In this week's Gold Medal Mindset Podcast episode, I had the honor of interviewing my mom, the woman who played a crucial role in shaping me into the person I am today. She witnessed the hardest parts of my journey as a cancer survivor and amputee, and her unwavering support helped me become a gold medalist snowboarder.
We dive deep into her perspective of my cancer diagnosis, amputation, and the journey that followed. She shares the lessons she learned along the way, what it took for her to uproot her life and move to Utah to support my dreams, and how she relied on her inner strength to be there for me.
This episode is emotional and inspiring, as we learn from a mother's love and strength in the face of adversity. Join us as we hear my mom's story for the first time ever, and gain valuable insights into the power of resilience, love, and family. Don't miss out on this heartwarming episode!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the gold metal mindset. I'm your host, Brenna Huckabee,
cancer survivor, amputee in two time Paralympic gold medalist snowboarder,
who is obsessed with coaching you into living a gold
metal life. Consider this your weekly training and self confidence,
motivation and productivity. You will be challenged here to step
(00:30):
onto the top of the podium, the cream of the crop,
into the one percent where the dreamers turn in to
action takers so you can quench your unshakeable thirst for more.
Show up and say yes to yourself and your dreams
each week, because you are worthy of more. So let's
get into it. On today's podcast, I set it down
(00:58):
with my mom to learn about her perspective during my
cancer journey. We have never sat down to really dive
into this topic, and as a mother myself, I recognize
how she lived a worst case scenario. She had to
watch her daughter battle cancer, lose her passion, her life,
her leg and her relationships. I often wonder what gave
(01:18):
my mom not only the will to fight, but the
ability to seem like she had it all together. My
mom is a badass. She finished her nursing degree at
forty led me through cancer and was the force that
moved me to Utah, which ultimately kickstarted my Paralympic career.
Before we dive in, I want to give a quick
trigger warning. This topic is heavy. We talk about sick children, cancer, amputation.
(01:44):
It's some pretty big stuff. But without further ado, my mom,
Christy Huckaby, Hello, we have today my mother, Christy Huckabee
on the podcast. I am so excited for this because
I have been dying to have this conversation with her.
A lot of you guys have reached out wanting to
(02:05):
know what it was like for my mom during my
cancer journey and getting me to the Paralympics, and so
I am going to pick her brain, have a conversation
and really see what her heart is all about. So welcome, Mom.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I am happy to be here, and thank you so
much for asking me to join you on this. I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Of course, I would not want anyone else to be
my first guest. It just feels like a natural fit.
And it's on Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
How are you gonna make me cry?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
We haven't even gotten into the good yet.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You can't cry?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Well, okay, So the first question people wanted me to
ask you was, what was little Brenna like growing up?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
She's amazing, just like big Brenna.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
You started that with a laugh. I feel like I
need to know more.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Well, first of all, you came out flipping. That is,
you did not learn to walk, You learned to flip.
You flipped everywhere. So little little little Brenna was about
clearing the pathway so you don't get kicked. Unfortunately, your
(03:30):
brother Jeremy didn't learn that one. And it was about
protecting TV's and getting uh, finding avenues for your high,
very high energy levels. Little Brenna was pretty amazing because
she was smart, and she was energetic, and she was
(03:54):
loving and she was determined. And little Brenna came into
this world letting us know that this was her world
and where where everyone else fit in.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I love that I was a boss.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Okay, you're a boss. You're definitely a boss. Did come
in screaming because the poor doctor had to stop you
from breathing and so he could sucktion you out and
it made you mad, and so you came out and
you screamed for about good forty five minutes. And when
your brothers first saw you, that was their first impression
(04:31):
of you, and their first response was, mom, is she
going to stop?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, to be fair, the doctor was quite rude, like,
how are you choking?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It made you mad, as it should.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yes, I'm mad thinking about it. So I did gymnastics
from the age of eight until you did gymnastics.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Until the moment you came out, okay valadial gymnastics. Yes,
at eight, you really got put into a gymnastics tumbling
class because your older brother told on you. Jordan told
on you because you were throwing flips on your own
(05:19):
and you just Mama watched this and then you do
a front flip and and since you didn't have the technique,
it was really scary, and so we told you you're
not allowed to do any flips by yourself, and you
of course agreed, but this was your world. So your
(05:42):
brother taught you in the recess doing flips. And then
so when he told me, he said, Mama, you told
her not to flip, but I saw her at recess
she was throwing flips, and so I.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Said, well that's it. We put in a tumbling class.
So that was you went. You were having You were
just started a recreational gymnastics class. And the rule was,
you know, no flips unless you're in the gym. But
they weren't teaching you that yet. That wasn't that was
way you know that you were. It was recreational at
(06:15):
that time, and so we quickly put you into a
tumbling class in addition to your gymnastics class, which led to, hey,
we want her competing with us, And then we gladly
did that because we at the time TVs were on
the ground, not hanging on the wall, and I just
knew that it was much cheaper to put you in
(06:35):
a gymnastics class and to replace the TV periodicity.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
That's fair. I love that. So I had big dreams
with gymnastics. I want to hear from your perspective what
that looked like.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
For me, it was watching you do more of what
you wanted. It was I didn't know, but you were
only hate. You know, I didn't know what you're freedom
or goal was. I do remember when you were invited
to go work on the team and be homeschooled and
(07:11):
pulled out and you know, let's do this twenty four
to seven kind of thing. My answer at the time
was no, because you were so small. I was like,
unless she looks at me in her in my eyes
and says, this is all I want to do. You know,
(07:32):
I wasn't willing to do that, but I was willing
to take your lead. Let you take the lead. And
so if you wanted more of a gymnastics class, then
we gave you more gymnastics. If you wanted gymnastics and tumbling,
(07:52):
then we gave you that. If you wanted competitive gymnastics,
then we let we took you by. You basically told
us what you wanted and we followed. You know, it
wasn't I'd never wanted to be that mother that lived vicariously.
I never wanted to be the one that goes you know,
(08:13):
you have to do this. You have to because you're
good and you can do something with it, and you
can whatever. You know, I couldn't do that. This was
your gift, and I never wanted your gift to be
turned in into a curse because somebody else pushed you
(08:33):
into something you didn't want to do. The only thing
I asked is that if you commit it to a team,
that you see that team through. You were welcome to
quit any time you want it, just not in the
middle of the season. You know, you commit it to
a team. You saw it through and at the end
of the season, if you didn't want to do it again,
(08:54):
that was fine. And you never were that way. You
were no, I I want this year, I want next year,
I want it? Can I get in five classes? You know?
Can I tumble? And at one point you did say
can I tumble twenty four to seven? And that's when
we put you in. Since me being a teacher at
(09:17):
the time, especially being a middle school teacher, that's when
I homeschooled you for middle school to give you that.
And I honestly gave you that, thinking to myself, one
month of this and she's going to go back to
regular school, because that was a heck of a workout,
It really was. And I mean, you knew the school.
(09:39):
You remember the score it was. You're going to do
your work. You're going to maintain the academic standards, and
if you don't, this is not going to work. You know,
school comes first, gymnasis comes second, and you knew that.
And you never let your grades down. You never let
your work up, you know, and let up on your work.
(10:00):
You did what you were asked to do academically and
so that you could spend the rest of your time
flipping and doing gymnastics, and so I was always amazed,
and just I was amazed because I don't think I
ever had that kind of love and desire for something,
(10:24):
you know, like I can'te even the things that I
enjoyed doing in life, I can't imagine doing them, you know,
and loving something so much this is all I want
to do. So I was really happy to accommodate that
for you, so that, you know, to see where One
time your coaches and I sat down in a meeting
(10:47):
and the plan was at that time, let's see how
far she goes, like we don't see limits here, we
don't see you know, we don't think, we don't know.
I mean, it was it was let's see how let's
see how high she can go. Let's see how far
she can go. And I think you kind of amazed
(11:09):
all of us because at eight years old, when I
showed up and said, this little girl wants to compete
on your team, the look was, wow, why couldn't we
get her at five? Almost like, oh, well, it's too late.
And so when you came on the scene, it was
quite clear it was not too late, you know, and
(11:31):
they wanted to watch you go as high as you could,
and unfortunately we never saw that. We never saw how
high you can go because, like many athletes, you were
taken out for a reason that was well way beyond
your control. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I think that's a perfect segue. I feel like you
had so many just gems for any parents out there.
For me personally, the rule if you will to finish
what you commit to is definitely one that is in
my household. I really honor that. And then also allowing
your kiddos to take the lead and you're their guide,
(12:12):
which I think is super cool because you know, I
live at a school with athletes and you don't necessarily
see that from every parent, and it's really sad because
you can see the hurt within the athletes. And so
I greatly appreciate that from a child's perspective because I
believe that is what made me great at what I did.
(12:34):
I did it for me and everything I do is
for me, and I really appreciate that upbringing. So we
kind of had a natural flow into you know, why
my gymnastics career ended, and this is something I'm very
open into talking about.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
But what we've.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Never had officially is just like your perspective of that time,
and as a parent, you know, I'm a parent now,
I can't imagine watching one of my girls go through
cancer and lose what they've worked so hard to build.
