SHE READY! Tiffany Haddish is here!! - Part 1

Tiffany Haddish is the queen and we bow down to her greatness!

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
From my arm Radio, Common Enemy and Tender with TV
It's the Hay Pal Podcast, Pal, Hey Pal with Jared
and hell it's it's I never ever thought I would
say this. What are you gonna say? But it's good

(00:22):
to see you again. Wow. He never thought I'd say that, tug,
even in though it's quarantine latug not necessary, not necessarily,
but uh, you're back. I am. I am back. And
that's why I was so somber with my Hay because
I understand. I know I didn't get to I understand.
And you missed. You missed a show must go on.

(00:44):
The show must go on, and you missed a big one. Uh,
we had and just an incredible episode with the great,
lovely talented Tiffany Hattish. It was awesome. And you were
in Vegas playing you know, you were in a hard championship. Huh.

(01:05):
All the listeners out there that stuck playing, you know,
I was not playing. Although that sounds pretty fun, Should
we play you know later? I mean I think we
should maybe just create an un championship. Championship would be
kind of funny. Um. No, I was playing poker and
I didn't think you know it was gonna last two
days I was playing for a hundred and fifty thousand dollars,

(01:26):
which he did not win. That's a lot of money.
It's it would have been great if I got close. Dave,
can you give me some props? You got close, but
I asked you to push push the I had to
respect the talent. Schedule of the show must go on,
and I can't ask the talent. Kyle and I were
put in a position because it's a show about pals.
We needed a pal. So because by the way the world,

(01:50):
the part that pisses me off the most, the way
the world is, and because of COVID, and because you know,
of all these things, we I mean, I can I
can almost even tell the story. But we had to
go to Craigslist, not for what you typically go for
Craig's List for, which is companionship. We Kyle and I
had to go to Craigslist and we found a young padawan,

(02:15):
which is a young trainee who's also named Jared you
correct spelling r D an assistant for us that wasn't
named Jared. I mean, it just adds to the beauty
of the situation or the but you know, we found
this curly hair Kenny G. Looking, you know sweet. So

(02:37):
now we gotta now, Kyle, now we gotta put a
picture up of of Jared, somehow sweet soul of the
human being named Jared Hernandez. And uh he did the
interview with me and and this is the interview and
I'm excited and I think you will enjoy it. Well,
thanks Dave. I don't care if I enjoy it. I
hope the listeners enjoy it. Yes, thank you. Thank you
to Tiffany Hattis for putting up with the second best

(02:58):
Jared that's in this kle. Here we go. I am
so excited because one of my favorite, literally one of
my favorite people on the planet, one of the most genuine, sincere,
real people in this fucked up city, is our guest today.
I consider her family. She goes by the name of
Tiffany Hattish, and today has been quite an adventure. In

(03:23):
all seriousness, I literally just got wheeled out of the
hospital a couple of hours ago. If you can pull
my jersey up, you can see, Uh, I have what's
called a pick where they put my I V. S in.
So I'm not making this up. This is all legit.
And on top of it, I found out that my
co host Jared eins M got stuck in Las Vegas

(03:46):
playing in a poker tournament. So today was the first
day that I met um, our social media coordinator that
we literally found on Craigslist whose name is also Jared,
but spelled the correct way, but spell the correct way
in his opinion, and uh, he actually picked me up
today ran an errand with me, so I literally just

(04:07):
met him a couple hours ago. Hand to God. So
I don't know his hosting abilities, he doesn't know mine,
but I needed Jared and I got one. So, hey, pal,
how are you Jared? I've been I'm pretty good. How
are you doing? You're doing a lot better than me. Um,
there's a chance that I might pass out in the
middle of this. You guys call nine one one, Kyle,

(04:28):
you have my mom's number, or I might have to
rush off to uh take care of my bowel movements.
So all right, Tiffany, she ready, We're gonna have fun.
It is like a punked podcast episode. Listen. First of all,

(04:50):
she definitely ready, always ready. And now I feel like
I need to jump in a car drive all the
way to fucking wherever the hell you at. We don't
know if that jerik guy is a fucking murderer. What
you just Tiffany, goodness, it is true. And by the
look look he's got, he's got the murderer flannel. He
says he's a poker. Tourn to me. We don't know

(05:12):
where the this dull could be. Single white male like
single white female type sheet. Been watching you in your pouls, like,
oh yeah, I'm gonna send this Craigslist thing out. Maybe
this he might Punchy'll pull y'all, I do, bro, he
might try to punch you. I'm concerned, Tiffany. My my
girlfriend coming here today, his first day on the job.

