August 8, 2022 • 39 mins
Episode 148: There's no way to go 50% here. Would you jump out of a plane with a bad parachute? How sure are you that you're going to heaven? Join me as we chat about this topic and more on this week's podcast!
New podcast every Monday morning!
Ask me questions!
#GrangerSmithPodcast or email me at grangersmithpodcast@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
But see you see how there's no halfway, There's no
fifty percent here. It's like if you had a parachute
and you're jumping out of a plane and I said,
hey man, that parachute has a fifty percent chance of opening,
you wouldn't jump. You hear me, You hear this message,
you're one hundred percent in. You don't hear it. You're
(00:21):
jumping out of a plane with a faulty parachute. Hey guys,
what's up. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for listening and watching.
Wherever you're coming from, I'm grateful for you. I love
this platform. Wherever you found me, maybe you found me
(00:44):
on TikTok talk or Instagram or through after Midnight the
radio show. However you got here. I'm just happy that
you're here. And for those of you that have listened
to a bunch of episodes or biniged it or listened
to every single episode when we put it out on Mondays,
thank you. I'm super grateful. All I do is answer
your questions and I don't have any notes in front
of me. We just walk through it as though we're
(01:06):
longtime friends. You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. My only two requests
are don't send anything twice to me and don't make
it much longer than a phone length in the email
because that it makes it hard to read for the podcast.
But let's dive right into this thing first. One subject
(01:28):
line says long distance relationships Florida to UK. Thanks for
your inspiration. I've been a long seven on a long
seven year self discovery since my marriage ended. Last summer.
I met a very lovely lady. Unfortunately, she lives overseas
and visits America three times a year in an eight
week period. All my life, I never considered distance to
(01:50):
be a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. This woman
has inspired me to reconsider my ideals. I am definitely
tied to America until my kids grow another eight years.
I'm just curious on your take on long distance relationships.
Ye ye, Joseph, Joseph, thanks for the email, buddy, shout
out to Florida and yeah, we'll get right to it. Look,
(02:13):
long distance relationships. I don't have a problem with it.
I know that it just makes it difficult, which is
probably what you considered earlier when you said it's not
a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. That just it's
just because it adds a new wrinkle. But what you're
gonna have to do is take it slow. Now there's
let's they're just good and bad. Let's talk about good
(02:35):
and bad. The bad is you got to take it slow,
you know, and you have to. You have to go
down every detail and establish things early with her. For instance,
would you ever consider moving to the US? You got
to establish that early in a in a close relationship,
you would establish moving to a new town or moving
(02:56):
for a career, you would establish that later in the
relations But now you got to start talking about it
pretty early, like, hey, how open are you to moving
to the US? How hard is it to get a
visa to work here? Have you ever looked into that?
If so, what's your time frame on that? And then
the same question comes back to you, would you ever
(03:18):
consider moving to the UK? What's the process of getting
a visa? Could you get approved? Is there a career
move you could make over there with a similar field
that you're in now? Or could you find another job
with your background? Are you willing to be apart from
your family? Maybe you have parents, brothers, sisters, your kids. Obviously,
Are you willing to be all the way across the
(03:39):
pond away from them? Something you've got to consider now,
something she has to consider leaving all of her friends,
all of her family, any tie she's had, maybe maybe
she has kids, maybe she has a mother and father.
Is she willing to leave them? These are questions that
you're going to have to ask early, and it's difficult
that way. But if she's the right one and you
(04:01):
guys really click and you fall in love, then those
obstacles aren't that big a deal. You make it work.
But there's sacrifices you have to make for that. Now,
there's sacrifices in every relationship, but this is very specific sacrifices. Now,
the good news I told you there's good. The good
thing is you're gonna learn quickly about if she's the
(04:22):
right one because you're moving fast with her. So you're
gonna learn quickly because Joseph, your problems might be completely
solved in three weeks. You start asking questions and she goes,
I would never consider moving there. I would never want
to live in Florida. I can never be away from
my mother. It's like, okay, well, that's a problem because
(04:44):
if I move there, you're gonna have to come stay
with me sometimes, and you're gonna have to leave your mother.
So you get these problems out over with early and
then and then you could come to the conclusion that
you know what, I'm I'm not really that into her anyway.
Or you could meet someone else in Florida and you go,
you know what, this is a lot better. Or you
break up with this the UK girl, and then you
(05:06):
meet a Florida girl down the road and you go, oh,
this is so nice. I love you and you're local.
I never knew how blessed I would be to find
a Florida girl until I dated a UK girl. So
it's going to give you a really good perspective. So yeah,
(05:27):
go for it, but you got to take it slow.
You got to ask hard questions fast, and don't give
your heart away too soon. Don't give your heart away
to her before you ask the hard questions and come
to that conclusion, because sometimes that distance can create a
false sense of security in the relationship when you're texting
(05:47):
and facetiming and calling and emailing and not seeing her
face to face, so you're not seeing her everyday problems.
She's not seeing your everyday problems, and so it seems
like a fairy tale. So be careful full of that,
don't give your heart away too soon, ask the hard
questions right now, and take it slow. Next question subject
(06:10):
line says big fan. I saw you when you're a
part of the Luke Brian tour in twenty seventeen. Been
listening to your podcast. I have all of your albums,
love your music and this comes from Amber Amber. Thank
you that was a fun tour. Next question subject line
says dating apps, Hey Granger. My name is Stephanie. I'm
twenty eight years old from North Texas. The last few years,
I've been on dating apps to meet people. Whenever I
(06:33):
finally find someone actually interested in getting to know and
potentially pursuing a relationship, it always ends the same way.
When I think things are great, the rug is pulled
from under me and out of nowhere. I end up
heartbroken and confused. I eventually bounce back after lots of
prayer and talking to friends and family, but I'm definitely
getting tired as a Christian. What do you think about
(06:55):
online dating or should it just stop looking? Since everyone
says the same thing. Stop looking and someone will come
into your life. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank
you eee Stephanie, Stephanie shout out to North Texas. My
first question is why are you twenty eight and on
dating apps like you're your prime age for finding a
(07:18):
good husband? In North Texas, there's there's plenty of them.
Why are you resorting to dating apps? And the reason
I ask it is because dating apps are going to
put off this front. It's like a sales pitch. It's
like looking for a used car and you're going to
see how many miles it has and gets good fuel economy,
never been in a wreck before. It's going to show
(07:40):
the pretty picture sitting in a driveway with a sunset
in the background. It's all clean. That's what a dating
app is. You're seeing the highlights of someone. And so
what you're doing is you're pursuing someone only based on
their highlights. That's it. That's not healthy to do. And
they're thinking the same thing about you. You're finding them
(08:03):
because of the highlights, and you're pursuing it for a
first date, and then they're doing the same thing. They're
looking at your highlights. Whatever you wrote in your bio,
whatever picture out of a million you chose, because you
know you're just putting the best pictures on there, the
pictures that you want to be represented with. With the
sunset going down and your car is clean. So as
(08:25):
opposed to what I would recommend is friends, close companions,
people that you trust, that wise counsel that says, hey,
there's a guy, like there's a guy I work with
and he's single and he's thirty and he seems like
your type. I would love to set you, guys up.
I could vouch for him. I know his struggles, I
(08:47):
know his successes, I know where, I know his parents,
I know his whole story. That just that's a way
better route to go to to find somebody instead of
looking at highlights only no references. Nobody knows them. You
don't know his past, and you won't know his past
(09:08):
for a long time because he's gonna hide it from you.
