October 17, 2023 • 27 mins
The Paralympics are every 4 years and I am on Paralympics number 3. I get asked OFTEN how do I stay motivated to be at the top of my game so consistently? The answer is easy, I am a work in progress on it. In this episode, I share with you tools that have worked in the past or work for me now so you can use them to stay motivated towards your goals while avoiding burnout in your own life.
Define Your Why Workbook: https://tidy-acorn-403.myflodesk.com/t07y7uey1o
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome, Welcome to the Gold Metal Mindset Podcast. I'm your host,
Brenda Huckabee, three time Paralympic gold medal a snowboarder, and
I'm on a mission to help you see that success
doesn't have to sacrifice your mental health. It doesn't have
to sacrifice all the things that matter most. You can
be successful in the ways that means something to you
(00:22):
while also loving yourself and seeing yourself as worthy. Now,
on today's episode, we're going to be talking about mo
devation and oh my goodness, lord, don't we all need her.
Motivation is going to be that thing that puts fire
under your butt to move forward. I don't know about you,
but I can't move forward in life without having some
kind of purpose, some kind of reason, some kind of why,
(00:45):
some kind of motivation. So my goal for you guys
today is we're going to help expand your idea of motivation,
because for me, I've had to redefine what motivation actually
means so that I could find my own motivation. And
maybe that is something that you will learn today is
changing what you thought you knew about motivation. And the
next thing that I hope that you get out of
(01:07):
today's episode is you're able to pinpoint that motivation for yourself. Now.
One thing I feel like is so important for everybody
to understand and know, and this is also a little
reminder for me, is motivation doesn't need to be fixed.
Motivation is fluid. Sometimes finding one key point, one key, big, beautiful,
(01:28):
purposeful thing is going to be very impactful and helpful.
But other times motivation what worked for you today may
not work for you a week, two weeks, two years
from now, and being like, Okay, I'm going to go
back and I'm going to figure out what matters to me,
what's going to get me moving forward because this ain't
(01:49):
working anymore. And that's okay, that's life. You change, just
as your goal shift. Just as every single day your
life shifts, your motivation and what carries you through may shift.
One thing that I just go back to whenever I
talk about motivation is I look at motivation. I have
(02:10):
big motivations and little motivations. And when I look at
my big motivations, those are typically like my passions, my purpose.
And oftentimes people ask me, They're like, bro, no, what
is your purpose? How did you find your purpose? What
is your life's purpose? And for a long time. I
had one for a long time. I was like, Oh,
this is my purpose, this is why I'm on this earth.
But the reality is like, girl, I don't know. I
(02:31):
just made that up A and B. I think we
have multiple purposes in life. And I told this Tolila
the other day, and I think I'm gonna have to
stick by it. But I don't really think there is one.
And I think that's really beautiful because we get to
define it, we get to choose it. I don't think
(02:52):
it's something that you find and uncover and you're like, ah,
this is what was set out for me. It's more like,
I want this to be set out for me because
this is aligned with me. And so I had cancer
when I was fourteen. I am one of the seventy
percent that survived my type of cancer. But just because
(03:13):
I survived cancer doesn't mean the life that I had
survived before I had cancer. I was a highly competitive gymnast.
I had these beautiful goals for the future, I had
all these friends. I genuinely thought I had my whole
life mapped out. But after cancer and I lost my leg,
I realized that the life that I had been fighting
for the life with gymnastics and goals and the future
(03:35):
that I had mapped out for myself, it didn't exist,
and I had to redefine and relearn from myself a
who was I be? What do I want in life now?
What is my new you know, mission in life? Because
I can't be a gymnast, I can't go for that
college scholarship anymore? So like what the heck am I
going to do now? And the things that mattered to
me back then, popularity, being beautiful, boy, this whatever was?
(04:00):
I mean, I was in high school, Okay, cut me
some slack, it didn't matter to me anymore. I had
this life altering experience that made me confront my mortality
at fourteen that I saw, wow, like life is so
much deeper than I could have ever imagined. And so
eventually took some time, but I found snowboarding and then
(04:21):
from there I found Paralympics and was like, Okay, I'm
going to do this. And just like the Olympics, the
Paralympics is difficult, it's competitive, you have to overcome your
disability and then really difficult sports like snowboarding is not
easy even with two legs, and so it is not
(04:42):
you know a smooth sailing endeavor, and so it was
going to be hard, and I don't know. In my
little fourteen fifteen year old brain, I was like, this
is gonna be really difficult. I need to figure out
something that's going to like keep me moving forward. And
so in that moment, I decided two things. A. I
had lost so many of my friends to camp. That
is just a reality that is unfortunate with childhood cancer survivors.
(05:06):
I mean, and older as well, but I can only
speak to mine. You connect with peers in the hospital,
through support groups, through really awesome fun events, and it's
so rare that you find other teenagers and kids that
have gone through something similar to you. So you connect
so quickly. But unfortunately, not everyone is going to survive
(05:26):
their battle. And when I came out of treatment and
through the years I've seen my friends pass away, I
knew that I was very fortunate and lucky to survive.
