October 10, 2023 • 21 mins
The feeling of being overwhelmed is almost always with me, but I learned how not to let it limit or stop me. In this episode, I share with you how befriending your overwhelm can be the very skill that helps you overcome it. So, are you running from those feelings of being overwhelmed or are you meeting them head-on? In this episode, I work through the top 5 ways I manage my overwhelm so I can keep showing up at my best for my family, my career, and my sport. I may be overwhelmed but who isn't these days and thanks to the tools in this episode, I can thrive despite it.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Gold Metal Mindset Podcast. I'm
your host, Brenna Huckabye, three time Paralympic gold medalist snowboarder,
and I am just here because I am so passionate
about sharing how to achieve success, your version of success,
without sacrificing your mental health, your self care, and just
the things that matter most to you in this world.
(00:24):
For me, I can't really speak to everyone, but for me,
like for so long, I was sold this idea that
if I just put my head down, got to work,
worked hard, sacrificed all this stuff. Whenever I became successful,
then I could relax, Then I could be happy, Then
I can feel like enough, then I can prove myself worthy.
(00:45):
And the reality is, the second that I achieved every
single thing that I was told would bring me all
of those really great feelings, none of it came true.
And so since then started me on a mission of
redefining what success meant to me, what happiness meant to me,
what self worth and love meant to me. And now
four years later, maybe five, now I can confidently say
(01:09):
I have figured that out for myself, and I desperately
want to help others figure that out for themselves as well.
So that was kind of the goal of the passion
project of this podcast. And without further ado, let's get
into today's episode because we're going to talk about something
that girl and boy stresses me out to this day.
(01:29):
But I have so many tools and tasks managements to
overcome it. And we were talking about my girl overwhelm. Look,
I would love to come on here and say, like,
if you do all of this, you'll never experience overwhelm
in your life again. But that's just not true. I mean,
it doesn't matter what you have going on, that feeling
probably will come up again. But my goal is that
(01:51):
when those feelings come up, A, you know that you're
not alone. B you know it's a natural part of
the process. And see you have some new tools and
systems to help alleviate that feeling and overcome it. So
why am I talking about overwhelmed? Where is my expertise
in this? And for me, I am an adult diagnosed
(02:12):
to ADHD. Here, guys, do you know what it's like
to get diagnosed? As an adult? You have like look
back on your life and you're like, oh, my goodness,
I didn't have to be doing life on extreme mode.
I could have been having these systems and resources to
help me this whole time, but now you have to
give them to yourself, so you're like, okay. So, as
(02:32):
an adult diagnosed ADHDER, I have had to come up
with ways to not feel constantly overwhelmed because for the
majority of my life, overwhelm was my baseline feeling, and
the second that I had actual need for overwhelm, it
would spiral me into almost immediate burnout. And for the
(02:54):
longest time until I was diagnosed, I had no idea
why I was always so stressed out, always so anxious,
why I was so overwhelmed, and why I was experienced
these crashes, these burnouts, these paralysis, task paralysis, executive function problems.
So my point is I've had to do a lot
(03:15):
of relearning and reworking around overwhelmed to understand that this
baseline is not normal. Now. Not only am I finally
a year later, getting a deeper grasp on my ADHD
and understanding it, but I also live a life with
a lot of hats. That's what I like to call it.
Because I'm a mom, i am an elite athlete, I
(03:38):
now have this podcast, I'm a keynote speaker. I have
social media presence, I have brand partnerships, and all of
these things require time, energy, effort, and it can be
extremely overwhelming, especially because the majority of my tasks involve traveling.
It involves, you know, not a standard time schedule. And
so if I'm not balancing or prioritizing correctly, oh baby,
(04:04):
I am a mess. And so I have had to
really get face to face with how to manage my
life with so many things going on. And here's the thing.
I know you're listening to this. You have so much
going on too. Like, I Am not going to sit
here and pretend that I'm the only person navigating one
hundred million different things. We just have different one hundred
(04:27):
million different things. So these are my one hundred different things.
And so when you're listening, just apply it to your
one hundred million different things, because I know you have them.
So I have many hats. I have AHD and I
am a recovering by achiever perfectionist. And if you are
a high achiever, perfectionist or recovering you understand how easy
(04:48):
it is to be overwhelmed because you have the expectations
of shooting for the moon, but the time, energy effort
in life where the moon is like nearly impossible you
to shoot for the moon and everything. So that's why
I'm talking about overwhelmed today because I have very much
lived experience in it in many different areas, but I've
been able to navigate it to be successful in my life.
(05:12):
And again, when I talk about success, and I'm going
to say this word a lot, there's two ways that
I talk about it. I have the traditional version of success,
and when I talk about that, that's my Paralympic gold. Okay,
But sometimes I may use success and that's my version
of success, and for me, that's way more valuable to
me in my life. But it's not like universally known,
(05:33):
so I'll try to differentiate the two. But when I'm
talking right now as overcoming this overwhelmed to be successful,
I am speaking in terms of the traditional success. So
I want to share with you guys about my summer.
