Hey Friends & Kin!
FYI: THIS, JUST LIKE ALL EPISODES OF HAND ME MY PURSE, CONTAINS PROFANITY. THIS PODCAST IS FOR ADULTS AND CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT. Now that we've gotten that out of the way...
Soooooooooo, this episode is a bit of a doozy. The topic is heavy, but it is so necessary. I had the pleasure of being in conversation with Alua Arthur, a beautiful black woman who is a Death Doula. The title alone, “DEATH DOULA”. That is a heavy title. I had a delightful conversation with Alua about her new book, “briefly perfectly human” which can be purchased here. The book is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING… It caused me to look at my life and really begin to think about how I value the fullness of my life. Do yourself the favor of 1. LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE & 2. PURCHASING HER BOOK!!!
The conversation was one that brought about an actual physical response. The concept of grief, and in the way we began to discuss it on the show did something to my mind and my spirit. Take some time and listen to part one of this episode & then next week tune into part two! Run don’t walk to wherever you get your podcasts!
"GO WHERE YOU ARE ADORED. NOT WHERE YOU ARE TOLERATED..."
- MeMe's Jam No. 91 🎶
- SUBMIT A QUESTION FOR “STRAIGHT FACTS”!🤔
- GOING WITH GRACE 🕊️
- GOING WITH GRACE INSTAGRAM 🕊️
- DAILY GRATITUDE RITUALS.🫶🏾
- FIND YOURSELF A THERAPIST.🔍
_______
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Rate + Review on Apple Podcasts. ⬅️ click that
And as always, "Thank you for your support…"
(said exactly like the 80s Bartles and Jaymes commercials)
xoxo
MeMe
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Henm me my purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
Well well, well, so I was, excuse me, sounding like
Frog or from the Little Rascals. But while I was
perusing Diane Carroll's Internet I ran across the quote from,
of course, none other than one of my favorite Internet poet,
(00:22):
Laureates Young Pueblo, and it says, one of the most
toxic ideas that grips our minds is perfection. We expect it,
we crave it, we wish to see it in our
lives and in our relationships. But reality and the idea
(00:43):
of perfection are in a constant state of friction. Reality
is ever changing. It is transformation combined with unpredictability. Perfection
is the opposite. It is an attempt to control and
keep things within the boundaries of a certain mental image.
Reality is a flowing river and perfection is a static painting.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I say it all the.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Time that perfection is just an illusion and an attempt
to control everything, and perfection is so far away from
God that it's hard to even conceptualize.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
For me.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Now at forty four, I should say, because if I
have to constantly remind myself that if I have faith
and if I believe in God, and I believe that
God is the master of all things, and I am
simply here to work the plan. Then one, I will never.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Be perfect because.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
That's not even in the plan, because being perfect is
not even real. But the imperfection that that we possess
is perfect because it's a part of God's perfect plan.
But the perfection that we seek as humans is totally
(02:20):
an illusion. It's delulu, as the kids say to it's delulu.
(02:49):
I can't see the path that Okay, what's up, y'all?
Welcome to hand me my purse the podcast. I am
Mimi Walker, and I will be your ever host each
and every single time you tune into this podcast. So
go ahead and get comfortable. Get yourself a glass of
your favorite beverage, whether that is cherry lime, made sparkling water,
some fresh squeeze lemonade with sugar cane sticks in it.
(03:12):
I remember that Bahama Brees used to make their lemonade
like that and put sugar cane sticks in it. I
don't know if they still do, because I rarely drink
lemonade or sugary drinks like that anymore. If I'm at
Bahama Breeze I'm definitely getting a drink. And the drink
that I'm getting lately is called the Cloud nine. It
(03:33):
is amazing. If there's a Bahama Breeze in your area,
if you work at Bahama Breeze, give me a deal
because I love it. It's my favorite restaurant. I love
the Cloud nine and it is quite strong and quite delicious.
It's sweet, though, so if you don't like really sweet things,
(03:56):
then you won't like it. You can probably get two
drinks out of that drink. But anyway, or a shot
of Repisodal tequila with a key lime rim. You know
what I found out yesterday because you know, I hadn't
really gotten in the key limes much. Key limes are
so much sweeter than regular limes. They're delicious. I just
squeezed the juice like onto my tongue and it was
(04:18):
so good. But anyway, I digress. Of course, go light
yourself a candle, some incense or burn some sage and
just get ready to chill out and have yourself a
good time, because that's what we're about to do. What's up,
(04:41):
friends and ken It's MEI Resident Anti Supreme, here at hand,
me my purse, and today I am sipping on some
green tea. Actually it's Yogi teas blueberry slim life green
tea actually, and I also threw in some Astragonda tea.
And for me all my life, all my adult life,
(05:03):
I've recognize that green tea is like the elixir of life.
And Yogi teas while they aren't the most tasty, usually
for me anyway, because I find they add pepper to everything,
they add black pepper to and maybe there's a method
to their madness. They probably know something that we don't
and it's not just ones with turmeric and them.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
So stop.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
This one is really good and it doesn't have pepper.
I really like it, and so some benefits, just so
you know. Benefits for green tea are that it alleviates
anxiety and stress. It helps to protect against cognitive decline,
It helps support bone health, It improves longevity. It can
lower your cholesterol, manhandce your memory, may manage and prevent
(05:48):
type two diabetes, and it might lower stroke risks risks
risk doesn't when you say risks or masks, it sounds
like a rimshot.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Like but don't sh.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Anyway, Remember I told you I lost all of my sounds.
I have some of them back, but I don't know
which one is which because they aren't labeled in the
program that I use, so now I have to relabel
them all, but I have some of them back anyway,
I digress. Here are some benefits of astragondity. It relieves
(06:25):
stress and anxiety. It lowers blood sugar and fat. It
can increase muscle and strength. It can improve sexual function
in women. It can boost fertility and testosterone levels and men.
It sharpens focus and memory, and it supports heart health.
There are some side effects, though common side effects are
mild and including upset stomach, loose stools, loose stools, nausea,
(06:46):
and drowsiness. I don't think I would recommend drinking it
daily or over long periods of time regularly. It's the
kind of tea that you incorporate into your tea sipping
regimen randomly, versus green tea, which I think is really
wise to drink every day or at least every other day,
(07:08):
because it has so many wonderful benefits. Green tea definitely
has some side effects that I didn't really know about,
but just do your research look it up. Remember I
am not a doctor, don't even think so. But you
got to do your own research. But Green Tea is
great and it's great for you. So I want to
(07:30):
say something before we get into the jam in preparation
for this show, or before you start listening to this show.
First of all, the Gratitude Challenge has come to an end.
It ended on Sunday, the twenty first of April, and
I want to hear from you, guys. I want to
hear if you enjoyed the Gratitude Challenge. Did you participate,
(07:54):
what did you realize while doing the Gratitude Challenge? How
did you incorporate it into your life life? So send
me a message, send me a text message. My phone
number should be on Instagram and Facebook. Send me an email.
You can email me at Hello at handymipurse dot com.
(08:14):
I would love to hear from you. Uh send me
a DM on Facebook, on Instagram, on Twitter. I want
to hear from you. I want to hear how it
worked out for you. That would really bring my day,
So please do that. Also, I want you to be
prepared for the conversation that I'm having today with my guest,
(08:37):
because I was not prepared. I was prepared, but I
don't think my nervous system was prepared. And my conversation
is with someone we talk about death and more tech
and mortality a lot, and we talked about grief a lot.
(09:01):
And as you guys know, I lost, As you guys know,
hold on, sorry, let me drink this tea. I lost
my grandmother last year.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And grief is uh.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
First of all, grief is a motherfucker, first of all.
Second of all, it is a process, and it is lifelong.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
It is not something that stops.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
It's not a destination you don't arrive at. Grief is
over lane or the train station or the train depot
for grief is done. It's a journey. You are constantly
evolving and faced with how it will be a part
(09:51):
of your life.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
And so.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I was not prepared emotionally, mentally, spiritually, nor my nervous system.
I'm telling you because I had a very visceral reaction
during our conversation at the beginning of our conversation, and
you should be able to hear because I asked my
(10:15):
producers to not cut it out. I don't think he
cut it out. If you did cut it out, well,
he cut it out. I'm sorry that you don't get
to hear it. But I I wanted you guys to
hear it because it's real.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
And one thing that.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I stand on is business. Standing on business, that's what
the kid saying. But one thing I stand behind is
authenticity and transparency on this show, and I had a
very very real physical reaction while she and I were
(10:53):
talking and it was interesting. And actually after our conversation,
usually when I'm in the house for the evening, I
don't leave back out because I'm like a bear.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
My ass got up. I got up.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I went to Best Buy and bought a juicer. Okay,
I got up and I got out of the house
because I just felt like I need to be outside
in nature and.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It solved everything, So just prepare for that.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Also, I just experienced so many different emotions while talking,
and it was interesting because it made it a little
difficult at times for me to do the interview or
to have the conversation with her.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Because I was dealing with so.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Much internal stuff in the moment, like my mind and
my body and my spirit was just kind of going
through like a whole lot of different shit. So it's
not anything that I'm apologizing for because I'm not so
sorry for my life and my existence and how my
(12:06):
spirit or my body, my mind, or my heart reacts
to talking about anything, particularly grief. But I just wanted
you guys to know on the front end that I
did struggle a little bit. I mean, it's still a really,
really fucking amazing conversation. It's not bad or anything, but
I wanted you guys to know on the front end
because I didn't want you to listen and be like.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
What is wrong with her? Now you know what was
wrong with me.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Also, I would like to read a comment from someone
a listener on Spotify and her name is Tracy Balsamo,
and Tracy Balsamo said that she participated or she was
going to participate in the challenge in the Gratitude Challenge, Tracy,
(12:56):
I hope that you did.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
First of all, thank you for listening. You are the
real y'all know I was gonna know where that one
was though. Ray.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
And also she said that she was sipping gatorade while
she was listening to that episode, and I think it
was from episode eighty four if I'm not mistaken. But
if you did do the Gratitude Challenge, Tracy, please leave
me a comment and let me know how it went
for you. Let me know you know how that worked.
I want to hear from you guys about the gratitude
(13:28):
challenge because so many people have a lot of breakthroughs
and gain some new understanding as a result of it.
So enjoy the conversation that I had with my guests.
And yeah, I just wanted to kind of put you
all on games because we don't do no hide and
then no pretending around here.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
We keeps it. We keeps it a buck over here.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Okay, Oh yeah, so friends and ken for today jam,
I chose a song that it didn't quite fall into
my lap, but it kind of did.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
There was a song that I told you.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
When I choose the jam, usually it kind of just
comes to me, or it's a song that is like on.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
My spirit like heavy that week And.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Excuse me, I'm sorry, it's it's on me like heavy.
And I had one and you know, I have perimenopause
and I have some other, uh health stuff going on
that caused me to sometimes forget black stuff. Sorry, so
I forgot and I didn't write it down. So as
(14:47):
a result, I went looking for a jam. And I
don't just pick the first thing that I find. I'm
very intentional about how I create my episodes. I'm very
intentional about the information that I provide for you guys.
I'm very intentional about handing my purse period, extremely intentional,
(15:07):
And I think that's why I love my own show
so much and why like I really believe in it,
because I'm extremely intentional. So I was listening to songs,
like I listened to a few of them. I have
a list of songs that I have, you know, like
a go to, like if I just cannot figure something out.
(15:30):
I have a list of songs that I really love
that I can go to and kind of pick from it.
And it's a long list, so it's not like a
list of five. And nothing on that list was like
speaking to me because it has to connect with me
in that moment. And so I just went to Spotify
and just looked through like some of my playlists and
(15:53):
I like songs. And I saw this song and I
was like, I don't remember this song, but I like
both of the artists that are on the song. And
so I found this song and it is called Superpower
and it is by a woman. Her name is Kirby,
and Kirby is from Memphis, but she was raised in
Mississippi and D Smoke. D Smoke if I'm not mistaken,
(16:18):
and I'm pretty sure that I'm accurate here.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
D Smoke is the brother of.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Sir. I'm pretty sure that he is. I'm pretty sure
that that he's that D Smoke. Yep, I just looked
at his picture. So D Smoke and Sir, who is
an R and B singer, are brothers. And I like
both Kirby and D Smoke and this song. I turned
it on and started listening and I was like, WHOA,
(16:48):
And I think based on like the album art, it's
the two of them sitting on like a bench, uh.
