May 23, 2023 • 20 mins
In this episode, we delve into the "R" in the SMART goal framework, exploring the importance of setting realistic goals. We discuss how realistic goals take into account various factors such as skills, time frame, and level of motivation, and why it's crucial to consider the process and resources required for success. We also provide practical strategies for setting and achieving realistic goals, including positive self-talk, visualization, breaking goals into smaller tasks, and seeking feedback from experienced individuals. Additionally, we explore the dangers of overcommitment and share strategies for overcoming it, such as clarifying priorities, learning to say no, and practicing self-care.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Gold Metal Mindset Podcast. I
am your host, Parena Huckabee, three time Paralympic gold medalist snowboarder,
here to encourage you to live a gold medal life,
one that is full of confidence, resilience, empowerment so that
you can be successful in your goals without sacrificing your
mental health and the things you care about most in
(00:21):
this world. Hello, Hello, Hello, Welcome back to the Gold
Medal Mindset Podcast. I'm Brenda Huckabee, and today we're going
to be getting into the R of the smart goal,
which stands for realistic. If you listened back to the
previous episodes, we have gotten into the S, the M,
and the A which stand for specific, measurable, attainable. And
(00:42):
these smart goals are evidence based practices that are going
to help you achieve your goals. It is the best
goal setting strategy when done properly, and in all the episodes,
we always always always go through what that means to
be done properly. We're doing this for a more well approach,
so that we are not sacrificing our mental health in
(01:03):
the things we love for an outcome. Now, let's dive
in what are realistic goals? If you are anything like me,
which I have a feeling you are, You're a dreamer.
You have these big goals, these big passions. You see
yourself in these really really cool and stretched and far
out places, and so many people may have told you, like, okay,
get real, that's not realistic. Well, if you guys remember
(01:25):
from my story, I was born and raised in Batony's, Louisiana.
I had these big dreams about being a freak and
Paralympic snowboarder. Snow border. We do not have mountains in
snow and baton Ry's Louisiana. So many people had told
me to get real about these goals. They're too big,
they're just unrealistic. To that, I say, watch me. The
(01:45):
only person who can define if a goal is realistic
is yourself. And there are a few things that we
need to understand about what it means to be realistic
before we go and set these goals. And the only
person again that can give you the a on whether
or not this is something you can achieve is yourself.
So whenever I had that goal of being a Paralympic snowboarder,
(02:06):
as I was living in Louisiana. I could see what
it was going to take to get there. I could
see the resources that I need, the time that I needed,
how to prioritize it, the work that it was going
to take. I could see that. And because I could
see that, I knew that I could achieve it. A
realistic goal is one that is achievable and you're taking
into account your skills, the timeframe of accomplishing this, You're
(02:28):
taking into account the level of motivation that you have.
This goal is based on what is real rather than
what is dreamed of or hoped for. Okay, these goals
should have a clear expectation for success that you believe
is achievable. Now, unrealistic goals they are these ambitions or
dreams that seems to focus too much on this big
(02:52):
outcome that you hope for or you want, and how
people tend to get caught up in shooting for something
that is unrealistic than what is realistic. And I have
totally fallen prey to this. You want this outcome, but
you don't really think about the process to get there.
There are so many times in life where I'm like,
oh my god, yes, I want to be x Y
and Z. I want to be the biggest and the
(03:12):
best in this place, and I never really thought about like,
oh wait, hold on, I actually have to like learn
this skill. I have to dedicate so much time and
energy to this skill. I may have to sacrifice time
at home for this skill. And I'm like, you know what,
all of that sounds horrible and trash and I really
don't want to do that. And so this goal isn't
realistic for me because it's not the process that I
(03:32):
want to experience. So when you're setting these goals and
deciding whether or not they're realistic, you need to think
about the whole process to get there and understand like
this is going to take time. Is this something that
I want to put my focus into for a long
period of time? Now, how do you know if your
goal is realistic? Maybe you already have one set and
you're like, okay, well, Brenda, walk me through this. Am
I wasting my time? Am I do I got this?
(03:53):
What do I need to know to know if I'm
doing this right? So you want to evaluate your resources, right,
look at what you have and on hand, what skills
do you have, what abilities do you have? What support
network do you have? And you're going to see, Okay,
out of all of my resources, do I have enough
to achieve this goal? And if not, am I able
to get them next? You want to evaluate that time frame.
(04:13):
This one's really big because you could say I want
to make a million dollars in the next ten years,
or you could say I want to make a million
dollars by next year. Which one's more realistic for you?
It could be the second one, but for a lot
of people it's probably the first one. And so being
realistic on that timeframe of achieving that goal with the
resources that you have, and when you're setting these realistic goals,
(04:36):
you also really do need to get honest about what
limitations or obstacles may come up and be in your way.
