Real Friends Classic - 111: My Own Personal Jesus

We're off for the holidays, but we wanted to remember one of the great Scrubs Christmas episodes. Turk questions his faith after a tough Christmas in the ER. In the real world, Zach and Donald recount the inspirations behind one of the best dream sequences in Scrubs' history.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Does your wife keep track of what you ate? Oh? No, no, no, no, no,
she doesn't keep track of what I do. What I
mean like, what do I mean like keep tracking what
you ate in terms of like, hey, you're eating too much?
I mean like the good shit in our house. She's
watching like you had the last Eminem packet that's mine. Yeah.
We do fight over Eminem's, the peanut kind. We fight
over candy a lot. My wife and I yo yo, uh.

(00:23):
We should talk about this because a lot of people
don't know. But it was Sinco de Mayo yesterday. Yes,
you were fasting, so you didn't participate in Sinco de Mayo.
What did you do? What did you do? So? Casa
Vega is one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in the
Sherman Oaks area right and you know, nobody can go
to restaurants right now. But they had a little drive

(00:45):
through going on where you can get you know, tacos
and and and beans and rice and and you know
whatever was on the menu, and margaritas and margarita's. How
do they how do they give you the margharita? They
brought it in, They put it in a half gallon
picture that does not even a picture. It's like a
half gallon, you know, like we put milk in it.

(01:06):
You know, you get milk and it's a half gallon,
bob jar whatever it is. Yeah, they put it in
that Wow, and we got three of them. Oh my god,
did you get hammer? We only have one left. You
guys had a party over there. We drank a gallon
of margarita yesterday. Oh my godlish I'm so jealous. I

(01:28):
literally this this this fast thing we're on. It's like
all you eat is this thin soup. It looks like
it looks like gruel, remember that thing that Oliver wanted
more of. That's what it looks like. Yeah, it looks
like or like what they what they'd slop on a
pirate ship, what they'd serve you for dinner. That's what
it looks like. Right, doesn't have like a little bit
of celery and like a little bit of carrot. It

(01:49):
looks like cartoonishly watered down soup. That's what we're allowed
to eat. But it's it's white colored. No, it's the
color of whatever flavor they think it is. It's like
tomato is like tomato colored, but it's just got little
specs of crap in it. Wow, But just you wait, Donald,
We're gonna you're gonna check in when we record on Friday,
and you're gonna you're gonna say, wow, you look even thinner.

(02:10):
I want to I want to fast, but I shall
we sing? Shall we sing? Yeah? Sure? Why not? I'd
like to count in today because I realized I haven't
counted it in a long time. I've been giving it
to you. I've been giving it to Bill Lawrence, our guests,
giving it to Judy as a present, and and I
just feel feeling left out. Well, Zach, I want you
to give it to me. Go ahead, okay, Dan, hit it.
I like a little you know what. You didn't wait

(02:30):
before you hit it? Dan? You know, I always thought
it was so cool when DJ's on the radio do
the thing they called talk up, like they know exactly
when the words come in and they stop talking right
at I believe DJs call it talking up a song,
right right, so they they I'm sure they haven't labeled somewhere,
like the lyrics start at five seconds in or something.

(02:51):
And I always thought it was so smooth. So I'd
like to talk up this song. Go ahead, do it? Okay?
Here we go. So I'm not gonna count in, Dan,
I'm just gonna talk it up. Okay, I'm nervous now,
I'm nervous. Now Here we go. Welcome everybody to fake doctors,
real friends. We're so glad you're joining us. And here's
a song written by Junie Blues Domphase on a Brown

(03:14):
coming at you. Here's some stories about show we made
about a bunch of doctor nervous said, he's the stories.
So yetta around here, a yat around here. Hey. Lots

(03:39):
of talk on the social media about you know what
I mean? And uh and you is it? Is it
that bad? No, it's It's just people just need to
accept it. It's part of your way of speaking. It
is part of mine. I'm just concerned though about those
who are doing it as a drinking game, that that
that we're gonna turn people into alcoholics. I'm up the
I think we should keep the things, but if you

(04:00):
don't want to keep the dings, we could we could
remove the things. And also I heard, by the way, Dan,
that you missed some I saw on Twitter some people
were like that dings were hilarious, but you guys missed
like four you know what it means, Dan, what was
the total I mean, of the ones you caught, what
was the total nine? That's not a lot for an
hour dude. By by the way, that's when you were

(04:21):
trying not to say it, dude, But but I was
also it was me not it was me using it
as slang, though at that point it wasn't me just
saying you know what I mean. After everything I said,
somebody brought to my attention that you say, you know
a lot. I'm just gonna put it out there. Really,
I'm trying to shift the ship on to me. Listen, Listen,

(04:42):
I do I listen. We all have. We all if
you record someone for multiple hours, you're gonna hear some
of the things that they say when they speak. I'm
sure we all have our own ticks. Yeah, I'm sure
you listening right now judging us, you probably have some
vocal go tos. The ones that the ones that kind

(05:04):
of get on my nerves are like when people say
I mean all the time before they say anything, I mean,
it's like no, I get it, or like I mean,
I hear you say like a lot. We all say
like a lot, I know, but the young folks really
use like a lot. Yeah, that that's the one that
gets me. I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm literally

(05:25):
the wrong use of literally is also a bit of
a pet peeve. Really that's abused. You literally don't like that.
I literally literally get annoyed when people overuse literally. Should
we get into the episode, Donald, let's do it. I
love it. Everyone right in and say, holy shit, you

(05:46):
are so good in this episode. I forgot how church
centric it was. It is a Turk episode, and it issode.
It's a very Turk episode Donald, right moments. I'm not
just saying this because I love you so much, but
I do, But holy shit, you are so good in
this episode. And I multiple things. There's the there's we

(06:08):
could spend a whole episode of this podcast on that
gospel fantasy. We're going to spend plenty of time on it,
don't get me wrong. But also you're dramatic acting at
the end when you're all upset, the scene with you
and Judy on the roof, you running to the park.
I just thought you did really really good working. Oh
you're a sweetheart, you know. Thank you? First of all.
Second of all, this was one of my This isn't

(06:30):
necessarily one of my favorite episodes. But there's so many
really cool things that happened in this episode that I
got to be a part of. One was obviously the
gospel choiet thing. That was a lot of fun. One
of my favorite movies of all time is Coming to
America too, And also Which Way Is Up? And in
Which Way Is Up? Richard Pryor plays a reverend in
a church and in Coming to America. Arsineo Hall's portrayal

(06:53):
of the reverend is amazing as well. And so if
any if I was doing anything in that scene, I
was stealing from the two of them, Wow, because I
just get right, let's get right to it. You are
so fucking funny in that and I well, I watched
it like multiple times just because that scene. I think
it's one of the I honestly, I know we're just
started this, but I think it's one of the best

(07:14):
fantasies in Scrub's history solely because of your performance. And
I know that you're doing an homage to your favorite
one of our favorite movies, Coming to America, but you
really made it your own. I mean I just was
dying laughing the Jerry Curl, the swinging of the arms,
the padding of the forehead. We gonna we gonna do

(07:38):
you want to cut them open, and then we gonna
stow them right back together. I remember that day genuinely
cracking up, and you were just going for it. Man,
you were you were literally sweating your ass on that
hot and you were just being But I wasn't sweating
my ass off. So you kind of used literally in
the way that you hate it. Okay, you're because I've

(08:00):
was literally sweating, but my ass didn't fall off. You
are right, Okay, there it is. There, it is. It is.
It is literally not possible in a literal sense for
someone's ass to be sweat off. I believe, I believe
that's true. Joel, Please look that up. I had a
lot of fun doing that scene, man. One of the
one of the great things was looking out into the

(08:20):
audience also and seeing, you know how background really enjoyed themselves,
and then also seeing familiar faces in the background. Colonel
Doctor for the first time is in this episode. Wait,
before you're you're jumping around, let's just stay focused on you.
We can't go to Colonel Doctors in the background. I know,
but yes, okay, sorry, but I didn't want to go
to courl doctor yet because it is his first appearance

(08:41):
in a Scrubs episode. He shows up in the background
of Sarah's scene first. Also Neil Flynn in the background
of this episode clapping Yes, that was funny. What about
me when I get the spirit and then you catch
in the Holy Ghost? Dude, that freaked me out. The
first time I ever saw that, I'm gonna be in

(09:01):
real life. My first time ever seen I saw listen.
I went to church with my babysitter. It was like
a midnight mass type thing, and we went to church
and we saw, first of all, people around us are
catching the spirit, right, catching the Holy Ghost, and they're
losing it. And I was like, all right, I'm safe.
I'm here with my babysitter. I know she's not gonna

