November 26, 2025 • 38 mins
WHO IS ELIJAH? Elijah explores his past traumas and seeks clarity on his role within his family. He discusses his hopes for healing, understanding his family dynamics, and avoiding repeating past mistakes with future generations. Elijah also shares his love for working with kids and his dream of becoming a storyteller and writer. Throughout the discussion, Elijah delves into the impact of family conflicts and his aspiration to break the cycle of anger and violence. Join us on this emotional journey as Elijah reflects on his personal growth, aspirations, and the importance of self-recognition in his path to healing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
I'm Eliot Kanye, and this is family Therapy. When I
sat down with Elijah, a twenty two year old storyteller
and artist, I met someone standing at the intersection of
pain and potential. Like so many young men, he's trying
to understand his place within his family, what it means
(00:24):
to carry the past while trying to build a different future.
In this conversation, Elijah shares his hopes for healing, his
fears for repeating old patterns, and his quiet desire to
become someone who changes the story for himself and his
ideal future children. Elijah, what are your best hopes from
(00:47):
talking with me?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Maybe have an understanding of who my family is as
well as how do I fit in with them? Maybe
go over some things that I not I think both
regret and wish for some more clarity from moments that
happened in the past.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
How do you hope that having understanding and clarity would
make a difference on your life?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I think understanding where knowledge is the best tool that
you have for understand or healing through trauma. For me,
it's more of thinking, I want to know why things
went the way they were and not necessarily Is there
a way to avoid those pitfalls as I'm growing older,
(01:42):
because the last thing I want, is in a big
fear of mine, is to repeat those mistakes onto my
own kids or my nieces and nephews.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Right, So, if you gain the kind of clarity and
understanding and knowledge about your family and healed from trauma
to the point where you've made things differently for the
next generation, like your own kids, nieces and nephews, you'd
be pleased by that as an outcome from talking to me. Yes,
any other ways you're hoping talking to me will make
(02:13):
a difference.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
In your life, No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Awesome. Well, now that you know you and I are
talking alone, can I get to know you a bit?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah? Sure? What questions do you have?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
What were you doing for work?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I work with kids right now?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
What do you do with them?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I work in an after school program, so basically, like
I monitor them while they're there until they leave with
their parents. It's like two thirty to six thirty, and
usually we just you know, play outside and for an
hour and for an hour we wait inside. Some of
the kids go after their like classes. It's a private school,
so they have that sort of funding. They do a
(02:52):
bunch of different things from our dancing. So yeah, they
basically do that and then we go outside again to play,
and then the rest of the kids just basically leave
around the time that the class fends.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Do you enjoy that work?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, I do a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
What do you enjoy most about it?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Being around kids is really like the times where I
could be at the most ease and be at the
most like my most true self necessarily or like the
self where I don't have to necessary to be older.
I can always be older because it requires that because
I'm supposed to, you know, not just be their guardian
(03:32):
at the time, but also be in a sense of
role model too. They rely on me to get them
where they need to go, any questions that they have,
or to an extent entertainment, which I really like making
games that they can all play with. Like all the time,
I'll pease them, and there are times where where I'll
like snatch the balls or snatch their hats, and like
(03:54):
they'll run around chasing me try to get the balls back,
and I'm just like playing and I'm constantly just like
juking them and it's all fun and games. But they like,
they really really like being around me.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Wow, Okay, what part of your personality when you said
like I could just be myself, what part of your
personality shines the most in that role that you're in.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I think my more mischievous and playful side. I don't
really think I get to be that way around most
of my family members. I think as i'd gotten older,
I gotten to be that part of myself less and
less right because you know, they expect different things from me,
(04:40):
to expect me to act a certain way, so that
mischievous side of me had to diminish for a while.
I used to remember how I would with my stepmom Susan.
I would always walk on all fours around the house
and sneak up on her and my dad and schedule
living daylights out of them. So if if I could
(05:02):
now it's more of just not like that. It's I
don't think I can do that with my mom or
nana because they would just get probably get mad at me.
But with my step mom, it just sort of With
my step mom and dad, it kind of fell out.
I guess it's me also getting older, so I don't
really feel comfortable doing around them as well. But you know,
(05:24):
like that mischievous, playful side has diminished over time, Like
my step mom too, she's not as I don't get
that same response back, like I don't get that same
playful and it's from my stem I'm back and I
used to get it from my dad, but not as
much anymore. So yeah, just I get to be that way, okay.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
And so that's the job you have. Now? What would
be your dream job? Like what do you want to
do in the future, Like, if your life works out
exactly how you're hoping, what would be the dream job
for you?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I think there's a couple of things, but right now,
it's more just like being a artists in terms of
being a storyteller having huge import with stories, video games, shows, books,
mostly rapid novels. I think projects and media mediums like
that where I create the stories, the characters, the narratives
(06:19):
for an audience to see. In fact, I'm working on
a fan fiction right now, and I'm hoping that in
the future I could like place it out as sort
of a what's the word A I guess you can say,
like a magnum opus my first coming out as a
as a writer, Like people can see what I can.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Do when did you realize that storytelling was an interest
to you? Like, when did you realize that, Like, I
want to be a storyteller. I want to, you know, write,
I want to create, I want to you know, all
theseffer mediums And when did that hit you that storytelling
matter to you.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It's actually kind of funny. So my step mom, she
was constantly telling me to read and write all this.
So in third grade I had to write like about
a page of something whatever for every day, I believe,
and it would always be about animals. But then my
(07:22):
stepmom also would encourage me, actually force me to read
chapter books constantly, and at first I really didn't like it.
But until I started reading fiction, I was like, oh,
I really liked this. So for years I would just
be reading on end. I still read, not as much,
but I'm trying to get back into that reading. And
for a long time I just kept reading and reading.
(07:42):
And I also really didn't like school, so I would
also just read in school. I would get in trouble
for my parents created a monster in high school. Ninth grade.
It was the SAT practice test, and the day before
I locked out with a massive migraine because I did
not know what to do next. I'm walking to school
and we still have to do these practices saties, which
(08:03):
is say like two to three hours. I decided to
ditch school and go to Starbucks around the corner. I
ended up buying an Apple Like I remember, I bought
an Apple card like Gift certific or something like that.
