December 6, 2021 • 41 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is He Said Ajo with Eric Winter and Rosalind Fantev. So, Hello, Hello, Hello,
you're a nice little special listener episode dedicated to the
listeners with all of your Q and a's. Yes, Well,
(00:21):
I guess your cues are as. You guys submitted some
questions about relationships and and all kinds of things, and
we are here to answer. So you want to start
right away and be truthful, honest, organic, awesome, funny. I'm
excited about this episode because hey, we get to give
back to the listeners and and uh, I love finding
(00:41):
a way to interact. Uh and be I have no
idea what the questions are, so this is going to
be really interesting. All right, So let's jump in dating
and marriage. That's the first category. What were your first
impressions of each other? Our first impressions, Well, my first
impression of her, um, I guess from a distance, was
(01:05):
she's gorgeous. And then when we met, I guess it
became maybe she's a little high maintenance. Because you why
why did I give you that indication? Because it was
nothing but sweet and pleasant. You were sweet, but you
you definitely were like um in the v I P
(01:27):
area only drink this and in particular, and then I'll
never forget. Like one of our early days, I got
you a key chain. You remember that you have a
new car, and I got your key chains like a little, ah,
little memento, and it said all about me, all about me,
and I was like, perfect, thank you so much. That's
so sweet. You gotta right. I'm glad you're clear. So first,
(01:52):
my first impression wasn't too wrong, high maintenance, but it
was worth it. You know, the first time that eric
um we went on a date and he picked me
up to go somewhere right, so I gave him my
my home address. You may have told story before, and
I have, but maybe some they haven't. Not everybody heard it.
So he shows up and I'm I'm getting ready, and
I hear this boom boom boom, like you know the
(02:14):
car when the base is very loud and from the outside,
all you hear is the base like freaking like an
earthquake right out there, the windows about explode. And I
hear that and it's clearly, like very like rap music,
and I'm inside my house going no, this is not
happening to me. This is not happening to me. That
the freaking white green Goo that I pick is the
(02:36):
one that comes in playing the I wanted to die.
I came from the streets of that. So the first impression,
the first impression was she's gorgeous, and my impression was like, anyway,
(02:56):
so that's that okay? Then, um, how can someone keep
up of you know, what are you talking about? What
did your family think of? What we? Uh? My family
was My mom was in heaven. She's like, oh my god,
Prince Prince Charming just she manifested Prince Charming from me
and then Prince CHARMI showed up. At least she used
(03:17):
me that way. That's good. You don't the only want
within the family used me that way. My family, my family,
uh was thrilled about You're like, oh, I know that
Latina please. No. No, they had no problem with Latina
because they were used to that. But they were like,
oh wow, that's so cool and she's and she's so
your mom has an affinity for Latino man. Her first
boyfriend was Mexican. She her fiance. He was the quarterback
(03:40):
of the football team. Yeah he was. He was a Latino,
the Mexican guy you see, so like like like they
were they were enamored with you because you were so
beautiful and you were and you were very grounded down
to earth. That's so sweet. That's so sweet. Okay, Um,
(04:00):
do you have any suggestions for a woman who hasn't
dated through the entire pandemic it has and has hopes
to find a good man? Oh my god, you know,
I think it's gonna be the same pre pandemic and
post pandemic. You know, finding a good guy. Eat ain't easy, baby,
Eat ain't easy. You just have to pay attention to
(04:21):
those red flags because people manifest themselves and they show
you who they are. They one, So don't be blinded
but the beauty or the money or the social status.
Just be very aware of those little signs. That's my advice. Yeah, Mimi,
My advice is, uh, you know, not too off from that.
(04:42):
Other than just get out there. You gotta get out there,
get busy trying to meet people. Don't be afraid just
because you know, it's like the pandemic makes it so
difficult to try to feel you can be safe and
be out there and just meet somebody. I think, go
to a go to a comfortable place, you can take
your mask off, get to see the person. That's just
their eyes And how crazy is that we're talking about?
(05:03):
Look at this advice take your mask. You meet people,
it's like, I know what their eyes look like. I
have no idea what they look like. And you know what,
do you know what's crazy? I don't Really this happens
to you. At least it happened to me. When I
was in Fantasy Island. You know the crew. Everybody has masks,
so I knew a lot of them, but some of
them were new, you know, so I didn't know them,
and for two and a half months, basically I never
(05:25):
got to see their entire phase. It was always with
a mask, and a few times that somehow they will
remove the mask to have an itch, you know, or
they want to drink something. You know, when you when
you when you have an idea of somebody's busy, and
then you and I will see their faces and it
had nothing to do with the face that I had
picture or imagine. It was random puzzle pieces together because
(05:50):
you're like, oh, their eyes and somebody could have gorgeous eyes.
And then the mask comes down and you're like, oh,
we got home. Why no? You go like con you
like that like hot and then they turn around like
somebody you go cut out like ugly, it's not bad.
(06:11):
We have a saying. We say good from far but
far from good. Did you see some of the distance
You're like, wow, they look good. Then they come close
to your like have you ever? By the way, beauty
is in the eye of beholder. Everybody is beautiful to somebody.
But I think, like you know, you've got to be
attracted to that person. I always hold true to that.
I think looks matter that And we've talked about this before.
It looks so shallow. No, they matter if you've got
(06:33):
to be attracted to somebody or else, it doesn't. You
have never been attracted to somebody's mind on way of thinking.
Not first to the point that you go, I can
see myself having a full future and I being even
though I don't find her. No, definitely No. After I
get to know somebody their mind, I mean, look, I'm
attracted to them. Their mind can make it or break it.
(06:55):
So like, it doesn't mean I couldn't like fool around
with them because I'm attracted to them, But could I
date them long term or be interested in them? We've
talked about this before in the show might be surprised,
you might fully love with the person. No, I will
fall in love with the person. I'm not saying that
as a friend. No, no, no, I'll fall in love
with the person. But I have to be attracted to
the person too, So it's gonna be the combination mentally
(07:16):
stimulating and physically similar. Have you ever gone to bed?
You go to a club, you I'm just telling you,
go home, you sleep with the woman, and the next
morning you see the reality of it all have beer goggles?
Is that when you're drunk and everybody looks like at
the club, if you drink too much and then everybody
starts looking hot by the end of the night, Like
(07:37):
you're at a club and you're drinking, drinking and like
a girl that you were you probably would rate. Or
a guy either one that you probably rate as like
a four or five guys that will always look like
the same person. There's no, there's no When you're drunk,
everybody looks a little bit better. Really, Yeah, you've never
been drunk clouds your judgment. I think if I find
you ugly, I find your ugly. No, not, you're drunk,
(07:57):
because when you're drunk, your horny it's into the night
people start looking better. Question for you, So that has
that ever happened to you that you get up in
the morning and you just go I was like to
the g where I was like, Holy, this was way
off from my you know, my scale of what I thought.
But I've had it where I'm what do you do?
You go? See you never wanna what is it? See?
(08:18):
You never want to what I want to see? You
get this? You never want to say that. See you
never want to see you? Now you see you never
want to be you. I want to be you. Okay,
So um, what was the most special part of your wedding?
The most special part of our wedding? That is, I
(08:42):
think everything. I loved everything. Yeah, I mean there's two
parts I love. We had a Thanksgiving pre wedding celebration
that I really really love that everybody thought was the
way and I actually thoroughly enjoyed that. And then I'd
probably say, uh, yeah, I mean I think that moment
of you walking down the aisle with your ad and
beating that whole fourth that was a very powerful moment
(09:03):
for me. The moment that I couldn't walk because I
never practiced walking with my gown and and my shoe
kept getting stuck with the tool, all the dress and cobblestones,
and I'm literally walking. It was a long way because
it was this massive fourth in all San Juan and
my parents are walking me, and I kept saying, guys,
go go go, because I can walk. I can walk.
So my my maid of honor had to come all
(09:23):
the way and grab my dress. It was freaking comical.
Only that ship happens to me. I'm going here. I
have the most incredible Angel Sanchez gown, and I couldn't
walk and I started laughing hysterical. Oh my god, it
was funny. It was like a sitcom, but it was incredible.
I loved every single part of every single part of
my wedding. I enjoyed that night like never before. I
(09:46):
remember that it was four in the morning and I
was I ended up in jeans. I had four costume
changes on my wedding, actually yeah, four, and I ended
up in jeans and flats and I danced like they
turned on the lights remember at the ballroom, because they
were like, guys, you need to go home. I mean like, no,
well this is great, Oh my god. I had a
blast all right. Next question, how can someone keep hope
(10:07):
of love alive when they're having bad luck in dating?
