July 17, 2023 • 32 mins
A NSFW conversation with Sexologist Rebecca Alvarez that will make you want to run home for a quickie!
From the health benefits of masturbating, to introducing the right sex toys at the right time...couples can put away the shame and up their game!
Plus- pillow talk gets real when Ros reveals her bedroom behavior (or lack thereof) and who knew our "Rookie" likes to sleep commando!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is he said ayad Ho with Eric Winter and
Rosalind Fantaz.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Hello, Hello, Okay, how are you.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I'm doing good, doing good. I'm excited about this guest today.
I feel like this is years in the making.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It is my apologies. I did p RP micro needling
and I cannot use any makeup and my face is
red and peeling, so sorry, burned burns. Apologies. Anyways, it's great.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
For sex therapy, by the way, and I'm just that's
what we're going to talk.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
About today, trying to avoid botox and all kinds of
things that you don't want me to do. So that's
what I have to do with the the Empire of
Facial Anyways, do you know that July thirtieth is a
National Orgasm and Day.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
We're going to talk about sex today.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
I think guys just want every day to be orgasm day.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Really, guys think that's too much. Anyways, we have our
fantastic guest. She is an intimacy expert and CEO of Bloomy.
I'm going to talk about Bloomy very soon. Her name
is Rebecca Alvarez. I'm sure you have hundreds of questions
for her because you're a very sexual being. Anyways. Rebecca
(01:13):
is one of the most influential intimacy experts in the nation.
She is a Berkeley graduate. She was on Forbes Next
one thousand, well plus good change Maker, and it's one
of the few latinas to raise several millions in venture capital.
She's also the CEO and co founder of Bloomy and
(01:33):
do you know what's bloomy?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
No, mammy, I understand what it is now that I've
done some background in Rebecca. But I'm excited to chat
with you.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yes, yes, yes, Hi, Rebeca.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
Oh my god, I'm so excited to talk with both
of you.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Things we feel the same. I feel like this I
was just joking with my wife or said, I feel
like this is years of our podcast in the making,
because we've talked so much about sex and intimacy on
this podcast, and here we are with an expert, and
here we are.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Just go ahead and.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Start.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
We have a lot of great questions here that our
producers put together, so let's just tackle them.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Let me just lead in a little bit Rebecca with
how does how do you come across a field like this? Like,
at what point in your life, did you say, Okay,
I'm going to be an expert and intimacy and sexologists
so to speak. Right what point did that happen.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, it's definitely not one of the careers you grow
up in, especially a Latino household saying you know, I'm
going to become a sexologist right now.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
I can't imagine high school You're like, hey, mom, dad,
I know what I'm going to go study when I
go to college.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Definitely definitely not.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
But what I say is usually like for me, there
were so many things that were pointing me in this direction,
like all my life, so growing up Latina and not
getting sex education and getting actually abstinence only education the
big area which is some people get really surprised by that.
(03:03):
I was very drawn to the body, like in understanding
our body, but also felt like people were hiding stuff.
So I was a very curious kid and that's how
it started. And then like you know, my experiences in
college and like things that I found inspirational on college
campuses were always centered around sex education. And so once
(03:26):
I started to really understand the power of like understanding
your body and having a really good routine and intimate life,
I was like, wait a minute, why are we not
talking about this? It was a question I circled around
for years and I decided to dive deep in the
space for a lot of personal reasons. It was personally
(03:48):
very healing for me. I found it to transform the
way that I encountered my relationships, my sexual relationships, and
I wanted to get that out into the world.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
So I have a master's. But it's been a process,
like all my life.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Let me ask you something with us and that part
of my ignorance, just so you study what a biology
is it like a pre med type of thing, like
like to become a sexologist, what is the trajectory and
education wise.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yes, so to become a sexologist you have a higher
degree in human sexuality. And what I did as undergrad
is I actually helped U. C. Berkeley make the first
sexual wellness major. They had amazing course. They're great with
pre med I took. I actually thought I wanted to
go into medicine. I thought I wanted to do OBG
I N and sexual medicine. But then what I found is,
(04:35):
you know what, I'm not getting to talk to the masses.
I'm not getting to like the education side it was
just like very like dysfunction oriented like problem, here's the medicine,
or there's.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
No medicine, and people might just assume you're you know,
it's like sex sex sex, and there's so much more
more to this field of study than just that. But
I know one thing that just jumps in my mind
right away, and I'm sure a lot of people would
wonder for someone to be passionate about this field. Does
that mean you yourself are like an incredibly sexual human
(05:11):
being or I'm sure that's like the like the blanket
obvious question that people want to know, because we've had
that with life coaches or people that come on psychologists
and you're like, well, what's your life coaching like or
what's your personal journey like? And obviously not everybody's perfect
in the field in which they study, but you're passionate
about something because you can make a difference. So is
that your case? Is that what drove you to it
(05:32):
where you're like, I'm just such a sexual person, this
is the field I want to go down.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
It's a weird question, I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I think it's like, I think, does that make sense
what I'm saying? Like some people need help in the
area and they're seeking it. And some people are just like,
I love this world because that's who I am, and
I can educate more on it.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
It's actually such a good question.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
They're just giving me daggers, like.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Because because I think a lot of people want to
ask me that, but they don't. A lot of people
are really drawn to, like, what's your personal sex like life?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Like right?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Like they want to know I have all this information, Like,
am I like, you know, am I into kink? Am
I into open relationships? Am I doing all the alternative?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
That was my next question.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Now here's the thing I feel like for me, the
reason I was drawn to the category is because it
transformed my relationships, my sexual relationships, my own mind body connection.
And when I saw the power of what it did
for me and how fulfilling that was, I wanted other
people to experience that. So it wasn't like, you know,
(06:36):
I had a super high sex stripe. Actually, to be honest,
it was the opposite.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
For a while.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
In college, I went through a bad sexual experience. I
was sexually assaulted. I navigated, you know, young years of
your trying to explore your your identity, your sexuality, your preferences.