And the picture looks very vintage, and it looks like
they're sitting in a step like in your grandma's house,
and you can see the steps, and on the wall
there are pictures of people who in that year. Remember
(17:11):
that year, like COVID in twenty nineteen, where they were
just killing black people, like freaking crazy, shooting them in
the back of the head. George Floyd, Breonna Taylor Ahmad Oh,
I forget his last name. I don't want to forget
his last name. But the young man who was running
(17:32):
I mentioned him too. He was running in Georgia and
Ahmad Ahmad Arbury. I did not want to forget his name,
and I wanted to make sure that I said his name,
am Oud Arbury. There are pictures of them on the
(17:53):
wall and a couple of other people. I can't really
make out their faces, but I said, let me get
into this. And so the song is is basically a
celebration of black people's magic, and I love it. It's not gimmicky.
(18:14):
It's not like corny because don't nobody, ain't nobody got
time for no corny shit. It's not like you know
what I'm saying. It's not like the kind of song
that you know, I can't really say what I want
to say. It's not the song that can be easily
(18:35):
like vultured, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And so.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
It's just a really really, really really good song. And
I love at the end they talk about they say
in the song they are lyrics that say when we die,
where do my people go to the stars where they
can't steal your glow?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Anyway, listen to it. Uh, it's a good song. It's
really a celebration of, like I said, being black and
like nuances, like having a wide nose and big lips
and about you know, here's some more lyrics. My nose
as wide as the red sea, my lips are full fillers,
(19:20):
don't feel me as soon as my cousin killers on trial,
My family gonna pull up, sit in court side. So
it's a good song. It ain't, it's not, it's not.
It's a good song, and it's refreshing in the wake
of the music that we sit with and deal with
now and rap rap guys, that's what I'll call them.
(19:43):
Rap guys are out here having bitch fits on the
internet and fighting with each other. This kind of song
is definitely refreshing, So check it out.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Listen to it.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Of course, as soon as it's done playing, Uh, we're
gonna get right into the second to the discussion with
my guests. Uh. And of course in the show notes,
there's gonna be a link, and the link is to
a video so you can see them and see the video.
The video is really beautiful, So check it out and
(20:15):
let me know what you think, because.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I really, really, really really really like it.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's a good song. So here is Kirby and d
Smoke with superpowers accusing us of moving Keilos they'll always
move in love.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
You got a Superpowers, We got super Bowls and I
cannot forget them.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
We got superw we got super Yay, Okay, friends and Ken.
(21:03):
This is going to be a show unlike any show
that I have ever had before, because I have talked
about grief before, but I have never spoken to someone
who assists or ushers people over to the other side
(21:23):
or helps helps with that. And no, not like in
a doctor Kavorkian way. So it was not his name Kavorkian. Yeah,
not in that way, but in a very beautiful way.
And I can't wait for my guest today to talk
to you about the work she does. Her name is
a Lua Arthur and she is a death doula. And
(21:46):
I have to say that. When I heard that, I
was like, what is a death doula? But I mean
in the same way you have a doula when you
give birth. It's it's the exact same concept. But I
want her to tell us about who she is, because
me telling you about who she is serves no purpose,
(22:06):
and to tell us a little bit about what a
death doula is just to start the conversation off. Generally,
thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
A death doula is somebody who does all of the
holistic and non medical care and support of the dying
person and.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
The circle of support through the process.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
And when I say dying person, I mean anybody who
has come into recognition of their mortality. That means that
even when people are healthy and they want to complete
some comprehensive end of life plans, death doualas can assist
with it when they want to work through fears around death,
or do death meditations or anything to help them alleviate
or be in conversation about their mortality. Death dealers can
(22:46):
do that. When somebody knows what it is if they're
going to be dying of, we can support them and
having the most ideal death for themselves under the circumstances.
And then after a death, we can help family members
wrap up affairs of their loved ones life. So anything
related to how people are engaging with their mortality, either
because they have a disease and they know that they're
(23:07):
dying from it or they want to prepare themselves, we
can support with Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
And having recently lost Lou I've recently lost my two
grandparents in two and January of twenty twenty and then
in January of twenty twenty three, Yes, twenty twenty three,
so three years apart, two days apart, and they were
(23:34):
married for so many years, like thirty some years. I
can say even though that, you know, they were my grandparents,
and their children handled a lot of the really like minuscule,
not minuscule, I mean finite, like the detailed I'm sorry,
aspects of preparing for.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I don't want to say even their death.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I'm talking about, well, but the whole process before it happened,
while it was happening, and then after it happened. It's
a lot of work. It's a lot of you don't
think about that, right, You don't think about like all
the work that goes into dying, because there's a lot
of paperwork. There's a lot of phone calls, there's a
lot of signing documents, getting people to agree to do things,
(24:23):
getting family members to be okay with that, with the
choices that the person who is leaving, the choices that
they're making. It just seemed like a lot. Not to
mention the fact that you're losing someone that you love
and you have to work around all of that. It
just seems like a lot of work. One question that
(24:46):
I do like to ask before we get into the
heaviest the conversation is are you drinking something right now?
Do you drink or you have something to drink? Water? Water?
And so you know, every time I have somebody on
this show, they are drinking water. That is great that
people are hydrated in that way. I am more than
likely dehydrated, Like, yeah, it happens. I am drinking tea
(25:08):
butterfly PT and peppermint tea because that is my new
favorite combination. And I just always want to know, like
what are you drinking to day? Like what are people
drinking putting into their bodies? And not because I'm a
health nut a little bit, but you know, I always wonder,
so I want to hear about you. Recently wrote a book, yes,
(25:29):
and it was released on April the sixteenth to sixteen. Okay,
tell me a little bit about the book.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
The book is called Briefly Perfectly Human, and it is
mostly a memoir that tracks my journey into death care
and highlights some of my clients' stories in an effort
to create a story where anybody can find themselves and
find their truths and find ways to engage with their mortality. Yeah,
my hope is that the book serves as an invitation
(25:58):
for people into their lives they think about death overall,
and hopefully gives us some things to start thinking about
as we begin to prepare for death ourselves.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
I tell you what it definitely me had me thinking,
of course, about myself and about the people around me.
But I think I spent most of my time reflecting
on the experience of losing my grandparents, which was, like
I said, not too long ago. Some of my favorite
things of the book because in the book, because as
(26:30):
I went along, I definitely took notes. Something that I've
really loved about the book is because, like you said,
it is a memoir. You were very transparent, very vulnerable,
and very dare I say, like raw and naked about
like the processes that you've endured in your life. You
talked a lot about your mental health, which I talk
(26:52):
about almost every episode on this show. I talk about
mental health and self care and self love and self
worth a lot. And it was amazing to hear about
your own mental health journey and how you carry that
work into the work that you do as a death Duela.
(27:14):
One of the first things that I wrote down about
things that I loved about this book because I went
as I went along was I could die of my
own depression from when you were on the bus with Jess.
Y'all need to read the book because see some of this,
you're gonna be like, I don't know what she's talking about.
Read the book. Read the book. Can you talk about
(27:37):
like that moment when you had that feeling or when
you felt that way about your own mortality and your
own mental health and how you felt when you hold
on time out? Because I just totally went blank. I
have ADHD. So bear with me.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
I'm with you, hold on, bear with me, Okay, all right, okay, Sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
You're really nervous, because I think so really is because
it's death. I don't fucking know. I don't know, but
I am not that girl. I'm not nervous. I don't
get nervous. I wonder if it's because we are talking
about well, I mean it requires me like I'm having
like a physical like my body, I'm having like a
(28:29):
physical reaction. Wow, what does it feel like a little
like jittery and kind of cold? And I'm clearly drinking
tea and I have on hoodie. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
Yeah, well, I will say that sometimes I feel like
getting into the conversation inspires such vulnerability that a lot
of us want to retract in order to protect ourselves,
even though there's nothing to protect against because we are
safe in the conversation. But it's not uncommon for folks
to do like, oh, when when it comes up, yeah,
because we're gonna talk about it.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
We're going to deal with that.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. It's so weird. Okay, and
I'll probably keep this on there. Okay. I am usually
very vulnerable and transparent, but I'm realizing that I'm having
some kind of like physical, like visceral reaction. And I
don't know, it really could be the thought of talking
(29:26):
about grief. And I mean I go to therapy. Yeah,
I go to therapy every week. My therapist just took
me down every two weeks. I told her, I don't
really know if this is a good idea, but she
did anyway, so it's not like, you know, I'm not
I don't know. I just had like a washer, maybe
my grandmother is in here, because she'd be in here something.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
If you're feeling cold, but you have all the worms
that's what they say often that there's like a coldness
or breeze or whatever.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Oh, but it was a breeze. It was like a yeah,
I just don't be playing grandma because I'm trying to
conduct business. Nice, pretty lady, please grandma. All right, let
me get myself together. So I'm going to just read
some of the things from the book that I really loved.
I love that you addressed that you realize that you
(30:12):
could die of your own depression. So mortality it's not
all about terminal illness or being physically ill. You recognize
that your mental health had such a impact or such
a toll on you that like if I don't do
something like I could die or I feel like I
could die. Another point you said, and these are all
(30:33):
things that you said, making space for people to talk
about with lives heaviest on our hearts, living a life
full of pretending when mental health is heavy on you. Listen, yeap.
That is problematic in the world, but it is really
really problematic in the black community. I just won't pretend
that everything is fine. God is here, We are good.
(30:55):
We don't need anything. My grandmother used to always say,
I don't need no man because Jesus is my boyfriend
or God is my boyfriend. Grandma, it ain't the same,
because it ain't. God is not here to do things
for you that a boyfriend could do.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
It's not how it works.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Jesus is not doing me my boyfriend does now and
she knows because she had four kids and used to
wear hot pants in the sixties. So I know that
God is not doing for you what my grandfather was
doing for you in the sixties, and whoever else, if
there was anybody else on the low existential gas lighting.
I love that. Not allowing people to be free and
(31:31):
expressing the pain of their reality. That is something else.
When you talked about Jessica, as you said, I see
a woman who didn't want to do, who didn't do
what she wanted to do. That is something that I
talk about on the show all the time because my
therapist has worked really hard. She and I have worked
really hard together to get me to be a woman
who does what she wants to do and who does
(31:53):
not do what she wants does not want to do,
and that struck a chord with me. And I'm reading
this just so that people can see, like the book
isn't just about Oh, people are dying and they're gonna
die and no. It is a great book because a
law is very transparent about her mental health. And one
(32:14):
thing we're going to talk about on this show is
mental health. You said, if I died happy, what would
I look like at the end of my life? That
one hit me in the chest, and that's when I
started thinking about my own mortality. I love that you said,
because we get to live, we get to die. You
came from Ghana and moved to Bethesda. Yeah, yeah, I
(32:36):
love that. Shout out to Maryland. The feeling of creating
home and has it aided you to feeling like you
need to belong somewhere, to something or to someone. You said,
self care must be a priority when we are ushering
others into death. I definitely want to talk about that.
You talked about generational joy. We always talk about generational curses,
(32:58):
but generational is a thing. The reasons why people try
to box black listen. I was chanting all kinds of
black power chants when I read this. The reason why
people try to blox black people into a box or
create a monolift for us is because they have a
hard time understanding blackness. And it's easier to digest if
(33:21):
they make us all the same. Yep. When a loved
one dies, I loved for them, and their love for
us doesn't die or go away, it changes form. That
broke me down.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Sis. I was crying in the car when I heard
that part.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I was crying because it made me think about Recently,
I saw Regina King. Somebody asked her about her son, Ian,
who had passed away, and she said that grief is
just love that doesn't have anywhere to go. Oh gosh.