It was like, you know, money that you can place
onto it. And I ended up buying the series Avatar,
(08:24):
the Last Airbender Show and just binge watching season one,
and I was thinking I could do something like this easy.
And that's when the journey started.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
And what is that your favorite? Like, what's your favorite story?
Like you're someone who's been a reader and you watch shows,
like what's your favorite story?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
That's hard because there's so many good ones like Avatar,
The Last of Us, Got of War, Percy Jackson, which
is actually what I'm making the fan fictional Harry Potter.
So there's so many stories I really love that I
read The Threat the years, and it just all depends
on what type of story, the medium, or the themes
(09:06):
that you're trying to ask me for. So if you're
thinking about family loss and grief, The Last of Us, Redemption, God.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Of War, study story writing.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I'm getting in the habit of studying story writing, trying
to write video essays about chapter books and video games
to develop my sense for writing.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Elijah, I got an unusual question. You mentioned your family
traumas and those sorts of things. If you woke up
tomorrow as the main character in a story you were writing,
(09:53):
what would be the first thing you would do? If
you knew the story was gonna end with the main
character fitting into the family recovering from trauma. You knew
the story was gonna end with the main character like
truly being himself. But if you woke up tomorrow right
(10:15):
in the middle of that story, what's what's the first
thing you would you would have that main character do.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
That's a good question. I think I think the first
thing I would want to do is make breakfast for
that family, because I also like cooking. But I've never
seen myself as a leader. My parents constantly tell me,
or other people in my family that tell me that
(10:45):
I'm the year. I personally don't see it.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Your family sees leadership in you, but you don't see it.
No more than one family member does, and they've mentioned
this to you.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I've always seen myself as more of like a pillar
that yeah, the pillar that supports the weight of the
family and helps him keep going. Not necessarily leading, but
you know, is the rock you need to get where you're.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Going, right, Okay, So that's how you see yourself. But
they might have said he's actually a pretty good leader
of the family. Yeah, and in that reality, you said
you'd cook for them. Yeah, what would you cook?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
It can be a lot of different things, but what
first came to mind was French toast with strawberries and
powdered sugar on top of like maybe driddled chocolate syrup
mixed with actual syrup, something like that.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Okay, is that within your skill set of things to make?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Definitely?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
I imagine the main character of this story being you.
You're gonna wake up in Washington, d C. At your
step mom's day's house tomorrow, right, Yeah, if you made
them breakfast tomorrow, how surprised would they be?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
They probably wouldn't. It's funny because I don't normally cook
for my family, despite the fact that I would want to.
That's where I often feel out of place, because you know,
my dad is more accepting to eat my food than
my stummmas It's not that they don't, that my stemum
doesn't or my dad doesn't. It's just that they have
(12:29):
different diets from me, and you know, it's just it
doesn't feel as necessary to cook for them, even though
I would like to. No, I normally just cook for myself.
And even when I ask other people, they don't always
say yes. They sometimes do, sometimes they don't, but it's
not necessarily a consistent need for me to do that.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Okay, but if you did do it, they wouldn't be
too surprised. Yeah, how would they respond?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
They would probably say thank you. My dad is oftentimes
like complimenting my cooking, so does my stepmom, and probably
they were probably just yeah, they would probably eat everything.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Okay, this is a really important question. But regardless of
how they responded, what they ate or didn't eat, would
you feel like the authentic Elijah for doing this?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Oh? Yeah, yeah, I would.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Would that feel good to you? To be the the
real you? In essence?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I would feel good?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
What else would the character of this story do that
would just fit with being the real true version of Elijah.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I don't have any siblings, but I do have a
lot of little cousins. I always wanted to take. Then
bring them to school, make their lunches, help with their
homework if need be, you know, get them to where
they need to go in that case, and then after
(14:12):
I'm done with that, then I just go back home
and work on the stuff that, you know, like the writing,
the drawing, things around the house that might need working on.
I honestly prefer having skills that are more like practical carpentry, welding,
(14:32):
stuff like that. That's what I'm working on anyway. So yeah,
it's more of just that are I think I would
feel most comfortable.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
At where are these cousins.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Scattered across the country, to be honest, if cousins in
Los Angeles, Arizona, Boston, Georgia and everywhere, honestly, gotcha?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
And what is it about you that makes you want
to lead them and be an example for them and
take care of them?
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Like?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
What is it about you that that causes you to
want to do that?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I have no clue.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
What do you think it is?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I don't know. I mean I've always like even before
my even when I was young, I just had this
affinity for kids, right, I would always want to be around,
like especially my baby cousins. I've always wanted to be
around them, and it's like and I would feel sad
(15:32):
whenever they had to go, or it just I don't know,
just click, it just clicks for me.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Why, Like, what is it? What is it about you
that's like, Man, I really want to be a leader
to these younger kids in my family.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I think might come from seeing so many adults and
you with a lot of disappointment and sadness after seeing
how adults know they just treat each other, but treat
their kids from abandonment to you know, harsh like treatment
or just not fulfilling the needs I think the kids
(16:12):
needed at that moment, and that made me want to
do better, I guess.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But why. The reason I ask that is a lot
of people come from a family where there's a lot
of disappointment, there's a lot of frustration, there's a lot
of you know, disrupted relationships, and then they continue the pattern.
But you're saying, because I experience all those things, I
(16:45):
want to change the pattern. Why, Like, how come you're
that way?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I don't know. I guess I've seen a lot of
people who are angry from adults, children and the consequences
of that and instead of replicating that I actually hold
my emotions in one of my greatest years is losing
control and doing something I ever read. I have no clue.
(17:16):
I guess the most thing I can just say once
again is like I've seen pain. I felt that pain.
So the last thing whole onan is for someone else
to feel that.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What difference would it make for you if wecome the
member of the family that changed the family pattern, What
difference did that make for you?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I don't know it would be. As I said, I
don't see myself as a leader, so being the one
to bring about change feels foreign to me. Right I
guess I'm more just focused on doing what I can
(18:00):
right now and fixing what I have issues with myself.
