moment too. Yeah, this was the first time, and so
I kind of got caught off guard when he was like,
what has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? I

(31:22):
was like, what has two thumbs and doesn't? And then
he goes bam. I laughed so hard. I don't think
i've yeah to this day. You're absolutely right. Kids has
kid crushes it better than dude anybody has. It was hilarious.
It's hilarious, and I, like Donald I never I didn't
know it was a known joke. I thought you guys
came up with it, but I thought it was hilarious.

(31:42):
He's an assassin. When he just says things like they're
real that way, it just kills me. My biggest memory
of And you guys can then drag through the different
of this particular episode was I occasionally had times on scrubs.
I'm sure you guys did too, that I'd wander onto
set I wouldn't be sure or what we were doing,
and then what was happening there would make me think

(32:03):
that I was on Hulusenagin's or have a moment like
how anybody do this on television? Because I had a
bunch of things going on in this episode and was
working on other things too sometimes. And I strolled down
into the apartment set, which was away from everywhere else,

(32:23):
and I walked in and Terror Reid was sitting on
a throne of toilet paper, and there were like a
bunch of male models dancing around, and I'm like, what
the hell is going on? How is this? This isn't
something for national television? Is it? Like? No, no, you guys,
is in the script? All right? There's some full that
shit had me rolling tower. There was two MM. There's
two different sim there's two different tw read you're conflating too.

(32:46):
There's one where she's in a room made of toilet paper,
drinking a cocktail out of a toilet paper roll, and
then there's another where I'm sort of a studious nerdy
guy reading my book, and she's filled the apartment with
male strippers who are gyrating all over her, and she
shim hammocks everywhere or something. It'll be out of hammocks everywhere.

(33:12):
Why Bill, Why why do j d and and and
Turk have a rule about the guests bringing their own
toilet paper? H I think that that was That was
loosely based on a story I told about my college
roommate named Steve mac who whenever we went on spring

(33:33):
breaks or on trips, every time he opened his backpack,
there'd be toilet paper in there, and it just always
by the way. It's like those people that bring their
own pillow on trips and you think you and then
you sleep on the pillow. And we used to give
him a shit, you know, like, oh if you baby
your ass, little baby you and we get you know,
we used to give him costs of shit about it.
But then you get to some ski resort or some

(33:55):
shitty hotel and they would have like two ply sand
paper hanging from metal things by the toilet, and Steve
Mack would be like, nobody touched my own toilet, And
I'm like, that's good. That should be a rule. For
bring your own toilet paper anywhere you go. That's funny. Yeah,
I have a buddy that brings his own wipes wherever
he goes. It's not dumb. You know. I travel with

(34:17):
a pillow. Now I don't feel bad about it. I
did my first pillow travel, this time to London, Bill,
because I have fallen in love with a pillow. And
you can go to the fanciest hotel or the cheapest
motel and and and have bad pillows and it sucks. Uh.
You want to know another odd thing. And I did
see this, I think because I looked at watch the
episode last night and I didn't want to do a Gabby,

(34:39):
which is what it means when you oh my god,
I'm told Bill. I was like, Bill, you you told
us I'll bring a writer on and the writer didn't
watch the episode. The h I love Gabby. They're so funny.
That was so funny. It wasn't great, but we'd love
to give her shit about it. The you know, she
doesn't don't worry. She doesn't listen. She doesn't know where talking.
By the way, this is on a Friday. She will

(34:59):
not listen no matter what. The other piece of trivia
that I remembered about this particular episode was there's a
joke about Elliott saying someone saw her orgasm face. And
I remember getting ship the writer's room because we are
pretty good about continuity, but we contradicted ourselves with Elliott's
sexual past. You did thousand times you did scrubs. Wicki

(35:21):
is very upset about it. I will read you a
direct quote from from people on TV without pity. We're
not having it. Let me tell you something here we go.
It says, when Elliott is talking to her patient, she
talks about a time in high school when she had
a quote orgasm face. Yet in a previous episode, she
told Carla that she has never had an orgasm. Elliot's

(35:42):
romantic life is full of differing stories, their contradictions. We also,
I think she said once we said that she lost
I think she lost her virginity in a crawl space.
But maybe we can ragalize it by saying Elliott is
just just doesn't I don't know, how can you say
she doesn't remember her? And he also said, I think

(36:05):
one time she lost her virginia with the guy that
lost his arm to a bear. If you remember that.
The way she's so funny in this episode. She was
just like, let loose on this episode. I mean, you're
both the writing for her and her whole just way
of being. That was just fucking on like level ten
this There were some uncomfortable moments though in this episode.

(36:26):
For No, that one Randall jumping out of the closet
and Krista and Johnny c being in the bed and leather.
That kind of sucked me up. And do you remember
who's in the remember who the g was it random? I? No?
Wait better? Yeah, let wait hold up this time, No,

(36:47):
Krista was oiled up too. They both put the oil
on because they're doing some pulp fiction, gimp stuff. It
was very weird. I can't imagine Christa reading that and
being like, okay, Bill, Okay, By the way, I just
laid low and tried to avoid her, you know what
I mean. This is Martin Clubb's first time on the show,

(37:09):
and he's very funny, and he becomes a member of
the janitorial staff eventually, right Bill, Yeah, and uh he
was riding high too, because it was about right about
the time that he became kind of a Pirates of
the Caribbean or Caribbeans, Right Rock Spirates. Yeah, he's he's
a famous action hero, now you know what I mean.
He's fun He's a very funny guy. And he uh

(37:30):
he I remember he was kind of cocky off Pirates
because he rolled up in a pretty baller Corvette. Yeah.
That uh that I always thought was funny because it
was like the most dude masculine baller of fucking muscle car,
just absolutely rock star car. Hey, we're gonna take a
quick break, everybody, you know, we'll be right back with more.

(38:01):
Long are those breaks? Are those breaks? Because I listened
to you guys, those breakes like forty seconds, so they're
like like five six, seven, eight off, turn it off?
You had that locked and loaded bill. I did not.

(38:21):
I did not. I just did it. I sold it
because I can act. So Doctor Cox's cool Breath of
Joy travels through the hospital. It finds Donald and and
and Judy, who are arguing. By the way, Donald, I
laughed out loud. You, by the way, you were particularly
silly and funny in this episode. That you were You
felt like, I'm gonna be doing what you might call watching.

(38:41):
That was really really good you. You you were particularly
I don't know, you were just silly and it felt
like you were riffing and stuff. But when you you go,
I'm gonna have you're talking about your your wedding day,
and I'm gonna have a cape and a wind machine,
and I'm gonna be like I do very funny. That
made me laugh. I would look good in the cape

(39:02):
and a wind machine, though. Man, So how about Elliott.
Elliott takes a pick of her boobs. This is right
that she This is right at the beginning of cell
phone cameras. I'm guessing because this was kind of She's like,
I've got one of those new cell phone cameras and
she takes a picture. She sends it to a random
person instead of Sean, And I am assuming that's a

(39:23):
stumpman because he took a glorious fake hit to the
head without flinching, which has advanced. He walked, I mean
he sold the ship out of that does not he
does not anticipate at all. No, it is very First
of all, if you're listening and you've never tried to
fake walk into a telephone pole, it's a little tricky
to do the choreography of it, but not to flinch

(39:44):
for even a split anything is the hard part. And
that guy nailed it. Do you remember how many takes
Zach in the pilot that we had to do because
you would anticipate and close your eyes before you ran
into the door at the end. It's yeah, that was
my first first episode, first time trying to do physical comedy,

(40:04):
and it's very hard to walk into a glass door.
You can get yourself to do the timing of the
of it, but but first of all, the glass door,
unlike a telephone pole, you can't fake it. Basically where
we ended up with the pilot is you just gotta
do it, but you can't flinch. So walk into this
glass door and not flinch is really fucking hard. That's yeah,
that's a very difficult because your brain is like, no

(40:26):
matter what you're trying to do as an actor, your
brain is like, no, we're not going to walk into
the glass door right, could close your eyes right now
or it's gonna hurt your eyes right. So, but but anyway,
this guy walked into a telephone pole like a pro.
That was a plus A plus stunt there. I think
he might have been a pro. No, he was definitely
a stunt man. I mean he's one of our John
Q citizen is not just showing up and doing that.