So I navigated many things at the same time, lots
of therapy, lots of education, And then what ended up
happening is when I came on the other side of that,
(07:02):
I was like, wait, a lot of this information isn't
just helpful if you've had a trauma, right, this is
helpful for just like a relationship, a healthy relationship, And like,
we all want great sex lives, right, whether we're sexually
active in the moment or we're not.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
So I was drawn to that.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I was drawn to like, how do I give people
all the information and let them pick and choose the
things that make them really happy? Because sexuality is so
it's beautiful in that like everyone wants something different. It's
very fluid, there's a spectrum for everything. No one is
one hundred percent anything in this category. So I was
(07:40):
drawn to that, and I wanted to get this information
out there. But I will tell you, yes, I have
a great sex life because I know how to navigate
it and I think I have an incredible partner that's
been very open and so I've tried many things and
I think that's the spirit that I want other people
to be drawn to.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Absolutely I think what's important about that is what you
said is that it was something that you learn to
get better and develop in. And that's why I think
it's super It's super important for listeners to understand that
you don't have to just be great in something. And
everybody's like, why I can't relate to you because I
don't deal with those issues. But you're, on the other
hand saying I've dealt with those issues. I had to
learn this for myself and build it up. That's why
(08:17):
it's so powerful.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
So give me an example of Okay, so you're because
you're upbringing, you were very closed to sex, you know,
because you know, even for me as a Puerto Rican
I grew up with a mom that was very We
never talked about sex. It was absolutely taboo.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
You know. And it made with your brothers. You always say, no,
my mom didn't.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
It was given for my brothers. I have three brothers,
I'm the youngest one, the only girl. It was celebrated.
They can do whatever they want. The more the more women,
the more sex and more macho. The more you celebrated
with me. Was like, don't you dare you know like
that that kind of thing, So give me an example
of what the first thing that once you started starting
the subject and practicing what you're preaching, what was the
(08:58):
first a ham moment for you that you and from
like this was a no no and now, oh my god,
this I just opened up that incredible door.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Oh got The first one by far that came to
mind as like a big change was masturbating. So when
you're growing up and you're so I grew up Catholic,
right religiously, a lot of us have these messages that
were taught that you should not touch your body, or
you should only have sex during certain times or really
(09:29):
only maybe after marriage. Like there's messages, right, And so
for me, like the way that I grew up viewing
sex was it was something kind of shameful and secretive
and I didn't really understand why.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
So the unlock for me was once I learned not.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Just the health benefits of masturbating, because I have to
tell you there's thousands of them, but when I really
started to see like my confidence change and the way
that I felt grounded, and the way that like it
just changed my health, my mental health, I was like,
wait a minute, how can something that's you know, data
(10:06):
and medicine is showing is so good for the body.
How does that not align at all with a lot
of the messages that I received? And what I realized is,
like you do have to unlearn a lot of what
you grew up with because it is centered around shame.
And sex can be really beautiful. It's really powerful. So
that's why there's like this ugly world and a beautiful world.
(10:29):
But overall, like if you can just have a really
really really good and rich mind body connection and you
enjoy that touch because the body can't tell if the
body cannot differentiate your own touch with a partner touching
you so like skin to skin and like all of
those health benefits, we like give that to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
What are the hell the benefits of masturbating?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Oh my gosh, Okay, the one the ones that people
most commonly know are you know, you can sleep better,
you feel happier, and overall, like they think, you know
it's good for me, But I'll tell you, like specifically,
what people should know is it's not just you can
sleep better, you can fall asleep faster and stay asleep
(11:13):
and have better deeper sleep. If you're having an orgasm
before going to bed, for example, and then the benefits
of just having them consistently, if you consistently can it's
not even just the orgasm, but it's like the touch
and the consistent time dedicated to your body. If you
can consistently have that, you have a you will reduce
(11:36):
depressive symptoms, You will elevate your mood, your desire, like
your own libido slowly goes up anyway, and so you
start to crave more of it. You start to want
more intimacy, more skin to skin. And then what does
it do for the relationships?
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Right?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Also, I'm sorry to cut you off. If you just
add reduces fine lines and wrinkles and lose weight, this
is like every sleep better, My wrinkles go away, I
lose weights.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Have two more questions the relationship.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
So what does it do relationships?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I mean, when you're really well connected with a sexual partner,
and that's like a sacred time for you, guys that
you get to explore, You get to like have a
menu of things that you both learn from each other
and you can tap into those. It's like it's very magical.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So masturbating every single day is good for you, is
though it doesn't cause any problems to your organs or
is it not not? No, you know what, you know
what I'm asking that maybe you think you like pancreatic
issues like my like your pelvic area because I don't
know if it is my own delusion or because of
this guilt that I have around sex because of my
(13:03):
upbringing to me. Sometimes I'm doing better because I had
a partial hysterectomy. Right, so now my enjoy is under
control and I and my sex life has changed dramatically.
But a lot of times I even tell Eric, I
don't want to you can have an orgasm. I don't
want to have an orgasm because I feel like it
gives me pelvic pain after.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Oh okay, So then here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
There's a whole world of if you're having an orgasm,
and there is a world where you have discomfort or pain,
you know, like vaginismus, Like all these are really real
things that you should be working to like pinpoint what
it is so that then you can figure out how
to reduce that.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Okay, it could be so many things.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
And this is where I feel like some clinicians are
great at it. Right if they focus on like holistic
medicine and women's health and like all these things right,
but overall, like it's not bad for you. If you
are having pain, it's something it's a good sign that
you should look into it.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
But let's just say a.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
General perspective, the vagina that is actually contracting during an orgasm,
it's a muscle. So the same way when we exercise
a few times a week, those muscles stay healthy and
active and strong. That's the same for the vagina. You
can actually do pelvic floor exercises to strengthen it, and
orgasms can feel better when you're doing that.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
So it doesn't have to be every day.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
But what I like to say is like consistently what
feels good for you, So maybe it's like twice a
week or three times a week. People are actually really
surprised to learn that the average couple is not having
sex multiple times a day or even every day. The
average frequency of sex, just to give you the number,
is two and a half times per month. So it's
(14:49):
not something that I think we have this idea of
what we're supposed to sound like how often we're supposed
to be having sex, like all of these things, but
it's actually like more like calmer than that you know,
it's not as like frequent as people may think. Hey,
if you want to have sex multiple times a day though,
like there is nothing wrong with that, it's just from
(15:12):
a masturbation perspective, I think a couple of times a
week is great.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Okay, But you know that I have never which is
so interesting, Like this whole idea of masturbating, right, there's
I don't know why. To me, it's like list it
feels phenomenal, but there's kind of like a dirty component.
I have never owned a vibrator in my entire life.
Is that so much information?
Speaker 4 (15:32):
No? My goodness, can I be gift vibrators?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Like I feel like I'm doing something like it's isn't
a weird?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
I think that comes up again with a crazy no,
because I think it's societal upbringing. It's it's there's so
many factors that come into as she said, sex education
at ages where it's not taboo, you're not you remember
this device.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Years ago. I have a good friend of mine, she's
a dentist, and then she opened this wellness center because
she's fascinated by this whole thing. And she had this
kind of colleges like twice a day. The gynecologists will
just deal with people. And you know, I have some
clients and she was selling this. You might know what
it is. It's like, it's this device, but it's not
from you can use it from masturbation, but you use
it because it has like a red light and then
(16:15):
you put it in and it does something for because
I suffer from endo. Suppose it was to be it
was a magical device that was going to help me
with my pelvic pain and da da da. But one
of the functions was because it had some movements, some vibration,
so you could use it as that. So I remember
it was a lot of money, so I bought it.
