March 20, 2024 • 12 mins
What to do? What to do? ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, we share something called
(00:24):
delilah dilemma, where you write to me or you call
me with yours situation and I try to help you
come up with the right solution. Today, we're going to
listen to some of those on this podcast. Tonight's Delilah's
Dilemma is from miss miss not missus, not miss not missus,
(00:46):
ms miss C. She says, I've been listening to your
It's important that you note that, and you'll see why
in a minute. I've been listening to your show for
more than sixteen years, and I've tried to call you
so many times unsuccessfully. My husband of seven years passed
away more than a year ago. Many people have supported
me through the loss, but one close friend of my
(01:08):
husband's has been very consistent. He's asked how long it
will take for me to mourn in my faith or
my tradition. I'm nervous when he asks these kinds of questions,
and I think it shows his intentions to want to
be with me. His wife passed away more than twenty
years and he has never remarried. Delilah. Since my husband
(01:31):
passed away, I still have so many memories, so many
flashbacks of our lives together. I still love him, and
I feel like I might be betraying our life together
by having feelings for someone else. Do you think one
year after losing a spouse is enough time to grieve
before giving your heart to another. I'm so confused and
(01:56):
I feel so alone. Thank you for all the time
you do from Miss C. Miss C, I will have
my words for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma
is from a woman who has been a widow for
(02:18):
over a year, and she's saying, how much time? How
much time must pass before you open your heart again? Honey,
that's a question only you can answer. To open your
heart again or try to have a relationship again, if
you are still in the depth and the throes of
(02:40):
mourning would be unkind. It would be unkind to the
man who's showing an interest in you. Has nothing to
do with traditions or religion. It has to do with
your heart. If your heart still belongs to your late husband.
The fact that he has passed isn't going to change that,
(03:03):
So you cannot give it to another man if it
is still tied up with your late husband, and there
is no way to hurry up that grieving process. It's
something that just takes time. However, if you have feelings
for this other man and you feel like you are
(03:26):
ready to love again, there's no law, no rule, nothing
that says, oh year is too short, too soon, or
ten years is too long. It does. It's up to
you and God. If you have feelings for this man
and you feel like you might be ready to begin
tiptoeing back into another relationship, that's between you and God
(03:50):
and this man that's showing an interest in you. So
there's no set rule. There's no answer except pray and
see where your heart leads you. Good luck and God
bless you. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Monica, who says,
(04:13):
three years ago, I met and fell in love with
the most wonderful man. About four months into our relationship,
he confided in me that he believed I was the
one and he wanted to gear our relationship towards marriage.
As you can imagine, I was ecstatic and jumped to
the conclusion that it wouldn't be long until the big
question happened. In the meantime, we both realized we were
(04:36):
very young and not quite ready for such a big step,
but we both agreed we wanted to work towards it.
We've taken many steps, both mentally and financially, to make
this a possibility. I have no doubt in my mind
that he loves me and is doing everything he can
to make it happen right, But every day I'm asked
by friends, when are you going to get married? In
(04:56):
the past year alone, I've watched four friends and my
age grew walk down the aisle, and I'm beginning to
feel not only jealous of these women, but impatient with
my boyfriend. I almost feel robbed because girls who have
not been with their boyfriend even a year are already
getting married. I'm not quite sure what to do. I
(05:18):
love my boyfriend, and I know it's my own jealousy
that's the problem. How can I simply be happy for
my friends and let go of this little green monster.
I know that if I keep pushing my boyfriend, I'm
going to ruin the joy of an engagement. When the
time is right. Please help me from Monica, Monica, I
will have my mother Delilah words for you coming up next.
