June 3, 2025 • 60 mins
Budgeting needs some tender, loving care. If you ignore it and don’t check in, it’ll turn its back on you and that’s when self-sabotage sneaks in and everything starts to fall apart. Take a deep breath, because in this episode, we’re diving into the reasons you might find yourself stuck in that cycle and sharing simple, powerful tips to help you break free for good.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Why you keep self sabotaging your budget and how to stop.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
save money, embrace.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Simplicity, and deliver your life.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
My name is Jen, my name is Jill.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
And today we are sharing a rerun of episode two
hundred and seventy three. So if you have not been
with us since then it's going to be new to you.
And if you have, well, then this might be helpful
information if you've found yourself self sabotaging. If not, then
just turn it off.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
What we've learned is nobody scrolls back into the archive, nope,
ours or others.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So curating the episodes that you need to hear from
two plus years ago so you don't ever have to
scroll back more than two years. We're going to curate
the best steps for you, and this is one of them.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
First, this episode is brought to you by the Perfect Sweatshirt.
It's got everything you need. It's got the hoodie, it's
got the zips, it's oversized and comfy. We're not trying
to be more than we are, but we are trying
to get exactly what we need. And that's kind of
like our budget spreadsheet.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Keep going, keep going, You've got it.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
We've got a mobile optimized spending planner spreadsheet that can
be all yours Frugal friendspodcast dot com slash planner, and
it's just like the perfect sweatshirt. Right, it's no more,
it's no less. We're not trying to be super fancy.
Where are we actually going, probably just the grocery store.
(01:56):
And yet it has everything we need, from debt paint
tracking to being able to just see your spending at
a glance. It's got a cost benefit.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Analysis, opportunity cost calculating, uh huh yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Yeah, that's another way of saying it, where you can
see what else could I do with this money. It's
a great thing to be able to ask yourself when
you're at the store, and you can do that in
this spreadsheet. Again, because it's mobile optimized, you can access
it easily from your phone, just like your sweatshirt is
easily accessible and you can keep your phone in that
(02:33):
nice sweatshirt. So the perfect sweatshirt like the perfect budget
planner for Wolfriends podcast dot com splash.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Play in the essence of self sabotage. I told Jill
to not write down her sponsor second, and I guess
that was outside sabotage.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
But I see what we'd come You see what we
can up with on the fly.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I also came up with mine on the fly. You
often do that the next one on the sixth. So,
but we really do believe in that's the spreadsheet. I
think it's helpful, it's inexpensive. We absolutely do. We just
don't always believe in ourselves.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
And actually we're running a sale on that soon. Get
our friend letter for golfriendspodcast dot com and you'll have
access to any sale coman.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
We also did not look up We knew that there
would be some kind of discount when we said this
the last time, and instead of pausing and going to
look up what that was before we hit record on this.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Yeah, no, we decided not to know. We're gonna self
sabotage ourselves. We're gonna be We're gonna make you sign
up for our newsletter so you can get the code.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Because if there's anything that you can expect, it's that
we're always going to self sabotage ourselves.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Right, But here's how to stop doing that learn from us.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Here's how to stop doing it with your budget.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
This first article comes from the Motley Fool and titled
six ways to stop sabotaging your finances, although they actually
go into six ways that you are sabotaging your finances
or we are sabotaging I'll say we, because I'm not
trying to point fingers here. I'm a part of this.
(04:20):
It's a I fall victim to the holiday spending. So
it's going through what are some of the things that
kind of interrupt our best laid plans? But then what
can we replace it with?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So we'll go.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Through all six. The first one, the first thing that
we can do to sabotage our financial goals and best
laid plans is not having best laid plans.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
You know it.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
It's called not budgeting. So and they reference a debt
dot com survey that showed that thirty three percent of
Americans do not budget their money, although ninety three percent
believe that everyone should. So you've got a bit of
a gap there, and honestly, I would imagine it's higher
than that, although thirty three percent, that's a lot of people.
(05:10):
And then even when we do set a budget, whether
or not we're looking at it, paying attention to it,
following it as a whole other ballgame. You know, we
also describe budgeting as a spending plan, So if that's
a more approachable term for making a plan for your money,
then sure, call it whatever you want to call it.
(05:31):
But we're not going to do very well if we
don't actually know what we're doing, if we've not assigned
a task for our money, or know how much is
going coming in or going out. So instead of not budgeting,
we could try creating a spending plan, creating a budget
(05:55):
and viewing it as a tool in order to meet
our goals. Again, Jen mentioned all the different a few
different episodes that you could queue up if this is
your particular area of sabotage to your finances is just
like not doing it, not having the motivation, feeling like
it's going to be strict and stringent, all of these
(06:16):
things that kind of rail against this thing that we
know we should be doing. Look at some different alternatives
to maybe what you have in mind as what a
budget looks like. It does not have to be a
strict spreadsheet that details things down to the penny. There
is so much freedom and flexibility in this. But having
(06:41):
some sort of plan is going to help us not sabotage.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, and it doesn't have to be a restrictive plan.
You know that we love to make a you know,
a guilt free, values based budget. That's and I think
so this leads into numbers two. The second self sabotage
is building an impossible budget. I know this was my
problem because I looked at numbers on a screen and
(07:10):
I said, and I wrote them down, and I said,
this is the perfect budget. This is what I should
be spending on this, this, this is what I have
to spend on this, and so this is what I
should have left over. And this was a budget for
an ideal person, not a budget for me, not for
where I was at. And so doing that and failing
(07:33):
at it month after month led me to stop budgeting.
And so I was trying to create these impossible budgets,
which just led me to not budget at all. And
so I think those two can go hand in hand
more than we think. And the thing to do instead
is to create a flexible budget, is to we see
(07:55):
them so like we hear zero based budget and you know,
fifty third twenty budget. We think we have to stick
to these things, these models that other people have made,
when really you just want to have a plan for
your spending and life always finds a way to interrupt
(08:16):
your best laid plans, and so finding ways to navigate
that we had. I forget which challenge it was that
we did in the membership, but like I think it
was for goals that we had people identify, like, Okay,
they're going to be roadblocks for you, you know, creating
these habits to get to these goals. Think of them
(08:39):
now and think of ways you can go around them,
Like just just anticipate them. Think of them now. You know,
if you go back and look at your last ninety
days of transactions and look at the ones that you
wish you hadn't made, that's a roadblock. Look at that
and figure out what was What was something that I
could have said or done differently so that I could
(09:01):
have avoid spending this money that I really didn't want
to spend. So just do that in advance.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Yeah, and this next one is kind of connected to
that idea of what you're saying, Jen. Another area that
we can sabotage ourselves is not saying no. It's kind
of like a double negative. But the inability to say
no usually well to both ourselves and others. I can
(09:26):
really identify with this one, particularly when it comes to
something that seems really fun, like if you throw a
fun activity at me, it is very hard to say
no to myself or others. And I'm not advocating for
deprivation here, but I think this is an area that
(09:46):
can really, like truly sabotage what we've said we wanted
to do, and it doesn't have to. I have tried
to challenge myself to find a way to be able
to say yes to whatever is excited me, but know
to the interruption of financial goals that it might mean.
So like, for instance, there have been many times when
(10:11):
it's not difficult to like try and get me to
go out to eat. Cooking sometimes feels like overwhelming, and
I like going out to eat, But some weeks it's
not in the meal plan, it's not in the spending plan,
it's just not there. But there are many times where
Eric is very successful and just hey, let's go hit
up the heavy hour, like let's go, you know, all,
(10:34):
I got to run a Low's, but of course ends
up taking like two or three hours instead of the
fifteen minutes he thought. And now I'm hungry, and so yes,
it's easy for me to say, yes, let's go out
to eat. But and I'm not saying that this happens
perfectly every time. Sometimes I just do, I give in,
and I sabotage in some small ways the thing that
I said that I wouldn't do. But I have found
(10:56):
in some conditions like this happy medium, where I'm able
to kind of create that pause of ooh, I'm excited
about that. I don't have to deprive myself of the
entire thing. But what is a good negotiation here? What's
a good compromise? And so there have been times where Okay, yes,
I would love to go out, but let's eat the
(11:17):
dinner that I've prepared and just go have a drink out,
or let's eat here and let's just get out of
the house. Let's go on a scooter ride, let's go
on a walk, let's go do whatever it is. It
doesn't have to be that I don't do something or
I don't have fun. But it doesn't have to mean
that I'm spending a ton of money that I didn't
plan or want to spend. And that's also connected to
(11:39):
what we talk about regularly of values based spending, and
so the kind of what to do instead here in
that when we recognize that inability to say no to ourselves.
I think the biggest piece and they reference this in
the article, is creating a pause, just an opportunity to
reflect and process doesn't have to be very long. We're
not talking about getting our journal out and sitting with
(12:02):
quiet music for an hour, but thinking, oh, okay, what's
happening here? What is it that is causing me to
want to spend this money? Is it aligned with my values?
Is it actually something I need or want or has
been on my radar or priority list for a while,
or is it not? Is it totally peripheral. I'm going
(12:24):
to be really bummed in a week when I look
back at this expenditure, that this happened, and is there
an alternative? Is there some way that I can engage
in this while not maybe spending as much or spending
at all, and still get the thing that like, the
fun piece, the connection with others, you name it.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yeah, absolutely, It's this hard balance between saying no and
not depriving yourself, right, Like we love no spend challenges,
which at their core really seem to be depriving because
we're saying, actually, don't spend money on anything, whether you
value it or not, just for a month. But it's
in order to get clarity on really the priorities of
(13:07):
what you value. If you have an income that where
you can afford everything you value, that is fantastic, that
is the goal is to create that, But not all
of us are there yet, and so on the way there.
While you are achieving other financial goals, there are always
going to be some values and things you love that
(13:30):
lose out to higher value things and higher value goals.
And I think that's where we say we want to
say yes as much as possible, as long as it's
within the parameters of that plan. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Yeah, I mean we have to prioritize that what else
in life can we say yes to every single thing
and it actually go well or be beneficial. So there
will have to be even in the midst of identifying
our values, poritizing what am I going to tackle first?
What's going to take precedent here?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, And even in the cases where you can afford everything,
eventually everything then becomes less meaningful. I know what it's
going to say meaningless, but like less meaningful. When you
are forced to choose, the thing that you choose automatically
becomes more special. And so that's not like a way
(14:26):
that we kind of want to like live our lives.