So this summer, I have been overwhelmed. I have not
been effectively managing my overwhelm and that's why I'm really
(05:56):
excited to talk about this podcast because I'm able to
look back now for the last three months and say, Okay,
what went wrong. What could I do better? How did
I survive? And so this summer I decided that I
didn't want childcare for my kids. I want a very
minimal childcare because I'm like, we only get so many
summers with them. They grow up so fast, and I
(06:18):
was like, I want to be home. I want to
be there with them. So I was like, you know what,
I can do this. I'm Runna Huckabee. I got this.
We don't need child care. And so I was mom
in full time. At the same time, I started this
podcast and it took the next level, so it's become
a little bit more real. I started my speaking career,
(06:39):
so I have my beautiful, exciting keynote done and I
have a speech coming up soon, so I've been having
to practice and craft and perfect it. I've also had
to do my social media and then other brand things.
So how did I survive? Because typically I have childcare?
And I got to tell you, guys, I didn't. Towards
(07:00):
the end of the month, I was like, I need help,
and I guess maybe that is the ticket to me
not fully burning out. I got closed, but I didn't
fully burn out because what I did is I noticed,
like I'm not okay right now. I am surviving, not thriving.
(07:20):
I don't know how I'm going to get through this
next month. I'm just banking on the fact that school
starting soon, and so with my laundry list of things
to do on mile long, the time and mental capacity
and space to do it very small. I had to
get real on what was real. So what I mean
(07:41):
by that is, when it came into summer, I'm close
to burnout. I had to stop and I say, okay, bron,
I'm what is really important right now? What is actually
to do that is going to make or break you
if you do don't. I had to get real on
what was the real expectation of my time and my tasks.
I noticed is I had these expectations and goals and
(08:05):
what I thought I needed to do that was way
more than what was expected of me. For instance, social media,
I have followed every social media guru on the planet
on the like cow to Grow, how to be Da
Da Da Da da, and They're like, you have to
post every day on every platform, every day. If you don't,
you fail, you suck. And so I'm like, Okay, I
(08:26):
can do this. I can post and then I did
that for a little while, and then I was like,
I can't do this. This is whack a mole time.
I don't have a photographer, you know, following me around.
I live a very normal life, like sometimes I just
want to walk around without a brawl on and not
have to like worry about taking a photo. Okay. So
I was like, this is just not like going to
work for me because I don't live on an Instagram life.
(08:48):
And so I was like, okay, maybe I can do
three days a week. So that was my goal this summer,
and I had to hit it in my head. I
was like three days or bust. Okay. So then another thing,
I'm like, okay, well I have to be like the
best mom. Right, it's summer. I'm home with my kids.
We have to do everything under the sun screen time,
not today's satan. We're gonna go outside, We're gonna go
(09:08):
to the lake, We're gonna have a picnic in the park.
We're gonna do all of these things, and I'm gonna
be one hundred percent present the whole time. That was
my next expectation. Then with my speaking, Oh my god,
I have to practice my speech every single day, and
if I don't ooh, that first keynote's gonna suck. Then
next I have to go to the gym every single day,
or the second that I get back on snow I'm
gonna fail. I'm not gonna be able to ride my snowboard.
(09:29):
Do you see what I'm doing here? Everything is all
or nothing? Everything was black and white. And so what
I did is I wrote it all down. I wrote
down my expectations for myself, and then I went through
the list and I said, is this real? If I
don't post on social media three days a week, am
I going to lose everything and fail? And the Instagram
gurus are gonna co knock on my door telling me
that I suck. No, And to further solidify that, I
(09:54):
had a conversation with my team and I was like, hey, guys,
I can't do this. I need help. What's expected of me?
Like what is real? And like I was so wrong.
This idea that I had to be all or nothing
was completely made up in my mind. And so I
was able to let go of that. And obviously it
is important and it is a part of my job,
but it's not to the extent that I believed it was.
(10:15):
I then figured out mom, and all right, as a mom,
if we're you know, out and about not watching TV,
does that mean I'm successful as a mom? No, it
doesn't mean anything different. And so my goal then was like, Okay, well,
I just want to be happier with my kids. I
don't want to feel so stressed out. And if we
have a day where I'm crocheting on the couch and
they're watching Pink Delicious, let's still a win. So I said, Okay,
(10:39):
as long as I'm with my kids like that is
a win. I'm good, I'm happy, and they're about to
go to school, so I know that that is going
to be alleviated soon. So I got real and like,
what's important about being a mom in my life? So
I guess what I'm saying here, guys, is like figure
out where you are, where you want to be, and
where you really actually need to be to sustain, maintain
(11:02):
or get to your version of success. And then after
I kind of went through and figured out what was important,
I decided I'm going to let go. And I guess
that's where you know, I dropped back on social media.