That's a pretty simple answer for me. I just think
you have to continue to push forward. You have to
believe that the person is out there. That's how I've
always faced, you know, approached it. I just don't think
like you can have bad luck, but I always look
at it. I look at I'm I'm a weird one.
I love first dates. I love going on dates because
(10:30):
I love meeting a new person. And I've had dates
go south, and I just like, I'm on the day.
I already know I'm paying for this dinner, so I'm
gonna make this entertaining. I'm gonna ask why does it
go south? Just because like maybe their beliefs or their
opinions or there. You know, we start talking about stuff
and it just doesn't in line with me, and I
already know this is not going to really work. But
I just have fun on the date. I started asking
(10:51):
a bunch of random questions. I start getting into, like
who they are, why they're Yeah, I'm on the date,
I'm paying for dinner. I might as well make it entertaining.
I love first dates. I used to enjoy that process,
and many of them didn't work out, but I love
the process. So I think that's what dating to me
is like, you gotta just get back out there, even
with bad luck, make it enjoyable life. First dates can they?
Did I ever? Did I ever tell you about? Although
(11:13):
I didn't date, I guess, yeah, you meet somebody and
that there's the first date, and then you spent years
with the guy. Anyways, out of a date with a
big baseball player which I'm not gonna name right and
it is now you do you do? It was he
was super boring. It wasn't he was boring. It was
that he calmed, it's New Year's Eve, Miami. I go
(11:35):
to Miami. It's great. He says, we're gonna meet here,
but I'm and I'm with so and so and so
like three guys. I think it was his nutrition is
his trainer on somebody else, and his manager. So I'm going,
that's interesting that he wants me to meet with four dudes,
you know him and three more. So I thought it
was like you and three gay guys. But that's what
(11:55):
I did. I was like, Okay, no problems, so I'll
be there. I'll gather at some point, and I invite
it two of my friends, both gay, both fabulous, and
I show up with these two flamers. You can only
imagine how that freaking date went. He was so annoyed,
and I was annoyed too because I was like, this
is laughable number one, and you're stupid, and and it
(12:19):
was just not a c he was boring. And then
it was funny because his three dudes were all over me,
like hitting on me. I'm going, this is just so ridiculous.
So I just decided just to have a laugh and
just be stupid as well with my friends. That was ridiculous.
I don't like first dates. It's a joke. He's like,
everybody present him thisselves something they're not. It's a joke anyways.
(12:40):
Um um um um, Oh my god, this is a
good one. Should you Should you date or marry someone
with different political views? No, it complicates it for sure
as hell. I mean god, this is the thing. This
is the thing I feel like when people at politics
get in the middle, I mean, look at it depends
(13:02):
on how extreme either person is politically right, Like if
you're super far right or super far left, it's going
to be hell. Like if if you're always about the
politics and every decision you make. But if you're like
the world should be, if you're politically trying to find
a way to meet in the middle, whatever that is,
because even in the in the real world, people in
(13:22):
politics can't meet in the middle. If you can find
a way to meet in the middle, it's okay to
be different and have a different opinion. No, but in
a relationship that's too hard. Why because you can be
with somebody that has it's so far I said, if
it's too far apart, it's complicated. But even if it's
a little people are mature enough to understand there's no way.
(13:44):
I think at some point that she's gonna and if
politics matter that much to that person, then yes, the
ship was the politics to every person, even though you
act like they don't have to add they don't have
to matter that much that it would ruin your whole
life if somebody has a little bit of different opinion.
I think when it comes to politics and religion, unless
you you decide to conform into the other person, you
(14:05):
know that you It's like it's like women marrying somebody
that is Jewish and they convert into Judaism. Judaism Judaism,
you know, and that's a choice, and then you do that.
But if you have if you're born in Christian marrying
a guy that is uh, you call classic Jewish person.
(14:25):
And I don't think the Orthodox whatever, it's not gonna fly.
I think that's my opinion. Do you believe in the
phrase never go to bed angry. I'd like to say
I believe in it. I can't say I practice it.
You know, you don't practice. You don't practice at all.
You go to bed like a little child. Is ridiculous.
(14:48):
I just don't pay attention to you. I'm out, and
then you got a bit angry. It's it's off. I
actually hate it with passion, going to bed angry. I
just don't like to give the temple day anyway, So
I just I just do it. I go to be.
You don't like to give me the time of day anyway. Yeah,
I'd rather just go to bit angry. It's actually a
(15:12):
horrible practice at practice, and everybody gets into a relationship
saying never go to a bit angry, and the thought
of it and the idea of it is actually awesome.
It's it's what it should be. But it's just very
hard after fifteen years together, you're like, dude, I'm angry,
but it's also very tough if you get into an
argument right before going to bed, and then you're like,
how are we going to resolve? And the problem that
we have is that I would resolve things very fast,
(15:35):
but you'd like to talk about things over and over,
and he repeats himself twenty five thousand times, and then
it gives me more annoyed. So then I'm really angry
because I feel like, say, because your idea of resolving
things fast is you're right. Yeah, yeah, but that doesn't
resolve anything. That means you're right then yeah, you're right,
not that I'm right. You like to think that you're right.
(15:55):
Therefore nothing resolved that I'm right. Yeah, you believe you're right,
so nothing's resolved. So how are you gonna resolve that?
Of course I'm gonna go in circles because you're not right,
But sometimes you have to stop going in sometimes you
have to then sometimes you have to be wrong wrong,
I just go. You know, you never say when you're wrong,
you never even apologize. You're not a good apologize apologizer.
(16:17):
You're not gonna apologizer. You're not we've thought, We've talked
about this. I'm a great apologizer. I will say I'm
sorry when I'm wrong. Okay, what do you do when
you feel like one person is doing it all and
he causes resentment? Yeah, let's talk about that. Let's talk
about that. Yeah, go, go go ahead, Mont, What do
(16:43):
you do? What do you do? I mean, I try to,
uh psychologically break it down in my mind on my
own to have it not erupt. But then at a
certain point it does erupt. That's it. And when it erupts,
it's not pretty. I get really angry. You get really angry,
you get angry emotional, which is really interesting to me
(17:06):
because he gets so mad that he gets emotional and
he wants to cry of anger. It's more frustration of frustration,
I guess. And then the more he does that, then
the more I'm like, I'm going to bed. So there
you go. That's really compassionate. That is less than one
on how not to have a happy marriage. I'm not
(17:29):
going to be unhappy and you're not going to be compassionate.
I try to be comparion. My compassion is like, let's
stop talking about it, because but that's not resolving it.
That's shelvy. I'm not saying that I'm going to resolve
at that moment. I'd rather resolve it when you're actually
back back to earth. No, I don't like resolving it
when you're so heightened that you're blinded. There's never been
(17:51):
a day where you said, like, you know, let's just
talk about this tomorrow and then you remember to bring
it and bring it up the next day. I text
it so I can be cool and collect did and
I know instead of just going and saying things that
I'm going to regret I have, I take the time
to actually go, okay, let me just let me breathe,
let me pray on it. This is how I feel.
It's easier for me to communicate that way because I
(18:12):
know with my temper that when I opened my mouth,
if I am in the heightened state of mind like you,
nothing is going to be resolved. Huh How what honest listener?
So you don't ever know what it feels like when
you're doing it all and you feel resembling? When do
I feel resenting? Exactly? Because because I'm when it does
(18:35):
it all? Because the only one you were very smart
perfect truths. Here we go again, Eric, acting like he's
perfect and I'm a zero. I am not perfect. I
(18:58):
don't do anything seeing himself everything by himself him not perfect, dude. Due,
there's it's a simple acknowledgment. Is there one person that
juggles more in the house than me? What do you
mean by choice? Now? It's by default. Basically, there's always
(19:20):
They're always gonna be too. I was just having this
conversation with somebody at work. There's always a friend at work,
a friend that is in a relationship. I can't start
my wife because I do it all. No, not about us.
About the situation that they were going through with their partner.
Um when the event went for a long time and
I'm not gonna say I'm not going to say um
(19:40):
I can tell you after I'm not gonna say so.
And they were saying like they feel like they take
on the brunt of everything. They do it all and
it drives them crazy to the point that it's gotten,
you know, really heavy, really tough because they have that
resentment building up. And the thing is that somebody takes
on that roletically resentment. Since we started this podcast, he
(20:02):
said it, Yadi, who all you do is complain and
make people believe that you do it all. That you're
God and I'm just an addition dependence and you're better.
Tell the world and the listeners that I do a
lot and I contribute to a lot, and I'm a grave,
great wife and great Um. How you say mother and
(20:27):
you call your mom is my mother in law? I'm
a great daughter in law. Daughter in law? Say that.
