Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
So first and foremost, let me first start off by saying,
happy motherfucking birthday, to hand me my purse. Okay, because
it's my baby's birthday yesterday. If you're listening to this
(00:22):
on April second, Yesterday, April first, was my baby's fourth birthday,
and I could not be more proud of who she
is growing to be. And yes, I have humanized my podcast.
Yes I did four years in the game, and I
have no intention of letting my foot off the gas
any fucking time soon. Happy birthday, to hand me my purse,
(00:47):
yesterday's price, it's not today's trice. I still really have
a lot to say. There are so many people to
talk to, like I'm nowhere near finished, so many stories
to tell listen. At the end of the day, I'm
just very grateful and for all of the growth, the wins,
the doubt, the uncertainty, the support, the love, the listen
(01:09):
the downloads, the subscribes, the follows on social media, the
live messages and dms about the episode as you're listening,
the submission of the questions for straight facts, the telling
me that your aunt and your Grandma and your dad
or your uncle. Listens, for wearing the T shirts that
(01:29):
I give to you, for putting the stickers on your
water bottles and your laptops when I give them to you,
the magnets, the calls when I am unsure of myself,
the validation that I am actually really fucking good at
this listen. I am eternally grateful for all of that.
And there are no words that can even begin to
express how I feel about your support, your encouragement, and
(01:59):
how you love has changed my life and sometimes really
was the fabric that kept me going. However, I do
know somebody who knows how to say it better than
I do. I know somebody who may not be able
to express how I feel about you guys and the
(02:21):
gratitude that maybe I have for you guys. But I
know somebody who can kind of tell you how I'm
feeling about handing my purse's fourth birthday. Go ahead and
let them know how I'm feeling. I want to thank
me for believing in me. I want to thank me
(02:43):
for doing all this hard work. I want to thank
me for having no days off. I want to thank
me for never quitting. Yep, that's it in a nutshell. Okay,
thank you Uncle Snoop, my fellow Libra for summing it
up for me. And now let's move forward. So I
(03:06):
was perusing Erica Badu's Internet and I found this statement.
It's an excerpt from a book by someone. I have
no idea who this person is, but someone named L. E. Bowman,
and he or she don't know who they are, wrote
a book called The Evolution of a Girl. And there's
(03:30):
a quote from that book and it goes, not every
day has to be better than the last. Healing is
the type of thing that comes and goes, It wilts
and it grows. A breath must leave you before another
one can fill your lungs. And I love that, and
(03:54):
I love that especially because I've been doing some breath
work at night outside that is very helpful for me.
And I want to read that to you one more time.
Not every day has to be better than the last.
Healing is the type of thing that comes and it goes,
and wilson, it grows. But a breath must leave you
(04:15):
before another can fill your lungs. I can't see the
(04:42):
thing that happen. Okay, what's up, y'all? Welcome to hand
me my purse the podcast, and I want you to
always remember that I it is me. I am Mimi Walker,
and I will be your only and forever host each
and every time you tune into this podcast. So go
ahead and get comfortable. Get yourself a glass of your
favorite beverage, whether that is alkaline water. I enjoy alkaline water.
(05:04):
I feel like it is healing me without me knowing
on the inside. Some grape kool Aid. Shout out to
my dad some other stuff. I didn't mean to hit
on some other stuff, but shout out to my dad
because in the nineties he made grape kool aid. He
would cut up lemons and put in the grape kool
aid and there would be lemon pulp and lemon flavor
(05:27):
in with the grape kool aid because he was a
fancy man. Shout out to you, Daddy. A hot cup
of lavender camrameal tea with probiotics, because that's what I've
been drinking lately, or some Uncle Nearest eighteen fifty six
premium aged whiskey on the rocks. Shout out to Uncle nearest.
(05:48):
Go like yourself, a candle, some incense or burn some
sage and just get ready to chill out and have
a good time. What's up, friends and ken, It's me
(06:08):
MEI Resident Auntie Supreme, here at hand, me my person. Today,
I am sipping on some cherry Bubbly Seltzer water. No,
they are not paying me for this, okay. Should they
be paying for me paying me for this? Oh? Yes,
but they're not. And it's okay because I don't have
(06:30):
time to worry myself about frivolous things like that. I've
been drinking these cherry Bubbly Seltzer waters all week. I'm
away for spring break, and I bought a pack to
keep in my hotel room, and I've been sipping these
bad boys all week. And I actually forgot how much
I love the cherry ones. Not as good as the
black cherry. Okay, let's plead very care. Wait a minute,
(06:54):
I don't even think that Bubbly has a black cherry.
I prefer black cherry flavor. Things could be subconscious fight
the powers that be, you know, from you know, I'm
all about my people here with some respect. But this
isn't black cherry. It's just regular cherry. But they're delicious
(07:14):
and I love them, and so I'm excited about it.
I want to know what you guys are drinking. I always, always,
always love when you guys send me messages tell me
what you are drinking. So let me know what exactly
are you drinking as you're listening to this. Oh yeah,
(07:40):
you know. I chose to not just do one jam today.
I decided to do four and a bonus uh in
celebration of the fourth handing my purse birthversary. Shout out
to hand me my purse. It's kind of loud, but
(08:02):
what if I am currently on spring breaking and decided
to come down to Virginia Beach because well, it was
in my budget. I wanted to go to a few
other places, and it took me about two weeks to
decide because I'm a Libra and I have a hard
time with decisions. But anyway, came down to Virginia Beach.
It was in my budget. Excuse me, I have to
(08:24):
burp because I'm drinking this bubbly excuse me, friends, And
so I was able to be close to the water
smell some different air. I really needed to get away
because the school year has been hell of a hell
of a I wanted to see some new people, take
some different foods and just you know, get away from
the city for a little while. And I have said
(08:46):
many times on the show before that my mother's biological
father is from this area, Newport News, to be exact,
shout out to Newport News. Excuse me anyway, as always
saying I have maternal roots in this area, and my
ancestry goes back to the mid to early eighteen hundred.
(09:10):
What is an eighteen hundred, Come on me, mere's I
stuff the mid to early eighteen hundreds, excuse me here
in this area, maybe even earlier. So you know, in
this area is just a part of my DNA, my
structural DNA. It's the very fiber of who I am.