Of course I used it maybe twice because it's a
(16:37):
lot of you have to be super disciplined, you know,
And I was so frustrated.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Different therapeutic reasons, but also a taboo side of it
was like this is just weird.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
But it's funny because I was like in listen, I'm
never going to continue using it as as for my
pelvic pain, I'd rather just do a hysterectomy. But I'm
not gonna get rid of it because you're supposed to
be a vibrator, right. I have never used it.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Not surprised, so so many thoughts like I'm actually really
excited for you right now because I feel like something's going.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
To change shift in your world now.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So in couples, when one partner has not used a vibrator,
when the other partner verbally supports it like go for it,
like I want you to experience it, or even shops
with them, it actually reduces.
Speaker 4 (17:22):
Your taboo levels. It helps you. So just something to think.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
About, Well, will you be comfortable knowing that I am
going off by myself and you know.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Off, I can't imagine you're going off madly.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
In love with my device and I don't need you.
Will you be comfortable?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Okay, that's the thing I want to say. In a
lot of heterosexual relationships, this comes up all the time,
you know, like especially the man not not liking the
idea of a vibrator. But what I like to say
is this, it is not a replacement. It's like to enhance.
So the more that she learns about the type of touch, sensation,
power level, whatever that she lights and has these experiences,
(18:01):
the more she's going to be creating sex in general.
So it is going to help with libido and desire.
But with the product that you mentioned, I forgot what
it's called. I do know what you're talking about. I
actually know the founder. But a lot of people do
not like vibration internally. So if you look at like
(18:23):
kind of like our anatomy, vibration feels really great on
the outside, Okay, then like right at the entrance, like vaginally,
but not deeper. Usually people don't like vibration internally. It
feels kind of like a little irritating for a lot
of people, Like eighty percent of people don't like internal vibration.
So using it on the outside and having like a
(18:45):
couple c literal orgasms. And we do have a toy
that is actually designed for people like me and you,
where one side vibrates, one side does not, and one
side is focused on the G spot and like good
internal and then one is more simple. So that's like
a fun way to explore too.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I want to talk about all about bloomy, but before
we go to bloomy, to give you an example, like,
like I remember growing up, our daughter is eleven years old, right,
so we don't I have no idea if she's she knows,
if she's discovering her body if she's feeling any kind
of sensantions. I have an idea. But I remember, as
a young girl, maybe her age, that I would be
(19:35):
like rubbing, like I would be in bed right with
my mom, like my mom is doing something. I'm just
my mom is reading and I'm in bed, And I
remember I have these memories of me like rubbing and
feeling something, and my mom will mebekaa, how do you call?
When you say this, she'll pinch me. And that happened
for a long time. She will not say a word,
(19:55):
and it was a very terretful like ah, like it
make me stop. So I learned what I'm doing is
wrong because clearly it's bugging her to the point that
she's hurting me. But she never ever talked to me
about it at all. So I always grew up with like,
I don't even know what I'm doing. It feels good,
but my mom doesn't like it, so I'm gonna have
to hide to do it, and that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yes, your experience is so common, right, And a lot
of times, like our parents had even less information and
less access to stuff, and so the message is just
don't do it me huh.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Just like.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Right, But but it's actually, even though it may feel
hard for us as parents to promote like them exploring
their body or pleasure in whatever way that looks like
for them, it doesn't have to be embarrassing for them, Like,
we actually have this unique gift of being able to
(20:50):
stop that generational shame. And I see it happening a
lot of a lot of people are starting to even
teach up or like me, for example, I tell my mom, Mom,
try this product, Mom, this Loube is great, like and
it's kind of funny, right.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Like my mom will.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Die, Okay, but I see, like this is the thing.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
I feel like times are changing, so.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
You would be surprised, like they may be more open
to it now if you're allowing them that space and
giving them you're an adult and so they trust you
know your idea too. So to go back to the
part about children, though, I think it's always important to
at all ages, this could be one year old, to
try to not feel the shame and transfer the shame.
(21:37):
So if you see, like I'll just say a small
child and it looks like they're touching themselves, it's okay
to say something like baby, we don't do that around
other people. You can do that with privacy. You can
figure out like the things that feel nice, but privacy
just you and it's just kind of like a redirection.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
And if the child is like older, let's say now they're.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Going into preteen, even I think it's actually healthy to
talk to them about pleasure, Like, you know, let's just
talk about what pleasure is. Pleasure can be you enjoy
a hot chocolate. Pleasure can be like you enjoyed a workout.
Pleasure can also be like you start to explore your
body and there's going to be parts of your body
that feel really good to touch. But just keep in
(22:21):
mind that's for you to discover and it's a private
thing for you. You can ask me questions, you can like,
you know, share it with me, but like it's not
for some, it's not something you do in the outside
public space.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
That's always been my understanding is that if you see
that more of a redirection of saying no, it's okay
to do that, but not in public. You take you
go to your own you go to your room, You
have your own space, and that's up for you to
do by yourself, but not to be like no, no,
and shame.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
Oh my God, you're so curious.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Like it's hard for us as a lot of us,
even for me, like sometimes like I have to like
remind myself that, like they grow so fast, they're at a.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Different phase now.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
And yes, I've heard like teach them the right anatomical
part and that'll be super helpful. Yes, but like at
ages like one through ten, it's not even about sex.
It's just body information and like understanding that, and then
it goes into like starting to talk about healthy relationships,
what is sex? A lot of times kids think they
(23:23):
know what sex is and they actually don't. So meeting
them where they're at is always really helpful as parents.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Before we talk about bloomy, one last question is I
thought this is a good question the producers brought up
and if you can you know, however you want to
sum this up, but how do you suggest that couples
get in the mood and are more and more importantly
they stay in the mood. I just want to hear
your advice, Like.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yes, I love this, So I did a deep dive
into desire. That's like my specialty, like getting in the mood.
The thing about it is, I feel like couples, especially
long term couples, they will sort of like overth how
to get the spark back and how to keep it.
And if you just think back to dating, what we
do during dating is fun for us, so novelty things
(24:10):
that are new, new experiences together and having time where
you just have fun as a couple. It's so so important,
and I think with the routine, especially if you have
family responsibilities, it's hard to have not just date night,
because date night is great. You know, you can get
ready and do something or take out and stay in,
But like, what do you do as a couple to
have fun and be like attracted to each other. Some
(24:32):
people really like working out together, something about like you know,
the endorphins and like all of the things that you
give the pheromones you give off. People really love that
and that could be kind of like a consistent small
turn on. But whatever it is that you need to
do to make sure that you have uninterrupted quality time
together to do something that you're both enjoying, that's a
great way to keep that funness going in the relationship.
