May 30, 2022 • 46 mins
Episode 138: This happened a long time ago. You're a new person. You're not a failure to God or to your husband. You were assaulted against your will, it's not your fault. Join me and my friend Bernie as we chat about this topic and more on this week's podcast!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
And you got to go to counseling and you have
to open up to your husband and say this happened
twenty years ago, and I'm so sorry, And hopefully any
decent guy would be like, Babe, it's okay, it's okay.
Everyone listening to this podcast is going to say, it's
not your fault. What's up, guys. Welcome to the Granger
(00:30):
Smith Podcast, Week two of having my guest Bernie Calcot
with us Grizz and Burns, longtime frien together. Someone asked,
a long time ago, why do you call me Griz?
I don't really remember. If if you have gotten to
know me at all, you know that I can be
very serious, but most of the time I'm pretty silly, right, playful,
(00:50):
very playful. And I think we were in Nashville on
one day. I just started calling you Griz because it's
kind of like Granger Smith Grizz. I just missed them together.
I was like, what, Grizz, I was like, I guess
I'm calling you that. Now twenty years later, I still
call him that. So no real you know, meaningful reason,
just people being people people. If you want to ask
(01:14):
a question to be real people, email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com will answer it. On this podcast, we
go through it like we're just sitting around campfire talking.
Not always right, but we're gonna give you the best
advice we can. Let me give a shameless plug from
my friend Griz real quick, though, Guys, I know y'all
love him the way that I love him, and I
(01:34):
want to get him to number one on the charts. Dude,
what do we need to do to do that? You
kinta review, share it, wouldn't think we've been number four,
but never never higher than four. Bro, Let's go number one. Man.
You guys, only you can make it happen out there,
so your friends, tell your friends, listen to it, share it,
review it, whatever else there is to do to it.
(01:57):
All right, let's go. First question, no notes, nothing prepared.
We don't even know we're getting into, so here it goes.
First question. Subject Cline says, never feeling like enough. Hey, Grange,
I'm twenty one and I struggle a ton. I constantly
feel like I'm never enough. It may seem dumb, but
all my friends are successful and have great relationships. Yet
here I am never able to find anyone. I fear
(02:20):
it's because of my weight, because I've always been put
down for that. Do you have any advice on loving
myself and how to feel okay without having a boyfriend
when everyone else around me is happy. I feel like
the only guys I talk to just want pictures of
me or sex. And I don't like that culture at all.
I want a godly man. But I have no clue
(02:41):
where to start. Thank you, love you and your music dead.
There's a lot of ways we can go at this. Yeah,
but let's just go practically here. There's some comparison we
start probably, let's start there. Let's start there. And Bernie
(03:02):
and I have talked about this very recently through a
text thread. We send each other a voice memo text
it's in the morning. Cool. Yeah, it's like a long
voice text like, hey man, something I've been thinking about,
see what you think, and then you just lay into it.
Is that like an old man thing, because like we
don't want to like textas is. I'm just going to
talk to you, man, and then you can like listen
to it and then talk back to me. So comparison,
(03:26):
the only reason I'm gonna assume does I'm assuming that
most of where this is coming from. When you say
everyone else around me is happy. That's coming from social media,
right right, probably, And even if you say you go
to a party and people seem happy, maybe that's ten
(03:47):
percent of it, but I believe ninety percent of it
this is coming from you on Facebook or Instagram or
TikTok and seeing everyone is so happy wow, which we
can both say everybody out there that you're seeing that
seems so happy, they are struggling just like you are. Okay,
I think you said it on maybe the last episode
(04:08):
or that you did by yourself, like social media really
is like the very best filtered version of that moment possible,
and it's not reality. So comparison is the thief of joy.
Don't let it take your joy. It sounds like it is.
And secondly, I've been through counseling. I think grain your
(04:32):
neighbor have done it, Me and my wife have done it.
I don't think that there I still meet up with
somebody that counsels me. I don't think there's anything taboo
or weird or wrong about meeting with somebody to talk
through these things. Especially you say you're looking for a
godly person, meet with a mentor that's older that you
(04:52):
feel like, man, this person is godly. I really respect
them and seek wise counsel from them. They're going to
help you work through some some of these issues that
you have with loving yourself and accepting yourself the way
that you are and recognizing accepting the fact that God
loves you exactly how you are and that he's not
(05:13):
wanting you to be those other people. He wants you
to be you and love you for you. That's so
good to expound a little bit on God loves you
exactly the way you are. This will blow your mind
if you think about it in this term, and you
have to really think about it. It's deep thinking, but
you have to think, how does God love me the
way I am? Because He made you. Every piece of you,
(05:38):
every bit of your future and your past and your
present was created and knit together in the way that
He wanted you to be. So when you have a
vulnerability and you bring it to God, God thinks, I
know I made it that way, and I like for
you to come to me with that vulnerability because now
you're recognizing that I built you this way. So then
(05:59):
you think, well, why did you build me this way?
With this kind of issue? And he says I want
you to find that out. I'm trying to show you this.
I want to show you this, that the good that
can come out of the way that I built you
in your scenario. And he painted a huge canvas when
he built the universe, and it's all different, everything is
(06:19):
completely different. But it's a beautiful thought to think, I
feel messed up. And then you think, but I was
built this way by a creator that I could talk
to about it. And that will blow your mind when
you really really think about that. So, besides social media,
besides comparison, is the thief of joy. Let's talk about
(06:45):
something that's very counter cultural. A lot of people will
disagree with me on this, but I'm going to bring
the foundation in of the Bible itself, saying that you're
worried that you're never enough, and I'll tell you you're not,
and you're worried. You're trying to figure out how to
love yourself, and I'm trying to tell you that's not biblical.
(07:07):
That's crazy because we live in a world that says
love yourself, you are enough, but the Bible says you
aren't enough. You need Him to renew you. And loving
yourself is a myth, because you do love yourself enough
to worry about it constantly. You love yourself so much
(07:28):
that you write the podcast wondering how to love yourself more.
That's how much you love yourself. You didn't write this
email about your mom, or your sister or your dog.
You wrote it all about you because you love yourself.
We don't need any extra help loving ourself now. Love
(07:48):
is caring and worrying and put it and pouring into something.
And that's what you're doing to yourself. So disregard the
thought of how do I love myself? Because you already do.
And so the problem of thinking how do I love
myself is just conflicting, and you're ending up in this
never ending loop of trying to love something that you
(08:09):
already love more than anything else, yourself. You want your
happiness more than anything else. You want to find someone,
and you want to lose weight, and you want to
be happy more than you want anything else from anybody else.
You do love yourself. That's so good, man, I've never
thought about that. Piper has a whole sermon about this. Yeah,
(08:31):
stop saying you want to love yourself. You already do, right, Yeah, Yeah,
that's good. So so where do you go with that information? Like, well,
what do I do with I already love myself and
I'm not good enough? What do I do with that information? Well,
that's when we realize that the Bible tells us that
we need him. We need God, we need to be renewed,
(08:54):
we need our strength from him, we need our wisdom
from him, we need to learn correctly how to love
from him. And then he makes us enough only because
of him, not because of anything we could do on
our own, and not because of who we are inherently
in ourselves. But he makes us enough. So together we're enough.
(09:15):
Me and God are enough together. But me alone, I'm
never enough. So if I think that I can be
one day, I will never achieve it. I'll be constantly
feeling like I'm never enough because I'll never get there. Yeah,
that's good, So to make that your prayer. God, I'm
not enough by myself, so I need you. So what
(09:37):
would happen? Let's stress test us a little bit, which
I love doing this with you. What happens if she
finds somebody she's still in this same heart posture, finds
somebody and goes into a relationship with kind of that
same feeling. What happens in that relationship, Then she's trying
(10:00):
to complete herself with that new person and get all
the attention and make herself feel better and enough because
of the other person, which leads to disastrous relationships, trying
to be satisfied in that get the satisfaction from that relationship.
Look at it in terms of we're sheep, God's the shepherd.
(10:22):
The sheep says to yells out, I'm not enough, and
the shepherd goes, I know, that's why I'm here. But
you're But then what you said earlier, you're perfect the
way you are. That's what the shepherd tells the sheep. No,
you're you're a sheep. Be your sheep. You're be a sheep.
You're eating grass and you're in the pasture. I'm watching
(10:43):
out for the wolves. I'm making sure the stray ones
come back. I'm keeping you around around me. So maybe
that's the problem is you're not enough and I'm not
enough to be something that I'm not. Yeah, does that
make sense? Like God has created me to be a
sheep in this way and to look to the shepherd,
(11:04):
and if I was running around as a sheep trying
to be a wolf, he'd be like, dude, what are
you doing like that? And I'm like, I'm never going
to catch these other things. I'm not fast enough. He's like, well,
you're not a wolf. Her sheep like be my sheep.
And the same way, one sheep doesn't look at another
sheep and say, but you make me enough. The sheep
is not capable of making the other sheep enough either,
(11:26):
Only the shepherd can't. That's good together with the shepherd.
