February 3, 2025 • 18 mins
Ahead of Valentine’s Day Ros and Eric talk through some of the top questions kids ask their parents about dating, and some of the questions parents should be asking their kids to help with developing relationships. Needless to say, as they talk some of them through they decide they are not ready for what comes with teen dating.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is He Said a Yah d Ho with Eric
Winter and Rosalind Fantas. Okay, welcome back to another episode
of He Said a Ya d Ho. Hey, Hello, he
made it into February. Now Valentine Valentine's is coming up. Listen,
We're gonna do an episode talking a little bit about
(00:21):
kids in Valentine's Hoela is getting into that that age
were actually started in sixth grade where people were talking
about ask so and so to be your Valentine. It
started in sixth grade and now I'm a little concerned
it's gonna be a lot of heavy pressure. Yeah, in
seventh grade. Do you remember being asked to be someone's
Valentine in like junior high? In junior high, yes, somebody
(00:43):
asked you. Did you accept That's not that's a too
long of a pause.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
No, no, no, not really boys, but it wasn't. It
wasn't like being my Valentine. Let's be a boyfriend and girlfriend.
You know.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's just that they they gave you a little Valentine.
Correct you in you in that moment?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Nothing, You're like, so you told that you have butterflies,
you know, in your stomach because the special Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
And I mean I mean I was already you weren't
dating in junior high.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Junior high is seventh and eighth. Yeah, you didn't like
a steady person. No, I did, and I think I did.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
You just had like a proper Valentine in junior high
where I was, you know, giving a giving flowers or
can So you.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Had a proper, like a proper steady girlfriend. Yeah, in
seventh grade, yeah or eighth grade, both same person.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
No, I had my first kiss in seventh grade, as
I did. I did, I remember.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
But like like full of makeup, like a tong or
like a kid.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
No, like yeah, going trying to go at it and
a kiss. I remember like scraping on the braces and
being like, oh that felt weird.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
That's terrible.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah it was, it was, but listen, it was it was.
She was a sweet girl. She was.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I remember the first time somebody showed a kissed me
and and the saliva was very, very smelly, and so
I know I still have that that. I can't even
I can still smell it that. I was like, oh
my god, like very strong. It wasn't even bad breath,
it was just the saliva was very strong. And I
was like, I don't think I like this ash all.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
That's rough. That's a rough start. Do you think Sabella
is going to have I know there's a couple of
boys that she has been told by others have a
crush on her. I know she has, I wouldn't say.
I asked her about a couple of these like quote
unquote crushes that she says she has. She's like, that's true,
but she's like, we're not gonna say, not really crush.
She said, not really crushing. I think they're cute, and.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
They're really different, actually different ethnicities.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I think they're cute, but she said, not like a crush.
She's like, not hard, corgeous.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
One of one of them is taken by one of
her dear friends. And I was like, Sabbie, please.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Do not get in dear friends. But just like she
likes the other person. But and she didn't say I have,
like I want to go after she said she said,
the boy's cute.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
But it was It was a good moment for me
to teach a lesson about listen, if the kid is
dating a girl that is friendly with you, you know,
don't don't even look that way.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, what do I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
And we had a whole conversation about some of these.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Girls already, and I like, I get it because I
started that. We just talked about at that age, like
are going on quote unquote little dates like they're going
to the mall with the boy and all that, and
Sebbe has not been on a date, Sabbie has not
been on a date. And I'm sorry, I don't think
I would be fully into that, like going to the
mall with the boy by themselves, like and being dropped off.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
No way, No that the parents stays around.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I don't know what these kids, if that's the case,
going to be around. I don't think it's going to
be happening. I'm not. I don't think we're letting that happen.
I just can't see you be at a Nike store.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I'm going to be at a Norse drum right sitting
down overlooking the Nike the Nike store.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Do you think and I mean, I know my answer
as a guy, but do you think it'll be different
for Dylan? Like are you going to be more protective?
Are you gonna be protective of Dylan as well about
him dating? Or you think there's more leniency because he's
a boy that you. I.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
I think I'm going to be very protective, but there's
an element of being more lenient. Yeah, because it's your boy.
