523: My Urologist

On this week's episode, JD develops a crush on a recently divorced urologist, but when she chooses her career stats over a patient's health he second-guesses his feelings. In the real world, we're reunited with our urologist. Dr. Penis is back!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The star is here, hit him, hit record, because the
star has walked in to the theater. I have a
question for everyone. Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that Live is showing you?

(00:24):
I don't know this song. I don't know what's the chorus?
Where are you going to? What's the chor? Do you
know it's a Diana Ross song? She's say, Okay, well, anyway, listen.
I'm very nervous you guys. We have so much to
talk about. But tonight, um, I'm doing a very limited

(00:45):
um screening of my film A Good Person for some
friends for the first time, and Donald Phase I will
be there. I will be up in that piece. Yes, okay,
now don't try and like steal focused the movie. And
well I'm trying to get another job. Bro. I'm gonna know.
It's a bunch of very affluential people. Yes, there will

(01:08):
be some um um influential people. And that's what I meant.
I need not I need you to not affluent and
influence get up there. Yeah, there will be affluent. I
gotta do a show. I gotta do a show. I
need to not get up there and start doing the
fucking dance. You do. I'm trying to be in the
next Marvel movie, Figgy. You know that's not going to

(01:30):
be at the Friends and Family screening? What the fuck
am I going there for that? Friends and I need
your opinion on on Let me ask you a question. Yes,
will anybody in the Star Wars or Marvel Universe or
DC universe be up in attendance? No, they are not

(01:51):
part of mine. I just learned that. I just learned
that some come up. It's only, um, you know, a
tight group of people that you know. You do this
for those of you not in the business, because, as
I've mentioned before, you you've only been two people sitting
in a room staring at a computer, my editor Dan Shawk,
and I and we need you need some new eyeballs.

(02:13):
You need people to say, hey, that's really working, or
hey this part is a bit slow, or hey this
part is moving as hell, or hey, I obviously it
goes without saying you see where there's humor, if people
laugh and all that stuff. So tonight I'm just I
have butterflies. I feel like it's it's a big day
for me because it's the very first time anyone other

(02:34):
than me and my editor and a few others will
will have seen it. But it's gonna be great. This
is this is a great opportunity too. Though. You're gonna
learn so much. Bro, You're gonna learn so much tonight. Yep.
And so look at it that way. I know you're
nervous and everything I know, but you're gonna learn everything.
You're gonna learn almost probably ninety five percent of everything

(02:59):
you need to know before this movie goes out. Yeah,
I'm gonna learn. These are great you know, these are
great helpful things. Also because it's such a friendly audience.
It's not like people coming with their arms folded. It's
people like, hey, we love you. That's right, yeah, right, yeah.
It's not an audience of people and being like okay,
go impress me. It's people being like, oh that mean
let me what what? What help could I possibly offer?

(03:20):
Zach insight on this and anyways, I'm very excited. The
other thing not to make this all about me, was
that I uh, as I mentioned to you, Cheaper by
the dozen is coming out March eighteenth on Disney Plus. Upause, Okay,
Thunders felt bad. I felt bad giving it for myself.

(03:42):
That's why we should give it back to Daniel, But okay,
it's another conversation. Get back into it about all right, listen,
so um cheaper by the dozen. I showed Donald and
Casey the trailer, which isn't out yet. I will you'll
be the first group of people I tell the second
the trailer drops, that's what the kids say. But I

(04:02):
showed Donald and Casey the uh, the the one that's
not released yet. And you know, they really are the
target demo because their parents with kids, and they loved it, right, Donald,
we did love it. Actually, we laughed out loud. Not
only did we laugh out out it was something that
you know, Rocco and Wilder are huge fans of their godfather,
uncle Zach, and so we put it on the big

(04:24):
screen and we watched the trailer on the big screen
and Rocco laughed out loud, really yeah, out loud, like
like oh like laughed and so thank yeah, you know
that right right there, that right there, I know we're
gonna be watching. I'm telling you, if you're a Scrubs fan,

(04:46):
there's definitely a bit of scrubsy overlap and uh, you'll
love it. And it's me and Gabrielle Union being parents
to ten children, of all different races, because the story
tells you why we have more than just the children
we have together, and we have an adopted child. It's
it's very complex, but you're gonna love it and your

(05:06):
kids will love it. And you know, I showed it
to a Mandaclutes too, and she said, this is so
great because there's so many things you put on for
a kid, and you're like, I would never want to
watch this with them. And then this is the kind
of thing where like Donald and Casey are cracking up
at the trailer, and so's Rocco. It's perfect. It's wonderful. You.
I mean, you got my endorsement, buddy, and you got

(05:26):
my kids endorsement. I had some good laughs on that show,
didn't dude. Yeah, well, yeah, of course, I don't want to.
I don't want to spoil it for all. It'll be
out soon, it'll be I mean, the movie comes out
March eighteenth, with the trailer must be coming on soon,
but yeah, March eighteenth, and I'm going on Ellen. I'm
going on Ellen whoa, which is weird because I haven't
fucking been on a talk show and I'm very rusty

(05:47):
with that. Well, now you do it. All you do.
You do a podcast? Man? You know, I know, but dude,
but pandemic wise, can you even think of that? I
can't even remember the last like go into a place
and be on a talk show thing I've done. It
was pre pandemic, pre apocalypse. You're actually going into eclipse? Yeah,

(06:09):
go in? Yeah, you come in there these days, right,
So you suit. I gotta worry about my yellow corduroy
suits because it's very unique and it feels like it's
like a mustard. You've seen it before, Yeah, I had it.
It's bespoke. I had it made in the United Kingdom. Wow,

(06:29):
that's actually that was actually made to fit you. Yes.
There's a famous cinemhotographer named Shamus McGarvey who I love.
He's a fucking genius and um and he often I
follow on Instagram and he's often posting himself in these
ridiculously unique, brightly colored corduroy suits and I'm like, those
are so amazing. So I slid into his d ms

(06:51):
about other things too, because I'm a I'm a super
fan of his. We talked about I talked about how
much I love his um, his work. Donald He's definitely
shot one of those events your movies. I think, so
you probably okay, I'm just IMDb M, I am now
and I am now engaged to go on anyway, I'm
making a very long story out of this. He said,
there's um this tailor in UK that's not insanely priced

(07:16):
and they're all custom made anyway, So that's I'm already
thinking about what I'm gonna wear on Ellen. Because it
won't air for a while, I think I tape it soon,
but it airs on Let's think seasonal now, Oh, let's
think seasonal because it's going to air around the premiere
of the show. Joel has done her research. Donald he
shot the original Avengers movie. That's one of my favorites.

(07:38):
It's a good one. There's there's a moment in that
movie that I used to this is this is how
old I am, and this is how old the Avengers
are is there was a moment where I used to
have to fast forward to that to all the time
just because it was I thought it was the coolest
thing in movie history at that point point. And that's

(08:01):
when Iron Man is over you know, start tower, and
he looks up and the whole the portal opens up
and he goes right invasion and he goes flying up
towards it like the hero he is, and freaking starts
taking out aliens as they come through. Oh sorry, demy
uh starts taking out extraterrestrials as they come through. Anyway,

(08:27):
So that's what's going on. Um, lots going on. And
it's a beautiful day in La right, guys. The sun
is out so rainy here, it's been so rainy and
it really is a beautiful, um day. This is why
we live here in winter, those of you who um
who don't Because there's oranges on the tree and it's
sunny out. It's beautiful. Let's get into it, then, nurses

(09:07):
so yadund Yet it's so weird to be watching Scrubs again.
I haven't watched this television show in a very long time.
In this episode has so much the introduction of the
legendary Elizabeth Banks. The introduction alone is two pages worth

(09:33):
of notes. EB came through. Yo, EB came through and
like changed a lot of things. That was like one
of those moments for at least for me. I don't
know about for you, but at least for me when
she came through where I was like, oh, Wow, a
movie star. We got another movie star in here, and
and it was somebody who I laughed at a lot,
and at that point in time had her finger on