And this is going to help base what is real
and what is not and what is sensible and practical
and what can be achieved and expected. When you've set
these realistic goals and you've put all of this into perspective,
you know exactly what needs to be done, you know
what limitations obstacles are going to come up, you know
(04:57):
the timeframe at which it's going to be set. And
you said, you know what, I'm ready let's do this.
I know I can do this. I have the resources,
I have the time, I have the energy, I have
the motivation. What are the benefits, Well, it's going to
reduce your stress. When you have unrealistic goals, a lot
of the times, it's going to create just so much
unnecessary pressure and it's going to lead to burnout and
demotivation and overwhelm. But when you've set the realistic goals,
(05:21):
it's going to promote a healthier and more sustainable approach
to achieving your goal. You're going to understand like, Okay,
this takes time, this takes resources, this takes energy. It's
a marathon, not a sprint. I have time to accomplish this,
and I want this and I know that I'm going
to get this as realistic, so I'm going to take
my time one percent better every day. It's going to
(05:43):
reduce such stress. It's going to help you improve your
decision making because you've set this realistic goals, you have
a clear understanding of what it's going to take. It's
going to help you make more informed decisions and better
prioritize your time and your efforts. It's going to lead
to better set satisfaction. You're going to get a sense
of fulfillment, going to lead to boosted confidence because it's
(06:05):
going to demonstrate your ability to successfully complete the tasks
and challenges. Setting realistic goals, no matter if it's a
short term goal or a long term goal, going to
provide so many amazing benefits. Now, when you have these
realistic goals, what are the strategies around it that can
help you achieve them? And we have our typical ones,
(06:27):
we have our positive self talk, we have our visualization
for success, we have specific goals. We've broken down our
goals into smaller ones. We focus on the process, not
the outcome. We set boundaries for our goals. Are using
the smart goal framework. What else is there that you
could do to help you achieve this goal? You can
seek feedback from others. This is going to help you
(06:49):
gain more perspective on what is realistic. This could allow
for feedback from people who have maybe done the goal.
Maybe it's a mentor, a coach, therapist, a friend that
has accomplished this goal. And I always say, y'all, if
you would not accept their advice, do not accept their criticism.
If it is somebody who has not walked the walk,
(07:11):
and all they are doing this talk and the talk,
be very mindful of who you are getting your information from.
There are so many people with such kind hearts that
want to offer advice that have not done the dang thing,
and these are not the people that you want to
solicit your feedback from. You want people that have done it,
that have maybe tried it and maybe they failed and
(07:32):
maybe they went in a different direction, and that feedback
is very valuable as well. But you want to seek
out people who have walked the freaking walk, not just
talk the talk. But this is also going to help
you identify any potential obstacles, challenges, and just help you
develop a framework for how you're going to achieve this goal.
This is also going to help you consider any available
(07:53):
resources or limitations that you might not have thought of
because you have this clear understanding. Maybe it's going to
take into account how much money it's going to take
to start, how much time, what skills you needed, who
you could ask for help, who you could hire. There
are so many different reasons for not only soliciting advice
but also considering these resources. Another really cool thing when
(08:13):
it comes to setting these realistic goals, And a strategy
that can really help you is set your goals based
off of past performances. Review past performances that have worked,
that have not worked, Analyze what made it successful, what
made it a failure, how you can tweak it to
make it better. When you do this, you were not
only challenging yourself within your capabilities, but you're growing, learning
(08:35):
and evolving throughout the process. And it's so easy, guys,
when things fail or even when they're successful, to put
it away and move on and go forward. But there
is so much learning, not only from the failures. We
hear that all the time. Like you learn from your failures,
you learn from your mistakes, but you also learn from
your successes and so analyze those past behaviors that worked,
(08:55):
look at what went well, what went wrong, and how
you can take in some of the things that went
well and apply it to the things that went wrong.
And I don't know about you, maybe it's ADHD, but
I really struggle with habits. And one of the things,
even successful habits that have gotten me to where I
need to go, if I stop them for a little bit,
they're gone forever. And so whenever I can go back
and analyze what worked, and member guides and I talk
(09:17):
about this in the other episodes. Keeping a journal, keep track,
keep record, document your progress, measure your progress so that
you can go back and say, hey, this word, Hey
this didn't work, so that you're able to use past
experiences to bring you into the future. And y'all, if
I have to drill this into y'all's head, which I
know y'all already know. If you're on this podcast, you
(09:37):
already know. You listen and you probably already knew it
before because you live in that life. But stay flexible
in your goals. Life is going to happen, Life is
going to get unpredictable, Circumstances are going to change quickly,
they happen. That's life. That's a part of this journey,
part of this roller coaster ride. And so stay flexible
and adjust your goals as needed. It is. It is
(10:00):
okay to adjust your goals. Just because it is written
down does not mean you can't change it. And just
because you change it doesn't mean you failed. I will
say that until my lungs have no more air in them,
because that is such an outdated belief that maybe your mama,
your daddy, drilled into your head. It is not true.