This area is called the Tidewater region, and whenever I
(09:34):
come down here, it feels exactly like I am just
supposed to be here, And you know what, maybe I am,
Maybe I am. Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be.
Maybe this is where I'm supposed to move. Anyway, I
tell you all this much, well not all, but I'll
tell you something about my trip in a little bit.
(09:55):
But back to these jams in anyway where I went
with this, So please let's move forward. Uh, whether you're
aware or not, there are a lot of amazing musical
artists that come from this area. And the interesting part
is that this is not a really huge area. It's
not big like New York City, Philly, Atlanta, Detroit, LA,
The Bay Area, Houston, Texas, Louisiana. But some of your
(10:20):
favorite artists or well the world's favorites come right from
this quiet, small little region. And I'm talking major musical genius.
So like Ella Fitzgerald is from Newport News, Pearl Bailey
is from Newport News. Missy Elliott is from Portsmouth. Pharrell
is from Virginia Beach. Timbaland is from I wanna say Portsmouth.
(10:42):
The Clips are from Chesapeake, so that means PUSHA T
is from Chesapeake. Chris Brown, if I'm not mistaken, it's
from Virginia Beach. Although Chris Brown has gotten kind of
weird lately. You can't deny its talent, but dude is
weird because I ain't gonna be able to do Chris Brown,
but whatever, excuse me. And there are so many more
(11:06):
other people you know, outside of music, but athletes, actors,
and not just black people, white people too that just
come from this area. But I don't have all day.
But you see where I'm going, Yes, you do. So
I decided that I would share four of my favorite
songs from my favorite artists from this area, and that
(11:30):
person would be Melissa Arnett Elliott, and that would be
Missy Elliott. Missy Elliott is a fucking national treasure. And
if you don't agree with me, you're stupid. And I'm
just gonna say that, I'm just joking. I don't think
you're stupid, but I don't think you really understand the
(11:54):
genius that Missy Elliott is to me. In my mind,
I don't feel like Missy gets the adoration as a
musical genius that I think that she deserves. And I'm
tired of it. You guys need to just get with
the program. So anyway, the songs that I chose are
beat Me nine one one, Sock It to Me, Hot Boys,
and Why You All? And My Girl with a bonus song.
(12:19):
Missy was discovered because she was originally in a group
called Sister Shout out to all my old heads who
know about systems. I feel like that is really loud
and it is it's bothering me that it's so well,
let me turn it down anyway, It was herself and
three other young women and they were all from this
(12:39):
area and their first song was called brand New. And
so only people of a certain age are going to
remember this song, and maybe some people that are of
a certain age may not even know this song. But
I was always always excuse me a music gial I
always was really into music, thanks to my mama. And
(13:00):
the song came around, came out around the New Jack
Swing era, and actually Davante of Joe to See was
involved in helping them get their start. Timbaland, of course,
who was Missy's really good for end, produced the song
and produced the album along with Davante. Missy wrote it,
wrote most of the music on the song. The group
had an album, but it was shelved. However, it was
(13:20):
released for the Masses in twenty seventeen, and the album
actually was it came out and then Shell and then
was shelved. In nineteen ninety four. Missy said, y'all gonna
get this sister album no matter what, You're going to
have access to this shit. But anyway, Mary J. Blige
was on the album. Casey from Casey and Joe to
(13:43):
See and a few other people. I haven't really checked
the whole album out, but brand New was my shit.
I even wore my hair like this. But to tell
the truth, everybody, all black girls wore their hair like
they wore their hair in this music video. And when
you see the music video, you're gonna be like, yeah,
MEMI you right. So of course, you know, I put
all the links to all the videos in the show
(14:03):
notes because I got you, babe. I got you. One
thing about me, y'all should know by now, I got you.
So going ahead, get into the song, play a little
snippet of it. Mainly, just get into the complete creative
genius that you're gonna see when you watch Missy's music videos.
Beyond the brand New video, I'm gonna put links to
(14:24):
all the videos in the show notes. Watch all of them. Missy,
she was before her time. She's a musical genius. The
creativity that oozes from her pores is from another galaxy.
And she kind of set the stage for so many
people to think outside of the box, to be that
kind of bold where it's just like, I don't really
(14:45):
care what people think about me and what they think
about my art my artistry. I'm gonna do what I
want to and what feels authentic to me, and if
you like it, you like it. If you don't, you don't.
And it's worked for her, and truthfully, that's the way
you win. And we can kind of all learn from
her brewprint. What's happening with me? I'll tell you what's happening.
(15:07):
I went to dinner tonight and I had these crushes.
Usually when you go to dinner or Pappy hour and
you have a crush, a grapefruit crush, a blueberry crush,
a blueberry basil or strawberry basil crush, or a grapefruit
or let me crush, you drink it and you're fine. Well,
I went down to the boardwalk or the ocean front
(15:29):
and I went to this place. The food was delightful,
it was nice, it was okay, but these fucking crushes.
I had a rum runner crush and I had two
goom Bay smash crushes. If you know what a goom
Bay smashes shout out to the Bahamas. And this was
a little tipsy, and I wasn't really expecting to be.
(15:50):
They weren't big drinks, they were small, they were in
a small cup, but they packed the hell of a punch. Okay.
So that's probably why my words are coming out a
little different today. Okay. So I would appreciate it if
you didn't judge me. I would appreciate if you just
rode the wave with me until it wears off. Okay,
and it may not wear off before I'm done here,
(16:10):
but just roll with me, Okay. I don't ask for much.
But anyway, what I was saying is we can learn
from her blueprint because that kind of creative authenticity is
really the foundation for success, because you're remaining true to yourself.
So I'm not, like I said, about to play all
these songs, but I am going to play a little
(16:32):
bit of the song that I think if you heard
it you might remember. Most people know Soko to Me,
while you all and my Grill, beat Me nine one
one and Hot Boys, but y'all might not know brand New,
but if you heard the chorus, you might remember it.
So this is a clip of brand New. Enjoy it.
And once that's done, we're gonna go ahead and get
(16:54):
this poorty stored in. And then when you're done, go
to the show notes and watch the videos, the music videos.
This lady was on something Else. One video heard the
rat and little camera in it and they're like mega
man and these like little toys. Then another video she's
like a Barbie and Magoo, Rest in peace, Magoo. Who
(17:16):
else is in these videos that is not alive? No
more Irish from seven oh two, Rest in peace to them.