(09:55):
the pulse of what was fire, what was hot, and
she chose to be on Grubs and so that was
kind of cool. Yes, And not only had she had
a good, thriving movie actress career going, but she came
on and she was great. Her whole arc on the
show was always so funny. She was always so humble
and cool and fun. And then she's gone on now
to become a major, huge producer and director and actress

(10:19):
still and she's just she's become a mogul. So she's
really an impressive human being because she's not one of
those people who said, Okay, I'll just wait and see
what part I get next. She like created an empire
for herself. And I'm really I'm really proud of our
old friend Elizabeth Banks. So am I. It's always refreshing
to see. Before the Apocalypse, I used to run into

(10:41):
her and it was always such a good It was
always nice, right, it was always good, right, always. Yeah,
she's a sweetheart. Anyway, she was very funny, but let's
get into it. Donald the janitor steals m the hot
doctor mannequin. Yes, for the for the matter. For the carpooling. Now,
I've seen people do this. They put some sort of
dummy and let me get this straight. You've witnessed actual someone. No,

(11:04):
I don't know that I've driven by it, but I've
seen like memes of people getting caught and stuff like that,
and I think it's very funny. They take that shit
seriously here in LA with that HOV lane. I don't
know if where you listener, if where you live, if
you if you have this um some of our audiences
in Europe, but you can only drive in certain lanes

(11:26):
on the highways if you're more than two people. It's
it's to try and get people to car pool. I
don't know if it's made any difference. No, I don't
think it. I don't. I don't like even the car
pool lane is packed in Los Angeles, man Like, it's
just they widen the highways and it's still packed. Well,

(11:46):
they added, now there's a lot of all people in
LA with electric cars, and if you have an electric
car or you're allowed into the HOV lane as well.
But do you think there's people that really actually commute
and go, hey, Bob, I'll pick pick somebody can use
the cho veling. I'm not trying to dan all Joel. No.

(12:06):
Even when I was poor, I was like, I'll take
the bus or something. Oh so wait, let me ask.
You wouldn't ask, Okay, So okay, that's a different story. Okay,
So me, as somebody who's driving, I've never volunteered to say,
you know what, I'll pick you up every day and
we can and we can car pool together. I've I've
had somebody ask me though, dude, listen, I cannot. Would

(12:31):
you be all right with no? We don't have we
don't have normal nine to five jobs. I guess what
I'm really talking about is like people that have a
standard schedule where they have to drive someplace and there's
a lot of traffic. Are they are people really going like, hey,
let's commute together so we can use the cho vling.
I don't know if if that's the thing. Again, even
when I was poor and was working at nine to five,

(12:51):
like it felt invasive to be like, hey, can you
take like an extra fifteen to twenty minutes out of
your day to like drive me around? Even if I
was giving them like gas money. No, I was like,
you can you can't even be like and the caveat
is will take the HOV lane because it's too r places.
There are places where where it and this may be

(13:12):
like you know Portland or something where there's like literally
like a line, like there'll be a line of people
waiting m and and and you just go and you
grab and you pick up some people and that allows
you to get in the HOV lane to get Wow.
I don't know where that is, Joel, see if you
can google where that is. But like I remember reading
an article about like someplace where it was so well organized,

(13:35):
where like there'd literally be like a line of people
and you would just go pick up your random HOV person.
I'd like to get into a I like to get
into a moment right now where I like, this is
called Donald's baked thoughts. Okay, there's somebody out there right
now that just was like Hov, I got my own lane,

(13:56):
my in curse, Holy Cow, Hope is the best rapper ever.
I'm just putting it out there. Someone out there just
picked that up baked baked thoughts with Okay, so your
big thoughts led you to what I'm assuming is a
jay z lyric. Yeah, hov, I got my own lane. Okay, Bars,

(14:16):
you know, can I talk about the contract you're sending
to me? Yeah, let's get into it. Okay. So look,
I am a very lucky man. I have finally cracked
a code somehow and am producing. I've created my own
television show, thank you very much. I don't know how

(14:41):
I did it, so it's like a blur, but I
did it right exactly. There was a lot of that involved. Anyway,
at the end of the show, there's these things called
tag like you know, you have your own personal tag
vand Bill Lawrences is the duzer one with the Charlotte
nos Charlotte going bye bye, but Charlotte going bye bye, right,

(15:04):
and other people have a great ones like you've seen
them after shows, after every show, like sit Ubu, Sit
Good Dog. What do they call the vanity cards or something?
I don't know. I don't know what they're called. But
I have been I have been asked if I have
one yes for the end of my show that I
created with Stupid Buddy Studio. Stupid Buddy Studios has one.

(15:26):
Adult Swim has one, and they've asked for mine. I
came up with the idea to ask my good old
buddy Zach Braff to for the rights too, for the
rights to get into Day. I'm so honest right there,

(15:48):
I am so honored. Wow. The funny thing is that
I go, yeah, for ten k, and then he FaceTime
me like, wait for real, I'm like, you think that
I would take a cent of your money for the
for my for my art. Now listen, if somebody else
came and saying, hey, we've heard the Days Shoot song,

(16:10):
we'd like to use it for the new Cheerios commercial.
They gotta give me that money. Then they have to
get then they have tokay, Yeah, they got to pay
that money. I'm so honored, Donald, And it means that
I really will make it to the end of all
of your episodes because I'll want to hear that yeah,
thank you. I knew I had to find a way
to I had to find a way to hook you. Now.
It's like, if I want them to freaking see everything

(16:31):
that I've created from here on out, I have to
somehow get them involved. I must use it from mine too, right.
I love that that'd be funny. Um, all right, So
Carla has insane mood swings. Um she real? Not? Is
that real? Like I know we're spoofing it a little
because it's a TV comedy, but she really she's that

(16:53):
first scene with you, she's crying and then she's sat
and then she wants to fuck. By the way, your
body looks fierce like Tay Diggs, you were in cliche,
I was working. I think that was the master. Clint dude.
You you did something right because I was. I'm not
saying it moved, but I'm saying it my my shaft
like it it just just shifted enough. No, it didn't.

(17:15):
There was no blood flow. It just kind of like
it was like a hiccup. It was like a hiccup.
It was as though it was as though my tip hiccuped.
Oh well, you know, if you if you if you pause,
if you pause, you can see outline. I paused, Oh
really just to check the speaking of which, not to
upstage you, but Robs fucking Bananomic in this episode. Did

(17:36):
you see the amount of bounced Joel? Not only was
it jiggling? Could it have like glitter? Didn't it like
sparkle too? It look like it looked like it springs.
It looked like it had springs, the springs and wings.
I don't think in five seasons of scrubs in that
banana hammock his dick has ever bounced as much as

(17:59):
it bounces, and you can see it just bouncing. Dude.
Can we get back on to this emotion? Can we
get back to my body and how fierce I looked? Listen?
I remember when my wife was pregnant with Rocco and Wilder.
She would laugh so hard that she would start to cry,
you know what I mean, and be like, well, what

(18:19):
are you crying? A bunch of no, I'm just so
but she would be laughing that it would turn to crying,
and I remembers the mood swings that we see in
movies with pregnant people. Is real, is what you're saying.
Oh my goodness, it's so real. But it's so beautiful too,
Like you know, Turk's patience with Carla is amazing because

(18:44):
he you know, he gets butt naked thinking that he's
gonna he's gonna have sex with his pregnant wife. But
the libido of a woman just stereotypically does increase, oh absolutely,
around one month. Does that happen? Do you recall after
they stopped puking. Okay, so post you know, maybe maybe
maybe second trimester. I'm guess, I guess. So, so as

(19:07):
soon as we can ask doctor Penis today. By the way,
do we have doctor Penis today? He is supposed to
be here. He confirmed this morning that I'm so excited. Fans,
we really wanted to give you a treat um because
you know, doctor Penis is a favorite, and we we
wanted to return to you after so long away with
with something golden like doctor Penis. Donald have you thought