And if that happens, it's more of just like a
I think a part of me would feel warm and proud,
but at the same time right now like it's more
of just. It's more of just. I'd also be cynical
because I don't believe it can really happen too.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Wow, Okay, if it could happen, would you be pleased
by that?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
The conversation doesn't stop here. We'll be right back with
more from this session. Here's more from my session with Elijah.
What do you know about your family? Or I guess
(18:55):
what I'll say is like this problem that tells you
that it's solvable, like like you just said, like I
don't believe it could happen, sure, but what makes you
what even gives you the slightest hope that maybe one
day things could change?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Hope doesn't really come to me all that all that well,
but I think maybe it's the because even like my
best answer is that people want to change, but the
fact is that change or going against someone else's like
going against your nature so hard in the first place.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Absolutely true.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And my I've heard my mom and my dad and
my stepmom and myself say things, say things say that
exactly phrasing, I want to change, and it either happened
so slowly that the change was insignificant because not only
(20:00):
was the damage done, but more damage kept on happening
with the mental damage, right, and or nothing ever changed.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
What would do to you to actually see change after
all these people, even yourself saying I want to change,
then nothing ever really changing? What difference would it make
for you to be like, oh crap, real change is happening.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I guess I just probably have to see it to
believe it. I don't know someone doing something that they
are not accustomed to doing, going against their what I
seen as their nature.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Okay, does participating in therapy like this count? Are there
any family members you were like, Wow, this goes against
their nature? This isn't what I expected.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
No, because mom, and I'm not sure about lunch of jasmine,
But my mom, my stepmom, my dad have said things
or done things similar to this. But I'm not sure
if my I don't know my mom, and I know
my mom flew very well, but I don't know where
to an extent that I've seen her go to therapy.
(21:14):
I don't remember i've seen her talk. Actually know, yes,
I've seen her go to therapy. But even in the
instances where she did go to therapy, bad stuff happened.
In fact, the worst thing that happened happened during that time.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So how long ago was that.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
When she went to therapy?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah, like when she went to therapy and like bad
stuff happened.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Uh, I would say over a year and a half ago. Probably.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Wow, do you fear that bad stuff will happen again?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah? Yeah, I think this is like important to say
and I want to Just like my mom and I
got into a really bad fight, a physical fight at
one point. This is why I'm actually here in Washington, DC.
But a few months before a hand like we would
(22:13):
just get into these really bad arguments. And for me,
I'm not a violent person and I hate fighting unless
like it's like martial arts or sports, like I don't
there's no reason for anyone to fight. But after just
suffering years and years of feeling my mom just anger
(22:37):
at me, and I should I'm not the type of
guy who expresses their anger, I shut down a lot,
and I becomes silent, scared, timid, like and my mind
is just buzzing with emotion that I just have to
try to quell it so it doesn't explode. But in
that moment, I just asked my mom like just like
(22:59):
tired of it, like do you want to fight? And
like do you want to go outside and fight? And
then she lost her mind and in that instant she
wanted to kick most. She said multiple times that she
wanted to kick me out in those instances like but beforehand,
but at that moment, I was just like I'm done.
(23:20):
I'm not. I was resolutely like, I'm not gonna fight
my mom. I'm not gonna fight her. But I was
just like, in many times she's gone in my face,
she's punched me once, belful, and like I've just seen
so many other people on her side of the family
as well as my dad's side of the family put
their hands on each other. That was just like, get
(23:41):
it over with. If you're gonna hit me, hit me, wow,
because what's the point. It was like, you were so
easy to get into anger, You're so easy to become emotional,
and and it's just like and I'm just here, like
(24:06):
I'm not perfect, but I don't deserve this.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Right.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
So it's more just like just I'm just going to
take it and move on.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And that happened around the time that your mom was
going to therapy.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I believe, so yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
For sharing that. How would it improve your life, Elijah,
if we could somehow like remove that like familial anger?
Speaker 2 (24:35):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Like you said, she was so quick to anger and
that's not how you want to be. If we were
able to remove that like anger from her anybody else
in the family, how would that improve your life?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
It would improve my life by leaves and balances, right,
I mean, I've seen my family is in the fights,
not just verable with physical countless At times, I've heard
people slamming the door in front of other spaces, like
the sound of bodies hitting walls, glass shattering, right, it's
(25:16):
not fun though, And like I think there was this
one time where I was with my mom and we
weren't in fights. At this moment, I was very young.
I was probably like ten, maybe I'm not sure, but
there was these two family members that I had, one
a teenager and her mom. They would get in the
(25:36):
fights every single morning, just me yelling throughout the house,
cursing bloody murder at each other. It was wild and
I lived with that for like I think months. It was.
It was wild, and my mom was astonished. But at
(25:57):
the same time, it's just like you do that, but
less frequent and less and less violent, but still is
scary in its own right.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
And then you know what makes me think about Elijah
The day we met. In the introductory call your uncle,
he's your uncle, right, Yeah, I'm gonna make sure I
follow the family line properly. Your uncle talked about how
there was a huge fight one night when he was
(26:33):
a kid, and like someone died at that fight, and
it was like the entire family changed in one night.
That's what it felt like when I was listening to
this story. And then your uncle goes into like the
foster care system. But now listening to you, it sounds
(26:55):
like there's lots of anger and fights in the family.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't say that I'm much. I have
no idea what's happening before that. I think you could
say that it's worth it was worse back then because
a lot of different family members are more our tamer
in other circumstances than what I've experienced. But there's definitely
been a lot of like there's definitely still if it's
(27:21):
not there's no more outbursts like that, still tension that
builds up frequently within the family. And that's what it felt.
That's what felt like for me and my mom. Like
I often compare my parents to two objects, like if
my stepmom was a knife, that's like very cutting and
(27:45):
leave scars my dad, though they change, like I everyone
has changed, but this is how I used to I
still actually do it this, but I compare my dad
to like a hammer, that breaks bones, and my mom
is like a fire that's slowly builds to an inferno.
