No. 86: A Conversation with The Professional Homegirl - Eboné Almon. PART ONE. - Hand Me My Purse.

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
As I took some time to peruse Missy Elliott's Internet,
I found something I want to share with you guys.
And it says most people never heal because they stay

(00:22):
in their heads replaying corrupted scenarios. Let it go. That's
what it says. It literally says that part too, let
it go. And that is from moon Omens, which is
an account that I like, an astrology account, and it

(00:46):
looks like the quote directly comes from a fella named
Sylvester McNutt. What a name, huh, Sylvester McNutt, let me
read it to you one more time. Most people never
heal because they stay in their heads replaying corrupted scenarios.
Let it go. I have the uncomfortable urge to sing

(01:12):
that Disney song from Frozen, but guess what, I'm not
gonna do it, stick to the game plan. I can't

(01:40):
see the Okay, what's up, y'all? Welcome to Handy My
Purse the podcast. I am Emmy Walker, and I will
be your forever hosts each and every single time you
tune into this podcast. So go ahead, get comfortable, and
get yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether that's
alkaline water, a glass of ice cold tie, ginger real,

(02:02):
a hot cup of tea with some honey, lemon and Hannessy.
Particularly if you're not feeling well and you need to
make yourself a hot toddy, go ahead and do that,
and go light yourself a candle, some incense or burn
some sage and just get ready to chill out and

(02:23):
have a good time. What's up, friends and ken It's
none other than me, me walk a resident Auntie Supreme
here and having my purse and today I'm sipping on

(02:43):
some hot tea. It's early in the morning. I had
to get up and record because I had a nail
appointment last night and it was really late. Yes, I'm
still sniffling. And if you follow me on Instagram, I
send you guys a little message a couple of weeks ago,
well last week, not a couple of weeks ago, letting
you know that this was down bad with the flu. Okay,

(03:07):
I don't know if you guys have ever had the flu.
I'm still recovering and it has been a week and
about five days and my body is still I'm about
to cough. Actually, excuse me, I'm so sorry, and my

(03:27):
body is still recovering from this. I don't know if
you've ever had the flu before, but it's some bullshit.
It's some serious bullshit. If you want to meet, if
you want to be like really honest, the flu is different.
I have had pneumonia before. Pneumonia feels like you're knocking

(03:48):
on death's door. Of course, I've had colds, I've had
souness infections, I have allergies, I have asthma. You know,
I got all the things. I've had, bronchitis, bronchi it
sucks to I've had COVID three times, actually once before
they called it COVID in November of nineteen, and then twice.

(04:10):
I may have had it four times. Actually I had
to give you a rundown of my health report. But
this shit that right here, this flu is different. It's
real different. Friends, Again, it was different. When I tell
you that, I was in a different kind of pain.
It flared my asthma up so bad that every day

(04:31):
I've been having to use my asthma pump twice a day.
Like I have to typically take it unless I am
laying down, if I'm moving around, I have to take
it twice during that time while I was actively dealing
with influenza. The nasty little heifer. I had to take

(04:58):
it literally every four to six hours. And I mean,
I was down bad. My asthma is not really an
issue usually. I mean, I think part of the reason
I was so triggered is because it's the changing of
the seasons. And here in Maryland, it's hot, it's cold,
it's hot, it's cold, it's hot, it's cold. So you

(05:18):
know spring and spring, and it's it's it's awakening. The
season is waking up from its slumber. And so, uh,
this is typically when I may have an issue with
my asthma. Couple that with like actual illness. I was
down bad. They had to give me two breathing treatments

(05:38):
back to back. It still didn't alter the function of
my lungs, and I just was in so much pain.
I was like, look, I'm going home, I'm gonna lay down,
I'm gonna figure this out. My pulse was one fifteen
between one twelve and one fifteen. It was bad. I
say all that to say take care of yourself. I

(06:00):
say that also to say listen to your body. I
feel like when we get sick like that, like out
of the clear blue sky, that that is possibly our
higher selves speaking to us, or God's speaking to us

(06:20):
telling us to sit that ass down. He's saying to
sit your ass down. And it's either time to reflect
or time to just be still, or time to do both.
For me, it was time to do both because I
was like, I just haven't been right. You know, this

(06:42):
is the segment of the show where I kind of
like touch base with y'all. Right, So I haven't been right.
So I took that time to do some reflection. And
I feel like whatever funk I have been in, I
am starting to like creep my way out of it,
or at least open a lit of the box and
peek out, like I'm ready to come out what's out here?

(07:07):
So keep me in your prayers, keep me lifted up.
I am drinking some tea today. Excuse me. It is
a Taso or Taso brand tea. I did not know
that Starbucks owned them, but they sold them. They don't
own them anymore. They sold them, I believe, to Unilever,

(07:29):
and this tea. My very good friend Brian, who was
on the show in January. He for Christmas bought me
this little tea box, and it's so sweet, has all
these different teas in it, and this one is called
organic peach cobbler. Shout out to Brian. It's called organic
peach cobbler. And I really delight in being able to

(07:53):
go into this little cute wooden box, open it up,
pick a tea, and like taste all these different teas
because I typically drink the same kind of tea. I
usually drink tea specifically for medicinal purposes, but it's nice
to get in the tea just for the enjoyment of
the taste and not just for medicine. So it's called

(08:17):
organic peach cobbler, and I didn't think I would like
it at first, but it actually is really good. And
of course, of course, excuse me. I put some honey
and some lemon in it, and it's just a good
way for me to start my day. So that's why
my voice sounds a little rugger because it's early in
the morning. I still got all of this stuff going

(08:38):
on with my lungs. It's just a lot happening, but
I am glad to be back. I had to take
a break. I was down so bad that I had
to use one of my old episodes. It was a
banked episode, but I tell you what, it was right
on time, okay, Because living in the present moment is
something that I tend to struggle with, and I am

(08:59):
very trumans parent with you guys, and a lot of
times the things that I talk about are things that
I am either struggling with myself or I'm watching somebody
or people around me struggle with and so I decide
to talk about it. So, like I said, I'm drinking

(09:21):
on some tea. I don't know what you guys are
drinking on, but I tell you what. I love it
when you text me or when you leave a message
excuse me, you hear that cough? It ain't no joke, dude,
Or when you leave me a message or send me
something let me know what you're drinking on and keep

(09:42):
them coming. I really enjoy that. And let's go ahead
and get this Porty store, Ted, I want to say
this before we get the Porty Store. I'm really excited
about these next two episodes. They are are awesome and

(10:03):
they reflect the power of black women. It's Women's History
Month or International Women's Month or whatever it is. I
believe it's Women's History Month, and they just reflect for
me the power of sisterhood, the power of women, and

(10:26):
the power of or the beauty of uh you know,
black women coming together and just having a conversation. I
didn't know this young lady from the back of my hand,
and we had a conversation like we have known each
other since we were children. And it was a beautiful conversation.
So just get ready to enjoy yourself and just listen

(10:48):
to two sisters. Chop it up one more thing, friends,
and can The Gratitude Challenge is underway, so I'm really
hoping that you guys are doing your due diligence and

(11:09):
every day writing down three to five things or five
to ten things, at least five things that you are
grateful for every single day. I actually got started at
day late because this week has just been filled with

(11:31):
me adjusting and getting back to work after being down
with this flu. So I actually actually started a day late.
But thank God for grace, because it's okay if you
start a day late, it's okay. If you don't start
until a week into it, it's okay if you start
on the thirty eighth day, Just do it. Do it,

(11:54):
do it, do it. We started. It's funny. We started
the day after Ramadan, which is forty days. So you
just need to make sure that you are doing it
because I am expecting God to do something beautiful in
my life and I expect it for you too. So

(12:14):
just make sure that you are focusing on gratitude. I
will check it again next week. Remember five things. Write
it down in the morning or in the evening, whichever
is best for you. Or if you want to write
in a journal and just write it like a journal entry,
that's fine too. Just make sure that you are focusing
on gratitude every single day. I typically do mine in

(12:35):
the morning. I have done it in the Gratitude journal
that I told you that I bought a couple of times.
But I am making sure to do it in the morning.
And when I reflect in the morning, I'm typically reflecting
on the day before or the day prior if I
don't sit down and write it at night. So just

(12:59):
make sure you doing that. We'll do another check in.
But yes, it's Gratitude Challenge time. Every day we're focused
on We're focused on gratitude and being grateful for all
the aspects of our lives, even the small minutia that
we overlook. Like today, I will say I'm grateful for
this cup of tea because it was delicious. I'm also

(13:21):
grateful for my friend Brian who bought me the tea box.
And I'm also grateful for this cute ass mug. It's
very very cute. Shout out to all of those things,
and shout out to being grateful, so friends in Kim.