(19:29):
about I was couldn't fall asleeplust line. It was legitimately
thinking about doctor Penis. I don't I don't ever have
to think about questions. I have so many questions. Okay
about Penis? Is all right? Well we should ask doctor
Penis because I'm sure it was covered in in neurologist school.
When a woman starts to get horny when she's pregnant,
it'd be funny if she could get pregnant again. Wait, well,

(19:51):
she's pregnant. I mean, I know, I'm not I know,
I know I can't can't happen, But it'd be funny
if there was just one another egg that was just
hanging out and it has happened before. It's a medical miracle.
But there are some women who have two uteruses. Again,
super rare, but it has happened before. Really. Yeah, I've

(20:12):
heard of the case where there was a case where
a woman had sex with a white man and the
egg was fertilized, and then within not a very long
amount of time, had sex with a black man and
miraculously another egg was fertilized and um, and she gave
birth to twins. One was white and almost black. Now,

(20:33):
I don't know if that's an old wives tale. No,
that's true too. Okay, google it, choell to make sure.
I'm wild. No, I will, but I'm one hundred percent
sure it's true that that husband who had quite a surprise,
that's just genetics. Well, no, no, I'm saying I think

(20:54):
we can infer from the story that either of those
two men, black or white, was cheated on um because
she well, maybe not. Maybe she was just a perfect
case I know of, as a white woman with a
black partner. She had twins. They look strikingly similar. I'll
send you a picture, but just genetically one, she said,

(21:18):
He said. He said, He's saying a young lady had
sex with a white male one day and then a
black male another day. No, not within days. It was
like it's like with like very as close as possible,
Like let's say it was an hour, okay, so maybe
they were doing a threesome or something on manage TOI

(21:39):
as they call it Leah French, this happened. They both went,
oh god, yeah, by the way, it could have been.
And ten months later she was like, yours and yours
child support. It could have been a threesome maybe, And
there were two eggs and they both ejaculated. We asked,
let's ask doctor about do you think it's possible that

(22:01):
they were Never mind, Joell, will you double you mean,
what do you call it? Double penetration? Exactly right, but
double penetration in the same in the same hole, not
one of those, not one of those hub And it
was like one of those moments where it was like,
if we can combine our strengths, yes, and they both
came at the same yes, and exaculate at the same time. Yeah.

(22:24):
That's a lot perhaps a lot of work at a
new breed of human no, not a new breed, this experiment.
And it's like, Joell, will you make a note to
ask doctor Penis about this, because I think it's important
this has happened. Dan, Daniel, are you googling? There's all

(22:45):
sorts of stories that are coming up there. Yes, Wait,
hold on, Daniel, are you in the dark web? Daniel?
Go to the dark Web? Daniel? You probably know how
to go to the dark Web, don't you? If I
don't need to talk about that, right you do. I
don't even how to get on the dark somebody would

(23:05):
like meet me on the dark Web, I'd be like,
where the fuck is the dark Web? Yeah, I'm not
a computer has dark Web. I don't want to trigger
all of our dark web listeners right now. But when
I say the words tour browser, someone is going yup, y'all. Well,
I don't know anything. I don't know what that's all right?
Get back to how funny it was that they put
Elizabeth Banks because of this wedding ring thing. So those

(23:27):
of you who haven't watched such a joke, it's such
a funny joke. JD can't see a woman when she
has a wedding ring on. So Elizabeth Banks, it turns out,
has been at the hospital all along, and JD just
never recognized her. Because she had a wedding ring on right, right.
And then we see gift shop girl who's all of
a sudden still there, right, and You're like, I thought

(23:50):
you died. I say, your parents flowers and she goes,
I know you bought them from me. But you know
what's so inappropriate? When Jad leaves that scene and they
all turn invisible again, I go out like groping all
the invisible trying to grope the invisible women. Yeah, dude,
this is very inappropriate, very different times in television. Well,

(24:13):
they were invisible, and I don't know that I struck
any of them, but he jd our Hero does attempt
to grab I like to think that they really didn't exist,
and that in some ways, you know, this is all
JD's imagination from the conversation that he had with Turkey. Right, Okay,
I'll take that. But it was very funny how they

(24:34):
put Elizabeth Banks into all those scenarios when I'm singing
Kung fu fighting and when and then they reveal her
in the in the in the opening credits, and she's like,
it's backwards. That's been bothering me for so long. You know,
I was wondering, why, why are they doing the old
credit sequence with the new credit. Uh sing, what is it? Audio?

(24:55):
I can't do this. It's a lot slower if you
look if you look at it. The only reason I
knew that Donald was because I went on scrubs Wiki
and they also caught that. Do you want men to
read it to you? It says sure. Um. This episode
includes a modified title sequence in which Kim steps in
and reverses the X ray As we said, this was
in response to criticism about the backwards X ray image,

(25:17):
because you know, doctors told us forever. The extended version
of the theme song Superman is the same as used
in the short lived longer opening attached to some early
season two episodes before all you fans revolted and said
get that ship off, that shit out of here. The
fans did not like that. They were like, get that

(25:38):
shit out of here, and Bill was like, all right, bet,
then how about this, I'm no Superman. Well, the honest
Superman thing started because it was like every year we
would get less and less screen time and more and
more ads. So then it was like ian it became
Superman because you'd rather have the screen time. The theme

(26:00):
song the good Superman Um all right, So Elizabeth Banks,
that was very funny. Todd's banana hammock bouncing. That was
very very bouncy. Um, what the hell was random? It's
like a shout out to grease. I guess so, but like,
what was the point and what was the point at

(26:21):
the end with the square situation? That was like a
pulp fiction called out. I don't know if you remember
in pulp fiction when no, yeah, sure and they showed
the square absolutely all right, we're gonna take a break
and we come back. I want to talk about how
when Elizabeth Banks draws the length of an average penis
and makes it very, very long, and she's trying to
make Jad feel stupid. You noticed that Turk is nodding, like, yep,

(26:43):
that's the correct size. All right, we'll be back, we'll
be right back, and we're bad back. So she's raw
is a giant penis and the patient nods and then

(27:04):
you see Turk nodding, and she really meanted to do
a joke on JD. And he runs out of the
room pissed off. But then he comes back and he,
without asking, the patient lifts up the blanket to examine
his penis and it is in fact, we're assuming a giant,
giant penis. Yes, I was wondering why JD had to

(27:29):
come back to make sure. I think j D probably
has insecurities about his penis size because as many men do,
because they hear about people like you in the real
world and they go, gosh, am I less. Then there's
only one person out there doesn't. Right, Well, there's only
one person out there who isn't insecure about his penis size,

(27:54):
and that's the dude with the biggest penis, you know
what I mean. Well, I'm sure there's men that are
in the adult industry that are feel pretty confident, and
I bet you any amount of money, there's always a
bigger Yeah. But but you know a lot of women
we can talk to Doctor Penis about this, um say,
a lot of that's bullshit. Yeah, you want it, you
don't want it to be too tiny, but you also

(28:16):
don't want it to be too too massive because it's painful.
A great questions for Doctor Penis. Joell, please be marking
some of these down, because I'm worried I'm going to
forget them when he's in front of us and I
get shy around him. This episode had a lot of
Penis talk in it. Yes, from this is a perfect

(28:37):
episode for doctor Penis to show up, all right, listen.
Richard Wells directed this, who was one of our first
assistant directors for many years, a wonderful man, and he
directed it and he went on to become our UPM
became the uniproduction manager, which is a money position, I
mean a money dealing with the money position, and M.
Garrett Donovan and Neil Goldman wrote it, who are very funny. Um.