And it felt as if with this side of the family,
(28:06):
it's like tension that slowly builds until it can no
longer be held in its container.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
What are you?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
That's a good question. I would describe myself as the
thing you could say. It's it's sort of like more
of a feeling than I think, like an item constantly running,
constantly hiding, went back into a corner. It lashes out,
(28:45):
wants to be left alone, to not get hurt.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Goodness, man. And another thing you mentioned that I'm really
interested in. Many people see something in you that you
don't see in yourself, which you've described as like leadership
or being a leader. What is it? What is it
do you think that they see? Like if I interviewed
(29:16):
all the people who said they see that in you,
what do you think they would say, Here's what I
noticed about Eliza that tells me he's got this leadership thing.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I think they see me as a good kid with
a good head on his shoulders. I've heard that multiple times.
I have been described as caring, compassionate, affectionate, wise, loving too.
But I think also responsible to an extent. Oftentimes I
(29:46):
can see where they're coming from. But also it's weird
because I get that, I hear that, but oftentimes I
don't really feel as if the thing that I want
the most. It's weird. It's I know this is very
much a it's a desire I think all humans want,
(30:10):
especially us men, because that's how we're sort of framed
as like being the providers and protectors. But I think
this is really inherent within me because this is uh, yeah,
I said, I'm not a leader, but there's there's still
like it's sort of like the flipping of that like
a pillar or a guid. I want to be needed
(30:30):
in that sense, gotcha, not necessarily not just wanted, but needed.
And it doesn't even though people say good stuff about me,
it's not shown that this desire or desire admiration isn't shown.
(30:51):
And oftentimes what happens is I have to be the
one to go up and tell people, or I have
to be the one to share affection or love, or
it's not and it's not being reciprocated as much as
I would have wanted or desired.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
And.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
It's it's not Yeah, it's more sought after than it's given.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
From my perspective, when people say these nice things about you,
do you accept it or is it hard for you
to believe? Is it hard for you to accept?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
It's hard for me to believe because it usually comes
from an expansive time where something neutral or negative takes
its place. Right, It's like you're spacing out. It's like
you're spacing out good food with both bad and bland food.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Right right? Okay, Well, Elijah, first of all, thank you
man for spending some time with me and letting me
ask you some questions and get to know you. Is
it okay if I share some of my thoughts about
you with you?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
If you disagree, feel free to disagree, and if you
want to, like, tell me that you disagree. Whatever. But
it feels to me like there's like a goodness inside
of you that you don't recognize, and in order for
your life to change, you have to recognize it. And
that goodness can't be external, meaning it's that goodness is there,
(32:26):
whether or not the people around you recognize it pointed
out consistently, acknowledge it or not, the goodness is still there.
My favorite thing about you that I learned is that
you are a storyteller, which I find it interesting, Elijah.
Most people describe themselves as a writer, but you describe
yourself as a storyteller, which makes you significantly more versatile. See,
(32:49):
writers just write books, Like I would say, I'm a writer.
I write books, but you're like, no, I want to
use film and I want to tell I want to
create video games and write books in like TV series.
You're a storyteller, and I think that's an amazing skill. Literally,
by far, my favorite thing I learned about you is
(33:10):
you're a storyteller. And the interesting thing about stories, Elijah,
is in order for a story to be compelling, there
must be some drama or else the story is not compelling.
You have to have what's referred to in the storytelling
(33:31):
world as an arc, meaning, you know, and we all
want to hear those stories of like this person's life
started in the slums of and then they became the
richest man in the universe, you know what I mean,
Like that kind of thing, Like the story has to
have an arc. And the more you talked, I thought,
(33:52):
this dude's in the middle of an epic story, and
I'm not sure he realizes it because when you do
become the guy, and you get married and you have
kids and you treat your kids wonderfully, those are all
things that come from your leadership ability. Those are all
things that come from your heart. Those are all things
(34:14):
that are like the genuine Elijah. But I don't think
you realize that those things are within you. And you're
in the middle of an epic story. So does that
make sense before I yes, What I would like you
to do is when you wake up tomorrow, I just
want you to remind yourself that you're living in the
(34:36):
middle of this story and conduct yourself as the main
character of a story where you're in this art and
you're heading towards this triumphant success. Okay, some of the things, Elijah,
and I want to be very clear about this, some
of the things that you said to me are not fair,
(35:00):
Like a child should not see the level of fighting
and arguing that you saw, and I think you said
it was like every day right, like you saw this
very frequently in the the frequence of anger that you
that you witnessed and were exposed to, it is it
is not okay, and is and it was unfair. But
(35:21):
having said that, Also, it's necessary in order to have
an epic finish, you must have had a tumultuous start.
I want you to focus more on the epic finish
than you do in the tumultuous start. Did I explain that? Okay? Yeah,
does that make sense? Excellent? Thank you, Elijah, thank you?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
What did you think of our first conversation?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
It brought a lot of perspective. I didn't think of
it as like that. And also, I still don't want to, like,
I personally don't want to make it seem like I
am necessarily in the right either, because I know, like
there's a lot of things that I do that aren't,
you know, positive, And I'm trying to work on that.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
That's why we're here.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Right, And what you're saying is treating it more as
like treating this king the end result rather than where
I originally started from. The tragedy is important and brings
a lot of perspective, like sort of thinking about even
though Hercules murdered his wife and children in a rage
due to Hera's manipulations, he still became one of the
(36:42):
greatest great killers of all time.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
When I think about Elijah, I think about how courage
doesn't always look like confidence. Sometimes it looks like a
quiet young man choosing not to repeat the pain he's known,
choosing instead to write a new story. He reminded me
that change doesn't always come with certainty. It often begins
(37:06):
with doubt, a small step, or even just the hope
that one day things could be different. So I'll leave
you with a few questions. What would it look like
if you were the main character in your own story?
What chapter are you in right now? The conflict, the
turning point, or the rise toward becoming who you are
(37:30):
meant to be? And if healing required you to write
a different ending for your family, what would that ending be?