If you don't know who these people are, that's fine,
but you know, God blessed the dead. So just watch
the videos and look at the creative genius that's in
the videos. Also, another thing I want you to do
(17:38):
is too. It's one thing to get into Missy's like
rap her ricketty rap skills. Another thing that trips me
out is every time I come down here, there's a
street in Hampton called rip Rap Road and that shit
is funny to me. But anyway, get into her rip
rap skills. But also get into her voice because she
can sing okay, and she can dance her ass off. Okay,
(18:01):
So go ahead and watch the videos. Okay, We're gonna
go ahead and get this party started. Enjoy and missus
brand new Bye, sister so young my friends in the
(18:22):
wind God yea, well, she's always been four years. It's
(18:58):
been a hell of a ride. It's been exciting, it's
been scary, it's been joyful, it's been surprising, it's been
very exciting. It's been up, it's been down, it's been
all around. It's like a sea saw a baby. Okay,
it's been an amazing four years, and it's been very,
very joyful. I can't even begin to express the joy
that I have felt in the past four years. And
(19:20):
there have been so many wonderful moments, and I would
not trade this experience for anything, because it has been
so it's been life changing for me. And when I
think about where all of this started and how it
all started, and think about where I am now, first
of all, I never thought that four years later I'd
still be doing this because, in the words of my
(19:41):
cousin Randall, shout out to my cousin Randall, he told
me a few years ago, he said, you know me, me,
you don't really stick to anything. If you don't like it,
you will drop something quick. And you know, he was right.
He didn't have to say that like that, but he
was right. But I love my podcast. I love doing this.
(20:03):
I have yet to get tired of it. Don't get
me wrong. There are some days where it's like, oh
my god, I don't feel like doing this, but I
do it. And that says a lot about me, because
when I don't want to do something, I don't do it.
I don't do it at all. It's not really my ministry.
It's not how I get down. If I don't want
to do something, I don't want to do it. But
this fills my cup in a different kind of way.
(20:26):
It's a complete, authentic manifestation of what I truly feel
is my purpose in this realm and this galaxy, here
on this planet, in this very moment of my life.
I truly believe that this is a calling over my life.
And I think that it kind of blows my mind
(20:48):
that it didn't start until I was thirty nine years old.
You know, I was thirty nine when I started doing
the research for this show. In February of about twenty nineteen.
You know, I dug in and I said, you know what,
I'm gonna do this because everybody's telling me that I
should do it. And I didn't do it because people
were telling me. But you know, so many people were
(21:08):
telling me you would be really good at this, and
I'm like, you know what, it doesn't hurt to try.
I do like to talk. I have a lot to say.
I'm gonna finally start a podcast. So for a solid
six to eight months, I just did all hardcore research.
I bought a domain name. I didn't know what the
fuck I was doing. I went through all of these
different processes to figure out the perfect name. And shout
(21:30):
out to my big sister Angelica for helping me go
through this. She's a virgo. I'm telling you, if you're
an air sign, get you some good solid Earth signs
to be around you. Shout out to you, Angelica. And
then I started doing a lot of writing. I started
working on scripting intros and outros and structuralizing the show
(21:53):
and learning about marketing and figuring out, you know, what
you need to do to structure a show. And I
did a lot of reading, reading, reading, reading, And it's
so funny because I always say, oh, I don't read,
no bitch, I'll be reading. And it's interesting because a
lot of people think that's starting a podcast is just
about getting on a mic and running your mouth and
(22:14):
recording it. How about no, man, Pam, You've gotta lay
some groundwork. It's so essential, and as with anything you
do that is rooted in truth, and authenticity. It's not
always something that comes easily. It takes a lot of work,
like any and everything that we do, and it's you know,
(22:35):
we live in a society that celebrates in authenticity. If
you just sit back and look at it, you know,
it's wild. Everything is fake. Butts are fake, hair is fake,
nails are fake, eyelashes are fake, calves are fake, Penises
are fake. You know, like things are fake. Pat Purses
(22:56):
are fake. I was gonna say burkins. Purses are fake.
Shoes are fraight fake. You know, so many things that
are not personalities are fake. Eyes are fake, lips are
not natural, you know. And that's not to shade anybody
who is into those things. I'm just saying that we
just live in a society that kind of celebrates that.
(23:17):
And you know, anyway, during the summer of twenty nineteen,
I asked a former student of mine if they could
help me to produce my show. And she was a
part of a music program that we used to have
at the school where I work, and she knew how
to work soundboards and set up microphones and do all
that stuff. And I didn't know a goddamn thing about that,
(23:38):
and so I had to get in where I fit in.
I had to utilize my resources. She said yes, and
so boom, there we go. I also asked another student
that was in the same music program, who was known
for making beats, if he could help me come up
with some music for the show. I told him what
I was looking for. I gave him examples. I played
him music that was aligned with the kind of music
that I was looking for, and he was like, I
(24:00):
heard of this kind of music before. It was very
similar to some like nineties music. He was like, I
heard this before, I heard about them. I played it
for him, and he him and another kid that was
in that music program they make up gloomy tounim shout
out to the gloomy gems, and they gave me what
(24:23):
I needed. And you know, I knew when I asked
him he was a different kind of kid. He has
a very genuine spirit. He was definitely kind of the
kind of kid that marches to the beat of his
own drum, didn't really care what people thought about him.
He was very creative and very talented. And let me
tell you something. They made the music that you hear
on hand me my purse today and I went to him,
(24:47):
and I was like, I'm going to pay you for this,
and he was like, no, you don't have to. But
it was important for me that he understood that you
should be paid for your art. Your creativity does have
a price. And he gave me a price. I doubled it.
He gave me like five or six songs. I chopped
them up, moved them around, and boom, I have the
music for Handing my Purse. I started recording in October
(25:10):
of twenty nineteen. I think just trying to play around
and get used to like hearing my voice and using
my voice on a microphone, scripting for the show, learning
how to write for a podcast or for a radio show,
and to avoid sounding like I was reading an essay,
because please, ain't nobody got time. You ever listened to
(25:32):
a podcast and it sounds like they are like reading
a paper. Don't nobody want to hear that shit? They don't.
