DELILAH DILEMMAS: More questions

Sometimes the answer is obvious, but is still out of reach. ~ Delilah

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, we share something called

(00:24):
delilah dilemma, where you write to me or you call
me with yours situation and I try to help you
come up with the right solution. Today, we're going to
listen to some of those on this podcast. Tonight's Delilah's
Dilemma says, Hey, Delilah, I'm hoping you can help me.
I have two best friends that have been in my

(00:46):
life for years. I moved across the country, but we
remained close, texting every single day, keeping up on our lives.
We've always had each other's back. Two years ago, I
got pregnant and had a real hard time emotionally. At
first they were supportive, but then they pulled away, stopped responding,

(01:06):
and they don't share their lives with me either. Now
I felt like I was a burden. I stopped reaching
out unless I had something funny or lighthearted to talk about.
That's the only way they'll engage with me. Occasionally, they
last for pictures of my son they refer to themselves
as his aunties, but I don't feel like they care
about me anymore. Should I just let these friendships fade away?

(01:31):
Should I go straight up to them and say I
don't want to be friends anymore? Or should I try
to mend things? I feel so confused and it's hard
to imagine letting these long term friendships go. Please give
me some advice, Mama Delilah from ev Evie, I will
share my words of advice coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's

(01:59):
dilemma is from Eve, who has lifelong friends. She moved away,
she started a family, she has a son, and her
friends are distant. You should certainly not end a friendship
you don't even know what's going on with them or
why they've pulled away. Should you try to mend things?
Perhaps you could say, have I done something or said

(02:24):
something to offend you or hurt you? And see if
there's something that you've missed and make amends for that.
But it sounds to me like you're at different places
in your lives. You're a mom with a son, and
we all go through seasons in our lives, and you're

(02:47):
going through different phases of life. Right now, and you're
in a different place. You're in a different place physically
thousands of miles away, and you're in a different place
emotionally in that you're a mama now. So I wouldn't
spend any time or energy worrying about why or why

(03:08):
not your old friends are not connecting. I would spend
time raising your son and finding friends in your immediate
area who are at the same season in life. Join
a parenting group, Join a preschool or something where you
will meet other parents with children close in age to

(03:28):
your son. Find a church that's not controlling and freaky
and find support there. Find young women your age who
have children who are close to your son's age that
you can build relationships with that your kids will be

(03:50):
able to spend time with and stay connected to your
old friends, but don't spend any energy worrying why they're
not available to meet your emotional needs anymore. So grow
where you are planted. Girlfriend. New friends will not replace
your old friends, but your heart is big enough to

(04:12):
love a multitude of people. So grow where you are planted.
Good luck, God bless you and your son. Kathleen shares
Tonight's Delilah's dilemma. She says, Delilah. I met a man
in this past November who had lost his wife of

(04:34):
twenty seven years to cancer. He has three young adult children.
I have two. We were able to share every aspect
of ourselves with each other and had what I thought
we both needed to feel alive. Then an overwhelming feeling
of loss came into play for him when all the
new hurdles his family was now having with Mom gone surfaced.

(04:57):
These were things that were supposed to be shared with
his one love of his wife, their mother, and he
asked me to let him go. I've tried. He's a
good man, a wonderful father, someone I admire. I am
grateful that he even looked in my direction. I want
to be there for him, But the reality is I

(05:17):
am not his beloved wife, and I am at arm's length.
Friends tell me to throw him to the curb, leave
him there. How can I fault him for still missing
the only woman he has ever loved, the one who
is not there to share in the accomplishments of their children.
My head says, let him go, but my heart just
wants to pull him close and hold him in my arms.

(05:39):
It's been a few weeks now. So Delilah, do I
listen to my head or to my heart? Kathleen, I
will be back with the answer to that question, do
you listen to your head or your heart? Coming up
next Tonight's Delilah's dilemma comes from Kathleen, who fell in

(06:06):
love with the man who lost his wife last November.
They had been married twenty seven years and had three
children together, and after Kathleen started dating him, all of
a sudden, the morning process kicked in and he pushed
her away and said not now. And her question is
do I listen to my head, which is saying let go,

(06:27):
or my heart, which is saying hold on. Kathleen, you
don't listen to either. You listen to him and what
he is saying. And according to your letter, what he
is saying is he is not healed to a point
that he can give his heart again. And there's no
way to hurry up that healing process. Honey, you know

(06:48):
that there's no magic formula, there's no talking it away,
explaining it away. There is no way for you to
speed up that process. For everybody. Morning is different and
there are stages you go through over and over and
over again, and it hasn't even been a year since

(07:13):
his wife of twenty seven years past. So my guess
is you need to listen to him. That's my best advice.
And what he is saying is my heart is broken.
It is not in a condition to enter into a
relationship and respect that, and in time his heart will heal.
How much time you're willing to wait is entirely up

(07:35):
to you. I can't believe your friends would say kick
him to the curb and leave him there. My goodness,
all you can do is cherish his friendship and love
him and say, you know, should the day come when
you feel like your heart is ready to try to
love again, let me know and you can pray. That

(07:58):
would be my best to do. Questions Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma
is from a very busy woman, a mom of six,
who is waiting and waiting. She says, I am the
mother of six children, five boys, one girl. My oldest

(08:20):
is twelve, My youngest are twins that are two. I
also work full time. God bless you. I have been
with my boyfriend, underscore boyfriend Paul for ten and a
half years now. He took on the responsibility for my
two oldest boys. We love each other more than words
can say. I've been engaged now for nine years, and

(08:43):
I'm always being told we would be married if only
we had the money. We do have a great family.
I ended up losing my job to a budget cut
four years ago. I started working a year later. Paul
was laid off three years ago. Now we just can't
seem to ever catch up. I still complain about not
being able to have my wedding. I would like to

(09:05):
know if I'm being selfish or should he have a
job in savings by now? He seems to have time
to hang out with the boys, but no time to
look for a job. I know, with everything going on
with the economy, it's just tough right now. Can you
help us out? From Patricia? Patricia, I will have my
words of wisdom to you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's

(09:34):
Dilemma is from Patricia, mother of six, been engaged for
nine years and still not married because they don't have
money for a wedding. Patricia, weddings don't cost nearly as
much as children, and if you've been able to provide
for six kids, my goodness, children are a whole lot
more expensive. Than a wedding. It seems to me like

(09:57):
your problem is you don't feel like your fiance is
being an equal partner. It seems like you might feel
some resentment about the fact that he has time to
hang out and play with boys, but no time to
look for the job. And it's good that he's hanging
out with the boys and playing with his children, but
he does need to look for a job. The economy

(10:18):
is tough, but it's not going to get any better
anytime soon. So that's not an excuse. When somebody is unemployed, Patricia,
or anybody listening to this, they need to be spending
as many hours in a day looking for a job
as they would be if they were working. That's just
a side note, Patricia. You need to talk to your

(10:41):
fiance and say, I don't care if we only have
ten people at the wedding. I don't care if I
have a thousand dollars dress or a fifty dollars dress
that I find at goodwill. I want to be your wife.
I want to have the official title of husband wife. Please.
Can we get married and then, when your back on
your feet, plan the big party. But right now it

(11:03):
sounds to me like you just want to know that
he's in this forever. That's what I would have to say.
Good luck, God bless you. I so hope you have
enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing
them to you. I'll share more with you each weekday
on Hey It's Delilah Do Lo