I was crying like a baby when I heard that,
and when I read that that our love for them,
or their love for us, it doesn't die or go away,
(33:56):
it just changes forms. I loved when you talked about
culture norms and societal norms being like lead in our
drinking water. You said the risk of loving anything is
to lose it, and I love that you said, fuck them,
do you boo? And that's just some of them. Because
I could go here, I could go on for because
(34:18):
as I was driving and listening, I was like, oh, oh,
I shouldn't have been.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Driving, but I was.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
There were so many good things and A Lou and
I were talking earlier about the fact that her audio
book is her own voice, and it was so much
more meaningful to listen to the book through your voice.
And I'm glad that I got to listen to it
versus like actually holding the book and reading it. And
(34:45):
I may still buy I'm definitely gonna buy the book
and I'm going to give it to my aunt. She
doesn't know that, but I'm gonna buy it and give
it to my aunt. But listening to it through your
voice really really held a lot of weight for me
because I feel like I I know your entire experience now,
like I know you, you're my cousin who lived down
the street. I know what happened. I know Kip. I
(35:07):
know all of the people. Girl, Kip, I understand you
ran down the street and you were on the freeway.
Did you say you were on the four oh five,
on the oh the one o five? You were on
the one o five.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I was there.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
I thought I was there. It was literally like almost
like a black room come a little bit sometimes and
then sometimes like a black drama. So let's talk about
self care, because on this show we talk about self care.
I told you I have adhd one thing about me.
I'm going to rent one thing about me. I'm all
over the place me too, So in doing this work,
(35:43):
how do you take care of yourself? It can be tricky.
Speaker 4 (35:49):
People that are drawn to this work, like myself, were
really empathic largely, which means I feel like I can
feel what everybody's feeling all the time, and it makes
it really hard, especially when we're talking about death and
loss and there's so much pain and sadness there.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
There's also beauty and joy, but.
Speaker 4 (36:04):
Predominantly there's a lot of sadness, and it's important that
we learn how to shore up our own boundaries. I
find that many of us who come to the work,
particularly the students that I teach at the Going with
Grace end of Life training program, have to work really
hard to close up their pores in some capacity. And
I don't mean toner, I mean like spiritual toner, you know,
(36:26):
just to like tighten it all up, to keep what's
mine mind and to separate what isn't mine.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
And when I've.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Been with a client for a while, when I get home,
there's a few things that I always must do in
order just to bring myself back to center.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Well. Also when I enter into a.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Client, so home I touch the door gym just to
remind myself that I'm crossing a threshold and I'm going
into a place, and when I leave, I will also
come out. Granted I'll be changed by what it is
I experience.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
There, but I can leave what's there there.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
So when I get home, I eat salt, vinegar, kettle chips.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Okay, I know a ritual.
Speaker 4 (37:04):
Love a ritual, and it's like, you know, there's no burning,
there's no incantations that are happening, and your potato chips,
and yet we can ristualize anything if we're willing, and
not for me very much is one because the salt
and the crunch and the bite in my jaw, the
vinegar just help ground me and my body very quickly,
because it's like this is mine. Also, I take a
bath and I sit in the tub as the water
(37:27):
drains out of it to wash, watch it wash away
all the things that are not mine to carry, because
some of them are just mine to hold with them
for a while, but they're not mine to carry, and
so I can just watch it go down the drain.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Do you is there any do you just take a
regular bath, like just regular bath? Do you put anything
in it, or are there any smells that you prefer?
It depends on how tired I am.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
But sometimes I make these little baggies of roast petals
and have some salt and as lavender eucalyptus and do
Terra's balance. I would use those for a while, But
also just really depends.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Okay, okay, I kind of skipped all over this because
I got excited about the book. Tell the people who
you are, I apologize.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
Oh sure. My name is Abela Arthur death Doulah. I'm
a writer. I guess I'm an author. I'm a speaker.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Yes you are, thank you. Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
It's difficult, you know, I don't think of myself as
a writer necessarily, but I've written this book that is
now out in the world's been published.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
I get to call myself an author. Yiha. I am
a teacher.
Speaker 4 (38:37):
I teach death Doulah's Training Students offer a lot of
operations and opportunities for people to engage with theirmortality Going
with Grace, which is an end of life organization and
of which I'm the founder.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yes, yeah, and I'm a human.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
I'm a daughter, I'm a lover, I'm a gemini, I'm
a Pisces moon.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
I'm a Scorpio moon. Yeah over in a libra soun wow,
so double double yeah. Actually I'm Scorpio dominant. It's kind
of balanced Scorpio and Libra, but I'm the Libra and
me keeps the Scorpio in me.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Kind beautiful, well done, well done, well done.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Okay, how did you get here? I got here? Well,
I'm still trying to figure that out.
Speaker 4 (39:24):
But when I look backwards, what I see is that
I practiced law at the Legal Aid Foundation of Los
Angeles for about ten years, working in government benefits, helping
folks that have been kicked off of benefits, to food stamps,
to welfare get their benefits back. I transitioned after a
while into domestic violence work and sexual assault work, and
(39:44):
then after a.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
While it was a lot, It was very intense.
Speaker 4 (39:47):
And then I worked in community economic development, helping people
start low income or i'll start on nonprofits and low
income neighborhoods, and the work just got to be to
the point where I couldn't manage it anymore. I was
instantly frustrated and angered and sadden like really broken about
the systems that seemed to only keep people in the
(40:08):
same position that they've been in. It's like the design
of the system would keep poor people poor, and I
could not understand, and there seemed to be nothing we
could do to help people get out of this circumstances
and situations.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It broke my heart. And also, I think, just the way.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
I'm built, like, I'm not a very good lawyer. I
wasn't a very good lawyer. But I wanted to sit
with my clients. I wanted to talk about their fear,
trauma and their pain and life and hold their hand
and be like, oh, what is up?
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Like what are we doing? Still? You know what I mean? Yeah?
How can we get out of this? Girl? What do
you need me to do? I am I try to
help you.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
Also, what did you see in your family that got
you here? What do you believe about women and men
and children and the whole nine?
Speaker 1 (40:42):
But that's not what I was there to do. So
it was tricky.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
It was challenging for me, and depression grew because it
just got much, much much harder to justify what I
was doing in this scenario where I wasn't being my
fullest self. I didn't feel authentically like me, I wasn't
using my gifts I was just wasting away on some level,
and wasting away for like no dollars too. I mean,
don't get me wrong, I understand some people certainly trade
(41:08):
authenticity for a dollar, but it's not really in my.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Makeup to do so.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
So I was broke, and I was also not in
my full authenticity, which just wasn't working out. And through
that depression, I took a medical leave of absence because
it got so intense. And during that leave of absence,
through a lot of serendipity and synchronicity, I ended up
in Cuba, where I met a fellow traveler on a
(41:33):
bus who had using cancer, and we talked a lot
about her life, and then we started talking about her death,
and I was surprised by what I heard.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
I was surprised to hear.
Speaker 4 (41:44):
That she didn't have people to talk to about her
mortality because when she would bring it up, people would
tell her to focus on healing and have hope rather
than sit with the reality that one day she was
going to die, even if this disease is not the
thing that killed her. During that bus ride, I also
started thinking about my mortality, and this is when the
ideas about me dying from depression came up, because depression
(42:07):
can be a life limiting illness when it's left untreated,
for many people in fact, and so I really started
to think about my disease and that capacity, and then
started to think about my depression and my life. And
I thought, well, if this depression kills me, this is
not the life that I want it. I want more,
I want different out of my life. And so I'm
not going to say I vowed to make a difference
(42:29):
and make a change, because that's not necessarily true. But
it was like the veil was lifted, and all of
a sudden I got to see my life very quinsy
clearly through the lens of my mortality. And that's been
the lens that I keep trying to put in front
of other people and also keep for myself as I
carry on with my life.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
It was interesting when you were on the bus when
you met Jess. You guys need to just read the book,
like at the end of the day, go by it.
First of all, go by it because she's black, Yeah,
go by it. Second of all, I don't care if
you're black or if you're not, You're gonna die. So
(43:20):
it might be of assistance to you. All people die,
and I always say this thing. You know, when I
was dealing with my grandmother transitioning, I would always, you know,
say to my aunt because you know, I mean it's
her mother. She took it pretty I mean we all did.
I would say, living is how we earn the right
(43:40):
to die, Like that's a right that God gives us
because it's a part of living. So so like that's
a different way to look at it. And she would
always look at me like me and this, girls, shut
the fuck up. I want to hear about that. I
missed my mama and I get that, like I fundamentally
understand that.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
It makes all the sense in the world, but like
it's the truth. And I think like listening to that
and thinking about that it helped me to stay grounded.
And I remember in the book when you were talking
to Jess and I felt really sad for her when
she said I want to be a writer, and that's
when the quill pin tattoo made sense and she wanted
(44:23):
to start a blog, and you were just like, okay,
all right, we'll start the blogs. Just do whatever it
is you want to do, because like you know, you
are in control of what you are in control of.
You're not in control of when you're gonna die. But
while you're here, let's make the most of it. I'm
curious about like your client tele what do they look like?
(44:47):
Are they predominantly what predominantly white? Wealthy? Some?
Speaker 4 (45:00):
I mean I certainly worked on a citing scale and
given away a lot of services because people meet them.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
It was necessary. Yeah, necessary. That was one of the
questions that I That was one of the questions that
I specifically thought of, and I wanted to make sure
that I ask is basically and we'll get to that,
but like, how do you make sure that this is?
Because it from what I feel from you, because I
can I tend to be a bit empathic. What I
(45:28):
feel from you is that you are very thoughtful, You
are very loving, and also because of your own mental illness,
you are very thoughtful is the first word that I
think of. But thoughtful and aware of the fact that
you will share your gift UH to other people and
(45:50):
you want other people to have access, so you know,
my question would be like, how do you allow access
for people who may not you know, have because I
would have managine I'm not. Of course, I'm not going
to ask you about like what does this cost, because
that's ghetto and poor. I would never have that then
and not get poor in the stereotypical way, Like I
think it's ghetto to ask people about their money in
(46:11):
their politics and like things like that. But like, how
do they how do you provide a space where they
have access, because I would imagine that you would definitely
do that so that it's inclusive for people of of course,
all races, all genders, all sexual orientations, socioeconomic statuses, et cetera.
(46:35):
It's mixed. It's definitely mixed.
Speaker 4 (46:36):
I say predominantly white because I think of more of
the people that come for end of life planning.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Services or white folks.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
Yeah, and yet when I think of folks that I
sat with at the bedside or people that are dying,
they look like everything.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Mostly because what's.
Speaker 4 (46:52):
Happened over time is that I've been able to make
enough money serving a certain percentage of the population that
it doesn't matter what else I do, you know what
I mean, And so I'm choosing to spend more time there.
And also I'll say that all the services that we
offer at Going with Grace there's always a tier of service,
or there's always some aspects of the service that costs
(47:13):
a lot of money, and then there's also an element
of it that is free, and then there's things in
between so that people can access the information. I don't
believe this to be proprietary at all.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
It belongs to all of us.
Speaker 4 (47:23):
We should all have functional death literacy, and you shouldn't
have to pay for it to get it.
Speaker 1 (47:28):
I love that and it kind of makes me want
to cry a little bit, and you know, I'm a crier,
so it comes out, it comes out. But I think
that that's beautiful because when I think about like our community,
and when I say our community, I just mean people
that you know, look like us, and when we think
about death, it tends to be very like regimented. It's
(47:52):
going to look a certain way. We're going to have
a repass people. Somebody might pick a color. Everybody wear pink,
everybody wear green, every blue place. Listen, black people, we
are gonna have a color coordinated function. And it's so
funny because like I don't think people understand like the
(48:14):
connection that Black Americans and Africans have, Like this ship
has to be like in our DNA because we're gonna
have an outfit on and everybody's gonna wear the outfit.