But it can be some solace to know that when
you choose everything, like when you're in that spending mode
where you're just spending on everything, then nothing is really meaningful.
But when you're making these intentional choices, the things you
say yes to are more special. Maybe that's somehow encouraging.
(14:49):
Probably not in the moment, but just sit with it.
We'll see. Number four is caring what other people think.
This is Yeah. I again, I feel personally like I
could have written this because one of the things that
kept me spending was not so much caring what people think,
(15:13):
but just caring about being their fomo. Honestly, it was
like fear of missing out. It wasn't even necessarily what
they thought of me, but it did depend. I mean,
it was kind of I didn't want other people having
fun experiences and then hear about it later, so it
was still like other people oriented. So it can be
(15:36):
I think this can go to either way and it's
why finding your values and maybe we should have switched
up this week and next week or next episode the
next one's about values. Whoops. But it's really important to
go on the difficult journey of figuring out who you
(15:57):
are and what you want and what you value, so
that you can know, am I is this what I want?
Or am I being influenced by somebody else? Or am
I like kind of quasi trying to impress this person
or have the same experiences that make sure they don't
(16:17):
experience something fun that I didn't, So that you can
get to the point where you stop caring earlier in life.
I'm there, Yeah, I hit that.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
I'm a little concern for what the rest of life
is going to look like, because I don't think you're
supposed to, like truly stop caring until you're like in
your sixties. But it's happened in my thirties, so stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
There's always more room to care less. That's true. I
believe that. I truly believe that.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
Yeah, And there's a reason that there's a term for
this type of scenario of keeping up with the Joneses.
But the reality is that it always will fall flat
if that's the aim, it will never be achieved or
when it is, when that target is hit. If that's
the target, it will quickly shift to a new target,
(17:11):
and there is very little actual personal fulfillment in that. Again,
we all can fall into this or sabotage ourselves in
this way and want things that other people have or
want to be perceived in a certain way. But I
think challenging ourselves to have a deeper aim in the
(17:33):
way that we live our life, which connects to how
we spend our money, is ultimately what's going to be
most fulfilling. We need to have deeper, more anchored aims
than just what is the person next to me doing.
So the next one in the way that we can
sabotage ourselves is by making spending easy really just not
(17:58):
having many boundaries or parameters or barriers to spending making
and I'm talking primarily impulse spending, because we all spend money,
and no part of us as advocating for never spending
and never buying things and never doing fun stuff. So
(18:18):
that when we don't have many barriers in place or
tethers on our ability to spend, again, it lowers the
barrier to entry for some of those impulse purchases, and
this can happen to any one of us, and the
article kind of references this example. This might not be
for everyone, but helpful to kind of understand. When we
(18:42):
have our debit cards or credit cards already entered into
whatever website, whether it's Amazon or a place that we
regularly schedule or shop at online, it already has that information.
We don't have to go find our credit cards or
type it all in again, it's just yet put in
the shopping cart and one click buy and done. That
(19:04):
can make it really easy for us to late night
when all of our decision making fatigue has caught up
with us and our guards are down and we're just
scrolling and buying and scrolling and buying. And so if
that's you, one of the things that can be done is,
first of all, not make it so easy to get
(19:24):
to those sites on your phone. So if that's like
a late night thing that's happening, instead put a block
on those maybe don't have those apps downloaded on your phone,
or find some way to interrupt your habit of picking
up your phone after ten pm and scrolling those sites,
(19:45):
or put and all of these habits are going to
need to be replaced with something. It's not a matter
of just cutting it out, it's what am I going
to do instead? And so could there be a game
that you play on your phone instead of shopping? Could
there be a book that you read instead of shopping?
Like find other things that are going to keep you
(20:06):
entertained rather than just the shopping piece. They also reference
in this article paying cash that for me is not
the answer, it could be for you. So I'm mentioning
it because for some people it feels like a bigger
barrier to have to spend cash on something. They actually
feel it coming.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Out of.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Their wallets in that way. For me, when I spend cash,
I just feel like, oh, there's no log of this.
It's fair game, Like spend it however you want to,
because you're never going to see it again. So whatever
it is for you, identifying how have you potentially made
spending easy and in what ways can you create barriers?
I know we've talked about even with emails, the unroll
(20:53):
me site that you can sign up for and it
kind of compiles all of the different email list that
you're on and so you're not consistently being bombarded with
all these ads and marketing techniques that sometimes you might
impulse spend on. So there's all sorts of technology and
(21:14):
things that we can implement ourselves to interrupt this kind
of thoughtless, mindless impulse purchasing.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yeah, no spending after nine just try that role. Try
that role on for size. Once nine PM hits, we're
not buying anything. And then the last one on this
list that we will just go through briefly, because why
do we really have to reiterate this is your self
sabotage number six, failing to imagine the future because you will,
(21:45):
on average, live till eighty something and on average you
will only work until sixty three. So the average person.
And I know, like mom said, you're special, but like
she was probably average too, and you're probably all average,
(22:06):
you know, So like, just plan to live into your eighties,
plan to retire average.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
No one's pointing fingers, we are all I'm looking at
my shelf, like I can see myself in the in
the video camera as I say this, and I'm looking
at myself and saying, your average.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Jen, So stop stop thinking you're gonna die in your fifties,
and so just say you need to and the point
of that is is that you need to be putting
savings for retirement into your plan. There. If you are
old enough to be able to queue up this podcast
and listen to it with the attention span to listen
(22:43):
all the way through, then you are old enough to
invest for retirement. And that's even Yeah, no, absolutely you are. Uh,
even if you're not eighteen yet, there's still ways that
you can start doing that. So, yeah, it is never
too early. You save money on retirement the earlier you start.
(23:05):
So if you're really looking for ways to save money
from this podcast, here's a good one. Start investing earlier.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Yeah, and now for the next article.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So our next one is from Well and Good and
it's five sneaky ways your mind sabotages you're spending. And
these are really short, so we'll go through them quickly
because it's more of a less like actionable steps and
more of like, here's some places to give yourself grace
or here's some places you might want to dig into.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Yeah, and my disclaimer is, first of all, the word
sneaky in this title I have to disagree with, Like,
none of these are that sneaky, and you'll kind of
see why as we go through them, but also the
purpose of well our intention in talking about this article
(23:59):
is is to continue to challenge us towards curiosity about self,
which can lead to greater understanding of self, which can
lead to creating systems, habits, mindsets around the things that
we know to be true about who we are, and
create an individualized plan that is aimed at well being
(24:24):
and freedom and helps us in our finances. So a
lot of this article, at least when I read it,
can come across as just like oh, and here's a problem,
and here's a problem, and here's.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
A problem the titles. The titles are abrasive. I will
say that I felt.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Right without much way of like, okay, but what do
we do about this? And so that's where your fellow
frugal friends will kind of fill in the blanks. But
I think some of these are worth noting because we
are whole people and a lot of these mental, emotional,
relational things things that are identified in this article are accurate.
(25:03):
While come across abrasive, it's worth identifying them so that
you could take a deeper dive on the things that
feel relevant for you and how understanding that more might
help you in your financial decisions.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, so I'm not even going to read the ones
that the titles that they wrote. I'm just going to
write the one read the ones that Jill rewrote. So
number one is your attachment style impacts your relationship with money.
And I was unfamiliar with attachment styles, but apparently they
are how you relate to others. So secure, avoidant, anxious, disorganized.
(25:43):
If you recognize one of those or multiples in your
relationship with others, those have a direct effect on how
you relate to money. So this doctor says each attachment
style may respond from that desire to avoid discomfort. And
I feel like a lot. I mean, even if you
(26:05):
don't have what this article calls an insecure attachment style,
that's offensive. I'm very secure. I'm very secure in my
negative attachment styles. Thank you. I really some of our
spending is to avoid discomfort, I think. And so I've
I've found that, like very eye opening, that if you
(26:26):
can identify something in your relationships, then it's very likely
that it's going to have some impact in your money.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
So to fill in the blanks a little bit more
attachment styles that it is research done by psychiatrists and
psychoanalyst John Bowlby who identified various attachment styles and children
to their parents or caregivers. So the four different attachment
styles that you listed anxious, avoidant, disorganized, secure, those are
(26:57):
the four attachment styles identified by Bowlby that happens and
occurs as children, and it is particularly related to the
way that we've attached to our parent or caregiver, and
it has to do with how they responded to us
in childhood and what that instilled in us and our
understanding of relationships and so these different attachment styles, then
(27:23):
most research points to the fact that you're really not
going to change an attachment style. Whatever was instilled in
you as a child is the attachment style that you're
living with. That again, I don't want to not have
room for hope here or that we can't learn more
about ourselves or operate aimed at health within those attachment styles.
But whatever is instilled in us as far as attachment
(27:46):
to our parent or caregiver can then bear weight and
impact on our relationships and behaviors into adulthood. So this
isn't like I don't want to say, oh zero, focus
in on attachment style and make all of your financial
decisions around that or any other.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Aspect of life.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
But if this sounds curious to you, of I wonder
what my attachment style is, what was learned for me
in response to my parent or caregiver, and how does
that impact my relationships. Certainly this is the curiosity with self,
the understanding of ourselves that will help us in the
(28:25):
way that we relate, and of course it bears impact
on our behaviors. The article doesn't go into much depth
about what that's going to mean, and I would say
understanding our attachment style will first and foremost help us
in relationships and our relationship with ourselves. But then peripheral
impact can be our relationship with money and the decisions
(28:48):
and behaviors that occur in us as a result of that.
So just a quick side note on attachment style.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
I'm thank you for giving that XP nation because it's
super fascinating. I ever heard of this before.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
My clinical licensure is surfacing here in this.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I know that's why we pay you the big bucks,
because you got those letters.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Okay, number two, this one is so so true. We've
talked about this a lot. Is our emotions and that
includes being disregulated can impact our money decisions. I don't
love how the article only focuses on disregulated emotions. I
think we move in and out of being regulated and disregulated,
(29:37):
and both can bear weight and do bear weight on
the money decisions that we make. We don't only make
poor money decisions when we're disregulated. We can also make
poor money decisions when we're regulated. But recognizing what happens
for us when we are in either state, whether feeling
(29:57):
really kind of lacking control in our emotions, or feeling
really down or sad, or feeling really elated and happy
and on top of the world, all of these things
can impact what we choose to do with our money.