So you're wondering why this ends the same way. I
tell you why, because the highlights fail and then you
meet the real person, and when you meet the real
person or they meet the real you, someone's out. That's
why it keeps ending the same way. And I know
people are listening going I met my spouse on a
(09:29):
dating app and it's great. There's always exceptions, but those
are tiny exceptions. For the most part, you need to
go on references. You need to see them in their
natural environment before you take a first date. So it's like, yeah,
I'm gonna go on a date with you because i
know you from references or or I've seen you in
(09:49):
the real world first and not your highlight reel first. Okay,
I would avoid it. I wouldn't go there. You're young,
You've got a long time great next question, says subject.
Client says, should I ask out my best friend of
eighteen plus years? Hey, Granger, been listening to the podcast
for a while, and I've spent just as much time
(10:10):
pondering this question. I met this girl at the old
age of four many years ago when her dad became
the pastor of my childhood church. We've always been very close,
and apparently I've already proposed to her once when we
were in kindergarten. Now, our college careers are wrapping up,
and I feel the urgency to find the one for me.
(10:30):
I know it's on God's timing, but I know my
amber won't fall into my lap talking about my wife.
We've talked about dating multiple times over the years, but
she's always felt awkward about it. She's still never had
a serious relationship, and I think her reservations are rooted
in nervousness about that. My question is do I risk
(10:52):
asking her out while chancing losing my lifetime best friend.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Preston. Yeah, thanks for
the email, buddy. So here's the deal. There's a couple
things I want to talk about. First thing I want
to talk about is she feels hesitant. Okay, so you
(11:13):
don't have a clear path here, you know this. The
second thing I want to talk about is I don't
from my perspective, I don't think you have anything to
lose here. You're talking about losing your lifetime best friend.
I don't think that's a problem. Here's why. One day
(11:35):
you're gonna meet somebody your future spouse, and you're gonna
marry them, and God willing, you're gonna make babies with them.
You can't have that and a lifetime best friend. That's
a girl that you grew up with, that you asked
to marry when you're in kindergarten. You can't have both,
(11:55):
so you're gonna have to give her up your childhood
best friend. Anyway, it's just not healthy. It's okay now,
but you can't have both a spouse, the love of
your life with the babies, and oh this girl that
I've always had a crush on. Let's be honest, and
(12:16):
I've known her my whole life and we're just best friends.
You can't have both. So you're going to give her
up regardless. So that's off the table. That's not a problem.
So my suggestion is you just make a bold move
and say, hey, I think you're great. I've known you forever,
(12:38):
I know you, you know me now. I am really
attracted to you, and I know this might be awkward
to you, but I would like to take it slow
and pursue you to coffee or to dinner or to
a movie, and I'd like to go out in a
new way more than friends. Like be honest with her
(13:00):
and make it very clear I want to be more
than friends. Would you be interested in that? And if
she says I don't think so, then you go, okay,
I totally respect that, and then you have to back
off of this lifetime friendship thing. You can't continue to
be best friends with her, because that's gonna hinder you
(13:21):
from meeting somebody. Because as soon as you meet somebody
and start to get serious, you're gonna have to introduce
that new person to your lifelong best friend that you've
had a crush on since kindergarten. That's not gonna work.
You can't have both. So I would say, be bold,
ask her out. If she says yes, if she wants
(13:41):
to take it very slow, take it slow. Also, if
she says no, that doesn't mean you have to stop.
You could say, okay, I'm right here. I'm right here,
but I think we need to back off the friendship thing.
But I would like to be more than friends. And
so I want to prove to you that I want this,
(14:01):
you and us together. And so i'm here. Give me
a call. I'm not going anywhere, Okay. The other thing
I want to talk about is the very beginning of
your question. You said, I feel the urgency to find
the one for me. I need you to get rid
(14:22):
of that urgency. There is no urgency. I know you
feel that you're getting out of college. You feel that,
but pull that back, retract that feeling, and be confident
and single. Now, be secure in who you are in
your singleness now without anybody. You don't need anybody. There's
no urgency. It will happen in its own time or not,
(14:46):
but either way that's your path. So don't rush this,
don't feel anxious about this. Be single and secure and
confident in who you are and where you are in
your life right now, and watch how that starts to
change things for your future. Let's hit another one here.
(15:11):
It says subject line being closer to God would like
to stay anonymous. Hey Granger, love your music and your podcast.
I'm a big fan. I'm seventeen. I'm a volunteer firefighter.
Over the past year, the other guys have talked to
me about Christianity, and more recently I've been trying to
get more and more into it and wondering is it
too late for me to be saved and to go
to Heaven when I pass. I haven't been the best guy,
(15:32):
but is it too late? Keep up what you're doing,
all right, Anonymous? Thanks for your service as a firefighter.
This this is an easy answer, but you got to
listen to me. Okay, a couple things. Christianity is not
almost there. Trying to get there, working on it. I'm
(15:53):
half a Christian, I'm three fourths of a Christian. I'm
almost there on now I'm a Christian. It is not
that it is you're all in or you're all out.
Now A lot of people think they're all in, but
they're not. So you have to be. You have to
understand what Christianity is. It's not a world religion. It
(16:14):
is a relationship with Jesus, our Lord and Savior. It's
realizing that we could not ever be good enough. Just
like you said, you said, I haven't been the best guy.
No one has. You have to understand that no one
has been the best guy or girl. We have the
(16:36):
entire Old Testament of the Bible to prove that to us.
God gave his rules, his laws. We couldn't do it.
Have you ever told a lie in your life, ever
small or big? Have you ever stolen anything ever in
your life? Jesus said, have you ever looked at a
(16:56):
woman with lust? Because if you have, you've committed adultery
in your heart. So with just those three I would
say you are a lying, thieving, adulterous at heart. Have
you ever used the Lord's name in vain. Then you're lying, thieving, blasphemous,
adulter at heart. That's for laws. We can go down
(17:18):
this list. You've broken them all. Everyone has. That's the point.
And in his infinite love for us, this is important.
God and his ultimate forgiveness and love and mercy sent
his only son to earth to live a perfect life.
(17:40):
He fulfilled the law perfectly because we could not because
the law was bad. It was perfect, but because we
weren't good enough for it. So Jesus comes, he fulfills
the law perfectly. God pours out his wrath on him
that we deserved. It's like you get a bunch of
traffic tickets and you go to court. You can't tell
the judge, Okay, from now on, judge, I'm gonna be better.
(18:03):
I'm gonna I'm gonna be better now. The judge says, okay,
but what about all these traffic tickets. So what Jesus
does is he comes down, he takes the wrath of God.
He dies on the cross, resurrected three days later. And
what he did well, he became a substitute for us
in those traffic tickets. So the judge goes, hang on
a second, you're fine has been paid. You're free to
(18:26):
go what I'm free to go. It's forgotten. Yes, I
have now forgotten your sins because the price has been paid.
Jesus said, it is finished, meaning paid in full. Have
trust in him, repent for your from your old ways,
meaning I'm sorry, I want to change. I trust in you.
(18:49):
You do those things you're You're fine has been paid,
and then you are one hundred percent of Christian and
you're saved regardless of what you did in the past. See,
the thief on the cross had lived a life of
sin as we all have. He was on the cross
in the last moments of his life, a thief with
the death penalty for what he did. And he looked
(19:12):
at Jesus and he said, will you remember me when
you go into your kingdom. Jesus looked at him and said,
today you will be with me in paradise. The thief trusted,
he repented, and that day he entered paradise regardless of
what he did in the past. That's you, my friend.
