October 3, 2022 • 35 mins
Jordan Runtagh and Alex Heigl from the Too Much Information podcast are here to argue the virtues of dark and milk chocolate. It's a very good episode all the way through but the rebuttals in this one are a thing of beauty. <chef's kiss> literally. Enjoy this epic throwdown!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
We're warmed up, guys, you're ready to go Jordan. Before
we do get going, Alex has tried to bribe me
once at least and also said, and this is a quote,
I will worry. I will slip it. You're slipping. I
will murder I will murder him in this debate, is
what he was said before you jump out. I'm sure, oh,
I'm sure. Yeah, this is gonna be a friendship Ruiner.
Are your food court? Food Court? Food Court with st Blaze?
(00:35):
Are you in the food court? Food Court with Blase?
(00:55):
Welcome to the food Court, a production of I Heart
Radio and this is food Court with Richard Blaze. That
is me. And I've been a chef, Crystal. You wrote
that into the strip, that I've been a chef. Are
you saying because I'm now on TV that I'm not
a chef anymore? You're like every thirty third commenter in
all of my social media right now. But I am
a chef and a judge and I'm all over TV
(01:16):
and I'm here now judging your opinions and joining us
in the food court today. We have to self proclaimed.
Although I'm gonna say it here, I'm proclaiming it. Pop
culture nerds will host a great podcast right here on
the I Heart Network. It is Jordan runt Hog and
Alexander Heigel. We should be coming in in like robes
(01:39):
right now, like wrestler themes in the background. Yeah, therey
we're gonna we're gonna dub it in. We're gonna dub
in the sound effects and listen. Both of these guys
are hosting the too Much Information podcasts, which is we
haven't done one on food, on a food topic, yip,
but it's in the hopper. We have several ideas brainstormed
on that. But yeah, movies, music, TV, pop culture, video games,
maybe sports, not big sports guys, but we might get
(02:01):
around to it at some point. Okay, I love it.
And now you're a rapport, which obviously we've already witnessed
here for the last couple of minutes. Is so great
because you've been friends for how long? Oh god, Jordan's
seven years? When'd you get to People? Six? Six? Yeah?
Five six years? Yeah? I remember it was on my
first day. I was sort of escorted over. It was
at People magazine and it was my first day. And
(02:23):
I don't know if it was putting up posters of
like the who and led Zeppelin or like mentioning that
all I ever wanted to do was talk to like
old rock people over the age of like seventy or something.
But my boss was like twenty minutes after arriving, So
you gotta meet this guy Alex. I think he'd be friends.
And I had this very in my memory. It was
like bell entering the West Wing. I remember being led
(02:44):
over to his side of the office which was like
dark with like small fires everywhere and old ripped torn
pictures of like brad Ulna and stuff. And met Heigel
and in my in my memory, he turned around at
his desk and had a Boa constrictor around him and
love first sight. We both bonded over music and yeah,
became one of my my dearest friends there, and then
we started making music together in our free time and
(03:06):
been friends ever since. Oh my gosh, killing it on
all creative fronts. And then here's a question, as a
fellow podcaster and also a podcast your Food Court coming
off by a couple of month hiatus, to be kind,
how in the world you do three episodes a week?
How do you guys do that? That's we'll see that's happening. Well,
The original idea was to do like one one new movie,
(03:28):
one TV show, and one song related thing or music
related thing a week and then have it be kind
of like because we love that mean, I think of
it as like an audiolistical and that's where Alex and
I both got, you know, kind of our start writing
was we love doing those anniversary deep dive pieces where
you know, it's just there's so much spite and bile
on the Internet, and they do these celebratory pieces of
(03:49):
these things everybody loves, like you know that thing you
do my big fat Greek wedding top gun Jerry McGuire,
like the full House. Just things that like everybody is
a soft spot for and celebrate them, learn more about them.
I just think I just thought that was such a
cool part of the job. Like a lot of people
kind of look down their noses at these listical things,
but they were so much fun for for us to write.
(04:10):
We love researching and we love to just you know,
share that stuff with each other. So then we figured
maybe other people would like to listen into And everyone
disagrees every one in a week, that's true. Jordan and
I are actually pretty pretty disposition early opposed people, despite
our like very similar taste in pop culture. Jordan's the
good cop. I'm the bad cop. You know what I
mean honestly, just with your vocals, I mean you're I
(04:32):
mean your your your vocals sort of bring that to
light right off the bat, and I'm like, oh, bad
the bad cops here, Like when we first met, in
the first five seconds, I knew it. We'll see if
that carries through into the into the debate today. Now, listen,
you brought an interesting case into our serious courts. Do
you two have a sweet tooth? Jordan, I have a
(04:53):
really really bad sweet tooth. It's like I have the
dietary habits of an al basically, I mean, it's like
really yeah and so, and that is why I tend
to side with with milk chocolate over dark chocolate, because
that's the only thing that can satisfy my sweet craving.
I mean, that's that's really what it's all about. But
we were talking a little bit about this earlier. But
(05:14):
I was a chef at the Hershey Country Club in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
So I grew up about forty minutes away from Hershey
and spent many hours toiling away in the back room
of the country club with the chocolate, chocolate wafting through
my senses, so I come by it honestly, Listen. I
don't know if this is good news for you, Alex
(05:36):
at this point, but I have like a childhood memory
of going to the Hershey Amusement park and like eating
so much chocolate that I then proceeded to get sick,
you know, and ruined my days. Thank you for unlocking
that very nice memory. Oh that's what everyone does, no
where you're not alone. You go there and you gorge
on chocolate and then one roller coaster puts you out
of it, like, well, you just kind of over Hershey's
(05:57):
chocolate by the end of that stint. Um, Yes and no,
I think sure. I think Herschey's is really interesting because
they sort of democratized chocolate. They their whole the whole
Milton Hershey thing was like buying lower quality beans and
roasting them in a higher temperature, which is like arguably
worse for the taste of the chocolate, but it also
made it affordable for the first time in history, and
(06:18):
like chocolate went into gi rations. So it's like he
is arguably like more societally important as a chocolate teer
than as a taste chocolate guy. But no, it's not
my favorite chocolate. But I love listen, I love it.
I just had a road trip recently. I was like,
it was I think is when I realized that I'm old.
Like I walked into a little convenient shop and I
(06:38):
was like, I'm gonna get a big hershey bar. I
was like, I'm there, and I'm there now I'm in Berkeley,
so like San Francisco, like Jared eli is, the is
the move. That's true, that's true, but probably not even
There's gotta be some there's someone in Berkeley in a
basement right now counting out their own chocolate. You know
that that's underneath their garden, underneath their sustainable garden. There's
like a hatch and you gotta get like an underworld
(07:00):
layer of like a chocolate teer, Like there's a there's
some Berkeley Willy Wonka things happening. I'm sure, I hope
solar power. It's Billy Joe Day. I can tell because
I can see You're like, I hope, but you know
and you just don't want to reveal it. Jordan, what
have you been up to lately? What mostly just cranking
out of these shows. Yeah, we've been working on We've
got three weeks for these and also host an interview
(07:22):
show called Inside the Studio and we talked talked to that.
I love music. I mean, that's again was the point
of connection with Alex and I. And I'm kind of
a musician who was never able to actually write anything,
and so I think I got into journalism because I
thought maybe if I got to talk to people who could,
they would somehow teach me the secret of writing music.
And it never really happens, but I love it anyway.
(07:43):
I've been talking to some some great folks, the Black
Keys yesterday and uh talking to who we got next week?
Def Leppard, Motley Crewe next week and Journey. Yeah. But
again I live it's basically permanently like nineteen seventy five
for me in my mind. So so getting to talk
to these guys is really fun. It's still no closer
to knowing how to write music, but hoping to share
(08:04):
their story. I love it to listen since you're both
music guys and I'm I'm I'm not well. My wife
took my fourteen year old to her first concert. Wow,
what was so here? I'm gonna ask you to debate
this first concert for a fourteen year old in this
modern era. It was Olivia Rodrigo. Is that a worthy
first concert? Right now? Oh? I think that's a great
(08:26):
first one. She will have a much more a cooler
story than like, my first concert was Olivia Rodrigo than mine,
which was Cyprus Hill. Okay, that's really good, dude. Mine
was mine was Peter Paul and Mary. That's what my parents.