We've talked about this in depth, so I'm not going
to say much more than that, other than it's worth
(30:19):
looking at and maybe even keeping a journal, keeping a log, recognizing, oh,
and I'm feeling this way, Here's what I'm likely to do.
Is that beneficial for me? Great? Let's keep doing that,
Is it not? What could I replace that with?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Absolutely? Number three is neuro divergences that need to be considered.
So that's an umbrella term for any all variations, including ADHD, autism,
asperger dyslexia, epilepsy, hyperlexia, OCD, turette. Yeah, so a lot
(30:54):
all right, And there are a lot more people that
have no or divergences, whether even slightly, that do impact
how you budget and you don't even realize it. And
so I think having that's one of the important parts
(31:15):
of really figuring out yourself and doing kind of that
deep work, so that if you have kind of tendencies
towards one of these, even if it's undiagnosed, but maybe
you just see something and I'm mostly talking about ADHD,
I think there's a lot more people that have that
just because of the you know, environmental like environmental situation
(31:41):
is just so ripe for creating that it looks. I
think a lot of people kind of can tend towards that,
And so learning from that and giving yourself grace in
the way you budget. It doesn't mean you can't budget,
it doesn't mean you are incapable of budgeting. It means
(32:01):
you you should budget differently, and a lot of that
means a little bit more flexibility in your budget, and
I think all of us need more flexibility in our budget.
But just definitely having more grace for yourself if you
do tend towards one of these divergences.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Yeah, whether neurodivergent or neurotypical. It's important to understand our
personal makeup and the way that we make decisions, the
way we view the world around us, how that impacts
our behaviors. It's important for all of us, and I
think giving the permission to create, particularly when we're talking
(32:45):
about finances, a system that includes and recognizes those aspects
of ourselves, not trying a one size fits all, because
one size does not fit all. I think T shirt
companies are recognizing that. Now, amen, And so whatever you
know about yourself, not putting that aside and trying to
(33:09):
make a round peg fit into a square hole, but
incorporating that, How does my knowledge about whatever it is
that I know about myself, whether it's one of the
neurodivergences that gen listed or something else or not even
under that category. Whatever, we're all humans, and so what
(33:32):
does that inform me about how I can be kind
to myself and my approach to finances while also not
ignoring it, right, not going to either extreme of oh
well because of this, I'm not capable at all, or
because of this, yeah, you name it it could go
in either direction, but utilizing this knowledge and information to
(33:56):
inform and create systems that are to you around finances
and next number four is our own manipulation of ourselves
is one of the things that can lead to sabotage
of money. I don't I don't love this terminology, like
(34:18):
I don't love the term manipulation. I'm not saying it
doesn't exist, but it sounds quite negative that we're like
manipulating ourselves.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
I don't think a lot of it is on purpose
or is like maniacal or negative.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Yeah, but I think I think maybe a better way
to define this would be what's realistic or not realistic?
In what ways are we maybe thinking something is going
to happen. This might be like fantastical thinking versus what's
(34:56):
reality or creating something I know that we meant in
that first article, creating something that's completely unrealistic, not not
something that's possible for us or desired. Even this can
be that give some examples of like oh, I'll do
that later, or I'll totally budget when XYZ happens, And
(35:20):
I don't think that's manipulation. That might be just like
thinking something's going to be true. That isn't true, Maybe
having a fantastical view of ourselves and what we're going
to do or what we're capable of, and not actually
looking at, well, what are my patterns of behaviors and
what could I reasonably expect to get done in the
(35:41):
next week, Or is it true that tomorrow I'll do
the budget or is it better that I'll do it
right now? Carve out space as I'm thinking about it.
So just kind of, yeah, I guess that there's a
possibility that we kind of like trick ourselves. But I
think it's just a matter of looking at what's reasonable,
(36:04):
what's realistic, and not continuing to find ourselves in this
cycle of telling ourselves something's going to happen when it's
not going to happen, and maybe even we know full
well it's not going to happen. So just taking a
little bit more of a realistic approach with ourselves.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Yeah, it's like selective rationalization. It's you're saying you're gonna
it's definitely I'm going to do this tomorrow. I'll just
fall asleep tonight. I'll track today's and tomorrow's transactions tomorrow.
It's what it sounds like, But I think when it
comes to the first sentence was like, it's important to
(36:45):
be aware when someone else is attempting to manipulate you.
And I know this is talking about self, but I
think a lot of our manipulation is like super well intentioned. Honestly,
most most manipulation is like just the people around us
wanting what they think is best for us. And we
can take some of that on and internalize it and
(37:06):
kind of create that in ourselves and want what other
people think is best for us, when really we should
be doing a little more realistic rationalization on okay, what
is best for me, So just a little addition to that.
And then the last one is you're still embracing learned
behaviors that no longer serve you. This was the only
(37:29):
one that I thought was not abrasive. But so this
kind of I think, I guess, ties a little bit
into the attachment styles, but is focused on things that
you can change. So they're saying our upbringing around finances
and money greatly affects our spending habits in the future.
(37:50):
For example, if you were raised by people who had
insecure attachment styles, you likely picked up on their spending
habits for me. It was my mom always every weekend
we went to the mall. Like shopping was a hobby,
it was an activity, and so that was the way
we bonded, and if we wanted to bond, we went
(38:11):
to the mall. And that when I became an adult.
And I think about this every Black Friday too, because
my favorite part of Thanksgiving was not the meal. It
was planning the Black Friday shopping route and acquisition of
sale items. That was the best part for me. And
(38:33):
nobody is surprised if you know me and that habit,
that behavior no longer serves me in adulthood. And it
was kind of a little difficult to let go of
it was it took my job actually requiring me to
work every Black Friday for five years. That broke me
(38:55):
of it. So thank you, Greg, Thank you Greg. So yeah,
like there are these things and you can accept that.
Like when I was younger, Black Friday, you know, strategic
shopping was very fun and it served me in that way,
and it no longer serves me today. And so I
(39:17):
can be happy about what I did and when I
did it and still change and create different behaviors today
without feeling guilty about the past without losing anything in
the present or future.
Speaker 4 (39:32):
Yeah, I mean just recognizing cycles and patterns of behavior
and where to interrupt them. Sometimes it can help us
to even draw it out, like literally draw out a
circle and identify, like where does it start, what happens next,
what happens next, what happens next, what's the end? How
does it then get back into the cycle again, And
(39:52):
then once we have that written out around the circle,
identifying where can this be interrupted, what point do I
want to interrupt it? And with what can I interrupt it,
and just begin practicing changing and shifting some of those
learned behaviors.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yeah, you know how I love to interrupt you when
you are just on this like rampage of wisdom.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
With something that doesn't need to be shifted or changed.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
The bill of the week.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
entire week.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Maybe a baby was born and his name is William.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died
and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Duck bills, butfalow bills.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Bill clion, this is the bill.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Of the week. This has come from Florida and few
months ago I applied to have my PMI removed. So
my house had gained quite a bit of equity in
the last housing bump. So this past month was the
first month that I didn't have to pay PMI on
a fairly new mortgage. And so that's one hundred and
(41:18):
twenty dollars a month. But I'm going to continue to
just keep paying it against the principal, so one hundred
and twenty bucks additional onto the principle. Over the life
of the loan, it'll be another seventy four grand, So
I'm pretty happy about that. Thanks.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
Yes, Tim from Florida, this is amazing well done. Yes,
I mean that PMI. That's one of those things that
once it's rolled into your mortgage many people can forget about.
But the fact that you remembered it and you were
able to get rid of it, it sounds like before
(41:57):
when you thought you could, because the value of your
home increased, which is amazing. So that's something.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
There's just a tip for all hashtag housing in Florida
to be everywhere.
Speaker 4 (42:07):
Really yeah, take a look at But then how whise
of you to keep paying what you were used to
paying towards your mortgage and applying that what you were
paying a PMI to the principle instead and the difference
that's going to make for you in the long run.
That's just you've just hacked some housing, right there. Tim
(42:29):
from Florida, Well done.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Yeah, I love this because PMI, especially right now when
it's not advantageous to refinance, but so many housing values
have gone up to where so many people can get
PMI off and you can make the decision. I can
either like, stop, you know, buying lattes and save one
hundred and twenty dollars a month. Or I can just
(42:51):
look at this one simple thing that I didn't even
know existed, or that I could remove and just take
it off, and I can buy all my lattes and
save the same amount and not think about it. It's
so easy. And I will say that sometimes you will
have to pay for an inspection, not inspection appraisal to
(43:13):
do that if you're not refinancing. Honestly, it's a lot cheaper.
It's like five hundred dollars versus closing costs for refinancing.
But you would make that out ideally if the interest
rates weren't crazy. So if you think your mortgage has
gone up, check Zillow and then take a little bit
off of that because Zillo is very generous. See, if
(43:35):
you have that twenty twenty percent equity, I think I
think they might require maybe just a smidge over, they'll
automatically take it off. I think it at twenty five
percent of the loan paid off. But that doesn't necessarily
mean you have to pay off twenty percent of the loan.
To get PMI removed, you have to have that twenty
percent of equity. So if your house price has gone up,
(44:00):
check it. You may be able to get PMI off
and have those lattes.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
M love that if you are listening and you're similar
to Tim from Florida just hacking housing and getting rid
of PMI and paying down principle, or your like Jen
who is just concerned about getting her lattes and no
one yelling at her. Whatever your bill is, send it
(44:27):
to us, really truly, we've ripped through a lot of
our bills now and we need more. So Frugal friendspodcast
dot com, slash bill, leave us your bill. You won't
be waiting in the wings for six months anymore.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah, this is not something we thought about when we
went to two episodes a week. This was an oversight
and we need your help. We need your bills.
Speaker 4 (44:51):
We do need your bills, and now it's time for
they're happening around.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
All right. So today in the vulnerability Lightning, vulnerability, lightning,
Pew pew, how do you divert yourself away from self
sabotaging behaviors. Let's give the people some real world, actionable tips.
Speaker 4 (45:18):
Let's give them something talk about, Let's give them something
to do.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Okay, and yours is good, jill Ah.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
This one took a lot of thought from me. I
really had to think through like what what could be
myself sabotaging? And I did mention this already, so but
it's this is true for me, bears repeating, Yeah, I
do pause. I have kind of formed so much of
a habit of this that I don't truly hardly notice
(45:49):
it anymore. But if I think about my behaviors, I pause.
