May 20, 2025 • 35 mins
Jenilca Giusti is a Puerto Rican singer, songwriter, and actress commonly known as Jenilca.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
He's like, yeah, I deserve it. But he's like, but no,
I know I was insecure. I know that I was
just out of my body, out of my soul, and
that takes a toll on a family. Welcome to ghost therapy,
where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones,
(00:20):
it's about learning through them and their new perspective. Hi, guys,
Welcome to ghost therapy. This is an episode that I
wanted to do, but I didn't want to do it.
At the same time, my best friend was killed more
(00:43):
than a year ago, and his wife, who I adore,
and his kids, who are like, you know, they're my nephews.
I asked them, I asked them, you know, do you
want to do this? We had already done it. It
was very weird because when he was in a coma,
(01:05):
he would visit me every day, which I didn't even
know that could happen, and he would give me instructions
for his wife and every day, you know, whatever he
said the day before, it came true the next day.
And I really miss him, and I you know, I
try to talk to him once in a while, but
(01:26):
this time around, I think our hearts have healed a
little bit more and we can laugh a little, cry
a little. At the end of the day, we do
miss him a lot. And I'm so thankful for Yennika
Juicey for being here and for doing this reading for me.
Welcome and I hope you like it. Hi, guys from
(02:01):
Ghost Therapy, this is such a special special episode. I
know I say that about everyone, but this one is
truly special. I'm gonna tell you the story just a
little bit. My guest is Jennika Giusti. She is a
fantastic and professional singer, audio engineer, actress. She can dance
(02:25):
like no one ever and I'm very lucky to call
her my friend. And her husband, which used to be
also one of my best friends, passed away and today
we both are going to talk to him and see
what he has to say. His name was Gustavo Bedasa
(02:49):
and are you ready.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I'm ready, let's do this.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Okay. This is something related to your family. Okay, and
I know your family and you're all wonderful. But he's
(03:15):
mentioning like they're putting like a really big bag of
bricks to carry that aren't necessarily yours to carry. This
is kind of recent where he says that it's not fair.
Does this make sense to you? Are you like taking
care of people or are you like worrying too much
(03:39):
or you know.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, absolutely I am. There's a lot of baggage of
course that comes with you know, being around my family
so close now that it's.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
It's like, yeah, nobody likes that. Not that we don't
like it, but nobody.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, yeah, it's very different. But she he does say
like listen, like, okay, you've got to you've got to
let go because that's your mother's problem, that's your sister's problem.
And you do you, you know, because if you let
it happen, it's going to be more and more and more,
(04:21):
and suddenly you're feeling guilty about a thousand things that
aren't really yours, you know. And it doesn't have to
do with Goose at all. It's just with your family.
Hold them. He's like, thank you for always speaking up
for me now that I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Dead, you know, always I always will speak up for him.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, he's he's so happy for that, Like with anybody,
you know, you're like no, no, no, he was the
ship always and you know, and he's so thankful for
that because he says, Listen, I wasn't perfect, and I'm
so sorry for so many things, but thank you for
conserving or you know that memory of me, and that
(05:06):
just shows how much you love me. And I really
feel that.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Oh absolutely, I will always I'm still in love and
still will always love.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Of course, of course I think this has to do
with Michi or with Diggy, but which are her two sons?
Something about don't I think this is more for Mechi.
Something about don't let him quit or don't let him
(05:40):
give up or something like that. I don't know if
if he's on the verge of something or if this
is coming up, but just like, don't let him miss
a day, miss two days and then suddenly I don't
want to go something like that. You know that you
have to keep him constant.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, it makes sense because he's in a youth group.
He times and then he's like, I don't want to go.
Makes sense, But that's important for him to have those
you know, it's a moment of peace for him, I feel,
and for him to you know, have that time with
God and people his age. So maybe that's.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Immunity you know for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell tell him,
don't quit he'll get over it, but yeah, it really
does him good. Let me say, oh, baby, Michi is
gonna be so big. He's like, Michi is gonna slay it.
And it really like it has to do with his
(06:45):
voice obviously, but it has to do with his body,
you know, like just in timberly kind of thing, like
the whole package.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
It's just that he doesn't know that or he doesn't
feel it that much yet.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
He's not confident enough yet. He definitely is very introverted
when it comes to himself and hard on himself.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
He's just like his father, hard hard, he goes down hard.
But you know what, that's why I guess that's why
they said, you know, slowly because he doesn't know it yet. Yeah,
you know, he doesn't know what he's capable of, what
he's bringing to the table. So it's very important that
(07:32):
you he's talking about being patient, always keep on teaching
him everything, you know, but very sporadically so he doesn't
feel like.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It's too much for him. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah, but it won't be you know, it won't be
like that little boy is going to buy us our houses,
you know what I mean, don't forget, Yes, don't forget please,
but yeah, it's it's gonna be it's gonna be big.
The thing is that if you if you say that
(08:12):
that's his his little thing, that he's very insecure, then
I know somehow we're gonna have to work on that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Or maybe it's the age.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Maybe it's probably the age too. I feel like, you know,
he's still trying to find himself and that's something that
I'm going through right now with him. It's like there's
his good days and his bad days, but he doesn't
know where he belongs or who he's supposed to be.