I figured out what it meant to be a mom.
I kept practicing my speech because that was important, and
I kept going to the gym. But I didn't beat
myself up if I missed today because I knew that
(11:22):
I trusted myself that everything was going to be okay,
and that I was going to be okay with those
decisions that I made. And so that is kind of
that next step. When you let go of these tasks
and these to dos and these expectations and this perfectionism,
you trust yourself that no matter what happens, and no
matter what choices you make, you're going to be okay
because you trust yourself. And lastly, y'all, if you saw
(11:46):
how many brain dumps I got going on, you would
be impressed. Brain dump galore. So I just write if
I have a little idea that comes into my head
and I'm like, oh, yes, I want to do that.
I love that. Oh my god, I need do that
right now. Nope, I just pause and I write it down.
I have a list and I have pages, and whenever
I have the mental capacity and the time and the
energy and the effort, I'm gonna do it. And maybe
(12:07):
I'll go back to my brain dump page. I'm like, okay, girl,
Like what were you spoken that's crazy. I won't do it,
so write it down. You don't have to do everything
that comes up into your mind now, especially if you're
like a creative person like me and you just like
have so many ideas, like things are exciting. Life is exciting, guys.
I think one of like the biggest frustrations in life,
and maybe this is because I'm an ennegram seven, is
(12:28):
there is so many cool things out there that I
want to do, but it's impossible to ever do them all.
It's impossible to be like an expert in every field.
And I'm like, that really sucks because I would love
to I would love to just spend all my days
doing this and this and this and this and this
and this and this, But really you only get to
like pick three or four or five, you know, small
(12:49):
amount in the entire lifetime that you have, which really sucks.
That is like the world's flaw. I gotta say so,
I digress. I want to talk to you guys a
little bit now about like what strategies or tools that
I find the most effective in managing overwhelmed on a
(13:10):
day to day basis. And this is going to go
beyond my personal favorite of sitting in a corner and
rubbing my fingers through my lips and making the sound
because sometimes I just be like that. But really what
actually helps is mindfulness. I talk about this a lot
on my podcast, and I do so because it is
so important, especially with overwhelm, especially when it comes to
(13:30):
like figuring out what's actually important, what's going to move
the needle forward? What is, you know, something made up
in my mind versus what is an actual requirement. And
that is something that I've kind of missed out on
a little bit this summer because I was in fight
or flight. I was in survival. And the second that
I said, you know what, pause, we need to figure
this bad boy out, that was when I was able
(13:51):
to get back into a habit of mindfulness. The goal
with mindfulness, right is to be mindful all the time,
one hundred percent of the time. But that's just not
going to happen. So what I have started to do
is I do morning pages now, and when I'm doing so,
I tell myself, Okay, well, I'm gonna be in this
moment is myself. I'm going to focus on my breathing,
I'm gonna focus on writing, and what comes up comes up,
(14:11):
and we're gonna see where it takes me. And what
I've found is like some really cool perspectives that I
wasn't expecting. I've found things I'm like, wow, I'm doing this,
but I like freaking hate it. I've found that I
have repetitive mourning thoughts of here we go again, another day,
(14:32):
another this, And I learned, you know, throughout that week,
I'm like, wait a minute, I'm stuck in this pattern.
How can I get out? What changes can I do
to get out? And I never would have noticed that
pattern had I had not taken the time to be
mindful of my morning. And I have noticed for myself,
when I take that intentional time in the morning, it's
easier for me to take that intentional time throughout the day. Again,
(14:53):
you're not going to be, I mean, unless you're like
I don't know, a monk mindful and meditative all the time.
But just having moments of practice is just going to
make it that much easier as your day goes. As
that overwhelmed starts to ride, you're able to go, oh,
I need a moment, I need to take it back.
And the last thing that I've started doing that has
(15:13):
been so impactful and helpful for me, and it kind
of sounds a little counterintuitive. I'm not gonna lie, but
I started getting into hobbies that mean nothing. They aren't
benefiting my career, they're not benefiting my life. Literally, their
sole purpose is for my enjoyment and my happiness and
(15:34):
me time. And I started to just let go of
always having to be on, always having to be productive,
always having to seem like I was moving the needle forward.
So I started sewing again. I used to sew when
I was little. I've started crocheting. Me and Lilah, we
learned how to crochet together. And so now I just
like kind of if I'm like, Okay, my brain is tired,
(15:56):
I need a minute, I'm gonna go crochet. So I've
just like found little hobby that mean nothing. We garden.