It's your boy. You know. My I grew up with
the philosophy, you know, culturally and because my parents I
have I have three brothers, so it was so cool,
Like my father was all about them going out hooking
up with girls. You know, it was like it was
(04:21):
a symbol of like, yeah, I have a matcha. You know,
it was like a thing with me that and then
I paid a price because with me was completely the opposite.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
You know. I was so like my mom was all.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Over me, you know, all over me.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
There's a double standard, for sure, I think there is.
I'll be less stressed if Dylan says like, oh I
got a crush on a girl, like, oh cool, who's
the girl? I'll be way more into it than Sabella
telling me, don't be getting like egging it on my
biggest thing. And I've already started this in a little
ways with Dylan. With just Sabella, it's like treating a
girl like a gentleman, like I'm trying to make him
understand even now, you know, ladies first, let Dylan let
(04:56):
Sebbie go in the door first. Dylan. A couple of
times I did it. He's like why. I'm like, because
ladies should enter first day open the door.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
She continue doing that.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And I'm trying. He still doesn't understand. He's like, well,
I don't want her to go first, and I'm like,
just let her go first, Like you know, I'm trying
to teach that principle. And I want him to be
incredibly respectful, and I think we're not going to have
a problem with that. He's such a shy and bit
reserved kid. I don't see him being like pushy on
anybody like that. But I want to make sure he
(05:25):
understands the concept of treating a woman.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I had such a thing with Sabella.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We took them to like dates, like it was mommy
and daughter date and Daddy and Sun date. And it
was the same night. I took Sabella to a restaurant
and then he took Dylan too another restaurant. They ended
up crushing our start by they stopped by a dinner.
We're like, what are you doing here? Anyways? And it
was an opportunity for me to connect with Sabbi and
(05:49):
just hang out as a mom, you know, because we
don't get to do it often because we always go
out as a family. When we'll go to dinner is
the four of us. So we're going to implement this thing.
And it was so cute because I said, you know,
the whole night we're going to do. I'll do a question.
Do you do a question, I'll do a question. So
it was a lot of back and forth at sometimes
it got a little bit uncomfortable and she's like, I
funk about it, you know, that kind of thing. But
(06:10):
she said something at one point that it I just
went right flag and I had a whole speech because
I don't know. She was saying something about dating somebody
and when I have a boyfriend orr husband or something.
She said something about like what I'm going to do
what he tells me or something like that.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Really, and I was like, okay, doesn't strike me as that.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
It was something that it really bothered me. And that's
how the conversation about my ex came up, because when
we came you came in, she was like, Mom, it's
talking to me about her ex husband. And then you
were like really, and that would I was. I gave
her a specific example for her to understand snap out
of that mentality of I'm going to do what I'm
told right, because I said to her, listen, this happened
(06:54):
to me, and it was so valuable. And to this
day I think about it because it bothers me because
I didn't have this cert of to be like, you
know what, even though my God knew it was unnecessary
and the advice he was giving me was so wrong.
I didn't pay attention to my instincts and I went
and I went and did it. I pay the price,
and I'm going to be fifty two years old and
(07:14):
I still think about it. So I said to her,
I want you to never go through this, and you're
going to have to learn on your own. But I'm
going to give you a very specific example, Sabella, because
by me just telling you don't do that because it's
not good, you're independent, you're you know, I'm going to
give you an example that happened to your mom, so
you break the cycle. And I gave her the example
and she was kind of like navigating it, you know,
(07:36):
kind of like oh wow, and what happened and how
did you did you say something?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
You know?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
And then I was able to engage in a whole conversation.
But I think it's really important at her age. You know,
she's developing. If you talk to Sabella's about Sabella doesn't
think like a little girl anymo. Szabella's like a woman,
you know. Like this morning, I'm doing the podcast and
I'm doing a little bit of makeup and she said,
you're not gonna curl your lashness And I was like, oh,
do you call yours? And she's like yeah, and they
(08:03):
don't do Masscara. So I wanted her to feel important
and I said, you know what, can you bring it?
And can you do it to me?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I don't. I don't want to do it to young
We don't do it to me. I see. She came
over and she felt so adult that she came to
mommy and she curled my lashes.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
You know.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But the way she's talking to me is like she's
thinking that she's teaching me about makeup. And I was like,
this is really fun I.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Love that this is funny. Well, it's interesting because our
producers put together some questions that you would ask your
kids about dating, and it sounds like you did a
pretty good job. You don't ask your team these things.