And I said, nobody knows that. So at twelve, nobody, Yeah,
we don't even know that. At forty three.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
We still don't know. I think, yes, but it's a
good thing that he has you. I think that you
were in some way the right person for him instead
of Goose, you know, because of like, yeah, the different
ways of acting or the different opinions. Yeah, Okay, He's like,
(09:10):
why Nikau, why why do you open the door for everybody?
Does this make sense?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
What the hell are you doing?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Man?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I just I think it's probably talking about like I
don't know if physically opened the door, because my house
feels like it's Union station. Everybody, Oh, that's where whereby goes.
But I mean, I want to say it's that. I
don't think it's anything any more worse than that. I
don't know what am I open the door to, but
(09:44):
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
It's no you know, right, I think I think that's
what it is, like everybody in and out kind of thing.
And he doesn't say it like in a bad way,
but he's like, yeah, yeah, don't always be available. Don't
let anything from you, be always available. It's your family
of course and everything. But if you make so much
(10:08):
available to them, then they won't do their thing, they
won't fight for anything. They won't, you know, because you're
very you're very motherly, so that you kind they kind
of gravitate towards you so and it's good in their family.
But you've got your own things to worry about. Absolutely,
And at the end of the day, all those energies
(10:31):
that enter that you know, leave, they stay there even
if they're bad, good, whatever, they stay there, and your
house has to be clean, has to be energetically positive
for you and your sons to be there. Yeah, Okay,
He's like, I wasn't Rico suave anymore, you know what
(10:55):
I mean? He like for him obviously he didn't decide
to die, but he's he says that if he would
have kept onne, he he was so like depressed because
he wasn't the telenovela star that he once was or
(11:17):
the singer that he once was, and somehow like that
got to him and he's like, I lost my flow,
Like I don't know. I guess he dressed and he
you know, he did dress differently because the shirts we
wouldn't fit him.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
No, it's he doesn't make sense because yeah, in the end,
he felt like, oh he lost it. I said, oh,
you know, I always encouraged him that that's something we
all lose once in a while, just like women gain weights.
We don't look our best. We have children. It takes
us a year or two to go back to work.
And I don't having your pregnancy moment. I was like,
(11:54):
you're just going through your funk and now it's time
to return to it. You might not look the same,
you might look older with salt pepper hair, but that's
another look, another style for your you know.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, you can't look the same forever, but that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
totally totally because he was always so good looking and
so yeah, it must be hard because for anybody that
doesn't know him, his name is Gustavo Pedrasa, look him up.
(12:30):
He looked exactly like Lose Miel and he was going
to do a series based on his life and he
was going to be Lose Me. And he was so cute,
and I think that that really contributed because he wants
to go forward towards like the end, you know, like
before he died, he's like, I lost all my confidence,
(12:53):
I lost all my self esteem. And in some way, no, not,
in many ways. Well, of course he hurt you. Of
course he hurt the children. Of course he hurt everybody
because he was so mad at himself that he let
it happen, and then it happened, and then he's like,
I don't know how to go back. And then I
(13:14):
have responsibilities. I have the kids. It's like I have
the business. So he and I'm not, you know, that
famous anymore. So that that all kind of like yeah, pressure,
good pressure, yeah, as like so differently from you, because
you adapt to anything, you know, singing gig, I'll go this,
(13:37):
I'll go you know, you're very like that. I admire
that about you. But he did. He's like saying this
because he's like saying, I wish I could have learned
from you more in that type.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I maybe I should have just pushed the more because
I always took the lead. If he didn't have it,
I just was like I should have just kicked them
in and particularly but.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
No, I mean, when you love somebody so much, like
what do you do? You know you can't be their mom,
but you can't nag them. Uh, when it comes to Diggy,
he wants you to know.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
To not.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Her up or to not kind of like half well yeah,
patience of course, but something about at his own time,
he'll do what he needs to do to grow.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Okay, you know, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Just a little different for him. But it's like, I
don't know if this is just in your mind or
is it like you express it that maybe you kind
of expect more from him.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Yeah. I expect more from him because because he's getting therapy,
I want him to, you know, succeed now that I
think my worry now is because he's going into regular
school now in August. I feel like he's not ready.
But I'm mom you know, but everyone else tells me
and in school and all that. No, he's ready. So
(15:08):
it's like I expect more from him to be ready.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
But I'm yes, but yeah, yes, I think that's what
he means. Yeah, yeah, but it's normal. It's like, yeah,
you want your kids to thrive. You want your kids
and then at the other side of it, you don't
want your kids to suffer or you underestimate the power
(15:32):
that they have, you know, y and and he's not
someone you have to underestimate. And it's like he says,
he says, Okay, the easy part is over, Like that
was easy. Yeah, but he's like, now it's time to
(15:54):
really really get on it, you know, and and make
it happen for him because he deserves it. Yeah, and
because and because he's good. He there they're okay, they
look you can hear me, right, Yes, okay, something about jingles?