We have plants, like it's just for the sole purpose
of enjoying life. And so that is actually, weirdly enough,
really helped with my overwhelm because it's allowed me to
put things into perspective of like life is meant to
be enjoyed, life is meant to be experienced, and when
(16:17):
we take these moments to be in those experiences, slow down,
we can really see all of our moments and expectations
for what they are, and so that has been just
so impactful in my life. So I challenge you guys
to make sure that you have one or two hobbies
that mean nothing except for your happiness and enjoyment. Wow.
(16:38):
I just realized, like we're already approaching a pretty long
episode and I have so many more things I don't
want to share with you guys. So I think we're
going to have to just do another episode, a part two,
because this is all not going to fit an episode.
And you know what that is. That is managing overwhelm,
letting go of expectations, saying, hey, this is where I'm at,
this is where I want to be, but this is
(16:59):
where I'm going to be today, and that is okay,
and that is enough because I trust myself that whatever
happens in this moment, it's going to be okay. And
I'm going to be okay because I am stronger than
it needs to do. List. So I'm going to end
this episode with a little message that my therapist relaid
with me because it was something that I think if
(17:21):
you're on the online space where you're like trying to
figure out your life the self care space, not necessarily
self care, but the self improvement space. Maybe you've also
struggled with this, but I've internalized this message that I
have to be okay all of the time. And if
there is a part of my journey that is difficult
where maybe I'm experiencing a lot of overwhelmed, maybe I'm
(17:41):
starting to get burnt out, then this journey's not for me.
Then I need to redirect that. I need to change paths.
And do you know what happens to me when I
think that I get overwhelmed. I start to think, oh
my gosh, what am I doing with my life? I
need to figure it out. I need to change it.
I need to do da da da da da. And
then my mind goes one hundred million miles per hour.
But something that my gorgeous, beautiful therapist shared with me
was being not okay is a part of being okay.
(18:05):
I'm a mountain biker, and so she gave us this,
and I say us because my husband was there too.
It was a couple of counseling, but sometimes she gives
us a little bit of individual therapy in there. But
she said when you're riding your bike and you come
across a pothole and you accidentally hit it. What happens?
And I'm like, well, I don't know. It depends. First
of all, hopefully there's no potholes on a mountain bike.
It's trail. But if there is, you know, I might
(18:27):
fall off. I might, I could get hurt. Or I'll
just get back up and keep riding. And then if
I do that loop again, I'll know where that pothole
is and I'm gonna miss it. And she's like, yeah,
you're gonna get up and you're gonna do it again.
You're gonna get up and maybe you're going to hit
that pothole again. Maybe you're gonna forget that it was
right there. But the point is that pothole is a
(18:47):
part of the trail. And when you finish that trail,
and with mountain biking often you do your trails again,
you're gonna get up and you're gonna learn something and
you're gonna look at it differently and you're gonna dust
yourself off and you're gonna get up and you're gonna
realize that that pothole is a part of a path.
This whole time, and that's the same with your journey.
These potholes and these rough patches and these detours are
(19:08):
a part of your journey. It's a part of your path.
And if you try to get rid of every single
pothole or avoid them all, hey, you're not going to
learn anything and be I mean, that's not reality. And
I think for me, for so often, I had been
trying to avoid every single pothole, and when I hit one,
I'm like, what's wrong with me? Why is this happening.
I was told that if this happens, if things are hard,
then I'm on the wrong path. I'm not doing something right,
(19:29):
and then it would spiral me into I need to
figure more things out for myself. And so maybe your
overwhelmed is because you're avoiding potholes or you're trying to
figure out what this pothole means. But sometimes just hitting
the pothole and being in it and falling down and
dusting off is the main part of that journey that
you need to experience, and being not okay is a
(19:51):
part of being okay, and being overwhelmed in this moment
is a part of your whole journey and your path.
And if you don't get overwhelmed, then how are you
going to learn how to move through it? And so
don't beat yourself up because you're experiencing and overwhelm, or
you will experience and overwhelm again, because I know I'm
going to be overwhelmed again. Sure, I might be overwhelmed
by one o'clock today, but the point is, I know
(20:13):
that I'll be okay, and I know it doesn't mean
anything more than a part of my journey and a
part of what I'm here to experience. And I've hit
that overwhelmed pothole so many day times that I know
what to do, I know what to look for, and
I may not miss it, but I might be able
to stay on my bike and ride through it. So
thank you guys for just being here with me today,
thank you for taking time for yourself, for experiencing this
(20:37):
journey with me. And I know that you got this.