(10:21):
You can change your goals and that does not make
you a failure. That makes you smart, which is smart
goals when it comes to setting realistic goals. That's pretty
much the basis of it. But when I was doing
this research, I was thinking, I'm like, there is more.
There is something that would be holding me back personally,
and I need to find what would be the biggest
mindset f that would hold me back from achieving these
(10:42):
realistic goals, from setting these realistic goals. And I had
come up with the fact that over commitment could be
your downfall. We're going to talk about how over commitment
can arise and how you can get through it. Over
commitment the problem this is going to hinder your goal
achievement because it is going to lead to burnout, lack
(11:04):
of focus or time management, lack of commitment, and it
reduced to quality of work. And how do I know
that because maybe I have lived it. Over commitment when
it leads to burnout, it's going to make it so
hard to stay productive, it's motivating, it's going to make
you so angry that you started this process. You're going
to be emotionally exhausted. If you have experienced burnout, you
(11:25):
know what I am talking about. And once you hit
that burnout cycle, it is so much healing to get
out of it. So if you can limit it by
avoiding over commitment, that will help so much. And when
I say you have a lack of focus and poor
time management, this is because when you have over committed
yourself to too many goals or too many tasks, you
forget what was most important, You forget what your priority was.
(11:47):
You start to say, oh, well I did this, Well,
now I got to go do this because I said
yes to this, And it's going to make it such
a challenge to manage your time effectively. It's going to
lead to procrastination, miss deadlines, lack of progress, and again
back to that burnout, cycling back to that emotional exhaustion,
cycling back to that I quit. This sucks. And when
you get to that point, you're going to have a
(12:09):
lack of accountability because people may not be able to
see you follow through on the tasks that you have.
You're going to miss deadlines. And if you don't miss
your deadlines, maybe you'll have rushed or incompleted work. You're
going to reduce the quality of work to get a
final product, which is ultimately going to make it more
(12:30):
difficult to achieve your goals and especially achieve them at
the desired quality that you are searching for. So, Brenda, Wow,
that was so dark. Brenda, why was that so dark?
That's okay, guys, because I really want to emphasize the
importance of overcommitment. I know so many people, especially women,
we do this. We say yes, I can help you,
(12:51):
Yes I can take this on, Yes i'll join pta
speaking from personal experience, Yes I'll do all of these
things because I want to be there, I want to help,
I want to experience all of it. But then, realistically,
this is taking away from what matters the most. Over
Commitment is such an easy downfall to fall into, and
I really want to stress the importance of that and
(13:12):
how to actually counteract it, how to get ahead of
it so that this doesn't happen. And so here are
some evidence based strategies for overcoming this over commitment. And
the first thing you're going to do is clarify your priorities.
You're going to identify your top priorities and that is
your focus. This is going to help you avoid taking
(13:32):
on too many tasks and commitments, and Guys, when you
are doing your to do list, I always try I
write it all out and if you know me, you
know I use the Habitka apps. It's in my phone,
and I set specific deadlines of when I want them
to be accomplished, and then I have them set out
in priority. I have three things that I all want
to accomplish today, but the first one is my priority.
(13:54):
And getting clear on that priority is going to help
you know when to say yes, no and to say
no so that you are making progress in the areas
that you care about the most. Now that's probably obvious, right,
but I want you to also know your limits, be
aware of what you can take on. And sometimes this
(14:15):
is trial and error. Sometimes this is saying, you know
what I really went for that I thought I could
do it, but I can't. And being honest with this
is going to help you avoid overwhelm. It's going to
help you avoid burnout. But sometimes there is a learning
process and sometimes you can avoid it because you've probably
already been there. Maybe you haven't thought back to those
moments where you did experience overwhelm, you did experience burnout.
(14:37):
Going back thinking through Okay, what was it that caused
this or where could I make an improvement that is
going to help So know those limits. This is one
of my favorite things to talk about with clients because
as a former people pleaser and a former over committer,
this has been a tool that has helped me so much.