It wasn't anything that I had done to survive. I
did everything they did. I just got lucky. And I
(05:49):
decided that I was going to live for them. I
had a second chance of life. They did not, and
I was going to live for them. On top of that,
I wanted to show people and people specifically children that
have gone through cancer and amputation or any kind of
mobility or limb difference, that you know, we can live
a full life. Just because our life looks different than
(06:11):
before doesn't mean it can't still be great. And that
became my why, That became my purpose, That became my passion,
and I got to define that and I got to
choose that. And so when I talk to people about
finding their passion and finding their purpose, I like to
say one of the easiest ways is to dig down
(06:33):
into your memory, dig down into your life, and find
something like really difficult that you got through that you
never want someone else to have to go through. The
reality is, everyone you know is going to have to
go through those. But if you can make that journey
for them a little bit easier, you know, what would
what would you do? What would it be? And do
you feel connected with that? And if you do, use
that as your motivation and your purpose and your why. Now,
(06:55):
even these big, connected, valuable, purposeful motivations, they can still
lose potency over time. And so for me, I've had
to have multiple whys, multiple passions, multiple purposes, and motivations
that are going to push me through when my bigger
(07:18):
why just isn't cutting it. And one of these ways
for me is in twenty eighteen, when I made it
to the Paralympics. Look, that big why of my survivorship,
of being representation that I didn't have it did nothing
for me when I was at the Paralympics at the
(07:39):
starting gate, because in that moment, I was like, this
is huge, this is bigger than me, and I did it.
I think that was like the biggest thing for me
is like just simply being at the Paralympics was enough
for me to say that I fulfilled that why. I
fulfilled that motivation. Over the years posting on social media,
I'm like, I did this, I lived this purpose in
this passion. Oh, it's just not giving me that fuel
(08:02):
that I need. And luckily for myself, I had already
defined a second why actually probably like seventeen hundred of them,
but another really big, powerful one. And so at the
Paralympics twenty eighteen, I'm standing at the top of the course.
I am choking, y'all, I am freaking out. I am
falling on my runs, my snowboard broke, I'm like, oh,
(08:22):
my goodness, I'm going home without a medal, like I am.
I worked so hard, I won so many world championships
before this, but like a Lord, have mercy, Like it
is not coming together and I just need to accept that.
And then something shifted in me and I said, girl,
you did all this, you worked all this hard, you
fulfilled that passion. Why why are you here and why
(08:43):
does it matter? Because I believe that I was choking
and stressed and anxious and nervous for a reason. And
I was like I had to sit with that and said, girl,
why And I was like, oh, because I wanted to
show Lila, my daughter, who was at the race with me,
the same thing. Just because your life looks different than
you am mad and doesn't mean it can't still be great.
I can do that for you because I had my
(09:03):
daughter at nineteen, so like for me, it was not planned.
I was not married, I was not financially stable. I
had to really figure out my life very quickly again
when I had my daughter, and so I was living
for her, I was living for her future, and so
at the Paralympics, I knew that like if I could
win gold, I could help secure a better future for her.
(09:28):
And when I remembered that, and when I closed my
eyes and I visualized my daughter, my why, my motivation,
all that anxiety melted away. And look, I cannot stress
that reality enough because that is so freaking true for me.
That's how powerful your why and your motivation can be
in those moments that matter most. And so I let go.
(09:49):
I saw her and I want like I won the Paralympics,
both races, and so your motivation has the power to
completely transform your goals in your life. Now Again, just
because you find yourself and those passions that you defined
and not working doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
You need to have compassion for yourself and knowing that
(10:11):
I can only care for my goals, I can only
care for my motivation, for my passion, for my purpose
if I'm caring for myself. And so in that moment
in the Paralympics, if I would have been like, girl,
you suck. You did all this work and you're not
even you know, in there and being motivated and being
purposeful and passionate, you bat at it and I just
kept beating myself up, I would have never won. I
(10:31):
would have continued choking. I would have continued falling. I
would have gone home and I would have just been
a mess. But I had compassion for myself. I said, girl,
this is tough stuff. You know, you're at a Paralympic
event that you have been dreaming of since you lost
your leg and started snowboarding, and there are cameras everywhere.
You're in a foreign country. You've never done this before.
(10:54):
It's okay to freak out a little bit. Girl, It's scary.
And so if I never had compassion for myself, I
never would have been able to move through it. And
so even the biggest you know names, I'm you know,
Serena Williams. I bet she does the same thing. Okay,
So you find things that matter to you when you
hold on to them. Now, these are obviously like really
big events, really big goals, but like they're four years apart.
(11:18):
So for me, like my Paralympic goals at least in
the last eight years, that's been my biggest goals are
the Paralympics. Well, how do I sustain myself for the
four years in between? And also I have other goals.
I have goals with you know, speaking, and I have
goals of wanting to write a book one day. I
have goals of you know, just continuing to be a
(11:41):
voice and a light for other people. So how do
I keep myself going when I have one hundred million
different goals that are going to take years to manifest?
I think that's also like just so hard for me,
and I'm sure for you too, of like, Okay, I
want this and I want to Now, well that's not
how this works. And so what I do is when
(12:01):
I'm setting these goals and I'm trying to figure out
what they mean to me, I do two things. A
what does success mean to me in this goal? Is
success perfection in several areas? Or is success you know,
one area of quote unquote perfection? Or is success just
(12:26):
showing up and doing it? Is success intrinsic and feeling
something about myself? Is success aligned with who I am
and how I love myself? Or is my success determining
my worth? And so really understanding why you want what
you want and then connecting many motivations towards them values?