(19:35):
But see you see how there's no halfway. There's no
fifty percent here, there's no ninety percent Christian. It's like
if you had a parachute and you're jumping out of
a plane, and I said, hey, man, that parachute has
a fifty percent chance of opening, you wouldn't jump. So
if I asked you on a scale of one to ten,
(19:55):
how sure are you of going to heaven? And you
say maybe maybe a six. I'm kind of a good person,
but I'm working on being better. Would you jump out
of the plane with a parachute that had a sixty
percent chance of opening? I would say you wouldn't. So
there is no halfway. You're all in with the trust
(20:17):
and repentance of what Jesus did for us and for
you paid in full. You're fine, wiped clean with that faith,
or you're not, Or you're just trying to be a
good person and you'll never be good enough. You hear me,
you hear this message, You're one hundred percent in. You
(20:38):
don't hear it, you're jumping out of the plane with
a faulty parachute. Let's take a Break podcast is brought
to you all today by Raycon. You know, I've been
doing a lot of flying lately. In the month of August,
we have a lot of fly days, and I've been
on the plane listening to a lot of audio books,
(20:58):
so I need some good ear buzz to listen to
these audio books. That's why I use Raycon Wireless ear
Buzz to listen. Raycon's everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound
better than ever with optimized gel tips for the perfect
ineir fit. These earbuds are so comfortable and they never
will budge, trust me. Raycons offers three different profiles to
(21:18):
match what you're listening to, plus noise isolation and awareness mode,
so you could choose to be immersed in sound or
be able to hear your surroundings when you need to.
Probably the most important thing for me with these Raycons
is their battery life last a long time. And sometimes
I'm on these long flights with a layover and then
another flight and I need them to stay on before
I get to charge them. And they last eight hours
(21:41):
of playtime and thirty two hours battery life, so when
you need to charge, it's super easy. You can even
do that wirelessly. This is a huge selling point for me.
You get the same quality audio as other premium audio brands,
but half the price. Yeah really, and they seriously are
meant to last. I've seen people drop in these Raycons
three stories up getting lost in the rains, snowstorms, and
(22:04):
they still work. It's no wonder why Raycon's everyday earbuds
have over forty nine thousand and five star reviews. Check
out Raycon's wireless earbuds. My guess is that you're gonna
want to leave a five star review to go to
buy raycon dot com slash Granger today and get fifteen
percent off your Raycon order. That's buy raycon dot com
slash Granger to score fifteen percent off buy Raycon dot
(22:27):
com slash Granger. The podcast is also brought to you
by Better Help. And so many times I tell people
on this podcast to stop listening to your heart and
start listening to your mind. But you got to have
ways to take care of your mind as well, and
that's where better Help comes in. So how well would
you take care of your car if you had to
keep the same one your entire life. Well, that's how
(22:49):
our brains work, So why don't we treat them the
same way. How we care for our minds affects how
we experience life. It's so important to invest time and
care into healthy minds. Plenty ways to support a healthy
brain like learning a new language or taking power naps.
But there's also Better Help Online Therapy. Now, this podcast
is all about me being your friend and giving you
(23:10):
advice that I think you need. But I'm not a
licensed therapist, and that's where Better Help Online Therapy comes in.
It's online therapy that offers video, phone and even live
chat only therapy sessions, so you don't have to see
anyone on camera if you don't want to, and it's
more affordable than in person therapy, like you could be
matched with the therapist in under forty eight hours. So
(23:32):
our listeners get ten percent off their first month at
better help dot com slash granger. That's Better h e
LP dot com slash granger. Okay, we're back at it
going through these questions. We have a lot, a lot
to get to and I'm just pulling up whatever's in
(23:53):
the queue. You could email me to Grangersmith podcast at
gmail dot com. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. That
is what I'm reading. Next question, subject line says I'm scared.
Hey Grainger, my name is Nick. I'm twenty six. I'm
from Oregon City, Oregon. Your podcast has helped me through
the days of being a truck driver. I'm reaching out
to you because I found out I'm going to be
(24:14):
the father to a baby girl. How do you become
a good father? How do I not repeat the way
my father was? How do I make sure I'm doing enough?
I've always wanted to be a dad. I just want
to make sure I'm doing everything I can. Thank you
for everything you do. God blessing ye yee. All right, Nick,
thank you for your service as a truck driver. Thank
(24:35):
you for emailing me. Shout out to Oregon. I love Oregon. Okay, buddy, congratulations,
you're gonna be a girl dad. That's amazing. My first
baby was a girl, so I could relate. Your question is,
how do I become a good father? How do I
not repeat the way my father was? Well, that's called
(24:55):
a generational curse, and it is definitely a problem. So
you're right to acknowledge it, because these generational curses happen
when we get a bad great granddad and he raises
a bad granddad, who raises a bad father who raises us,
and then we in turn take what we learned because
that's all we know, and we put that on our kids.
(25:16):
And this generational curse keeps happening until someone breaks it.
So Nick, I want to encourage you to break this curse.
And I think by asking the question, you're already in
a very good spot. The baby's not even born yet,
you're already asking a really good question, how to become
a good father. Well, the first question I was going
(25:38):
to I would ask you is related to the question
right before we took the break, do you love Jesus?
Because if you go in and you read the life
of Jesus, and you read his apostles, and you read
the epistles and the letters in the New Testament, it's
going to lay out for you how to be a
good father. In fact, there's plenty of sections on there
(26:00):
talk about how to be a good father. And that's
an ancient book. It goes back thousands of years, so
much wisdom in that. We could learn so much from that.
So we know first of all that we're not perfect.
We're going to fail, we're going to stumble, and so
we be honest with our kids. We need to be
(26:22):
present with our kids. We need to have them very
high on a priority list. So it's like God, your girl,
your spouse, and your kid. Are you married to what
baby mama. I would ask you that because the way
you treat her is a huge part of how you
are as a dad. That's a huge message you're sending
(26:44):
to this little girl about who she is and about
what womanhood is by how daddy is treating mommy. That's
the first thing she's going to learn about women. The
first thing she's going to learn about herself is what
she sees her mom and how dad treats mom. It's
a big deal, Like, that's the first thing. So that's
(27:08):
the first step for you. Love this woman, Love this girl,
love the baby's mother, show her respect, honor her, open
doors for her, don't raise your voice at her. Try
not to argue in front of the baby. That's a
huge deal and you might not have thought about it.
(27:28):
I haven't even talked about the baby at all. Treat
the mother like royalty. And she sees that. Your baby
girl sees that, and she goes, I love daddy. He's
present with me, he gives me intention, he loves mommy,
he protects us. And you put her down at night
(27:49):
and you're taking her back as she's closing her eyes,
and you go, baby, I'm always here for you. I
love you. I'll always protect you. I'll always be here
to talk to I'll always be here to bounce ideas
off of. You know that right? And she goes yes, Daddy,
and reinforce it all the time. Tell her she's beautiful,
(28:11):
Tell her all the things that you want to beat
the world to. You don't want the world to be
the first one to tell her that she's beautiful. You
don't want to be You don't want the world to
be the first one to buy her flowers or tell
her that they love her. That needs to be Daddy
every time. Beat the world to the punch every time.
(28:32):
That's huge. And second of all, after that, you got
to rein her in. You have to discipline her. You
can't just let her run wild because she will go wild.
So you can't just be all all in and just nice.
Because love comes with correction as well. So you got
(28:55):
to correct her and guide her down this path of
growing up. Now, her discipline is going to be going
to be different according to her personality. So I can't
tell you exactly what that is, but I could tell
you London, she was my first born. London's biggest discipline
that she needed was I needed to be with her
(29:16):
and ignore her that she couldn't stand it. That would
break her every time it would it would break her will.
So we want to break their will as a child.
We want to break their will, but not their spirit.
