May 31, 2023 • 10 mins
People can get themselves in all kinds of pickles. Any of these situations all too familiar? ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast Dula. Every night
on my radio show, we have Delilah's dilemmas. We love
(00:23):
them all. When you call or you write with a
situation that you're in and you just need a little
advice and direction, we love them all, and today we
wanted to share some of them with you on Hey
It's Delilah. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Lisa, who says,
my husband and I have been married for twenty two years.
(00:45):
He has a twin brother and a younger brother. He
just recently found out that he and his twin brother
have been raised by a man they thought was their father,
but is not. He is their younger brother's biological father.
The twins, at forty two years old, do not know
who their biological father is. My husband confronted his mother
(01:08):
and she said it's true. She told him she had
apparently had what was a one night's stand, and the
rest of the family knew about it for the last
forty two years. I hope that someday she will tell
the truth, tell the boys who the real father is.
At this point, my husband and I and our three
boys are so very hurt, as is his twins. They
(01:28):
want to know who their father is, if he's still alive.
I don't know how to deal with this. I'm trying
to be strong for my husband and his brother, but
I'm also trying to find out some comfort for myself.
I feel like she's not only betrayed her sons, but
me and my children, and the man she was with
doesn't even know he has twins. They've lost a father's son, grandfather,
(01:51):
grandson time together. There's a lot of hard feelings, a
lot of emotional pain, and their mother is set on
not telling anyone any advice as to what we should do.
We are still left in the dark, without a name.
Without a name, we may never know. Lisa. I will
have my response to you and your family coming up next.
(02:16):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a woman named Lisa, who
recently found out that her husband and his twin brother
are not the biological children of the man who raised them. Lisa,
I want to set some things straight, Okay, because I
have children that are not biologically mine. I want to
tell you something. If this man raised them, he is
(02:37):
their father. If this man was there to go to
their baseball games, their basketball games, to hold their hand
when they broke a wrist or an ankle. If this
man was there to see them at their wedding day.
If this man has parented them and been a grandparent
to your children, he is their grandfather. He is your
(02:59):
husband's father. They have not been cheated or lost out
on a father son grandfather grandson time together. They have
been blessed with a wonderful father, So stop minimizing the
reality of that relationship. Number two, it was probably wrong
of your mother in law to keep the secret a secret,
but if it were me, I would have done the
(03:20):
same thing out of fear and shame and everything else
that goes with that kind of situation. And the fear
and shame she has felt for the last forty two
years has been her prison and her punishment. She doesn't
need you making her feel any worse. So instead of
feeling cheated, you need to feel compassion and understand where
(03:42):
her head was at forty two years ago. Today, things
are much more open and honest, and people talk about
one night's stands and adoption and different kinds of family
structures and marriages. But forty two years ago, it was
not that way, and the choice that she made was
one that I'm sure she felt she had to make.
(04:04):
So show some compassion and some understanding and understand she
may not even know his name. So show a little
compassion and understanding and stop feeling cheated. If God has
blessed you with a wonderful husband and two healthy children,
thank God for that, and stop feeling like you've missed
(04:26):
out on something else. Tonight's letter is from Jin. She says,
my major dilemma is after finding out who I am
and what I want in life after going through a divorce,
I believe that I have found a new love and
some new hobbies. We have great communication and after two years,
still can't get enough of each other. The big snag
(04:46):
in our relationship are our kids. His daughter lives far
away and his time is very limited, so he sacrifices
a lot for the time he gets with her. He
also feels he needs to make up for lost time.
So often my kids are with me fifty percent of
the time, and they're teenagers. His daughter is much younger
(05:09):
and she's an only child. He doesn't trust my kids
and believes that they are a major problem when it
comes to us. They're good kids, but have the normal
teenage drama, especially with my recent divorce. He's been divorced
for most of his daughter's life and it's all she knows.
(05:30):
How do I help him to see that it is
not one hundred percent my kids fault. If our relationship
lives or dies, he and his daughter will have to
make some adjustments and compromises too. He needs to understand
that no kids are perfect, and a sock on the
floor or a little whining happens once in a while
(05:51):
and it isn't the end of the world. I tend
to pick my battles and he demands perfection. Twenty four
to seven. Please help, from Jin Jin. I will have
my mother Delilah words for you coming up next. Tonight's
(06:16):
Delilah's dilemma is from Jen, who went through a divorce
and says she says after she went through her divorce,
she believes that she has found love and new hobbies.
Jin the last sentence of your letter tells me more
than the first, than all the other sentences. Do your
last sentence, says he demands perfection twenty four to seven.
