DELILAH DILEMMAS: My "Mama D" advice

What advice would you give Lily? ~ Delilah

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Every night on
my radio show, we have Delilah's Dilemmas. We love them all.

(00:24):
When you call or you write with a situation that
you're in and you just need a little advice and direction,
we love them all, and today we wanted to share
some of them with you on Hey It's Delilah. Tonight's
Delilah's Dilemma says hate Delilah. I'm a sixteen year old

(00:45):
girl who made some not so smart decisions which has
resulted in me being pregnant. I haven't figured out yet
how to tell my parents or what to do. I
know that my child would be well taken care of
by its father and I, and that we would be
able to do it and be supported by others, but

(01:09):
I don't know what that would mean for my desired
future and plans. Any advice would help so much. From
a teenager named Lily, Lily, I will have my Mama
Delilah words for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma

(01:32):
is from Lily, who is sixteen and pregnant and scared
to tell her folks. Lily, you need to tell your
parents because you need prenatal care. You need to get
to the doctor and get prenatal care and get prenatal
vitamins and all that good stuff. And then you've got
seven or eight months left to make decisions decisions as

(01:55):
to what is best for your baby and what is
best for you. But I want to tell you two
quick stories. One, I found out when I was sixteen
that I had a brother and a sister because my
father had gotten a girl pregnant when she was your age,
and they had two children together and ended up divorced.

(02:18):
He married my mom, she married another man. She went
on to have three more kids. He went on to
have four more kids. And I have recently reconnected with
my half brother and sister, and they are lovely human
beings and their mother did an amazing job raising them.
No thanks to my father. He left the picture, but

(02:40):
their mother did an amazing job raising really good human beings.
And over the weekend, I was at a birthday party
and a middle gentleman who's in his late eighties and
he's mourning his wife, and we were talking and he
said we were kids raising kids, and he shared that

(03:01):
they had their first child when his wife was sixteen
and he was eighteen, and their kids are wonderful human beings.
His wife up going back to school, she had two children,
went back to high school, got her diploma, went to college,
got her degree, went back to college, got her master's,

(03:21):
and ended up writing state policy for special needs children.
She has changed the trajectory of lives of thousands of
children with special needs through her contributions to IEPs. So
having two babies did not stop her from her calling.

(03:42):
If anything, it motivated her to be an even better
educator and administrator, an author and creator of kids programs.
So you can look at this as a negative, or
you can use this as a springboard to motivate you
to be the best at whatever it is you want

(04:02):
to do. But you got months to figure that out.
Just go tell your mama, Go talk to your mama, Okay,
and get some prenatal vitamins and some prenatal care. God
bless you and good luck Darling. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is

(04:24):
from Amy, who says, please give me some advice on
how to move forward with my man two years ago,
when we had only just begun long distance, going about
six months, he cheated on me. I had so much
faith in him that when the woman he was cheating
with contacted me, I didn't believe her until she sent
me screenshots of the text between them. Of course, he

(04:49):
said she meant nothing and that he would never hurt
me or us that way again. I've never stayed in
a relationship after being betrayed, but I decided to give
him another chance because I have never experienced being loved
the way this man loves me. He immediately moved from
his town to mine. He has given me complete transparency

(05:13):
as far as his passwords on his phone and social media.
It's been two years now that we've lived together, but
after all this time, I don't love him as deeply
as I did before. I think I've carried the hurt
and distrust for so long it has killed the passion
and the love that I had for him. He still
shows me that he loves me like I've never felt before.