So we look to the shepherd. And when you realize
that your life is going to just radically change. The
issues you're having with your weight and the issues you're
struggling with of being alone and away from everyone else,
not being happy, not being content, comparing yourself, all those
(11:48):
just will slowly drift away when you realize the shepherd
is keeping you in the pasture. Guys, let me just
be honest with you for a second. I listened to
this podcast the same way that you'll do most of
the time. I don't listen when I'm on because I
feel like it's weird. But I listen to Granger all
the time, and I hear him saying these things that
(12:10):
I just believe and I know there's some of y'all
out there that believe, Man, these things are so true
and this could change my life if only I could
do it. And I think that a lot of times
we hear these things and they you know, they kind
of sound a certain way to us, and we're in
(12:31):
this culture of wanting it to be like a pill,
and we want it to be like magic. Whenever he says,
just being a sheep and looking to the shepherd. This
is not something that changes your life dramatically in a heartbeat,
although it can. Most of the time. This house that
(12:55):
we're building is just one brick at a time. And
I think the these things that Granger says a lot
of times, if you can really just form these really
healthy habits of getting in the word, of being in community,
you know, all these things he talks about, it takes.
I just wanted to say, like I hear you, like
I understand hearing these things and feeling sometimes like it
(13:19):
too much. But if you just start small, I really
believe what he's saying, over a longer period of time
absolutely can change your reality and your life as you
know it. And you'll look back in a couple of
years and be like, Wow, man, it was one thing
that I heard on that podcast, and I just started
laying that single brick, and then each morning I did that,
(13:42):
and I look back at the last two years and
I'm like, wow, I can't believe where I was and
where I am now. Yeah, and two years go by
and you still slip up, but then you start over.
And so let's go practically speaking to her last question,
I want a godly man, but I have no clue
where to start. So first of all, you're twenty one,
(14:04):
super young. As super young, you got plenty of time.
And secondly, what we said in the last podcast, run
after Christ as fast as you can. And eventually you
look to your left or your right you said this
in the last podcast, and you see someone that's on
the same path, go in the same direction, and you say, hey,
(14:25):
you want to grab some coffee. It's really that easy.
So where do you find that? Well, church is a
great place to you say, I don't have no clue
where to start for a godly man. Church is a
great place to start. Plugging into your local church in
your community, finding a good one that meets your personality,
and pouring into the church, serving the church, entering activities,
(14:47):
going on a mission trip with the church. Eventually, this
shouldn't be the goal. But an outcropping of that is
you look around and you go that guy's I'm actually
really attracted to him, and he's doing he wants the
same things I want. We should go on a date.
It's not that hard. We try to make it rocket science.
But if you're looking for a godly man, start at
(15:09):
a church. It really comes down to doing the stuff.
Like the things that you're saying, you can say them
all day long, and they can hear them all day long.
I can hear them all day long. But it comes
down to trusting and doing the stuff. Yeah, yeah, guys,
I struggle with this stuff. Bernie does too. I'm not
sitting on a pedestal telling you these things like I've
(15:32):
done them all and look at me, I've accomplished it all.
I haven't, so I have to keep doing this stuff. Faith.
People ask all the time, how do I get grow
my faith? Well, that's like to me, I think of
it like a in baseball. It's like a batter saying
I'm going to slump. How do I get a better swing?
(15:54):
Why don't just give it to you? I would say,
what are you going to the batting cage? Are you
filming yourself and watching your technique? How many? How many reps?
What's the struggle? Is it a low ball? Is it
a curveball? Like, let's work on that. Let's get a
curveball pitcher to throw at you all the time. I
would say what are you doing to help your swing?
Because it's a verb. It's action doing the stuff. So
(16:16):
when you say how do I grow my faith? Or
I would say what are you doing? Because it's an action. Yeah,
you're right man, all right, you're right. Next question. Next
question says hey grandeer, my name is Troy. I'm from Nottingham,
New Hampshire. I would like to hear your opinion on debt.
(16:37):
Is being debt free worth it? Do you believe in
credit cards or having any debt? Thanks? This comes from
Troy shout out to New Hampshire. Great question. Yeah that's awesome,
love that. Yeah my opinion on debt is debt free
worth it? Well? Yeah? Absolutely? What is it? Though? It
(17:03):
Is it worth sacrificing? I think like what the ultimate
question would be is it worth having debt over not
having debt? Yeah? Yeah it is? Credit cards do I
believe in credit cards. Well, yeah, today's in today's world,
I believe that having the convenience of not having a
wad of cash with you all the time is very convenient.
(17:25):
In fact, I use Apple Pay a lot, Like I'm like, oh,
I left my wallet at home. I'll just two clicks
on the side of the iPhone and I can pay
for pay for the bottle of water I got at
the gas station while I'm filling up gas. Okay, So
that's convenient. Now do I worry about getting carried away
with that? Because that's that's money, that's just disappearing. I
(17:47):
don't see that transaction happening physically like I would with cash.
So yeah, it's something to be concerned about. Is that
a credit card attached to Apple Pay or your debit card?
It's a credit I have a credit card attached to it, Okay.
And I try to answer the question better. I tried
to keep my credit card at zero every month. That's important.
Me and Amber try to keep it, try to keep
(18:07):
it paid at zero every single month. So yes, yes,
we Amber and I work relentlessly to stay debt free.
And how do we do that. We don't buy things,
We can't afford. So that is the it right there,
That is the is it worth it? You have to
ask yourself being debt free, not buying these things right
(18:31):
now that I want. Yeah, And I would say the
exact same thing. Leslie and I don't even have credit cards,
so we we and we just started that whenever we
first got married because we were super broken. I don't
even think we got approved for one. So we just
started that way, and we use them for business for sure,
(18:51):
and we've kind of flirted with the idea of getting
a credit card because what I learned is every retailer,
and you probably know more about this, they're charging you
whatever product you're buying, they're charging they're up charging you
at least that two to three percent because they have
to pay a fee for accepting credit cards. So if
(19:12):
you're not using a credit card, you're usually still playing
paying that credit card fee. But if you're using a
credit card and keeping it zero like you are, credit
card companies have the Southwest miles or the Capital One
cash back or that's not a plug. They're not a sponsor,
but right so you're getting you're kind of getting the
benefits from them as long as you're like kind of
(19:35):
keeping it in check. And then I would also say,
like big purchases like homes and investment properties. I mean
that kind of debt I think is fine, right, I mean, yeah, absolutely,
And so you could kind of look at credit cards
like you would gambling, Like is gambling okay, Well, how
are you looking at gambling? Are you going and you're saying,
(19:57):
I've got I've got sixty dollars and I'm gonna go
play black jack and if I lose it all, it's
worth the fun. It's entertainment. But if you're thinking, I
got to make some cash to pay these bills, and yeah,
gambling's bad for you. So look at credit cards the
same way. Are you looking at it like this is
a convenience because I don't I don't want to carry
a lot of cash on this road trip, But I'm
(20:19):
not needing it because I don't have the money and
I need a little float, a little extra and I'll
catch up with it in six months. That's a problem.
You have to read Dave Ramsey baby Steps. You have
to Troy Dave Ramsey baby Steps, and his mentality on
this is basically aiming small, starting low with your goals
(20:44):
to eventually get debt free, but you're going to start
with one thousand dollars in the bank, is what he says.
That's like the starting point. Get one thousand dollars in
a savings account. Start with that. That's you're called your
emergency fund. And then once you do that and a
lot of other steps, then then you're going to keep
three months of your income three to six I think
(21:05):
three to six months of your income in a savings account.
Once again as an emergency. Find that happens if you
have a you have an injury and you need a surgery,
and the surgery costs six thousand dollars and you need
that cash, and you luckily you have an emergency fund
for that. Then the other thing is if you have
multiple credit cards or multiple pieces of debt, you start
(21:28):
at the lowest number. You don't pay them all at
the same time. You pay the minimum on all of them,
and on the lowest number. So one credit card is
one hundred and twenty eight dollars debt, one credit card
is five hundred dollars debt, and one credit card is
seven thousand. Start with the one that's one hundred something
(21:48):
and pay that off till it's done and then close
the card or just keep it at zero if that's
going to hurt your credit score, so you start at
the lowest number and you work your way up. In
the meantime, you look at what you're driving. That's like,
the biggest thing is your car? Are is your car
payment ridiculous? Like are you paying over five hundred dollars
(22:10):
a month for a car? It's ridiculous, and you're thinking
about being debt free. Sell the car, get out of it,
and go get you a Honda a Cord for twenty
five hundred dollars and drive the clunker car. Dave always
talks about that, what are you driving drive the clunker now?
Having a house mortgage? That's if that's understandable, that should
that should be part of your monthly payment. But for
(22:33):
everything else where are you eating That's a huge one.
Are you eating out? You know you could eat at
a grocery store and get and make cheap meals every day.