I don't remember you know, you just said, you said
a lot of things. You are a great one making
me look, I'm not saying that, and you know it,
but you know you are listeners and you know everybody
right to your thoughts about the way this one over here, listen,
this one over here talks about this one over here.
(20:49):
I'm saying to you that you are I have said
you many times. You are a great wife. You are
a great mom, and you do do a lot like
like everything, but every thing is too far. I'm not
saying that a lot like what I need to do.
You do everything that you need to do for you.
You do things that you need to do in the
house too. For the kids. You know you do things
(21:11):
for them. You do things for the kids too, and
your things for me. But who is the person that
deals with the gardening scheduling. I'm scheduling the car wash
person and scheduling the plumber because the plumber is given problems. Okay,
so that you're answer. Takes care of scheduling the house,
who takes care of scheduling the kids? Who takes care
(21:32):
of scheduling you? Because you don't like to make the
phone calls for you, that's because you love doing No,
that's because anyways. The next next question, he loves it.
He's a very much in charge kind of person. Let
me do it a default that you love it? My god,
you know how many times this is the last time
I'm going to take care of this, Fuck this, fuck that. Uh.
(21:57):
And the next day he's like, remember that you have
to call someone. So you love it? You know what
you do? Know? Want to love it when somebody appreciates it.
I thank you, thank you so much, thank you for
all that. Move to I learned something in the Latin
gram is in Brazilian moving too. Yeah something anyways, next question,
(22:22):
how often should couples be intimate? How do you How
do you make up after a big argument. We don't
make up. We just keep fighting. I'm just kidding. Oh,
we just talked about it. How do we how do
we do it? I mean, we tried to talk about it.
We tried to understand each person's perspective and point of view.
(22:42):
That's what's important. So let's take a quick break and
then we're going to come back with more questions. I
think we need to break. These questions are intense. Okay,
next category worry. It's called intimacy. Intimacy How well off
(23:03):
I should couples to be intimate in a week? I mean,
there's gonna be two different perspectives here, because I would
say a couple should be intimate a lot as much
as they possibly can, is what I think. Um, Because
I believe that intimacy is core foundation in a in
a relationship, I truly do. I mean, you have to
respect the person, you have to have love, you have
(23:24):
to have all that. But I truly believe that intimacy
is necessary and building a very strong relationship to the
point that it also well I'll answer something else that
is on on this as well, But intimacy doesn't just
involve sex, but it's about being intimate and giving your
partner that do time and respect and attention that they
(23:48):
need on a regular basis putting them first in the marriage,
because when you have kids, it's very difficult to put
your partner first and be intimate with your partner because
you're always worried about having that those I'm I'm saying
that's why MCY is not always sex. You always concerned
abou having that intimate time with your kids, right, spending
quality time with them, um, And it's less focused on
the partner. So I think intimacy is mandatory. But I
(24:10):
think this questions are for intosex um. I'm sure that
a lot of a lot of women are going to
relate to this, and that's as well, because you know,
relationships and when you're when you're a parent, even if
it's two women to men or husband and wife, um.
And and when you have kids, especially young kids, is exhausting.
(24:34):
It's the most wonderful experience. But at the end of
the day, once eight o'clock comes, you know, and we're
getting ready and they go to bed. By then after
you spend your entire day and then you're dealing with
the kids and you put them to bed, we are exhausted.
I wonder if that happens to a lot of people
that you just go. My intention the entire day was, Oh,
(24:55):
you know what, I'm gonna give it tonight. I'm gonna
I'm gonna give it tonight. Tonight. I'm fine. An easy day.
And then nighttime comes, kids go to bed, You take
a shower or bath, and you're like, I don't want
to do anything. I just want to read and go
to bed. Accurate. I mean that's true, man, Kids change everything. Accurate.
(25:17):
I think everybody experiences that where you just you're exhausted,
you're burnt out, and then the last thing you're thinking
about is like, oh, I don't know if I have
the time to even I just want to be by
myself for a second. I don't want to watch my
favorite show or read. Like you said, Um, it's but
as they say, marriage, relationships, all of it. You know,
it's a job to some extent. You have to put
(25:39):
in the work, just like you put in the work
in parenting, and you put in the work at your profession.
You have to put in the work in the relationship.
Otherwise you take it for granted and then you have resentment. Okay,
have you celebrated your anniversaries. We've celebrated in many different ways.
Unless he cancels. That's the last anniversary plan. I had
(26:05):
everything planned and send life gets in the way and
we were dealing with tournaments and and Sabella has um
functions at school and the mommy daughter dance and then
and there's a lot of things happening. So yeah, anniversaries,
we don't know. We travel sometimes sometimes we just go
to a simple dinner we give each other. We've gotten big. Yeah,
we've done like all out and we've done very simple. Look,
(26:27):
after thirteen years, it's hard to you know, I'm not
gonna do the same thing every year, but I do think,
you know, honoring that day and making making it special
in some way is obviously important. I don't think it
should be just brushed over. Yeah, okay. The next category
is schedule finish. We have to do it all. We
want to do it, our fans want us to do
it all. Let's go our listeners. I don't like saying
(26:49):
fans our listeners. Do you schedule date nights? Oh? We
used to? We still do, do we? Yes? We do?
Are you sure about that? Yeah, I'm sure about that.
It doesn't happen with kids of the date night. We
went to the The Girl on the Gold or whatever
the restaurant. That was a day night a month ago.
A month ago. Let's see our last date night. And
(27:13):
by the way, I didn't get any on that date night.
Why not happened? You were like tomorrow night because you
were tired, And did it happened the next day? No,
it didn't, it didn't. The last date night we had
was August, No way, girl and no freaking away girl
in the go August. So when was our last day night?
(27:35):
We always girl, August, no way, no way. I don't
believe that it's in the calendar, the calendar to what
to make a fake date night. Anyways. Yeah, we um, yeah,
life gets in the way. I've been traveling, I've been working,
you've been working. We have kids. It's not easy. It's
(27:57):
sick dogs. There's a lot of going on. Things easier,
And it was our advice is guys, at least I
don't do what we don't wait three months. At least
once a week, we're going on at least once a week. No,
at least once a week. Engally sucks. Look at this,
at least at least once once a week. We is like,
(28:18):
all this freaking sounds so you just want to say
at least it was a week, because it's too hard
to say. You understand this. At least once a week good,
at least once a week, not once, not once every
three months. Yeah, I think that's wrong. I think it
should be at least we've been doing once a week.
Then get your ship together and then take me out
to day night. I tried to book something. I'm telling you, like,
I don't want to go out again. I want to
(28:39):
go another dinner we had We had a bavel Mediterranean
place in the books, and you're like, I just don't
want to do another one. We've had too many things
friends in town. You can something came up and you
asked me should we cancel it with don't blame it
on me? You don't want to come on? We had
another we went to the night before exactly, yeah, the
night before dinners. If you brought it, giving me the
(29:01):
choice of canceling, you wanted to cancel it otherwise you
will never do that anyways, Then get plant plant a
freaking day night and stop complaining anyways. Next category, a
lot of bickering on this podcast. We're doing that. A
lot I'm feeling is love. I still don't have a
(29:21):
voice since freaking I got sick. Anyways, I was gonna
do you something. We did a lot of bickery in
the last three or four episodes. It's been I keep
thinking about that. I keep thinking, why are we like
something towards each other when there's nothing but love? M hm? Why?
But why did you laugh? I didn't laugh. That was crazy.
I didn't laugh. Why did you laugh at that? Because
I thought it was funny that there's nothing but love.
(29:43):
There's nothing but love. That was a joke. No, that
my delivery was a joke, not not the actual Yeah, okay,
there's no love. There's a lot of love. We're always
fighting guys. On the first first season of the podcast,
it wasn't a all the like. Instead, I said, even
though it's cold, he said, so yeah, I can. Can
(30:05):
we stop fighting, Erica because it's becoming very petty? Is
that correct? Petty? Right? It's becoming so like like we
all we always disagreeing, and and it's just sometimes you
can get a little annoying and ugly. And we want
the audience too, to have a laugh and learn and
not be like they're always fighting. I wonder if they're
gonna survive how do they make it happen? They're always like,
(30:27):
are you so different? You know, we want people to
be like they're actually very relatable and very truthful. We
have been truthful. But um, do you understand this question?
How do you keep things exciting during a busy season?
Do you understand that question? How do you keep things
exciting doing it? I don't know why you laugh, but
(30:50):
I'm a happy person laughing. Yeah, I'm a happy person.
People find me very funny. You don't find me funny.