(40:50):
So then we find do you guys remember because that
that was it was cell phones renewed. You guys remember
that I give us all beepers and pagers back then
at the h Yeah, you gave it the very first.
I thought it was the skyways. No Bill. Bill's Christmas present.
We may have mentioned this before, but Bill present one
year was blackberries for everybody, and I remember being like,

(41:11):
what is this? You just write sentences and it comes up.
I bought, I bought. I like to buy technology for
people about sixty eight weeks before it becomes Obsoletely, that's
my thing. Well, no, blackberries lasted a long time. I
think they finally just folded. But but you that was
my favorite, very first device was from you. Bill. Did
you ever have a side kick? Anybody have a side kick? No?

(41:32):
No sidekick that you'd look cool? They shit flipped up
and made a sound and everything was like a star trek. Yeah,
it looks cool. Look like that. I think. By the way, Donald,
I think you're onto something. I think cell phones are
all the same. Now, if they started doing cell phones
that made cool noises or shot little hologram lasers out,
and it seemed like kind of even it was just

(41:54):
for bells and whistles, like a little bit of a
Star Trek or Star Wars. Would I would buy that
ship in a heart beat if I could get an
app And it was Princess Leia doing the help me
Obi wan Kenobi speech. If your phone went all out
hologram lightsaber when you hit that button. I think we're
holograms in our lifetime. I mean think so you think

(42:16):
we'll get holograms like Star Wars? I think you? Did
you see him Kardashian's gift from Kanye, Oh my gosh,
I'm already here. No but I but she gave Kanye
gave her him a hologram of her father singing to her.
I think a four minute speech. Then he gave to

(42:37):
gave a four minute speech and a lot of it
was about how great Kanye was. No, but but think
it was the type of hologram like Princess Leia, like
projected into the middle of the room. Was it? It
was like it was? He said, they watched it on
a video and you know it's expensive and three dimensional
and it looks like him and he speaks and walks

(42:57):
around and smiles. What I'm saying, he Kanye obviously hired
amazing special effects house. I don't it wasn't like what
we're talking about, like with the Cupio projecting, Princess are
two are sorry? Sorry sorry? Sacrilege are two projecting? Do
you not know that that's upset? It's a mistake. But
he's like, he's like, he's like he like twitched. Yeah,

(43:19):
I corrected you before you got all of the few
you want to talk about how Mandalorian is not as
good this season? Or is that can upset you? Guys?
Oh you're gonna you're about smack in the face. Man.
It's better than it was last year. Here's the thing
that Okay, Bill, I'm sorry, this has to happen. Well
know your feelings. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Here's

(43:39):
the thing. Last year, it was the reason why most
fans who aren't big Star Wars fans liked it last
year compared to this year, was because it was it
stood true to the Western and it's now you know
it was the lone man with the Samurai movie. It
stood true to that, the lone man, his kid, and
then going through these towns, now they there's all of

(44:00):
this story that they've developed from the future that's going
to take place in the future, and all the story
that's developed in between Return of the Jedi and what
takes place. Then they have to freak and piece it
together because of the I'm not gonna say bad story writing,
but because of the holes that are in it all.

(44:21):
Now I understand it doesn't I understand, it doesn't make sense.
You don't like it, I understand. But for Star Wars fan,
hold on, let me finish. For Star Wars fans, the
last five ten minutes of that episode where they go
and they see spoiler alert everyone, spoiler alertler Dan'll make
the spoiler die. Where they where they go into the

(44:44):
room and they see all of the clone bodies and
you see that this could be where Snoke came from.
That's a big deal, dude. That's a huge deal for
all Star Wars fans because when that movie came out,
that was a hole and it was I'm just speaking
come now, I'm just speaking for me. I found Mandalorian
to be one of my favorite Star Wars things. At

(45:05):
season one, I thought was incredibly done and it's still
incredibly done and incredibly made, and the production design and
cinematography and storytelling. It's all great, I'm be saying. For me,
these first few haven't been as holy shit intriguing as
season one. Maybe I'm alone. These first few for me
have been incredible because of the characters they've introduced and

(45:28):
who's coming up next? Bill? Do you watch it or not?
I do, because it's Henry's favorite show and he's way
into and I think I think that second seasons of
shows arrived with that much hoop, winner that well done
are always a nightmare. And to me, as a writer producer,
what I think you always do in a second season
is slow down a smidge, try to lower expectations, get

(45:53):
the exposition out, lay the groundwork for the stories you're
gonna tell, especially, you know, like that show you're gonna
be on for a long time, because it's almost when
you the bar is set so high it's almost impossible
to realize people's expectations you have. I'm gonna say you
haven't you have this coming up next season with you
have this Lasso because it's a global hit and people
were like, come on, keep it going, Bill, and you're like,

(46:14):
how do I? How do I? You can't sustain that
you have to have some some ups and downs to
the storytelling. I guess yeah, But you know, I think
that I think that ours is a little different because
you know Jason and he's kind of mapping it out
is to three. It's a three season show, so he
you know, everybody in this it's like what Donald's talking about.

(46:35):
Super fans know that they're connecting tissue in the Star
Wars universe, and for us, everybody knows that they get
an end to this story in the third season. So so, Bill,
are you giving us a fake Doctors exclusive that ted
Lasso will only go three seasons? Ted Lasso is a
three season show. After the third season, I will desperately
try to get mister Sudeikis to do it. Like the

(46:58):
only way I think a fourth season of ted Lasso
exists would be like if ted Lasso went and coached
a soccer team who played about a block from Jason's
house in real life. You know what I mean? Oh?
I see, but Bill, Bill, don't mess up our exclusive. Please, Okay,
ladies and gentlemen, you are hearing it from the showrunner's mouth.
This might only be a three season show. That that

(47:22):
that that mad like all the Press. When this goes viral,
we want all the press for the podcast mentioned Big
Doctor's Real Friends. Hey, press, when you pick this up
and make it go viral. You heard it on Fake Doctors,
Real Friends. Bill talked about it on Fake Doctors, Real Friends.
I'll talk about anything, Bill, you better not give anybody
else exclusive. We hear you on other podcasts and we
get jealous. I don't think I've done another podcast. So

(47:44):
you did the sports he one, Oh yeah, but the
sports we won. They made fun of you for calling
on the podcast. That's a nationally syndicated radio show. He
doesn't know much about sports talking. I don't know anything.
I don't know anything. That show is super cool. Really
love what they do over there because it's a much
like you, guys really say, you're a rewatch show. You

(48:06):
talk about the world and issues and connect That group
is uh masquerading as a sports show, and they talk
about what's going on in the world and look after
each other and stuff, and it's really cool. You really
like it. Give it a shout out. What's it called?
What's it called? It's called Dan Libertardu and Stugats and
Donald hadn't heard of it. Donald mister spot guy. I

(48:28):
do watch Dan Libertard on on ESPN with his dad. Yep, Poppy,
Poppy poppy. Uh and uh so I do, I do,
I do know who he is. I didn't yet a
radio show like that. It got so big nationally that
they started airing it on ESPN two hours a day,
five days a week for a while. Now it's on

(48:49):
ESPN Plus. And was that the same thing with him
and his dad was that the show with him is
this one was more that him and a bunch of
producers and ragtag group of guests. They kind of sort
of sect dissect sports issues, but more talk about culture,
you know. And look, they just had a great like

(49:10):
ted Lasso like moment, which was ESPN made massive cutbacks
and let tons of people go, and one of the
beloved young producers on the show and they're all on
air on screen talent got let go. It just part
of the ESPN things. So they stopped Aaron shows for
a couple of weeks and I mean a couple of days,
and when they started up again, he was miraculously Dan's

(49:33):
assistant and had returned to the show with his salary
being paid by Dan, you know. And he's a good guy,
you know. And it's an interesting it's an interesting, funny show.
Roy Bellamy is the dude over there that is a
massive scrubspant. Shout out Roy Bellamy every week. Every week
you you tweet man something about the show. Shout out

(49:56):
Roy Bellamy Man. Thank you Roy, And I'm sorry I
called it a podcast. I know now that it is
naturally sid They they're so successful. They have splinter off
podcasts from their radio show. They're over on ESPN. We're
gonna do that too, eventually. Donald and Joel are gonna
have a Star Wars thing where they we're working on it.
I owe Joella recording. Why why are you blowing off Joel? Dude,
I'm not blowing off anybody, man. I'm a busy motherfucker.