(12:50):
What are your values? That for me has been like
the biggest thing. As I find goals and as I
find motivation, I'm like, is it connected? With what I
care about and what I love in life and what
I want for myself. Is it connected with my values
as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as
a friend, or is it something that I think is
going to just like validate me and make me look
(13:11):
good to other people? And I mean, I'm human, and
there are times where yeah, I absolutely will set a
goal and I think it's what I want, But in reality,
I'm doing it because I think it's gonna, you know,
make me look better, make me look more successful, make
me look like I have my life together, make me
look more inspiring. But the reality is like, if I'm
(13:32):
not living for myself, if I'm not living for my values,
if I'm not living for my passion and my purpose,
who cares what it looks like to other people, because
I will be deeply unhappy. And I know that that
feeling and that goal setting and that motivation is not
unique to me. We all go through that we're human.
Status is a part of survival, unfortunately, and so trying
(13:55):
to figure out how to combat that feeling of like, oh,
I need to look like I have it together, because
if I look like I have status, then in my
monkey brain, I'm going to survive in society, and we
have to constantly combet that because in today's day and age,
that's not necessarily true, and so finding your values that's
(14:16):
what matters. So like for me, one of my values
is freedom with my family, time with my family, a
place that I can call home, stability, and that's not
really something you can post online and people are going
to applaud because it looks so different for everybody else.
(14:39):
That's big stuff. That was big stuff. I don't know.
That was big stuff to me, So thank you for
letting me share that. One of the key pieces, unfortunately,
to achieving success within your goals, regardless of what your
definition success looks like, if it's your traditional sense money, status, value, whatever,
or your definition of success worth, happiness, love fulfillment, one
(15:04):
of the key pieces to it, again unfortunately, is consistency.
And here's the thing. I'm a little adhd, I'm a
lot of ADHD, and so consistency is like my freaking
nightmare is so hard for me, but I have found
when my values are in line with what I want,
consistency is a lot easier. And for me, consistency isn't
(15:25):
doing it every single day Consistency isn't powering through when
I don't want to do it. Sometimes. Consistency is not
doing it for three weeks and then starting over it
like starting up again. Consistency for me is always starting
back up when I stop, because I know my brain
(15:46):
and I know myself, and I will not be consistent
one hundred percent of the time. I'm going to say
something that is a little shocking to you, but I
have never been consistent in my snowboard training ever, period,
point blank. I have never consistently shown up every single day,
every single week that is on snow and that is
off snow. I just haven't. And that has been my goal, y'all.
(16:10):
That has been my goal for years. I'm like, this
is the winter that I'm going to show up to
every single training session. I'm gonna do it. But guys, like,
sometimes I'm like mentally and physically exhausted, and sometimes like
I just need a break. And guess what if I
didn't allow myself those breaks, I bet I would have
burnt out. I bet I would have gotten injured. And
(16:32):
so consistency isn't just showing up all the time even
when you don't feel like it. While that is important
because I still have to show up. And sometimes when
I stop showing up and then I'm like, oh girl,
it's like a little break. I don't want to go
back because then I'm like, oh man, this is gonna suck,
this is gonna be hard, I'm gonna be sore. But
I still show up right. So it consistently see for
(16:54):
me is always starting even when I stop again and
I again. That goes back to like that and passion
and that understanding that like I know myself. I know
my body, I know my mind, and I know my weaknesses,
and I know consistency is a weakness. And I love
myself and I value myself regardless. I don't force myself
(17:16):
to do what I need to do. I don't force
myself to power through when my body and my mind
and my spirit say no, I ask myself, what do
I need in this moment? One little thing that I
have totally done for myself and I want to share
with you guys, is this practice of like black and white.
So I am a black and white thinker. I've been
(17:37):
in therapy for a very long time. We've battled the
idea of autism. We've battled the idea of OCD. One
thing with being an adult and having so many mental
health things that are just oh my gosh, I could
go laundry list, but I mean labels. To me, they
don't mean anything other than resources. But regardless, I am
(17:59):
a black and white thinker. Everything to me is like
right or wrong, perfect or die, all or nothing. And
so in therapy, I've been really learning how to let
go of that. And so one thing that I created
for myself in one of my morning pages. I journal
every morning and I just allow whatever needs to come
up come up. I've learned new perspectives. I've learned a
lot about myself through this journaling. And then once so
(18:23):
one thing that I had created was my black and
white you know, a doometer? What even is that? You know?
I don't know. Okay, my black and white? Uh linear timeline? Sure, Okay,
we're gonna put it on a line. On one end
we have on the left side, we have where I
am right now. On the right side, we have my goal.
(18:47):
What is the perfect example of where I want to be?
I write them out. Then I say, okay, what is
the gray area? So the left is my black, the
right is my white? What is gray. So for me,
the middle is gray, and I'm like, okay, well this
is what it looks like. To get to there, I
(19:09):
have to suck. So let's look at like podcasting, because
I think that's the easiest one, and that's you know,
I'm in the gray area of that right now. So
I have where I started, where I began podcasting, never
talking into a podcast by myself before. That's where I was,
and where I want to be is comfortable and conversational
and feeling like I'm sharing my life and maybe having
(19:30):
a certain amount of downloads. Okay, And so I have
gray area, and for me, that success in that gray
area is getting more comfortable speaking into my microphone, maybe
sharing about my podcast more on social media, getting more downloads,
maybe finally having guests, whatever it is. There are steps
to get me to my goal, and all of those
(19:52):
steps are a win. But here's the key, and I
hate this part the most, So stay with me. My
and white is something that I created. So I feel
like the easiest piece is I know where I'm at.
That is like the easiest part. That's like I know
exactly where I am. But that white part of like
where I could be is infinite, I could exceed any expectation.