And before I say learn to say no, I'm going
(14:57):
to say pause before commit. Take a moment to think
before you say yes. There is nothing nothing nothing wrong
with saying hey, I love this, this is something I
want to do. Look before I say yes, let me
go look at my calendar. Let me go talk to
my spouse, let me go talk to my work, let
me go look at my to do list, let me
(15:17):
sleep on it. And if they say you can't sleep
on it, I'd be like, you're crazy. Yes I can
now obviously, I mean there are probably some very few
instances where you can't sleep on it. So maybe it's
like give me an hour or two. Overall, majority of
the time you have a full twenty four hours to
think about it. Take that pause before committing. This is
going to help you evaluate whether or not it aligned
(15:38):
with those priorities you listed out, those limits that you
have now know, because if you're anything like me, you
get excited, y'all. I get so excited whenever a new
experience comes up. I'm like, oh my god, Yes, I
want to do all the things. How did you know?
Let me do this? But realistically, I'm gonna say yes,
and then I'm gonna regret it, and then I'm not
gonna be able to do any of the things that
(15:59):
I care about, and I'm gonna let you down, and
I'm gonna let myself down. So I'm gonna pause before
I commit, and I'm gonna make sure that this is
something that I want to do. Once you've taken that pause.
Learn to say no, no, that it is okay to
say no. Don't be afraid to say no. It's not
gonna hurt their feelings, and if it does, well, that's
that's for them to work out. That's for them to
(16:19):
think about. Because your life is not theirs, Your tasks, priorities,
goals is not theirs. And I feel like most rational
people understand that, and so learning to say no and
maybe like, oh my goodness, y'all, I cannot stand when
a friend they like dance around the no they like
(16:39):
make an excuse and they don't really say no, or
they you know, maybe they didn't show up to a
party or they didn't show up your house or whatever.
And instead of being like no, I didn't want to come,
or like no, I just really wasn't aligned with me today,
or no, I'm just not really feeling it, they like
make up some crazy excuse. You don't have to do that, guys.
No is not a bad word. Noah is not an insult,
(17:00):
No is not offensive. No is a normal and okay
response to a question, period, full stop. So you could
say no, I don't have space for that right now,
and figure out what works for you. And I'm sure
we've all heard this by now, but I'm going to
make sure that everyone's heard it again. Is if it
is not a hell yes, then it's a no, and
(17:21):
that is okay. So I feel like I've like beaten
this horse until I can't say it anymore. Pause before committing,
and learn to say no. And if you're in it,
and maybe you're already in it, you're in it thick.
Learn to delegate your tasks. It's okay to say, hey,
you know what, I'm not suited for this. Can Sarah
do this? Oh? Hey, this isn't really for me. I'm
(17:41):
going to hire somebody to help me with this. And
learning to delegate these tasks are going to help you
finish those top priorities when you've already over committed. And
if you do this ahead of time, what's going to
avoid that over commitment to begin with. And lastly, if
you find yourself over committed, don't be afraid to renegotiate
those deadlines or delegate those tasks. Don't be afraid to
(18:02):
find ways to help you avoid burnout and overwhelm. And
if there is anything we have all learned over the
past three years, is that it is okay to ask
for help. Asking for help is probably the strongest thing
that we can do. Maybe that is asking for help
from a therapist or a coach, Maybe that is asking
for help from fivor dot com to delegate some tasks.
Maybe this is asking for help from a mentor or
(18:23):
a coworker or a boss. But regardless, asking for help
is one of the strongest things that you can do.
And finding that port system of where you can turn
when things do get bad is so important. And maybe
not everybody is who you can turn to, and that
is okay, but knowing where you can go is so important,
and also understanding that you are not a burden. Nobody
(18:44):
is a burden for asking for help. And if somebody
makes you feel like a burden for asking for help,
they are not meant to be in your circle. Period,
full stop, point blank. I'm not doing this. You are
not a burden for asking for help, and that comes
from work, help that comes from life, help that comes
from mental help. Asking for help is the strongest thing
(19:08):
you can do. Dang, I did not expect to get
into that so deep, because I just I really felt
that I felt so called to say that. I hope
that you remember that and you take that with you
because you were not a burden. You are so much more.
But that is the end of this episode. I hope
that what you got out of it is understanding how
to set realistic goals, understanding the importance of setting realistic goals,
(19:32):
and knowing that a major mindset shift may need to
happen when it comes to overcommitment. And if maybe you're like, Okay,
this was great for not don't be afraid to revisit
this episode. I really hope that you apply these strategies
into your own life and share your success stories with me,
show your familures with me. I want to know and
I always feel so grateful and honored to be a
(19:55):
part of your story, to be a part of your journey,
and I love when you guys include me in on stuff.