(29:00):
The janitor comes over and grabs JD's pencil that's not
at the bencil hey, and I'm JD's like, what the
fuck is that? And he's like, it's part of my
stand up act and he go, I go Wendy performed,
and he goes, I'm at the giggle pit every morning
it's sun up. That's his slot. Now is anyone going

(29:22):
to the giggle pit as sun up? That's the real question.
But here we get the biggest look the reason this
episode is special for Donald and I. Um, it's not
the best episode ever, but it really really is an
important episode because he really gets some doctor You actually
see footage from footage from Doctor Yes, yes, not only

(29:44):
not only not only that, but there's there's rumor of
other footage that exists. Yes, yes, Now the poor the
poor film, which is already in production. Clearly is um
is being taped over by the janitor hes loaded with it. Yes,
he So told you he's camera and he's been uploading
a scene where doctor Acula delivers a baby and then

(30:07):
eats it onto the hospital's website. So we know that
there's lots of other scenes that have been documented. Yes,
those that's the rumored scenes. But we finally get to see. Yes,
and not only do we see what we see takes,
we see takes. Actually we don't see see the scene.
We see different takes. That's when he catches Kelso um

(30:30):
beating up his van and he and they go to
watch the video tabment and Kels is like, what the
hell is this? Oh my god? Okay, after you finished this,
we skipped something though. We can get go back. We
can go back. I just jumped there, right, we can
go back. Okay, So look, we skipped the fact that
doctor Dad was a fake fucking play. It wasn't real.

(30:54):
Doctor Dad was fake. It was a front dude. Yes,
doctor Dad. We learned that Kelso's son's musical was a front.
We know what was called Doctor Dad, and that his
Kelso's son. For those of you who don't recall, it's
been a lot while Um was in the musical doctors

(31:16):
lead and he was sleeping with the actor playing Yes,
doctor Dad, Kelso. Yes, now we're hearing, now we're hearing
from Kelso that that was all a ruse. In fact,
Doctor Dad was never in production. It was a metalab right,
And he's fled to Canada and the fucking Mounties are

(31:37):
involved right now? The sorry says I didn't know the
Mounties got involved with anything, to be honest with you.
The Mounties are their cops, right, Canadian police, right, Daniel, Joel, No,
they have police. There are police officers. What's the difference
between a Mountie Maybe it's like their their federal police.
What's there from a Mountie and a national Oh yeah,

(31:59):
it's there, like bi, I guess the Mounties are. I'm
guessing right. I mean it's a little policing to national security.
It's not the guys and the horses, Donald and stuff. No,
the red guys on the horses, Joel, there's the red
guys on the horses. I know, but sometimes I watch

(32:20):
I'm watching a show Search Party where where they had
mounties and they weren't The guy didn't show up on
horseback in a red out that's uniform Search Party inaccurate,
that is I was. I was going to echo Joel
sentiment right there. That seems to be like their their
dropper uniform, their DRIs. It sounds like to me, Search
Party needs to work on that budget because they're lacking.

(32:41):
It would be so much it would be much better
if the guys showed up in the woods with the
red jacket and the hat. I honestly thought. I honestly
thought until recently, I guess probably the old Search Party
that that the mounties were all on horses in red jackets.

(33:01):
I mean, but what you're saying is that's just their
dress uniform. When they're doing their day to day they
are normally dressed. Now does their uniform always come with
a horse? All right? Anyway, so the Mounties are involved

(33:23):
in searching for Kelso's son. JD apparently uses expressions when
he's turned on by a woman like turtle's wink and
porcupine's hiccup. We haven't had that before. But then all
of a sudden j D now fantasizes about doctor acculas
this was a very heavy doctor Acculus. Yes, well, I
think I think it's safe to say that Neil and
Garrett were fans of the doctor Acculus storyline, because they

(33:44):
probably should hit up Niel and Garrett to right by
the way, I ran into Tim Hobert. Tim Hobert is
wonderful for those of you who wouldn't possibly know, he
was one of our main writers on the show, and
he left us to go run the middle. I believe no.
I thought he went on to psych after us. I
don't know. He's a big writer. He did. He was

(34:05):
the showrunner on the Mill for a while. And but
the point is I ran into him and he said
he loves the podcast. Can he please come on? Ye? Absolutely,
you can come on. So, Joel, I need you to
reach out to him, can you, Joel, you have Bill's
assistance number right? Oh? You know I already emailed her.
All right, go through her and say we need Tim

(34:26):
Hobert's cell phone, and let's book him because he is
a genuine fan of the podcast, and he'd be great
to have on because he's a he's a hilarious comedy
writer with lots of stories and his wife on a
clear day, as his wife saying, on a clear day,
I can see the very long way. So, yeah, we

(34:55):
have this fantasy where I bite Elizabeth and it goes
into full sort of windy vampire movie spinning effect, and
then it cuts out of the fantasy and I go,
vampires like it windy? I don't know. I guess when
you show vampire scenes, if you think about it, I
don't really watch vampire movies. It is often windy, right,

(35:18):
it is? That's true? Well, you're very good with pop culture. Yeah,
vampire films, don't you feel that wind is often used heavily?
You gotta be throwing that hair if they're gonna be
gorgeous eternally young creatures. They need the Beyonce fan to
really get that hair going. It's usually the virgin vampires
that are the ones that come with the white outfits

(35:38):
that they've just been turned, that are freaking full of
hair flowing in the wind. You're after? Do you remember that?
What was that movie? Lost Boys? Donald? Did you like
Lost Boys? Are you kidding me? Who didn't like Lost Boys?
I don't think I've ever seen Lost Boys? Are you
kidding me right now, I shout I was a favorite
of my sisters. You know, she had movie He's on

(36:00):
cassette that she would tape movies off TV on vhs
and then watch them over and over and over and
over again. And lost shall nut kid dude Girard wrote that, man,
I worked with that dude, the dude that wrote that
song later on in life, when I was I just
graduated high school. Me I was in a music group.

(36:23):
We were a boy band, and the dude who wrote
that song took us in and tried to develop us
into a big into like an act. And this was
right around the time Clueless was coming out, and I
chose to do Clueless instead of doing the boy band thing,
and and the rest is history. But the dude that

(36:43):
sang that song, dow shalt not for cry as sister
now shall him? He shout out to Girard, you know,
dude for real, right well, shout out to Girard. But
also the Lost Boys, Doctor Boys. If you like I
guess it's an eighties vampire movie. And if you're a
fan of the Corries, yes, both Cories are in it. Yes,

(37:05):
if you're old enough to know who Corey Haim and
Corey Feldman Feldman are Um, it's a double Corey movie.
The coreries made a lot of films together. License to
Drive it was a genre. Do you know who's you
know who's in License to Drive? Though? Right? Heather Graham?
Heather Graham Graham, Yes, Um, all right, let's get back

(37:26):
to the show scrubs. Donald Um, what about Oh this
is one one of my favorites. J D lines Ever Relax,
brown Bear, there's no shame in crime axing? Yes, So
what's that about? I guess you come and excuse me.
I guess you ejaculate and then cry? Did you just
excuse yourself for saying come? I didn't know if I

(37:47):
should say come? But did I have I said come
before on the show? I don't know, but I don't
see a problem with it. Well, my heart, I don't
want I heart to think like I'm like, what are
you talking about about? The show's already marked explicit? So
you're all right, Well, let's ask doctor Penis if it's
okay to use the word come. Yeah, Well it's I
just I think come and cry sounds better than ejaculating. Cry. Okay,

(38:11):
So apparently Turk will very often. It's this very often,
or once in a while, Will We'll cry after he ejaculates.
He's a CNC kind of guy. Have you ever cried
after sex? Donald? No, I can't say that I have either. No.
I would ask these two, but I'm worried that in

(38:32):
the iheartum employee small prints, I'm not allowed to ask them. Well,
I'm gonna say this. I have joked with Casey and
been like, after we've had tex, be like, and now
we're gonna have a baby. I pretended to cry, but
you know, but never never have I ever? Okay, well,
if it listen. The point is is, if you are
someone who weeps after orgasming, JD's here to tell you

(38:55):
that there's no shame in crime. Actually, that would be
a great ring tone, Joel, there's no shame crime Act.
So almost like there's no crying in baseball, there's no
shame in crimax. There's no crying in baseball, there's no
shame in crimax thing. There's no shame in crime axing. Yo.