(50:18):
You mean that we're shooting on a Wednesday. We're recording
on a Wednesday because you were freaking directing. Why are
you directing when we got when we're making a podcast, motherfucker?
Why are you directing the pond? Donald took a shirt off.
Why would you take this? Because I'm pissed off about this, motherfucker.
I'm this motherfucker just pissing me a fuck off the

(50:38):
running down the street. Are you punching yourself in the chest? Donald,
I got an ice picking my eye in my hand.
I'm stabbing myself. Yell I'm listening. I'm mad, Donald. Are
you mad that I that I had the audacity to
go direct something for four days? I'm pissed off about that.
I'm pissed off about that. I'm also upset about the

(51:00):
that I saw you got an xbox I saw then XO. Yeah,
sure you showed the picture. You know what you promised me.
You know what you promised me. You and Danny could
both promised me something, and I'm sitting here without it.
I'm just gonna like to give it away. I'm gonna
tell you, Joel, Yeah, just wait anyway, I have to
interject Zach because you guys have to understand that for me,
this is so surreal because when Donald was yelling, I

(51:22):
immediately went back to one of my favorite moments and
Scrubs And he's mad that JD went to disney Disneyland.
That man went to Disneyland without me. Elliott, I tried,
was You're like, I saw what you got, you got

(51:43):
and you're mad about that? It sounds exactly like I
got a roller coaster. They got a roller coaster the door.
They got a ride where you can see Nemo when
it comes up to you and you're like, hi, Nemo, No,
don't you don't say it? Like they got roller coasters
and roller coasters and dark. They got roller coasters that
roller coast in the dark, the best hold together for

(52:05):
a second. For a second, You're like, you know, I'm fine,
I'm gonna go on with my day. I can't. I
can't do it. That's one of the funny I laugh
at that every time I see by the way, I've
since been to Disneyland with him many times. Yeah, I
know that, But you guys just recreated that in your
real friendship life. Do you know that? Really? That had
to come from real life though, from him going to

(52:26):
Disneyland without me and me being pissed off about it.
That has to be the probably didn't do it, probably
did happen, all right, listen, what happened on this? What
were you supposed to do? You're not supposed to buy that. No, No,
there's an x there's a brand new Xbox that came out.
It's called the Xbox X. Is that what it's called
Danel and Xbox Series X, but we were supposed to
get the PS five though. That's what Joel is still

(52:47):
trying to get. Bill if you want to get her
at Christmas, I got like five of them. If anybody
wants you not if you don't want to see if
you really want to steal my podcast from me, find
a way to gift Joel and Daniel PS fives, and
I think I'll be fired. I'm yours. Whatever has so

(53:11):
much money he could probably have someone make them from
scratch in his basement. Yeah, I want to give one
for Henry for Christmas and then one for Henry to
give to someone else for Christmas. So he's got a
bunch of them. Just sit be funny. I'm gonna say this.
I will say this for all of you out there
who are PS five's and Xbox Series xes and everything
like that, there's a system out there that you can

(53:33):
get that's a lot of fun and the graphics are amazing.
And if you're in the universe also when you put
the Oculus Quest to shout out Oculus Quest two, that
is a lot of fun and and it's available at
stores still. So if you really are looking for an
escape this holiday weekend. This is not this is not

(53:53):
a ad, this is not a sponsorship. I'm gonna tell
you something right now. I'm gonna tell you something right now.
Out of all of the things I've played so far,
the Oculus Quest two is the best, all right, So
they should be our sponsor after this. And can I
read the textile just set me? Yeah? Yes, I think
they will send you free stuff. By the way, I

(54:16):
did something on Twitter. If you have one of these
Oculus things, I asked my followers, I just got this,
what should I do? Slash play And there's like hundreds
of replies of people. So if you're curious and you
get one, go find that tweet and you can read
a lot of people's cool recommendations on For all my
Star Wars fans out there, there's Star Wars h squadrons.

(54:39):
I played that on the Oculus Quest too. I had
to do a lot of connecting things to make it work.
But the new game has come out called Galaxy's Edge
Journey to Galaxy's Edge. It's an action adventure game. It's
got a bunch of really cool things that you can
do in it. What are you doing? You're trying not
to freak out about star Oh my god, will you

(55:01):
give this in a podcast? Oh my god, it's so good. Well,
I'm just saying. I'm saying, Zach, you want me to
come on the Star Wars podcast and just sort of
help start like season nine, I'll come on and help
start a full to get like Mark Hamill to do
the podcast. That would help out to get him in
starting right. He's a nice guy. I also deliver. My

(55:23):
My fanciest person I can deliver is Deborah Chow, who delivered,
who directed several Mandalorians. I offered that up. I don't
know why they're not doing it Donald's business. I'm gonna
do this like that. I'll do it like this. Here
we go, because I have no shame. Dave Feloni, if
you're out there and you're listening to fake doctor him,

(55:43):
I'm trying to do it through the podcast to generate
some positive And everybody is on Twitter. Is Dave Filoni
on Twitter? Yeah? Everybody everybody listening, we need you to
blow up at Dave Filoni or whatever he is. Let's
get his Dave Folonius, blow up Dave Filoni and Jon Favreau. Well,
John Favre is probably too busy to be reading your tweets,
but Feloni might might have some time. Dude, you're so

(56:06):
fucking this up. You're making it seem like one person
is more important than the other and everyone John Favre
created the whole series, doesn't well are they co created it? Yes?
And man, all right, I don't know. You ruin everything
you run? He's ruining everything. He's ruining everything, Joel, he's
running everything. That's fine. We got it. We got it, Joel, Joel,

(56:26):
can you get me Dave Feloni's Twitter handle? So we
do this right. The most important thing is that we
figure out a way to start my Star Wars podcast.
I wouldn't have anything to say. You'd have to have
Henry come on and weigh in. I no, man, I
would be in the dark. I'm in the dark about that.
I'm in the dark about the game right now. If
you guys can tell me he should be playing it.