(05:51):
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from Monica, who has been dating
a man for three years and wants to get married
and sees her friends getting married and is jealous that
her friends are getting married and she's not even engaged. Monica,
here's my words. You are probably the kind of person
that if I walked into your house and opened a
(06:12):
cupboard in your kitchen, I would discover tupperware containers with
lids as opposed to my cupboards, which have empty butter
containers without lids. Your socks probably match. You probably never
go out of the house with two different socks on
because your socks match. You are organized, and you need
(06:36):
a plan of action. You need to know where you
are going and how you're going to get there. You
probably use map quest or Google Maps all the time
because you don't want to be late. You're organized, you're
detail oriented, and you need a plan of action. And
your boyfriend probably is not so much that way, or
(07:00):
if he is, he has his own time schedule and
his own plan. So what you're going to have to
do Monica is decide to let go of the need
to control this situation and let it work out in time,
or you're going to need to walk away and realize
(07:22):
that your boyfriend isn't ready for a forever commitment and
may not be for some time. How much more time
are you willing to invest in this relationship. If after
three years he's not ready to commit to marriage, then
that's long enough. You've given him time. But your need
to control the situation and to have a plan of
(07:46):
action is probably what's driving you crazy and feeling jealous
or resentful of other women who have that is a
normal reaction. When I was young, I had my whole
life planned out. I want to be married in my twenties,
have my babies in my twenties and thirties, raise them
in my forties, and be done by my fifties. None
(08:07):
of it worked out that way, and boy am I
glad it didn't. Boy am I glad that God's plan
came into play. But I remember that frantic feeling trying
to have my plan come together. You need to let
go and if this man isn't ready to commit after
three years, you need to recognize that and realize maybe
(08:31):
he's not the one. Good luck, honey, God bless you
a listener that I'm not going to mention her name.
I'm just gonna call her a because it could be anybody,
says Delilah, I would like to ask you for some
advice and input. My husband and I have been married
(08:54):
for three years, but ever since we've been married, we've
been fighting a lot. I guess, nothing violent or too physical,
but mentally emotionally it hurts so very much. I love
him with all my heart. But Delilah, I don't know
what I should do. The things we fight about are
(09:14):
about my past, the present, all the things I've done
wrong in my life, how I handled my life, how
I handled my OCD. I just don't know what I
can do about this constant pain. Please help me from
a I will do my best to help you, but
you have to promise me that you will listen and
(09:37):
that you will hear my words if you relate to
what I just read. I want you to listen carefull
that have my advice. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma breaks my heart
on a multitude of levels for a multitude of reasons.
(09:58):
First off, because my beautiful, strong, wonderful mother was married
to my father for thirty years, and he would constantly
tell her how stupid she was, how she wasn't good enough,
she didn't clean good enough, she didn't cook good enough,
she didn't look good enough. And so what did I do?
(10:19):
I turned around and followed in her footsteps, and for
nine years I was in a marriage where I was
made to feel like I wasn't enough. So I want
you to listen to me a get the hell away
from this person. I know you say you love him,
but you don't understand how that will affect your soul.
To be be rated, to be told that you're not enough,
(10:44):
to be yelled at for how you handle your OCD
or how you handled your life, or what you did
in the past. That is not love. That is abuse.
That is emotional and mental and psychological abuse, which has
ever bit as damaging. Is being hit in the face.
Get away from this monster. Somebody who would say cruel
(11:08):
things to their beloved is not a good, loving husband
or wife. Somebody who says cruel, mean, hurtful, insulting words
is not someone you should be partnered with. I don't
care how much you love them. I don't care how
much your heart cries out for him. That's nonsense. Protect yourself.
(11:32):
You don't mention if you have children or not. If
you do, get them away from this monster. If you don't,
please do not bring a child into this equation where
they will see you being berated and hurt. Find your strength,
find a friend you can lean on, find a program,
(11:52):
find a shelter, find a support group, find God, and
find your self worth. Know that you are fearfully and
wonderfully made. That you are precious, You are beautiful, You
are capable, you are smart, You are enough, and you
should never put yourself in relationship or stay in relationship
(12:15):
with somebody who invalidates you. Good luck and God bless you.
Please heed my words. I so hope you have enjoyed
these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing them
to you. I'll share more with you each weekday on Hey,
It's Delilah.