(39:22):
So this is one of Bill's favorite jokes ever, obviously,
but that the carpet's wet in the lobby. Yeah, I
think this started with Neil Neil when Neil was on
and we got a book Neil again, Duell. That's another
fan favorite. We got to have him back, and I'm
sure it'll come back. But Neil once said that a
director told him to just mop there, and he said,

(39:42):
why would I be mopping here? It's carpet. And I
think everyone found that so funny that I believe the
writers wrote it in to script because I started writing down,
why is he mopping carpet? And and and then we
made a whole joke out of him to joke out
of it. Yeah, this is one of bill favorite jokes.
So the janitor has gone to Kelsell's house and Kelsell says,

(40:05):
I'm not afraid of you. I don't think you'd steal
my money. And then the janitor returns wearing a very
long leather jacket french coat, very much like the terminator.
Yes it's nice and it seems expensive. Yes, layers, layers
upon layers. Now we also learned that when when we
almost see Enid but we don't see Enid, we just

(40:27):
see her wheelchair, and we learned we learned that that
she's got a new pants suit. So the implication, let
me just go through with this implies the janitor. She's
a she's a she's a she's a paraplegic. So she
So the janitor not only sized her up, took money,

(40:48):
went and bought a pant suit, and then helped her
get into it. Yeah, he had to. He had to
addressed her too. Yes, he addressed her, He dressed her yes, yes,
and then put him back in the chair. Yes. You
went and bought a leather coat, I got ENID sizes. Yeah,

(41:12):
came back yes, change her outfit yes, put her back
in the chair. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh man, this
show is so fucking twisted nuts. Now, your first line
in Doctor Acula before they ruin it and tape over
it is you ain't taken no blood from my whole

(41:34):
stop in hand, right, Yes, this had to be like
this had to be something like from Hollywood Shuffle or
something like that. Man. Yeah, we were clearly I mean,
it was clearly influenced by Hollywood Shuffle. But if you
haven't swatty all of that stuff, if you haven't seen
Allywod Shuffle, we've recommended it before. But if you have

(41:55):
seen Allywood Shuffle, this whole thing is clearly influenced by Hollywood.
Absolute absolutely so, I say, for the last time, turk Blacker.
And then you see that the fucking camera goes static
and the tripod gets knocked over, and when it comes
back on, Donald is now shirtless, shirtless with the afro

(42:20):
wig wig on, No, no without the afrowik, shirtless without
half but I and the yellow jumpsuit. Now I'm shirtless
with the teeth. You know. I've seen this as a
picture online and we've posted it because it's just such
a funny image. But watching that was hysterical. It really was.

(42:47):
Jad is not a very good director if his only
note is for the last time Blacker. Yeah, now this
at this point, we're both single at this point and
so and we're about to go into the summer. I
honestly thought at the end of the season, this is five, right.
This is when the network started getting real tricky with

(43:08):
us about what they wanted to do for the next season.
And I remember us sweating around this time, wondering that
if it was going to be over and not. There's
a whole story line we haven't talked about, which is
Sarah wants to dump Keith because she thinks he's whimpy
and doesn't stand up for her, and then Judy snaps
at her and Keith defends her, and I assumed as

(43:29):
an audience member that Carla was doing that on purpose
to try and keep her with Keith, but then we
learned that no, she just she snapped. She snapped because
she's got the pregnancy temper right now. Yeah, yeah, it
just it all worked out for the best, as a
lot of sitcoms do. I guess, um, but Todd notices

(43:51):
two ants doing it on the F button of the computer.
That was okay, and and he thinks they're they're girls. Yeah,
I could have sworn, he said. And I could have
sworn they were girls. They were two girls. So this
comes from she leaves So Elliott leaves, uh something. What

(44:12):
does she leave out for pancakes? Was it pancakes? Yeah,
she left pants. She was trying to like meet Carlo,
like her or something because they got into an argument,
so she was trying to make amends and she leaves
pancakes out by her computer. But they bring ants, which
the ants, they attract ants all over her keyboard and

(44:34):
then the Todd says, there's two of them doing it
on the F button. And at first I could have
sworn they were two girls. So stupid, that's so stupid. Um.
I wanted to say that the Scrubs wiki has a
little bit of a bone to pick with the whole

(44:54):
wedding ring thing. JD's quote not being able to see
married women on quote rule doesn't quite add up because
he can still see Carla after she got married tasty
Comba wife. While it could be argued that he can
still see her because he knew her before she was married,
that wouldn't explain why he couldn't see gift shop girl

(45:17):
after she got married. Well, I don't understand he saw
Tastycomba wife. He saw all of these other Okay, well, listen,
we don't hold fast and true to all the rules
of the show. But I just wanted to point out
that someone at Scrubs Wicky I don't know if it
was Trevor or one of his minions. Notice, Okay, so

(45:37):
why does j D feel it's his business to read
Kim at the end of the show, Like, like, what
makes what gives JD the right to do that to her?
As a matter of fact, I think Jad didn't know
this thing, which I'm assuming is real because Scrubs was
known as one of the most medically accurate shows ever

(45:58):
to be made. We've been told that surgeons, young surgeons
in particular, try and avoid risky operations because it will
fuck up their stats as a perfect surgeon, and it
will prevent them inhibit them from getting hired a bigger
and better places. I'm assuming that's a real thing. We

(46:19):
can ask doctor Penis, but um so JD I think
learns that it would be bizarre that he wouldn't have
heard of that before. But he sort of learns that
that's a thing, and it is very disappointed in her,
particularly because he's attracted to her and thinks that she's
such a catch. But then he realizes that, oh, you're
you're seriously not going to operate on that man, because

(46:42):
it's risky and could affect your stats. Like he's like,
you're and you're hiding out. I've been told you're hiding
out with your wedding ring on and you've been divorced
for a long time. And he just sort of calls
around on He takes a risk to try and call
a out on all her bullshit. That is a risk
because that's not a his damn business too. But he's
gotta on the lose, he's got the lose. He likes her. Yeah,

(47:03):
and it pays off too, I guess in the end.
But I cou I couldn't see myself doing that, you
know what I mean, Like I couldn't see myself in
like Joel, I'm gonna tall you something right now. I
figured you out and bam in your face, walk off.
It's one of those ruthless readings that winds up being
it's but it's also just so honest. It's like, why

(47:24):
are you you seem like really cool? Why are you
hiding yourself? Like why are you not going the distance
and really trying to like help people? Why did you
get into this field in the first place. Why haven't
you taken your wedding ring off? Like it is? It's
super brutal, and I think could have backfired. But I
also think like when you're really but when you're really
interested in a person, like you want them to be
their best self, right, and I think that you know

(47:46):
you called he went all in. He went all in.
It's like in poker, Donald he went all in. He's like,
I'm just gonna say this. It might explode everything, but
I'm gonna give it a try. Yeah, that's a that
was a very bold move JD took. JD. That was
a very bold move JD made because I don't know
that I don't I don't know that I could do

(48:06):
that in real life, where I could just be like,
you know what, I'm gonna just tell you about yourself
real quick. I'm sure you've done that in your life.
Have you never gone to someone? I guess you're saying
it's a virtual stranger, which is different. I'm sure people
in your life you've gone. All right, listen, you need
to hear this obviously. Absolutely you're saying that, the fact
that it's a stranger. Yeah, dude, you didn't know who

(48:29):
she was until she took her wedding ring off, right.
I thought that was sweet how she took it off
and put it in the middle of the table. I
was that was I thought that was romantic. Yeah, I
think I think it. Uh. I think it's the beginning
of how I met your mother too. What do you mean, well,
she goes on spoiler alert, she goes on to have

(48:50):
your first kids, first kid. Yeah, and we don't even
have as you recall, intercourse. I believe that I ejaculate
prematurely next to her beside her uh volva, clearly, clearly,
clearly it was in the area of no. Do you

(49:11):
remember there's this whole monologue where yeah, where it was,
you know, it's all like war analogy where it was
like there was friendly fire and the fire it's coming up. Well, well,
obviously no pun intend that it's coming up. But I
remember that the point is is that and this must
be something that can happen, because again, why would they

(49:34):
put in the show? But he ejaculated prematurely on the
exterior of before before penetration. Yes, on the exterior of
the of the vagina, which all technically what's called the volva.
I thank you for that. And um, and we can

(49:54):
ask doctor Penius if I'm right that that's called the volva.
And and she still got pregnant. So JD never even
to have sex with there, right, No, he did not.
I don't recall if it was their first time, first
and only time about to have sex, or did they
have a sex life. I don't think they ever had
a sex life. I think she left before, remember Joel,

(50:15):
or don't recall. We're gonna get there. I'm sure there's
lots of fans listening who know all the details better
than they're yelling at. Yes, yes, a lot of times, assholes.
He spoke too much weed. Stop smoking with Donald? Yeah, Donald, Um,

(50:35):
all right, we're gonna go to break and when we
come back, we'll have doctor Penis who will answer all
sorts of penis and vol questions for us. We'll be
right back. Oh yeah, and we're back. We're back, We're back,
We're back now. Oh here he is, here he is.

