January 8, 2025 • 11 mins
A "misbehaving" husband, a frustrated mama, a sister squabble... Did I steer them in the right direction? ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. You know, each
night we have a little feature we call you a
Delilah Dilemma. I don't know how long we've been doing this,
(00:24):
but you tell me a problem, a situation, and I
try to solve it in you know, thirty seconds or less,
which we all know cannot be done. I know that,
but it's still kind of fun. If you would like
to send me your Delilah dilemma, I will do my
best to share some words of wisdom. Not that I
don't have a doctorate's, I don't have a PhD. I
(00:45):
don't have a master's. I don't have a degree. Okay,
I'm not giving you professional advice. I'm a mom and
I've you know, been around the block three times maybe four.
Tonight's Llilah's dilemma is from a listener who writes, Dear Delilah,
my wife and I have been together since two thousand
(01:07):
and one. Our marriage was very happy until I started
and this is his words, not mine, misbehaving, drinking too much,
and being angry a lot. It created a distance between us,
while she begged me to change. I promised to and
(01:27):
then I broke those promises, and of course she drifted
away from me emotionally. Eventually I caught on and changed
my life. But she is saying that it's now too late.
She has found another and she has feelings for him.
We still live together, but I don't know if she
will ever forgive me, though I'm motivated to do whatever
(01:49):
it takes. I'd like to dedicate a special song to
her and ask if you have any advice. I do
have advice, and I will share those words with you.
Coming up now. Next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a
(02:09):
listener who's been with his wife for over twenty years.
Twenty one years, And the thing I want to focus
on is you write and you said our marriage was
happy until I started misbehaving, Like you're a child. That's misbehaving.
My six year old misbehaves sometimes, my thirteen year old misbehaves.
(02:31):
When my eighteen year old does things that she knows
are wrong, that's not misbehaving. That is making a conscious
choice to do something that you realize and you know
is hurting someone else. So no, you weren't misbehaving. You
were treating your wife like she didn't matter, because she didn't.
Your drinking came first, Your anger came before your love
(02:56):
for your wife. And over time, because you made promises
and you did not keep them, you showed her by
your actions that your addictions, your drinking, your anger, your
rage was far more important than her heart. So of
course she drifted away. You pushed her away. She didn't
(03:16):
drift away, You shoved her away, And every time you'd
make a promise and break it, you pushed her harder
and further, and now her heart is gone. If you
want to save your marriage, which I don't think you can,
but if you want to try to save your marriage,
work on you. Go to AA. If you need to
(03:39):
get help, go to a support group for anger issues,
talk to a counselor talk to a pastor or somebody
that you trust. Talk to your brother or your barber,
or whoever you trust that you can talk to, and
get this toxic anger out of your heart and out
of your life. Perhaps, as you truly change, maybe her
(04:04):
heart will soften. But even if she doesn't, you still
need to change, dude. For you, you still need to
become a better human being. So focus on you, focus
on healing you, and then see if magic might happen again.
Good luck, God bless you. If you need some book
(04:25):
title ideas, I can point you in the right direction.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Okay, God bless.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma, says Hi Delilah. I'd like your advice
on how to help her encourage my son. He is
twenty three and he is stuck in a rut. He
graduated high school four years ago. He attended community college
but didn't finish school wasn't easy for him. He does
have a job, it's the same job had in high school.
(05:01):
The hours vary so it's not even full time. I'm
worried for his future and his ability to support himself.
He doesn't show any interest in a specific field, nor
seem to have any ambition or motivation to change his situation.
My husband and I both work, and we both have
(05:22):
a strong work ethic, so it's upsetting to see him
not having a clue on where or how to start
his life. I know all parents say this, but he
really is a very good person. He is smart, funny, caring,
has a great personality. My husband and I go back
(05:42):
and forth on how best to help him, and then
we end up arguing about it. Are ultimatums the only
way to proceed. I don't want my son to be
forty years old and living in my basement. What would
you do? That's a darn good question, and I will
(06:04):
I will share my lack of advice. Coming up next
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a couple who have a
twenty three year old living at home in the basement,
not motivated to do anything. What you left out is probably,
(06:29):
while he is living in my basement, he's playing video
games all day and all night, or he's watching TikTok
all day in all night, or he's watching foreign soap
operas all day in all night. How do I know that?
Because I have two adult children doing the same thing,
and I don't have any words of advice for you,
(06:49):
I don't know how to get young people unstuck. I
was so eager to get out of my parents' house.
I was so eager to set the world on fire.
I blew out of my parents' house the day I
graduated high school. I couldn't wait to start my life
and do fun and exciting things. So just like you,
(07:11):
I don't get people who don't have that, who don't
have that drive or that desire. And like I said,
I have young adults, children in the same age group
as yours doing the same thing or not doing the
same thing. And what do you do?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Maybe somebody listening has some good advice. They've gone through
it and come up with a way to help their
child to reach their full potential, whatever that looks like.