So thank you guys for listening, thank you for tuning in,
and I will see y'all in the next episode, where
we are going to dive into the timeliness of your
goals and we are going to address some cognitive biases
that may come up when it comes to timeliness. Y'all,
I do not shy away from the awkward conversations on
(20:17):
what could go wrong when you were setting these smart goals,
and I really hope that you guys have enjoyed this
and I will see you guys in the next episode. Bye.
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Gold Metal Mindset Podcast. I
am your host, Parena Huckabee, three time Paralympic gold medalist snowboarder,
here to encourage you to live a gold medal life,
one that is full of confidence, resilience, empowerment so that
you can be successful in your goals without sacrificing your
mental health and the things you care about most in
(00:21):
this world. Hello, Hello, Hello, Welcome back to the Gold
Medal Mindset Podcast. I'm Brenda Huckabee, and today we're going
to be getting into the R of the smart goal,
which stands for realistic. If you listened back to the
previous episodes, we have gotten into the S, the M,
and the A which stand for specific, measurable, attainable. And
(00:42):
these smart goals are evidence based practices that are going
to help you achieve your goals. It is the best
goal setting strategy when done properly, and in all the episodes,
we always always always go through what that means to
be done properly. We're doing this for a more well approach,
so that we are not sacrificing our mental health in
(01:03):
the things we love for an outcome. Now, let's dive
in what are realistic goals? If you are anything like me,
which I have a feeling you are, You're a dreamer.
You have these big goals, these big passions. You see
yourself in these really really cool and stretched and far
out places, and so many people may have told you, like, okay,
get real, that's not realistic. Well, if you guys remember
(01:25):
from my story, I was born and raised in Batony's, Louisiana.
I had these big dreams about being a freak and
Paralympic snowboarder. Snow border. We do not have mountains in
snow and baton Ry's Louisiana. So many people had told
me to get real about these goals. They're too big,
they're just unrealistic. To that, I say, watch me. The
(01:45):
only person who can define if a goal is realistic
is yourself. And there are a few things that we
need to understand about what it means to be realistic
before we go and set these goals. And the only
person again that can give you the a on whether
or not this is something you can achieve is yourself.
So whenever I had that goal of being a Paralympic snowboarder,
(02:06):
as I was living in Louisiana. I could see what
it was going to take to get there. I could
see the resources that I need, the time that I needed,
how to prioritize it, the work that it was going
to take. I could see that. And because I could
see that, I knew that I could achieve it. A
realistic goal is one that is achievable and you're taking
into account your skills, the timeframe of accomplishing this, You're
(02:28):
taking into account the level of motivation that you have.
This goal is based on what is real rather than
what is dreamed of or hoped for. Okay, these goals
should have a clear expectation for success that you believe
is achievable. Now, unrealistic goals they are these ambitions or
dreams that seems to focus too much on this big
(02:52):
outcome that you hope for or you want, and how
people tend to get caught up in shooting for something
that is unrealistic than what is realistic. And I have
totally fallen prey to this. You want this outcome, but
you don't really think about the process to get there.
There are so many times in life where I'm like,
oh my god, yes, I want to be x Y
and Z. I want to be the biggest and the
(03:12):
best in this place, and I never really thought about like,
oh wait, hold on, I actually have to like learn
this skill. I have to dedicate so much time and
energy to this skill. I may have to sacrifice time
at home for this skill. And I'm like, you know what,
all of that sounds horrible and trash and I really
don't want to do that. And so this goal isn't
realistic for me because it's not the process that I
(03:32):
want to experience. So when you're setting these goals and
deciding whether or not they're realistic, you need to think
about the whole process to get there and understand like
this is going to take time. Is this something that
I want to put my focus into for a long
period of time? Now, how do you know if your
goal is realistic? Maybe you already have one set and
you're like, okay, well, Brenda, walk me through this. Am
I wasting my time? Am I do I got this?
(03:53):
What do I need to know to know if I'm
doing this right? So you want to evaluate your resources, right,
look at what you have and on hand, what skills
do you have, what abilities do you have? What support
network do you have? And you're going to see, Okay,
out of all of my resources, do I have enough
to achieve this goal? And if not, am I able
to get them next? You want to evaluate that time frame.
(04:13):
This one's really big because you could say I want
to make a million dollars in the next ten years,
or you could say I want to make a million
dollars by next year. Which one's more realistic for you?
It could be the second one, but for a lot
of people it's probably the first one. And so being
realistic on that timeframe of achieving that goal with the
resources that you have, and when you're setting these realistic goals,
(04:36):
you also really do need to get honest about what
limitations or obstacles may come up and be in your way.
And this is going to help base what is real
and what is not and what is sensible and practical
and what can be achieved and expected. When you've set
these realistic goals and you've put all of this into perspective,
you know exactly what needs to be done, you know
what limitations obstacles are going to come up, you know
(04:57):
the timeframe at which it's going to be set. And
you said, you know what, I'm ready let's do this.