My parents took me too, So I have I have
how did I not know this well? Because I lied
everyone and say that it was The Who when I
(08:47):
was like fourteen, But my actual first like a big
concert was Peter Paul and Mary. So I have no
claim to being like cool, that's pretty I mean, I
think that's pretty cool. Jordan's in What's what was the
first concert for you? Until about twenty seconds ago, I
was going to say The Who when I was fourteen,
but now that Higgles shamed me. It actually was a
(09:07):
free always one of three point three concert at the
Boston Hatshell for America of a horse name. I hate
that song, so I might I might lose If you
admitted to that, I would have said I love it.
Now we're gonna get into the battle, but real quick.
(09:27):
So Alex, are you as opinionated as Jordan's more so?
More so? Alright, alright, quick on the quick, with the
quick on the trigger to you need snap judgments, I'm
your guy. I won't think about it. I'll regret it
at And Jordan's what's your thing with British candy? You
have a deep interest in British candy? Oh yeah, I
I wanted just to do British candy versus American candy,
(09:49):
but then that would have turned into like a beautiful
mind style like meltdown for me of just making a
huge list of all the pros and cons the British have.
They have the best sweets across the board. They have
the best chocolate, I think quality. I love the because
I think the English Cadberries is like a totally different
brand than the stuff we get over here from the
Cadberry Marquis. But there, their chocolate bars are so much better.
(10:10):
They're cookies are so much better, They're baked goods, like
just that. They do sweet so much better there, I
feel like, And even stuff like sticky toffee pudding. Have
you ever had that? That's like it's pure. It's it's
pure melted sugar goodness on a little cloud of sponge cake.
It's the best thing in the world. How can you
not lool heart? Yeah, it's just invert sugar and ground bread.
(10:34):
That is so British. And then you go up north
to Scotland you get it deep fried too, So yeah,
I just think they do it so much better there, right, alright,
so deep opinions. In a perfect segue into our debate,
Jordan tell us about the case that you've brought to
the food court today in a sentence or so, I
am here to defend the honor of milk chocolate, which
I feel has become even the despite its ubiquity, kind
(10:55):
of the the underdog in recent years, given the rise
of you know, imium chocolate brands. I'm here to defend that,
all right, And Alex, that means you have a different opinion.
I'm assuming, yes, I am taking the vantage point of
dark chocolate, arguing for its complexity and depth and and
much more interesting capabilities. Alex joining us from Berkeley via Brooklyn,
(11:18):
taking the road of dark chocolate. I'm a coastal Okay,
here we go. Now listen, Before we get into the
official arguments, we like to have a quick trivia round. Gentlemen,
are you ready for our trivia around? Please? Okay, if
you win the trivia around, the prize that you get
is that you get to make the ultimate decision on
when you present your argument. Do you go first? Where
(11:39):
do you go second? Now, since you're both remoting in
from other cities, we have to be creative with our
buzzer sounds. You don't get to use even though I'm
in studio for the first time in a while, you
don't get to use this sound effect. You have to
come up with your own noise. And you're both music guys,
so this should be kind of interesting. Although we're putting
you on the spot, Jordan, go ahead, go get whatever
(12:00):
you gotta get, Jordan, Gordon, He's going, I don't know
this is this is gonna be interesting. So Alex, you'll
go first. What sound will you be using to buzz
in today? Oh gosh, how about a ding like a being?
Oh my god, Jordan, come on, dude, Okay, Alex, you're
gonna go with the verbal being, which is it's a
smart call, Alex, and be honest. And Jordan's you've grabbed
(12:20):
a grabbed the harp a harp. I love that you
just have a harp though, yeah, you know, yeah, who
doesn't have a harp? I mean, and it was only
like seven seconds away from you. I mean, my apartment
is kind of the visual representation of our show. I
have a piece of John Lennon's carpet framed above my desk.
(12:40):
I have one of Ernest Hemingway's fishing lures around here.
Got a piece of the Berlin wall. Yeah, it's kind
of the The tritus of my apartment matches the kind
of random tangents we go on on too much information.
I really love that. Does the heart have any historical value? No,
it was a good from my girlfriend. I love it.
I love it and potentially not a bad weapon in
self defense. It's it's absolutely needed. Like I'm a golfer,
(13:01):
so like the golf club. Like if if it's if
it's going down late at night, something happens in my house,
it's gonna be a nine iron. That is the self defense.
I don't are you going for the harp? Are you're
going You're not going for the or the piece of
Berlin wall. I don't know I'm gonna going for the harp.
It's also good for cutting hard boiled eggs to kind
of like smush them through the strings the tarata that
we're deep. We're deep into pasta making. Who knew where
(13:22):
were going there, Alex. I'm not gonna ask you what
you're gonna use for self defense? Um, because you're studying
some sort of martial art. I can tell pop, aren't you? Actually? Yeah,
I'm a I'm a black anything. Not a lot to
do in Pennsylvania. You gotta have weird hotties. I know you. Listen,
some of my best friends are from Pennsylvania. And this
is sorry, ready to get into our trivia. Here we go,
(13:46):
we have our sounds versus the harp. All right? Question one, Oh,
Henry isn't the only defunct candy bar with an exclamation point.
The blank bar was named after the star slugger who
played for the New York Yankees in the late seventies.
What defunct candy bar has an exclamation point? Gentlemen? Do
(14:07):
you need a hand you can buzz in whenever you want?
By the way, this is speed thing. Such a good question.
I got it, Okay. The person that this bar was
named after was also known as Mr October, Mr October,
both New Yorkers. Alex, you lived in Brooklyn. Uh it
was a New York Yankee, a famous New York Yankee
in the seventies. Okay, Alex, is it Reggie Jackson? Is
(14:30):
it the form of question? Who was Reggie Jackson? You
can do it however you want, Alex. At this point,
we're just just hoping to get one answer out of
either of you. As Reggie Jackson. Reggie Jackson is correct. Wow,
nice pulling it out of nowhere. By the way, I
love no one. You can't see Jordan, but he's ready
to strum that hard like he's in position. The bar
(14:52):
named after Reggie Jackson was handed out to people entering
Yankee Stadium, but disappeared in the eighties. Okay, here we
go question two with Alex one zero. In England, you
can find deep fried Mars bars at chip shops all
over the place, But what candy bars the most popular
one to deep fry at state fairs across America. I
(15:12):
have no hits that was I heard. I saw the strump,
but I didn't hear it. But Jordan's that was Alex.
That we're getting up we're getting word from the booth
that it was Alex who came in first. I don't know.
It's a WiFi thing. I think Jordans. Go ahead, Alex,
Is it Snickers? Oh? The answer is Snickers. Alex fell
(15:33):
from my old stick. Being a judge on food competition
shows the old change of direction. It is snicker bars
deep fried at fairs across the United States. Producer Crystal
proudly from the state of Kansas. I'm assuming you've had
a deep fried Snickers bar out of state fair. Nope, no, okay,
(15:53):
handle it there. It is okay. Now listen. That means, Alex,
you are up to to zero with one question remaining.
Good thing is on food court. Question three is worth
two and a half points, so question three can take
it home right here. In the movie The Goonies, Hm
Chunk and his new friends Sloth bond over their love
(16:14):
of what candy Bar. Jordan's proudly with the harp coming
in with Baby Ruth, which is correct. What a scene,
Baby Ruth bonding over their love of the big classic.
I do the food and beverage for the San Diego Symphony,
(16:35):
which just opened up an amazing theater called The Shell
which is sort of like the Hollywood Bowl but newer.
And last year I got to see the Goonies than
with the symphony playing the soundtrack for the Goonies, and
it was incredible, incredible. Jordan's you have two and a
half points. That means you get to decide who presents
their case first. Do you want to bat first or
(16:57):
do you want alex to bat first? I would? I
would alex ago. I want to see what we're working
with here. He talks a big game, but I want
to see this. Okay, I'm in your head. I'm in
your head. I own you. That's so cool. And we
(17:20):
are back today in the food courts and we have
friends podcasters, hosts, Gentleman extraordinaire Jordan and Alexander here to
argue Milk first, dark chocolate. The way this works is
that each of you will have three minutes to state
your case. During this three minutes, you need to lay
out your case and not focus on your opponent or
their case. Use the three minutes as your campaigning time
to really convince me that you're correct. Does this make sense? Yes? Absolutely?