When it comes to spending, whether I'm at home and
shopping online or out in a store, I do regularly
check in with myself to determine how I'm feeling about
making the purchases, whether I feel like it's a good decision,
(46:12):
if it's actually something that is on the list or
is truly going to solve a problem, or if it's
in the spending plan, and that pause. Many times that
check in is yep, good to go, keep moving forward.
But there are plenty of times too where that pause
(46:33):
makes me realize, yeah, I'm feeling uneasy about this. I'm
feeling kind of uncertain about springing for this item that
wasn't on the list. It kind of just caught my eye.
I don't actually think I'm going to be thrilled that
I bought this when I get home or when it
arrives at my doorstep, and okay, let's take it out
(46:54):
of the cart. That can still create more pauses of Now,
how am I feeling now that it's not in my
cart anymore? But this, I think has been something And
I can't totally say when this fully solidified for me
as a habit, but now that it's kind of just
become part of my regular practices, I think it's a
huge thing that has helped me in my finances. Maybe
(47:16):
in our after show I'll talk about how that can
swing the other way. I realized this, I wanted to
talk with you about it.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
Okay, I can't wait to hear for me, I think,
so I have two kind of two things. So the
first is, now that we're doing more home renovations, we're
buying a lot more on Amazon. So before, like the
way I diverted myself was I just like didn't go,
(47:41):
like I didn't have the app. I just stayed off
and I would you know, I would play solitaire or
something instead. But now I kind of have to be there,
and so I have been kind of doing that, not
a thirty day rule, but like putting things in my
car into the leaving them there for like a very
long time to make sure that I still want them,
(48:06):
to make sure I can't find them secondhand or for
free on the buy nothing group. So that has been
kind of my first one. And then the second, I
think my most kind of self my most destructive spending
behavior is definitely like fast food. It's just been a
(48:27):
habit since since I became a mom. Honestly, I have
picked up like I never did fast food before I
had a child and I was a vegetarian, so it
was just like not the only place I could really
go with was Taco Bell and that's not fast food.
That's that's fast Mexican, so it doesn't count. And so
(48:55):
so this is actually like my biggest struggle right now
is actually this one, and it's the one that I'm
really having trouble overcoming. So I am buying more snacks
like snack bars, because especially in pregnancy, like hunger will
just come over me, but the will to make food
does not come over me at the same time. And
(49:18):
so having like kind bars or RX bars or like
bars has been something that has been helpful for me.
And I'll keep dried fruit in my glove compartment because
that can stay in my hot car and not get gross.
So yeah, that has been those tactics.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Nice. Yeah, And here's the thing too, at least for you, Jen,
for right now. Again, I think life has lived in seasons,
and I think recognizing what that means for you right
now and giving some space for it, maybe even starting
to put it into the budget for now, because not
(50:04):
only are you a mom of a toddler, but you're pregnant.
So I don't anticipate that what you're describing is gonna
last super long. But you're extra tired and you have
extra demands on you and your body. That okay, So
like what if more convenience foods are necessary for the
next three months? What could that mean for me? And
(50:26):
how could I make decisions that I feel like more
healthy for me but still allows room for convenience, Like
I just I still think that there's space for this.
Like we're not static, you know.
Speaker 1 (50:39):
Right, and the bars are kind of my like compromise
to be like I really shouldn't be, you know, going
to McDonald's Chick fil A as frequently as I am.
I want to have more like nutritious foods, but I
also don't expect myself to meal prep like I once
did in my heyday. So you's kind Oh girl, he
(51:02):
has had did and that day, that day is over
the golden years. The sun has set on that day.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
The sun might rise again when all of your children
are like able to wipe themselves.
Speaker 1 (51:17):
Oh gosh, what a dream. You've put hope in my heart.
Speaker 4 (51:23):
Oh I'm so glad. I hope, I hope we put
hope in all of your hearts today, And just at
least motivation for curiosity about yourself and how the makeup
of who you are impacts your spending and ways in
which you can tailor your spending and your money decisions
(51:44):
around that.
Speaker 1 (51:49):
Well, we are done for the most part with our renovations,
and I I'm not buying as much Amazon anymore, so
I think I have gotten a lot better at this.
But I got a dog, and I don't know a
(52:10):
lot about dogs, So I do have to stop myself
from buying things that ads say will be good for
your dog or that your dog needs. Because also all
dogs are different, so even somebody like tells me like
those are really good for my dog might not be
good for my dog. So that is I'm having to
(52:31):
like give myself like pause, yeah on that.
Speaker 3 (52:37):
That's tough.
Speaker 4 (52:38):
That and marketing towards parents, I think just praise upon
people because it's what you really care about. There are
real problems you're trying to solve for some of them,
problems that don't actually have a solution, but they're going
to try and make you think that their product does
and doesn't matter to them whether or not it actually works.
You've already bought the thing. Oh yeah, we got to
(53:00):
be so careful.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
I mean, for me, I still do those check ins.
I'm not a super spendee person, and I really like
to think before I make my purchases. I love having
that list in my phone of the things that I'm
on the hunt for.
Speaker 1 (53:21):
And you just updated that list with your new style.
I did. Yeah, whatever it's called. You got your style done.
Speaker 4 (53:29):
Yes, I have a friend Brenna.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
Shout out to.
Speaker 4 (53:32):
Her who does helps people create their own style theory
and figure out what clothing works best for their body type,
their personality. And it felt like doing our colors two
point zero where Okay, now I know what colors are
going to work on me, and now I also know
what cuts, fabrics, lines, shapes are going to work best
(53:56):
on me. And it is making shopping so much easier.
And now I can know when I buy this thing,
it's going to be a staple. I want it to
be long lasting so I can spend the money on,
you know, a more ethical or sustainable brand for those things.
I'm still on the hunt for a summer dress and
a skirt that can be like versatile.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
But she comes into the office this morning like a looker,
like where are you going right here?
Speaker 4 (54:23):
Just to podcast? I thought that we were making video
for YouTube today. We're not. We're just we're just on
the mic.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
My two year old got some kind of schmutz on
my shirt, so there was no way I already came,
not ready to record.
Speaker 4 (54:39):
I mean, you look great, you got earrings on, your
hair's done.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Yeah, well I didn't. I mean I wanted to take
pride in my appearance. I'll never be.
Speaker 4 (54:49):
This young again, right, So I know I'm really starting
to embrace that when I'm in when i'm in my seventies,
I'm going to look back and think I was so young. Yeah,
so I need to live like that, right.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
And if you need to live like that on a budget.
Thank you for listening. We hope you'll continue to listen.
And if you liked the podcast, I think you'll like
our book, By What You Love Without Going Broke. It
is available wherever books are sold and at your local library.
And our friend Sage Comstock, who I recognize who we've
(55:24):
never actually met, but I recognize Stage's name, is a
longtime listener, had this to say five stars. Financial literacy
with a mental health spin. This book was so so
refreshing for me. It's a book about finances with a
focus on mental well being. This would be a great
book for beginners who are just beginning their financial journey
(55:45):
and more experienced money managers. That may be feeling ashamed
or looking at money from a place of fear. This
book really shines compared to other financial books because the
authors call out how our own psychology and commonly held
beliefs about my mind can complicate money management self sabotage.
The authors give them self give them self space to
(56:08):
discover their journey with finances in a non judgmental way,
which encouraged me to do the same with my own journey.
Then they provide actionable steps to manage money with the
confines of your own psychology in a way that promotes
financial and mental being. I've been listening to Jen Jill's
podcast for years. Their teachings have helped me turn my
financial picture around without the guilt or self flopulation that
(56:30):
too often comes with managing money. This book is a
fantastic culmination of their expertise. Thank you, say.
Speaker 4 (56:37):
Sich, that's awesome, Thanks for thanks for getting the book,
Thanks for your review, Thanks for being a longtime listener
of the podcast. We love our longtime listeners and new listeners.
I think the community just keeps growing. So if that's you,
if you've been either one, if you're a new listener
or a longtime listener and you've never left a rating
or review of this show, please do that. If you
(56:59):
have the book and you've not left a rating or
review of the book, please do that. It really really
helps us, and it's free. It's a free activity that
you can do to help us for a ring. So
thanks for listening. We'll see you next time.
Speaker 2 (57:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (57:15):
Google Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni. Oh wow, okay,
so normal. We're recording episodes like a month in advance.
The last couple of weeks we've been backloading interviews, so
(57:36):
this episode actually comes out in one week.
Speaker 4 (57:40):
We're just one week away, and so much is going
to change. You are gonna be anything you want. O gosh,
get it out now.
Speaker 1 (57:48):
Won't be any more chances well, it'll still be relevant.
You let me say things. By the time they come out,
it's like, wow, somebody else said that ten times over.
Speaker 4 (58:01):
Other than the big change of you you gonna be,
You're gonna be home with Kai for the summer.
Speaker 1 (58:07):
So you stay at home mom.
Speaker 4 (58:10):
Know we're still running the business, but you will be
primarily home with him through the summer.
Speaker 1 (58:15):
My mom told somebody that I was a stay at
home mom, and we just laughing about why keeps saying
that somebody. And the only reason I know is she
was standing next to her co worker and a new
coworker came in and was like, Oh, what does your
daughter do? And my mom said, she's a stay at
(58:36):
home mom. And the person she's standing next to was like,
your daughter is a published author and has a podcast
and teaches personal finance. And my mom thought that that
was funny that she had like come in. She did
not think it was funny that she herself thought I
was a stay at home mom. That's not what she
(58:58):
told me, the story.
Speaker 4 (58:59):
For which is wild to be hearing you describe this
because your one child is in school, your other child
is in daycare, and you come to the office five
days a week to work on the business that we
co own. So like, there's nothing about your situation that
(59:20):
is stay at home mom. But what also, I realized
after you told me the story last week. I had
a realization while I was combing my hair the other
day thinking about this and just like, haha, how funny.
And then I paused and thought, what does that mean
about me? Like I don't have kids. We do the
same thing, and I don't even have kids, Like, what
(59:43):
would your mom say about what I knew?
Speaker 1 (59:45):
And she did not ask?
Speaker 4 (59:49):
Well, Jill runs the business when you stay at home.
Jill's business O, Jill's just stay at home wife, you know,
just w we all aspire to be that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
I'm real good for the summer if I'm gonna be honest,
you know what, though, Like.
Speaker 4 (01:00:07):
If we could just drop off the other role though,
I mean, like I still want to be married, but
like just to stay at home, I must stay at home.