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, we share something called
(00:24):
delilah dilemma, where you write to me or you call
me with yours situation and I try to help you
come up with the right solution. Today, we're going to
listen to some of those on this podcast. Tonight's Delilah's
Dilemma is from miss miss not missus, not miss not missus,
(00:46):
ms miss C. She says, I've been listening to your
It's important that you note that, and you'll see why
in a minute. I've been listening to your show for
more than sixteen years, and I've tried to call you
so many times unsuccessfully. My husband of seven years passed
away more than a year ago. Many people have supported
me through the loss, but one close friend of my
(01:08):
husband's has been very consistent. He's asked how long it
will take for me to mourn in my faith or
my tradition. I'm nervous when he asks these kinds of questions,
and I think it shows his intentions to want to
be with me. His wife passed away more than twenty
years and he has never remarried. Delilah. Since my husband
(01:31):
passed away, I still have so many memories, so many
flashbacks of our lives together. I still love him, and
I feel like I might be betraying our life together
by having feelings for someone else. Do you think one
year after losing a spouse is enough time to grieve
before giving your heart to another. I'm so confused and
(01:56):
I feel so alone. Thank you for all the time
you do from Miss C. Miss C, I will have
my words for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma
is from a woman who has been a widow for
(02:18):
over a year, and she's saying, how much time? How
much time must pass before you open your heart again? Honey,
that's a question only you can answer. To open your
heart again or try to have a relationship again, if
you are still in the depth and the throes of
(02:40):
mourning would be unkind. It would be unkind to the
man who's showing an interest in you. Has nothing to
do with traditions or religion. It has to do with
your heart. If your heart still belongs to your late husband.
The fact that he has passed isn't going to change that,
(03:03):
So you cannot give it to another man if it
is still tied up with your late husband, and there
is no way to hurry up that grieving process. It's
something that just takes time. However, if you have feelings
for this other man and you feel like you are
(03:26):
ready to love again, there's no law, no rule, nothing
that says, oh year is too short, too soon, or
ten years is too long. It does. It's up to
you and God. If you have feelings for this man
and you feel like you might be ready to begin
tiptoeing back into another relationship, that's between you and God
(03:50):
and this man that's showing an interest in you. So
there's no set rule. There's no answer except pray and
see where your heart leads you. Good luck and God
bless you. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Monica, who says,
(04:13):
three years ago, I met and fell in love with
the most wonderful man. About four months into our relationship,
he confided in me that he believed I was the
one and he wanted to gear our relationship towards marriage.
As you can imagine, I was ecstatic and jumped to
the conclusion that it wouldn't be long until the big
question happened. In the meantime, we both realized we were
(04:36):
very young and not quite ready for such a big step,
but we both agreed we wanted to work towards it.
We've taken many steps, both mentally and financially, to make
this a possibility. I have no doubt in my mind
that he loves me and is doing everything he can
to make it happen right, But every day I'm asked
by friends, when are you going to get married? In
(04:56):
the past year alone, I've watched four friends and my
age grew walk down the aisle, and I'm beginning to
feel not only jealous of these women, but impatient with
my boyfriend. I almost feel robbed because girls who have
not been with their boyfriend even a year are already
getting married. I'm not quite sure what to do. I
(05:18):
love my boyfriend, and I know it's my own jealousy
that's the problem. How can I simply be happy for
my friends and let go of this little green monster.
I know that if I keep pushing my boyfriend, I'm
going to ruin the joy of an engagement. When the
time is right. Please help me from Monica, Monica, I
will have my mother Delilah words for you coming up next.