(17:44):
All right, now, now don't fret. You'll get two minutes
of rebuttal, time to let your opponent know why their
position is absolutely wrong after so don't worry. Okay, here
we go. The first argument is gonna be alex for
dark chocolate. Your three minutes start now. Okay, So the
health benefits of dark chocolate are I'm not even gonna
(18:05):
bother repeating those because you can just google them in
thirty seconds and you'll find seventeen different listicles that are
like you know, dark chocolate is fiber, minimal minerals, so
on and so forth. My argument in favor of dark
chocolate boils down to the following question that I will
put to you, Mr Runtal, Would you rather be popular
or would you rather be interesting? Because everyone knows I'm
(18:27):
not here to just try and sway public opinion. And
milk chocolate is is the favorite across the country. But
but it is showy. It is a peacock. It is
it is, it is playing to the cheap seats. Dark
chocolate is the underdog. It takes the path less trodden,
(18:48):
and that has made all the difference. Here's my and
and now we're going to get into the food nerds
stuff you don't you can put milk chocolate with other
forms of sugar and cream, right, that's what you get.
But you take dark chocolate. You can put dark chocolate
with anything. Dark chocolate is going to bring out the
flavor profile of whatever you put it with. It's going
to make much more interesting combinations in whether you're talking savory,
(19:10):
whether you're talking sweets, whether you're talking other things, which
there surely are in the world as far as tastes.
And you know, look, everyone wants to be the guy
who sinks the half court shot. Everyone wants to be
the guy who has the dunk from the foul line.
Nobody wants to win the sixth Man Award, But you know,
the sixth Man Award is a very important award. Dark
(19:32):
chocolate is coming up and batting relief. Dark chocolate is
coming up and making the the outfield catch. You know,
milk chocolate is Jack Nicholson literally chewing the scenery, breaking
through the wall with an axe. Dark chocolate is Daniel
de Lewis disappearing into a role. You never walk out
of a film saying God, I wonder if that was
Jack Nicholson. He really disappeared into that role. You never
(19:54):
walk out of a tasting experience going God, I wonder
if there is this incredible over sweet, over creamy taste profile.
But you can walk out of something going god, I
had no idea. That was Daniel day Lewis. And you
can walk out of a tasting experience saying, wow, they
put dark chocolate in that. That's incredible. Ah. And you
know what, here's if you needed one more. I don't
even know where I'm at with time. I'll just keep going.
(20:14):
I'm running an autopilot at this point. Dark chocolate can
actually make you smarter. It can improve blood flow to
your brain. It can also reduce insulin resistance or improve
incident insulin sensitivity. It can help manage your cholesterol. It
can lower the risk of your heart disease. It can
possibly reduce high blood pressure. It might even improve your
(20:35):
gut health. Can stimulate the flow of gut bacteria. That's
my time, Thank you, Oh my god, Alex coming out strong,
swinging lots of great points. I mean the health benefits,
you know, That's that's one that we knew was going
to come up, for sure. But who knew? Who knew
(20:56):
that dark chocolate was this side arm middle left handed
reliever on the baseball diamond or the sixth Man. I
resonate with this. I am I'm the sixth man, producer
Crystal Talk, I'm the sixth minute. I love that no guts,
no glory. Jack Nicholson's pretty popular. That's the only thing there.
It's like, I'm milk chocolate is popular, and you know
(21:17):
is he? Is it more of the John c Riley
of the world. I damn it. I should have gone
with that. That happens. But we're feeling things there and
like Lauren, cholesterol and makes you smarter factor that. Okay, listen,
Jordan's you will have your time right now. You've got
(21:39):
three minutes to go. We'll do some fact checking on
whether or not chocolate makes you smarter during your three minutes. Jordan,
your three minutes to let us know why milk chocolate
is amazing starts now. Well. To me, it's very hard
not to make my pro milk chocolate case a continuation
of my anti dark chocolate case. But today I stand
before you to argue the merits, the benefits, the life
(22:00):
giving properties, if you will, of milk chocolate defined as
containing unco. That's not how you say that, but we're
gonna go with it. Given the recent rise of the
dark chocolate agenda, hereinafter referred to as big Dark. The
milky alternative has been given a bad, slanderous reputation as
the cheap, poor quality option. The good stuff diluted with
(22:21):
powdered milk. Not on my cheap cocaine, but for anyone
with a real sweet tooth, milk chocolate satisfies this craving
like no other. Despite its ubiquity, I think milk chocolate
is now the underdog, and I'm here to stand up
for it. I may not have the sports analogies at
my fingertips, Michael Steamed, colleague, I might not have the
depth of actors and their performances and metaphors at my fingertips,
(22:43):
but I bring heart. So please allow me to start
with milk chocolates trademark the way it melts in your
mouth what Gourmand's referred to as mouth feel. Milk proteins
in the chocolate had a velvety creaminess, and the butter
fat softens the cocoa butter, giving it a smooth, even melt.
And milk chocolate has a much more complex flavor profile
(23:03):
than most, including my esteemed colleague, give it credit for
with traces of decadent caramel and traces of toffee and
also multi deliciousness. It's so good that people we all
sorts of items enrobed in milk chocolate, including crickets, grasshoppers,
and worms. And you know, it's also the relative newcomer
(23:23):
on the block when it comes to chocolate, so it
represents the wave of the future, the cutting edge better
living through chemistry. It was invented a hundred fifty years
ago when on Rinesly figured out how to make powdered
milk and another Squists Chocolates here mixed it with dark
chocolate to create the first milk chocolate in the world.
And finally, it's generally cheaper due to the fact that
there's less cocao. Why can't I say that word cacao?
(23:45):
Just going that used, leaving you with more money left
in your pocket to purchase even more chocolate. And I'd
like to reuse whatever remaining time I have to do
a dramatic roll call of my favorite milk chocolate bars,
Crunch Kid Cats, tab Larone, Twix, Milky Way, Snickers, and
(24:08):
I'll see the rest of my time. Thank you. Jordan's
resting his case tablarone makes an appearance. Milk chocolate. Milk chocolate,
the chocolate of the future, the progressive chocolate, the one
that goes with everything. Listen, I mean, we may have
to eat crickets at some point in are like, we
(24:31):
may have to the world, may have to use the
protein founding ground up crickets. And how are we going
to do that without coding them in milk chocolate. What
an incredible point that is, I mean, science coming to play.
There's notes of caramel and toffee, probably because there's lots
of sugar in olk chocolate. It's probably where those notes
come from. Both amazing and let's be honest, butter fat
(24:55):
is a great thing to say. There's I mean, it's
we're talking about melting point and mouth feel, but my
mouth feels good saying melting point and butterfat. Two great cases.
Here we go two minutes of rebuttle time, and we
are well, we have a fact coming in and it
is true that dark chocolate may also improve the function
(25:19):
of your brain. So we google this speaking amazing function
of the brain. Both of you with great first rounds. Alex,
you're up for a rebuttal. You got two minutes to
let Jordan know why milk chocolate sucks. Your time starts now,
I mean Jordan's I appreciate everything you're saying, but you're
coming from a place of fundamental wrongness. I think your
(25:40):
strawman argument is that you're painting milk chocolate is an underdog.
In what world do you live in where that's actually true?
I don't understand where this this notion of I mean,
you take something like a butter fat and you combine
it with sugar. How is that an underdog? I That
doesn't make any sense to me, you know, and frankly
(26:01):
it's a bad faith argument, and I'm upset that you
even brought this into our our friendship. But you know,
I also argue for the I don't think you even
addressed my point, which is that dark chocolate is ultimately
the more versatile of the two. Again, you don't and
you don't know this because I think you only cook
like chicken breasts to feed yourself. But you can. Have
(26:27):
you ever have you ever tasted a perfectly done mola sauce?