Because the story isn't finished yet and you, like Elijah,
are still writing it. Thank you for investing your time
with me and this family's journey. I would love to
hear from you about your healing journey, your family, and
(37:51):
your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, connect with
me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also
send me a text message to nine seven two four
two six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a
production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special
Thanks to our assistant Glendale, SEPE. It's produced by Jack
Queis Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. Spisha. For
(38:13):
more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The content
presented on The Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational
and informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement
for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not
constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to consult
with your healthcare provider or health team for any specific
(38:35):
concerns or questions you may have.
I'm Eliot Kanye, and this is family Therapy. When I
sat down with Elijah, a twenty two year old storyteller
and artist, I met someone standing at the intersection of
pain and potential. Like so many young men, he's trying
to understand his place within his family, what it means
(00:24):
to carry the past while trying to build a different future.
In this conversation, Elijah shares his hopes for healing, his
fears for repeating old patterns, and his quiet desire to
become someone who changes the story for himself and his
ideal future children. Elijah, what are your best hopes from
(00:47):
talking with me?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Maybe have an understanding of who my family is as
well as how do I fit in with them? Maybe
go over some things that I not I think both
regret and wish for some more clarity from moments that
happened in the past.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
How do you hope that having understanding and clarity would
make a difference on your life?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I think understanding where knowledge is the best tool that
you have for understand or healing through trauma. For me,
it's more of thinking, I want to know why things
went the way they were and not necessarily Is there
a way to avoid those pitfalls as I'm growing older,
(01:42):
because the last thing I want, is in a big
fear of mine, is to repeat those mistakes onto my
own kids or my nieces and nephews.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Right, So, if you gain the kind of clarity and
understanding and knowledge about your family and healed from trauma
to the point where you've made things differently for the
next generation, like your own kids, nieces and nephews, you'd
be pleased by that as an outcome from talking to me. Yes,
any other ways you're hoping talking to me will make
(02:13):
a difference.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
In your life, No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Awesome. Well, now that you know you and I are
talking alone, can I get to know you a bit?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah? Sure? What questions do you have?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
What were you doing for work?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I work with kids right now?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
What do you do with them?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I work in an after school program, so basically, like
I monitor them while they're there until they leave with
their parents. It's like two thirty to six thirty, and
usually we just you know, play outside and for an
hour and for an hour we wait inside. Some of
the kids go after their like classes. It's a private school,
so they have that sort of funding. They do a
(02:52):
bunch of different things from our dancing. So yeah, they
basically do that and then we go outside again to play,
and then the rest of the kids just basically leave
around the time that the class fends.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Do you enjoy that work?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, I do a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
What do you enjoy most about it?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Being around kids is really like the times where I
could be at the most ease and be at the
most like my most true self necessarily or like the
self where I don't have to necessary to be older.
I can always be older because it requires that because
I'm supposed to, you know, not just be their guardian
(03:32):
at the time, but also be in a sense of
role model too. They rely on me to get them
where they need to go, any questions that they have,
or to an extent entertainment, which I really like making
games that they can all play with. Like all the time,
I'll pease them, and there are times where where I'll
like snatch the balls or snatch their hats, and like
(03:54):
they'll run around chasing me try to get the balls back,
and I'm just like playing and I'm constantly just like
juking them and it's all fun and games. But they like,
they really really like being around me.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Wow, Okay, what part of your personality when you said
like I could just be myself, what part of your
personality shines the most in that role that you're in.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I think my more mischievous and playful side. I don't
really think I get to be that way around most
of my family members. I think as i'd gotten older,
I gotten to be that part of myself less and
less right because you know, they expect different things from me,
(04:40):
to expect me to act a certain way, so that
mischievous side of me had to diminish for a while.
I used to remember how I would with my stepmom Susan.
I would always walk on all fours around the house
and sneak up on her and my dad and schedule
living daylights out of them. So if if I could
(05:02):
now it's more of just not like that. It's I
don't think I can do that with my mom or
nana because they would just get probably get mad at me.
But with my step mom, it just sort of With
my step mom and dad, it kind of fell out.
I guess it's me also getting older, so I don't
really feel comfortable doing around them as well. But you know,
(05:24):
like that mischievous, playful side has diminished over time, Like
my step mom too, she's not as I don't get
that same response back, like I don't get that same
playful and it's from my stem I'm back and I
used to get it from my dad, but not as
much anymore. So yeah, just I get to be that way, okay.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
And so that's the job you have. Now? What would
be your dream job? Like what do you want to
do in the future, Like, if your life works out
exactly how you're hoping, what would be the dream job
for you?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I think there's a couple of things, but right now,
it's more just like being a artists in terms of
being a storyteller having huge import with stories, video games, shows, books,
mostly rapid novels. I think projects and media mediums like
that where I create the stories, the characters, the narratives
(06:19):
for an audience to see. In fact, I'm working on
a fan fiction right now, and I'm hoping that in
the future I could like place it out as sort
of a what's the word A I guess you can say,
like a magnum opus my first coming out as a
as a writer, Like people can see what I can.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Do when did you realize that storytelling was an interest
to you? Like, when did you realize that, Like, I
want to be a storyteller. I want to, you know, write,
I want to create, I want to you know, all
theseffer mediums And when did that hit you that storytelling
matter to you.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It's actually kind of funny. So my step mom, she
was constantly telling me to read and write all this.
So in third grade I had to write like about
a page of something whatever for every day, I believe,
and it would always be about animals. But then my
(07:22):
stepmom also would encourage me, actually force me to read
chapter books constantly, and at first I really didn't like it.
But until I started reading fiction, I was like, oh,
I really liked this. So for years I would just
be reading on end. I still read, not as much,
but I'm trying to get back into that reading. And
for a long time I just kept reading and reading.
(07:42):
And I also really didn't like school, so I would
also just read in school. I would get in trouble
for my parents created a monster in high school. Ninth grade.
It was the SAT practice test, and the day before
I locked out with a massive migraine because I did
not know what to do next. I'm walking to school
and we still have to do these practices saties, which
(08:03):
is say like two to three hours. I decided to
ditch school and go to Starbucks around the corner. I
ended up buying an Apple Like I remember, I bought
an Apple card like Gift certific or something like that.
It was like, you know, money that you can place
onto it. And I ended up buying the series Avatar,
(08:24):
the Last Airbender Show and just binge watching season one,
and I was thinking I could do something like this easy.
