May 29, 2024 • 50 mins
The conversation explores the concept of mindset shift, the importance of gauging progress, the impact of comfort zones, and the journey toward personal and professional growth. It delves into the process of change, consistency, and the pursuit of a better version of oneself.
David discusses the changes he is making in his life and the impact it has on his relationships and family. He shares his journey of personal growth and the sacrifices he is making for a better future to prepare for the next mountain ahead.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
A mindset shift is when you change your thinking or
the way you think about something to get in alignment
with accomplishing a goal. That's a mindset shift, or accomplishing
some sort of achievement. That's a mindset shift. And it's
possible to do that. That's a very possible thing to do,
(00:24):
but in order to do that, you have to you
have to change. In order to do that, you have
to process new information. In order to do that, you
have to commit to achieving an outcome. An easy example
for me to describe this is if there's a goal
I'm trying to accomplish, like weight loss, right, I'd like
(00:46):
to lose weight, I have to change my mindset on
how I view food. I have to start viewing food
as a source of energy and nutrition instead of taste
and flavor. If I eat just because I like the
taste and flavor, I'm very likely to continue to experience
weight issues. But if I change my mindset about this
(01:08):
to like this is how I get nutrition and energy
into my body, then I start making different choices. So
that's a mindset shift, And in order to do that,
you just have to commit to the process and you
have to take on new information and allow that to
impact how you think. Welcome back to family Therapy. I'm
(01:38):
your host, Elliott Connie. What's been better since you listened
to the previous episode? Once again, this is a very
important aspect of solution focused brief therapy where I want
you to focus on things that are getting better. So
we're going to always ask ourselves that question. It's very
important that you are able to gauge your progress towards
(02:02):
a goal, because if you don't do that, then every
step feels like failure. Like if you don't gauge how
much you're progressing towards an outcome, then every day you're
not at your outcome feels like failure. But if you
are able to gauge your progress towards that outcome, then
(02:25):
every day feels like a micro achievement on your way
to the macro achievement. So that's why I always ask
my questions where they are on a scale from zero
to ten, because it helps them to gauge. I might
not be at ten, but I'm no longer at zero,
and that changes the feeling of failure to feeling of success.
(02:51):
A comfort zone is exactly as it sounds. It's a
place where you feel most comfortable. But it's actually the
enemy of six And the reason it's the enemy of
success is because we seek out comfort without thinking about
whether or not comfort is healthy or not. Comfort is
(03:13):
just what I'm most familiar with. So if you grew
up in an environment where there's lots of drugs and alcohol,
that becomes your comfort zone. That's what you're most familiar with.
We don't think about whether it's good for us or not.
We just think that it's comfortable for us. And when
we make changes, changes are always uncomfortable. Even really positive
(03:34):
changes are uncomfortable. And what ends up happening to people
is they want to grow and change and become the
better version of themselves. But change leads to uncomfort and
then people recoil back to the comfort zone. That's why
comfort zones are very crippling and they become a hindrance
towards people changing and becoming successful. And it's why if
(03:55):
you want to change, grow and progress, you have to
get comfort. Being uncomfortable, you cannot have a proper mindset
shift while being in the comfort zone. A mindset shift
will always trigger uncomfort. Today is spent directly focusing with
(04:16):
David who seems to have completely shifted his energy and
is motivated towards change. So, David, what's been better since
we last.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Thought staying consistent with certain things? Added something else so
I could get consistent with That's what's been better?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You added something else?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, just something else that I you know, and it's
I mean, it's small, it's more for me. Just every morning.
I used to wake up and do my push ups.
So I started that last week. Oh so every morning,
every morning I wake up up, when I get out
the shower and do all my stuff, I do my
setup push ups. So I was like, I got to
(05:06):
start doing that again. I used to do it all
the time, like all the time. So I just I'm
just you know, I've been reading some stuff, listening to
some audios, and it was like I just got to
start creating, getting more discipline, getting my discipline back. I
was like, I'm gonna start with this. Yeah, I'm gonna
start with this. So that's been good.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
What made you bring that back? Like, at what point
did you decide I gotta bring this back?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Well, just with you know, the last couple of sessions
things how I want to start moving forward And I
always been health conscious, like, you know, I try to
eat good, I take my supplements. I'm not really a
big gym guy. If I could work out at home,
like I will go to the gym, but if I
(05:53):
could work out at home, because now don't got to
pay for no membership, I do it at home. So
I was like, David, know what, start doing your push
ups again, start doing your push ups. Yeah. So I
just I just started when I told myself that, and
it was like in the middle of the day, I
just got down, did my push ups. And then I say,
every morning, wake up, no matter what, I'm gonna do
(06:13):
my push ups, every morning, doing my push ups.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I love that. What else have you noticed yourself being
consistent with.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
The way I respond, the way I'm not getting upset
at certain things like at word, you know, at home,
just just controlling myself more, you know, thinking about my
response before I even say it. Stop not worrying about
the little stuff. If I if it's out of my
controlers out of my control. If I only could do
(06:41):
what I can do, then I'm gonna do what I
can do. And this the rest is just you know,
it is what it is. Leave it in God's hands
or and that's it said, I've just been trying to
shift my mind in my thinking and get back to
like it used to be right when I and I
and when I sit back and reflect, when I was
in that free and see and I had that energy,
(07:02):
it just felt different. And then things that just started
falling into place. So that's what that's the frequency I'm
trying to get back to and the energy I need
to have.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
I love that. And what have you noticed as you've
been doing these consistent things, what have you noticed about
the difference it's making for.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
You smiling more, you know, just feeling good. It's got
a different like it's like you know when you got
on a new suit or new clothes, like, or you
know you got some money in your pocket, you just
walk different, right, I just I just yeah. So it's
just like that's what I noticed the most, right, So
I got to notice the change in me the most. Right.
(07:42):
It's not a big change yet, but it's a slow
it's a slow change, and it's changing because of some
of the things that I'm implementing into the change. Like,
like I said, I dropped my son off, I listened
to one of my audios. It's either Eric Thomas or
Less Brown listen to that for about twenty thirty minutes
just to get some positive stuff, like you know, all
(08:04):
positive radio, no ESPN radio, none of that, you know,
not eager. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I've been
doing lately. And I noticed I'm starting to notice the
difference even the performance at work, right because it been
a situation, something happened. Everybody like, oh god, sorry, I said, No,
(08:25):
I don't feel sorry. I said, I did everything I
could do, right, I ain't. I ain't sorry about it.
It's gonna come back. And then with having that approach
because that's what I used to say all the time
when I was at my other job, having that approach,
and what happened. It came right back, different customer, It
came right back, just like that. So I was like,
see it came back. Can't be mad, you can't dwell
(08:46):
on it. It's over with, it's done. You know, did
everything in your power right, helped them try, you know,
made the phone calls. It's just not working. Got to
move on. And that's what I did.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Man. That's how different is this from the way you
were recently?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
You know, Oh, it's a big difference. It's a big
difference a couple of months ago, even a few few
weeks ago. Let's start, we could go December or November
like it's a it's like night and day pretty much. Yeah,
it's not the same, David. I don't care what nobody
else say. I know and I feel it's not the same, David.
(09:23):
So yeah, man, I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Okay. So what what are you hoping you could get
from me today that would help you stay on this path?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
You No, I don't know, man. You know, I'm used
like the last two sessions, like everything that you was
bringing to the table and you know, and what we
was discussing was awesome. So I'm like, I look forward
to the sessions and everything. So I whatever you have
up your sleeve, I think I'm ready for it.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
All right. Let me ask you, like, okay, so let
me ask you this. On a scale of zero to ten,
ten is you are the absolute best version of yourself
and zero is the exact opposite. Where would you say
you were a few weeks and months ago?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Probably like a one.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Okay, And where would you say you are today?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Honestly, still got a lot of work to do, probably
like a three and a half almost four.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Three and a half almost four. Okay, if you woke
up tomorrow and instead of a three and a half
almost four, you were like a four and a half
almost five, how would you notice it? What would be
a clue to you that it has gone up just
a bit, Like you can go all the way up to ten,
but it just grat it's just a little bit ticked
up the scale. How would you notice it?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
To be honest, I think it had to be a
few days in a row, right, because, like I said,
I'm trying to build consistency, Like that's one of the
things that I need to get back, being consistent out
certain things, you know, building that discipline. So I think
I need a Today is Wednesday, so I will probably
need like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and I'll be like, okay,
(11:10):
all right, here we at? This is what okay, David? Yeah,
So I think it would take more than you know,
me betting off of work, going home and waking up tomorrow.
I'm like, okay, I'm at a four and a half.
I got to get out of my comfort zone. And
that's why I'm trying to create. And that was one
(11:31):
of the things I listened to with Les Brown. Get
out your comfort zone. You gotta get out your comfort zone.
That's one of the things that Jay said this before
you know said this. She said, David, the reason he's
still with Nicky at Ferromre is because he's comfortable there.
And it's like he's comfortable. He's aweso maddic. He says
that he's comfortable. Right, it's so many other things that
(11:52):
he could be doing. He says he's comfortable with it.
He could do it with his eyes closed. To sit
there and ask me anything about out furniture size. I
don't have to come to your house and I can
ask you certain questions and I can size up your
what you need in your basement or what you need
in your living room or something like that. And I
never saw your home. I don't need to look at pictures.
(12:13):
I just know what questions I ask you. That's how
that's that's how detail and how long I've been doing it,
and I know what I'm doing and I'm comfortable with it,
like talking about stuff like that. And she said, and
that's one of the biggest things. And I noticed that too, Right,
If I want to spend more time, more time with
my boys, if I want to increase income to do
(12:34):
other things, I got to get out of my comfort zone.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So yeah, man, I have so many questions. My first
question is you brought up Jake. Has she noticed the
growth from like feeling like you're at a one on
that scale to being another three point five maybe before.