I know that I got this. I know that we're
going to be both in a corner at some point
in our life's going, but we will be okay. I would
absolutely love it if you liked this episode to leave
a review, maybe share it, take a screenshot, share it
on your story, and share with me one thing that
(20:58):
was helpful for you, or you can DM me on
Instagram at Brenn Underscore Hawks. I would just love to
hear what piece of this resonated with you, what you're
working on, and just forming that community support through this
podcast would just mean the world to me and hopefully
others in the meantime. Follow me on social media Instagram, TikTok, Facebook,
(21:22):
threads at b r e N Underscore Hucks, and I
would love to just keep this journey moving forward with you, guys,
potholes and all. Thank you guys, and I will see
you next week on the next episode. Ye
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Gold Metal Mindset Podcast. I'm
your host, Brenna Huckabye, three time Paralympic gold medalist snowboarder,
and I am just here because I am so passionate
about sharing how to achieve success, your version of success,
without sacrificing your mental health, your self care, and just
the things that matter most to you in this world.
(00:24):
For me, I can't really speak to everyone, but for me,
like for so long, I was sold this idea that
if I just put my head down, got to work,
worked hard, sacrificed all this stuff. Whenever I became successful,
then I could relax, Then I could be happy, Then
I can feel like enough, then I can prove myself worthy.
(00:45):
And the reality is, the second that I achieved every
single thing that I was told would bring me all
of those really great feelings, none of it came true.
And so since then started me on a mission of
redefining what success meant to me, what happiness meant to me,
what self worth and love meant to me. And now
four years later, maybe five, now I can confidently say
(01:09):
I have figured that out for myself, and I desperately
want to help others figure that out for themselves as well.
So that was kind of the goal of the passion
project of this podcast. And without further ado, let's get
into today's episode because we're going to talk about something
that girl and boy stresses me out to this day.
(01:29):
But I have so many tools and tasks managements to
overcome it. And we were talking about my girl overwhelm. Look,
I would love to come on here and say, like,
if you do all of this, you'll never experience overwhelm
in your life again. But that's just not true. I mean,
it doesn't matter what you have going on, that feeling
probably will come up again. But my goal is that
(01:51):
when those feelings come up, A, you know that you're
not alone. B you know it's a natural part of
the process. And see you have some new tools and
systems to help alleviate that feeling and overcome it. So
why am I talking about overwhelmed? Where is my expertise
in this? And for me, I am an adult diagnosed
(02:12):
to ADHD. Here, guys, do you know what it's like
to get diagnosed? As an adult? You have like look
back on your life and you're like, oh, my goodness,
I didn't have to be doing life on extreme mode.
I could have been having these systems and resources to
help me this whole time, but now you have to
give them to yourself, so you're like, okay. So, as
(02:32):
an adult diagnosed ADHDER, I have had to come up
with ways to not feel constantly overwhelmed because for the
majority of my life, overwhelm was my baseline feeling, and
the second that I had actual need for overwhelm, it
would spiral me into almost immediate burnout. And for the
(02:54):
longest time until I was diagnosed, I had no idea
why I was always so stressed out, always so anxious,
why I was so overwhelmed, and why I was experienced
these crashes, these burnouts, these paralysis, task paralysis, executive function problems.
So my point is I've had to do a lot
(03:15):
of relearning and reworking around overwhelmed to understand that this
baseline is not normal. Now. Not only am I finally
a year later, getting a deeper grasp on my ADHD
and understanding it, but I also live a life with
a lot of hats. That's what I like to call it.
Because I'm a mom, i am an elite athlete, I
(03:38):
now have this podcast, I'm a keynote speaker. I have
social media presence, I have brand partnerships, and all of
these things require time, energy, effort, and it can be
extremely overwhelming, especially because the majority of my tasks involve traveling.
It involves, you know, not a standard time schedule. And
so if I'm not balancing or prioritizing correctly, oh baby,
(04:04):
I am a mess. And so I have had to
really get face to face with how to manage my
life with so many things going on. And here's the thing.
I know you're listening to this. You have so much
going on too. Like, I Am not going to sit
here and pretend that I'm the only person navigating one
hundred million different things. We just have different one hundred
(04:27):
million different things. So these are my one hundred different things.
And so when you're listening, just apply it to your
one hundred million different things, because I know you have them.
So I have many hats. I have AHD and I
am a recovering by achiever perfectionist. And if you are
a high achiever, perfectionist or recovering you understand how easy
(04:48):
it is to be overwhelmed because you have the expectations
of shooting for the moon, but the time, energy effort
in life where the moon is like nearly impossible you
to shoot for the moon and everything. So that's why
I'm talking about overwhelmed today because I have very much
lived experience in it in many different areas, but I've
been able to navigate it to be successful in my life.
(05:12):
And again, when I talk about success, and I'm going
to say this word a lot, there's two ways that
I talk about it. I have the traditional version of success,
and when I talk about that, that's my Paralympic gold. Okay,
But sometimes I may use success and that's my version
of success, and for me, that's way more valuable to
me in my life. But it's not like universally known,
(05:33):
so I'll try to differentiate the two. But when I'm
talking right now as overcoming this overwhelmed to be successful,
I am speaking in terms of the traditional success. So
I want to share with you guys about my summer.