That's huge. Yeah, there's a lot of things that credit
cards give us access to that we don't necessarily. I mean,
everybody is pre approved for everything nowadays, yep. And it
(22:55):
could be a great tool but it can also be
a terrible master, and you could wake up one day
really easily and be thirty thousand dollars in debt and
not have what happened. So living below our means is
a principle that I don't know if many people still
(23:16):
live by, but I think it's one to consider for sure. Yep,
great question, Troy. We're gonna take a break and we're
going to be right back. Podcast today is sponsored by
Better Help. You know, life could be overwhelming and many
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(23:40):
and more. You know, I've got so many things going
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And Better Help Online Therapy wants to re mind you
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better h e LP dot com slash granger. You know,
if you want to find me, if you want a
personal shout out, maybe a video shout out, Cameo is
the best way to do it. Go to cameo dot
(24:46):
com slash Granger Smith. You could also download the cameo
app and you can get a personal shout out from
me Birthday, anniversary, graduation, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or just
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a personal video message. Go to cameo dot com slash
Granger Smith. All right, we're back. So if if you
(25:10):
want to ask a question on this podcast, email a
Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We'll sit through it
like we're sitting around a campfire, talk about it like
this next one here, Subjecline, five Am Club said, Hey,
I'm really trying to find the motivation to wake up
early every day before work and get some exercise. I'm
just wondering if you had some advice on digging deep
(25:32):
to find that fire. It's comes from Anna the fire.
Anna wants the fire, so she wants to be there,
but she's not. She wants to be in the club,
the five Am Club. Well, what do you got man, Yeah,
let's just walk through it. So practically, this is all
practical stuff Anna, we're going to talk talk about here.
(25:53):
So practically speaking, how do you wake up and respond
to the alarm? Well, you have to do it once.
You have to do it once in order to go
to bed earlier, because staying up late is not going
to be effective. So if you're staying up till midnight,
you're not going to want to get up at five
(26:15):
until you do it one time, and then the next
night you're like, it's nine o'clock and I've got to
go to bed. I'm so tired. So that reset your clock.
You got to start with one wake up and then
you're tired enough to not go to bed. Secondly, so
how do you get up the first time? So there's
different ways to do this practically, and one way is
(26:40):
put your phone. If that's your alarm most people use
that as an alarm, put it away from your nightstand.
So you have to get up to shut this loud
noise off. You have to get up out of bed.
So put it across the room or in another room
and turn it up. Turn up the volume all the
way so that you hear and you're like, oh, I
(27:01):
can't snooze, like I have to get up and walk
over here. But then once you take those first couple
of steps out of the bed, you're like, already, I'm
already up. Okay, I might as well do the thing. Secondly,
you're talking about exercise. Here, have your clothes ready, like
your shoes and your socks and your shorts laid out
(27:23):
and ready. So it's like, now I'm up to turn
off this alarm, and there's my shoes and there's my clothes. Okay,
I'm doing this. Sleep in your clothes if you have to,
you're in your workout clothes. Thirdly, let's go Jordan Peterson
on him and say, aim low on your exercise. So
say tomorrow, I'm gonna get up at five am. I'm
literally gonna work out only for ten minutes. It's not
(27:47):
an hour, it's not a mile, it's not three miles.
It's I'm gonna jog for ten minutes. And then I'm
gonna reward myself go with going to Starbucks and getting
that drink. Yes, because what Granger's talking about is a keystone.
You're trying to form the keystone habit of which you
can start building the other things. One other thing I
would suggest too, because I know this works for me,
(28:08):
is if I know my buddy Andy is meet me
at six fifteen, It's like, man, I got to be
up because I know before that I need to spend
my time in the word, I need to spend my
time you know, have my coffee whatever. And I still
got to be at the gym at six fifteen. So
it maybe there's somebody else that you know that wants
to exercise and say, hey, let's meet at five thirty
(28:30):
or six o'clock, and you know, in order to do that,
I'm gonna have to wake up at five am. In
order to wake up at five am. I'm gonna have
to go to bed earlier. I'm gonna have to lay
out my clothes, and you know, the preparation and all
that stuff just kind of takes over. Yeah, grade you
were saying, So that's accountability, buddy, Yeah, that's so good.
So when you think about the reward too, it's like
(28:52):
to go to the grocery store and get one of
like one of those really good overnight oats or something,
your favorite cinnamon or whatever flavor it is, and get
that overnight oat and put it in the fridge. It's
like it's ready for me. All I gotta do is
work out for ten minutes and I'm coming back to
the fridge. I'm getting this amazing overnight oats, and I'm
gonna reward myself instead of being like I'm hungry, No,
(29:12):
there's nothing to eat, and it just it just creates
this bad loop that you're in. Another thing you could do,
if you don't have a spouse that you're sleeping with,
you could you can get lights that turn on at
a certain time. That's good. You're in your room and
so you want to get up at five. Hey, by
the way, I don't get up at five. I'm like
(29:33):
a five thirty guy, five forty five, five thirty, like
depending on when I go to bed. But I don't
do five necessarily, So if I didn't have amber there,
I would definitely set my lights to turn on at
five thirty, full blast in the room. Yeah, you know
it strange is I'm a five thirty, five thirty alarm guy.
And I kept thinking, man, I need a little bit
(29:56):
more time in the word, Like, I just want to
stay there a little bit longer. I'm gonna switch to
five fifteen. It was so hard. I couldn't do it.
I don't know what it was. I could not do it.
I don't know. Maybe that's crazy. Anybody out there feel that.
Like I tried to change it, and I did it
(30:17):
for like two weeks, three weeks. I tried. I was like, dude,
five thirty is fine, Like I'm just gonna push everything
else in my day back because I feel good about
my bedtime by my wake up time. Don't need to
mess with something. If stot Bro don't fix it, that's good.
So all this is good stuff. I would say. I
would say the night routine that you have is just
(30:37):
as important as the morning routine for setting up the
morning routine. Yeah, so so if your night routine is
all jacked up, then you could I've heard people will
journal what they're doing all day for a week, and
you'll say at three fifteen, you know, I checked my
Instagram and I was on there until three forty five pm,
(31:01):
and then at four I did this. And you write
it and then you go back and look at it
and you go, oh my goodness. Every night at ten
point fifteen, I'm laying in bed looking at Facebook. I
have to stop that. I didn't realize I was doing it,
but I have to stop it because if you don't,
you're not going to get up at five. You're not
going to want to too hard. Yeah. That reminds me
(31:24):
of something that Gary Keller I believe is his name, said,
do the thing that makes the next thing easier or unnecessary.
So if you're doing all that stuff the night before
laying out your clothes, then it's not necessary the next
(31:45):
day to do it. It's already done, or it makes
getting out of bed easier. So I always try to,
you know, think that way, like, man, what can I
do if I have this space? What can I do? Now?
That's going to make you know later on easier, or
the things out I have to do, I don't have
to do it. You could also read Can't Hurt Me
by David Goggins. Yeah that'll Yeah, that'll get you. That'll
(32:06):
get you out of bit and make you quit snooze
in two. But another reward you could do, I've done
this before. If you're gonna do your workout for a week,
and you tell yourself, if I do this for seven
days in a row, I'm gonna go to the sporting
good store and get some really good tennis shoes, like
the best ones, Nike, Hazard, Rebocker, INDEEDA is whatever. I'm
(32:26):
gonna get the best ones. And having those brand new
shoes sitting out there is kind of nice. You're like, oh,
I hate getting up, but I got these brand new sneakers.
They're really good. Yeah. So once you get into it,
you're gonna feel the benefits of it, and it'll make
it a little bit easier for you. Is it still
(32:48):
you can wake up at five thirty and it's like
no problem, Like you're now like up? Or is it
still kind of I go for coffee pretty soon after
I get up. Okay, but that's an they're just loop
that I formed. But I will say that obviously y'all
know with my schedule, I play music. Sometimes sometimes we
don't even start till ten thirty PM. So I try
(33:12):
to keep at least consistently get seven hours. So if
I go to bed at midnight, I'm setting my alarm
for seven. If I go to bed at one am,
I'm setting my alarm for eight, so that I've still
I'm still not sleeping in ever until and I figured
out that seven is what I need. Just from years
of doing this, I figured out, okay, I need seven.
(33:35):
Eight's cool, but six is not enough. I feel groggy
during the day for six, so I need seven. So
I'll try to set my alarm for seven hours after
I go to bed. If it's not a normal night
for me, that's good man. What was this person's name? Anna?
And I think to this, just the thing of not
(33:56):
snoozing and getting up will have a ripple effect into
other areas of your life too. I remember that video
that Tyler had sent me from Ben Newman about standards
and feelings. So once you realize that you have set
a standard of waking up at five point thirty and
that's the standard. But when you wake up and you're cold,
(34:18):
you're cold and it's warm in your bed and it's
cold out there and you're tired, you have the choice
to base your action on your feeling or the standard.
And if you get out of bed instead of hitting snooze,
then you're choosing the standard, and that definitely opens up potential.