(09:23):
catch the Holy Spirit. Last cut too, she catches the
bad Boy and I was like, yeah, so how did
she start acting like she just out of out of nowhere?
She just started dancing right like you did, like your
character does, like like JD does. She started dancing and
then she started praising God, which is what you know
as a youth when you don't see stuff like that,

(09:45):
Like my grandmother was Piscopalian, so we had to go
to Piscopalian church and stuff like that, and it wasn't
like that, you know what I mean. Even though it
was all black, it wasn't a Baptist church, you know
what I mean. And when you go to a when
you go to a Baptist church, you know they put
it in. That's something that's I'd love to do that.
By the way, Oh, it's amazing that everything. I would
love to have the experience of going to a church

(10:07):
like the one we're representing in this show. I just
think it would be amazing. I've never seen that in
real life, obviously, I've seen it on TV and on
video of people speaking in tongues and and and no judgments.
I'm not I'm whatever works for you. That's amazing. I
like you said, as a child, I was always like,
oh my God, what is what is happening? Right? And
it was so shocking to see someone reacting like that,

(10:28):
to get touched by the spirit of God. I like
the idea that JD you know, got the spirit when
you were such a good minister, that it just came
to him, right, the music got into him and and
and scripted or I just improve that I don't recall,
do you remember, I don't know if it was scripted.
I think I think you might have improved it to
be I think I just thought I said to Bill, like,
oh my god, I should get the spirit. I think

(10:49):
that's funny. Yeah, amazing, amazing, man, A great scene. The
choir was the choir was amazing. Although they although we
do we do have two of them that that's by
the lens and wave at the camera around eight sixteen.
I don't know if you caught that they got They
may have caught the spirit too and decided to wave
to the lens. But uh, but they were. They were amazing.

(11:10):
And by the way, why mistaken or did you? Or
did you when you were just riffing. One of the
things that was you were so great when when they
would when you would be in your element and they
would just tell you to go. Whether that could be
the dance, the famous dance you did that that everyone
always talks about, or or so many things, but in
this moment when you were just riffing and being that preacher,
I mean, you just got lost in it and it

(11:30):
was so amazing to watch you do that. But I
remember that when you can what's the name of the
song we sing in yer? Remember the song? And they
kept it in and that was so funny. It was
supposed to be something like quah, let us let us
you know, uh let us uh bless the congregation with

(11:51):
the song you know, Christ the Lord, right, right, And
I remember getting down back quile what's the name a
song was singing? But you stayed in character. It was
still funny. You know. It was such a good lesson
early on in Scrubs that if if we stayed in character,
a lot of that stuff could if it was funny,
would stay in right. And and that was a perfect

(12:13):
example of of you doing that and Bill going in
the edit room like, oh, that's funny, that's staying yeah. Yeah.
So so this whole episode, it was written by Debord
hum that's right, who also wrote the musical episode. Right,
was the one of the main writers on the musical episode,
and I think actually participated in running a lot of

(12:33):
lyrics for the famous musical episode. That's right. And Jeff
Melman was the director, and I just learned a little
trivia that he directed some of the sitcom You did
the xes, Yeah, I did, I did, I do not
put two and two together. I did not remember that.
Do you remember? Do you remember it? I do know

(12:53):
Jeff Melman is, but now that you have said that,
he only directed one episode of Scrubs and it was
twenty years ago, So you're okay for not remembering, but
I don't know if you put two and two together.
They also directed your sitcom The X. I think we
even talked about him directing an episode of Scrubs when
he directed the Episodexes. Anyway, and Kristin Johnston, who you
did the Exes with, I bought her house. That's where

(13:14):
I live. Yeah. Not only that, but you guys also
did Twelfth Night together. We did Twelfth Night together in
Central Park at the Dela Court and you and that's
when she said, Hey, I want to move out of
la I'm over it. Do you have any interest? And
I was just at the time when I was starting
to think about buying my first house. And what's funny

(13:35):
is that she was quite an entertainer. She threw a
lot of bashes at the house. And so over the
years when I've told people that I bought the house
from her, They're always like, ooh, I've been so fucked
up in your house. Wow. Wow. Well she's now sober
and she's written a wonderful book called Guts out on
the market right now. And if your guys are listening

(13:56):
and want a good read in the Voice of christ
and Johnson. She also does the audio book. You check
it out. It's very, very very revealing, and she's very
open about her addiction. And yeah, and when you're I've
read the book and it's amazing and you should get it.
And when you're hearing about some of her partying, just
know it was happening in mind. Yo. Somebody got mad, dude,

(14:21):
you oh man, somebody got mad that I ruined that
joke or that not the joke, the bit of trivia.
I know on one of the last episodes, I said
I'm gonna I was gonna do a trivia for Donald
involving the Breakfast Club, and he ruined it and some
guy and some guy wrote on Twitter I was legit
excited for a bit of trivia and Donald did indeed
ruin it. We gotta filter in some more trivia to

(14:45):
this show. Absolutely, so Okay, deav Ford him, Jeff melman Um,
It's a great episode. I gotta say, you know, They're
not all this good. This was a darn good one.
And first thing I wrote down was Nurse Tisdale at
thirty five seconds in Yes, which is a oma to
film fast Times a Ridgemond High. Now, some of you
younger folk might not know that movie. You should watch

(15:05):
it because it's a seminole eighties film. And I remember
watching it at someone's house, far too young to be
watching it, Like I should not have been watching that
movie at the age I was, And I remember feeling like,
don't move because I don't want any adult to notice
that I'm here and I'm watching this and I probably
shouldn't be watching Phoebe Kates reveal her bosoms. Yeah, do

(15:30):
you remember when you saw that movie? I do remember
when I saw that movie. And you know, the one
thing that stuck out from that movie for me was
Sean Pinn totally awesome and his Jeff Spoccoli. Yeah, a
little bit of trivia for you. Do you know who
wrote that movie? Yes, it was Amy Heckerling, No Cameron Crowe.
Amy Heckerling directed it, absolutely okay. Amy Heckerling, who wrote

(15:53):
and directed Clueless, wrote and directed Clueless. Yes, so it's
six degrees of Donald Fazon? Is what your six degrees
of Donald Fazon. Forrest Whittakers also in that movie. He
directed Waiting to Exhale and I was in it, and
I remember going on the audition for Waiting to Exhale
at the same time I was shooting Clueless, the movie,
and I was, you know, Forrest and I had a
little conversation about his experience with Amy and the reason

(16:16):
why I got Waiting to Xer because I'm sure there
were a bunch of people who auditioned for it. But
Forrest told me, he was like, you know, I went
with you because you know you're working with Amy, and
Amy gave me my start, and it was something there
was a form of nostalgia and for me. So I
got to be in Waiting Exhale with Whitney, Houston, Angel Labassett, Lauretta, Divine,
leilaber Sean, I got to oh Man, I got to

(16:38):
meet several actors, from Michael Beach to one of my
favorite all time performers, Gregory Hines. That's what I've never
seen the movie. I've got to be honest with you,
but you've never seen Waiting to Exhale. No, but I'm
gonna write it down because we're looking for quarantine movies,
and I do love your work. You should watch way
in exhale. It's a lot of fun. It's if you
have a good pardon it or should I need to
just fast forward to your scenes. No, you should watch

(17:00):
the movie. The movie is actually very entertaining. It's it's
it's and the soundtrack is amazing. By the way, Holy cow,
baby face, you put your foot in it when you
made that one. I don't know what that means. It
just means he puts them, he puts them. He did.
He put a little strowsy on it, you know. Face.
He's still doing this thing. Oh, I just haven't heard

(17:22):
about him his name in the public lexicon in a
long time. Anyway, we digress. Let's get back here, all right,
we digress. Nurse Tisdale. Um, she's coming down doing a
homage to Fast Times at Ridgemont High. By the way,
if you haven't seen Fast Times at ridge Mond High,
you should because it perfectly I think encapsulates a period
of time in the eighties. And uh, and it's a

(17:43):
really really I mean it was written by Cameron Crowe.
I mean, it's a great movie. Um, fifty eight seconds,
Snoop you know showing up. Snoop's in a lot of
this episode. Snoop Dogg. In turn, Snoop Dog was in
a lot of this show. I know. It's funny. If
you guys start looking at the background, you'll not Snoop
dogg real snoop Dog, Snoop dog. If you'll see if
you guys look, if you guys look at these episodes closely,

(18:04):
you'll see that basically they're just they're just moving around
the same twenty background folks. And there's times where it's
like there'll be one scene and Snoops in the background,
and then then we're upstairs and Stoops in the background.
I'm like, guys, come on, well he worked a lot
and then yeah, but now we're starting to introduce new characters,
so you'll see ye. Doctor one fifty one a momentous moment.