And that's when the journey started.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
And what is that your favorite? Like, what's your favorite story?
Like you're someone who's been a reader and you watch shows,
like what's your favorite story?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
That's hard because there's so many good ones like Avatar,
The Last of Us, Got of War, Percy Jackson, which
is actually what I'm making the fan fictional Harry Potter.
So there's so many stories I really love that I
read The Threat the years, and it just all depends
on what type of story, the medium, or the themes
(09:06):
that you're trying to ask me for. So if you're
thinking about family loss and grief, The Last of Us, Redemption, God.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Of War, study story writing.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I'm getting in the habit of studying story writing, trying
to write video essays about chapter books and video games
to develop my sense for writing.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Elijah, I got an unusual question. You mentioned your family
traumas and those sorts of things. If you woke up
tomorrow as the main character in a story you were writing,
(09:53):
what would be the first thing you would do? If
you knew the story was gonna end with the main
character fitting into the family recovering from trauma. You knew
the story was gonna end with the main character like
truly being himself. But if you woke up tomorrow right
(10:15):
in the middle of that story, what's what's the first
thing you would you would have that main character do.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
That's a good question. I think I think the first
thing I would want to do is make breakfast for
that family, because I also like cooking. But I've never
seen myself as a leader. My parents constantly tell me,
or other people in my family that tell me that
(10:45):
I'm the year. I personally don't see it.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Your family sees leadership in you, but you don't see it.
No more than one family member does, and they've mentioned
this to you.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I've always seen myself as more of like a pillar
that yeah, the pillar that supports the weight of the
family and helps him keep going. Not necessarily leading, but
you know, is the rock you need to get where you're.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Going, right, Okay, So that's how you see yourself. But
they might have said he's actually a pretty good leader
of the family. Yeah, and in that reality, you said
you'd cook for them. Yeah, what would you cook?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
It can be a lot of different things, but what
first came to mind was French toast with strawberries and
powdered sugar on top of like maybe driddled chocolate syrup
mixed with actual syrup, something like that.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Okay, is that within your skill set of things to make?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Definitely?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
I imagine the main character of this story being you.
You're gonna wake up in Washington, d C. At your
step mom's day's house tomorrow, right, Yeah, if you made
them breakfast tomorrow, how surprised would they be?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
They probably wouldn't. It's funny because I don't normally cook
for my family, despite the fact that I would want to.
That's where I often feel out of place, because you know,
my dad is more accepting to eat my food than
my stummmas It's not that they don't, that my stemum
doesn't or my dad doesn't. It's just that they have
(12:29):
different diets from me, and you know, it's just it
doesn't feel as necessary to cook for them, even though
I would like to. No, I normally just cook for myself.
And even when I ask other people, they don't always
say yes. They sometimes do, sometimes they don't, but it's
not necessarily a consistent need for me to do that.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Okay, but if you did do it, they wouldn't be
too surprised. Yeah, how would they respond?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
They would probably say thank you. My dad is oftentimes
like complimenting my cooking, so does my stepmom, and probably
they were probably just yeah, they would probably eat everything.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Okay, this is a really important question. But regardless of
how they responded, what they ate or didn't eat, would
you feel like the authentic Elijah for doing this?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Oh? Yeah, yeah, I would.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Would that feel good to you? To be the the
real you? In essence?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I would feel good?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
What else would the character of this story do that
would just fit with being the real true version of Elijah.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I don't have any siblings, but I do have a
lot of little cousins. I always wanted to take. Then
bring them to school, make their lunches, help with their
homework if need be, you know, get them to where
they need to go in that case, and then after
(14:12):
I'm done with that, then I just go back home
and work on the stuff that, you know, like the writing,
the drawing, things around the house that might need working on.
I honestly prefer having skills that are more like practical carpentry, welding,
(14:32):
stuff like that. That's what I'm working on anyway. So yeah,
it's more of just that are I think I would
feel most comfortable.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
At where are these cousins.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Scattered across the country, to be honest, if cousins in
Los Angeles, Arizona, Boston, Georgia and everywhere, honestly, gotcha?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
And what is it about you that makes you want
to lead them and be an example for them and
take care of them?
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Like?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
What is it about you that that causes you to
want to do that?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I have no clue.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
What do you think it is?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I don't know. I mean I've always like even before
my even when I was young, I just had this
affinity for kids, right, I would always want to be around,
like especially my baby cousins. I've always wanted to be
around them, and it's like and I would feel sad
(15:32):
whenever they had to go, or it just I don't know,
just click, it just clicks for me.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Why, Like, what is it? What is it about you
that's like, Man, I really want to be a leader
to these younger kids in my family.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I think might come from seeing so many adults and
you with a lot of disappointment and sadness after seeing
how adults know they just treat each other, but treat
their kids from abandonment to you know, harsh like treatment
or just not fulfilling the needs I think the kids
(16:12):
needed at that moment, and that made me want to
do better, I guess.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But why. The reason I ask that is a lot
of people come from a family where there's a lot
of disappointment, there's a lot of frustration, there's a lot
of you know, disrupted relationships, and then they continue the pattern.
But you're saying, because I experience all those things, I
(16:45):
want to change the pattern. Why, Like, how come you're
that way?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I don't know. I guess I've seen a lot of
people who are angry from adults, children and the consequences
of that and instead of replicating that I actually hold
my emotions in one of my greatest years is losing
control and doing something I ever read. I have no clue.
(17:16):
I guess the most thing I can just say once
again is like I've seen pain. I felt that pain.
So the last thing whole onan is for someone else
to feel that.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What difference would it make for you if wecome the
member of the family that changed the family pattern, What
difference did that make for you?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I don't know it would be. As I said, I
don't see myself as a leader, so being the one
to bring about change feels foreign to me. Right I
guess I'm more just focused on doing what I can
(18:00):
right now and fixing what I have issues with myself.
And if that happens, it's more of just like a
I think a part of me would feel warm and proud,
but at the same time right now like it's more
of just. It's more of just. I'd also be cynical
because I don't believe it can really happen too.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Wow, Okay, if it could happen, would you be pleased
by that?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
The conversation doesn't stop here. We'll be right back with
more from this session. Here's more from my session with Elijah.