Have you had something that involves the actual taste profile
of the odor more established, more primal and sacred as
dark profile of dark chocolate. Have you. I don't think
you have, because you wouldn't then have the palette of
a small child crying incessantly for sweets and milk fats
(26:53):
and droning on and on about mouth feel I'm sorry
you wouldn't. I feel like you're arguing from a complete
pace of of bad faith and fake news. And you know, frankly,
I'm gonna walk off this debate stage. I mean, I mean,
I don't. I'm insulted. I yield my time, yielding the
(27:13):
two seconds that we left. I don't know, Crystal, we
have to go back in the archives here. I don't
know if we've had a rebuttal that was so personal.
You know, he really caught me off off off guard,
so I had to. When he goes high, I go low. Jordan,
just before as we go forward this the court just
wants to acknowledge that there's nothing wrong with simple chicken,
preass cooked. Thank you, thank you very much. I think
(27:34):
it's again. I'd like to have any time that he seeded,
and also the time that I seeded for my rebuttal.
I'd like to to really double down on my rebuttal
time now in the wake of these slanderous personal This
court will not allow any more time. But this court
will allow you to go as hard as you'd like
for the next two minutes, and your rebuttal time Jordan's
starts now. Dark chocolate lovers, like my estamped colleague here,
(27:58):
loved to tout the alleged health benefits, to which I say,
you got to be healthy, eat a damn apple. That's
like choosing vodka over whiskey because it has lower calories.
Embrace your questionable decision, you cowards. And also, Mars Incorporated,
over the last fifty years has sponsored a hundred studies
looking at the benefits of chocolate dark chocolate, and surprise
of those had positive outcomes because they're funding them. Something's fishy.
(28:20):
When I want to sweet treat, I do not reach
for dark chocolate for the same reason that I don't
reach for a piece of chalk or a miniature bar
of hotel soap. Because it's bitter, dry, dusty, crumbly, and
largely edible. It's both an abomination of taste and mouth feel. Sure,
dark chocolate is more natural, but you know what else
is natural? Malaria rocks tornadoes. I don't need a reminder
(28:41):
that my candy is from nature. In fact, the more
unnatural the better. In my opinion, the only way milk
chocolate could be improved it isn't more closely resembled the
unholy neon rainbow of a fun fetty cake. Milk chocolate
is fun. Dark chocolate is for adults. It's the chocolate
that says, my peloton is exacerbating my lower back problems.
Is the choco look that says, I'm aware of Billie Eilish,
(29:02):
but I'm unable to name any of his songs. It's
the chocolate that's the character. It's the chocolate that the
character andy no doubt eight at the end of Toy
Story three, after dropping off his donation box. No spoilers,
but you know what I'm talking about. Dark chocolate is
the sophisticated thing that we all feel pressured to like,
but at its heart we all know it's joyless. We
all there are many of you say that dark chocolates
(29:22):
at afrodisiac, but as the Jay Giles Band so eloquently
put it loves stinks. So that's another strike against dark chocolate.
And you know, the high flute and culture around dark
chocolate is the candy culinary equivalent of wine snobbery. Sure
it's a little bitter, but it's so complex and the
salt really offers like such an interesting nuance to the
flavor to which I Shay. If I wanted bitter, complex
(29:42):
and salty, I'd call my friend and co host Alex Heigel.
Oh wow, you're you're you're virtual. But I'm gonna let
that Mike cool off a little bit. I miss my
my kicker. I didn't get to my kicker. Damn. Well listen.
Good thing is that you'll have final words right after
(30:03):
this break. Okay, everyone, we are back and I have
had a chance to think about my verdict. This one,
I'll be honest with you, is very very tight. It
could go either way before I deliver my verdict. Jordan,
(30:24):
you were very animated that you had something else to say.
What would you like this court to hear? Yeah, I
just want to respond to my colleagues accusations that I
haven't underdeveloped undersophisticated palette. Well, I don't want to have
to go through training to enjoy my candy. And you know,
while researching this episode, I've come across countless articles called
how to eat dark chocolate. I don't want to how
to guide for dessert. And also I'd like to add
(30:47):
that these names of these dark chocolate bars are weirdly
sexual things like Jarra Delly, Dark Chocolate, Intense, Dark Midnight, Reverie.
That's a real chocolate name. And now, if there's one
thing I know a lot about, it's compensation, and this
name sounds like it's compensating for something, and that's something
is terrible taste. The best thing I can say about
dark chocolate is that it isn't white chocolate. Okay, okay,
(31:09):
it's setting us up for another debate down the road
with white chocolate. All right, Alex, Jordan's like Viz, I
can see he is really this is an emotional This
is an emotional play here, Alex, What what what are
your final works? You see his vain throbbing up, You know, Jordan,
I want to speak to your point that duck chocolate
is for adults and it's a bad thing. You can
live in this perpetual extended adolescents with your candy colors,
(31:33):
ships and these so called beach boys, but you can't
fight city Hall. Time only goes in one direction. You
have to grow up. At some point. You have to
put away. You know you want to go really personal
and bring up toy story three. At some point you
have to put that donation box out. I know we
love to live in this protracted, extended childhood in America
(31:55):
of this infantilizing culture, but that's not how the world works,
and it's some point to be a fully contributing, functioning
member of society and a fully self actualized human, you
have to embrace that. And on the other side of that, yes,
slightly bitter pill is dark chocolate. I yield by time,
(32:16):
we're gonna need a ballot? Are we going to dark
with this? They're going about your going. I mean, honestly,
this is the full the full send here you're going
you're kidding yea wait, ordering the court. I mean this
is bring bring it to you, guys, bring it together.
I know this is a serious topic. It is come
to this court's attention that the two of you do
(32:37):
have to work together again very shortly. I do want
to remind everyone that although this is a very serious topic,
this is not life or death. And I hope that
both of you will be able to, you know, get
along and also invite me on one of your podcasts
in the future, because you know someone's feelings might get
hurt a little bit. Here, both making the case that
whether it's dark or milk chocolate, that they're both the underdog, right,
(32:59):
they both have benefits. It's if you want to be
popular or do you want to be interesting? Do you
want to be fun? Or do you want to be healthy?
Do you want to be just sweet or do you
want to be something that works with savory? And after
factoring all of this in, I have to say that
this Court was ultimately persuaded by one specific argument. It
came in the rebuttal. This Court will order in favor
(33:21):
of milk chocolate. I am very pleased with the Court's decision,
a little surprised, to be honest, but I am absolutely delighted.
What was the point the impassioned rebuttal? The impassioned rebuttal?
Although Alex had it, I wrote it down when when
(33:42):
Molay came into the game, I thought it was it
was it was a secret weapon. I was like, it's
dark chocolate. But you're impassioned rebuttal. I mean, even though
at one point when you're like, who'd wants to eat?
I I do, actually every once in a while want
to Bite Hotel Soap. I don't know why, but that
really that connected with me. And then the Billie Eilish
(34:04):
that was that was just That's just that was it.
That was I mean, it was just too much and
I could see the passion coming through and you know what, Alex,
I'm sorry to say this. I do want to be popular, Alex,
but I also want to be interesting and healthy. Such
a tough decision, gentlemen, thank you so much for being
a part of the Food Court. Thanks for listening to
Food Court. I'm Richard Blaze and I've been your judge.
You can find Too Much Information podcast wherever you listen
(34:26):
to podcasts, and you can find Jordan's on Instagram at
Jordan Runt Hog and his new podcast Too Much Information
that drops new episodes every week. Tune in to get
so much information you won't believe it. And you can
find Alexander at alex Underscore High Goal on Twitter and
anything else you want to plug there. Alex are taking
this all the way up to the next, the highest
court in the land, which ye and listen. It might happen.
(34:48):
I could be getting replaced for next season. We don't
know this. There could be a higher court stepping in.
That's something that possibly could happen. Listen, audience, what do
you think I know half of you at least think
that I got that one totally long, at least all
of you in the Bay Area, and then listen. Do
you like chocolate? Chances are you too? Let us know
on the food Court pod, Instagram or at Richard Blaze
across social media. Food Courts of production of iHeart Radio.
(35:11):
I'm Richard Blaze. My producer is Crystal Bobmahi. Food Court
was created by Christopher Hassiotis. The rest of my food
Court clerks are Jonathan Dressler, David Wasserman, and Jasmine Blaze.
The theme song, which is Amazing, is by Jason Ne Smith.