So if you wouldn't mind just talking about a little
(13:11):
bit that period of time when we saw the end
and we didn't know what the rest was going to
look like.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
You actually saw the end before ever. I couldn't believe
it because the day I picked you up from the
doctor to go to the doctor. I picked you up
from Jim to go to the doctor, and you were
in the back seat and you said, Mom, I just
have this feeling that I will never go back to
gymnastics again. And I looked at you and I thought, no, baby, no,
(13:47):
of course you're going to go back to gymnastic. That
was really that was a wow kind of moment. It
must have been really hurting you. The history on that
was you kept complaining about your leg hurting, and it
was intermittent. You would come home from Jim crying, my
(14:10):
leg hurts, my leg hurts, and I would be, Okay,
I'll make a doctor's appointment. We're going to go to
the doctor and you would be crying, you would be hurting,
obviously hurting, and I would you'd come home, I'd make
a bee line to the telephone. I'd pick it up
(14:31):
and start dialing, and I'm looking outside and you're jumping
on the trampoline and I'm like, what am I calling
the doctor for? You know, wait a minute, And I
kept up with it. I did take you to the
doctor on January because it really was bothering you, and
that wouldn't make sense that a doctor's appointment would occur
(14:51):
then because you were in the middle of the season,
so you were using it, and so you were constantly
complaining about your knee hurting, And so I did take
you to the doc after that January, and you were
supposed to stay off of it because it was twisted
or injured because you had done a floor routine and
thought that you had twisted your knee on a floor routine.
(15:12):
So it was stay off of it and let it heal,
which is not something an athlete does during the middle
of the competition season. So when you continue to complain
about it, it was like, well, I guess, so you
didn't stay off of it, and so I didn't really
pay that much of attention to it because I figured
(15:33):
after the season, then you'll take care of it after
the season. I mean, because you were just you were
dedicated to your sport and you want it to you
just I just knew that. And then in the summer
it was on and off. You know, yes it hurts,
No moment doesn't hurt. I'd pick you up from gym,
and no moment doesn't hurt. I had a good day
(15:55):
to day. I finally did get a doctor's appointment. Two
weeks before that, we went on a trip, actually it
was a week before that. We went to Georgia. They're
the highest mountain in Georgia. Is it's massive.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
It's like all of three hundred feet.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Well, it was five hundred steps, five hundred to six
hundred steps and going all the way up, which me
and me me took very slowly. And you had decided
to run it, like you were like, Mom, it's summertime
and I haven't been working out very much, so this
(16:38):
is going to be my workout. And you hit the
bottom and you ran all the way up to the top,
and you ran, and when I finally joined you at
the summit, the first thing I asked you was how's
your name, how's your leg, and you went, it's fine,
I don't have a problem. I was like, great, we're done.
We finally you know, you had time to rest it,
(16:59):
you had time take care of it. It was just
twisted from that, you know, from that Florartine that you
had done and everything is fine. And the next day
when we got back you from vacation, you went dogging
with your brother and couldn't make it home. And so
that's when I went, this is not right. I'm keeping
(17:21):
that appointment. That day of the appointment, you came into
my room and you said, Mom, I'm fine, it doesn't hurt.
Just cancel the appointment. And said, no, we have to
have answers. We're not doing this anymore. We're going something.
We need an answer. And unfortunately we got the answer,
and it didn't you know, because that by that time
(17:42):
it had grown and you could see it. It was
never your knee, it was the lower part of your fear,
and so when we were taking pictures of the knee,
we really couldn't see the tumor. But by the time,
by the time we did discover it, it was showing
up at the It finally showed up. That was It
(18:08):
was one of the worst days of my life. It
more than just sucked. There's a lot of guilt. Why
didn't I insist back in January? I was old school.
We didn't do rehab. They wanted you to do rehab.
I was like, she's going to stay six weeks off
(18:29):
of it. It's twisted. She'll be fine. We don't rehab.
Maybe we would have discovered it so earlier. I was scared,
didn't I remember at that moment, I knew that whenever
life I had lived on this earth, it just ended.
And I didn't know what life was going to be
(18:49):
life after. But I knew that whatever I had known
in the life that I had lived up until that
point had just ended. It was how do we keep
you alive? Who will you live?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Look, don't apologize. This is a hard conversation, and like,
I appreciate you opening up to this extent, and my God,
please don't apologize. Can I share with you? I guess
my perspective of how you handled the situation? The situation? God,
(19:33):
what I remember is when we found the tumor. One
I didn't know what the tumor was. I remember when
you told me when we got back from the doctor's office,
you kind of explained to me what was going on,
But what I saw from you was action on what
is going to happen next. I saw somebody take charge
(19:57):
of a shitty situation and see and put in place
what you could do to make it better. And like
that inspires me literally every day because I don't know
if you necessarily knew that I was looking, but that
is what I saw. I saw somebody who was not
going to give up, who is not going to take
(20:18):
no for an answer, who was going to get their
child the best treatment, the best doctor, no questions asked,
whatever it took. That's who I saw that night and
and to today, like she still exists and she's through
the screen, and I wish you were right here so
(20:38):
I could give you a big hug.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
But my god, I would do anything for that right now.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
It feels like that would be really necessary right now.
But I mean, that's what I saw looking in as
I saw my mom who was calling the doctor, trying
to figure out where to go, who was the best,
what do we do?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
What does this mean? You know?
Speaker 1 (21:03):
It wasn't somebody who just accepted it and was like, oh, predoomed.
It was this sucks. How are we going to get
through this?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I I called my dad. He was the first person
that I called and I told you, and I said, Dad,
I can't do this. I can't do this. I don't
(21:36):
know what to do. And he said, Chrus, you're gonna
get make it through this. You're gonna get her through this.
You will do it. And when I reminded him of
that a couple of years after, he really thought that
(21:58):
that was not understanding, like harsh and I told him,
I said, Dad, I needed to hear that. I needed
somebody to say, you will do this. You know you're
gonna do it, you will do it, because I didn't
think that I could. And then my second call was
(22:21):
to your aunt Lou and I said, help me through this,
get me through this, and she did so I guess
that goes you know, to support your support system, you
have to have it, because I have one of the
(22:45):
best support systems. I'm lucky, so lucky. I come from
a family that loves us very much. And I still
felt alone, and I still felt confused, and I still
felt scared, and I still didn't know what to do.
(23:07):
But I have genes that you know, the fight or flight,
and I may want to run, and often do, but
when I'm backed up, I will fight. And I just
felt like that's what I needed to do. I needed
to fight, and so I put everything into the hands
(23:31):
of my doctors and learned I trusted the doctor who said,
this is the person you need to see, these are
the people where you need to go, these are the
people you need to We were very blessed with a
good doctor who took who made the arrangements for us.
(23:56):
We were devastated and I just didn't know we were
We couldn't. We just shocked. And we were sitting in
m D. Anderson two days later because of doctor Planter,
because he's the one who said, let me make a
few phone calls. If this were my daughter, this is
(24:19):
the route. And so we followed and and you know,
you know, your medical team never wonderful, Lewis, doctor Anderson,
they sure blessed.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Absolutely, they were the best of the best.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Well, I had to look, you know. One of the
things that was really hard. I never could accept this.
I think for a long time I thought acceptance was
not doing anything. But I recently heard a definition that
acceptance is just refusing to do things that no longer work,
(24:57):
you know, or doing things that don't work, so that
that made sense to me. I was in I was
insistent that we find we have a miracle. We must
have a miracle, give us a miracle, must have a miracle,
and if there's not going to be a miracle, then
then tragedy would ensue. And it was actually doctor Lewis
(25:20):
that clear the room out because I say this because
of what you were talking about looking watching me. She
cleared the room out of everybody, but she kept me
in it. And she says, I want you to understand
that your daughter is watching you, and she's watching everything
that you do, and how you handle this is how
(25:41):
she's going to handle this. And she said this may
not seem like a miracle to you because your daughter
is going to lose her leg, but this amputation is
your miracle. Wow. And it took me a long time
to realize she was right. I didn't never, I never
(26:03):
did accept the amputation as being a miracle for a
long time. But when she said, you were watching me,
and I wanted more of the type of person that
you are naturally. At one point you came to me
and you said, Mom, am I going to die? And
(26:28):
I didn't know. I didn't know you had a very
you had a very had a very bad, mean cancer
and you had a really a really brutal chemotherapy. And
(26:49):
I didn't know, but I do what I felt like
every person. I looked you in the eyes and said, oh, yes, baby,
you will, you absolutely will. And you said, mom, it's
okay if I don't, because I be good life fourteen
(27:14):
years old. And I thought, I thought, this is an
amazing person, and I will do anything that I can
do to make sure that however long she does live,
it's still going to be a good life. So that
was my goal.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Holy cow, well I wasn't expecting to cry, but that
definitely gave me tears. And this is not fair that
I can't hug you right now, because yeah, that was
really impactful and that was a lot what I want
to I guess I don't know the part where you said,
(27:56):
doctor Lewis pulled you aside and said that, like I
I'm watching, You're right, absolutely right. Whether I realized it
or not, that how you handled that situation was going
to influence how I handled not only that situation, but
other situations in the future, like you do you follow?
(28:20):
I mean, you're my leader, you're my mom, like we follow.
And I don't know if it's clear to you, but
I think I handled things pretty well, and so I
guess when people ask how do I do this? Well,
now we know the answer. She's sitting right next to
me on the screen by my mom.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Oh that's sweet. Is just a great mother's day.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Oh it's true. I mean, it's absolutely true, because like
I told you, I was watching, whether you realized it
or not, and my interpretations of events were clearly seeing
you as somebody who was taking charge of the situation
and who was getting me through it, not some you know,
I didn't see the pain.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I didn't see.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Your your followings or whatever. Like what I saw was
you taking charge and I really honor and respect that,
and you're human. But at fourteen, in my fourteen year
old brain, I didn't see you, know, I didn't honor
your emotions or know that you had emotions. Like what
I saw was strong, like somebody who's getting through it.
(29:28):
But now as an adult, I recognize there was so
much more going on in the background, so much more,
And I just really think getting to talk about what
that looked like has been really beneficial for myself and
I'm sure so many other people. I want to ask
you before we move on, if you could give someone
(29:51):
who's watching their child, be it cancer amputation regardless of
the age. You know, a mother is a mother and
a child's a child forever and so well, what would
that advice be to get through that for the parent?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
An honest answer absolutely would be there is a God,
and to understand that our God, regardless of what the
people interpret are what they say, he's there. I will
(30:26):
never believe that he gives us things that we can't handle.