(50:57):
Let's play the get the song about the guests. An,
I don't forget that song. We go. We can talk
somehow dude, you know, like about smoke, some jazz, maybe
talking about the episode. So come on, let's get this show.

(51:18):
And here he is, doctor Brick. Yeah. Oh, I was
so nervous because I sucked it up so many times
last time. You're on now, doctor Brick. Do you mind
if we call you doctor Penis because that's sort of
how we branded you on the show. Yeah? No, no,
I love it. I love it. Okay. Did you get
a lot of good feedback from your appearance the first time?

(51:39):
I did. I think all my friends and family really
liked it. Was it was crazy. I got some random
texts from some doctors that I knew that were like, oh,
I'm big, Like I've listened to the Scrubs podcast and
all of a sudden they're talking about this guy and
he sounds and it's you, and I'm like, so it was,
it was, it was pretty cool. Well, doctor Brick, we'd
really want to make you a regular set segment on

(52:00):
the show because Donald and I often have penis questions
and they're just just an infinite number of penis questions,
right Donald, they just well it just goes on forever. Yeah,
I know you're saying in the other day that, um,
can you have too much penis? And I I don't
think you can, Like, like you know, I I to
Zach told you, I told you no sing well no, wait,

(52:24):
calm down. I've seen, accidentally, I have seen some videos
on the Internet where it accidentally where it appears that
the gentleman can't the woman can't accommodate the full length
of the man. The gentleman can't know the woman cannot
accommodate the man's full gift. And I wonder, um, if

(52:47):
that's if that's come up in your practice, if any
patients have have said doctor, what do we do in
this situation? Um, I haven't seen it. I was actually
I I I've seen that in a Niptuck episode for
but um, there was one of my staff told me
that he heard that once of one person that came
that was complaining that his penis was was too big.

(53:09):
What do you want to do? Are there people that
get penis? Like you see? We see billboards out here
in LA and and and actually that it doesn't exist.
There's no way you can. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He
was in New Jersey. I saw a billboard for breast reduction,
and I wondered if if there was such a thing
as penis reduction, as anyone ever said, I bet you
can cut it off, But I bet you can't make

(53:30):
it grow. Dude, there's no way cut it down. Can't
make it grow? No, no, I let the doctor answer, doctor,
penis can't. The only time we would actually like really
cut it down is if someone has like like cancer
of the penis, and then you need to cut it
um and can still be functioning. So you're saying you, you, you, you, you,
you'd cut off the cancerous part, the tumor or whatever. Yeah,

(53:53):
But then the but the penis can still function. Yeah,
and you can kind of create use some like a
skin flap and you can to create what looks like
the head of the penis. And if there's for peeing,
it can definitely still function. And for intercourse, um, I
mean it's still sensitive. I don't know. I don't know
how how functional be. I guess it depends if you
can still achieve an erection, now, doctor Penis. One thing

(54:16):
I wanted to ask you was when we were kids
growing up, their Reebok did this campaign where there was
a pump pump, pump, pump pump it remember those Donalds
And I don't know why no sneaker brand has gone
back to this because it was jeez, I don't know why.
And then Nike had their own version, but it wasn't
as cool. Do you remember it was in the time

(54:40):
those of you were too those pump wasn't pump was
in the tongue everybody I had him, I had him.
Did you have what was the purpose? What we say
it would make? It was like it was like it
would tighten the air air pumps in there and it
would it would tighten the ankle around her. And the
campaign was pump, pump, pump, pump, pump it up. Now,
can you do that with japenis? Yeah, I know. What

(55:00):
I'm saying is my question is for you, aren't there
some men who have a rectile dysfunction in a medical way,
not a mental mental way, And isn't there something where
they can it's nearby where they can pump, pump, pump
it up? Tell us about that. So yeah, no, that's
like the one of the final steps. Or I mean

(55:20):
some people do it quickly when they have erectile dysfunction
and they either can't tolerate medications or the medications aren't working,
or they don't want to take viagro that kind of thing.
There's also injections you can do, and it's a surgery
where you in the two erectile bodies that cause the
erections are essentially balloons that fill with blood. We put
in cylinders that can fill with fluid and cause an erection,

(55:44):
and so the fluid there's a little reservoir that we
put in kind of like behind the pubic bone, and
that's filled with salt water essentially, and there's a tube
that goes to a pump that we put in the scrotum,
So it's it's you could say, you know, it's it's
similar size as your testicle, So you essentially have another
kind of what a woman? What a woman? If a

(56:06):
man was doing this, um, could he feasibly hide this
from a partner and her not know that he was Pump, pump, pump, pump,
pump it up. Um, that is a good question. It's
I mean, your hand. You will never get an erection normally,
so you always like, once you have this, your only
way you can get an direction is with the pump.

(56:28):
So like if you are doing you know, if you're
fooling around what and what have you, and then you
you're pumping it up on your own and the woman
is not paying attention. Maybe, but um, woman is familiar
with what a penis feels like, then they're they're not
gonna Can you pump it up just to pump it
up even if you don't have but even if you

(56:49):
don't have like erect out this function, can't you just
be like, I'm just gonna pump this bad way one
of those if you don't have erected out this function,
well you don't get there. You don't get the salt
water and everything, but you get like a penis pump
and pump, oh that kind of thing. Yeah, it's funny
that you're asking that because for like a secrets anything.
One of my friends got another one a penis pump,

(57:09):
and in urology, you that's another thing you can use
for like it's a vacuum device that kind of like
you pump to like bring more blood into the penis.
And you know, what, what what what? What website to you?
If I thought, I mean you want mean, no, no, no,
you just just google it, you know, if I'll have

(57:31):
Joel Joel's Google's sorry already so fucked up. We put
all that shit on her Google. If I had a
relationship with a website, I would, I would, I would
tout them. But you could probably find it on any website,
but we recommend and it's in a vacuum a vacuum
rectile device that you essentially, I'm like trying to show it.
You don't see my lower area. You put it kind
of over the penis and it kind of like suctions

(57:53):
down around the base of the penis. You pump, pump, pump,
and it essentially creates that pressure that brings more blood
to the penis and then you put a ring over
the base of the penis, essentially hold blood in there.
I think people probably do it to achieve maybe more
rigidity if they're not happy with what they are, or

(58:14):
but other people use it for, you know, as a
management of their own or do you think that this
is a question I wanted to ask you. Like sealis
and viagra, they were invented for people function and senior
citizens cannot enjoy sex life much later in life, which
is great. Um, do you think that more people who
are younger should experiment with it because they might say, hey,

(58:36):
I've always had like a seventy nine percent hard on,
but then you try the medicine, all of a sudden
you've got this like fucking glass fun. Yeah, and you're like, oh,
I never knew I could have a fucking thor's hammer. Yeah. No,
it's that's a good question. I think that What are

(58:56):
your thoughts on that? I think younger people? Yeah? And
is it safe? Also, that's the problem. Well, no, it's
not necessarily always let doctor penis, and again you don't
know if you're getting it from like the black market
or a drug dealer, Probably not safe. I think that
from for people who have maybe issues with directions from
a psychological perspective, which is a totally reasonable issue that

(59:20):
many men have. And I think it's becoming probably possibly
even maybe more aware or maybe a bigger issue unclear
um taking or being prescribed. You know, a medication like
vigor sialis that kind of thing um can first help
your erections as needed and and then can also then
looost your confidence that hopefully you can then potentially achieve erections.