For more podcast from I Heeart Radio, visit i Heeart Radio, app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
So much fun. Thank you. Rapping with only white wires,
(35:42):
silly like candy corn
We're warmed up, guys, you're ready to go Jordan. Before
we do get going, Alex has tried to bribe me
once at least and also said, and this is a quote,
I will worry. I will slip it. You're slipping. I
will murder I will murder him in this debate, is
what he was said before you jump out. I'm sure, oh,
I'm sure. Yeah, this is gonna be a friendship Ruiner.
Are your food court? Food Court? Food Court with st Blaze?
(00:35):
Are you in the food court? Food Court with Blase?
(00:55):
Welcome to the food Court, a production of I Heart
Radio and this is food Court with Richard Blaze. That
is me. And I've been a chef, Crystal. You wrote
that into the strip, that I've been a chef. Are
you saying because I'm now on TV that I'm not
a chef anymore? You're like every thirty third commenter in
all of my social media right now. But I am
a chef and a judge and I'm all over TV
(01:16):
and I'm here now judging your opinions and joining us
in the food court today. We have to self proclaimed.
Although I'm gonna say it here, I'm proclaiming it. Pop
culture nerds will host a great podcast right here on
the I Heart Network. It is Jordan runt Hog and
Alexander Heigel. We should be coming in in like robes
(01:39):
right now, like wrestler themes in the background. Yeah, therey
we're gonna we're gonna dub it in. We're gonna dub
in the sound effects and listen. Both of these guys
are hosting the too Much Information podcasts, which is we
haven't done one on food, on a food topic, yip,
but it's in the hopper. We have several ideas brainstormed
on that. But yeah, movies, music, TV, pop culture, video games,
maybe sports, not big sports guys, but we might get
(02:01):
around to it at some point. Okay, I love it.
And now you're a rapport, which obviously we've already witnessed
here for the last couple of minutes. Is so great
because you've been friends for how long? Oh god, Jordan's
seven years? When'd you get to People? Six? Six? Yeah?
Five six years? Yeah? I remember it was on my
first day. I was sort of escorted over. It was
at People magazine and it was my first day. And
(02:23):
I don't know if it was putting up posters of
like the who and led Zeppelin or like mentioning that
all I ever wanted to do was talk to like
old rock people over the age of like seventy or something.
But my boss was like twenty minutes after arriving, So
you gotta meet this guy Alex. I think he'd be friends.
And I had this very in my memory. It was
like bell entering the West Wing. I remember being led
(02:44):
over to his side of the office which was like
dark with like small fires everywhere and old ripped torn
pictures of like brad Ulna and stuff. And met Heigel
and in my in my memory, he turned around at
his desk and had a Boa constrictor around him and
love first sight. We both bonded over music and yeah,
became one of my my dearest friends there, and then
we started making music together in our free time and
(03:06):
been friends ever since. Oh my gosh, killing it on
all creative fronts. And then here's a question, as a
fellow podcaster and also a podcast your Food Court coming
off by a couple of month hiatus, to be kind,
how in the world you do three episodes a week?
How do you guys do that? That's we'll see that's happening. Well,
The original idea was to do like one one new movie,
(03:28):
one TV show, and one song related thing or music
related thing a week and then have it be kind
of like because we love that mean, I think of
it as like an audiolistical and that's where Alex and
I both got, you know, kind of our start writing
was we love doing those anniversary deep dive pieces where
you know, it's just there's so much spite and bile
on the Internet, and they do these celebratory pieces of
(03:49):
these things everybody loves, like you know that thing you
do my big fat Greek wedding top gun Jerry McGuire,
like the full House. Just things that like everybody is
a soft spot for and celebrate them, learn more about them.
I just think I just thought that was such a
cool part of the job. Like a lot of people
kind of look down their noses at these listical things,
but they were so much fun for for us to write.
(04:10):
We love researching and we love to just you know,
share that stuff with each other. So then we figured
maybe other people would like to listen into And everyone
disagrees every one in a week, that's true. Jordan and
I are actually pretty pretty disposition early opposed people, despite
our like very similar taste in pop culture. Jordan's the
good cop. I'm the bad cop. You know what I
mean honestly, just with your vocals, I mean you're I
(04:32):
mean your your your vocals sort of bring that to
light right off the bat, and I'm like, oh, bad
the bad cops here, Like when we first met, in
the first five seconds, I knew it. We'll see if
that carries through into the into the debate today. Now, listen,
you brought an interesting case into our serious courts. Do
you two have a sweet tooth? Jordan, I have a
(04:53):
really really bad sweet tooth. It's like I have the
dietary habits of an al basically, I mean, it's like
really yeah and so, and that is why I tend
to side with with milk chocolate over dark chocolate, because
that's the only thing that can satisfy my sweet craving.
I mean, that's that's really what it's all about. But
we were talking a little bit about this earlier. But
(05:14):
I was a chef at the Hershey Country Club in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
So I grew up about forty minutes away from Hershey
and spent many hours toiling away in the back room
of the country club with the chocolate, chocolate wafting through
my senses, so I come by it honestly, Listen. I
don't know if this is good news for you, Alex
(05:36):
at this point, but I have like a childhood memory
of going to the Hershey Amusement park and like eating
so much chocolate that I then proceeded to get sick,
you know, and ruined my days. Thank you for unlocking
that very nice memory. Oh that's what everyone does, no
where you're not alone. You go there and you gorge
on chocolate and then one roller coaster puts you out
of it, like, well, you just kind of over Hershey's
(05:57):
chocolate by the end of that stint. Um, Yes and no,
I think sure. I think Herschey's is really interesting because
they sort of democratized chocolate. They their whole the whole
Milton Hershey thing was like buying lower quality beans and
roasting them in a higher temperature, which is like arguably
worse for the taste of the chocolate, but it also
made it affordable for the first time in history, and
(06:18):
like chocolate went into gi rations. So it's like he
is arguably like more societally important as a chocolate teer
than as a taste chocolate guy. But no, it's not
my favorite chocolate. But I love listen, I love it.
I just had a road trip recently. I was like,
it was I think is when I realized that I'm old.
Like I walked into a little convenient shop and I
(06:38):
was like, I'm gonna get a big hershey bar. I
was like, I'm there, and I'm there now I'm in Berkeley,
so like San Francisco, like Jared eli is, the is
the move. That's true, that's true, but probably not even
There's gotta be some there's someone in Berkeley in a
basement right now counting out their own chocolate. You know
that that's underneath their garden, underneath their sustainable garden. There's
like a hatch and you gotta get like an underworld
(07:00):
layer of like a chocolate teer, Like there's a there's
some Berkeley Willy Wonka things happening. I'm sure, I hope
solar power. It's Billy Joe Day. I can tell because
I can see You're like, I hope, but you know
and you just don't want to reveal it. Jordan, what
have you been up to lately? What mostly just cranking
out of these shows. Yeah, we've been working on We've
got three weeks for these and also host an interview
(07:22):
show called Inside the Studio and we talked talked to that.
I love music. I mean, that's again was the point
of connection with Alex and I. And I'm kind of
a musician who was never able to actually write anything,
and so I think I got into journalism because I
thought maybe if I got to talk to people who could,
they would somehow teach me the secret of writing music.
And it never really happens, but I love it anyway.
(07:43):
I've been talking to some some great folks, the Black
Keys yesterday and uh talking to who we got next week?
Def Leppard, Motley Crewe next week and Journey. Yeah. But
again I live it's basically permanently like nineteen seventy five
for me in my mind. So so getting to talk
to these guys is really fun. It's still no closer
to knowing how to write music, but hoping to share
(08:04):
their story. I love it to listen since you're both
music guys and I'm I'm I'm not well. My wife
took my fourteen year old to her first concert. Wow,
what was so here? I'm gonna ask you to debate
this first concert for a fourteen year old in this
modern era. It was Olivia Rodrigo. Is that a worthy
first concert? Right now? Oh? I think that's a great
(08:26):
first one. She will have a much more a cooler
story than like, my first concert was Olivia Rodrigo than mine,
which was Cyprus Hill. Okay, that's really good, dude. Mine
was mine was Peter Paul and Mary. That's what my parents.