(56:48):
He lives with this game called Destiny. He's obsessed. Oh
hell yeah, yeah, I'm playing that right now. Listen, we're
gonna go to break, but first I'm gonna give you
Dave Feloni's Twitter handle and and you have to blow
him up. Everyone listening, who's on Twitter? It is? Everybody
is not underscore. I l O N I so Dave

(57:13):
underscore Foloni. Okay, everyone listening is on Twitter. Blow him
up and say will you please go on Donald Pazon
star Wars podcasts. No, he's gonna say yes. It would
be even better if you blow him up and you say,
will you please make Donald Faison the star of one
of your star wars. No, we're ta We're going to

(57:33):
start small, start small, all right, We're gonna bring when
we come back, we have a caller. We love you
right back. Yeah, here's the music and we're bad. Okay,

(57:55):
let him in Linus Linus is coming. Hey, what ah there? Man?
Give it up for liness? How do you say your
last name? Wait right wait? Oh yeah, it's sman, it's
give it up for liness. The first time you've is

(58:16):
that the first time you've said a German last name
in your Oprah voice? Donald? That is the first time
I've ever done it. But I'm happy for liness. Wuck,
it's not it's it's quite good as pubdon Are you
in Germany? I am, I'm in Germany. I'm in Hamburg. Germany.
What time is it there as we speak. It's eleven
in the evening. Okay, it's not that bad. Just coming

(58:39):
in from Thank you for staying up late. You you
are you? Are you guys on lockdown right now? Yes,
you're back on lockdown? Girl? Do you know I was
actually in I'm the only one of the six people
here that was in. I was in Hamburg a year
ago because my my daughter was performing there and I
actually went around that city a little bit. It's pretty
cool it. I liked it. Man, it's kind of very

(59:02):
cool there, and uh, the city itself seemed really bustly
at the time. I'm sure it's dead now. Oh yeah,
it's technology. It's good for partying though another way, that's
what I That's why I was so excited that my
daughter was spending time their liners. Thanks. You should definitely
stop when you do your tour through Europe. We're going to,

(59:23):
We're going to, We're going we should come there. Are
we big in Hamburg? Yeah? We're big in ham Are
you in Germany? You are huge? We're very big in Germany.
You didn't know that you knew that though, I don't know.
I'd just like to hear it every now and all right,
that way, we're definitely gonna be doing. Yeah, Bill, you're
gonna come. You're gonna come on the tour for some dates, Bill,
we can't. Yeah, yeah, jacking the whole tour. I got
a but I have to be treated like a spec

(59:44):
special guest or Yeah. I think when we do major cities,
like you know, like like Hamburg, Yeah, like I love
that one, it's just casually said like Hamburg, Yeah it happened.
When we do like Bumble Fuck, you're gonna come. But
when we do like New York, ham Berg, La Stod,
you're gonna come. Dodd's not as big for me. So

(01:00:05):
why here's my question? We we because of Sarah Chalk.
We put a lot of German on the show. He
did she speak it well? And be did those guys
we hired to be Germans speak it well? Because I
didn't think they spoke it well, and I thought she
spoke it quite well. Sara's doing well. But I think
you mean the guys from this from this season, right, yeah, yeah,

(01:00:27):
they would They don't even speak quite all. Yeah that
was in on Scrubs WICKI they said that that Sarah's
German was better than the actors playing Germans. Yeah, I
think Sarah's fluent. Yeah's amazing. She's has such a gift
for language. I mean, she didn't just flu and she
like has the perfect accent in both with both French

(01:00:49):
and German. Well, we made fun about Sarah a lot
because coming out of a young American woman, it's not
the most romantic, sexy language here and anyways in the
United States, since she would often say things in uh
in German that would uh sound aggressive and frightening to
us when she's not that personal at all. Yeah, that's

(01:01:10):
so aggressive. Yes, it's it's also because it's also be
cause Sarah's eyes would get so big when she talks
when she speaks German. Well, she gotta know what, she
just gets like it becomes cartoonishly big, and she's like,
like she gets real aggressive. Well, she would also she
was also usually switching from French, which was so sexy
and slow, and then she'd like she was exaggerating for effect.

(01:01:34):
Let's be I know, but she's a comedic genius. Linus,
thank you for coming on the show. Do you have
a question for Yes, legendary Bill Lawrence. We're so happy
you're here. Thanks for having me. Yes, I do have
a question. I was wondering, if you do a scene
which is really emotional, is it easy for you to

(01:01:56):
switch the buttons and maybe you've been very angry, or
maybe you've been very sad, is it easy for you
to come back and be the normal you again? Because
the background of this question is when you do fake laughing,
I know, for instance, that you just get happy even

(01:02:17):
with just faking the laugh Is it the same when
you have a very sad scene. That's one that's a
That's a great question. It's a great question. I know
somebody who had. When I was younger, I would grew
up in theater, and so my parents used to make
me have to sit and watch and sometimes and I
would be backstage with a lot of the actors too,

(01:02:37):
and so sometimes you would see things that you wouldn't
necessarily that you shouldn't as a as a kid, that
you shouldn't necessarily see. Like I was, I got to
see a person literally have a nervous breakdown because of
the character he was playing on stage, and the person
had to go through this emotional journey on stage, and
when he got off a stage, he couldn't turn it

(01:03:00):
off and he had a breakdown, and that's an emotional breakdown.
For me, it's very difficult. Like I sometimes cry even
after they stay cut. I'll continue to cry unless I
gotta go, unless we gotta go again, and then I
try and stop it as hard as I can so
I can get back to that moment again, because once

(01:03:20):
I've released everything, it's hard for me to get back
to that moment again. That's me personally for me. Every actor,
I think we would probably answer it the question differently. Line.
Some people can just turn on emotion really quickly. They're
like getting a second and they're there other actors. For me,
if I was it would be hard for me to
be doing being super silly and then try and go

(01:03:43):
switch and do an emotional scene. If I know I've
got a big emotional scene, I kind of try and
spend the day or at least the time on set
in in that space of seriousness or emotion, just because
it's for me. It's almost impossible. If we're all joking
around and we're laughing and we're being like we are
on this podcast and they're like, okay, we're rolling here
we go. Uh, that's that's almost impossible. For me. But
there's there are actors who can who can, who can

(01:04:04):
do that and actually do it believably, But that's that's
never been me. Well, I can do it believably at
any time. I'm that good an actor and that what no,
you know, I'll tell you some interesting that Zack McDonald
m leffort. So why I was, these guys are amazing performers,
and you stumbled onto the thing that was very made
it very hard to sell the show in the first place,

(01:04:27):
which was when I was off trying to sell Scrubs
and describing it to different networks. The sheer amount of
people that said network presence said, I'm not sure you
can switch from broad silly fantasies and people goofing around
to really deeply emotional scenes with people facing you know,

(01:04:47):
death and and introspective and emotional pathos. And I was,
you know, an idiot, and I joked about it and
would say like, yeah, I think you can. I think
you just turned down the lights and play an indie
song and and U. But the truth was it only
worked because the actors and actresses were able to do it.
And if you're a fan of the show, I bet

(01:05:09):
you can remember a moment that every single of course
was Zack and Donald, but every actor and actress on
the cast having a time that they had to switch
gears immediately and be so emotional that you didn't usually
see that in the comedy. So it worked because of
the performers. I was talking to somebody randomly about this.
Even watching Neil Flynn say Sarah Shawk's name Elliott when

(01:05:31):
he tricked her into a date, you know, is such
an emotional moment, you know, and so real that even
he could do it, and the show would not have
worked if Donald, Zach, Sarah, Judy Ken, johnny Ce, Neil,
everybody were able to switch on a din that also,
and also one other thing, sometimes you're in his own dude.
Sometimes it's like any sports thing. Sometimes you come to

(01:05:52):
work and you're something's asked of you, like that to
laugh and then go into crying and then come back
into laughter again. And sometimes you can. Sometimes you can
tap into that, no problem, and then sometimes you can't.
That's just how it is. That's that's a very tricky thing.
Is a director is that sometimes so as you know,

(01:06:15):
as as everyone listening knows, a scene is comprised of
many different shots, and and an actor has an emotional scene,
you have to know that if it's a big scene,
they spent the better part of a day staying in
that space, in that headspace. Often, let's say we're in
the first shot. It's a very wide shot of the

(01:06:35):
room and they and the actor is emotional and they cry. Well,
and now when I get to your close up and
it's seven o'clock at night, and we've been doing it
all day long and the actor's tears aren't flowing anymore, Well,
none of the other stuff will work because of continuity. Won't.
It won't it won't edit together. So it's it's a
it's a very tricky thing for both a director and