(16:16):
Are you thinking about writing jingles or something like this?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
No, but I know I'm not jingles. I mean, okay,
write music instead of not jingles.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I think he's telling you, like, hey, go through, go
give it a try. Okay, I feel like you have
time maybe like Christmas jingles that could be like something
he's talking about, like give it a try. I feel
it's something you can do in three to five hours
(16:48):
and it's good to go. Okay, And it's just something
up more about like finding where to put them, which
I'm sure you can go personally and say, hey, do
you need a jingle for your Christmas?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Your Christmas commercials? Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Getting I can come back in the days I used
to do it for in Chicago and he would help
me write them.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And oh okay.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Also this is not Amersican still.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Yeah, and you can do it by yourself, you know,
even if you did write them, come on, you can
write it too. So he's like, you know, put yourself
to work and gets you know, get a couple of
them in and start looking for clients like even like
the like where they sell cars, you know whatever. But
it's something that it's going to give you some revenue
(17:42):
that you need. Okay, okay, And he's making fun of
you know with your music. I think we know what
that means. Oh yeah, okay. He's like, now that we're
so calm and now that everything is unfortunately so different,
(18:07):
he says, like he's over there and he realizes how
no matter what you went through, it was out of love.
Like this is an example, like if my boyfriend cheated
on me and I got really mad and I was like,
(18:29):
I hate you? Why do I hate you? Because I
love you? Why do I want to come back because
I love you? Why am I drinking in the corners
door by myself? Because I love you?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
You know?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
And there was nothing bigger or more important than that.
I guess the toxis it is sometimes you know, men,
but you know, sometimes it's kind of like that. But
if there wouldn't be love, then maybe no one would
really care, right.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, So he wants you to know that in all
aspects of your love, of your marriage, it's just it
was love. It was love always. It was love. So differently, yeah,
just I guess professed in a different way. I'm gonna
(19:25):
connect it to what he was saying about love. He's like,
even if you didn't know this, or you do know this,
or he didn't tell you enough, He's like, you were
the only person he could run to.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, I definitely knew that.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I know he felt so alone, he felt so unappreciated
in so many ways by his family that it's like
he's like I don't want to offend you, but you
were like my wife and my mom and my mom
(20:03):
I know. And he's and he's like, I'm sorry for
putting that burden on you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
No, it is It wasn't a burden. I knew my
role as a wife. I just knew he was missing
that love from a mother.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
And for many people from you know, from from many.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Brother sisters to brother Yeah, and like, I know I
was his rock in the beginning of family, and I
know he learned love when he had Michelle and Jean Frank.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Do wi all huh.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
He says it was hurting so much that I knew
how to get my life back and I never did,
and that he never asked for help. It was more
of he felt so alone that it was more about
him than about getting help for his or for you
or for There was nothing for him to kind of
(21:05):
reel him in, you know, and although you were always
there for him. He's trying to explain what he felt,
you know, and that he would have not been the
person that he wanted to be. He was so caught
up in just wanting to be a certain thing and
(21:26):
that's it. And he's like, I wouldn't have never probably
learned it, and I was going to be very frustrated
the rest of my life, you know, because he never
got that thing where it's not Goose the artist, it's
(21:47):
Goose and he acts, you know. It's like sometimes we
forget we're two different people, you know. And that's what
he thinks. That was kind of like the demise. He's
just like, I'm so happy here because I don't have
the pressure of setting an example then that I couldn't
(22:11):
even set for myself. Yeah, and he says, you were
my example because you never gave up, you know, and
he would give up all the time.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
I didn't have a choice. But it's not that he
I want him to know that he didn't give up.
He just the pressure got to him and he didn't
know how. But I know that he wanted to. I
know in his heart, I know he wanted it, and
he wanted he wants to be here, for us to
be here, and I wish he was every day. I know,
(22:47):
I know, but.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I know you're the wife. But I always cry with you,
and you know, I feel so bad because it's like
it's sorry, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Know it's hard, and I my tears. I promised myself
that tears would come from happiness. I try to cry
from sadness anymore, because that's not what I want to remember.
That's not what I had. Nothing. I don't want to
remember anything sad for him. I want the the Gus
that was annoying to make us laugh, who thought he
(23:21):
was beginning.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
He always thought he would, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
We would stop singing like him, sing like yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
See you see that, we become this only this. Yeah,
and it's two different people and we don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
But he was always such a joker. It's always making laugh.
Stupid things he would say, never a funny thing, Oh stupid,
always cupid. You would laugh.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
He'd be like, what are you talking about. I'm like thinking,
your brain. I love you, but your brain.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
But it doesn't exactly, there's nothing. And then I really tried.
I tried. I tried. I would just I would just
say yes to everything. Sometimes, Oh my goodness. He's like,
now that I'm up here, that most of the mistakes
were from him, and that he now knows that because
(24:29):
it was kind of like he would invent something so
he could lash out or whatever. He's like we're even. Okay,
we're even. He's like, it's fine, but I understand now
what I was doing wrong, but I never understood it
(24:50):
down here.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah that makes you. That makes so much sense because yeah, yeah,
there are moments where I'm like, where are you getting
all this frong? Where are you saying? What are you doing?
Like and it didn't make sense to me. I'm glad
and I knew because I knew I was in my
you know, my sense is to no. But yeah, right
(25:14):
at it now?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah yeah, yeah, oh I'm glad.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You drove me nuts with it.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Well really that was him. I mean the fact that
he's fucking recognizing it.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Take it. You know, that's because he bothered me to
smack him.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah, exactly. Now you can't smack him. I imagine that
could be so cool. That would be so cool. But yeah,
he's like exactly, He's like, yeah, I deserve it, but
you I deserve it. I deserve it. But he's like,
but no, I know I was insecure. I know that
(26:02):
I was just out of my body, out of my soul,
and that takes a toll on a family.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Absolutely, Okay, it sounds terrible, Okay, but I'm gonna say
it because it has a message behind it.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
He's like, I.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Was causing more burden than I was actually causing happiness.
