Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast do Hey It's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, I have a feature
called Delilah's Dilemmas, or Folks call me or write me
(00:25):
and share a sticky situation they're in and I try
to help them figure out the best course of action. Today,
We're going to listen to some of those unique situations
right here on Hey It's Delilah. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma, says Hello, Delilah.
I'm writing in hopes you have some advice I haven't
(00:48):
thought of yet. I've fallen in love with my best friend,
who plot Twist is a lesbian. She is witty, pretty kind, caring, smart.
We have so much fun together, bantering back and forth,
sharing the same beliefs and interest. Knowing that I can
never have a romantic relationship with her is so painful.
(01:11):
I've thought about breaking off our friendship, but that seems
like cutting off my nose despite my face. Any advice
on how to move past a fantasy I know will
never happen. Thank you so much from Chris, Chris, I
will have my mama Delilah words for you coming up next.
(01:35):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Chris, who is hopelessly in
love with a woman that is not attracted to him
and never will be, and she's made that very clear. Chris,
what you're going to have to do is wrap your
head around the fact that this person is so precious
(01:55):
and so beautiful and so wonderful and so valuable in
your life life that you are grateful and blessed to
have her as a best friend, and stop wishing for
anything more, because what you're really wishing for is that
you could change who she is, and that isn't honoring her.
(02:18):
If you love her, if you honor her, if you
respect her, then you need to accept the boundary that
she set. And it wouldn't matter why she said it.
If she said, you know, I'm interested in meeting somebody
that wants a dozen children and you don't want children,
or whatever, whatever the reason that she is deciding that
(02:41):
a romantic relationship is not what she wants from you,
but she is emotionally available to you and very present
with you as a friend, then you need to accept
that and thank God for it, because what a gift.
What a gift to be able to share life and
(03:04):
love and friendship and interest and compassion and stories and
memories with someone who has no expectations of you being
a romantic partner, but just a lifelong friend. God bless you,
good luck, and I hope that you are able to
(03:27):
reconcile that in your mind and just be grateful for
this precious gift of friendship. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma says, I
am fifty three years old and have struggled with anxiety
and depression most of my life, recognizing recently that my
family of origin is very dysfunctional and seems to attempt
(03:49):
to sabotage my happiness or success that I achieve. You say,
people treat you the way you allow them to. But
I don't want to cut my family out of my life.
I don't have the emotional capacity for it. Can you
set boundaries without setting people's teeth gnashing? Thank you so
(04:11):
much from Lisa. Lisa, I will share my words of
advice for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is
from Lisa, who is becoming very self aware she admits
(04:32):
openly she struggles with anxiety and depression and that her
family is dysfunctional. First off, Lisa, good for you for
recognizing it and not being afraid to name it what
it is. A lot of people, a lot of people
who suffer from anxiety and depression can't own it, can't
admit to it, can't name it, and therefore they can't
(04:55):
heal from it. That gives you a lot of power
to heal from it. Secondly, there is a book that
came out years ago. I have been suggesting it for years,
and a few people in my circle said, can't you
move on to a new book. No, because this is
such a good book. It's called Boundaries by doctor Cloud
(05:17):
and doctor Townsend, and they address your question, can you
love somebody and stay in relationship with them while setting boundaries? Actually,
that's not up to you. You need to set the
boundaries that are appropriate and necessary for your mental health.
(05:38):
There are a number of ways to set those boundaries firmly,
but lovingly and just say no. But setting a boundary
with adults, your parents, your grandparents, your sisters or brothers
when they are used to manipulating you is going to
be hard. I'm not going to lie. You don't get
(05:59):
to decide how somebody else is going to respond to
anything in life. You need to do that for you,
and hopefully, prayerfully, they love you enough. They're going to
go fuss and stew and fret and get angry and
get mad because they can't hurt you anymore. But hopefully
their love is enough that they will come back and
(06:21):
engage in a much healthier relationship. That is my best advice,
based on my worst mistakes. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma says, Hello,
my love guru. My name is Elizabeth. I'm a huge
(06:41):
listener and a supporter of your show. I'm almost fifty
and now I am single after trying love in my
life three times. My first love was when I was
sixteen years old. I made the first move, wrote a
letter and a friend of mine slipped it to him.