I don't want I don't want the title to like
reference any kind of responsibility. I just want to be
at home doing what I do. Oh wow, we can dream,
(01:00:32):
you know, in the summer if you wish up honest
Why you keep self sabotaging your budget and how to stop.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
save money, embrace.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Simplicity, and deliver your life.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
My name is Jen, my name is Jill.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
And today we are sharing a rerun of episode two
hundred and seventy three. So if you have not been
with us since then it's going to be new to you.
And if you have, well, then this might be helpful
information if you've found yourself self sabotaging. If not, then
just turn it off.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
What we've learned is nobody scrolls back into the archive, nope,
ours or others.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So curating the episodes that you need to hear from
two plus years ago so you don't ever have to
scroll back more than two years. We're going to curate
the best steps for you, and this is one of them.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
First, this episode is brought to you by the Perfect Sweatshirt.
It's got everything you need. It's got the hoodie, it's
got the zips, it's oversized and comfy. We're not trying
to be more than we are, but we are trying
to get exactly what we need. And that's kind of
like our budget spreadsheet.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Keep going, keep going, You've got it.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
We've got a mobile optimized spending planner spreadsheet that can
be all yours Frugal friendspodcast dot com slash planner, and
it's just like the perfect sweatshirt. Right, it's no more,
it's no less. We're not trying to be super fancy.
Where are we actually going, probably just the grocery store.
(01:56):
And yet it has everything we need, from debt paint
tracking to being able to just see your spending at
a glance. It's got a cost benefit.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Analysis, opportunity cost calculating, uh huh yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Yeah, that's another way of saying it, where you can
see what else could I do with this money. It's
a great thing to be able to ask yourself when
you're at the store, and you can do that in
this spreadsheet. Again, because it's mobile optimized, you can access
it easily from your phone, just like your sweatshirt is
easily accessible and you can keep your phone in that
(02:33):
nice sweatshirt. So the perfect sweatshirt like the perfect budget
planner for Wolfriends podcast dot com splash.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Play in the essence of self sabotage. I told Jill
to not write down her sponsor second, and I guess
that was outside sabotage.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
But I see what we'd come You see what we
can up with on the fly.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I also came up with mine on the fly. You
often do that the next one on the sixth. So,
but we really do believe in that's the spreadsheet. I
think it's helpful, it's inexpensive. We absolutely do. We just
don't always believe in ourselves.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
And actually we're running a sale on that soon. Get
our friend letter for golfriendspodcast dot com and you'll have
access to any sale coman.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
We also did not look up We knew that there
would be some kind of discount when we said this
the last time, and instead of pausing and going to
look up what that was before we hit record on this.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Yeah, no, we decided not to know. We're gonna self
sabotage ourselves. We're gonna be We're gonna make you sign
up for our newsletter so you can get the code.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Because if there's anything that you can expect, it's that
we're always going to self sabotage ourselves.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Right, But here's how to stop doing that learn from us.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Here's how to stop doing it with your budget.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
This first article comes from the Motley Fool and titled
six ways to stop sabotaging your finances, although they actually
go into six ways that you are sabotaging your finances
or we are sabotaging I'll say we, because I'm not
trying to point fingers here. I'm a part of this.
(04:20):
It's a I fall victim to the holiday spending. So
it's going through what are some of the things that
kind of interrupt our best laid plans? But then what
can we replace it with?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So we'll go.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Through all six. The first one, the first thing that
we can do to sabotage our financial goals and best
laid plans is not having best laid plans.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
You know it.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
It's called not budgeting. So and they reference a debt
dot com survey that showed that thirty three percent of
Americans do not budget their money, although ninety three percent
believe that everyone should. So you've got a bit of
a gap there, and honestly, I would imagine it's higher
than that, although thirty three percent, that's a lot of people.
(05:10):
And then even when we do set a budget, whether
or not we're looking at it, paying attention to it,
following it as a whole other ballgame. You know, we
also describe budgeting as a spending plan, So if that's
a more approachable term for making a plan for your money,
then sure, call it whatever you want to call it.
(05:31):
But we're not going to do very well if we
don't actually know what we're doing, if we've not assigned
a task for our money, or know how much is
going coming in or going out. So instead of not budgeting,
we could try creating a spending plan, creating a budget
(05:55):
and viewing it as a tool in order to meet
our goals. Again, Jen mentioned all the different a few
different episodes that you could queue up if this is
your particular area of sabotage to your finances is just
like not doing it, not having the motivation, feeling like
it's going to be strict and stringent, all of these
(06:16):
things that kind of rail against this thing that we
know we should be doing. Look at some different alternatives
to maybe what you have in mind as what a
budget looks like. It does not have to be a
strict spreadsheet that details things down to the penny. There
is so much freedom and flexibility in this. But having
(06:41):
some sort of plan is going to help us not sabotage.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, and it doesn't have to be a restrictive plan.
You know that we love to make a you know,
a guilt free, values based budget. That's and I think
so this leads into numbers two. The second self sabotage
is building an impossible budget. I know this was my
problem because I looked at numbers on a screen and
(07:10):
I said, and I wrote them down, and I said,
this is the perfect budget. This is what I should
be spending on this, this, this is what I have
to spend on this, and so this is what I
should have left over. And this was a budget for
an ideal person, not a budget for me, not for
where I was at. And so doing that and failing
(07:33):
at it month after month led me to stop budgeting.
And so I was trying to create these impossible budgets,
which just led me to not budget at all. And
so I think those two can go hand in hand
more than we think. And the thing to do instead
is to create a flexible budget, is to we see
(07:55):
them so like we hear zero based budget and you know,
fifty third twenty budget. We think we have to stick
to these things, these models that other people have made,
when really you just want to have a plan for
your spending and life always finds a way to interrupt
(08:16):
your best laid plans, and so finding ways to navigate
that we had. I forget which challenge it was that
we did in the membership, but like I think it
was for goals that we had people identify, like, Okay,
they're going to be roadblocks for you, you know, creating
these habits to get to these goals. Think of them
(08:39):
now and think of ways you can go around them,
Like just just anticipate them. Think of them now. You know,
if you go back and look at your last ninety
days of transactions and look at the ones that you
wish you hadn't made, that's a roadblock. Look at that
and figure out what was What was something that I
could have said or done differently so that I could
(09:01):
have avoid spending this money that I really didn't want
to spend. So just do that in advance.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Yeah, and this next one is kind of connected to
that idea of what you're saying, Jen. Another area that
we can sabotage ourselves is not saying no. It's kind
of like a double negative. But the inability to say
no usually well to both ourselves and others. I can
(09:26):
really identify with this one, particularly when it comes to
something that seems really fun, like if you throw a
fun activity at me, it is very hard to say
no to myself or others. And I'm not advocating for
deprivation here, but I think this is an area that
(09:46):
can really, like truly sabotage what we've said we wanted
to do, and it doesn't have to. I have tried
to challenge myself to find a way to be able
to say yes to whatever is excited me, but know
to the interruption of financial goals that it might mean.
So like, for instance, there have been many times when
(10:11):
it's not difficult to like try and get me to
go out to eat. Cooking sometimes feels like overwhelming, and
I like going out to eat, But some weeks it's
not in the meal plan, it's not in the spending plan,
it's just not there. But there are many times where
Eric is very successful and just hey, let's go hit
up the heavy hour, like let's go, you know, all,
(10:34):
I got to run a Low's, but of course ends
up taking like two or three hours instead of the
fifteen minutes he thought. And now I'm hungry, and so yes,
it's easy for me to say, yes, let's go out
to eat. But and I'm not saying that this happens
perfectly every time. Sometimes I just do, I give in,
and I sabotage in some small ways the thing that
I said that I wouldn't do. But I have found
(10:56):
in some conditions like this happy medium, where I'm able
to kind of create that pause of ooh, I'm excited
about that. I don't have to deprive myself of the
entire thing. But what is a good negotiation here? What's
a good compromise? And so there have been times where Okay, yes,
I would love to go out, but let's eat the
(11:17):
dinner that I've prepared and just go have a drink out,
or let's eat here and let's just get out of
the house. Let's go on a scooter ride, let's go
on a walk, let's go do whatever it is. It
doesn't have to be that I don't do something or
I don't have fun. But it doesn't have to mean
that I'm spending a ton of money that I didn't
plan or want to spend. And that's also connected to
(11:39):
what we talk about regularly of values based spending, and
so the kind of what to do instead here in
that when we recognize that inability to say no to ourselves.
I think the biggest piece and they reference this in
the article, is creating a pause, just an opportunity to
reflect and process doesn't have to be very long. We're
not talking about getting our journal out and sitting with
(12:02):
quiet music for an hour, but thinking, oh, okay, what's
happening here? What is it that is causing me to
want to spend this money? Is it aligned with my values?
Is it actually something I need or want or has
been on my radar or priority list for a while,
or is it not? Is it totally peripheral. I'm going
(12:24):
to be really bummed in a week when I look
back at this expenditure, that this happened, and is there
an alternative? Is there some way that I can engage
in this while not maybe spending as much or spending
at all, and still get the thing that like, the
fun piece, the connection with others, you name it.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yeah, absolutely, It's this hard balance between saying no and
not depriving yourself, right, Like we love no spend challenges,
which at their core really seem to be depriving because
we're saying, actually, don't spend money on anything, whether you
value it or not, just for a month. But it's
in order to get clarity on really the priorities of
(13:07):
what you value. If you have an income that where
you can afford everything you value, that is fantastic, that
is the goal is to create that, But not all
of us are there yet, and so on the way there.
While you are achieving other financial goals, there are always
going to be some values and things you love that
(13:30):
lose out to higher value things and higher value goals.
And I think that's where we say we want to
say yes as much as possible, as long as it's
within the parameters of that plan. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Yeah, I mean we have to prioritize that what else
in life can we say yes to every single thing
and it actually go well or be beneficial. So there
will have to be even in the midst of identifying
our values, poritizing what am I going to tackle first?
What's going to take precedent here?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, And even in the cases where you can afford everything,
eventually everything then becomes less meaningful. I know what it's
going to say meaningless, but like less meaningful. When you
are forced to choose, the thing that you choose automatically
becomes more special. And so that's not like a way
(14:26):
that we kind of want to like live our lives.
But it can be some solace to know that when
you choose everything, like when you're in that spending mode
where you're just spending on everything, then nothing is really meaningful.
But when you're making these intentional choices, the things you
say yes to are more special. Maybe that's somehow encouraging.