You don't want to break her spirit, and you know
how to do that, but you want to break her
firm will that she has as a two year old,
as a one year old, as a three year old,
(29:37):
as a sixteen year old. Break the will, not the spirit.
So with London, if she was acting out and she
needed discipline, I would say, okay, it's time to go
to your room. So I'd put her in her room
and I would close the door inside the room with her,
and I would face the door and I would say,
when you're ready to apologize and you're ready to calm
down and control yourself, I'll take you out of here.
(30:02):
And I would give her those instructions and then I
would face the door and she would get so mad.
She would just get irate because I wasn't giving her attention.
And eventually, sometimes it would literally take an hour and
she would finally calm down and she say I'm sorry, Daddy,
and I would instantly turn around and I'll hug her,
and I'll say, baby, it's okay, thank you so much
(30:23):
for calming down and listening to daddy. And then we
would go out and we would play. Girls want to
be captivating, So make them feel captivating. Tell her she's beautiful,
watch her, give her that attention that she needs. Unless
it's form of discipline, you're gonna do great. All right,
(30:47):
let's hit another one here. Seputine says money problems. It says, hey,
grangd your my name is Isaiah. I'm nineteen, moved out
at eighteen. My girlfriend of one year still with her parents,
and she is going to beauty school in January. Lately,
she's been calling me cheap, and her parents think that
I am as well. I make pretty good money and
(31:08):
I'm trying to save around thirty percent into my savings,
and obviously some of the money goes to rent, et cetera.
She complains that I need to stop saving and just
be young, which I find extremely unwise. I will continue
to save, which she is unhappy with. Whenever we get
to dinner, I pay. I spend a pretty decent amount
of money on her, but sometimes she doesn't even acknowledge that.
(31:31):
I'm not sure how to stand my ground and continue
to spend money wisely and not recklessly. But she gets
angry whenever I refuse to follow her suggestion. Thanks for
all you do, Isaiah, Thanks for the email, buddy. Okay,
this is a great sign to break up. That's her personality.
(31:52):
You're not going to change it. That's your personality. She's
not going to change it. And it's awesome that you're
seeing it now before you're married, because this is a
huge issue. If you're married and you have a joint
bank account and you have money going in and she
has money going in and she wants to spend it
all and be lavish and you're trying to save it.
(32:13):
That's like a root problem in a marriage that's going
to lead to divorce. And I don't think you're going
to change her now. She is very young, she's eighteen
or I'm assuming, but it's a really big red flag.
And the fact that her parents agree with her, that's
even bigger red flag. That says that she's probably not
(32:34):
gonna grow out of it. That's just how she was raised.
That's how she feels, and that's how obviously how you
were raised, and that's how you feel. So it's a
big problem, and I don't think it's gonna work out.
I think it's time to back out of this relationship.
I think it's time to get some space. You can't
sit down and convince her of this, how saving is important,
(32:55):
and how spending is not wise, spending lavishly is not one.
You can't convince her of that. That's who she is,
that's what she wants. And she'll find somebody after you
break up that does that, that just dumps money out
on her, goes on cruises and vacations and just buys
her jewelry. That's ridiculous. And you will find somebody that
(33:18):
respects the money and that says I think this is wise.
Let's save up and then we could spend it on
a vacation once we're in a safe place with our savings.
You're gonna find that. But you got to find somebody else.
I'm sorry. You probably love her, That's why you're emailing me.
You probably have huge feelings for her. Otherwise you wouldn't email.
(33:39):
You would have already done this. But I'm here to
tell you the tough love, Isaiah. It's time to break up.
This is a bad sign and good news for you
you're not married, when it would be a really big problem.
Next question says, hey, Grande, I'm nineteen, I'm in my
first real relationship. We both recently agreed that it was
(33:59):
for the best to take a small break because we
have a lot going on in our lives at the moment,
and revisit the relationship when we could both give our
one hundred percent. I just can't stop thinking about her,
and I always think if I did something to upset her,
and she always says that nothing's wrong or I'm fine,
And I was wondering if you can give me advice
on how to approach the relationship when I feel I'm
(34:22):
ready to talk to her buddy time. Thanks for the email.
Let me dig into this and correct you on something
you said. We have recently agreed it's best for us
to take a small break, But that's not true, is it.
(34:44):
You might have agreed at the time, but you don't
agree with that now because now you're saying you're wondering
if you did something wrong to cause this, meaning this
wasn't a mutual breakup, So that because you got a
lot going on in your life, because now you're having
second thoughts that maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe
(35:05):
you just blew it. Maybe you did something and you
can't put your finger on it and she can't identify
it or admit it. But maybe you did meaning you
weren't ready to get out of this thing and she was.
But the hard part about it is she doesn't want
back in. And now you're just going through good old
(35:26):
fashioned heartbreak. And I'm here to tell you that it's okay,
that the feeling you're having is normal, and then everybody
goes through it. Longtime listeners of this podcast know how
many times I've gone down this road with this subject,
with these kind of people. Buddy, it hurts. You're gonna
(35:49):
regret things you did. Maybe you could have said a
couple more things, maybe you shouldn't have said a few things.
But that's part of learning about relationships, that's part of
learning the opposite gender. So one day you'll meet somebody,
you'll fall in love again, and in your mind you'll
go I learned back when I was nineteen what not
(36:11):
to do or what to do more of. See, heartbreak
is a is a mechanism inside our body, kind of
like pain. It is pain, and so it's like physical pain.
So when you put your hand on a stove and
it burns and you whip your hand away, it triggers
something in your memory that says, don't put hand on stove.
(36:34):
Got it, Stay away from stove, got it. Heartbreak does
the same thing. So while the hand burns when it's
on the stove, it hurts and you get whelps and
you got to cool down, and you gotta get over
the scarring of the hand on the stove. The same
thing happens with heartbreak. Because it's good that you got
(36:55):
that burned. It's good you got that scar because it's
gonna prevent you from further damn to putting your hand
on the stove. So this heartbreak is the same thing.
It's this is good that you're feeling this because it's
gonna prevent you, or at least help prevent you from
making the same mistakes again with someone that you love. Now,
(37:15):
sometimes it's not about the mistakes. Sometimes it's about just
we just gave away our heart too soon. We moved
too quickly in the relationship and gave ourselves away and
weren't guarded enough. That could be it too, But either way,
you're learning a lesson through this pain, and I know
that that's hard to hear now, and that's something that's like, well,
that doesn't help me. I'm hurting. It's the same way
(37:38):
if you burned your hand on the stove, I'd say, buddy,
this is actually good. Wait till it heals. You're gonna know,
you're gonna know not to put your hand around a stove.
Now you're gonna go, well, thanks a lot, buddy. That
doesn't help me. Now it hurts. I'm sorry, man, I
know it hurts. Heartbreak is real. It's pain, it's grief.
It's grieving the loss of someone in your life that
(38:00):
you loved. But the good news is, just like the
burn on your hand, it will heal fully recovered. It
will just like your hand is fully recovered after the stove,
after a certain amount of time, your heart will fully recover.
(38:22):
Be still, wait it out. You'll have good days and
bad days, but eventually the bad days will start to
fade away and there'll be more and more good days.
And then you'll reach a point where you go, you
know what, I haven't even thought about her, and like
three days, this is the first time I've thought about
her in three days. Right now, you're thinking about her
(38:42):
every other minute. But then the three days turns into
six days, and then it turns into two weeks, and
then a month, and then six months, and then you
meet somebody new, and then you fall in love. And
then you could barely even remember the girl's name the
girl before, but your heart knows because it's healing, it's growing.
(39:09):
It's a lesson, it's good for you. Wait it out.