And so if you listen to the first four episodes,
you can literally hear me settling into my comfortability. And
so I released the trailer on March the first, twenty
twenty boom twelve days later. What happened Guys go around
(25:58):
a bay and so at the time, my very first
producer of the student I told you about earlier, her
name was Saffron. Her mom had a lot of compromising
health issues, and I believe that her mom has passed away,
so God blessed the dead, and may God risk her
mother's spirit. But she had some compromising health issues at
(26:20):
the time, and we couldn't really put her at risk,
you know, because she had her own stuff going on.
So I just didn't I didn't feel comfortable doing that,
and I wouldn't dare do that to anybody. And so
at that point I was on my own. Mimi was
on her own to figure this out, and I had
to start doing some more research about production, and I
(26:42):
was like shit, Like I had to buy my own
my eggs. I had to learn how to utilize a
whole new audio program. I had to learn how to
at least get basic decent sound. And I didn't really
do a great job with that, if I'm being honest,
But you know what, I did my best, and you
know I did my best, so fuck the rest. And
so from that moment, I was kind of on my
(27:02):
own and it was all good. I did the best
I could and it brought me joy. I was happy,
and I'm grateful for the time that I did spend
with Saffron on those four episodes, and you know the
time leading up to that, because I learned a lot
of little things like how to cut and move tracks,
and you know, we had a good time. And if
you listened to the little snippet before the greeting or
(27:26):
the welcome, you'll hear she and I like talking and laughing.
And if you listen to some of the old episodes,
you'll hear like a whole little conversation between she and I.
Shout out to you, Saffron, thank you so much for
helping me lay the groundwork for this this podcast. I
don't know where she is, but God bless her, and
(27:47):
I pray that she is doing well. And we had
a good time. A couple of times my cousins came
into the studio while we were recording. Actually my best
friend who was on the episode last year when we
went to Paris to see Beyonce, she came and we
recorded an episode and it was actually the first full
episode that I ever recorded, and that was a conversation
(28:10):
with her, and it may never see the light of
day because we were acting a fucking fool, okay, and
it was hilarious, but you know, my producers probably could
cut it up and clean it up, so I'll have
to see about that because that that may be an
option to put that out because it was fucking funny. Anyway,
this has been a really amazing journey for me, and
(28:30):
I'm really grateful for the people who have always supported me.
But there's something about the people who supported me in
the very beginning, and I'm not gonna call them by
name because they know who they are. The ones who
had my back when I know shit, when I have shit,
when I was recording in my grandmother and my aunt's
living room and I was summoning them to their room,
(28:51):
like can you just live let me do this please
and just be quiet. Can you close your door? The
ones who told me that everything was gonna be all right,
that they were proud of me, who said you got
this when I knew I didn't really have this. You know,
the people who really really really had my back, you know,
who were there when I don't even know if I
(29:13):
was there, And if I could be really honest truthfully,
without those people, I probably wouldn't be here still doing
this today, I definitely wouldn't still be doing it. And
I'm eternally grateful for those people and to those people,
and they know who they are. And if it's not you,
it's okay. It's okay if it's not you, Because everybody
plays a role in our lives at different times. Everybody,
(29:35):
whether that is a role of support. I don't know
what this noise is. So I'm recording from my hotel room,
which has been my little house or my little apartment
for the past six days. I've been gone for like
a week. I actually extended my trip because there was
(29:59):
a big flood watching storm, but that's neither here nor there,
and I was like, I don't know how this goes
in like beach towns, and am I gonna have to
evacuate the hotel. The good thing is that my godfather
lives down here, so if I really needed somewhere to
evacuate and go to, I could definitely go to his house.
(30:20):
So thank God shut out to my godfather and his wife.
But anyway, everybody has a role. Somebody's making a lot
of noise. I don't know if it's downstairs at the restaurant,
because sometimes they have trivia nights and stuff. Be quiet,
(30:41):
I'm trying to record my show. Okay, I have some
respect for having my purse. Okay. Like I was saying,
whether it's a role of support, a role of doubt,
a role of negativity, encouragement avoidance because that's a thing,
a role where they are just avoiding supporting you or
(31:01):
encouraging you, a role of whatever. Everybody has a role
in our lives at different phases in our lives, and
sometimes people's roles may shift. And one thing that I
have learned is that you cannot get too comfortable with
people and their roles because shit changes, Life is constantly happening,
(31:22):
life does not wait for us, and expectations of people
will have you sitting in a pool of complete disappointment.
It will leave you resentful, it will leave you angry,
but most of all, it will leave you disappointed. And
creating and maintaining this podcast has taught me this very thing,
for sure. There are many things that I've learned since
(31:46):
February of twenty nineteen, which is actually five years of
being in this game, but the one that has really
been the driving force for me is to stop expecting people.
People to be anybody other than who they are. It
is a life lesson. People are going to just be
who they are, and in the meantime, the most important
(32:10):
thing is for you to focus on you and find
out who you are, because if you understand who you are,
and if you are fundamentally and fully self aware, then
you what other people do, it's not gonna really bother you.
It won't really trigger you that much because you're so
focused on being the best version of you that when
(32:32):
other people are not what you think is the best
version of themselves, you're not really worried about it. Also, like,
who the fuck are you to say that somebody is
not being the best version of themselves? And I don't
care if someone is a sex worker, if they're a
drug addict, if they're a murderer, if they are you
know whatever it is, judging them is not our business.
(32:55):
It's not our it's not what God has put us
here to do ultimate judge. God is here to figure out,
like or to help them figure out, like how to
be the best version of themselves. The same way God
is here to help us figure out how to be
the best version of ourselves. Focus on you, focus on
(33:15):
finding out why somebody else, shifting their energy when it
comes to you, or shifting how they show up for you,
or shifting whatever bothers you so much because realistically, people
can do whatever the fuck they want and they don't
owe you shit. Nobody owes you anything. That's another thing
that I have learned. Nobody owes you anything. They don't
(33:38):
even owe you an explanation or a conversation if they
don't want to. They don't have to do that. Friends
and can they don't. Would it be nice if they did, Yes,
it would be so great. But realistically, people don't have
(33:59):
to do anything. They don't Nobody has to explain anything
to us because nobody owes us anything. It would be
kind of them, it would be nice of them, but
they don't really have to. Those are just some of
the life lessons that I've learned in the past four years.