(18:24):
Colonel Doctor first appearance in the background, as Bill told
us on the last episode, named because everyone thought he
looked like um Colonel Sanders the Kentucky Fried Chicken commercials.
And is he still alive or did he pass I
believe he passed away. I believes where he was an
older fellow when we're doing this twenty years ago. By
the way, someone clarified for me on the social media

(18:47):
interwebs that the Beard Fusse film I was trying to
remember was Girl with the Dragon tattoo. I knew it
was a Fincher, right, So I was right about it
being Fincher. It's Girl with the Dragon. Had to um,
Daniel Craig is on a plane and the camera sort
of just dollis past a close up of Beard Fusse.

(19:08):
So thank you for the for the listener who helped
me out with that. All right, we're gonna go to break,
We'll be right back, and we're back. Hey, listen. I
occasionally Season one would go out partying with you during

(19:29):
the week. Yes, I was occasionally, Yes, I was feeling myself.
I had never had a dollar in my pocket, let alone, um,
some hit television show and you and I. I can't
I mean, it's forty five years old. You can't imagine
you would ever do this. But in our twenties we
would occasionally go out the nights of filming. Occasionally, I

(19:51):
remember we would say things like, all right, look, just
want to do one shot? How about just one I'm
sure everybody out there. It can relate to your friend going,
how about just one Yeah, We're gonna do one shot
hard hard, six o'clock in the morning. If we're gone
by midnight, we could be home by one and it
would still have a good five hours asleep. Right hard

(20:12):
cut to like at six in the morning, we're in
Orlando Jones is swimming. Oh my god, it wasn't even six.
It was like four forty five, right, And it was
the night you had to be at work at six
and I had to Did you have to go in
or just me? You didn't have to go in, and
I had to go in, but I didn't have to
be in until like, oh man, this was this is
This is if you looked at a graph of me
being irresponsible at work. This was the high point because

(20:35):
I think I was in Orlando Jones's pool hammered at
four forty five, and that day I had to shoot
this Fawnzie fantasy at three forty one that starts at
three forty one. So when you see that Fawnsie thing,
not only am I hung over, I'm still buzzed, right right,
I'm still buzzed from partying with Orlando Jones. Dude to

(20:57):
this day. That's still one of the most epic nights.
I mean, we've had some pretty epic nights, but well,
because he was so young and fresh in the game,
and I hadn't met that many stars, and and I
was just like, I can't believe are we going to
Orlando Jones's house yet. Yeah, he was fresh off of
doing uh he had he had already said goodbye to
the seven up commercials, and now he had the movie
that had just come out with him and David Duchovny

(21:20):
and Sean William Scott called Evolution or something like that,
and we were all hanging out. I don't know, but
I was interesting any star. I was excited. I was
as excited. I felt like, I'm living the Hollywood dream.
I'm not waiting tables anymore. I'm partying with Orlando Jones
and Donald Phays on it and God and Deonte Gordon

(21:41):
Donald's Donald stand in Slash our friend and uh. And
then I went and did this fantasy. So I was
just watching it because I remember that being in pain,
and it's it's a very funny fantasy. So I'm i'm, I'm.
I was grateful this many years later, I didn't ruin
a moment for the fans, because that's a funny fantasy.
It's hilarious. He's not gonna make it. Then you come
in and you jox. But those of you who are

(22:03):
too young to remember, the Fawns who I'm spoofing here
could pretty much had magical powers. I mean it happened.
It came to jukeboxes and women. Yes, maybe in the
beginning he was just jukeboxing. But then like as I
recall late in later episodes of Happy Days, he would
literally he could like work, magic could snap, and women
out of nowhere would show up. Yeah, Fawns. He had

(22:24):
to move out of Milwaukee because he had dated every
woman in Milwaukee. That was that was a subplot he
had He had been on a date with every single
woman in Milwaukee and he could, so he had to
go out of city for that right on. Such a
funny scene though, such a funny scene. And that's how
you you know we all believe in miracles. Well that's
how that's what starts off your really cool arc about

(22:44):
testing your faith and and so was it dropped from you?
You mentioned earlier that it was was your was churks
religiousness dropped from here on out, Like, did it ever
come up? Did you stop wearing that cross? The cross,
by the way, you never see this cross ever before,
but in thisisode, becase you're supposed to be religious, the
crosses in every every shot. Well, we we shot it
in another episode also, but the cross is was it

(23:07):
was after this you don't see the cross anymore, Um,
I believe, And we don't talk about Turk's faith really anymore,
which is bizarre because at the end of the episode
your faith is restored. I mean, you literally have a
sign from God. Did you go save a pregnant woman
in the park? Right? Like? I just knew she was
in the park? Yeah? How did you just know? Did
you even know? Does Turk even know Sarah's storyline about

(23:30):
her having a pregnant woman? I think the I think
the whole hospital knows about it because she's escaped and
everybody's on the lookout. Okay, so you're on the roof,
by the way, how funny is it the Judy trying
to cheer you up, wants to bang on the roof
of the hospital. I know, I thought that was a
funny plot line, Like, here, baby, I'll cheer you up.
Let's have sex on this gravelly dirty rooftop. Yeah, I

(23:52):
look back at that. I look back at that and like, Turk,
what were you thinking? I love us, I love us,
I love I'm wanting it going to be so gross
and you're like, oh, what was Turk thinking? I mean, like,
I don't know. I think having sex in like really

(24:12):
awkward places is always so like such a thing you
only see in movies, Like, have you had sex and
awkward places before? Well, I'm not gonna go too into
my sex life for everybody, but I do. I think
I have hooked up on the beach with with with
someone and thought this looks way better in the movies.
There's like sand in my creases. Yeah. No, I have
never had sex and really any awkward. There you go.

(24:37):
We're giving the exclusive here on Fake Doctor's Real Friends,
Donald Phazong never having sex in an awkward place, Like
I know people that have done it in some crazy places.
I'm like, there's people who are into that. They're like
they like they think of it like naches on their belt,
like we you're not gonna believe where we bang the
hospital roof? Yeah, Turk and Carla, aren't that couple? What

(24:58):
about those people who bran rag about having sex on
air in airplane bathrooms. I always thought that would be
humiliating to come out of the bathroom and everyone's looking
at you and so obvious what you did. It's not. Well,
the thing is not a lot of people have the
opportunity to have sex over a mile above the earth, right,
And so I get the allure. Yeah, you do get

(25:21):
the allure. Yeah, I get the allure, but I'm not
really I'm not jealous of it. Like you just said,
I can't picture you doing that. It doesn't sound like
a very Donald phase on thing to do. I mean,
you never know, so you might. I mean if it's
a private jet, Oh, a private jet doesn't count. I'm
talking about a commercial airplane. Like yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

(25:41):
especially now after what we're going through right now with
this whole quarantine thing. Before the quarantine, you would definitely
bang in a bathroom Before the quarantine, I think a
lot of people would be like, yeah, that's a possibility.
But I think after the quarantine thing, it's like there's
a little too much germs. I can't picture Casey Cobb
being like, there's no way, it's absolutely not. I would
be like, Babe, let's do it, and she'd look at

(26:01):
me like I was stupid. Should come home, buddy, my
own buddy. That's funny, all right. So the parks called
Miller Park. I couldn't help but think that might be
for Krista Miller. Okay, right, yeah, sure, the parks called
Miller Park. I mean Bill said he's not great at
naming shit. So speaking of Christa Miller, she's back. She's back,
and she looks beautiful and she's funny as shit. And

(26:25):
six thirty three is the first time I say banana hammock? Nelson,
what is a banana hammock? Is it the thing that
Rob that Rob aka Todd wears the tiny Yes? Yes,
and and and it's called a banana hammock because obviously
it's like laying your banana in a Hanna hammock. Okay,

(26:46):
now I guess there are people men that wear these
for real strippers. Yeah, I mean I think if you're comfortable,
if you don't have problems with your thighs rubbing together,
banana hammocks are very comfortable. Do you would could you
ever consider? Would you ever consider? No? Because before you answer,
if you knew you weren't going to be photographed by

(27:06):
a Papa rots So, by the way, singular of Papa
Rozzi is Papa Rozzo. I don't know if you knew that. Okay,
if you knew that you weren't going to be photographed
and it would just be you on the beach and
wherever Brazil, would you would you rock one of those?
If I had no worry about anyone ever seeing me
in this, yeah, then why not go nude? Right? No,
I'm talking about you're stole a beach, people are like around, No,