My parents took me too, So I have I have
how did I not know this well? Because I lied
everyone and say that it was The Who when I
(08:47):
was like fourteen, But my actual first like a big
concert was Peter Paul and Mary. So I have no
claim to being like cool, that's pretty I mean, I
think that's pretty cool. Jordan's in What's what was the
first concert for you? Until about twenty seconds ago, I
was going to say The Who when I was fourteen,
but now that Higgles shamed me. It actually was a
(09:07):
free always one of three point three concert at the
Boston Hatshell for America of a horse name. I hate
that song, so I might I might lose If you
admitted to that, I would have said I love it.
Now we're gonna get into the battle, but real quick.
(09:27):
So Alex, are you as opinionated as Jordan's more so?
More so? Alright, alright, quick on the quick, with the
quick on the trigger to you need snap judgments, I'm
your guy. I won't think about it. I'll regret it
at And Jordan's what's your thing with British candy? You
have a deep interest in British candy? Oh yeah, I
I wanted just to do British candy versus American candy,
(09:49):
but then that would have turned into like a beautiful
mind style like meltdown for me of just making a
huge list of all the pros and cons the British have.
They have the best sweets across the board. They have
the best chocolate, I think quality. I love the because
I think the English Cadberries is like a totally different
brand than the stuff we get over here from the
Cadberry Marquis. But there, their chocolate bars are so much better.
(10:10):
They're cookies are so much better, They're baked goods, like
just that. They do sweet so much better there, I
feel like, And even stuff like sticky toffee pudding. Have
you ever had that? That's like it's pure. It's it's
pure melted sugar goodness on a little cloud of sponge cake.
It's the best thing in the world. How can you
not lool heart? Yeah, it's just invert sugar and ground bread.
(10:34):
That is so British. And then you go up north
to Scotland you get it deep fried too, So yeah,
I just think they do it so much better there, right, alright,
so deep opinions. In a perfect segue into our debate,
Jordan tell us about the case that you've brought to
the food court today in a sentence or so, I
am here to defend the honor of milk chocolate, which
I feel has become even the despite its ubiquity, kind
(10:55):
of the the underdog in recent years, given the rise
of you know, imium chocolate brands. I'm here to defend that,
all right, And Alex, that means you have a different opinion.
I'm assuming, yes, I am taking the vantage point of
dark chocolate, arguing for its complexity and depth and and
much more interesting capabilities. Alex joining us from Berkeley via Brooklyn,
(11:18):
taking the road of dark chocolate. I'm a coastal Okay,
here we go. Now listen, Before we get into the
official arguments, we like to have a quick trivia round. Gentlemen,
are you ready for our trivia around? Please? Okay, if
you win the trivia around, the prize that you get
is that you get to make the ultimate decision on
when you present your argument. Do you go first? Where
(11:39):
do you go second? Now, since you're both remoting in
from other cities, we have to be creative with our
buzzer sounds. You don't get to use even though I'm
in studio for the first time in a while, you
don't get to use this sound effect. You have to
come up with your own noise. And you're both music guys,
so this should be kind of interesting. Although we're putting
you on the spot, Jordan, go ahead, go get whatever
(12:00):
you gotta get, Jordan, Gordon, He's going, I don't know
this is this is gonna be interesting. So Alex, you'll
go first. What sound will you be using to buzz
in today? Oh gosh, how about a ding like a being?
Oh my god, Jordan, come on, dude, Okay, Alex, you're
gonna go with the verbal being, which is it's a
smart call, Alex, and be honest. And Jordan's you've grabbed
(12:20):
a grabbed the harp a harp. I love that you
just have a harp though, yeah, you know, yeah, who
doesn't have a harp? I mean, and it was only
like seven seconds away from you. I mean, my apartment
is kind of the visual representation of our show. I
have a piece of John Lennon's carpet framed above my desk.
(12:40):
I have one of Ernest Hemingway's fishing lures around here.
Got a piece of the Berlin wall. Yeah, it's kind
of the The tritus of my apartment matches the kind
of random tangents we go on on too much information.
I really love that. Does the heart have any historical value? No,
it was a good from my girlfriend. I love it.
I love it and potentially not a bad weapon in
self defense. It's it's absolutely needed. Like I'm a golfer,
(13:01):
so like the golf club. Like if if it's if
it's going down late at night, something happens in my house,
it's gonna be a nine iron. That is the self defense.
I don't are you going for the harp? Are you're
going You're not going for the or the piece of
Berlin wall. I don't know I'm gonna going for the harp.
It's also good for cutting hard boiled eggs to kind
of like smush them through the strings the tarata that
we're deep. We're deep into pasta making. Who knew where
(13:22):
were going there, Alex. I'm not gonna ask you what
you're gonna use for self defense? Um, because you're studying
some sort of martial art. I can tell pop, aren't you? Actually? Yeah,
I'm a I'm a black anything. Not a lot to
do in Pennsylvania. You gotta have weird hotties. I know you. Listen,
some of my best friends are from Pennsylvania. And this
is sorry, ready to get into our trivia. Here we go,
(13:46):
we have our sounds versus the harp. All right? Question one, Oh,
Henry isn't the only defunct candy bar with an exclamation point.
The blank bar was named after the star slugger who
played for the New York Yankees in the late seventies.
What defunct candy bar has an exclamation point? Gentlemen? Do
(14:07):
you need a hand you can buzz in whenever you want?
By the way, this is speed thing. Such a good question.
I got it, Okay. The person that this bar was
named after was also known as Mr October, Mr October,
both New Yorkers. Alex, you lived in Brooklyn. Uh it
was a New York Yankee, a famous New York Yankee
in the seventies. Okay, Alex, is it Reggie Jackson? Is
(14:30):
it the form of question? Who was Reggie Jackson? You
can do it however you want, Alex. At this point,
we're just just hoping to get one answer out of
either of you. As Reggie Jackson. Reggie Jackson is correct. Wow,
nice pulling it out of nowhere. By the way, I
love no one. You can't see Jordan, but he's ready
to strum that hard like he's in position. The bar
(14:52):
named after Reggie Jackson was handed out to people entering
Yankee Stadium, but disappeared in the eighties. Okay, here we
go question two with Alex one zero. In England, you
can find deep fried Mars bars at chip shops all
over the place, But what candy bars the most popular
one to deep fry at state fairs across America. I
(15:12):
have no hits that was I heard. I saw the strump,
but I didn't hear it. But Jordan's that was Alex.
That we're getting up we're getting word from the booth
that it was Alex who came in first. I don't know.
It's a WiFi thing. I think Jordans. Go ahead, Alex,
Is it Snickers? Oh? The answer is Snickers. Alex fell
(15:33):
from my old stick. Being a judge on food competition
shows the old change of direction. It is snicker bars
deep fried at fairs across the United States. Producer Crystal
proudly from the state of Kansas. I'm assuming you've had
a deep fried Snickers bar out of state fair. Nope, no, okay,
(15:53):
handle it there. It is okay. Now listen. That means, Alex,
you are up to to zero with one question remaining.
Good thing is on food court. Question three is worth
two and a half points, so question three can take
it home right here. In the movie The Goonies, Hm
Chunk and his new friends Sloth bond over their love
(16:14):
of what candy Bar. Jordan's proudly with the harp coming
in with Baby Ruth, which is correct. What a scene,
Baby Ruth bonding over their love of the big classic.
I do the food and beverage for the San Diego Symphony,
(16:35):
which just opened up an amazing theater called The Shell
which is sort of like the Hollywood Bowl but newer.
And last year I got to see the Goonies than
with the symphony playing the soundtrack for the Goonies, and
it was incredible, incredible. Jordan's you have two and a
half points. That means you get to decide who presents
their case first. Do you want to bat first or
(16:57):
do you want alex to bat first? I would? I
would alex ago. I want to see what we're working
with here. He talks a big game, but I want
to see this. Okay, I'm in your head. I'm in
your head. I own you. That's so cool. And we
(17:20):
are back today in the food courts and we have
friends podcasters, hosts, Gentleman extraordinaire Jordan and Alexander here to
argue Milk first, dark chocolate. The way this works is
that each of you will have three minutes to state
your case. During this three minutes, you need to lay
out your case and not focus on your opponent or
their case. Use the three minutes as your campaigning time
to really convince me that you're correct. Does this make sense? Yes? Absolutely?