(13:42):
For today's gym, I went with a song that if
I'm not mistaken, it was on a commercial and that's
how I heard it. It's by a brand, a brand
Laud of Mercy. It's by a group called wolf Peck,
and that's vu lf Pec. I believe it's German, you

(14:06):
know me. I looked it up and you would think
that wolf Peck vu Lfpec would be wolf pack, but
it's not. It is wolf peck, as in the kiss
from a tiny kiss from a wolf. First of all,
tell me when the fuck is kissing a wolf other

(14:29):
than another wolf? Okay, nobody should be getting tiny pecks
from wolves. Okay. I just thought that was strange. Okay,
And I know I'm not judging anybody that really loves
animals and who gets little kisses from wolves, But what
the fuck is wrong with you? Like, nobody should be

(14:49):
getting tiny kisses from wolves. Anyway, let's move forward. If
I'm not mistaken, let me actually, let me pause this
and tell you what commercial it was on so that
you can get familiar. Okay. It was in an ad
in twenty eighteen for the iPhone X, the Apple iPhone X.

(15:13):
And when I hear the song whenever I'm out anywhere
and I hear a song that I like, immediately, I'm shizaming, okay.
And I used to see the commercial all the time,
and I was like, this song is funky as shit.
Never knew what the song meant until I did the
preparations for this show. So apparently in the video is
ultra cute. And when you see the video and you

(15:35):
find out what the song is about, it makes sense.
The song is from the perspective of a fifth grade
kid who talks about their crush on. See how I'm
being gender neutral here. Look at that. It's growth. It's
me being gen X but being forward thinking and me

(16:00):
being forward thinking. Really that's really what it's about, So
cheers to me. Anyway. It's about a fifth grader who
likes this girl, and the girl kissed them on the
playground and they are writing her note saying will you
be my girlfriend? Circle yes or no? So sweet, so innocent.

(16:25):
Actually in the video it's a little boy, but the song,
you know, let's keep a gender neutral for people who
want to be gender neutral. I wish you could see myself.
I'm kind of doing that thing that our former and
prayer Forvely, not our soon to be again president does
where he makes that stupid fucking face and throws his

(16:49):
arms up. I was kind of doing that, but you
can't see it. Just trying to you know, I'm just
trying to be forward thinking and progressive over here and
hand me my purse. Okay, that's what we're trying to do,
all some other stuff. AnyWho, The song is cute as shit.
It's funky. I love a funky European jammy jam Okay.

(17:11):
So anyway, he's talking to this girl in the video,
you'll see it, and he's asking her basically like will
you be my girlfriend? And I want you to fill
this out. There's men always try and tell us do something,
but fill this out and then I'm gonna put it
in my back pocket and I'll read it later, so

(17:31):
I want you guys to check it out, and when
you hear it, you'll remember it from the commercial unless
you lived under a rock, and I hope you didn't
live under a rock, because life is happening up here. However,
I can see why you want to live under a rock,
because it kind of sucks up here, as that lady said,
and this was a jam before Earth is ghetto. It's
ghetto is fuck here, And so if you do live

(17:54):
under a rock, I get it. I do. I totally
to get it, but hopefully you don't. And hopefully you
did not miss this song. So let's go ahead and
get into it. Link is gonna be in the show
notes for the video. Please watch. The video is super cute.
And if you get tiny kisses from wolves or animals

(18:16):
in general, let's just rethink our lives. Okay, you shouldn't
be kissing animals, and that goes for dog and cats.
And I'm not judging you guys that kiss your animals
in the mouth, but I'm kind of judging you guys
that kiss your animals in the mouth. It's kind of
fucking gross, guys. Okay, all right, I just wanted to
throw that out there. Enjoy this song, and if you
do kiss wolves, enjoy your wolf pecks. Okay, all right,

(18:39):
I'll talk to you later. As a matter of fact,
I'm talk to you in a few minutes, really, kay, Okay,

(19:20):
Friends and kN I am here with my new homegirl
and her name is y Ebey and she is the
host of the Professional Homegirl podcast. So the first thing
that I want Ebane to do is introduce herself to
you guys. So I call my listeners friends and Kim,
because either you're my friend or you're my family. Either way, yes, right,

(19:44):
so I would love for you to introduce yourself.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
So hello, friends and Kim. Friend, friends and Kn's. My
name is Ebene. I always help people. My name is Ebine,
like Beyonce with the XMR over the E. Should I
just go into my background a little bit?

Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yeah? However, you how this my show is very There's
a lot of structure, but when it comes to the conversation, however,
you see fit. Some people take twenty five minutes to
introduce yourself, some people take three minutes. Want whatever you want.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
So, like Mimi said, I am the host and founder
of the Professional Homegirl podcast. Please make sure the support
is describe wherever you get your audio from. But pretty
much my show is about I interview women of color
from different walks of life, and all of my guests
are anonymous.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
So thank you so much, Mimi. Yes, thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Me me my new professional homegirl having me on the
show of course.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
Now, of course I love that concept. I want to know.
So I did a little research. You are from Memphis.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
I am so.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
I was born in New York and I was raised
in Memphis, and then I moved back to New York,
maybe like almost fifteen years ago.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Okay, excuse me, I'm getting over the flu. This was
down bad, but I should be. I'm a girl, I'm allowed,
and I work in at school, so I work around
about nine hundred I work around about nine hundred and
fifty other people and little kids are like walking freaking
Petrie dishes full of yuck. So you are from Memphis?

(21:22):
You what part of New York? Are you from? Brooklyn? Brooklyn?

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (21:29):
I did a little stentt in Brooklyn for about three years.
When I used to be a makeup artist. I was
a makeup artist for Thank you girl, Micro immediately shout
out to Healing spa in Vienna, Virginia.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
Yes, I'm talking.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
About gotta get it together. But tell me what it
was like. How old were you when you moved to Memphis.

Speaker 2 (21:55):
Oh, I can't remember, so I had at least yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Okay, So tell me what it was like grown. I
love Memphis. I want to go so bad. I love everything.
And when Gloilla came out, I was like, I love
this girl. I don't know what it is. I loved
La Chat. What do you know about the chat?

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Please?

Speaker 2 (22:15):
Mafia like mom or my heroes like Country Black. I
remember my mother's boyfriend or fiance at the time. He
was trying to get into the music industry and he
was working with Country Black and I used to love
Country but I used to be obsessed with him. I
love he ended up, Yes, I need to end up girls,

(22:36):
like seriously, like this is that I love him?