(27:29):
then no, I would not rock one. If people are around,
then no, I would never. I sometimes think it would
be fun to wear a speedo like you know. Um again,
I don't want to wear it and have people look
at me and judge, you know, everything going on. But
I think I just think sometimes when I see people
wearing them, I go, I think that might feel nice
have a speedo on be out and about. Yeah, I don't,

(27:51):
I don't know, I don't, I don't. I'd prefer to.
I have issues with like chafing with my thighs and
stuff like that because we don't have a thigh gap. Yeah,
I got quads and I got some thigh gap. I
think I might have a thigh gap. Let me see. Yeah,
I have a little thigh gap. I don't have a
thigh gap. My my, my, my inner thigh touch. Yeah,

(28:14):
they clap, they clap. That's the worst. Oh, you want
to talk about feeling uh, feeling uh running with the
chief after a while and then having the burn in between.
You can't jog because of your thighs. I can jog
if I put on something like compression shorts, but I
can't wear like. I can't wear tidy whities like I

(28:35):
don't wear tighty whities because even just walking is an
issue with tighty whities. Yeah. I don't where tidy whities
anymore either, but I used to be quite loyal to them. Yea.
The janitor is for no reason that ninety punched in
the balls by a little girl, and um both the
little girl and the mom acknowledge the janitor. So um, Bill,

(28:59):
Since you hold fast to the idea that the janitor
only reacted with j D in season one and may
have been a figment of his imagination, why is it
that a little girl randomly punches Neil in the balls
and he reacts? Yeah, when the janitor got hitting the
balls by that girl, like the nine and a half

(29:20):
minute mark. You want me to explain how the janitor
can only interact with j D if this actually happened,
that's easy. Um five, stop fucking guy, Um the old
school PSA. Yes, great, hilarious, so funny, very funny, and

(29:43):
very clever. Yeah, I mean really and and just well executed.
Kudos to Jeff Melman the director, and and Deb for
writing it. I thought that was just really clever, really
well executed. Those those sort of spoofing those nineteen fifties
you know, what do you call them instructional videos? Yes,
But then afterward, after the fantasy was over, we did

(30:04):
it again where the person who did the voice over
for the fantasy is now in the room with you, right,
and he brings up like communism as though he's still
back in the fifties, right, and then looks he's looking
off into the distance, I guess into nowhere, and then
you look at him to see what he's looking at, right,
and then you exit that direction. I think he was

(30:25):
trying to be one of those like, you know, picture
like a nineteen fifties announcer guy who's like looking off
into the distance and thus we will fight communism and so,
and then he's sort of frozen like that. And then
but it was sort of a JD sort of head look.
So then I kind of did a look to him
like are you doing my thing? Or what are you
looking at? And then I try to look where he
was going. But that's pulling out of a fantasy and

(30:46):
still being yes, you know, it's rather example. That's not
something that happened too often. No, this is like then
the second time it happened. Well, we talked about the
guy who was frozen after at the orderly, who was
frozen after everybody else was frozen. It's not something I
think Bill. I think he said that he started phasing
that out, but I thought it was clever, very clever.
Same here, um, I UM, I have a couple of things.

(31:12):
We shaved the baby. I laughed out loud. I laughed
out loud. I shaved the baby, shaved in a haircut.
Two Yeah, I laughed out loud. That was JD's jad's
um improvisation for solving the problem. We shaved the baby.
You shaved the baby, yep, shaved the baby, shave and

(31:34):
a haircut. Long pause, two bits. Bill told me um
early on that one of the things he loved about
Michael J. Fox working on Spin City was that Michael J.
And everybody when you think about this, when you hear this,
you'll think about family ties. And some of the amazing
timing he had was that he knew how long he

(31:57):
could milk a pause before that punchline. Like Michael J.
Fox was fucking genius at you know, I'll just use
this this example, how long he could have the audience,
especially if the audience got ahead of it. He knew
that you still, I mean, it's even better with a
sitcom live audience, but he knew that shaven a haircut,

(32:18):
you know, like he could he could just milk it.
Even if the audience started and a sitcom started giggling
because they were ahead of it. He could just milk that.
And Bill said, and I think I think that landed
in my head in some of my scrubs timings because
I wanted to impress him like Michael J. Fox. But
but I but I I always think of that when

(32:38):
you watch some of Michael J. Fox's amazing timing, how
how he could just he just was a master of
how long to hold it like even let the audience
get ahead of it. It's fine, and then say, and
it would be so much more gratifying, right, I mean,
Michael J. Fox is you know, one of our our
best when it comes to Family Ties. Did you watch
Family Ties? Of course I watched Family Ties. He was

(32:59):
amazing in that. And also Back to the Future, you know,
the first. I talk about Back to the Future a
lot because it's one of my favorite movies, but the
first Back to the Future. I know there's some plot
holes in it that a lot of people can't get over,
but to me, that movie is almost flawless, you know
what I mean. As far as time travel stories are
so difficult to do, you know what I mean? And

(33:20):
or I shouldn't say it difficult to do. I should say,
they're just doing a time travel story. It's been done
so many times before, and so you have to be
pretty creative to make it feel like, oh, this is
oh you know, people say another time travel story. But
if it's as good as Back to the Future was,
you accept it and you're willing to go on the ride.

(33:43):
Otherwise it's like some cheese shit and you you know,
theory gets in the way of a lot of stuff,
and they just it's just one of those movies that
you know, you make a it's just it's in my opinion,
it's one. It's a perfect movie. And wasn't it amazing
that a movie you could turn out that good? Good?
And it was a film that they started over because

(34:03):
they recast the lead, right yeah, well yeah, yeah, yeah,
I mean you mentioned this, you mentioned this before. But
for those of you who didn't hear that or didn't
know it was originally Eric Stoltz, I don't know how
long they shot. You read the book. Do you remember
they shot half of the movie, So they shot all
of the stuff that credible. They shot half of the
fucking movie. Yeah, so they shot everything in the fifties.
What they talk about They talk about the movie like,

(34:26):
you know, Michael J. Fox is very athletic. It's the
name of this book. Do you remember. For people don't
remember it, dude tweeted, but they shot half the movie
and they said, you know, Michael J. Fox is very athletic.
But they said Eric Stolts on a skateboard was magic.
He just seemed way more at home on a skateboard
than it was a skateboard. Yeah, right, then Michael J.

(34:47):
Fox did, and you know the rock and roll side
of things. They say in the book, you know, Eric
Stoltz had that, you know, has that very much grund
rock appeal to him, you know what I mean. And
my Jay Fox is you know, he is he is
what he is. He's you know, when you look at him,
you're not like, yo, that dude is just Lickson's to

(35:10):
rock all it. Even even if he does, you know
what I mean, he doesn't have that look to him.
And they said, Eric did it just didn't work out. Yeah,
I mean, how humbling can you imagine your I mean,
thank god. Eric Stoltz went on to have this incredible
career and holy shit in Mask if you have And
that's the thing. So they talk about that in the book.
The reason why he was put in the movie was
because he had Mask, the Mask coming out, you know

(35:32):
what I mean, And so they were banking on him
getting nominated for an Academy Award for that movie, but
then being in this blockbuster action adventure time travel movie.
The name of the book is Back to the Future.
I got to click on The Ultimate Visual History. Yes,
Back to the Future, The Ultimate Visual History by Michael klasterin. Yeah,

(35:54):
so if you're a fan of the movie, uh, like
as much as Donald is, you might want to check
that out because it sounds fascinating. I'm always fascinating these
production stories where someone's recast or they start over. I mean,
I don't know if it's true, so don't hold me
to this, But I heard that American Beauty, which is
one of my favorite movies, they shot like, not not
as much as this, but they shot like a week
of and and um, and the director said, uh, to

(36:19):
the producers, I I didn't get the tone quite right.
You know, the tone of American media is so specific.
And as the as the rumor I heard goes, he said,
I just didn't quite nail it. I need to I
need to scrap that week and start over. And and
the DreamWorks producers, including Spielberg and the other fellows, let
him do it. That's interesting because Spielberg's very much involved
in Back to the Future as so maybe he's the

(36:41):
kind of producer that if you're lets it with Sam Mende.
Sorry Sam Mendi's first film, and I love American Beauty,
please see that if you haven't. But I again, it
might be Hollywood lore, but I heard that that that
they sort of started over again on that one. So
these stories where where some movie is so incredible, it
has such an impact, and then there's there's something that
happened where they happens all the time some you know,

(37:03):
some Star Wars movie. They did that with some of
the Star Wars movies, like Rogue one. Apparently there's a
whole you know, they shot almost all of Rogue one
and went back and reshot a lot of the stuff
in it. Really, yeah, same thing with the same thing
with Solo. You remember, you know, of course that's changing,
that's changing the directors, that's that's seven crazy. Yeah, but