(06:41):
Have you ever lived with a perfectionist? Jen? Have you
ever tried to have a relationship with a perfectionist. It's
not fun, it's not wonderful. He might be smart, he
might be brilliant, he might be a good communicator, he
might be all those things. But if he's a perfectionist
(07:01):
and he's expecting you and your children to live up
to his expectations, your life will become a living hell.
Believe me when I tell you that if he can't
roll with a flow, if he's not able to take
a deep breath and let go of things, if he
needs to control his environment or other people, he is
(07:23):
never ever going to bring you joy. You are always
going to be walking on eggshells, and no matter how
hard you try, it's not going to be good enough.
I would rather live outside in the barn with my
animals than spend one day with a perfectionist who expect
(07:48):
my children to be perfect. Good luck and God bless you.
Tonight's Delilah. His dilemma is from Tina, who says, I
listen to your show every night, and i'd like some advice.
I have recently found out through my boyfriend that his
(08:08):
best friend's girlfriend, which is also a dear friend of mine,
has made inappropriate advances towards my boyfriend, and now I'm
finding it hard to be around her, to trust her
or to forgive her. Am irong, have we become frenemies?
Please help me, Christina. I will have my words for
(08:30):
you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a
young woman whose boyfriend has let her know that her friend,
his best friend's girlfriend is after him, is warm for
his form, and she says, I'm finding it hard to
be around her, to trust her or to forgive her.
Am I wrong? You have to forgive her, han, just
(08:50):
because not forgiving her will hurt you and will drive
you crazy. But you cannot trust somebody who is not trustworthy,
that's the truth. If she truly is hitting on your boyfriend,
then she is not trustworthy, so you cannot trust her.
What I would do if I were you is I
would confront her in love and say this is what
(09:11):
I have heard, that you are warm for my boyfriend,
and that hurts me. That hurts my feelings. Probably would
hurt your boyfriend's feelings if he were aware of it
and it's not okay. She could be just a flirtatious person.
I am extremely flirtatious and I joke around with a
(09:32):
lot of guys. Doesn't mean I'm warm for their form,
doesn't mean I want a relationship with them. Just means
I'm a terrible flirt and always have been. Or it
could be that she does not realize how inappropriate her
behavior is. Or it could be she is doing exactly
what you think she's doing and try to hook up
with your boyfriend. Whatever she's doing, you need to confront
(09:53):
it in love, not enrage. Talk it out, and then
decide if you can be friends or if you are
indeed frenemies. But you gotta forgive her for your own sake.
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share
more with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah. Del
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast Dula. Every night
on my radio show, we have Delilah's dilemmas. We love
(00:23):
them all. When you call or you write with a
situation that you're in and you just need a little
advice and direction, we love them all, and today we
wanted to share some of them with you on Hey
It's Delilah. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Lisa, who says,
my husband and I have been married for twenty two years.
(00:45):
He has a twin brother and a younger brother. He
just recently found out that he and his twin brother
have been raised by a man they thought was their father,
but is not. He is their younger brother's biological father.
The twins, at forty two years old, do not know
who their biological father is. My husband confronted his mother
(01:08):
and she said it's true. She told him she had
apparently had what was a one night's stand, and the
rest of the family knew about it for the last
forty two years. I hope that someday she will tell
the truth, tell the boys who the real father is.
At this point, my husband and I and our three
boys are so very hurt, as is his twins. They
(01:28):
want to know who their father is, if he's still alive.
I don't know how to deal with this. I'm trying
to be strong for my husband and his brother, but
I'm also trying to find out some comfort for myself.
I feel like she's not only betrayed her sons, but
me and my children, and the man she was with
doesn't even know he has twins. They've lost a father's son, grandfather,
(01:51):
grandson time together. There's a lot of hard feelings, a
lot of emotional pain, and their mother is set on
not telling anyone any advice as to what we should do.
We are still left in the dark, without a name.
Without a name, we may never know. Lisa. I will
have my response to you and your family coming up next.
(02:16):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a woman named Lisa, who
recently found out that her husband and his twin brother
are not the biological children of the man who raised them. Lisa,
I want to set some things straight, Okay, because I
have children that are not biologically mine. I want to
tell you something. If this man raised them, he is
(02:37):
their father. If this man was there to go to
their baseball games, their basketball games, to hold their hand
when they broke a wrist or an ankle. If this
man was there to see them at their wedding day.
If this man has parented them and been a grandparent
to your children, he is their grandfather. He is your
(02:59):
husband's father. They have not been cheated or lost out
on a father son grandfather grandson time together. They have
been blessed with a wonderful father, So stop minimizing the
reality of that relationship. Number two, it was probably wrong
of your mother in law to keep the secret a secret,
but if it were me, I would have done the
(03:20):
same thing out of fear and shame and everything else
that goes with that kind of situation. And the fear
and shame she has felt for the last forty two
years has been her prison and her punishment. She doesn't
need you making her feel any worse. So instead of
feeling cheated, you need to feel compassion and understand where
(03:42):
her head was at forty two years ago. Today, things
are much more open and honest, and people talk about
one night's stands and adoption and different kinds of family
structures and marriages. But forty two years ago, it was
not that way, and the choice that she made was
one that I'm sure she felt she had to make.