Speaker 3 (22:40):
And he ended up calling our house phone.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
And when I tell you, I was like, I froze,
Like I just couldn't believe that I'm talking to somebody
who like is one of my childhood heroes from Memphis.
So but you know, I feel like Memphis, like I
recently went there with I was in by it for
an event with Saint Jude. So I haven't been home
in a minutes. So when I went back home for
this event, it just brought back such a nostalgic feeling,

(23:05):
like it's just no place like home. And granted I
do consider New York home, but like just being in
Memphis and like it's a gift from the curse because
sometimes when you do go back home and nothing changes,
like it's like damn, like it feels as if time stop.
But then again it's like, damn, you want your city
to grow and flourish and stuff.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
But I get, yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
So but I love it though I there's no place
like Memphis. I think that Memphis people have a different
type of soul, like a different type of spirit.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
Like it just feels so good.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
So one of the things that I'm working on is
just doing more for Memphis, because I mean that is
a city that raised me, and just giving back in
different ways and really like helping young children, young teenagers
and stuff like really find their purpose, especially when it
comes to entrepreneur because I feel like nowadays I'm an
advocate for nine to fives, but I also feel like
in certain cities they don't really nurture that entrepreneur spirit

(23:59):
when it comes to you young children. Yeah, and I
want to be able to be that in Memphis because
I feel like for me to be an entrepreneur, like,
I want to make sure that kids can see a
physical manifestation what.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
They can be. Absolutely, it's funny you say that I
live in Baltimore and I work in West Baltimore. I
grew up in Compton, California. So when it comes to
not Compton, oh yes, all the way, all the way
now inside, all the way, it's all the way, and
so I think it shout out to Compton. I think

(24:31):
that it's funny that you mentioned that because when I
think about cities like how you describe Memphis, how when
you go away and you come back, it's like time
has stopped. Imagine feeling that and actually not leaving right.
So for me, Baltimore is that way. Yeah, Baltimore is
that way. I love Baltimore. And when you talk about

(24:52):
when I think about cities in the United States where
the people, particularly the black people have, because that's the
lens that I view it from because I'm black, right,
the people have a different kind of spirit or a
different kind of soul. I think about Baltimore, I think
about New Orleans, I think about Detroit, I think about Chicago,

(25:15):
I think about Compton. Basically, where we at, where we at,
and I want to come to Memphis because I feel
like Memphis is going to be one of those cities
that I add to my list, right But I get
what you're saying where you feel like time has stopped.
I feel that way unfortunately sometimes unfortunately, because sometimes it

(25:39):
does feel good because it makes you it's that that
part of you that makes you feel like I'm home
or this feels like home. But it's like, like you said,
I want you all to grow, like I want us
to move forward, Like where's our forward movement as as
a whole, like as a unit. Realistically, there is.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
Certain place and I'm pretty sure everybody has this when
they go back home to where they're from. There are
certain places that if you see it till this day
only you would know exactly what it is. And when
we was driving, we was in South Memphis, the neighborhood
in Memphis. It was this little pink and green house.
This house would used to be a beautician salon. I

(26:21):
mean I'm telling you, it's probably as big as his phone.

Speaker 3 (26:23):
No, lie.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
And when I tell you, I posted that picture on
my Instagram and all of my Memphis Fault was just
like wow, like the fact that that place is still there,
in that place been there since I was a kid.

Speaker 1 (26:35):
Is it still an operating beauty salon? I mean no,
or it's just still standing there.

Speaker 3 (26:41):
It's just there.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, But I think it's I would say it's a landmark,
but you know how some places in the.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Hood, like.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
It's a hook.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
Yeah, a hood mark, exactly, exactly a hood landmark. So
I think that, like you said, like it's kind of
scary because it's.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Like damn, like I literally feel like I'm a child again. Yeah,
and it's just like I don't know if that's a
good thing or a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
But also like you just want, I know, for me
working in the city and especially working with children, like
a lot of times I get very discouraged with and
we talked about I had did a show where I
did a round table with some educators and when I

(27:23):
think about like the state of education and you know,
some of the stuff that children are just dealing with
now and how we have to deal with them, Like,
I'm like, what the fuck is about to happen in
this city? Like, what's gonna happen?

Speaker 3 (27:38):
Cool?

Speaker 2 (27:38):
Close to you, man, cause you got as educators anybody
that work in a school system.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
God bless, God bless. That's right, that's the best thing
to say. God bless, godless. I don't even know. And
I've been at my current school for ten years and
I'm just like, yeah, yeah, no, it's time to wrap
this shit up. It's not good. Kids are different children
and are very different now than they were pre pandemic.

(28:04):
Like they're very They're very different. But not only are
the children different, the adults are different, the parents are different,
the staff members, the educators are different. Like the education,
I really believe is about to turn and go into
a different space. And it's funny. I just saw this
thing where in Texas they are trying out like AI

(28:28):
school where the kids get on school and they are
taught by artificial intelligence. Oh wow, it was freaky. And
they even had it where like they had an artificial
intelligence image of like Martin Luther King teaching them about
the civil rights movement and the kids were little kids

(28:49):
and they were like they like it. Yeah, that's that Jesson. Shit,
it's time to move into the Jetsons. Yep. Yeah, people
better find new jobs. But the teachers are about to
be out. But I get what you're saying about feeling
like the like your city just stops, because it's like
driving down the street in Baltimore ten years ago. It
looks exactly the same as driving down the street now,

(29:10):
except it's more younger kids out on the street nod
and off high. Yeah. Like it's like there's a song
that Tupac was on from the nineties called shit, don't stop,
Ship don't stop. It's the same, don't stop. It's the
same cycles, just going, going going.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
Besides January when I went home, I haven't been home
in years, right because I just live in New York.
When I tell you, if I was, if I was
to go home, I have to find my way around.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
I don't even know GPS. Yeah, No, that's not good.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, it's the same. They haven't started. That's interesting. There
hasn't been any major gentrification in Memphis.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
Yep, I mean in half and I don't. I mean
only from what I saw.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
I'm pretty sure that there were some development in the
hood that we used to call the hood whatever. But
I mean, it's only so much development that could happen
if you ain't got the resources, you know.

Speaker 3 (30:14):
What I'm saying. So for the most part, that she
looked the same to me.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
Okay, okay, I get that, you know, okay, I get
So tell me about how old are you? If you
don't mind me asking, you don't want to tell me,
you don't worry how you look like? Two?

Speaker 3 (30:31):
I can do thirty two?

Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, you're young.

Speaker 3 (30:34):
You look you I'm thirty seven, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
You know what black people you don't know?

Speaker 3 (30:39):
Yeah, you know you know cray.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Follow too, right, Hi, Yes, it ain't thirty two.

Speaker 3 (30:48):
I know you in your your thirties.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
I am forty four.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
Oh, come on meet me. That's what I'm talking about, sus.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
I will be forty five in October. Oh oh, like goods.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
What a blessing? Oh God, blessing me? Seriously? You know
that made.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Me feel good when you said, what a blessing, Because
that's the truth.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
It's a blessing.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Girl. Yeah, because I know people who didn't lift to
see forty four.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Yeah, and you don't look like your problems or you
look like you don't do anything well.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Let me tell you one motherfucking thing, right, Yeah, I'll
never get My grandmother told me when I was like seventeen,
eighteen years old. I was going out of the house
and I hadn't I wasn't combing my hair. I just
put some earrings on, some lip gloss, and she said,
are you gonna put her hat on? And I was like,
because you'll always see me with that. And I was like, now,
because I don't like my hair. I was like no.