I don't know, not that it's about her totally, but
I'm just curious if she's noticed and she's around.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
You, I don't know. Then as I really don't know,
I don't know. I think it's at the point she
may think it's little. I think it's a it's a
bigger step for me. I think it's gonna take a
little bit more for her to respond, like verbally respond
(13:21):
on certain things. So and I'm comfortable with that. I'm
cool with that, Like it's not like I don't look
at that, like, oh, she's not noticing that. She didn't
give me no validation though, because it's some things that
I need to do that must be done, but it's
certain little steps I need to take so I can
get to that. And that's what I'm trying to create
and trying to build so I can get to that point.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Right, And what if your boys noticed.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Well, they're still young, so you know, it's Daddy all
the time. If my daughter was living with me, she
could probably she'll probably have a better cause he's sixteen.
Even if she was twelve, she probably could relate a
message a little bit more though. But I just I
don't know what. I don't know what is God say.
I really don't Isaiah. This thing. Everything Dad does, Oh
(14:06):
Dad is cool. We get in my car, I listened
to music. I got the whole backseat to myself. And
you know, I'm gonna brush my teeth when he brush
his teeth. You know what I'm saying. I don't like Daddy.
I don't like you putting Vassilina on my face. Your
hand's not soft like Mommy's, like you know, little stuff
like like you know, and that just cracks me up.
(14:27):
Like I'm I like, listen, if you can see me
around my boys, man, like it's like it don't matter
what's going on, right, No matter what's going on, my
boys bring me joy. All my kids do. As I said,
My daughter lives in Florida, Like even when my mom passed, right,
it was a blessing that I had my sons there,
(14:50):
Like especially the guy, because they kids and it is
being theyself. They one hundred percent or organic, and it
just it just helped with the process. Yeah, it really
helped with the process. Yeah. And so those my guys,
you know, and Isaiah loved hanging out like like I said, man, like,
you know, me and him hang out at the barbershop
(15:10):
like that's his thing. He's Friday. Come oh man, me
and him at the barbershop last Friday. I forgot to
make my appointment. I thought I did. Picked him up
from afteric. Here we there at six o'clock barber My guy,
it's a very good friend of mine, he said, Dave,
I don't think he may appointment. He looked at it,
(15:30):
he said he didn't. He was like, can you come
back at nine? And that's Friday. I got a five
year old. I was like, nine, I could come back
at ten o'clock if I have to. So I say,
you know what, I said, Isaiah? You ready to go?
He was like, nah, Dad, I could say. I got
my tablet the music. He said, no, I don't want
to go. I said, all right. I said, you're hungry.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
When next door got him some food, he ate and
we just hung out in the barbershop until like eight o'clock.
He got in a chair and I got in the chair.
He was playing cars. He high five in everybody, high
five in me and didn't get in the cart.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Dadtny.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
That was the best act for so much fun. So
and I always I always said, I can't wait until
I have boys so I could take him to the
barbershop with me. Like that's just some of the things,
like I can't wait till I teach him. I'm teaching
them a little bit how to tie tie and stuff
like that, but I couldn't wait to take them to
(16:27):
the barbershop with Like I think that's you got a son,
you need them take them to the barbershop. Which is
just a difference. Mom can't do it. And I see women,
you know whatever the situation is bringing their son to
the barbershop. But I'd rather it be mean, like we're
not missing it. Yeah, I rather it be mean. So
you know that's that's me and his time, his little brother.
(16:50):
He really can't go. That's why I try not to
go home and then bring Isaiah because Zeke know now
when we leave the house and he want to he
want to go with the boys. I want to go
with boys? How you want to go with dad? You know,
because he's starting to you know, he's starting to be
more aware of things. So but yeah, it's a beautiful thing.
And I told him, I was like, got to say,
he's when he comes to the barbershop, how to hang
(17:11):
out and how to act in the barbershop. He said, yeah, Daddy,
I'm gona shown. I got I'm shown. I'm like this. God.
He's only five years old though, but he's a good
big brother. They good together. They good together.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
That's amazing. And another thing you mentioned like at work, well,
you mentioned a couple of things that all kind of
said the same thing, Like Jay said, like David's just
comfortable less Brown talking about like you gotta be uncomfortable
and you could kind of do your job in your
sleep if you really embrace this, like make yourself uncomfortable mentality,
(17:48):
Where do you hope it takes you? Even professionally, Like
where do you where do you hope this journey takes.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
You top of the mountain, top of the mountain. If
I make myself uncomfortable and I transition into higher ticket sales,
it's over with, Like because it's it's it's too many,
too many people I meet, uh customers that come into
the building, family like David, you need I it is
(18:19):
time to throw the talent with with with furniture. It's
like you got to go to a higher ticket item
and you'll do very well. Like and Jay told me
this multiple times. It's like she's not gonna tell me
no more. She's to the point now she needs to
see it and then she's gonna be like high five,
I told you see see you see like not like
(18:40):
not like I told you, but you see right? Yeah,
And I and I think that's what it is, right,
So it's it's definitely time for that change. Especially I
can't want to have more time with my boys. I
can't want to make more income, right, I can't want
like I'm tired of doing this. And it's like a
(19:02):
it is what it is with that if and don't
make a change. So will it be a little bit uncomfortable, yes,
will it hurt for a second, absolutely right, But will
I get through it? One hundred and twenty percent. And
I'm confident that I'm gonna get through it. So that's
back going to lighting that fire. You know, fire is burning,
(19:24):
you know I know, I got Mom and Siss looking
over me, and they know I could do it. You
know what I'm saying, It's it's time for me to
do it. It's no more talking. It's just time for
me to go ahead and just do it. Like you know,
I gotta it. Got to a point like I'm the asset, right,
So I'm the asset. I'm the one that's thriving in store.
So I need to get up out of here right
(19:44):
because it's not what I want to do no more.
Once the passion is gone and you don't want to
do it no more, then it's like all right it
is it's like, ah whatever. When I get to that,
and I and when I first started in this game,
like it wasn't like that, Like you couldn't pull me
from the store. Jaylen could call me right now and
say she locked herself out the house. I'll leave to
(20:06):
go open up the door, and I know where the
spirit key is at. Yeah, it's it's like that now,
Like you know what I'm saying, You couldn't pull me
from the store. Like I worked New Year's Day ten
year streight well nine years straight, wow, last two weeks ago.
Last New Year's at this passed, I called out, Wow,
(20:29):
what what is higher ticket sales?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Like? What what like real estate?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Oh yeah, I really want to get into the real
estate market, like I really want to get dealing with relatives.
And I'm like, yo, he's not even sales. This is
their thing with sales, right, It's the same foundation with sales.
It's just a different product. Right. So that's why when
I meet other salespeople or and they selling something else,
(20:57):
I know when they missing a step, you know when
they're not asking the right questions. Now, I don't got
to know one hundred percent about this industry though, but
I know the foundation the selves. Once you master that craft,
it doesn't matter, right, because you got to learn the product.
So if I learned the product, if it was a vehicle,
if it's a home or an apartment, whatever the case
may be, then I take the skill set that I'm
(21:20):
a master and now implement it. Right. So you gotta
have personality, You gotta know what you're talking about. You
gotta be confident, right, you got to be punctual and
things of that nature. And you can't be afraid to
ask the hard questions, right, you can't be afraid. And
money not gonna impress me. I don't care if you're
a millionaire or whatever. I got friends, I got a
(21:41):
lot of money, right, and I sat down with NFL owners,
So I don't care. None of that is going to
distract me and going into your wallet and getting your money.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So if you if you keep being uncomfortable and keep
progressing and start selling things like cars, apartments or homes,
that's more in line with the David you want to be.
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Yep? Because it's going to create a good income. It's
going to free up my time, right that I can
spend with my family. Okay, the one thing about the
industry I'm in now, it takes a lot of time
and wait for my family, right, And that's and that's
and like I'm big on family. I like spending time
with my family. Do I like hanging out with my
(22:22):
friends sometimes? Yes? Though, But I like hanging out with
my family too, right, And that's that's that's what's gonna happen.
My boys are going to start getting a little older
playing sports. I want to be at practice or at
the games, right, I know how I know that feeling
when your dad is not at a game or you know,
he's not really showing up to a practice or something
(22:44):
like that. No, I want to be there, Mommy shouldn't.
I'm not taking nothing away from women or nothing like that.
But if if the father is involved and he's in
their lives and they he's with the mother, the dad
d the dad needs to be doing that too. Like
(23:04):
most of the time is the certain things I feel
like the father should be doing. And for me to
do that and to want that, I got to change
something up, and I think I do very well at
it too, to be honest with you, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
You know, it's funny you said you used the phrase
a couple of minutes ago top of the mountain, and
it dawned on me you actually went to the top
of the Athletic mountain, like you have been to the
absolute top of a mountain before, Like that's not unusual.
How do you think you're your history of getting to
(23:38):
the top of another mountain will help you get to
the top of this.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Next one, because I know what it's gonna take to
do that, right. It's just like, you know, back to
the furniture thing, like I done been to the top
of it and sells right, it's nowhere else to go
just to sell more like a champion. All that stuff
created increase revenue and store and things of that nature.
