DELILAH DILEMMAS: Grief stricken

Some dilemmas are more difficult than others. I have no words of wisdom for grief, only those of compassion. ~ Delilah

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey It's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast, Hey It's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, I have a feature
called Delilah's Dilemma's, or folks call me or write me

(00:25):
and share a sticky situation they're in and I try
to help them figure out the best course of action. Today,
We're going to listen to some of those unique situations
right here on Hey It's Delilah. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma comes

(00:46):
from a listener named Martha, who is so heartbroken. She says,
my husband Jeff and I have been married for almost
a dozen years now. He is my hero and my life.
Over and over, we have trying to have children, only
to have our hopes dashed. We cannot stand another miscarriage,

(01:06):
so we decided to adopt and felt we were being
led in that direction. And after all the testing and
personal invasion, we were chosen to be parents to an
unborn little girl. The birth mother chose us and we
opened our hearts and lives to her. We hoped she
would be a big part in the life of the
daughter she was allowing us to raise. We were called

(01:27):
for our birth and when I held that baby for
the first time, I thought God had given me a
glimpse into heaven. My husband was in tears. We were
so in love with this little precious being. All three
of us named her Ashleigh. We began our lives with her,
and we were blessed until three days after bringing our

(01:49):
daughter home, we heard from an attorney that the birth
mother had been pressured by her mother to get her
granddaughter back. The bottom line is, our little Ashley has
been gone a little over a week now, and my
husband and I are paralyzed in grief. We are checking,
but it seems we have no recourse legally. We just

(02:10):
pray that God sends our baby back to us. Please
help me to keep breathing. Martha, I will have my
words of love and hopefully comfort for you and your
husband coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is a heartbreaking one.

(02:35):
A couple went through the process to adopt. They were
chosen by a birth mother. She placed her daughter with them,
and then a few days after the placement, she changed
her mind and decided to take the little girl back
and the adoptive mother says, please help me to keep breathing.
I don't know that there are any words in the

(02:57):
world that will help you to keep breathing outside of
the God loves you, and he has the perfect plan
for you and your family. And I know right now
that's very hard to believe. And I have actually been
in your shoes many many years ago. A little boy
was placed with me that I was to adopt, and

(03:19):
six months later his birth mom came back into the
picture and took him back. And I didn't think I
could breathe. I didn't think I could go on. I
didn't think that life could ever, ever, ever be joyful again.
But time has healed that wound. I was blessed to

(03:43):
find out that eventually he was placed with a family
that had infertility issues, and he has a mom and
a dad and a big sister. And I have gone
on to give birth to two more children and adopt six, seven,
eight nine more children. So I still miss him. His

(04:07):
name is Micah, and I still pray for him. But
at the time I couldn't see that God had a
different plan, and it took a long time to get
over that ache. Martha, I pray that God brings this
baby back into your heart and into your arms. But
mostly I pray that He comforts you right now and

(04:28):
that in time, the big picture, the big plan, will
unfold and you will be blessed with children, not just
a child, but children to love and raise. Tonight's Delilah's
Dilemma says, my name is Rebecca. When I was younger,

(04:48):
I was put into foster care because of abuse for
my stepfather. My mom's rights were terminated, and I was
adopted by two loving parents that I lived with from
the age of seven. By the time I turned to
I met a man that is my whole world. I
love him very dearly. We've been married for almost five
years now, but in the beginning of twenty ten, I

(05:09):
was forced to decide between my adopted mom and my husband.
Of course, I chose my husband, but now my adopted
parents no longer speak to me at all. My mom
said that my husband controls me. He's never stopped me
from being around them. Just three months after we were married,
my parents asked me to divorce my husband, and they've

(05:29):
never said why. They don't like him. I fought with
him several times over this and finally decided I was
done being pulled by both my parents and him. I
told them this was their problem and to leave me
out of it. But the end result was not what
I expected. My mom is very sick, and I wonder
if I made the right choice by cutting them out

(05:51):
of my life completely. I loved them dearly and I
missed them very much. I wish them well and told
them if they ever needed me, all they had to
do was call a wright. Please. What should I do?
From Rebecca? Rebecca, I'm not sure what you should do,
but I will share my words with you. Coming up next,