(31:37):
She was like, well, put a hat on. I was like, well, Grandma,
I can't afford to get my hair. I'm done until
next week. My appointment is next week. She said, you
don't need to look like your circumstances. You should never
look like what you're going through. I will never forget that,
and so I will not and so I may not
look like I have not been through a lot.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
That's Jesus, jes you look beautiful.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
Yeah. I love you. Oh, no, thank you. You are
such a good spirit.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
Yeah, listen, you are a reflection on me, my sister.
So this is the fact that you are forty four
and you look the way you look like. That is
a blessing. And I think that we should be more
proud to say our age because like you said, I
mean a lot of people don't see thirty seven h
forty four.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
They don't or they get there, and you know they
look like they don't. No, they look like their circumstances,
and they may because of I'll tell you what. Not
only do I not look like my circumstances, I don't
look like my choices, and I don't look like my
decisions because some people you look at them, here a look,
you know how old people be like That child looked

(32:40):
like she had a hard life. No, I had a
hard life. But guess what, I don't look like it.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
Oh child, My life was so damn hard.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
No, believe that's right. And you still have such a
positive your your energy is very positive. And I love that.
So t me about the podcast. I want to know.
I want to know about it. So you went to
you went to your front Memphis. You went to Tennessee
State University, because.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
I did my research the real TSU versus O TSU
Texas State, Texas State not Texas State.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
You don't even matter. It don't matter because right, okay,
So you went to Tennessee State. Who was your major? Oh?
My God.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
So undergraduate, I got my fashion merchandise and also business administration,
and then I got my m b A. When I
moved back to New York, I got my n b
A and general management and entrepreneurship because I love, love,
love entrepreneurship.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
Well good, maybe you can help me with entrepreneurship because
I don't don't, don't like none of that stuff. That's
what though. It ain't it ain't and I done. I've
tried it before and I was like, I'm not doing this, boop,
I'm going back to it. But somehow I just keep
getting pulled away from a regular nine to five job.

(33:56):
It's just not for me, it's not.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
But you know, entrepreneurship shows you what you made out
of you know what I'm saying, And there's nothing like
to me. It's nothing more from feeling than knowing the
fact that I took a chance on myself and it's working.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
So I think that.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
Serious, Like, you know, I feel like I felt so
many times. I love Listen, when I first started seeing
niggas on the streets selling shit, I was like, what
is that like?

Speaker 3 (34:22):
Granted they probably.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
Stole it, but just the fact that you just right,
but just the fact that you just take an ownership
and you're this is one hundred percent your profit or
your breaking even Like I just I always found business
just sexy and interesting and so but I felt so
many times girl, I had a dress frontal company, I
had a wallpaper company, I had a networking company company.

(34:48):
But I will say that everything that did not work
at that moment has got me exactly where I'm at
and has helped me where I'm prepared. So yeah, So
I think lot of times people need to look at
things as not yet compared to it being just a
no you know, come on.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
And preach to me, Come on, like shut out to God,
Come on God, because God had no idea. Well I
had no idea. God had all the God. God has
all the ideas. Because I'm kind of in that space,
I feel a little stuck. I feel like, you know,

(35:27):
I'm just child. These people don't need to know all
my business post conversation, but I feel stuck. I feel
like what the hell am I doing? Like you know,
you know how you get to that place where you
feel like a butterfly and like you're going through this
transformation and you like when am I coming out of
this fucking cocoon because it's tied up in here, and

(35:49):
I want to spread my wings and fly now. And
you have no idea what your wings look like because
butterflies can't see themselves. They don't they have no idea
what their wings look like, which is amazing to me.
But I'm just like when I'm I getting out of
this cocoon because it's tied up in here. I don't
want to be in here. We'll let's hurry up. I
need to just be patient. And some of the things
that you are saying are definitely feeding myself, like I

(36:12):
needed to hear, like a lot already said and we
just started.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
Girl, Please let me tell you something. I was so
fucking stressed out. I had to come to God as a.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
Woman like you a woman. I want to come to
you as a woman, guy, because.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
I seriously and I had to really surrender because it
just got to a point where I was just so
I guess I could just go into my story. So
when I moved back from when I moved to New York.
One of the main reasons why I moved her because
obviously I always knew that I wanted to be a boss,
and I always knew I wanted to live in New
York City.

Speaker 3 (36:45):
I think that if you can make it in New
York or any.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Tri State Air, the Tri State Air or any metropolitan city,
you can make it anywhere. But besides that, my grandmo
at the time, she had Alzheimer's. So when I moved
to New York, one of the reasons was to help
my grandmother out because that's who I considered my mother.

Speaker 3 (37:03):
And so fast forward on.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
March first, twenty sixteen, when she passed away. That was
my first time ever dealing with anybody that died. So
I went through a really really serious depression because I
just couldn't understand why would God take the one person
that I knew love me unconditionally, you know what I'm saying.
So as I was going through my moments of depression

(37:28):
and like suicidal thoughts and all this other shit, I
started to go to therapy. And you know, before therapy
was popular, or you know, before Charlotte made helped with
the conversations of therapy, nobody was really talking about it,
Like you talked about you going to therapy, niggas, I
think you were stupid or crazy or some shit, right, Yep.

Speaker 3 (37:45):
So I started going to therapy.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
And the first time I went to therapy, I had
a white lady and she was just she she just
didn't get it. Like I felt like I was talking
to myselfing so traumatic, and Melody was looking at me
like I had three heads.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
And so I'm like, I didn't want to.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
Give up because the people who I knew was going
in therapy, they spoke so highly about it. And so
when I went to this black lady and she from
where we're from, like she talked the way we talked,
but she.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
Was still a professional and stuff.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
And for the first time, I think I was twenty seventy, no,
I was twenty nine, twenty nine thirty. That's the first
time I was able to just let everything out of me.
And you know, I expressed to her some of the
things that I was experienced because I had a very
traumatic and challenging upbringing, and you know, that was just
my first time of just releasing you know what I'm saying.

(38:35):
And so in the midst of all that, and I
can see the twos and the resources that she was
giving me, I'm like, how dope would it be if
I was to create a platform where people can just
or where black women can just come on the show
and pop they shit, because I feel like there wasn't
a space where black women can speak freely without being judged.
And I feel like I'm a very passionate person. So
being passionate and being a brownie, people often mistake that

(38:58):
for aggressiveness.

Speaker 1 (38:59):
And that's the brownie. I love that.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
You know what I'm saying, so like, and I always
feel like everybody would come and tell me like the
deepest darkest secrets life, and I feel like, you know,
that's my superpower, Like I make people feel that comfortable
where they want to talk to me about some real shit.
So I was like, why not just put it on audio?
Like niggas don't know how to read anyway, so get the.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
Fuck out of here, please.

Speaker 3 (39:25):
No, it's because I.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Had a blog, right and I was interviewing professional homegirls
or black women, and nobody was reading the ship.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
As soon as I started doing audiobody, everybody on it. Well,
I think that you know, I work with kids, and
I ain't gonna lie. Motherfuckers don't be wanting to read.
They don't read. I read more than that. People are lazy,
Like that's what I said. People are lazy. They don't
want to read, Like I think some of them can read,

(39:58):
a lot of people can read, but they would much
rather somebody tell it to them. That's why I was
very It took me a long time to get into
audio books because I was like, this is so fucking lazy,
like audio audio books. But I have now, and so
I just listened to them when I'm driving, because yeah,
I would never read a book if I didn't listen

(40:18):
to these audio books, because I will start a book
and stop it because my brain is like, but I
can't really, Yeah, but I have started, but people don't.
They don't want to read. And so now you started,
you put in an audio, you started a podcast. Now
everybody is like tuned in.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
Tune the fuck in girl. I love that I was,
And you know what's so funny. I remember I used
to be so excited when I had like five listeners
because I'm like, oh shit, five people are listening to me.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
I know all about that.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
Yeah, right, I think listeners.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
I'm just right, maybe stop it, But I.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
Just think it's cool and intimate for you to to
have conversations and like people feel like they with you,
like and so, but I wanted to, like, I'm want
to just do something different. I just feel like, you know,
I wanted to put the medicine in the canvy. So
I feel like a lot of times within our community,
you know, a lot of shit goes on, and you know,
niggas is judgmental. So that was one of the reasons

(41:15):
why I wanted to make it anonymous, because when you
hear these stories and you hear how they overcome the
things that they've been through, if you have empathy for
these people, like you be like damn, like who is Shorty?