(24:01):
So there's nowhere else to go unless you want to
switch your position, right, and I don't want to switch
my position, So I know it takes hard work, it
takes discipline. Right, It's not gonna like You're not gonna
the Floodgate's not gonna open up right away. And I
understand that process. That doesn't discourage you, right, because I
know if you keep at it and you keep working
(24:22):
and mastering your skill set with because I still I
still listen and read stuff about seals and how to
close seals and figure out people and personality and human
behavior things of that nature. So once you get all
of that and then you put it into your own
routine like I did with football, I did with cells
(24:44):
when I was in furniture and security systems and things
of that nature, is going to get you to that level.
It's the same. It's a it's the same same process,
different discipline, same process, different different discipline, and that's all
it is. Now that just got a switch because you're
going into a different industry, right, same process though, same process,
(25:06):
And I gotta get that process. So, like you said,
let's brown get uncomfortable for a little bit. And It's crazy.
When I was listening to him, I felt like he
was talking to me, Like I just like, damn, is
he sitting in the car with me. It's like, I'm like, Dad,
I looked over to the side. I was like, nah,
I ain't sitting there, But why he talking to you?
(25:27):
This felt like he was just talking to me. Like
I didn't hear nothing else around me, no cars, no
fire trucks, nothing. I just heard him and that was it.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I was like, yeah, yeah, I love the energy of
this session. We'll continue this conversation with David to learn
more about the changes he is making when we come back. Okay,
so back to this the scale number, how would you
(25:57):
notice over you said it would take a couple of
days of consistency. What would be some of those signs
over those couple of days that would tell you I'm
kind of more like a four and a half five? Now,
what would you what would you.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
See maintaining my month, my morning routines, Uh, my energy
not physical energy, but you know, my my my aurah.
And you know, I think if that stays consistent. I
know you're gonna have some off days. It's the way
(26:28):
you handle your off day, right, I think that's gonna.
That's gonna. Let me know that. Okay, it's trying to
raise the number up a little bit. I think that's what.
That's definitely gonna let me know, right, it's not as
I can't. I can't make it. I can't put a
number on it tomorrow. You know, I need I need
a couple more days of Okay, all right, this is
(26:51):
what I want because you know, let's say tonight, the
baby crying or whatever, and I go to sleep late,
or I wake up at four in the morning and
can't go back to sleep. Right, Usually I do that.
I'm like, I don't got time to do nothing in
the morning. I'm cranky and everything. Right, No, still gotta
get up, Still gotta do what I need to do.
(27:11):
Do my pushups, listen to my motivational stuff. You know,
it don't gotta be twenty minutes. It could be ten minutes.
And just keep it going, right. That's how you know
when all right, this is now, this is just happy.
He's gonna keep on doing it. He's gonna keep on
doing it and it's crazy too. I don't even drink
coffee as much as no more said I have, Like
(27:33):
I have about two cups of coffee in the last
two weeks and don't even need it. Going to bed early, right,
I started going to bed a little earlier now instead
of staying up till two three in the morning, I'm
in bed probably like eleven. The other night I stayed
up a little late because I was working, right, But
other than that, I'm in bed about eleven, ten o'clock,
(27:56):
ten thirty. Wake up in the morning. No coffee like
I probably had, like yeah, maybe maybe three cups in
two weeks?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Is that on?
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Oh? I was a that's definitely unusual used to be.
I wake up, drink my bottle of water. If Jay's
up before me, and I'll smell of coffee. I'm like, yo,
she ain't make no coffee yet. I'm downstairs at coffee
on Yeah, maybe a cup and a half. I'm taking
my tumblr with me to work with a thing full
of coffee, straight black. Right to the point now, I
(28:30):
was like like, no, not, I haven't had I definitely
I didn't have none today, Yesterday, Monday, Sunday definitely had nothing. Saturday,
I think I had my last cup of coffee. Probably
was like Friday, I think I had a cup Friday. No,
(28:52):
I had a cup.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
No, But how do you explain that that is such
a drastic shift? How do you explain that?
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I don't know, man, I think I was dependent on
it because I was feeling sluggish, right, and then it
just started. You know what, you want to stop feeling sluggish,
Go to bed a little earlier, right, do your pushups? Right?
When you work out, you create more oxygen in your blood, right,
(29:21):
more oxygen in your body, more energy you have. Right,
So I know the science on that. So I was like, well,
if I stopped doing this and that, then maybe I
don't need a coffee in the morning, right, And then
you know, like I'm like, I like I read it.
I do a lot of stuff on health. It's not
the best choice of an energy boost, right, but it's
(29:44):
a good It's not a super bad choice though. But
I was like, nah, I don't even need it, like
for real, don't even need it. Don't even need it.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
That's crazy. Mmm, that is crazy. As do you continue
to shift in this way? What do you hope what
do you hope this does? To your relationship with Jay.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I hope and I pray that it just brings us
closer and help us to communicate with each other more,
love on each other, more, open up our hearts more
to each other. Like I really, really really think I
(30:28):
really want that to happen. And I think by this,
by me doing this, because one thing she told me
this before, she said, you have all the tubes, right,
you have everything that you can get whatever you want.
You just got to go for it and do it.
And I think by me doing this, it's going to
(30:50):
keep that consistent smile on her face, and it's going
to help me concentrate more on her too, Right. But
I gotta get myself right. I gotta get myself right,
you know. And it's going to take some sacrifice and
some discipline for me to do that. And then it's gonna,
I know, it has to like it got to work,
(31:11):
like it has the work as the work as the work.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
You've said a few things about Jay that make me think,
and I just want to make sure I caught this right. Then,
some of this stuff she's been asking you to do
for a really long time.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah, absolutely, I would bet you.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Knowing what I know, about you know, relationships and people
and how we operate. She might be noticing some of
these things, but she might be thinking, you know, it's
about time. What took you so long? Or you know,
too little, too late, or all of those things. What
do you imagine she needs to notice that would help
her realize like, oh, this is real, Like this is
this is actually happening. He's not just doing this, He's
(31:50):
this is real.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I think the biggest change when she knows for real,
for real is when I walk away from home. Wow, okay,
I think when I think when I do that, she's
gonna be like and got a plan, like already got
something in play, because that's one thing I do. I'm
not gonna quit a job and don't have nothing else
(32:12):
for a backup. Like that's just not I don't think
that's a good decision, especially when you got people that's
depending on you, right, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah,
now I'm sick. I'm sitting on a couple million dollars
and I do that, then that's a whole different ball
game though. But I won't do nothing like that as
a man. I won't do that, right, But if I
walk in the house, and I told him like, yo,
today was my last day. Yeah right, I'm serious, call
(32:39):
them accent right for real? What made you oh? Them
sessions really helping? How shocked would.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
She be for you to say, like, I'm walking away
from making home and I'm selling a higher, I'm selling houses, cars, apartments,
one of those higher.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
To listen when when I was with Neil shot and
I parted ways with them, well they let me go, right.
I thought I was gonna come home and she was
gonna rip me a new one. I came home, man,
and this one I was still eating me. She was
asking me, what do you want for dinner? I said,
what I want for dinner? I said, Baby, they just
(33:22):
let me go. She said, I know it wasn't your fault, right,
They didn't want you there, David. I don't want you
there no more? Right? So what you I was like, Okay, well,
I want you to make that good old meatloaf that
you make with the spendings and empetic cheese and all that. She'said,
that's what you want? I said, absolutely, I'm simple, that's
I love that ditch When I ate, I loved that,
(33:42):
and like she like it wasn't She was because my
friends he man, they was like yo, Jay's man. I
was like, ah, bro, she wasn't even mad, Like she
know I like tequila. She had me some some tequila
waiting for me at the house, and I was like,
she ain't even mad. Bro. It was like for real.
I was like nope. And I told I'm gonna take
the summer off because she was pregnant. I say, I'm
gonna take the summer off. I'll start looking for something
(34:03):
in September, turn down a job, offering everything because I
ain't want to work that far because she was pregnant
and it was a high risk pregnancy and we enjoyed
our summer and everything. Yeah, I was shot. So for
me to walk away from right now on my terms,
walk away on my terms and and have a plan
in play, oh yeah, she gonna Yeah, it's gonna be
(34:26):
a double high five hug. Probably, or she might because
I know I know it, she might try to hold
back a little bit. She'd be like, okay, all right,
all right, no good job, fizz bump high five, you
know right now, let's see now, let's let's just keep
this train rolling. But I think it'll definitely bring some
(34:46):
joy inside with her right. I think she'll probably step
on the porch or whatever and probably like yeah, you know,
or when she pray at night, she'll probably say something
like thank you for let opening up dated eyes or
giving them the courage and you know, for him to
walk away, because like things of that nature. I think
(35:07):
that's what she'll say. And it's about that, it's not
it's happening, Yeah, it's happening.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I think the phrase you use was happy inside. What
difference would it make for you to be making her
happy inside?
Speaker 2 (35:20):
It would make a big difference, because you know, it
was just one thing, and I said, is before one
thing that you know makes like that? I feel good.
It makes me happy and smile and seeing a smile
on my lady's face and my kids' faces, that's the
best joy. Like that joy right there. It's just like
(35:44):
as hon as you know, it's no it's priceless. And
I think, and I needed them smiles. I need to
put those back on her face, you know, I need.
I need to put those on her face, and some
of my chace and moving forward with life is gonna
definitely do that, because then everything else is gonna start
(36:07):
falling into place, like it should be like it used
to be.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Right, right, And how cool would it be for you
to have like a couple million dollars in the bank
and your your lady kids happy, Like if you continue
on this path at some point in the future, like
your bank account is full, Like what how cool would
that be?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
That'd be real cool. It'd be awesome. It'd be real awesome, right,
Probably not a couple of million dough but I have
some big money in the bank, and it's a different
type of feeling. But having it, having it and don't
having really like your significant other to share it with
it is a little is different. Having somebody you can
share it with and with your kids and stuff like that.