You're gonna be good. Love you guys, See you next Monday. Gee,
thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I
appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out
by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
(39:32):
the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
upload a video. If you have a question for me
that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
at gmail dot com. Yi
But see you see how there's no halfway, There's no
fifty percent here. It's like if you had a parachute
and you're jumping out of a plane and I said,
hey man, that parachute has a fifty percent chance of opening,
you wouldn't jump. You hear me, You hear this message,
you're one hundred percent in. You don't hear it. You're
(00:21):
jumping out of a plane with a faulty parachute. Hey guys,
what's up. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for listening and watching.
Wherever you're coming from, I'm grateful for you. I love
this platform. Wherever you found me, maybe you found me
(00:44):
on TikTok talk or Instagram or through after Midnight the
radio show. However you got here. I'm just happy that
you're here. And for those of you that have listened
to a bunch of episodes or biniged it or listened
to every single episode when we put it out on Mondays,
thank you. I'm super grateful. All I do is answer
your questions and I don't have any notes in front
of me. We just walk through it as though we're
(01:06):
longtime friends. You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. My only two requests
are don't send anything twice to me and don't make
it much longer than a phone length in the email
because that it makes it hard to read for the podcast.
But let's dive right into this thing first. One subject
(01:28):
line says long distance relationships Florida to UK. Thanks for
your inspiration. I've been a long seven on a long
seven year self discovery since my marriage ended. Last summer.
I met a very lovely lady. Unfortunately, she lives overseas
and visits America three times a year in an eight
week period. All my life, I never considered distance to
(01:50):
be a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. This woman
has inspired me to reconsider my ideals. I am definitely
tied to America until my kids grow another eight years.
I'm just curious on your take on long distance relationships.
Ye ye, Joseph, Joseph, thanks for the email, buddy, shout
out to Florida and yeah, we'll get right to it. Look,
(02:13):
long distance relationships. I don't have a problem with it.
I know that it just makes it difficult, which is
probably what you considered earlier when you said it's not
a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. That just it's
just because it adds a new wrinkle. But what you're
gonna have to do is take it slow. Now there's
let's they're just good and bad. Let's talk about good
(02:35):
and bad. The bad is you got to take it slow,
you know, and you have to. You have to go
down every detail and establish things early with her. For instance,
would you ever consider moving to the US? You got
to establish that early in a in a close relationship,
you would establish moving to a new town or moving
(02:56):
for a career, you would establish that later in the
relations But now you got to start talking about it
pretty early, like, hey, how open are you to moving
to the US? How hard is it to get a
visa to work here? Have you ever looked into that?
If so, what's your time frame on that? And then
the same question comes back to you, would you ever
(03:18):
consider moving to the UK? What's the process of getting
a visa? Could you get approved? Is there a career
move you could make over there with a similar field
that you're in now? Or could you find another job
with your background? Are you willing to be apart from
your family? Maybe you have parents, brothers, sisters, your kids. Obviously,
Are you willing to be all the way across the
(03:39):
pond away from them? Something you've got to consider now,
something she has to consider leaving all of her friends,
all of her family, any tie she's had, maybe maybe
she has kids, maybe she has a mother and father.
Is she willing to leave them? These are questions that
you're going to have to ask early, and it's difficult
that way. But if she's the right one and you
(04:01):
guys really click and you fall in love, then those
obstacles aren't that big a deal. You make it work.
But there's sacrifices you have to make for that. Now,
there's sacrifices in every relationship, but this is very specific sacrifices. Now,
the good news I told you there's good. The good
thing is you're gonna learn quickly about if she's the
(04:22):
right one because you're moving fast with her. So you're
gonna learn quickly because Joseph, your problems might be completely
solved in three weeks. You start asking questions and she goes,
I would never consider moving there. I would never want
to live in Florida. I can never be away from
my mother. It's like, okay, well, that's a problem because
(04:44):
if I move there, you're gonna have to come stay
with me sometimes, and you're gonna have to leave your mother.
So you get these problems out over with early and
then and then you could come to the conclusion that
you know what, I'm I'm not really that into her anyway.
Or you could meet someone else in Florida and you go,
you know what, this is a lot better. Or you
break up with this the UK girl, and then you
(05:06):
meet a Florida girl down the road and you go, oh,
this is so nice. I love you and you're local.
I never knew how blessed I would be to find
a Florida girl until I dated a UK girl. So
it's going to give you a really good perspective. So yeah,
(05:27):
go for it, but you got to take it slow.
You got to ask hard questions fast, and don't give
your heart away too soon. Don't give your heart away
to her before you ask the hard questions and come
to that conclusion, because sometimes that distance can create a
false sense of security in the relationship when you're texting
(05:47):
and facetiming and calling and emailing and not seeing her
face to face, so you're not seeing her everyday problems.
She's not seeing your everyday problems, and so it seems
like a fairy tale. So be careful full of that,
don't give your heart away too soon, ask the hard
questions right now, and take it slow. Next question subject
(06:10):
line says big fan. I saw you when you're a
part of the Luke Brian tour in twenty seventeen. Been
listening to your podcast. I have all of your albums,
love your music and this comes from Amber Amber. Thank
you that was a fun tour. Next question subject line
says dating apps, Hey Granger. My name is Stephanie. I'm
twenty eight years old from North Texas. The last few years,
I've been on dating apps to meet people. Whenever I
(06:33):
finally find someone actually interested in getting to know and
potentially pursuing a relationship, it always ends the same way.
When I think things are great, the rug is pulled
from under me and out of nowhere. I end up
heartbroken and confused. I eventually bounce back after lots of
prayer and talking to friends and family, but I'm definitely
getting tired as a Christian. What do you think about
(06:55):
online dating or should it just stop looking? Since everyone
says the same thing. Stop looking and someone will come
into your life. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank
you eee Stephanie, Stephanie shout out to North Texas. My
first question is why are you twenty eight and on
dating apps like you're your prime age for finding a
(07:18):
good husband? In North Texas, there's there's plenty of them.
Why are you resorting to dating apps? And the reason
I ask it is because dating apps are going to
put off this front. It's like a sales pitch. It's
like looking for a used car and you're going to
see how many miles it has and gets good fuel economy,
never been in a wreck before. It's going to show
(07:40):
the pretty picture sitting in a driveway with a sunset
in the background. It's all clean. That's what a dating
app is. You're seeing the highlights of someone. And so
what you're doing is you're pursuing someone only based on
their highlights. That's it. That's not healthy to do. And
they're thinking the same thing about you. You're finding them
(08:03):
because of the highlights, and you're pursuing it for a
first date, and then they're doing the same thing. They're
looking at your highlights. Whatever you wrote in your bio,
whatever picture out of a million you chose, because you
know you're just putting the best pictures on there, the
pictures that you want to be represented with. With the
sunset going down and your car is clean. So as
(08:25):
opposed to what I would recommend is friends, close companions,
people that you trust, that wise counsel that says, hey,
there's a guy, like there's a guy I work with
and he's single and he's thirty and he seems like
your type. I would love to set you, guys up.
I could vouch for him. I know his struggles, I
(08:47):
know his successes, I know where, I know his parents,
I know his whole story. That just that's a way
better route to go to to find somebody instead of
looking at highlights only no references. Nobody knows them. You
don't know his past, and you won't know his past
(09:08):
for a long time because he's gonna hide it from you.