(05:51):
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from Monica, who has been dating
a man for three years and wants to get married
and sees her friends getting married and is jealous that
her friends are getting married and she's not even engaged. Monica,
here's my words. You are probably the kind of person
that if I walked into your house and opened a
(06:12):
cupboard in your kitchen, I would discover tupperware containers with
lids as opposed to my cupboards, which have empty butter
containers without lids. Your socks probably match. You probably never
go out of the house with two different socks on
because your socks match. You are organized, and you need
(06:36):
a plan of action. You need to know where you
are going and how you're going to get there. You
probably use map quest or Google Maps all the time
because you don't want to be late. You're organized, you're
detail oriented, and you need a plan of action. And
your boyfriend probably is not so much that way, or
(07:00):
if he is, he has his own time schedule and
his own plan. So what you're going to have to
do Monica is decide to let go of the need
to control this situation and let it work out in time,
or you're going to need to walk away and realize
(07:22):
that your boyfriend isn't ready for a forever commitment and
may not be for some time. How much more time
are you willing to invest in this relationship. If after
three years he's not ready to commit to marriage, then
that's long enough. You've given him time. But your need
to control the situation and to have a plan of
(07:46):
action is probably what's driving you crazy and feeling jealous
or resentful of other women who have that is a
normal reaction. When I was young, I had my whole
life planned out. I want to be married in my twenties,
have my babies in my twenties and thirties, raise them
in my forties, and be done by my fifties. None
(08:07):
of it worked out that way, and boy am I
glad it didn't. Boy am I glad that God's plan
came into play. But I remember that frantic feeling trying
to have my plan come together. You need to let
go and if this man isn't ready to commit after
three years, you need to recognize that and realize maybe
(08:31):
he's not the one. Good luck, honey, God bless you
a listener that I'm not going to mention her name.
I'm just gonna call her a because it could be anybody,
says Delilah, I would like to ask you for some
advice and input. My husband and I have been married
(08:54):
for three years, but ever since we've been married, we've
been fighting a lot. I guess, nothing violent or too physical,
but mentally emotionally it hurts so very much. I love
him with all my heart. But Delilah, I don't know
what I should do. The things we fight about are
(09:14):
about my past, the present, all the things I've done
wrong in my life, how I handled my life, how
I handled my OCD. I just don't know what I
can do about this constant pain. Please help me from
a I will do my best to help you, but
you have to promise me that you will listen and
(09:37):
that you will hear my words if you relate to
what I just read. I want you to listen carefull
that have my advice. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma breaks my heart
on a multitude of levels for a multitude of reasons.
(09:58):
First off, because my beautiful, strong, wonderful mother was married
to my father for thirty years, and he would constantly
tell her how stupid she was, how she wasn't good enough,
she didn't clean good enough, she didn't cook good enough,
she didn't look good enough. And so what did I do?
(10:19):
I turned around and followed in her footsteps, and for
nine years I was in a marriage where I was
made to feel like I wasn't enough. So I want
you to listen to me a get the hell away
from this person. I know you say you love him,
but you don't understand how that will affect your soul.
To be be rated, to be told that you're not enough,
(10:44):
to be yelled at for how you handle your OCD
or how you handled your life, or what you did
in the past. That is not love. That is abuse.
That is emotional and mental and psychological abuse, which has
ever bit as damaging. Is being hit in the face.
Get away from this monster. Somebody who would say cruel
(11:08):
things to their beloved is not a good, loving husband
or wife. Somebody who says cruel, mean, hurtful, insulting words
is not someone you should be partnered with. I don't
care how much you love them. I don't care how
much your heart cries out for him. That's nonsense. Protect yourself.
(11:32):
You don't mention if you have children or not. If
you do, get them away from this monster. If you don't,
please do not bring a child into this equation where
they will see you being berated and hurt. Find your strength,
find a friend you can lean on, find a program,
(11:52):
find a shelter, find a support group, find God, and
find your self worth. Know that you are fearfully and
wonderfully made. That you are precious, You are beautiful, You
are capable, you are smart, You are enough, and you
should never put yourself in relationship or stay in relationship
(12:15):
with somebody who invalidates you. Good luck and God bless you.
Please heed my words. I so hope you have enjoyed
these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing them
to you. I'll share more with you each weekday on Hey,
It's Delilah.
Host
Delilah
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