(59:41):
It's like a mind for a lot of people don't realize.
I'm guessing is that you know you hear about viagara
and say, allis it's been a joke for so long, oh,
senior citizens or or people with a medical problem. You know,
people don't know that it's often overcoming a mental issue
where they've gotten in their head. It's like and then no, no, no, no, no,
it actually does work. But it sounds like what he's

(01:00:02):
saying is there's a lot of people who they can't
get in direction and it's not a physical problem. It's
they're in their head. They have they have performance anxiety.
It's like then what he called it a vicious cycle,
vicious cycle, and what he's saying is those people can
get their confidence back with the viagra or say Alice
and then be able to tiptoe off of it lower
and lower doses. Right possibly, Yeah, And I mean obviously

(01:00:25):
you know, if you're if there are those issues, seeing
a psychologist who specialize in sex therapy kind of thing
could also be helpful. Um, but eurologist works off in
hand to hand. Yeah. I mean, I don't want people
people who are listening to this and going, oh, that
might be something from you look into. They should They
can just talk to their urologists or their doctor about it, right.
They don't have to go to you know, they don't
have to You don't have to fail. But you can
definitely find these kind of meds I've I mean I've

(01:00:47):
heard from drug dealers or I mean those things that
you see and like you don't find that have like, oh,
will boost your erections kind of thing. Those honestly probably
have some dose of the medication that are made that
don't even know how it's manufactured. So probably not the
healthiest way to go about it. No, I don't do
it that way. To talk to your doctor about it.
If you've got a penis problem, talk to your doctor

(01:01:08):
here at fake doctors are advices. Don't buy the gas station. Shit, No, there,
I saw, I saw a study. They even those medications
have the generic forms of viagran salis and you know
those medic the viagra sales, those kind of things can
interact with other meds that you're taking. You might if
you're ready taking it, you may have two high of

(01:01:29):
a dose. So it's it's not regulated. That's that's that's
the biggest problem. Got it. Um, So it's not advised
to take you don't need it. Um, yeah, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't take it if you don't need it. But also, um,
last time, you use the term for the amount of

(01:01:50):
the time before you can go again? No, no, no,
when the amount of time before you can go again?
What's that? Oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm your term was
like your reset the something I forgot. Anyway, the point
is is that it also enables you to be right
back at it. M hm oh, Donald, I imagine you

(01:02:10):
don't have that problem. But some men, some men might
have a problem where they they would love to go
again and they need a reset time fractory period, refractory
period factory. Remember that from our first lesson with doctors.
You get older, you're a fractory period actually gets longer.
So if that medication is helping you in your there
you go. So let's say you're a let's say Donald case.

(01:02:32):
He's like and um, and you're like, oh, that turned
me on. I wish I could go again and I
had a sort a shorter refractory period, then then the
medicine would be right for you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, when
you're a teenager, you could probably just you know, go
over and overall over. Yeah, I remember, I remember when
you're a teenager. You're like, what about when your forty

(01:02:53):
uh seven? Yeah, but you're a rare case. You're either case.
There's nothing wrong with that, right, Like, this is what
I fear. This is what I fear, and I'm gonna
be honest with you right now. This is what I fear.
I have a libido that's like through the roof right now.
I fear that one day out of nowhere, that shit
just goes away. I don't see it happening. Okay, I

(01:03:15):
don't know anyone doctor with of any age. Well I'm
discounting teenagers who are going through puberty, but who has
the libido that this forty seven year old man has,
and I just uh mozeltov to him. But I don't
think you should feel any shame or weirdness about it.
I don't feel any shame about it. I just worry that, Yeah.

(01:03:38):
I just think you should be ready that you'll have
it in forty years from now when you're eighty seven
or word like, I'm gonna keep it one hundred. My grandfather, man,
he's ninety something right now, dude. I remember, so he
came out here to La when he was in his
late seventies, right, and he came out to visit me.

(01:03:59):
I was in my twin or something like that, my
late my mid twenties, I was, And he came out
and I took him all around scrubs was happening already.
I took him all around Hollywood. I took him to
the club, I took him to the strip club. I
took him like everywhere. My grandfather, my eight almost eighty something,
your old grandfather, right, And I remember being like, I

(01:04:20):
remember being like grandpa, does any you know? We went
out one night and somebody was dancing on him and everything,
and he was having a good old time, and I
was like, Grandpa, did you feel any of this? He
was like, oh boy. And I was like, wait, grandpa,

(01:04:41):
you don't want to hear from your grandpa. Listen. I
don't know, man, Most old people that I know they're like,
it's been a few years. No. I mean there's there
there's studies about like testosterone levels kind of slowly decreasing
as you get older, and I think that's where the
mindset is from. But first of all, if you're actually
of an age where your testosterone is low, but and
that's your symptom that you're libidos though, and you want

(01:05:02):
your libido to come back to what it was, there
are tests, you can get testosterone treatment, which honestly is
a whole other topic for misuse of testosterone in people,
But it's testosterone the key thing that's affecting libio. I mean,
it's probably a number of things. I think that's kind
of what a lot of people hold their head on. Um.
It could be other health related issues as people get older,

(01:05:23):
they just have heart, lung, you know, all all kinds
of other issues that can kind of just make you
less interested. Um, But I mean I think on the whole,
you know, as men and women it's not just men,
Like your libido can remain unchanged, and you could and
both genders can. Well, I'm sure somewhere Casey's in the

(01:05:45):
other room praying that it eventually goes down. No, I
don't know that she's praying that it eventually goes down.
But I definitely, I definitely. You know, like I was told,
you know, you you hear all of these stories. You
hear the story that as men get older, their libidos
go away, and as women get older, their libido increases,

(01:06:05):
and you know, yeah, I find that to not be
true so yetally totally in Donald's situation, that doesn't need
to be true. Yeah, I think, all right, let's try
a new question. Um, is it possible? There are some
internet stories where a woman had sex with two different men,

(01:06:27):
one was white and one was black, very close together.
Perhaps it was a threesome, whatever, there were two eggs
in the chamber, if you will, and she got pregnant
with twins and one was white and one black. Is
that is that feasible? I could? I remember my wife
telling me this story of something. I could not believe it,
and I've I've never seen it in real life. I

(01:06:49):
saw it on like a weird but strange but true
in your post kind of kind of deal there you strange, Yeah,
but um, yeah, I've seen I've I've read it, but
I don't. I wish we could, like, is there like
why can't this happen? My question is why can't this happen?
Is there like a freaking Hunger Games event inside the uterus?

(01:07:11):
The first fighting? No, I'm in this one, you can't,
you know what I mean? Like, how does so? Because
normally women when they ovulate, they ovulate one egg that
goes into their uterus, and when you ejaculate sperm its
millions of sperm, no doubt, right, and so this so
this it's kind of maybe more maybe more ye feelings

(01:07:38):
but no, but then it's survival of the fittest. The
sperm gets into the Yeah, but sometimes there's twins. But
sometimes there's twins though, right, well, we were saying, I know,
but what we were saying is what if the two
dudes combine their strength together. He's implying, he's implying if

(01:07:59):
it was a double tub penetratuation and they both time
at the same time there, and they time their ejaculation
at the same time, and hid one three two one,
and they both fights serendipitous two eggs in there, bam bam, clearly,

(01:08:25):
clearly it's possible. It's just like super duper rare because
we could do it because you'd have to have ovulated
to eggs, like I said, which already is not common.
And but sometimes sometimes sometimes to finish photo last thing,
sometimes two sperms can penetrate one egg. Though no, then
that act so right when the one sperm penetrates the egg,

(01:08:47):
the egg kind of has forms a reaction that it
doesn't allow. It's like a like a four seal. It
doesn't have any other sperm to hit it. So that's
why so different from and and and uh and maternal
identical maternal and identical. No, but that's that's that's later.
That's to get identical twins is when the embryo kind