That's the big thing that people tried to tell me. No,
my God doesn't give a fourteen year old cancer, and
some people believe that they could have stopped it, or
he could have whatever. I will never understand any of that.
(30:51):
But what I do understand is that without my faith,
I never would have made it through if this went
tragically wrong, that you were going to be okay and
(31:13):
that I was going to be okay. Because there is
something about our spirituality that we cannot rationalize and we
cannot think logically, so we don't understand it, and we
are afraid to give into it. But when you have
(31:36):
your entire world pulled out from underneath you and that's
all you have, then you give into it and you
lean into it and it is there. And my spirituality
and my faith carried me. And actually that came from you.
(32:00):
You looked at me one day in the midst of this,
during your amputation, and not knowing what the end result
would be, you said, Mom, you said all things are
possible through God. And I don't know that you That
(32:22):
was your mandra you know you you said that, and
I so much that I I felt I leaned into it.
I did I fellies, and I remember praying and I
(32:47):
asked God through all of this, no matter how it is,
I want to see your corey, Please just help me
your glory. And when I prayed that you had two legs,
(33:10):
I didn't understand God's glory. When you were going in
there having that right leg taken off, I didn't understand
watching it. Poison lethal does poison board into your veins?
And I am I am, I am approving this. I
(33:35):
am willingly turning you over to have poison in your veins.
And I didn't understand and I may never understand, but
I asked him to see his glory, and when I
look at you, I see it. I see it. I
(33:56):
see it in my beautiful water. M So it's it's
it really has been my faith. It's been my faith.
It's been my support system that helped me through it.
(34:17):
It's taken my lead from you. I know, I know
it's not politically correct to say h and I know
that there are people who don't have the same outcome
that we had that will never understand. But I just
(34:43):
felt in my heart of hearts that there is something
beyond us, there is something more, and we're only tapped
into a small portion Earth. And I believe that on
(35:07):
some level I was able to lean into a little
bit more than we experience as humans. I was able
to reach into my spirituality and in my faith. And
it's very hard to articulate. It's extremely hard to articulate
(35:31):
because I don't think that we can. I think there's
just something out there that that is more than, that
is greater than ourselves and completely not we're not able
to understand. But there is this this feeling, this this
connection that when it happens, you know what it is,
(35:56):
you know, And that was something that I felt that
I could, I could lean into I love that. That's
what That's what I call.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Amen, And honestly, like all things are possible is still
something that I tell myself today because there's something too
having faith. I mean, there's something to it. Whether or
not your life is you know, picture perfect, or it
feels like it's crumbling down around you, just knowing that
there's something better out there really helps just take the
(36:33):
edge off into just live and find bits of peace
in the moment. And I don't know, there's something to that,
and so I really appreciate you, you know, having the
courage to say that, because yeah, it's not something that
is quote unquote politically correct, and you know, there is
a lot of pain behind it for those people who
(36:54):
don't have the outcome that we've had. But I believe
that there's there's always something better on the other side.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
And so.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Yeah, I just really appreciate you, appreciate you saying that
I would, if it's okay with you, like to switch
gears into moving to Utah from Louisiana and taking I
guess the darkest, darkest times in our life and turning
it into something beautiful. I feel like there was a
(37:26):
lot of blind faith. That's something that we've talked about before.
Through that, yeah, through that journey in and what was
it like for you to make the decision?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
You know, we went snowboarding.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
You saw the light in my eye. You saw the
potential for me to live a normal life through snowboarding
in Utah. So what went through your mind saying, you
know what, we don't have all the answers, but I'm
going to make this move anyway. So what did that
look like for you?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Well, again, I trusted higher power. I trusted I remember
when you came home and you had learned to walk again,
and you had had a prosthetic, and you were through
with chemo, and and it was actually time for me
(38:24):
to rejoin your regular school. People had sort of moved
on and formed friendships when you were there in ninth
grade and knew like everyone else and then had to leave.
By the time you came back, friendships had already been formed.
(38:45):
School went on things, you know, were they were experiencing
things that that you had missed out. So it was
very lonely time for you. You had lost gym. Not
only did you lose gym, but you weren't going to
be able to swim for anybody, time, for anybody the
other There are things that I had looked into when
we thought you were you going to have the limb
salvage surgery, and when we thought it was benign, and
(39:14):
I remember you laying on the couch. I remember a
period of time where you know, this, this this beautiful
daughter who was full of life and energy and flipping
and smart and social. And it was not that anymore.
(39:36):
She was stationary and sad, and there was no light
in her eyes, and she was on a couch, belonging
a couch, And I thought, oh no, oh no, we
(39:57):
have gone to huh A fight was too hard, that battle,
that fight for life was too hard. It was you're
gonna you have to have a life worth a fight.
And I just knew that we were gonna find it.
I just knew it. I was willing my m My
(40:18):
idea was that the world was big. The world was big.
You didn't have to be in South Louisiana on a
couch because your humidity caused your leg to fall off.
You know, you were an athlete. I knew that gymnastics
was just your passion. You know, there's a lot of
(40:40):
things you can do in this world, and we were
just going to find it. A lot of the community
came together and we did running. You didn't like running
and like running before you lost your leg. I don't
know why we thought you'd like running after you lost
your leg.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
I still don't like running.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
And and I just I remember, you know again, praying,
and this is really hard. Just I can't allow this
child to be on the couch. There is this life.
The life she is having now is not the life
she fought for. So where what do we do? Where
(41:19):
do I go? And I prayed for that answer, and we,
like I said, we tried many things and it didn't work.
Triathlons with challenge athletes in San Diego. I don't know
if you remember that trip. It's a good trip. It
(41:39):
was closed, you were smiling and you were happy to
be out. But it wasn't until that that m. De
Anderson trip, uh that I believed changed your life. It
was life changing. The doctors that put that program together,
(42:00):
it is amazing. I am so sorry they don't find
it important enough to put the money into it for
the people that come behind you, you know, because their
lives could be touched and changed too. And when they
put you on that snowboard and your eyes lit up,
Oh my god, Brenna. I didn't even realize, you know how,
(42:26):
I didn't even realize that it had gone out until
it was back out again, up again, and you're just
you just sparkled, and I went, this is it. That
was it. That was the magic moment. And when I
came home, your dad was like, okay, so you went
to Utah and now you're going back to stay all right?
(42:50):
Did you put your brain along the way?
Speaker 1 (42:55):
I mean, it is the best snow on earth.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
So I had him go back. I said, you got
an invitation to go back through terror. You're the coach.
Amazing and Travis and I said, I said, Jeff, you
take her and if you don't see what I saw,
(43:21):
then it's over. It's done. So your dad came home
after that trip that he took you, and he said,
when do you want to leave? Because he saw the
light go on and he knew he wanted more of that.
(43:41):
So together, I mean again, I leaned into my faith.
I leaned into what I don't understand but I know
is there. And I basically said, if this is the
direction you want my daughter to go in. If this
is what you want me to do, then just make
(44:05):
it happen. And the way that you make it happen,
like I had control, but the way I know it's
supposed to happen is that she needs an education. She
needs to have a good education. Is that's what's going
to help her make a living. And I said, and
(44:25):
she needs her doctors. She needs to have good health
care because that's going the way she's going to live,
you know, is with her doctors. And it needs to
be safe because I'm going up there by myself with
my teenage daughter, so it needs to be safe, and
(44:47):
we need and it needs to be safe because dad
needs to know that he is sending his wife and
his baby daughter to a safe place. He needs to
trust that. And those are pretty strong odds against anywhere,
you know. And within a year we had reactions like
(45:10):
taking you to the taking you to your oncologist at M.
D Anderson, telling her the plan, and her going, she's going, well,
one of my best doctor friends that I have up
there is another orthopedist oncologist. He's up there in Salt Lake,
you know, doctor check, you know. And then we get
(45:32):
to the school system, and the school system is a
wonderful school system. What you know, we're in south South Louisiana.
There are no wonderful school systems. So it's like, are
you kidding me? There's a school system you know that
that people actually don't mind sending their kids to check
(45:55):
And then your dad came home and he said, you're
not gonna believe this. But one of my coworkers left
New Orleans because they had gotten robbed at onepoint and
loved Salt Lake City because it was safe. She is
(46:16):
redoing her home to do a bottom apartment for somebody
to rent, and we went safe place to live. I
was like, I'm listening, God, I'll buy the plane ticket.
I had so much faith that it was going to
(46:37):
work out that I it was. I graduated nursing school,
took the inclex, didn't even know I passed the Inclex,
got on a plane with no job, no job, no license,
and went, you know, it's just going to work out.
And within two weeks I had a dog and found
(47:00):
out I did pass the check and Jack, that.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Is so freaking amazing, Like I feel like when it's
meant to be, it always works out Like that is
it's so true. That's something I constantly say. And just
seeing how everything unfolded, there was no force, It just happened.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Because and that was that, that really was. I leaned
into my faith again and and and said this is
and then that's that's the truth. We know. These are
the things that in not not really knowing, Like Utah
was never on my radar, you know, when I'm putting
(47:43):
my bucket list together or when I'm thinking of places
I'd like to live. The West was, you know, Colorado
was as far west as I wanted to go, you know,
because it because we have family out there and I
love it up there. I have gone to Seattle and
live with my brother. I would have done something different.
It wasn't. It wasn't looking at Utah. And Utah turns
(48:05):
out to be I think one of the most beautiful
places that the United States has to offer. And and
it doesn't help I'm a little biased that I had
a great experience with you there and and I love that.