If you choose the feeling, then it kind of goes
(34:40):
the other way. So I think that there is this
kind of loop that starts to happen, this energy that
starts to happen when you choose the standard. No, I'm
going to do it even though I'm tired or I
don't feel like doing it. This is the standard. I'm
going to do it. So good. One more book recommendation
(35:01):
for your fire Anna is called the Miracle Morning, and
it's just about a morning routine. It's building a consistent
morning routine that you actually love. So you get to
the point where you're like, I can't you go to bed,
and you go, I can't wait till that alarm goes
off because I love my mornings and I do. Now
I know you do too, Like that's my favorite time
(35:22):
of day, the mornings. Are my time. It's no one else's.
It's not my kids or my wife. That's my time.
And sometimes many times it's my only time for myself.
I'll do my routine. Ye. So yeah, it's huge. It's
something to build if you're young, it's something to build
early because you might never get that back. It's right,
(35:42):
go get that fire. Anna. Next question says, how do
I ask a shy girl out? Hey, Ganel, my name
is Aaron. I'm twenty one. I'm from Lincoln County, Tennessee,
about an hour and a half from Nashville. So there's
this girl at church and she's very pretty, but she's
very shy, and we were both homeschooled. How do I
ask her on a date? You're my hero. I listen
(36:02):
to your music every day. I wear yee shirt and
hat everywhere. Go. I also listen to your podcast every
Monday morning. You're an amazing arts keep up the work.
And then here's the very end. It says, by the way,
we both have food allergies, you and him. I think
it's him and the shy girl. Uh. That's got to
feel pretty good, man, right, This dude is like man,
(36:26):
I listen to your podcast every Monday. I can listen
to your music. I wear your gear a lot of pressure. Man.
Sorry if I'm I'm not always right, y'all. Just try
my best here, but it's meaningful. I love doing things
that are that matter. Yeah, this matters. So how do
(36:47):
you ask? If I girl out, you ask her? Yeah,
you gotta do it. You find a restaurant that that
works with both of y'all's food out. Geez, you'd be like,
did he say the girl's name? No, No, hey, Jessica,
there's this restaurant and man, we can both eat there
(37:09):
and don't have to worry about it. So yeah, sure
we go check it out. She's shy, so so acknowledge
that and use that in your first date as a
You're not going to go to someplace wild and crazy
and loud. You're going to go to something, you know,
like a coffee shop that's pretty empty, and y'all just
going to go get a coffee together or whatever, and
(37:33):
and just talk and just acknowledge that. You don't have
to tell her she's shy. I know you're shy. You
don't have to say that, but just just understand that
maybe you're going to carry some of the conversation and
let her open up and then listen to her. Yeah,
and that could be something really special. Yeah, and if
she's shy, then maybe just go into it knowing that
(37:55):
she may not know how to respond in the moment,
you know, and so well maybe you know that going
in and you can leave it. Hey, I'm gonna I
just heard of this new place. I'm gonna go over
there and grab a cup of coffee. If you'd love
to join, Uh, just let me know. I'd love to
sit and talk with you. And then there's not a
(38:15):
lot of pressure on her, but you can kind of
see like if she wants to whatever. Yeah, So to
answer your question, how do I ask her on a
date with your words? Which is actually kind of interesting,
like don't text her? Yeah, that's what I was just
about to sa joking, but that's kind of serious too,
Like don't text her? I mean, is it just me
(38:37):
or is this like like has our culture has just
gotten out of control with how we communicate. It's all
dms and text messages and even when it's like things
that are meant to be in person and things that
are conflicts, it's like, hey, I didn't like the way
that you looked at me. It's like, cool it what
(38:59):
it what it takes to do that? And I'm sorry
I moved on. What it takes for him to do
this is courage and vulnerability, right, And the more that
we rely on the just text messages and those kind
of communications, we're losing that memory of what and that
ability to be courageous and put ourselves out there in real, live,
(39:23):
three dimensional reality and so do it so good. Next
question is about to go deep, says Granger Smith. That's
when you know it's serious when they say the full name.
How do you learn to forgive and let go? I
was sexually assaulted when I was or twenty years ago.
(39:44):
Certain circumstances held me from speaking out, and now it
simply hangs over my head. People say you just have
to forget it, but it's never that easy, feeling like
a failure to God or not fighting hard enough to
keep my virginity and it gets taken away from me.
How do I keep this from ruining my marriage and
affecting my life with my husband when no one can
(40:04):
help me with the judgment? Thanks Megan, So she was
sexually assaulted twenty years ago, but she feels like that
is now affecting her marriage because she lost her virginity
and she didn't speak out at the time. That's what
she's dealing with. She didn't speak up. Do you think
(40:25):
that that's that pressure is coming from somebody or that
expectation that she should have done that's coming from her
husband or from somebody else, maybe, But I don't see
that in this email. I feel like this is something
she's battling personally, feeling like a failure to God for
not fighting hard enough to keep my virginity. So twenty
(40:48):
years ago, I'm assuming she's not that old. I'm assuming
Megan is. I'm gonna just guess and say she's in
her forties, fifties maybe maybe, meaning this happened like late teens.
And so there's an idea first of all that just
(41:11):
on the surface level, just digging into this. This is
a long time ago. You're a new person, and you
are You've been renewed many times and you've been forgiven.
I say these words because you said you feel like
a failure to God. That's what you said. Not you
didn't say like I feel like a failure to my husband.
You feel like a failure to God. Well, if that's
what you mean. If that's what you really feel, then
(41:34):
my answer to you is, you're not a failure to God.
Through repentance and through prayer and through his acceptance and
through the renewal, you're a new person. Now, you have
a new new idea of life. And on top of
all that, everyone listening to this podcast is going to say,
(41:56):
it's not your fault. You were sexually assaulted against your will.
That cannot be held against you. It doesn't change the
fact that you still think about it and it still
affects you. So how does she deal with this? How
does Megan deal with this today, with her marriage in
her life today, something that happened twenty years ago. I
(42:20):
would hope that she and her husband maybe together or
in some kind of professional counseling. Yeah, because that is
a very traumatic event that more than likely emotionally stunted her. Yeah,
twenty years ago, and that can manifest itself, it can hide,
and then it can manifest itself within a relationship a
(42:43):
long time from the time that happened. And man, that's
above our pay grade. So yeah, I think you need
to be I would recommend being in counseling of some kind.
To really dig into this. There's no amount of fighting
that you should have had to do like that, Like
(43:04):
Granger said, you shouldn't feel any shame that you didn't
fight hard enough. If you were sexually assaulted, there's absolutely
no excuse for that. That's not your fault. I hope
that you can take that burden and lay it down
and start to receive some healing for a very very
(43:29):
traumatic and unfortunate thing that happened to you. And just
in case, Megan, just in case you're hearing us and
you're like, no, y'all don't understand, like I was drinking
or there was something else involved that I could have
stopped myself, like I could have been sober, or I
could have not been with that guy alone. So maybe
(43:49):
that's what you're thinking, Oh, that's okay, that's okay too.
You could have told me I murdered someone twenty years ago,
and we're going to give you the same answer. You're forgiven.
You've got to have a repentant heart, and you got
to go to counseling, and you have to open up
to your husband and say this happened twenty years ago,
and I'm so sorry, and hopefully any decent guy would
(44:11):
be like, Babe, it's okay, it's okay. You're not the
same person you were twenty years ago. You're not. Yeah,
when you come with a repentant heart, I feel like
everything can change. When you come with pride and arrogance
and like trying to stay protected, I don't think there's
(44:33):
healing that can happen. But if you like you're saying,
and that's regardless of what you've done or what you've encountered, yeah,
you have to come with a repentant heart for sure.
Yeah that's good man. Yeah, Yeah, that's a tough spot. Megan.
Thank you for being so vulnerable on this podcast and
(44:54):
opening that up. And there is there is so much
healing that's possible through this, and it feels like there's
not when you're in it and it's overwhelming you. But
through this communication with your husband, through counseling, and through
a lot of prayer, you are a new person. Maybe
some girlfriends. It sounded like, you know, like getting involved
(45:14):
if you're not already involved in a church, a community,
group of other godly women that can just kind of
help you and guide you and listen to you. Those
kind of things can be really helpful too. Yeah, yeah,
all right, Well, remember that your relationship with God is
not based on works too. It's not a checklist. He's
not Santa Claus. He's not looking at like all right, Megan,
(45:36):
you have a lot of good things I've checked off
on your list, but you got one really bad one.
So I'm still kind of wondering if we're going to
invite you to eternal life. I'm not really sure. Remember
that is not how this works. It's literally not work based. Okay,
So God does the work for you. All you have
to do is believe and repent. The Gospel is that's
(45:59):
your salvation. Understanding that freeze up so much pain and
anxiety and suffering and depression when you just give it
to Him. And that's all the time we have. All Right,
love you guys, See you next Monday. All right, see you.
Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate
all of you. Guys. You could help me out by
(46:19):
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel. Hit that little like button and the
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
a video. If you have a question for me that
you would like me to answer. Email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com, Yigi
And you got to go to counseling and you have
to open up to your husband and say this happened
twenty years ago, and I'm so sorry, And hopefully any
decent guy would be like, Babe, it's okay, it's okay.