So you're wondering why this ends the same way. I
tell you why, because the highlights fail and then you
meet the real person, and when you meet the real
person or they meet the real you, someone's out. That's
why it keeps ending the same way. And I know
people are listening going I met my spouse on a
(09:29):
dating app and it's great. There's always exceptions, but those
are tiny exceptions. For the most part, you need to
go on references. You need to see them in their
natural environment before you take a first date. So it's like, yeah,
I'm gonna go on a date with you because i
know you from references or or I've seen you in
(09:49):
the real world first and not your highlight reel first. Okay,
I would avoid it. I wouldn't go there. You're young,
You've got a long time great next question, says subject.
Client says, should I ask out my best friend of
eighteen plus years? Hey, Granger, been listening to the podcast
for a while, and I've spent just as much time
(10:10):
pondering this question. I met this girl at the old
age of four many years ago when her dad became
the pastor of my childhood church. We've always been very close,
and apparently I've already proposed to her once when we
were in kindergarten. Now, our college careers are wrapping up,
and I feel the urgency to find the one for me.
(10:30):
I know it's on God's timing, but I know my
amber won't fall into my lap talking about my wife.
We've talked about dating multiple times over the years, but
she's always felt awkward about it. She's still never had
a serious relationship, and I think her reservations are rooted
in nervousness about that. My question is do I risk
(10:52):
asking her out while chancing losing my lifetime best friend.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Preston. Yeah, thanks for
the email, buddy. So here's the deal. There's a couple
things I want to talk about. First thing I want
to talk about is she feels hesitant. Okay, so you
(11:13):
don't have a clear path here, you know this. The
second thing I want to talk about is I don't
from my perspective, I don't think you have anything to
lose here. You're talking about losing your lifetime best friend.
I don't think that's a problem. Here's why. One day
(11:35):
you're gonna meet somebody your future spouse, and you're gonna
marry them, and God willing, you're gonna make babies with them.
You can't have that and a lifetime best friend. That's
a girl that you grew up with, that you asked
to marry when you're in kindergarten. You can't have both,
(11:55):
so you're gonna have to give her up your childhood
best friend. Anyway, it's just not healthy. It's okay now,
but you can't have both a spouse, the love of
your life with the babies, and oh this girl that
I've always had a crush on. Let's be honest, and
(12:16):
I've known her my whole life and we're just best friends.
You can't have both. So you're going to give her
up regardless. So that's off the table. That's not a problem.
So my suggestion is you just make a bold move
and say, hey, I think you're great. I've known you forever,
(12:38):
I know you, you know me now. I am really
attracted to you, and I know this might be awkward
to you, but I would like to take it slow
and pursue you to coffee or to dinner or to
a movie, and I'd like to go out in a
new way more than friends. Like be honest with her
(13:00):
and make it very clear I want to be more
than friends. Would you be interested in that? And if
she says I don't think so, then you go, okay,
I totally respect that, and then you have to back
off of this lifetime friendship thing. You can't continue to
be best friends with her, because that's gonna hinder you
(13:21):
from meeting somebody. Because as soon as you meet somebody
and start to get serious, you're gonna have to introduce
that new person to your lifelong best friend that you've
had a crush on since kindergarten. That's not gonna work.
You can't have both. So I would say, be bold,
ask her out. If she says yes, if she wants
(13:41):
to take it very slow, take it slow. Also, if
she says no, that doesn't mean you have to stop.
You could say, okay, I'm right here. I'm right here,
but I think we need to back off the friendship thing.
But I would like to be more than friends. And
so I want to prove to you that I want this,
(14:01):
you and us together. And so i'm here. Give me
a call. I'm not going anywhere, Okay. The other thing
I want to talk about is the very beginning of
your question. You said, I feel the urgency to find
the one for me. I need you to get rid
(14:22):
of that urgency. There is no urgency. I know you
feel that you're getting out of college. You feel that,
but pull that back, retract that feeling, and be confident
and single. Now, be secure in who you are in
your singleness now without anybody. You don't need anybody. There's
no urgency. It will happen in its own time or not,
(14:46):
but either way that's your path. So don't rush this,
don't feel anxious about this. Be single and secure and
confident in who you are and where you are in
your life right now, and watch how that starts to
change things for your future. Let's hit another one here.
(15:11):
It says subject line being closer to God would like
to stay anonymous. Hey Granger, love your music and your podcast.
I'm a big fan. I'm seventeen. I'm a volunteer firefighter.
Over the past year, the other guys have talked to
me about Christianity, and more recently I've been trying to
get more and more into it and wondering is it
too late for me to be saved and to go
to Heaven when I pass. I haven't been the best guy,
(15:32):
but is it too late? Keep up what you're doing,
all right, Anonymous? Thanks for your service as a firefighter.
This this is an easy answer, but you got to
listen to me. Okay, a couple things. Christianity is not
almost there. Trying to get there, working on it. I'm
(15:53):
half a Christian, I'm three fourths of a Christian. I'm
almost there on now I'm a Christian. It is not
that it is you're all in or you're all out.
Now A lot of people think they're all in, but
they're not. So you have to be. You have to
understand what Christianity is. It's not a world religion. It
(16:14):
is a relationship with Jesus, our Lord and Savior. It's
realizing that we could not ever be good enough. Just
like you said, you said, I haven't been the best guy.
No one has. You have to understand that no one
has been the best guy or girl. We have the
(16:36):
entire Old Testament of the Bible to prove that to us.
God gave his rules, his laws. We couldn't do it.
Have you ever told a lie in your life, ever
small or big? Have you ever stolen anything ever in
your life? Jesus said, have you ever looked at a
(16:56):
woman with lust? Because if you have, you've committed adultery
in your heart. So with just those three I would
say you are a lying, thieving, adulterous at heart. Have
you ever used the Lord's name in vain. Then you're lying, thieving, blasphemous,
adulter at heart. That's for laws. We can go down
(17:18):
this list. You've broken them all. Everyone has. That's the point.
And in his infinite love for us, this is important.
God and his ultimate forgiveness and love and mercy sent
his only son to earth to live a perfect life.
(17:40):
He fulfilled the law perfectly because we could not because
the law was bad. It was perfect, but because we
weren't good enough for it. So Jesus comes, he fulfills
the law perfectly. God pours out his wrath on him
that we deserved. It's like you get a bunch of
traffic tickets and you go to court. You can't tell
the judge, Okay, from now on, judge, I'm gonna be better.
(18:03):
I'm gonna I'm gonna be better now. The judge says, okay,
but what about all these traffic tickets. So what Jesus
does is he comes down, he takes the wrath of God.
He dies on the cross, resurrected three days later. And
what he did well, he became a substitute for us
in those traffic tickets. So the judge goes, hang on
a second, you're fine has been paid. You're free to
(18:26):
go what I'm free to go. It's forgotten. Yes, I
have now forgotten your sins because the price has been paid.
Jesus said, it is finished, meaning paid in full. Have
trust in him, repent for your from your old ways,
meaning I'm sorry, I want to change. I trust in you.
(18:49):
You do those things you're You're fine has been paid,
and then you are one hundred percent of Christian and
you're saved regardless of what you did in the past. See,
the thief on the cross had lived a life of
sin as we all have. He was on the cross
in the last moments of his life, a thief with
the death penalty for what he did. And he looked
(19:12):
at Jesus and he said, will you remember me when
you go into your kingdom. Jesus looked at him and said,
today you will be with me in paradise. The thief trusted,
he repented, and that day he entered paradise regardless of
what he did in the past. That's you, my friend.