(01:06:56):
an actor because you don't just have to do it once.
You have to sort of sustain it for the whole scene.
If if the actor is indeed crying, they have to
do it every single time. Otherwise, you know, obviously this
moment where people swipe away their tears, and you can
use a shot like that. But but there's been times
where I've edited things and someone does something so beautiful

(01:07:17):
and they and they cried it was the master wide shot.
And then you're going for close up and they kind
of like that that was what they had. They can't
they can't sort of muster it again. Well, you can't
use that beautiful wide shot and really anymore because it
won't It doesn't make any I have a question, how come,
how come do you don't reverse engineer those scenes then
and do them backwards. You can do, but that's that's
a very good question. You at people say they're they're

(01:07:39):
a plus effort for the close stuff. The smart the
smart thing to do, if you're someone who knows you
only have so much gas in the tank is to
is to wait until the camera's tight on you, and
that will make the most difference. If you guys, remember
on scrubs, I would often cheat and I would cut
short the master before you got to the heavy emotional stuff,
so you know you didn't have to do it. You
guys ever, remember going through that, I would just do, Hey,

(01:08:01):
the master only works till here and here, so let's
stop it. Yeah, absolutely definitely. The other thing you can
do is is is roll two cameras, sometimes one tight
and one wide. But but it's tricky and of course,
worst case scenario. By the way, we usually the worst
case scenario is there's a there's literally a mental thing.
They blow in your eyes and it makes them tear.
But now, my girlfriend I were watching TV and we

(01:08:22):
saw the first, our first CGI tier. We both stopped
and we were like, there's no way that's a real
tier because it was so perfectly timed and beautiful and
rolling down a cheek and really impossible. And I was
just on a job that has a lot of special
effects on it. And I turned to the guy, go
by the way, I think I just saw my first
CGI tier going down a cheek. Is that a thing now?
And he's like, oh, yeah, we're out and loss of tears.

(01:08:44):
I that Hey, whas did you ask? Because you're a performer.
It's an interesting question. No, I just I was just wondering.
I'm just a student. Okay, cool question. What do you
do out in Hamburg? My friend? Yeah, I'm as study
for business administration? Okay, So is that is that where

(01:09:04):
you're from? Are you from? Hamburger? Is just where you
go to Universe? I'm from Bill. This is not your
audition to lead the podcast, okay, j Jack, I'm trying
to hear you. Someone all the way and is so
very aproposed everybody knows. As I said that Zach got
tangled up in his heart that almost collapsed. Zach had

(01:09:27):
a beautiful JD moment and got tangled in his own
headset cord. All right, line is it's time for everyone
on our favorite moment in the podcast, Ready Daniel with
the queue, it's time to fix How can we help you?
All the way from all the way from Hollywood to Hamburg,

(01:09:49):
We're gonna send this fix it. So it's kind of
have you. Me and my long term girlfriend, we just
broke up and it was the first real love for
both of us, so I think something really special, and
I should mention that we just grew apart. There was

(01:10:10):
no bad blood at all. I wish you the best,
but still it's quite hard. Of course, my friends and
my family they try to help me as good as
they can because the pandemic is, yeah, affecting all of us.
But I do still feel a little bit lost, if

(01:10:35):
you can say that right now, because you can't make
any big plans at all. You can't plan any vacations
or go to the cinema or the theaters at the moment.
So it's quite a rough time and I would like
to ask for an advice what I should do or

(01:10:55):
how you get over your first real love of heart break.
I'm gonna go first. I'm gonna go first. The first
thing I can tell you that I find is the
most helpful thing, and not even related to your breakup,
but to life right now, is that you are not alone.
Everybody is going through as we said on the podcast,

(01:11:18):
as my mom when we used to tell me when
I was a kid, if if you weren't feeling these feelings,
there'd be something wrong with you. This is such a
weird time, and so many people are break up aside
are dealing with how do I get over this this melancholia?
How do I can't go to the movies, I can't
go hug my parents like so, I think that there's
there's comfort in knowing that you're that you're not alone.

(01:11:40):
So many people are are going through this, and and
of course a breakup makes it so much worse. I
think a lot of people I've i've I've read a
lot of people are are going through, you know, relationship problems.
Because of course it's so unnatural. All of a sudden,
we're forced to quarantine, and there's everyone's stressed and so

(01:12:02):
we can all give you our best tips on on
on getting over lost love. I think you know, no
matter what anyone has ever told me in a breakup,
time has has been the only thing. And you're gonna
hear that over and again. It doesn't really help. But
but know that it that it does. You will look
back when you're in when you're in your new relationship

(01:12:22):
and you're newly excited and giddy and feeling so happy,
you'll look back and go, oh my god, I can't
believe this one's even better. I can't believe that I'm
that I you know, thank thank god that ended, because
even though it was sad at the time, it led
me to this person who's so much better. So I
know that that's that's that's that doesn't hurt help right now,

(01:12:44):
But I think that's that's something you should at least
have in your brain now. There's a reason that all
almost every a giant percentage of music is written about
this topic is because it's it hurts so bad and
and was it gonna say, Zach, it's such a good point,
by the way, is part of the thing that's gonna
make this fun is at the end and you don't
have to do it out loud. You're gonna have to

(01:13:04):
email us. You're gonna have to say whose advice was
the best. So it's a kind of Mine's probably only
build Lawrence, the most competitive mofo in the world, will
turn giving lineus advice into a front. Do you not
see Line is smiling. He's enjoying this. Go ahead, boss,
fucking make it better? All right? So well, it don't
feel weird about knowing that my advice is gonna be

(01:13:25):
the best the uh No, Like zach'son, something's very smart,
which is hard for me to say. Every show I've
ever written has constant episodes about lost love and heartbreak
because it's so universal and because it's the building block
for who we are. Right, So I will tell you
you know these guys said, it is true. It's all

(01:13:48):
learning experience. It will make you better and stronger for
the next relationship you enter in. But I'm going to
say to you the one thing that a friend of
mine who's a shrink said to me recently, which is
just remember, because of where we are is a quarantine
and a pandemic, that none of this is a real
playing field. None of this is real in terms of

(01:14:09):
loneliness amplified by a thousand, depression amplified by a thousand,
hopelessness amplified by a thousand. So the one piece of
advice I'd give you, I'm a type of person that
I need to have something to look forward to. And
I call the real j D all the time to
ask about where we are in the pandemic. And he's
a guy that we all know, and he said, there's

(01:14:31):
three vaccines, all with over ninety percent efficacy, all that
are coming down the pipe. So even if you're a pessimist,
you're six months away from being in a real environment
where none of these feelings will be amplified by a thousand.
So all I would tell you is look for that
light at the end of the tunnel man, and the
stuff will all seem a lot clear. But it sucks.

(01:14:54):
I'm sorry, it sucks. And you know what, the thing
you can do? What can you do proactively? Reach out
to friends. Don't don't become a hermit that's like in
their fetal position in your bed. Like reach out to
your friends, face time with your friends, going on national podcasts,
sometimes going on international podcast is a huge help. I
agree with Bill I like to do. Give myself things

(01:15:14):
to look forward to, even if it's little things like
like my girlfriend and I'll be like tonight, we're getting
sushi and we're gonna eat a tubbot ice cream. Like
even if it's like stupid you and your girlfriend do that.
Don't be a dick, I'm saying he can do. I
mean you just be a little bit sensitive man. You're
talking about you. Yeah, I mean that's the type of
thing that somebody that gives the third best advice says,
right wild, you know when you know that, you know that,

(01:15:37):
you know when you know when Homer squeezes Bart's neck.
That's what I lions. Give your little give yourself things
that are even if they're small, that you know you
look forward to, and don't watch there's so much sad
shit on TV, like we I got lost in a
true crime wormhole, watching like all this true crime and

(01:15:57):
dark shit. Find stuff that's that's that's funny and that
will cheer you up. Maybe maybe something British, maybe something
with like an internet big hits very sure, but Scrubs
or or I haven't gotten the ship squeak, but people
love that, like something that just lift your spirits and
make you laugh even if you're down. Also the Mandalorian

(01:16:19):
or the Mandalorian, sure, the Mandalorian journal. When I'm down,
journaling helps me just like like we you've heard me
say this before, Like in college, we called it a
brain drain, and we just write, just without taking the
pen off the paper everything you're thinking, like in this
and this and this, and even if a sentence is
like and I don't know what to write now, I
don't know what to write now, but then you just
keep writing and do that for like five minutes a minimum.