Speaker 3 (41:25):
Like shorty mad as hell? Like you know what I'm saying. Like,
And also yeah, and then I also.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
Just wanted to speak to the beauty of women, especially
Black women, Like I just feel like, you know, there's
always been like this, this negative connotation when it comes
to like certain black girls or just black women overall.
In yeah, please, yeah, And I just wanted to show

(41:54):
the beauty and black women, just show the beauty and brokenness.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
And I think that the professional Homegirl And I always
tell people, I'm not just saying this is my platform,
but I think the Professional Homegirls social beautiful platform that
Honors Black.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
I think it's awesome. I think it's I think it's clever.
You know, when I think about people's business ventures, I
always step step back and say, like, that was smartest shit.
It's smart. It's smart because people want to tell their stories,
people want to get things off of them, and it's
kind of you know, the premise of our shows are

(42:30):
kind of outligned because my thought is, I want to
talk about shit in our community that doesn't make it
to the light, like you know, so when and it
may be things that's overlooked. I talk about therapy a lot.
I started going to therapy when I was twenty five,
then I stopped, I went again when I was twenty seven,
and now I've been with my current therapist since I

(42:51):
was thirty nine. So like I feel like thirty nine
or forty forty forty, I think since I was forty
just things that you know, people wouldn't typically talk about
because they're afraid, they're afraid to be judged. They think
that people are gonna, you know, say all kinds of
shit about them, when the truth of the matter is

(43:11):
that like somebody got to talk about the shit, because
if we keep not talking about it, we're not going
to make any progress.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
Listen. That is one of my matras.

Speaker 2 (43:19):
You never know how your storyline could be someone else's lifeline.
And when I started to open up about the things
that I endure as a child, people was like, oh
my god, because they couldn't believe because I want to
look like my problem is. But the power that it
gave to other people to start telling they stories like
and I always say, like a lot of shit can
be avoided if we just open up our fucking mouths
and just share, you know what.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
I'm saying and stop being shared keepers of anything, because
you can even be gatekeepers of trauma because once people
know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this,
it's like what you said, somebody's tell me what you
said against somebody's storyline.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
Can be storyline, can be someone else lifeline.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Like, don't be a gatekeeper of you trauma, because if
you're being a gatekeeper of your trauma, you're also being
a gatekeeper of like how you overcame of your resilience,
of your perseverance, exact, let it out, talk about it,
ultimate and ultimately, like if somebody judges judges you, like,
fuck them. Like like who cares? Because who who before

(44:19):
us can say I am perfect? Nobody not Beyonce, because
people think Beyonce is the second coming of Christ. She
is not. Her dude cheated on her, just like your
daddy cheated on your mama, just like your granddaddy cheating
on your grandma, and so on and so forth. Like
and she is gorgeous and everybody thinks that she is

(44:39):
the beasnys and she is the second coming of Jesus's
left knee cap but her dude cheating on her, like
all right.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Like pain and trauma is not racist.

Speaker 3 (44:51):
Pain and trauma it don't care.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
How It don't care how pretty you are, and don't
care how rich you are. It doesn't care. It doesn't
matter how tall you are, how you are skinny. Trauma
doma don't give a fuck when you show up. It's
like who wanted today? Trauma is like a bully on
the playground? Who the fuck wanted with me today?

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Not don't look scared with you, not me.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
Don't make eye contact with the trauma please right right right? Okay,
So I think it's so awesome. The concept is that
people people, So how do you get the stories like
people come to on your show women of color? Is
it only women of color? Is it women of color?
You know how that you guys can't see me because
it was all audio, Just so you know they ain't
gonna see Is it women of color or is it

(45:38):
black women?

Speaker 3 (45:40):
No, it's black women.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
So in the very very beginning, the only person I
told this Susan, this is funny. And the very beginning,
when I was trying to figure things out, I think
I had two lilies on the show, right, what was
their name, Lily, like a white.

Speaker 1 (45:54):
Woman, Oh, Lily, Jesus Christ, you're gonna Lily.

Speaker 3 (46:00):
And one of them, I don't know. I think that.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
No, I had three. One of them was one of
them was a student on her campus.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
She got rape and the school tried to cover it up.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
I thought that story just exactly, so I thought that
story need to be told because how many campuses, especially
these ivy leave schools trying.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
To schools like yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
So I told her story and that was a good conversation.
Another person was with this white lady. She worked in
corporate America in HR. So she was just giving tips
and stuff about like how to grow within the company,
and no one was with my esthetition. So I think
after that, especially with the girl in corporate, I'm just like, yo,
I can't.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
I just I need to talk to my people, you know.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
What I'm saying. I need Yeah, so.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Once I think after the tenth or eleventh episode. And
that's one thing I love about the podcast. I love
the fact that when you listen to the show, you
hear so many different types of Black women, like I
love I don't know what it is like, you got
your professional black women, you got your hood black women.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
Like it's just I don't know. It's like a big
ass melting pot.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
So and it lets people know, like, you know, people
try to put black women in the box all the
time that we are all ghetto hood rats with weaves
and long nails. Shout out to my niggas little nails.
Well I need to be done because don't look at
these I don't pop o love. Look, I need to listen.

(47:36):
My appointment is Thursday and my nail tech is going
to kill me. But whatever. But the truth of the
matter is that black women are literally like diamonds, Like
we are so multi faceted. We can be you know,
when you look at the course of a black woman's life.
She could have been a hood red hood rat mommy.

(47:56):
She could have been a nanny, She could have been
a singer, she could have been a dancer, she could
have been a stripper, she could have been a CEO,
like you don't know, or she could have been all
of those things in her lifetime, like you just never know.
It's because we are I mean, we are the blueprint.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Oh yes, everything is and starts with us, absolutely so.
But to answer your question, so I feel like they
we didn't. I was just researching, so whatever that was trended,
whichever was popular, or whatever I want to talk about,
Like I feel like when you came with a homegirls,
like you want to talk you know about certain things.
So I started finding people and then eventually, because I'm
with the network, then people started reaching out to me.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
But for the most part, I still do my own research.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Because I feel like like I know what people want
to hear, because I know what I want to hear,
you know, And so I feel like if something moves
me that I know is going to move my professional homegirls.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
Yeah awesome. So how do you So you touched on
this a little bit. You said that at first, you
would do your research and reach out to people. I
still do, and they they're open to like just telling
their story.

Speaker 3 (49:04):
Yeah, I've never met these people. I probably feel I
think I interview where we at. I think I have
two hundred fifty episodes. I think I interviewed or I think.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
I met probably ten people from two hundred and fifty episodes.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Wow, yeah, wow.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
Maybe fifteen, but I don't. Yeah, this is my first
time talking to them. Is you're is the same time you're.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Hearing them, so it's fine, all right, So it's like
you just hit them up, like, Hi, my name is
Evan An. I'm the host of the Professional Homegirl podcast.
And I was wondering, I saw you posting about this
on social media. Girl, do you want to tell your story? Cool?