Funny you laughed at something and I'm funny. I left? Okay,
next question, do you keep things exciting during the busy season?
What does that mean? What does that mean? I don't know?
Do you know? I'm confused? It means how do you
(31:12):
keep things exciting? If I'm traveling busy season like it,
I guess we're working. How do we keep these exciting? Wow,
we used to have fun exciting things that we did.
I'm trying to think of, like, what do we do
to keep exciting? Watch a new episode of dopesick Watch
succession is our highlight of I think these are bringing
(31:35):
up very Oh yeah, it's about intimacy the category. So
I think we gotta we have. We are getting very
good questions asked to us that are causing us to
probably reflection, reflection, reflect on our on ourselves, and how
do we keep things exciting? The answer is we need
to pick that up. We always say that he said,
has become like, Um it looks so dark, guys, because
(31:59):
has become like a therapy session. Um, this is our therapy.
You guys are our therapists psychologists. We appreciate the answer
the question. The bottom line is we aren't keeping things
exciting right now. We need to step up our game.
There you go again, right, I'm asking you, do you
agree or not? We can better? Yeah, there you go.
(32:20):
So everybody out there, do better make your partner. I
really want to fix my movies. That has nothing to
do with what we're talking about. And I already know
that's a crazy comment. All right, do you support me? No?
I don't want to parenting. How should a couple handle
conflicts with parenting styles? This is a tough one. I
(32:40):
have a lot of issues about that one, guys, because
we are very different. Again, we say we say that
all the time, but it's the truth, and we it's
not that we parent different, but we would just go
about things sometimes different sometimes sometimes we we I think
(33:01):
our ues, I think our core values and the way
that we want our kids to turn out to be,
you know what I mean, Like, like the main goal
when it comes to this, the kids upbringing and what
our dream in the future of who we want them
to be. I think it's weird, spot on, and we're
very much alike in terms of having that in common, yes,
(33:21):
but the way to go about it a lot of
times it's kind of like shit, I just wish he
would just take it easy here, be a little bit
more over here. Yeah, I know, just like you do things.
I'm like, I wouldn't pick that battle, but it's a constant.
It's a constant negotiation guys as parents, and it's a
constant I don't want to struggle. We're both very It's
(33:41):
not a struggle by any means, but we're both which
this is what I think is a good thing. We're
both very hands on parents, and I think that it
would be more difficult for me if I was married
to somebody who was not hands on at all and
like just not as involved. I think that would be
harder for me if I married somebody who was like,
you got it. You do everything, and I'll just show
(34:02):
up when I show up. That would be very difficult
because I'm very hands on. I was just giving you accompliment.
I know, thank you. I appreciate, I thank you. I appreciate.
I didn't know that you thought that it was so
hands on, because you tell everybody that I'm I'm gonna
do the left front. I've never said you're not a
hands on parents, so I appreciate that you. I said
that I schedule everything. I didn't say you were a
(34:24):
hands on parents. I never said you weren't hands on. Okay, well,
well you don't say. You don't say those words, but
the way you sometimes talk about it, it makes it.
It gives the people the illusion or the perception of that.
I hope not because I'm very hands on. I think
we're both we with we're very much. We're both probably
(34:46):
two hands on, both of us in our own different ways.
We're two hands on it. And that's that's where we
could probably get into challenge hands hands Why we have
a kid that he's like, I can't wait, It'll be
eighteens so I can't just you know, she's kind of
like she feels like that's also personality because Dylan could
care less, Dylan like loves the hands on, Dylan wants
more attention. I'm so in love with with Dylan. Guys,
(35:07):
both your children, I'm in love with both of them. Yes, okay,
next question, should there be del both? Should there be
a strict parent and an easy going parent. I think
I'll be honest though, I would prefer two parents that
are similar on on roughly the strict parent I don't.
I mean, there's good cop, bad cop, But now I
(35:29):
think we're both. We are both both meaning that when
you have to and you're and you're easy going when
you have to. I think you need to as a
person find that balance. Um, it's not about the mom
is easier, and that is that I think you should
be a little bit of times when you can be easy,
in times when you can be strict. But I agree
with you. I agree with you this time that I
don't think that would work if one was always strict
(35:50):
and one was always easy. That would drive me correct. Now,
when you can do that, because what happens is that
you the kid, and of course they always want to
go with the with the easy going parent, and then
what happens with the other ones. You know, you have
to be the disciplinary disciplinarian, but at the same time
you have to be very aware that you have to
be a good friend to them so they can be
open with you. And they can. But the funny thing is,
(36:13):
I'm probably between the two of us, I'm probably the
slightly more strict parent. I probably am are. Nanny tell
me says it all the time that it's crazy that
Eric is more strict. Okay, don't you think you think
you're more strict than I am. That's okay if you
think that, I don't. It's not that I think I
don't think I don't. I don't think that. I think
that we are pretty much the same. Sometimes we are
(36:37):
like this, and sometimes we are a little How do
you incorporate your culture into raising your kids, what traditions
do you teach them? Well, let's see, I incorporate rather
than Spanish every single day into the kids. I try
really hard to make her speak Spanish all the time,
and I am very supportive of Puerto Rican culture. My
American culture is kind of it's boring, so there's not
(36:58):
really doing much to incorporate in the Erican side. But
I love I mean, she's American to Puerto Ricans, but
I love them Puerto Rican girls from American put Rican
Okay you are, but I'm an American citizen, but I'm
Puerto Rican. OK. What my point is, I embrace the
Puerto Rican. I embrace culture. So I love that we
(37:19):
get to teach our kids about Puerto Rican heritage and
culture and constantly teach them traditions like three Kings, which
I didn't grow up doing. Um, different stuff like that
they do Three Kings. Um. I cannot wait to take
them to less guy Assan, which is a our version
of Rio the Carnival. You know, it's this beautiful event.
(37:40):
I don't know if with COVID how is it gonna go,
but I would love for them to experience that. It's
funny because before we came to the podcast today, Um,
I realized that we're gonna be in Puerto Rico for
my birthday April because I'm gonna be shooting. And I said, Dylon,
my mom is gonna be in Puerto Rico for for
her birthday and you're gonna be there. And He's like,
I'm gonna be put a week for your birthday and
(38:01):
his little eyes light up like he was so happy. Um,
so we try, you know, to me. Unto you as well,
kudos to you for wanting them to embrace um that
they're by cultural children, by Rachiel. So it's beautiful. It's
it's really important because yeah, they have Puerto Rican and
(38:22):
I want them to always always be very proud of that.
Let's take a break and we'll come back with a
couple more thoughts. Okay, well, thank you for all of
your listener questions. This was enlightening. I think that we
have a lot of stuff to go home and moll over.
(38:44):
What did you learn I learned, Like I said, we
have to go home and moll over some stuff. We
have to try harder. You're right, I think that's probably
the big lesson learned. But I think that's a universal lesson.
I think with people that have been together for a
long time, you have to try harder. That's like the
big thing at the end of the day, right. I
think it's so easy to become complacent and just think
that everything is going to work itself out or everything
(39:06):
is just fine. If you don't try harder, if you
don't work as hard in your relationship, as you do
in other things. You don't read the benefits. Hard work
pays off, right, would you learn the same thing? Yeah,
we definitely have to try harder and understand that. Yeah,
we have this these two incredible kids that are our life,
(39:28):
you know, um, but we have to make sure that
this unit over here is untouchable and it's solid. Has
to be the pity it has. I learned that on
an episode of Oprah years ago. Yeah, the marriage isn't
the priority and the kids of the priority. The marriage
tends to crumble and the kids suffer that loss. You know,
(39:53):
the marriage has to always be the priority. The kids
will by default be the priority as well, but the
marriage has to be the priority. And and and I'll
give you this. You are very much into the institution
of marriage and working things out and sticking it through
and doing absolutely everything possible two to make it work.
(40:13):
That's very much something that you're having ingrained. Is that correct?
What is the face you're not? I am yeah, no,
I do, I do. I am, I I do I do.
But for a man, you know, it's not easy to
find a man that that that's his priority, you know,
(40:36):
with kids or without kids, that he's so into let's
make this work. That's beautiful because I think a lot
of them would just boom. I'm just gonna fly if
I don't feel attended to, or if I don't feel
appreciate it, or whatever, whatever, whatever you know, and you
understand what I'm saying. I am, I do, I am,
I do understand. That was fun, all right, well, not
really like a laugh out loud episode. This got heavy fast,
(40:58):
but it was entertaining, thought provoking, thought provoking. So thank
you listeners. Till next time. I love you, I love you.
Subscribe to he said a Vijo on IHR Radio, Apple
podcast or anywhere you get your podcasts.