(01:16:41):
And I will tell you alone, I've seen except Daniel,
who I'm just getting to know, I've seen the other
two guys, both heartbroken at different states, and I can't
even revisit it because they're both so happy where they
are now. And I promise you that they were both
as heartbroken as you yourself are. Now. That's the best.

(01:17:04):
Best By the way, you did win, Bill, you did,
you did win. That's a great point. This man has
helped me through Ben Donald, through bad breakups in our
life when we were just where you're at, Dude, I
got divorced while we were making scrubs, and now we're
now we're both in relationships that we've never been happier.
So one of the best parties I was ever at
Linas and he'll tell you about it when he's on

(01:17:25):
Here was John McGinley announced to everybody on Scrubs at
the beginning that he would never ever, ever, ever ever
be in a committed relationship and get married ever again.
And so I met him ten thousand dollars in front
of everybody that he would be married again before the
end of the show. And I didn't take the money
from him, but I used it to pay for his
engagement party. It could not have been more follow Yeah, yeah,

(01:17:50):
all right, so you so you're welcome. So you're welcome.
You're welcome in the meantime. In the meantime, you know,
all you can do is you can go flirt, flirt
on the dating apps and on slide into them dms.
You can by wait, We'll let you take a screen
shot right now and you can slide into the dms

(01:18:12):
with this picture and say, hey, I listen this I
was fake This could be this could be your slide
into the DM flex I was on Fake Doctor's Real Friends.
Just grab my fallow real quick, yeh. Wait, oh, has
just texted me Bill, Donald Zach as the order of
whose advice is. That's right, that's actually what I'm all right, Lions,

(01:18:35):
you're ready for your screenshot? Are you guys ready? Yeah? Yeah,
thank you? All right, So that's gonna help you. You're
gonna slide into your into the Girls dms with that
and say, hey, you may have heard me on the
internationally successful podcast. Make sure you mentioned brown Bearry. It
always works out, young people all say, Lions, I bet you,

(01:18:57):
Zack and Donald do this too, even though we can't
guarantee it because it's crazy. But if you find us
on Twitter and say, hey, it's lineus. I'm still on
a shitty mood, we'll say something to make you up. Yeah,
we do that. Okay, I don't forget. I don't forget.
When you listen to this podcast, you'll know what it means.
But we also need you to tweet at Dave Felony
to make sure that he comes on Donald's Star Wars podcast.

(01:19:19):
All right, dad, you asked to asked Dave Felony to
put me in the in the show. I'm starting. One
of the most successful TV producers. Right here, he's telling
you how to fucking do it. Okay, I'm sorry, sorry,
sorry lie watch line wants to say. Can I say
something really quick? I just want to thank all of you,

(01:19:41):
like Dan, Joel and of course the three of us
for doing the podcast and doing the TV show. It
was our family Sunday evening tradition. My book post. This
is on mine and my parents. We always watch Scrubs altogether,
and it's just oh favory two we shoul who do you?
Thank you? Thank you allocated. Hey man, that means more

(01:20:05):
to me than you know. Dude, that's really cool. Thank
you so much. And I would like to give a
shout out to my older sisters. She's listening to this
one as well, but she doesn't know that I'm on today.
Be surprised you. And to my good friend Julian. He's
also a huge Scrubs fan and we always do it.

(01:20:25):
We're always quoting from scrouts and using the show for
inside jokes. So I want to know, Line's right off
the top of your head, without giving too much thought,
what's one of your favorite quotes? I know what it is.
I can't. I know what it is. Line is because
of Julian. Is there a manateee under there? I think
is there some sort of underground tunnel system? I think

(01:20:45):
I saw a manatee. Was his name Julian? I don't know.
We didn't exchange pleasantries. That's Julian alright, Thanks so many,
Thank you guys, Thanksgiving for you to thank Thanks very much.

(01:21:10):
Hamburg is a rock star city. It was so fun there.
The food was great. I feel him though, because I'm
going through a breakup during quarantine and COVID and everyone. No.
I know, I know he's going to be fine, dude,
but you know we've all been there. Imagine doing it
during during I mean, I'm sure a lot of people
listening are going through it during quarantine, a breakup, and

(01:21:31):
it's like a double punch of the faith. Hey, I
got another I got another good uh news break for
you because then you two can decide. So everybody's really busy.
A lot of charities have nicely asked if and everybody's
been doing different charitable stuff. I think is cool and awesome,
but a couple of charities nicely asked if we would

(01:21:52):
ever do it scrubs table read. You guys want me
to try and rally the troops and we'll do it. Sure,
let's do it. What what what script would we read?
I don't know. Look, I do know it has to
be one with my wife in it, or I'm not
going to be allowed to do it. Oh, Bill, while
we have you on the spot, Yeah, can you help

(01:22:12):
us get Mike Fox for one of his episodes? Uh? Yeah,
you know what I mean. He's promoting a book. Tell
him this has a huge audience and will promote his book.
Let me email Mike today. He's such a man, He's
such a lovely dude. And I had to do some
stuff for his book, you know, just because I'm vet.
Some stuff because a couple of chapters on our Spin
City Days. And by the way, this new book has

(01:22:35):
a couple of chapters on his Scrubs guest appear. I mean, well,
he's got two episodes coming up, it's three twelve and
three thirteen, and he would love to have him. If
you can pull any strings, if, if, if, if I
make it happen, I expect I want to deal right now.
You say, Mike, welcome to our and Bill's podcast. Even

(01:22:55):
if I'm not on it. You got it, you got it,
I'll say, I'll literally to get Mike Fox, I would
say whatever you want me to say. It would be
such an honor and and I know we just semi
convenient because he's promoting a book and this has an
enormous audience. That is, he's a he's a big look.
There's it's weird to say we're like this, we're not,
you know, too self involved, and which we say, like

(01:23:16):
an act I don't, but I'm too, But it's I
didn't mean anything that I said, but the he's an
actor that I truly think is an American icon and
a hero for all the stuff he's been doing. Such
a great dude. So I mean, we would have to
make it like a two hour episode because we would
just be like, fuck scrubs, dude, let's just talk about
every single thing. We would talk. I would talk about

(01:23:36):
Back to the Future for like an hour and a half.
I talk about how Eric Stultz had the freaking you know,
I mean, I would he by the way, all right
right now, me doing to me saying that right now,
He's probably like, I'm not going on the show, so
let me not. I'm not. I wouldn't do that. I
wouldn't do that. I imagine this because you guys went
through it. The only way he could do Back to
the Future was to shoot it concurrently with Family Ties,
So he would shoot back to the Future at night

(01:23:57):
and Family Ties during the day, which is banana pa
what about? Yes, but he but he he did most
of the season from what I remember, he did most
of the season for Family Ties because he was the
original choice that Zamkis wanted for Back to the Future,
but he couldn't do it because he was doing Family Ties.
And then when Stultz fell out at the when Stultz

(01:24:20):
fell out and they knew they were getting him back,
it was because of your old mentor Gary goldberga happening.
He was friends with those guys there. Yeah, all right,
well Bill, will you please try it? Are you writing
it on a posted because you're gonna I'm just gonna
do it. I'm just gonna do it and I'll have
it all right? Yeah, Okay? Are you fake writing it
on a posted? For all I know you're fake writing it?