And I know you love him, and I know, but
you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And he says, in a way, I'm so glad because
I've seen a side of you that I hadn't seen
in a very long time. Like you were always somebody
that would okay, next page, next page, like you would
turn the page quickly, you know. But in this case,
(26:55):
I feel like he liberated you for me any things,
and that he's so happy for that because all he
wants is your happiness. Obviously, he doesn't want you to
be like yeah, like you know, feel remorseful or feel
sad or no, no, no, he's happy. So tis the
(27:16):
fact to see you that you're actually trying. Don't ever
think that he's upstairs saying, ah, so now you're so happy.
Oh I've been like that when I was around or something. Okay,
it's not like that at all. It's more about live
(27:36):
your life, be happy. Do what to that do if
there's somebody that comes to you, take it. I'm not
going to be mad. I'm not going to be sad,
I'm going to be rooting for you.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
Yeah, okay, oh oh.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
What okay, awesome. He's happy. He's happy. I guess that's
why you wanted the speech. He's like, I always felt
two steps behind you. And it's not because you made
(28:20):
that happen. It was not your fault, but you were
that you are this woman and this talent and this everything.
And he's like, I felt like, yeah, I had the
same things, but not as good as you, you know,
or maybe his forte or whatever was acting. Or He's like,
I always felt I was two steps behind, or that
(28:43):
I was your husband and not Dinny Got and Gusta separately.
You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
And I knew he felt like that. I know exactly
what you knew. Yeah, yeah, yeah, But I was always
always like, come on, let's do this. He was just
so hard on himself and he wouldn't. For example, I
still and I and I there's this song he recorded
years ago, I know you are, and I took it
(29:11):
out maybe right before, like right when he was a
year of his uh of his death. That's a song
he never took out and it was so good and
the voice everything, And I always said I'm gonna do
what I'm gonna do it. And I'm like, well, you
can't do ship now, So I did, yeah, and yeah,
(29:31):
I put it out on iTunes and and I took
it up because I feel like I want to keep
his legacy going. And I'm not looking for anything with
the song, but more than just for tot up there,
because he always did feel like That's so it's my
job still to make sure everybody sees who Style was.
And I still when they're around, I still talk about
(29:56):
him like if he was alive, and I still listen
to his music just to hear him.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Yeah, that's a legacy and to feel so proud.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
And his kids was better than me too. There's no
it wasn't a competition. I want him to know it wasn't.
I wasn't better. We just had our talents and I, okay,
you do sing better.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah he knows that, you know, Like that's not even
discuss Like.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
For me, it was just I I don't give a
ship what people say, and now more than ever, I
don't give a ship anymore, which is why I'm back
to my pink care. I'm silly. There's sometimes I don't
have a filter. On my face. I don't care if
I with a belly or if I don't have it,
(30:46):
if I gain five pounds, or if I lose it.
You know, like that was a stress I had with
him because he wanted everything.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Perfect right, because you knew he admired you so.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Much, he wouldn't let it be. And now I'm like,
nobody is.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Perfect, and he's like, sometimes it would take a toll
on me, even though you maybe didn't notice, or maybe
you did. Obviously you didn't notice, but he just wants
you to know that because it was nothing personal.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
You want to hear the song?
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Yeah, you know what mass you?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
It's me fun.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
As if he needs.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Oh and then is just it's the lyrics. I go
with what I think we both are living right now
in this moment of him.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, yeah, it's as if.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
He knew, like, yeah, yeah, ship you made me cry?
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Are you made me cry? Stupid?
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I do such a great song. I'm gonna make something
out of it, for sure.
Speaker 5 (33:02):
Well, if it's his voice I haven't heard, I would
say that just and it's a crazy thing, like you
would feel to step behind. He was like he had
his own thing.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, okay, let me do you have a question that
you might want to.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
You know, it's it's it's hard for me to ask
questions because it's not like you know, how you're doing
is not. I know, he's great, better than me. It's
it's hard, right, it's absolutely super hard. But I always
want to give him a message that I will always
love him, even though my heart may seem like it
(33:52):
moved on. He's got the whole piece, the original piece,
and that there's not a day I don't mention him.
We're looking pictures with him and my kids.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Yeah. He just says, remember, if you skip a day,
that means you're advancing. Okay, So if one day I
was like, oh I didn't think of him all day,
that's great. That's great because he ain't mad, he's not
(34:24):
out of your heart. It's just your body. Your mind
is you know, hopefully evolutionizing and everything's good. Yeah, okay, okay,
So thank you Yenika. Sorry to end this. Understand note.