(48:25):
Our goal, which is really our our goal, was never
We're going to you know, oh, we're gonna, We're we're gonna,
We're gonna bring this daughter, our daughter up here. So
because she can go to the Olympics. That that was
never that was never it. That was your goal, baby,
(48:46):
that was yours, our goal. I don't know if you
remember me telling you this, but before we went to
Utah and before we ever it ever worked out, it
was it was maybe you have had a rough go
and rough and this is an opportunity for you to
have some happiness. And I think the best thing to
(49:10):
do at this point is to flip it around a
little bit. Instead of going to school and then you know,
graduating from school and then going to college and then
getting a job and then working really hard and then retiring,
you know, why don't we just flip it. Why don't
you retire first? Why don't you enjoy your life, just
(49:33):
spend some time doing what Brenna likes to do, and
then go to college and then go to work, you know,
And here we are and you and I think you
kind of you know, I mean, that was it. I
was like I really thought that, Yeah, she's gonna go
(49:54):
She's gonna have just enjoy and enjoy her time be
on the team snowboard for Utah, be you know, be
part of the adopted sports. That she might go to college,
you know, in Utah. But she's coming back to Louisiana.
I never saw Tristan Clegg coming.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
He was so cute.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
He really is a great daddy, just a he and yeah,
so yeah, never saw Tristan coming. But I figured, but
you have to go two thousand miles away to find
the love in your life, too, baby. And no, that
was that was worth it. Oh. I love that.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
It was all a part of it, right, That's part
of what you wanted for me, you know, you just
got him think it was gonna happen in Utah.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
It would be back to South Louisiana, you know. But
when I realized, honestly that was my dream, you know,
that was fine and and and I'm kind of selfish,
so I wanted I wanted you with me here, you know,
fair enough. But I understood after you came home for
(51:14):
a little while, I realized you have a tough time
in the cull with your leg falling all you could
really hurt yourself. The community and the and and the
type of prosthetic that you have and need. That it
wasn't conducive to this humidity. It wasn't were it was scary.
(51:35):
I've seen you fall more than once seen you fall
with you with your baby in your arms.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
And I still do fall like it happens, but it
is worse there for sure for me personally. Absolutely So
I got I guess I wanted to ask you was
it worth it?
Speaker 2 (51:57):
Absolutely worth it? I all right? So when I ask
you for my goal, when I tell you my goal
was to for you to experience happiness for a little
while and then decide. You know, you looked at me
probably about three or four months into being in Utah,
(52:19):
you looked at me and said, I'm going to the Paralympics. Mom,
I'm going to do that. That is that. And then
you had made your own girl goal. And I, of course,
as usual, you know, maybe I'm behind you. This is
what you want. I'm not going to push you. I'm
gonna support you, you know. And you walked through that.
(52:42):
And so I opened up the door for that, Daddy,
and I opened up the door for that. And you, boy,
you rock it.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
That's because of all the things you've taught me up
until that point.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
You rocked it. And uh so my goal for you
I succeeded in and and uh it's always good to
succeed in a goal you were happy and and you did.
Then then you decided to go from there and make
(53:16):
your own goals. So to watch you go from the
couch with not really sure what you're going to do,
how you're going to live, and just I could see
you would shut down who wouldn't who wouldn't shut down
to getting you on to where you are now? And
(53:41):
I was part of that do what was it worth it? Oh? Yeah,
oh yes? I love that so much. As part of
seeing his glory, baby, I asked to see his glory.
I'm seeing it. I love that.
Speaker 1 (54:02):
I have one last question for you. What did you
wish you knew going through all of that? What is
something you wish you would have known before you started?
Speaker 2 (54:14):
I wish I would have had a better handle on
what was going on medically to save you from the
pain of your leg, because at one point it would
have waited too late, and if I had kept, if
(54:35):
we had kept, it was scary. It was scary to
realize that a tumor had been in your leg since January,
you know, and we didn't find it until September. It
(54:56):
was scary. So I guess I wish I would have
known that when somebody complains of their knee. It could
be their femur. I wish I would have known that,
because I don't know if the outcome would have been
any different. Sometimes I think if we had thought to
(55:19):
look at that closer, you never would have gotten that
last season in in gymnastics. And that was a good
season for you. Even competing, it was a good seaton.
With a tumor in your leg, it was still a
good season for you. So we may not have had
that season, but we also did run the risk of
(55:44):
it being too late, and it wasn't. And I think
I attribute some of that to your healthy lifestyle, exercise, diet,
you know, especially your diet. You've always been one not
to not to participate in the diet of your family.
You always it's very you know, And and again it
(56:07):
was I had it in the house for you because
that's what you ate. You know, the rest of us
take the cookies. I love that.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
My Okay, my last last question. This is my life.
I always have way too many last questions. But if
you could give a parent advice, they've come out of it,
you know, whether that's cancer amputation, and they're ready to
kind of move forward either with themselves or helping their
(56:38):
children move forward. What is something that they could start
doing now that you think would help.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
That's a really good question. And what makes it a
good question is that I feel that there aren't a
lot of resources for parents and for family members, because
cancer touches everyone in the family when one member, when
(57:12):
a child has a cancer, even though there isn't a
physical tumor, it eats away at the siblings, the father,
the mother. They hurt, they're scared, they're their answers. And
(57:36):
the worst part about it is that that you have
no control. There is nothing you can do. You can
walk into a cancer worn and you can tell who
the parents are because we all wear that same look.
(57:59):
But for so reason, there is not there. There needs
to be a there needs to be support system for
the family and and and particularly the parents because you're
(58:21):
at a loss. There is no control. M yeah, stop,
can't do anything, can't even give them your own leg
mm hmmm. And you can't switch places. All you can
do is watch and then h afterwards. Regardless of the outcome,
(58:48):
you're expected to get over it. You're expected to go on.
You're suspected to and not talk about it because you
or somebody's else's worst nightmare, because you can't share your
(59:12):
story because the person that you're sharing it with is
probably another mother and she doesn't want to hear it.
You are their worst nightmare, and so people will run.
(59:35):
And that is really lonely. And you can't always rely
on your spouse because he needs or she needs the
same support you do, because they're also living their worst nightmare.
(01:00:00):
M hm. So I would say, don't hide, give yourself
what you need. You need to talk, you need, you
need support. This is not something you're gonna get over.
Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
This is.
Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Regardless of the outcome. You're talking about two people. I
am thankful for my daughter, but that doesn't deal with
(01:00:47):
the horror and the pain and the roller coaster through hell.
That's what it is. That's what you're dealing with. A
sick with your child. Anything that hews to your child,
it is a it is a collercoaster through help. That
(01:01:08):
that is not something that that you can't deal with
that on your own. And so I would like to
see a community or a network of parents. And I
don't know what that would look like, because this is
(01:01:29):
the one thing that was so frustrating, is that you
really don't know what you need. M Everyone came out
to help when you were sick. How can I help you?
What can we do? And the truth is I didn't know.
(01:01:54):
I didn't know. I didn't know what I needed. I
knew what I wanted, I knew what I prayed for.
I knew what my goal was, even though I couldn't
control it. It was about you, my child. But when
(01:02:14):
when you start looking at what do I mean me,
I don't know, And I think that I would like
I think I think I would like to see either
more research, more community based programs, more more therapist initiated
(01:02:46):
for and not not cancer support, life support, because you know,
even to this day, I have a friend, I've had
two friends actually been diagnosed. These children have been diagnosed
with cancer since and sometimes most of the time, all
(01:03:11):
the time, I don't know what to say. So I
don't know what to give them. I don't know what
to tell them because that pain is so hard. There
is nothing, but sometimes it just sometimes I find if
(01:03:33):
you're willing to sit with it, to sit with them
in their pain and don't say anything and just be
there and know that this might go on for years.
And I say that because it's been eleven years, and
(01:04:02):
I'm still crying when I think about it.
Speaker 1 (01:04:08):
So it's been eleven years, but look, you know, look
at the life that we've both built. It's it's a
bad memory. I remember doctor Lewis saying one day you're
(01:04:28):
going to look back and it's just going to be
a bad memory. And for me, that has been my reality.
Something that happened, but it doesn't It has no bearing
on my future, has no bearing on my present day.
It's just something that happened.
Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
I think you just gave me the answer. I was
looking forward to your question. I think as parents we
need support and help so that this doesn't define us,
that we can regain the life and regain you know. Yeah,
(01:05:05):
I think that's what we need.
Speaker 1 (01:05:09):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
That was awesome, Mom. Thank you so much for opening
up and sharing that. I mean, I was heavy. That
was a tough conversation, but I really appreciate you, you know,
being vulnerable and and being open to talk about it.
It's not something that we hear a lot about because
it's not a pretty story. It's not a picture perfect ending,
(01:05:37):
you know, regardless of what happens, it's a reality. It's dark,
it sucks, and you come out of it. I mean,
I'm not a cancer patient. I'm not a cancer victim.
And that's not just because of myself, but also because
of you and Dad and everything that you guys did
(01:06:00):
for me. So while it hurt, you were you made
a lot, you did a lot, You're very proactive, and
I mean, I cannot say how much I appreciate everything
that you've done for me because I can't put it
into words, but thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
You're my heart.
Speaker 4 (01:06:16):
When I when I looked at it and think, you know,
I guess, I guess honestly, Brenda, I.
Speaker 2 (01:06:31):
You know, it's it's seeing you live the life. It's
seeing you live the life that you're living right now,
your happiness and and and just yeah, that's that is,
that is that's the gratitude that that I that I
(01:06:52):
that does my heart beautifully, That yeah, that does that
is absolutely When I look.
Speaker 5 (01:07:01):
At what you've done with the doors that Dad and
I just opened, oh yeah, oh yeah, it's worth it.
Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
Absolutely. I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
I wanted to thank you so much for joining me
today being my first guest on my podcast, like way
to freaking open it up and sorry, for people that
have to follow.
Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
Oh I think I think you won't have any problems
with people doing that.
Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
No, all right, well until next time, I love you.
Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
I love you too, dore Lyn. Happy Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (01:07:47):
Happy Mother's Day. Congratulations you made it to the end
of episode. Thank you so much for listening, and if
you're feeling compelled, inspired, motivated, please leave some stars, leave
(01:08:09):
a review and let's grow this thing together. Thank you
again for listening. I am so proud of you. Now
go rock your gold metal life. I will see you
next week.
Welcome to the gold metal mindset. I'm your host, Brenna Huckabee,
cancer survivor, amputee in two time Paralympic gold medalist snowboarder,
who is obsessed with coaching you into living a gold
metal life. Consider this your weekly training and self confidence,
motivation and productivity. You will be challenged here to step
(00:30):
onto the top of the podium, the cream of the crop,
into the one percent where the dreamers turn in to
action takers so you can quench your unshakeable thirst for more.
Show up and say yes to yourself and your dreams
each week, because you are worthy of more. So let's
get into it. On today's podcast, I set it down
(00:58):
with my mom to learn about her perspective during my
cancer journey. We have never sat down to really dive
into this topic, and as a mother myself, I recognize
how she lived a worst case scenario. She had to
watch her daughter battle cancer, lose her passion, her life,
her leg and her relationships. I often wonder what gave
(01:18):
my mom not only the will to fight, but the
ability to seem like she had it all together. My
mom is a badass. She finished her nursing degree at
forty led me through cancer and was the force that
moved me to Utah, which ultimately kickstarted my Paralympic career.
Before we dive in, I want to give a quick
trigger warning. This topic is heavy. We talk about sick children, cancer, amputation.
(01:44):
It's some pretty big stuff. But without further ado, my mom,
Christy Huckaby, Hello, we have today my mother, Christy Huckabee
on the podcast. I am so excited for this because
I have been dying to have this conversation with her.
A lot of you guys have reached out wanting to
(02:05):
know what it was like for my mom during my
cancer journey and getting me to the Paralympics, and so
I am going to pick her brain, have a conversation
and really see what her heart is all about. So welcome, Mom.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I am happy to be here, and thank you so
much for asking me to join you on this. I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Of course, I would not want anyone else to be
my first guest. It just feels like a natural fit.
And it's on Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
How are you gonna make me cry?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
We haven't even gotten into the good yet.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You can't cry?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Well, okay, So the first question people wanted me to
ask you was, what was little Brenna like growing up?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
She's amazing, just like big Brenna.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
You started that with a laugh. I feel like I
need to know more.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Well, first of all, you came out flipping. That is,
you did not learn to walk, You learned to flip.
You flipped everywhere. So little little little Brenna was about
clearing the pathway so you don't get kicked. Unfortunately, your
(03:30):
brother Jeremy didn't learn that one. And it was about
protecting TV's and getting uh, finding avenues for your high,
very high energy levels. Little Brenna was pretty amazing because
she was smart, and she was energetic, and she was
(03:54):
loving and she was determined. And little Brenna came into
this world letting us know that this was her world
and where where everyone else fit in.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I love that I was a boss.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Okay, you're a boss. You're definitely a boss. Did come
in screaming because the poor doctor had to stop you
from breathing and so he could sucktion you out and
it made you mad, and so you came out and
you screamed for about good forty five minutes. And when
your brothers first saw you, that was their first impression
(04:31):
of you, and their first response was, mom, is she
going to stop?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, to be fair, the doctor was quite rude, like,
how are you choking?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It made you mad, as it should.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yes, I'm mad thinking about it. So I did gymnastics
from the age of eight until you did gymnastics.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Until the moment you came out, okay valadial gymnastics. Yes,
at eight, you really got put into a gymnastics tumbling
class because your older brother told on you. Jordan told
on you because you were throwing flips on your own
(05:19):
and you just Mama watched this and then you do
a front flip and and since you didn't have the technique,
it was really scary, and so we told you you're
not allowed to do any flips by yourself, and you
of course agreed, but this was your world. So your
(05:42):
brother taught you in the recess doing flips. And then
so when he told me, he said, Mama, you told
her not to flip, but I saw her at recess
she was throwing flips, and so I.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Said, well that's it. We put in a tumbling class.
So that was you went. You were having You were
just started a recreational gymnastics class. And the rule was,
you know, no flips unless you're in the gym. But
they weren't teaching you that yet. That wasn't that was
way you know that you were. It was recreational at
(06:15):
that time, and so we quickly put you into a
tumbling class in addition to your gymnastics class, which led to, hey,
we want her competing with us, And then we gladly
did that because we at the time TVs were on
the ground, not hanging on the wall, and I just
knew that it was much cheaper to put you in
(06:35):
a gymnastics class and to replace the TV periodicity.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
That's fair. I love that. So I had big dreams
with gymnastics. I want to hear from your perspective what
that looked like.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
For me, it was watching you do more of what
you wanted. It was I didn't know, but you were
only hate. You know, I didn't know what you're freedom
or goal was. I do remember when you were invited
to go work on the team and be homeschooled and
(07:11):
pulled out and you know, let's do this twenty four
to seven kind of thing. My answer at the time
was no, because you were so small. I was like,
unless she looks at me in her in my eyes
and says, this is all I want to do. You know,
(07:32):
I wasn't willing to do that, but I was willing
to take your lead. Let you take the lead. And
so if you wanted more of a gymnastics class, then
we gave you more gymnastics. If you wanted gymnastics and tumbling,
(07:52):
then we gave you that. If you wanted competitive gymnastics,
then we let we took you by. You basically told
us what you wanted and we followed. You know, it
wasn't I'd never wanted to be that mother that lived vicariously.
I never wanted to be the one that goes you know,
(08:13):
you have to do this. You have to because you're
good and you can do something with it, and you
can whatever. You know, I couldn't do that. This was
your gift, and I never wanted your gift to be
turned in into a curse because somebody else pushed you
(08:33):
into something you didn't want to do. The only thing
I asked is that if you commit it to a team,
that you see that team through. You were welcome to
quit any time you want it, just not in the
middle of the season. You know, you commit it to
a team. You saw it through and at the end
of the season, if you didn't want to do it again,
(08:54):
that was fine. And you never were that way. You
were no, I I want this year, I want next year,
I want it? Can I get in five classes? You know?
Can I tumble? And at one point you did say
can I tumble twenty four to seven? And that's when
we put you in. Since me being a teacher at
(09:17):
the time, especially being a middle school teacher, that's when
I homeschooled you for middle school to give you that.
And I honestly gave you that, thinking to myself, one
month of this and she's going to go back to
regular school, because that was a heck of a workout,
It really was. And I mean, you knew the school.
(09:39):
You remember the score it was. You're going to do
your work. You're going to maintain the academic standards, and
if you don't, this is not going to work. You know,
school comes first, gymnasis comes second, and you knew that.
And you never let your grades down. You never let
your work up, you know, and let up on your work.
(10:00):
You did what you were asked to do academically and
so that you could spend the rest of your time
flipping and doing gymnastics, and so I was always amazed,
and just I was amazed because I don't think I
ever had that kind of love and desire for something,
(10:24):
you know, like I can'te even the things that I
enjoyed doing in life, I can't imagine doing them, you know,
and loving something so much this is all I want
to do. So I was really happy to accommodate that
for you, so that, you know, to see where One
time your coaches and I sat down in a meeting
(10:47):
and the plan was at that time, let's see how
far she goes, like we don't see limits here, we
don't see you know, we don't think, we don't know.
I mean, it was it was let's see how let's
see how high she can go. Let's see how far
she can go. And I think you kind of amazed
(11:09):
all of us because at eight years old, when I
showed up and said, this little girl wants to compete
on your team, the look was, wow, why couldn't we
get her at five? Almost like, oh, well, it's too late.
And so when you came on the scene, it was
quite clear it was not too late, you know, and
(11:31):
they wanted to watch you go as high as you could,
and unfortunately we never saw that. We never saw how
high you can go because, like many athletes, you were
taken out for a reason that was well way beyond
your control. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I think that's a perfect segue. I feel like you
had so many just gems for any parents out there.
For me personally, the rule if you will to finish
what you commit to is definitely one that is in
my household. I really honor that. And then also allowing
your kiddos to take the lead and you're their guide,
(12:12):
which I think is super cool because you know, I
live at a school with athletes and you don't necessarily
see that from every parent, and it's really sad because
you can see the hurt within the athletes. And so
I greatly appreciate that from a child's perspective because I
believe that is what made me great at what I did.
(12:34):
I did it for me and everything I do is
for me, and I really appreciate that upbringing. So we
kind of had a natural flow into you know, why
my gymnastics career ended, and this is something I'm very
open into talking about.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
But what we've.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Never had officially is just like your perspective of that time,
and as a parent, you know, I'm a parent now,
I can't imagine watching one of my girls go through
cancer and lose what they've worked so hard to build.
So if you wouldn't mind just talking about a little
(13:11):
bit that period of time when we saw the end
and we didn't know what the rest was going to
look like.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
You actually saw the end before ever. I couldn't believe
it because the day I picked you up from the
doctor to go to the doctor. I picked you up
from Jim to go to the doctor, and you were
in the back seat and you said, Mom, I just
have this feeling that I will never go back to
gymnastics again. And I looked at you and I thought, no, baby, no,
(13:47):
of course you're going to go back to gymnastic. That
was really that was a wow kind of moment. It
must have been really hurting you. The history on that
was you kept complaining about your leg hurting, and it
was intermittent. You would come home from Jim crying, my
(14:10):
leg hurts, my leg hurts, and I would be, Okay,
I'll make a doctor's appointment. We're going to go to
the doctor and you would be crying, you would be hurting,
obviously hurting, and I would you'd come home, I'd make
a bee line to the telephone. I'd pick it up
(14:31):
and start dialing, and I'm looking outside and you're jumping
on the trampoline and I'm like, what am I calling
the doctor for? You know, wait a minute, And I
kept up with it. I did take you to the
doctor on January because it really was bothering you, and
that wouldn't make sense that a doctor's appointment would occur
(14:51):
then because you were in the middle of the season,
so you were using it, and so you were constantly
complaining about your knee hurting, And so I did take
you to the doc after that January, and you were
supposed to stay off of it because it was twisted
or injured because you had done a floor routine and
thought that you had twisted your knee on a floor routine.