I know I can do this. I have the resources,
I have the time, I have the energy, I have
the motivation. What are the benefits, Well, it's going to
reduce your stress. When you have unrealistic goals, a lot
of the times, it's going to create just so much
unnecessary pressure and it's going to lead to burnout and
demotivation and overwhelm. But when you've set the realistic goals,
(05:21):
it's going to promote a healthier and more sustainable approach
to achieving your goal. You're going to understand like, Okay,
this takes time, this takes resources, this takes energy. It's
a marathon, not a sprint. I have time to accomplish this,
and I want this and I know that I'm going
to get this as realistic, so I'm going to take
my time one percent better every day. It's going to
(05:43):
reduce such stress. It's going to help you improve your
decision making because you've set this realistic goals, you have
a clear understanding of what it's going to take. It's
going to help you make more informed decisions and better
prioritize your time and your efforts. It's going to lead
to better set satisfaction. You're going to get a sense
of fulfillment, going to lead to boosted confidence because it's
(06:05):
going to demonstrate your ability to successfully complete the tasks
and challenges. Setting realistic goals, no matter if it's a
short term goal or a long term goal, going to
provide so many amazing benefits. Now, when you have these
realistic goals, what are the strategies around it that can
help you achieve them? And we have our typical ones,
(06:27):
we have our positive self talk, we have our visualization
for success, we have specific goals. We've broken down our
goals into smaller ones. We focus on the process, not
the outcome. We set boundaries for our goals. Are using
the smart goal framework. What else is there that you
could do to help you achieve this goal? You can
seek feedback from others. This is going to help you
(06:49):
gain more perspective on what is realistic. This could allow
for feedback from people who have maybe done the goal.
Maybe it's a mentor, a coach, therapist, a friend that
has accomplished this goal. And I always say, y'all, if
you would not accept their advice, do not accept their criticism.
If it is somebody who has not walked the walk,
(07:11):
and all they are doing this talk and the talk,
be very mindful of who you are getting your information from.
There are so many people with such kind hearts that
want to offer advice that have not done the dang thing,
and these are not the people that you want to
solicit your feedback from. You want people that have done it,
that have maybe tried it and maybe they failed and
(07:32):
maybe they went in a different direction, and that feedback
is very valuable as well. But you want to seek
out people who have walked the freaking walk, not just
talk the talk. But this is also going to help
you identify any potential obstacles, challenges, and just help you
develop a framework for how you're going to achieve this goal.
This is also going to help you consider any available
(07:53):
resources or limitations that you might not have thought of
because you have this clear understanding. Maybe it's going to
take into account how much money it's going to take
to start, how much time, what skills you needed, who
you could ask for help, who you could hire. There
are so many different reasons for not only soliciting advice
but also considering these resources. Another really cool thing when
(08:13):
it comes to setting these realistic goals, And a strategy
that can really help you is set your goals based
off of past performances. Review past performances that have worked,
that have not worked, Analyze what made it successful, what
made it a failure, how you can tweak it to
make it better. When you do this, you were not
only challenging yourself within your capabilities, but you're growing, learning
(08:35):
and evolving throughout the process. And it's so easy, guys,
when things fail or even when they're successful, to put
it away and move on and go forward. But there
is so much learning, not only from the failures. We
hear that all the time. Like you learn from your failures,
you learn from your mistakes, but you also learn from
your successes and so analyze those past behaviors that worked,
(08:55):
look at what went well, what went wrong, and how
you can take in some of the things that went
well and apply it to the things that went wrong.
And I don't know about you, maybe it's ADHD, but
I really struggle with habits. And one of the things,
even successful habits that have gotten me to where I
need to go, if I stop them for a little bit,
they're gone forever. And so whenever I can go back
and analyze what worked, and member guides and I talk
(09:17):
about this in the other episodes. Keeping a journal, keep track,
keep record, document your progress, measure your progress so that
you can go back and say, hey, this word, Hey
this didn't work, so that you're able to use past
experiences to bring you into the future. And y'all, if
I have to drill this into y'all's head, which I
know y'all already know. If you're on this podcast, you
(09:37):
already know. You listen and you probably already knew it
before because you live in that life. But stay flexible
in your goals. Life is going to happen, Life is
going to get unpredictable, Circumstances are going to change quickly,
they happen. That's life. That's a part of this journey,
part of this roller coaster ride. And so stay flexible
and adjust your goals as needed. It is. It is
(10:00):
okay to adjust your goals. Just because it is written
down does not mean you can't change it. And just
because you change it doesn't mean you failed. I will
say that until my lungs have no more air in them,
because that is such an outdated belief that maybe your mama,
your daddy, drilled into your head. It is not true.