It was happily accepted and we became a couple. Two
(07:03):
years later, I broke it off for reasons I can't
even remember now. At twenty, I met someone who was
nine years my senior. Though he revealed himself as a
cheater even before we got married, I forgave him. We
were married for twenty five years, and we were blessed
with two beautiful daughters who became the loves of my life.
(07:26):
I put up with multiple infidelities before finally reaching my limit.
After my divorce, I dated someone new, but it soon
became clear that we wanted very different things in life.
I've always kept in touch with my first love, who
I've come to think of as the love of my life.
(07:47):
I heard him deeply. He went on to marry and
he treats his wife with the utmost love and respect.
And here's the question. You think this is a question
about love or relatedationships, But here's the question. Do you
think I'm single now because God wanted to teach me
a lesson, because he sent me true love and I
(08:10):
let him go? Just wondering from Elizabeth, Oh, Elizabeth, that
is quite the question, and I am more than happy
enthusiastic to answer it for you. Coming up next, Tonight's
Delilah's Dilemma is from Elizabeth, who was in love in
(08:32):
high school that didn't work out. She doesn't remember why
met and married a man who was a cheater. Cheater
where jameterr twenty five years together and multiple times he
broke her heart, cheating, started dating again, that didn't work out,
and now she wants to know is she single because
God is punishing her teaching her a lesson? Elizabeth, What
(08:58):
you really need to learn is not how to have
a successful marriage or partnership. What you really need to
learn first is about the nature of God. I believe
that God is love, and when we are hurting, it
is not because we are being punished, insomuch as we
(09:22):
are learning lessons from our own bad choices. You admitted
in your letter you knew your husband was a cheater,
and yet you say you forgave him and married him anyway.
That's not forgiveness, that's foolishness. If somebody shows you who
they are, believe them. That's the first part. The second
(09:44):
part is you say, do you think I'm single now
because God had wanted to teach me a lesson? There
is nothing wrong, honey, with being single. Being single at
this stage in your life is a gift. It just
depends on how you want to frame it. So, no,
God is not punishing you because it's sixteen years old.
(10:08):
You broke up with somebody. Shoot, at sixteen years old,
I broke up with somebody. Every other week. So I
think personally you need to take this time and God's
grace and run with it and go have fun. I
so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as much
(10:28):
as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share more
with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah to
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast do Hey It's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, I have a feature
called Delilah's Dilemmas, or Folks call me or write me
(00:25):
and share a sticky situation they're in and I try
to help them figure out the best course of action. Today,
We're going to listen to some of those unique situations
right here on Hey It's Delilah. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma, says Hello, Delilah.
I'm writing in hopes you have some advice I haven't
(00:48):
thought of yet. I've fallen in love with my best friend,
who plot Twist is a lesbian. She is witty, pretty kind, caring, smart.
We have so much fun together, bantering back and forth,
sharing the same beliefs and interest. Knowing that I can
never have a romantic relationship with her is so painful.
(01:11):
I've thought about breaking off our friendship, but that seems
like cutting off my nose despite my face. Any advice
on how to move past a fantasy I know will
never happen. Thank you so much from Chris, Chris, I
will have my mama Delilah words for you coming up next.
(01:35):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Chris, who is hopelessly in
love with a woman that is not attracted to him
and never will be, and she's made that very clear. Chris,
what you're going to have to do is wrap your
head around the fact that this person is so precious
(01:55):
and so beautiful and so wonderful and so valuable in
your life life that you are grateful and blessed to
have her as a best friend, and stop wishing for
anything more, because what you're really wishing for is that
you could change who she is, and that isn't honoring her.
(02:18):
If you love her, if you honor her, if you
respect her, then you need to accept the boundary that
she set. And it wouldn't matter why she said it.
If she said, you know, I'm interested in meeting somebody
that wants a dozen children and you don't want children,
or whatever, whatever the reason that she is deciding that
(02:41):
a romantic relationship is not what she wants from you,
but she is emotionally available to you and very present
with you as a friend, then you need to accept
that and thank God for it, because what a gift.
What a gift to be able to share life and
(03:04):
love and friendship and interest and compassion and stories and
memories with someone who has no expectations of you being
a romantic partner, but just a lifelong friend. God bless you,
good luck, and I hope that you are able to
(03:27):
reconcile that in your mind and just be grateful for
this precious gift of friendship. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma says, I
am fifty three years old and have struggled with anxiety
and depression most of my life, recognizing recently that my
family of origin is very dysfunctional and seems to attempt
(03:49):
to sabotage my happiness or success that I achieve. You say,
people treat you the way you allow them to. But
I don't want to cut my family out of my life.