(34:44):
I mean, he was such a funny guy. He was
a dumb butt. It really it hurts. It hurts. Oh,
thank you, thank you so for being on here. I
know it was hard for you. I just thank you
for putting yourself out there for the for ghost therapy,
and and I love you very.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Much for having me. And I'm thankful that you let
me feel him again and communicate with him. And oh,
I thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
You're welcome. I'm always here above you. I love you.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Bye M
He's like, yeah, I deserve it. But he's like, but no,
I know I was insecure. I know that I was
just out of my body, out of my soul, and
that takes a toll on a family. Welcome to ghost therapy,
where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones,
(00:20):
it's about learning through them and their new perspective. Hi, guys,
Welcome to ghost therapy. This is an episode that I
wanted to do, but I didn't want to do it.
At the same time, my best friend was killed more
(00:43):
than a year ago, and his wife, who I adore,
and his kids, who are like, you know, they're my nephews.
I asked them, I asked them, you know, do you
want to do this? We had already done it. It
was very weird because when he was in a coma,
(01:05):
he would visit me every day, which I didn't even
know that could happen, and he would give me instructions
for his wife and every day, you know, whatever he
said the day before, it came true the next day.
And I really miss him, and I you know, I
try to talk to him once in a while, but
(01:26):
this time around, I think our hearts have healed a
little bit more and we can laugh a little, cry
a little. At the end of the day, we do
miss him a lot. And I'm so thankful for Yennika
Juicey for being here and for doing this reading for me.
Welcome and I hope you like it. Hi, guys from
(02:01):
Ghost Therapy, this is such a special special episode. I
know I say that about everyone, but this one is
truly special. I'm gonna tell you the story just a
little bit. My guest is Jennika Giusti. She is a
fantastic and professional singer, audio engineer, actress. She can dance
(02:25):
like no one ever and I'm very lucky to call
her my friend. And her husband, which used to be
also one of my best friends, passed away and today
we both are going to talk to him and see
what he has to say. His name was Gustavo Bedasa
(02:49):
and are you ready.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I'm ready, let's do this.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Okay. This is something related to your family. Okay, and
I know your family and you're all wonderful. But he's
(03:15):
mentioning like they're putting like a really big bag of
bricks to carry that aren't necessarily yours to carry. This
is kind of recent where he says that it's not fair.
Does this make sense to you? Are you like taking
care of people or are you like worrying too much
(03:39):
or you know.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, absolutely I am. There's a lot of baggage of
course that comes with you know, being around my family
so close now that it's.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
It's like, yeah, nobody likes that. Not that we don't
like it, but nobody.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, yeah, it's very different. But she he does say
like listen, like, okay, you've got to you've got to
let go because that's your mother's problem, that's your sister's problem.
And you do you, you know, because if you let
it happen, it's going to be more and more and more,
(04:21):
and suddenly you're feeling guilty about a thousand things that
aren't really yours, you know. And it doesn't have to
do with Goose at all. It's just with your family.
Hold them. He's like, thank you for always speaking up
for me now that I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Dead, you know, always I always will speak up for him.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, he's he's so happy for that, Like with anybody,
you know, you're like no, no, no, he was the
ship always and you know, and he's so thankful for
that because he says, Listen, I wasn't perfect, and I'm
so sorry for so many things, but thank you for
conserving or you know that memory of me, and that
(05:06):
just shows how much you love me. And I really
feel that.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Oh absolutely, I will always I'm still in love and
still will always love.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Of course, of course I think this has to do
with Michi or with Diggy, but which are her two sons?
Something about don't I think this is more for Mechi.
Something about don't let him quit or don't let him
(05:40):
give up or something like that. I don't know if
if he's on the verge of something or if this
is coming up, but just like, don't let him miss
a day, miss two days and then suddenly I don't
want to go something like that. You know that you
have to keep him constant.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, it makes sense because he's in a youth group.
He times and then he's like, I don't want to go.
Makes sense, But that's important for him to have those
you know, it's a moment of peace for him, I feel,
and for him to you know, have that time with
God and people his age. So maybe that's.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Immunity you know for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell tell him,
don't quit he'll get over it, but yeah, it really
does him good. Let me say, oh, baby, Michi is
gonna be so big. He's like, Michi is gonna slay it.
And it really like it has to do with his
(06:45):
voice obviously, but it has to do with his body,
you know, like just in timberly kind of thing, like
the whole package.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
It's just that he doesn't know that or he doesn't
feel it that much yet.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
He's not confident enough yet. He definitely is very introverted
when it comes to himself and hard on himself.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
He's just like his father, hard hard, he goes down hard.
But you know what, that's why I guess that's why
they said, you know, slowly because he doesn't know it yet. Yeah,
you know, he doesn't know what he's capable of, what
he's bringing to the table. So it's very important that
(07:32):
you he's talking about being patient, always keep on teaching
him everything, you know, but very sporadically so he doesn't
feel like.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It's too much for him. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah, but it won't be you know, it won't be
like that little boy is going to buy us our houses,
you know what I mean, don't forget, Yes, don't forget please,
but yeah, it's it's gonna be it's gonna be big.
The thing is that if you if you say that
(08:12):
that's his his little thing, that he's very insecure, then
I know somehow we're gonna have to work on that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Or maybe it's the age.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Maybe it's probably the age too. I feel like, you know,
he's still trying to find himself and that's something that
I'm going through right now with him. It's like there's
his good days and his bad days, but he doesn't
know where he belongs or who he's supposed to be.