(34:22):
Another thing that I've learned is that it's really important
to be intentional just in your life, and I talk
about that on the show a lot. Being intentional is
really important because the only thing that we really control
is how we move and what we do and how
(34:44):
we react to things, and being intentional about how we
navigate life is something that we do have control over,
particularly about our joy, our peace, happiness, our you know,
(35:04):
how we share our magic with the world. Like, those
are things that we have control over. There's not a
lot of uncertainty there, you know. And so I want
to share something with you that I've read about intentional joy.
And part of the reason that I want to share
(35:26):
it is because, like I said, I'm on spring break
and I have been completely intentional about my joy ever
since I left that schoolhouse on Friday afternoon. And you know,
Friday afternoon, there was it was a mess at school,
and it was a mess after school was out, and
it's so funny. My work brother. Somebody was like, no,
(35:48):
that's your work husband, and I was like, I will
barf in your lap. But I mean, I guess it
depends on how you consider what you consider a work husband.
But my bestie at work, he looked so sad because
he's an administrator and we couldn't he couldn't leave, and
I didn't want to leave him alone, because that's the
(36:09):
kind of team player I am. I was like, I'll
stay here with him. But we had to stay because
the school police had to come to the school because
of an incident. And this was after a fight happened,
and this girl, she was really wild and she was
cussing at another administrator administrator and cussing at him and
calling him the N word and he's white, actually calling
(36:31):
him the N word and call him in a b
and she was just zapping out and then another incident
happened and school police had to come. So I said,
you know what, let me stay here with them and
support them. And the good thing is that I don't
have anywhere to go until the next day, the next morning,
so I said, you know, let me just be supportive.
Because of course it's the day it's spring break, so
(36:52):
everybody is like out and I said, well, let me
stay and be supportive, and he just looked so sad,
and so he was like, I just wanted to go
home and you know, be with my daughter and you know,
start our spring break or start my spring break. And
so when I finally did leave on Friday evening, every
(37:15):
single moment since I pulled off of that parking lot
has been all about me and my joy. I've been
very intentional, very focused on making sure that my joy
is at the forefront of every movement that I make okay,
(37:37):
and so I decided to take, like I said, a
solo trip to Virginia Beach, which isn't that far. It's
about four hours away with little to no traffic from
Baltimore from where I live. I did all of the
things I wanted to do, which is really not a lot.
I did not do anything that I didn't want to do.
I didn't eat where I didn't want to eat intentionally.
I did the things that I wanted to do, and
(37:59):
I did not do anything that I did not want
to do intentionally. Some days I stayed in bed I've been.
I was down here for about six or seven days.
I stayed in bed. Some days I stayed in my pajama.
Some days I prayed. I had a balcony room, so
I went out to the balcony. And I've talked many
(38:19):
times about my connection to the water in large bodies
of water, particularly the Atlantic Ocean, and how there's a
pool there with me, and I'm sure that it has
something to do with I'm sure that it had something
to do with ancestry and ancestral markers. I'm pretty sure
(38:44):
that it does. But I prayed to the water. I
talked to the water today, I went down to the water, actually,
and I prayed, and I talked to my grandmother, because
that's what I do when I go to the water,
I talk to my grandmother. I prayed in the direction
of the water. I prayed to the water. I prayed
(39:05):
to the sun. I watched the sunset regularly, and in
all of my forty four years of life, I have
never sat down and focused on watching the sunset intentionally,
like not take my eyes off of it. Of course,
the sun has set while I was outside, or while
I was on a plane or in the car, but
(39:26):
I've never just sat and not like not taking my
eyes off of the sun until it was no longer
in sight. And something about this trip has brought me
back to the truth that God is simply magnificent. Not
that I didn't know it, but it brought me back
to that. It brought me closer to the truth that
(39:50):
is like my spiritual power, my spiritual being, to the
power of my tongue and my words, the words that
I speak, to the power of calling things into being,
to the power of God's healing. And I'm telling you
I had like a mini local, eat, pray, love trip
and it was so needed and it was so good
(40:10):
and I'm so grateful. And guess what, it was cold
like it was like forty six degrees. There was a
flood watch. There was a torrential downpour yesterday it rained
from It rained from the night prior at like ten
o'clock until the next night after midnight. So it rained
(40:38):
for twenty four to twenty six hours straight, no chaser,
it didn't let up at all. It just rained. And
(40:58):
today I found out as I drove down the street
that there's a freaking swamp a couple miles down. Anyway,
this area is just amazing, and of course when I
drive past those areas, I always think about like enslaved
people escaping and like having to go through swamps and
(41:21):
like marsh and stuff like that. And of course I
thought about like my own ancestors because they would have
had to walk through this kind of stuff because they
lived down here, this is where they were from. But anyway,
sorry guys, it was, like I said, it was like
a baby e prey love trip and excuse me. And
(41:44):
it has been fantastic in every single way, to the
point that I would totally move down here, like I
ain't eve gonna lie sorry, Sis had to drink some
water because I told you I had a couple earlier,
so my throat it is a little dry, but to
(42:04):
the point that I would totally move here because being
able to be this close to a beach top notch Okay,
and having access to large bodies of water, like being
this close to the ocean is essential for me. And
this trip has been an amazing reset for my mindset.
(42:27):
It has been an amazing reset for my joy. It
has been an amazing reset for like self validation and
power and just being intentional about everything that I have
done is really what I think has made this trip
(42:49):
so amazing, and it's something that we really need to
focus more on in our everyday lies because I really
think that there is a power, a silent power, and
being intentional in what we do. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, listen.
Don't get me started to the point where, let me
tell you something. I don't go to church, but I
(43:10):
grew up in church. And when you grow up in church,
it's something about growing up in church that you know
it's etched into your bones. Okay, especially if you're black.
I don't really know how to explain it. But it's
something about it being like etched onto your bones with
like a little needle, or like a tattoo needle. And
(43:31):
I was driving past the street down here and it
was called Potter's Road. And there's a song called the
Potter's House that came that, you know, Tremaine Hawkins sings.
And I said, you know what, I want to hear
that song. Let me tell you song. I'm driving down
the street, I'm listening to it and I'm singing it.