(10:21):
You can change your goals and that does not make
you a failure. That makes you smart, which is smart
goals when it comes to setting realistic goals. That's pretty
much the basis of it. But when I was doing
this research, I was thinking, I'm like, there is more.
There is something that would be holding me back personally,
and I need to find what would be the biggest
mindset f that would hold me back from achieving these
(10:42):
realistic goals, from setting these realistic goals. And I had
come up with the fact that over commitment could be
your downfall. We're going to talk about how over commitment
can arise and how you can get through it. Over
commitment the problem this is going to hinder your goal
achievement because it is going to lead to burnout, lack
(11:04):
of focus or time management, lack of commitment, and it
reduced to quality of work. And how do I know
that because maybe I have lived it. Over commitment when
it leads to burnout, it's going to make it so
hard to stay productive, it's motivating, it's going to make
you so angry that you started this process. You're going
to be emotionally exhausted. If you have experienced burnout, you
(11:25):
know what I am talking about. And once you hit
that burnout cycle, it is so much healing to get
out of it. So if you can limit it by
avoiding over commitment, that will help so much. And when
I say you have a lack of focus and poor
time management, this is because when you have over committed
yourself to too many goals or too many tasks, you
forget what was most important, You forget what your priority was.
(11:47):
You start to say, oh, well I did this, Well,
now I got to go do this because I said
yes to this, And it's going to make it such
a challenge to manage your time effectively. It's going to
lead to procrastination, miss deadlines, lack of progress, and again
back to that burnout, cycling back to that emotional exhaustion,
cycling back to that I quit. This sucks. And when
you get to that point, you're going to have a
(12:09):
lack of accountability because people may not be able to
see you follow through on the tasks that you have.
You're going to miss deadlines. And if you don't miss
your deadlines, maybe you'll have rushed or incompleted work. You're
going to reduce the quality of work to get a
final product, which is ultimately going to make it more
(12:30):
difficult to achieve your goals and especially achieve them at
the desired quality that you are searching for. So, Brenda, Wow,
that was so dark. Brenda, why was that so dark?
That's okay, guys, because I really want to emphasize the
importance of overcommitment. I know so many people, especially women,
we do this. We say yes, I can help you,
(12:51):
Yes I can take this on, Yes i'll join pta
speaking from personal experience, Yes I'll do all of these
things because I want to be there, I want to help,
I want to experience all of it. But then, realistically,
this is taking away from what matters the most. Over
Commitment is such an easy downfall to fall into, and
I really want to stress the importance of that and
(13:12):
how to actually counteract it, how to get ahead of
it so that this doesn't happen. And so here are
some evidence based strategies for overcoming this over commitment. And
the first thing you're going to do is clarify your priorities.
You're going to identify your top priorities and that is
your focus. This is going to help you avoid taking
(13:32):
on too many tasks and commitments, and Guys, when you
are doing your to do list, I always try I
write it all out and if you know me, you
know I use the Habitka apps. It's in my phone,
and I set specific deadlines of when I want them
to be accomplished, and then I have them set out
in priority. I have three things that I all want
to accomplish today, but the first one is my priority.
(13:54):
And getting clear on that priority is going to help
you know when to say yes, no and to say
no so that you are making progress in the areas
that you care about the most. Now that's probably obvious, right,
but I want you to also know your limits, be
aware of what you can take on. And sometimes this
(14:15):
is trial and error. Sometimes this is saying, you know
what I really went for that I thought I could
do it, but I can't. And being honest with this
is going to help you avoid overwhelm. It's going to
help you avoid burnout. But sometimes there is a learning
process and sometimes you can avoid it because you've probably
already been there. Maybe you haven't thought back to those
moments where you did experience overwhelm, you did experience burnout.
(14:37):
Going back thinking through Okay, what was it that caused
this or where could I make an improvement that is
going to help So know those limits. This is one
of my favorite things to talk about with clients because
as a former people pleaser and a former over committer,
this has been a tool that has helped me so much.
And before I say learn to say no, I'm going
(14:57):
to say pause before commit. Take a moment to think
before you say yes. There is nothing nothing nothing wrong
with saying hey, I love this, this is something I
want to do. Look before I say yes, let me
go look at my calendar. Let me go talk to
my spouse, let me go talk to my work, let
me go look at my to do list, let me
(15:17):
sleep on it. And if they say you can't sleep
on it, I'd be like, you're crazy. Yes I can
now obviously, I mean there are probably some very few
instances where you can't sleep on it. So maybe it's
like give me an hour or two. Overall, majority of
the time you have a full twenty four hours to
think about it. Take that pause before committing. This is
going to help you evaluate whether or not it aligned
(15:38):
with those priorities you listed out, those limits that you
have now know, because if you're anything like me, you
get excited, y'all. I get so excited whenever a new
experience comes up. I'm like, oh my god, Yes, I
want to do all the things. How did you know?