(20:21):
I could stop podcasting and only be a podcast guest.
I could totally change my show and only be guessed.
I don't know, So it is completely outside of my
imagination of where I could end up on that goal side, right,
And so acknowledging that has been so freeing, and it
has taken my motivation of like I have to do
(20:43):
this and I have to get there, and if I don't,
I've failed. It's gotten me to like this is an uncovering,
this is an experience, and I'm doing this for my motivations,
but I also I am doing this a little bit to
understand myself, to see what doors and avenues are available
to me. And on that same right side, I could
(21:05):
you know, there's infinite possibilities of where my podcast could go.
And just equally so I could stop podcasting right like
I could go technically, like on the past, to the
black side of where I was. I could say, you know,
who knows where I'll end up, And so I've created
the spectrum for myself, but reality is nobody knows what's
(21:26):
on that spectrum. And so for me that has become
almost like a motivation in and of itself, because I'm like,
this is an uncovering, this is a journey. This is
literally what that journey means, I think for for so
many of us, and I am including myself in this
us is I have where I'm at, and I have
my destination. I'm journey into my destination. But the like
(21:47):
truth is, is that destination who knows if it's even there?
Who knows if it's something that I even want? And
so I have it there, I know what I'm working towards.
I have, you know, a checklist of the things that
like make my destination per But I've also allowed myself
to say, this destination could be bigger, more beautiful than
I ever imagined, or I could totally shitcan that destination,
(22:12):
and that is okay. So that is something that has
helped me in staying motivated on my journey because I
see that, like it is an uncovering, it is a
life long it is life and I get to be
a part of that, and that is so exciting. Gosh,
I keep doing this. I get so excited in this
(22:34):
topic and I have like an outline of the things
that I really want to talk about and share and
I'm like not even halfway through the outline. So we're
gonna have to just include this in another podcast episode
because I want to wrap it up here. I value
your time and mine, and we don't need to be
here all day. So I'm gonna end with this a
little bit of like that external intrinsic motivation, because I
(22:57):
think that is a little important factor. So when we
think of like external motivation, we're thinking of like competition,
and we're thinking about like your goal, your status, money, whatever,
it is something outside of yourself that you're trying to achieve.
And then internal or intrinsic motivation is like things that
matter to you self, love, your worth, maybe it's building
(23:19):
your self esteem, maybe it's building your patience. It's something
that's inside of yourself that's not really measured by an
outside factor. And both are very good, and both are
very important. I would say for the longest time, I
had been mostly extrinsically or externally motivated, and I don't
think that's a bad thing. I actually think that's a
(23:41):
very powerful thing. I'm a very competitive person by nature,
but my issue was my intrinsic and internal motivation. A
wasn't there. I can remember speaking to my sports psych
years and years and years ago and being like, I
don't have intrinsic motivation. I don't think it works. I
think it's stupid. And guess what, whenever I reached that
external motivations, I felt like shit. So intrinsic motivation is
(24:05):
very important so long as they are in harmony with
one another. So you can't have that external motivation without
the internal motivation because that's not going to give you
a loving and happy and fulfilling life. So you do
need to sit down and to find them both for
yourself because that is where you'll find lifelong success. And
so yes, you can achieve your goal with only external motivation. Absolutely,
(24:29):
I have done it, but that does not mean you
will feel good and fulfilled about yourself. It will probably
feel like a moving goalpost your success of like okay,
I reached it, now what now? What? Now? What? One
that you never really get to because you never feel
fulfilled in that outcome in that process. So having that
(24:51):
internal motivation is what's going to give you that fulfillment,
that enjoyment that yes, queen, we did it. So that
is why you need both. So I'm going to leave
that with you guys today, I have greatly enjoyed this conversation.
One thing that I have done is I created a
define your Whide journal, And this journal is mostly to
(25:13):
like define that big, powerful community based why it's technically
extrinsic though it's not a goal, it's a motivation, so
it's still also intrinsic. It's kind of like a little
bit of both, and what you do as you go
through it, you kind of define maybe that pain point
in your life or that thing you're trying to solve
for another person. Remember how we spoke about like if
(25:36):
I could alleviate this on my path for someone else,
I would feel really good. I would be helping whatever
it is. So like for me that was like my
cancer showing kids that lost mobility. Just because your life
looks different doesn't mean it can't still be great. And
also living for people that didn't have that opportunity that
(25:58):
luckiness that I have, those my big community based goals.
And so you're going to go through that kind of
touch in with that journal about that figure that guy
out while also allowing it to connect to your values
as a person now, So it's a little bit of both,
and it's basically getting that bigger why, that bigger purpose
(26:18):
and passion, while also kind of figuring out those smaller
ones now that you can lean on those values that
you have now, whether that's time with your family or
showing your family something. We don't need to get into
the details now because it's all on paper and so
that'll be in the show notes. Again, I just want
to say thank you guys for being here with me.
I greatly enjoyed this episode. I always love coming on
(26:40):
here and just sharing about things that worked for me.
I mean, look, I'm not a psychologist. The one day
I would love to be, but right now I'm not.
I'm just sharing things that I know true to myself,
that have worked for me, and I'm trying to, you know,
share them as I would like my best friend if
we were sitting down and just chit chatting. This is
(27:01):
probably how I would talk to my friend. And so
I really am just so grateful that you guys are here. Please,
you know, leave a review comment, share with me what
you're working on, share with me your motivations, like I
would love to know, because the more that I get
to connect with you guys, the more I feel like
we all grow. We all benefit. So thank you guys.