Everyone listening to this podcast is going to say, it's
not your fault. What's up, guys. Welcome to the Granger
(00:30):
Smith Podcast, Week two of having my guest Bernie Calcot
with us Grizz and Burns, longtime frien together. Someone asked,
a long time ago, why do you call me Griz?
I don't really remember. If if you have gotten to
know me at all, you know that I can be
very serious, but most of the time I'm pretty silly, right, playful,
(00:50):
very playful. And I think we were in Nashville on
one day. I just started calling you Griz because it's
kind of like Granger Smith Grizz. I just missed them together.
I was like, what, Grizz, I was like, I guess
I'm calling you that. Now twenty years later, I still
call him that. So no real you know, meaningful reason,
just people being people people. If you want to ask
(01:14):
a question to be real people, email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com will answer it. On this podcast, we
go through it like we're just sitting around campfire talking.
Not always right, but we're gonna give you the best
advice we can. Let me give a shameless plug from
my friend Griz real quick, though, Guys, I know y'all
love him the way that I love him, and I
(01:34):
want to get him to number one on the charts. Dude,
what do we need to do to do that? You
kinta review, share it, wouldn't think we've been number four,
but never never higher than four. Bro, Let's go number one. Man.
You guys, only you can make it happen out there,
so your friends, tell your friends, listen to it, share it,
review it, whatever else there is to do to it.
(01:57):
All right, let's go. First question, no notes, nothing prepared.
We don't even know we're getting into, so here it goes.
First question. Subject Cline says, never feeling like enough. Hey, Grange,
I'm twenty one and I struggle a ton. I constantly
feel like I'm never enough. It may seem dumb, but
all my friends are successful and have great relationships. Yet
here I am never able to find anyone. I fear
(02:20):
it's because of my weight, because I've always been put
down for that. Do you have any advice on loving
myself and how to feel okay without having a boyfriend
when everyone else around me is happy. I feel like
the only guys I talk to just want pictures of
me or sex. And I don't like that culture at all.
I want a godly man. But I have no clue
(02:41):
where to start. Thank you, love you and your music dead.
There's a lot of ways we can go at this. Yeah,
but let's just go practically here. There's some comparison we
start probably, let's start there. Let's start there. And Bernie
(03:02):
and I have talked about this very recently through a
text thread. We send each other a voice memo text
it's in the morning. Cool. Yeah, it's like a long
voice text like, hey man, something I've been thinking about,
see what you think, and then you just lay into it.
Is that like an old man thing, because like we
don't want to like textas is. I'm just going to
talk to you, man, and then you can like listen
to it and then talk back to me. So comparison,
(03:26):
the only reason I'm gonna assume does I'm assuming that
most of where this is coming from. When you say
everyone else around me is happy. That's coming from social media,
right right, probably, And even if you say you go
to a party and people seem happy, maybe that's ten
(03:47):
percent of it, but I believe ninety percent of it
this is coming from you on Facebook or Instagram or
TikTok and seeing everyone is so happy wow, which we
can both say everybody out there that you're seeing that
seems so happy, they are struggling just like you are. Okay,
I think you said it on maybe the last episode
(04:08):
or that you did by yourself, like social media really
is like the very best filtered version of that moment possible,
and it's not reality. So comparison is the thief of joy.
Don't let it take your joy. It sounds like it is.
And secondly, I've been through counseling. I think grain your
(04:32):
neighbor have done it, Me and my wife have done it.
I don't think that there I still meet up with
somebody that counsels me. I don't think there's anything taboo
or weird or wrong about meeting with somebody to talk
through these things. Especially you say you're looking for a
godly person, meet with a mentor that's older that you
(04:52):
feel like, man, this person is godly. I really respect
them and seek wise counsel from them. They're going to
help you work through some some of these issues that
you have with loving yourself and accepting yourself the way
that you are and recognizing accepting the fact that God
loves you exactly how you are and that he's not
(05:13):
wanting you to be those other people. He wants you
to be you and love you for you. That's so
good to expound a little bit on God loves you
exactly the way you are. This will blow your mind
if you think about it in this term, and you
have to really think about it. It's deep thinking, but
you have to think, how does God love me the
way I am? Because He made you. Every piece of you,
(05:38):
every bit of your future and your past and your
present was created and knit together in the way that
He wanted you to be. So when you have a
vulnerability and you bring it to God, God thinks, I
know I made it that way, and I like for
you to come to me with that vulnerability because now
you're recognizing that I built you this way. So then
(05:59):
you think, well, why did you build me this way?
With this kind of issue? And he says I want
you to find that out. I'm trying to show you this.
I want to show you this, that the good that
can come out of the way that I built you
in your scenario. And he painted a huge canvas when
he built the universe, and it's all different, everything is
(06:19):
completely different. But it's a beautiful thought to think, I
feel messed up. And then you think, but I was
built this way by a creator that I could talk
to about it. And that will blow your mind when
you really really think about that. So, besides social media,
besides comparison, is the thief of joy. Let's talk about
(06:45):
something that's very counter cultural. A lot of people will
disagree with me on this, but I'm going to bring
the foundation in of the Bible itself, saying that you're
worried that you're never enough, and I'll tell you you're not,
and you're worried. You're trying to figure out how to
love yourself, and I'm trying to tell you that's not biblical.
(07:07):
That's crazy because we live in a world that says
love yourself, you are enough, but the Bible says you
aren't enough. You need Him to renew you. And loving
yourself is a myth, because you do love yourself enough
to worry about it constantly. You love yourself so much
(07:28):
that you write the podcast wondering how to love yourself more.
That's how much you love yourself. You didn't write this
email about your mom, or your sister or your dog.
You wrote it all about you because you love yourself.
We don't need any extra help loving ourself now. Love
(07:48):
is caring and worrying and put it and pouring into something.
And that's what you're doing to yourself. So disregard the
thought of how do I love myself? Because you already do.
And so the problem of thinking how do I love
myself is just conflicting, and you're ending up in this
never ending loop of trying to love something that you
(08:09):
already love more than anything else, yourself. You want your
happiness more than anything else. You want to find someone,
and you want to lose weight, and you want to
be happy more than you want anything else from anybody else.
You do love yourself. That's so good, man, I've never
thought about that. Piper has a whole sermon about this. Yeah,
(08:31):
stop saying you want to love yourself. You already do, right, Yeah, Yeah,
that's good. So so where do you go with that information? Like, well,
what do I do with I already love myself and
I'm not good enough? What do I do with that information? Well,
that's when we realize that the Bible tells us that
we need him. We need God, we need to be renewed,
(08:54):
we need our strength from him, we need our wisdom
from him, we need to learn correctly how to love
from him. And then he makes us enough only because
of him, not because of anything we could do on
our own, and not because of who we are inherently
in ourselves. But he makes us enough. So together we're enough.
(09:15):
Me and God are enough together. But me alone, I'm
never enough. So if I think that I can be
one day, I will never achieve it. I'll be constantly
feeling like I'm never enough because I'll never get there. Yeah,
that's good, So to make that your prayer. God, I'm
not enough by myself, so I need you. So what
(09:37):
would happen? Let's stress test us a little bit, which
I love doing this with you. What happens if she
finds somebody she's still in this same heart posture, finds
somebody and goes into a relationship with kind of that
same feeling. What happens in that relationship, Then she's trying
(10:00):
to complete herself with that new person and get all
the attention and make herself feel better and enough because
of the other person, which leads to disastrous relationships, trying
to be satisfied in that get the satisfaction from that relationship.
Look at it in terms of we're sheep, God's the shepherd.
(10:22):
The sheep says to yells out, I'm not enough, and
the shepherd goes, I know, that's why I'm here. But
you're But then what you said earlier, you're perfect the
way you are. That's what the shepherd tells the sheep. No,
you're you're a sheep. Be your sheep. You're be a sheep.
You're eating grass and you're in the pasture. I'm watching
(10:43):
out for the wolves. I'm making sure the stray ones
come back. I'm keeping you around around me. So maybe
that's the problem is you're not enough and I'm not
enough to be something that I'm not. Yeah, does that
make sense? Like God has created me to be a
sheep in this way and to look to the shepherd,
(11:04):
and if I was running around as a sheep trying
to be a wolf, he'd be like, dude, what are
you doing like that? And I'm like, I'm never going
to catch these other things. I'm not fast enough. He's like, well,
you're not a wolf. Her sheep like be my sheep.
And the same way, one sheep doesn't look at another
sheep and say, but you make me enough. The sheep
is not capable of making the other sheep enough either,
(11:26):
Only the shepherd can't. That's good together with the shepherd.
So we look to the shepherd. And when you realize
that your life is going to just radically change. The
issues you're having with your weight and the issues you're
struggling with of being alone and away from everyone else,
not being happy, not being content, comparing yourself, all those
(11:48):
just will slowly drift away when you realize the shepherd
is keeping you in the pasture. Guys, let me just
be honest with you for a second. I listened to
this podcast the same way that you'll do most of
the time. I don't listen when I'm on because I
feel like it's weird. But I listen to Granger all
the time, and I hear him saying these things that
(12:10):
I just believe and I know there's some of y'all
out there that believe, Man, these things are so true
and this could change my life if only I could
do it. And I think that a lot of times
we hear these things and they you know, they kind
of sound a certain way to us, and we're in
(12:31):
this culture of wanting it to be like a pill,
and we want it to be like magic. Whenever he says,
just being a sheep and looking to the shepherd. This
is not something that changes your life dramatically in a heartbeat,
although it can. Most of the time. This house that
(12:55):
we're building is just one brick at a time. And
I think the these things that Granger says a lot
of times, if you can really just form these really
healthy habits of getting in the word, of being in community,
you know, all these things he talks about, it takes.