And I said, nobody knows that. So at twelve, nobody, Yeah,
we don't even know that. At forty three.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
We still don't know. I think, yes, but it's a
good thing that he has you. I think that you
were in some way the right person for him instead
of Goose, you know, because of like, yeah, the different
ways of acting or the different opinions. Yeah, Okay, He's like,
(09:10):
why Nikau, why why do you open the door for everybody?
Does this make sense?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
What the hell are you doing?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Man?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I just I think it's probably talking about like I
don't know if physically opened the door, because my house
feels like it's Union station. Everybody, Oh, that's where whereby goes.
But I mean, I want to say it's that. I
don't think it's anything any more worse than that. I
don't know what am I open the door to, but
(09:44):
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
It's no you know, right, I think I think that's
what it is, like everybody in and out kind of thing.
And he doesn't say it like in a bad way,
but he's like, yeah, yeah, don't always be available. Don't
let anything from you, be always available. It's your family
of course and everything. But if you make so much
(10:08):
available to them, then they won't do their thing, they
won't fight for anything. They won't, you know, because you're
very you're very motherly, so that you kind they kind
of gravitate towards you so and it's good in their family.
But you've got your own things to worry about. Absolutely,
And at the end of the day, all those energies
(10:31):
that enter that you know, leave, they stay there even
if they're bad, good, whatever, they stay there, and your
house has to be clean, has to be energetically positive
for you and your sons to be there. Yeah, Okay,
He's like, I wasn't Rico suave anymore, you know what
(10:55):
I mean? He like for him obviously he didn't decide
to die, but he's he says that if he would
have kept onne, he he was so like depressed because
he wasn't the telenovela star that he once was or
(11:17):
the singer that he once was, and somehow like that
got to him and he's like, I lost my flow,
Like I don't know. I guess he dressed and he
you know, he did dress differently because the shirts we
wouldn't fit him.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
No, it's he doesn't make sense because yeah, in the end,
he felt like, oh he lost it. I said, oh,
you know, I always encouraged him that that's something we
all lose once in a while, just like women gain weights.
We don't look our best. We have children. It takes
us a year or two to go back to work.
And I don't having your pregnancy moment. I was like,
(11:54):
you're just going through your funk and now it's time
to return to it. You might not look the same,
you might look older with salt pepper hair, but that's
another look, another style for your you know.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, you can't look the same forever, but that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
totally totally because he was always so good looking and
so yeah, it must be hard because for anybody that
doesn't know him, his name is Gustavo Pedrasa, look him up.
(12:30):
He looked exactly like Lose Miel and he was going
to do a series based on his life and he
was going to be Lose Me. And he was so cute,
and I think that that really contributed because he wants
to go forward towards like the end, you know, like
before he died, he's like, I lost all my confidence,
(12:53):
I lost all my self esteem. And in some way, no, not,
in many ways. Well, of course he hurt you. Of
course he hurt the children. Of course he hurt everybody
because he was so mad at himself that he let
it happen, and then it happened, and then he's like,
I don't know how to go back. And then I
(13:14):
have responsibilities. I have the kids. It's like I have
the business. So he and I'm not, you know, that
famous anymore. So that that all kind of like yeah, pressure,
good pressure, yeah, as like so differently from you, because
you adapt to anything, you know, singing gig, I'll go this,
(13:37):
I'll go you know, you're very like that. I admire
that about you. But he did. He's like saying this
because he's like saying, I wish I could have learned
from you more in that type.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I maybe I should have just pushed the more because
I always took the lead. If he didn't have it,
I just was like I should have just kicked them
in and particularly but.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
No, I mean, when you love somebody so much, like
what do you do? You know you can't be their mom,
but you can't nag them. Uh, when it comes to Diggy,
he wants you to know.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
To not.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Her up or to not kind of like half well yeah,
patience of course, but something about at his own time,
he'll do what he needs to do to grow.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Okay, you know, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Just a little different for him. But it's like, I
don't know if this is just in your mind or
is it like you express it that maybe you kind
of expect more from him.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Yeah. I expect more from him because because he's getting therapy,
I want him to, you know, succeed now that I
think my worry now is because he's going into regular
school now in August. I feel like he's not ready.
But I'm mom you know, but everyone else tells me
and in school and all that. No, he's ready. So
(15:08):
it's like I expect more from him to be ready.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
But I'm yes, but yeah, yes, I think that's what
he means. Yeah, yeah, but it's normal. It's like, yeah,
you want your kids to thrive. You want your kids
and then at the other side of it, you don't
want your kids to suffer or you underestimate the power
(15:32):
that they have, you know, y and and he's not
someone you have to underestimate. And it's like he says,
he says, Okay, the easy part is over, Like that
was easy. Yeah, but he's like, now it's time to
(15:54):
really really get on it, you know, and and make
it happen for him because he deserves it. Yeah, and
because and because he's good. He there they're okay, they
look you can hear me, right, Yes, okay, something about jingles?