(01:09:08):
of splits into two and creates that someone with twins.
You should find on that. Okay, here we go, Um,
we have another I don't know much, Okay, I love you.
The word come is that something that is ever said
in the medical community or is that a word that
should not be Is that sort of slang? And do
you use words in your office, like ejaculate or do

(01:09:30):
you ever say empty empty? Do you ever find yourself
like talking to a patient and being like so when
you bust your next nut? Or do you or do
you have to keep it serious? And that that is
a good question, and that's I think that's why why
training is so long, because I in my mind, you
need to actively think about what the correct terms are

(01:09:53):
that are respectful for the patient. First of all, right,
it's not just with sex, right, I mean it's like
anything um where you want to use respectful terms to
not well, what if they come out do you read
the room? Like what if they called me? Say? What
if they come into like doc? Every time I bust
the nut, I cannot then be like I would use

(01:10:15):
on professional terms. Is when like my friends are calling
me asking me yea erology or sex things, then I'll
be like, then I'll say, I think I can be
a little less professional. I don't want I don't even
want to. Hyeah, it sounds like sounds weird, but I
do think it's funny though, if you matched like you
have some nerdy guy coming like, yeah, I'm having some
ejaculation issues and then you address them and then I'm

(01:10:37):
Donald coming. Yeah, when I'm what does it mean when
fire shoot out my dick? Let me get Let me
get this straight. You're getting a burning sensation every time
you ejaculate. No, Doc, fire shoots out my dick. This
should be yours. I would burst the flames shoots out
my dick every time I peek, can't. I would watch

(01:10:57):
the stop motion video of that character Alabama. Jackson's probably
gonna get some sort of porn made into it. Oh
please God, Yes, thank you for a shout out, Doctor Penis.
Thank you for a shout out. Um. Do you have
any other questions for doctor Brick Donald while we have him?
I have several questions, Dannel. Do you have any questions
for Doctor Bricker? But I want to save it for

(01:11:19):
next time. Dan. Come on, Daniel, you don't have to
be shy. It feels like you're really you're You're like
in the fetal position. Are we embarrassing you in front
of Doctor Brick? You're a part of this show too,
unlike when you're doing The New Girl. Yeah, I know
this isn't gonna be on The New Girl. When you
do that podcast, they're probably not going to have Doctor
Penis and they're not going to ask you questions either,
so you know, take this, take advantage of it, but none.

(01:11:40):
Since Joel's the producer, they'll probably copy us. And now
here's doctor Vagina. Oh well, first off, shout out doctor
Brick on that awesome sweatshirt you are wearing. Thank you
so much for the brand. Thank you so much. And
while you're in the house, doctor Brick is wearing a
mercer but he has an NYU and I'm wrapping my

(01:12:01):
ny I am we're wearing my Northwestern shirt college. Um.
I didn't go to college. Sorry, um, Joel, do you
have any questions from a female point of view for
for an expert like this? I will think of some
for next time questions. All right, doctor, my wife had
a good name for the podcast or or or whatever.

(01:12:23):
Your what is it? What is it? P time with
doctor Penis? Wow time. I'm like, wow, I'm trying to
think we got him? Is there anything else you want
to ask? Are you thinking? I just want to point
out and buy back to my left over here. I
have the sex gong and also uh the tiki tiki torch.
Last one of my good friends got me both of

(01:12:45):
those things that he has. He has them also, so
you know it's a good stuff. Well, we love that
you're a mega fan, and we're a mega fan of yours.
And thank you for answering all of our penis questions.
Uh um, Donald, anything else you want to say? Yeah,
so there is nothing out there that can make it big? Right? Yeah? No, no, nothing,
I mean, but it's it's not all about that, right,

(01:13:07):
like it's about speak for yourself, doc. No, just kidding, No,
I'm telling you it's like, you know, why would you
want to go bigger? You're like a guy with a
like a triple XL And no I'm not talking listen, listen.
I think any guy who watches porn will it's a
mind fuck first of all. So you know, but these

(01:13:29):
men have been chosen because they have absolutely I think, abolutely.
But if you watch that shit, you get caught up
in I don't look like that, right, Well, what about
those men who have been really born with a micro penis?
Uh like a really really tiny tiny nothing? Nothing is
there anything that can be done for those those men?

(01:13:50):
I mean they're usually have seen like a pediatric urologist
when they're kids, and there are surgeries that you can
do because the more. The bigger issue is for is
um kind of it's oftentimes with prip um like you're
urinating and those kind of things as a kid, because

(01:14:11):
the whole often is not at the tip. And patients
who have um like small phallusis so you know there
you can actually give them some testosterone which can help.
But there are surgeries that you can kind of do
and that can make it look more normal as they grow. Um,
it should grow um. That's kind of there's the show Dave. Yeah,

(01:14:34):
all right, that's what he has. So he is he
is this thing where he has to I don't know
if he fixed it or not, but he had to
he had to hold he had to cover a hole
in order for it to pee through the uine through right.
So and he describes it he has it's it's called hypospadias.
So if my finger is a penis, usually the hole
is at the tip. It can have the whole can
kind of be at any point, Oh my god, long

(01:14:57):
penis that you're born with, and the the closer to
the tip it is kind of the less severe. I
don't know where his hole was, but it was somewhere.
Ye As often these are treated as as when you're
an infant or a child, which is a whole other
separate issue about intersects development issues, and right, let's not
go down that road. But I'm saying, but that sounds fixing.

(01:15:19):
But why why wouldn't someone like that fixed. One of
the complications is that it kind of reopens. And I
think what happened him is that it reopened and to
fix it it would be a more extensive surgery, and
he didn't want to do that, and so he just
holds his finger. Said, from what it sounds like on
the TV show, if he holds his finger over that hole,

(01:15:39):
then the p will come out the normal hole instead
of wow wow. I kind of wanted to see it.
They talked about it so much on the show. I
thought that I and the show is so graphic. I
thought they were going to cut to it. No, yeah,
it's in training. We've I've done so many surgeries, like
the primary surgery and even the like the repair of
that company. What if Donald wanted to add a second
hole on purpose? Would he be I want to get

(01:16:00):
back to I want to what does that? But what
does that? Does that do anything for you? Though? Does
that make anything better? Like? You know what I mean, like,
what's the point of doing these things? No, you don't
need a second it's percing. I don't know, Like, what's
the point of getting it if it doesn't make sex better?

(01:16:21):
That's on our new merch that's coming to you. She'll
talk like why why would I don't know anyway. Anyway, anyway,
doctor Brick, thank you so much for your time, Thanks
for being a fan. And uh, we really we hope
you'll come back and join us, and by then, hopefully
we'll have a theme song for you. That would be amazing.
That'll amazing, all right, the thunder's applause for Doctor Brick

(01:16:44):
slash Doctor Penis, thank you so much. That would be
that all right. I think that's it, guys. I think
we did it. We did we did it. Not only
did we not only did we do it. I'm gonna
be honest with you. I felt a little rusty, Yeah,
a little rusty, coming back to it. I'm not gonna
lie to you. You guys got one more episode in
season five and then it's time for season six, and

(01:17:05):
goodness knows what that will bring. I mean, there's an
amazing there's so much good urology stuff that's coming doctor Brick,
we we gave you your exit appause you're not really
supposed to be talking. But he's right. Turk's nut Turks. Yeah,
we'll have you back on when we talk about the

(01:17:25):
turks special nut. He has a bionic nut, pretty and
it gives off heat when we go camping. Remember we
gather around your nut that's bionic. You know, would that
be bionic? Because because it's I don't know, I don't know. Well,
we'll just well, don't don't don't tell us, doctor Brick
will say. Then you don't ever hear about implants like
he's not talking anymore. We've given him all right, everybody,

(01:17:50):
we love you, Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you
next time. Donald six, we made about a bunch of
doctor nurses and the janitor who I said, he's the
stories nevere. All should go. So gather around you, here

(01:18:11):
are gather around you, here are sc free watch your
winds at the time. Mm hmmmm