(19:35):
But see you see how there's no halfway. There's no
fifty percent here, there's no ninety percent Christian. It's like
if you had a parachute and you're jumping out of
a plane, and I said, hey, man, that parachute has
a fifty percent chance of opening, you wouldn't jump. So
if I asked you on a scale of one to ten,
(19:55):
how sure are you of going to heaven? And you
say maybe maybe a six. I'm kind of a good person,
but I'm working on being better. Would you jump out
of the plane with a parachute that had a sixty
percent chance of opening? I would say you wouldn't. So
there is no halfway. You're all in with the trust
(20:17):
and repentance of what Jesus did for us and for
you paid in full. You're fine, wiped clean with that faith,
or you're not, Or you're just trying to be a
good person and you'll never be good enough. You hear me,
you hear this message, You're one hundred percent in. You
(20:38):
don't hear it, you're jumping out of the plane with
a faulty parachute. Let's take a Break podcast is brought
to you all today by Raycon. You know, I've been
doing a lot of flying lately. In the month of August,
we have a lot of fly days, and I've been
on the plane listening to a lot of audio books,
(20:58):
so I need some good ear buzz to listen to
these audio books. That's why I use Raycon Wireless ear
Buzz to listen. Raycon's everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound
better than ever with optimized gel tips for the perfect
ineir fit. These earbuds are so comfortable and they never
will budge, trust me. Raycons offers three different profiles to
(21:18):
match what you're listening to, plus noise isolation and awareness mode,
so you could choose to be immersed in sound or
be able to hear your surroundings when you need to.
Probably the most important thing for me with these Raycons
is their battery life last a long time. And sometimes
I'm on these long flights with a layover and then
another flight and I need them to stay on before
I get to charge them. And they last eight hours
(21:41):
of playtime and thirty two hours battery life, so when
you need to charge, it's super easy. You can even
do that wirelessly. This is a huge selling point for me.
You get the same quality audio as other premium audio brands,
but half the price. Yeah really, and they seriously are
meant to last. I've seen people drop in these Raycons
three stories up getting lost in the rains, snowstorms, and
(22:04):
they still work. It's no wonder why Raycon's everyday earbuds
have over forty nine thousand and five star reviews. Check
out Raycon's wireless earbuds. My guess is that you're gonna
want to leave a five star review to go to
buy raycon dot com slash Granger today and get fifteen
percent off your Raycon order. That's buy raycon dot com
slash Granger to score fifteen percent off buy Raycon dot
(22:27):
com slash Granger. The podcast is also brought to you
by Better Help. And so many times I tell people
on this podcast to stop listening to your heart and
start listening to your mind. But you got to have
ways to take care of your mind as well, and
that's where better Help comes in. So how well would
you take care of your car if you had to
keep the same one your entire life. Well, that's how
(22:49):
our brains work, So why don't we treat them the
same way. How we care for our minds affects how
we experience life. It's so important to invest time and
care into healthy minds. Plenty ways to support a healthy
brain like learning a new language or taking power naps.
But there's also Better Help Online Therapy. Now, this podcast
is all about me being your friend and giving you
(23:10):
advice that I think you need. But I'm not a
licensed therapist, and that's where Better Help Online Therapy comes in.
It's online therapy that offers video, phone and even live
chat only therapy sessions, so you don't have to see
anyone on camera if you don't want to, and it's
more affordable than in person therapy, like you could be
matched with the therapist in under forty eight hours. So
(23:32):
our listeners get ten percent off their first month at
better help dot com slash granger. That's Better h e
LP dot com slash granger. Okay, we're back at it
going through these questions. We have a lot, a lot
to get to and I'm just pulling up whatever's in
(23:53):
the queue. You could email me to Grangersmith podcast at
gmail dot com. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. That
is what I'm reading. Next question, subject line says I'm scared.
Hey Grainger, my name is Nick. I'm twenty six. I'm
from Oregon City, Oregon. Your podcast has helped me through
the days of being a truck driver. I'm reaching out
to you because I found out I'm going to be
(24:14):
the father to a baby girl. How do you become
a good father? How do I not repeat the way
my father was? How do I make sure I'm doing enough?
I've always wanted to be a dad. I just want
to make sure I'm doing everything I can. Thank you
for everything you do. God blessing ye yee. All right, Nick,
thank you for your service as a truck driver. Thank
(24:35):
you for emailing me. Shout out to Oregon. I love Oregon. Okay, buddy, congratulations,
you're gonna be a girl dad. That's amazing. My first
baby was a girl, so I could relate. Your question is,
how do I become a good father? How do I
not repeat the way my father was? Well, that's called
(24:55):
a generational curse, and it is definitely a problem. So
you're right to acknowledge it, because these generational curses happen
when we get a bad great granddad and he raises
a bad granddad, who raises a bad father who raises us,
and then we in turn take what we learned because
that's all we know, and we put that on our kids.
(25:16):
And this generational curse keeps happening until someone breaks it.
So Nick, I want to encourage you to break this curse.
And I think by asking the question, you're already in
a very good spot. The baby's not even born yet,
you're already asking a really good question, how to become
a good father. Well, the first question I was going
(25:38):
to I would ask you is related to the question
right before we took the break, do you love Jesus?
Because if you go in and you read the life
of Jesus, and you read his apostles, and you read
the epistles and the letters in the New Testament, it's
going to lay out for you how to be a
good father. In fact, there's plenty of sections on there
(26:00):
talk about how to be a good father. And that's
an ancient book. It goes back thousands of years, so
much wisdom in that. We could learn so much from that.
So we know first of all that we're not perfect.
We're going to fail, we're going to stumble, and so
we be honest with our kids. We need to be
(26:22):
present with our kids. We need to have them very
high on a priority list. So it's like God, your girl,
your spouse, and your kid. Are you married to what
baby mama. I would ask you that because the way
you treat her is a huge part of how you
are as a dad. That's a huge message you're sending
(26:44):
to this little girl about who she is and about
what womanhood is by how daddy is treating mommy. That's
the first thing she's going to learn about women. The
first thing she's going to learn about herself is what
she sees her mom and how dad treats mom. It's
a big deal, Like, that's the first thing. So that's
(27:08):
the first step for you. Love this woman, Love this girl,
love the baby's mother, show her respect, honor her, open
doors for her, don't raise your voice at her. Try
not to argue in front of the baby. That's a
huge deal and you might not have thought about it.
(27:28):
I haven't even talked about the baby at all. Treat
the mother like royalty. And she sees that. Your baby
girl sees that, and she goes, I love daddy. He's
present with me, he gives me intention, he loves mommy,
he protects us. And you put her down at night
(27:49):
and you're taking her back as she's closing her eyes,
and you go, baby, I'm always here for you. I
love you. I'll always protect you. I'll always be here
to talk to I'll always be here to bounce ideas
off of. You know that right? And she goes yes, Daddy,
and reinforce it all the time. Tell her she's beautiful,
(28:11):
Tell her all the things that you want to beat
the world to. You don't want the world to be
the first one to tell her that she's beautiful. You
don't want to be You don't want the world to
be the first one to buy her flowers or tell
her that they love her. That needs to be Daddy
every time. Beat the world to the punch every time.
(28:32):
That's huge. And second of all, after that, you got
to rein her in. You have to discipline her. You
can't just let her run wild because she will go wild.
So you can't just be all all in and just nice.
Because love comes with correction as well. So you got
(28:55):
to correct her and guide her down this path of
growing up. Now, her discipline is going to be going
to be different according to her personality. So I can't
tell you exactly what that is, but I could tell
you London, she was my first born. London's biggest discipline
that she needed was I needed to be with her
(29:16):
and ignore her that she couldn't stand it. That would
break her every time it would it would break her will.
So we want to break their will as a child.
We want to break their will, but not their spirit.
You don't want to break her spirit, and you know
how to do that, but you want to break her
firm will that she has as a two year old,
as a one year old, as a three year old,
(29:37):
as a sixteen year old. Break the will, not the spirit.