(08:42):
But it's like you'd ask, you know, questions like what
are your friends dating relationships? Like, you know, asking what
what they're hearing from their friends about a relationship. What
kind of a person would you date? Would you kind
of have had that bit of a conversation with her
about type and stuff like that. How would you feel
if a boyfriend or a girlfriend asked you to stop
(09:02):
being friends with someone? Okay, that's a tough one. That's
a good question, and it happens a lot. Yeah, that
happens a lot, for sure. For sure. Do you think
jealousy is a sign of love? Oh my goodness, it's
a good question. That's actually a listen. That's a really
tricky answer because I don't think it's a flat out
yes or no. I think a hint of jealousy is
(09:27):
a positive thing because it shows you care. The word
jealous can be overly used as a negative because it
can be so harsh, like they're jealous it just drives
me crazy. But a little hint of jealousy is also
an ounce of caring, because if someone's not jealous at all,
if they don't care what you're doing or who you're
(09:49):
around or whatever, doesn't that kind of feel weird too?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
But some people are like that though.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah, but don't you think I have friends that are like,
I'm not jealous at all. Something will make them jumous,
you know what I mean? Like, I don't my wife
do whatever she wants. Really the problem with.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Girls, and it happened to me again going back to
that relationship, is when you're dealing with somebody that has
more life experience than you and you just don't have
the maturity or the resources to understand what's really going on. Yeah,
girls ninety nine percent of the time will relate, Oh,
(10:26):
he's he's so jealousus, he's protecting me, he's a try
exactly is he's so jealous and he's going to defend me.
And that's the way we take it. If the guy
is a handful and it's doing things that are actually toxic,
but if they're able to gaslight you into thinking I'm
doing this because I love you, and I just love
you so much and I care about you so much.
I can obear that, you know, anybody else looking at you.
(10:49):
You take it as a compliment until it gets ugly,
and that that's when you realize, well that was not.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Actually, that's also severe jealousy too, Like that's a strong
A lot of women.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Attract correct find a very attractive, especially if they come
from upbringing that the dad.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Yeah, where that's all they know?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Normalize that behavior.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Sure, last question is what do you think a healthy
relationship is and looks like to you? So that's a
good question to ask because then you could get their
definition of what they think and a lot I'm not
gonna I'm not gonna lie, And I think a lot
of listeners know this. These kids learn it not just
from friends, but they're learning it from pop culture. They're
learning it from TV shows from Sabella said it to
me one time, She's like, why can't I just learn
(11:35):
about dating from the TV shows and movies I watch?
She said that, yeah to me one time, I said,
you're not going to learn that's the worst example, because
they're painting a picture that's not always true and sometimes
it's you know, fabricated to feel or look like something
that's the script. Yeah, and sometimes it's for the better
or worse, you know what I mean. So you gotta
learn from the parents now, But what if they.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Don't have a good, solid parenting, Well, then that.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Might be the only option. But then do you got
to hope that they're finding it with the right content?
You know what I mean? Content's tricky like that. Now,
these are some common questions teens ask parents about dating.
How would you handle these if you get asked them? One?
How long should I be dating someone before we are exclusive?
(12:23):
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Three months?
Speaker 1 (12:25):
That's a good number. I actually probably agree with you
if at that age, in particular, if I was, if
I was quote unquote dating somebody like for three months,
I feel like i'm pretty much, you know, staying with
that person. Yeah, I'm with you. When is it okay
to go on a one on one date and leave
the group? Hangs? What do you mean go on a
one on one proper date.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
At what age?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah? I don't think you even get into something like
that to your one of the kids driving so sixteen,
like if a parent's not around and it's an actual date,
like going to a movie theater. Now, I had one
on one dates, probably where my mom drop me off,
but it was ever one on one. When I was
in junior high. We'd all go to the movies, we'd
have a girlfriend. Everybody's kind of holding hands everybody's got
like double dates and all that, right, and then you
(13:11):
go to like dinner or something, or we'd walk around
the mall, or we'd like be holding hands.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
But I am not ready for this. I am gonna
hate it holding hands and if I feel like the
guy is a bit of a handful or has I'm
gonna be so direct with these kids, like I'm gonna
be brutal. I think they're gonna be scared of me.