Speaker 3 (49:38):
Yeah, that's all I give them, like a background.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
People have said, yes, I love it. Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
And also I mean people like to talk about themselves, right, Yeah.
And I think also the fact that you are anonymous,
like for the most part, after the most of the
conversations has done, and niggas feel so comfortable like, oh
please at me, at me, and I'm like, girl, the
show is anonymous.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
They can't know it was you. That's so money from
your job. No, because I don't want you to get
in trouble. Okay, I don't want you to get in trouble,
said so, No, you can tell people you're on the
show later, but no, we don't want you to get
in any trouble. How do so you mention that you
go to therapy or that you're in therapy, because I
was going to ask you how do you? And I
am a pretty you know, spiritual person, but that's a

(50:24):
lot to fucking take on, you know what I mean?
Because I believe that energy is transferable. So even though
you're not meeting these people and you're not sitting in
the same room with them, like talking to so many
women that have so many and not that all the
stories are traumatic, because all of them are not about trauma,
but talking to so many people that have so many
traumatic experiences, like how do you like cleanse or like

(50:47):
wash your own like energy or your own spirit? Because
that shit can get heavy. Because I work at a
school and I know firsthand about vicarious trauma. So that
is when you you're somebody else's trying without you even knowing,
it just jumps on you, right, And so then you
feel like you want to help them. I got to
fix them. I got to help them out. I need

(51:08):
to reach out. I need to help her find a
safe house. I need to help her find some her kids,
some books. I need to And then you're sitting up
there and you done took them their trauma and that
ain't your ship. Yeah, yeah, So how do you protect yourself?

Speaker 2 (51:36):
So before every interview, I always just pray, I ask God,
my little prayer or whatever.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
But honestly, I haven't. The interviews don't bother me.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
But I can count on one hand which the amount
of interviews that bothered me, and one of them was
the most recent one, and that.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
That rocked me to my core.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
I had Actually, so it's actually coming out from my
season premiere and it's about the title of it is
stay with me now. My father mistress killed my mother.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
But you you would have thought, right, you would have
thought that.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
That was that was a lot, because when she was
telling the story, it was just like, what the fuck like?
And I'm very sensitive when it comes to kids and.

Speaker 3 (52:26):
February eighth, Yeah, yeah, but thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
But the most difficult part about her story was you
know she was telling because once everything transpired transpire, she
ended up living with her aunt, and her aunt hated
her mom so much because at this one her mom
is dead. The aunt started to sell her when she
was a little girl to grow men and that dad

(52:54):
did a number on me. And I think, what really,
I didn't. Yeah, back then, I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
Let's back it up for one second. You're telling me
that this young woman or this woman, this kid at
the time, at the time she was a child, her
father's mistress murdered her mother. And yes, and she went
to live with her aunt, who has had an issue
with her sister. Her mother was no longer live because

(53:25):
the mistress is murdered her and she began to sell her,
make her sell her, force her to sell her body
to men.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Well, she didn't know she was being so she just
thought that these men were just molesting her or raping her.
But her aunt was selling them. And when she was
telling the story, so you know, you know how girl,
You know how people when they relive in traumatic experience,
they go back to that space. And it's just the
whole dialect, the way she was talking like she sounded

(53:55):
like a child.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
Yeah, this is what I'm talking about, like vicarious trauma,
because I would ye, this is why this is your
ministry and not mine, because I would be crying.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
I had my meeting with my team at Black Effects,
and I think that's like most of the time we
just be kicking, like we brainstorming and ship. That was
the first time I cried and like I was choking
up in front of because I'm like, I don't know
if I can put this story out. But then I
remember my why you know what I'm saying, and I'm
just like people need to.

Speaker 3 (54:27):
Hear this story.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
Yeah, but that that's a lot crazy story.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
Yeah, that's dark.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
Yeah, it's heartbreaking.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
It was.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
That was a heavy one and said, so.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
That's probably fifty years old now, yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
She's like turn fifty.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
Wow, is there own still alive? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (54:51):
That's a good question. Yeah, I think so. I think so.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
I wish that the balloons so it's so funny my
producers every time we have our Zoom meetings, I do
this thing. I don't know, I have no idea where
it comes from. Yeah, I don't know why it does it,
but the balloons pop up sometimes it's hearts. I don't
one time I can do like this and it'll be

(55:15):
a heart. Sometimes. Oh it's not doing it now, it
section stupid. See isn't that cute? I don't know. I
don't know what's going on my computer. I don't know what.
I don't know why it does it. But whatever, but
that that is, that's really sad. Like I girl, I
would be on there because I'll be on my show crying.
I would be on their crying boots. I mean like

(55:39):
that would that would suck me up. I'd be like, girl,
we gotta take five because I need to get myself together.

Speaker 3 (55:44):
Not girl, but for the most part.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
But you know what, I love scary movies, right, and
so I think, Oh, no, I watched scary moves to relax,
like girl. If I yeah, If I want a good
night's sleep, I put some Jason Halloween, not Jason, but
Michael Myers Call the Night.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
I do y. I wish the funk I would. I
ain't watching it. I don't watch it in the daytime.
I don't watch it. I used to watch Game Thrones
Harry Potter and a friend of mine bought me a
pin like the Hand of the Kingpin. I wear it
on my I won't watch it at night though, now
now that I live alone, Like, I watch it in
the daytime, but I'm not watching that shit at night

(56:25):
so i can have a nightmare. I love it.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
So I say to say that, like, I have a
really tough stereo when it comes to having these conversations.
The only conversation that really is to me is just child.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Yeah, yeah, I get that. Yeah, I get that. It's
very triggering. Oh yeah, it can be. No whether you
experienced it yourself or not. Hearing about somebody doing something
to children or for me too, elderly people, it tears me. Yeah,
it tears me because they can't they can't defend themselves

(56:58):
in the same way. So what's what's that about?

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Facts? I agree?

Speaker 1 (57:02):
I agree? So tell me how you got started with
your podcast? Like what what you kind of excuse me, girl,
I'm getting over the flu.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
Tell me how you got started as far as well
just with the Yeah. So what I did was so,
like I said, when I was in therapy, I was
just going I was just like because if, like I said,
I started off with a blog, right, but nobody was
reading that. Lot of people don't know how to read.
So I was like, what can I do to like,
what can I do to like start a Professional Homegirl

(57:35):
and make it digestible for people. So at the time
I think that I was discovering podcast I think I
was then to like text storm. I was listening to
some other people, I want to say, horribor Decisions when
they first started. And at the time, like to this day,
a lot of people even know what the podcast is.
The podcast was just starting this stuff as well, and

(57:56):
so I'm like, let me just try podcasting.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
And so I was just.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
Brainstorm and then the good Lord gave me the Professional Homegirl,
and I was just I just started interviewing people. I
was interviewing out of anchor their studio, and then I
started interviewing at home. And then I just started, like
just like I said, just doing like a lot of
research reaching out the people. I started every now and then,

(58:20):
like for Father's Day, I interviewed my cousin who was
a man. And that's something that I want to do
for men's mental health money because I feel like my
males listenership is starting to grow, but I also think
that men wants to be a part of these conversations
that we're having exactly everything.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
No, there's no shade. I think that they do want
to be a part of everything, and not just everything
that women do, but they want to be a part
of things. And I think especially in our community, like
we are quick to call a man or emasculated man.
I'm not even gonna say say that a man. Oh yeah,
quiha e masculate a man for wanting to be a

(59:02):
part of something that is centered around feelings and emotions.
And the truth of the matter is the real fucked
up part is for me, men who are not in
tune with their emotions.