When my grandmother passed away, everybody gotta wear some pink. Okay, cool,
I'm a weir pink. That's fine. But I I lost
(48:36):
my train thought because I always do. It's okay, it'll
come back, But I feel like you. It makes me
happy to hear that you do offer something for so
many different people because there's no access. I remember my
thought because for us, death processes are very regimented. It's
gonna look a certain way, and then you have the repass.
(48:56):
You're gonna have meat balls, you're gonna have fried chicken,
and I have greens. You're gonna have string, you have
macaroni and cheese, you have rolls. You're gonna laugh, you're
gonna sing. Then you're gonna go home. And then he
said it, yeah, you and somebody's gonna be playing soft.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
Jazz in the back.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
It's gonna be some soft jazz from saxophones in the back. Yes,
somebody's gonna get up at the funeral. You're gonna tell
them that uncle so and so and so and so,
you got two minutes. They're gonna take ten minutes, Like
it's the They're gonna have all these pictures in the
in the obituary, but one with the clouds. Always that's
what they do because that's where they are, in the clouds,
(49:31):
Baby Jesus, in the heaven of That's where they are. Yeah,
that's where it is. But I love that you are
providing a space where you are able to introduce different
options because and especially even around do you offer like
even before we even get to this place, like if
I just want to figure out how to deal with
(49:53):
the grief that I'm dealing with from losing my grandparents,
just growing Going with Great have like classes or anything
for people who have lost like family members who have
lost maybe not people that have worked with you, but
people who may have lost someone, or how to prepare
for your own mortality. Can you tell me a little
(50:15):
bit about some of the services you offer? Absolutely, in
my mind, I was just like, Okay, she's a death dueler.
She prepares for this, got it. But when it comes
to Going with Grace, which is the company that you founded,
what kind of services do you offer?
Speaker 4 (50:29):
We offer services for three different buckets of folks. I'll
say generally, First, it's people that are curious about integrating
mortality into their everyday life to see what they have
to learn from it. And there we have a course
called the Living Practice. It's really an offering that it's
thirty days of your life to think about the end
of it, essentially where you get a question every day
that deepens your relationship to your own life. It's very
(50:52):
very very little about your death it self, or rather
has to do with how you're living. We have death meditations,
we have a work shops that are available. There's one
coming up on May fourth called Awakening. It's like a
three hour meditative space where we get to see what
you really value.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
And what your priorities are.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
And then we have a bucket of service for people
that are interested in becoming doulas themselves or interested in
supporting community members in this work, because most of us
will serve as a doula at some point, because somebody
in our lives will die and will be the ones
that are primary caring for them and are sharing them
through So most of us will do this work even
(51:29):
if you're not somebody who wants to do it professionally.
And then also when people need direct services we have
all these duels. We've trained over twenty five hundred and
seventeen countries so far.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
That is amazing. There's a lot of folks so far. Yeah,
you're what I consider a baddy sis. Thank you. Baty
on Instagram is a little different, but I think it's
so amazing that you are doing such beautiful work. And
I think that some people, when they would think about it,
would think about that it's so heavy and it's so
dark and it's deaf. But you have and I said
(52:00):
this before we started recording, but people would hear this
and think about shadow work or think about like the darkness.
There's a light I feel like you bring to this
kind of work. Okay, So for today's straight facts question,
(52:37):
friends and can.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (52:40):
I had to drink some tea on that one because
this is something else, so I'm gonna go straight to it.
It says I got a scenario for you, and it's
not an overnight scenario. That's on Rare Essence shut out
to DC and go Go music and Rare Essence. Two
friends that have been friends for twenty five years. One
(53:01):
is a nurse that works at a clinic. Her name
is Ronda, and the other one is a banking manager. Linda,
the banking manager has met a new man that she
finally can see herself building a life with and is
happy after twelve weeks of dating.
Speaker 2 (53:14):
Twelve weeks friends and ken is what three months? So
three months.
Speaker 1 (53:18):
Linda and Ronda haven't talked in a while due to
life and dating, so the two of them meet up
for brunch to catch up, and Linda was telling Ronda
about her new boo and insisted that they all should
meet later in the week for drinks. They left brunch
and set a time to meet up later in the
week for drinks. Okay, A few days came around and
they all meet up for drinks. Ronda arrived first, patiently
(53:39):
waiting for Linda and her Buddha arrive. Linda pulls up
with her boo and Ronda looks and she sees she
looks like she saw a ghost. She recognized Linda's new
boo from the clinic and she knows of his HIV
positive status. What should Ronda do risk her career and
violate Linda's spooze? Hippo writes by disclosing his disclosing his
(54:03):
HIV he said it's to Linda or just let her
find out on her own. And this is from Jamal,
and Jamal is writing from Durham, North Carolina. Man, oh man,
this is aggressive. What is the game plan? Okay, what
is the game plan? This is crazy. He's got some
(54:26):
soul searching the too.
Speaker 2 (54:27):
Indeed, and do listen one more time.
Speaker 1 (54:32):
He's got some soul searching the tooth. That is aggressive, dude.
I wouldn't even know what to do, Oh my gosh.
So I'm sure that you have to sign something or
you take some kind of oath when you become a
nurse or a doctor or a nurse practitioner or medical
or anybody in the medical field, because I wouldn't care
(54:54):
if you were a medical assistant or uh what you were.
But I don't know. I would have to I would
have to talk to Ronda. If Ronda was my good friend,
I would have to talk to Ronda. Ronda wasn't my
fucking good friend, Like I would not be able to do.
I would not, in good conscience or in good consciousness
(55:21):
keep that one from her. But on the flip side,
how do you know that Ronda doesn't already know? Like
people date people with HIV, herpes and HPV people, and
people tell them like everybody does not keep it a secret.
So there's no there's no guarantee that he hasn't had
(55:43):
this conversation with her. There's also no guarantee that he has. Okay,
uh but ooh, this is sticky, and it's sticky because
they've been friends for twenty five years. Listen, you know
this is why I'm not nurse or doctor because I'm
telling my friend I ain't doing this to her.
Speaker 2 (56:05):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
But I would have to tell her. I would have
to figure out a way to tell her without telling her,
you know what I mean. I would have to tell
her in a way like I would have to be slick,
Like I would have to really think and put on
my Pinky's daughter hat.
Speaker 2 (56:29):
I would really have to be slick.
Speaker 1 (56:31):
And figure out how I'm going to tell her because
I would not feel right if I didn't at least
make her aware. I may not tell her of his status,
like I might not come out right and just be like,
oh yo boo got HIV. But I may have a
(56:53):
conversation that leads her to thinking about testing or leads
her to talking about HIV with me, and just you know,
like I might just ask for like, girl, y'all have
been tested. You know you're talking about being in life,
whim y'all been tested? You might want to I would
definitely do that. I would definitely do that, Yes, indeed,
(57:17):
I would. This is tricky because it also, like like
you said, it violates his hippowrites. So I would just
be very careful and I would work around the hipo
violation and just have a conversation and try to get
into her stream of consciousness about making sure that you're
aware of everything about him.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
That's probably what I would do. But this is tricky.
By b M. I do not envy miss Linda. Is
that Linda? No Ronda?
Speaker 1 (57:48):
I don't envy Ronda should I don't envy Linda either,
because I mean, you know I don't. All right, So,
friends and ken you know I'm on this book Black Liturgies.
I am, and I have been for the past few
episodes because it is in my bones. And I have
(58:10):
bought this book for about six women because I feel
like I want everybody to have it. I want all
black people to have this book. I cannot afford to
buy them for all black people, So then there's that
I can't afford that. But when I talk to people
(58:30):
about it, if I talked to him and there's a
glimmer of interests, then I send it to them. And
I have been it's like my I'm doing the work
of God. Okay, over here, I'm doing God's work over here, guys, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
So this excerpt is from the chapter on calling and
(58:54):
excuse me, and it's titled It's a prayer, and it's
entitled for those who are looking for a sign. Let
me tell you something. I think I mentioned this. I
think I mentioned this in episode eighty eight. I think
(59:18):
it was eighty eight. It was the anniversary episode, the
four year anniversary episode, and I talked about my spring
break trip, and I believe I talked about going out
on the balcony of my hotel facing the water and
saying a prayer, and in two hours, God said, okay, Sis,
(59:40):
you want me to send you a sign, no problem,
I got one for you, and he rocked my socks.
So I want to share that prayer with you because
I want you to hear it, because I feel like
it's a powerful prayer if you are intentional, how you
(01:00:02):
use it and you know, I'm not a gatekeeper. I
am a gatekeeper about perfume and a fragrance though, but
I'm not a gatekeeper about healing at all. So I
want people to heal, and I definitely want black people
to get to healing as best they can. So I
(01:00:22):
want to share this prayer with you. I will say
it is very powerful if you use it intentionally. Trust me,
it's extremely powerful. Okay, So let us pray God, who
shows I need a sign? However, sincere my discernment, it
seems like clarity continues to evade me.
Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
God, how will I know?
Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
In the absence of firm assurance, This lack of confidence
pulls me here and there like a leash. I feel
like I read this already, but I'm going to flow
with it because this is what God said I was
supposed to do. I feel like I read it on
that episode, did I? Anyway? Excuse me? Let us start over, God,
(01:01:06):
who shows I need a sign? However, sincere my discernment,
it seems like clarity continues to evade me. God, how
will I know? And the absence of firm assurance, this
lack of confidence pulls me here and there like a leash.
Remind me that many things can be good at once.
But if there's an answer that is most right for
(01:01:27):
me in this season, reveal it to me. Help me
to have compassion for myself as I name my uncertainty.
Show me what it means to be a person of
both conviction and openness. That I might gain the courage
to act and decide even when it feels like a risk.
May I find divine affirmation on the path to self trust. Amen,
(01:01:53):
and a shay And so it is so, Jesus.
Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
Jesus, Jesus.
Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
The first thing that I would like to say is
thank you to God, because God is supreme and I
recognize and appreciate the grace that God extends me every
day of this black ass life that I live all
the time, every day, three hundred and sixty five days
a year, twenty four to seven. I want to say
thank you to my people. I want to say thank
(01:02:26):
you to each and every one of you that have
been rocking with me since day one, that's March the
first of twenty twenty. I appreciate you, I thank you,
and I'm grateful you being here, even if you just
started listening today. I'm grateful for that as well. Either
way you cut it up, I am grateful and appreciative
of your presence with me, your time, and your energy.
(01:02:52):
I appreciate it in your ear. I'm thankful for my family,
my friends, my friends, and ken Who are you guys,
because I feel like if you listen to this show,
and especially if you listen regularly, if we ain't friends,
we can And that's just how it goes. All of
my supporters, and of course, most importantly, every single one
(01:03:13):
of you guys out there listening.
Speaker 2 (01:03:15):
As I said, I.
Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
Love y'all so much and it is nothing short of
an honor to share my time and energy with you,
especially if you keep coming back to spend time with me.
I look forward to the next time that we get
to do this with one another, which will be next Tuesday. Now,
before you exit out of whatever streaming service you're using
the listen to this, stop what you're doing, and if
you haven't already done so, look for the subscriber follow button.
(01:03:38):
Click on that if it's an option on the streaming
service where you're listening. Next, I want you to go
over to Instagram and threads. You can find Threads through
Instagram and then follow me at hand Me My Purse
Underscore Podcast. Also follow me on Twitter or x at
HMMP Underscore podcast and on Facebook just search hand Me
(01:03:59):
My Purse podcast. If you listen on a streaming service
or medium that allows you to do so, please rate
and review the show or give it a thumbs up
if you can. It takes two to three minutes, so
you know it's not a lot of time it takes. Friends,
it can be sure to share Handy My Purse with
your friends, your loved ones, and even your enemies. Because
the best way for people to find out about the
(01:04:19):
show is by you guys telling them all about it.
So tell a friend to tell a friend to tell
a friend.
Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Please.
Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
I am asking you to submit your questions for the
straight Fact segment by clicking on the link in the
show notes that says submit a question for straight Facts,
or click the link in my Instagram profile and look
for the button that directs you to submit a question.