(24:55):
And then in the actual moment, like a lot of
times we're really hired or we're stressed, and those things
impact libido so what I like to say is try
to go into a date night rested, hydrate.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
But we try to go and rested.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
And then when you're having your actual like intimacy moment,
there's so many beautiful things you can do, like an
arousal oil, a good loob, you can bring in a toy,
and like, there's so many things to just make it
more playful and just have that time consistently.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
So I think one thing I also learned from a
Ted talk that someone to share with us is I
think and I think you might It was referenced by
one of our producers as well, but is skinned to
skin I think is super important and for play, like
not just jumping into the act because it's a job
and you got to get it done because you're married
and you have kids and you're stressed out, and it's like,
if we don't have sex to night, then we failed.
Like it's not just about that, It's about having skinned
(25:45):
to skin whatever it is you're doing, Like if you're
watching TV, what have just skin to skin contact and
letting the moment build naturally up.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
One hundred percent. And with skin to skin, the one
thing I will say is it's nice when the pressure
comes off and you can go to bed at the
same time. A lot of couples that have the highest
levels of sexual satisfaction go to bed at the same time.
So if you can try to do that, and with
less clothes, so sometimes people still.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
Have little ones that can walk in.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Try to make, you know, try to create like a
separation when you can. And if you can go to
bed with just like a comfortable like tank top or
like no clothes at all, is even great.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
So that you get used to.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Each other's like like comfort every evening, every night. That
feels really nice as well, And you would be surprised
how many times it builds into sex. It doesn't always
have to, but it can.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I'm laughing because we're gonna have to make a lot
of changes. Number One, he likes sleeping naked. I like
to be fully closed. We have these mattresses that there're
separate mattresses because we have back issues, so we like
to like you know that they adjust. So we have
a line in the middle and then we put like
the I call it the wall, the wall of China
because we put like this is a vision of pillows.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Give me a bedtime because she stays up later than me,
So she's like working on her computer or she's on
her phone, and I'm just like, I'm going to bed, screw.
But that's like going to bedtime. But what she's talking
about is like just when you're going into bed, and
you know it's it's easy to say.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Okay, how do you explain the sixty percent of women
fake orgasms?
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Is not even possible because I'm thinking, listen my orgasms
that you know, the muscle, like you mentioned before, it contracts,
so I think a guy will know.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
But you can do do you have fake your peblic floor?
You can just squeeze that fake.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Oh, I guess, so you're right. They can just go
like that.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
No, I've heard this stat. So here's what I know
about it. The majority of cis women.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Women.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
We have faked an orgasm at some point in our life,
but the majority of women, especially as we age, we
stop faking. And I think this happens when we have
a real orgasm. Because sometimes when you're young, you're like
you know, in your twenties or whatever, you you think
you have an orgasm, or maybe you're not sure, but
like once you really know, then there's no need to
(28:07):
fake and to be honest, Like, if you're in a fulfilling,
healthy relationship, your partner wants you to be fulfilled. Your
partner wants to make sure like you're actually good. Right,
So even if you're you know, ten years in of marriage,
you can always start over with things.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
You can always say like, look.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
I've been experiencing sex in this way, I'm really curious
to try to do it this way. Or I want
to show you how I like to orgasm when I
touch myself, Like can we learn together, Let's like explore
this together. And I you know, coached couples through like
stopping the faking. And a lot of times people are
just like making sounds they think their partner wants to hear,
(28:49):
or making moves that they think look sexy. But when
you can get out of your head and it's just
whatever feels good, it's another level.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
So tell us about Bloomy.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Gloomy is I for like one of my children. Gloomy
is an intimacy company. We say we're a sexologist led
intimacy company, and it's a mix of really beautiful, healthy,
plant based products mixed with tons of education. So it
is a company that I think the world needs. That's
why I created it. I started the company almost five
(29:22):
years ago as a solution to my clients. For my clients,
so instead of giving them like ten fifteen different links
to my recommended products based on our sessions, I just
built this collection of products that I really loved and
then over time started making our own. So the first
product we launched was bloom Me arousal oil that a
lot of people love and know, and that product inspired
(29:45):
like a shift in the company. So that's when we
raised venture capital, created a full line, launched in retail,
and today we have twelve products. We're launching a couple
this summer. All of them are very intentionally made. They're
for intimate skin or intimacy. It's not for just men
(30:06):
or women. It's for anybody. The toys are designed in
a way to help you explore and I keep people
that have maybe not the greatest experiences in mind when
we make these, like the double sided when I mentioned,
and then the liquids, they're you know, like the loobs
are organic, plant based and we make it really easy
to use them. That was one thing that I learned
(30:28):
as a sexologist. I feel like some products are overly
complicated or the toys had way too many settings, and
if you're the kind of person you find the setting
you like and then you accidentally like rotate to the
next one, you have to rotate through like fifteen settings. Again,
that was so annoying to me. So we make it easy.
One of each thing, like one water based loube, one
(30:50):
oil based lube, one external toy, one internal toy, and
the toys they have like three settings, three power settings,
and that's it simple to use.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
And so that's that's what it is.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
It's a collection of products, but it's made with a
lot of intention.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
People combined Target nationwide.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
Nationwide, we're in fifteen hundred Target start fast.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
That's to you. Also a website is that as well?
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Yep, So people can find us at the bloomy dot com.
And then with.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Target, we're still learning. We're still new to Target. But
if you check the app, sometimes you find one product
at your local Target store, sometimes you find.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
The four products.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Congrats to you on all the success. This is really wonderful.
You're you're doing things great for yourself, building a company
and also helping many people out. It's really wonderful.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
It's much Nita, thank you so much, and remember guys,
National Orgasm Day July thirtieth, Blue Miss mission is to
make you enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Thank you so much for be for coming on with us.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Thank you so much fun, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Awesome take care Wow, wow, wow, fascinating, fascinating. I could
have talked for like tomorrow. I had so many questions.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Can you pastly do another another podcast with her? Because
there's just so much to talk about, discover and also
for people. I think people will find this very interesting.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I love the idea that she listened. She is following
her passion. She made a business out of it. She's
helping people along the way.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
To the company.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I complete rock stars. So thank you so much, Rebecca.