And next thing I know, I'm crying. Not is running
(43:53):
down my lip. I had to pull over and while
I went to CBS, I pulled the CVS. I'm cleaning
my face off. I'm crying, I'm falling out. Let me
tell you something, this has been an amazing trip for
me spiritually. I'm so grateful. God is good. Listen. People
(44:17):
say things like, oh my God, how can you go
on trips by yourself? You better figure it out. My
question is, how do you not go on trips by yourself?
How do you not spend time by yourself? It's the
only way to get back to yourself. Anyway. I want
to read something to you guys that gives us an
outline for focusing on intentional joy. And it's from Young Pueblo.
(44:37):
Everybody knows I love Young Pueblo. I love his writing.
It's really lovely to read anyway. Here it is the
power of intention Eleven attributes Where are my Glasses? Eleven
attributes to joyful living. One, you are intentional about who
you give your time, give your time to. You do
your best to design an inner circle that is nourishing
(44:59):
and enjoyable. What stands out is the mutual willingness to
take care of each other and the motivation to help
each other figure out life's challenges. Two. You understand how
your own perception impacts your reactions and moods. Blaming all
your emotions on events and people outside of you creates
a situation where you are constantly giving your power away.
(45:21):
Taking responsibility for your mindset not only helps you grow,
it widens your opportunity for happiness. Next, you practice bringing
yourself back to the present moment. Come on now, Jesus, Jesus.
You practice bringing yourself back to the present moment, especially
when your mind is focusing too much on the past
and future and is using small details to build tension
(45:43):
driven narratives. This is heavy right here. Being able to
resenter yourself so that you don't jump to conclusions can
help you stop from acting rashly. Let me tell you
a little if we're being vulnerable and transparent. I had
to call my therapist while I was down here because
I got a little information about something and I did
(46:05):
not want to react like old me, me who was
emotionally all over the place, who didn't have control over
her emotions, who allowed her anxiety or the narratives that
(46:26):
she created in her head or as this says, tension
driven narratives to derive or to arrive at at a
different point or at a point that she thought made sense.
So I had to call my therapist and I had
to tell her, look, I don't want to go back,
(46:49):
so I'm trying to be proactive, but I need your
assistance help me please, And we had to talk through
some things and process and stuff because I I wanted
to process it like evolved me and not like old me.
Get you a therapist that is going to help you
process information like the evolved version of you versus the
(47:13):
old version of you. And if you don't have a therapist.
In the show notes, I have a link to where
you can find a therapist or start vetting therapists, because
that's what I did. That's how I found my therapist.
Vet you some therapists and find you one that works
for you. Okay, because you can't do it all. You're
on your own, everybody, and nothing wrong with having some therapy. Next,
(47:36):
you stop glorifying busy living. Listen, Black women need to
listen to this. You stop glorifying busy living. You have
your goals, but you realize that you can work toward
them without breaking yourself in the process. There's nothing valiant
about burnout. Instead, you use your energy intentionally and putting
(47:58):
good work toward the things you love. You do so
in a balanced way. Next, you make time to feel gratitude.
Reflecting on all of the beautiful and simple things in
your life that are often taken for Granted's granted, excuse
me will help to ground you. Being able to remember
all the good things and people in your life stops
your mind from solely focusing on what it wants. Next,
(48:22):
this ain't that the truth, child. It is easy to
flow between gratitude and joy, and that is the truth.
Something that I have been doing every night is I
go out on my balcony, and I do a breathing exercise,
and I inhale gratitude, and I exhale name any negative
(48:42):
emotion fear, I exhale negativity, I exhale doubt, I exhale worry,
I exhale anxiety. But I always inhale gratitude. I inhale joy,
I inhale happiness, I inhale peace. Listen, if you are
in a constant flow state of gratitude, like you don't
(49:03):
have room nor time to focus on anything else because
you're just very grateful and very happy to have what
you have. Okay. Next, you stay in touch with your
emotions without becoming attached to them. It's important to acknowledge
how you feel. Listen, this was me a few days
ago when I had to call that therapist, especially when
(49:25):
you feel heavy, but simultaneously understand that this feeling won't
last forever. Not letting temporary feelings govern your actions helps
you have a less tense mind. Next, you make time
to heal and grow. Whether you have experienced trauma or not,
everyone has gone through hard times and those moments leave
marks on the mind that impact your thoughts and actions.
(49:47):
Finding and using healing practices that work well for you
can decondition your mind so that it becomes less defensive
and more open to the natural flow and beauty of life. Next,
you remind yourself too down between the things you need
to take care of in life daily, in the way
(50:08):
technology is constantly trying to get more of your attention.
I'm telling you I got a problem with this phone.
I really need to just put it away anyway, so
much can be missed. Bring yourself back to a healthy
pace so you can be present with the people, nature,
and the activities that you love. Follow your intuition relentlessly.
Your intuition helps you to grow, It leads you to
(50:30):
your best life, and it helps you make your deepest
aspirations come true. Paying attention to what direction is telling
you to go in can help unfold the next chapter
of your life. Next, you live with gentleness and kindness
friends and can Being kind is free? Okay, just an fyi.
(50:50):
You try to do good things for others, but in
a balanced way where you don't exhaust yourself. Excuse me,
exhaust yourself all right. Having a giving nature and treating
people well directly support your inner peace. I'm gonna say
(51:12):
that one more time. You try to do good things
for others, but in a balanced way. You don't have
to be a people pleaser, is basically what it's saying.
You don't have to overextend yourself and sacrifice your own
self just so that somebody else can be happy, because
that's a little that's a little Craig rag. Okay, why
should you be sacrificing yourself so that somebody else can
(51:34):
be happy? And I don't give a damn if it's
your kids. I don't care if your husband, I don't
care if your mama. Don't care for your daddy. You
should not have to sacrifice yourself for anybody. That's not
how that works. God does not set it up for
it to be that way. I don't believe that at all.
Having a giving nature and treating people well directly support
(51:55):
your inner peace, but you need to do it in
a balanced way where you don't exhaust yourself. And lastly,
you always stay open to learning and growth. You understand
that you are not perfect, and you have the humility
needed to continue evolving. Knowledge is ever expanding, which means
there is always more to understand. Friends, and can happy
(52:18):
birthday to hand me my purse. All right, let's get
(52:45):
into this straight FAXT question. It says, Hi, Mimi, longtime listener,
first time writing a question. I love your show and
hope all is well with you. I love your opinion
and advice on a friend matter. I have a few
friends who I used to see a couple of times month.