Who knows your question may be featured on an upcoming show. Also,
(01:04:47):
I want you to remember that the show notes are
always available in the episode description. Wherever you are listening
to the show, be sure to take a look at
the show notes because that's where you will find all
of the links that I mentioned during the show and
any other information that I just may want you guys
to check out that I think would be helpful or
supportive and want to share with you. Also, just so
you know, the music for Him Me my Purse is
(01:05:09):
provided by none other than West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes.
And last, but now least, I want to give a
big old shout out to my producers. With them, we
make up Random a Angel and the Thirty Throats and
just one more thing for the one time. I look
forward to you guys, looking forward to listening and to
(01:05:33):
me Mimi Walker and Hand Me my Purse the podcast
each and every Tuesday, and I'm out this bitch peace.
Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
For more shows from my Heart podcast, this is the
(01:05:54):
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Henm me my purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
Well well, well, so I was, excuse me, sounding like
Frog or from the Little Rascals. But while I was
perusing Diane Carroll's Internet I ran across the quote from,
of course, none other than one of my favorite Internet poet,
(00:22):
Laureates Young Pueblo, and it says, one of the most
toxic ideas that grips our minds is perfection. We expect it,
we crave it, we wish to see it in our
lives and in our relationships. But reality and the idea
(00:43):
of perfection are in a constant state of friction. Reality
is ever changing. It is transformation combined with unpredictability. Perfection
is the opposite. It is an attempt to control and
keep things within the boundaries of a certain mental image.
Reality is a flowing river and perfection is a static painting.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I say it all the.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Time that perfection is just an illusion and an attempt
to control everything, and perfection is so far away from
God that it's hard to even conceptualize.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
For me.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Now at forty four, I should say, because if I
have to constantly remind myself that if I have faith
and if I believe in God, and I believe that
God is the master of all things, and I am
simply here to work the plan. Then one, I will never.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Be perfect because.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
That's not even in the plan, because being perfect is
not even real. But the imperfection that that we possess
is perfect because it's a part of God's perfect plan.
But the perfection that we seek as humans is totally
(02:20):
an illusion. It's delulu, as the kids say to it's delulu.
(02:49):
I can't see the path that Okay, what's up, y'all?
Welcome to hand me my purse the podcast. I am
Mimi Walker, and I will be your ever host each
and every single time you tune into this podcast. So
go ahead and get comfortable. Get yourself a glass of
your favorite beverage, whether that is cherry lime, made sparkling water,
some fresh squeeze lemonade with sugar cane sticks in it.
(03:12):
I remember that Bahama Brees used to make their lemonade
like that and put sugar cane sticks in it. I
don't know if they still do, because I rarely drink
lemonade or sugary drinks like that anymore. If I'm at
Bahama Breeze I'm definitely getting a drink. And the drink
that I'm getting lately is called the Cloud nine. It
(03:33):
is amazing. If there's a Bahama Breeze in your area,
if you work at Bahama Breeze, give me a deal
because I love it. It's my favorite restaurant. I love
the Cloud nine and it is quite strong and quite delicious.
It's sweet, though, so if you don't like really sweet things,
(03:56):
then you won't like it. You can probably get two
drinks out of that drink. But anyway, or a shot
of Repisodal tequila with a key lime rim. You know
what I found out yesterday because you know, I hadn't
really gotten in the key limes much. Key limes are
so much sweeter than regular limes. They're delicious. I just
squeezed the juice like onto my tongue and it was
(04:18):
so good. But anyway, I digress. Of course, go light
yourself a candle, some incense or burn some sage and
just get ready to chill out and have yourself a
good time, because that's what we're about to do. What's up,
(04:41):
friends and ken It's MEI Resident Anti Supreme, here at hand,
me my purse, and today I am sipping on some
green tea. Actually it's Yogi teas blueberry slim life green
tea actually, and I also threw in some Astragonda tea.
And for me all my life, all my adult life,
(05:03):
I've recognize that green tea is like the elixir of life.
And Yogi teas while they aren't the most tasty, usually
for me anyway, because I find they add pepper to everything,
they add black pepper to and maybe there's a method
to their madness. They probably know something that we don't
and it's not just ones with turmeric and them.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
So stop.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
This one is really good and it doesn't have pepper.
I really like it, and so some benefits, just so
you know. Benefits for green tea are that it alleviates
anxiety and stress. It helps to protect against cognitive decline,
It helps support bone health, It improves longevity. It can
lower your cholesterol, manhandce your memory, may manage and prevent
(05:48):
type two diabetes, and it might lower stroke risks risks
risk doesn't when you say risks or masks, it sounds
like a rimshot.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Like but don't sh.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Anyway, Remember I told you I lost all of my sounds.
I have some of them back, but I don't know
which one is which because they aren't labeled in the
program that I use, so now I have to relabel
them all, but I have some of them back anyway,
I digress. Here are some benefits of astragondity. It relieves
(06:25):
stress and anxiety. It lowers blood sugar and fat. It
can increase muscle and strength. It can improve sexual function
in women. It can boost fertility and testosterone levels and men.
It sharpens focus and memory, and it supports heart health.
There are some side effects, though common side effects are
mild and including upset stomach, loose stools, loose stools, nausea,
(06:46):
and drowsiness. I don't think I would recommend drinking it
daily or over long periods of time regularly. It's the
kind of tea that you incorporate into your tea sipping
regimen randomly, versus green tea, which I think is really
wise to drink every day or at least every other day,
(07:08):
because it has so many wonderful benefits. Green tea definitely
has some side effects that I didn't really know about,
but just do your research look it up. Remember I
am not a doctor, don't even think so. But you
got to do your own research. But Green Tea is
great and it's great for you. So I want to
(07:30):
say something before we get into the jam in preparation
for this show, or before you start listening to this show.
First of all, the Gratitude Challenge has come to an end.
It ended on Sunday, the twenty first of April, and
I want to hear from you, guys. I want to
hear if you enjoyed the Gratitude Challenge. Did you participate,
(07:54):
what did you realize while doing the Gratitude Challenge? How
did you incorporate it into your life life? So send
me a message, send me a text message. My phone
number should be on Instagram and Facebook. Send me an email.
You can email me at Hello at handymipurse dot com.
(08:14):
I would love to hear from you. Uh send me
a DM on Facebook, on Instagram, on Twitter. I want
to hear from you. I want to hear how it
worked out for you. That would really bring my day,
So please do that. Also, I want you to be
prepared for the conversation that I'm having today with my guest,
(08:37):
because I was not prepared. I was prepared, but I
don't think my nervous system was prepared. And my conversation
is with someone we talk about death and more tech
and mortality a lot, and we talked about grief a lot.
(09:01):
And as you guys know, I lost, As you guys know,
hold on, sorry, let me drink this tea. I lost
my grandmother last year.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And grief is uh.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
First of all, grief is a motherfucker, first of all.
Second of all, it is a process, and it is lifelong.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
It is not something that stops.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
It's not a destination you don't arrive at. Grief is
over lane or the train station or the train depot
for grief is done. It's a journey. You are constantly
evolving and faced with how it will be a part
(09:51):
of your life.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
And so.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I was not prepared emotionally, mentally, spiritually, nor my nervous system.
I'm telling you because I had a very visceral reaction
during our conversation at the beginning of our conversation, and
you should be able to hear because I asked my
(10:15):
producers to not cut it out. I don't think he
cut it out. If you did cut it out, well,
he cut it out. I'm sorry that you don't get
to hear it. But I I wanted you guys to
hear it because it's real.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
And one thing that.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I stand on is business. Standing on business, that's what
the kid saying. But one thing I stand behind is
authenticity and transparency on this show, and I had a
very very real physical reaction while she and I were
(10:53):
talking and it was interesting. And actually after our conversation,
usually when I'm in the house for the evening, I
don't leave back out because I'm like a bear.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
My ass got up. I got up.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I went to Best Buy and bought a juicer. Okay,
I got up and I got out of the house
because I just felt like I need to be outside
in nature and.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It solved everything, So just prepare for that.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Also, I just experienced so many different emotions while talking,
and it was interesting because it made it a little
difficult at times for me to do the interview or
to have the conversation with her.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Because I was dealing with so.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Much internal stuff in the moment, like my mind and
my body and my spirit was just kind of going
through like a whole lot of different shit. So it's
not anything that I'm apologizing for because I'm not so
sorry for my life and my existence and how my
(12:06):
spirit or my body, my mind, or my heart reacts
to talking about anything, particularly grief. But I just wanted
you guys to know on the front end that I
did struggle a little bit. I mean, it's still a really,
really fucking amazing conversation. It's not bad or anything, but
I wanted you guys to know on the front end
because I didn't want you to listen and be like.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
What is wrong with her? Now you know what was
wrong with me.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Also, I would like to read a comment from someone
a listener on Spotify and her name is Tracy Balsamo,
and Tracy Balsamo said that she participated or she was
going to participate in the challenge in the Gratitude Challenge, Tracy,
(12:56):
I hope that you did.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
First of all, thank you for listening. You are the
real y'all know I was gonna know where that one
was though. Ray.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
And also she said that she was sipping gatorade while
she was listening to that episode, and I think it
was from episode eighty four if I'm not mistaken. But
if you did do the Gratitude Challenge, Tracy, please leave
me a comment and let me know how it went
for you. Let me know you know how that worked.
I want to hear from you guys about the gratitude
(13:28):
challenge because so many people have a lot of breakthroughs
and gain some new understanding as a result of it.
So enjoy the conversation that I had with my guests.
And yeah, I just wanted to kind of put you
all on games because we don't do no hide and
then no pretending around here.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
We keeps it. We keeps it a buck over here.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Okay, Oh yeah, so friends and ken for today jam,
I chose a song that it didn't quite fall into
my lap, but it kind of did.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
There was a song that I told you.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
When I choose the jam, usually it kind of just
comes to me, or it's a song that is like on.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
My spirit like heavy that week And.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Excuse me, I'm sorry, it's it's on me like heavy.
And I had one and you know, I have perimenopause
and I have some other, uh health stuff going on
that caused me to sometimes forget black stuff. Sorry, so
I forgot and I didn't write it down. So as
(14:47):
a result, I went looking for a jam. And I
don't just pick the first thing that I find. I'm
very intentional about how I create my episodes. I'm very
intentional about the information that I provide for you guys.
I'm very intentional about handing my purse period, extremely intentional,
(15:07):
And I think that's why I love my own show
so much and why like I really believe in it,
because I'm extremely intentional. So I was listening to songs,
like I listened to a few of them. I have
a list of songs that I have, you know, like
a go to, like if I just cannot figure something out.
(15:30):
I have a list of songs that I really love
that I can go to and kind of pick from it.
And it's a long list, so it's not like a
list of five. And nothing on that list was like
speaking to me because it has to connect with me
in that moment. And so I just went to Spotify
and just looked through like some of my playlists and
(15:53):
I like songs. And I saw this song and I
was like, I don't remember this song, but I like
both of the artists that are on the song. And
so I found this song and it is called Superpower
and it is by a woman. Her name is Kirby,
and Kirby is from Memphis, but she was raised in
Mississippi and D Smoke. D Smoke if I'm not mistaken,
(16:18):
and I'm pretty sure that I'm accurate here.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
D Smoke is the brother of.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Sir. I'm pretty sure that he is. I'm pretty sure
that that he's that D Smoke. Yep, I just looked
at his picture. So D Smoke and Sir, who is
an R and B singer, are brothers. And I like
both Kirby and D Smoke and this song. I turned
it on and started listening and I was like, WHOA,
(16:48):
And I think based on like the album art, it's
the two of them sitting on like a bench, uh.