I'm gonna do it with love because I'm gonna lead
with love, and I want them to think that we're
(13:37):
just cool parents. But I am going to be incredibly
transparent and I'm gonna just the good thing.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
About you that I'm actually very happy about is even
when you lead with love, there's an intensity in your
voice that's gonna come out and scare the s out
of these kids. That's so sad. You're gonna be good.
You're gonna do that thing where like your eyelids drop
a little bit, I always tell you, and then you're
gonna have a conversation with him with their eyelids love, Like,
(14:02):
I really care about you, guys, But that's take all
of you out.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
No I will know because I'm gonna say, listen.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I'm gonna do this with nothing but already dropping.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I don't know if I know how to do it
without it, because I'm gonna I promise he's gonna be
with a lot of charisma and love, but it's gonna
be serious.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Exactly right are going to be.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
However the kid decides to react to it, then I'll
do a check mark or I'll be like Sabbie, you're
gonna be able to like she's gonna be mortified, but
I'm not going to allow anybody to come into my house,
my my in Torno with bad intentions. And listen, there's
an element that we have gonna We're gonna have no
(14:39):
control because we don't know who she's bringing through that door.
But I want to make sure that that they know
the law.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
It's gonna be rough. How do I know if he
or she, uh they are are worth my time to date?
How do we tell Dylan or Sevi that that if
they ask us? You know, how do I know that
person's worth my time?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I think people reveal themselves pretty fast. So if she
if the kid is being kind of like flirty with
her friends, or if she's seeing flirty behavior. Besides with her,
that's a sign. Yeah, yes, gentlemen, somebody does doesn't rush
somebody that is not already giving her problems with if
(15:24):
she wants to use a crop top and already commenting
on the way she's dressing or the way she's.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Applying making put on the physical or immediately trying.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
To touch exactly like my father used to say, holding
hands is okay, Well, the second he touches your thigh
by intentions. So I'm going to tell her the second
he touches your thigh, you know that that's going to continue.
The second touches your thigh, he's gonna want to climb
that hand up and you're gonna have to just slap
the heck out of that.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
But she's gonna be that.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
But what if I But what if I want to?
What if I wanted to keep climbing? And that's Those
are the conversations that we're gonna have to navigate. And
another example is like, mom, Sebbie, just look at his family.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You know, the way he treats his mom.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Look exactly what how what is the relationship with mom
and dad? Is it a broken family?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Like?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
How many siblings? How? How does he speak to the siblings,
you know, like, there's so many things that you can
pay attention to to know. And again it's never, it's never,
one hundred percent never, But to give you an indication
if you are wasting your time or not?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
For sure? Now, should I be bothered by p d
A at school? What is appropriate PDAs public display of affection? Okay,
at school? What is the appropriate?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I would agree. Well, listen, you get into high school.
Kids are holding hands, walking room on the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
They're making it. When I was, if we get a
phone call or an email or a text or a
note from a teacher or a stubb to the teacher
or a dean or somebody at school saying that she's
doing some pd A that is making kids uncomfortable, I
will lose.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
In high school, we were holding hands. We'd have arms
around each other at lunch, hanging out, walking to each
other's locker, walk into the classroom, kiss goodbye going into
the classroom. We would do that in high school.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I'm sorry, Well I never did because I never dated
somebody from my high school.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Too cool, that was too cool. Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I was in high school. I was dating a guy
from college.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I never ever dated anybody from even at prom, and
all these dances like kids are kissing, hold hands all
the parents we were you find a way for sure. Listen,
we have a lot on our hands. I'm a little
nervous about it. This this episode stressed me out. Thank
you for listening. As always. Squirm over.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
And look at Sybrilla now, and I'm stressed out just
by looking at her. She's so beautiful and so cool,
and she's an athlete and she walks around like she's like,
oh my god, I am freaking out.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Well listen, if you have anything else you want to
talk to us about it.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
She's a good girl, though she is. I think next job,
she's a good girl.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Send it to our dms at he said a at
d Hoo, or email us at Eric Androz at iHeartRadio
dot com and uh until next time, love you, love you,
thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review
and tell us what you think.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us
out at he said ajor s is that email Eric
and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com. He said, AJAB is
part of iHeartRadio's Mike would Do That podcast network See
you next time.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Bye,
This is He Said a Yah d Ho with Eric
Winter and Rosalind Fantas. Okay, welcome back to another episode
of He Said a Ya d Ho. Hey, Hello, he
made it into February. Now Valentine Valentine's is coming up. Listen,
We're gonna do an episode talking a little bit about
(00:21):
kids in Valentine's Hoela is getting into that that age
were actually started in sixth grade where people were talking
about ask so and so to be your Valentine. It
started in sixth grade and now I'm a little concerned
it's gonna be a lot of heavy pressure. Yeah, in
seventh grade. Do you remember being asked to be someone's
Valentine in like junior high? In junior high, yes, somebody
(00:43):
asked you. Did you accept That's not that's a too
long of a pause.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
No, no, no, not really boys, but it wasn't. It
wasn't like being my Valentine. Let's be a boyfriend and girlfriend.