So with London, if she was acting out and she
needed discipline, I would say, okay, it's time to go
to your room. So I'd put her in her room
and I would close the door inside the room with her,
and I would face the door and I would say,
when you're ready to apologize and you're ready to calm
down and control yourself, I'll take you out of here.
(30:02):
And I would give her those instructions and then I
would face the door and she would get so mad.
She would just get irate because I wasn't giving her attention.
And eventually, sometimes it would literally take an hour and
she would finally calm down and she say I'm sorry, Daddy,
and I would instantly turn around and I'll hug her,
and I'll say, baby, it's okay, thank you so much
(30:23):
for calming down and listening to daddy. And then we
would go out and we would play. Girls want to
be captivating, So make them feel captivating. Tell her she's beautiful,
watch her, give her that attention that she needs. Unless
it's form of discipline, you're gonna do great. All right,
(30:47):
let's hit another one here. Seputine says money problems. It says, hey,
grangd your my name is Isaiah. I'm nineteen, moved out
at eighteen. My girlfriend of one year still with her parents,
and she is going to beauty school in January. Lately,
she's been calling me cheap, and her parents think that
I am as well. I make pretty good money and
(31:08):
I'm trying to save around thirty percent into my savings,
and obviously some of the money goes to rent, et cetera.
She complains that I need to stop saving and just
be young, which I find extremely unwise. I will continue
to save, which she is unhappy with. Whenever we get
to dinner, I pay. I spend a pretty decent amount
of money on her, but sometimes she doesn't even acknowledge that.
(31:31):
I'm not sure how to stand my ground and continue
to spend money wisely and not recklessly. But she gets
angry whenever I refuse to follow her suggestion. Thanks for
all you do, Isaiah, Thanks for the email, buddy. Okay,
this is a great sign to break up. That's her personality.
(31:52):
You're not going to change it. That's your personality. She's
not going to change it. And it's awesome that you're
seeing it now before you're married, because this is a
huge issue. If you're married and you have a joint
bank account and you have money going in and she
has money going in and she wants to spend it
all and be lavish and you're trying to save it.
(32:13):
That's like a root problem in a marriage that's going
to lead to divorce. And I don't think you're going
to change her now. She is very young, she's eighteen
or I'm assuming, but it's a really big red flag.
And the fact that her parents agree with her, that's
even bigger red flag. That says that she's probably not
(32:34):
gonna grow out of it. That's just how she was raised.
That's how she feels, and that's how obviously how you
were raised, and that's how you feel. So it's a
big problem, and I don't think it's gonna work out.
I think it's time to back out of this relationship.
I think it's time to get some space. You can't
sit down and convince her of this, how saving is important,
(32:55):
and how spending is not wise, spending lavishly is not one.
You can't convince her of that. That's who she is,
that's what she wants. And she'll find somebody after you
break up that does that, that just dumps money out
on her, goes on cruises and vacations and just buys
her jewelry. That's ridiculous. And you will find somebody that
(33:18):
respects the money and that says I think this is wise.
Let's save up and then we could spend it on
a vacation once we're in a safe place with our savings.
You're gonna find that. But you got to find somebody else.
I'm sorry. You probably love her, That's why you're emailing me.
You probably have huge feelings for her. Otherwise you wouldn't email.
(33:39):
You would have already done this. But I'm here to
tell you the tough love, Isaiah. It's time to break up.
This is a bad sign and good news for you
you're not married, when it would be a really big problem.
Next question says, hey, Grande, I'm nineteen, I'm in my
first real relationship. We both recently agreed that it was
(33:59):
for the best to take a small break because we
have a lot going on in our lives at the moment,
and revisit the relationship when we could both give our
one hundred percent. I just can't stop thinking about her,
and I always think if I did something to upset her,
and she always says that nothing's wrong or I'm fine,
And I was wondering if you can give me advice
on how to approach the relationship when I feel I'm
(34:22):
ready to talk to her buddy time. Thanks for the email.
Let me dig into this and correct you on something
you said. We have recently agreed it's best for us
to take a small break, But that's not true, is it.
(34:44):
You might have agreed at the time, but you don't
agree with that now because now you're saying you're wondering
if you did something wrong to cause this, meaning this
wasn't a mutual breakup, So that because you got a
lot going on in your life, because now you're having
second thoughts that maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe
(35:05):
you just blew it. Maybe you did something and you
can't put your finger on it and she can't identify
it or admit it. But maybe you did meaning you
weren't ready to get out of this thing and she was.
But the hard part about it is she doesn't want
back in. And now you're just going through good old
(35:26):
fashioned heartbreak. And I'm here to tell you that it's okay,
that the feeling you're having is normal, and then everybody
goes through it. Longtime listeners of this podcast know how
many times I've gone down this road with this subject,
with these kind of people. Buddy, it hurts. You're gonna
(35:49):
regret things you did. Maybe you could have said a
couple more things, maybe you shouldn't have said a few things.
But that's part of learning about relationships, that's part of
learning the opposite gender. So one day you'll meet somebody,
you'll fall in love again, and in your mind you'll
go I learned back when I was nineteen what not
(36:11):
to do or what to do more of. See, heartbreak
is a is a mechanism inside our body, kind of
like pain. It is pain, and so it's like physical pain.
So when you put your hand on a stove and
it burns and you whip your hand away, it triggers
something in your memory that says, don't put hand on stove.
(36:34):
Got it, Stay away from stove, got it. Heartbreak does
the same thing. So while the hand burns when it's
on the stove, it hurts and you get whelps and
you got to cool down, and you gotta get over
the scarring of the hand on the stove. The same
thing happens with heartbreak. Because it's good that you got
(36:55):
that burned. It's good you got that scar because it's
gonna prevent you from further damn to putting your hand
on the stove. So this heartbreak is the same thing.
It's this is good that you're feeling this because it's
gonna prevent you, or at least help prevent you from
making the same mistakes again with someone that you love. Now,
(37:15):
sometimes it's not about the mistakes. Sometimes it's about just
we just gave away our heart too soon. We moved
too quickly in the relationship and gave ourselves away and
weren't guarded enough. That could be it too, But either way,
you're learning a lesson through this pain, and I know
that that's hard to hear now, and that's something that's like, well,
that doesn't help me. I'm hurting. It's the same way
(37:38):
if you burned your hand on the stove, I'd say, buddy,
this is actually good. Wait till it heals. You're gonna know,
you're gonna know not to put your hand around a stove.
Now you're gonna go, well, thanks a lot, buddy. That
doesn't help me. Now it hurts. I'm sorry, man, I
know it hurts. Heartbreak is real. It's pain, it's grief.
It's grieving the loss of someone in your life that
(38:00):
you loved. But the good news is, just like the
burn on your hand, it will heal fully recovered. It
will just like your hand is fully recovered after the stove,
after a certain amount of time, your heart will fully recover.
(38:22):
Be still, wait it out. You'll have good days and
bad days, but eventually the bad days will start to
fade away and there'll be more and more good days.
And then you'll reach a point where you go, you
know what, I haven't even thought about her, and like
three days, this is the first time I've thought about
her in three days. Right now, you're thinking about her
(38:42):
every other minute. But then the three days turns into
six days, and then it turns into two weeks, and
then a month, and then six months, and then you
meet somebody new, and then you fall in love. And
then you could barely even remember the girl's name the
girl before, but your heart knows because it's healing, it's growing.
(39:09):
It's a lesson, it's good for you. Wait it out.
You're gonna be good. Love you guys, See you next Monday. Gee,
thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I
appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out
by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
(39:32):
the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
upload a video. If you have a question for me
that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
at gmail dot com. Yi
Host
Granger Smith
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.