I just wanted to say, like I hear you, like
I understand hearing these things and feeling sometimes like it
(13:19):
too much. But if you just start small, I really
believe what he's saying, over a longer period of time
absolutely can change your reality and your life as you
know it. And you'll look back in a couple of
years and be like, Wow, man, it was one thing
that I heard on that podcast, and I just started
laying that single brick, and then each morning I did that,
(13:42):
and I look back at the last two years and
I'm like, wow, I can't believe where I was and
where I am now. Yeah, and two years go by
and you still slip up, but then you start over.
And so let's go practically speaking to her last question,
I want a godly man, but I have no clue
where to start. So first of all, you're twenty one,
(14:04):
super young. As super young, you got plenty of time.
And secondly, what we said in the last podcast, run
after Christ as fast as you can. And eventually you
look to your left or your right you said this
in the last podcast, and you see someone that's on
the same path, go in the same direction, and you say, hey,
(14:25):
you want to grab some coffee. It's really that easy.
So where do you find that? Well, church is a
great place to you say, I don't have no clue
where to start for a godly man. Church is a
great place to start. Plugging into your local church in
your community, finding a good one that meets your personality,
and pouring into the church, serving the church, entering activities,
(14:47):
going on a mission trip with the church. Eventually, this
shouldn't be the goal. But an outcropping of that is
you look around and you go that guy's I'm actually
really attracted to him, and he's doing he wants the
same things I want. We should go on a date.
It's not that hard. We try to make it rocket science.
But if you're looking for a godly man, start at
(15:09):
a church. It really comes down to doing the stuff.
Like the things that you're saying, you can say them
all day long, and they can hear them all day long.
I can hear them all day long. But it comes
down to trusting and doing the stuff. Yeah, yeah, guys,
I struggle with this stuff. Bernie does too. I'm not
sitting on a pedestal telling you these things like I've
(15:32):
done them all and look at me, I've accomplished it all.
I haven't, so I have to keep doing this stuff. Faith.
People ask all the time, how do I get grow
my faith? Well, that's like to me, I think of
it like a in baseball. It's like a batter saying
I'm going to slump. How do I get a better swing?
(15:54):
Why don't just give it to you? I would say,
what are you going to the batting cage? Are you
filming yourself and watching your technique? How many? How many reps?
What's the struggle? Is it a low ball? Is it
a curveball? Like, let's work on that. Let's get a
curveball pitcher to throw at you all the time. I
would say what are you doing to help your swing?
Because it's a verb. It's action doing the stuff. So
(16:16):
when you say how do I grow my faith? Or
I would say what are you doing? Because it's an action. Yeah,
you're right man, all right, you're right. Next question. Next
question says hey grandeer, my name is Troy. I'm from Nottingham,
New Hampshire. I would like to hear your opinion on debt.
(16:37):
Is being debt free worth it? Do you believe in
credit cards or having any debt? Thanks? This comes from
Troy shout out to New Hampshire. Great question. Yeah that's awesome,
love that. Yeah my opinion on debt is debt free
worth it? Well? Yeah? Absolutely? What is it? Though? It
(17:03):
Is it worth sacrificing? I think like what the ultimate
question would be is it worth having debt over not
having debt? Yeah? Yeah it is? Credit cards do I
believe in credit cards. Well, yeah, today's in today's world,
I believe that having the convenience of not having a
wad of cash with you all the time is very convenient.
(17:25):
In fact, I use Apple Pay a lot, Like I'm like, oh,
I left my wallet at home. I'll just two clicks
on the side of the iPhone and I can pay
for pay for the bottle of water I got at
the gas station while I'm filling up gas. Okay, So
that's convenient. Now do I worry about getting carried away
with that? Because that's that's money, that's just disappearing. I
(17:47):
don't see that transaction happening physically like I would with cash.
So yeah, it's something to be concerned about. Is that
a credit card attached to Apple Pay or your debit card?
It's a credit I have a credit card attached to it, Okay.
And I try to answer the question better. I tried
to keep my credit card at zero every month. That's important.
Me and Amber try to keep it, try to keep
(18:07):
it paid at zero every single month. So yes, yes,
we Amber and I work relentlessly to stay debt free.
And how do we do that. We don't buy things,
We can't afford. So that is the it right there,
That is the is it worth it? You have to
ask yourself being debt free, not buying these things right
(18:31):
now that I want. Yeah, And I would say the
exact same thing. Leslie and I don't even have credit cards,
so we we and we just started that whenever we
first got married because we were super broken. I don't
even think we got approved for one. So we just
started that way, and we use them for business for sure,
(18:51):
and we've kind of flirted with the idea of getting
a credit card because what I learned is every retailer,
and you probably know more about this, they're charging you
whatever product you're buying, they're charging they're up charging you
at least that two to three percent because they have
to pay a fee for accepting credit cards. So if
(19:12):
you're not using a credit card, you're usually still playing
paying that credit card fee. But if you're using a
credit card and keeping it zero like you are, credit
card companies have the Southwest miles or the Capital One
cash back or that's not a plug. They're not a sponsor,
but right so you're getting you're kind of getting the
benefits from them as long as you're like kind of
(19:35):
keeping it in check. And then I would also say,
like big purchases like homes and investment properties. I mean
that kind of debt I think is fine, right, I mean, yeah, absolutely,
And so you could kind of look at credit cards
like you would gambling, Like is gambling okay, Well, how
are you looking at gambling? Are you going and you're saying,
(19:57):
I've got I've got sixty dollars and I'm gonna go
play black jack and if I lose it all, it's
worth the fun. It's entertainment. But if you're thinking, I
got to make some cash to pay these bills, and yeah,
gambling's bad for you. So look at credit cards the
same way. Are you looking at it like this is
a convenience because I don't I don't want to carry
a lot of cash on this road trip, But I'm
(20:19):
not needing it because I don't have the money and
I need a little float, a little extra and I'll
catch up with it in six months. That's a problem.
You have to read Dave Ramsey baby Steps. You have
to Troy Dave Ramsey baby Steps, and his mentality on
this is basically aiming small, starting low with your goals
(20:44):
to eventually get debt free, but you're going to start
with one thousand dollars in the bank, is what he says.
That's like the starting point. Get one thousand dollars in
a savings account. Start with that. That's you're called your
emergency fund. And then once you do that and a
lot of other steps, then then you're going to keep
three months of your income three to six I think
(21:05):
three to six months of your income in a savings account.
Once again as an emergency. Find that happens if you
have a you have an injury and you need a surgery,
and the surgery costs six thousand dollars and you need
that cash, and you luckily you have an emergency fund
for that. Then the other thing is if you have
multiple credit cards or multiple pieces of debt, you start
(21:28):
at the lowest number. You don't pay them all at
the same time. You pay the minimum on all of them,
and on the lowest number. So one credit card is
one hundred and twenty eight dollars debt, one credit card
is five hundred dollars debt, and one credit card is
seven thousand. Start with the one that's one hundred something
(21:48):
and pay that off till it's done and then close
the card or just keep it at zero if that's
going to hurt your credit score, so you start at
the lowest number and you work your way up. In
the meantime, you look at what you're driving. That's like,
the biggest thing is your car? Are is your car
payment ridiculous? Like are you paying over five hundred dollars
(22:10):
a month for a car? It's ridiculous, and you're thinking
about being debt free. Sell the car, get out of it,
and go get you a Honda a Cord for twenty
five hundred dollars and drive the clunker car. Dave always
talks about that, what are you driving drive the clunker now?
Having a house mortgage? That's if that's understandable, that should
that should be part of your monthly payment. But for
(22:33):
everything else where are you eating That's a huge one.
Are you eating out? You know you could eat at
a grocery store and get and make cheap meals every day.
That's huge. Yeah, there's a lot of things that credit
cards give us access to that we don't necessarily. I mean,
everybody is pre approved for everything nowadays, yep. And it
(22:55):
could be a great tool but it can also be
a terrible master, and you could wake up one day
really easily and be thirty thousand dollars in debt and
not have what happened. So living below our means is
a principle that I don't know if many people still
(23:16):
live by, but I think it's one to consider for sure. Yep,
great question, Troy. We're gonna take a break and we're
going to be right back. Podcast today is sponsored by
Better Help. You know, life could be overwhelming and many
people get burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can
include lack of motivation, feeling helpless or trapped, detachment, fatigue,
(23:40):
and more. You know, I've got so many things going
on in my life between the radio show and the
podcast and touring the movie and now I'm writing a book,
so I know about being overwhelmed. You know, we associate
burnout with work, but that's not the only case. Any
of our roles in life could lead to feeling burned out.