I thought we were pretty close friends, but all of
a sudden, I never hear from them, and when I
(53:07):
reach out, I feel like my suggestions to hang out
are deflected. I can't think of anything specific I may
have done to offend them. The last time we hang out,
my friends, who are a couple, got into an argument
at my house. We were playing board games and there
was alcohol involved. It got a little awkward, but I
didn't make much of it. But we haven't all hung
out since then. I don't think that would cause them
(53:28):
to stop wanting to hang out, but who knows. I
feel stupid being the person to reach out and ask
why I never see them anymore. It feels a little desperate,
or like I'd be forcing them to lie to me
or pretend everything is okay and then go back to
never speaking to me. Should I just move on and
act like we aren't friends anymore. I'm getting married this year.
I went to their winning and normally would have invited
(53:48):
them to mind, but now I don't know if I
should help. And that is from Tuck James of Winterville, Georgia.
Tuck James is the whitest name I've ever heard in
my life. So hello to U, Tough James. I don't
know if that's a fake name or what, but I
just want to say that Tough James is the whitest
(54:08):
name I've ever heard in my life. Shut out to U,
Tuck James. Here's the tea, Tuck. I feel like you
should never have to chase anybody to be in your life.
I think that because it's bothering you, you should say something.
(54:32):
You should ask, and I think that you should just
ask directly, and you should be direct, and you should
ask the question that you want the answer to and
because that'll cut out all the bullshit. So if the
question really is, let's see what you said. I'm getting
married this year. I went to their wedding and normally
(54:54):
I would have invited them to mine, but now I
don't know if I should. If you want them at
your wedding, invite them them, understanding that it's a possibility
that they may not come, but invite them. It shouldn't
be a tit for tech kind of thing, like I
don't want to invite them because they're being nasty to
me or whatever. Invite them to your wedding if you
want them to be there, but I will say this much.
(55:16):
Ask them, or ask one of them. If it's a couple,
ask the dude. You're a guy, Ask the guy, like,
do what's up? Like, you know what happened ever since?
And be very specific, ever since the last time you
guys were at my house and you guys got into
an argument. It was a little awkward for me, but
(55:39):
you know, I didn't think anything of it, but I
noticed that you guys haven't really been over since and
you've been kind of weird since then. What's up with that? Like,
because I don't want to keep asking you about it
if I did something wrong, and if I did something wrong,
let me know so that I can rectify it. And
if I didn't, I'm just trying to figure out, like
(55:59):
where the disco neck is. Ask him and be very direct.
If he can't give you a direct answer, you kind
of gotta let it go okay, because if you are
very direct and somebody kind of gives you that roundabout
answer and doesn't give you a direct answer, like that's
not your problem, Tuck, it's not your problem. Be direct
(56:21):
and expect a direct answer, and if they don't give
you that, then you just kind of gotta let it go.
I would still invite them to your wedding, though, see
if they come, which would be interesting. I would, but
I would say I would ask them or ask him.
Maybe don't come at both of them, but maybe like,
pull the dude up. If the guy is your friend,
(56:42):
if the girl is your friend, or the woman is
your friend, I would pull her up and ask her, like,
what's up with that? And I would give them very
specific or I would give her or him very specific details,
like I haven't really seen you since the last time
you guys came to my house when we were playing
(57:04):
video games and you guys got into an argument and
we were drinking and it got really weird. It didn't
really bother me, and it didn't really bother my fiance
or my wife or you know, any of the other
couples there. But I noticed that I haven't really seen
you guys since that moment. Is there something that happened
that I don't know about? Be very specific because then
(57:26):
it lets them know, like, motherfucker, I know exactly when
the moment was when shit got weird? What's up with it?
What's up? Because if you're direct, sometimes there's nowhere for
them to go but a lie, but a lie, you know,
(57:48):
And if they're gonna lie to you, like do you
really want them around you anyway? Like if they're liars, Eh,
liars make my booty itch. You don't want them around
you if you're a liar, So just ask them very directly,
and good luck with you, tuck, and good luck with
your wedding. And if they don't come to your wedding,
fuck them. You know. At the end of the day,
people are just not solid. My best friend and I
(58:10):
say this all the time, people are just not solid people.
They are very inauthentic, they're very self absorbed, self centered,
and they don't like when you do them to them,
which is very and they also don't like when you're direct.
That's another reason why I'm telling you to be direct,
because it just cuts all the fat out, you know
(58:32):
what I mean. It just is lean beef, straight to
the point there's not a lot of fat fluff to
cut through. Good luck, and I hope you have a great, successful, loving,
beautiful wedding. Tuck. I love the name Tuck James. Tuck James, right,
(58:55):
So for this we got to do better. I want
to read this quote, and then I want to read
a prayer. I have this book called Black Liturgies that
I bought and ooh, look at me knocking stuff down.
I bought this black called Black Liturgies, and it says
black liturgies. And I had to look it up because
I was saying liturgies. Don't judge me, okay, because I
(59:17):
said the word wrong. I'm not perfect, all right. It's
not liturgies. It's liturgies. And it says prayers, poems and meditations,
excuse me for staying human. And it's by Cole Arthur Riley.
And let me tell you something. This book has been
my bible since I've been on this trip. I want
(59:38):
to tell you. I go out to that water and
I pray, and I've said some prayers from out of
this book. It's amazing. So the first quote is from
good old Oprah Winfrey, the Ozimpic Queen Okay, And regardless
of how I feel about Oprah Winfrey or what I
think about Oprah Winfrey, sometimes she says things and I
(01:00:00):
really really like the things that she says. She says
excuse me in this time. She said, your calling isn't
something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel.
It is the thing that gives you juice, the thing
that you are supposed to do, and nobody can tell
you what that is because you know it inside yourself.
(01:00:20):
One more time, for the one time, your calling isn't
something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel.
