January 3, 2024 • 11 mins
Love is patient, love is kind... but sometimes what's disguised as love is toxic! ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast, You Love. You
know every night people call me or they write to me,
and they ask me, what do I do? How do
(00:23):
I know? I'm fighting with my sweetheart. All we do
is fuss. I think he's cheating on me. I think
she's seeing someone else. I saw pictures on his cell
phone from some blah blah blah blah blah. Here's the thing.
You don't have to question real love. You know the answer.
(00:43):
You don't have to change who you are to be
with someone if it's real love. If someone is telling
you you're too loud, you laugh too much, you have
too many friends, I'll give you a list of some
of the things I was told in past a past relationship.
I was told I laughed too loud, and I laughed
(01:05):
too much and that's irritating. I was told that I
have too many friends and I shouldn't spend time with
my friends or have my friends dropping by the house unannounced.
I was told that I spend too much time with
my kids and that I talk about my kids and
(01:28):
focus on my kids too much. I'm not kidding you.
These were things that somebody that I thought loved me
would say to me. And then one day I woke
up and I realized this isn't love at all. This
is sick, This is controlled, This is manipulation. This feels icky.
This hurts. If you're in a situation with somebody who's
(01:50):
telling you you're too friendly, or you're too funny, or
you laugh too much, for goodness sakes, you don't need
that kind of negativity in your life. Come on, You
are fearfully and wonderfully made your personality. Unless you're being
hurtful or cruel or inappropriate, you are wonderful just the
(02:13):
way you are. Hi, thank you for calling the Delilah
Shall Who is this?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This is Marcy?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Marcy? What can I do for you this evening?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I was hoping you could play me a song. Me
and my boyfriend been together for about three and a
half years now, and I had bad a couple of days.
We've been in a big fight and he's really mad
at me, and I just wanted to know I still
of him.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Okay, so what are you fighting about?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
He doesn't trust me in the city because we live
far away either one of us have vehicles.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And what do you mean he doesn't trust you in
the city.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
He just thinks I don't go to work and hang
out with other people and party all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
And why are you committing your life to somebody who's
calling you a liar? If somebody doesn't trust their partner,
they're saying you are lying, you are deceiving me. Why
would you want to be in a relationship with somebody
who doesn't trust you.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Well, I mean we've been through a lot and it's
only been just recently you've done this.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
So you're not going to answer the question.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Well, I haven't been in my life to them.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
But why would you be in a relationship with somebody
that calls you a liar?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
That's good question.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
If somebody walked up to me on the street and said, Delilah,
you're a liar, you're a cheater, you're a deceiver, you're
not honest, I'd I'd have a hard time not slapping them.
And yet you're dating somebody.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah, I don't know. I always ask myself that question.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, well, I challenge you to come up with a
good answer. Let me play a song for you. Hi, Devin,
what can I do to make your night a little
more special?
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Well, me and my girlfriend, we're coming up on one
year here soon, and you know, it's been really nice.
I was just hoping that this upcoming year could go
by with a little bit less drama.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
All right, tell me some of the stuff that you've
been through so I can figure out, like what kind
of song to get you through the storms.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
There's just been some jealousy issues. We've had some needless
arguments about some petty stuff that didn't need to be
argued about. And I hope we can both sort of
get our tempers under control.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
If you can't stop fussing at each other, then this
is not the person you're to be with. LEF shouldn't hurt, right,
True love isn't jealous, it's not manipulative, it's not needy,
it's not clingy. It doesn't hurt the other person. When
(05:07):
there's jealousy and security, clinginess, neediness, manipulation, accusations, that's not
love at all. That's quite the opposite of love.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
That's very true.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So if you feel that way about someone, get the
heck away from them, and if they feel that way
about you, get the heck away from them. Wow, it's true.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
You're right.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
If somebody is making accusations and you have done nothing
to violate that trust, what they're truly saying is you
are a liar and I don't believe you.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
So wow, young man, do not be in a relationship,
a committed relationship with somebody who is not your emotional,
spiritual partner.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Well, so thank you for the awesome insight.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Okay, good luck.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Thank you much, Delilah.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Have a good night, you two. Hi, Gina, welcome. What
can I do for you?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I'm very heartbroken, Delilah. I met up with a friend
of mine from back in high school within a couple
of months. We were already so close as friends. You
know that we talked to each other about everything. We
never talked about being a couple, but you know, he
was hurting about something. He would call me, you know,
(06:41):
and I would just listen and just pray for him,
gave him love and understanding. We decided to take a
weekend trip and it all fell apart. The whole time
we were on the weekend trip, he was texting, facebooking,
and sending pictures to another woman. They know we were friends, Elilah.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
But you had closed all your options while he was
keeping his options.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Open, I believe.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
So, yeah, that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
When you started this relationship or friendship with him, you
saw him as your future partner, your future love, your
future husband probably.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
And I kind of did and kind of didn't because
he kept telling me he wasn't ready because he had
just been out of a really bad relationship and he
wasn't married. He was just you know, with a very
young girl twenty five years younger than him.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So everything you're telling me makes it pretty obvious that
his character is not the kind of character that one
would want to settle down with exactly.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
And I said, Okay, that's fine. Then you know, let's
keep being.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Friends, honey. But that's not a friend. That's not a
friend exactly. He is not emotionally mature, he is not
emotionally available. That has nothing to do with you. He
was that way before you rekindled this friendship. He'll be
that way long after you in this friendship, okay. And
(08:17):
you are hurting because you had invested so much of
your heart into him, and you feel like you are
discarded because he wasn't nearly as invested in you as
you were him, because if he was, he wouldn't be
texting the other chicks. You have an incredibly kind and
(08:38):
sweet sweetheart. You deserve to be in a relationship with
somebody who is absolutely over the moon about you. Next
time you give your heart, give it to somebody who
deserves you.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Thank you so much to Hiva.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
All right, you are going to make it through this.