And the picture looks very vintage, and it looks like
they're sitting in a step like in your grandma's house,
and you can see the steps, and on the wall
there are pictures of people who in that year. Remember
(17:11):
that year, like COVID in twenty nineteen, where they were
just killing black people, like freaking crazy, shooting them in
the back of the head. George Floyd, Breonna Taylor Ahmad Oh,
I forget his last name. I don't want to forget
his last name. But the young man who was running
(17:32):
I mentioned him too. He was running in Georgia and
Ahmad Ahmad Arbury. I did not want to forget his name,
and I wanted to make sure that I said his name,
am Oud Arbury. There are pictures of them on the
(17:53):
wall and a couple of other people. I can't really
make out their faces, but I said, let me get
into this. And so the song is is basically a
celebration of black people's magic, and I love it. It's not gimmicky.
(18:14):
It's not like corny because don't nobody, ain't nobody got
time for no corny shit. It's not like you know
what I'm saying. It's not like the kind of song
that you know, I can't really say what I want
to say. It's not the song that can be easily
(18:35):
like vultured, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And so.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
It's just a really really, really really good song. And
I love at the end they talk about they say
in the song they are lyrics that say when we die,
where do my people go to the stars where they
can't steal your glow?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Anyway, listen to it. Uh, it's a good song. It's
really a celebration of, like I said, being black and
like nuances, like having a wide nose and big lips
and about you know, here's some more lyrics. My nose
as wide as the red sea, my lips are full fillers,
(19:20):
don't feel me as soon as my cousin killers on trial,
My family gonna pull up, sit in court side. So
it's a good song. It ain't, it's not, it's not.
It's a good song, and it's refreshing in the wake
of the music that we sit with and deal with
now and rap rap guys, that's what I'll call them.
(19:43):
Rap guys are out here having bitch fits on the
internet and fighting with each other. This kind of song
is definitely refreshing, So check it out.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Listen to it.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Of course, as soon as it's done playing, Uh, we're
gonna get right into the second to the discussion with
my guests. Uh. And of course in the show notes,
there's gonna be a link, and the link is to
a video so you can see them and see the video.
The video is really beautiful, So check it out and
(20:15):
let me know what you think, because.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I really, really, really really really like it.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's a good song. So here is Kirby and d
Smoke with superpowers accusing us of moving Keilos they'll always
move in love.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
You got a Superpowers, We got super Bowls and I
cannot forget them.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
We got superw we got super Yay, Okay, friends and Ken.
(21:03):
This is going to be a show unlike any show
that I have ever had before, because I have talked
about grief before, but I have never spoken to someone
who assists or ushers people over to the other side
(21:23):
or helps helps with that. And no, not like in
a doctor Kavorkian way. So it was not his name Kavorkian. Yeah,
not in that way, but in a very beautiful way.
And I can't wait for my guest today to talk
to you about the work she does. Her name is
a Lua Arthur and she is a death doula. And
(21:46):
I have to say that. When I heard that, I
was like, what is a death doula? But I mean
in the same way you have a doula when you
give birth. It's it's the exact same concept. But I
want her to tell us about who she is, because
me telling you about who she is serves no purpose,
(22:06):
and to tell us a little bit about what a
death doula is just to start the conversation off. Generally,
thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
A death doula is somebody who does all of the
holistic and non medical care and support of the dying
person and.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
The circle of support through the process.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
And when I say dying person, I mean anybody who
has come into recognition of their mortality. That means that
even when people are healthy and they want to complete
some comprehensive end of life plans, death doualas can assist
with it when they want to work through fears around death,
or do death meditations or anything to help them alleviate
or be in conversation about their mortality. Death dealers can
(22:46):
do that. When somebody knows what it is if they're
going to be dying of, we can support them and
having the most ideal death for themselves under the circumstances.
And then after a death, we can help family members
wrap up affairs of their loved ones life. So anything
related to how people are engaging with their mortality, either
because they have a disease and they know that they're
(23:07):
dying from it or they want to prepare themselves, we
can support with Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
And having recently lost Lou I've recently lost my two
grandparents in two and January of twenty twenty and then
in January of twenty twenty three, Yes, twenty twenty three,
so three years apart, two days apart, and they were
(23:34):
married for so many years, like thirty some years. I
can say even though that, you know, they were my grandparents,
and their children handled a lot of the really like minuscule,
not minuscule, I mean finite, like the detailed I'm sorry,
aspects of preparing for.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I don't want to say even their death.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I'm talking about, well, but the whole process before it happened,
while it was happening, and then after it happened. It's
a lot of work. It's a lot of you don't
think about that, right, You don't think about like all
the work that goes into dying, because there's a lot
of paperwork. There's a lot of phone calls, there's a
lot of signing documents, getting people to agree to do things,
(24:23):
getting family members to be okay with that, with the
choices that the person who is leaving, the choices that
they're making. It just seemed like a lot. Not to
mention the fact that you're losing someone that you love
and you have to work around all of that. It
just seems like a lot of work. One question that
(24:46):
I do like to ask before we get into the
heaviest the conversation is are you drinking something right now?
Do you drink or you have something to drink? Water? Water?
And so you know, every time I have somebody on
this show, they are drinking water. That is great that
people are hydrated in that way. I am more than
likely dehydrated, Like, yeah, it happens. I am drinking tea
(25:08):
butterfly PT and peppermint tea because that is my new
favorite combination. And I just always want to know, like
what are you drinking to day? Like what are people
drinking putting into their bodies? And not because I'm a
health nut a little bit, but you know, I always wonder,
so I want to hear about you. Recently wrote a book, yes,
(25:29):
and it was released on April the sixteenth to sixteen. Okay,
tell me a little bit about the book.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
The book is called Briefly Perfectly Human, and it is
mostly a memoir that tracks my journey into death care
and highlights some of my clients' stories in an effort
to create a story where anybody can find themselves and
find their truths and find ways to engage with their mortality. Yeah,
my hope is that the book serves as an invitation
(25:58):
for people into their lives they think about death overall,
and hopefully gives us some things to start thinking about
as we begin to prepare for death ourselves.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
I tell you what it definitely me had me thinking,
of course, about myself and about the people around me.
But I think I spent most of my time reflecting
on the experience of losing my grandparents, which was, like
I said, not too long ago. Some of my favorite
things of the book because in the book, because as
(26:30):
I went along, I definitely took notes. Something that I've
really loved about the book is because, like you said,
it is a memoir. You were very transparent, very vulnerable,
and very dare I say, like raw and naked about
like the processes that you've endured in your life. You
talked a lot about your mental health, which I talk
(26:52):
about almost every episode on this show. I talk about
mental health and self care and self love and self
worth a lot. And it was amazing to hear about
your own mental health journey and how you carry that
work into the work that you do as a death Duela.
(27:14):
One of the first things that I wrote down about
things that I loved about this book because I went
as I went along was I could die of my
own depression from when you were on the bus with Jess.
Y'all need to read the book because see some of this,
you're gonna be like, I don't know what she's talking about.
Read the book. Read the book. Can you talk about
(27:37):
like that moment when you had that feeling or when
you felt that way about your own mortality and your
own mental health and how you felt when you hold
on time out? Because I just totally went blank. I
have ADHD. So bear with me.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
I'm with you, hold on, bear with me, Okay, all right, okay, Sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
You're really nervous, because I think so really is because
it's death. I don't fucking know. I don't know, but
I am not that girl. I'm not nervous. I don't
get nervous. I wonder if it's because we are talking
about well, I mean it requires me like I'm having
like a physical like my body, I'm having like a
(28:29):
physical reaction. Wow, what does it feel like a little
like jittery and kind of cold? And I'm clearly drinking
tea and I have on hoodie. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
Yeah, well, I will say that sometimes I feel like
getting into the conversation inspires such vulnerability that a lot
of us want to retract in order to protect ourselves,
even though there's nothing to protect against because we are
safe in the conversation. But it's not uncommon for folks
to do like, oh, when when it comes up, yeah,
because we're gonna talk about it.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
We're going to deal with that.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. It's so weird. Okay, and
I'll probably keep this on there. Okay. I am usually
very vulnerable and transparent, but I'm realizing that I'm having
some kind of like physical, like visceral reaction. And I
don't know, it really could be the thought of talking
(29:26):
about grief. And I mean I go to therapy. Yeah,
I go to therapy every week. My therapist just took
me down every two weeks. I told her, I don't
really know if this is a good idea, but she
did anyway, so it's not like, you know, I'm not
I don't know. I just had like a washer, maybe
my grandmother is in here, because she'd be in here something.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
If you're feeling cold, but you have all the worms
that's what they say often that there's like a coldness
or breeze or whatever.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Oh, but it was a breeze. It was like a yeah,
I just don't be playing grandma because I'm trying to
conduct business. Nice, pretty lady, please grandma. All right, let
me get myself together. So I'm going to just read
some of the things from the book that I really loved.
I love that you addressed that you realize that you
(30:12):
could die of your own depression. So mortality it's not
all about terminal illness or being physically ill. You recognize
that your mental health had such a impact or such
a toll on you that like if I don't do
something like I could die or I feel like I
could die. Another point you said, and these are all
(30:33):
things that you said, making space for people to talk
about with lives heaviest on our hearts, living a life
full of pretending when mental health is heavy on you. Listen, yeap.
That is problematic in the world, but it is really
really problematic in the black community. I just won't pretend
that everything is fine. God is here, We are good.
(30:55):
We don't need anything. My grandmother used to always say,
I don't need no man because Jesus is my boyfriend
or God is my boyfriend. Grandma, it ain't the same,
because it ain't. God is not here to do things
for you that a boyfriend could do.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
It's not how it works.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Jesus is not doing me my boyfriend does now and
she knows because she had four kids and used to
wear hot pants in the sixties. So I know that
God is not doing for you what my grandfather was
doing for you in the sixties, and whoever else, if
there was anybody else on the low existential gas lighting.
I love that. Not allowing people to be free and
(31:31):
expressing the pain of their reality. That is something else.
When you talked about Jessica, as you said, I see
a woman who didn't want to do, who didn't do
what she wanted to do. That is something that I
talk about on the show all the time because my
therapist has worked really hard. She and I have worked
really hard together to get me to be a woman
who does what she wants to do and who does
(31:53):
not do what she wants does not want to do,
and that struck a chord with me. And I'm reading
this just so that people can see, like the book
isn't just about Oh, people are dying and they're gonna
die and no. It is a great book because a
law is very transparent about her mental health. And one
(32:14):
thing we're going to talk about on this show is
mental health. You said, if I died happy, what would
I look like at the end of my life? That
one hit me in the chest, and that's when I
started thinking about my own mortality. I love that you said,
because we get to live, we get to die. You
came from Ghana and moved to Bethesda. Yeah, yeah, I
(32:36):
love that. Shout out to Maryland. The feeling of creating
home and has it aided you to feeling like you
need to belong somewhere, to something or to someone. You said,
self care must be a priority when we are ushering
others into death. I definitely want to talk about that.
You talked about generational joy. We always talk about generational curses,
(32:58):
but generational is a thing. The reasons why people try
to box black listen. I was chanting all kinds of
black power chants when I read this. The reason why
people try to blox black people into a box or
create a monolift for us is because they have a
hard time understanding blackness. And it's easier to digest if
(33:21):
they make us all the same. Yep. When a loved
one dies, I loved for them, and their love for
us doesn't die or go away, it changes form. That
broke me down.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Sis. I was crying in the car when I heard
that part.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I was crying because it made me think about Recently,
I saw Regina King. Somebody asked her about her son, Ian,
who had passed away, and she said that grief is
just love that doesn't have anywhere to go. Oh gosh.
I was crying like a baby when I heard that,
and when I read that that our love for them,
or their love for us, it doesn't die or go away,
(33:56):
it just changes forms. I loved when you talked about
culture norms and societal norms being like lead in our
drinking water. You said the risk of loving anything is
to lose it, and I love that you said, fuck them,
do you boo? And that's just some of them. Because
I could go here, I could go on for because
(34:18):
as I was driving and listening, I was like, oh, oh,
I shouldn't have been.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Driving, but I was.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
There were so many good things and A Lou and
I were talking earlier about the fact that her audio
book is her own voice, and it was so much
more meaningful to listen to the book through your voice.