Oh my goodness. So let's by bye. I'm gonna go
master bait.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Cat Wow, can't wait for the care package. Love you,
love you, Thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us
a review and tell us what you think.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check goes
out at, he said as an email Eric and Ross
at iHeartRadio dot com. He said, AB is part of
iHeartRadio's Mike would do that podcast network.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
See you next time.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
I
This is he said ayad Ho with Eric Winter and
Rosalind Fantaz.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Hello, Hello, Okay, how are you.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I'm doing good, doing good. I'm excited about this guest today.
I feel like this is years in the making.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It is my apologies. I did p RP micro needling
and I cannot use any makeup and my face is
red and peeling, so sorry, burned burns. Apologies. Anyways, it's great.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
For sex therapy, by the way, and I'm just that's
what we're going to talk.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
About today, trying to avoid botox and all kinds of
things that you don't want me to do. So that's
what I have to do with the the Empire of
Facial Anyways, do you know that July thirtieth is a
National Orgasm and Day.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
We're going to talk about sex today.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
I think guys just want every day to be orgasm day.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Really, guys think that's too much. Anyways, we have our
fantastic guest. She is an intimacy expert and CEO of Bloomy.
I'm going to talk about Bloomy very soon. Her name
is Rebecca Alvarez. I'm sure you have hundreds of questions
for her because you're a very sexual being. Anyways. Rebecca
(01:13):
is one of the most influential intimacy experts in the nation.
She is a Berkeley graduate. She was on Forbes Next
one thousand, well plus good change Maker, and it's one
of the few latinas to raise several millions in venture capital.
She's also the CEO and co founder of Bloomy and
(01:33):
do you know what's bloomy?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
No, mammy, I understand what it is now that I've
done some background in Rebecca. But I'm excited to chat
with you.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yes, yes, yes, Hi, Rebeca.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
Oh my god, I'm so excited to talk with both
of you.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Things we feel the same. I feel like this I
was just joking with my wife or said, I feel
like this is years of our podcast in the making,
because we've talked so much about sex and intimacy on
this podcast, and here we are with an expert, and
here we are.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Just go ahead and.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Start.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
We have a lot of great questions here that our
producers put together, so let's just tackle them.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Let me just lead in a little bit Rebecca with
how does how do you come across a field like this? Like,
at what point in your life, did you say, Okay,
I'm going to be an expert and intimacy and sexologists
so to speak. Right what point did that happen.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, it's definitely not one of the careers you grow
up in, especially a Latino household saying you know, I'm
going to become a sexologist right now.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
I can't imagine high school You're like, hey, mom, dad,
I know what I'm going to go study when I
go to college.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Definitely definitely not.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
But what I say is usually like for me, there
were so many things that were pointing me in this direction,
like all my life, so growing up Latina and not
getting sex education and getting actually abstinence only education the
big area which is some people get really surprised by that.
(03:03):
I was very drawn to the body, like in understanding
our body, but also felt like people were hiding stuff.
So I was a very curious kid and that's how
it started. And then like you know, my experiences in
college and like things that I found inspirational on college
campuses were always centered around sex education. And so once
(03:26):
I started to really understand the power of like understanding
your body and having a really good routine and intimate life,
I was like, wait a minute, why are we not
talking about this? It was a question I circled around
for years and I decided to dive deep in the
space for a lot of personal reasons. It was personally
(03:48):
very healing for me. I found it to transform the
way that I encountered my relationships, my sexual relationships, and
I wanted to get that out into the world.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
So I have a master's. But it's been a process,
like all my life.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Let me ask you something with us and that part
of my ignorance, just so you study what a biology
is it like a pre med type of thing, like
like to become a sexologist, what is the trajectory and
education wise.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yes, so to become a sexologist you have a higher
degree in human sexuality. And what I did as undergrad
is I actually helped U. C. Berkeley make the first
sexual wellness major. They had amazing course. They're great with
pre med I took. I actually thought I wanted to
go into medicine. I thought I wanted to do OBG
I N and sexual medicine. But then what I found is,
(04:35):
you know what, I'm not getting to talk to the masses.
I'm not getting to like the education side it was
just like very like dysfunction oriented like problem, here's the medicine,
or there's.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
No medicine, and people might just assume you're you know,
it's like sex sex sex, and there's so much more
more to this field of study than just that. But
I know one thing that just jumps in my mind
right away, and I'm sure a lot of people would
wonder for someone to be passionate about this field. Does
that mean you yourself are like an incredibly sexual human
(05:11):
being or I'm sure that's like the like the blanket
obvious question that people want to know, because we've had
that with life coaches or people that come on psychologists
and you're like, well, what's your life coaching like or
what's your personal journey like? And obviously not everybody's perfect
in the field in which they study, but you're passionate
about something because you can make a difference. So is
that your case? Is that what drove you to it
(05:32):
where you're like, I'm just such a sexual person, this
is the field I want to go down.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
It's a weird question, I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I think it's like, I think, does that make sense
what I'm saying? Like some people need help in the
area and they're seeking it. And some people are just like,
I love this world because that's who I am, and
I can educate more on it.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
It's actually such a good question.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
They're just giving me daggers, like.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Because because I think a lot of people want to
ask me that, but they don't. A lot of people
are really drawn to, like, what's your personal sex like life?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Like right?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Like they want to know I have all this information, Like,
am I like, you know, am I into kink? Am
I into open relationships? Am I doing all the alternative?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
That was my next question.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Now here's the thing I feel like for me, the
reason I was drawn to the category is because it
transformed my relationships, my sexual relationships, my own mind body connection.
And when I saw the power of what it did
for me and how fulfilling that was, I wanted other
people to experience that. So it wasn't like, you know,
(06:36):
I had a super high sex stripe. Actually, to be honest,
it was the opposite.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
For a while.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
In college, I went through a bad sexual experience. I
was sexually assaulted. I navigated, you know, young years of
your trying to explore your your identity, your sexuality, your preferences.
So I navigated many things at the same time, lots
of therapy, lots of education, And then what ended up
happening is when I came on the other side of that,
(07:02):
I was like, wait, a lot of this information isn't
just helpful if you've had a trauma, right, this is
helpful for just like a relationship, a healthy relationship, And like,
we all want great sex lives, right, whether we're sexually
active in the moment or we're not.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
So I was drawn to that.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I was drawn to like, how do I give people
all the information and let them pick and choose the
things that make them really happy? Because sexuality is so
it's beautiful in that like everyone wants something different. It's
very fluid, there's a spectrum for everything. No one is
one hundred percent anything in this category. So I was
(07:40):
drawn to that, and I wanted to get this information
out there. But I will tell you, yes, I have
a great sex life because I know how to navigate
it and I think I have an incredible partner that's
been very open and so I've tried many things and
I think that's the spirit that I want other people
to be drawn to.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Absolutely I think what's important about that is what you
said is that it was something that you learn to
get better and develop in. And that's why I think
it's super It's super important for listeners to understand that
you don't have to just be great in something. And
everybody's like, why I can't relate to you because I
don't deal with those issues. But you're, on the other
hand saying I've dealt with those issues. I had to
learn this for myself and build it up. That's why
(08:17):
it's so powerful.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
So give me an example of Okay, so you're because
you're upbringing, you were very closed to sex, you know,
because you know, even for me as a Puerto Rican
I grew up with a mom that was very We
never talked about sex. It was absolutely taboo.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
You know. And it made with your brothers. You always say, no,
my mom didn't.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
It was given for my brothers. I have three brothers,
I'm the youngest one, the only girl. It was celebrated.