I don't have the emotional capacity for it. Can you
set boundaries without setting people's teeth gnashing? Thank you so
(04:11):
much from Lisa. Lisa, I will share my words of
advice for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is
from Lisa, who is becoming very self aware she admits
(04:32):
openly she struggles with anxiety and depression and that her
family is dysfunctional. First off, Lisa, good for you for
recognizing it and not being afraid to name it what
it is. A lot of people, a lot of people
who suffer from anxiety and depression can't own it, can't
admit to it, can't name it, and therefore they can't
(04:55):
heal from it. That gives you a lot of power
to heal from it. Secondly, there is a book that
came out years ago. I have been suggesting it for years,
and a few people in my circle said, can't you
move on to a new book. No, because this is
such a good book. It's called Boundaries by doctor Cloud
(05:17):
and doctor Townsend, and they address your question, can you
love somebody and stay in relationship with them while setting boundaries? Actually,
that's not up to you. You need to set the
boundaries that are appropriate and necessary for your mental health.
(05:38):
There are a number of ways to set those boundaries firmly,
but lovingly and just say no. But setting a boundary
with adults, your parents, your grandparents, your sisters or brothers
when they are used to manipulating you is going to
be hard. I'm not going to lie. You don't get
(05:59):
to decide how somebody else is going to respond to
anything in life. You need to do that for you,
and hopefully, prayerfully, they love you enough. They're going to
go fuss and stew and fret and get angry and
get mad because they can't hurt you anymore. But hopefully
their love is enough that they will come back and
(06:21):
engage in a much healthier relationship. That is my best advice,
based on my worst mistakes. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma says, Hello,
my love guru. My name is Elizabeth. I'm a huge
(06:41):
listener and a supporter of your show. I'm almost fifty
and now I am single after trying love in my
life three times. My first love was when I was
sixteen years old. I made the first move, wrote a
letter and a friend of mine slipped it to him.
It was happily accepted and we became a couple. Two
(07:03):
years later, I broke it off for reasons I can't
even remember now. At twenty, I met someone who was
nine years my senior. Though he revealed himself as a
cheater even before we got married, I forgave him. We
were married for twenty five years, and we were blessed
with two beautiful daughters who became the loves of my life.
(07:26):
I put up with multiple infidelities before finally reaching my limit.
After my divorce, I dated someone new, but it soon
became clear that we wanted very different things in life.
I've always kept in touch with my first love, who
I've come to think of as the love of my life.
(07:47):
I heard him deeply. He went on to marry and
he treats his wife with the utmost love and respect.
And here's the question. You think this is a question
about love or relatedationships, But here's the question. Do you
think I'm single now because God wanted to teach me
a lesson, because he sent me true love and I
(08:10):
let him go? Just wondering from Elizabeth, Oh, Elizabeth, that
is quite the question, and I am more than happy
enthusiastic to answer it for you. Coming up next, Tonight's
Delilah's Dilemma is from Elizabeth, who was in love in
(08:32):
high school that didn't work out. She doesn't remember why
met and married a man who was a cheater. Cheater
where jameterr twenty five years together and multiple times he
broke her heart, cheating, started dating again, that didn't work out,
and now she wants to know is she single because
God is punishing her teaching her a lesson? Elizabeth, What
(08:58):
you really need to learn is not how to have
a successful marriage or partnership. What you really need to
learn first is about the nature of God. I believe
that God is love, and when we are hurting, it
is not because we are being punished, insomuch as we
(09:22):
are learning lessons from our own bad choices. You admitted
in your letter you knew your husband was a cheater,
and yet you say you forgave him and married him anyway.
That's not forgiveness, that's foolishness. If somebody shows you who
they are, believe them. That's the first part. The second
(09:44):
part is you say, do you think I'm single now
because God had wanted to teach me a lesson? There
is nothing wrong, honey, with being single. Being single at
this stage in your life is a gift. It just
depends on how you want to frame it. So, no,
God is not punishing you because it's sixteen years old.
(10:08):
You broke up with somebody. Shoot, at sixteen years old,
I broke up with somebody. Every other week. So I
think personally you need to take this time and God's
grace and run with it and go have fun. I
so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as much
(10:28):
as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share more
with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah to
Host
Delilah
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