So this summer, I have been overwhelmed. I have not
been effectively managing my overwhelm and that's why I'm really
(05:56):
excited to talk about this podcast because I'm able to
look back now for the last three months and say, Okay,
what went wrong. What could I do better? How did
I survive? And so this summer I decided that I
didn't want childcare for my kids. I want a very
minimal childcare because I'm like, we only get so many
summers with them. They grow up so fast, and I
(06:18):
was like, I want to be home. I want to
be there with them. So I was like, you know what,
I can do this. I'm Runna Huckabee. I got this.
We don't need child care. And so I was mom
in full time. At the same time, I started this
podcast and it took the next level, so it's become
a little bit more real. I started my speaking career,
(06:39):
so I have my beautiful, exciting keynote done and I
have a speech coming up soon, so I've been having
to practice and craft and perfect it. I've also had
to do my social media and then other brand things.
So how did I survive? Because typically I have childcare?
And I got to tell you, guys, I didn't. Towards
(07:00):
the end of the month, I was like, I need help,
and I guess maybe that is the ticket to me
not fully burning out. I got closed, but I didn't
fully burn out because what I did is I noticed,
like I'm not okay right now. I am surviving, not thriving.
(07:20):
I don't know how I'm going to get through this
next month. I'm just banking on the fact that school
starting soon, and so with my laundry list of things
to do on mile long, the time and mental capacity
and space to do it very small. I had to
get real on what was real. So what I mean
(07:41):
by that is, when it came into summer, I'm close
to burnout. I had to stop and I say, okay, bron,
I'm what is really important right now? What is actually
to do that is going to make or break you
if you do don't. I had to get real on
what was the real expectation of my time and my tasks.
I noticed is I had these expectations and goals and
(08:05):
what I thought I needed to do that was way
more than what was expected of me. For instance, social media,
I have followed every social media guru on the planet
on the like cow to Grow, how to be Da
Da Da Da da, and They're like, you have to
post every day on every platform, every day. If you don't,
you fail, you suck. And so I'm like, Okay, I
(08:26):
can do this. I can post and then I did
that for a little while, and then I was like,
I can't do this. This is whack a mole time.
I don't have a photographer, you know, following me around.
I live a very normal life, like sometimes I just
want to walk around without a brawl on and not
have to like worry about taking a photo. Okay. So
I was like, this is just not like going to
work for me because I don't live on an Instagram life.
(08:48):
And so I was like, okay, maybe I can do
three days a week. So that was my goal this summer,
and I had to hit it in my head. I
was like three days or bust. Okay. So then another thing,
I'm like, okay, well I have to be like the
best mom. Right, it's summer. I'm home with my kids.
We have to do everything under the sun screen time,
not today's satan. We're gonna go outside, We're gonna go
(09:08):
to the lake, We're gonna have a picnic in the park.
We're gonna do all of these things, and I'm gonna
be one hundred percent present the whole time. That was
my next expectation. Then with my speaking, Oh my god,
I have to practice my speech every single day, and
if I don't ooh, that first keynote's gonna suck. Then
next I have to go to the gym every single day,
or the second that I get back on snow I'm
gonna fail. I'm not gonna be able to ride my snowboard.
(09:29):
Do you see what I'm doing here? Everything is all
or nothing? Everything was black and white. And so what
I did is I wrote it all down. I wrote
down my expectations for myself, and then I went through
the list and I said, is this real? If I
don't post on social media three days a week, am
I going to lose everything and fail? And the Instagram
gurus are gonna co knock on my door telling me
that I suck. No, And to further solidify that, I
(09:54):
had a conversation with my team and I was like, hey, guys,
I can't do this. I need help. What's expected of me?
Like what is real? And like I was so wrong.
This idea that I had to be all or nothing
was completely made up in my mind. And so I
was able to let go of that. And obviously it
is important and it is a part of my job,
but it's not to the extent that I believed it was.
(10:15):
I then figured out mom, and all right, as a mom,
if we're you know, out and about not watching TV,
does that mean I'm successful as a mom? No, it
doesn't mean anything different. And so my goal then was like, Okay, well,
I just want to be happier with my kids. I
don't want to feel so stressed out. And if we
have a day where I'm crocheting on the couch and
they're watching Pink Delicious, let's still a win. So I said, Okay,
(10:39):
as long as I'm with my kids like that is
a win. I'm good, I'm happy, and they're about to
go to school, so I know that that is going
to be alleviated soon. So I got real and like,
what's important about being a mom in my life? So
I guess what I'm saying here, guys, is like figure
out where you are, where you want to be, and
where you really actually need to be to sustain, maintain
(11:02):
or get to your version of success. And then after
I kind of went through and figured out what was important,
I decided I'm going to let go. And I guess
that's where you know, I dropped back on social media.
I figured out what it meant to be a mom.