(15:12):
So it was stay off of it and let it heal,
which is not something an athlete does during the middle
of the competition season. So when you continue to complain
about it, it was like, well, I guess, so you
didn't stay off of it, and so I didn't really
pay that much of attention to it because I figured
(15:33):
after the season, then you'll take care of it after
the season. I mean, because you were just you were
dedicated to your sport and you want it to you
just I just knew that. And then in the summer
it was on and off. You know, yes it hurts,
No moment doesn't hurt. I'd pick you up from gym,
and no moment doesn't hurt. I had a good day
(15:55):
to day. I finally did get a doctor's appointment. Two
weeks before that, we went on a trip, actually it
was a week before that. We went to Georgia. They're
the highest mountain in Georgia. Is it's massive.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
It's like all of three hundred feet.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Well, it was five hundred steps, five hundred to six
hundred steps and going all the way up, which me
and me me took very slowly. And you had decided
to run it, like you were like, Mom, it's summertime
and I haven't been working out very much, so this
(16:38):
is going to be my workout. And you hit the
bottom and you ran all the way up to the top,
and you ran, and when I finally joined you at
the summit, the first thing I asked you was how's
your name, how's your leg, and you went, it's fine,
I don't have a problem. I was like, great, we're done.
We finally you know, you had time to rest it,
(16:59):
you had time take care of it. It was just
twisted from that, you know, from that Florartine that you
had done and everything is fine. And the next day
when we got back you from vacation, you went dogging
with your brother and couldn't make it home. And so
that's when I went, this is not right. I'm keeping
(17:21):
that appointment. That day of the appointment, you came into
my room and you said, Mom, I'm fine, it doesn't hurt.
Just cancel the appointment. And said, no, we have to
have answers. We're not doing this anymore. We're going something.
We need an answer. And unfortunately we got the answer,
and it didn't you know, because that by that time
(17:42):
it had grown and you could see it. It was
never your knee, it was the lower part of your fear,
and so when we were taking pictures of the knee,
we really couldn't see the tumor. But by the time,
by the time we did discover it, it was showing
up at the It finally showed up. That was It
(18:08):
was one of the worst days of my life. It
more than just sucked. There's a lot of guilt. Why
didn't I insist back in January? I was old school.
We didn't do rehab. They wanted you to do rehab.
I was like, she's going to stay six weeks off
(18:29):
of it. It's twisted. She'll be fine. We don't rehab.
Maybe we would have discovered it so earlier. I was scared,
didn't I remember at that moment, I knew that whenever
life I had lived on this earth, it just ended.
And I didn't know what life was going to be
(18:49):
life after. But I knew that whatever I had known
in the life that I had lived up until that
point had just ended. It was how do we keep
you alive? Who will you live?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Look, don't apologize. This is a hard conversation, and like,
I appreciate you opening up to this extent, and my God,
please don't apologize. Can I share with you? I guess
my perspective of how you handled the situation? The situation? God,
(19:33):
what I remember is when we found the tumor. One
I didn't know what the tumor was. I remember when
you told me when we got back from the doctor's office,
you kind of explained to me what was going on,
But what I saw from you was action on what
is going to happen next. I saw somebody take charge
(19:57):
of a shitty situation and see and put in place
what you could do to make it better. And like
that inspires me literally every day because I don't know
if you necessarily knew that I was looking, but that
is what I saw. I saw somebody who was not
going to give up, who is not going to take
(20:18):
no for an answer, who was going to get their
child the best treatment, the best doctor, no questions asked,
whatever it took. That's who I saw that night and
and to today, like she still exists and she's through
the screen, and I wish you were right here so
(20:38):
I could give you a big hug.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
But my god, I would do anything for that right now.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
It feels like that would be really necessary right now.
But I mean, that's what I saw looking in as
I saw my mom who was calling the doctor, trying
to figure out where to go, who was the best,
what do we do?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
What does this mean? You know?
Speaker 1 (21:03):
It wasn't somebody who just accepted it and was like, oh, predoomed.
It was this sucks. How are we going to get
through this?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I I called my dad. He was the first person
that I called and I told you, and I said, Dad,
I can't do this. I can't do this. I don't
(21:36):
know what to do. And he said, Chrus, you're gonna
get make it through this. You're gonna get her through this.
You will do it. And when I reminded him of
that a couple of years after, he really thought that
(21:58):
that was not understanding, like harsh and I told him,
I said, Dad, I needed to hear that. I needed
somebody to say, you will do this. You know you're
gonna do it, you will do it, because I didn't
think that I could. And then my second call was
(22:21):
to your aunt Lou and I said, help me through this,
get me through this, and she did so I guess
that goes you know, to support your support system, you
have to have it, because I have one of the
(22:45):
best support systems. I'm lucky, so lucky. I come from
a family that loves us very much. And I still
felt alone, and I still felt confused, and I still
felt scared, and I still didn't know what to do.
(23:07):
But I have genes that you know, the fight or flight,
and I may want to run, and often do, but
when I'm backed up, I will fight. And I just
felt like that's what I needed to do. I needed
to fight, and so I put everything into the hands
(23:31):
of my doctors and learned I trusted the doctor who said,
this is the person you need to see, these are
the people where you need to go, these are the
people you need to We were very blessed with a
good doctor who took who made the arrangements for us.
(23:56):
We were devastated and I just didn't know we were
We couldn't. We just shocked. And we were sitting in
m D. Anderson two days later because of doctor Planter,
because he's the one who said, let me make a
few phone calls. If this were my daughter, this is
(24:19):
the route. And so we followed and and you know,
you know, your medical team never wonderful, Lewis, doctor Anderson,
they sure blessed.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Absolutely, they were the best of the best.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Well, I had to look, you know. One of the
things that was really hard. I never could accept this.
I think for a long time I thought acceptance was
not doing anything. But I recently heard a definition that
acceptance is just refusing to do things that no longer work,
(24:57):
you know, or doing things that don't work, so that
that made sense to me. I was in I was
insistent that we find we have a miracle. We must
have a miracle, give us a miracle, must have a miracle,
and if there's not going to be a miracle, then
then tragedy would ensue. And it was actually doctor Lewis
(25:20):
that clear the room out because I say this because
of what you were talking about looking watching me. She
cleared the room out of everybody, but she kept me
in it. And she says, I want you to understand
that your daughter is watching you, and she's watching everything
that you do, and how you handle this is how
(25:41):
she's going to handle this. And she said this may
not seem like a miracle to you because your daughter
is going to lose her leg, but this amputation is
your miracle. Wow. And it took me a long time
to realize she was right. I didn't never, I never
(26:03):
did accept the amputation as being a miracle for a
long time. But when she said, you were watching me,
and I wanted more of the type of person that
you are naturally. At one point you came to me
and you said, Mom, am I going to die? And
(26:28):
I didn't know. I didn't know you had a very
you had a very had a very bad, mean cancer
and you had a really a really brutal chemotherapy. And
(26:49):
I didn't know, but I do what I felt like
every person. I looked you in the eyes and said, oh, yes, baby,
you will, you absolutely will. And you said, mom, it's
okay if I don't, because I be good life fourteen
(27:14):
years old. And I thought, I thought, this is an
amazing person, and I will do anything that I can
do to make sure that however long she does live,
it's still going to be a good life. So that
was my goal.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Holy cow, well I wasn't expecting to cry, but that
definitely gave me tears. And this is not fair that
I can't hug you right now, because yeah, that was
really impactful and that was a lot what I want
to I guess I don't know the part where you said,
(27:56):
doctor Lewis pulled you aside and said that, like I
I'm watching, You're right, absolutely right. Whether I realized it
or not, that how you handled that situation was going
to influence how I handled not only that situation, but
other situations in the future, like you do you follow?
(28:20):
I mean, you're my leader, you're my mom, like we follow.
And I don't know if it's clear to you, but
I think I handled things pretty well, and so I
guess when people ask how do I do this? Well,
now we know the answer. She's sitting right next to
me on the screen by my mom.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Oh that's sweet. Is just a great mother's day.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Oh it's true. I mean, it's absolutely true, because like
I told you, I was watching, whether you realized it
or not, and my interpretations of events were clearly seeing
you as somebody who was taking charge of the situation
and who was getting me through it, not some you know,
I didn't see the pain.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I didn't see.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Your your followings or whatever. Like what I saw was
you taking charge and I really honor and respect that,
and you're human. But at fourteen, in my fourteen year
old brain, I didn't see you, know, I didn't honor
your emotions or know that you had emotions. Like what
I saw was strong, like somebody who's getting through it.
(29:28):
But now as an adult, I recognize there was so
much more going on in the background, so much more,
And I just really think getting to talk about what
that looked like has been really beneficial for myself and
I'm sure so many other people. I want to ask
you before we move on, if you could give someone
(29:51):
who's watching their child, be it cancer amputation regardless of
the age. You know, a mother is a mother and
a child's a child forever and so well, what would
that advice be to get through that for the parent?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
An honest answer absolutely would be there is a God,
and to understand that our God, regardless of what the
people interpret are what they say, he's there. I will
(30:26):
never believe that he gives us things that we can't handle.
That's the big thing that people tried to tell me. No,
my God doesn't give a fourteen year old cancer, and
some people believe that they could have stopped it, or
he could have whatever. I will never understand any of that.