If you have good advice for this listener and for me,
please write to me. Go to my Facebook page and
write to me. In the meantime, I think I'm going
(07:49):
to start filling my basement up with my chicken collection.
I have ceramic chickens, and I think maybe if I
just start moving my art supplies and my ceramic chickens
into the.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Bay, maybe they'll get the clue.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a sister who wants to
have a relationship with her other sister that doesn't quite
know how to go about it. She says, Hi, Delilah,
I listen to your show all the time and absolutely
love your inspiring words. I'm in need of a little
(08:33):
guidance a few years ago, my sister and I rekindled
our broken relationship. She is very active at a church
my husband and I attend regularly. Recently, I'm feeling that
she's not treating us fairly. For example, we got into
an argument at Christmas time because the meal reimbursement I
(08:54):
receive for volunteer work was late. She used to always
sit with us when we would go to functions along
with her adorable son. Now they set with her friends instead.
In fact, she spends more time with her friends than
with her family, and I'm feeling very hurt over this.
I haven't mentioned any of this to her because it
(09:15):
will probably start another argument. I don't want to lose
my sister again. Please help me, all right, sister friend,
I'm going to have my mother Delilah words for you
coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a woman
(09:39):
who wants a relationship with her sister but doesn't quite
know how to go about that. And you say you
got into an argument at Christmas time over a meal reimbursement. Really,
you guys are arguing over things like that. If you
(09:59):
want a relationship with your sister, then enter into a
real relationship, and a real relationship does not have expectations,
it doesn't have parameters. You don't say I will love
you if or I will love you when you say
I love you, I love you, I love hanging out
(10:20):
with you. I'm not gonna argue over something as petty
as a meal reimbursement, whatever that means. Don't argue over
petty stuff. In fact, don't argue at all. If you
feel like you're starting to argue, just hold your tongue
and walk away and say I love you. Because if
(10:43):
you want a relationship and you want to feel connected,
then you're going to have to set aside petty grievances,
silly nonsense like anger about meal reimbursements, jealousy about who
she sits with, and just accept her for who she
is and lover for who she is, and spend as
(11:05):
much time as you can with her as she is.
If you can do that, if you can just love
unconditionally and without parameters or expectations, then I think you'll
be able to rebuild your relationship. I so hope you
(11:28):
have enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy
bringing them to you. I'll share more with you each
weekday on Hey, It's Delilah do lo
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. You know, each
night we have a little feature we call you a
Delilah Dilemma. I don't know how long we've been doing this,
(00:24):
but you tell me a problem, a situation, and I
try to solve it in you know, thirty seconds or less,
which we all know cannot be done. I know that,
but it's still kind of fun. If you would like
to send me your Delilah dilemma, I will do my
best to share some words of wisdom. Not that I
don't have a doctorate's, I don't have a PhD. I
(00:45):
don't have a master's. I don't have a degree. Okay,
I'm not giving you professional advice. I'm a mom and
I've you know, been around the block three times maybe four.
Tonight's Llilah's dilemma is from a listener who writes, Dear Delilah,
my wife and I have been together since two thousand
(01:07):
and one. Our marriage was very happy until I started
and this is his words, not mine, misbehaving, drinking too much,
and being angry a lot. It created a distance between us,
while she begged me to change. I promised to and
(01:27):
then I broke those promises, and of course she drifted
away from me emotionally. Eventually I caught on and changed
my life. But she is saying that it's now too late.
She has found another and she has feelings for him.
We still live together, but I don't know if she
will ever forgive me, though I'm motivated to do whatever
(01:49):
it takes. I'd like to dedicate a special song to
her and ask if you have any advice. I do
have advice, and I will share those words with you.
Coming up now. Next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a
(02:09):
listener who's been with his wife for over twenty years.
Twenty one years, And the thing I want to focus
on is you write and you said our marriage was
happy until I started misbehaving, Like you're a child. That's misbehaving.
My six year old misbehaves sometimes, my thirteen year old misbehaves.
(02:31):
When my eighteen year old does things that she knows
are wrong, that's not misbehaving. That is making a conscious
choice to do something that you realize and you know
is hurting someone else. So no, you weren't misbehaving. You
were treating your wife like she didn't matter, because she didn't.
Your drinking came first, Your anger came before your love
(02:56):
for your wife. And over time, because you made promises
and you did not keep them, you showed her by
your actions that your addictions, your drinking, your anger, your
rage was far more important than her heart. So of
course she drifted away. You pushed her away. She didn't
(03:16):
drift away, You shoved her away, And every time you'd
make a promise and break it, you pushed her harder
and further, and now her heart is gone. If you
want to save your marriage, which I don't think you can,
but if you want to try to save your marriage,
work on you. Go to AA. If you need to
(03:39):
get help, go to a support group for anger issues,
talk to a counselor talk to a pastor or somebody
that you trust. Talk to your brother or your barber,
or whoever you trust that you can talk to, and
get this toxic anger out of your heart and out
of your life. Perhaps, as you truly change, maybe her
(04:04):
heart will soften. But even if she doesn't, you still
need to change, dude. For you, you still need to
become a better human being. So focus on you, focus
on healing you, and then see if magic might happen again.