(16:16):
Are you thinking about writing jingles or something like this?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
No, but I know I'm not jingles. I mean, okay,
write music instead of not jingles.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I think he's telling you, like, hey, go through, go
give it a try. Okay, I feel like you have
time maybe like Christmas jingles that could be like something
he's talking about, like give it a try. I feel
it's something you can do in three to five hours
(16:48):
and it's good to go. Okay, And it's just something
up more about like finding where to put them, which
I'm sure you can go personally and say, hey, do
you need a jingle for your Christmas?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Your Christmas commercials? Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Getting I can come back in the days I used
to do it for in Chicago and he would help
me write them.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And oh okay.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Also this is not Amersican still.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Yeah, and you can do it by yourself, you know,
even if you did write them, come on, you can
write it too. So he's like, you know, put yourself
to work and gets you know, get a couple of
them in and start looking for clients like even like
the like where they sell cars, you know whatever. But
it's something that it's going to give you some revenue
(17:42):
that you need. Okay, okay, And he's making fun of
you know with your music. I think we know what
that means. Oh yeah, okay. He's like, now that we're
so calm and now that everything is unfortunately so different,
(18:07):
he says, like he's over there and he realizes how
no matter what you went through, it was out of love.
Like this is an example, like if my boyfriend cheated
on me and I got really mad and I was like,
(18:29):
I hate you? Why do I hate you? Because I
love you? Why do I want to come back because
I love you? Why am I drinking in the corners
door by myself? Because I love you?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
You know?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
And there was nothing bigger or more important than that.
I guess the toxis it is sometimes you know, men,
but you know, sometimes it's kind of like that. But
if there wouldn't be love, then maybe no one would
really care, right.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, So he wants you to know that in all
aspects of your love, of your marriage, it's just it
was love. It was love always. It was love. So differently, yeah,
just I guess professed in a different way. I'm gonna
(19:25):
connect it to what he was saying about love. He's like,
even if you didn't know this, or you do know this,
or he didn't tell you enough, He's like, you were
the only person he could run to.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, I definitely knew that.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I know he felt so alone, he felt so unappreciated
in so many ways by his family that it's like
he's like I don't want to offend you, but you
were like my wife and my mom and my mom
(20:03):
I know. And he's and he's like, I'm sorry for
putting that burden on you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
No, it is It wasn't a burden. I knew my
role as a wife. I just knew he was missing
that love from a mother.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
And for many people from you know, from from many.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Brother sisters to brother Yeah, and like, I know I
was his rock in the beginning of family, and I
know he learned love when he had Michelle and Jean Frank.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Do wi all huh.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
He says it was hurting so much that I knew
how to get my life back and I never did,
and that he never asked for help. It was more
of he felt so alone that it was more about
him than about getting help for his or for you
or for There was nothing for him to kind of
(21:05):
reel him in, you know, and although you were always
there for him. He's trying to explain what he felt,
you know, and that he would have not been the
person that he wanted to be. He was so caught
up in just wanting to be a certain thing and
(21:26):
that's it. And he's like, I wouldn't have never probably
learned it, and I was going to be very frustrated
the rest of my life, you know, because he never
got that thing where it's not Goose the artist, it's
(21:47):
Goose and he acts, you know. It's like sometimes we
forget we're two different people, you know. And that's what
he thinks. That was kind of like the demise. He's
just like, I'm so happy here because I don't have
the pressure of setting an example then that I couldn't
(22:11):
even set for myself. Yeah, and he says, you were
my example because you never gave up, you know, and
he would give up all the time.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
I didn't have a choice. But it's not that he
I want him to know that he didn't give up.
He just the pressure got to him and he didn't
know how. But I know that he wanted to. I
know in his heart, I know he wanted it, and
he wanted he wants to be here, for us to
be here, and I wish he was every day. I know,
(22:47):
I know, but.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I know you're the wife. But I always cry with you,
and you know, I feel so bad because it's like
it's sorry, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Know it's hard, and I my tears. I promised myself
that tears would come from happiness. I try to cry
from sadness anymore, because that's not what I want to remember.
That's not what I had. Nothing. I don't want to
remember anything sad for him. I want the the Gus
that was annoying to make us laugh, who thought he
(23:21):
was beginning.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
He always thought he would, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
We would stop singing like him, sing like yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
See you see that, we become this only this. Yeah,
and it's two different people and we don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
But he was always such a joker. It's always making laugh.
Stupid things he would say, never a funny thing, Oh stupid,
always cupid. You would laugh.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
He'd be like, what are you talking about. I'm like thinking,
your brain. I love you, but your brain.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
But it doesn't exactly, there's nothing. And then I really tried.
I tried. I tried. I would just I would just
say yes to everything. Sometimes, Oh my goodness. He's like,
now that I'm up here, that most of the mistakes
were from him, and that he now knows that because
(24:29):
it was kind of like he would invent something so
he could lash out or whatever. He's like we're even. Okay,
we're even. He's like, it's fine, but I understand now
what I was doing wrong, but I never understood it
(24:50):
down here.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah that makes you. That makes so much sense because yeah, yeah,
there are moments where I'm like, where are you getting
all this frong? Where are you saying? What are you doing?
Like and it didn't make sense to me. I'm glad
and I knew because I knew I was in my
you know, my sense is to no. But yeah, right
(25:14):
at it now?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah yeah, yeah, oh I'm glad.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You drove me nuts with it.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Well really that was him. I mean the fact that
he's fucking recognizing it.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Take it. You know, that's because he bothered me to
smack him.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah, exactly. Now you can't smack him. I imagine that
could be so cool. That would be so cool. But yeah,
he's like exactly, He's like, yeah, I deserve it, but
you I deserve it. I deserve it. But he's like,
but no, I know I was insecure. I know that
(26:02):
I was just out of my body, out of my soul,
and that takes a toll on a family.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Absolutely, Okay, it sounds terrible, Okay, but I'm gonna say
it because it has a message behind it.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
He's like, I.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Was causing more burden than I was actually causing happiness.