(30:51):
But what I do understand is that without my faith,
I never would have made it through if this went
tragically wrong, that you were going to be okay and
(31:13):
that I was going to be okay. Because there is
something about our spirituality that we cannot rationalize and we
cannot think logically, so we don't understand it, and we
are afraid to give into it. But when you have
(31:36):
your entire world pulled out from underneath you and that's
all you have, then you give into it and you
lean into it and it is there. And my spirituality
and my faith carried me. And actually that came from you.
(32:00):
You looked at me one day in the midst of this,
during your amputation, and not knowing what the end result
would be, you said, Mom, you said all things are
possible through God. And I don't know that you That
(32:22):
was your mandra you know you you said that, and
I so much that I I felt I leaned into it.
I did I fellies, and I remember praying and I
(32:47):
asked God through all of this, no matter how it is,
I want to see your corey, Please just help me
your glory. And when I prayed that you had two legs,
(33:10):
I didn't understand God's glory. When you were going in
there having that right leg taken off, I didn't understand
watching it. Poison lethal does poison board into your veins?
And I am I am, I am approving this. I
(33:35):
am willingly turning you over to have poison in your veins.
And I didn't understand and I may never understand, but
I asked him to see his glory, and when I
look at you, I see it. I see it. I
(33:56):
see it in my beautiful water. M So it's it's
it really has been my faith. It's been my faith.
It's been my support system that helped me through it.
(34:17):
It's taken my lead from you. I know, I know
it's not politically correct to say h and I know
that there are people who don't have the same outcome
that we had that will never understand. But I just
(34:43):
felt in my heart of hearts that there is something
beyond us, there is something more, and we're only tapped
into a small portion Earth. And I believe that on
(35:07):
some level I was able to lean into a little
bit more than we experience as humans. I was able
to reach into my spirituality and in my faith. And
it's very hard to articulate. It's extremely hard to articulate
(35:31):
because I don't think that we can. I think there's
just something out there that that is more than, that
is greater than ourselves and completely not we're not able
to understand. But there is this this feeling, this this
connection that when it happens, you know what it is,
(35:56):
you know, And that was something that I felt that
I could, I could lean into I love that. That's
what That's what I call.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Amen, And honestly, like all things are possible is still
something that I tell myself today because there's something too
having faith. I mean, there's something to it. Whether or
not your life is you know, picture perfect, or it
feels like it's crumbling down around you, just knowing that
there's something better out there really helps just take the
(36:33):
edge off into just live and find bits of peace
in the moment. And I don't know, there's something to that,
and so I really appreciate you, you know, having the
courage to say that, because yeah, it's not something that
is quote unquote politically correct, and you know, there is
a lot of pain behind it for those people who
(36:54):
don't have the outcome that we've had. But I believe
that there's there's always something better on the other side.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
And so.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Yeah, I just really appreciate you, appreciate you saying that
I would, if it's okay with you, like to switch
gears into moving to Utah from Louisiana and taking I
guess the darkest, darkest times in our life and turning
it into something beautiful. I feel like there was a
(37:26):
lot of blind faith. That's something that we've talked about before.
Through that, yeah, through that journey in and what was
it like for you to make the decision?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
You know, we went snowboarding.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
You saw the light in my eye. You saw the
potential for me to live a normal life through snowboarding
in Utah. So what went through your mind saying, you
know what, we don't have all the answers, but I'm
going to make this move anyway. So what did that
look like for you?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Well, again, I trusted higher power. I trusted I remember
when you came home and you had learned to walk again,
and you had had a prosthetic, and you were through
with chemo, and and it was actually time for me
(38:24):
to rejoin your regular school. People had sort of moved
on and formed friendships when you were there in ninth
grade and knew like everyone else and then had to leave.
By the time you came back, friendships had already been formed.
(38:45):
School went on things, you know, were they were experiencing
things that that you had missed out. So it was
very lonely time for you. You had lost gym. Not
only did you lose gym, but you weren't going to
be able to swim for anybody, time, for anybody the
other There are things that I had looked into when
we thought you were you going to have the limb
salvage surgery, and when we thought it was benign, and
(39:14):
I remember you laying on the couch. I remember a
period of time where you know, this, this this beautiful
daughter who was full of life and energy and flipping
and smart and social. And it was not that anymore.
(39:36):
She was stationary and sad, and there was no light
in her eyes, and she was on a couch, belonging
a couch, And I thought, oh no, oh no, we
(39:57):
have gone to huh A fight was too hard, that battle,
that fight for life was too hard. It was you're
gonna you have to have a life worth a fight.
And I just knew that we were gonna find it.
I just knew it. I was willing my m My
(40:18):
idea was that the world was big. The world was big.
You didn't have to be in South Louisiana on a
couch because your humidity caused your leg to fall off.
You know, you were an athlete. I knew that gymnastics
was just your passion. You know, there's a lot of
(40:40):
things you can do in this world, and we were
just going to find it. A lot of the community
came together and we did running. You didn't like running
and like running before you lost your leg. I don't
know why we thought you'd like running after you lost
your leg.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
I still don't like running.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
And and I just I remember, you know again, praying,
and this is really hard. Just I can't allow this
child to be on the couch. There is this life.
The life she is having now is not the life
she fought for. So where what do we do? Where
(41:19):
do I go? And I prayed for that answer, and we,
like I said, we tried many things and it didn't work.
Triathlons with challenge athletes in San Diego. I don't know
if you remember that trip. It's a good trip. It
(41:39):
was closed, you were smiling and you were happy to
be out. But it wasn't until that that m. De
Anderson trip, uh that I believed changed your life. It
was life changing. The doctors that put that program together,
(42:00):
it is amazing. I am so sorry they don't find
it important enough to put the money into it for
the people that come behind you, you know, because their
lives could be touched and changed too. And when they
put you on that snowboard and your eyes lit up,
Oh my god, Brenna. I didn't even realize, you know how,
(42:26):
I didn't even realize that it had gone out until
it was back out again, up again, and you're just
you just sparkled, and I went, this is it. That
was it. That was the magic moment. And when I
came home, your dad was like, okay, so you went
to Utah and now you're going back to stay all right?
(42:50):
Did you put your brain along the way?
Speaker 1 (42:55):
I mean, it is the best snow on earth.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
So I had him go back. I said, you got
an invitation to go back through terror. You're the coach.
Amazing and Travis and I said, I said, Jeff, you
take her and if you don't see what I saw,
(43:21):
then it's over. It's done. So your dad came home
after that trip that he took you, and he said,
when do you want to leave? Because he saw the
light go on and he knew he wanted more of that.
(43:41):
So together, I mean again, I leaned into my faith.
I leaned into what I don't understand but I know
is there. And I basically said, if this is the
direction you want my daughter to go in. If this
is what you want me to do, then just make
(44:05):
it happen. And the way that you make it happen,
like I had control, but the way I know it's
supposed to happen is that she needs an education. She
needs to have a good education. Is that's what's going
to help her make a living. And I said, and
(44:25):
she needs her doctors. She needs to have good health
care because that's going the way she's going to live,
you know, is with her doctors. And it needs to
be safe because I'm going up there by myself with
my teenage daughter, so it needs to be safe, and
(44:47):
we need and it needs to be safe because dad
needs to know that he is sending his wife and
his baby daughter to a safe place. He needs to
trust that. And those are pretty strong odds against anywhere,
you know. And within a year we had reactions like
(45:10):
taking you to the taking you to your oncologist at M.
D Anderson, telling her the plan, and her going, she's going, well,
one of my best doctor friends that I have up
there is another orthopedist oncologist. He's up there in Salt Lake,
you know, doctor check, you know. And then we get
(45:32):
to the school system, and the school system is a
wonderful school system. What you know, we're in south South Louisiana.
There are no wonderful school systems. So it's like, are
you kidding me? There's a school system you know that
that people actually don't mind sending their kids to check
(45:55):
And then your dad came home and he said, you're
not gonna believe this. But one of my coworkers left
New Orleans because they had gotten robbed at onepoint and
loved Salt Lake City because it was safe. She is
(46:16):
redoing her home to do a bottom apartment for somebody
to rent, and we went safe place to live. I
was like, I'm listening, God, I'll buy the plane ticket.
I had so much faith that it was going to
(46:37):
work out that I it was. I graduated nursing school,
took the inclex, didn't even know I passed the Inclex,
got on a plane with no job, no job, no license,
and went, you know, it's just going to work out.
And within two weeks I had a dog and found
(47:00):
out I did pass the check and Jack, that.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Is so freaking amazing, Like I feel like when it's
meant to be, it always works out Like that is
it's so true. That's something I constantly say. And just
seeing how everything unfolded, there was no force, It just happened.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Because and that was that, that really was. I leaned
into my faith again and and and said this is
and then that's that's the truth. We know. These are
the things that in not not really knowing, Like Utah
was never on my radar, you know, when I'm putting
(47:43):
my bucket list together or when I'm thinking of places
I'd like to live. The West was, you know, Colorado
was as far west as I wanted to go, you know,
because it because we have family out there and I
love it up there. I have gone to Seattle and
live with my brother. I would have done something different.
It wasn't. It wasn't looking at Utah. And Utah turns
(48:05):
out to be I think one of the most beautiful
places that the United States has to offer. And and
it doesn't help I'm a little biased that I had
a great experience with you there and and I love that.
(48:25):
Our goal, which is really our our goal, was never
We're going to you know, oh, we're gonna, We're we're gonna,
We're gonna bring this daughter, our daughter up here. So
because she can go to the Olympics. That that was
never that was never it. That was your goal, baby,
(48:46):
that was yours, our goal. I don't know if you
remember me telling you this, but before we went to
Utah and before we ever it ever worked out, it
was it was maybe you have had a rough go
and rough and this is an opportunity for you to
have some happiness. And I think the best thing to
(49:10):
do at this point is to flip it around a
little bit. Instead of going to school and then you know,
graduating from school and then going to college and then
getting a job and then working really hard and then retiring,
you know, why don't we just flip it. Why don't
you retire first? Why don't you enjoy your life, just
(49:33):
spend some time doing what Brenna likes to do, and
then go to college and then go to work, you know,
And here we are and you and I think you
kind of you know, I mean, that was it. I
was like I really thought that, Yeah, she's gonna go
(49:54):
She's gonna have just enjoy and enjoy her time be
on the team snowboard for Utah, be you know, be
part of the adopted sports. That she might go to college,
you know, in Utah. But she's coming back to Louisiana.