(14:49):
Probably not in the moment, but just sit with it.
We'll see. Number four is caring what other people think.
This is Yeah. I again, I feel personally like I
could have written this because one of the things that
kept me spending was not so much caring what people think,
(15:13):
but just caring about being their fomo. Honestly, it was
like fear of missing out. It wasn't even necessarily what
they thought of me, but it did depend. I mean,
it was kind of I didn't want other people having
fun experiences and then hear about it later, so it
was still like other people oriented. So it can be
(15:36):
I think this can go to either way and it's
why finding your values and maybe we should have switched
up this week and next week or next episode the
next one's about values. Whoops. But it's really important to
go on the difficult journey of figuring out who you
(15:57):
are and what you want and what you value, so
that you can know, am I is this what I want?
Or am I being influenced by somebody else? Or am
I like kind of quasi trying to impress this person
or have the same experiences that make sure they don't
(16:17):
experience something fun that I didn't, So that you can
get to the point where you stop caring earlier in life.
I'm there, Yeah, I hit that.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
I'm a little concern for what the rest of life
is going to look like, because I don't think you're
supposed to, like truly stop caring until you're like in
your sixties. But it's happened in my thirties, so stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
There's always more room to care less. That's true. I
believe that. I truly believe that.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
Yeah, And there's a reason that there's a term for
this type of scenario of keeping up with the Joneses.
But the reality is that it always will fall flat
if that's the aim, it will never be achieved or
when it is, when that target is hit. If that's
the target, it will quickly shift to a new target,
(17:11):
and there is very little actual personal fulfillment in that. Again,
we all can fall into this or sabotage ourselves in
this way and want things that other people have or
want to be perceived in a certain way. But I
think challenging ourselves to have a deeper aim in the
(17:33):
way that we live our life, which connects to how
we spend our money, is ultimately what's going to be
most fulfilling. We need to have deeper, more anchored aims
than just what is the person next to me doing.
So the next one in the way that we can
sabotage ourselves is by making spending easy really just not
(17:58):
having many boundaries or parameters or barriers to spending making
and I'm talking primarily impulse spending, because we all spend money,
and no part of us as advocating for never spending
and never buying things and never doing fun stuff. So
(18:18):
that when we don't have many barriers in place or
tethers on our ability to spend, again, it lowers the
barrier to entry for some of those impulse purchases, and
this can happen to any one of us, and the
article kind of references this example. This might not be
for everyone, but helpful to kind of understand. When we
(18:42):
have our debit cards or credit cards already entered into
whatever website, whether it's Amazon or a place that we
regularly schedule or shop at online, it already has that information.
We don't have to go find our credit cards or
type it all in again, it's just yet put in
the shopping cart and one click buy and done. That
(19:04):
can make it really easy for us to late night
when all of our decision making fatigue has caught up
with us and our guards are down and we're just
scrolling and buying and scrolling and buying. And so if
that's you, one of the things that can be done is,
first of all, not make it so easy to get
(19:24):
to those sites on your phone. So if that's like
a late night thing that's happening, instead put a block
on those maybe don't have those apps downloaded on your phone,
or find some way to interrupt your habit of picking
up your phone after ten pm and scrolling those sites,
(19:45):
or put and all of these habits are going to
need to be replaced with something. It's not a matter
of just cutting it out, it's what am I going
to do instead? And so could there be a game
that you play on your phone instead of shopping? Could
there be a book that you read instead of shopping?
Like find other things that are going to keep you
(20:06):
entertained rather than just the shopping piece. They also reference
in this article paying cash that for me is not
the answer, it could be for you. So I'm mentioning
it because for some people it feels like a bigger
barrier to have to spend cash on something. They actually
feel it coming.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Out of.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Their wallets in that way. For me, when I spend cash,
I just feel like, oh, there's no log of this.
It's fair game, Like spend it however you want to,
because you're never going to see it again. So whatever
it is for you, identifying how have you potentially made
spending easy and in what ways can you create barriers?
I know we've talked about even with emails, the unroll
(20:53):
me site that you can sign up for and it
kind of compiles all of the different email list that
you're on and so you're not consistently being bombarded with
all these ads and marketing techniques that sometimes you might
impulse spend on. So there's all sorts of technology and
(21:14):
things that we can implement ourselves to interrupt this kind
of thoughtless, mindless impulse purchasing.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yeah, no spending after nine just try that role. Try
that role on for size. Once nine PM hits, we're
not buying anything. And then the last one on this
list that we will just go through briefly, because why
do we really have to reiterate this is your self
sabotage number six, failing to imagine the future because you will,
(21:45):
on average, live till eighty something and on average you
will only work until sixty three. So the average person.
And I know, like mom said, you're special, but like
she was probably average too, and you're probably all average,
(22:06):
you know, So like, just plan to live into your eighties,
plan to retire average.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
No one's pointing fingers, we are all I'm looking at
my shelf, like I can see myself in the in
the video camera as I say this, and I'm looking
at myself and saying, your average.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Jen, So stop stop thinking you're gonna die in your fifties,
and so just say you need to and the point
of that is is that you need to be putting
savings for retirement into your plan. There. If you are
old enough to be able to queue up this podcast
and listen to it with the attention span to listen
(22:43):
all the way through, then you are old enough to
invest for retirement. And that's even Yeah, no, absolutely you are. Uh,
even if you're not eighteen yet, there's still ways that
you can start doing that. So, yeah, it is never
too early. You save money on retirement the earlier you start.
(23:05):
So if you're really looking for ways to save money
from this podcast, here's a good one. Start investing earlier.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Yeah, and now for the next article.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So our next one is from Well and Good and
it's five sneaky ways your mind sabotages you're spending. And
these are really short, so we'll go through them quickly
because it's more of a less like actionable steps and
more of like, here's some places to give yourself grace
or here's some places you might want to dig into.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Yeah, and my disclaimer is, first of all, the word
sneaky in this title I have to disagree with, Like,
none of these are that sneaky, and you'll kind of
see why as we go through them, but also the
purpose of well our intention in talking about this article
(23:59):
is is to continue to challenge us towards curiosity about self,
which can lead to greater understanding of self, which can
lead to creating systems, habits, mindsets around the things that
we know to be true about who we are, and
create an individualized plan that is aimed at well being
(24:24):
and freedom and helps us in our finances. So a
lot of this article, at least when I read it,
can come across as just like oh, and here's a problem,
and here's a problem, and here's.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
A problem the titles. The titles are abrasive. I will
say that I felt.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Right without much way of like, okay, but what do
we do about this? And so that's where your fellow
frugal friends will kind of fill in the blanks. But
I think some of these are worth noting because we
are whole people and a lot of these mental, emotional,
relational things things that are identified in this article are accurate.
(25:03):
While come across abrasive, it's worth identifying them so that
you could take a deeper dive on the things that
feel relevant for you and how understanding that more might
help you in your financial decisions.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, so I'm not even going to read the ones
that the titles that they wrote. I'm just going to
write the one read the ones that Jill rewrote. So
number one is your attachment style impacts your relationship with money.
And I was unfamiliar with attachment styles, but apparently they
are how you relate to others. So secure, avoidant, anxious, disorganized.
(25:43):
If you recognize one of those or multiples in your
relationship with others, those have a direct effect on how
you relate to money. So this doctor says each attachment
style may respond from that desire to avoid discomfort. And
I feel like a lot. I mean, even if you
(26:05):
don't have what this article calls an insecure attachment style,
that's offensive. I'm very secure. I'm very secure in my
negative attachment styles. Thank you. I really some of our
spending is to avoid discomfort, I think. And so I've
I've found that, like very eye opening, that if you
(26:26):
can identify something in your relationships, then it's very likely
that it's going to have some impact in your money.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
So to fill in the blanks a little bit more
attachment styles that it is research done by psychiatrists and
psychoanalyst John Bowlby who identified various attachment styles and children
to their parents or caregivers. So the four different attachment
styles that you listed anxious, avoidant, disorganized, secure, those are
(26:57):
the four attachment styles identified by Bowlby that happens and
occurs as children, and it is particularly related to the
way that we've attached to our parent or caregiver, and
it has to do with how they responded to us
in childhood and what that instilled in us and our
understanding of relationships and so these different attachment styles, then
(27:23):
most research points to the fact that you're really not
going to change an attachment style. Whatever was instilled in
you as a child is the attachment style that you're
living with. That again, I don't want to not have
room for hope here or that we can't learn more
about ourselves or operate aimed at health within those attachment styles.
But whatever is instilled in us as far as attachment
(27:46):
to our parent or caregiver can then bear weight and
impact on our relationships and behaviors into adulthood. So this
isn't like I don't want to say, oh zero, focus
in on attachment style and make all of your financial
decisions around that or any other.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Aspect of life.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
But if this sounds curious to you, of I wonder
what my attachment style is, what was learned for me
in response to my parent or caregiver, and how does
that impact my relationships. Certainly this is the curiosity with self,
the understanding of ourselves that will help us in the
(28:25):
way that we relate, and of course it bears impact
on our behaviors. The article doesn't go into much depth
about what that's going to mean, and I would say
understanding our attachment style will first and foremost help us
in relationships and our relationship with ourselves. But then peripheral
impact can be our relationship with money and the decisions
(28:48):
and behaviors that occur in us as a result of that.
So just a quick side note on attachment style.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
I'm thank you for giving that XP nation because it's
super fascinating. I ever heard of this before.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
My clinical licensure is surfacing here in this.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I know that's why we pay you the big bucks,
because you got those letters.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Okay, number two, this one is so so true. We've
talked about this a lot. Is our emotions and that
includes being disregulated can impact our money decisions. I don't
love how the article only focuses on disregulated emotions. I
think we move in and out of being regulated and disregulated,
(29:37):
and both can bear weight and do bear weight on
the money decisions that we make. We don't only make
poor money decisions when we're disregulated. We can also make
poor money decisions when we're regulated. But recognizing what happens
for us when we are in either state, whether feeling
(29:57):
really kind of lacking control in our emotions, or feeling
really down or sad, or feeling really elated and happy
and on top of the world, all of these things
can impact what we choose to do with our money.
We've talked about this in depth, so I'm not going
to say much more than that, other than it's worth
(30:19):
looking at and maybe even keeping a journal, keeping a log, recognizing, oh,
and I'm feeling this way, Here's what I'm likely to do.