They can do whatever they want. The more the more women,
the more sex and more macho. The more you celebrated
with me. Was like, don't you dare you know like
that that kind of thing, So give me an example
of what the first thing that once you started starting
the subject and practicing what you're preaching, what was the
(08:58):
first a ham moment for you that you and from
like this was a no no and now, oh my god,
this I just opened up that incredible door.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Oh got The first one by far that came to
mind as like a big change was masturbating. So when
you're growing up and you're so I grew up Catholic,
right religiously, a lot of us have these messages that
were taught that you should not touch your body, or
you should only have sex during certain times or really
(09:29):
only maybe after marriage. Like there's messages, right, And so
for me, like the way that I grew up viewing
sex was it was something kind of shameful and secretive
and I didn't really understand why.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
So the unlock for me was once I learned not.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Just the health benefits of masturbating, because I have to
tell you there's thousands of them, but when I really
started to see like my confidence change and the way
that I felt grounded, and the way that like it
just changed my health, my mental health, I was like,
wait a minute, how can something that's you know, data
(10:06):
and medicine is showing is so good for the body.
How does that not align at all with a lot
of the messages that I received? And what I realized is,
like you do have to unlearn a lot of what
you grew up with because it is centered around shame.
And sex can be really beautiful. It's really powerful. So
that's why there's like this ugly world and a beautiful world.
(10:29):
But overall, like if you can just have a really
really really good and rich mind body connection and you
enjoy that touch because the body can't tell if the
body cannot differentiate your own touch with a partner touching
you so like skin to skin and like all of
those health benefits, we like give that to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
What are the hell the benefits of masturbating?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Oh my gosh, Okay, the one the ones that people
most commonly know are you know, you can sleep better,
you feel happier, and overall, like they think, you know
it's good for me, But I'll tell you, like specifically,
what people should know is it's not just you can
sleep better, you can fall asleep faster and stay asleep
(11:13):
and have better deeper sleep. If you're having an orgasm
before going to bed, for example, and then the benefits
of just having them consistently, if you consistently can it's
not even just the orgasm, but it's like the touch
and the consistent time dedicated to your body. If you
can consistently have that, you have a you will reduce
(11:36):
depressive symptoms, You will elevate your mood, your desire, like
your own libido slowly goes up anyway, and so you
start to crave more of it. You start to want
more intimacy, more skin to skin. And then what does
it do for the relationships?
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Right?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Also, I'm sorry to cut you off. If you just
add reduces fine lines and wrinkles and lose weight, this
is like every sleep better, My wrinkles go away, I
lose weights.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Have two more questions the relationship.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
So what does it do relationships?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I mean, when you're really well connected with a sexual partner,
and that's like a sacred time for you, guys that
you get to explore, You get to like have a
menu of things that you both learn from each other
and you can tap into those. It's like it's very magical.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So masturbating every single day is good for you, is
though it doesn't cause any problems to your organs or
is it not not? No, you know what, you know
what I'm asking that maybe you think you like pancreatic
issues like my like your pelvic area because I don't
know if it is my own delusion or because of
this guilt that I have around sex because of my
(13:03):
upbringing to me. Sometimes I'm doing better because I had
a partial hysterectomy. Right, so now my enjoy is under
control and I and my sex life has changed dramatically.
But a lot of times I even tell Eric, I
don't want to you can have an orgasm. I don't
want to have an orgasm because I feel like it
gives me pelvic pain after.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Oh okay, So then here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
There's a whole world of if you're having an orgasm,
and there is a world where you have discomfort or pain,
you know, like vaginismus, Like all these are really real
things that you should be working to like pinpoint what
it is so that then you can figure out how
to reduce that.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Okay, it could be so many things.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
And this is where I feel like some clinicians are
great at it. Right if they focus on like holistic
medicine and women's health and like all these things right,
but overall, like it's not bad for you. If you
are having pain, it's something it's a good sign that
you should look into it.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
But let's just say a.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
General perspective, the vagina that is actually contracting during an orgasm,
it's a muscle. So the same way when we exercise
a few times a week, those muscles stay healthy and
active and strong. That's the same for the vagina. You
can actually do pelvic floor exercises to strengthen it, and
orgasms can feel better when you're doing that.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
So it doesn't have to be every day.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
But what I like to say is like consistently what
feels good for you, So maybe it's like twice a
week or three times a week. People are actually really
surprised to learn that the average couple is not having
sex multiple times a day or even every day. The
average frequency of sex, just to give you the number,
is two and a half times per month. So it's
(14:49):
not something that I think we have this idea of
what we're supposed to sound like how often we're supposed
to be having sex, like all of these things, but
it's actually like more like calmer than that you know,
it's not as like frequent as people may think. Hey,
if you want to have sex multiple times a day though,
like there is nothing wrong with that, it's just from
(15:12):
a masturbation perspective, I think a couple of times a
week is great.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Okay, But you know that I have never which is
so interesting, Like this whole idea of masturbating, right, there's
I don't know why. To me, it's like list it
feels phenomenal, but there's kind of like a dirty component.
I have never owned a vibrator in my entire life.
Is that so much information?
Speaker 4 (15:32):
No? My goodness, can I be gift vibrators?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Like I feel like I'm doing something like it's isn't
a weird?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
I think that comes up again with a crazy no,
because I think it's societal upbringing. It's it's there's so
many factors that come into as she said, sex education
at ages where it's not taboo, you're not you remember
this device.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Years ago. I have a good friend of mine, she's
a dentist, and then she opened this wellness center because
she's fascinated by this whole thing. And she had this
kind of colleges like twice a day. The gynecologists will
just deal with people. And you know, I have some
clients and she was selling this. You might know what
it is. It's like, it's this device, but it's not
from you can use it from masturbation, but you use
it because it has like a red light and then
(16:15):
you put it in and it does something for because
I suffer from endo. Suppose it was to be it
was a magical device that was going to help me
with my pelvic pain and da da da. But one
of the functions was because it had some movements, some vibration,
so you could use it as that. So I remember
it was a lot of money, so I bought it.