(37:23):
there's a whole cut. There's a whole movie. According to Lore,
there's a whole movie that they made that you can
actually take all of the special effects and all of
the things that they did in the actual Solo movie
and you can put it into what they shot and
it's a completely different movie, but it still all fits.
What do you think happen? They were obviously my guesses,

(37:45):
they were just doing their hilarious improv comedic thing. And
then Kathleen Kennedy that's her name, did she just not
like that style? She's saying that's not Star Wars. No,
I don't know if it was her. I don't know
if it was I don't know if it was the
writer of the movie, who's gone on to write some
incredible movies. H Jonathan Kasden. It's Jonathan, but his dad

(38:05):
wrote Raiders the Lost Ark. Yeah. Lawrence Kasten, Yeah, he
wrote Raised in the Lost Ark The Empire strikes Back,
and they both teamed up to right solo. I don't
know what happened. I'd love to know that story. We
could reach out to them and they want to be
on the podcast, and right here they want to talk
about I don't think even if we were to get
Chris and Phil on the podcast, I don't think they're
gonna out there whole. So let's ask Jonathan Kaston and

(38:26):
Lawrence Caston. All right, they'll never do it. I don't
think they'll do it. How cool would it be if
I could go and cut two and then they said it.
You know, as the podcast gets bigger and bigger, maybe
we'll be able to get like really fancy guests like
and now Lawrence Kasten. Um. Yeah. I always wondered what
happened with that, because I don't know why you'd hire
Christen phil If not to do what they do so well,

(38:48):
which was to make it funny. And it seems to
me not as someone who's just dialed into the Star
Wars universe as you. But when I think of Han Solo,
I think, oh, let's give him some some jokes, Let's
have him be quippy and funny. And it seemed like
a perfect marriage. But it would be a real interesting
it'd be very interesting to see that. You know that
side effects and I love Solo, you know what I mean.

(39:08):
There are a lot of people out there that really
liked that movie, and I'm one of those people. Um,
it's a fun Star Wars movie. So then Ron Howard
came in, and you know, he's an amazing director himself, right,
you know, it's one of my favorite Ron Howard movies,
His Parenthood, the movie if you have great cast, great movie.
He went on to make a very popular TV show,

(39:30):
starting My Doppelgang or Dak Shephard. I'm gonna take something
right now. That movie has one of my favorite actors.
I am a huge fan of Rick Moranis. Yeah, has been.
He's amazing. Yeah, he's on his way. I guess he's
he's agreed to do another project. I don't know what
it is, but he's honey, I shrunk the kids. Maybe
he's coming back for that. That would be so awesome.
I know they're redoing that with Josh Gadd and I

(39:51):
think of that he might be joining him. Joel's nodding
so that. Yeah. Rick moranis tragically lost his wife at
the height of his career, so he quit to raise
his children, and now his children are growing and he's
coming back and I'm so excited. God, he's so talented.
I'm so I'm so happy he's coming back. Funny funny man.

(40:18):
All right, let's get back to the show. Let's get
back to the show. Donald one of my favorite fantasies.
Uh and I still use it to this day. I
A'm buying it trying to sell somebody the book on
the kid getting hit, the baby with prenatal lice. Yeah,
and Christa says, Jorda says, I'm buying it at the

(40:38):
funny buying it. That's funny. And you passed something that
I want to say still about shaving the baby's head.
That was funny. Oh when when Johnny sees mad that
I didn't correctly tape over them. By the way, for
those of you young, that's that's a VHS recorder. So
there used to be these giant tapes called VHS tapes. Um.
But I was laughing, and when Johnny SE's yelling at
me because I fucked up the tape and I go

(40:59):
I was there, I could you know, jot down some
of my feelings and impressions. It's very I could I could,
you know, shot down some of my feelings and impressions, like,
I was good, What am I gonna do? Like write down?
Like and then the head emerge. Um, let's talk about

(41:22):
Johnny c McGinley as the Grinch. That was really funny.
He nailed that, Yes he did. Yeah. And the words
that he's saying are those words from doctor Seus's nurse.
I think they're supposed to be doctor Susy, but they're
not real sus But they're not real suss words. Yeah.
But they did a great job on his hair and makeup.
I thought he looked really cool and he was. It
was funny looking. I wonder how long he was in

(41:43):
hair and makeup for I could I could tell from
from being on the show. That was hours and hours
and hours. He had hair like green hair glued to
his face and stuff. Yeah, Sinner Man by Nina Simone,
which is they really must have rolled out the bucks
for it to pay for Nina Simone on this episode.
As you run to the to Miller Park to park,
you know that that was what I was talking about

(42:04):
when we were talking about the platform shoes, and they
made Deontay do all of the things that you saw
me do in that episode in like twelve inch platform shoes. However,
sure how much shorter he is than me by eight inch? Whatever?
Why are you running? Why are you running like a
cartoon character? Do you notice that? It's like this really
dramatic moment and then you're taking corners. You know how

(42:26):
when cartoon people run, they like skid at the corners
and they have to like like catch you. You're doing
that ship Well, it's all come. It all comes from
Michael J. Fox Man speaking. We spoke about him earlier.
It really is true, man, Mike. Michael J. Fox had
some of the best running moments in the history of
running in teen Wolf when he's running through the halls

(42:49):
and the guys mopping and he's like it's slippery that way,
and Mike runs through and then slides all the way
through camera, run away through the hallway and then comes
running back. But as he's coming back, he's trying to
keep his balance on this slippery floor. So you're saying
that moment you're running, and this was inspiring everything everything
I you know, everything I've done. Everything I do, I

(43:11):
do it for you, I do it for Michael J.
F Well, no, but every there's a you know, whether
it's a run or a walk, or you know, a
facial expression. A lot of these come from my favorite actors,
So like Harrison Ford, Denzel Washington, Sydney Portier, Michael J. Fox,
Rick Moranis, Robin Williams, Bill Murray. You know, all of

(43:32):
these people did something that I saw and I was like,
I'm gonna I'm gonna try and do wrote I wrote
down in nineteen eighteen. Turk runs like a cartoon character. Right,
that all came from me trying to run like Michael J. Fox. Yeah,
So Turke gets a sign. He's on the roof again, Right,
You're on the roof again. Yeah, and you're just up
there having a moment and you have a come to

(43:53):
Jesus moment if you will that there's a pregnant woman
about to give birth in the park, and you run
and you run like a cartoon character to Nina Simone's
Center Man beautiful song and uh, and then you run
to the park and you deliver a baby. Now that
Turk probably hasn't delivered that many babies. Well, he's a surgeon,
but he's not. Yeah, he's probably done a fair amount.

(44:15):
I imagine that he's he's not a guy, no, but
I know him. I want to go to something that
Joel to speaking of guy knows we're jumping around. But
in the very beginning the episode, Kelso is is being
sexist and saying to Sarah that she's going to become
a guy in college ob gyn and then Joel found
this thing. According to an article by the American Medical
Association the Breakdown of Specialties dominated by women in twenty

(44:39):
nineteen UM, eighty three point four percent of ob GYNs
are women. Wow, and seventy two percent of pediatricians are women.
Am I reading that right? You all so? Well? I
mean I was offended by Kelso. I was like, fuck

(44:59):
this guy. And then Joel handed me this, and uh,
you know, I guess, but I understand that, Like I
I was your was your have your ob gyn's been
been female? Or male? Uh? First one was a guy?
I was asking Donald Joel, but please, oh my god, Joel,

(45:20):
this question, like for his wife, got laughing so hard.
JoBelle got so lost in the episode she started answering,
you're totally asking Joel. Sorry, I want I want you
to answer. Don't get me wrong, but you go first,
and then we'll call on Donald. Donald has had eleven
thousand children, So I wanted to know what go for you, Joel?