(36:49):
That's a ravery good thing. That's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
How do you know that?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Because it's like even like you know, like even now,
like with the little the little right, my sons and
daughter com their life up to this age, even my
daughter has sixteen is night and day compared to minds
in Jaylub to their age, right, And it's just the
sacrifices that us as parents that we made, and you know,
(37:19):
the things that we do to provide for them to
give them a little bit better life to do things
like that. Now, that's definitely gonna happen. I'm not one
of them guys that just because I got a few
dollars that I needed to have the most expensive stuff
on and things are like, not, that's not me, that's
not me. Right. So but this changing changing my income
(37:44):
or and my savings is just going to open up
their eyes to different things that's out there in the world.
Like my sons is like Zeke ain't even two yet,
in Isaiah is five. They don'et been on more airplanes
than I did. Like I didn't get out my first
airplane until I went to a college visit and I
(38:05):
was seventeen. My daughter and them been on shee took
multiple flights and she's only sixteen, right, So just that
little little stuff like that, little vacations going to different states.
The furtheres I've been until I was until I went
out my college visit was d C. Further as I've
(38:25):
been from Jersey to d C. Never been to Connectic
kut no three hours, yeah, three hours, yeah, never been
to Never been to Georgia until I became a young man,
like twenty twenty one, twenty two. Never been to Florida.
My family wasn't in one of the feelings that everybody's
(38:47):
gone down south for the summer, because a lot of
my family was up in Jersey. So we did a
lot of stuff up here, right but yeah, yeah, yeah,
like nope, mm hm. So that's big right now, little
things right now, the little stuff we introduced my son
to right now, you know, the neighborhood we live in
right now, Like I grew up in the hood, like
(39:10):
literally the hood. Like you can't walk down my block.
You after a certain time of the night, if you
ain't from the area, you're not walking down my block.
Right You're not gonna walk down there. And that's now.
Right back then you probably could a little bit, But
I grew up in the hood, like my son don't
know about that. Our job is for our kids to
grow up better than us, right that's our job. I'm
(39:33):
not mad at my mother and father. My mother raised
four kids by itself. She did what she needed to do.
She put food on the table close on our back
and the roof of our head, and she did what
she needed to do. Right. She got up and worked
doubles and triples so she can provide for us and
that's all right. So that was my turn for my children, right,
(39:54):
I don't gotta work doubles and all that stuff. I
still work long hours, though, but I'm not working from
nine o'clock in the morning two three to seven o'clock
the next morning. I'm not doing that. My mother used
to do that, Like I won't see my mother. My
sister's at home, but I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
How satisfying does that feel? To know that, even though
when you haven't been feeling like the best version of you,
you still are providing a life for your children that
is very different than the life you had grown up.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
It feels good, it feels it's definitely feels good, and
I know it's going to get better. But it's a
like okay, and I'm not content with it. I think
at some point in time I got like, all right,
that's it. No, mm hmm. I want to do better.
(40:52):
I gotta do better. I want them to have better, right,
I want them to see certain things. I want them
to go to certain places for them to get there
and do that. I gotta change certain things, right, I
think by that, And now that I know and I
want that, I got it, Like I said, I gotta
get uncomfortable for a little bit while they're still young.
So that way, when they start getting older, you know,
(41:14):
they'll know and they having these conversations with their peers, right,
and they see it. You know, they're like, oh, well,
my dad is home. Your dad is home. Yeah, but
my dad works at home, and you know, exposing them
to certain things, that's what that's the thing. Exposure, right,
we gotta I feel like as black men, we gotta
(41:35):
black men, women and families, we got to expose our
kids to certain things outside of the norm. And there's
nothing wrong with that. I think we I think we
feel like that. It's something. Oh it's uh, why just know.
Do I want to live in a predominantly Caucasian white neighborhood. No,
(41:58):
I do not. But I don't want to live in
the hood. Don't either. I don't want to worry about
my car getting broken into or I gotta watch them.
I mean, I watch them on my back no matter
what and where I'm at, but I don't need to.
I don't want that. Right, my son, I want to
be to play in his backyard in front of the
house and don't got to worry about gunshots and things
(42:19):
of that nature, Like, yes, absolutely, I want him to
go to a good school. Me and Jay when are
big on not having them in a predominantly Courtcasian white school.
That's it's just us, right When I tell that to people, right,
I say, that's just the way we operate. That's what
we want. We don't want that, you know, But we
definitely don't want to live on Grandad in Pattison either. No, no, yeah, no,
(42:44):
I don't want to do that. So it's gonna take
some sacrifice into for him to not have to worry
about that. And there's nothing wrong. It doesn't change, it
doesn't make you less of a man or none of that.
And I told that to I said this in college
one time, said this, right. I was like. It was
one of my communication classes, and we're doing we're saying something.
(43:05):
I was like, see, dude, some of y'all that's from
the suburbs and the picket fence and all that. Y'all
want to be down and come down to the hood
and stuff like that, like digging, that's what it is.
Were trying to get up out of here. I said, listen,
I'd have loved to grow up in the picket with
the fence in the backyard and the finished basement and
(43:28):
all that stuff all the love, but I unfortunately it did.
And I'm sitting right here next to you and you did.
So what now right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
We're about out of time, but I just want to
ask you to do one quick thing.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
What's that As you keep moving up.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
That scale that we were talking about earlier, and you
start noticing that you're more like a four and a
half maybe five instead of three and a half maybe four,
I want you to notice how people around you respond.
That includes Jane, that includes people at work, and it
even includes your kids. Like if you watch them really closely,
(44:10):
you're gonna notice little changes in them. And here's the example.
Here's an example. If I were watching you really closely,
a really small change is actually evidence of a really
big change. And a small change you did that I'd
have to be watching you really closely to catch would
(44:32):
be you are no longer drinking coffee every morning. That
seems like a tiny thing, but that means you're going
to bed earlier. That means you're getting rest. It means
you're waking up with excitement. That means you're getting your
energy from less brown as opposed to black coffee. Like that,
one little thing is a sign of a larger shift.
(44:56):
And I want you to pay really close attention to
the loved ones around you, because they are probably doing
little things that are evident that they're noticing. Something's different
with David, something different with Dad, and I want you
to I want you to pay really close attention to
them to notice.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Okay, that sound cool, yep, sound like a play?
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Excellent, man, Well, good luck, bro, it is. It is
amazing to hear what you're doing. And I'm super excited
I get to watch it.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
All right, man, Thank you, man, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Very welcome.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Bro. All right.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Next, you know, for David and people like David, if
you find yourself in a situation where you're stuck, you're
dealing with the same problem over and over again, you're
tired of being who you are and you want to
become who you were meant to be, then I think
(45:52):
it's time to seek how to psychotherapists. Like we think
that psychotherapy is about like I've got a problem and
they need to talk to it therapists to solve that problem.
But that's actually not true. Psychotherapy is more about healing
than it is problems. Psychotherapy is more about patterns than
it is problems. So if you find yourself in a
(46:13):
pattern that is leading you in a direction that you
don't want to go in, and you want to develop
a new pattern in your life that will help you
evolve and grow in a direction that you do want
to go in, then go find a psychotherapist and hold
that therapist accountable to do the kind of work that
leads to you healing. And if they don't, find another psychotherapist,
and another psychotherapist and another psychotherapist until you find the
(46:36):
right one that's going to help you create the life
that you desire and in fact deserve. The difference between
motivation and discipline is motivation is not consistent. Motivation is
(46:56):
an emotion, Like when I go to the dentist and
the dentist tells me you got cavities, and I've actually
never had a cavity in my whole life. But you know,
you go to the dentists and the dentist tells you
you got cavities and teeth problems and you need to
start flossing, and you know, doing these things for dental care,
you're super motivated because you don't want the pain of
(47:18):
a deep cleaning in the dentist again. But a week later, like,
you're not really interested in flossing because that motivation, that
the pain that's associated with that motivation has waned. But
discipline is the act of being consistent with a behavior
simply because it is good for you or in line
(47:38):
with a goal. Many people will tell you that discipline
is actually more important than motivation because discipline means I
do it whether I'm motivated or not. I watched an
interview with a with a swimmer named Michael Phelps who
said for seven years he was in a pool every day.
Now you can't believe that he wanted to be in
the pool every single day, but he was dis like,
(48:00):
this is the action I've decided to take because it's
going to get me where I want to go, which
in his case was to become an a lipic gold
metal swimmer. Discipline is more important than motivation because discipline
means I do it regardless of my mood. That's the difference.
And it's important that you make sacrifices in order to
(48:21):
create change, because all change requires sacrifice. In order to
become who I'm desirous of becoming, I have to give.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
Up who I am. That's the sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
This is not just a podcast that I want you
to consume and be entertained by. I actually want you
to be inspired. I want you to be impacted by this,
and in fact, we can't help but be impacted by
the content we consume. So what I would like for
you to do is come on this healing journey with us.
Come on this journey of change rediscovery with us. And
(49:06):
the way to do that is to just pay attention
to the things going on in your life as a
consequence of listening to this podcast. Pay attention to things
in your life shifting in a more desirable way. Pay
attention to your desirable outcome, becoming your reality. Pay attention
to evidence of your success, your resilience, and your strength.
(49:26):
And let us know in the comments what you're noticing
in your life as a result of listening to this
podcast and as a result of paying attention to these things.
I would love to hear from you about your healing journey,
your family, and your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM,
connect with me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you
can also send me a text message to nine seven
(49:47):
two four two six two six four zero. Family Therapy
is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast
Network special thanks to our assistant Glendell Sepe. It's produced
by Jack Queish Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. Spisham.