(05:35):
We get to me, Tiffany, I know it's insane. It's insane.
I wasn't expecting that this morning when I woke up.
Only thing that is supposed to happen off the craigslist
is happy And this is Tiffany dreams come true. This
is happening right now. You're watching it happen. But no,
my girlfriend, my girlfriend today coming to the studio and

(05:58):
then going to your house. He made me text the
addresses to her so just in case they were creepy
and to kidnap me. So I'm not I'm the victim.
You know in all of this you text her to
addresses so she could come in. Rob she's too smart,
get the strange the strap. I'm gonna say, my cousin,

(06:20):
nobody up for security. I appreciate it. And she all
ri and she a r and too, So that's perfectly
who ask it? Change I VS? And UH do the
urethrough thing, the cap captinist so she could put so
many your dick for you. All of that. Well, I

(06:40):
just want to get through this, so I'm using what
little strength I have. This might be my last podcast too,
so this will see my first time. Now you'll do
many more podcasts, don't you say that? I know you'll
be praying for me. I know I'm here praying for
you right now. All right, my night, word for word.

(07:02):
All right, So Tiff on our podcast, what we like
to do is we like to talk about sports, and
we like to talk about entertainment and kind of hybrid
the two worlds. So we ask athlete entertainment questions. We
ask entertainers athlete questions. So you have a really really
interesting history because you're sort of a legend in your
community that you grew up because you weren't exactly your

(07:26):
typical athlete. But you were involved in athletics, So can
you tell us a little bit about that. I was
a high school mascot. Yeah, so I'm going to add games.
I keep the people hype, you know, get the players hype.
I'm I'm about bringing, you know, positive energy. I produced
fantastic energy for everyone to have a good time and

(07:47):
for for my team to win. What what what was
the mascot? I was a conquistadore. I was a Spanish soldier,
and I was the only talking mascot at all the valley.
I went to El Camino Real High School and Willie Hills, California,
and the majority of the guys that played on my
football team went into the pros. Yeah, El Camino was
was a good school, and that's maybe because of all

(08:09):
your hype. That's probably why it definitely was. And it
was from me always clown and they asked if they
didn't do good either, I'd be like, get y'all, n yeah,
you'd embarrassed them. So now and your high school is
there like a glass case with your like conquistador uniform
and you know, uh, this is where Tiffany hattsh once

(08:31):
walked is that happened yet. No, but there is. When
I the year I graduated, in the nineteen hundred, they
put a plaque on the wall. There's a plaque on
the wall that says, Tiffany Hattish, we left you number
one mascot nine ninety blah blah blah and nineties blah
blah blah. I love it. I love it all right now.
As soon as you walk into the school, if you

(08:51):
look to your left, you'll see it. It's big. I
love it. I should be so now if you could
have isn't is an actor and a comedie, And you
know actors and comedians are competitive, and especially doing stand
up comedy, it's similar to competing is as an athlete,
you know, you gotta get hyped up, you gotta walk
out on that stage. You gotta kill it. So how

(09:13):
do can you compare the two feelings, you know, going
out on a stand up stage and being out on
a field. I don't think there's any comparison personally, No,
I mean both of them. You have to train, you
have to be good at it, right. But when you
are an athlete in uh like football or soccer or

(09:33):
anything like that, you have a team that you can
depend on when you're When you're doing stand up, you're
like by yourself. I would compare it to track and field.
I ran track and field, went to city and high jump.
I high jumped six feet and I'm only five six.
I also went to city and shot put. I could
throw a heavy ball a long way. So watch your back, Jerry,