(45:41):
Have your obg y n's been uh? Mostly say? Mostly? Yeah?
Three women? One guy? How about you? Donald's my life,
Casey's is a male m hm and you and and
your other other baby mamas? Do you remember? You don't remember?
It's okay not to remember. I don't. I feel like
if I was giving birth and I had of a giant,
i'd want a woman. But maybe I'm maybe that's ridiculous

(46:02):
to say, I just what's my gut response? Okay, Well,
here's a here's a here's a good survey. We should
we should do and we won't and we won't use
uh that as an example. Let's use massaging as an example. Okay, yeah, yeah,
because that's pretty intimate and it's harmless. And what do
you get a man or a woman? Exactly? What do
you get a man? I always get a woman? Same here,

(46:22):
Joel the strongest hands? Who has the strongest hands? You
say who's got the best hands? So when they say
manner or female? Male or female, you say strongest hands. Absolutely.
Oh the end. I thought it was funny that Sarah
was you're holding Judy like in front of you, but
Sarah's holding me in front of her, right in front
of the Christmas tree. Yes, yes, funny. I also there

(46:46):
was one other part that we should talk about, and
that's uh, when Cox and Jordan are fighting each other
about the haircut, shaving and everything like that, and then
you jump in the middle and then they automatically turn
on j D. And that's a lesson that I've learned
at ay, that I learned at a young age. I
guess JD was never you know, I didn't have friends

(47:08):
that had brothers or sisters or anything like that. But
never get involved in a couple of fighting. You stay
out of it unless unless they invite you into the argument.
Stay away because that thing will turn on you so quick.
It's hard sometimes because you want to weigh in but
you can't. But you can't. You gotta keep it to yourself.
You gotta keep it to yourself. I had friends growing up,

(47:28):
the Rogers brothers. There was four of them, right, and
they would you know, when they fought, they would fight viciously,
punching and grabbing and choking, and you know, they would
beat each other up and you'd be like, you guys
are brothers, Stop it, and you'd get in the middle
of it, and then their anger all of a sudden
went from them wanting to kick each other's ass to
now them kicking your ass. And two on one ain't fun, dude,

(47:50):
or three on one, four on one ain't fun, man,
and it would be it would be I would So
when JD did that to Jordan and Cox, I was like,
that's the dumb that's the that's a rookie mistake. That's
the dumbest move ever. Never get involved in couples arguing
right right, well, I I definitely try and stay out,
But in your head you're thinking like you're you're judging,

(48:12):
and you're saying, like, why aren't you also happy when
you're out in public and you see a couple of
fighting and you're like, yes, it's not me. Yeah, absolutely absolutely.
That's the one thing that my wife and I tried
not to do. It's always like to wait, wait till
we get home, wait till we Oh, really you do
the wait till we get home? Well, I don't do that.
That's what she does to me. Really, we can talk
when we get home. We go right and I know

(48:35):
right there and now I'm not going to I'm not
going to sleep tonight. And then you have to drive
home and just like in silence. Yeah, and then we
walk in and it's on. And my wife's the type
of person that's like, I don't like going to ben
mad Well, at least she has it out, you know.
I I think that's way better to have it out,
even if it's like impassioned, rather than just sitting on it.

(48:55):
I hate that and U and I don't think you
should go to sleep mad either. I think that's a
good a good habit to have. Trying. Dude, I've been
I've been damn near sleeping where I'm just in huh,
where I'm passed out, my eyes are closed and I'm
just agreeing now, right, just so I could go to
sleep the Path of Least Resistance and She'll be like,
so what did I say? And I'd be like, oh, gosh,

(49:17):
here you go. See you are listening. I was listening.
Don't go to Ben angry. Everybody that's lessing here from
fake doctor's real friends. Oh, one last thing I've forgotten.
Let's ask Bill about this. Also, go ahead, before we're
gonna go to We're gonna get Bill two this week. Okay,
go ahead, Yeah, okay, So there was an alternate ending

(49:38):
to this episode, right, but that's that's so dark. Note
it's so dark. It was so dark to end the
Christmas episode. I wasn't even bring it up because we
were being so giddy and it's a bit it's a
bit dark, but okay, go for it. But yeah, there
was a dark ending to this episode, and I'm sure
that I don't think it wasn't was it an ending
or it was a subplot that was woven through. I
think it was a subplot. It might have been. Let's
ask Bill Bill. I know at the end of this episode,

(50:00):
there was a moment in between Jordan and Uh we
almost forgot about the call. There was a moment with
Jordan and uh and Cox where they said something different
when they were looking at the baby when they finally
went to visit the baby and it there was no
there was a subplot. Do you want me to tell
you what it is and then have Bill talk about it? Sure,

(50:22):
there was a subplot that they when they were together,
had lost a child, and um, so that was some
of the dramatic undertones of of of them and dealing
with their friends having a new baby, and that's why
they didn't want to go to the room, right. And
I believe or the or the nursery where you see kids,
and I believe that Bill had an argument with the

(50:44):
network about cutting that out. So Bill tell us about
that and what your struggle with the network was, please,
you know, it's interesting. I don't remember specifically the struggle
with the Jordan Cox losing a baby thing. But the
one thing that we were always dealing with early on
in Scrubs was that we would pitch the network stories

(51:06):
that weren't specifically comedies, you know, and it didn't sound like, Hey,
three patients come in and one of the three of
them are going to die, but they all three die. Hey,
doctor Cox used to be married to someone. They lost
a baby. Hey, we're gonna introduce a super big movie
star guest star who seems really funny and jovial, but
he's gonna have Lukemian then come back next year and

(51:27):
die from it. So we always met resistance. Thank you, Bill.
Let's take a break. We'll be right back after these
fine words. Now, Joelle, I believe we have a caller
or two. Hi, guys, how are you doing? Brian good?

(51:50):
How are you Brian O'Malley? Oh my god, Brian, you
got to record that somehow? You good? I am recording
it actually you And you know what, Brian, that can
be your your new ring tone, Donald giving you an
oprah oh mav and why oh man, that is definitely
gonna happ Speaking of ring tones, I digress for a moment.

(52:10):
The good people at I Heeart are putting together the
ability for for folks to have our theme song be
your ring tone. We're working on it, and that's in
the works because I've gotten been getting a lot of
love on the social media for our theme song, especially
Wilder's version, and um, Wilder's version will not be that's
not going to be available for Wilder's version will not

(52:31):
be available for ring Tone, although I did her. A
lot of people say that should be the new version
forget your version, but those people are wrong. Um, but
pretty bright. What's your drinking? Man? What are you drinking? Brian? Uh?
This is beer? Okay? What kind of beer you got there?
It's like a hazy I pa juicy eight percent. I
like stuff that's strong. Okay, Well I got myself a

(52:51):
little margarita. Is that just like lime juice? Tequila? I
don't know what they use at Casa Vega. This rescigborhood
that they that you're still drinking out of your your
gallons there? We have so many. Yeah, oh that's awesome. Um,
Hi guys, where do you live in? What's happening in? Brian?
Introduce your your girlfriend, wife, friend? This is my partner.

(53:13):
This is uh doctor Ellen, a Greec Hi doc. And
uh we live in Evanston. Oh, I went to Northwestern right, Yeah,
so we we we both worked a here actually too.
Um she works at a hospital here and I own
a small business on Central Street, you know, right down
from the stadium. Um and so yeah we just um

(53:34):
we do that. And Ellen is uh eight and yeah
almost nine months pregnant, Emma. Congratulations, congratulations you guys know
what you're having a boy? Nice? Is there a person?
But yeah, a person? Good? Congratulations guys. That's cool. Yeah,
way to go, guys. Yeah, so we're you know, it's

(53:55):
definitely uh anxiety causing you know, I I we neither
of us have had kids before. Um. I used to
be a teacher. But it's not quite the same when
you know you can send them home at like three
o'clock and just be done with them. Um. So now
it's like they're here for good. Okay, Brian, I'm gonna
give you a little bit of you're talking to the
right man, Brian Donald many kids? Okay, that's what I heard, right, Yeah,

(54:17):
something like that. He doesn't even remember something like that, right,
That's that's great. That's a great story. How many kids
you got? Something like nine six that I know about.
So the first year, Brian, there's not much you can do,
that's the honest to goodness truth, except be supportive. Change diapers.

(54:39):
But there's not much you can do because the baby.
You can say, can't you say, honey, can I get
you anything? Absolutely better? Say that you have to say, right, Yeah,
that's being supportive, So there's not much you can do
the first year. It's after that where you are you
are hands on and in it to win it, or
she's going to leave you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brian, write

(55:00):
that down. Yes, yes, she is basically keeping us comfortable.
So I'm not gonna play with that at all. Right, well,
I'm so. I'm so happy for you. That's exciting and
thank you. And what do you do? You have any
names in mind, like Zach or Donald? Yeah, I wanted
Jennifer Dylan or something like that. That'll work. It's a boy,

(55:22):
So we went with Ellen. We're gonna even Gabriel and Colin.
Gabe beautiful, I love it, beautiful, beautiful name. Gabe. Finn O'Malley. Oh,
Finn's a good name too, now, Finn from Star Wars
or just Finn because everything is Star Wars. Donald, sometimes
it can be I couldn't huh, Honestly, I would think
it more Huck Finn from Mark Twain to be Okay,

(55:44):
Oh yeah, there's that Fin too, any more literary Donald,
Come on, here's that fin too. Brian, go ahead with
your question for the legendary Donald Fason, and it's for
both of you. Yeah. Answer, it definitely relates to what
we were talking about. But um, I was curious to
uh character between you and Donald and maybe doctor Cox,

(56:04):
do you think it was like the best dad overall?
And then kind of a follow up, but like, what
do you think their kids would be like now like
fifteen twenty years later? Wow? Wow, good question. Well. I
do think both characters were very excited about their children,
and and I think we saw from a flash forward
as I recall that don't they end up getting married?