(04:04):
So show some compassion and some understanding and understand she
may not even know his name. So show a little
compassion and understanding and stop feeling cheated. If God has
blessed you with a wonderful husband and two healthy children,
thank God for that, and stop feeling like you've missed
(04:26):
out on something else. Tonight's letter is from Jin. She says,
my major dilemma is after finding out who I am
and what I want in life after going through a divorce,
I believe that I have found a new love and
some new hobbies. We have great communication and after two years,
still can't get enough of each other. The big snag
(04:46):
in our relationship are our kids. His daughter lives far
away and his time is very limited, so he sacrifices
a lot for the time he gets with her. He
also feels he needs to make up for lost time.
So often my kids are with me fifty percent of
the time, and they're teenagers. His daughter is much younger
(05:09):
and she's an only child. He doesn't trust my kids
and believes that they are a major problem when it
comes to us. They're good kids, but have the normal
teenage drama, especially with my recent divorce. He's been divorced
for most of his daughter's life and it's all she knows.
(05:30):
How do I help him to see that it is
not one hundred percent my kids fault. If our relationship
lives or dies, he and his daughter will have to
make some adjustments and compromises too. He needs to understand
that no kids are perfect, and a sock on the
floor or a little whining happens once in a while
(05:51):
and it isn't the end of the world. I tend
to pick my battles and he demands perfection. Twenty four
to seven. Please help, from Jin Jin. I will have
my mother Delilah words for you coming up next. Tonight's
(06:16):
Delilah's dilemma is from Jen, who went through a divorce
and says she says after she went through her divorce,
she believes that she has found love and new hobbies.
Jin the last sentence of your letter tells me more
than the first, than all the other sentences. Do your
last sentence, says he demands perfection twenty four to seven.
(06:41):
Have you ever lived with a perfectionist? Jen? Have you
ever tried to have a relationship with a perfectionist. It's
not fun, it's not wonderful. He might be smart, he
might be brilliant, he might be a good communicator, he
might be all those things. But if he's a perfectionist
(07:01):
and he's expecting you and your children to live up
to his expectations, your life will become a living hell.
Believe me when I tell you that if he can't
roll with a flow, if he's not able to take
a deep breath and let go of things, if he
needs to control his environment or other people, he is
(07:23):
never ever going to bring you joy. You are always
going to be walking on eggshells, and no matter how
hard you try, it's not going to be good enough.
I would rather live outside in the barn with my
animals than spend one day with a perfectionist who expect
(07:48):
my children to be perfect. Good luck and God bless you.
Tonight's Delilah. His dilemma is from Tina, who says, I
listen to your show every night, and i'd like some advice.
I have recently found out through my boyfriend that his
(08:08):
best friend's girlfriend, which is also a dear friend of mine,
has made inappropriate advances towards my boyfriend, and now I'm
finding it hard to be around her, to trust her
or to forgive her. Am irong, have we become frenemies?
Please help me, Christina. I will have my words for
(08:30):
you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a
young woman whose boyfriend has let her know that her friend,
his best friend's girlfriend is after him, is warm for
his form, and she says, I'm finding it hard to
be around her, to trust her or to forgive her.
Am I wrong? You have to forgive her, han, just
(08:50):
because not forgiving her will hurt you and will drive
you crazy. But you cannot trust somebody who is not trustworthy,
that's the truth. If she truly is hitting on your boyfriend,
then she is not trustworthy, so you cannot trust her.
What I would do if I were you is I
would confront her in love and say this is what
(09:11):
I have heard, that you are warm for my boyfriend,
and that hurts me. That hurts my feelings. Probably would
hurt your boyfriend's feelings if he were aware of it
and it's not okay. She could be just a flirtatious person.
I am extremely flirtatious and I joke around with a
(09:32):
lot of guys. Doesn't mean I'm warm for their form,
doesn't mean I want a relationship with them. Just means
I'm a terrible flirt and always have been. Or it
could be that she does not realize how inappropriate her
behavior is. Or it could be she is doing exactly
what you think she's doing and try to hook up
with your boyfriend. Whatever she's doing, you need to confront
(09:53):
it in love, not enrage. Talk it out, and then
decide if you can be friends or if you are
indeed frenemies. But you gotta forgive her for your own sake.
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share
more with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah. Del
Host
Delilah
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