For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The
(50:10):
content presented on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for
educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a
replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance, and does
not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to
consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any
specific concerns or questions you may have.
A mindset shift is when you change your thinking or
the way you think about something to get in alignment
with accomplishing a goal. That's a mindset shift, or accomplishing
some sort of achievement. That's a mindset shift. And it's
possible to do that. That's a very possible thing to do,
(00:24):
but in order to do that, you have to you
have to change. In order to do that, you have
to process new information. In order to do that, you
have to commit to achieving an outcome. An easy example
for me to describe this is if there's a goal
I'm trying to accomplish, like weight loss, right, I'd like
(00:46):
to lose weight, I have to change my mindset on
how I view food. I have to start viewing food
as a source of energy and nutrition instead of taste
and flavor. If I eat just because I like the
taste and flavor, I'm very likely to continue to experience
weight issues. But if I change my mindset about this
(01:08):
to like this is how I get nutrition and energy
into my body, then I start making different choices. So
that's a mindset shift, And in order to do that,
you just have to commit to the process and you
have to take on new information and allow that to
impact how you think. Welcome back to family Therapy. I'm
(01:38):
your host, Elliott Connie. What's been better since you listened
to the previous episode? Once again, this is a very
important aspect of solution focused brief therapy where I want
you to focus on things that are getting better. So
we're going to always ask ourselves that question. It's very
important that you are able to gauge your progress towards
(02:02):
a goal, because if you don't do that, then every
step feels like failure. Like if you don't gauge how
much you're progressing towards an outcome, then every day you're
not at your outcome feels like failure. But if you
are able to gauge your progress towards that outcome, then
(02:25):
every day feels like a micro achievement on your way
to the macro achievement. So that's why I always ask
my questions where they are on a scale from zero
to ten, because it helps them to gauge. I might
not be at ten, but I'm no longer at zero,
and that changes the feeling of failure to feeling of success.
(02:51):
A comfort zone is exactly as it sounds. It's a
place where you feel most comfortable. But it's actually the
enemy of six And the reason it's the enemy of
success is because we seek out comfort without thinking about
whether or not comfort is healthy or not. Comfort is
(03:13):
just what I'm most familiar with. So if you grew
up in an environment where there's lots of drugs and alcohol,
that becomes your comfort zone. That's what you're most familiar with.
We don't think about whether it's good for us or not.
We just think that it's comfortable for us. And when
we make changes, changes are always uncomfortable. Even really positive
(03:34):
changes are uncomfortable. And what ends up happening to people
is they want to grow and change and become the
better version of themselves. But change leads to uncomfort and
then people recoil back to the comfort zone. That's why
comfort zones are very crippling and they become a hindrance
towards people changing and becoming successful. And it's why if
(03:55):
you want to change, grow and progress, you have to
get comfort. Being uncomfortable, you cannot have a proper mindset
shift while being in the comfort zone. A mindset shift
will always trigger uncomfort. Today is spent directly focusing with
(04:16):
David who seems to have completely shifted his energy and
is motivated towards change. So, David, what's been better since
we last.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Thought staying consistent with certain things? Added something else so
I could get consistent with That's what's been better?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You added something else?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, just something else that I you know, and it's
I mean, it's small, it's more for me. Just every morning.
I used to wake up and do my push ups.
So I started that last week. Oh so every morning,
every morning I wake up up, when I get out
the shower and do all my stuff, I do my
setup push ups. So I was like, I got to
(05:06):
start doing that again. I used to do it all
the time, like all the time. So I just I'm
just you know, I've been reading some stuff, listening to
some audios, and it was like I just got to
start creating, getting more discipline, getting my discipline back. I
was like, I'm gonna start with this. Yeah, I'm gonna
start with this. So that's been good.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
What made you bring that back? Like, at what point
did you decide I gotta bring this back?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Well, just with you know, the last couple of sessions
things how I want to start moving forward And I
always been health conscious, like, you know, I try to
eat good, I take my supplements. I'm not really a
big gym guy. If I could work out at home,
like I will go to the gym, but if I
(05:53):
could work out at home, because now don't got to
pay for no membership, I do it at home. So
I was like, David, know what, start doing your push
ups again, start doing your push ups. Yeah. So I
just I just started when I told myself that, and
it was like in the middle of the day, I
just got down, did my push ups. And then I say,
every morning, wake up, no matter what, I'm gonna do
(06:13):
my push ups, every morning, doing my push ups.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I love that. What else have you noticed yourself being
consistent with.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
The way I respond, the way I'm not getting upset
at certain things like at word, you know, at home,
just just controlling myself more, you know, thinking about my
response before I even say it. Stop not worrying about
the little stuff. If I if it's out of my
controlers out of my control. If I only could do
(06:41):
what I can do, then I'm gonna do what I
can do. And this the rest is just you know,
it is what it is. Leave it in God's hands
or and that's it said, I've just been trying to
shift my mind in my thinking and get back to
like it used to be right when I and I
and when I sit back and reflect, when I was
in that free and see and I had that energy,
(07:02):
it just felt different. And then things that just started
falling into place. So that's what that's the frequency I'm
trying to get back to and the energy I need
to have.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
I love that. And what have you noticed as you've
been doing these consistent things, what have you noticed about
the difference it's making for.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
You smiling more, you know, just feeling good. It's got
a different like it's like you know when you got
on a new suit or new clothes, like, or you
know you got some money in your pocket, you just
walk different, right, I just I just yeah. So it's
just like that's what I noticed the most, right, So
I got to notice the change in me the most. Right.
(07:42):
It's not a big change yet, but it's a slow
it's a slow change, and it's changing because of some
of the things that I'm implementing into the change. Like,
like I said, I dropped my son off, I listened
to one of my audios. It's either Eric Thomas or
Less Brown listen to that for about twenty thirty minutes
just to get some positive stuff, like you know, all
(08:04):
positive radio, no ESPN radio, none of that, you know,
not eager. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I've been
doing lately. And I noticed I'm starting to notice the
difference even the performance at work, right because it been
a situation, something happened. Everybody like, oh god, sorry, I said, No,
(08:25):
I don't feel sorry. I said, I did everything I
could do, right, I ain't. I ain't sorry about it.
It's gonna come back. And then with having that approach
because that's what I used to say all the time
when I was at my other job, having that approach,
and what happened. It came right back, different customer, It
came right back, just like that. So I was like,
see it came back. Can't be mad, you can't dwell
(08:46):
on it. It's over with, it's done. You know, did
everything in your power right, helped them try, you know,
made the phone calls. It's just not working. Got to
move on. And that's what I did.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Man. That's how different is this from the way you
were recently?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
You know, Oh, it's a big difference. It's a big
difference a couple of months ago, even a few few
weeks ago. Let's start, we could go December or November
like it's a it's like night and day pretty much. Yeah,
it's not the same, David. I don't care what nobody
else say. I know and I feel it's not the same, David.
(09:23):
So yeah, man, I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Okay. So what what are you hoping you could get
from me today that would help you stay on this path?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
You No, I don't know, man. You know, I'm used
like the last two sessions, like everything that you was
bringing to the table and you know, and what we
was discussing was awesome. So I'm like, I look forward
to the sessions and everything. So I whatever you have
up your sleeve, I think I'm ready for it.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
All right. Let me ask you, like, okay, so let
me ask you this. On a scale of zero to ten,
ten is you are the absolute best version of yourself
and zero is the exact opposite. Where would you say
you were a few weeks and months ago?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Probably like a one.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Okay, And where would you say you are today?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Honestly, still got a lot of work to do, probably
like a three and a half almost four.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Three and a half almost four. Okay, if you woke
up tomorrow and instead of a three and a half
almost four, you were like a four and a half
almost five, how would you notice it? What would be
a clue to you that it has gone up just
a bit, Like you can go all the way up to ten,
but it just grat it's just a little bit ticked
up the scale. How would you notice it?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
To be honest, I think it had to be a
few days in a row, right, because, like I said,
I'm trying to build consistency, Like that's one of the
things that I need to get back, being consistent out
certain things, you know, building that discipline. So I think
I need a Today is Wednesday, so I will probably
need like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and I'll be like, okay,
(11:10):
all right, here we at? This is what okay, David? Yeah,
So I think it would take more than you know,
me betting off of work, going home and waking up tomorrow.
I'm like, okay, I'm at a four and a half.
I got to get out of my comfort zone. And
that's why I'm trying to create. And that was one
(11:31):
of the things I listened to with Les Brown. Get
out your comfort zone. You gotta get out your comfort zone.
That's one of the things that Jay said this before
you know said this. She said, David, the reason he's
still with Nicky at Ferromre is because he's comfortable there.
And it's like he's comfortable. He's aweso maddic. He says
that he's comfortable. Right, it's so many other things that
(11:52):
he could be doing. He says he's comfortable with it.
He could do it with his eyes closed. To sit
there and ask me anything about out furniture size. I
don't have to come to your house and I can
ask you certain questions and I can size up your
what you need in your basement or what you need
in your living room or something like that. And I
never saw your home. I don't need to look at pictures.
(12:13):
I just know what questions I ask you. That's how
that's that's how detail and how long I've been doing it,
and I know what I'm doing and I'm comfortable with it,
like talking about stuff like that. And she said, and
that's one of the biggest things. And I noticed that too, Right,
If I want to spend more time, more time with
my boys, if I want to increase income to do
(12:34):
other things, I got to get out of my comfort zone.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So yeah, man, I have so many questions. My first
question is you brought up Jake. Has she noticed the
growth from like feeling like you're at a one on
that scale to being another three point five maybe before.