(01:24:43):
Are you fake writing right now? No? I just wrote
Mike Fox email IM an email anyways, man, I miss
that guy. Thank you. All right, let's let's finish the
app because we've gone an hour and a half. And
we have Okay, I just want to stay shout out
Mike Starr, who was on this who was in this episode.
He was the patient that Johnny had. When I first

(01:25:04):
got Clueless, me and Justin Walker were flying to LA
and we were in first class and I just remember
waking up and Mike Starr was handing the bagels. And
he was one of the first people I met before
I got to Hollywood. We never, you know, we talked
about hanging out because we were going to do the

(01:25:27):
movie Clueless, and somehow Justin had who played Christian in
the movie, had struck up a conversation with him and
told him that we were in this television show. So
I woke up and he's like, hey, kid, do you
want a bagel? And I was like, absolutely, I want
a bagel. Holy shit, you're the guy from Dumb and Dummer,
you know what I mean? And I don't even think yeah,

(01:25:48):
Dumb and Dummer had come out already, so I I, uh, yeah,
he's one of the best. He's been in so many things,
and he's such a talented actor, and I forgot that
he was on Scrubs and so I just want to
give him a big shout out and a Hello Mike
Star because it was a pleasure to see you on Scrubs.
And I don't know why, but you guys made me

(01:26:09):
watch this episode, and any episode that has Sam Lloyd
being sweet in it both makes me sad and miss him.
He was so sweet in this episode. I know, I know,
I didn't. Yeah, yeah, he was so funny in this episode.
So we have the thirty eight year old virgin and
and we talked about that a bit, but it's funny
when Sarah, Sarah is so fucking funny in this episode.

(01:26:29):
She goes, he goes, she goes, I'm a virgin, and
Sarah goes, me too. Sorry. That's a reflex from college
when I used to play tambourine in a Christian Rocks.
The writing, the writing and delivery of Elliott and this
episode is so fucking funny. Then she does her O face.

(01:26:51):
We got a glimpse of what Elliott looks like when
she's having an orgasm. And she said the three of
three people in her high school because that picture got out,
they posed like that for their you book photos. Man,
I love watching I literally, Sarah's so funny. Don't you

(01:27:13):
guys love that? To watch this show again when for me,
I'm old enough to have forgotten it now it's so funny.
Of course we don't remember it all. And I and
Donald and I've said multiple times that we that we
knew Sarah was funny in particular when we were doing it,
but in watching it back this many years later, I'm
I just am really appreciating how fucking hilarious of a
comedic actors she is. Not just that, not just that,

(01:27:35):
but Bill, I'm gonna be you know, the story Johnny
C's storyline is so necessary. Like I used to think
that Zach, Sarah and I that's the go to. Johnny's
the go to man. Johnny's life is my life now
pretty much, you know what I mean. Like everything that
Johnny goes through in this episode, Cox goes through in

(01:27:57):
this series like I'm going through now, and so I
relate to his character more than I relate to the
character I played on the show. That's the crazy thing. Man,
It's like life has changed so much, you know, So
when rewatching it now, it's like I was so caught
up in what we were doing because I thought we
were to hip kids and stuff like that. Johnny's story
is really it really does carry a lot. That's so

(01:28:20):
sad for me is that I identify with Ken. Sometimes
it's hard because it's hard to be a boss. In
my favorite episodes involving Ken Jenkins, where when he made
you know that it's hard to be a boss and
that he's probably a sweet guy underneath all that crap.
You know, was it like that when you were writing
it or is it like that now? As you like
that now? Man? When I look at you know, I'm like, man,

(01:28:44):
I'm an old, crusty dude. People sometimes think is a
you know, closed off control freak at work, and I'm like,
it's tough to be a boss. Sometimes it is. Woe
is me whatever. I laughed out loud at powerful tiny fists,
Powerful tiny fists. Yes, it's like powerful tiny fists. Yeah,
come back from a fantasy when Randall has punched me

(01:29:05):
in the nuts for a second time. I really liked
that song spreading around and saving ted. That was great. Yeah,
I was. I was a little upset that Kelso was
bummed out by it. Yeah, that kind of struck me
when he called my chicken. Yeah, I wrote down that
Kelso is kind of evil. Well, the Cavalier attitude towards that.

(01:29:29):
You know, it's our favorite jokes to write, and I
thought that was one that was a mistake where one
that walked that line between inappropriate and okay and ted
was obviously somebody depressed. And maybe I'm hypersensitive to it now,
like but all I love the joke. And if you
guys remember our favorite joke on h was in Sam's briefcase.

(01:29:55):
All he had was his briefcase. All he had was
a a button with a happy face and a loaded
revolver and ones in case I get sad and the
others in case I get real sad. But that is
it's clever enough and fucking the lot is that in
the show. I didn't know. I don't think. I don't

(01:30:21):
think we would. You would likely do some of these
more cavalier suicide jokes today. I mean Kelso we wanted
to have him have a little bit of heart. No,
I would not call him a chicken for not jumper. Yeah,
we it was the joke guy. Who look, you guys
probably do this with your performances. When I watched these shows,
the painful parties you watch at the things that you

(01:30:42):
would never do now, I would make a lot of stuff. Yeah,
all right, let's switch topics. J C M. Johnny c
McGinley is fucking ripped in the gym. I mean, I
know he listens while he's working out. So Johnny, keep going. Man,
you look like a stud in this episode. John look beefy.
That's a that's you know what he knows. You don't

(01:31:04):
need to make him feel better about it. Donald, you go,
I don't disdain you, idain you. That's funny. That's a
funny T shirt. Scott Rabbidou in the background, now a
funny my stand in. Scott Rabbidou is in the background
of the gym. Bill, am I correct in that? You
you you had these set dressers, production designers build the

(01:31:27):
gym set and then told him to leave it up
so we would have a gym. Yeah, and we moved down.
It's a way to get a gym for the because
we lived in that stupid hospital for the brew staff,
actors whatever. We all would any previous any previous gym
scenes were in a small room. This was the first
time Bill said, no, let's move the gym to the
basement and make it big and then also leave all

(01:31:49):
the shit in there. Yeah, let's charge Disney for cleaning
up the basement, putting a ton of gym equipment in there,
maybe a stereo system of some kind, and then say,
we plan to use that set a lot, and then
we can all exercise in between launch breaks and when
we're sitting around doing I wouldn't even work out there

(01:32:11):
when we were when we were dark, when we weren't working,
I would come. I would. It was the closest. It
was the closest nice gym to me. I would just
it's one of the best completely free gyms. And Wells angels. Yeah,
the best free gym that you'll be alone in in
Los Angeles. Todd with his giant green balls and the
gym was funny. Sure. I think that was a Maschio

(01:32:35):
ad lib once he saw the props that were available
to it. So moving in is a big topic in
this episode. Jad's very worried that Danny's slow. Everyone's teasing him,
and he's also concerned that she's slowly going to try
and move in. That's always weird, right when you're in
a relationship and you're kind of dancing around the They
start with a toothbrush and then there's a few things

(01:32:56):
and then there's the conversation like, well why am I
paying rent? It's like, you know, it was that a
little dance. I didn't. I had a completely different experience
than you had, obviously when it comes to moving in.
I was tricked by my wife. My wife told me.
My wife told me she was never gonna get married.
She didn't want to get married, and she didn't want
to have kids, and she was an independent woman and

(01:33:18):
she would always live on her own. And I was like,
oh shit, well bet come, that's start dating. That's the
type of woman I want a date, right, I like,
it is a true story. You guys both know that
my wife beats me in every couple battle, every mental battle,
every you know, she decides what I do. She didn't
charge everything in my life. The only victory I ever