What do you know about your family? Or I guess
(18:55):
what I'll say is like this problem that tells you
that it's solvable, like like you just said, like I
don't believe it could happen, sure, but what makes you
what even gives you the slightest hope that maybe one
day things could change?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Hope doesn't really come to me all that all that well,
but I think maybe it's the because even like my
best answer is that people want to change, but the
fact is that change or going against someone else's like
going against your nature so hard in the first place.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Absolutely true.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And my I've heard my mom and my dad and
my stepmom and myself say things, say things say that
exactly phrasing, I want to change, and it either happened
so slowly that the change was insignificant because not only
(20:00):
was the damage done, but more damage kept on happening
with the mental damage, right, and or nothing ever changed.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
What would do to you to actually see change after
all these people, even yourself saying I want to change,
then nothing ever really changing? What difference would it make
for you to be like, oh crap, real change is happening.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I guess I just probably have to see it to
believe it. I don't know someone doing something that they
are not accustomed to doing, going against their what I
seen as their nature.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Okay, does participating in therapy like this count? Are there
any family members you were like, Wow, this goes against
their nature? This isn't what I expected.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
No, because mom, and I'm not sure about lunch of jasmine,
But my mom, my stepmom, my dad have said things
or done things similar to this. But I'm not sure
if my I don't know my mom, and I know
my mom flew very well, but I don't know where
to an extent that I've seen her go to therapy.
(21:14):
I don't remember i've seen her talk. Actually know, yes,
I've seen her go to therapy. But even in the
instances where she did go to therapy, bad stuff happened.
In fact, the worst thing that happened happened during that time.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So how long ago was that.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
When she went to therapy?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah, like when she went to therapy and like bad
stuff happened.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Uh, I would say over a year and a half ago. Probably.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Wow, do you fear that bad stuff will happen again?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah? Yeah, I think this is like important to say
and I want to Just like my mom and I
got into a really bad fight, a physical fight at
one point. This is why I'm actually here in Washington, DC.
But a few months before a hand like we would
(22:13):
just get into these really bad arguments. And for me,
I'm not a violent person and I hate fighting unless
like it's like martial arts or sports, like I don't
there's no reason for anyone to fight. But after just
suffering years and years of feeling my mom just anger
(22:37):
at me, and I should I'm not the type of
guy who expresses their anger, I shut down a lot,
and I becomes silent, scared, timid, like and my mind
is just buzzing with emotion that I just have to
try to quell it so it doesn't explode. But in
that moment, I just asked my mom like just like
(22:59):
tired of it, like do you want to fight? And
like do you want to go outside and fight? And
then she lost her mind and in that instant she
wanted to kick most. She said multiple times that she
wanted to kick me out in those instances like but beforehand,
but at that moment, I was just like I'm done.
(23:20):
I'm not. I was resolutely like, I'm not gonna fight
my mom. I'm not gonna fight her. But I was
just like, in many times she's gone in my face,
she's punched me once, belful, and like I've just seen
so many other people on her side of the family
as well as my dad's side of the family put
their hands on each other. That was just like, get
(23:41):
it over with. If you're gonna hit me, hit me, wow,
because what's the point. It was like, you were so
easy to get into anger, You're so easy to become emotional,
and and it's just like and I'm just here, like
(24:06):
I'm not perfect, but I don't deserve this.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Right.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
So it's more just like just I'm just going to
take it and move on.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And that happened around the time that your mom was
going to therapy.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I believe, so yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
For sharing that. How would it improve your life, Elijah,
if we could somehow like remove that like familial anger?
Speaker 2 (24:35):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Like you said, she was so quick to anger and
that's not how you want to be. If we were
able to remove that like anger from her anybody else
in the family, how would that improve your life?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
It would improve my life by leaves and balances, right,
I mean, I've seen my family is in the fights,
not just verable with physical countless At times, I've heard
people slamming the door in front of other spaces, like
the sound of bodies hitting walls, glass shattering, right, it's
(25:16):
not fun though, And like I think there was this
one time where I was with my mom and we
weren't in fights. At this moment, I was very young.
I was probably like ten, maybe I'm not sure, but
there was these two family members that I had, one
a teenager and her mom. They would get in the
(25:36):
fights every single morning, just me yelling throughout the house,
cursing bloody murder at each other. It was wild and
I lived with that for like I think months. It was.
It was wild, and my mom was astonished. But at
(25:57):
the same time, it's just like you do that, but
less frequent and less and less violent, but still is
scary in its own right.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
And then you know what makes me think about Elijah
The day we met. In the introductory call your uncle,
he's your uncle, right, Yeah, I'm gonna make sure I
follow the family line properly. Your uncle talked about how
there was a huge fight one night when he was
(26:33):
a kid, and like someone died at that fight, and
it was like the entire family changed in one night.
That's what it felt like when I was listening to
this story. And then your uncle goes into like the
foster care system. But now listening to you, it sounds
(26:55):
like there's lots of anger and fights in the family.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't say that I'm much. I have
no idea what's happening before that. I think you could
say that it's worth it was worse back then because
a lot of different family members are more our tamer
in other circumstances than what I've experienced. But there's definitely
been a lot of like there's definitely still if it's
(27:21):
not there's no more outbursts like that, still tension that
builds up frequently within the family. And that's what it felt.
That's what felt like for me and my mom. Like
I often compare my parents to two objects, like if
my stepmom was a knife, that's like very cutting and
(27:45):
leave scars my dad, though they change, like I everyone
has changed, but this is how I used to I
still actually do it this, but I compare my dad
to like a hammer, that breaks bones, and my mom
is like a fire that's slowly builds to an inferno.
And it felt as if with this side of the family,
(28:06):
it's like tension that slowly builds until it can no
longer be held in its container.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
What are you?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
That's a good question. I would describe myself as the
thing you could say. It's it's sort of like more
of a feeling than I think, like an item constantly running,
constantly hiding, went back into a corner. It lashes out,
(28:45):
wants to be left alone, to not get hurt.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Goodness, man. And another thing you mentioned that I'm really
interested in. Many people see something in you that you
don't see in yourself, which you've described as like leadership
or being a leader. What is it? What is it
do you think that they see? Like if I interviewed
(29:16):
all the people who said they see that in you,
what do you think they would say, Here's what I
noticed about Eliza that tells me he's got this leadership thing.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I think they see me as a good kid with
a good head on his shoulders. I've heard that multiple times.