I don't know, not that it's about her totally, but
I'm just curious if she's noticed and she's around.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
You, I don't know. Then as I really don't know,
I don't know. I think it's at the point she
may think it's little. I think it's a it's a
bigger step for me. I think it's gonna take a
little bit more for her to respond, like verbally respond
(13:21):
on certain things. So and I'm comfortable with that. I'm
cool with that, Like it's not like I don't look
at that, like, oh, she's not noticing that. She didn't
give me no validation though, because it's some things that
I need to do that must be done, but it's
certain little steps I need to take so I can
get to that. And that's what I'm trying to create
and trying to build so I can get to that point.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Right, And what if your boys noticed.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Well, they're still young, so you know, it's Daddy all
the time. If my daughter was living with me, she
could probably she'll probably have a better cause he's sixteen.
Even if she was twelve, she probably could relate a
message a little bit more though. But I just I
don't know what. I don't know what is God say.
I really don't Isaiah. This thing. Everything Dad does, Oh
(14:06):
Dad is cool. We get in my car, I listened
to music. I got the whole backseat to myself. And
you know, I'm gonna brush my teeth when he brush
his teeth. You know what I'm saying. I don't like Daddy.
I don't like you putting Vassilina on my face. Your
hand's not soft like Mommy's, like you know, little stuff
like like you know, and that just cracks me up.
(14:27):
Like I'm I like, listen, if you can see me
around my boys, man, like it's like it don't matter
what's going on, right, No matter what's going on, my
boys bring me joy. All my kids do. As I said,
My daughter lives in Florida, Like even when my mom passed, right,
it was a blessing that I had my sons there,
(14:50):
Like especially the guy, because they kids and it is
being theyself. They one hundred percent or organic, and it
just it just helped with the process. Yeah, it really
helped with the process. Yeah. And so those my guys,
you know, and Isaiah loved hanging out like like I said, man, like,
you know, me and him hang out at the barbershop
(15:10):
like that's his thing. He's Friday. Come oh man, me
and him at the barbershop last Friday. I forgot to
make my appointment. I thought I did. Picked him up
from afteric. Here we there at six o'clock barber My guy,
it's a very good friend of mine, he said, Dave,
I don't think he may appointment. He looked at it,
(15:30):
he said he didn't. He was like, can you come
back at nine? And that's Friday. I got a five
year old. I was like, nine, I could come back
at ten o'clock if I have to. So I say,
you know what, I said, Isaiah? You ready to go?
He was like, nah, Dad, I could say. I got
my tablet the music. He said, no, I don't want
to go. I said, all right. I said, you're hungry.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
When next door got him some food, he ate and
we just hung out in the barbershop until like eight o'clock.
He got in a chair and I got in the chair.
He was playing cars. He high five in everybody, high
five in me and didn't get in the cart.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Dadtny.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
That was the best act for so much fun. So
and I always I always said, I can't wait until
I have boys so I could take him to the
barbershop with me. Like that's just some of the things,
like I can't wait till I teach him. I'm teaching
them a little bit how to tie tie and stuff
like that, but I couldn't wait to take them to
(16:27):
the barbershop with Like I think that's you got a son,
you need them take them to the barbershop. Which is
just a difference. Mom can't do it. And I see women,
you know whatever the situation is bringing their son to
the barbershop. But I'd rather it be mean, like we're
not missing it. Yeah, I rather it be mean. So
you know that's that's me and his time, his little brother.
(16:50):
He really can't go. That's why I try not to
go home and then bring Isaiah because Zeke know now
when we leave the house and he want to he
want to go with the boys. I want to go
with boys? How you want to go with dad? You know,
because he's starting to you know, he's starting to be
more aware of things. So but yeah, it's a beautiful thing.
And I told him, I was like, got to say,
he's when he comes to the barbershop, how to hang
(17:11):
out and how to act in the barbershop. He said, yeah, Daddy,
I'm gona shown. I got I'm shown. I'm like this. God.
He's only five years old though, but he's a good
big brother. They good together. They good together.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
That's amazing. And another thing you mentioned like at work, well,
you mentioned a couple of things that all kind of
said the same thing, Like Jay said, like David's just
comfortable less Brown talking about like you gotta be uncomfortable
and you could kind of do your job in your
sleep if you really embrace this, like make yourself uncomfortable mentality,
(17:48):
Where do you hope it takes you? Even professionally, Like
where do you where do you hope this journey takes.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
You top of the mountain, top of the mountain. If
I make myself uncomfortable and I transition into higher ticket sales,
it's over with, Like because it's it's it's too many,
too many people I meet, uh customers that come into
the building, family like David, you need I it is
(18:19):
time to throw the talent with with with furniture. It's
like you got to go to a higher ticket item
and you'll do very well. Like and Jay told me
this multiple times. It's like she's not gonna tell me
no more. She's to the point now she needs to
see it and then she's gonna be like high five,
I told you see see you see like not like
(18:40):
not like I told you, but you see right? Yeah,
And I and I think that's what it is, right,
So it's it's definitely time for that change. Especially I
can't want to have more time with my boys. I
can't want to make more income, right, I can't want
like I'm tired of doing this. And it's like a
(19:02):
it is what it is with that if and don't
make a change. So will it be a little bit uncomfortable, yes,
will it hurt for a second, absolutely right, But will
I get through it? One hundred and twenty percent. And
I'm confident that I'm gonna get through it. So that's
back going to lighting that fire. You know, fire is burning,
(19:24):
you know I know, I got Mom and Siss looking
over me, and they know I could do it. You
know what I'm saying, It's it's time for me to
do it. It's no more talking. It's just time for
me to go ahead and just do it. Like you know,
I gotta it. Got to a point like I'm the asset, right,
So I'm the asset. I'm the one that's thriving in store.
So I need to get up out of here right
(19:44):
because it's not what I want to do no more.
Once the passion is gone and you don't want to
do it no more, then it's like all right it
is it's like, ah whatever. When I get to that,
and I and when I first started in this game,
like it wasn't like that, Like you couldn't pull me
from the store. Jaylen could call me right now and
say she locked herself out the house. I'll leave to
(20:06):
go open up the door, and I know where the
spirit key is at. Yeah, it's it's like that now,
Like you know what I'm saying, You couldn't pull me
from the store. Like I worked New Year's Day ten
year streight well nine years straight, wow, last two weeks ago.
Last New Year's at this passed, I called out, Wow,
(20:29):
what what is higher ticket sales?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Like? What what like real estate?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Oh yeah, I really want to get into the real
estate market, like I really want to get dealing with relatives.
And I'm like, yo, he's not even sales. This is
their thing with sales, right, It's the same foundation with sales.
It's just a different product. Right. So that's why when
I meet other salespeople or and they selling something else,
(20:57):
I know when they missing a step, you know when
they're not asking the right questions. Now, I don't got
to know one hundred percent about this industry though, but
I know the foundation the selves. Once you master that craft,
it doesn't matter, right, because you got to learn the product.
So if I learned the product, if it was a vehicle,
if it's a home or an apartment, whatever the case
may be, then I take the skill set that I'm
(21:20):
a master and now implement it. Right. So you gotta
have personality, You gotta know what you're talking about. You
gotta be confident, right, you got to be punctual and
things of that nature. And you can't be afraid to
ask the hard questions, right, you can't be afraid. And
money not gonna impress me. I don't care if you're
a millionaire or whatever. I got friends, I got a
(21:41):
lot of money, right, and I sat down with NFL owners,
So I don't care. None of that is going to
distract me and going into your wallet and getting your money.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So if you if you keep being uncomfortable and keep
progressing and start selling things like cars, apartments or homes,
that's more in line with the David you want to be.
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Yep? Because it's going to create a good income. It's
going to free up my time, right that I can
spend with my family. Okay, the one thing about the
industry I'm in now, it takes a lot of time
and wait for my family, right, And that's and that's
and like I'm big on family. I like spending time
with my family. Do I like hanging out with my
(22:22):
friends sometimes? Yes? Though, But I like hanging out with
my family too, right, And that's that's that's what's gonna happen.
My boys are going to start getting a little older
playing sports. I want to be at practice or at
the games, right, I know how I know that feeling
when your dad is not at a game or you know,
he's not really showing up to a practice or something
(22:44):
like that. No, I want to be there, Mommy shouldn't.
I'm not taking nothing away from women or nothing like that.
But if if the father is involved and he's in
their lives and they he's with the mother, the dad
d the dad needs to be doing that too. Like
(23:04):
most of the time is the certain things I feel
like the father should be doing. And for me to
do that and to want that, I got to change
something up, and I think I do very well at
it too, to be honest with you, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
You know, it's funny you said you used the phrase
a couple of minutes ago top of the mountain, and
it dawned on me you actually went to the top
of the Athletic mountain, like you have been to the
absolute top of a mountain before, Like that's not unusual.
How do you think you're your history of getting to
(23:38):
the top of another mountain will help you get to
the top of this.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Next one, because I know what it's gonna take to
do that, right. It's just like, you know, back to
the furniture thing, like I done been to the top
of it and sells right, it's nowhere else to go
just to sell more like a champion. All that stuff
created increase revenue and store and things of that nature.
(24:01):
So there's nowhere else to go unless you want to
switch your position, right, and I don't want to switch
my position, So I know it takes hard work, it
takes discipline. Right, It's not gonna like You're not gonna
the Floodgate's not gonna open up right away. And I
understand that process. That doesn't discourage you, right, because I
know if you keep at it and you keep working
(24:22):
and mastering your skill set with because I still I
still listen and read stuff about seals and how to
close seals and figure out people and personality and human
behavior things of that nature. So once you get all
of that and then you put it into your own
routine like I did with football, I did with cells
(24:44):
when I was in furniture and security systems and things
of that nature, is going to get you to that level.