And I know you love him, and I know, but
you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And he says, in a way, I'm so glad because
I've seen a side of you that I hadn't seen
in a very long time. Like you were always somebody
that would okay, next page, next page, like you would
turn the page quickly, you know. But in this case,
(26:55):
I feel like he liberated you for me any things,
and that he's so happy for that because all he
wants is your happiness. Obviously, he doesn't want you to
be like yeah, like you know, feel remorseful or feel
sad or no, no, no, he's happy. So tis the
(27:16):
fact to see you that you're actually trying. Don't ever
think that he's upstairs saying, ah, so now you're so happy.
Oh I've been like that when I was around or something. Okay,
it's not like that at all. It's more about live
(27:36):
your life, be happy. Do what to that do if
there's somebody that comes to you, take it. I'm not
going to be mad. I'm not going to be sad,
I'm going to be rooting for you.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
Yeah, okay, oh oh.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
What okay, awesome. He's happy. He's happy. I guess that's
why you wanted the speech. He's like, I always felt
two steps behind you. And it's not because you made
(28:20):
that happen. It was not your fault, but you were
that you are this woman and this talent and this everything.
And he's like, I felt like, yeah, I had the
same things, but not as good as you, you know,
or maybe his forte or whatever was acting. Or He's like,
I always felt I was two steps behind, or that
(28:43):
I was your husband and not Dinny Got and Gusta separately.
You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
And I knew he felt like that. I know exactly
what you knew. Yeah, yeah, yeah, But I was always
always like, come on, let's do this. He was just
so hard on himself and he wouldn't. For example, I
still and I and I there's this song he recorded
years ago, I know you are, and I took it
(29:11):
out maybe right before, like right when he was a
year of his uh of his death. That's a song
he never took out and it was so good and
the voice everything, And I always said I'm gonna do
what I'm gonna do it. And I'm like, well, you
can't do ship now, So I did, yeah, and yeah,
(29:31):
I put it out on iTunes and and I took
it up because I feel like I want to keep
his legacy going. And I'm not looking for anything with
the song, but more than just for tot up there,
because he always did feel like That's so it's my
job still to make sure everybody sees who Style was.
And I still when they're around, I still talk about
(29:56):
him like if he was alive, and I still listen
to his music just to hear him.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Yeah, that's a legacy and to feel so proud.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
And his kids was better than me too. There's no
it wasn't a competition. I want him to know it wasn't.
I wasn't better. We just had our talents and I, okay,
you do sing better.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah he knows that, you know, Like that's not even
discuss Like.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
For me, it was just I I don't give a
ship what people say, and now more than ever, I
don't give a ship anymore, which is why I'm back
to my pink care. I'm silly. There's sometimes I don't
have a filter. On my face. I don't care if
I with a belly or if I don't have it,
(30:46):
if I gain five pounds, or if I lose it.
You know, like that was a stress I had with
him because he wanted everything.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Perfect right, because you knew he admired you so.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Much, he wouldn't let it be. And now I'm like,
nobody is.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Perfect, and he's like, sometimes it would take a toll
on me, even though you maybe didn't notice, or maybe
you did. Obviously you didn't notice, but he just wants
you to know that because it was nothing personal.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
You want to hear the song?
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Yeah, you know what mass you?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
It's me fun.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
As if he needs.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Oh and then is just it's the lyrics. I go
with what I think we both are living right now
in this moment of him.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, yeah, it's as if.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
He knew, like, yeah, yeah, ship you made me cry?
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Are you made me cry? Stupid?
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I do such a great song. I'm gonna make something
out of it, for sure.
Speaker 5 (33:02):
Well, if it's his voice I haven't heard, I would
say that just and it's a crazy thing, like you
would feel to step behind. He was like he had
his own thing.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, okay, let me do you have a question that
you might want to.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
You know, it's it's it's hard for me to ask
questions because it's not like you know, how you're doing
is not. I know, he's great, better than me. It's
it's hard, right, it's absolutely super hard. But I always
want to give him a message that I will always
love him, even though my heart may seem like it
(33:52):
moved on. He's got the whole piece, the original piece,
and that there's not a day I don't mention him.
We're looking pictures with him and my kids.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Yeah. He just says, remember, if you skip a day,
that means you're advancing. Okay, So if one day I
was like, oh I didn't think of him all day,
that's great. That's great because he ain't mad, he's not
(34:24):
out of your heart. It's just your body. Your mind
is you know, hopefully evolutionizing and everything's good. Yeah, okay, okay,
So thank you Yenika. Sorry to end this. Understand note.
(34:44):
I mean, he was such a funny guy. He was
a dumb butt. It really it hurts. It hurts. Oh,
thank you, thank you so for being on here. I
know it was hard for you. I just thank you
for putting yourself out there for the for ghost therapy,
and and I love you very.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Much for having me. And I'm thankful that you let
me feel him again and communicate with him. And oh,
I thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
You're welcome. I'm always here above you. I love you.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Bye M
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