This is He Said Ajo with Eric Winter and Rosalind Fantev. So, Hello, Hello, Hello,
you're a nice little special listener episode dedicated to the
listeners with all of your Q and a's. Yes, Well,
(00:21):
I guess your cues are as. You guys submitted some
questions about relationships and and all kinds of things, and
we are here to answer. So you want to start
right away and be truthful, honest, organic, awesome, funny. I'm
excited about this episode because hey, we get to give
back to the listeners and and uh, I love finding
(00:41):
a way to interact. Uh and be I have no
idea what the questions are, so this is going to
be really interesting. All right, So let's jump in dating
and marriage. That's the first category. What were your first
impressions of each other? Our first impressions, Well, my first
impression of her, um, I guess from a distance, was
(01:05):
she's gorgeous. And then when we met, I guess it
became maybe she's a little high maintenance. Because you why
why did I give you that indication? Because it was
nothing but sweet and pleasant. You were sweet, but you
you definitely were like um in the v I P
(01:27):
area only drink this and in particular, and then I'll
never forget. Like one of our early days, I got
you a key chain. You remember that you have a
new car, and I got your key chains like a little, ah,
little memento, and it said all about me, all about me,
and I was like, perfect, thank you so much. That's
so sweet. You gotta right. I'm glad you're clear. So first,
(01:52):
my first impression wasn't too wrong, high maintenance, but it
was worth it. You know, the first time that eric
um we went on a date and he picked me
up to go somewhere right, so I gave him my
my home address. You may have told story before, and
I have, but maybe some they haven't. Not everybody heard it.
So he shows up and I'm I'm getting ready, and
I hear this boom boom boom, like you know the
(02:14):
car when the base is very loud and from the outside,
all you hear is the base like freaking like an
earthquake right out there, the windows about explode. And I
hear that and it's clearly, like very like rap music,
and I'm inside my house going no, this is not
happening to me. This is not happening to me. That
the freaking white green Goo that I pick is the
(02:36):
one that comes in playing the I wanted to die.
I came from the streets of that. So the first impression,
the first impression was she's gorgeous, and my impression was like, anyway,
(02:56):
so that's that okay? Then, um, how can someone keep
up of you know, what are you talking about? What
did your family think of? What we? Uh? My family
was My mom was in heaven. She's like, oh my god,
Prince Prince Charming just she manifested Prince Charming from me
and then Prince CHARMI showed up. At least she used
(03:17):
me that way. That's good. You don't the only want
within the family used me that way. My family, my family,
uh was thrilled about You're like, oh, I know that
Latina please. No. No, they had no problem with Latina
because they were used to that. But they were like,
oh wow, that's so cool and she's and she's so
your mom has an affinity for Latino man. Her first
boyfriend was Mexican. She her fiance. He was the quarterback
(03:40):
of the football team. Yeah he was. He was a Latino,
the Mexican guy you see, so like like like they
were they were enamored with you because you were so
beautiful and you were and you were very grounded down
to earth. That's so sweet. That's so sweet. Okay, Um,
(04:00):
do you have any suggestions for a woman who hasn't
dated through the entire pandemic it has and has hopes
to find a good man? Oh my god, you know,
I think it's gonna be the same pre pandemic and
post pandemic. You know, finding a good guy. Eat ain't easy, baby,
Eat ain't easy. You just have to pay attention to
(04:21):
those red flags because people manifest themselves and they show
you who they are. They one, So don't be blinded
but the beauty or the money or the social status.
Just be very aware of those little signs. That's my advice. Yeah, Mimi,
My advice is, uh, you know, not too off from that.
(04:42):
Other than just get out there. You gotta get out there,
get busy trying to meet people. Don't be afraid just
because you know, it's like the pandemic makes it so
difficult to try to feel you can be safe and
be out there and just meet somebody. I think, go
to a go to a comfortable place, you can take
your mask off, get to see the person. That's just
their eyes And how crazy is that we're talking about?
(05:03):
Look at this advice take your mask. You meet people,
it's like, I know what their eyes look like. I
have no idea what they look like. And you know what,
do you know what's crazy? I don't Really this happens
to you. At least it happened to me. When I
was in Fantasy Island. You know the crew. Everybody has masks,
so I knew a lot of them, but some of
them were new, you know, so I didn't know them,
and for two and a half months, basically I never
(05:25):
got to see their entire phase. It was always with
a mask, and a few times that somehow they will
remove the mask to have an itch, you know, or
they want to drink something. You know, when you when
you when you have an idea of somebody's busy, and
then you and I will see their faces and it
had nothing to do with the face that I had
picture or imagine. It was random puzzle pieces together because
(05:50):
you're like, oh, their eyes and somebody could have gorgeous eyes.
And then the mask comes down and you're like, oh,
we got home. Why no? You go like con you
like that like hot and then they turn around like
somebody you go cut out like ugly, it's not bad.
(06:11):
We have a saying. We say good from far but
far from good. Did you see some of the distance
You're like, wow, they look good. Then they come close
to your like have you ever? By the way, beauty
is in the eye of beholder. Everybody is beautiful to somebody.
But I think, like you know, you've got to be
attracted to that person. I always hold true to that.
I think looks matter that And we've talked about this before.
It looks so shallow. No, they matter if you've got
(06:33):
to be attracted to somebody or else, it doesn't. You
have never been attracted to somebody's mind on way of thinking.
Not first to the point that you go, I can
see myself having a full future and I being even
though I don't find her. No, definitely No. After I
get to know somebody their mind, I mean, look, I'm
attracted to them. Their mind can make it or break it.
(06:55):
So like, it doesn't mean I couldn't like fool around
with them because I'm attracted to them, But could I
date them long term or be interested in them? We've
talked about this before in the show might be surprised,
you might fully love with the person. No, I will
fall in love with the person. I'm not saying that
as a friend. No, no, no, I'll fall in love
with the person. But I have to be attracted to
the person too, So it's gonna be the combination mentally
(07:16):
stimulating and physically similar. Have you ever gone to bed?
You go to a club, you I'm just telling you,
go home, you sleep with the woman, and the next
morning you see the reality of it all have beer goggles?
Is that when you're drunk and everybody looks like at
the club, if you drink too much and then everybody
starts looking hot by the end of the night, Like
(07:37):
you're at a club and you're drinking, drinking and like
a girl that you were you probably would rate. Or
a guy either one that you probably rate as like
a four or five guys that will always look like
the same person. There's no, there's no When you're drunk,
everybody looks a little bit better. Really, Yeah, you've never
been drunk clouds your judgment. I think if I find
you ugly, I find your ugly. No, not, you're drunk,
(07:57):
because when you're drunk, your horny it's into the night
people start looking better. Question for you, So that has
that ever happened to you that you get up in
the morning and you just go I was like to
the g where I was like, Holy, this was way
off from my you know, my scale of what I thought.
But I've had it where I'm what do you do?
You go? See you never wanna what is it? See?
(08:18):
You never want to what I want to see? You
get this? You never want to say that. See you
never want to see you? Now you see you never
want to be you. I want to be you. Okay,
So um, what was the most special part of your wedding?
The most special part of our wedding? That is, I
(08:42):
think everything. I loved everything. Yeah, I mean there's two
parts I love. We had a Thanksgiving pre wedding celebration
that I really really love that everybody thought was the
way and I actually thoroughly enjoyed that. And then I'd
probably say, uh, yeah, I mean I think that moment
of you walking down the aisle with your ad and
beating that whole fourth that was a very powerful moment
(09:03):
for me. The moment that I couldn't walk because I
never practiced walking with my gown and and my shoe
kept getting stuck with the tool, all the dress and cobblestones,
and I'm literally walking. It was a long way because
it was this massive fourth in all San Juan and
my parents are walking me, and I kept saying, guys,
go go go, because I can walk. I can walk.
So my my maid of honor had to come all
(09:23):
the way and grab my dress. It was freaking comical.
Only that ship happens to me. I'm going here. I
have the most incredible Angel Sanchez gown, and I couldn't
walk and I started laughing hysterical. Oh my god, it
was funny. It was like a sitcom, but it was incredible.
I loved every single part of every single part of
my wedding. I enjoyed that night like never before. I
(09:46):
remember that it was four in the morning and I
was I ended up in jeans. I had four costume
changes on my wedding, actually yeah, four, and I ended
up in jeans and flats and I danced like they
turned on the lights remember at the ballroom, because they
were like, guys, you need to go home. I mean like, no,
well this is great, Oh my god. I had a
blast all right. Next question, how can someone keep hope
(10:07):
of love alive when they're having bad luck in dating?