(09:58):
don't go anywhere, hey p after a work from our sponsors. Anyways,
Like I was saying, Uh, her and her cousin don't
come from me. I can't can I can't protect myself.
Her cousin's already on the way. He already got the

(10:19):
text we're gonna mess around. Yeah, I already seen certain text.
We're gonna mess around and press your hair. We're gonna
get all them curls up. Anyways, I ain't compared to
track and field because in track and field, you know
you are running. It's kind of an individual thing unless
you're gonna relay, and still it's kind of individual till
you get to your teammate, right, And the same thing
with stand up, like it's kind of like a relay race.
When you have multiple comics on the show, everyone needs

(10:42):
to do good and the anchor, the headliner needs to
fucking bring it right. Um, and so you gotta train,
you gotta be strong. Uh, there's a lot of adrenaline
pumping before you get on the stage, A lot of
adrenaline pumping before you rude. Um, you do want to
hear the cheer of the crowd in both situations, and
I sweat a lot in above the situation. So yeah,

(11:05):
Now do you remember, in particular, as you were coming
up the ranks, have you ever really flopped on the
on the stand up stage? Give me one anyone that
affected you the most. Uh, Well, it didn't really affect
me that much, but I definitely made fun of it. Um.
None of my flops really affect me. They just make
me wanna make rearrangements on how I you know, um

(11:28):
maneuver on stage, or what I do before I go
on stage or the night before make sure I'm more arrested.
But New Year's Eve, remember that, I remember seeing some
stuff about that. Yeah, yeah, that's the only thing everybody
talked about for the first week of the New year,
Like what he s happened? I remember texting I remember
texting you about twelve eighteen and saying I love you,

(11:50):
keep your head up, I do remember that, Like I'm
the only person is this the only bad thing that happened?
All in? Like, this is bullshit. I took it, I flifted,
I put it in my comedy special, and I ended
up getting nominated for in Me. So yeah, I got
a girl, got a girl? All right? What they say?

(12:11):
Why do they say I'm not funny? My colleagues think so. Alright,
So we like to do a little um kind of
seating like the n c A basketball tournament. So Jared's
gonna read off a couple of seating rounds and I
want you to pick between the two choices. A right,
So we're doing comedy movies. So we got seed number one.

(12:32):
Option number one is dumb and dumber and versus bow finger.
So who moves on between those two? Dumb and dummer,
dumb and dumber. Yeah, that's what I would have packed.
Let's do one more, alright, Seed number two something about
Mary or bridesmaids. Bridesmaids. All right, nice, So we have

(12:54):
bridesmaids moving on, bridesmaids and dumb and dumber moving number.
Do you want to write that down? Since your first day? Yeah,
first and less? Yeah, all right, we'll come back to
the other side. You kind of liked him. He's he's
growing on me, guys. He's growing. He's doing good. He's
doing good. I'm proud of him. I'm holding it together.
I'm proud of this stranger that I don't that I
don't know, but I like his jaw line. I like

(13:17):
his jaw line. He has a very trustworthy jaw line.
You know what's funny when he smiles? What's funny when
he smiles? When smile smile? There you go. But it's
it's the dimp side thing. Well, here's the funny thing.
So he recently, a couple of months ago, he had
this hair down to probably here and right around the

(13:37):
same time. It is probably when you shaved your head,
right before quarantine. So I said, my head of July, Yeah,
that's yeah. I think mine was like March. But I
had it. I grew it out for like five years
and it was like down to my like, So he
had that, and where's the hair? Did you sell it? Like?
Where is it? Okay? So I wanted to sell it
because I would buy that, I know, but they cut

(13:59):
it off. But because I wanted a little length up top,
they ended up I just had like a little tiny
like pump pump, so you couldn't really do anything with it.
But I did keep it. No, that was a bundle.
That's what you call a bundle. And I bet you
was sellable. How many inches is it? It was? It
was like five or six. Yeah, But honestly, I looked
at so many websites and it felt like. I called