I have been described as caring, compassionate, affectionate, wise, loving too.
But I think also responsible to an extent. Oftentimes I
(29:46):
can see where they're coming from. But also it's weird
because I get that, I hear that, but oftentimes I
don't really feel as if the thing that I want
the most. It's weird. It's I know this is very
much a it's a desire I think all humans want,
(30:10):
especially us men, because that's how we're sort of framed
as like being the providers and protectors. But I think
this is really inherent within me because this is uh, yeah,
I said, I'm not a leader, but there's there's still
like it's sort of like the flipping of that like
a pillar or a guid. I want to be needed
(30:30):
in that sense, gotcha, not necessarily not just wanted, but needed.
And it doesn't even though people say good stuff about me,
it's not shown that this desire or desire admiration isn't shown.
(30:51):
And oftentimes what happens is I have to be the
one to go up and tell people, or I have
to be the one to share affection or love, or
it's not and it's not being reciprocated as much as
I would have wanted or desired.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
And.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
It's it's not Yeah, it's more sought after than it's given.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
From my perspective, when people say these nice things about you,
do you accept it or is it hard for you
to believe? Is it hard for you to accept?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
It's hard for me to believe because it usually comes
from an expansive time where something neutral or negative takes
its place. Right, It's like you're spacing out. It's like
you're spacing out good food with both bad and bland food.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Right right? Okay, Well, Elijah, first of all, thank you
man for spending some time with me and letting me
ask you some questions and get to know you. Is
it okay if I share some of my thoughts about
you with you?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
If you disagree, feel free to disagree, and if you
want to, like, tell me that you disagree. Whatever. But
it feels to me like there's like a goodness inside
of you that you don't recognize, and in order for
your life to change, you have to recognize it. And
that goodness can't be external, meaning it's that goodness is there,
(32:26):
whether or not the people around you recognize it pointed
out consistently, acknowledge it or not, the goodness is still there.
My favorite thing about you that I learned is that
you are a storyteller, which I find it interesting, Elijah.
Most people describe themselves as a writer, but you describe
yourself as a storyteller, which makes you significantly more versatile. See,
(32:49):
writers just write books, Like I would say, I'm a writer.
I write books, but you're like, no, I want to
use film and I want to tell I want to
create video games and write books in like TV series.
You're a storyteller, and I think that's an amazing skill. Literally,
by far, my favorite thing I learned about you is
(33:10):
you're a storyteller. And the interesting thing about stories, Elijah,
is in order for a story to be compelling, there
must be some drama or else the story is not compelling.
You have to have what's referred to in the storytelling
(33:31):
world as an arc, meaning, you know, and we all
want to hear those stories of like this person's life
started in the slums of and then they became the
richest man in the universe, you know what I mean,
Like that kind of thing, Like the story has to
have an arc. And the more you talked, I thought,
(33:52):
this dude's in the middle of an epic story, and
I'm not sure he realizes it because when you do
become the guy, and you get married and you have
kids and you treat your kids wonderfully, those are all
things that come from your leadership ability. Those are all
things that come from your heart. Those are all things
(34:14):
that are like the genuine Elijah. But I don't think
you realize that those things are within you. And you're
in the middle of an epic story. So does that
make sense before I yes, What I would like you
to do is when you wake up tomorrow, I just
want you to remind yourself that you're living in the
(34:36):
middle of this story and conduct yourself as the main
character of a story where you're in this art and
you're heading towards this triumphant success. Okay, some of the things, Elijah,
and I want to be very clear about this, some
of the things that you said to me are not fair,
(35:00):
Like a child should not see the level of fighting
and arguing that you saw, and I think you said
it was like every day right, like you saw this
very frequently in the the frequence of anger that you
that you witnessed and were exposed to, it is it
is not okay, and is and it was unfair. But
(35:21):
having said that, Also, it's necessary in order to have
an epic finish, you must have had a tumultuous start.
I want you to focus more on the epic finish
than you do in the tumultuous start. Did I explain that? Okay? Yeah,
does that make sense? Excellent? Thank you, Elijah, thank you?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
What did you think of our first conversation?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
It brought a lot of perspective. I didn't think of
it as like that. And also, I still don't want to, like,
I personally don't want to make it seem like I
am necessarily in the right either, because I know, like
there's a lot of things that I do that aren't,
you know, positive, And I'm trying to work on that.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
That's why we're here.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Right, And what you're saying is treating it more as
like treating this king the end result rather than where
I originally started from. The tragedy is important and brings
a lot of perspective, like sort of thinking about even
though Hercules murdered his wife and children in a rage
due to Hera's manipulations, he still became one of the
(36:42):
greatest great killers of all time.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
When I think about Elijah, I think about how courage
doesn't always look like confidence. Sometimes it looks like a
quiet young man choosing not to repeat the pain he's known,
choosing instead to write a new story. He reminded me
that change doesn't always come with certainty. It often begins
(37:06):
with doubt, a small step, or even just the hope
that one day things could be different. So I'll leave
you with a few questions. What would it look like
if you were the main character in your own story?
What chapter are you in right now? The conflict, the
turning point, or the rise toward becoming who you are
(37:30):
meant to be? And if healing required you to write
a different ending for your family, what would that ending be?
Because the story isn't finished yet and you, like Elijah,
are still writing it. Thank you for investing your time
with me and this family's journey. I would love to
hear from you about your healing journey, your family, and
(37:51):
your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, connect with
me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also
send me a text message to nine seven two four
two six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a
production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special
Thanks to our assistant Glendale, SEPE. It's produced by Jack
Queis Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. Spisha. For
(38:13):
more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The content
presented on The Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational
and informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement
for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not
constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to consult
with your healthcare provider or health team for any specific
(38:35):
concerns or questions you may have.
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