That's a pretty simple answer for me. I just think
you have to continue to push forward. You have to
believe that the person is out there. That's how I've
always faced, you know, approached it. I just don't think
like you can have bad luck, but I always look
at it. I look at I'm I'm a weird one.
I love first dates. I love going on dates because
(10:30):
I love meeting a new person. And I've had dates
go south, and I just like, I'm on the day.
I already know I'm paying for this dinner, so I'm
gonna make this entertaining. I'm gonna ask why does it
go south? Just because like maybe their beliefs or their
opinions or there. You know, we start talking about stuff
and it just doesn't in line with me, and I
already know this is not going to really work. But
I just have fun on the date. I started asking
(10:51):
a bunch of random questions. I start getting into, like
who they are, why they're Yeah, I'm on the date,
I'm paying for dinner. I might as well make it entertaining.
I love first dates. I used to enjoy that process,
and many of them didn't work out, but I love
the process. So I think that's what dating to me
is like, you gotta just get back out there, even
with bad luck, make it enjoyable life. First dates can they?
Did I ever? Did I ever tell you about? Although
(11:13):
I didn't date, I guess, yeah, you meet somebody and
that there's the first date, and then you spent years
with the guy. Anyways, out of a date with a
big baseball player which I'm not gonna name right and
it is now you do you do? It was he
was super boring. It wasn't he was boring. It was
that he calmed, it's New Year's Eve, Miami. I go
(11:35):
to Miami. It's great. He says, we're gonna meet here,
but I'm and I'm with so and so and so
like three guys. I think it was his nutrition is
his trainer on somebody else, and his manager. So I'm going,
that's interesting that he wants me to meet with four dudes,
you know him and three more. So I thought it
was like you and three gay guys. But that's what
(11:55):
I did. I was like, Okay, no problems, so I'll
be there. I'll gather at some point, and I invite
it two of my friends, both gay, both fabulous, and
I show up with these two flamers. You can only
imagine how that freaking date went. He was so annoyed,
and I was annoyed too because I was like, this
is laughable number one, and you're stupid, and and it
(12:19):
was just not a c he was boring. And then
it was funny because his three dudes were all over me,
like hitting on me. I'm going, this is just so ridiculous.
So I just decided just to have a laugh and
just be stupid as well with my friends. That was ridiculous.
I don't like first dates. It's a joke. He's like,
everybody present him thisselves something they're not. It's a joke anyways.
(12:40):
Um um um um, Oh my god, this is a
good one. Should you Should you date or marry someone
with different political views? No, it complicates it for sure
as hell. I mean god, this is the thing. This
is the thing I feel like when people at politics
get in the middle, I mean, look at it depends
(13:02):
on how extreme either person is politically right, Like if
you're super far right or super far left, it's going
to be hell. Like if if you're always about the
politics and every decision you make. But if you're like
the world should be, if you're politically trying to find
a way to meet in the middle, whatever that is,
because even in the in the real world, people in
(13:22):
politics can't meet in the middle. If you can find
a way to meet in the middle, it's okay to
be different and have a different opinion. No, but in
a relationship that's too hard. Why because you can be
with somebody that has it's so far I said, if
it's too far apart, it's complicated. But even if it's
a little people are mature enough to understand there's no way.
(13:44):
I think at some point that she's gonna and if
politics matter that much to that person, then yes, the
ship was the politics to every person, even though you
act like they don't have to add they don't have
to matter that much that it would ruin your whole
life if somebody has a little bit of different opinion.
I think when it comes to politics and religion, unless
you you decide to conform into the other person, you
(14:05):
know that you It's like it's like women marrying somebody
that is Jewish and they convert into Judaism. Judaism Judaism,
you know, and that's a choice, and then you do that.
But if you have if you're born in Christian marrying
a guy that is uh, you call classic Jewish person.
(14:25):
And I don't think the Orthodox whatever, it's not gonna fly.
I think that's my opinion. Do you believe in the
phrase never go to bed angry. I'd like to say
I believe in it. I can't say I practice it.
You know, you don't practice. You don't practice at all.
You go to bed like a little child. Is ridiculous.
(14:48):
I just don't pay attention to you. I'm out, and
then you got a bit angry. It's it's off. I
actually hate it with passion, going to bed angry. I
just don't like to give the temple day anyway, So
I just I just do it. I go to be.
You don't like to give me the time of day anyway. Yeah,
I'd rather just go to bit angry. It's actually a
(15:12):
horrible practice at practice, and everybody gets into a relationship
saying never go to a bit angry, and the thought
of it and the idea of it is actually awesome.
It's it's what it should be. But it's just very
hard after fifteen years together, you're like, dude, I'm angry,
but it's also very tough if you get into an
argument right before going to bed, and then you're like,
how are we going to resolve? And the problem that
we have is that I would resolve things very fast,
(15:35):
but you'd like to talk about things over and over,
and he repeats himself twenty five thousand times, and then
it gives me more annoyed. So then I'm really angry
because I feel like, say, because your idea of resolving
things fast is you're right. Yeah, yeah, but that doesn't
resolve anything. That means you're right then yeah, you're right,
not that I'm right. You like to think that you're right.
(15:55):
Therefore nothing resolved that I'm right. Yeah, you believe you're right,
so nothing's resolved. So how are you gonna resolve that?
Of course I'm gonna go in circles because you're not right,
But sometimes you have to stop going in sometimes you
have to then sometimes you have to be wrong wrong,
I just go. You know, you never say when you're wrong,
you never even apologize. You're not a good apologize apologizer.
(16:17):
You're not gonna apologizer. You're not we've thought, We've talked
about this. I'm a great apologizer. I will say I'm
sorry when I'm wrong. Okay, what do you do when
you feel like one person is doing it all and
he causes resentment? Yeah, let's talk about that. Let's talk
about that. Yeah, go, go go ahead, Mont, What do
(16:43):
you do? What do you do? I mean, I try to,
uh psychologically break it down in my mind on my
own to have it not erupt. But then at a
certain point it does erupt. That's it. And when it erupts,
it's not pretty. I get really angry. You get really angry,
you get angry emotional, which is really interesting to me
(17:06):
because he gets so mad that he gets emotional and
he wants to cry of anger. It's more frustration of frustration,
I guess. And then the more he does that, then
the more I'm like, I'm going to bed. So there
you go. That's really compassionate. That is less than one
on how not to have a happy marriage. I'm not
(17:29):
going to be unhappy and you're not going to be compassionate.
I try to be comparion. My compassion is like, let's
stop talking about it, because but that's not resolving it.
That's shelvy. I'm not saying that I'm going to resolve
at that moment. I'd rather resolve it when you're actually
back back to earth. No, I don't like resolving it
when you're so heightened that you're blinded. There's never been
(17:51):
a day where you said, like, you know, let's just
talk about this tomorrow and then you remember to bring
it and bring it up the next day. I text
it so I can be cool and collect did and
I know instead of just going and saying things that
I'm going to regret I have, I take the time
to actually go, okay, let me just let me breathe,
let me pray on it. This is how I feel.
It's easier for me to communicate that way because I
(18:12):
know with my temper that when I opened my mouth,
if I am in the heightened state of mind like you,
nothing is going to be resolved. Huh How what honest listener?
So you don't ever know what it feels like when
you're doing it all and you feel resembling? When do
I feel resenting? Exactly? Because because I'm when it does
(18:35):
it all? Because the only one you were very smart
perfect truths. Here we go again, Eric, acting like he's
perfect and I'm a zero. I am not perfect. I
(18:58):
don't do anything seeing himself everything by himself him not perfect, dude. Due,
there's it's a simple acknowledgment. Is there one person that
juggles more in the house than me? What do you
mean by choice? Now? It's by default. Basically, there's always
(19:20):
They're always gonna be too. I was just having this
conversation with somebody at work. There's always a friend at work,
a friend that is in a relationship. I can't start
my wife because I do it all. No, not about us.
About the situation that they were going through with their partner.
Um when the event went for a long time and
I'm not gonna say I'm not going to say um
(19:40):
I can tell you after I'm not gonna say so.
And they were saying like they feel like they take
on the brunt of everything. They do it all and
it drives them crazy to the point that it's gotten,
you know, really heavy, really tough because they have that
resentment building up. And the thing is that somebody takes
on that roletically resentment. Since we started this podcast, he
(20:02):
said it, Yadi, who all you do is complain and
make people believe that you do it all. That you're
God and I'm just an addition dependence and you're better.
Tell the world and the listeners that I do a
lot and I contribute to a lot, and I'm a grave,
great wife and great Um. How you say mother and
(20:27):
you call your mom is my mother in law? I'm
a great daughter in law. Daughter in law? Say that.