Is that beneficial for me? Great? Let's keep doing that,
Is it not? What could I replace that with?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Absolutely? Number three is neuro divergences that need to be considered.
So that's an umbrella term for any all variations, including ADHD, autism,
asperger dyslexia, epilepsy, hyperlexia, OCD, turette. Yeah, so a lot
(30:54):
all right, And there are a lot more people that
have no or divergences, whether even slightly, that do impact
how you budget and you don't even realize it. And
so I think having that's one of the important parts
(31:15):
of really figuring out yourself and doing kind of that
deep work, so that if you have kind of tendencies
towards one of these, even if it's undiagnosed, but maybe
you just see something and I'm mostly talking about ADHD,
I think there's a lot more people that have that
just because of the you know, environmental like environmental situation
(31:41):
is just so ripe for creating that it looks. I
think a lot of people kind of can tend towards that,
And so learning from that and giving yourself grace in
the way you budget. It doesn't mean you can't budget,
it doesn't mean you are incapable of budgeting. It means
(32:01):
you you should budget differently, and a lot of that
means a little bit more flexibility in your budget, and
I think all of us need more flexibility in our budget.
But just definitely having more grace for yourself if you
do tend towards one of these divergences.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Yeah, whether neurodivergent or neurotypical. It's important to understand our
personal makeup and the way that we make decisions, the
way we view the world around us, how that impacts
our behaviors. It's important for all of us, and I
think giving the permission to create, particularly when we're talking
(32:45):
about finances, a system that includes and recognizes those aspects
of ourselves, not trying a one size fits all, because
one size does not fit all. I think T shirt
companies are recognizing that. Now, amen, And so whatever you
know about yourself, not putting that aside and trying to
(33:09):
make a round peg fit into a square hole, but
incorporating that, How does my knowledge about whatever it is
that I know about myself, whether it's one of the
neurodivergences that gen listed or something else or not even
under that category. Whatever, we're all humans, and so what
(33:32):
does that inform me about how I can be kind
to myself and my approach to finances while also not
ignoring it, right, not going to either extreme of oh
well because of this, I'm not capable at all, or
because of this, yeah, you name it it could go
in either direction, but utilizing this knowledge and information to
(33:56):
inform and create systems that are to you around finances
and next number four is our own manipulation of ourselves
is one of the things that can lead to sabotage
of money. I don't I don't love this terminology, like
(34:18):
I don't love the term manipulation. I'm not saying it
doesn't exist, but it sounds quite negative that we're like
manipulating ourselves.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
I don't think a lot of it is on purpose
or is like maniacal or negative.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Yeah, but I think I think maybe a better way
to define this would be what's realistic or not realistic?
In what ways are we maybe thinking something is going
to happen. This might be like fantastical thinking versus what's
(34:56):
reality or creating something I know that we meant in
that first article, creating something that's completely unrealistic, not not
something that's possible for us or desired. Even this can
be that give some examples of like oh, I'll do
that later, or I'll totally budget when XYZ happens, And
(35:20):
I don't think that's manipulation. That might be just like
thinking something's going to be true. That isn't true, Maybe
having a fantastical view of ourselves and what we're going
to do or what we're capable of, and not actually
looking at, well, what are my patterns of behaviors and
what could I reasonably expect to get done in the
(35:41):
next week, Or is it true that tomorrow I'll do
the budget or is it better that I'll do it
right now? Carve out space as I'm thinking about it.
So just kind of, yeah, I guess that there's a
possibility that we kind of like trick ourselves. But I
think it's just a matter of looking at what's reasonable,
(36:04):
what's realistic, and not continuing to find ourselves in this
cycle of telling ourselves something's going to happen when it's
not going to happen, and maybe even we know full
well it's not going to happen. So just taking a
little bit more of a realistic approach with ourselves.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Yeah, it's like selective rationalization. It's you're saying you're gonna
it's definitely I'm going to do this tomorrow. I'll just
fall asleep tonight. I'll track today's and tomorrow's transactions tomorrow.
It's what it sounds like, But I think when it
comes to the first sentence was like, it's important to
(36:45):
be aware when someone else is attempting to manipulate you.
And I know this is talking about self, but I
think a lot of our manipulation is like super well intentioned. Honestly,
most most manipulation is like just the people around us
wanting what they think is best for us. And we
can take some of that on and internalize it and
(37:06):
kind of create that in ourselves and want what other
people think is best for us, when really we should
be doing a little more realistic rationalization on okay, what
is best for me, So just a little addition to that.
And then the last one is you're still embracing learned
behaviors that no longer serve you. This was the only
(37:29):
one that I thought was not abrasive. But so this
kind of I think, I guess, ties a little bit
into the attachment styles, but is focused on things that
you can change. So they're saying our upbringing around finances
and money greatly affects our spending habits in the future.
(37:50):
For example, if you were raised by people who had
insecure attachment styles, you likely picked up on their spending
habits for me. It was my mom always every weekend
we went to the mall. Like shopping was a hobby,
it was an activity, and so that was the way
we bonded, and if we wanted to bond, we went
(38:11):
to the mall. And that when I became an adult.
And I think about this every Black Friday too, because
my favorite part of Thanksgiving was not the meal. It
was planning the Black Friday shopping route and acquisition of
sale items. That was the best part for me. And
(38:33):
nobody is surprised if you know me and that habit,
that behavior no longer serves me in adulthood. And it
was kind of a little difficult to let go of
it was it took my job actually requiring me to
work every Black Friday for five years. That broke me
(38:55):
of it. So thank you, Greg, Thank you Greg. So yeah,
like there are these things and you can accept that.
Like when I was younger, Black Friday, you know, strategic
shopping was very fun and it served me in that way,
and it no longer serves me today. And so I
(39:17):
can be happy about what I did and when I
did it and still change and create different behaviors today
without feeling guilty about the past without losing anything in
the present or future.
Speaker 4 (39:32):
Yeah, I mean just recognizing cycles and patterns of behavior
and where to interrupt them. Sometimes it can help us
to even draw it out, like literally draw out a
circle and identify, like where does it start, what happens next,
what happens next, what happens next, what's the end? How
does it then get back into the cycle again, And
(39:52):
then once we have that written out around the circle,
identifying where can this be interrupted, what point do I
want to interrupt it? And with what can I interrupt it,
and just begin practicing changing and shifting some of those
learned behaviors.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yeah, you know how I love to interrupt you when
you are just on this like rampage of wisdom.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
With something that doesn't need to be shifted or changed.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
The bill of the week.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
entire week.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Maybe a baby was born and his name is William.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died
and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Duck bills, butfalow bills.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Bill clion, this is the bill.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Of the week. This has come from Florida and few
months ago I applied to have my PMI removed. So
my house had gained quite a bit of equity in
the last housing bump. So this past month was the
first month that I didn't have to pay PMI on
a fairly new mortgage. And so that's one hundred and
(41:18):
twenty dollars a month. But I'm going to continue to
just keep paying it against the principal, so one hundred
and twenty bucks additional onto the principle. Over the life
of the loan, it'll be another seventy four grand, So
I'm pretty happy about that. Thanks.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
Yes, Tim from Florida, this is amazing well done. Yes,
I mean that PMI. That's one of those things that
once it's rolled into your mortgage many people can forget about.
But the fact that you remembered it and you were
able to get rid of it, it sounds like before
(41:57):
when you thought you could, because the value of your
home increased, which is amazing. So that's something.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
There's just a tip for all hashtag housing in Florida
to be everywhere.
Speaker 4 (42:07):
Really yeah, take a look at But then how whise
of you to keep paying what you were used to
paying towards your mortgage and applying that what you were
paying a PMI to the principle instead and the difference
that's going to make for you in the long run.
That's just you've just hacked some housing, right there. Tim
(42:29):
from Florida, Well done.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Yeah, I love this because PMI, especially right now when
it's not advantageous to refinance, but so many housing values
have gone up to where so many people can get
PMI off and you can make the decision. I can
either like, stop, you know, buying lattes and save one
hundred and twenty dollars a month. Or I can just
(42:51):
look at this one simple thing that I didn't even
know existed, or that I could remove and just take
it off, and I can buy all my lattes and
save the same amount and not think about it. It's
so easy. And I will say that sometimes you will
have to pay for an inspection, not inspection appraisal to
(43:13):
do that if you're not refinancing. Honestly, it's a lot cheaper.
It's like five hundred dollars versus closing costs for refinancing.
But you would make that out ideally if the interest
rates weren't crazy. So if you think your mortgage has
gone up, check Zillow and then take a little bit
off of that because Zillo is very generous. See, if
(43:35):
you have that twenty twenty percent equity, I think I
think they might require maybe just a smidge over, they'll
automatically take it off. I think it at twenty five
percent of the loan paid off. But that doesn't necessarily
mean you have to pay off twenty percent of the loan.
To get PMI removed, you have to have that twenty
percent of equity. So if your house price has gone up,
(44:00):
check it. You may be able to get PMI off
and have those lattes.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
M love that if you are listening and you're similar
to Tim from Florida just hacking housing and getting rid
of PMI and paying down principle, or your like Jen
who is just concerned about getting her lattes and no
one yelling at her. Whatever your bill is, send it
(44:27):
to us, really truly, we've ripped through a lot of
our bills now and we need more. So Frugal friendspodcast
dot com, slash bill, leave us your bill. You won't
be waiting in the wings for six months anymore.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah, this is not something we thought about when we
went to two episodes a week. This was an oversight
and we need your help. We need your bills.
Speaker 4 (44:51):
We do need your bills, and now it's time for
they're happening around.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
All right. So today in the vulnerability Lightning, vulnerability, lightning,
Pew pew, how do you divert yourself away from self
sabotaging behaviors. Let's give the people some real world, actionable tips.
Speaker 4 (45:18):
Let's give them something talk about, Let's give them something
to do.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Okay, and yours is good, jill Ah.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
This one took a lot of thought from me. I
really had to think through like what what could be
myself sabotaging? And I did mention this already, so but
it's this is true for me, bears repeating, Yeah, I
do pause. I have kind of formed so much of
a habit of this that I don't truly hardly notice
(45:49):
it anymore. But if I think about my behaviors, I pause.
When it comes to spending, whether I'm at home and
shopping online or out in a store, I do regularly
check in with myself to determine how I'm feeling about
making the purchases, whether I feel like it's a good decision,
(46:12):
if it's actually something that is on the list or
is truly going to solve a problem, or if it's
in the spending plan, and that pause. Many times that
check in is yep, good to go, keep moving forward.