You know.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's just that they they gave you a little Valentine.
Correct you in you in that moment?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Nothing, You're like, so you told that you have butterflies,
you know, in your stomach because the special Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
And I mean I mean I was already you weren't
dating in junior high.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Junior high is seventh and eighth. Yeah, you didn't like
a steady person. No, I did, and I think I did.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
You just had like a proper Valentine in junior high
where I was, you know, giving a giving flowers or
can So you.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Had a proper, like a proper steady girlfriend. Yeah, in
seventh grade, yeah or eighth grade, both same person.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
No, I had my first kiss in seventh grade, as
I did. I did, I remember.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
But like like full of makeup, like a tong or
like a kid.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
No, like yeah, going trying to go at it and
a kiss. I remember like scraping on the braces and
being like, oh that felt weird.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
That's terrible.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah it was, it was, but listen, it was it was.
She was a sweet girl. She was.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I remember the first time somebody showed a kissed me
and and the saliva was very, very smelly, and so
I know I still have that that. I can't even
I can still smell it that. I was like, oh
my god, like very strong. It wasn't even bad breath,
it was just the saliva was very strong. And I
was like, I don't think I like this ash all.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
That's rough. That's a rough start. Do you think Sabella
is going to have I know there's a couple of
boys that she has been told by others have a
crush on her. I know she has, I wouldn't say.
I asked her about a couple of these like quote
unquote crushes that she says she has. She's like, that's true,
but she's like, we're not gonna say, not really crush.
She said, not really crushing. I think they're cute, and.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
They're really different, actually different ethnicities.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I think they're cute, but she said, not like a crush.
She's like, not hard, corgeous.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
One of one of them is taken by one of
her dear friends. And I was like, Sabbie, please.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Do not get in dear friends. But just like she
likes the other person. But and she didn't say I have,
like I want to go after she said she said,
the boy's cute.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
But it was It was a good moment for me
to teach a lesson about listen, if the kid is
dating a girl that is friendly with you, you know,
don't don't even look that way.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, what do I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
And we had a whole conversation about some of these.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Girls already, and I like, I get it because I
started that. We just talked about at that age, like
are going on quote unquote little dates like they're going
to the mall with the boy and all that, and
Sebbe has not been on a date, Sabbie has not
been on a date. And I'm sorry, I don't think
I would be fully into that, like going to the
mall with the boy by themselves, like and being dropped off.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
No way, No that the parents stays around.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I don't know what these kids, if that's the case,
going to be around. I don't think it's going to
be happening. I'm not. I don't think we're letting that happen.
I just can't see you be at a Nike store.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I'm going to be at a Norse drum right sitting
down overlooking the Nike the Nike store.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Do you think and I mean, I know my answer
as a guy, but do you think it'll be different
for Dylan? Like are you going to be more protective?
Are you gonna be protective of Dylan as well about
him dating? Or you think there's more leniency because he's
a boy that you. I.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
I think I'm going to be very protective, but there's
an element of being more lenient. Yeah, because it's your boy.
It's your boy. You know. My I grew up with
the philosophy, you know, culturally and because my parents I
have I have three brothers, so it was so cool,
Like my father was all about them going out hooking
up with girls. You know, it was like it was
(04:21):
a symbol of like, yeah, I have a matcha. You know,
it was like a thing with me that and then
I paid a price because with me was completely the opposite.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
You know. I was so like my mom was all.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Over me, you know, all over me.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
There's a double standard, for sure, I think there is.