I don't remember you know, you just said, you said
a lot of things. You are a great one making
me look, I'm not saying that, and you know it,
but you know you are listeners and you know everybody
right to your thoughts about the way this one over here, listen,
this one over here talks about this one over here.
(20:49):
I'm saying to you that you are I have said
you many times. You are a great wife. You are
a great mom, and you do do a lot like
like everything, but every thing is too far. I'm not
saying that a lot like what I need to do.
You do everything that you need to do for you.
You do things that you need to do in the
house too. For the kids. You know you do things
(21:11):
for them. You do things for the kids too, and
your things for me. But who is the person that
deals with the gardening scheduling. I'm scheduling the car wash
person and scheduling the plumber because the plumber is given problems. Okay,
so that you're answer. Takes care of scheduling the house,
who takes care of scheduling the kids? Who takes care
(21:32):
of scheduling you? Because you don't like to make the
phone calls for you, that's because you love doing No,
that's because anyways. The next next question, he loves it.
He's a very much in charge kind of person. Let
me do it a default that you love it? My god,
you know how many times this is the last time
I'm going to take care of this, Fuck this, fuck that. Uh.
(21:57):
And the next day he's like, remember that you have
to call someone. So you love it? You know what
you do? Know? Want to love it when somebody appreciates it.
I thank you, thank you so much, thank you for
all that. Move to I learned something in the Latin
gram is in Brazilian moving too. Yeah something anyways, next question,
(22:22):
how often should couples be intimate? How do you How
do you make up after a big argument. We don't
make up. We just keep fighting. I'm just kidding. Oh,
we just talked about it. How do we how do
we do it? I mean, we tried to talk about it.
We tried to understand each person's perspective and point of view.
(22:42):
That's what's important. So let's take a quick break and
then we're going to come back with more questions. I
think we need to break. These questions are intense. Okay,
next category worry. It's called intimacy. Intimacy How well off
(23:03):
I should couples to be intimate in a week? I mean,
there's gonna be two different perspectives here, because I would
say a couple should be intimate a lot as much
as they possibly can, is what I think. Um, Because
I believe that intimacy is core foundation in a in
a relationship, I truly do. I mean, you have to
respect the person, you have to have love, you have
(23:24):
to have all that. But I truly believe that intimacy
is necessary and building a very strong relationship to the
point that it also well I'll answer something else that
is on on this as well, But intimacy doesn't just
involve sex, but it's about being intimate and giving your
partner that do time and respect and attention that they
(23:48):
need on a regular basis putting them first in the marriage,
because when you have kids, it's very difficult to put
your partner first and be intimate with your partner because
you're always worried about having that those I'm I'm saying
that's why MCY is not always sex. You always concerned
abou having that intimate time with your kids, right, spending
quality time with them, um, And it's less focused on
the partner. So I think intimacy is mandatory. But I
(24:10):
think this questions are for intosex um. I'm sure that
a lot of a lot of women are going to
relate to this, and that's as well, because you know,
relationships and when you're when you're a parent, even if
it's two women to men or husband and wife, um.
And and when you have kids, especially young kids, is exhausting.
(24:34):
It's the most wonderful experience. But at the end of
the day, once eight o'clock comes, you know, and we're
getting ready and they go to bed. By then after
you spend your entire day and then you're dealing with
the kids and you put them to bed, we are exhausted.
I wonder if that happens to a lot of people
that you just go. My intention the entire day was, Oh,
(24:55):
you know what, I'm gonna give it tonight. I'm gonna
I'm gonna give it tonight. Tonight. I'm fine. An easy day.
And then nighttime comes, kids go to bed, You take
a shower or bath, and you're like, I don't want
to do anything. I just want to read and go
to bed. Accurate. I mean that's true, man, Kids change everything. Accurate.
(25:17):
I think everybody experiences that where you just you're exhausted,
you're burnt out, and then the last thing you're thinking
about is like, oh, I don't know if I have
the time to even I just want to be by
myself for a second. I don't want to watch my
favorite show or read. Like you said, Um, it's but
as they say, marriage, relationships, all of it. You know,
it's a job to some extent. You have to put
(25:39):
in the work, just like you put in the work
in parenting, and you put in the work at your profession.
You have to put in the work in the relationship.
Otherwise you take it for granted and then you have resentment. Okay,
have you celebrated your anniversaries. We've celebrated in many different ways.
Unless he cancels. That's the last anniversary plan. I had
(26:05):
everything planned and send life gets in the way and
we were dealing with tournaments and and Sabella has um
functions at school and the mommy daughter dance and then
and there's a lot of things happening. So yeah, anniversaries,
we don't know. We travel sometimes sometimes we just go
to a simple dinner we give each other. We've gotten big. Yeah,
we've done like all out and we've done very simple. Look,
(26:27):
after thirteen years, it's hard to you know, I'm not
gonna do the same thing every year, but I do think,
you know, honoring that day and making making it special
in some way is obviously important. I don't think it
should be just brushed over. Yeah, okay. The next category
is schedule finish. We have to do it all. We
want to do it, our fans want us to do
it all. Let's go our listeners. I don't like saying
(26:49):
fans our listeners. Do you schedule date nights? Oh? We
used to? We still do, do we? Yes? We do?
Are you sure about that? Yeah, I'm sure about that.
It doesn't happen with kids of the date night. We
went to the The Girl on the Gold or whatever
the restaurant. That was a day night a month ago.
A month ago. Let's see our last date night. And
(27:13):
by the way, I didn't get any on that date night.
Why not happened? You were like tomorrow night because you
were tired, And did it happened the next day? No,
it didn't, it didn't. The last date night we had
was August, No way, girl and no freaking away girl
in the go August. So when was our last day night?
(27:35):
We always girl, August, no way, no way. I don't
believe that it's in the calendar, the calendar to what
to make a fake date night. Anyways. Yeah, we um, yeah,
life gets in the way. I've been traveling, I've been working,
you've been working. We have kids. It's not easy. It's
(27:57):
sick dogs. There's a lot of going on. Things easier,
And it was our advice is guys, at least I
don't do what we don't wait three months. At least
once a week, we're going on at least once a week. No,
at least once a week. Engally sucks. Look at this,
at least at least once once a week. We is like,
(28:18):
all this freaking sounds so you just want to say
at least it was a week, because it's too hard
to say. You understand this. At least once a week good,
at least once a week, not once, not once every
three months. Yeah, I think that's wrong. I think it
should be at least we've been doing once a week.
Then get your ship together and then take me out
to day night. I tried to book something. I'm telling you, like,
I don't want to go out again. I want to
(28:39):
go another dinner we had We had a bavel Mediterranean
place in the books, and you're like, I just don't
want to do another one. We've had too many things
friends in town. You can something came up and you
asked me should we cancel it with don't blame it
on me? You don't want to come on? We had
another we went to the night before exactly, yeah, the
night before dinners. If you brought it, giving me the
(29:01):
choice of canceling, you wanted to cancel it otherwise you
will never do that anyways, Then get plant plant a
freaking day night and stop complaining anyways. Next category, a
lot of bickering on this podcast. We're doing that. A
lot I'm feeling is love. I still don't have a
(29:21):
voice since freaking I got sick. Anyways, I was gonna
do you something. We did a lot of bickery in
the last three or four episodes. It's been I keep
thinking about that. I keep thinking, why are we like
something towards each other when there's nothing but love? M hm? Why?
But why did you laugh? I didn't laugh. That was crazy.
I didn't laugh. Why did you laugh at that? Because
I thought it was funny that there's nothing but love.
(29:43):
There's nothing but love. That was a joke. No, that
my delivery was a joke, not not the actual Yeah, okay,
there's no love. There's a lot of love. We're always
fighting guys. On the first first season of the podcast,
it wasn't a all the like. Instead, I said, even
though it's cold, he said, so yeah, I can. Can
(30:05):
we stop fighting, Erica because it's becoming very petty? Is
that correct? Petty? Right? It's becoming so like like we
all we always disagreeing, and and it's just sometimes you
can get a little annoying and ugly. And we want
the audience too, to have a laugh and learn and
not be like they're always fighting. I wonder if they're
gonna survive how do they make it happen? They're always like,
(30:27):
are you so different? You know, we want people to
be like they're actually very relatable and very truthful. We
have been truthful. But um, do you understand this question?
How do you keep things exciting during a busy season?
Do you understand that question? How do you keep things
exciting doing it? I don't know why you laugh, but
(30:50):
I'm a happy person laughing. Yeah, I'm a happy person.
People find me very funny. You don't find me funny.
Funny you laughed at something and I'm funny. I left? Okay,
next question, do you keep things exciting during the busy season?