(27:22):
I love you, and I will see y'all on the
next episode that will be out next week. Thank you guys. Bye.
Welcome, Welcome to the Gold Metal Mindset Podcast. I'm your host,
Brenda Huckabee, three time Paralympic gold medal a snowboarder, and
I'm on a mission to help you see that success
doesn't have to sacrifice your mental health. It doesn't have
to sacrifice all the things that matter most. You can
be successful in the ways that means something to you
(00:22):
while also loving yourself and seeing yourself as worthy. Now,
on today's episode, we're going to be talking about mo
devation and oh my goodness, lord, don't we all need her.
Motivation is going to be that thing that puts fire
under your butt to move forward. I don't know about you,
but I can't move forward in life without having some
kind of purpose, some kind of reason, some kind of why,
(00:45):
some kind of motivation. So my goal for you guys
today is we're going to help expand your idea of motivation,
because for me, I've had to redefine what motivation actually
means so that I could find my own motivation. And
maybe that is something that you will learn today is
changing what you thought you knew about motivation. And the
next thing that I hope that you get out of
(01:07):
today's episode is you're able to pinpoint that motivation for yourself. Now.
One thing I feel like is so important for everybody
to understand and know, and this is also a little
reminder for me, is motivation doesn't need to be fixed.
Motivation is fluid. Sometimes finding one key point, one key, big, beautiful,
(01:28):
purposeful thing is going to be very impactful and helpful.
But other times motivation what worked for you today may
not work for you a week, two weeks, two years
from now, and being like, Okay, I'm going to go
back and I'm going to figure out what matters to me,
what's going to get me moving forward because this ain't
(01:49):
working anymore. And that's okay, that's life. You change, just
as your goal shift. Just as every single day your
life shifts, your motivation and what carries you through may shift.
One thing that I just go back to whenever I
talk about motivation is I look at motivation. I have
(02:10):
big motivations and little motivations. And when I look at
my big motivations, those are typically like my passions, my purpose.
And oftentimes people ask me, They're like, bro, no, what
is your purpose? How did you find your purpose? What
is your life's purpose? And for a long time. I
had one for a long time. I was like, Oh,
this is my purpose, this is why I'm on this earth.
But the reality is like, girl, I don't know. I
(02:31):
just made that up A and B. I think we
have multiple purposes in life. And I told this Tolila
the other day, and I think I'm gonna have to
stick by it. But I don't really think there is one.
And I think that's really beautiful because we get to
define it, we get to choose it. I don't think
(02:52):
it's something that you find and uncover and you're like, ah,
this is what was set out for me. It's more like,
I want this to be set out for me because
this is aligned with me. And so I had cancer
when I was fourteen. I am one of the seventy
percent that survived my type of cancer. But just because
(03:13):
I survived cancer doesn't mean the life that I had
survived before I had cancer. I was a highly competitive gymnast.
I had these beautiful goals for the future, I had
all these friends. I genuinely thought I had my whole
life mapped out. But after cancer and I lost my leg,
I realized that the life that I had been fighting
for the life with gymnastics and goals and the future
(03:35):
that I had mapped out for myself, it didn't exist,
and I had to redefine and relearn from myself a
who was I be? What do I want in life now?
What is my new you know, mission in life? Because
I can't be a gymnast, I can't go for that
college scholarship anymore? So like what the heck am I
going to do now? And the things that mattered to
me back then, popularity, being beautiful, boy, this whatever was?
(04:00):
I mean, I was in high school, Okay, cut me
some slack, it didn't matter to me anymore. I had
this life altering experience that made me confront my mortality
at fourteen that I saw, wow, like life is so
much deeper than I could have ever imagined. And so
eventually took some time, but I found snowboarding and then
(04:21):
from there I found Paralympics and was like, Okay, I'm
going to do this. And just like the Olympics, the
Paralympics is difficult, it's competitive, you have to overcome your
disability and then really difficult sports like snowboarding is not
easy even with two legs, and so it is not
(04:42):
you know a smooth sailing endeavor, and so it was
going to be hard, and I don't know. In my
little fourteen fifteen year old brain, I was like, this
is gonna be really difficult. I need to figure out
something that's going to like keep me moving forward. And
so in that moment, I decided two things. A. I
had lost so many of my friends to camp. That
is just a reality that is unfortunate with childhood cancer survivors.
(05:06):
I mean, and older as well, but I can only
speak to mine. You connect with peers in the hospital,
through support groups, through really awesome fun events, and it's
so rare that you find other teenagers and kids that
have gone through something similar to you. So you connect
so quickly. But unfortunately, not everyone is going to survive
(05:26):
their battle. And when I came out of treatment and
through the years I've seen my friends pass away, I
knew that I was very fortunate and lucky to survive.