It's the same. It's a it's the same same process,
different discipline, same process, different different discipline, and that's all
it is. Now that just got a switch because you're
going into a different industry, right, same process though, same process,
(25:06):
And I gotta get that process. So, like you said,
let's brown get uncomfortable for a little bit. And It's crazy.
When I was listening to him, I felt like he
was talking to me, Like I just like, damn, is
he sitting in the car with me. It's like, I'm like, Dad,
I looked over to the side. I was like, nah,
I ain't sitting there, But why he talking to you?
(25:27):
This felt like he was just talking to me. Like
I didn't hear nothing else around me, no cars, no
fire trucks, nothing. I just heard him and that was it.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I was like, yeah, yeah, I love the energy of
this session. We'll continue this conversation with David to learn
more about the changes he is making when we come back. Okay,
so back to this the scale number, how would you
(25:57):
notice over you said it would take a couple of
days of consistency. What would be some of those signs
over those couple of days that would tell you I'm
kind of more like a four and a half five? Now,
what would you what would you.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
See maintaining my month, my morning routines, Uh, my energy
not physical energy, but you know, my my my aurah.
And you know, I think if that stays consistent. I
know you're gonna have some off days. It's the way
(26:28):
you handle your off day, right, I think that's gonna.
That's gonna. Let me know that. Okay, it's trying to
raise the number up a little bit. I think that's what.
That's definitely gonna let me know, right, it's not as
I can't. I can't make it. I can't put a
number on it tomorrow. You know, I need I need
a couple more days of Okay, all right, this is
(26:51):
what I want because you know, let's say tonight, the
baby crying or whatever, and I go to sleep late,
or I wake up at four in the morning and
can't go back to sleep. Right, Usually I do that.
I'm like, I don't got time to do nothing in
the morning. I'm cranky and everything. Right, No, still gotta
get up, Still gotta do what I need to do.
(27:11):
Do my pushups, listen to my motivational stuff. You know,
it don't gotta be twenty minutes. It could be ten minutes.
And just keep it going, right. That's how you know
when all right, this is now, this is just happy.
He's gonna keep on doing it. He's gonna keep on
doing it and it's crazy too. I don't even drink
coffee as much as no more said I have, Like
(27:33):
I have about two cups of coffee in the last
two weeks and don't even need it. Going to bed early, right,
I started going to bed a little earlier now instead
of staying up till two three in the morning, I'm
in bed probably like eleven. The other night I stayed
up a little late because I was working, right, But
other than that, I'm in bed about eleven, ten o'clock,
(27:56):
ten thirty. Wake up in the morning. No coffee like
I probably had, like yeah, maybe maybe three cups in
two weeks?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Is that on?
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Oh? I was a that's definitely unusual used to be.
I wake up, drink my bottle of water. If Jay's
up before me, and I'll smell of coffee. I'm like, yo,
she ain't make no coffee yet. I'm downstairs at coffee
on Yeah, maybe a cup and a half. I'm taking
my tumblr with me to work with a thing full
of coffee, straight black. Right to the point now, I
(28:30):
was like like, no, not, I haven't had I definitely
I didn't have none today, Yesterday, Monday, Sunday definitely had nothing. Saturday,
I think I had my last cup of coffee. Probably
was like Friday, I think I had a cup Friday. No,
(28:52):
I had a cup.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
No, But how do you explain that that is such
a drastic shift? How do you explain that?
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I don't know, man, I think I was dependent on
it because I was feeling sluggish, right, and then it
just started. You know what, you want to stop feeling sluggish,
Go to bed a little earlier, right, do your pushups? Right?
When you work out, you create more oxygen in your blood, right,
(29:21):
more oxygen in your body, more energy you have. Right,
So I know the science on that. So I was like, well,
if I stopped doing this and that, then maybe I
don't need a coffee in the morning, right, And then
you know, like I'm like, I like I read it.
I do a lot of stuff on health. It's not
the best choice of an energy boost, right, but it's
(29:44):
a good It's not a super bad choice though. But
I was like, nah, I don't even need it, like
for real, don't even need it. Don't even need it.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
That's crazy. Mmm, that is crazy. As do you continue
to shift in this way? What do you hope what
do you hope this does? To your relationship with Jay.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I hope and I pray that it just brings us
closer and help us to communicate with each other more,
love on each other, more, open up our hearts more
to each other. Like I really, really really think I
(30:28):
really want that to happen. And I think by this,
by me doing this, because one thing she told me
this before, she said, you have all the tubes, right,
you have everything that you can get whatever you want.
You just got to go for it and do it.
And I think by me doing this, it's going to
(30:50):
keep that consistent smile on her face, and it's going
to help me concentrate more on her too, Right. But
I gotta get myself right. I gotta get myself right,
you know. And it's going to take some sacrifice and
some discipline for me to do that. And then it's gonna,
I know, it has to like it got to work,
(31:11):
like it has the work as the work as the work.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
You've said a few things about Jay that make me think,
and I just want to make sure I caught this right. Then,
some of this stuff she's been asking you to do
for a really long time.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah, absolutely, I would bet you.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Knowing what I know, about you know, relationships and people
and how we operate. She might be noticing some of
these things, but she might be thinking, you know, it's
about time. What took you so long? Or you know,
too little, too late, or all of those things. What
do you imagine she needs to notice that would help
her realize like, oh, this is real, Like this is
this is actually happening. He's not just doing this, He's
(31:50):
this is real.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I think the biggest change when she knows for real,
for real is when I walk away from home. Wow, okay,
I think when I think when I do that, she's
gonna be like and got a plan, like already got
something in play, because that's one thing I do. I'm
not gonna quit a job and don't have nothing else
(32:12):
for a backup. Like that's just not I don't think
that's a good decision, especially when you got people that's
depending on you, right, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah,
now I'm sick. I'm sitting on a couple million dollars
and I do that, then that's a whole different ball
game though. But I won't do nothing like that as
a man. I won't do that, right, But if I
walk in the house, and I told him like, yo,
today was my last day. Yeah right, I'm serious, call
(32:39):
them accent right for real? What made you oh? Them
sessions really helping? How shocked would.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
She be for you to say, like, I'm walking away
from making home and I'm selling a higher, I'm selling houses, cars, apartments,
one of those higher.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
To listen when when I was with Neil shot and
I parted ways with them, well they let me go, right.
I thought I was gonna come home and she was
gonna rip me a new one. I came home, man,
and this one I was still eating me. She was
asking me, what do you want for dinner? I said,
what I want for dinner? I said, Baby, they just
(33:22):
let me go. She said, I know it wasn't your fault, right,
They didn't want you there, David. I don't want you
there no more? Right? So what you I was like, Okay, well,
I want you to make that good old meatloaf that
you make with the spendings and empetic cheese and all that. She'said,
that's what you want? I said, absolutely, I'm simple, that's
I love that ditch When I ate, I loved that,
(33:42):
and like she like it wasn't She was because my
friends he man, they was like yo, Jay's man. I
was like, ah, bro, she wasn't even mad, Like she
know I like tequila. She had me some some tequila
waiting for me at the house, and I was like,
she ain't even mad. Bro. It was like for real.
I was like nope. And I told I'm gonna take
the summer off because she was pregnant. I say, I'm
gonna take the summer off. I'll start looking for something
(34:03):
in September, turn down a job, offering everything because I
ain't want to work that far because she was pregnant
and it was a high risk pregnancy and we enjoyed
our summer and everything. Yeah, I was shot. So for
me to walk away from right now on my terms,
walk away on my terms and and have a plan
in play, oh yeah, she gonna Yeah, it's gonna be
(34:26):
a double high five hug. Probably, or she might because
I know I know it, she might try to hold
back a little bit. She'd be like, okay, all right,
all right, no good job, fizz bump high five, you
know right now, let's see now, let's let's just keep
this train rolling. But I think it'll definitely bring some
(34:46):
joy inside with her right. I think she'll probably step
on the porch or whatever and probably like yeah, you know,
or when she pray at night, she'll probably say something
like thank you for let opening up dated eyes or
giving them the courage and you know, for him to
walk away, because like things of that nature. I think
(35:07):
that's what she'll say. And it's about that, it's not
it's happening, Yeah, it's happening.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I think the phrase you use was happy inside. What
difference would it make for you to be making her
happy inside?
Speaker 2 (35:20):
It would make a big difference, because you know, it
was just one thing, and I said, is before one
thing that you know makes like that? I feel good.
It makes me happy and smile and seeing a smile
on my lady's face and my kids' faces, that's the
best joy. Like that joy right there. It's just like
(35:44):
as hon as you know, it's no it's priceless. And
I think, and I needed them smiles. I need to
put those back on her face, you know, I need.
I need to put those on her face, and some
of my chace and moving forward with life is gonna
definitely do that, because then everything else is gonna start
(36:07):
falling into place, like it should be like it used
to be.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Right, right, And how cool would it be for you
to have like a couple million dollars in the bank
and your your lady kids happy, Like if you continue
on this path at some point in the future, like
your bank account is full, Like what how cool would
that be?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
That'd be real cool. It'd be awesome. It'd be real awesome, right,
Probably not a couple of million dough but I have
some big money in the bank, and it's a different
type of feeling. But having it, having it and don't
having really like your significant other to share it with
it is a little is different. Having somebody you can
share it with and with your kids and stuff like that.