I'll be less stressed if Dylan says like, oh I
got a crush on a girl, like, oh cool, who's
the girl? I'll be way more into it than Sabella
telling me, don't be getting like egging it on my
biggest thing. And I've already started this in a little
ways with Dylan. With just Sabella, it's like treating a
girl like a gentleman, like I'm trying to make him
understand even now, you know, ladies first, let Dylan let
(04:56):
Sebbie go in the door first. Dylan. A couple of
times I did it. He's like why. I'm like, because
ladies should enter first day open the door.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
She continue doing that.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And I'm trying. He still doesn't understand. He's like, well,
I don't want her to go first, and I'm like,
just let her go first, Like you know, I'm trying
to teach that principle. And I want him to be
incredibly respectful, and I think we're not going to have
a problem with that. He's such a shy and bit
reserved kid. I don't see him being like pushy on
anybody like that. But I want to make sure he
(05:25):
understands the concept of treating a woman.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I had such a thing with Sabella.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We took them to like dates, like it was mommy
and daughter date and Daddy and Sun date. And it
was the same night. I took Sabella to a restaurant
and then he took Dylan too another restaurant. They ended
up crushing our start by they stopped by a dinner.
We're like, what are you doing here? Anyways? And it
was an opportunity for me to connect with Sabbi and
(05:49):
just hang out as a mom, you know, because we
don't get to do it often because we always go
out as a family. When we'll go to dinner is
the four of us. So we're going to implement this thing.
And it was so cute because I said, you know,
the whole night we're going to do. I'll do a question.
Do you do a question, I'll do a question. So
it was a lot of back and forth at sometimes
it got a little bit uncomfortable and she's like, I
funk about it, you know, that kind of thing. But
(06:10):
she said something at one point that it I just
went right flag and I had a whole speech because
I don't know. She was saying something about dating somebody
and when I have a boyfriend orr husband or something.
She said something about like what I'm going to do
what he tells me or something like that.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Really, and I was like, okay, doesn't strike me as that.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
It was something that it really bothered me. And that's
how the conversation about my ex came up, because when
we came you came in, she was like, Mom, it's
talking to me about her ex husband. And then you
were like really, and that would I was. I gave
her a specific example for her to understand snap out
of that mentality of I'm going to do what I'm
told right, because I said to her, listen, this happened
(06:54):
to me, and it was so valuable. And to this
day I think about it because it bothers me because
I didn't have this cert of to be like, you
know what, even though my God knew it was unnecessary
and the advice he was giving me was so wrong.
I didn't pay attention to my instincts and I went
and I went and did it. I pay the price,
and I'm going to be fifty two years old and
(07:14):
I still think about it. So I said to her,
I want you to never go through this, and you're
going to have to learn on your own. But I'm
going to give you a very specific example, Sabella, because
by me just telling you don't do that because it's
not good, you're independent, you're you know, I'm going to
give you an example that happened to your mom, so
you break the cycle. And I gave her the example
and she was kind of like navigating it, you know,
(07:36):
kind of like oh wow, and what happened and how
did you did you say something?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
You know?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
And then I was able to engage in a whole conversation.
But I think it's really important at her age. You know,
she's developing. If you talk to Sabella's about Sabella doesn't
think like a little girl anymo. Szabella's like a woman,
you know. Like this morning, I'm doing the podcast and
I'm doing a little bit of makeup and she said,
you're not gonna curl your lashness And I was like, oh,
do you call yours? And she's like yeah, and they
(08:03):
don't do Masscara. So I wanted her to feel important
and I said, you know what, can you bring it?
And can you do it to me?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I don't. I don't want to do it to young
We don't do it to me. I see. She came
over and she felt so adult that she came to
mommy and she curled my lashes.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
You know.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But the way she's talking to me is like she's
thinking that she's teaching me about makeup. And I was like,
this is really fun I.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Love that this is funny. Well, it's interesting because our
producers put together some questions that you would ask your
kids about dating, and it sounds like you did a
pretty good job. You don't ask your team these things.