It wasn't anything that I had done to survive. I
did everything they did. I just got lucky. And I
(05:49):
decided that I was going to live for them. I
had a second chance of life. They did not, and
I was going to live for them. On top of that,
I wanted to show people and people specifically children that
have gone through cancer and amputation or any kind of
mobility or limb difference, that you know, we can live
a full life. Just because our life looks different than
(06:11):
before doesn't mean it can't still be great. And that
became my why, That became my purpose, That became my passion,
and I got to define that and I got to
choose that. And so when I talk to people about
finding their passion and finding their purpose, I like to
say one of the easiest ways is to dig down
(06:33):
into your memory, dig down into your life, and find
something like really difficult that you got through that you
never want someone else to have to go through. The
reality is, everyone you know is going to have to
go through those. But if you can make that journey
for them a little bit easier, you know, what would
what would you do? What would it be? And do
you feel connected with that? And if you do, use
that as your motivation and your purpose and your why. Now,
(06:55):
even these big, connected, valuable, purposeful motivations, they can still
lose potency over time. And so for me, I've had
to have multiple whys, multiple passions, multiple purposes, and motivations
that are going to push me through when my bigger
(07:18):
why just isn't cutting it. And one of these ways
for me is in twenty eighteen, when I made it
to the Paralympics. Look, that big why of my survivorship,
of being representation that I didn't have it did nothing
for me when I was at the Paralympics at the
(07:39):
starting gate, because in that moment, I was like, this
is huge, this is bigger than me, and I did it.
I think that was like the biggest thing for me
is like just simply being at the Paralympics was enough
for me to say that I fulfilled that why. I
fulfilled that motivation. Over the years posting on social media,
I'm like, I did this, I lived this purpose in
this passion. Oh, it's just not giving me that fuel
(08:02):
that I need. And luckily for myself, I had already
defined a second why actually probably like seventeen hundred of them,
but another really big, powerful one. And so at the
Paralympics twenty eighteen, I'm standing at the top of the course.
I am choking, y'all, I am freaking out. I am
falling on my runs, my snowboard broke, I'm like, oh,
(08:22):
my goodness, I'm going home without a medal, like I am.
I worked so hard, I won so many world championships
before this, but like a Lord, have mercy, Like it
is not coming together and I just need to accept that.
And then something shifted in me and I said, girl,
you did all this, you worked all this hard, you
fulfilled that passion. Why why are you here and why
(08:43):
does it matter? Because I believe that I was choking
and stressed and anxious and nervous for a reason. And
I was like I had to sit with that and said, girl,
why And I was like, oh, because I wanted to
show Lila, my daughter, who was at the race with me,
the same thing. Just because your life looks different than
you am mad and doesn't mean it can't still be great.
I can do that for you because I had my
(09:03):
daughter at nineteen, so like for me, it was not planned.
I was not married, I was not financially stable. I
had to really figure out my life very quickly again
when I had my daughter, and so I was living
for her, I was living for her future, and so
at the Paralympics, I knew that like if I could
win gold, I could help secure a better future for her.
(09:28):
And when I remembered that, and when I closed my
eyes and I visualized my daughter, my why, my motivation,
all that anxiety melted away. And look, I cannot stress
that reality enough because that is so freaking true for me.
That's how powerful your why and your motivation can be
in those moments that matter most. And so I let go.
(09:49):
I saw her and I want like I won the Paralympics,
both races, and so your motivation has the power to
completely transform your goals in your life. Now Again, just
because you find yourself and those passions that you defined
and not working doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
You need to have compassion for yourself and knowing that
(10:11):
I can only care for my goals, I can only
care for my motivation, for my passion, for my purpose
if I'm caring for myself. And so in that moment
in the Paralympics, if I would have been like, girl,
you suck. You did all this work and you're not
even you know, in there and being motivated and being
purposeful and passionate, you bat at it and I just
kept beating myself up, I would have never won. I
(10:31):
would have continued choking. I would have continued falling. I
would have gone home and I would have just been
a mess. But I had compassion for myself. I said, girl,
this is tough stuff. You know, you're at a Paralympic
event that you have been dreaming of since you lost
your leg and started snowboarding, and there are cameras everywhere.
You're in a foreign country. You've never done this before.
(10:54):
It's okay to freak out a little bit. Girl, It's scary.
And so if I never had compassion for myself, I
never would have been able to move through it. And
so even the biggest you know names, I'm you know,
Serena Williams. I bet she does the same thing. Okay,
So you find things that matter to you when you
hold on to them. Now, these are obviously like really
big events, really big goals, but like they're four years apart.
(11:18):
So for me, like my Paralympic goals at least in
the last eight years, that's been my biggest goals are
the Paralympics. Well, how do I sustain myself for the
four years in between? And also I have other goals.
I have goals with you know, speaking, and I have
goals of wanting to write a book one day. I
have goals of you know, just continuing to be a
(11:41):
voice and a light for other people. So how do
I keep myself going when I have one hundred million
different goals that are going to take years to manifest?
I think that's also like just so hard for me,
and I'm sure for you too, of like, Okay, I
want this and I want to Now, well that's not
how this works. And so what I do is when
(12:01):
I'm setting these goals and I'm trying to figure out
what they mean to me, I do two things. A
what does success mean to me in this goal? Is
success perfection in several areas? Or is success you know,
one area of quote unquote perfection? Or is success just
(12:26):
showing up and doing it? Is success intrinsic and feeling
something about myself? Is success aligned with who I am
and how I love myself? Or is my success determining
my worth? And so really understanding why you want what
you want and then connecting many motivations towards them values?
(12:50):
What are your values? That for me has been like
the biggest thing. As I find goals and as I
find motivation, I'm like, is it connected? With what I
care about and what I love in life and what
I want for myself. Is it connected with my values
as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as
a friend, or is it something that I think is
going to just like validate me and make me look
(13:11):
good to other people? And I mean, I'm human, and
there are times where yeah, I absolutely will set a
goal and I think it's what I want, But in reality,
I'm doing it because I think it's gonna, you know,
make me look better, make me look more successful, make
me look like I have my life together, make me
look more inspiring. But the reality is like, if I'm
(13:32):
not living for myself, if I'm not living for my values,
if I'm not living for my passion and my purpose,
who cares what it looks like to other people, because
I will be deeply unhappy. And I know that that
feeling and that goal setting and that motivation is not
unique to me. We all go through that we're human.