What does that mean? What does that mean? I don't know?
Do you know? I'm confused? It means how do you
(31:12):
keep things exciting? If I'm traveling busy season like it,
I guess we're working. How do we keep these exciting? Wow,
we used to have fun exciting things that we did.
I'm trying to think of, like, what do we do
to keep exciting? Watch a new episode of dopesick Watch
succession is our highlight of I think these are bringing
(31:35):
up very Oh yeah, it's about intimacy the category. So
I think we gotta we have. We are getting very
good questions asked to us that are causing us to
probably reflection, reflection, reflect on our on ourselves, and how
do we keep things exciting? The answer is we need
to pick that up. We always say that he said,
has become like, Um it looks so dark, guys, because
(31:59):
has become like a therapy session. Um, this is our therapy.
You guys are our therapists psychologists. We appreciate the answer
the question. The bottom line is we aren't keeping things
exciting right now. We need to step up our game.
There you go again, right, I'm asking you, do you
agree or not? We can better? Yeah, there you go.
(32:20):
So everybody out there, do better make your partner. I
really want to fix my movies. That has nothing to
do with what we're talking about. And I already know
that's a crazy comment. All right, do you support me? No?
I don't want to parenting. How should a couple handle
conflicts with parenting styles? This is a tough one. I
(32:40):
have a lot of issues about that one, guys, because
we are very different. Again, we say we say that
all the time, but it's the truth, and we it's
not that we parent different, but we would just go
about things sometimes different sometimes sometimes we we I think
(33:01):
our ues, I think our core values and the way
that we want our kids to turn out to be,
you know what I mean, Like, like the main goal
when it comes to this, the kids upbringing and what
our dream in the future of who we want them
to be. I think it's weird, spot on, and we're
very much alike in terms of having that in common, yes,
(33:21):
but the way to go about it a lot of
times it's kind of like shit, I just wish he
would just take it easy here, be a little bit
more over here. Yeah, I know, just like you do things.
I'm like, I wouldn't pick that battle, but it's a constant.
It's a constant negotiation guys as parents, and it's a
constant I don't want to struggle. We're both very It's
(33:41):
not a struggle by any means, but we're both which
this is what I think is a good thing. We're
both very hands on parents, and I think that it
would be more difficult for me if I was married
to somebody who was not hands on at all and
like just not as involved. I think that would be
harder for me if I married somebody who was like,
you got it. You do everything, and I'll just show
(34:02):
up when I show up. That would be very difficult
because I'm very hands on. I was just giving you accompliment.
I know, thank you. I appreciate, I thank you. I appreciate.
I didn't know that you thought that it was so
hands on, because you tell everybody that I'm I'm gonna
do the left front. I've never said you're not a
hands on parents, so I appreciate that you. I said
that I schedule everything. I didn't say you were a
(34:24):
hands on parents. I never said you weren't hands on. Okay, well,
well you don't say. You don't say those words, but
the way you sometimes talk about it, it makes it.
It gives the people the illusion or the perception of that.
I hope not because I'm very hands on. I think
we're both we with we're very much. We're both probably
(34:46):
two hands on, both of us in our own different ways.
We're two hands on it. And that's that's where we
could probably get into challenge hands hands Why we have
a kid that he's like, I can't wait, It'll be
eighteens so I can't just you know, she's kind of
like she feels like that's also personality because Dylan could
care less, Dylan like loves the hands on, Dylan wants
more attention. I'm so in love with with Dylan. Guys,
(35:07):
both your children, I'm in love with both of them. Yes, okay,
next question, should there be del both? Should there be
a strict parent and an easy going parent. I think
I'll be honest though, I would prefer two parents that
are similar on on roughly the strict parent I don't.
I mean, there's good cop, bad cop, But now I
(35:29):
think we're both. We are both both meaning that when
you have to and you're and you're easy going when
you have to. I think you need to as a
person find that balance. Um, it's not about the mom
is easier, and that is that I think you should
be a little bit of times when you can be easy,
in times when you can be strict. But I agree
with you. I agree with you this time that I
don't think that would work if one was always strict
(35:50):
and one was always easy. That would drive me correct. Now,
when you can do that, because what happens is that
you the kid, and of course they always want to
go with the with the easy going parent, and then
what happens with the other ones. You know, you have
to be the disciplinary disciplinarian, but at the same time
you have to be very aware that you have to
be a good friend to them so they can be
open with you. And they can. But the funny thing is,
(36:13):
I'm probably between the two of us, I'm probably the
slightly more strict parent. I probably am are. Nanny tell
me says it all the time that it's crazy that
Eric is more strict. Okay, don't you think you think
you're more strict than I am. That's okay if you
think that, I don't. It's not that I think I
don't think I don't. I don't think that. I think
that we are pretty much the same. Sometimes we are
(36:37):
like this, and sometimes we are a little How do
you incorporate your culture into raising your kids, what traditions
do you teach them? Well, let's see, I incorporate rather
than Spanish every single day into the kids. I try
really hard to make her speak Spanish all the time,
and I am very supportive of Puerto Rican culture. My
American culture is kind of it's boring, so there's not
(36:58):
really doing much to incorporate in the Erican side. But
I love I mean, she's American to Puerto Ricans, but
I love them Puerto Rican girls from American put Rican
Okay you are, but I'm an American citizen, but I'm
Puerto Rican. OK. What my point is, I embrace the
Puerto Rican. I embrace culture. So I love that we
(37:19):
get to teach our kids about Puerto Rican heritage and
culture and constantly teach them traditions like three Kings, which
I didn't grow up doing. Um, different stuff like that
they do Three Kings. Um. I cannot wait to take
them to less guy Assan, which is a our version
of Rio the Carnival. You know, it's this beautiful event.
(37:40):
I don't know if with COVID how is it gonna go,
but I would love for them to experience that. It's
funny because before we came to the podcast today, Um,
I realized that we're gonna be in Puerto Rico for
my birthday April because I'm gonna be shooting. And I said, Dylon,
my mom is gonna be in Puerto Rico for for
her birthday and you're gonna be there. And He's like,
I'm gonna be put a week for your birthday and
(38:01):
his little eyes light up like he was so happy. Um,
so we try, you know, to me. Unto you as well,
kudos to you for wanting them to embrace um that
they're by cultural children, by Rachiel. So it's beautiful. It's
it's really important because yeah, they have Puerto Rican and
(38:22):
I want them to always always be very proud of that.
Let's take a break and we'll come back with a
couple more thoughts. Okay, well, thank you for all of
your listener questions. This was enlightening. I think that we
have a lot of stuff to go home and moll over.
(38:44):
What did you learn I learned, Like I said, we
have to go home and moll over some stuff. We
have to try harder. You're right, I think that's probably
the big lesson learned. But I think that's a universal lesson.
I think with people that have been together for a
long time, you have to try harder. That's like the
big thing at the end of the day, right. I
think it's so easy to become complacent and just think
that everything is going to work itself out or everything
(39:06):
is just fine. If you don't try harder, if you
don't work as hard in your relationship, as you do
in other things. You don't read the benefits. Hard work
pays off, right, would you learn the same thing? Yeah,
we definitely have to try harder and understand that. Yeah,
we have this these two incredible kids that are our life,
(39:28):
you know, um, but we have to make sure that
this unit over here is untouchable and it's solid. Has
to be the pity it has. I learned that on
an episode of Oprah years ago. Yeah, the marriage isn't
the priority and the kids of the priority. The marriage
tends to crumble and the kids suffer that loss. You know,
(39:53):
the marriage has to always be the priority. The kids
will by default be the priority as well, but the
marriage has to be the priority. And and and I'll
give you this. You are very much into the institution
of marriage and working things out and sticking it through
and doing absolutely everything possible two to make it work.
(40:13):
That's very much something that you're having ingrained. Is that correct?
What is the face you're not? I am yeah, no,
I do, I do. I am, I I do I do.
But for a man, you know, it's not easy to
find a man that that that's his priority, you know,
(40:36):
with kids or without kids, that he's so into let's
make this work. That's beautiful because I think a lot
of them would just boom. I'm just gonna fly if
I don't feel attended to, or if I don't feel
appreciate it, or whatever, whatever, whatever you know, and you
understand what I'm saying. I am, I do, I am,
I do understand. That was fun, all right, well, not
really like a laugh out loud episode. This got heavy fast,
(40:58):
but it was entertaining, thought provoking, thought provoking. So thank
you listeners. Till next time. I love you, I love you.
Subscribe to he said a Vijo on IHR Radio, Apple
podcast or anywhere you get your podcasts.
Host
Roselyn Sanchez
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