You are going to come out stronger on the other side.
And God has a wonderful, a wonderful plan for your life.
This is Delilah. What can I do for you? Hi?
Speaker 5 (09:11):
I just wanted to see if you could find me
a song for my fiance. We've been dating for about
nine months now, and he's very insecure. We're both police
officers and it's kind of hard for him with me
working with men all day long, so you know, he
gets insecure every now and then.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Okay, if you're a police officer, you've been there, seen.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
This, yes, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And what happens when people get in relationships where there
is no trust?
Speaker 5 (09:43):
Oh, it doesn't work. I've already been through one bad one,
and I swore that I would never get in another
relationship and he kind of came into my life and
you know, made me realize that there is somebody out
there for me, and I just want him to know.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Wait, if there's somebody out there for you and you're
not repeating your past pattern, why is he insecure or
jealous or doesn't trust you.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
I think he has passed problems from past relationships and
he kind of takes it out of me, and I
try to, you know, understand his past situation, but I
just want him to know that I'm not like them,
and that I do love him and want to be
with him.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Okay, how many times have you told him you're not
interested in anybody but him? Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:25):
Hundreds, over a hundred times.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And how many times should you have to tell somebody
that says they love you that you're not interested in
anyone else?
Speaker 5 (10:36):
One time? I guess I'm just afraid, afraid of what
I came out of a seven year marriage and I
have a six year old son, and I met him
several months after, and it just kind of fills the
void that I had. And he's very good to me,
and yikes.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Except for the fact that he doesn't respect you, doesn't
trust you, and doesn't believe you. He's very good to you,
I'm sure, yes, But what else matters if he doesn't
trust you, doesn't respect you, and doesn't believe you.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
No, thanks, you're so rah. I never looked at it
like that before.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
Speaker 5 (11:17):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share
more with you each weekday. On eight, It's Delilah
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast, You Love. You
know every night people call me or they write to me,
and they ask me, what do I do? How do
(00:23):
I know? I'm fighting with my sweetheart. All we do
is fuss. I think he's cheating on me. I think
she's seeing someone else. I saw pictures on his cell
phone from some blah blah blah blah blah. Here's the thing.
You don't have to question real love. You know the answer.
(00:43):
You don't have to change who you are to be
with someone if it's real love. If someone is telling
you you're too loud, you laugh too much, you have
too many friends, I'll give you a list of some
of the things I was told in past a past relationship.
I was told I laughed too loud, and I laughed
(01:05):
too much and that's irritating. I was told that I
have too many friends and I shouldn't spend time with
my friends or have my friends dropping by the house unannounced.
I was told that I spend too much time with
my kids and that I talk about my kids and
(01:28):
focus on my kids too much. I'm not kidding you.
These were things that somebody that I thought loved me
would say to me. And then one day I woke
up and I realized this isn't love at all. This
is sick, This is controlled, This is manipulation. This feels icky.
This hurts. If you're in a situation with somebody who's
(01:50):
telling you you're too friendly, or you're too funny, or
you laugh too much, for goodness sakes, you don't need
that kind of negativity in your life. Come on, You
are fearfully and wonderfully made your personality. Unless you're being
hurtful or cruel or inappropriate, you are wonderful just the
(02:13):
way you are. Hi, thank you for calling the Delilah
Shall Who is this?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This is Marcy?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Marcy? What can I do for you this evening?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I was hoping you could play me a song. Me
and my boyfriend been together for about three and a
half years now, and I had bad a couple of days.
We've been in a big fight and he's really mad
at me, and I just wanted to know I still
of him.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Okay, so what are you fighting about?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
He doesn't trust me in the city because we live
far away either one of us have vehicles.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And what do you mean he doesn't trust you in
the city.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
He just thinks I don't go to work and hang
out with other people and party all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
And why are you committing your life to somebody who's
calling you a liar? If somebody doesn't trust their partner,
they're saying you are lying, you are deceiving me. Why
would you want to be in a relationship with somebody
who doesn't trust you.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Well, I mean we've been through a lot and it's
only been just recently you've done this.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
So you're not going to answer the question.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Well, I haven't been in my life to them.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
But why would you be in a relationship with somebody
that calls you a liar?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
That's good question.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
If somebody walked up to me on the street and said, Delilah,
you're a liar, you're a cheater, you're a deceiver, you're
not honest, I'd I'd have a hard time not slapping them.