(05:37):
Is there something I can do to rekindle my feelings
for him? Thank you so much? From Amy. Amy. I'm
not sure. I'm not sure I can advise you, but
I will share my thoughts with you. Coming up next,

(06:01):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Amy, who said that her
boyfriend cheated on her early in the relationship when you
were living in different cities. Did he understand that you
two were in a committed relationship or did he think
you were both still sort of dating around? That is

(06:23):
the question. If he has been transparent since, maybe he
he was viewing the beginning of that relationship because you
weren't living in the same town, because it was long distance.
Maybe he was viewing it in a different light than
you were. But if he has done all those things

(06:46):
to show you he is trustworthy and you still don't
trust him, it's either a you can't forgive him, or
B your gut is telling you that he's not trustworthy,
to listen to it. If your gut is telling you
that something is off, that this is a pattern that

(07:08):
he's going to repeat, you need to listen to that.
And if you simply cannot forgive and release him from
that bad choice, then you need to get yourself out
of this relationship because you're not going to feel that
intimacy because you don't trust him. If you do trust him,

(07:31):
and if you do think that he has changed, he's
not going to do that again. Can you forgive him
and let it go and release it and just let
it go, because carrying that bitterness around, whether you stay
together or not, is only going to hurt you. And
in the beginning of relationships, we do stupid things, especially

(07:56):
if you lived in different towns. Can you forgive or
do you need to walk away? Sort through that and
you will know what you need to do. Tonight's Delilah's
Dilemma reads, Hey, there, just listening to your show like
I always do while working at SeaTac Airport. I need

(08:19):
your help with something. My parents live in Phoenix. For
Mother's Day, I usually send my mom flowers. The response
is a lukewarm thank you text or call, and then
she always tells me I shouldn't spend my money on that.
The years I haven't got her flowers. However, my dad
calls and tells me that I'm selfish and it's not

(08:41):
just this holiday. He usually sends very negative messages and
doesn't have any boundaries. My folks know that I shouldn't
receive personal calls during my work hours, but I've had
up to eighteen miss calls from my dad during my shift.
When I call back in a panic, thinking something is wrong,
he just says he was calling to check in. I

(09:04):
think it angers him when I don't answer. I'm just
not sure how to make a good relationship with my folks.
Should I block my dad's calls? Please help me? Sleepless
in Seattle. I will have my Mama Delilah words for
you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a

(09:31):
young person who is working, trying to be independent. Mom
and dad kind of difficult characters, and he is asking
should I block my dad's calls? Not just no, but
heck no no. You should not block your dad's calls.
What if your mom falls? What if your dad has
a heart attack, what if somebody gets hit by a bus?

(09:51):
I don't know. You should never block your parents' calls.
That's crazy and disrespectful. What you should do is say, Dad,
I can't take calls when i'm work. Send it two
second text sorry, I'm working. I'll call you when I
get off. Real simple, Cut and paste it if you
have to, so it'll only take fifteen seconds instead of

(10:12):
twenty seconds. Do a talk text if you must but
never block your parents' calls. And as far as sending
flowers for Mother's Day, maybe you could mix it up,
I don't know, send her a letter that says, this
is why I love you, this is why I appreciate
you as a mom, This is what your parenting means

(10:35):
to me. This is my favorite birthday memory, this is
my favorite holiday memory. This is my favorite memory of
the time you read me a good night book. Maybe
you could send her a gift card and say, Mom,
I'm sure you don't take very good care of yourself,
but I want to spoil you. Here's a gift card
to go get a pedicure or a manicure. Or here's

(10:56):
a gift card for you and dad to go to
Olive Garden and have dinner. Call me when you're there
so I can FaceTime you. I promise you a card
or a letter that shows that you put thought and
effort and meaning into celebrating your mom or your dad

(11:19):
or a holiday will mean so much more than telefloral
or whatever. I think what your folks are trying to say,
and they're not doing a good job of it, is
I love you, I miss you. I think that might
be what they're trying to say, they're just not doing
it in a very effective way. So if you want

(11:42):
to have a better relationship, you said, I'm just not
sure how to have a good relationship with my folks.
Call them every week, twice a week, call them, text them.
When you see something funnier that makes you smile on
the internet, send it to them with a little note
that just says this may let me think of you.
Stay connected because one day you're not going to have them,

(12:06):
and trust me, you are so going to miss them.
I promise you that. I so hope you have enjoyed
these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing them
to you. I'll share more with you each weekday on
Hey It's Delilah. Do