And I'm glad that I got to listen to it
versus like actually holding the book and reading it. And
(34:45):
I may still buy I'm definitely gonna buy the book
and I'm going to give it to my aunt. She
doesn't know that, but I'm gonna buy it and give
it to my aunt. But listening to it through your
voice really really held a lot of weight for me
because I feel like I I know your entire experience now,
like I know you, you're my cousin who lived down
the street. I know what happened. I know Kip. I
(35:07):
know all of the people. Girl, Kip, I understand you
ran down the street and you were on the freeway.
Did you say you were on the four oh five,
on the oh the one o five? You were on
the one o five.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I was there.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
I thought I was there. It was literally like almost
like a black room come a little bit sometimes and
then sometimes like a black drama. So let's talk about
self care, because on this show we talk about self care.
I told you I have adhd one thing about me.
I'm going to rent one thing about me. I'm all
over the place me too, So in doing this work,
(35:43):
how do you take care of yourself? It can be tricky.
Speaker 4 (35:49):
People that are drawn to this work, like myself, were
really empathic largely, which means I feel like I can
feel what everybody's feeling all the time, and it makes
it really hard, especially when we're talking about death and
loss and there's so much pain and sadness there.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
There's also beauty and joy, but.
Speaker 4 (36:04):
Predominantly there's a lot of sadness, and it's important that
we learn how to shore up our own boundaries. I
find that many of us who come to the work,
particularly the students that I teach at the Going with
Grace end of Life training program, have to work really
hard to close up their pores in some capacity. And
I don't mean toner, I mean like spiritual toner, you know,
(36:26):
just to like tighten it all up, to keep what's
mine mind and to separate what isn't mine.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
And when I've.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Been with a client for a while, when I get home,
there's a few things that I always must do in
order just to bring myself back to center.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Well. Also when I enter into a.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Client, so home I touch the door gym just to
remind myself that I'm crossing a threshold and I'm going
into a place, and when I leave, I will also
come out. Granted I'll be changed by what it is
I experience.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
There, but I can leave what's there there.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
So when I get home, I eat salt, vinegar, kettle chips.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Okay, I know a ritual.
Speaker 4 (37:04):
Love a ritual, and it's like, you know, there's no burning,
there's no incantations that are happening, and your potato chips,
and yet we can ristualize anything if we're willing, and
not for me very much is one because the salt
and the crunch and the bite in my jaw, the
vinegar just help ground me and my body very quickly,
because it's like this is mine. Also, I take a
bath and I sit in the tub as the water
(37:27):
drains out of it to wash, watch it wash away
all the things that are not mine to carry, because
some of them are just mine to hold with them
for a while, but they're not mine to carry, and
so I can just watch it go down the drain.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Do you is there any do you just take a
regular bath, like just regular bath? Do you put anything
in it, or are there any smells that you prefer?
It depends on how tired I am.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
But sometimes I make these little baggies of roast petals
and have some salt and as lavender eucalyptus and do
Terra's balance. I would use those for a while, But
also just really depends.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Okay, okay, I kind of skipped all over this because
I got excited about the book. Tell the people who
you are, I apologize.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
Oh sure. My name is Abela Arthur death Doulah. I'm
a writer. I guess I'm an author. I'm a speaker.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Yes you are, thank you. Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
It's difficult, you know, I don't think of myself as
a writer necessarily, but I've written this book that is
now out in the world's been published.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
I get to call myself an author. Yiha. I am
a teacher.
Speaker 4 (38:37):
I teach death Doulah's Training Students offer a lot of
operations and opportunities for people to engage with theirmortality Going
with Grace, which is an end of life organization and
of which I'm the founder.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yes, yeah, and I'm a human.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
I'm a daughter, I'm a lover, I'm a gemini, I'm
a Pisces moon.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
I'm a Scorpio moon. Yeah over in a libra soun wow,
so double double yeah. Actually I'm Scorpio dominant. It's kind
of balanced Scorpio and Libra, but I'm the Libra and
me keeps the Scorpio in me.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Kind beautiful, well done, well done, well done.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Okay, how did you get here? I got here? Well,
I'm still trying to figure that out.
Speaker 4 (39:24):
But when I look backwards, what I see is that
I practiced law at the Legal Aid Foundation of Los
Angeles for about ten years, working in government benefits, helping
folks that have been kicked off of benefits, to food stamps,
to welfare get their benefits back. I transitioned after a
while into domestic violence work and sexual assault work, and
(39:44):
then after a.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
While it was a lot, It was very intense.
Speaker 4 (39:47):
And then I worked in community economic development, helping people
start low income or i'll start on nonprofits and low
income neighborhoods, and the work just got to be to
the point where I couldn't manage it anymore. I was
instantly frustrated and angered and sadden like really broken about
the systems that seemed to only keep people in the
(40:08):
same position that they've been in. It's like the design
of the system would keep poor people poor, and I
could not understand, and there seemed to be nothing we
could do to help people get out of this circumstances
and situations.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It broke my heart. And also, I think, just the way.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
I'm built, like, I'm not a very good lawyer. I
wasn't a very good lawyer. But I wanted to sit
with my clients. I wanted to talk about their fear,
trauma and their pain and life and hold their hand
and be like, oh, what is up?
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Like what are we doing? Still? You know what I mean? Yeah?
How can we get out of this? Girl? What do
you need me to do? I am I try to
help you.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
Also, what did you see in your family that got
you here? What do you believe about women and men
and children and the whole nine?
Speaker 1 (40:42):
But that's not what I was there to do. So
it was tricky.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
It was challenging for me, and depression grew because it
just got much, much much harder to justify what I
was doing in this scenario where I wasn't being my
fullest self. I didn't feel authentically like me, I wasn't
using my gifts I was just wasting away on some level,
and wasting away for like no dollars too. I mean,
don't get me wrong, I understand some people certainly trade
(41:08):
authenticity for a dollar, but it's not really in my.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Makeup to do so.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
So I was broke, and I was also not in
my full authenticity, which just wasn't working out. And through
that depression, I took a medical leave of absence because
it got so intense. And during that leave of absence,
through a lot of serendipity and synchronicity, I ended up
in Cuba, where I met a fellow traveler on a
(41:33):
bus who had using cancer, and we talked a lot
about her life, and then we started talking about her death,
and I was surprised by what I heard.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
I was surprised to hear.
Speaker 4 (41:44):
That she didn't have people to talk to about her
mortality because when she would bring it up, people would
tell her to focus on healing and have hope rather
than sit with the reality that one day she was
going to die, even if this disease is not the
thing that killed her. During that bus ride, I also
started thinking about my mortality, and this is when the
ideas about me dying from depression came up, because depression
(42:07):
can be a life limiting illness when it's left untreated,
for many people in fact, and so I really started
to think about my disease and that capacity, and then
started to think about my depression and my life. And
I thought, well, if this depression kills me, this is
not the life that I want it. I want more,
I want different out of my life. And so I'm
not going to say I vowed to make a difference
(42:29):
and make a change, because that's not necessarily true. But
it was like the veil was lifted, and all of
a sudden I got to see my life very quinsy
clearly through the lens of my mortality. And that's been
the lens that I keep trying to put in front
of other people and also keep for myself as I
carry on with my life.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
It was interesting when you were on the bus when
you met Jess. You guys need to just read the book,
like at the end of the day, go by it.
First of all, go by it because she's black, Yeah,
go by it. Second of all, I don't care if
you're black or if you're not, You're gonna die. So
(43:20):
it might be of assistance to you. All people die,
and I always say this thing. You know, when I
was dealing with my grandmother transitioning, I would always, you know,
say to my aunt because you know, I mean it's
her mother. She took it pretty I mean we all did.
I would say, living is how we earn the right
(43:40):
to die, Like that's a right that God gives us
because it's a part of living. So so like that's
a different way to look at it. And she would
always look at me like me and this, girls, shut
the fuck up. I want to hear about that. I
missed my mama and I get that, like I fundamentally
understand that.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
It makes all the sense in the world, but like
it's the truth. And I think like listening to that
and thinking about that it helped me to stay grounded.
And I remember in the book when you were talking
to Jess and I felt really sad for her when
she said I want to be a writer, and that's
when the quill pin tattoo made sense and she wanted
(44:23):
to start a blog, and you were just like, okay,
all right, we'll start the blogs. Just do whatever it
is you want to do, because like you know, you
are in control of what you are in control of.
You're not in control of when you're gonna die. But
while you're here, let's make the most of it. I'm
curious about like your client tele what do they look like?
(44:47):
Are they predominantly what predominantly white? Wealthy? Some?
Speaker 4 (45:00):
I mean I certainly worked on a citing scale and
given away a lot of services because people meet them.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
It was necessary. Yeah, necessary. That was one of the
questions that I That was one of the questions that
I specifically thought of, and I wanted to make sure
that I ask is basically and we'll get to that,
but like, how do you make sure that this is?
Because it from what I feel from you, because I
can I tend to be a bit empathic. What I
(45:28):
feel from you is that you are very thoughtful, You
are very loving, and also because of your own mental illness,
you are very thoughtful is the first word that I
think of. But thoughtful and aware of the fact that
you will share your gift UH to other people and
(45:50):
you want other people to have access, so you know,
my question would be like, how do you allow access
for people who may not you know, have because I
would have managine I'm not. Of course, I'm not going
to ask you about like what does this cost, because
that's ghetto and poor. I would never have that then
and not get poor in the stereotypical way, Like I
think it's ghetto to ask people about their money in
(46:11):
their politics and like things like that. But like, how
do they how do you provide a space where they
have access, because I would imagine that you would definitely
do that so that it's inclusive for people of of course,
all races, all genders, all sexual orientations, socioeconomic statuses, et cetera.
(46:35):
It's mixed. It's definitely mixed.
Speaker 4 (46:36):
I say predominantly white because I think of more of
the people that come for end of life planning.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Services or white folks.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
Yeah, and yet when I think of folks that I
sat with at the bedside or people that are dying,
they look like everything.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Mostly because what's.
Speaker 4 (46:52):
Happened over time is that I've been able to make
enough money serving a certain percentage of the population that
it doesn't matter what else I do, you know what
I mean, And so I'm choosing to spend more time there.
And also I'll say that all the services that we
offer at Going with Grace there's always a tier of service,
or there's always some aspects of the service that costs
(47:13):
a lot of money, and then there's also an element
of it that is free, and then there's things in
between so that people can access the information. I don't
believe this to be proprietary at all.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
It belongs to all of us.
Speaker 4 (47:23):
We should all have functional death literacy, and you shouldn't
have to pay for it to get it.
Speaker 1 (47:28):
I love that and it kind of makes me want
to cry a little bit, and you know, I'm a crier,
so it comes out, it comes out. But I think
that that's beautiful because when I think about like our community,
and when I say our community, I just mean people
that you know, look like us, and when we think
about death, it tends to be very like regimented. It's
(47:52):
going to look a certain way. We're going to have
a repass people. Somebody might pick a color. Everybody wear pink,
everybody wear green, every blue place. Listen, black people, we
are gonna have a color coordinated function. And it's so
funny because like I don't think people understand like the
(48:14):
connection that Black Americans and Africans have, Like this ship
has to be like in our DNA because we're gonna
have an outfit on and everybody's gonna wear the outfit.
When my grandmother passed away, everybody gotta wear some pink. Okay, cool,
I'm a weir pink. That's fine. But I I lost
(48:36):
my train thought because I always do. It's okay, it'll
come back, But I feel like you. It makes me
happy to hear that you do offer something for so
many different people because there's no access. I remember my
thought because for us, death processes are very regimented. It's
gonna look a certain way, and then you have the repass.