Good luck, God bless you. If you need some book
(04:25):
title ideas, I can point you in the right direction.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Okay, God bless.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma, says Hi Delilah. I'd like your advice
on how to help her encourage my son. He is
twenty three and he is stuck in a rut. He
graduated high school four years ago. He attended community college
but didn't finish school wasn't easy for him. He does
have a job, it's the same job had in high school.
(05:01):
The hours vary so it's not even full time. I'm
worried for his future and his ability to support himself.
He doesn't show any interest in a specific field, nor
seem to have any ambition or motivation to change his situation.
My husband and I both work, and we both have
(05:22):
a strong work ethic, so it's upsetting to see him
not having a clue on where or how to start
his life. I know all parents say this, but he
really is a very good person. He is smart, funny, caring,
has a great personality. My husband and I go back
(05:42):
and forth on how best to help him, and then
we end up arguing about it. Are ultimatums the only
way to proceed. I don't want my son to be
forty years old and living in my basement. What would
you do? That's a darn good question, and I will
(06:04):
I will share my lack of advice. Coming up next
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a couple who have a
twenty three year old living at home in the basement,
not motivated to do anything. What you left out is probably,
(06:29):
while he is living in my basement, he's playing video
games all day and all night, or he's watching TikTok
all day in all night, or he's watching foreign soap
operas all day in all night. How do I know that?
Because I have two adult children doing the same thing,
and I don't have any words of advice for you,
(06:49):
I don't know how to get young people unstuck. I
was so eager to get out of my parents' house.
I was so eager to set the world on fire.
I blew out of my parents' house the day I
graduated high school. I couldn't wait to start my life
and do fun and exciting things. So just like you,
(07:11):
I don't get people who don't have that, who don't
have that drive or that desire. And like I said,
I have young adults, children in the same age group
as yours doing the same thing or not doing the
same thing. And what do you do?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Maybe somebody listening has some good advice. They've gone through
it and come up with a way to help their
child to reach their full potential, whatever that looks like.
If you have good advice for this listener and for me,
please write to me. Go to my Facebook page and
write to me. In the meantime, I think I'm going
(07:49):
to start filling my basement up with my chicken collection.
I have ceramic chickens, and I think maybe if I
just start moving my art supplies and my ceramic chickens
into the.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Bay, maybe they'll get the clue.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a sister who wants to
have a relationship with her other sister that doesn't quite
know how to go about it. She says, Hi, Delilah,
I listen to your show all the time and absolutely
love your inspiring words. I'm in need of a little
(08:33):
guidance a few years ago, my sister and I rekindled
our broken relationship. She is very active at a church
my husband and I attend regularly. Recently, I'm feeling that
she's not treating us fairly. For example, we got into
an argument at Christmas time because the meal reimbursement I
(08:54):
receive for volunteer work was late. She used to always
sit with us when we would go to functions along
with her adorable son. Now they set with her friends instead.
In fact, she spends more time with her friends than
with her family, and I'm feeling very hurt over this.
I haven't mentioned any of this to her because it
(09:15):
will probably start another argument. I don't want to lose
my sister again. Please help me, all right, sister friend,
I'm going to have my mother Delilah words for you
coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a woman
(09:39):
who wants a relationship with her sister but doesn't quite
know how to go about that. And you say you
got into an argument at Christmas time over a meal reimbursement. Really,
you guys are arguing over things like that. If you
(09:59):
want a relationship with your sister, then enter into a
real relationship, and a real relationship does not have expectations,
it doesn't have parameters. You don't say I will love
you if or I will love you when you say
I love you, I love you, I love hanging out
(10:20):
with you. I'm not gonna argue over something as petty
as a meal reimbursement, whatever that means. Don't argue over
petty stuff. In fact, don't argue at all. If you
feel like you're starting to argue, just hold your tongue
and walk away and say I love you. Because if
(10:43):
you want a relationship and you want to feel connected,
then you're going to have to set aside petty grievances,
silly nonsense like anger about meal reimbursements, jealousy about who
she sits with, and just accept her for who she
is and lover for who she is, and spend as
(11:05):
much time as you can with her as she is.
If you can do that, if you can just love
unconditionally and without parameters or expectations, then I think you'll
be able to rebuild your relationship. I so hope you
(11:28):
have enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy
bringing them to you. I'll share more with you each
weekday on Hey, It's Delilah do lo
Host
Delilah
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