And yet you're dating somebody.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah, I don't know. I always ask myself that question.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, well, I challenge you to come up with a
good answer. Let me play a song for you. Hi, Devin,
what can I do to make your night a little
more special?
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Well, me and my girlfriend, we're coming up on one
year here soon, and you know, it's been really nice.
I was just hoping that this upcoming year could go
by with a little bit less drama.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
All right, tell me some of the stuff that you've
been through so I can figure out, like what kind
of song to get you through the storms.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
There's just been some jealousy issues. We've had some needless
arguments about some petty stuff that didn't need to be
argued about. And I hope we can both sort of
get our tempers under control.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
If you can't stop fussing at each other, then this
is not the person you're to be with. LEF shouldn't hurt, right,
True love isn't jealous, it's not manipulative, it's not needy,
it's not clingy. It doesn't hurt the other person. When
(05:07):
there's jealousy and security, clinginess, neediness, manipulation, accusations, that's not
love at all. That's quite the opposite of love.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
That's very true.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So if you feel that way about someone, get the
heck away from them, and if they feel that way
about you, get the heck away from them. Wow, it's true.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
You're right.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
If somebody is making accusations and you have done nothing
to violate that trust, what they're truly saying is you
are a liar and I don't believe you.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
So wow, young man, do not be in a relationship,
a committed relationship with somebody who is not your emotional,
spiritual partner.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Well, so thank you for the awesome insight.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Okay, good luck.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Thank you much, Delilah.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Have a good night, you two. Hi, Gina, welcome. What
can I do for you?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I'm very heartbroken, Delilah. I met up with a friend
of mine from back in high school within a couple
of months. We were already so close as friends. You
know that we talked to each other about everything. We
never talked about being a couple, but you know, he
was hurting about something. He would call me, you know,
(06:41):
and I would just listen and just pray for him,
gave him love and understanding. We decided to take a
weekend trip and it all fell apart. The whole time
we were on the weekend trip, he was texting, facebooking,
and sending pictures to another woman. They know we were friends, Elilah.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
But you had closed all your options while he was
keeping his options.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Open, I believe.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
So, yeah, that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
When you started this relationship or friendship with him, you
saw him as your future partner, your future love, your
future husband probably.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
And I kind of did and kind of didn't because
he kept telling me he wasn't ready because he had
just been out of a really bad relationship and he
wasn't married. He was just you know, with a very
young girl twenty five years younger than him.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So everything you're telling me makes it pretty obvious that
his character is not the kind of character that one
would want to settle down with exactly.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
And I said, Okay, that's fine. Then you know, let's
keep being.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Friends, honey. But that's not a friend. That's not a
friend exactly. He is not emotionally mature, he is not
emotionally available. That has nothing to do with you. He
was that way before you rekindled this friendship. He'll be
that way long after you in this friendship, okay. And
(08:17):
you are hurting because you had invested so much of
your heart into him, and you feel like you are
discarded because he wasn't nearly as invested in you as
you were him, because if he was, he wouldn't be
texting the other chicks. You have an incredibly kind and
(08:38):
sweet sweetheart. You deserve to be in a relationship with
somebody who is absolutely over the moon about you. Next
time you give your heart, give it to somebody who
deserves you.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Thank you so much to Hiva.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
All right, you are going to make it through this.
You are going to come out stronger on the other side.
And God has a wonderful, a wonderful plan for your life.
This is Delilah. What can I do for you? Hi?
Speaker 5 (09:11):
I just wanted to see if you could find me
a song for my fiance. We've been dating for about
nine months now, and he's very insecure. We're both police
officers and it's kind of hard for him with me
working with men all day long, so you know, he
gets insecure every now and then.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Okay, if you're a police officer, you've been there, seen.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
This, yes, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And what happens when people get in relationships where there
is no trust?
Speaker 5 (09:43):
Oh, it doesn't work. I've already been through one bad one,
and I swore that I would never get in another
relationship and he kind of came into my life and
you know, made me realize that there is somebody out
there for me, and I just want him to know.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Wait, if there's somebody out there for you and you're
not repeating your past pattern, why is he insecure or
jealous or doesn't trust you.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
I think he has passed problems from past relationships and
he kind of takes it out of me, and I
try to, you know, understand his past situation, but I
just want him to know that I'm not like them,
and that I do love him and want to be
with him.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Okay, how many times have you told him you're not
interested in anybody but him? Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:25):
Hundreds, over a hundred times.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And how many times should you have to tell somebody
that says they love you that you're not interested in
anyone else?
Speaker 5 (10:36):
One time? I guess I'm just afraid, afraid of what
I came out of a seven year marriage and I
have a six year old son, and I met him
several months after, and it just kind of fills the
void that I had. And he's very good to me,
and yikes.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Except for the fact that he doesn't respect you, doesn't
trust you, and doesn't believe you. He's very good to you,
I'm sure, yes, But what else matters if he doesn't
trust you, doesn't respect you, and doesn't believe you.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
No, thanks, you're so rah. I never looked at it
like that before.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
Speaker 5 (11:17):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share
more with you each weekday. On eight, It's Delilah
Host
Delilah
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