(48:56):
You're gonna have meat balls, you're gonna have fried chicken,
and I have greens. You're gonna have string, you have
macaroni and cheese, you have rolls. You're gonna laugh, you're
gonna sing. Then you're gonna go home. And then he
said it, yeah, you and somebody's gonna be playing soft.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
Jazz in the back.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
It's gonna be some soft jazz from saxophones in the back. Yes,
somebody's gonna get up at the funeral. You're gonna tell
them that uncle so and so and so and so,
you got two minutes. They're gonna take ten minutes, Like
it's the They're gonna have all these pictures in the
in the obituary, but one with the clouds. Always that's
what they do because that's where they are, in the clouds,
(49:31):
Baby Jesus, in the heaven of That's where they are. Yeah,
that's where it is. But I love that you are
providing a space where you are able to introduce different
options because and especially even around do you offer like
even before we even get to this place, like if
I just want to figure out how to deal with
(49:53):
the grief that I'm dealing with from losing my grandparents,
just growing Going with Great have like classes or anything
for people who have lost like family members who have
lost maybe not people that have worked with you, but
people who may have lost someone, or how to prepare
for your own mortality. Can you tell me a little
(50:15):
bit about some of the services you offer? Absolutely, in
my mind, I was just like, Okay, she's a death dueler.
She prepares for this, got it. But when it comes
to Going with Grace, which is the company that you founded,
what kind of services do you offer?
Speaker 4 (50:29):
We offer services for three different buckets of folks. I'll
say generally, First, it's people that are curious about integrating
mortality into their everyday life to see what they have
to learn from it. And there we have a course
called the Living Practice. It's really an offering that it's
thirty days of your life to think about the end
of it, essentially where you get a question every day
that deepens your relationship to your own life. It's very
(50:52):
very very little about your death it self, or rather
has to do with how you're living. We have death meditations,
we have a work shops that are available. There's one
coming up on May fourth called Awakening. It's like a
three hour meditative space where we get to see what
you really value.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
And what your priorities are.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
And then we have a bucket of service for people
that are interested in becoming doulas themselves or interested in
supporting community members in this work, because most of us
will serve as a doula at some point, because somebody
in our lives will die and will be the ones
that are primary caring for them and are sharing them
through So most of us will do this work even
(51:29):
if you're not somebody who wants to do it professionally.
And then also when people need direct services we have
all these duels. We've trained over twenty five hundred and
seventeen countries so far.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
That is amazing. There's a lot of folks so far. Yeah,
you're what I consider a baddy sis. Thank you. Baty
on Instagram is a little different, but I think it's
so amazing that you are doing such beautiful work. And
I think that some people, when they would think about it,
would think about that it's so heavy and it's so
dark and it's deaf. But you have and I said
(52:00):
this before we started recording, but people would hear this
and think about shadow work or think about like the darkness.
There's a light I feel like you bring to this
kind of work. Okay, So for today's straight facts question,
(52:37):
friends and can.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (52:40):
I had to drink some tea on that one because
this is something else, so I'm gonna go straight to it.
It says I got a scenario for you, and it's
not an overnight scenario. That's on Rare Essence shut out
to DC and go Go music and Rare Essence. Two
friends that have been friends for twenty five years. One
(53:01):
is a nurse that works at a clinic. Her name
is Ronda, and the other one is a banking manager. Linda,
the banking manager has met a new man that she
finally can see herself building a life with and is
happy after twelve weeks of dating.
Speaker 2 (53:14):
Twelve weeks friends and ken is what three months? So
three months.
Speaker 1 (53:18):
Linda and Ronda haven't talked in a while due to
life and dating, so the two of them meet up
for brunch to catch up, and Linda was telling Ronda
about her new boo and insisted that they all should
meet later in the week for drinks. They left brunch
and set a time to meet up later in the
week for drinks. Okay, A few days came around and
they all meet up for drinks. Ronda arrived first, patiently
(53:39):
waiting for Linda and her Buddha arrive. Linda pulls up
with her boo and Ronda looks and she sees she
looks like she saw a ghost. She recognized Linda's new
boo from the clinic and she knows of his HIV
positive status. What should Ronda do risk her career and
violate Linda's spooze? Hippo writes by disclosing his disclosing his
(54:03):
HIV he said it's to Linda or just let her
find out on her own. And this is from Jamal,
and Jamal is writing from Durham, North Carolina. Man, oh man,
this is aggressive. What is the game plan? Okay, what
is the game plan? This is crazy. He's got some
(54:26):
soul searching the too.
Speaker 2 (54:27):
Indeed, and do listen one more time.
Speaker 1 (54:32):
He's got some soul searching the tooth. That is aggressive, dude.
I wouldn't even know what to do, Oh my gosh.
So I'm sure that you have to sign something or
you take some kind of oath when you become a
nurse or a doctor or a nurse practitioner or medical
or anybody in the medical field, because I wouldn't care
(54:54):
if you were a medical assistant or uh what you were.
But I don't know. I would have to I would
have to talk to Ronda. If Ronda was my good friend,
I would have to talk to Ronda. Ronda wasn't my
fucking good friend, Like I would not be able to do.
I would not, in good conscience or in good consciousness
(55:21):
keep that one from her. But on the flip side,
how do you know that Ronda doesn't already know? Like
people date people with HIV, herpes and HPV people, and
people tell them like everybody does not keep it a secret.
So there's no there's no guarantee that he hasn't had
(55:43):
this conversation with her. There's also no guarantee that he has. Okay,
uh but ooh, this is sticky, and it's sticky because
they've been friends for twenty five years. Listen, you know
this is why I'm not nurse or doctor because I'm
telling my friend I ain't doing this to her.
Speaker 2 (56:05):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
But I would have to tell her. I would have
to figure out a way to tell her without telling her,
you know what I mean. I would have to tell
her in a way like I would have to be slick,
Like I would have to really think and put on
my Pinky's daughter hat.
Speaker 2 (56:29):
I would really have to be slick.
Speaker 1 (56:31):
And figure out how I'm going to tell her because
I would not feel right if I didn't at least
make her aware. I may not tell her of his status,
like I might not come out right and just be like,
oh yo boo got HIV. But I may have a
(56:53):
conversation that leads her to thinking about testing or leads
her to talking about HIV with me, and just you know,
like I might just ask for like, girl, y'all have
been tested. You know you're talking about being in life,
whim y'all been tested? You might want to I would
definitely do that. I would definitely do that, Yes, indeed,
(57:17):
I would. This is tricky because it also, like like
you said, it violates his hippowrites. So I would just
be very careful and I would work around the hipo
violation and just have a conversation and try to get
into her stream of consciousness about making sure that you're
aware of everything about him.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
That's probably what I would do. But this is tricky.
By b M. I do not envy miss Linda. Is
that Linda? No Ronda?
Speaker 1 (57:48):
I don't envy Ronda should I don't envy Linda either,
because I mean, you know I don't. All right, So,
friends and ken you know I'm on this book Black Liturgies.
I am, and I have been for the past few
episodes because it is in my bones. And I have
(58:10):
bought this book for about six women because I feel
like I want everybody to have it. I want all
black people to have this book. I cannot afford to
buy them for all black people, So then there's that
I can't afford that. But when I talk to people
(58:30):
about it, if I talked to him and there's a
glimmer of interests, then I send it to them. And
I have been it's like my I'm doing the work
of God. Okay, over here, I'm doing God's work over here, guys, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
So this excerpt is from the chapter on calling and
(58:54):
excuse me, and it's titled It's a prayer, and it's
entitled for those who are looking for a sign. Let
me tell you something. I think I mentioned this. I
think I mentioned this in episode eighty eight. I think
(59:18):
it was eighty eight. It was the anniversary episode, the
four year anniversary episode, and I talked about my spring
break trip, and I believe I talked about going out
on the balcony of my hotel facing the water and
saying a prayer, and in two hours, God said, okay, Sis,
(59:40):
you want me to send you a sign, no problem,
I got one for you, and he rocked my socks.
So I want to share that prayer with you because
I want you to hear it, because I feel like
it's a powerful prayer if you are intentional, how you
(01:00:02):
use it and you know, I'm not a gatekeeper. I
am a gatekeeper about perfume and a fragrance though, but
I'm not a gatekeeper about healing at all. So I
want people to heal, and I definitely want black people
to get to healing as best they can. So I
(01:00:22):
want to share this prayer with you. I will say
it is very powerful if you use it intentionally. Trust me,
it's extremely powerful. Okay, So let us pray God, who
shows I need a sign? However, sincere my discernment, it
seems like clarity continues to evade me.
Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
God, how will I know?
Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
In the absence of firm assurance, This lack of confidence
pulls me here and there like a leash. I feel
like I read this already, but I'm going to flow
with it because this is what God said I was
supposed to do. I feel like I read it on
that episode, did I? Anyway? Excuse me? Let us start over, God,
(01:01:06):
who shows I need a sign? However, sincere my discernment,
it seems like clarity continues to evade me. God, how
will I know? And the absence of firm assurance, this
lack of confidence pulls me here and there like a leash.
Remind me that many things can be good at once.
But if there's an answer that is most right for
(01:01:27):
me in this season, reveal it to me. Help me
to have compassion for myself as I name my uncertainty.
Show me what it means to be a person of
both conviction and openness. That I might gain the courage
to act and decide even when it feels like a risk.
May I find divine affirmation on the path to self trust. Amen,
(01:01:53):
and a shay And so it is so, Jesus.
Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
Jesus, Jesus.
Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
The first thing that I would like to say is
thank you to God, because God is supreme and I
recognize and appreciate the grace that God extends me every
day of this black ass life that I live all
the time, every day, three hundred and sixty five days
a year, twenty four to seven. I want to say
thank you to my people. I want to say thank
(01:02:26):
you to each and every one of you that have
been rocking with me since day one, that's March the
first of twenty twenty. I appreciate you, I thank you,
and I'm grateful you being here, even if you just
started listening today. I'm grateful for that as well. Either
way you cut it up, I am grateful and appreciative
of your presence with me, your time, and your energy.
(01:02:52):
I appreciate it in your ear. I'm thankful for my family,
my friends, my friends, and ken Who are you guys,
because I feel like if you listen to this show,
and especially if you listen regularly, if we ain't friends,
we can And that's just how it goes. All of
my supporters, and of course, most importantly, every single one
(01:03:13):
of you guys out there listening.
Speaker 2 (01:03:15):
As I said, I.
Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
Love y'all so much and it is nothing short of
an honor to share my time and energy with you,
especially if you keep coming back to spend time with me.
I look forward to the next time that we get
to do this with one another, which will be next Tuesday. Now,
before you exit out of whatever streaming service you're using
the listen to this, stop what you're doing, and if
you haven't already done so, look for the subscriber follow button.
(01:03:38):
Click on that if it's an option on the streaming
service where you're listening. Next, I want you to go
over to Instagram and threads. You can find Threads through
Instagram and then follow me at hand Me My Purse
Underscore Podcast. Also follow me on Twitter or x at
HMMP Underscore podcast and on Facebook just search hand Me
(01:03:59):
My Purse podcast. If you listen on a streaming service
or medium that allows you to do so, please rate
and review the show or give it a thumbs up
if you can. It takes two to three minutes, so
you know it's not a lot of time it takes. Friends,
it can be sure to share Handy My Purse with
your friends, your loved ones, and even your enemies. Because
the best way for people to find out about the
(01:04:19):
show is by you guys telling them all about it.
So tell a friend to tell a friend to tell
a friend.
Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Please.
Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
I am asking you to submit your questions for the
straight Fact segment by clicking on the link in the
show notes that says submit a question for straight Facts,
or click the link in my Instagram profile and look
for the button that directs you to submit a question.
Who knows your question may be featured on an upcoming show. Also,
(01:04:47):
I want you to remember that the show notes are
always available in the episode description. Wherever you are listening
to the show, be sure to take a look at
the show notes because that's where you will find all
of the links that I mentioned during the show and
any other information that I just may want you guys
to check out that I think would be helpful or
supportive and want to share with you. Also, just so
you know, the music for Him Me my Purse is
(01:05:09):
provided by none other than West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes.
And last, but now least, I want to give a
big old shout out to my producers. With them, we
make up Random a Angel and the Thirty Throats and
just one more thing for the one time. I look
forward to you guys, looking forward to listening and to
(01:05:33):
me Mimi Walker and Hand Me my Purse the podcast
each and every Tuesday, and I'm out this bitch peace.
Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
For more shows from my Heart podcast, this is the
(01:05:54):
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
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