Speaker 3 (59:14):
I can't deal with that.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Then, the ones that cut your body up and put
you in the in the backyard and sit on top
of your body with the with the earth covered over
it in a in a beach chair, drinking lemonade while
you're dead, No, I think that it's not fair that
we do that to men. They they want to be
a part and they should be able to be a part.
And I think that sometimes, you know, they feel like

(59:37):
they need a safe space that is men focused and
male focused and male centered and male dominated. But the
truth of the matter is that why can't it be
a place that is where there are women because the
truth of the matter is we don't. Part of the
problem with black men and black women in relationship and
when it comes to love is that we don't fucking

(59:58):
know how. We don't we know how to communicate, We
don't know how to love each other. We are out
here fucking winging it because everything in this country has
told us that we are not supposed to love each other,
that we should hate each other, and so we are
out here winging it. That's why all this shit on
those podcasts, those guys with these podcasts, and women that
are so angry in the pick mey girls, and it's

(01:00:21):
just like, this is not this is not it. We
need to figure out how to just get along because
people are eating this up. All right, friends, again for

(01:00:48):
today's straight Fax question. Please forgive me for today's But
you guys could see my mug. I'm gonna take a
picture of it and post it on Instagram. I'm really
trying to find ways to be better with social media

(01:01:08):
because I'm not very good good at it. But I'm
gonna take a picture of my mug because it's so
fucking cute. It says bonjour, and it looks like the
inside of a subway station. Play cute, playlay play boo. Anyway,
my friendship is good. Okay, it's decent. And shout out

(01:01:32):
to Duolingo. Shout out to me for having over thirteen
hundred days on Duolingo in a row. You know what
I call that diligence, consistency, focus, perseverance, and defiance in
the face of I forgot the word I wanted to say,

(01:01:56):
but it describes a tattoo on my back. Anyway, I'm
moving forward. I'm all over the place this morning. Time.
Let's move forward, all right, it says, Hi, meet me.
My name is Taylor. Last month, my job had an
event for staff at a restaurant. I rarely speak to
anyone at my job. Girl, I get it, trust me,
So I decided to show up. I was excited to

(01:02:18):
see that my new job had provided free food with
an open bar. Taylor's probably young, guys, she probably hasn't
had many jobs, professional jobs. I usually don't drink, but
I decided to have a few shots and let my
hair down. This is gonna go south quick. I already
know where this is going. While at the party, I
began to talk to my coworker, whose cubicle is directly

(01:02:39):
next to mine. We had such a good time that
we exchange phone numbers and decided to go out again
in the near future. Well, the near future came quick,
and so did my dilemma. My coworker and I went
to a bar downtown and had advertisers and drinks. I
was a bit tipsy, so he convinced me to leave
my car so he could take me home. Boom boom

(01:02:59):
boom oo. We know where this is going. I obliged
and invited him. Sorry, I obliged and invited him up
to my apartment. When we arrived, we had a few
more drinks, and that is literally the last thing I
remember about the night. The next morning, I woke up
totally naked and alone. I am not sure if we

(01:03:21):
had sex willingly all shit or if I was taken
advantage of this went left quick. Things went left quick well,
and I do not know how. I now have two
questions to ask, how do I go to work and
face my coworker. I am so ashamed that something sexual
happened between us? Do you think I should confront him

(01:03:42):
to find out what happened? That night, or take it
as a loss due to my irresponsibility, And that is
from Taylor of New Jersey. No the fuck you should
not take it as no loss due to your irresponsibility.
Absolutely the fuck not. No, girl, bye, No, we are

(01:04:03):
not doing that. You have every right in the world
to approach him and have a conversation with him, but
you need to remember that you don't have any control
over his response, over what he says, over how he's
going to navigate this conversation. That is where the aftermath

(01:04:29):
of your actions, or your behavior, or your choices come in. Now,
I will say this, do not shame yourself. Do not
make yourself feel bad for choices. If I can be
really honest, I can tell that you're young because you

(01:04:49):
were surprised that your job would provide an open bar
and free food at an event. So I know you're young.
Excuse me, sorry about that. So I know you're young,
but you should never be ashamed about something happening because
and here's why, this is the part of growing up.

(01:05:09):
Because you made choices, and so you made a choice
to hang out with him. You made a choice to
invite him up. Now, now I'm before people get all pusy.
I'm not talking about the taking advantage and not knowing
whether he took advantage of you or not, or sex
happened willingly. I'm talking about dealing with the ramifications of

(01:05:34):
your actions. Okay, you should not be ashamed to speak
to him, because part of growing up is understanding that
sometimes there or that for every action, there is a reaction.
If he took advantage of you, he's a fucking scumbag,

(01:05:56):
and that's a whole another situation to deal with. But
let's say, for the sake of saying that he did not. Okay,
let's say that you guys just had a good time,
that you were feeling him, and that you guys engaged
in consensual sex. You have every right to talk to

(01:06:19):
him about it because you're ready to ask him one
because hello, you're a fucking human being and you can
ask whatever you want to ask. But what I will
say is, like I already stated, you do not have
any control over how he's going to respond. So just
understand that I think it's perfectly fine if you talk

(01:06:40):
to him about it, ask him any questions if you
that you want, and if you're really concerned about whether
or not he took advantage of you. If your body
feels weird, if you feel off down there, if your
spirit is telling you something is off, if there are

(01:07:01):
some not to be graphic, but if there is, I mean,
like we're all adults. If there's any evidence of trauma
that you can feel and or see, you know, in
your own body or on your actual bed or wherever,

(01:07:25):
then go to the hospital. Like, if you're really really concerned,
go to the hospital. They have whole procedures for things
like that. I know you watched a long order SVU girl.
They got all kind of kids and stuff. Go and
take care of yourself because that is very important. But
you should never be a shame. Your question was not

(01:07:47):
what you should do about whether or not you feel
like he took advantage of you or that, but I
will before you know, let me be very clear, if
you do not feel good in your body, if you
do not feel like if you feel like something is off,

(01:08:08):
go to the fucking hospital please and make sure that
you're okay, and do that before you talk to him,
because you know, stay within the parameters of your control
and deal with that first. But let's safe for the
sake of seeing that that's not the case. You should
not be ashamed to talk to him because you're an
adult and he's an adult. And if you guys hack

(01:08:30):
in sensual sex, okay, and you should not hold your
head down. You should not be embarrassed because you are
an adult and you made a choice. And so I've
been really drunk before. Hell, I was really drunk like
six months ago, less than six months ago. And actually

(01:08:51):
it's changed my life and I've decided in my forty
four years of life that I will never be that
drunk again. I don't even drink a lot anymore now
as a result of it, because it was really embarrassing.
And here is a word of the wise. Grief drinking
is not good. If you're sad or if you're in
a really low grief place of grief, please don't drink,

(01:09:14):
and don't drink, and don't be unhinged, because you'll wake
up and you'll realize that's that's exactly what it is.
That's here. Yep, You'll be just like that. Let me
tell you one more time. You'll be like, oh my god,
that's a that's it here. Okay. So also, once all
the dust settles, maybe just do a little reflecting about

(01:09:37):
how this whole situation made you feel. Once the dust settles,
once you you know, not today, not tomorrow, not even
next week, give yourself a couple of weeks, and then
just do some reflecting about like how this whole thing
made you feel, and how you can't possibly avoid feeling
that way if there were feelings that are negative, how
you can avoid feeling that way in the future. But

(01:10:00):
don't feel ashamed like I promised you his ass ain't ashamed.
Don't feel ashamed, and don't look at it like due
to my irresponsibility. You're human, you're young. Shit happens, you know,
but maybe not. Don't get you know, that wasted around

(01:10:20):
someone that you don't know or don't trust that well,
And it can't be a good feeling. I understand why
you're feeling that way, but it can't be a good
feeling to wake up and not be sure what you
did last night with somebody that you don't really know
and that you don't really trust. So just extend some