It's the thing that gives you juice, the thing that
you are supposed to do, and nobody can tell you
what that is because you know it inside yourself. Thank you,
Oprah Winfrey. Okay, I want to read how to get
(01:00:51):
to my book here. I want to read this prayer. Everybody,
bow your heads when you get the light up, because
I can't see that well bad by your heads. Close
your eyes for the unknown, God of shadows. Our fear
of the unknown keeps us from moving it all. Help
(01:01:14):
us not to know. Protect our minds when anxious thoughts
about the future refuse to leave us alone, Deepen our breath,
Bring us into communities who can be trusted when they
tell us we are safe. Comfort us when our minds
become frenzied trying to determine what we cannot possibly know,
when questions of what is to come or who will
(01:01:36):
stay with us haunt us. Make us kind with our
own self. Talk, tender to our bodies, loving with all
we do have control over when no amount of courage
can diminish fears power over us. Remind us that we
too have power as we rise to meet it. Provide
a way to peace. We will not fear the dark.
(01:02:01):
I shay and amen, and I mean listen, this book
is good, y'all. Take that prayer here. That was a
good prayer. I'm actually gonna go and I'm gonna say
this prayer tonight before I go to bed. I'm gonna
go say it outside, and I'm gonna say it to
the water. Okay, because the water be listening to me. Okay,
(01:02:21):
the water ain't nobody but my ancestors in God. That's
all the water is. Okay, that is all the water is.
(01:02:45):
The First thing that I want to do is say
thank you to God first and foremost, because God is
supreme and I recognize and appreciate the grace that God
extends to me every single day of my black ass life.
I want to say, happy motherfucking birthday to my birthday baby,
hand me my purse the podcast. It's been four years
(01:03:10):
and I'm still out here doing the best I can.
And we're still in this thing. Okay, knee deep in
the thing. Okay, what is next? What is next for
handing my purse? I don't know. I don't know. And
after I just read that last prayer, like I don't know,
and it's okay that I don't know. It's perfectly okay
(01:03:34):
that I don't know, because one thing that I know
for sure is that God provides. I'm gonna just keep rolling,
and I really would like it if y'all would just
keep rolling with me and let's just continue to take
this journey together. And I want you to know that
I appreciate all of you for being here, all of you,
every single one of you. I have an extra special
(01:03:54):
thank you going for all of you who have been
here since the very first episode that I ever released,
which was released on March the first of twenty twenty.
I appreciate you. I love you deep in my heart.
I'm grateful for you, and for those of you who
just started listening to day, or who just started listening
(01:04:15):
in June or last year, or in twenty twenty three
or twenty two or twenty one, whenever you started listening,
I'm grateful for you as well. Whatever however you cut
this up, I'm grateful. I think that's the constant and
that is the common denominator, is gratitude. Okay, I'm thankful
for my family. I love those people. I'm thankful for
(01:04:37):
my friends. I lotting people do. I'm thankful for my
friends and my kin all, y'all. I'm thankful for the
people who support me, because just because you don't you
supporting me doesn't mean you have to necessarily listen to
the show. People support me in so many other ways,
and of course most importantly, I'm really grateful for the
people that listening to the show, like that's important if
(01:05:00):
you are listening, and people who share the show with
other people, and people who interact with me, people who
leave reviews, people send me messages letting me know, like
that kind of stuff fuels me, It feeds me, and
kind of like it's a gas in a car, like
fills my car with gas. I just love y'all so much,
(01:05:20):
and it's nothing short of an honor and a blessing
and a privilege to share my time, my energy, my thoughts,
my words, and to be vulnerable with you guys, especially
if you continue to keep coming back listening to what
I got to say. I look forward to every time
that we get to do this with one another. But
(01:05:43):
before you exit out of whatever streaming service you're listening
to this podcast on, I want you to stop what
you're doing, and if you have not already done so,
look for the subscriber follow button. Please click on it.
If you have that option wherever you're listening, then I
want you to go over to INSTAGRAMO me and hand
me my Purse Underscore podcast. Next, go over to x
(01:06:05):
and follow me at HMMP Underscore podcast. There's also Facebook.
You just search hand Me my Purse podcast and on
my Instagram page you will see a little like at
symbol for threads, which is like Instagram's version of Twitter.
I really like it over there. Click on that follow
me there because I do a little more talking over
(01:06:27):
there than I do at Twitter. Definitely. If you listen
on a streaming service or medium that lets you do this,
please rate and review the show. It only takes two
to three minutes. How about this. This is a call
to action. It was at this moment he knew he
fucked up. I don't know why that. That is not
what I thought I was pushing. So I'm sorry for that.
(01:06:48):
Let me push what I really wanted to push. Okay,
this is what I really wanted to push. This is
a call to action. Okay, if you would please please
for the birthday of Hand Me my Purse the fourth birthday,
go to Apple Podcasts or to Spotify and leave a
(01:07:09):
review and a rating. I would really appreciate that. If
I could get five of you to do that, five
of you to do that, it would really make my
day and it would be like a birthday gift to
hand Me my Purse. I would really appreciate that. Please
please please, friends, and can be sure to share Hand
(01:07:31):
Me my Purse with your friends, your loved ones, and
even the people you don't like. Because the best way
for people to find out about the show is by
you guys telling them all about it. So tell a
friend to tell a friend to tell a friend. Submit
your questions for the stray Fact segment by clicking on
the link and the show notes that says submit a
question for stray Facts. Please do that. Ask your friends
because I know they have drama in their lives. Send
(01:07:54):
them the link or click the link in my Instagram
profile and look for the button that directs you to
submit a question. And you never know your question may
be featured on an upcoming show. Also, I just got
a really interesting question come in. I'm probably gonna read
that either next week or in a few weeks, but anyway.
Also remember that show notes are always available in the
(01:08:14):
episode description. Wherever you're listening to the show, be sure
to take a look at the show notes because that
is where I put all of the links that I
mentioned during the show, and just some other information that
I may want to share with you. Also, just so
you know, like I mentioned earlier, the music for Hanmy
My Purse is provided by none other than West Baltimore's
own Gloomy Tunes. And last but not least, I want
(01:08:39):
to give a big old shout out to my producers.
Together we make up Greendow Banjo and the Dirty Throats,
and I look forward to you, looking forward to listening
the Hand in My Purse the podcast each and every Tuesday,
and I'm out this bitch, Peace, Happy spring Break. Everybody
(01:09:02):
Hand Me my Purse as a production of iHeart Podcasts.
For more shows from iHeart Podcasts, visit the iHeartRadio app,
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