(14:21):
hair places. I'm like, do you buy hair? And they're like,
what are you talking about? Like, we don't buy hair,
and but it says on their website. Should have put
it you should have put it on craigslist. I know
good things happen on craigslist apparently. I mean, look at
look at where you are now. I know never what
I thought. A matter of fact, send a picture of
the hair today day for afforded to me. I might
buy it now. I'm not gonna play a whole lot

(14:41):
of money for it because I don't know where you're
being technique. I take care of these I take care
I take care of these luscious cards. I will send
you a photo. You're gonna laugh your ass off because
he had a Kenny g thing going. Now. You are
a fan of athletes, you're a fan of sports. I
know you go to a lot of big uh sporting
events like I do. I want you because of your

(15:03):
shaved head. I want you to give me your your
NBA team, your top five NBA shaved heads. Who are
your top five? So you got your your point guard,
your shooting guard, your center, and your two forwards? Magic
Just then Michael Jordan's uh sequilonia uh uh Now he

(15:34):
just grew his hair back? Who's that? Can Lebron be
on the team because he's as as a person's friend
is a good person. Why has no one told Lebron
like what what is going on? Like? What is Why
is his family not stepped up? Why has there not
been like a Laker intervention, like the man's the greatest

(15:55):
player on the planet. How do they allow that to happen?
You know people that told him many times he reads
supposed he sees his stuff. He knows it. He's just
trying to hold on. I can make a little concoction
for him and grow that back hand for him, and
you make some Monista and some coconut oil together and boom,
that ship will grow back. But he don't. He wakes.

(16:18):
He probably thinks, I mean, but it's gonna be gone.
So so he's gonna be on my team too, and
then um and then who else Larry No, Larry Bird?
Uh karee. Okay, that is a solid team. And I
just had an idea. If you do end up buying
Jared's hair, maybe we can present it to Lebron. We

(16:39):
can fil we can fill that little area, rink it
in with some superglue. You can do your thing. Yeah,
there's any extra he can give it to unbievable. Alright,
let's move on back to our seating. All right, alright,
so we're gonna see three. Yeah, alright, So seed number

(17:01):
three is along came Pauli versus Coming to America, Coming
to America. Yeah, yeah, no chance, no chance. Alright. Seed
number four is Tropic Thunder versus a spender a pet detective. Yeah.

(17:23):
That's a tough one. I would make you scratch your head. Now.
There was both very talented actors in both movies. Uh,
we already got you, already got one of them in
the other seed. Uh. But I mean, damn, he was

(17:45):
so good as the black Man, and he was er
er I walked in that movie about five minutes later
was like when yeah, and I was like, when is
Robert Downey Jr. Gonna show up? What is he gonna
show up? And not At the end of the movie
that I I was like, it was amazing that the
best white black man I life. It was amazing and

(18:08):
I was very entertained. But a spin to a pet detective,
I mean, Jim Carrey killed it. I laughed all throughout.
It inspired me to be a comedian, and so I
must go with the damn tropic ever had the booty
sweaty sweat All right, we're gonna go with a Spentura.

(18:32):
We're gonna go with a Spentura. Um. Yeah. And that's
amazing because when that happened, Literally at the premiere of
that movie, Jamie Fox always told me he went up
to Jim Carrey and he basically said goodbye to him
because he knew that after that movie came out, he
was going to be in a different stratosphere because of

(18:52):
how incredible that part was, and you know it was.
It was truly incredible in the fact that he pretty
much came up with all of that himself. Uh, you know,
it's just it's remarkable, absolutely amazing. Hey Pal Part two
with special guest Tiffany Hattish drops on Thursday. A Pal

(19:24):
is a production of I Heart Radio, Common Enemy and
tender Foot TV, hosted by Jared Einson and Dave Osco.
Producer is Kyle Tequila. Executive producer for I Heart Radio
is Shaun Taitone. Executive producers for tender Foot TV are
Donald Albright, Payne Winds. Catch new episodes of Hey Pal
every Tuesday on her radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever
you get your podcasts, and if you love the show,

(19:46):
don't forget to rate us five stars, Share it with
your friends, and subscribe as ass