(36:49):
That's a ravery good thing. That's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
How do you know that?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Because it's like even like you know, like even now,
like with the little the little right, my sons and
daughter com their life up to this age, even my
daughter has sixteen is night and day compared to minds
in Jaylub to their age, right, And it's just the
sacrifices that us as parents that we made, and you know,
(37:19):
the things that we do to provide for them to
give them a little bit better life to do things
like that. Now, that's definitely gonna happen. I'm not one
of them guys that just because I got a few
dollars that I needed to have the most expensive stuff
on and things are like, not, that's not me, that's
not me. Right. So but this changing changing my income
(37:44):
or and my savings is just going to open up
their eyes to different things that's out there in the world.
Like my sons is like Zeke ain't even two yet,
in Isaiah is five. They don'et been on more airplanes
than I did. Like I didn't get out my first
airplane until I went to a college visit and I
(38:05):
was seventeen. My daughter and them been on shee took
multiple flights and she's only sixteen, right, So just that
little little stuff like that, little vacations going to different states.
The furtheres I've been until I was until I went
out my college visit was d C. Further as I've
(38:25):
been from Jersey to d C. Never been to Connectic
kut no three hours, yeah, three hours, yeah, never been
to Never been to Georgia until I became a young man,
like twenty twenty one, twenty two. Never been to Florida.
My family wasn't in one of the feelings that everybody's
(38:47):
gone down south for the summer, because a lot of
my family was up in Jersey. So we did a
lot of stuff up here, right but yeah, yeah, yeah,
like nope, mm hm. So that's big right now, little
things right now, the little stuff we introduced my son
to right now, you know, the neighborhood we live in
right now, Like I grew up in the hood, like
(39:10):
literally the hood. Like you can't walk down my block.
You after a certain time of the night, if you
ain't from the area, you're not walking down my block.
Right You're not gonna walk down there. And that's now.
Right back then you probably could a little bit, But
I grew up in the hood, like my son don't
know about that. Our job is for our kids to
grow up better than us, right that's our job. I'm
(39:33):
not mad at my mother and father. My mother raised
four kids by itself. She did what she needed to do.
She put food on the table close on our back
and the roof of our head, and she did what
she needed to do. Right. She got up and worked
doubles and triples so she can provide for us and
that's all right. So that was my turn for my children, right,
(39:54):
I don't gotta work doubles and all that stuff. I
still work long hours, though, but I'm not working from
nine o'clock in the morning two three to seven o'clock
the next morning. I'm not doing that. My mother used
to do that, Like I won't see my mother. My
sister's at home, but I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
How satisfying does that feel? To know that, even though
when you haven't been feeling like the best version of you,
you still are providing a life for your children that
is very different than the life you had grown up.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
It feels good, it feels it's definitely feels good, and
I know it's going to get better. But it's a
like okay, and I'm not content with it. I think
at some point in time I got like, all right,
that's it. No, mm hmm. I want to do better.
(40:52):
I gotta do better. I want them to have better, right,
I want them to see certain things. I want them
to go to certain places for them to get there
and do that. I gotta change certain things, right, I
think by that, And now that I know and I
want that, I got it, Like I said, I gotta
get uncomfortable for a little bit while they're still young.
So that way, when they start getting older, you know,
(41:14):
they'll know and they having these conversations with their peers, right,
and they see it. You know, they're like, oh, well,
my dad is home. Your dad is home. Yeah, but
my dad works at home, and you know, exposing them
to certain things, that's what that's the thing. Exposure, right,
we gotta I feel like as black men, we gotta
(41:35):
black men, women and families, we got to expose our
kids to certain things outside of the norm. And there's
nothing wrong with that. I think we I think we
feel like that. It's something. Oh it's uh, why just know.
Do I want to live in a predominantly Caucasian white neighborhood. No,
(41:58):
I do not. But I don't want to live in
the hood. Don't either. I don't want to worry about
my car getting broken into or I gotta watch them.
I mean, I watch them on my back no matter
what and where I'm at, but I don't need to.
I don't want that. Right, my son, I want to
be to play in his backyard in front of the
house and don't got to worry about gunshots and things
(42:19):
of that nature, Like, yes, absolutely, I want him to
go to a good school. Me and Jay when are
big on not having them in a predominantly Courtcasian white school.
That's it's just us, right When I tell that to people, right,
I say, that's just the way we operate. That's what
we want. We don't want that, you know, But we
definitely don't want to live on Grandad in Pattison either. No, no, yeah, no,
(42:44):
I don't want to do that. So it's gonna take
some sacrifice into for him to not have to worry
about that. And there's nothing wrong. It doesn't change, it
doesn't make you less of a man or none of that.
And I told that to I said this in college
one time, said this, right. I was like. It was
one of my communication classes, and we're doing we're saying something.
(43:05):
I was like, see, dude, some of y'all that's from
the suburbs and the picket fence and all that. Y'all
want to be down and come down to the hood
and stuff like that, like digging, that's what it is.
Were trying to get up out of here. I said, listen,
I'd have loved to grow up in the picket with
the fence in the backyard and the finished basement and
(43:28):
all that stuff all the love, but I unfortunately it did.
And I'm sitting right here next to you and you did.
So what now right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
We're about out of time, but I just want to
ask you to do one quick thing.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
What's that As you keep moving up.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
That scale that we were talking about earlier, and you
start noticing that you're more like a four and a
half maybe five instead of three and a half maybe four,
I want you to notice how people around you respond.
That includes Jane, that includes people at work, and it
even includes your kids. Like if you watch them really closely,
(44:10):
you're gonna notice little changes in them. And here's the example.
Here's an example. If I were watching you really closely,
a really small change is actually evidence of a really
big change. And a small change you did that I'd
have to be watching you really closely to catch would
(44:32):
be you are no longer drinking coffee every morning. That
seems like a tiny thing, but that means you're going
to bed earlier. That means you're getting rest. It means
you're waking up with excitement. That means you're getting your
energy from less brown as opposed to black coffee. Like that,
one little thing is a sign of a larger shift.
(44:56):
And I want you to pay really close attention to
the loved ones around you, because they are probably doing
little things that are evident that they're noticing. Something's different
with David, something different with Dad, and I want you
to I want you to pay really close attention to
them to notice.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Okay, that sound cool, yep, sound like a play?
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Excellent, man, Well, good luck, bro, it is. It is
amazing to hear what you're doing. And I'm super excited
I get to watch it.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
All right, man, Thank you, man, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Very welcome.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Bro. All right.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Next, you know, for David and people like David, if
you find yourself in a situation where you're stuck, you're
dealing with the same problem over and over again, you're
tired of being who you are and you want to
become who you were meant to be, then I think
(45:52):
it's time to seek how to psychotherapists. Like we think
that psychotherapy is about like I've got a problem and
they need to talk to it therapists to solve that problem.
But that's actually not true. Psychotherapy is more about healing
than it is problems. Psychotherapy is more about patterns than
it is problems. So if you find yourself in a
(46:13):
pattern that is leading you in a direction that you
don't want to go in, and you want to develop
a new pattern in your life that will help you
evolve and grow in a direction that you do want
to go in, then go find a psychotherapist and hold
that therapist accountable to do the kind of work that
leads to you healing. And if they don't, find another psychotherapist,
and another psychotherapist and another psychotherapist until you find the
(46:36):
right one that's going to help you create the life
that you desire and in fact deserve. The difference between
motivation and discipline is motivation is not consistent. Motivation is
(46:56):
an emotion, Like when I go to the dentist and
the dentist tells me you got cavities, and I've actually
never had a cavity in my whole life. But you know,
you go to the dentists and the dentist tells you
you got cavities and teeth problems and you need to
start flossing, and you know, doing these things for dental care,
you're super motivated because you don't want the pain of
(47:18):
a deep cleaning in the dentist again. But a week later, like,
you're not really interested in flossing because that motivation, that
the pain that's associated with that motivation has waned. But
discipline is the act of being consistent with a behavior
simply because it is good for you or in line
(47:38):
with a goal. Many people will tell you that discipline
is actually more important than motivation because discipline means I
do it whether I'm motivated or not. I watched an
interview with a with a swimmer named Michael Phelps who
said for seven years he was in a pool every day.
Now you can't believe that he wanted to be in
the pool every single day, but he was dis like,
(48:00):
this is the action I've decided to take because it's
going to get me where I want to go, which
in his case was to become an a lipic gold
metal swimmer. Discipline is more important than motivation because discipline
means I do it regardless of my mood. That's the difference.
And it's important that you make sacrifices in order to
(48:21):
create change, because all change requires sacrifice. In order to
become who I'm desirous of becoming, I have to give.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
Up who I am. That's the sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
This is not just a podcast that I want you
to consume and be entertained by. I actually want you
to be inspired. I want you to be impacted by this,
and in fact, we can't help but be impacted by
the content we consume. So what I would like for
you to do is come on this healing journey with us.
Come on this journey of change rediscovery with us. And
(49:06):
the way to do that is to just pay attention
to the things going on in your life as a
consequence of listening to this podcast. Pay attention to things
in your life shifting in a more desirable way. Pay
attention to your desirable outcome, becoming your reality. Pay attention
to evidence of your success, your resilience, and your strength.
(49:26):
And let us know in the comments what you're noticing
in your life as a result of listening to this
podcast and as a result of paying attention to these things.
I would love to hear from you about your healing journey,
your family, and your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM,
connect with me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you
can also send me a text message to nine seven
(49:47):
two four two six two six four zero. Family Therapy
is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast
Network special thanks to our assistant Glendell Sepe. It's produced
by Jack Queish Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. Spisham.
For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The
(50:10):
content presented on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for
educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a
replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance, and does
not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to
consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any
specific concerns or questions you may have.
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