And Better Help Online Therapy wants to re mind you
to prioritize yourself. Talking with someone can help you figure
(24:04):
out what is causing the stress in your life. Amber
and I have been a therapy it helped tremendously through
our PTSD and through different issues that we've had together.
Betterhelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone and
even live chat sessions with your therapist, so you don't
even have to see anyone on camera if you don't
want to. It's more affordable than in person therapy, and
(24:25):
you could be matched with a therapist in under forty
eight hours. Granger Smith podcast listeners get ten percent off
their first month at betterhelp dot com slash Granger that's
better h e LP dot com slash granger. You know,
if you want to find me, if you want a
personal shout out, maybe a video shout out, Cameo is
the best way to do it. Go to cameo dot
(24:46):
com slash Granger Smith. You could also download the cameo
app and you can get a personal shout out from
me Birthday, anniversary, graduation, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or just
a piece of encouragement. Whatever you want, I'll give you
a personal video message. Go to cameo dot com slash
Granger Smith. All right, we're back. So if if you
(25:10):
want to ask a question on this podcast, email a
Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We'll sit through it
like we're sitting around a campfire, talk about it like
this next one here, Subjecline, five Am Club said, Hey,
I'm really trying to find the motivation to wake up
early every day before work and get some exercise. I'm
just wondering if you had some advice on digging deep
(25:32):
to find that fire. It's comes from Anna the fire.
Anna wants the fire, so she wants to be there,
but she's not. She wants to be in the club,
the five Am Club. Well, what do you got man, Yeah,
let's just walk through it. So practically, this is all
practical stuff Anna, we're going to talk talk about here.
(25:53):
So practically speaking, how do you wake up and respond
to the alarm? Well, you have to do it once.
You have to do it once in order to go
to bed earlier, because staying up late is not going
to be effective. So if you're staying up till midnight,
you're not going to want to get up at five
(26:15):
until you do it one time, and then the next
night you're like, it's nine o'clock and I've got to
go to bed. I'm so tired. So that reset your clock.
You got to start with one wake up and then
you're tired enough to not go to bed. Secondly, so
how do you get up the first time? So there's
different ways to do this practically, and one way is
(26:40):
put your phone. If that's your alarm most people use
that as an alarm, put it away from your nightstand.
So you have to get up to shut this loud
noise off. You have to get up out of bed.
So put it across the room or in another room
and turn it up. Turn up the volume all the
way so that you hear and you're like, oh, I
(27:01):
can't snooze, like I have to get up and walk
over here. But then once you take those first couple
of steps out of the bed, you're like, already, I'm
already up. Okay, I might as well do the thing. Secondly,
you're talking about exercise. Here, have your clothes ready, like
your shoes and your socks and your shorts laid out
(27:23):
and ready. So it's like, now I'm up to turn
off this alarm, and there's my shoes and there's my clothes. Okay,
I'm doing this. Sleep in your clothes if you have to,
you're in your workout clothes. Thirdly, let's go Jordan Peterson
on him and say, aim low on your exercise. So
say tomorrow, I'm gonna get up at five am. I'm
literally gonna work out only for ten minutes. It's not
(27:47):
an hour, it's not a mile, it's not three miles.
It's I'm gonna jog for ten minutes. And then I'm
gonna reward myself go with going to Starbucks and getting
that drink. Yes, because what Granger's talking about is a keystone.
You're trying to form the keystone habit of which you
can start building the other things. One other thing I
would suggest too, because I know this works for me,
(28:08):
is if I know my buddy Andy is meet me
at six fifteen, It's like, man, I got to be
up because I know before that I need to spend
my time in the word, I need to spend my
time you know, have my coffee whatever. And I still
got to be at the gym at six fifteen. So
it maybe there's somebody else that you know that wants
to exercise and say, hey, let's meet at five thirty
(28:30):
or six o'clock, and you know, in order to do that,
I'm gonna have to wake up at five am. In
order to wake up at five am. I'm gonna have
to go to bed earlier. I'm gonna have to lay
out my clothes, and you know, the preparation and all
that stuff just kind of takes over. Yeah, grade you
were saying, So that's accountability, buddy, Yeah, that's so good.
So when you think about the reward too, it's like
(28:52):
to go to the grocery store and get one of
like one of those really good overnight oats or something,
your favorite cinnamon or whatever flavor it is, and get
that overnight oat and put it in the fridge. It's
like it's ready for me. All I gotta do is
work out for ten minutes and I'm coming back to
the fridge. I'm getting this amazing overnight oats, and I'm
gonna reward myself instead of being like I'm hungry, No,
(29:12):
there's nothing to eat, and it just it just creates
this bad loop that you're in. Another thing you could do,
if you don't have a spouse that you're sleeping with,
you could you can get lights that turn on at
a certain time. That's good. You're in your room and
so you want to get up at five. Hey, by
the way, I don't get up at five. I'm like
(29:33):
a five thirty guy, five forty five, five thirty, like
depending on when I go to bed. But I don't
do five necessarily, So if I didn't have amber there,
I would definitely set my lights to turn on at
five thirty, full blast in the room. Yeah, you know
it strange is I'm a five thirty, five thirty alarm guy.
And I kept thinking, man, I need a little bit
(29:56):
more time in the word, Like, I just want to
stay there a little bit longer. I'm gonna switch to
five fifteen. It was so hard. I couldn't do it.
I don't know what it was. I could not do it.
I don't know. Maybe that's crazy. Anybody out there feel that.
Like I tried to change it, and I did it
(30:17):
for like two weeks, three weeks. I tried. I was like, dude,
five thirty is fine, Like I'm just gonna push everything
else in my day back because I feel good about
my bedtime by my wake up time. Don't need to
mess with something. If stot Bro don't fix it, that's good.
So all this is good stuff. I would say. I
would say the night routine that you have is just
(30:37):
as important as the morning routine for setting up the
morning routine. Yeah, so so if your night routine is
all jacked up, then you could I've heard people will
journal what they're doing all day for a week, and
you'll say at three fifteen, you know, I checked my
Instagram and I was on there until three forty five pm,
(31:01):
and then at four I did this. And you write
it and then you go back and look at it
and you go, oh my goodness. Every night at ten
point fifteen, I'm laying in bed looking at Facebook. I
have to stop that. I didn't realize I was doing it,
but I have to stop it because if you don't,
you're not going to get up at five. You're not
going to want to too hard. Yeah. That reminds me
(31:24):
of something that Gary Keller I believe is his name, said,
do the thing that makes the next thing easier or unnecessary.
So if you're doing all that stuff the night before
laying out your clothes, then it's not necessary the next
(31:45):
day to do it. It's already done, or it makes
getting out of bed easier. So I always try to,
you know, think that way, like, man, what can I
do if I have this space? What can I do? Now?
That's going to make you know later on easier, or
the things out I have to do, I don't have
to do it. You could also read Can't Hurt Me
by David Goggins. Yeah that'll Yeah, that'll get you. That'll
(32:06):
get you out of bit and make you quit snooze
in two. But another reward you could do, I've done
this before. If you're gonna do your workout for a week,
and you tell yourself, if I do this for seven
days in a row, I'm gonna go to the sporting
good store and get some really good tennis shoes, like
the best ones, Nike, Hazard, Rebocker, INDEEDA is whatever. I'm
(32:26):
gonna get the best ones. And having those brand new
shoes sitting out there is kind of nice. You're like, oh,
I hate getting up, but I got these brand new sneakers.
They're really good. Yeah. So once you get into it,
you're gonna feel the benefits of it, and it'll make
it a little bit easier for you. Is it still
(32:48):
you can wake up at five thirty and it's like
no problem, Like you're now like up? Or is it
still kind of I go for coffee pretty soon after
I get up. Okay, but that's an they're just loop
that I formed. But I will say that obviously y'all
know with my schedule, I play music. Sometimes sometimes we
don't even start till ten thirty PM. So I try
(33:12):
to keep at least consistently get seven hours. So if
I go to bed at midnight, I'm setting my alarm
for seven. If I go to bed at one am,
I'm setting my alarm for eight, so that I've still
I'm still not sleeping in ever until and I figured
out that seven is what I need. Just from years
of doing this, I figured out, okay, I need seven.
(33:35):
Eight's cool, but six is not enough. I feel groggy
during the day for six, so I need seven. So
I'll try to set my alarm for seven hours after
I go to bed. If it's not a normal night
for me, that's good man. What was this person's name? Anna?
And I think to this, just the thing of not
(33:56):
snoozing and getting up will have a ripple effect into
other areas of your life too. I remember that video
that Tyler had sent me from Ben Newman about standards
and feelings. So once you realize that you have set
a standard of waking up at five point thirty and
that's the standard. But when you wake up and you're cold,
(34:18):
you're cold and it's warm in your bed and it's
cold out there and you're tired, you have the choice
to base your action on your feeling or the standard.
And if you get out of bed instead of hitting snooze,
then you're choosing the standard, and that definitely opens up potential.