Of course I used it maybe twice because it's a
(16:37):
lot of you have to be super disciplined, you know,
And I was so frustrated.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Different therapeutic reasons, but also a taboo side of it
was like this is just weird.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
But it's funny because I was like in listen, I'm
never going to continue using it as as for my
pelvic pain, I'd rather just do a hysterectomy. But I'm
not gonna get rid of it because you're supposed to
be a vibrator, right. I have never used it.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Not surprised, so so many thoughts like I'm actually really
excited for you right now because I feel like something's going.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
To change shift in your world now.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So in couples, when one partner has not used a vibrator,
when the other partner verbally supports it like go for it,
like I want you to experience it, or even shops
with them, it actually reduces.
Speaker 4 (17:22):
Your taboo levels. It helps you. So just something to think.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
About, Well, will you be comfortable knowing that I am
going off by myself and you know.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Off, I can't imagine you're going off madly.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
In love with my device and I don't need you.
Will you be comfortable?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Okay, that's the thing I want to say. In a
lot of heterosexual relationships, this comes up all the time,
you know, like especially the man not not liking the
idea of a vibrator. But what I like to say
is this, it is not a replacement. It's like to enhance.
So the more that she learns about the type of touch, sensation,
power level, whatever that she lights and has these experiences,
(18:01):
the more she's going to be creating sex in general.
So it is going to help with libido and desire.
But with the product that you mentioned, I forgot what
it's called. I do know what you're talking about. I
actually know the founder. But a lot of people do
not like vibration internally. So if you look at like
(18:23):
kind of like our anatomy, vibration feels really great on
the outside, Okay, then like right at the entrance, like vaginally,
but not deeper. Usually people don't like vibration internally. It
feels kind of like a little irritating for a lot
of people, Like eighty percent of people don't like internal vibration.
So using it on the outside and having like a
(18:45):
couple c literal orgasms. And we do have a toy
that is actually designed for people like me and you,
where one side vibrates, one side does not, and one
side is focused on the G spot and like good
internal and then one is more simple. So that's like
a fun way to explore too.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I want to talk about all about bloomy, but before
we go to bloomy, to give you an example, like,
like I remember growing up, our daughter is eleven years old, right,
so we don't I have no idea if she's she knows,
if she's discovering her body if she's feeling any kind
of sensantions. I have an idea. But I remember, as
a young girl, maybe her age, that I would be
(19:35):
like rubbing, like I would be in bed right with
my mom, like my mom is doing something. I'm just
my mom is reading and I'm in bed, And I
remember I have these memories of me like rubbing and
feeling something, and my mom will mebekaa, how do you call?
When you say this, she'll pinch me. And that happened
for a long time. She will not say a word,
(19:55):
and it was a very terretful like ah, like it
make me stop. So I learned what I'm doing is
wrong because clearly it's bugging her to the point that
she's hurting me. But she never ever talked to me
about it at all. So I always grew up with like,
I don't even know what I'm doing. It feels good,
but my mom doesn't like it, so I'm gonna have
to hide to do it, and that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yes, your experience is so common, right, And a lot
of times, like our parents had even less information and
less access to stuff, and so the message is just
don't do it me huh.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Just like.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Right, But but it's actually, even though it may feel
hard for us as parents to promote like them exploring
their body or pleasure in whatever way that looks like
for them, it doesn't have to be embarrassing for them, Like,
we actually have this unique gift of being able to
(20:50):
stop that generational shame. And I see it happening a
lot of a lot of people are starting to even
teach up or like me, for example, I tell my mom, Mom,
try this product, Mom, this Loube is great, like and
it's kind of funny, right.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Like my mom will.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Die, Okay, but I see, like this is the thing.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
I feel like times are changing, so.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
You would be surprised, like they may be more open
to it now if you're allowing them that space and
giving them you're an adult and so they trust you
know your idea too. So to go back to the
part about children, though, I think it's always important to
at all ages, this could be one year old, to
try to not feel the shame and transfer the shame.
(21:37):
So if you see, like I'll just say a small
child and it looks like they're touching themselves, it's okay
to say something like baby, we don't do that around
other people. You can do that with privacy. You can
figure out like the things that feel nice, but privacy
just you and it's just kind of like a redirection.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
And if the child is like older, let's say now they're.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Going into preteen, even I think it's actually healthy to
talk to them about pleasure, Like, you know, let's just
talk about what pleasure is. Pleasure can be you enjoy
a hot chocolate. Pleasure can be like you enjoyed a workout.
Pleasure can also be like you start to explore your
body and there's going to be parts of your body
that feel really good to touch. But just keep in
(22:21):
mind that's for you to discover and it's a private
thing for you. You can ask me questions, you can like,
you know, share it with me, but like it's not
for some, it's not something you do in the outside
public space.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
That's always been my understanding is that if you see
that more of a redirection of saying no, it's okay
to do that, but not in public. You take you
go to your own you go to your room, You
have your own space, and that's up for you to
do by yourself, but not to be like no, no,
and shame.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
Oh my God, you're so curious.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Like it's hard for us as a lot of us,
even for me, like sometimes like I have to like
remind myself that, like they grow so fast, they're at a.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Different phase now.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
And yes, I've heard like teach them the right anatomical
part and that'll be super helpful. Yes, but like at
ages like one through ten, it's not even about sex.
It's just body information and like understanding that, and then
it goes into like starting to talk about healthy relationships,
what is sex? A lot of times kids think they
(23:23):
know what sex is and they actually don't. So meeting
them where they're at is always really helpful as parents.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Before we talk about bloomy, one last question is I
thought this is a good question the producers brought up
and if you can you know, however you want to
sum this up, but how do you suggest that couples
get in the mood and are more and more importantly
they stay in the mood. I just want to hear
your advice, Like.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yes, I love this, So I did a deep dive
into desire. That's like my specialty, like getting in the mood.
The thing about it is, I feel like couples, especially
long term couples, they will sort of like overth how
to get the spark back and how to keep it.
And if you just think back to dating, what we
do during dating is fun for us, so novelty things
(24:10):
that are new, new experiences together and having time where
you just have fun as a couple. It's so so important,
and I think with the routine, especially if you have
family responsibilities, it's hard to have not just date night,
because date night is great. You know, you can get
ready and do something or take out and stay in,
But like, what do you do as a couple to
have fun and be like attracted to each other. Some
(24:32):
people really like working out together, something about like you know,
the endorphins and like all of the things that you
give the pheromones you give off. People really love that
and that could be kind of like a consistent small
turn on. But whatever it is that you need to
do to make sure that you have uninterrupted quality time
together to do something that you're both enjoying, that's a
great way to keep that funness going in the relationship.