(56:25):
They do and we and we lose it. That was
like I think the episode, I think I faint. Uh,
as I recall I did this, I wiped my fanned
my eyes and fainted. Yeah, that's a gift I see
all the time. Um, I don't know. I think we'd
be great parents because, um, you know, we're both characters

(56:45):
were again not afraid of showing emotion, not afraid of
being affectionate. Um I my father was very very affectionate
man and gave me hugs and kissed me and and um,
and I thought that that was important and I loved
that he did that. And I think that both Turk
and j D would be very involved. They're the kind

(57:08):
of fathers that would want to be all over not
one of those people's like, all right, you to the woman,
you handle it. I'll I'll coach sports one day. That
was That was not my experience. But I think Turk
and j D co parented too, you know what I mean.
I think they helped each other out as far as

(57:29):
raising their kids went. You know, they say it takes
a village to raise a child, and I think their
little village. I think the hospital or you know, wherever
they wound up when the show ended. I'm I believe
they still lived in the same proximity of each other.
I think there it was a communal raising of the children,

(57:52):
even even uh, I think, yeah, I think j D.
I uh and uh, what was what was Elizabeth Bank's
character's name? Kim? Was it? Kim Yim? You didn't know, Zach,
you didn't know. I was waiting for Brian. I was
waiting for Brian. I was about I was like this,

(58:12):
I was like about to say, I was like pretending
that my mouth was opening, and then Brian said, yeah,
Kim Donald, I was waiting for Zach. Sorry. So my
baby mama, my baby mama. Right, So I think both
kids the one that he that JD had with Kim
and the one that he had with Elliott Uh and
then Turk's kids as well. I think they they were
raised together and they grew up together. I think in

(58:34):
one of the episode you try to like, I think
they got you were trying to set them up, right,
like it was one of the series finales. Maybe that
we were trying to set the kids up. Yeah, weren't
they like they met or something and they remember. I
remember I remember doing an episode in the park where
we're dolls, like dumb. Do you have another question? I

(58:57):
mean one of my other questions was just, you know,
advice for being a dad. But you you kind of
already covered that. You got this, dude, you got Yeah.
I mean it's listen, and I'm gonna be honest with you.
My advice ain't shit. I'm gonna keep it one hundred
with you. You know, it's it's how you two decide
to do the thing, you know what I mean. My
advice I can. All I can say is just just

(59:17):
show as much love as you can to your boy.
That's so important. I like what Zach was saying too.
I mean, me and Allen were joking but I was like,
I think, like the fact that JD was a sensey,
you know, like being sensitive is like an important thing
to impart in kids early, especially boys I think nowadays,
And so I think that's one of our you know,
our big focuses for him and just let them be

(59:40):
whoever they are. You know. A testament to my father
was he wasn't he was so into sports, my dad,
but he wasn't trying to make me a job. He wasn't. Unfortunately,
he was also in the theater, which which was what
I took to But um, but I mean, just like
my advice, and again I have no kids, so don't
listen to me. I have dogs, and I can highly
recommend crate training. Don't try that, but with the kid. Yeah,

(01:00:01):
that's why. That's what I always say to Donald when
I when I say to but I'm with Donald and
his kids are misbehaving, I'm like, why don't you just
put him in the crate? Dude? That works great for
my puppy. My daughter looked at me and she was like,
you're gonna put me in the crate? Yeah, right now.
She's like, but I'm not a dog. But I mean,
just let them one of the things I one of
the things I really cherished about my relationship with my

(01:00:22):
father was that he was so accepting of whoever his
kids were. And I, you know, you're obviously it's nature nurture.
You're going to be shaping a part of who they are,
of course too. But but let them show you who
they are and then and then and then celebrate that
and let that flourish. Again, that's coming from someone with
no children, but it is coming from someone who had
a great dad and and and and was really appreciative

(01:00:45):
that he was like that. Well, can I ask one
more thing sort of related? But did you guys You
know I didn't like look up biographies. Did you guys
have siblings? Yes? I have several siblings. I have four brothers,
two uh, that I grew up with and two that
I did not grow up with. But we were a
big family. I think that's why I have such a

(01:01:06):
big family. Now I feel like it's the more the marrier. Yeah,
I have two. I have three. Sorry, let me start again.
I had four children total in my family, and I'm sorry,
I'm struggling with this. Just to be honest, I lost
my sister two years ago, so I'm like literally trying
to Sorry, it's okay, but I'm trying to answer this
question honestly, and it's like I'm having to recount. There

(01:01:28):
were four children in my family, and then my parents
got divorced and remarried and I gained three stepsisters, so
two stepsisters on one side, one step sister on the
other side, so we were we were a huge family.
And and yeah, so I also think you guys should
have more So sorry, sorry guys, but you're gonna have
to have more kids so they can. Well that's what
I would think, because we only have the one, and

(01:01:49):
that's probably gonna be it. Um, so you know, I'm
the whole only child, especially nowadays when I don't even
know when he'll be able to hang out with other kids,
you know, or if he'll be able to go to
preschool or stuff like that. Are right, I think you
got it some years before. You be worried about that.
So you'll play vaccines or will be intended and we

(01:02:09):
can all go back to a new normal, right sometime
within a year or two. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Is
the keg still open in Evanston? The bar, No, that's
where we used to go and try and sneak in
with our fake IDs. Yeah, we're We're like, that's probably.

(01:02:30):
What's the name of yours? The name of your place?
It's called Beer on Central. It's not very inventive because
if we're on I want us to do an ad
for it. Right now, we're gonna do an ad for it. Donald.
But I'm in Evanston, Illinois, and I want a beer.
You know where I go? Where do you go, Zach?
I go to Beer on Central. Beer on Central is
Oh yeah, Oh it's a place, and it's in Evanston.
And if you're gonna buy beer, it's the best place

(01:02:50):
to buy beer. It's called Beer on Central. Is it
on Central? It's on Central. It's called Beer on Central. Awesome,
And you know a lot of Northwestern students are always
looking for a place to buy beer. Yeah. Do you
sell kegs? Brian? We don't, but I mean after this
I can. Yes, Brian is gonna change his whole business
model to offer kegs to all you come. Yes, this

(01:03:12):
is worth millions of dollars in free advertising. Yeah. No,
this is insane. So Donald's Central Beer on Central. The
next time I'm in Evanston, Illinois, I am going to
check out Beer on Central. Yeah, and you know what, Donald,
You know what, Donald, I might even just go to
Evanston to buy beer from Beer on Central. Yeah. You
know what if you do, just tell him, Brian O'Malley sentia,

(01:03:34):
I will. What's a beer that you Brian's the only
one there, so be like Brian everything, Brian. For for
those of people who are listening who like who like beer,
can you recommend one of your microbrew or fancy beers
that people should try that you highly recommend? Um? You

(01:03:55):
know right now? Like what's really popular is like I
was drinking earlier, these like hazy I Pas. They're tend
to be like kind of stronger, very juicy, not bitter,
very popular. This one's from Saint Aaron. They're great, hot butcher.
There's a bunch of really cool ones in the city,
so so so Saint Aaron is the brand. This one. Yeah,
that's what I'm having now is a Saint Aaron. Can

(01:04:15):
I get that anywhere? Can I get that in Los Angeles? No?
Like right now, we only do local stuff. Stop only
doing that's even cool. One of the other things I
like about Beer on Central, Donald, what is its small
it's all local beer. Oh you're talking about beer on Central. Yeah.
One of the things, one of my favorite things about
Beer on Central in Evanston, Illinois, is that it's all

(01:04:36):
all stocked with local breweries. That sounds delicious. I like
IPA a lot, by the way, and this is going
to sound really lame in Hollywood, but I'm gluten free,
and uh, there are some really good gluten free IPA beers. Yeah,
we have some too. There's one called Omission. I'll give
a shout out too, Osion, and there's one I think

(01:04:57):
called Glutenberg, not Steve Gutenberg, Gluten Glutenberg. Yeah, they'd have
gluten in the title. So there you go. I'm giving
those beers a shout out, and they should advertise with us,
because we're giving such a wonderful advertisement to beer from
you guys. Out of box, you know, give me an address. No, no, no,
I'm not giving you my address. Give me a po box.