(01:33:40):
had was when I left New York because you know,
I fell in love with her and I was running
the show in New York Spin City and I realized
and she had to work. She was in La, you know,
on the Juke Carrey show. I'm like, man, if I
don't move to LA, you can't do that long distance thing.
For years. I can't. You know, this relations and ship's

(01:34:00):
gonna end. So I moved to LA. I said, I'm
moving back to LA and Christa said, you know, you're
not moving in with me? And I'm like, oh, cool, whatever.
And when I came and visited once, she showed me
this cool house she was building up in Nichols Canyon.
I remember going, oh, this is gonna be a perfect
place for me to live. So but she's like, you're

(01:34:22):
not moving in with me? And then I told her,
I'm like, no, I don't want to. I'm gonna rent
kind of like a party place at the beach in Malibu.
And she's like, by yourself, you know. I'm like, no,
I'm gonna do it with Rob mas There's a friend
of mine. Gets better. And then I saw Rob Mashio
like two nights after that, I go, hey, I told

(01:34:43):
Christa Miller, this woman i'm dating that you and I
are getting when I moved back to LA, that you
and I are getting a house on the beach and Malibu,
that I'm paying for it, but we're gonna live together
and have lots of parties. He goes, are we I
said no, no, as if we're not at all, But
you have to know that we are in case you

(01:35:03):
see her and uh. And then when I got to La,
she's like, you shouldn't have a party house at the beach.
She should just crash here in my new house. I
was like, all right, my only victory is that the
house we did the table read at. That's the house
you did the table read at. That's my only victory
as an adult male with my now wife of twenty something.
I built that house. Yeah, I thought I had one

(01:35:24):
when my wife had said that to me, that she
didn't want to have kids or getting married or lived together.
And she was an independent woman. But I found myself
begging her. Yeah, two years later, please just let me
just live. Let's just live together. Why can't we live together?
I don't understand why you're not living here? Like she
played me like a fiddle. Yeah, man, you're not. By
the way, when Chris is on here again, and she
will be, I'm sure she'll tell you the reality of

(01:35:46):
the story I told and why it was all plotted
and planned. Yeah, Oh, she played you like it. Oh
got it? You know, I'm sure I feel like my
only victory, don't get me wrong. When we lived there,
I was like, hey, I have a favorite ouch nope,
I have a favorite chair. Like what about this fork?
Did I bring this fork to our new house? Now?

(01:36:06):
Those forks don't work? Like all right. That's always funny too,
when you when when you move in with your girl
or your guy, and all of a sudden, if you're
the person who's house it is, and they start going,
so what's the deal with that painting? And you're like
that that master that masterpiece? Yeah? So like when where
else could that go? You're like, what something that can go?

(01:36:26):
Like in your office? If you have an office? Could
I go there? What? Yeah? That's always tough. I was, Yeah,
I was still building renovating my house when Florence and
I started dating, and and she was so tactfully way
in on things. I mean, granted she was she was
clearly new. It was a sensitive thing. And she'd be like,
is that the tile for the for the bathroom. I'd

(01:36:48):
be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, why you don't like it?
She no, no, no, no, it's great, great right right,
so passive aggressive. I moved in a Chris's house and
we got engaged like seven months later, It's true story.
And as a gift, she turned an extra room in

(01:37:08):
that house into an office for me for about two months,
and then she's like, I'm pregnant, and the very same
workers that had gone in and put office stuff in
there came in sixty days later and ripped it out
and turned it into a nursery. Did you write scrubs
in that office? I didn't. I didn't have it long enough. Man.

(01:37:29):
It reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Brewster's Millions.
Great movie Millions. That movie should be remade. But I
don't know if you. I mean John knutcha prior you
can't touch him to Gold. I love. One of the
funniest parts I love about it is that he's trying
to waste money and he keeps renovating his office with
the keep redoing it and redoing it and redoing it

(01:37:50):
because he's just like, this is the best way to
waste money. And then finally, finally, in the end, sorry
mild spoiler, yeah, he goes, She goes, She goes, is
this it? Have I finally achieved your dream? He goes,
this is it? This is a room I could die
in And she exhales and she goes, all right, boys,
take it all away, because like twenty guys given and

(01:38:11):
Take Everything Away Away. Such a great movie. Great movie.
You should watch that if you haven't. And do you
need a certified check? Do you need a receipt? That's
that last. I love Richard Pryor movies. The Toy was
Another favorite movie of mine was a Kid That You Touched.
That movie has a lot of social By the way,
this is part of for me old enough, but part

(01:38:34):
of the fun is taking your kids, Zach through these movies.
We did a Dirty Rotten Scoundrels with Henry last night.
Oh that's great. You got to show him the Toy Bill.
Although gas Richard Pryor, It's awesome. It'll be like I
already lived this life. I understand the fantasy of the
point of dare you What are you saying that Henry
has a toy black man living in his house. I'm

(01:38:56):
saying he has a wealthy father, that's all. But it's
his father and that movie doesn't take care of him. Though, okay,
it was a fucking joke. Asked next, pretty good joke.
Dick lips. Dick lips, you're saying my lips look like
two dicks. Your lips look like a dick's mouth. Remember
when he says penis breath. I didn't know as a

(01:39:17):
child that was a first of all, a pretty racy
joke for et. He's saying that his brother like that
penis breath right now, he's saying that his bread his
He's saying that his brother had a penis in his mouth.
Otherwise why would he have penis breath. I didn't really

(01:39:38):
understand that as a child. And also I didn't know
if it was penis breath or penis bread. As a child,
I was like, why is he calling him penis bread?
Oh my god, I go for a piece of penuts
bread right now? Is actually I could eat some spotted
dick pudding that shows good, no lies, no liest his
bread with a little bit of butter. Yeah. I think

(01:40:00):
we got it. I think we did one last thing,
one last thing. We're doing, one last thing. You're benching.
You're benching ninety times two, which is one eighty plus.
The bar is forty five five nine two twenty five.
Are you really benching that to twenty five? Or is
that fake weights? I think we could get that up.
I don't think I don't. I think we could get
that up. No, back in back, back in the episode

(01:40:22):
were you were they fake weights? Were you fuck? NBA?
I went up to let me just say this. NBA
players would have to bench one eighty five at the
Columbine if I'm correct, right, they and that's a plate
on each side and the bar am I correct? Yeah,
I can do that, right, I'm asking in this episode
you're many more? Do you got to add on to

(01:40:43):
make that two twenty five? No? For you do the
math for you. Your character is benching two twenty five
in this episode. I want to know if you remember
if the weights were real or fake? No, I'm just
was fake? Come on, man, okay, I was just waiting.
I was like, what again? All right, that's our show. Everybody.

(01:41:05):
We love you very much. Thank you William for coming on.
I love you guys. Makes me happy to see Danald,
makes me happy, see Joel, makes me happy, see Donald
and always makes me happy. Us have a lovely holiday, everybody.
You when you guys hear this, thanks to me will
be over. But we are going to be coming to
you every week now and even in discussions to get
back to two a week. We're going to figure that out.
We have a we have a new idea. It's going

(01:41:26):
to be exciting. And Mike Fox News either way will
be coming next episode. Yes, let us know on Fox
either way. And uh and thank you. Hey, we know
it's tough out there. A lot of people are down.
And just know that these five people care about you
and love you and want you to be safe and
healthy and happy and and that's it. Donald, why don't

(01:41:46):
you count us in? I'm not Bill, count us in? Okay, Bill,
since to do it now? I only do it when
people don't want me to. Okay, well Bill, if that's
the case, they don't want seven stories about Sure we
made about a bunch of docs and nurses and janitor

(01:42:07):
who I said, here's the stories never all should know.
So gather around you. Here are gather around you, here
are expect We watch your wins at the time. M hm.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}310: My Rule of Thumb with Bill Lawrence