If you choose the feeling, then it kind of goes
(34:40):
the other way. So I think that there is this
kind of loop that starts to happen, this energy that
starts to happen when you choose the standard. No, I'm
going to do it even though I'm tired or I
don't feel like doing it. This is the standard. I'm
going to do it. So good. One more book recommendation
(35:01):
for your fire Anna is called the Miracle Morning, and
it's just about a morning routine. It's building a consistent
morning routine that you actually love. So you get to
the point where you're like, I can't you go to bed,
and you go, I can't wait till that alarm goes
off because I love my mornings and I do. Now
I know you do too, Like that's my favorite time
(35:22):
of day, the mornings. Are my time. It's no one else's.
It's not my kids or my wife. That's my time.
And sometimes many times it's my only time for myself.
I'll do my routine. Ye. So yeah, it's huge. It's
something to build if you're young, it's something to build
early because you might never get that back. It's right,
(35:42):
go get that fire. Anna. Next question says, how do
I ask a shy girl out? Hey, Ganel, my name
is Aaron. I'm twenty one. I'm from Lincoln County, Tennessee,
about an hour and a half from Nashville. So there's
this girl at church and she's very pretty, but she's
very shy, and we were both homeschooled. How do I
ask her on a date? You're my hero. I listen
(36:02):
to your music every day. I wear yee shirt and
hat everywhere. Go. I also listen to your podcast every
Monday morning. You're an amazing arts keep up the work.
And then here's the very end. It says, by the way,
we both have food allergies, you and him. I think
it's him and the shy girl. Uh. That's got to
feel pretty good, man, right, This dude is like man,
(36:26):
I listen to your podcast every Monday. I can listen
to your music. I wear your gear a lot of pressure. Man.
Sorry if I'm I'm not always right, y'all. Just try
my best here, but it's meaningful. I love doing things
that are that matter. Yeah, this matters. So how do
(36:47):
you ask? If I girl out, you ask her? Yeah,
you gotta do it. You find a restaurant that that
works with both of y'all's food out. Geez, you'd be like,
did he say the girl's name? No, No, hey, Jessica,
there's this restaurant and man, we can both eat there
(37:09):
and don't have to worry about it. So yeah, sure
we go check it out. She's shy, so so acknowledge
that and use that in your first date as a
You're not going to go to someplace wild and crazy
and loud. You're going to go to something, you know,
like a coffee shop that's pretty empty, and y'all just
going to go get a coffee together or whatever, and
(37:33):
and just talk and just acknowledge that. You don't have
to tell her she's shy. I know you're shy. You
don't have to say that, but just just understand that
maybe you're going to carry some of the conversation and
let her open up and then listen to her. Yeah,
and that could be something really special. Yeah, and if
she's shy, then maybe just go into it knowing that
(37:55):
she may not know how to respond in the moment,
you know, and so well maybe you know that going
in and you can leave it. Hey, I'm gonna I
just heard of this new place. I'm gonna go over
there and grab a cup of coffee. If you'd love
to join, Uh, just let me know. I'd love to
sit and talk with you. And then there's not a
(38:15):
lot of pressure on her, but you can kind of
see like if she wants to whatever. Yeah, So to
answer your question, how do I ask her on a
date with your words? Which is actually kind of interesting,
like don't text her? Yeah, that's what I was just
about to sa joking, but that's kind of serious too,
Like don't text her? I mean, is it just me
(38:37):
or is this like like has our culture has just
gotten out of control with how we communicate. It's all
dms and text messages and even when it's like things
that are meant to be in person and things that
are conflicts, it's like, hey, I didn't like the way
that you looked at me. It's like, cool it what
(38:59):
it what it takes to do that? And I'm sorry
I moved on. What it takes for him to do
this is courage and vulnerability, right, And the more that
we rely on the just text messages and those kind
of communications, we're losing that memory of what and that
ability to be courageous and put ourselves out there in real, live,
(39:23):
three dimensional reality and so do it so good. Next
question is about to go deep, says Granger Smith. That's
when you know it's serious when they say the full name.
How do you learn to forgive and let go? I
was sexually assaulted when I was or twenty years ago.
(39:44):
Certain circumstances held me from speaking out, and now it
simply hangs over my head. People say you just have
to forget it, but it's never that easy, feeling like
a failure to God or not fighting hard enough to
keep my virginity and it gets taken away from me.
How do I keep this from ruining my marriage and
affecting my life with my husband when no one can
(40:04):
help me with the judgment? Thanks Megan, So she was
sexually assaulted twenty years ago, but she feels like that
is now affecting her marriage because she lost her virginity
and she didn't speak out at the time. That's what
she's dealing with. She didn't speak up. Do you think
(40:25):
that that's that pressure is coming from somebody or that
expectation that she should have done that's coming from her
husband or from somebody else, maybe, But I don't see
that in this email. I feel like this is something
she's battling personally, feeling like a failure to God for
not fighting hard enough to keep my virginity. So twenty
(40:48):
years ago, I'm assuming she's not that old. I'm assuming
Megan is. I'm gonna just guess and say she's in
her forties, fifties maybe maybe, meaning this happened like late teens.
And so there's an idea first of all that just
(41:11):
on the surface level, just digging into this. This is
a long time ago. You're a new person, and you
are You've been renewed many times and you've been forgiven.
I say these words because you said you feel like
a failure to God. That's what you said. Not you
didn't say like I feel like a failure to my husband.
You feel like a failure to God. Well, if that's
what you mean. If that's what you really feel, then
(41:34):
my answer to you is, you're not a failure to God.
Through repentance and through prayer and through his acceptance and
through the renewal, you're a new person. Now, you have
a new new idea of life. And on top of
all that, everyone listening to this podcast is going to say,
(41:56):
it's not your fault. You were sexually assaulted against your will.
That cannot be held against you. It doesn't change the
fact that you still think about it and it still
affects you. So how does she deal with this? How
does Megan deal with this today, with her marriage in
her life today, something that happened twenty years ago. I
(42:20):
would hope that she and her husband maybe together or
in some kind of professional counseling. Yeah, because that is
a very traumatic event that more than likely emotionally stunted her. Yeah,
twenty years ago, and that can manifest itself, it can hide,
and then it can manifest itself within a relationship a
(42:43):
long time from the time that happened. And man, that's
above our pay grade. So yeah, I think you need
to be I would recommend being in counseling of some kind.
To really dig into this. There's no amount of fighting
that you should have had to do like that, Like
(43:04):
Granger said, you shouldn't feel any shame that you didn't
fight hard enough. If you were sexually assaulted, there's absolutely
no excuse for that. That's not your fault. I hope
that you can take that burden and lay it down
and start to receive some healing for a very very
(43:29):
traumatic and unfortunate thing that happened to you. And just
in case, Megan, just in case you're hearing us and
you're like, no, y'all don't understand, like I was drinking
or there was something else involved that I could have
stopped myself, like I could have been sober, or I
could have not been with that guy alone. So maybe
(43:49):
that's what you're thinking, Oh, that's okay, that's okay too.
You could have told me I murdered someone twenty years ago,
and we're going to give you the same answer. You're forgiven.
You've got to have a repentant heart, and you got
to go to counseling, and you have to open up
to your husband and say this happened twenty years ago,
and I'm so sorry, and hopefully any decent guy would
(44:11):
be like, Babe, it's okay, it's okay. You're not the
same person you were twenty years ago. You're not. Yeah,
when you come with a repentant heart, I feel like
everything can change. When you come with pride and arrogance
and like trying to stay protected, I don't think there's
(44:33):
healing that can happen. But if you like you're saying,
and that's regardless of what you've done or what you've encountered, yeah,
you have to come with a repentant heart for sure.
Yeah that's good man. Yeah, Yeah, that's a tough spot. Megan.
Thank you for being so vulnerable on this podcast and
(44:54):
opening that up. And there is there is so much
healing that's possible through this, and it feels like there's
not when you're in it and it's overwhelming you. But
through this communication with your husband, through counseling, and through
a lot of prayer, you are a new person. Maybe
some girlfriends. It sounded like, you know, like getting involved
(45:14):
if you're not already involved in a church, a community,
group of other godly women that can just kind of
help you and guide you and listen to you. Those
kind of things can be really helpful too. Yeah, yeah,
all right, Well, remember that your relationship with God is
not based on works too. It's not a checklist. He's
not Santa Claus. He's not looking at like all right, Megan,
(45:36):
you have a lot of good things I've checked off
on your list, but you got one really bad one.
So I'm still kind of wondering if we're going to
invite you to eternal life. I'm not really sure. Remember
that is not how this works. It's literally not work based. Okay,
So God does the work for you. All you have
to do is believe and repent. The Gospel is that's
(45:59):
your salvation. Understanding that freeze up so much pain and
anxiety and suffering and depression when you just give it
to Him. And that's all the time we have. All Right,
love you guys, See you next Monday. All right, see you.
Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate
all of you. Guys. You could help me out by
(46:19):
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel. Hit that little like button and the
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
a video. If you have a question for me that
you would like me to answer. Email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com, Yigi
Host
Granger Smith
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