I kept practicing my speech because that was important, and
I kept going to the gym. But I didn't beat
myself up if I missed today because I knew that
(11:22):
I trusted myself that everything was going to be okay,
and that I was going to be okay with those
decisions that I made. And so that is kind of
that next step. When you let go of these tasks
and these to dos and these expectations and this perfectionism,
you trust yourself that no matter what happens, and no
matter what choices you make, you're going to be okay
because you trust yourself. And lastly, y'all, if you saw
(11:46):
how many brain dumps I got going on, you would
be impressed. Brain dump galore. So I just write if
I have a little idea that comes into my head
and I'm like, oh, yes, I want to do that.
I love that. Oh my god, I need do that
right now. Nope, I just pause and I write it down.
I have a list and I have pages, and whenever
I have the mental capacity and the time and the
energy and the effort, I'm gonna do it. And maybe
(12:07):
I'll go back to my brain dump page. I'm like, okay, girl,
Like what were you spoken that's crazy. I won't do it,
so write it down. You don't have to do everything
that comes up into your mind now, especially if you're
like a creative person like me and you just like
have so many ideas, like things are exciting. Life is exciting, guys.
I think one of like the biggest frustrations in life,
and maybe this is because I'm an ennegram seven, is
(12:28):
there is so many cool things out there that I
want to do, but it's impossible to ever do them all.
It's impossible to be like an expert in every field.
And I'm like, that really sucks because I would love
to I would love to just spend all my days
doing this and this and this and this and this
and this and this, But really you only get to
like pick three or four or five, you know, small
(12:49):
amount in the entire lifetime that you have, which really sucks.
That is like the world's flaw. I gotta say so,
I digress. I want to talk to you guys a
little bit now about like what strategies or tools that
I find the most effective in managing overwhelmed on a
(13:10):
day to day basis. And this is going to go
beyond my personal favorite of sitting in a corner and
rubbing my fingers through my lips and making the sound
because sometimes I just be like that. But really what
actually helps is mindfulness. I talk about this a lot
on my podcast, and I do so because it is
so important, especially with overwhelm, especially when it comes to
(13:30):
like figuring out what's actually important, what's going to move
the needle forward? What is, you know, something made up
in my mind versus what is an actual requirement. And
that is something that I've kind of missed out on
a little bit this summer because I was in fight
or flight. I was in survival. And the second that
I said, you know what, pause, we need to figure
this bad boy out, that was when I was able
(13:51):
to get back into a habit of mindfulness. The goal
with mindfulness, right is to be mindful all the time,
one hundred percent of the time. But that's just not
going to happen. So what I have started to do
is I do morning pages now, and when I'm doing so,
I tell myself, Okay, well, I'm gonna be in this
moment is myself. I'm going to focus on my breathing,
I'm gonna focus on writing, and what comes up comes up,
(14:11):
and we're gonna see where it takes me. And what
I've found is like some really cool perspectives that I
wasn't expecting. I've found things I'm like, wow, I'm doing this,
but I like freaking hate it. I've found that I
have repetitive mourning thoughts of here we go again, another day,
(14:32):
another this, And I learned, you know, throughout that week,
I'm like, wait a minute, I'm stuck in this pattern.
How can I get out? What changes can I do
to get out? And I never would have noticed that
pattern had I had not taken the time to be
mindful of my morning. And I have noticed for myself,
when I take that intentional time in the morning, it's
easier for me to take that intentional time throughout the day. Again,
(14:53):
you're not going to be, I mean, unless you're like
I don't know, a monk mindful and meditative all the time.
But just having moments of practice is just going to
make it that much easier as your day goes. As
that overwhelmed starts to ride, you're able to go, oh,
I need a moment, I need to take it back.
And the last thing that I've started doing that has
(15:13):
been so impactful and helpful for me, and it kind
of sounds a little counterintuitive. I'm not gonna lie, but
I started getting into hobbies that mean nothing. They aren't
benefiting my career, they're not benefiting my life. Literally, their
sole purpose is for my enjoyment and my happiness and
(15:34):
me time. And I started to just let go of
always having to be on, always having to be productive,
always having to seem like I was moving the needle forward.
So I started sewing again. I used to sew when
I was little. I've started crocheting. Me and Lilah, we
learned how to crochet together. And so now I just
like kind of if I'm like, Okay, my brain is tired,
(15:56):
I need a minute, I'm gonna go crochet. So I've
just like found little hobby that mean nothing. We garden.
We have plants, like it's just for the sole purpose
of enjoying life. And so that is actually, weirdly enough,
really helped with my overwhelm because it's allowed me to
put things into perspective of like life is meant to
be enjoyed, life is meant to be experienced, and when
(16:17):
we take these moments to be in those experiences, slow down,
we can really see all of our moments and expectations
for what they are, and so that has been just
so impactful in my life. So I challenge you guys
to make sure that you have one or two hobbies
that mean nothing except for your happiness and enjoyment. Wow.