(08:42):
But it's like you'd ask, you know, questions like what
are your friends dating relationships? Like, you know, asking what
what they're hearing from their friends about a relationship. What
kind of a person would you date? Would you kind
of have had that bit of a conversation with her
about type and stuff like that. How would you feel
if a boyfriend or a girlfriend asked you to stop
(09:02):
being friends with someone? Okay, that's a tough one. That's
a good question, and it happens a lot. Yeah, that
happens a lot, for sure. For sure. Do you think
jealousy is a sign of love? Oh my goodness, it's
a good question. That's actually a listen. That's a really
tricky answer because I don't think it's a flat out
yes or no. I think a hint of jealousy is
(09:27):
a positive thing because it shows you care. The word
jealous can be overly used as a negative because it
can be so harsh, like they're jealous it just drives
me crazy. But a little hint of jealousy is also
an ounce of caring, because if someone's not jealous at all,
if they don't care what you're doing or who you're
(09:49):
around or whatever, doesn't that kind of feel weird too?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
But some people are like that though.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah, but don't you think I have friends that are like,
I'm not jealous at all. Something will make them jumous,
you know what I mean? Like, I don't my wife
do whatever she wants. Really the problem with.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Girls, and it happened to me again going back to
that relationship, is when you're dealing with somebody that has
more life experience than you and you just don't have
the maturity or the resources to understand what's really going on. Yeah,
girls ninety nine percent of the time will relate, Oh,
(10:26):
he's he's so jealousus, he's protecting me, he's a try
exactly is he's so jealous and he's going to defend me.
And that's the way we take it. If the guy
is a handful and it's doing things that are actually toxic,
but if they're able to gaslight you into thinking I'm
doing this because I love you, and I just love
you so much and I care about you so much.
I can obear that, you know, anybody else looking at you.
(10:49):
You take it as a compliment until it gets ugly,
and that that's when you realize, well that was not.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Actually, that's also severe jealousy too, Like that's a strong
A lot of women.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Attract correct find a very attractive, especially if they come
from upbringing that the dad.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Yeah, where that's all they know?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Normalize that behavior.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Sure, last question is what do you think a healthy
relationship is and looks like to you? So that's a
good question to ask because then you could get their
definition of what they think and a lot I'm not
gonna I'm not gonna lie, And I think a lot
of listeners know this. These kids learn it not just
from friends, but they're learning it from pop culture. They're
learning it from TV shows from Sabella said it to
me one time, She's like, why can't I just learn
(11:35):
about dating from the TV shows and movies I watch?
She said that, yeah to me one time, I said,
you're not going to learn that's the worst example, because
they're painting a picture that's not always true and sometimes
it's you know, fabricated to feel or look like something
that's the script. Yeah, and sometimes it's for the better
or worse, you know what I mean. So you gotta
learn from the parents now, But what if they.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Don't have a good, solid parenting, Well, then that.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Might be the only option. But then do you got
to hope that they're finding it with the right content?
You know what I mean? Content's tricky like that. Now,
these are some common questions teens ask parents about dating.
How would you handle these if you get asked them? One?
How long should I be dating someone before we are exclusive?
(12:23):
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Three months?
Speaker 1 (12:25):
That's a good number. I actually probably agree with you
if at that age, in particular, if I was, if
I was quote unquote dating somebody like for three months,
I feel like i'm pretty much, you know, staying with
that person. Yeah, I'm with you. When is it okay
to go on a one on one date and leave
the group? Hangs? What do you mean go on a
one on one proper date.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
At what age?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah? I don't think you even get into something like
that to your one of the kids driving so sixteen,
like if a parent's not around and it's an actual date,
like going to a movie theater. Now, I had one
on one dates, probably where my mom drop me off,
but it was ever one on one. When I was
in junior high. We'd all go to the movies, we'd
have a girlfriend. Everybody's kind of holding hands everybody's got
like double dates and all that, right, and then you
(13:11):
go to like dinner or something, or we'd walk around
the mall, or we'd like be holding hands.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
But I am not ready for this. I am gonna
hate it holding hands and if I feel like the
guy is a bit of a handful or has I'm
gonna be so direct with these kids, like I'm gonna
be brutal. I think they're gonna be scared of me.