I never saw Tristan Clegg coming.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
He was so cute.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
He really is a great daddy, just a he and yeah,
so yeah, never saw Tristan coming. But I figured, but
you have to go two thousand miles away to find
the love in your life, too, baby. And no, that
was that was worth it. Oh. I love that.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
It was all a part of it, right, That's part
of what you wanted for me, you know, you just
got him think it was gonna happen in Utah.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
It would be back to South Louisiana, you know. But
when I realized, honestly that was my dream, you know,
that was fine and and and I'm kind of selfish,
so I wanted I wanted you with me here, you know,
fair enough. But I understood after you came home for
(51:14):
a little while, I realized you have a tough time
in the cull with your leg falling all you could
really hurt yourself. The community and the and and the
type of prosthetic that you have and need. That it
wasn't conducive to this humidity. It wasn't were it was scary.
(51:35):
I've seen you fall more than once seen you fall
with you with your baby in your arms.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
And I still do fall like it happens, but it
is worse there for sure for me personally. Absolutely So
I got I guess I wanted to ask you was
it worth it?
Speaker 2 (51:57):
Absolutely worth it? I all right? So when I ask
you for my goal, when I tell you my goal
was to for you to experience happiness for a little
while and then decide. You know, you looked at me
probably about three or four months into being in Utah,
(52:19):
you looked at me and said, I'm going to the Paralympics. Mom,
I'm going to do that. That is that. And then
you had made your own girl goal. And I, of course,
as usual, you know, maybe I'm behind you. This is
what you want. I'm not going to push you. I'm
gonna support you, you know. And you walked through that.
(52:42):
And so I opened up the door for that, Daddy,
and I opened up the door for that. And you, boy,
you rock it.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
That's because of all the things you've taught me up
until that point.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
You rocked it. And uh so my goal for you
I succeeded in and and uh it's always good to
succeed in a goal you were happy and and you did.
Then then you decided to go from there and make
(53:16):
your own goals. So to watch you go from the
couch with not really sure what you're going to do,
how you're going to live, and just I could see
you would shut down who wouldn't who wouldn't shut down
to getting you on to where you are now? And
(53:41):
I was part of that do what was it worth it? Oh? Yeah,
oh yes? I love that so much. As part of
seeing his glory, baby, I asked to see his glory.
I'm seeing it. I love that.
Speaker 1 (54:02):
I have one last question for you. What did you
wish you knew going through all of that? What is
something you wish you would have known before you started?
Speaker 2 (54:14):
I wish I would have had a better handle on
what was going on medically to save you from the
pain of your leg, because at one point it would
have waited too late, and if I had kept, if
(54:35):
we had kept, it was scary. It was scary to
realize that a tumor had been in your leg since January,
you know, and we didn't find it until September. It
(54:56):
was scary. So I guess I wish I would have
known that when somebody complains of their knee. It could
be their femur. I wish I would have known that,
because I don't know if the outcome would have been
any different. Sometimes I think if we had thought to
(55:19):
look at that closer, you never would have gotten that
last season in in gymnastics. And that was a good
season for you. Even competing, it was a good seaton.
With a tumor in your leg, it was still a
good season for you. So we may not have had
that season, but we also did run the risk of
(55:44):
it being too late, and it wasn't. And I think
I attribute some of that to your healthy lifestyle, exercise, diet,
you know, especially your diet. You've always been one not
to not to participate in the diet of your family.
You always it's very you know, And and again it
(56:07):
was I had it in the house for you because
that's what you ate. You know, the rest of us
take the cookies. I love that.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
My Okay, my last last question. This is my life.
I always have way too many last questions. But if
you could give a parent advice, they've come out of it,
you know, whether that's cancer amputation, and they're ready to
kind of move forward either with themselves or helping their
(56:38):
children move forward. What is something that they could start
doing now that you think would help.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
That's a really good question. And what makes it a
good question is that I feel that there aren't a
lot of resources for parents and for family members, because
cancer touches everyone in the family when one member, when
(57:12):
a child has a cancer, even though there isn't a
physical tumor, it eats away at the siblings, the father,
the mother. They hurt, they're scared, they're their answers. And
(57:36):
the worst part about it is that that you have
no control. There is nothing you can do. You can
walk into a cancer worn and you can tell who
the parents are because we all wear that same look.
(57:59):
But for so reason, there is not there. There needs
to be a there needs to be support system for
the family and and and particularly the parents because you're
(58:21):
at a loss. There is no control. M yeah, stop,
can't do anything, can't even give them your own leg
mm hmmm. And you can't switch places. All you can
do is watch and then h afterwards. Regardless of the outcome,
(58:48):
you're expected to get over it. You're expected to go on.
You're suspected to and not talk about it because you
or somebody's else's worst nightmare, because you can't share your
(59:12):
story because the person that you're sharing it with is
probably another mother and she doesn't want to hear it.
You are their worst nightmare, and so people will run.
(59:35):
And that is really lonely. And you can't always rely
on your spouse because he needs or she needs the
same support you do, because they're also living their worst nightmare.
(01:00:00):
M hm. So I would say, don't hide, give yourself
what you need. You need to talk, you need, you
need support. This is not something you're gonna get over.
Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
This is.
Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Regardless of the outcome. You're talking about two people. I
am thankful for my daughter, but that doesn't deal with
(01:00:47):
the horror and the pain and the roller coaster through hell.
That's what it is. That's what you're dealing with. A
sick with your child. Anything that hews to your child,
it is a it is a collercoaster through help. That
(01:01:08):
that is not something that that you can't deal with
that on your own. And so I would like to
see a community or a network of parents. And I
don't know what that would look like, because this is
(01:01:29):
the one thing that was so frustrating, is that you
really don't know what you need. M Everyone came out
to help when you were sick. How can I help you?
What can we do? And the truth is I didn't know.
(01:01:54):
I didn't know. I didn't know what I needed. I
knew what I wanted, I knew what I prayed for.
I knew what my goal was, even though I couldn't
control it. It was about you, my child. But when
(01:02:14):
when you start looking at what do I mean me,
I don't know, And I think that I would like
I think I think I would like to see either
more research, more community based programs, more more therapist initiated
(01:02:46):
for and not not cancer support, life support, because you know,
even to this day, I have a friend, I've had
two friends actually been diagnosed. These children have been diagnosed
with cancer since and sometimes most of the time, all
(01:03:11):
the time, I don't know what to say. So I
don't know what to give them. I don't know what
to tell them because that pain is so hard. There
is nothing, but sometimes it just sometimes I find if
(01:03:33):
you're willing to sit with it, to sit with them
in their pain and don't say anything and just be
there and know that this might go on for years.
And I say that because it's been eleven years, and
(01:04:02):
I'm still crying when I think about it.
Speaker 1 (01:04:08):
So it's been eleven years, but look, you know, look
at the life that we've both built. It's it's a
bad memory. I remember doctor Lewis saying one day you're
(01:04:28):
going to look back and it's just going to be
a bad memory. And for me, that has been my reality.
Something that happened, but it doesn't It has no bearing
on my future, has no bearing on my present day.
It's just something that happened.
Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
I think you just gave me the answer. I was
looking forward to your question. I think as parents we
need support and help so that this doesn't define us,
that we can regain the life and regain you know. Yeah,
(01:05:05):
I think that's what we need.
Speaker 1 (01:05:09):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
That was awesome, Mom. Thank you so much for opening
up and sharing that. I mean, I was heavy. That
was a tough conversation, but I really appreciate you, you know,
being vulnerable and and being open to talk about it.
It's not something that we hear a lot about because
it's not a pretty story. It's not a picture perfect ending,
(01:05:37):
you know, regardless of what happens, it's a reality. It's dark,
it sucks, and you come out of it. I mean,
I'm not a cancer patient. I'm not a cancer victim.
And that's not just because of myself, but also because
of you and Dad and everything that you guys did
(01:06:00):
for me. So while it hurt, you were you made
a lot, you did a lot, You're very proactive, and
I mean, I cannot say how much I appreciate everything
that you've done for me because I can't put it
into words, but thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
You're my heart.
Speaker 4 (01:06:16):
When I when I looked at it and think, you know,
I guess, I guess honestly, Brenda, I.
Speaker 2 (01:06:31):
You know, it's it's seeing you live the life. It's
seeing you live the life that you're living right now,
your happiness and and and just yeah, that's that is,
that is that's the gratitude that that I that I
(01:06:52):
that does my heart beautifully, That yeah, that does that
is absolutely When I look.
Speaker 5 (01:07:01):
At what you've done with the doors that Dad and
I just opened, oh yeah, oh yeah, it's worth it.
Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
Absolutely. I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
I wanted to thank you so much for joining me
today being my first guest on my podcast, like way
to freaking open it up and sorry, for people that
have to follow.
Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
Oh I think I think you won't have any problems
with people doing that.
Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
No, all right, well until next time, I love you.
Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
I love you too, dore Lyn. Happy Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (01:07:47):
Happy Mother's Day. Congratulations you made it to the end
of episode. Thank you so much for listening, and if
you're feeling compelled, inspired, motivated, please leave some stars, leave
(01:08:09):
a review and let's grow this thing together. Thank you
again for listening. I am so proud of you. Now
go rock your gold metal life. I will see you
next week.
Host
Brenna Huckaby
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