Status is a part of survival, unfortunately, and so trying
(13:55):
to figure out how to combat that feeling of like, oh,
I need to look like I have it together, because
if I look like I have status, then in my
monkey brain, I'm going to survive in society, and we
have to constantly combet that because in today's day and age,
that's not necessarily true, and so finding your values that's
(14:16):
what matters. So like for me, one of my values
is freedom with my family, time with my family, a
place that I can call home, stability, and that's not
really something you can post online and people are going
to applaud because it looks so different for everybody else.
(14:39):
That's big stuff. That was big stuff. I don't know.
That was big stuff to me, So thank you for
letting me share that. One of the key pieces, unfortunately,
to achieving success within your goals, regardless of what your
definition success looks like, if it's your traditional sense money, status, value, whatever,
or your definition of success worth, happiness, love fulfillment, one
(15:04):
of the key pieces to it, again unfortunately, is consistency.
And here's the thing. I'm a little adhd, I'm a
lot of ADHD, and so consistency is like my freaking
nightmare is so hard for me, but I have found
when my values are in line with what I want,
consistency is a lot easier. And for me, consistency isn't
(15:25):
doing it every single day Consistency isn't powering through when
I don't want to do it. Sometimes. Consistency is not
doing it for three weeks and then starting over it
like starting up again. Consistency for me is always starting
back up when I stop, because I know my brain
(15:46):
and I know myself, and I will not be consistent
one hundred percent of the time. I'm going to say
something that is a little shocking to you, but I
have never been consistent in my snowboard training ever, period,
point blank. I have never consistently shown up every single day,
every single week that is on snow and that is
off snow. I just haven't. And that has been my goal, y'all.
(16:10):
That has been my goal for years. I'm like, this
is the winter that I'm going to show up to
every single training session. I'm gonna do it. But guys, like,
sometimes I'm like mentally and physically exhausted, and sometimes like
I just need a break. And guess what if I
didn't allow myself those breaks, I bet I would have
burnt out. I bet I would have gotten injured. And
(16:32):
so consistency isn't just showing up all the time even
when you don't feel like it. While that is important
because I still have to show up. And sometimes when
I stop showing up and then I'm like, oh girl,
it's like a little break. I don't want to go
back because then I'm like, oh man, this is gonna suck,
this is gonna be hard, I'm gonna be sore. But
I still show up right. So it consistently see for
(16:54):
me is always starting even when I stop again and
I again. That goes back to like that and passion
and that understanding that like I know myself. I know
my body, I know my mind, and I know my weaknesses,
and I know consistency is a weakness. And I love
myself and I value myself regardless. I don't force myself
(17:16):
to do what I need to do. I don't force
myself to power through when my body and my mind
and my spirit say no, I ask myself, what do
I need in this moment? One little thing that I
have totally done for myself and I want to share
with you guys, is this practice of like black and white.
So I am a black and white thinker. I've been
(17:37):
in therapy for a very long time. We've battled the
idea of autism. We've battled the idea of OCD. One
thing with being an adult and having so many mental
health things that are just oh my gosh, I could
go laundry list, but I mean labels. To me, they
don't mean anything other than resources. But regardless, I am
(17:59):
a black and white thinker. Everything to me is like
right or wrong, perfect or die, all or nothing. And
so in therapy, I've been really learning how to let
go of that. And so one thing that I created
for myself in one of my morning pages. I journal
every morning and I just allow whatever needs to come
up come up. I've learned new perspectives. I've learned a
lot about myself through this journaling. And then once so
(18:23):
one thing that I had created was my black and
white you know, a doometer? What even is that? You know?
I don't know. Okay, my black and white? Uh linear timeline? Sure, Okay,
we're gonna put it on a line. On one end
we have on the left side, we have where I
am right now. On the right side, we have my goal.
(18:47):
What is the perfect example of where I want to be?
I write them out. Then I say, okay, what is
the gray area? So the left is my black, the
right is my white? What is gray. So for me,
the middle is gray, and I'm like, okay, well this
is what it looks like. To get to there, I
(19:09):
have to suck. So let's look at like podcasting, because
I think that's the easiest one, and that's you know,
I'm in the gray area of that right now. So
I have where I started, where I began podcasting, never
talking into a podcast by myself before. That's where I was,
and where I want to be is comfortable and conversational
and feeling like I'm sharing my life and maybe having
(19:30):
a certain amount of downloads. Okay, And so I have
gray area, and for me, that success in that gray
area is getting more comfortable speaking into my microphone, maybe
sharing about my podcast more on social media, getting more downloads,
maybe finally having guests, whatever it is. There are steps
to get me to my goal, and all of those
(19:52):
steps are a win. But here's the key, and I
hate this part the most, So stay with me. My
and white is something that I created. So I feel
like the easiest piece is I know where I'm at.
That is like the easiest part. That's like I know
exactly where I am. But that white part of like
where I could be is infinite, I could exceed any expectation.
(20:21):
I could stop podcasting and only be a podcast guest.
I could totally change my show and only be guessed.