But there are plenty of times too where that pause
(46:33):
makes me realize, yeah, I'm feeling uneasy about this. I'm
feeling kind of uncertain about springing for this item that
wasn't on the list. It kind of just caught my eye.
I don't actually think I'm going to be thrilled that
I bought this when I get home or when it
arrives at my doorstep, and okay, let's take it out
(46:54):
of the cart. That can still create more pauses of Now,
how am I feeling now that it's not in my
cart anymore? But this, I think has been something And
I can't totally say when this fully solidified for me
as a habit, but now that it's kind of just
become part of my regular practices, I think it's a
huge thing that has helped me in my finances. Maybe
(47:16):
in our after show I'll talk about how that can
swing the other way. I realized this, I wanted to
talk with you about it.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
Okay, I can't wait to hear for me, I think,
so I have two kind of two things. So the
first is, now that we're doing more home renovations, we're
buying a lot more on Amazon. So before, like the
way I diverted myself was I just like didn't go,
(47:41):
like I didn't have the app. I just stayed off
and I would you know, I would play solitaire or
something instead. But now I kind of have to be there,
and so I have been kind of doing that, not
a thirty day rule, but like putting things in my
car into the leaving them there for like a very
long time to make sure that I still want them,
(48:06):
to make sure I can't find them secondhand or for
free on the buy nothing group. So that has been
kind of my first one. And then the second, I
think my most kind of self my most destructive spending
behavior is definitely like fast food. It's just been a
(48:27):
habit since since I became a mom. Honestly, I have
picked up like I never did fast food before I
had a child and I was a vegetarian, so it
was just like not the only place I could really
go with was Taco Bell and that's not fast food.
That's that's fast Mexican, so it doesn't count. And so
(48:55):
so this is actually like my biggest struggle right now
is actually this one, and it's the one that I'm
really having trouble overcoming. So I am buying more snacks
like snack bars, because especially in pregnancy, like hunger will
just come over me, but the will to make food
does not come over me at the same time. And
(49:18):
so having like kind bars or RX bars or like
bars has been something that has been helpful for me.
And I'll keep dried fruit in my glove compartment because
that can stay in my hot car and not get gross.
So yeah, that has been those tactics.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Nice. Yeah, And here's the thing too, at least for you, Jen,
for right now. Again, I think life has lived in seasons,
and I think recognizing what that means for you right
now and giving some space for it, maybe even starting
to put it into the budget for now, because not
(50:04):
only are you a mom of a toddler, but you're pregnant.
So I don't anticipate that what you're describing is gonna
last super long. But you're extra tired and you have
extra demands on you and your body. That okay, So
like what if more convenience foods are necessary for the
next three months? What could that mean for me? And
(50:26):
how could I make decisions that I feel like more
healthy for me but still allows room for convenience, Like
I just I still think that there's space for this.
Like we're not static, you know.
Speaker 1 (50:39):
Right, and the bars are kind of my like compromise
to be like I really shouldn't be, you know, going
to McDonald's Chick fil A as frequently as I am.
I want to have more like nutritious foods, but I
also don't expect myself to meal prep like I once
did in my heyday. So you's kind Oh girl, he
(51:02):
has had did and that day, that day is over
the golden years. The sun has set on that day.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
The sun might rise again when all of your children
are like able to wipe themselves.
Speaker 1 (51:17):
Oh gosh, what a dream. You've put hope in my heart.
Speaker 4 (51:23):
Oh I'm so glad. I hope, I hope we put
hope in all of your hearts today, And just at
least motivation for curiosity about yourself and how the makeup
of who you are impacts your spending and ways in
which you can tailor your spending and your money decisions
(51:44):
around that.
Speaker 1 (51:49):
Well, we are done for the most part with our renovations,
and I I'm not buying as much Amazon anymore, so
I think I have gotten a lot better at this.
But I got a dog, and I don't know a
(52:10):
lot about dogs, So I do have to stop myself
from buying things that ads say will be good for
your dog or that your dog needs. Because also all
dogs are different, so even somebody like tells me like
those are really good for my dog might not be
good for my dog. So that is I'm having to
(52:31):
like give myself like pause, yeah on that.
Speaker 3 (52:37):
That's tough.
Speaker 4 (52:38):
That and marketing towards parents, I think just praise upon
people because it's what you really care about. There are
real problems you're trying to solve for some of them,
problems that don't actually have a solution, but they're going
to try and make you think that their product does
and doesn't matter to them whether or not it actually works.
You've already bought the thing. Oh yeah, we got to
(53:00):
be so careful.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
I mean, for me, I still do those check ins.
I'm not a super spendee person, and I really like
to think before I make my purchases. I love having
that list in my phone of the things that I'm
on the hunt for.
Speaker 1 (53:21):
And you just updated that list with your new style.
I did. Yeah, whatever it's called. You got your style done.
Speaker 4 (53:29):
Yes, I have a friend Brenna.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
Shout out to.
Speaker 4 (53:32):
Her who does helps people create their own style theory
and figure out what clothing works best for their body type,
their personality. And it felt like doing our colors two
point zero where Okay, now I know what colors are
going to work on me, and now I also know
what cuts, fabrics, lines, shapes are going to work best
(53:56):
on me. And it is making shopping so much easier.
And now I can know when I buy this thing,
it's going to be a staple. I want it to
be long lasting so I can spend the money on,
you know, a more ethical or sustainable brand for those things.
I'm still on the hunt for a summer dress and
a skirt that can be like versatile.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
But she comes into the office this morning like a looker,
like where are you going right here?
Speaker 4 (54:23):
Just to podcast? I thought that we were making video
for YouTube today. We're not. We're just we're just on
the mic.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
My two year old got some kind of schmutz on
my shirt, so there was no way I already came,
not ready to record.
Speaker 4 (54:39):
I mean, you look great, you got earrings on, your
hair's done.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Yeah, well I didn't. I mean I wanted to take
pride in my appearance. I'll never be.
Speaker 4 (54:49):
This young again, right, So I know I'm really starting
to embrace that when I'm in when i'm in my seventies,
I'm going to look back and think I was so young. Yeah,
so I need to live like that, right.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
And if you need to live like that on a budget.
Thank you for listening. We hope you'll continue to listen.
And if you liked the podcast, I think you'll like
our book, By What You Love Without Going Broke. It
is available wherever books are sold and at your local library.
And our friend Sage Comstock, who I recognize who we've
(55:24):
never actually met, but I recognize Stage's name, is a
longtime listener, had this to say five stars. Financial literacy
with a mental health spin. This book was so so
refreshing for me. It's a book about finances with a
focus on mental well being. This would be a great
book for beginners who are just beginning their financial journey
(55:45):
and more experienced money managers. That may be feeling ashamed
or looking at money from a place of fear. This
book really shines compared to other financial books because the
authors call out how our own psychology and commonly held
beliefs about my mind can complicate money management self sabotage.
The authors give them self give them self space to
(56:08):
discover their journey with finances in a non judgmental way,
which encouraged me to do the same with my own journey.
Then they provide actionable steps to manage money with the
confines of your own psychology in a way that promotes
financial and mental being. I've been listening to Jen Jill's
podcast for years. Their teachings have helped me turn my
financial picture around without the guilt or self flopulation that
(56:30):
too often comes with managing money. This book is a
fantastic culmination of their expertise. Thank you, say.
Speaker 4 (56:37):
Sich, that's awesome, Thanks for thanks for getting the book,
Thanks for your review, Thanks for being a longtime listener
of the podcast. We love our longtime listeners and new listeners.
I think the community just keeps growing. So if that's you,
if you've been either one, if you're a new listener
or a longtime listener and you've never left a rating
or review of this show, please do that. If you
(56:59):
have the book and you've not left a rating or
review of the book, please do that. It really really
helps us, and it's free. It's a free activity that
you can do to help us for a ring. So
thanks for listening. We'll see you next time.
Speaker 2 (57:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (57:15):
Google Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni. Oh wow, okay,
so normal. We're recording episodes like a month in advance.
The last couple of weeks we've been backloading interviews, so
(57:36):
this episode actually comes out in one week.
Speaker 4 (57:40):
We're just one week away, and so much is going
to change. You are gonna be anything you want. O gosh,
get it out now.
Speaker 1 (57:48):
Won't be any more chances well, it'll still be relevant.
You let me say things. By the time they come out,
it's like, wow, somebody else said that ten times over.
Speaker 4 (58:01):
Other than the big change of you you gonna be,
You're gonna be home with Kai for the summer.
Speaker 1 (58:07):
So you stay at home mom.
Speaker 4 (58:10):
Know we're still running the business, but you will be
primarily home with him through the summer.
Speaker 1 (58:15):
My mom told somebody that I was a stay at
home mom, and we just laughing about why keeps saying
that somebody. And the only reason I know is she
was standing next to her co worker and a new
coworker came in and was like, Oh, what does your
daughter do? And my mom said, she's a stay at
(58:36):
home mom. And the person she's standing next to was like,
your daughter is a published author and has a podcast
and teaches personal finance. And my mom thought that that
was funny that she had like come in. She did
not think it was funny that she herself thought I
was a stay at home mom. That's not what she
(58:58):
told me, the story.
Speaker 4 (58:59):
For which is wild to be hearing you describe this
because your one child is in school, your other child
is in daycare, and you come to the office five
days a week to work on the business that we
co own. So like, there's nothing about your situation that
(59:20):
is stay at home mom. But what also, I realized
after you told me the story last week. I had
a realization while I was combing my hair the other
day thinking about this and just like, haha, how funny.
And then I paused and thought, what does that mean
about me? Like I don't have kids. We do the
same thing, and I don't even have kids, Like, what
(59:43):
would your mom say about what I knew?
Speaker 1 (59:45):
And she did not ask?
Speaker 4 (59:49):
Well, Jill runs the business when you stay at home.
Jill's business O, Jill's just stay at home wife, you know,
just w we all aspire to be that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
I'm real good for the summer if I'm gonna be honest,
you know what, though, Like.
Speaker 4 (01:00:07):
If we could just drop off the other role though,
I mean, like I still want to be married, but
like just to stay at home, I must stay at home.
I don't want I don't want the title to like
reference any kind of responsibility. I just want to be
at home doing what I do. Oh wow, we can dream,
(01:00:32):
you know, in the summer if you wish up honest
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