(17:44):
All right, now, now don't fret. You'll get two minutes
of rebuttal, time to let your opponent know why their
position is absolutely wrong after so don't worry. Okay, here
we go. The first argument is gonna be alex for
dark chocolate. Your three minutes start now. Okay, So the
health benefits of dark chocolate are I'm not even gonna
(18:05):
bother repeating those because you can just google them in
thirty seconds and you'll find seventeen different listicles that are
like you know, dark chocolate is fiber, minimal minerals, so
on and so forth. My argument in favor of dark
chocolate boils down to the following question that I will
put to you, Mr Runtal, Would you rather be popular
or would you rather be interesting? Because everyone knows I'm
(18:27):
not here to just try and sway public opinion. And
milk chocolate is is the favorite across the country. But
but it is showy. It is a peacock. It is
it is, it is playing to the cheap seats. Dark
chocolate is the underdog. It takes the path less trodden,
(18:48):
and that has made all the difference. Here's my and
and now we're going to get into the food nerds
stuff you don't you can put milk chocolate with other
forms of sugar and cream, right, that's what you get.
But you take dark chocolate. You can put dark chocolate
with anything. Dark chocolate is going to bring out the
flavor profile of whatever you put it with. It's going
to make much more interesting combinations in whether you're talking savory,
(19:10):
whether you're talking sweets, whether you're talking other things, which
there surely are in the world as far as tastes.
And you know, look, everyone wants to be the guy
who sinks the half court shot. Everyone wants to be
the guy who has the dunk from the foul line.
Nobody wants to win the sixth Man Award, But you know,
the sixth Man Award is a very important award. Dark
(19:32):
chocolate is coming up and batting relief. Dark chocolate is
coming up and making the the outfield catch. You know,
milk chocolate is Jack Nicholson literally chewing the scenery, breaking
through the wall with an axe. Dark chocolate is Daniel
de Lewis disappearing into a role. You never walk out
of a film saying God, I wonder if that was
Jack Nicholson. He really disappeared into that role. You never
(19:54):
walk out of a tasting experience going God, I wonder
if there is this incredible over sweet, over creamy taste profile.
But you can walk out of something going god, I
had no idea. That was Daniel day Lewis. And you
can walk out of a tasting experience saying, wow, they
put dark chocolate in that. That's incredible. Ah. And you
know what, here's if you needed one more. I don't
even know where I'm at with time. I'll just keep going.
(20:14):
I'm running an autopilot at this point. Dark chocolate can
actually make you smarter. It can improve blood flow to
your brain. It can also reduce insulin resistance or improve
incident insulin sensitivity. It can help manage your cholesterol. It
can lower the risk of your heart disease. It can
possibly reduce high blood pressure. It might even improve your
(20:35):
gut health. Can stimulate the flow of gut bacteria. That's
my time, Thank you, Oh my god, Alex coming out strong,
swinging lots of great points. I mean the health benefits,
you know, That's that's one that we knew was going
to come up, for sure. But who knew? Who knew
(20:56):
that dark chocolate was this side arm middle left handed
reliever on the baseball diamond or the sixth Man. I
resonate with this. I am I'm the sixth man, producer
Crystal Talk, I'm the sixth minute. I love that no guts,
no glory. Jack Nicholson's pretty popular. That's the only thing there.
It's like, I'm milk chocolate is popular, and you know
(21:17):
is he? Is it more of the John c Riley
of the world. I damn it. I should have gone
with that. That happens. But we're feeling things there and
like Lauren, cholesterol and makes you smarter factor that. Okay, listen,
Jordan's you will have your time right now. You've got
(21:39):
three minutes to go. We'll do some fact checking on
whether or not chocolate makes you smarter during your three minutes. Jordan,
your three minutes to let us know why milk chocolate
is amazing starts now. Well. To me, it's very hard
not to make my pro milk chocolate case a continuation
of my anti dark chocolate case. But today I stand
before you to argue the merits, the benefits, the life
(22:00):
giving properties, if you will, of milk chocolate defined as
containing unco. That's not how you say that, but we're
gonna go with it. Given the recent rise of the
dark chocolate agenda, hereinafter referred to as big Dark. The
milky alternative has been given a bad, slanderous reputation as
the cheap, poor quality option. The good stuff diluted with
(22:21):
powdered milk. Not on my cheap cocaine, but for anyone
with a real sweet tooth, milk chocolate satisfies this craving
like no other. Despite its ubiquity, I think milk chocolate
is now the underdog, and I'm here to stand up
for it. I may not have the sports analogies at
my fingertips, Michael Steamed, colleague, I might not have the
depth of actors and their performances and metaphors at my fingertips,
(22:43):
but I bring heart. So please allow me to start
with milk chocolates trademark the way it melts in your
mouth what Gourmand's referred to as mouth feel. Milk proteins
in the chocolate had a velvety creaminess, and the butter
fat softens the cocoa butter, giving it a smooth, even melt.
And milk chocolate has a much more complex flavor profile
(23:03):
than most, including my esteemed colleague, give it credit for
with traces of decadent caramel and traces of toffee and
also multi deliciousness. It's so good that people we all
sorts of items enrobed in milk chocolate, including crickets, grasshoppers,
and worms. And you know, it's also the relative newcomer
(23:23):
on the block when it comes to chocolate, so it
represents the wave of the future, the cutting edge better
living through chemistry. It was invented a hundred fifty years
ago when on Rinesly figured out how to make powdered
milk and another Squists Chocolates here mixed it with dark
chocolate to create the first milk chocolate in the world.
And finally, it's generally cheaper due to the fact that
there's less cocao. Why can't I say that word cacao?
(23:45):
Just going that used, leaving you with more money left
in your pocket to purchase even more chocolate. And I'd
like to reuse whatever remaining time I have to do
a dramatic roll call of my favorite milk chocolate bars,
Crunch Kid Cats, tab Larone, Twix, Milky Way, Snickers, and
(24:08):
I'll see the rest of my time. Thank you. Jordan's
resting his case tablarone makes an appearance. Milk chocolate. Milk chocolate,
the chocolate of the future, the progressive chocolate, the one
that goes with everything. Listen, I mean, we may have
to eat crickets at some point in are like, we
(24:31):
may have to the world, may have to use the
protein founding ground up crickets. And how are we going
to do that without coding them in milk chocolate. What
an incredible point that is, I mean, science coming to play.
There's notes of caramel and toffee, probably because there's lots
of sugar in olk chocolate. It's probably where those notes
come from. Both amazing and let's be honest, butter fat
(24:55):
is a great thing to say. There's I mean, it's
we're talking about melting point and mouth feel, but my
mouth feels good saying melting point and butterfat. Two great cases.
Here we go two minutes of rebuttle time, and we
are well, we have a fact coming in and it
is true that dark chocolate may also improve the function
(25:19):
of your brain. So we google this speaking amazing function
of the brain. Both of you with great first rounds. Alex,
you're up for a rebuttal. You got two minutes to
let Jordan know why milk chocolate sucks. Your time starts now,
I mean Jordan's I appreciate everything you're saying, but you're
coming from a place of fundamental wrongness. I think your
(25:40):
strawman argument is that you're painting milk chocolate is an underdog.
In what world do you live in where that's actually true?
I don't understand where this this notion of I mean,
you take something like a butter fat and you combine
it with sugar. How is that an underdog? I That
doesn't make any sense to me, you know, and frankly
(26:01):
it's a bad faith argument, and I'm upset that you
even brought this into our our friendship. But you know,
I also argue for the I don't think you even
addressed my point, which is that dark chocolate is ultimately
the more versatile of the two. Again, you don't and
you don't know this because I think you only cook
like chicken breasts to feed yourself. But you can. Have
(26:27):
you ever have you ever tasted a perfectly done mola sauce?
Have you had something that involves the actual taste profile
of the odor more established, more primal and sacred as
dark profile of dark chocolate. Have you. I don't think
you have, because you wouldn't then have the palette of
a small child crying incessantly for sweets and milk fats
(26:53):
and droning on and on about mouth feel I'm sorry
you wouldn't. I feel like you're arguing from a complete
pace of of bad faith and fake news. And you know, frankly,
I'm gonna walk off this debate stage. I mean, I mean,
I don't. I'm insulted. I yield my time, yielding the
(27:13):
two seconds that we left. I don't know, Crystal, we
have to go back in the archives here. I don't
know if we've had a rebuttal that was so personal.