(01:05:18):
We don't want to take your your wares. We don't
want to take your wares. We want you to you
need to make that money for this baby. That's right,
she's making us right. Really. So that being said, if
you're ever in Evanston, Illinois, the place to go for
a great local beer. Yeah, beer on Central, Beer on Central,
everybody Beer on Central and listen, guys, thanks for coming on,

(01:05:40):
Thanks for the good questions, thanks for telling us about
beer on Central, and um, have fun and I'm Illinois.
I spent I spent four years there and had a
great time, although it's too fucking cold for human beings.
Ladies and gentlemen, big round of applause for Brian O'Mally
and beer on Central. Oh wow, you give you give

(01:06:02):
beer on Central? The oper treatment? Yeah? Why not? What's
what's the name of your partner? Again? Ellen and doctor
Ellen agreed? Thank you. You're blowing out the mixer here, Donald,
I'm not Oprah. Oprah doesn't go that loud. She has
them the mixer at the Oprah shows like here she

(01:06:24):
goes and he's readular, she's about to do it and
over the button. You can just see the mixer in
the back of the Opra show going, oh shit, she's
gonna yell, I'm getting this finger over. I hope Dan
does that when you're when you're saying a load of guests,
all right, bye, guys, thank you so much, Thank you
so much. Healthy congratulations you thanks, thank you. Wow? Donald?

(01:06:47):
What what nice folks? Donald? And um and I gotta
tell you, Um, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm
gonna frequent beer on Central next time you're in Evanston, Illinois.
Do you drink beer? You only drink beer anymore, do you.
I'm a huge beer drinker. I just you know, it's
so fine. I find yeah, I find that. Uh, it's
a little heavy for me. That's the only thing. It

(01:07:09):
just feels like shit when you're working out and trying
to stay thin and then you have a fucking big
as thick beer and you're like, h, I might as
well have a milkshake, right, I like hard liquor. Yeah,
I know, I like, Oh, I know, Oh you're an asshole.
You like tequila? Well, no, I I you know. I
it was Sinco de mayo yesterday. So and the last
time I had to kill it was the last thing

(01:07:29):
that I had in the in the in the cupboard.
But what I truly like. I like a good bourbon
or Scotch. What about Corvassier? No, what is what is corvasia?
I don't it's a it's a drink, it's a it's
a it's a brown liquor. Um. You know, for a while,
I was Corvasia. She's looking. I was a Hennessy drinker
for a while, you know, or ian Ja. I liked

(01:07:53):
ian Jay back in the day. I don't know what
any of these drinks are. You don't know what Hennessey is.
I've heard of Hennessey, but I don't think i've ever try.
I don't know what. You've had an Incredible Hulk before?
And you don't know what Hennessy. Do you remember the
incredible Hulk? Oh? Well, used to play poker and you
would make a Oh it's cogniac, she says. We used
to play poker and you would make a drink called
the Hulks. Was that a real drink or you made

(01:08:14):
it up? I didn't make that up. But when you
mixed Tennessee and not Alasa but hypnotic, Hennessey and Hypnotic
mixed together, sounds horrible. Oh, but it would turn Hulk
green and you would only need one. It was so sweet, right,
But you'd only need one to knock you on your ass.
And we would play poker and the crew would come over,

(01:08:37):
you know, Calvin would come over, Ethan would come over.
You would come over and we drink that all night
and freaking be hammered until like four o'clock, five o'clock
in the morning. Yeah, playing poker. Have you ever had
a cement mixer? What the heck is that? It's fucking nasty.
It's two different things. You guys can google it if
you want a puke. I remember doing this on my

(01:08:59):
twenty first birthday and I puked. Um. But it's two
different alcohols you put in your mouth and they solidify
when they react with each other, and it feels like
a cementy oatmeal thing that's disgusted. It's so gross that
it's like it's the kind of thing that college kids
do shots of, like Yager Moister. You ever do shots
a Yeagermeister? Yeah? I'm proud to say that at forty

(01:09:22):
five years old, I can't drink like that anymore, nor
do I want to hangover. It's like four days. Yeah,
you know, I've learned a little thing. You remember we
did that thing in Scrubs. Yeah, play we did that
thing in Scrubs that it's become so relevant in my life.
I don't know what episode it was, but we went
around the table of all the different ages of women.
Who was the was Mandy, it was many more, and

(01:09:46):
then Sarah, and then Judy and then Christa and they
were all hungover, and the camera went around and showed
all the different levels of how it hangover affects different ages. Yes,
and then by the time it got to Christa, she
had sunglasses, it was asleep and yeah, with a smile
on her face. I think of that fantasy over, not fantasy.
I think of that moment all the time, because, uh, man,

(01:10:08):
a hangover at forty five is not a hangover at
twenty five. No, it's not. Listen, I miss you, do you?
It's always so nice to touch base with you. Do
you really miss me? Man? If if the world were open,
I'd have you over. We'd we'd we'd sit by the pool.
We'd have we'd have a Margarita. I would I bring
my picture of Margarita to do you bring your picture over.

(01:10:31):
I'm supposed to write today, but I would. I would
scrap writing and just join you by the pool for Margarita's.
That's what would happen today. You're working right now, huh
I am, I'm writing. Look do you want to see
I'll show you look at this. This is just showing
that shit ain't fucking around. This is the first draft. Wow,
you're for real about it. He just pulled out a
two finger that's about an inch of Yeah, it's way

(01:10:52):
too long right now. A typical screen a typical screenplay
for those of you not in the know, it's roughly
one hundred and twenty pay just because they say roughly
a script works out to a page a minute, and
you don't want your movie typically to exceed one hundred
and twenty minutes um. And this first draft is one
hundred and forty four pages, so there'll be lots of
cutting to to occur. But it's happening. Donald, The wheels

(01:11:16):
are turning good for you. Yeah, for you. Aren't you
going to ask what you usually ask when I write
a screenplay and any black people in it? There are
black people in it, and there might even be a
part for you, a good part, or you just gonna
throw me a little bone. You'll probably have to audition.
When I gave Donald my first draft of Garden State,
he said said to me, I really want you to

(01:11:37):
read my script. It was my first screenplay. He was
my new best friend, And I said I'd really like
you to read this, And he said, are there any
black people in it? And I said, um, there's there's
one or two. One you're not right for because he's
he's an African man that's been adopted by Natalie Portman's family,
and the other is um is being played. At the time,

(01:12:01):
you had given the part to most death. Is what
you said to me. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did,
really method it was method It was always method man.
It was okay, so then it was method man at
the time you said, you said yeah, And then the
other part I gave to method Man. And I knew
right then and that that I would never read that script.
And so Donald Donald in protest because I had given
the role to to method man. Um never read the script.

(01:12:27):
It's a great movie, though, thank you, thanks very very
very well received. Also, thank you, and and you're in
you know, I could thank you. Oh Dan's given thumbs up,
and Donald, I mean, I didn't make the same mistake twice.
And I made sure to put you in wish I
was here. Yeah, and I was very happy to be
in that movie as well. Great movie, Mandy, but Timken,
holy cow. Yeah, and you were very funny in that

(01:12:48):
movie you only had Mandyke. Let's let's get Mandy Buttemken,
Josh Gad Holy cow, yeah, Kate Hudson, Holy cow. Yeah.
There's some great performance and just great performance funny in
the movie. Let's give a shout out to the film
Wish I Was Here, which you can you can see.
I think it's on Netflix. You know how I know
it's on Netflix, at least in the United States is
Joey King, who's plays My Daughter, has become so fair.

(01:13:12):
Joey King steals the movie and has become so famous
that Netflix has redone the poster, so it's just Joey
King's face. Even if you don't watch the movie, do
me a favor and go to your Netflix and look
up Wish I Was Here, and you will see it's
a picture of Joey King's head because she has become
such a big star, and particularly on Netflix with with

(01:13:33):
Kissing Booth, which was like one of their most watch
movies ever. And I just thought it was funny that
Netflix was like, no, we don't need Kate Hudson, Zach Ralph,
Josh Goad and maybe Potanko on the plush. You're just
a shot of Joey's head, but much deserved. She's a
superstar that she has a superstar. Thank you so much
for listening to fake doctor's real friends. I'm your co host,
Zach Braff, along with my friend Donald Fayzon. Here to

(01:13:55):
make you laugh, Here to make a smile with a
touch of nostalgia are Here's some stories about Shore. We
made about a bunch of docs and nurses and a
janitor who learned me here I said, he the stories. Nephew,
all should go. So gather around you here, ire, gather

(01:14:17):
around you here. I'm scrut free. Watch your winds act
mm hmm.