(01:10:43):
grace to yourself, be gentle with yourself. You're human being,
and humans make choices, and of course we have to
live with the choices that we make. But extend some
grace to yourself. Be gentle with yourself, because you deserve grace,
and you deserve to be treated with gentle love and care,

(01:11:04):
and you deserve that from ever in anybody that comes
into your life, but most importantly, you deserve it from yourself. Okay,
and good luck friends again for today's we Got to
Do Better segment. I found this quote and it hit

(01:11:29):
me in my chest because, like I told you, I've
been in a bit of a funky state and I'm
going to talk about it. Not right now, but I'm
going to talk about it it anyway. The quote says,
if you don't have self confidence, you will always find

(01:11:53):
a way not to win. Listen, chere, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
That quote comes from Carl Lewis. Carl Lewis was an
Olympic track star black man. He also is the one
who gave us that horrible fucking rendition of the national

(01:12:20):
anthem at a basketball game in the nineties. And let
me tell you something, Me and my friends used to
send that to each other randomly and laugh until tears
came from our eyes because Carl Lewis, why would you
do that? Why would you do it Black Man. Me
and my friends would watch bad renditions of It's something

(01:12:40):
about people singing the national anthem and fucking it up
that makes me laugh so hard, like it makes me
laugh to the core of my body. The latest one
is this little girl dressed in her I Am Little
Miss America dress and she is singing. She's like baby
Fergie because Fergie fucked it up too at a basketball game.
People love fucking it up at basketball games. Maybe it's

(01:13:03):
the acoustics in the in the stadium or whatever the arenas. No,
it's not. These people can't fucking sing, That's what it is.
Carl Lewis, Why could not? Why could he not just
let his legacy be that of an Olympic track star,
very fast man, you know, great athlete, handsome you know

(01:13:26):
in his own way, little Jermaine jacksony, but you know,
handsome man, you know, amazing athlete. Let be your fucking legacy,
Carl Lewis, But no, not you. You wanted to sing the
fucking national anthem at a basketball game. First of all,
the basketball players are laughing. Alonzo Mourning is like, what

(01:13:47):
the fuck is going on? If you don't know who
Alonzo Morning is, do you really like basketball. And I
just want to say that Carl Lewis just redeemed himself
for me. Okay, Carl Lewis redeemed himself from that horrible
rendition of the star spangled banner. No, not the star

(01:14:10):
spangle banner, which one is it? No? Whatever? It is
the national anthem with this quote, this quote saved him
in my eyes. And Carl Lewis with this, this is
what you were saying to me, with some respect on
my name, put some respect on his name. And I'm
gonna put some respect back on his name because this

(01:14:31):
quote speaks to me. It makes me feel I'm really
got good. God has a way of dropping things in
our lap, and this just goes right. Uh, it's right
in line with what I'm dealing with now me reading.
I'm reading this book and it's really feeding my soul
and this quote was definitely food for myself. So Carl Lewis,

(01:14:57):
thank you for changing my immediate thoughts about you, because
I will remember when I think of you, I will
think of you being an amazing athlete in track and field.
I am always going to think of you killing the
national anthem, and not in a good way, not in

(01:15:19):
a good way at that basketball game. But I'm also
going to now remember this quote, so you know, thank
God for redemption. But let me say this. I want
to share with you that clip of him singing the
national anthem, so just know that it's going to be
in the show notes because when I'm joyful, I want

(01:15:40):
to share my joy with everybody else. And you might
not think it's funny, and if you don't, that's your problem.
But I'm going to share with you anyway. Okay, okay,
why because I love you, Yay friends and Kim. The
first thing that I want to do is say thank

(01:16:01):
you to God first and foremost, because God is supreme
and I recognize and appreciate the grace that God extends
to me every single day of my black ass life.
I also want to say thank you to you to
my people. I want to say thank you to each

(01:16:23):
and every one of you that's been rocking with me
since day one, ever since March the first of twenty twenty.
It's been four years. I am ever grateful. Thank you,
thank you, thank you. I also want to take a
moment to thank Ebane Allman from the Professional Homegirl podcast
for taking the time out of her evening to be

(01:16:45):
in conversation with me. It was an amazing conversation. I'm
grateful and I think that it is going to be
the beginning of a beautiful budding friendship. Like I am
excited about it. A wonderful person, she's a great woman.
Go check her podcasts out. Please become a professional homegirl

(01:17:08):
because I was born a professional homegirl. Before professional homegirls,
even professional homegirls, I was born a professional homegirl. Okay,
so make sure that you go listen to her show.
She's really, really dope and she's a really special person.
So thank you Ebane for being on my show. I
really appreciate you. Cheers, I want to say thank you

(01:17:31):
again to you guys for just rocking with me, being
here with me, and if you just started listening today,
I thank you for that. I'm grateful either way you
look at it. I'm just grateful for you. I'm grateful
for my family, my friends, all of my friends and
kN all of my supporters, and of course, most importantly,
every single one of you guys that are out there
listening to me in this moment. Thank you. I love

(01:17:54):
you guys so much, and it is nothing short of
an honor. A privilege and a blessing to share my
time energy with you, especially if you keep coming back
to spend time with me. I look forward to the
next time that we get to do this with one another. Now,
before you exit out of whatever streaming service you're you
using to listen to this podcast, stop what you're doing,

(01:18:16):
and if you haven't already done so, look for the
subscriber follow button. Click on it if that's an option
on the streaming service where you're listening, and then I
want you to head on over to Instagram and follow
me at Handy my Purse Underscore Podcast. Also follow me
on Twitter or x at HMMP Underscore podcast, and on
Facebook just search hand Me my Purse podcast. Word on

(01:18:38):
the street is that TikTok is going to be banned
in America, So just let's just wait this out and
see what happens. I hope it doesn't. If you happen
to listen on a streaming service or medium that allows
you to do so, please take two minutes. Please, okay,
take two to three minutes to rate my show and

(01:18:59):
review this sh show or give it a thumbs up
if you can, because I'm over here doing my best
bot's and I would like your support. That's all. It's
very simple. Friends, it can be sure to share hand
in my Purse with your friends, your loved ones, and
even your enemies, because the best way for people to
find out about Handing my Purse the podcast is by

(01:19:22):
y'all telling them about it. So tell a friend to
tell a friend to tell a friend. Please submit your
questions for the straight Fact segment by clicking on the
link in the show notes that says guess what submit
a question for the straight for Straight Facts. Or you
can click the link in my Instagram profile and look
for the button that directs you to submit a question.

(01:19:45):
You click the link in the profile, it's going to
take you to a list of links. It's like one
of those link tree things, and then you just click
the button for submit a question for Straight Facts and
who knows, your question may be featured on an upcoming show. Also, friends,
and can't remember that show notes are always going to
be available on the episode description. Wherever you're listening to
the show, be sure to take a look at the

(01:20:06):
show notes because that's where I put all of the
links and other information that I mentioned during the show
that you may want to check out. In addition to
some stuff that I just want to share with you,
go to the show notes because that's where all the
juice is. That's also where I'm going to put this
clip of Carl Lewis singing the fucking national anthem butchering it. Also,
just so you know, the music for Hanmy My Purse

(01:20:27):
is provided by none other than West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes. Last,
but not least, I want to give a big old
shout out to my producers. Together we make up Rando
Banjo and the Dirty Throats. I look forward to you

(01:20:47):
guys looking forward to listening to Handy My Purse the
podcast each and every Tuesday. And I'm out this bitch.
Peace My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. For
more shows from iHeart Podcasts, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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No. 86: A Conversation with The Professional Homegirl - Eboné Almon. PART ONE.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}No. 86: A Conversation with The Professional Homegirl - Eboné Almon. PART ONE.