You know, he really caught me off off off guard,
so I had to. When he goes high, I go low. Jordan,
just before as we go forward this the court just
wants to acknowledge that there's nothing wrong with simple chicken,
preass cooked. Thank you, thank you very much. I think
(27:34):
it's again. I'd like to have any time that he seeded,
and also the time that I seeded for my rebuttal.
I'd like to to really double down on my rebuttal
time now in the wake of these slanderous personal This
court will not allow any more time. But this court
will allow you to go as hard as you'd like
for the next two minutes, and your rebuttal time Jordan's
starts now. Dark chocolate lovers, like my estamped colleague here,
(27:58):
loved to tout the alleged health benefits, to which I say,
you got to be healthy, eat a damn apple. That's
like choosing vodka over whiskey because it has lower calories.
Embrace your questionable decision, you cowards. And also, Mars Incorporated,
over the last fifty years has sponsored a hundred studies
looking at the benefits of chocolate dark chocolate, and surprise
of those had positive outcomes because they're funding them. Something's fishy.
(28:20):
When I want to sweet treat, I do not reach
for dark chocolate for the same reason that I don't
reach for a piece of chalk or a miniature bar
of hotel soap. Because it's bitter, dry, dusty, crumbly, and
largely edible. It's both an abomination of taste and mouth feel. Sure,
dark chocolate is more natural, but you know what else
is natural? Malaria rocks tornadoes. I don't need a reminder
(28:41):
that my candy is from nature. In fact, the more
unnatural the better. In my opinion, the only way milk
chocolate could be improved it isn't more closely resembled the
unholy neon rainbow of a fun fetty cake. Milk chocolate
is fun. Dark chocolate is for adults. It's the chocolate
that says, my peloton is exacerbating my lower back problems.
Is the choco look that says, I'm aware of Billie Eilish,
(29:02):
but I'm unable to name any of his songs. It's
the chocolate that's the character. It's the chocolate that the
character andy no doubt eight at the end of Toy
Story three, after dropping off his donation box. No spoilers,
but you know what I'm talking about. Dark chocolate is
the sophisticated thing that we all feel pressured to like,
but at its heart we all know it's joyless. We
all there are many of you say that dark chocolates
(29:22):
at afrodisiac, but as the Jay Giles Band so eloquently
put it loves stinks. So that's another strike against dark chocolate.
And you know, the high flute and culture around dark
chocolate is the candy culinary equivalent of wine snobbery. Sure
it's a little bitter, but it's so complex and the
salt really offers like such an interesting nuance to the
flavor to which I Shay. If I wanted bitter, complex
(29:42):
and salty, I'd call my friend and co host Alex Heigel.
Oh wow, you're you're you're virtual. But I'm gonna let
that Mike cool off a little bit. I miss my
my kicker. I didn't get to my kicker. Damn. Well listen.
Good thing is that you'll have final words right after
(30:03):
this break. Okay, everyone, we are back and I have
had a chance to think about my verdict. This one,
I'll be honest with you, is very very tight. It
could go either way before I deliver my verdict. Jordan,
(30:24):
you were very animated that you had something else to say.
What would you like this court to hear? Yeah, I
just want to respond to my colleagues accusations that I
haven't underdeveloped undersophisticated palette. Well, I don't want to have
to go through training to enjoy my candy. And you know,
while researching this episode, I've come across countless articles called
how to eat dark chocolate. I don't want to how
to guide for dessert. And also I'd like to add
(30:47):
that these names of these dark chocolate bars are weirdly
sexual things like Jarra Delly, Dark Chocolate, Intense, Dark Midnight, Reverie.
That's a real chocolate name. And now, if there's one
thing I know a lot about, it's compensation, and this
name sounds like it's compensating for something, and that's something
is terrible taste. The best thing I can say about
dark chocolate is that it isn't white chocolate. Okay, okay,
(31:09):
it's setting us up for another debate down the road
with white chocolate. All right, Alex, Jordan's like Viz, I
can see he is really this is an emotional This
is an emotional play here, Alex, What what what are
your final works? You see his vain throbbing up, You know, Jordan,
I want to speak to your point that duck chocolate
is for adults and it's a bad thing. You can
live in this perpetual extended adolescents with your candy colors,
(31:33):
ships and these so called beach boys, but you can't
fight city Hall. Time only goes in one direction. You
have to grow up. At some point. You have to
put away. You know you want to go really personal
and bring up toy story three. At some point you
have to put that donation box out. I know we
love to live in this protracted, extended childhood in America
(31:55):
of this infantilizing culture, but that's not how the world works,
and it's some point to be a fully contributing, functioning
member of society and a fully self actualized human, you
have to embrace that. And on the other side of that, yes,
slightly bitter pill is dark chocolate. I yield by time,
(32:16):
we're gonna need a ballot? Are we going to dark
with this? They're going about your going. I mean, honestly,
this is the full the full send here you're going
you're kidding yea wait, ordering the court. I mean this
is bring bring it to you, guys, bring it together.
I know this is a serious topic. It is come
to this court's attention that the two of you do
(32:37):
have to work together again very shortly. I do want
to remind everyone that although this is a very serious topic,
this is not life or death. And I hope that
both of you will be able to, you know, get
along and also invite me on one of your podcasts
in the future, because you know someone's feelings might get
hurt a little bit. Here, both making the case that
whether it's dark or milk chocolate, that they're both the underdog, right,
(32:59):
they both have benefits. It's if you want to be
popular or do you want to be interesting? Do you
want to be fun? Or do you want to be healthy?
Do you want to be just sweet or do you
want to be something that works with savory? And after
factoring all of this in, I have to say that
this Court was ultimately persuaded by one specific argument. It
came in the rebuttal. This Court will order in favor
(33:21):
of milk chocolate. I am very pleased with the Court's decision,
a little surprised, to be honest, but I am absolutely delighted.
What was the point the impassioned rebuttal? The impassioned rebuttal?
Although Alex had it, I wrote it down when when
(33:42):
Molay came into the game, I thought it was it
was it was a secret weapon. I was like, it's
dark chocolate. But you're impassioned rebuttal. I mean, even though
at one point when you're like, who'd wants to eat?
I I do, actually every once in a while want
to Bite Hotel Soap. I don't know why, but that
really that connected with me. And then the Billie Eilish
(34:04):
that was that was just That's just that was it.
That was I mean, it was just too much and
I could see the passion coming through and you know what, Alex,
I'm sorry to say this. I do want to be popular, Alex,
but I also want to be interesting and healthy. Such
a tough decision, gentlemen, thank you so much for being
a part of the Food Court. Thanks for listening to
Food Court. I'm Richard Blaze and I've been your judge.
You can find Too Much Information podcast wherever you listen
(34:26):
to podcasts, and you can find Jordan's on Instagram at
Jordan Runt Hog and his new podcast Too Much Information
that drops new episodes every week. Tune in to get
so much information you won't believe it. And you can
find Alexander at alex Underscore High Goal on Twitter and
anything else you want to plug there. Alex are taking
this all the way up to the next, the highest
court in the land, which ye and listen. It might happen.
(34:48):
I could be getting replaced for next season. We don't
know this. There could be a higher court stepping in.
That's something that possibly could happen. Listen, audience, what do
you think I know half of you at least think
that I got that one totally long, at least all
of you in the Bay Area, and then listen. Do
you like chocolate? Chances are you too? Let us know
on the food Court pod, Instagram or at Richard Blaze
across social media. Food Courts of production of iHeart Radio.
(35:11):
I'm Richard Blaze. My producer is Crystal Bobmahi. Food Court
was created by Christopher Hassiotis. The rest of my food
Court clerks are Jonathan Dressler, David Wasserman, and Jasmine Blaze.
The theme song, which is Amazing, is by Jason Ne Smith.
For more podcast from I Heeart Radio, visit i Heeart Radio, app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
So much fun. Thank you. Rapping with only white wires,
(35:42):
silly like candy corn
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