(24:55):
And then in the actual moment, like a lot of
times we're really hired or we're stressed, and those things
impact libido so what I like to say is try
to go into a date night rested, hydrate.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
But we try to go and rested.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
And then when you're having your actual like intimacy moment,
there's so many beautiful things you can do, like an
arousal oil, a good loob, you can bring in a toy,
and like, there's so many things to just make it
more playful and just have that time consistently.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
So I think one thing I also learned from a
Ted talk that someone to share with us is I
think and I think you might It was referenced by
one of our producers as well, but is skinned to
skin I think is super important and for play, like
not just jumping into the act because it's a job
and you got to get it done because you're married
and you have kids and you're stressed out, and it's like,
if we don't have sex to night, then we failed.
Like it's not just about that, It's about having skinned
(25:45):
to skin whatever it is you're doing, Like if you're
watching TV, what have just skin to skin contact and
letting the moment build naturally up.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
One hundred percent. And with skin to skin, the one
thing I will say is it's nice when the pressure
comes off and you can go to bed at the
same time. A lot of couples that have the highest
levels of sexual satisfaction go to bed at the same time.
So if you can try to do that, and with
less clothes, so sometimes people still.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
Have little ones that can walk in.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Try to make, you know, try to create like a
separation when you can. And if you can go to
bed with just like a comfortable like tank top or
like no clothes at all, is even great.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
So that you get used to.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Each other's like like comfort every evening, every night. That
feels really nice as well, And you would be surprised
how many times it builds into sex. It doesn't always
have to, but it can.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I'm laughing because we're gonna have to make a lot
of changes. Number One, he likes sleeping naked. I like
to be fully closed. We have these mattresses that there're
separate mattresses because we have back issues, so we like
to like you know that they adjust. So we have
a line in the middle and then we put like
the I call it the wall, the wall of China
because we put like this is a vision of pillows.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Give me a bedtime because she stays up later than me,
So she's like working on her computer or she's on
her phone, and I'm just like, I'm going to bed, screw.
But that's like going to bedtime. But what she's talking
about is like just when you're going into bed, and
you know it's it's easy to say.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Okay, how do you explain the sixty percent of women
fake orgasms?
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Is not even possible because I'm thinking, listen my orgasms
that you know, the muscle, like you mentioned before, it contracts,
so I think a guy will know.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
But you can do do you have fake your peblic floor?
You can just squeeze that fake.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Oh, I guess, so you're right. They can just go
like that.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
No, I've heard this stat. So here's what I know
about it. The majority of cis women.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Women.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
We have faked an orgasm at some point in our life,
but the majority of women, especially as we age, we
stop faking. And I think this happens when we have
a real orgasm. Because sometimes when you're young, you're like
you know, in your twenties or whatever, you you think
you have an orgasm, or maybe you're not sure, but
like once you really know, then there's no need to
(28:07):
fake and to be honest, Like, if you're in a fulfilling,
healthy relationship, your partner wants you to be fulfilled. Your
partner wants to make sure like you're actually good. Right,
So even if you're you know, ten years in of marriage,
you can always start over with things.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
You can always say like, look.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
I've been experiencing sex in this way, I'm really curious
to try to do it this way. Or I want
to show you how I like to orgasm when I
touch myself, Like can we learn together, Let's like explore
this together. And I you know, coached couples through like
stopping the faking. And a lot of times people are
just like making sounds they think their partner wants to hear,
(28:49):
or making moves that they think look sexy. But when
you can get out of your head and it's just
whatever feels good, it's another level.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
So tell us about Bloomy.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Gloomy is I for like one of my children. Gloomy
is an intimacy company. We say we're a sexologist led
intimacy company, and it's a mix of really beautiful, healthy,
plant based products mixed with tons of education. So it
is a company that I think the world needs. That's
why I created it. I started the company almost five
(29:22):
years ago as a solution to my clients. For my clients,
so instead of giving them like ten fifteen different links
to my recommended products based on our sessions, I just
built this collection of products that I really loved and
then over time started making our own. So the first
product we launched was bloom Me arousal oil that a
lot of people love and know, and that product inspired
(29:45):
like a shift in the company. So that's when we
raised venture capital, created a full line, launched in retail,
and today we have twelve products. We're launching a couple
this summer. All of them are very intentionally made. They're
for intimate skin or intimacy. It's not for just men
(30:06):
or women. It's for anybody. The toys are designed in
a way to help you explore and I keep people
that have maybe not the greatest experiences in mind when
we make these, like the double sided when I mentioned,
and then the liquids, they're you know, like the loobs
are organic, plant based and we make it really easy
to use them. That was one thing that I learned
(30:28):
as a sexologist. I feel like some products are overly
complicated or the toys had way too many settings, and
if you're the kind of person you find the setting
you like and then you accidentally like rotate to the
next one, you have to rotate through like fifteen settings. Again,
that was so annoying to me. So we make it easy.
One of each thing, like one water based loube, one
(30:50):
oil based lube, one external toy, one internal toy, and
the toys they have like three settings, three power settings,
and that's it simple to use.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
And so that's that's what it is.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
It's a collection of products, but it's made with a
lot of intention.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
People combined Target nationwide.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
Nationwide, we're in fifteen hundred Target start fast.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
That's to you. Also a website is that as well?
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Yep, So people can find us at the bloomy dot com.
And then with.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Target, we're still learning. We're still new to Target. But
if you check the app, sometimes you find one product
at your local Target store, sometimes you find.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
The four products.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Congrats to you on all the success. This is really wonderful.
You're you're doing things great for yourself, building a company
and also helping many people out. It's really wonderful.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
It's much Nita, thank you so much, and remember guys,
National Orgasm Day July thirtieth, Blue Miss mission is to
make you enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Thank you so much for be for coming on with us.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Thank you so much fun, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Awesome take care Wow, wow, wow, fascinating, fascinating. I could
have talked for like tomorrow. I had so many questions.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Can you pastly do another another podcast with her? Because
there's just so much to talk about, discover and also
for people. I think people will find this very interesting.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I love the idea that she listened. She is following
her passion. She made a business out of it. She's
helping people along the way.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
To the company.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I complete rock stars. So thank you so much, Rebecca.
Oh my goodness. So let's by bye. I'm gonna go
master bait.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Cat Wow, can't wait for the care package. Love you,
love you, Thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us
a review and tell us what you think.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check goes
out at, he said as an email Eric and Ross
at iHeartRadio dot com. He said, AB is part of
iHeartRadio's Mike would do that podcast network.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
See you next time.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
I
Host
Roselyn Sanchez
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