(16:38):
I just realized, like we're already approaching a pretty long
episode and I have so many more things I don't
want to share with you guys. So I think we're
going to have to just do another episode, a part two,
because this is all not going to fit an episode.
And you know what that is. That is managing overwhelm,
letting go of expectations, saying, hey, this is where I'm at,
this is where I want to be, but this is
(16:59):
where I'm going to be today, and that is okay,
and that is enough because I trust myself that whatever
happens in this moment, it's going to be okay. And
I'm going to be okay because I am stronger than
it needs to do. List. So I'm going to end
this episode with a little message that my therapist relaid
with me because it was something that I think if
(17:21):
you're on the online space where you're like trying to
figure out your life the self care space, not necessarily
self care, but the self improvement space. Maybe you've also
struggled with this, but I've internalized this message that I
have to be okay all of the time. And if
there is a part of my journey that is difficult
where maybe I'm experiencing a lot of overwhelmed, maybe I'm
(17:41):
starting to get burnt out, then this journey's not for me.
Then I need to redirect that. I need to change paths.
And do you know what happens to me when I
think that I get overwhelmed. I start to think, oh
my gosh, what am I doing with my life? I
need to figure it out. I need to change it.
I need to do da da da da da. And
then my mind goes one hundred million miles per hour.
But something that my gorgeous, beautiful therapist shared with me
was being not okay is a part of being okay.
(18:05):
I'm a mountain biker, and so she gave us this,
and I say us because my husband was there too.
It was a couple of counseling, but sometimes she gives
us a little bit of individual therapy in there. But
she said when you're riding your bike and you come
across a pothole and you accidentally hit it. What happens?
And I'm like, well, I don't know. It depends. First
of all, hopefully there's no potholes on a mountain bike.
It's trail. But if there is, you know, I might
(18:27):
fall off. I might, I could get hurt. Or I'll
just get back up and keep riding. And then if
I do that loop again, I'll know where that pothole
is and I'm gonna miss it. And she's like, yeah,
you're gonna get up and you're gonna do it again.
You're gonna get up and maybe you're going to hit
that pothole again. Maybe you're gonna forget that it was
right there. But the point is that pothole is a
(18:47):
part of the trail. And when you finish that trail,
and with mountain biking often you do your trails again,
you're gonna get up and you're gonna learn something and
you're gonna look at it differently and you're gonna dust
yourself off and you're gonna get up and you're gonna
realize that that pothole is a part of a path.
This whole time, and that's the same with your journey.
These potholes and these rough patches and these detours are
(19:08):
a part of your journey. It's a part of your path.
And if you try to get rid of every single
pothole or avoid them all, hey, you're not going to
learn anything and be I mean, that's not reality. And
I think for me, for so often, I had been
trying to avoid every single pothole, and when I hit one,
I'm like, what's wrong with me? Why is this happening.
I was told that if this happens, if things are hard,
then I'm on the wrong path. I'm not doing something right,
(19:29):
and then it would spiral me into I need to
figure more things out for myself. And so maybe your
overwhelmed is because you're avoiding potholes or you're trying to
figure out what this pothole means. But sometimes just hitting
the pothole and being in it and falling down and
dusting off is the main part of that journey that
you need to experience, and being not okay is a
(19:51):
part of being okay, and being overwhelmed in this moment
is a part of your whole journey and your path.
And if you don't get overwhelmed, then how are you
going to learn how to move through it? And so
don't beat yourself up because you're experiencing and overwhelm, or
you will experience and overwhelm again, because I know I'm
going to be overwhelmed again. Sure, I might be overwhelmed
by one o'clock today, but the point is, I know
(20:13):
that I'll be okay, and I know it doesn't mean
anything more than a part of my journey and a
part of what I'm here to experience. And I've hit
that overwhelmed pothole so many day times that I know
what to do, I know what to look for, and
I may not miss it, but I might be able
to stay on my bike and ride through it. So
thank you guys for just being here with me today,
thank you for taking time for yourself, for experiencing this
(20:37):
journey with me. And I know that you got this.
I know that I got this. I know that we're
going to be both in a corner at some point
in our life's going, but we will be okay. I would
absolutely love it if you liked this episode to leave
a review, maybe share it, take a screenshot, share it
on your story, and share with me one thing that
(20:58):
was helpful for you, or you can DM me on
Instagram at Brenn Underscore Hawks. I would just love to
hear what piece of this resonated with you, what you're
working on, and just forming that community support through this
podcast would just mean the world to me and hopefully
others in the meantime. Follow me on social media Instagram, TikTok, Facebook,
(21:22):
threads at b r e N Underscore Hucks, and I
would love to just keep this journey moving forward with you, guys,
potholes and all. Thank you guys, and I will see
you next week on the next episode. Ye
Host
Brenna Huckaby
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