(06:20):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Rebecca, a young woman that
was adopted at the age of seven, lived with her
adoptive parents until she was twenty, got married, and now
her adoptive parents don't like her husband. Rebecca, you should
not have to decide between your parents or your husband.
That shouldn't be something you have to decide. If I

(06:42):
were you, I would reach out to you, especially if
your mom is sick and dying. I would reach out
to them and say I love you, I want to
be in your life. I understand for some reason you
don't like my husband, but can I have a relationship
with you? And it may not mean you go stay
with them or spend a great deal of time with them,
but you should not have to decide. If they're saying no, no, Rebecca,

(07:07):
we're not going to talk to you unless you leave
your husband, then they're the ones that make that choice.
And if your husband says no, you're not allowed to
have a relationship with your parents, then he's the one
making that choice. But you should not have to choose, honey,
You shouldn't. You shouldn't have to choose. You should be
able to love the people that you love and to

(07:29):
love your husband and be committed to him without all
the stress and turmoil. And I don't know if they're
good people. They were clearly good people when they adopted
you and when they loved you and when they raised you.
If they're such sweet people, why they would have such
a grudge against somebody for no reason? Is there a
reason they have a grudge against your husband and you

(07:51):
don't see it, You're blind to it because of your
first seven years of your life, you're used to dysfunction
and now you're in and you don't recognize it. Or
are they somewhat controlling and manipulative and don't want you
to be happy. I don't know only you can answer that,

(08:11):
but I definitely would reach out to your mom, because
if something happens and God calls her home and you
don't make that approach to try to talk, you're going
to carry around a lot of guilt for a long time.
Good luck and God bless you. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is

(08:34):
from an angel. She says, I've known my best friend
as long as I can remember. She lived across the
street from me for our whole childhood. We used to
be like sisters. I'm a few years older than she is,
so when she was younger, she thought everything I liked
was super cool. She used to love having movie nights
at our house, making arts and crafts, chatting about everything

(08:56):
under the sun. We prayed together. All of that changed
when she and her family moved to the other side
of town. Now I send text, she doesn't answer. I
try to plan something, and I'm lucky to even get
a response. When she does answer, she's always too busy.

(09:17):
Since she's moved away, she has not once made the
move to message me first. I work at a local restaurant.
About a week ago, she walked in with a few
of her friends while I was working. I smiled, and
she acted as if she didn't even know me. I
said we should get together again, and her response was

(09:38):
I don't care. Delilah. I feel so torn. This girl
who used to jump at the thought of hanging out
with me now barely even acknowledges my existence. What do
you think I should do? If anything? Thank you for
your time from Angel. Angel. This is a sad heartbreak

(10:00):
and I will share my words for you coming up next.
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a girl named Angel who
had a neighbor who was like a sister, and now
they've grown and her sister doesn't even acknowledge her. Angel.

(10:21):
Here's the thing. As we grow and we mature, we change.
And it sounds as if your little sister, your bestie,
has changed and her heart has grown hard and you
don't understand why. I don't know that there is any

(10:43):
understanding of why. It just happens. You can't change what
she's doing or going through right now. All you can
do is except that this is where she's at. Don't
take it personally because I'm sure it's got nothing to
do with you and everything to do with where she's

(11:06):
at spiritually or mentally or emotionally. And keep a space
in your heart open so that should she come to
her senses, when she comes to her senses, you'll still
be there. In the meantime, you need friends. You need
people to hang out with and do things with. So
the next time somebody comes into your restaurant who looks

(11:29):
to be about the same age and looks like an
interesting person, say ay. Or join a club or go
someplace where there's other young people and open your heart
to the possibility of a new best friend, because right
now the person who's been your best friend is jilting you.

(11:51):
And that means you're going to need people that can
love you unconditionally and support you because we all need
those people. It hurts to be broken up with by
a best friend. You're going to have to figure out
how to let that go while still leaving a space

(12:12):
for her to come back. Good luck and God bless you.
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share
more with you each weekday on Ay it's delilah do