I'm gonna do it with love because I'm gonna lead
with love, and I want them to think that we're
(13:37):
just cool parents. But I am going to be incredibly
transparent and I'm gonna just the good thing.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
About you that I'm actually very happy about is even
when you lead with love, there's an intensity in your
voice that's gonna come out and scare the s out
of these kids. That's so sad. You're gonna be good.
You're gonna do that thing where like your eyelids drop
a little bit, I always tell you, and then you're
gonna have a conversation with him with their eyelids love, Like,
(14:02):
I really care about you, guys, But that's take all
of you out.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
No I will know because I'm gonna say, listen.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I'm gonna do this with nothing but already dropping.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I don't know if I know how to do it
without it, because I'm gonna I promise he's gonna be
with a lot of charisma and love, but it's gonna
be serious.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Exactly right are going to be.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
However the kid decides to react to it, then I'll
do a check mark or I'll be like Sabbie, you're
gonna be able to like she's gonna be mortified, but
I'm not going to allow anybody to come into my house,
my my in Torno with bad intentions. And listen, there's
an element that we have gonna We're gonna have no
(14:39):
control because we don't know who she's bringing through that door.
But I want to make sure that that they know
the law.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
It's gonna be rough. How do I know if he
or she, uh they are are worth my time to date?
How do we tell Dylan or Sevi that that if
they ask us? You know, how do I know that
person's worth my time?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I think people reveal themselves pretty fast. So if she
if the kid is being kind of like flirty with
her friends, or if she's seeing flirty behavior. Besides with her,
that's a sign. Yeah, yes, gentlemen, somebody does doesn't rush
somebody that is not already giving her problems with if
(15:24):
she wants to use a crop top and already commenting
on the way she's dressing or the way she's.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Applying making put on the physical or immediately trying.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
To touch exactly like my father used to say, holding
hands is okay, Well, the second he touches your thigh
by intentions. So I'm going to tell her the second
he touches your thigh, you know that that's going to continue.
The second touches your thigh, he's gonna want to climb
that hand up and you're gonna have to just slap
the heck out of that.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
But she's gonna be that.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
But what if I But what if I want to?
What if I wanted to keep climbing? And that's Those
are the conversations that we're gonna have to navigate. And
another example is like, mom, Sebbie, just look at his family.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You know, the way he treats his mom.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Look exactly what how what is the relationship with mom
and dad? Is it a broken family?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Like?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
How many siblings? How? How does he speak to the siblings,
you know, like, there's so many things that you can
pay attention to to know. And again it's never, it's never,
one hundred percent never, But to give you an indication
if you are wasting your time or not?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
For sure? Now, should I be bothered by p d
A at school? What is appropriate PDAs public display of affection? Okay,
at school? What is the appropriate?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I would agree. Well, listen, you get into high school.
Kids are holding hands, walking room on the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
They're making it. When I was, if we get a
phone call or an email or a text or a
note from a teacher or a stubb to the teacher
or a dean or somebody at school saying that she's
doing some pd A that is making kids uncomfortable, I
will lose.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
In high school, we were holding hands. We'd have arms
around each other at lunch, hanging out, walking to each
other's locker, walk into the classroom, kiss goodbye going into
the classroom. We would do that in high school.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I'm sorry, Well I never did because I never dated
somebody from my high school.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Too cool, that was too cool. Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I was in high school. I was dating a guy
from college.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I never ever dated anybody from even at prom, and
all these dances like kids are kissing, hold hands all
the parents we were you find a way for sure. Listen,
we have a lot on our hands. I'm a little
nervous about it. This this episode stressed me out. Thank
you for listening. As always. Squirm over.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
And look at Sybrilla now, and I'm stressed out just
by looking at her. She's so beautiful and so cool,
and she's an athlete and she walks around like she's like,
oh my god, I am freaking out.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Well listen, if you have anything else you want to
talk to us about it.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
She's a good girl, though she is. I think next job,
she's a good girl.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Send it to our dms at he said a at
d Hoo, or email us at Eric Androz at iHeartRadio
dot com and uh until next time, love you, love you,
thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review
and tell us what you think.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us
out at he said ajor s is that email Eric
and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com. He said, AJAB is
part of iHeartRadio's Mike would Do That podcast network See
you next time.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Bye,
Host
Roselyn Sanchez
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