Let me do this? But realistically, I'm gonna say yes,
and then I'm gonna regret it, and then I'm not
gonna be able to do any of the things that
(15:59):
I care about, and I'm gonna let you down, and
I'm gonna let myself down. So I'm gonna pause before
I commit, and I'm gonna make sure that this is
something that I want to do. Once you've taken that pause.
Learn to say no, no, that it is okay to
say no. Don't be afraid to say no. It's not
gonna hurt their feelings, and if it does, well, that's
that's for them to work out. That's for them to
(16:19):
think about. Because your life is not theirs, Your tasks, priorities,
goals is not theirs. And I feel like most rational
people understand that, and so learning to say no and
maybe like, oh my goodness, y'all, I cannot stand when
a friend they like dance around the no they like
(16:39):
make an excuse and they don't really say no, or
they you know, maybe they didn't show up to a
party or they didn't show up your house or whatever.
And instead of being like no, I didn't want to come,
or like no, I just really wasn't aligned with me today,
or no, I'm just not really feeling it, they like
make up some crazy excuse. You don't have to do that, guys.
No is not a bad word. Noah is not an insult,
(17:00):
No is not offensive. No is a normal and okay
response to a question, period, full stop. So you could
say no, I don't have space for that right now,
and figure out what works for you. And I'm sure
we've all heard this by now, but I'm going to
make sure that everyone's heard it again. Is if it
is not a hell yes, then it's a no, and
(17:21):
that is okay. So I feel like I've like beaten
this horse until I can't say it anymore. Pause before committing,
and learn to say no. And if you're in it,
and maybe you're already in it, you're in it thick.
Learn to delegate your tasks. It's okay to say, hey,
you know what, I'm not suited for this. Can Sarah
do this? Oh? Hey, this isn't really for me. I'm
(17:41):
going to hire somebody to help me with this. And
learning to delegate these tasks are going to help you
finish those top priorities when you've already over committed. And
if you do this ahead of time, what's going to
avoid that over commitment to begin with. And lastly, if
you find yourself over committed, don't be afraid to renegotiate
those deadlines or delegate those tasks. Don't be afraid to
(18:02):
find ways to help you avoid burnout and overwhelm. And
if there is anything we have all learned over the
past three years, is that it is okay to ask
for help. Asking for help is probably the strongest thing
that we can do. Maybe that is asking for help
from a therapist or a coach, Maybe that is asking
for help from fivor dot com to delegate some tasks.
Maybe this is asking for help from a mentor or
(18:23):
a coworker or a boss. But regardless, asking for help
is one of the strongest things that you can do.
And finding that port system of where you can turn
when things do get bad is so important. And maybe
not everybody is who you can turn to, and that
is okay, but knowing where you can go is so important,
and also understanding that you are not a burden. Nobody
(18:44):
is a burden for asking for help. And if somebody
makes you feel like a burden for asking for help,
they are not meant to be in your circle. Period,
full stop, point blank. I'm not doing this. You are
not a burden for asking for help, and that comes
from work, help that comes from life, help that comes
from mental help. Asking for help is the strongest thing
(19:08):
you can do. Dang, I did not expect to get
into that so deep, because I just I really felt
that I felt so called to say that. I hope
that you remember that and you take that with you
because you were not a burden. You are so much more.
But that is the end of this episode. I hope
that what you got out of it is understanding how
to set realistic goals, understanding the importance of setting realistic goals,
(19:32):
and knowing that a major mindset shift may need to
happen when it comes to overcommitment. And if maybe you're like, Okay,
this was great for not don't be afraid to revisit
this episode. I really hope that you apply these strategies
into your own life and share your success stories with me,
show your familures with me. I want to know and
I always feel so grateful and honored to be a
(19:55):
part of your story, to be a part of your journey,
and I love when you guys include me in on stuff.
So thank you guys for listening, thank you for tuning in,
and I will see y'all in the next episode, where
we are going to dive into the timeliness of your
goals and we are going to address some cognitive biases
that may come up when it comes to timeliness. Y'all,
I do not shy away from the awkward conversations on
(20:17):
what could go wrong when you were setting these smart goals,
and I really hope that you guys have enjoyed this
and I will see you guys in the next episode. Bye.
Host
Brenna Huckaby
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