I don't know, So it is completely outside of my
imagination of where I could end up on that goal side, right,
And so acknowledging that has been so freeing, and it
has taken my motivation of like I have to do
(20:43):
this and I have to get there, and if I don't,
I've failed. It's gotten me to like this is an uncovering,
this is an experience, and I'm doing this for my motivations,
but I also I am doing this a little bit to
understand myself, to see what doors and avenues are available
to me. And on that same right side, I could
(21:05):
you know, there's infinite possibilities of where my podcast could go.
And just equally so I could stop podcasting right like
I could go technically, like on the past, to the
black side of where I was. I could say, you know,
who knows where I'll end up, And so I've created
the spectrum for myself, but reality is nobody knows what's
(21:26):
on that spectrum. And so for me that has become
almost like a motivation in and of itself, because I'm like,
this is an uncovering, this is a journey. This is
literally what that journey means, I think for for so
many of us, and I am including myself in this
us is I have where I'm at, and I have
my destination. I'm journey into my destination. But the like
(21:47):
truth is, is that destination who knows if it's even there?
Who knows if it's something that I even want? And
so I have it there, I know what I'm working towards.
I have, you know, a checklist of the things that
like make my destination per But I've also allowed myself
to say, this destination could be bigger, more beautiful than
I ever imagined, or I could totally shitcan that destination,
(22:12):
and that is okay. So that is something that has
helped me in staying motivated on my journey because I
see that, like it is an uncovering, it is a
life long it is life and I get to be
a part of that, and that is so exciting. Gosh,
I keep doing this. I get so excited in this
(22:34):
topic and I have like an outline of the things
that I really want to talk about and share and
I'm like not even halfway through the outline. So we're
gonna have to just include this in another podcast episode
because I want to wrap it up here. I value
your time and mine, and we don't need to be
here all day. So I'm gonna end with this a
little bit of like that external intrinsic motivation, because I
(22:57):
think that is a little important factor. So when we
think of like external motivation, we're thinking of like competition,
and we're thinking about like your goal, your status, money, whatever,
it is something outside of yourself that you're trying to achieve.
And then internal or intrinsic motivation is like things that
matter to you self, love, your worth, maybe it's building
(23:19):
your self esteem, maybe it's building your patience. It's something
that's inside of yourself that's not really measured by an
outside factor. And both are very good, and both are
very important. I would say for the longest time, I
had been mostly extrinsically or externally motivated, and I don't
think that's a bad thing. I actually think that's a
(23:41):
very powerful thing. I'm a very competitive person by nature,
but my issue was my intrinsic and internal motivation. A
wasn't there. I can remember speaking to my sports psych
years and years and years ago and being like, I
don't have intrinsic motivation. I don't think it works. I
think it's stupid. And guess what, whenever I reached that
external motivations, I felt like shit. So intrinsic motivation is
(24:05):
very important so long as they are in harmony with
one another. So you can't have that external motivation without
the internal motivation because that's not going to give you
a loving and happy and fulfilling life. So you do
need to sit down and to find them both for
yourself because that is where you'll find lifelong success. And
so yes, you can achieve your goal with only external motivation. Absolutely,
(24:29):
I have done it, but that does not mean you
will feel good and fulfilled about yourself. It will probably
feel like a moving goalpost your success of like okay,
I reached it, now what now? What? Now? What? One
that you never really get to because you never feel
fulfilled in that outcome in that process. So having that
(24:51):
internal motivation is what's going to give you that fulfillment,
that enjoyment that yes, queen, we did it. So that
is why you need both. So I'm going to leave
that with you guys today, I have greatly enjoyed this conversation.
One thing that I have done is I created a
define your Whide journal, And this journal is mostly to
(25:13):
like define that big, powerful community based why it's technically
extrinsic though it's not a goal, it's a motivation, so
it's still also intrinsic. It's kind of like a little
bit of both, and what you do as you go
through it, you kind of define maybe that pain point
in your life or that thing you're trying to solve
for another person. Remember how we spoke about like if
(25:36):
I could alleviate this on my path for someone else,
I would feel really good. I would be helping whatever
it is. So like for me that was like my
cancer showing kids that lost mobility. Just because your life
looks different doesn't mean it can't still be great. And
also living for people that didn't have that opportunity that
(25:58):
luckiness that I have, those my big community based goals.
And so you're going to go through that kind of
touch in with that journal about that figure that guy
out while also allowing it to connect to your values
as a person now, So it's a little bit of both,
and it's basically getting that bigger why, that bigger purpose
(26:18):
and passion, while also kind of figuring out those smaller
ones now that you can lean on those values that
you have now, whether that's time with your family or
showing your family something. We don't need to get into
the details now because it's all on paper and so
that'll be in the show notes. Again, I just want
to say thank you guys for being here with me.
I greatly enjoyed this episode. I always love coming on
(26:40):
here and just sharing about things that worked for me.
I mean, look, I'm not a psychologist. The one day
I would love to be, but right now I'm not.
I'm just sharing things that I know true to myself,
that have worked for me, and I'm trying to, you know,
share them as I would like my best friend if
we were sitting down and just chit chatting. This is
(27:01):
probably how I would talk to my friend. And so
I really am just so grateful that you guys are here. Please,
you know, leave a review comment, share with me what
you're working on, share with me your motivations, like I
would love to know, because the more that I get
to connect with you guys, the more I feel like
we all grow. We all benefit. So thank you guys.
(27:22):
I love you, and I will see y'all on the
next episode that will be out next week. Thank you guys. Bye.
Host
Brenna Huckaby
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